Creepy Caleb Hammer is SO COOKED

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
We're sorry, the number you have dialed is not in service at this time.

(00:16):
Wait, three, two, one.
Gotta get the shit right.
Three, two, one.
Wait.
We're gonna cut this.
We never cut the things we say we're gonna cut.
We're not.
You're right.
We're like, we'll throw that up on screen.
What episode is this?

(00:37):
This is episode six.
Episode six?
And we've got a motherfucking green screen!
Hello alphabet agencies!
That's kind of insane, honestly.
Yeah.
It's like six times.
We stuck with it, guys.
We're sticking with it.
Come on, I'm so proud of us.
Easiest thing I've ever stuck with.
Honestly, time flies when you're having fun.

(00:59):
Episodes fly when you're having fun.
We're back home, eating healthy, drinking Waterloo and shit.
Sparkling water and shit.
Are you happy to be home and not living in your parents' basement and just having your
own space and stuff?
Yes, however, I am a little worried that we're gonna get stuck in Texas because they're gonna

(01:22):
close down the borders to Texas.
They're gonna draft me to the Texas National Guard and I'm gonna have to go to the border.
Bro, you guys are moving into the van sooner than planned, if that's the case.
Accelerated timeline.
I'm like, yeah.
And you're coming to Brooklyn or whatever.
I'm doing an accelerated plan.
I'm like paying a guy to help me out a little bit, do a little bit of work for me.

(01:44):
We'll figure it out, but you ain't staying in Tejas.
Yeah.
No.
I'm getting this shit done.
I got some people riled up accidentally on TikTok and YouTube shorts.
I've been posting on YouTube shorts.
This one guy keeps bullying you.
I don't really want to talk about it because this is the Caleb Hammer emergency podcast.
Yeah, no.
We convened so quickly this evening.

(02:06):
It's kind of late.
I threw this shit together in two hours.
It's even later for Cory for an emergency podcast.
So we won't spend too much time on this.
We'll jump into it in a sec.
But yeah, I get bullied a lot on the internet.
It's okay.
I don't feel bullied and harassed and TikTok does nothing about it.
All right, guys, I'm starting the recording for the screen capture.
And so the way that I'm going to sync this up is I just started the recording for screen

(02:28):
capture.
This is when Dante's been on.
Stop clapping.
I need to sync up.
Everybody's got to be quiet for one second.
I'm playing Fet Flags.
Okay, sorry.
Room tone.
Ready?
Fet Flags.
That's what's going to sync up every so we're good now.
I'm going to be fine.

(02:49):
Okay.
And now and then we're going to clap on three.
One, two, three.
No, I didn't say three claps.
I said on three.
I'm sorry.
Pretty solid.
I'm whoever edits.
I'm going to say I have a fucking hard time doing it.
It's probably going to end up being me.
I was going to say it might be you this week.
So good luck, Caleb, because Caleb is my is my arch nemesis.

(03:11):
Yeah, this is this is Dante's passion project.
This has been ongoing for a while since like, oh my God, the shirt again, dude, the Peter
Teals of Fet shirt.
I just got it freshly.
He's wearing the business shirt.
Yep, wearing the business.
Just boys doing business.
We got the boys.
I think I'm going to put in a second order because I got one XL because I did not think

(03:35):
I would fit in it.
And let me tell you, I do.
And I am feeling confident.
I am feeling a little sexy.
Yeah, hell yeah, dude.
I'm thinking about putting in a second order, maybe because there's one there's one design
that I did not get.
So maybe I'll treat myself.

(03:56):
Hey, and he's going to continue.
No, he's going to put in that order at HGH store.
Plug plug plug.
And also we have all mugs.
We have.
Oh, yeah, we have a lot of cool stuff.
We got more than Dante put in lots of cool work.
They put in a lot of time, make some cool stuff and way better than Teddy Fresh.

(04:17):
Way better.
And I was going to give a shout out.
Yeah.
Shout out to Dante's sister, Rozzie.
She designed the art on the mugs.
She's done a lot of other designs for us.
We love Rozzie.
She's our intern, unofficial and paid intern.
Yeah, we don't have money to pay people.

(04:39):
We're all unpaid at this point.
Dante's sister, it's you know, I'm paid in the content we create together.
That's what I get paid in.
Yeah, that's all I pay myself in to pay, you know, bills with it.
But I've not yet.
Dude, it's coming.
It's coming.
It's coming.
So why are we doing the emergency?
Why is the title of this doc that I made?
Tell us, tell us.

(05:00):
Emergency pod, Caleb hammer time.
And then I wrote, oh, that was funny because I was high and I wrote that.
I said, all right, stop hammer time.
Stop hammer time.
We'll just make the sound effect.
Yeah.
I'll put that in there.
So don't worry if you don't know who Caleb Hammer is.

(05:21):
That's OK.
You don't need to know who he is.
He sucks.
He sucks.
I'm just trying to get this text bigger so I can read it.
He'll give you some some quick rundowns of who he is and we'll give you some resources
if you if you want to learn more, some more background information, if anything piques
your interest.
But yeah, give like a little teal.

(05:43):
So Caleb Hammer is my arch nemesis.
The shortest path.
I've made three YouTube videos about it.
I'll go into those videos like a little bit in a minute here.
But basically, Caleb, this guy's a fucking weirdo who makes he makes these videos on
YouTube dot com and it's called financial audit.

(06:04):
And you might think, oh, financial advisor.
Like you'd be like, go for it.
Yep.
No, no.
He went to school for like musical, not theater, but it was composition.
Composition.
Yeah.
It's pretty cool, but definitely not anything with finances.
Yeah, you know, artsy fartsy guy.
Real artsy fartsy.

(06:25):
I would never I would never financially audit people.
No, I might be like, yo, what do you think the number one thing you spend too much money
on is?
And someone might be like, fucking Mountain Dew, bro.
No, you know, like what's a good example of this is on it's someone on TikTok, the like
transparent salary, transparent street.
I love her.
That's my yeah.

