August 10, 2023 • 26 mins
When your Inner Critic stops by and brings along resentment for the ride, everyone around you, including yourself, might want to run for the hills.
Your inner critic is the opposite of your inner guidance and she or he usually has it out for you, especially when she brings along resentment. But it's not always a bad thing when she shows up.
In today's episode, I share about a time when my inner critic and resentment were screaming in my ears and how I used it to my advantage instead of letting it bring me down. I share how allowing these parts of me to be present and have a voice led me to enriching my experience as a mom as well as deepening my relationship with my husband and myself.
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Other Episodes like this one:
#43: The Power of Letting Go with Dave Weesner
#44: So You're Feeling Inadequate
#63: Transitions
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Your inner critic is the opposite of your inner
guidance, and she or he usuallyhas it out for you, especially
when she brings along resentment.
Welcome to Help Harmony andHappiness with Kathy.
(00:24):
I'm your host, kathy Stricker.
I'm a state patrol wife, mamato three lively kiddos, a yoga
teacher, certified NLP coach andan energetic rhythms expert.
As an energetic rhythms coach,I help action taking women use
their bodies, rhythms and themoons cycle to optimize
productivity and avoid burnout,without letting their desire to
(00:45):
remain in control alter theirfocus.
And this podcast is all aboutdoing just that, and perhaps a
bit more, so that you can createyour own path to health,
harmony and happiness.
So come along with me, and maythis episode serve as a nudge to
discover tools that could helpyou on your path towards more
intentional living.
(01:05):
Enjoy the show.
Hey friends, welcome to episode83.
Before we jump into today'stopic, I want to tell you about
a time in my life when I startedto become aware of my breath as
a symptom of my emotional state.
Rewind all the way back to highschool and my 17 or 18 year old
(01:30):
self.
At the time, I didn't know allthat I know now about the
nervous system and biomechanicsof the body and breath.
But I did know that when I wasgetting ready for something that
put pressure on me individually, like competing in track or
serving in a volleyball game, orgiving a talk or presentation
the yons would start coming.
Now, what I mean by that isthat, in anticipation of what I
(01:54):
consciously knew I had to do, myunconscious would try to calm
my nervous system and put meinto a more relaxed and
parasympathetic state byinducing yawning as a means of
getting more oxygen into mybloodstream.
Fast forward to my adult lifeand me taking up a regular yoga
practice, it wasn't just the wayI was slowing down and moving
(02:17):
my body that made me feel sogood.
It was the intentionalawareness of my breath.
And once I started posturing mybreath to create a specific
outcome, life changed.
As I've dug deeper into thisphenomena of breath work and
pranayama practices, I realizedthat I had a breathing
dysfunction for most, if not all, of my life and my body had
(02:42):
just adapted to that as itsnormal baseline.
But when I started toincorporate breath work into the
rhythm of my day, I started tonotice vast changes in my
perception of life and ofchallenges, and even in the look
and quality of my physicalappearance and my skin, which is
kind of incredible.
(03:05):
Breath, when used intentionallyor on purpose, can change how
you feel in an instant, whetherit's giving you more energy or
creating a more relaxed state,or both at the same time, as
you've heard me talk about withmy yoga practice.
But it doesn't just have to bea one time thing you do with a
yoga practice.
It's a tool you can usethroughout your day to create a
(03:27):
new rhythm of intentionality inyour life.
I have an upcoming five daybreath work challenge that I'm
going to be hosting in just afew weeks, and that's where I'm
going with this story.
The last week of August, I'mholding a short daily challenge
to help you use the energy ofyour breath to breathe your way
to calm and focus and, honestly,so many other things that come
(03:49):
along with becoming aware of thepower of your breath, like
healing your body, includingyour menstrual cycle, lessening
the symptoms of PMS,perimenopause and menopause,
enhancing immunity, reducingpain and discomfort in your body
, and even improving yourendocrine system function so
that those necessary hormonesfunction as they were designed
(04:11):
and not out of a state ofheightened alert all the time.
It will just be 10 to 15minutes each day for five days
and it will be recorded, so ifyou need to miss a day, you can
come back to it and watch it.
For a limited time, I'll drop alink to the challenge in the
show notes.
This challenge will give you anintroduction to some different
breathwork techniques that youcan use to flow with the chaos
(04:33):
and stress when it comes yourway.
I'm also going to be teachingyou a breathwork technique that
I've recently started using thatyou can use to detox your
nervous system, and it'sincredibly powerful.
Breathwork and other modalitieslike yoga train us to more
effortlessly transition betweenstimulated or activated states
(04:54):
and calm and relaxed states.
It's a tool to help you learnto identify those times when
your sympathetic nervous systemis activated out of fear and
instead make the consciouschoice to use breath to move
into a regulated state in whichyou respond out of curiosity,
trust and love.
I will just be touching the tipof the iceberg in terms of
(05:18):
breathing techniques, but therewill be opportunities for you to
learn more coming up in thefuture.
Just want to give you a tasteand help you get started
changing your life with breath,as I've changed mine, and your
breath is an easy tool eveneasier than yoga.
