June 16, 2025 • 26 mins
The modern parental dilemma unfolds in restaurants everywhere: restless children, exhausted parents, and the easy solution—a glowing screen that instantly pacifies. But what's actually happening in those developing brains when screens become our go-to solution?
This deep dive into the science of screen time reveals startling connections between digital exposure and childhood development. We examine how the first two years of life—when the brain grows from 25% to 80% of its adult size—create a critical window where screen time can significantly impact language acquisition, emotional bonding, and neurological pathways. The research is sobering: delayed speech, weaker white matter development, disrupted sleep patterns, and even symptoms mimicking autism that researchers have termed "virtual autism."
Beyond toddlerhood, we explore how screens systematically replace essential developmental friction in children ages 2-6. Unlike real-world interactions that teach empathy, boundaries, and emotional regulation through natural consequences, screens deliver passive entertainment without requiring social negotiation. This absence of healthy resistance creates downstream effects on attention spans, frustration tolerance, and peer relationships.
Perhaps most provocatively, we challenge the notion that boredom is a problem to be solved. What if those empty spaces in a child's day are actually developmental superpowers—the exact conditions where imagination, creativity and problem-solving flourish? From family dinners to bedtime routines, we examine how screens have quietly displaced critical learning environments and offer practical, guilt-free alternatives for modern parents navigating digital terrain.
Whether you're struggling with tantrums when screens disappear or simply questioning if your family has found the right balance, this episode provides evidence-based guidance without judgment. Try our screen-free dinner challenge this week and discover what happens when we create space for connection in our increasingly connected world.
Learn More at: www.Redefine-Fitness.com
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:07):
Hello and welcome to Health Fitness Redefined.
I'm your host, anthony Amen,and today we got another great
episode for all of you.
Today, before we dive intotoday's show, we are moving
forward with the idea wepresented a couple weeks ago and
, for those just listening,we're going to make a podcast
studio inside one of ourlocations over in Mount Sinai
(00:29):
and start doing more interviewswith customers, our trainers,
local businesses, and reallybring this podcast and the
company both together to giveyou an unedited, unscripted
version about who we are and whywe do what we do.
But without further ado, let'sdive into today's show.
Today's show is going to be allabout screen time, what it means
(00:50):
, why is it important?
Should I care?
And different theories we haveabout it when it comes to kids
and being in front of a tv.
So just imagine you're sittingat a restaurant, your kids are
restless, they're jumping around, they're being kids.
The couple next to you handstheir five-year-old an ipad.
They say behind you, everyone'son the screen, even the baby.
(01:11):
I mean, I've seen it as far asone-year-olds, two-year-olds,
infants, everywhere.
Does that sound familiar?
The question really dependslike like is this harmless?
Is it harmless to give your kidan iPad or to put your kid in
front of a TV, or are weactually rewiring our kids to
(01:32):
behave differently later in life?
In this episode we're going tounpack the research what screens
are doing to language learning,focus, mood and social skills.
We'll explore myths aboutautism, creativity, boredom and
how something as simple as nothanding a screen can change your
child's future.
So let's start with whatscreens are replacing, because
(01:53):
that's what the real cost ofwhat screens are.
Screens are an inherent evil,right, they're not made to make
us bad people, but what they dodo is they replace normal
interactions.
So what I mean by that is eyecontact, conversations,
unstructured play and emotionallearning.
They don't just fill time andget rid of those boredom gaps
(02:17):
that parents think or try togive parents a break, but they
actually displace development.
So if we go to early, like whenkids first born, we look at the
first two years of life, andthese are probably the most
pivotal first two years of yourchild's life, as they're
learning literally everything.
Reason being baby's brains growfrom 25% to 80% of its adult
(02:40):
size within the first two yearsof their life, so that means
it's the most critical thingsfor language, emotional bonding
and social awareness.
So what happens when we presentscreens pre two years old?
Well, a lot of research hasshowed that there's delays in
speech development, weaker whitematter development in the brain
(03:01):
, which has been tied tolanguage and literacy and proven
through scans, disrupted sleepand less bonding with caregivers
.
Some kids even develop symptomsand behaviors that look and
represent like autism.
So this means less eye contact,this means delayed speech and
social withdrawal.
So not understanding how tohandle certain social cues, not
(03:24):
understanding how to interactwith certain behaviors of how
people are acting.
That's why research has termedthis virtual autism in some
countries.
But it's not screens that wecan inherently blame for, but
it's the kids' interactionsbeing more digital instead of
being more real-life oriented.
(03:45):
The good news about all of this, before everyone starts
panicking like oh my god, Ican't watch TV, many of the
symptoms disappear when screentime is drastically reduced and
real-life connection is restored.
It's proven to a point thatkids under the age of two
shouldn't look at screens,period.
(04:07):
Now I like to put at a specialwording to this.
I'm going to go intentionalscreen time on this, as opposed
to just screen time.
Intentional screen time meansthat your purpose in giving your
kid TV or an iPad and put it infront of them.
Unintentional screen time wouldbe things you can't avoid,
right?
You're at a restaurant, there'sa thousand TVs.
(04:27):
At a bar, there's a thousandkids.
Just happens to glance over ata TV.
You're on your phone, yourkid's glancing over.
There's actually nothing wrongwith that.
So I don't want people to pointout like, oh my God, there's a
TV in a restaurant, everyonepanic and hide it and turn it
off.
My kid's going to be developed.
No, that's an overreaction to avery simple problem, nothing to
worry about.
Same thing if a kid's glancingat your phone, reaching for your
(04:49):
phone.
They want it because you're onit.
Right?
My kid is seven months old.
Everything I touch he wants.
He doesn't want anything.
I just give him.
He wants everything I have, thesharper, the better, right,
just reach for it, grab it foreach other, pull it out of your
hand because they know that theycan't have it.
But my favorite point that Ibring up is a lot of kids, a lot
(05:10):
of parents, sorry will put kidsin front of educational shows.
This is, I think, the trendiestones right now are like Miss
Rachel or Bluey.