(06:46):
Like that's the kind of financial content I really like, because she's really I think
it's a girl that runs it right.
Of course.
OK, yeah, of course.
Women, women, women rock.
Am I right, guys?
I got out.
Dude, we got to let women speak more.
Let's talk.
And no, for real, though, it's so it's so compassionate and real.
And like, it's not it's she doesn't showcase people to put them down.

(07:10):
She showcases them to like show a variety of situations.
And like her responses are always very like, I don't know, of genuine intrigue and positive.
Yeah, yeah, because she's like, no, it's just everyone does stuff and everyone makes money
and we shouldn't be like ashamed of our salaries or trying to hide finances.

(07:31):
I know it should be transparent.
Like people should feel, you know, more free to talk about their finances and specifically
not feel ashamed of them, in my opinion.
And that's what Caleb Hammer claims his mission is.
But as this as you will see in this fucking emergency podcast, emergency podcast on the
on the HGH media network.

(07:53):
Hello alphabet agencies.
All opinions are that of hot girls have hobbies LLC.
These are all opinions.
And some some things we have we have solid and we don't even need to say that.
We're just going to say because if Caleb was in the wrong, he would have come after me
by now.
We've talked to Caleb in person.
And we'll go like God said, he's got a little timeline, you know, out here.

(08:15):
Oh, I hate him.
Like we're not just, you know, we're not speaking from nothing.
We got a lot of unfortunate experience with this guy.
So unfortunate.
So what prompted this emergency episode?
Right.
And he makes this stupid right.
He and what he does is he may live the redditor.
He's a redditor and he makes this show where he he tells people who are always broke every

(08:42):
time that they are stupid and they don't yell at them for spending money, spending money
on like petty purchases, like going to the fucking gas station and getting some shit
because like things normal.
OK, that's all like 60 percent of people have is like, I just go to the store.
It's a little joy, a little joy in this sad life.
Yeah, let me have my fucking and he calls it taquitos.

(09:03):
That's his funny little bit.
All his merch says taquitos.
Stupid as shit.
I hate it.
And he always goes and it's always a shame to shame poor people just for the one little
which is why I think he's a fed.
Yeah, no flag, dude.
Major Fed flag.
I'm I'm kind of convinced at this point that like you are a fed unless proven otherwise.

(09:27):
There's so many we gave Caleb.
And it makes sense, guys.
It's like they they had to take over the whole thing because as soon as people start pushing
back like you, you, you got to stop that domino, you know, that that house of cards from falling
down.
So they were like, fuck it.
We'll just replace the whole the whole thing.

(09:49):
It's like a thousand influencers.
It's a government.
They don't give a fuck.
And even if it's not that he's still his entire mission is to like make people who make like,
I don't know, 60, 70, 80 grand a year in like a Midwest city or something.
And so like their life in the day to day is pretty comfortable.

(10:13):
But they're not like they're really not able to save that much.
And like that's not that much.
But they don't feel like they're broke.
Even though they lost their job, they'd be homeless in like two months, like a lot of
us.
Like most people.
And we all need to start admitting that.
Right.
We got rid of this like, oh, I'm fine.

(10:34):
Everything's fine.
No, it's not.
Caleb's job is right.
Why the feds like Caleb.
Allegedly, the feds would like Caleb if they saw it.
I just don't know if they've seen it.
And like the reason that is the case is because Caleb's entire job is to make poor people
feel a lot richer than like people who are just like a little bit poorer than them.

(10:59):
You know, just to create a fake like class, like not war, but I guess almost like a or
like a punching down.
Right.
It's like it's really fucked up to just be like, no, it's your fault that, you know,
you didn't have two parents and you grew up and you were around some bad people and now
you're 19 years old and you have a little bit of credit card debt.
Right.

(11:19):
It's like that's if this guy would audit my he could I was going to say if he would have
audited my finances at 19, we offered, we offered.
But but even now it's like he could paint me as the same sort of like villain, dumb,
idiot, spender, had no control.

(11:39):
When in reality, we're all you had a vet bill for fifteen hundred dollars.
It's like, yeah.
You put it on a credit card.
Mm hmm.
And like, yeah, that happens.
That happened.
And I care a lot about what I spent money on.
He'd say felt worth it.
Well, then you shouldn't have bought that Red Bull at the gas station.
It's like, sorry.
I wouldn't trade.
It's all always.

(12:00):
So we never ask why are why do we have to pay for our vets to not or for our animals
to not die?
Why do we have to pay for our dream amount?
I had the privilege to be so stressed about Vulcan and then watch fifteen hundred dollars
be burned just because on.
Oh, good.

(12:21):
And we weren't even like that was even like that was like the bare minimum.
Yeah, that was like, OK, like we have to say, we can't take this tonight.
Yeah, it could have been a lot more like with the test that like really should have been
done would have been just way too much.
Yeah.
And it's like, why can't you have the test?
It's like probably five dollars actual cost.

(12:44):
Just like do the test.
It doesn't make your life any different.
No, but it will be another eighteen hundred to do that test.
That's just a rant about what that veterinary fucking nationalized the vet industry.
Bro, I on Fourth of July a few years ago, our cat Chonker boy, he got he always got

(13:06):
blockages because he was a boy cat and they would get like stones essentially like crystals
or whatever kidney stones.
And he decided to get a blockage on Fourth of July.
So we had to take him to the emergency vet.
That's what they were like to.
It's nine.
It's going to be nine thousand dollars.

(13:26):
We're like, money's not real.
Sure.
Right.
It's like you're you're in such a vulnerable position at that point.
You're there with a dying pet and you're like, well, just do it.
Sorry, can't afford it.
Yeah, dude, it feels so predatory.
It feels so predatory.
You can tell me it was a million dollars.

(13:47):
I tell you, put it on a credit card.
Right.
That's what I've always done with my dog.
And there's some you have a gun in my head.
Yeah, they love to let us rack up credit card debt.
They have like a credit card sign up at the front desk now of vets now, probably.
It's cool, bro.
You get like you get points at the like five percent back at the vet.

(14:10):
The city discoverer.
Let's get on Caleb.
Hey, yeah, yeah, yeah.
We can do it before.
We can do it.
Twenty five minutes.
We can do that.
OK.
Oh, we're at twenty five.
Yeah, this is an emergency episode.
Start acting like it.
OK.
So Caleb did a fucking thing, dude.
All right.
He did a thing.
Caleb subreddited you.
Caleb sub tweeted me on Reddit, which is awesome.