As I've always said, itrequires nothing more than your
body, and a yoga mat Breathsimply requires that you breathe
(05:40):
the gift of life that you aregiven.
So click the link in the shownotes and share it with others
who you think might benefit Onwith the show.
Today's episode is a throwbackfrom last year that I had
recorded in the energeticrhythms for intentional living
community and I thought it'd bea good idea to have it here as
(06:01):
well.
I have to say that things haveshifted and changed quite a bit
since this episode was recordedand, with the help of my coach,
plus some breakdowns in ourmarriage, leading to marriage
counseling, the communicationand realization of emotions in
both my life, my husband's lifeand our marriage have greatly
improved since this time lastyear.
(06:22):
But that doesn't mean that thepesky inner critic and
resentment doesn't try to showup every now and again.
Still, join in and enjoy theshow.
Welcome back.
We're here today and I am comingon to tell you a little bit
about my weekend sort of kind ofin a broad sense, I guess.
(06:46):
But this weekend was like asuper action oriented weekend
for us, which is out of the norm, especially when I'm
considering that like it was anew moon and everything was just
calling me to not do much atall.
But also there was this littlething inside of me that was
(07:07):
saying, oh, but look at allthese projects you can do, and
your husband is motivated to dothem, and he wants to do the
projects too.
So I took advantage of that, Iguess, and and I did a lot of
things not necessarily with myhusband, but he was doing his
thing and I was doing mine theywere all projects that we needed
to do around the house.
We wanted to do around thehouse, and, and so we were
(07:29):
tackling them.
But I also noticed that theywere wow.
Now that I'm coming on here,this is not what I really wanted
to talk to you guys about, butthere was a lot going on.
Like I had these anxiousfeelings that that kind of
started to appear on Friday,maybe Thursday, and they started
to show up and you know whothis was.
It was my inner critic, likecoming up, and she was just
(07:53):
coming right out and started toappear.
So what I naturally wanted todo was jump into my work, jump
into projects, rather, and avoid, avoid myself in that regard,
avoid the fact that there wasthose those feelings of wanting
to do sort of not as much or tojust tap into myself.
(08:13):
But I wanted to cover it upwith work, so that was kind of
what was going on.
But upon further investigationof myself, I realized that what
was really happening is thatthere was some resentment
showing up in my life.
There was anxiousness becauseof one.
It was a new moon and I thinkthere was some energy around
(08:35):
that that I was feeling to whereI was in my cycle definitely
was contributing, and then itwas like it was like the perfect
storm to create all of thesefeelings, because then it was
also transition time, right likethe first couple days of school
we had last week and and thatwas just kind of making me a
little, a little anxious becauseit was new and it's a
(08:57):
transition and transitions wetalked about that in episodes 43
and 46 of the podcast.
We just touched on transitionsand how they can be challenging.
But what really was coming upfor me, I realized over the
weekend, was this feeling ofresentment.
And I'm going to get a littlevulnerable here with you because
I want you to know thatresentment is a real part of
(09:23):
your life when you are an actiontaking kind of over committing
type of person Even if you havepeeled back the layers of being
over committing as I have inmany ways, I've really set some,
some firm boundaries orpriorities around what I will
(09:43):
and won't commit to you stillget those feelings of resentment
.
They still start to creep in,and that's deeper work that I
know has to happen in my lifeand that I know will be
happening in my life.
But the inner critic in youdecides to show up when your
inner guidance is feeling alittle bit sleepy and usually
(10:06):
your inner critic has it out foryou and she brings along
resentment, right.
So resentment that is maybetowards other people in your
family, maybe it's towards otherpeople that you know, but I was
definitely feeling this wayover the weekend.
(10:26):
For me, specifically, it wasresentment towards my husband,
because he, in my perception,frequently gets to do all of the
hobbies, all of the things thathe has always done, and then
some, and so it just kind ofmade me start to feel icky and
(10:48):
make me start to, made me startto resent him and made me start
to feel sad for myself and kindof even feel bad for myself.
Have you been here?
Have you been to this place?
I'm sure you have.
I'm sure you have, because ifyou are the type of person who
likes to give of yourself andlikes to just make sure that
(11:09):
your family is taking care ofand also help out with all the
other things, you most likelyare neglecting your own needs
and wants.
That happens.
It's like a natural part,especially of being a mom for
one.
But if you're not a mom, itdefinitely happens as well, and
(11:31):
that's okay.
That's okay.
It's important to acknowledge itand it's important to realize
when that inner critic isshowing up with the resentment
and bringing along theresentment.
When I start to feel this wayabout my husband because I'm
going to just tell you also ifthis is not the only time that I
have felt this way I recognizedit right away and I knew,
(11:53):
absolutely without a doubt, whenI was talking to someone on
Friday about this and she saiddo you think you are feeling a
little bit of resentment towardsyour husband?
And I said absolutely yes, likeI know that this is what's,
this is what's happening.
It creates a not so enjoyablecaffeine to be around, just so
(12:14):
you know.