There's a lot of shows that areactually designed for kids
under the age of two and parentstalk about how it helps kids
learn behaviors, help kids learndifferent words, help kids
learn to environment.
You'd be shocked that actuallykids learn more from just being
(05:36):
around you and watching yourfacial cues and learning how to
interact than they do in frontof these behavioral and
educational shows, because a TVcan't interact with them.
Somebody popping up on YouTubetalking and going over about the
alphabet isn't the same as akid watching you talk to them
and really learning andunderstanding it.
And those kids actually theones that are in front of the TV
(05:59):
learn significantly less thanthose that learn it directly
from their parents.
I feel like there needs to be abalance where sometimes a parent
needs just a break.
Right, we have tolerant levels.
My kid didn't sleep for threemonths, super colicky.
But sometimes you just need toput a TV on in the background
(06:21):
just for noise, because you justneed a mental break, because
you haven't slept in threemonths.
Right, you have to prioritizeyourself before you take care of
others.
It's the oxygen mess theory onplanes Take care of yourself
before you can help others.
But to the extent, stop optingfor the easy way out.
I feel a lot of parents don'teven want to be bothered by the
kid because they want to getwrapped inside of their own
lives.
So they put kids in front oftheir TV instead of actually
(06:51):
interacting with our child,which is the way it should be.
Like right, when I'm home withmy kid, my wife and I split days
because of our work schedules,but I try to just interact with
them all the time we're hangingout, having fun, and it really
helps with bonding, as opposedto me trying to get free time
now that I'm off and putting thekid in front.
It really has helped us grow,especially in the last couple
months, when these sonunderstand what's going on.
So I think it's just importantas a parent to understand like
it's going to be hard to theirkids, and that's kind of the
point and it's your job as aparent to make those sacrifices,
(07:12):
to spend as much time with themas possible and not just those
screen times.
Screen in front of them becauseyou want free time.
That's the beauty of part ofresults.
Get mean hard things, give thebest results.
Owning a business is hard, butit gives you the best results.
Working out is hard, but itgives you the best results.
Everything in life iscorrelated to hard.
Usually the easy way out is thewrong way.
(07:33):
So doing things the right wayand doing things the hard way is
always going to or usually isgoing to give the best results
in life.
So what about kids older?
What about ages 2 to six?
This is where childrenliterally learn how to be humans
.
Literally, they're learningeverything.
So they're going to learnthings like empathy, boundaries,
tone of voice, how to waittheir turn, how to share All
(07:56):
these things.
Do real life friction right?
Especially sharing, if youthink about it.
You can't share with a TVscreen, but when you put them in
front of another kid that age,they kind of fight over it and
then realize that they want towork together and figure it out.
So it's all that friction andlight, the things that come back
at you.
A kid wants a toy at a store andthey don't understand why.
(08:18):
And you have to explain to themwhy you're not buying them
every freaking toy at the store,why they can't just steal it,
right, they just think they cantake a look out of it.
So it's teaching them all thesethings through friction, things
that are going to help.
But screens don't do that.
They take the friction awayfrom things and they give the
kid everything they want and thekid just more, becomes a
passive receiver of thatinformation.
(08:38):
So there is no social pushback,there's no misunderstanding to
work through.
There's no misunderstanding towork through.
There's no need to compromise.
And that leads to real worldconsequence consequences.
Right, they're going to get nomore temper tantrums.
They're going to realize well,I don't understand.
The tv gives me everything Iwant, it shows me my favorite
categories and everything likethat.
Attention spans out the window.
I mean, you see this withadults now.
(08:59):
Adults can't even function withattention spans anymore because
they're so addicted.
So imagine what it's doing to akid, like we were talking to
each other.
And I see just people on dates,like both looking at their
phones at a restaurant I knowtalk to each other.
They're so distracted in theirlives they want to get that
little dopamine hit by scrollingthe facebook.
I suppose they're talking tosomeone across away from them
(09:21):
just because they've beenmarried for so long, just
because it's not the first dateand it's not as exciting anymore
.
There's no, there's poor peerrelationships.
They don't know how tocommunicate with friends,
families, loved ones and theydon't really gotta foster and
build those relationshipsbecause they're not forced to.
They're just instead buildingfake relationships with things
they see on tv screens may seemcalm on the surface, it may seem
(09:43):
that it's helpful, but insteadthe child's brain is creating
pure chaos.
Now, why is this important?
A lot of people want to feeland get rid of what we call
boredom.
Right, that's what parents hatehearing is I don't want my
child to be bored.
I mean, we don't really wantourselves to be bored, but I
actually think this is a verypowerful segment.
(10:03):
I might do a full episode onboredom in and of itself, but
boredom is a superpower, right.
It's a space where imagination,problem solving and creativity
are born.
This is how we foster things inare day-to-day life.
You look back to pre-screens.
A lot more people were figuringout different ways to do things
.
A lot more people had a lotmore hands-on skills.
(10:24):
As example, like farmers learnhow to adapt on the field, learn
how to change stupid things tomake the crops grow better, or
they learned how to do thingsaround the house, learn how to
fix the cars.
People just knew moreday-to-day stuff, but not
anymore, because now we havescreens to just fill those gaps,
as opposed to having boredom tocreate things and move things.
(10:44):
I think if you took apercentage right, obviously
there's more people in the world, so there'll be more, even
though the percentage is lower,that there's less entrepreneurs.
There's less people creatingthings at a percentage level,
because people aren't inherentlybored Like.
Imagine trying to createelectricity now, if there was
none, you wouldn't have a yearto sit there and figure out a
(11:10):
thousand ways to not create alife.
We'll be getting bored.
You have to think about it 24seven and adapt 24 seven.
So having boredom actually is asuper hard something that needs
to be taught.
You need to teach your kids tobe bored so they do, in fact,
become more creative and light.
So kids left without screens areforced to invent games,
characters and explore.
Like there's always imaginaryfriends or there's different
(11:33):
games that we used to come upwith as kids that we used to
play all the time.
That was created throughboredom, right?
We didn't want TVs to run asbig.
When I was a kid they wereround, but they weren't crazy
big.