(14:32):
It's so perfect because in one of Dante's videos, you called him like a Reddit lord.
Like that was the there was a whole segment.
Yeah.
About the fact that he like heavily moderates his own subreddit and like participates in
and talks smack in and blocks people from.

(14:52):
And it is it's just funny.
It's kind of poetic.
Yeah.
Anyway, continue.
I feel like they do that, too, that you can tell.
I feel like they do it, too, because they're hiding stuff and they need to moderate.
Oh, I don't want to.
I don't want to go too far off the rails here with like rumors.
But I got to just get a direct message today from all it was is I just I'm pretty sure

(15:18):
it's I'm pretty sure it's someone who knows Caleb.
Yeah.
And this person, this person, this person, like they had some receipts that felt very
bad, like specific things that made this is new, new information.
And they said that Caleb is known.
This is all a rumor that Caleb is known in Kalamazoo where he went to college as like
a grinder weirdo.

(15:40):
And interestingly enough, we heard we've also heard from a couple of people in Austin that
he was also doing weird stuff on Grindr.
And we don't mean like he's yeah, just just being he's just a weirdo.
No, he's like.
Like with what we've heard is that in the gay community in Austin, it's kind of like
a warning.

(16:00):
Yeah.
Like you should know about him.
It's like, oh, people know about him in the gay community.
And apparently, yeah, in Kalamazoo as well.
So that's just speculation.
And from people that we've heard that we found credible.
But we'll you know, we'll talk about that more once we just lines up.
So what he what he did is so what I did, he posted he posted on Reddit, posted on Reddit.

(16:25):
This is him.
He just got 569 upvotes.
Creepy stuff.
He's got a Reddit army.
And he's got a he's got a Reddit army.
It's huge, bro.
And we feel the wrath of them.
Oh, they came after us so hard at the beginning of this.
Now we at least have some support that like helps us maintain some sanity and not feel
like totally just like bombarded by them.

(16:46):
But yeah, it's pretty strong.
It's scarily strong.
And dude, that's that was like what made me get want to get on board with the Roger stuff
was just I was like, it's just these two.
What the fuck?
I got to help them.
That's how it is with Caleb, too, dude, because he's done such a good job of like trying to

(17:07):
discredit people and like just he just calls them crazy.
Like he called you'll hear about Zeke called him crazy, got everyone in his fan base to
just believe his, you know, version of events blindly and that he's crazy.
And as Dante showing you try to believe he's trying to do it to me.
He's trying to do it to me.
He's trying to do it to Dante right now.

(17:28):
And it's just not going to work because we're Caleb be fucking for the reddit post says
come on, Caleb.
I'm going to read the reddit post.
Yeah, go off.
Creepy Stalkers Online is the title.
That's you.
Hey, that's you.
And it will not.
We don't know that yet.
And it says we have creepy stalkers DMing and harassing my employees on social media

(17:49):
trying to dig up dirt on me.
Imagine hating someone so much that you because a disgusting human.
Imagine that you because a disgusting human.
That's what it says.
I'm just reading with Caleb wrote.
Can you imagine that you because a disgusting human.
Imagine hating some so much that you never disgusting human.
OK, so and then it says if you don't like the show, move on like a mature adult.

(18:10):
You don't have to harass people.
Whatever you do, don't become weirdos like these.
And then the comments go crazy on us.
I don't give a fuck about those.
But the reason why this this post is fucking awesome to me is because if you look, let
me pull this up.
What is that?
So this is that looks like a DM.

(18:30):
So I DM this is new employee.
Oh, Caleb's new employees.
So it doesn't hear that would be weird to just like I agree.
It would be weird if I just like, oh, I figured out like his new employee and like I DMed
him and he's like, but it just is firing me that weird because I think that Caleb is
a fucking weirdo.
But I wouldn't do that.
I don't I don't care that much.
All of this is in earnest to try to help this guy.

(18:52):
So why did I do any new employee?
Because this guy like wants to be on the Internet.
That's been made obvious to me.
He has a YouTube channel.
He the way that he got hired was he like he applied to Caleb's job.
Caleb fucking didn't get back to him or whatever, because like every single job sucks at running
a business now and he sucks at running a business.
And then small business time, dude, in the world.

(19:14):
You'll see this guy is a small business tyrant.
He loves capitalism, dude.
He's like he's like he's dude, he's like worse than the monopoly man in terms of like, dude,
we got to start calling capitalism is got to be like rebranded to exploitation ism or
yeah.
No, he really does.
And he doesn't try to hide it.

(19:34):
He like very obvious.
He like shows it and is kind of proud of it.
I don't know.
Anyway, continue on.
I just want you to make sure that the battery doesn't shut off.
I'm just looking at the on the camera.
OK, is it plugged in?
Yeah, it's plugged into the laptop.
I'll try to keep an eye on it.
Not sure if I might have to swap the battery at some point.
That'd be funny because it wouldn't impact the audio, just impact the video.

(19:57):
That's OK.
We'll figure it out.
We'll clap again to sync up.
So where were we?
So yeah.
So the way that I know about this guy is basically this is the weird part.
Caleb made a financial audit of his new employees.
This guy, the guy that I DM'd, which I think is weird in itself.

(20:18):
You know, it might be different if he was super respectful about it and kind of popped
off and had like, yeah, like an audience that like, like we said, was similar to, you know,
like the salary transparency where people aren't just like dogging on poor people for
fun.
But yeah, especially given how he goes about his financial audits, it felt like a very

(20:41):
weird like abuse of power from him, because like he said, it's obvious to us that this
guy like wants to do stuff online.
And it's very easy for people with a big platform to take advantage of people like that.
Especially when I know what's like the Zeke situation.
That's exactly we know that Zeke wants to make content.
He's told us about it.

(21:02):
And it's like, yeah, that's awesome.
And he also told us about like how that that was part of the reason that like he felt stuck
in certain instances, because it was like what he's promised me.
Well, they don't know.
Talking about Zeke and we don't know anything about Zeke.
We don't know anything about Zeke out here.
But we'll get into that.