And when this part of my innercritic shows up, I sometimes
just let it fester under thesurface, rather than speaking to
my husband about it, which iswhat I probably need to do, or
just letting it out in anotherway like journaling, and getting
it out of my system.
It kind of put me in a littlebit of a bad mood on Friday and
(12:34):
Saturday and made the projectsthat I was working on seem so
much harder than what theyactually were.
See, it made them seem so muchmore challenging, and I also
think that there were otherthings contributing to that,
like the new moon that washappening, but my attitude
definitely didn't help.
It absolutely didn't help.
(12:55):
It was it was making theprojects harder than they needed
to be.
Now I get that in a relationshipthere's a give and take and I
feel as though I do get to do alot of the things that I enjoy
doing, but there's still thislingering feeling at times of
resentment towards my husband oreven my kids, because that what
(13:23):
I've realized is that it comeswith having kids or, and
especially, having thosepriorities that make you had to
have to shift into mom brain,which mom brain doesn't ever
leave, like it's there as longas you have kids.
So right now I'm speakingspecifically to those of you who
have kids.
You know that.
But those lingering feelings ofresentment, I start to
(13:44):
recognize them and theydefinitely come with having kids
and shifting to mom brain.
And for me, especially when Ichose to set aside my consistent
income from my full time careerthat I had before starting my
business, that definitelycontributes to the feelings of
resentment coming up.
(14:04):
My choice, I was my choice to dothat right, like completely my
choice.
But that also means that I madethe choice to step into taking
care of the family more, todoing more of the family things.
Logically, I know I made thechoice to step into that mode
and to step into the beingpresent for my kids, to being
present for my family, toserving my family, to stepping
(14:26):
away from that regular,consistent income.
But then the little part of methat wants to, just the inner
critic part of me that wants tocome out, says no, no, but you
get to, you want to have thosethings too and you want to have
all the free time and do all thethings, and rightfully so.
Like there needs to be abalance in the relationship.
(14:47):
There absolutely does.
And and moms, wives, people,women, you need to be able to do
the things that you want to doalso and enjoy them without
guilt absolutely, Iwholeheartedly believe that and
have a spouse or a partner whosupports that as well.
That completely needs to happen.
(15:07):
But that doesn't mean that theresentment, the feelings of
resentment aren't gonna come up,because that's like the
illogical side of you sayingthat it's not fair.
Right, the the inner child inyou saying it's not fair.
I want to do this too, eventhough you made the choice to
make a life change or to Supportyour husband or partner in
(15:29):
whatever they are doing as well.
Right, I hope I am making sensewith all of this.
So I'm gonna go back to thispoint.
Once you have kids, your mombrain doesn't ever shut off.
There's always this runningto-do list going through your
brain, right, even when you getdowntime.
It can be super hard to turnthat to-do list off.
It's possible with practice,but it's still.
(15:53):
There are times that it doesn'twant to shut off.
This was how I was feeling thisweekend.
This is absolutely how I wasfeeling this weekend, and it
shows up also when you maybenotice that your spouse or
partner is enjoying downtime andyou are left with all the
responsibilities of maybecleaning up the kitchen or
(16:14):
picking up toys or whatever itmay be.
And Speaking of picking up toys,that can lead, that can bring
out the inner critic, to bringthe resentment towards your kids
, because Shouldn't they knowhow to pick up their toys?
Or that when they're doneplaying with something they put
it away, right?
All of those things start tocome up.
You want to be able to havethat time to enjoy yourself that
(16:36):
Doesn't create guilt, right?
And so when you see otherpeople in your life close to you
doing those things, it beginsto create this sense of guilt
that turns into resentment,turns into this feeling of
resentment towards the peoplethat you're with, even if you
don't have kids.
Like I said, this maybe lookslike at work or even in social
(17:01):
organizations, people expectingyou to be able to do things
because, well, you don't havekids, right?
So that can lead you to feellike you've got the resentment
Towards those people or thatorganization or that group,
because they're always pullingon you.
They're always pulling too muchof you or asking for too much
of you.
But I'm going to just tell youthis as an action-taking over
(17:22):
committing woman.
You know this feeling ofresentment, I know you do, it's
the inner critic that shows up.
Like I've said, when your innerguidance gets a little bit tired
and the inner critic tries tostep in and bring you down.
That's what they're there for.
Well, they're not there tobring you down, but they're
there to to bring light to thethings that are challenging to
(17:43):
you in your life.
You're there there to bringlight to the qualities that
maybe are challenging for you,and so, with that, I want you to
know that it's perfectly normaland acceptable.
I just started shedding minethis morning when I started
digging back into myself and andand journaling and kind of
(18:04):
figuring out like why am Ifeeling this way so much and
what's going on?
There's conversations that needto happen, but the feeling of
resentment is definitely not sostrong and I can see now, as
I've given myself some spacefrom myself, that it's kind of
silly how I was responding andlike how I was holding this
(18:26):
stuff inside of me and justletting it, like I said, bubble
under the surface or be thereunder the surface.