So we were forced to create allthese fun games and interact
and get outside and get activeright, activity through boredom.
So screens get the braincreated.
(11:53):
Boredom forces us to cook areal meal.
So maybe just next time you'reat a restaurant, look around.
Kids are on screens at everytable, especially ages 5 to 15,
I think is the most predominantages.
But meals are one of the lastnatural classrooms.
That's where kids learnconversation, flow, listening,
(12:15):
ask questions and sitting withstillness.
When we hand them screens, werob them of these micro-moments,
repeat it over time.
Those losses add up.
I think what I've noticed,especially my age, is I'm of
that generation where half thekids were forced to have family
bonding time over the dinnertable and then, as I'd meet
friends and met people, theother half had dinner, tv
(12:38):
dinners, and I've noticed thatthose that have forced that
family dinners, like myself, areway closer and know way more
social cues and we know how tointeract in the environment than
those that had tv dinners anddid some mindless eating.
And I'm a firm believer andeven though I know as a kid I
gave my parents slack all thetime Like I don't want to sit
(12:58):
down and do dinner.
That's BS and they would makeus turn the TVs off, makes us
put our.
When we had phones we'd have toput our phones away and they
forced conversation beyond.
Just how was school today?
Right, it was an opportunity toreally learn, understand.
I make the joke that I didn'tneed to study for my real estate
exam when I took it, because Ilearned everything at the dinner
(13:20):
table.
I just heard my parents overtalking.
You know, part of the reason ofthis is that's.
The reason I wanted to be anentrepreneur is because I really
get to watch my parents likepin ideas off each other and I
just over time just naturallylike absorbed those stuff, like
oh, I can do this on my own.
Like understanding them made merealize that there's things I
(13:43):
can do to help move forward.
I'm one of four and me and mysister both own a business and
my parents.
So I think it's just somethingjust got absorbed from watching
and learning and understandingand maybe that's why we have a
better hand on beingconversationalists and being
able to hang out with people,because we had less screens, we
(14:05):
were forced to spend timetogether and maybe that fostered
also a sense of closenessinside of your immediate feeling
.
I mean, I would just say as awhole, if you're doing screens
with your kids and iPads orwhatever, even out of
restaurants and stuff, you don'twant them to cause a fuss, but
I think it's a great opportunityto learn and force them to
(14:27):
experiment.
I remember being at restaurantsand experimenting with food,
right, you would get so bored.
You would just take certaincondiments or things that are
around you and just mix them.
And you would get so bored.
You would just take certaincondiments or things that around
you and just mix them and youwould force each other to drink
it as a kid, as a joke.
90 of it was disgusting, butyou learned how different things
interacted with each other and,at a certain like, at a deeper
(14:48):
level, it taught me a little bitof kind of how to cook and what
had mixed certain things andtry certain things because we
just did it, because we're juststraightforward, at a table,
instead of throwing an ipad andnot being involved in any was
did a conversation because ourparents don't want them to do
with us.
So maybe just try like one lessmeal, uh, with screens just, or
force maybe just every sunday,like dinner time is four o'clock
(15:10):
, everyone has to be there, notv period and see how that goes
and see if that changes thedynamics between yourself and
your kids.
So maybe it will change things,maybe it won't, who knows.
I mean move on to tweens andteens.
The risk shifts from screens,from language to mood, and we
all know this.
(15:30):
Heavy screen use, especiallysocial media and gaming, is
linked to anxiety, depression,sleep disruption, body image
issues.
Gaming is linked to anxiety,depression, sleep disruption,
body image issues.
One study found that kids ages9 to 13 who use more screens
more than four hours a day havesignificantly higher depressed
symptoms that if they're notjust what they're watching, it's
what they're missing.
They're not hanging out withfriends, they're not playing
(15:53):
board games, getting to knoweach other, they're not bonding
with their peers.
I mean, I will argue a littlebit that there's gotta be a
difference between kids that areinteracting with people
audially, meaning playing ashooter game or whatever, but
also talking to their friends,as opposed to those just
mindlessly numbing watching TV.
Those that are interacting,those getting something out of
(16:16):
it, they're getting improvedhand-eye coordination.
But I do agree, like anxiety,depression, sleep, body image
issues and behavioral issues,especially from lack of sleep,
having a cutoff on time of day,you can play video games and not
doing it right before bed,knowing that there's limits to
what you can do.
I'm not saying make it zero, Idon't think that's realistic.
(16:37):
But do it to a point whereyou're putting some kind of
restrictions on what that kid'sdoing with the screens.
Four days is a shit time.
Maybe drop that down to justone or two hours a day with an
understanding of like, hey, youget to do this because of this.
When I used to play some sortof video games at that age,
there was okay, you could playafter you did your chores, you
(16:59):
could play after you finishedyour homework.
So at least there was some kindof do something and get
rewarded with it later on, right?
So you're getting the rewardfor doing the work at the end.
Get rewarded with it later on,right, so you're getting the
reward for doing the work at theend.
So it's some kind of teachingmoment involved with it.
(17:21):
I think it's important to reallyunderstand and I know I keep
going back to this, but autismas a whole and how screens can
relate to autism and know,before anyone says anything
otherwise I don't think screenscause autism at all, period.
Let's clarify that.
But symptoms of screenoverexposure can mimic things
(17:41):
related to autism.
It can reduce eye contact,especially for social skills,
which can lead to anover-diagnosis of ASD,
especially when you don'tconsider screen history when
giving diagnoses and a lot ofpeople interact on a lower level
with a kid, meaning they'lljust talk to them like, oh,
(18:03):
they're autistic, look at wherethey're acting, as opposed to
intervening first by cuttingtheir screen time, fixing diets,
exercising and that will fixmost of our ADD, adhd, asd
issues that we see with kids andwhy they're being at a higher
rate because it's overdiagnosedas a whole.
Do I think autism is increasingoverall, meaning more kids are
(18:24):
being diagnosed?
Absolutely, I think there's arelationship, but I think it
goes beyond screen time.
I just think it's important tonote that, even if your kid is
asd or has add or adhd, tounderstand that maybe the screen
time is making it worse.