(21:23):
Yeah.
So Caleb has like a YouTube channel where he's like where he's analyzing people's like
financial statements.
Yeah, they do.
They literally make them print off like a month of like credit card statements and stuff.
And he goes through every single expense.
And I feel he's he has like a pretty big sponsorship places, right?

(21:46):
Because I feel like I've seen.
Yeah.
And and so he's got like his YouTube channel and he has like these employees that he hires.
And it seems like he keeps hiring them from like they're also creators, too.
Is that what you're saying?
And then yeah.
And they're like they're like they have like way less just so you can get a vibe for what

(22:07):
Caleb sounds like.
That is correct.
Yes, that is correct.
Here's what Caleb sounds like.
We just have a sound a sound.
Oh, yeah.
A couple of Caleb sound bites.
I don't give a.
I don't give a.
He's just always screeching.
I don't give a.
Always fucking screeching.
And with these vlogs that we're going to watch, he screeches in real life.

(22:27):
This is not a character.
That people.
Which is the fact that this isn't a character is the crazy part to me, because that like
what these vlogs show me later on the episode, I'm going to show you guys some some content.
This shit is content, dude.
This shit is.
It is arguably.
Yeah, one of the weird videos.
I've seen.
Let's get to the TLDR.

(22:47):
OK, so we're not going to go super deep into the whole Caleb story unless we do.
But if we don't go as deep as you want, my YouTube channel has three videos.
I'll briefly talk about each of them, but I think they're good videos.
And then Nicole also wrote an article about Caleb Hammer on the website.
Hot girls have hobbies dot com.
And click the journal tab and then there's one of the big creepy Caleb Hammer on the

(23:09):
fucking front.
Oh, did you know?
Fun fact.
So Caleb's so creepy that one time we now.
Now what?
We we all have sound boards.
We print.
Yeah, I heard it.
Nicole got a label maker.
Oh, but I can't hear you.
I can hear your soundboard, Corey.
Now I can't hear you if you use your soundboard.
It's a compromise.
Now what?
Now what?
Now what?

(23:30):
Now what?
Now what? these stickers that were QR codes for the website that Nicole made, creepy Caleb
Hammer dot com.
And we stuck them on all the like light posts in Austin, which is Caleb.
We both live in Austin.
And so if you scan the QR code, it took you to the shitty little creepy Caleb Hammer.
I want to hear.
Yeah.
If you want to find a fun website, creepy Caleb Hammer dot com.

(23:51):
We'll talk about some fun lore.
Yeah, that was before we had like started writing articles on our website because Caleb really
was like the first creep that we, you know, had set our sights on online.
But what I was going to say is if anyone in Austin comes across this and is like, oh my
God, I saw one of those QR code stickers because we put them like, yeah, near like some bars

(24:13):
that like people our age would be frequenting in Austin.
People that Caleb's guests would be frequenting in Austin.
Please, if anyone saw one of those, just let us know.
Let us know.
Because that means our marketing worked with very strange marketing strategies.
We're our own marketing team.

(24:34):
Yeah.
So I DM this guy on Instagram to warn him.
And I don't think I read it last time.
Oh, yeah.
I said exactly.
Okay.
So what I said to his new employees, hey, man, I saw that Caleb gave you a job.
Just wondering if you've gotten any red flags from him.
And that was on Friday.

(24:54):
So that would have been like a week ago, almost a week ago.
And then on Sunday, I said, hey, man, I replied to his story because you can only DM people
one time.
So like the hack on that is to just like slide up on every one of their stories.
So this guy posted a story.
Hey, man.
It started out with a man.
It looks like he's a white guy.
It's all you can really say if you don't know him.

(25:16):
Hey, man.
Hey, man.
What's up, dude?
Hey, man.
Have you seen the allegations against Caleb?
Because the allegations are that he sexually assaulted is an allegation that he sexually
assaulted one of the people that was going to be on his show.
Was on his show twice.
Or that was on his show three times, actually.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
You really owe Zeke some money.
So what am I talking about?

(25:37):
Right.
We're going to get into it.
Yeah.
Why was Dante warning this guy?
So yeah.
So this is what caused me to care about Caleb Hammer.
So what happened was I saw an ad.
I was on the toilet and I was on Instagram or Facebook or something.
It was definitely Facebook.
And I saw it was an advertisement for his show.
I used to go on his show.

(25:59):
And so I said, that sounds stupid.
I'm in for it.
You're in Austin.
Why not?
I'm trying to be on the Internet like dead ass with every single person that has a problem.
Every single person that's going to have a shitty time with Caleb started with the exact
experience of me.
Exactly what happened to me.
And I'm so happy with it.
All right.
So I applied to the show.
It's back to me.
I'm like, oh shit.

(26:19):
All right.
Cool.
And so I like, you know, I'm not going to tell him my actual financial situation.
Hello, buddy.
Oh, sorry.
So I sent him some.
The kiddie was sensing the Fed flags already.
You know, I said, they just walk across my computer like this is like they paid for it.

(26:41):
Goofy.
And I'll just interject, because in this in this intro part to like we hadn't heard of
Caleb Hammer.
So when he found him and was like, I'm going to apply for this.
A couple of his like reels.
And yes.
So then we watched like some of his videos and we're like, this guy kind of get we were
getting fed flags.
We're like, I just feel like this guy, he's he's in it to dunk on poor people.

(27:04):
And that's it.
Like, I don't think he would realistically actually have you on the show, Dante, because
you're not in like a desperate position.
Not yet.
But I was just saying, oh, that was that's what your five.
Yeah, that was my yeah.
Watching.
I watched one.
I was like, there's no way, dude, because what I did was I was like, I don't know, I

(27:25):
was going to be nice.
I like literally we made him a T-shirt.
No, we really were trying to be nice.
I was trying to just be a nice dude.
We made him a T-shirt because honestly, from this at the very beginning, it's like this
is just another content creator in Austin.
Like we really didn't know that this is like all he did all the time and that a lot of
people had bad experiences.
It was like, I don't know.
We don't really know finance content on YouTube, but it seems like he's doing like a podcast

(27:49):
like might be might be cool to, you know, connect.
So you kind of just went into it cold then you like you just saw the ads and you were
like, this is this dude gives me a freaky vibes.
It's just like I didn't really try.
I was I was like, I was not.
OK, my thing was like maybe so little background about my financial situation.