But when you're left with thesefeelings of resentment towards
other people In your life whoyou see actually doing life more
effortlessly without the innerstress or the inner critic
shooting on you, then these arethe sorts of things that that
(18:51):
start to come up when you'releft with this resentment
towards other people is that you, you should be able to do what
you want to do.
You should take care of thedishes that need to be washed
while your kids and spouse playyou, your kids should remember
to pick up their toys when theyswitch activities and move on to
something new, and youShouldn't have to pick up extra
work projects or do extra thingsor stay late at work Just
(19:14):
because you don't have kids.
Right, the whole theme ofresentment brings up the
shooting, those feelings ofguilt.
All those shoulds, whateverform they take, create
resentment.
I know it's my inner critic andthat I'm not in tune with my
inner guidance when this startsto show up, but they still
happen.
And I bet they happen for youtoo, because you are the way you
(19:41):
are, as a woman who overcommits herself and wants to
serve others and wants to servepeople.
Resentment is just a part of thegame.
It's a feeling that isabsolutely going to happen, no
matter how much you strip away.
It's just a part of it.
It's gonna come up, Even insmall bits, and you have to
(20:04):
catch yourself.
But when I realized that it'sit's landed in me, this feeling
of resentment, I like to justgive it time to be, I
acknowledge it and I let it justbe with me for a little bit.
Then, of course, I begin toinvestigate it and, like I said
in the beginning, like it oftenshows up as anxiety or even it
(20:29):
brings along the anxiousfeelings that I know are
covering up really this feelingof resentment and me not getting
my needs or wants met.
It's just a part of it.
It happens to all of us at somepoint, and solving it and
making it go away right away isnot always possible.
Your inner critic is also anecessary part of who you are,
(20:52):
but again, it's the opposite ofyour inner guidance, the
opposite of your truth.
Right?
Your inner guidance is thatvoice inside of you that is your
truth and your inner critic isthe opposite of it.
But being resentful doesn'tmean that you're a bad person.
It just means that you're human.
It means that you have wantsand needs that need to be met as
well.
And because you are an actiontaking person who is learning
(21:16):
how to also be and be still, asI know you are, I know that you
have some really good qualitiesabout you that are there to help
the world in a big, big way.
And if your inner criticdoesn't ever show up, you might
just forget how human youactually are and how much you
(21:40):
really do need your innerguidance to lead you.
So inner critic, bringing alongresentment, is indeed sometimes
necessary, and it's okay.
You don't have to solve itright away.
It's a necessary part of whoyou are so that you can help the
world and that you can makethis bigger in bigger difference
in the world, so that you canget back to remembering how much
(22:06):
you need to tune into yourinner guidance when those
feelings of resentment start tocome up.
Acknowledge them, let them beand then investigate them.
Right.
That's your call to go intoyour inner guidance.
So just know resentment isgoing to happen, you're human
(22:27):
and it's okay.
It's absolutely okay.
Thanks for tuning in.
I hope this was a little nuggetof encouragement or inspiration
that can help you in your dayand that can help you just
accept yourself for who you arein this moment.
Oh, friends, that was a goodepisode to go back and revisit.
(22:48):
I picked up a lot in that whileediting and while re-listening
to it.
But it also made me realize howmuch I have grown as a person
over the past year, and I haveto attribute that to not only my
coach but also me actuallydigging in and doing the
(23:10):
self-work.
So working with a coach andtaking ownership and feeling
empowered to do the work myself,as well as opening up the can
of worms with my husband thatour marriage was not super
fantastic, as much as maybe itappeared to be on the outside.
There was a lot of unhappiness,and together we have taken the
(23:37):
step to start to work on thatand enrich the love that we have
for each other and just kind ofrelearn about each other.
And so I don't know why I'msharing all of this with you,
other than the fact that if youare in that place with your
spouse, if you are in this placewhere you are just covering up
(23:58):
pain, discomfort, resentment,it's okay to ask for help.
It's absolutely okay to reachout and to find someone who can
work with you and your partner,you and your spouse.
I'm gonna get a littleemotional here, and I didn't
realize that I would, because myhusband and I did, and it has
(24:27):
brought us closer spiritually toeach other, which is something
I've prayed about for years andit took getting to a very, very
low point in our marriage inorder for that to happen.
But ultimately we are on thispath now where we are growing
(24:48):
closer together.
We are growing in our faith, weare growing in our spirituality
not just religion, butspirituality with understanding
ourselves and showing up as morecomplete humans in this world
so that we can hopefully raiseour children to be whole and
(25:09):
complete and loving and buoyantand all the things that we want
for them to be.
I'll just leave you with thatand if you know someone else who
maybe needs to hear thismessage today, would you just
send this episode onto them,send them a link to this episode
and share it with them.
You never know who might needto hear some of these words of
(25:33):
encouragement and know that, asI said, resentment, your inner
critic, they're all a part of it.