Right, you're taking the easyroute, putting the kid in front
of screen because you think itwill calm them down, and maybe
(18:45):
it will for a second, maybe whenyou break, it's fine.
But find a way to go without it, find out with something that's
different, try to exhaust allother options before you go
right for a screen and maybeyou'll see an improvement in the
symptoms.
I can tell you from first-handexperience.
Of all you know this is aclientele we work with.
Often.
Exercise has been shown todecrease the symptoms related to
(19:07):
asd, and taking a kid away fromscreen time for that 45 minutes
to an hour and having themdoing some productive and
burning energy, interacting,engaging in the gym will help
improve symptoms, as opposed tomaking them worse and causing
more temper tantrums that areput in just directly in front of
a screen.
It's just important to knowthat maybe kids just need less
(19:31):
digital input and more humanconnection to rebound and be
more and learn more and engagemore in their society.
So what can you do?
Right?
There's got to be takeawaysassociated with this for parents
so they have an understandingof what to do when they have a
kid and how it relates, becausethere's a lot of different
(19:52):
things and as we progress,there's more research is going
to come out about this.
It's a heavily talked aboutconversation.
I would say, starting with kidsunder the age of two, like we
first talked about in thebeginning of the show.
Absolutely no screen time.
As far as intentional screentime you can can keep it at a
bare minimum.
It's absolutely necessary.
I don't know if there'sanything wrong with you put a
(20:12):
half an hour TV show on once aweek, once every other week,
just as like a little something.
I don't think that's going tocause any issues.
It's too far spaced out.
But every day is when you startrunning into issues.
There is something reallyinteresting as a caveat to this
where video chatting even thoughthat is considered screen time
actually research shows it hasno negative effects to it
(20:34):
because the kids still pickingup the Predominary issues as far
as like visual cues and verbalcues.
So they're still watching andthey're still listening to the
person the other side of thevideo chat that's interacting
with them.
It's not mindless engagement.
They have to be mindful becausethey're experiencing with
someone else.
So things like facetime, skypezoom, maybe skype I'm dating
(20:57):
myself but those kind of thingsactually have had positive
effects and are good replacementto screen time.
So if you want to, if you wantto replace and get away for a
little bit, maybe the caveatinstead of putting on Miss
Rachel, it's video chattingGrandma, grandpa and having the
kid have a conversation withGrandma, grandpa via video chat
(21:20):
so you get a break, but nowthey're also getting the
interaction and getting thepositives.
So it's like a win-win for both.
So that's pretty interesting.
I would limit screen time to useunder an hour a day for kids
ages two to five, uh, and add itto be have more of attention
around it so you can startteaching at that age.
(21:41):
As far as you're going to getthis because of this, you're
going to get the hour of yourshow that you want to watch
because you did your laundry ormaybe they're too young for that
, but because they did something, they were behaved when you
went out and they it's like agift, like getting ice cream,
like remember, you're gonna getice cream because you did so
well today, right, so littlethings like that.
(22:03):
To teach good behavior is agood option for screen time, but
just make sure it's limited anddon't do it directly for bed.
I wouldn't do a screen timeperiod for anyone directly
before bed.
No screens on top of thatbesides before bed, but at meals
and bedrooms.
I mean, we've talked about bluelight exposure, having TVs in
bed for adults, I bet it for,imagine, kids.
(22:23):
And then, just importantly, andyet again, if you want me to do
a full episode on boredom, andthen, just importantly, and yet
again, if you want me to do afull episode on boredom, I'm
more than happy to.
But boredom helps people invent,innovate, change their lives,
change the situation.
It helps them realize that theycan do better and you need to
create boredom and as boring asthat sounds, dad joke, I think
(22:47):
it's important not just for kidsbut for parents I always talk
about.
But it makes sense now.
I do my best thinking onvacation because I get out of
the monotonous routine ofeverything and I'm not jumping
from one thing to the next.
So part of me is getting boredeven though I'm away.
It gets my brain to reallystart thinking and functioning
(23:08):
and I usually come up with mybest ideas for business and
helps me concentrate a littlemore on things when I just take
time away.
I know on cruises when we werekids especially, we turned our
phones off for the entire weekbecause my parents didn't want
to pay the exorbitant fees forit and everything I'm going to
say.
You start feeling a feeling, adifference.
After like two days you startfeeling better and your brain
(23:32):
fog kind of drifts away,especially someone like me who
kind of suffers from ADD.
It's just like you feel adifference when you put it away,
turn it off, and I notice thatyou become addicted to your
phone.
You're always looking for it,wondering where it is.
You think it's in your ghostphone.
You think it's in your backpocket but it's not.
Looking for it, wondering whereit is.
They continue ghost phone youthink it's in your back pocket
but it's not.
Or you think it's gone but it'sthere.
(23:52):
Or you're on it and you thinkit's gone.
That's happened a couple times,but that's true signs of
addiction to something.
So maybe just even for yourself,take a break.
You're spending time with yourkid for an hour.
Turn your phone off, see whathappens.
Do you really need it on?
Is it really?
Maybe it's just a good way tounderstand how to function.
Like, I don't sleep with myphone in the room.
(24:12):
My phone's downstairs, I'mupstairs, I own two businesses
and have a kid, so to me, mysleep was my priority, because
my sleep helps me get up in themorning, helps me get to work,
helps me show up to work whenI'm there and be the person I
need to be to function, and Idon't want a phone distracting
me from that.
(24:33):
My staff can figure outwhatever happens at work between
those hours.
It's totally fine, but mypriority is me to make sure that
I'm ready to go for thebusiness, so I show up and be
the best boss that I can be.
And then, most importantly for aparent, is to be present.
Your voice, your eye contact,your attention.
(24:53):
Those are the best teachers foryour kids as they age.
So even if your kid's notlooking at a phone, make sure
you're not just scrolling whichI've been guilty of once in a
while, but just trying tounderstand that we're all human,
we all make mistakes, we allzone out and do things that were
like why did we do that?