(28:11):
I went to college and did computer science and worked a few fake jobs and I like have
been able to save a little bit of money.
And so like I was like he's not in a desperate situation like Caleb would prefer.
Yeah.
I like I could retire on your hands.
I have to like I have to earn income to survive or I would like run out of money really quick.
But I have like, you know, I'm fortunate enough to have a little bit of cushion.

(28:35):
And so going on, I was like, OK, maybe he'll have someone on the show who like, you know,
has like studied like quote unquote financial literacy and like the things that he likes
to preach because like I can tell you I can look at the personal finance flow chart on
Reddit and tell you what you should do with your money.
I have in theory.
Right.
But I don't think that people want to do that all the time.
That's fine.

(28:55):
But Caleb, like I was like, maybe you want to like, you know, chimp champ about finance
and talk about stuff.
I don't know.
Talk about something.
So I applied to the show.
He got back to me and I made I didn't.
I'm not going to tell my actual financial situation, but I made some documents and I
basically what I did is I basically wrote the best episode of financial audit ever for

(29:18):
him and he shit in my face when I sent it in.
And that was his night before.
That was a huge canceled on me.
Huge mistake.
12 hours before he made the biggest fucking mistake of his entire life.
Do you want to know why that was the biggest mistake?
It's because then I started you guys haven't let it go because then I started looking into

(29:38):
Caleb and was like, OK, my radar was fucking right.
This shit's weird.
This guy's weird.
Dante starts digging into it, you know, talks to a couple former guests and we're like,
here's a hat.
Yeah.
So I talked to a former guest.
Yep.
So yeah, that's what all these guys do.
The first video is like a very shallow Internet dive on Caleb Hammer, like looks at his Reddit

(30:03):
account, Discord server that doesn't exist, but probably does.
And just like Caleb in general.
But the thing that's important from the first video, I think, is the guest that I talked
to and she wishes to remain anonymous.
But there was a young lady who was on his show who said that after they filmed their
episode, Caleb gave her the one hundred dollars or whatever it was for her three hours of

(30:30):
time.
He's like, now I own you.
Yeah.
And then he offered her.
He was like, yeah, have you ever thought about doing only fans?
I think you'd be good at only fans or something like that.
And she was like, no, I'm good.
And she said that he didn't he didn't press any more on that.
But I still thought that was fucking weird.
Still think this is right after they like shot an episode of the show.
It was like I think it was via text afterwards or some sort of messaging.

(30:54):
It was via text before he paid her.
I know that because he took a while to pay her for one of the shoots, which is even weirder
if he asked before he paid her.
I thought that makes it pretty sure.
Don't quote me on that.
It's right.
Whatever is in the video.
Take a while to pay her.
It was like a which makes it feel weird.
Of course he did.
Yeah, he's like, oh, no, no, no, no.
But so OK.
So I was like, that's weird.

(31:14):
Why are we talking about sex?
This is the Money Guy Show.
Well, this isn't the Money Guy Show.
I got to say the Money Guy Show is a show on YouTube.
It is not the Money Guy Show.
I think they're too boring to be involved with this stuff.
They're so boring.
But the money guys are.
And they're they're they're homies with Caleb.
And listen, money.
So I don't know.
Maybe if you're watching this, Caleb's fucking weird.
And I don't think you want to do business with us.

(31:36):
I don't really care to do.
I don't care.
Just disassociate with that.
Great.
Just I wouldn't talk to him.
This is a weird.
It just in earnest trying to make sure people know.
And I guess some people I think do know and they just don't care, which is even grosser,
I guess.
But I'm looking at you, Graham.
Stefan.
Yeah, Graham.
Stefan.
There's no way you haven't seen one of these things.

(31:57):
I don't know.
Maybe he is just living in blissful ignorance.
He's probably in such a fucking bubble.
Probably.
Dude, and every single person who's semi like in this world, like in, you know, like an
influencer or like celebrity or an actor at all, like they are all way more self aware

(32:18):
than most people like want to give them credit.
You know, like we want to be we want to think they're blissfully naive and like, you just
can't.
It's usually they're very calculated.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And at the very least, it's like you can't be I think Malumbo mentioned something like
this in our episode, but it's like you can't be benefiting from the system that hard without

(32:40):
being aware of like how it's working for you.
Like it just in a minimum, you know, talking about monetary sense.
Like I think he phrased it as like no capitalists, like they're not naive.
They know that like this works for a certain reason.
I'm telling you, some of these clips, you know, these clips of Caleb Hammer at the end
will illustrate that fucking perfectly.

(33:03):
And whoever brings this up, like this this topic, if whoever finds the moment that I'm
thinking of right now, get 20 points.
Whose line rules?
I think that's one of the hardest things that made me or like the hardest things to make
me finally have this like realization that our world is like all bullshit and it's all

(33:24):
an illusion was just this kind of.
I just lost my train of thought.
Anyway, keep going.
We're picking up what you're saying.
So I made the video, right.
And I had 100 YouTube subscribers at the time and Caleb had, I believe it was north of 500,000.
But his YouTube video robbed Caleb the wrong way.

(33:45):
I get a DM from Caleb Hammer and he's like, yo, bro, I forget what he says.
But the conversation was basically can I?
He said, can I meet up to clear my name?
And I said, what are you talking about?
I just made a little video about you.
I don't clear your name.
And then I was like, well, because we were going to Montana.

(34:05):
We were we had a vacation plans.
We would like drive a really long way to Montana and so in the days we were and we had like
probably what?
Thirty six hours before we left and we had done a single thing for it.
And so I was like, if you can in this.
So he DMS me at like four o'clock in the afternoon.
And I said, if you can meet me tonight any time before like seven o'clock, so you get

(34:26):
the next three hours to figure this shit out.
Yeah.
But otherwise, I'm going to Montana and I'm probably going to forget about it till I get
back and then I'm not going to forget about it.
And he's not sugar coating this like Dante was was pretty it was funnily short in the
DMS with Caleb.
And I was like, I didn't care that much.
And then he was like, sure.