But honestly, the more you canwork on yourself and the more
that you get the right help youneed to start to peel back the
layers that cause that innercritic to come up and that voice
(25:53):
of resentment, the quieter andquieter it becomes and the more
at ease, content and peacefulyou begin to feel in your life.
I'm Kathy Stricker and you'vebeen listening to the Health,
harmony and Happiness with Kathypodcast.
Cheers to cultivating your ownversion of health, harmony and
(26:15):
happiness in your life.
Your inner critic is the opposite of your inner
guidance, and she or he usuallyhas it out for you, especially
when she brings along resentment.
Welcome to Help Harmony andHappiness with Kathy.
(00:24):
I'm your host, kathy Stricker.
I'm a state patrol wife, mamato three lively kiddos, a yoga
teacher, certified NLP coach andan energetic rhythms expert.
As an energetic rhythms coach,I help action taking women use
their bodies, rhythms and themoons cycle to optimize
productivity and avoid burnout,without letting their desire to
(00:45):
remain in control alter theirfocus.
And this podcast is all aboutdoing just that, and perhaps a
bit more, so that you can createyour own path to health,
harmony and happiness.
So come along with me, and maythis episode serve as a nudge to
discover tools that could helpyou on your path towards more
intentional living.
(01:05):
Enjoy the show.
Hey friends, welcome to episode83.
Before we jump into today'stopic, I want to tell you about
a time in my life when I startedto become aware of my breath as
a symptom of my emotional state.
Rewind all the way back to highschool and my 17 or 18 year old
(01:30):
self.
At the time, I didn't know allthat I know now about the
nervous system and biomechanicsof the body and breath.
But I did know that when I wasgetting ready for something that
put pressure on me individually, like competing in track or
serving in a volleyball game, orgiving a talk or presentation
the yons would start coming.
Now, what I mean by that isthat, in anticipation of what I
(01:54):
consciously knew I had to do, myunconscious would try to calm
my nervous system and put meinto a more relaxed and
parasympathetic state byinducing yawning as a means of
getting more oxygen into mybloodstream.
Fast forward to my adult lifeand me taking up a regular yoga
practice, it wasn't just the wayI was slowing down and moving
(02:17):
my body that made me feel sogood.
It was the intentionalawareness of my breath.
And once I started posturing mybreath to create a specific
outcome, life changed.
As I've dug deeper into thisphenomena of breath work and
pranayama practices, I realizedthat I had a breathing
dysfunction for most, if not all, of my life and my body had
(02:42):
just adapted to that as itsnormal baseline.
But when I started toincorporate breath work into the
rhythm of my day, I started tonotice vast changes in my
perception of life and ofchallenges, and even in the look
and quality of my physicalappearance and my skin, which is
kind of incredible.
(03:05):
Breath, when used intentionallyor on purpose, can change how
you feel in an instant, whetherit's giving you more energy or
creating a more relaxed state,or both at the same time, as
you've heard me talk about withmy yoga practice.
But it doesn't just have to bea one time thing you do with a
yoga practice.
It's a tool you can usethroughout your day to create a
(03:27):
new rhythm of intentionality inyour life.
I have an upcoming five daybreath work challenge that I'm
going to be hosting in just afew weeks, and that's where I'm
going with this story.
The last week of August, I'mholding a short daily challenge
to help you use the energy ofyour breath to breathe your way
to calm and focus and, honestly,so many other things that come
(03:49):
along with becoming aware of thepower of your breath, like
healing your body, includingyour menstrual cycle, lessening
the symptoms of PMS,perimenopause and menopause,
enhancing immunity, reducingpain and discomfort in your body
, and even improving yourendocrine system function so
that those necessary hormonesfunction as they were designed
(04:11):
and not out of a state ofheightened alert all the time.
It will just be 10 to 15minutes each day for five days
and it will be recorded, so ifyou need to miss a day, you can
come back to it and watch it.
For a limited time, I'll drop alink to the challenge in the
show notes.
This challenge will give you anintroduction to some different
breathwork techniques that youcan use to flow with the chaos
(04:33):
and stress when it comes yourway.
I'm also going to be teachingyou a breathwork technique that
I've recently started using thatyou can use to detox your
nervous system, and it'sincredibly powerful.
Breathwork and other modalitieslike yoga train us to more
effortlessly transition betweenstimulated or activated states
(04:54):
and calm and relaxed states.
It's a tool to help you learnto identify those times when
your sympathetic nervous systemis activated out of fear and
instead make the consciouschoice to use breath to move
into a regulated state in whichyou respond out of curiosity,
trust and love.
I will just be touching the tipof the iceberg in terms of
(05:18):
breathing techniques, but therewill be opportunities for you to
learn more coming up in thefuture.
Just want to give you a tasteand help you get started
changing your life with breath,as I've changed mine, and your
breath is an easy tool eveneasier than yoga.
As I've always said, itrequires nothing more than your
body, and a yoga mat Breathsimply requires that you breathe
(05:40):
the gift of life that you aregiven.
So click the link in the shownotes and share it with others
who you think might benefit Onwith the show.