Why did we just not miss ascreen on the phone for 20
minutes, 30 minutes?
(25:13):
That was whoops.
But just come back to yourselfand realize that maybe next time
you're not going to do that.
Then be more attentional.
Understand that screensthemselves aren't evil, but left
unchecked, they rob our kids ofboredom, curiosity, creativity
and connection.
The brain needs quiet, the mindneeds fiction and our kids.
(25:34):
They need us real, present andunplugged.
So if this episode hit yourhome, share with the parent you
care about and, if you're ready,take the challenge One
screen-free dinner this week andlet us know how that goes.
Let us know if we seeimprovement and hopefully this
(25:55):
episode has been eye-opening.
Share with a friend, guys, it'sthe only way we grow.
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Outro Music.
Hello and welcome to Health Fitness Redefined.
I'm your host, anthony Amen,and today we got another great
episode for all of you.
Today, before we dive intotoday's show, we are moving
forward with the idea wepresented a couple weeks ago and
, for those just listening,we're going to make a podcast
studio inside one of ourlocations over in Mount Sinai
(00:29):
and start doing more interviewswith customers, our trainers,
local businesses, and reallybring this podcast and the
company both together to giveyou an unedited, unscripted
version about who we are and whywe do what we do.
But without further ado, let'sdive into today's show.
Today's show is going to be allabout screen time, what it means
(00:50):
, why is it important?
Should I care?
And different theories we haveabout it when it comes to kids
and being in front of a tv.
So just imagine you're sittingat a restaurant, your kids are
restless, they're jumping around, they're being kids.
The couple next to you handstheir five-year-old an ipad.
They say behind you, everyone'son the screen, even the baby.
(01:11):
I mean, I've seen it as far asone-year-olds, two-year-olds,
infants, everywhere.
Does that sound familiar?
The question really dependslike like is this harmless?
Is it harmless to give your kidan iPad or to put your kid in
front of a TV, or are weactually rewiring our kids to
(01:32):
behave differently later in life?
In this episode we're going tounpack the research what screens
are doing to language learning,focus, mood and social skills.
We'll explore myths aboutautism, creativity, boredom and
how something as simple as nothanding a screen can change your
child's future.
So let's start with whatscreens are replacing, because
(01:53):
that's what the real cost ofwhat screens are.
Screens are an inherent evil,right, they're not made to make
us bad people, but what they dodo is they replace normal
interactions.
So what I mean by that is eyecontact, conversations,
unstructured play and emotionallearning.
They don't just fill time andget rid of those boredom gaps
(02:17):
that parents think or try togive parents a break, but they
actually displace development.
So if we go to early, like whenkids first born, we look at the
first two years of life, andthese are probably the most
pivotal first two years of yourchild's life, as they're
learning literally everything.
Reason being baby's brains growfrom 25% to 80% of its adult
(02:40):
size within the first two yearsof their life, so that means
it's the most critical thingsfor language, emotional bonding
and social awareness.
So what happens when we presentscreens pre two years old?
Well, a lot of research hasshowed that there's delays in
speech development, weaker whitematter development in the brain
(03:01):
, which has been tied tolanguage and literacy and proven
through scans, disrupted sleepand less bonding with caregivers
.
Some kids even develop symptomsand behaviors that look and
represent like autism.
So this means less eye contact,this means delayed speech and
social withdrawal.
So not understanding how tohandle certain social cues, not
(03:24):
understanding how to interactwith certain behaviors of how
people are acting.
That's why research has termedthis virtual autism in some
countries.
But it's not screens that wecan inherently blame for, but
it's the kids' interactionsbeing more digital instead of
being more real-life oriented.
(03:45):
The good news about all of this, before everyone starts
panicking like oh my god, Ican't watch TV, many of the
symptoms disappear when screentime is drastically reduced and
real-life connection is restored.
It's proven to a point thatkids under the age of two
shouldn't look at screens,period.
(04:07):
Now I like to put at a specialwording to this.
I'm going to go intentionalscreen time on this, as opposed
to just screen time.
Intentional screen time meansthat your purpose in giving your
kid TV or an iPad and put it infront of them.
Unintentional screen time wouldbe things you can't avoid,
right?
You're at a restaurant, there'sa thousand TVs.
(04:27):
At a bar, there's a thousandkids.
Just happens to glance over ata TV.
You're on your phone, yourkid's glancing over.
There's actually nothing wrongwith that.
So I don't want people to pointout like, oh my God, there's a
TV in a restaurant, everyonepanic and hide it and turn it
off.
My kid's going to be developed.
No, that's an overreaction to avery simple problem, nothing to
worry about.
Same thing if a kid's glancingat your phone, reaching for your
(04:49):
phone.
They want it because you're onit.
Right?
My kid is seven months old.
Everything I touch he wants.
He doesn't want anything.
I just give him.
He wants everything I have, thesharper, the better, right,
just reach for it, grab it foreach other, pull it out of your
hand because they know that theycan't have it.
But my favorite point that Ibring up is a lot of kids, a lot
(05:10):
of parents, sorry will put kidsin front of educational shows.
This is, I think, the trendiestones right now are like Miss
Rachel or Bluey.
There's a lot of shows that areactually designed for kids
under the age of two and parentstalk about how it helps kids
learn behaviors, help kids learndifferent words, help kids
learn to environment.
You'd be shocked that actuallykids learn more from just being
(05:36):
around you and watching yourfacial cues and learning how to
interact than they do in frontof these behavioral and
educational shows, because a TVcan't interact with them.
Somebody popping up on YouTubetalking and going over about the
alphabet isn't the same as akid watching you talk to them
and really learning andunderstanding it.
And those kids actually theones that are in front of the TV
(05:59):
learn significantly less thanthose that learn it directly
from their parents.
I feel like there needs to be abalance where sometimes a parent
needs just a break.
Right, we have tolerant levels.
My kid didn't sleep for threemonths, super colicky.
But sometimes you just need toput a TV on in the background
(06:21):
just for noise, because you justneed a mental break, because
you haven't slept in threemonths.
Right, you have to prioritizeyourself before you take care of
others.
