They're not your enemy -- They're your reflection

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Ever wonder why certain people drive you absolutely crazy? That irritating colleague who dominates every meeting with their achievements? The friend whose humblebrags make you want to scream? They might be your greatest teachers in disguise.

This episode takes you on a journey through my own moment of uncomfortable self-discovery when I realized why "Jessica" – a woman whose constant self-promotion made me cringe – triggered me so intensely. The revelation? She was mirroring back parts of myself I hadn't fully accepted.

Checkout Laura King as a Peak Performance Coach + Speaker on her website:

https://www.lauraeking.com/

Subscribe to Laura's Peak of the Week:

https://www.lauraeking.com/peak-of-the-week

Checkout Mondo Davison as a Believer Speaker on his website:

https://www.aramondo.com/

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hey, it's Laura.
Welcome to this week's Peak ofthe Week.
Before we get into it, I justwant to say thank you, everyone
who is following along in realtime.
Here we are about 30 days awayfrom the launch of Shine
Brighter.
I cannot even begin to put intowords my level of giddiness to

(00:27):
have that out in the world andin people's hands.
Um, so whenever you arelistening to this, you might be
able to buy it.
Go on Amazon, go on Barnes andNoble, um, or just check my
website.
But for those of you who arelike, really here in real time

(00:48):
and sending goodness and love,thank you, Thank you, Thank you,
Thank you.
Okay.
So today, that person whodrives you crazy yes, they're
your teacher.
Okay, so I want to tell yousomething that happened to me
that was equal parts mortifyingand eye-opening.
There's a woman in myprofessional circle let's just

(01:10):
call her Jessica who used tomake me want to crawl under a
table every time she spoke atevents.
She'd go on and on about herlatest wins, drop client names
like confetti, somehow makeevery single conversation circle
back to her achievements.
I'd sit there internallyrolling my eyes, thinking

(01:32):
everything is about her.
It's exhausting.
I was complaining to my husbandabout her.
Yet after another networkingevent, when he asked me
something quite powerful, hegoes what exactly about her
bothers you so much?
As I started listening all ofher annoying traits something

(01:55):
uncomfortable started stirringin my chest.
Because if I'm being reallyhonest really honest, I used to.
Okay, I'm still do those exactsame things.
Oh no, that night I couldn'tsleep.
I kept thinking about all thetimes I would steer
conversations toward my revenuenumbers, my latest placement

(02:21):
that I'm the breadwinner, myprofessional wins.
How many times had I reallyjust dominated with stories
about my success?
It's like all of that wasreplaying in my mind.
And so it hit me.
Jessica wasn't annoying mebecause she was terrible.

(02:45):
She was annoying me because shewas showing me a part of myself
that I fully hadn't made peacewith yet.
The part of me that tied myworth to achievement, the part
that needed everyone to know howwell I was doing in life, the
part that felt invisible unlessshe was impressive.

(03:09):
I thought I'd moved past thatversion of myself, but watching
Jessica, I realized I had notfully processed my shame.
Was it my shame about my desireto feel special or my like?
Where did that come from, Right?

(03:30):
So that led to a whole other.
This could be the whole nextweek's peak of the week about
what I had to do to heal thosepieces of me, but here I'll keep
this high level.
When someone gets under yourskin, it's usually not about

(03:53):
them, it's about you.
It's about you recognizingsomething familiar, something
you either have not fullyaccepted in yourself, or
something that maybe you'vechanged but you haven't forgiven
yourself for.
Think about it.
There's probably a lot ofpeople who do things you don't

(04:13):
love, but they don't all triggeryou the same way.
Sometimes you just like passsomeone and you're like, okay,
well, it's not my style, and youand you move on.
But the ones who really get toyou, yep, those are your mirrors
, those are your mirrors.

(04:36):
And once I realized what washappening with Jessica,
everything shifted.
Instead of avoiding her, Istarted watching with curiosity.
I could see underneath all ofthat self-promotion was someone
who felt like she had to proveher worth constantly.
That was me, Someone just likeme, who didn't quite believe she

(04:58):
was valuable just for beingherself.
So at the next event I saw herand when she started sharing her
latest success story, Iactually listened without
judging, without judging.
And you know what?

(05:19):
Then I could see it.
I could see she was genuinelyexcited about helping her
clients.
The name dropping was just howshe knew to share.
That's just how she knew how toshare that joy.
So when she paused, instead ofchanging the subject, I said
that sounds really meaningful,Like your clients are lucky to

(05:41):
have someone who cares that much.
And the shift in her face wasinstant, Like I she relaxed, she
smiled, she could stopperforming and we could actually
connect.
So something beautiful happenswhen you stop judging someone

(06:05):
else.
When you judge someone else,you judge yourself.
Let me say that again when youjudge someone else, you are
judging yourself.
So when I started extendingthat same compassion that I gave
to Jessica to myself, insteadof feeling shame about my

(06:25):
achievement-obsessed,validation-seeking version of
Laura, I began to understandthat she was doing the best she
could with what she had, thebest she could, with what she
knew, the best she could.
She wasn't wrong.
She was just trying to feelworthy the only way she knew how
.
And when I healed thatrelationship with my past self

(06:51):
and I forgave myself, Jessicastopped triggering me entirely.
She's still proud of her work,as she should be, and I can
celebrate her wins withoutfeeling any angst.
So here's my question for youwho in your life is currently
pushing your buttons?
Instead of asking, why are theyso annoying?

(07:16):
Try these, Remember, becausethe quality of your questions
indicates the quality of yourlife.
Like ask better questions.
So ask yourself whatspecifically about their
behavior triggers me.
When have I acted in a similarway?

(07:39):
What part of myself might I bejudging?
This isn't about excusingharmful behavior or forcing
yourself to love everyone.
Some people genuinely are notgood for us and boundaries
matter, but if someone getsunder your skin in ways that

(08:01):
feel bigger than they actuallyshould be, it made me like
you're like.
Why am I spending so much timeon this?
Why does this keep dominatingmy thoughts?
It's hello, your cue to lookdeeper.
What if that person is justshowing you something that you
need to heal?
It's just like this red lightindicator beep, beep, beep, beep

(08:25):
.
Look here.
When you heal your relationshipwith those parts of yourself,
when you stop judging yourself,you free yourself Freedom.
You also create space for trueconnection.
When you're not busy judgingsomeone, you can actually see

(08:47):
them.
You can actually love them.
The people who frustrate usmost are often reflecting back
the parts of ourselves we needto love more fully.
Let me say that again thepeople who frustrate us most are
often reflecting back the partsof ourselves we need to love
more fully.
What mirror has been trying toget your attention lately?

(09:10):
I can't even begin to tell youhow many other like, as I asked
myself that question, I'm like,oh boy, let me think of the
people who are triggering meright now.
Okay, where do I need to lookwithin myself?
There's always more Like thiswork.

(09:32):
It's not like one and done.
It's about continuousself-awareness, when we can be
aware of these emotionalreactions we're having and be
able to clear them and thenapproach it with fresh eyes.
Just think.
Think of what world we'recreating Self-love, compassion,

(09:58):
forgiveness of self in order toextend that to others.
I hope this got you thinkingtoday, and it is just my
pleasure and my joy to be comingin your ears.
I don't take that for granted.
I treasure it.
Please send me a text, Pleasereach out, Please let me know

(10:22):
what this meant to you today,Because guess what?
You matter.
You matter a lot.
You matter a lot and I believeso much in your magnificence and
your desire to put out so muchgood in this world.

(10:43):
So keep shining.
I'm so excited for ShineBrighter to be out in the world
only a month away.
Shine brighter.