(34:47):
So what we did was my sister worked at a bar and it was like a cool bar and it had this
sick ass green room in this.
A lot of this is in the third video.
We'll see that if you want to watch it.
So yeah, if there's any place in these stories that you're like, hey, it feels like there's
kind of a hole here.
I'm confused.
We definitely go into detail in one of these three Caleb videos that will link and everything

(35:10):
at all.
And you know, some of my YouTube.
But we're trying to get the big hitters.
Yeah, because this isn't what the emergency podcast isn't about this.
But I feel like we have an established lore in the universe.
Yeah, we need some background.
We'll go into a deep dive at some point.
But so what happened after I made the video?

(35:30):
What was I talking about?
The green room.
Oh, the green room.
Beautiful set.
So we agreed to meet up with Caleb.
And so what I did was I had like, you know, I had a podcast set up because I don't know,
I have hobbies and I spend my money like an idiot.
Hot girls do have hobbies.
Exactly.
So I had like a camera up there.
We don't own a home, but we own a podcast set up and an embroidery machine.

(35:56):
And so he walks in, right?
We walk and we meet.
I set up this whole little podcast set up.
In the green room.
So it looked really, it looked really nice.
It looked like a professional studio.
It's so funny.
It's such a funny bit to me.
Felt like we had like a hookup with someone.
And so we go downstairs and we're waiting and you know, we have like a lemon drop shot
or something.
And then Caleb's hammer.

(36:17):
Caleb motherfucking hammer.
Oh, he also said that he was going to bring his team.
So him and his team were going to come.
So it wasn't just going to be me and him.
He didn't want to like square up.
But him and his team were going to be there.
And so he shows up with this this girl who looks like she was being held hostage in my
head.
She still does in the new blog.
You'll see in the blog, bro.
You'll see in the blog.
Dude, I feel bad for her.
And then Brandon Gorey who is Satan himself.

(36:39):
Brandon Gorey is my personal arch nemesis.
He made me when we met up with him.
Allegedly he's Satan.
Allegedly.
Hey guys, allegedly the demon.
So what I found out too is that Brandon Gorey, Brandon Gorey joined the channel at 50k subscribers
and then popped him off right away.
So Brandon knows that he's doing this shit.
Brandon Gorey set off my fighter flight.
He was given Andrew Tate level takes when we met in person.

(37:01):
Brandon Gorey is good at calculated, calculated, manipulative.
And so these people always have the best, most perfect names.
What is it?
Brandon Corey.
Corey.
He's a guy who does that.
He's a man or whatever.
Yeah.
From daily.
He's a day job or like job before Caleb was like a photographer, but he did those like

(37:24):
like it was like kind of sexy girls in underwear.
That kind of guy wasn't like a sexy photo shoot.
You know, it was like for like under like, I don't know.
It's just like modeling stuff that models do.
It was just artsy.
It was just artsy.
No, you guys don't get it.
Oh, it's weirdo dude.
I saw him rub his nipples in Caleb's newest vlog.
So he like does it the weird like tongue flicking thing.

(37:44):
He goes, yeah, if you're on the video, you guys know it's just like middle school shit.
Yeah.
So we meet up and I see these three goobers.
And so he brought his team and I brought my team and I brought Nicole and my sister because
that your team that was all those are all the girls we had at the time.

(38:07):
And so we walk them through the sisters, all the muscle you need anyway.
Truly do.
Rosy's jacked.
She could beat someone up so easy.
Oh, yeah.
So we get into the back room and they freak the fuck out and they're like, can you mute
the brain or can you mute the track on the road caster?
And then they sit down and Caleb's nervous as shit.

(38:29):
And so what we find out when we get there is I think they asked you to put the lens
cover on the camera.
They didn't believe that we weren't.
But my sister's a fucking which they should have because you weren't well, not on that
camera camera of the whole thing.
It was fucking incredible.
Are you recording?
No, bro.
I almost put it.
We weren't.
I wasn't up top.

(38:50):
Anyway, so the TLDR of the conversation is Caleb was really concerned about Zeke.
And I was like, OK, we have this point in time.
We didn't even know anything about Zeke.
We were concerned with a lot of other things.
Shortest possible.
He probably thought exactly.
At this point, all we thought that you were coming to talk about this guy.

(39:12):
And of course, you were like, OK, now we got to look into this.
Yeah, he's so dumb.
That's how it always goes.
Same with this post from today.
I feel like all he did is encourage people to look into, like, well, who's stalking him
online?
Why?
Why does he have creepy people?
Send me clout.
He didn't even have me.
I'm saying these these guys got to stop like they're just self reporting.

(39:33):
So you guys just stop and take a take a breath and like don't say anything for like a couple
hours and think about it like you will.
This will probably blow over.
But the fact that you guys can't stop like and you can't be uncomfortable for two seconds,
you're like you're like leaving a trail of bread crumbs.
Yeah, it's very dumb.

(39:53):
He sorry.
No, you're good.
You're good.
We're yappers here.
I know.
I'm just trying to I'm trying to get through the boring part.
I'm sorry.
I don't mean to derail.
No.
So Rossi had a secret record.
My sister had a secret camera in the third video.
Some of the secret camera.
Yeah, she was just like she was literally just I have my phone.
She was just like like just sitting there with her phone like this and they didn't they

(40:16):
never question their fucking idiot.
Did you tell her to do that or she's just a genius.
Anytime my sister does anything.
I've never directed my sister to do anything and she's your sister's awesome.
She is.
She's an OG hot girl and let's go.
She has a board seat.

(40:36):
You might earn one one day, Corey.
We'll see.
We got it.
Do you know he's on his 3060 90 day.
No, I'm working in my hammer works as employees.
We're all after hours right now.
You'll see.
You'll see.
Like you will fully understand why I I could never do it.

(40:56):
Caleb does and no one here could.
It's crazy.
So he he was really he wanted to talk about Zeke and all we knew about Zeke at that point
is someone posted on the subreddit saying that Caleb sexually assaulted him and I didn't
have time to look into that shit because I was packing him packing up for Montana.
But I thought it was weird.
But Caleb also said on Reddit that Zeke was a fucking crazy person and a schizo.