It's the oxygen mess theory onplanes Take care of yourself
before you can help others.
But to the extent, stop optingfor the easy way out.
I feel a lot of parents don'teven want to be bothered by the
kid because they want to getwrapped inside of their own
lives.
So they put kids in front oftheir TV instead of actually
(06:51):
interacting with our child,which is the way it should be.
Like right, when I'm home withmy kid, my wife and I split days
because of our work schedules,but I try to just interact with
them all the time we're hangingout, having fun, and it really
helps with bonding, as opposedto me trying to get free time
now that I'm off and putting thekid in front.
It really has helped us grow,especially in the last couple
months, when these sonunderstand what's going on.
So I think it's just importantas a parent to understand like
it's going to be hard to theirkids, and that's kind of the
point and it's your job as aparent to make those sacrifices,
(07:12):
to spend as much time with themas possible and not just those
screen times.
Screen in front of them becauseyou want free time.
That's the beauty of part ofresults.
Get mean hard things, give thebest results.
Owning a business is hard, butit gives you the best results.
Working out is hard, but itgives you the best results.
Everything in life iscorrelated to hard.
Usually the easy way out is thewrong way.
(07:33):
So doing things the right wayand doing things the hard way is
always going to or usually isgoing to give the best results
in life.
So what about kids older?
What about ages 2 to six?
This is where childrenliterally learn how to be humans
.
Literally, they're learningeverything.
So they're going to learnthings like empathy, boundaries,
tone of voice, how to waittheir turn, how to share All
(07:56):
these things.
Do real life friction right?
Especially sharing, if youthink about it.
You can't share with a TVscreen, but when you put them in
front of another kid that age,they kind of fight over it and
then realize that they want towork together and figure it out.
So it's all that friction andlight, the things that come back
at you.
A kid wants a toy at a store andthey don't understand why.
(08:18):
And you have to explain to themwhy you're not buying them
every freaking toy at the store,why they can't just steal it,
right, they just think they cantake a look out of it.
So it's teaching them all thesethings through friction, things
that are going to help.
But screens don't do that.
They take the friction awayfrom things and they give the
kid everything they want and thekid just more, becomes a
passive receiver of thatinformation.
(08:38):
So there is no social pushback,there's no misunderstanding to
work through.
There's no misunderstanding towork through.
There's no need to compromise.
And that leads to real worldconsequence consequences.
Right, they're going to get nomore temper tantrums.
They're going to realize well,I don't understand.
The tv gives me everything Iwant, it shows me my favorite
categories and everything likethat.
Attention spans out the window.
I mean, you see this withadults now.
(08:59):
Adults can't even function withattention spans anymore because
they're so addicted.
So imagine what it's doing to akid, like we were talking to
each other.
And I see just people on dates,like both looking at their
phones at a restaurant I knowtalk to each other.
They're so distracted in theirlives they want to get that
little dopamine hit by scrollingthe facebook.
I suppose they're talking tosomeone across away from them
(09:21):
just because they've beenmarried for so long, just
because it's not the first dateand it's not as exciting anymore
.
There's no, there's poor peerrelationships.
They don't know how tocommunicate with friends,
families, loved ones and theydon't really gotta foster and
build those relationshipsbecause they're not forced to.
They're just instead buildingfake relationships with things
they see on tv screens may seemcalm on the surface, it may seem
(09:43):
that it's helpful, but insteadthe child's brain is creating
pure chaos.
Now, why is this important?
A lot of people want to feeland get rid of what we call
boredom.
Right, that's what parents hatehearing is I don't want my
child to be bored.
I mean, we don't really wantourselves to be bored, but I
actually think this is a verypowerful segment.
(10:03):
I might do a full episode onboredom in and of itself, but
boredom is a superpower, right.
It's a space where imagination,problem solving and creativity
are born.
This is how we foster things inare day-to-day life.
You look back to pre-screens.
A lot more people were figuringout different ways to do things
.
A lot more people had a lotmore hands-on skills.
(10:24):
As example, like farmers learnhow to adapt on the field, learn
how to change stupid things tomake the crops grow better, or
they learned how to do thingsaround the house, learn how to
fix the cars.
People just knew moreday-to-day stuff, but not
anymore, because now we havescreens to just fill those gaps,
as opposed to having boredom tocreate things and move things.
(10:44):
I think if you took apercentage right, obviously
there's more people in the world, so there'll be more, even
though the percentage is lower,that there's less entrepreneurs.
There's less people creatingthings at a percentage level,
because people aren't inherentlybored Like.
Imagine trying to createelectricity now, if there was
none, you wouldn't have a yearto sit there and figure out a
(11:10):
thousand ways to not create alife.
We'll be getting bored.
You have to think about it 24seven and adapt 24 seven.
So having boredom actually is asuper hard something that needs
to be taught.
You need to teach your kids tobe bored so they do, in fact,
become more creative and light.
So kids left without screens areforced to invent games,
characters and explore.
Like there's always imaginaryfriends or there's different
(11:33):
games that we used to come upwith as kids that we used to
play all the time.
That was created throughboredom, right?
We didn't want TVs to run asbig.
When I was a kid they wereround, but they weren't crazy
big.
So we were forced to create allthese fun games and interact
and get outside and get activeright, activity through boredom.
So screens get the braincreated.
(11:53):
Boredom forces us to cook areal meal.
So maybe just next time you'reat a restaurant, look around.
Kids are on screens at everytable, especially ages 5 to 15,
I think is the most predominantages.
But meals are one of the lastnatural classrooms.
That's where kids learnconversation, flow, listening,
(12:15):
ask questions and sitting withstillness.
When we hand them screens, werob them of these micro-moments,
repeat it over time.
Those losses add up.
I think what I've noticed,especially my age, is I'm of
that generation where half thekids were forced to have family
bonding time over the dinnertable and then, as I'd meet
friends and met people, theother half had dinner, tv
(12:38):
dinners, and I've noticed thatthose that have forced that
family dinners, like myself, areway closer and know way more
social cues and we know how tointeract in the environment than
those that had tv dinners anddid some mindless eating.