Today's episode is a throwbackfrom last year that I had
recorded in the energeticrhythms for intentional living
community and I thought it'd bea good idea to have it here as
(06:01):
well.
I have to say that things haveshifted and changed quite a bit
since this episode was recordedand, with the help of my coach,
plus some breakdowns in ourmarriage, leading to marriage
counseling, the communicationand realization of emotions in
both my life, my husband's lifeand our marriage have greatly
improved since this time lastyear.
(06:22):
But that doesn't mean that thepesky inner critic and
resentment doesn't try to showup every now and again.
Still, join in and enjoy theshow.
Welcome back.
We're here today and I am comingon to tell you a little bit
about my weekend sort of kind ofin a broad sense, I guess.
(06:46):
But this weekend was like asuper action oriented weekend
for us, which is out of the norm, especially when I'm
considering that like it was anew moon and everything was just
calling me to not do much atall.
But also there was this littlething inside of me that was
(07:07):
saying, oh, but look at allthese projects you can do, and
your husband is motivated to dothem, and he wants to do the
projects too.
So I took advantage of that, Iguess, and and I did a lot of
things not necessarily with myhusband, but he was doing his
thing and I was doing mine theywere all projects that we needed
to do around the house.
We wanted to do around thehouse, and, and so we were
(07:29):
tackling them.
But I also noticed that theywere wow.
Now that I'm coming on here,this is not what I really wanted
to talk to you guys about, butthere was a lot going on.
Like I had these anxiousfeelings that that kind of
started to appear on Friday,maybe Thursday, and they started
to show up and you know whothis was.
It was my inner critic, likecoming up, and she was just
(07:53):
coming right out and started toappear.
So what I naturally wanted todo was jump into my work, jump
into projects, rather, and avoid, avoid myself in that regard,
avoid the fact that there wasthose those feelings of wanting
to do sort of not as much or tojust tap into myself.
(08:13):
But I wanted to cover it upwith work, so that was kind of
what was going on.
But upon further investigationof myself, I realized that what
was really happening is thatthere was some resentment
showing up in my life.
There was anxiousness becauseof one.
It was a new moon and I thinkthere was some energy around
(08:35):
that that I was feeling to whereI was in my cycle definitely
was contributing, and then itwas like it was like the perfect
storm to create all of thesefeelings, because then it was
also transition time, right likethe first couple days of school
we had last week and and thatwas just kind of making me a
little, a little anxious becauseit was new and it's a
(08:57):
transition and transitions wetalked about that in episodes 43
and 46 of the podcast.
We just touched on transitionsand how they can be challenging.
But what really was coming upfor me, I realized over the
weekend, was this feeling ofresentment.
And I'm going to get a littlevulnerable here with you because
I want you to know thatresentment is a real part of
(09:23):
your life when you are an actiontaking kind of over committing
type of person Even if you havepeeled back the layers of being
over committing as I have inmany ways, I've really set some,
some firm boundaries orpriorities around what I will
(09:43):
and won't commit to you stillget those feelings of resentment
.
They still start to creep in,and that's deeper work that I
know has to happen in my lifeand that I know will be
happening in my life.
But the inner critic in youdecides to show up when your
inner guidance is feeling alittle bit sleepy and usually
(10:06):
your inner critic has it out foryou and she brings along
resentment, right.
So resentment that is maybetowards other people in your
family, maybe it's towards otherpeople that you know, but I was
definitely feeling this wayover the weekend.
(10:26):
For me, specifically, it wasresentment towards my husband,
because he, in my perception,frequently gets to do all of the
hobbies, all of the things thathe has always done, and then
some, and so it just kind ofmade me start to feel icky and
(10:48):
make me start to, made me startto resent him and made me start
to feel sad for myself and kindof even feel bad for myself.
Have you been here?
Have you been to this place?
I'm sure you have.
I'm sure you have, because ifyou are the type of person who
likes to give of yourself andlikes to just make sure that
(11:09):
your family is taking care ofand also help out with all the
other things, you most likelyare neglecting your own needs
and wants.
That happens.
It's like a natural part,especially of being a mom for
one.
But if you're not a mom, itdefinitely happens as well, and
(11:31):
that's okay.
That's okay.
It's important to acknowledge itand it's important to realize
when that inner critic isshowing up with the resentment
and bringing along theresentment.
When I start to feel this wayabout my husband because I'm
going to just tell you also ifthis is not the only time that I
have felt this way I recognizedit right away and I knew,
(11:53):
absolutely without a doubt, whenI was talking to someone on
Friday about this and she saiddo you think you are feeling a
little bit of resentment towardsyour husband?
And I said absolutely yes, likeI know that this is what's,
this is what's happening.
It creates a not so enjoyablecaffeine to be around, just so
(12:14):
you know.
And when this part of my innercritic shows up, I sometimes
just let it fester under thesurface, rather than speaking to
my husband about it, which iswhat I probably need to do, or
just letting it out in anotherway like journaling, and getting
it out of my system.
It kind of put me in a littlebit of a bad mood on Friday and
(12:34):
Saturday and made the projectsthat I was working on seem so
much harder than what theyactually were.