(41:20):
His words and obviously.
Yeah.
And so I was like, all right, dude, at the point in time, I was like, I will take your
fucking word for it.
Talk about this shit when I'm back from nature.
No, we had prepared like 12 other like questions because he agreed to do a pod.
Yeah.
We did do an interview.
And so we had prepared essentially like an interview.

(41:40):
Like I really like thought about the questions because I had serious questions about like
power dynamics and like consent in different ways.
Not like we said, we didn't know anything about Zeke at the time.
Like I thought him asking about the only fans was a weird abuse of power and like cornering
someone and coercion and all that.
And then as soon as he found out we didn't care about him, he was like, oh, God, thank

(42:03):
God.
But then he still didn't answer a single one of our other questions.
But well, he just he was happy.
No, he didn't say that.
But no, that was more like very obvious.
Of a yeah, a loud, loud sigh of especially like watching the video.
He relaxes after that and he gets in.
And so what I did is I bought Caleb a book.

(42:24):
I bought him.
It was the creepy clowns of Kalamazoo, which if you're from the state of Michigan, you
know, that is a book series written by Jonathan Rand.
We went into this interview in good faith.
I went into it in good faith and we left in good faith.
Yeah.
And then the just at the interview is Nicole fucking debate Lord Ben Shapiro, the fuck

(42:44):
out of everyone in that room.
And I played good cop.
She played bad cop.
And it worked really.
And my sister was just kind of like the she was the moderator.
Yeah, yeah, she was the moderator and she was like the employee of the bar, too.
So they didn't even know she was like with a she kind of played dumb the whole time.
And then at one point, she like made an analogy to Caleb of like because Caleb was talking

(43:06):
about it was people like consent to this.
Right.
Because that was Nicole's thing was that like people aren't really consenting to this because
you're pressuring them.
Right.
And then that was in reference to being painted as like a moron and being subjected to of
unknowingly very hateful.
He tested a guy's blood sugar on screen because he drank diabetes and was overweight.

(43:29):
Yeah.
So it's like he does he does these things and then says, well, they agreed to it like
their adults, they said that this cut was fine.
They said that it was fine.
It's like, come on.
And my sister, who was silent the whole time, just said, hey, Caleb, you know, when you
go and get like a haircut and it's a bad haircut and then you look in the mirror and you're
like, damn, this is a bad haircut.

(43:50):
But you look at the barber and you tell him it's OK.
And you go home and you go, damn, this is a bad haircut.
It's kind of like that, Caleb.
Everyone's getting a bad haircut on your show.
That's so it's so funny.
So that but we and Caleb seemed like at the end, he was like, like because Brandon is
still an asshole.
Brandon was not pleased.

(44:11):
No, Brandon.
Brandon was like yelling at Nicole and that didn't that maybe not like him.
But he was like the employee editor person.
Yeah.
Or like producer or something.
Editor, probably handler and like probably blackmailer.
These are all allegations.
I'm joking.
This is a comedy podcast, but he's probably those things to refer to Brandon as Caleb's
handler from now on.

(44:31):
But that's a joke.
It's a silly joke.
Yeah.
So we can get into theories later about how we like this.
We can let the we can let the ha pod community.
So don't say anything's a fact, but it's fun to speculate.
That is a ha pod.
Yeah, we're a little club because it's just ha ha's here.

(44:52):
Only laughs, only goofs and gaffs, goofs and goss.
Girls.
So I told you, you're such a good Caleb said these words to me.
Caleb said these exact words to you as well.
He looked us in the eyes and I asked to get a photo and Caleb was OK with getting a photo
and then Brandon vetoed it.
Because I had the creep.

(45:12):
Let me grab it.
Weird.
Yeah.
It's right there.
I see it.
The creepy clowns of Kalamazoo.
He brought this as a gift.
I brought this as a gift because the Cale's from Kalamazoo, Michigan.
And there's another one that's the gargoyles from Gaylord, which is from Gaylord.
Funny name, right?
Gaylord, haha.
But yeah, so I got Caleb's book.

(45:33):
Just like a local Michigan, our author just writes like Michigan state or Michigan city.
Yeah, there's like a bunch of Michigan chillers go hard.
That's so cool.
It's like all the little towns in Michigan.
It does like book tours at schools probably.
They're like, I feel like we read the shit out of these in like second grade.
Dude, the cover art on these things are awesome too.
Look at that shit.
Dude, that shit's awesome.

(45:54):
Fuck Harry Potter.
Actually, fun fact, I forgot we did this.
We at one point, I'm pretty sure we have an email out still to the artist of the cover
art being like, can we like, literally just want to make a t-shirt of one of the covers.
I don't care.
We don't sell anything.
I literally, I just want to make shirts for myself.

(46:17):
Anyway, do you want to talk?
You can keep talking about Caleb.
I think this is going to be the most long, but best one we've ever had.
Yeah.
This is, it's an emergency episode.
It's the first emergency episode.
We don't know how long it's going to go.
There are no rules for emergency episodes.
There are no rules for emergency episodes.
Yeah.
Emergency's unpredictable.
So we left that in good faith because Caleb was down, I wanted to get a little picture

(46:40):
of my buddy Caleb because at the end of the conversation, we agreed that in two weeks
when I was back from Montana, we would exchange contact information and then we would conversate
when he got back and then we would do a little conversation.
We would talk.
We would have fun.
It was cool about it.
And we left that conversation thinking that Nicole and Caleb could be like the new frenemies.

(47:00):
I was willing to give him a chance.
I give everyone a chance.
I really am not like that cynical about humans.
I really believe that humans are like good natured.
I think there's just a lot of like shitty external forces at play.
Because why did we think that?
Caleb said the words.
Sorry, I didn't interrupt you.
He also did promise he was going to be better.