And I'm a firm believer andeven though I know as a kid I
gave my parents slack all thetime Like I don't want to sit
(12:58):
down and do dinner.
That's BS and they would makeus turn the TVs off, makes us
put our.
When we had phones we'd have toput our phones away and they
forced conversation beyond.
Just how was school today?
Right, it was an opportunity toreally learn, understand.
I make the joke that I didn'tneed to study for my real estate
exam when I took it, because Ilearned everything at the dinner
(13:20):
table.
I just heard my parents overtalking.
You know, part of the reason ofthis is that's.
The reason I wanted to be anentrepreneur is because I really
get to watch my parents likepin ideas off each other and I
just over time just naturallylike absorbed those stuff, like
oh, I can do this on my own.
Like understanding them made merealize that there's things I
(13:43):
can do to help move forward.
I'm one of four and me and mysister both own a business and
my parents.
So I think it's just somethingjust got absorbed from watching
and learning and understandingand maybe that's why we have a
better hand on beingconversationalists and being
able to hang out with people,because we had less screens, we
(14:05):
were forced to spend timetogether and maybe that fostered
also a sense of closenessinside of your immediate feeling
.
I mean, I would just say as awhole, if you're doing screens
with your kids and iPads orwhatever, even out of
restaurants and stuff, you don'twant them to cause a fuss, but
I think it's a great opportunityto learn and force them to
(14:27):
experiment.
I remember being at restaurantsand experimenting with food,
right, you would get so bored.
You would just take certaincondiments or things that are
around you and just mix them.
And you would get so bored.
You would just take certaincondiments or things that around
you and just mix them and youwould force each other to drink
it as a kid, as a joke.
90 of it was disgusting, butyou learned how different things
interacted with each other and,at a certain like, at a deeper
(14:48):
level, it taught me a little bitof kind of how to cook and what
had mixed certain things andtry certain things because we
just did it, because we're juststraightforward, at a table,
instead of throwing an ipad andnot being involved in any was
did a conversation because ourparents don't want them to do
with us.
So maybe just try like one lessmeal, uh, with screens just, or
force maybe just every sunday,like dinner time is four o'clock
(15:10):
, everyone has to be there, notv period and see how that goes
and see if that changes thedynamics between yourself and
your kids.
So maybe it will change things,maybe it won't, who knows.
I mean move on to tweens andteens.
The risk shifts from screens,from language to mood, and we
all know this.
(15:30):
Heavy screen use, especiallysocial media and gaming, is
linked to anxiety, depression,sleep disruption, body image
issues.
Gaming is linked to anxiety,depression, sleep disruption,
body image issues.
One study found that kids ages9 to 13 who use more screens
more than four hours a day havesignificantly higher depressed
symptoms that if they're notjust what they're watching, it's
what they're missing.
They're not hanging out withfriends, they're not playing
(15:53):
board games, getting to knoweach other, they're not bonding
with their peers.
I mean, I will argue a littlebit that there's gotta be a
difference between kids that areinteracting with people
audially, meaning playing ashooter game or whatever, but
also talking to their friends,as opposed to those just
mindlessly numbing watching TV.
Those that are interacting,those getting something out of
(16:16):
it, they're getting improvedhand-eye coordination.
But I do agree, like anxiety,depression, sleep, body image
issues and behavioral issues,especially from lack of sleep,
having a cutoff on time of day,you can play video games and not
doing it right before bed,knowing that there's limits to
what you can do.
I'm not saying make it zero, Idon't think that's realistic.
(16:37):
But do it to a point whereyou're putting some kind of
restrictions on what that kid'sdoing with the screens.
Four days is a shit time.
Maybe drop that down to justone or two hours a day with an
understanding of like, hey, youget to do this because of this.
When I used to play some sortof video games at that age,
there was okay, you could playafter you did your chores, you
(16:59):
could play after you finishedyour homework.
So at least there was some kindof do something and get
rewarded with it later on, right?
So you're getting the rewardfor doing the work at the end.
Get rewarded with it later on,right, so you're getting the
reward for doing the work at theend.
So it's some kind of teachingmoment involved with it.
(17:21):
I think it's important to reallyunderstand and I know I keep
going back to this, but autismas a whole and how screens can
relate to autism and know,before anyone says anything
otherwise I don't think screenscause autism at all, period.
Let's clarify that.
But symptoms of screenoverexposure can mimic things
(17:41):
related to autism.
It can reduce eye contact,especially for social skills,
which can lead to anover-diagnosis of ASD,
especially when you don'tconsider screen history when
giving diagnoses and a lot ofpeople interact on a lower level
with a kid, meaning they'lljust talk to them like, oh,
(18:03):
they're autistic, look at wherethey're acting, as opposed to
intervening first by cuttingtheir screen time, fixing diets,
exercising and that will fixmost of our ADD, adhd, asd
issues that we see with kids andwhy they're being at a higher
rate because it's overdiagnosedas a whole.
Do I think autism is increasingoverall, meaning more kids are
(18:24):
being diagnosed?
Absolutely, I think there's arelationship, but I think it
goes beyond screen time.
I just think it's important tonote that, even if your kid is
asd or has add or adhd, tounderstand that maybe the screen
time is making it worse.
Right, you're taking the easyroute, putting the kid in front
of screen because you think itwill calm them down, and maybe
(18:45):
it will for a second, maybe whenyou break, it's fine.
But find a way to go without it, find out with something that's
different, try to exhaust allother options before you go
right for a screen and maybeyou'll see an improvement in the
symptoms.
I can tell you from first-handexperience.
Of all you know this is aclientele we work with.
Often.
Exercise has been shown todecrease the symptoms related to
(19:07):
asd, and taking a kid away fromscreen time for that 45 minutes
to an hour and having themdoing some productive and
burning energy, interacting,engaging in the gym will help
improve symptoms, as opposed tomaking them worse and causing
more temper tantrums that areput in just directly in front of
a screen.
It's just important to knowthat maybe kids just need less
(19:31):
digital input and more humanconnection to rebound and be
more and learn more and engagemore in their society.