See, it made them seem so muchmore challenging, and I also
think that there were otherthings contributing to that,
like the new moon that washappening, but my attitude
definitely didn't help.
It absolutely didn't help.
(12:55):
It was it was making theprojects harder than they needed
to be.
Now I get that in a relationshipthere's a give and take and I
feel as though I do get to do alot of the things that I enjoy
doing, but there's still thislingering feeling at times of
resentment towards my husband oreven my kids, because that what
(13:23):
I've realized is that it comeswith having kids or, and
especially, having thosepriorities that make you had to
have to shift into mom brain,which mom brain doesn't ever
leave, like it's there as longas you have kids.
So right now I'm speakingspecifically to those of you who
have kids.
You know that.
But those lingering feelings ofresentment, I start to
(13:44):
recognize them and theydefinitely come with having kids
and shifting to mom brain.
And for me, especially when Ichose to set aside my consistent
income from my full time careerthat I had before starting my
business, that definitelycontributes to the feelings of
resentment coming up.
(14:04):
My choice, I was my choice to dothat right, like completely my
choice.
But that also means that I madethe choice to step into taking
care of the family more, todoing more of the family things.
Logically, I know I made thechoice to step into that mode
and to step into the beingpresent for my kids, to being
present for my family, toserving my family, to stepping
(14:26):
away from that regular,consistent income.
But then the little part of methat wants to, just the inner
critic part of me that wants tocome out, says no, no, but you
get to, you want to have thosethings too and you want to have
all the free time and do all thethings, and rightfully so.
Like there needs to be abalance in the relationship.
(14:47):
There absolutely does.
And and moms, wives, people,women, you need to be able to do
the things that you want to doalso and enjoy them without
guilt absolutely, Iwholeheartedly believe that and
have a spouse or a partner whosupports that as well.
That completely needs to happen.
(15:07):
But that doesn't mean that theresentment, the feelings of
resentment aren't gonna come up,because that's like the
illogical side of you sayingthat it's not fair.
Right, the the inner child inyou saying it's not fair.
I want to do this too, eventhough you made the choice to
make a life change or to Supportyour husband or partner in
(15:29):
whatever they are doing as well.
Right, I hope I am making sensewith all of this.
So I'm gonna go back to thispoint.
Once you have kids, your mombrain doesn't ever shut off.
There's always this runningto-do list going through your
brain, right, even when you getdowntime.
It can be super hard to turnthat to-do list off.
It's possible with practice,but it's still.
(15:53):
There are times that it doesn'twant to shut off.
This was how I was feeling thisweekend.
This is absolutely how I wasfeeling this weekend, and it
shows up also when you maybenotice that your spouse or
partner is enjoying downtime andyou are left with all the
responsibilities of maybecleaning up the kitchen or
(16:14):
picking up toys or whatever itmay be.
And Speaking of picking up toys,that can lead, that can bring
out the inner critic, to bringthe resentment towards your kids
, because Shouldn't they knowhow to pick up their toys?
Or that when they're doneplaying with something they put
it away, right?
All of those things start tocome up.
You want to be able to havethat time to enjoy yourself that
(16:36):
Doesn't create guilt, right?
And so when you see otherpeople in your life close to you
doing those things, it beginsto create this sense of guilt
that turns into resentment,turns into this feeling of
resentment towards the peoplethat you're with, even if you
don't have kids.
Like I said, this maybe lookslike at work or even in social
(17:01):
organizations, people expectingyou to be able to do things
because, well, you don't havekids, right?
So that can lead you to feellike you've got the resentment
Towards those people or thatorganization or that group,
because they're always pullingon you.
They're always pulling too muchof you or asking for too much
of you.
But I'm going to just tell youthis as an action-taking over
(17:22):
committing woman.
You know this feeling ofresentment, I know you do, it's
the inner critic that shows up.
Like I've said, when your innerguidance gets a little bit tired
and the inner critic tries tostep in and bring you down.
That's what they're there for.
Well, they're not there tobring you down, but they're
there to to bring light to thethings that are challenging to
(17:43):
you in your life.
You're there there to bringlight to the qualities that
maybe are challenging for you,and so, with that, I want you to
know that it's perfectly normaland acceptable.
I just started shedding minethis morning when I started
digging back into myself and andand journaling and kind of
(18:04):
figuring out like why am Ifeeling this way so much and
what's going on?
There's conversations that needto happen, but the feeling of
resentment is definitely not sostrong and I can see now, as
I've given myself some spacefrom myself, that it's kind of
silly how I was responding andlike how I was holding this
(18:26):
stuff inside of me and justletting it, like I said, bubble
under the surface or be thereunder the surface.
But when you're left with thesefeelings of resentment towards
other people In your life whoyou see actually doing life more
effortlessly without the innerstress or the inner critic
shooting on you, then these arethe sorts of things that that
(18:51):
start to come up when you'releft with this resentment
towards other people is that you, you should be able to do what
you want to do.