So what can you do?
Right?
There's got to be takeawaysassociated with this for parents
so they have an understandingof what to do when they have a
kid and how it relates, becausethere's a lot of different
(19:52):
things and as we progress,there's more research is going
to come out about this.
It's a heavily talked aboutconversation.
I would say, starting with kidsunder the age of two, like we
first talked about in thebeginning of the show.
Absolutely no screen time.
As far as intentional screentime you can can keep it at a
bare minimum.
It's absolutely necessary.
I don't know if there'sanything wrong with you put a
(20:12):
half an hour TV show on once aweek, once every other week,
just as like a little something.
I don't think that's going tocause any issues.
It's too far spaced out.
But every day is when you startrunning into issues.
There is something reallyinteresting as a caveat to this
where video chatting even thoughthat is considered screen time
actually research shows it hasno negative effects to it
(20:34):
because the kids still pickingup the Predominary issues as far
as like visual cues and verbalcues.
So they're still watching andthey're still listening to the
person the other side of thevideo chat that's interacting
with them.
It's not mindless engagement.
They have to be mindful becausethey're experiencing with
someone else.
So things like facetime, skypezoom, maybe skype I'm dating
(20:57):
myself but those kind of thingsactually have had positive
effects and are good replacementto screen time.
So if you want to, if you wantto replace and get away for a
little bit, maybe the caveatinstead of putting on Miss
Rachel, it's video chattingGrandma, grandpa and having the
kid have a conversation withGrandma, grandpa via video chat
(21:20):
so you get a break, but nowthey're also getting the
interaction and getting thepositives.
So it's like a win-win for both.
So that's pretty interesting.
I would limit screen time to useunder an hour a day for kids
ages two to five, uh, and add itto be have more of attention
around it so you can startteaching at that age.
(21:41):
As far as you're going to getthis because of this, you're
going to get the hour of yourshow that you want to watch
because you did your laundry ormaybe they're too young for that
, but because they did something, they were behaved when you
went out and they it's like agift, like getting ice cream,
like remember, you're gonna getice cream because you did so
well today, right, so littlethings like that.
(22:03):
To teach good behavior is agood option for screen time, but
just make sure it's limited anddon't do it directly for bed.
I wouldn't do a screen timeperiod for anyone directly
before bed.
No screens on top of thatbesides before bed, but at meals
and bedrooms.
I mean, we've talked about bluelight exposure, having TVs in
bed for adults, I bet it for,imagine, kids.
(22:23):
And then, just importantly, andyet again, if you want me to do
a full episode on boredom, andthen, just importantly, and yet
again, if you want me to do afull episode on boredom, I'm
more than happy to.
But boredom helps people invent,innovate, change their lives,
change the situation.
It helps them realize that theycan do better and you need to
create boredom and as boring asthat sounds, dad joke, I think
(22:47):
it's important not just for kidsbut for parents I always talk
about.
But it makes sense now.
I do my best thinking onvacation because I get out of
the monotonous routine ofeverything and I'm not jumping
from one thing to the next.
So part of me is getting boredeven though I'm away.
It gets my brain to reallystart thinking and functioning
(23:08):
and I usually come up with mybest ideas for business and
helps me concentrate a littlemore on things when I just take
time away.
I know on cruises when we werekids especially, we turned our
phones off for the entire weekbecause my parents didn't want
to pay the exorbitant fees forit and everything I'm going to
say.
You start feeling a feeling, adifference.
After like two days you startfeeling better and your brain
(23:32):
fog kind of drifts away,especially someone like me who
kind of suffers from ADD.
It's just like you feel adifference when you put it away,
turn it off, and I notice thatyou become addicted to your
phone.
You're always looking for it,wondering where it is.
You think it's in your ghostphone.
You think it's in your backpocket but it's not.
Looking for it, wondering whereit is.
They continue ghost phone youthink it's in your back pocket
but it's not.
Or you think it's gone but it'sthere.
(23:52):
Or you're on it and you thinkit's gone.
That's happened a couple times,but that's true signs of
addiction to something.
So maybe just even for yourself,take a break.
You're spending time with yourkid for an hour.
Turn your phone off, see whathappens.
Do you really need it on?
Is it really?
Maybe it's just a good way tounderstand how to function.
Like, I don't sleep with myphone in the room.
(24:12):
My phone's downstairs, I'mupstairs, I own two businesses
and have a kid, so to me, mysleep was my priority, because
my sleep helps me get up in themorning, helps me get to work,
helps me show up to work whenI'm there and be the person I
need to be to function, and Idon't want a phone distracting
me from that.
(24:33):
My staff can figure outwhatever happens at work between
those hours.
It's totally fine, but mypriority is me to make sure that
I'm ready to go for thebusiness, so I show up and be
the best boss that I can be.
And then, most importantly for aparent, is to be present.
Your voice, your eye contact,your attention.
(24:53):
Those are the best teachers foryour kids as they age.
So even if your kid's notlooking at a phone, make sure
you're not just scrolling whichI've been guilty of once in a
while, but just trying tounderstand that we're all human,
we all make mistakes, we allzone out and do things that were
like why did we do that?
Why did we just not miss ascreen on the phone for 20
minutes, 30 minutes?
(25:13):
That was whoops.
But just come back to yourselfand realize that maybe next time
you're not going to do that.
Then be more attentional.
Understand that screensthemselves aren't evil, but left
unchecked, they rob our kids ofboredom, curiosity, creativity
and connection.
The brain needs quiet, the mindneeds fiction and our kids.
(25:34):
They need us real, present andunplugged.
So if this episode hit yourhome, share with the parent you
care about and, if you're ready,take the challenge One
screen-free dinner this week andlet us know how that goes.
Let us know if we seeimprovement and hopefully this
(25:55):
episode has been eye-opening.
Share with a friend, guys, it'sthe only way we grow.
Thank you for listening to thisweek's episode of Health and
Fitness Redefined.
Don't forget, hit thatsubscribe button and join us
next week as we dive deeper intothis ever-changing field and
remember fitness and medicine.
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