You should take care of thedishes that need to be washed
while your kids and spouse playyou, your kids should remember
to pick up their toys when theyswitch activities and move on to
something new, and youShouldn't have to pick up extra
work projects or do extra thingsor stay late at work Just
(19:14):
because you don't have kids.
Right, the whole theme ofresentment brings up the
shooting, those feelings ofguilt.
All those shoulds, whateverform they take, create
resentment.
I know it's my inner critic andthat I'm not in tune with my
inner guidance when this startsto show up, but they still
happen.
And I bet they happen for youtoo, because you are the way you
(19:41):
are, as a woman who overcommits herself and wants to
serve others and wants to servepeople.
Resentment is just a part of thegame.
It's a feeling that isabsolutely going to happen, no
matter how much you strip away.
It's just a part of it.
It's gonna come up, Even insmall bits, and you have to
(20:04):
catch yourself.
But when I realized that it'sit's landed in me, this feeling
of resentment, I like to justgive it time to be, I
acknowledge it and I let it justbe with me for a little bit.
Then, of course, I begin toinvestigate it and, like I said
in the beginning, like it oftenshows up as anxiety or even it
(20:29):
brings along the anxiousfeelings that I know are
covering up really this feelingof resentment and me not getting
my needs or wants met.
It's just a part of it.
It happens to all of us at somepoint, and solving it and
making it go away right away isnot always possible.
Your inner critic is also anecessary part of who you are,
(20:52):
but again, it's the opposite ofyour inner guidance, the
opposite of your truth.
Right?
Your inner guidance is thatvoice inside of you that is your
truth and your inner critic isthe opposite of it.
But being resentful doesn'tmean that you're a bad person.
It just means that you're human.
It means that you have wantsand needs that need to be met as
well.
And because you are an actiontaking person who is learning
(21:16):
how to also be and be still, asI know you are, I know that you
have some really good qualitiesabout you that are there to help
the world in a big, big way.
And if your inner criticdoesn't ever show up, you might
just forget how human youactually are and how much you
(21:40):
really do need your innerguidance to lead you.
So inner critic, bringing alongresentment, is indeed sometimes
necessary, and it's okay.
You don't have to solve itright away.
It's a necessary part of whoyou are so that you can help the
world and that you can makethis bigger in bigger difference
in the world, so that you canget back to remembering how much
(22:06):
you need to tune into yourinner guidance when those
feelings of resentment start tocome up.
Acknowledge them, let them beand then investigate them.
Right.
That's your call to go intoyour inner guidance.
So just know resentment isgoing to happen, you're human
(22:27):
and it's okay.
It's absolutely okay.
Thanks for tuning in.
I hope this was a little nuggetof encouragement or inspiration
that can help you in your dayand that can help you just
accept yourself for who you arein this moment.
Oh, friends, that was a goodepisode to go back and revisit.
(22:48):
I picked up a lot in that whileediting and while re-listening
to it.
But it also made me realize howmuch I have grown as a person
over the past year, and I haveto attribute that to not only my
coach but also me actuallydigging in and doing the
(23:10):
self-work.
So working with a coach andtaking ownership and feeling
empowered to do the work myself,as well as opening up the can
of worms with my husband thatour marriage was not super
fantastic, as much as maybe itappeared to be on the outside.
There was a lot of unhappiness,and together we have taken the
(23:37):
step to start to work on thatand enrich the love that we have
for each other and just kind ofrelearn about each other.
And so I don't know why I'msharing all of this with you,
other than the fact that if youare in that place with your
spouse, if you are in this placewhere you are just covering up
(23:58):
pain, discomfort, resentment,it's okay to ask for help.
It's absolutely okay to reachout and to find someone who can
work with you and your partner,you and your spouse.
I'm gonna get a littleemotional here, and I didn't
realize that I would, because myhusband and I did, and it has
(24:27):
brought us closer spiritually toeach other, which is something
I've prayed about for years andit took getting to a very, very
low point in our marriage inorder for that to happen.
But ultimately we are on thispath now where we are growing
(24:48):
closer together.
We are growing in our faith, weare growing in our spirituality
not just religion, butspirituality with understanding
ourselves and showing up as morecomplete humans in this world
so that we can hopefully raiseour children to be whole and
(25:09):
complete and loving and buoyantand all the things that we want
for them to be.
I'll just leave you with thatand if you know someone else who
maybe needs to hear thismessage today, would you just
send this episode onto them,send them a link to this episode
and share it with them.
You never know who might needto hear some of these words of
(25:33):
encouragement and know that, asI said, resentment, your inner
critic, they're all a part of it.
But honestly, the more you canwork on yourself and the more
that you get the right help youneed to start to peel back the
layers that cause that innercritic to come up and that voice
(25:53):
of resentment, the quieter andquieter it becomes and the more
at ease, content and peacefulyou begin to feel in your life.
I'm Kathy Stricker and you'vebeen listening to the Health,
harmony and Happiness with Kathypodcast.
Cheers to cultivating your ownversion of health, harmony and
(26:15):
happiness in your life.
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