(47:21):
Caleb promised to be better.
He did.
He promised us.
We have that on video.
And then Caleb also said he looked at both of us when he stayed in the room after Brandon
and the hostage girl were leaving the room.
And Caleb said, dude, he literally said, he said like, you I'm trying to I don't want

(47:41):
to fuck his words.
He looked me in the eyes and he said, like, you trust me, you and I would agree on 99%
of most things or something along.
It was very close to that wording.
And I was like, oh, maybe Brandon's the problem and Caleb getting taken advantage of.
So we really were trying to give him benefit of the doubt.
It's that same thing where it's like, I want to believe you don't know what you're doing.

(48:04):
And maybe you're just this was a good wake up call for you and you're going to change
your ways.
But because the will the first and his early episodes of the show, they weren't super negative.
They were pretty like his first couple seemed more earnest.
It was just like before he popped off.
It was just like, well, OK.
Well, that's not a great way to do that.

(48:24):
And it was more Brandon probably got involved.
Literally, Brandon showed up at 50K and then he went to Caleb Moon because he started rage
baiting because they hit the Fed button.
The Fed hit that Fed flag.
Hit it.
Hit that juice button.

(48:44):
They say here have one million followers.
You can tell them exactly you can tell them anything you want as long as it's pro owning
human human beings again.
Whatever you say, as long as it's pro capitalist, we can get to the end goal of owning human

(49:07):
beings again.
Yeah.
That's where we're going.
That's the vibe.
God bless America.
I love this place.
I love it here.
So that's what happened.
We went to Montana at a good time and then fucking Roger happened and we didn't really
pay.
Not distracted, rightfully so.
I got distracted.
I love that you guys just insert yourselves into this drama.

(49:29):
It's the best and it's not.
It's always because let me clarify something right here because I've been called a cloud
chaser.
I've been called a fucking cloud chaser.
No.
OK.
The problem guys, listen up.
Attention is valuable.
We live in an attention economy.
When I see a bad person getting a lot of attention, especially a lot of positive, naively given

(49:53):
attention and they're like feeding off of things that I can just see from a mile away,
I'm going to call it out and it's going to probably pop a little more because they're
they have a follower.
But like that's the point.
I'm trying to reach those people and warn them.
It's always for like good reasons.
We don't want bad people to be the spokespeople for like especially I'm very concerned about

(50:15):
like younger people and like read and especially like in Caleb's instance, it's like I mean,
he's had a lot of guests that are like 18, 19, 20 and that Zeke is like 20.
Like they're not technically kids, but that's such a vulnerable demographic that I just
can't care so much about that.

(50:37):
And they're feeding off that Mr. Beast trough.
They just got hand delivered from the pipeline.
So who's Zeke?
It is bro.
So the second video is when Zeke enters the picture and Zeke was a former guest of Caleb
on his show.
19 at the time.
19 at the time.
Cool dude.
Zeke's my guy.

(50:58):
We've talked to him quite a few times now.
Zeke's gonna be on the show.
That'll probably be a good episode after this.
Friend of the show.
Yeah, Zeke's already a friend of the show.
So yeah, you'll hear from him.
Basically what Zeke alleges, I don't really know how to say this, but Zeke alleges a sexual

(51:20):
assault after he went on the show and the videos go, the second and third video go really
far really deep into that.
And the second video also.
Can I just also say quick?
We found his, I guess, quote, testimony to us very credible.
But then, if you don't trust us, whatever, second opinion, senior reporter at Business

(51:42):
Insider, who allegedly from our perspective and our opinion is working on a piece about
some of the things we're talking about right now with Caleb.
She, that's what I was about to say.
She interviewed Zeke and also found his story very credible and told us that outright.
And so just know that as we mentioned Zeke, if you see Caleb bots online saying, no, Zeke

(52:05):
is crazy.
That's what Caleb says.
And Zeke has done some things that, you know, we don't need to get into it, but Zeke has
done a couple of things that were low key kind of bad.
It's all addressed, but he was going through it.
It doesn't change the fact that he's reacting.
There's no perfect victim.
Yes, that's it goes back to the no perfect victim thing.
Anytime he would post online, Caleb bots would come in and flood his shit.

(52:29):
He was like, he was doing, he was going through it.
That's how they always win to the, you know, they, they call you crazy and you, they say
you're nuts and they gasp, like the shit out of you with Roger.
And they do that because they think that they have the power, you know, and they normally
do.

(52:50):
If this is all we were really going to talk about, this will give you all you need to
know about.
So this is posted by Zeke.
Thank you.
You are going to say what Zeke alleges, right?
Yeah.

(53:10):
Not necessarily in, essentially here's the TLDR.
Is it just like, is it through text?
No, Caleb touched his leg is what Zeke said.
Touch his leg and then touch his genital area.
Yeah.
But then also you'll hear these messages.
Yeah.
But it was all the, the other thing that matters here is that it was for money.
There was a monetary exchange.

(53:31):
He offered him money for it.
He offered him money for it.
He said, it is for.
That feels like a federal crime.
Can we get a Fed in here?
After the show.
I'm looking for a Fed.
After they filmed, Zeke needed the money to get home.
His car had no gas and he had no money in his fucking bank account.
He had no money to get home.
So he's broke as shit.
And Caleb was offering him a hundred bucks to be on financial audit.

(53:51):
He did the show and then he did the money.
Guys, the people, yeah, the people who are willing to accept coming to like whatever shitty
place Caleb lives in and like doing that for a hundred dollars are already people who are,
you know, more vulnerable.
You know, so this is like a pattern.

(54:12):
This is like, it's not even a pattern.
It's like a program.
It's specifically crafted almost.
It's like a king.
Yeah.
It's weird.
And they, they use this in all different sorts of industries and stuff, you know, they, they
do this for like people who want to model or, you know, this is like people who want
to maybe be creators or actors.

(54:34):
And then Jeffrey Epstein's whole thing would, would do this to people who wanted to be artists.
Yup.
They would say, oh, you're going to hang out with the getties.
Right with this stuff.
Yeah.
It's all music.
Oh yeah.
Sorry.
We didn't finish the Zeke story.
Sorry.
No, no, no.
I just want to quickly finish the Zeke story.
Me and Corey are going to be quiet for like five minutes.
Okay.

(54:55):
We'll be quiet for a second, but we're going to listen to it.
We'll react and then we'll be quiet again.
Zeke at the end of their shoot, he still hadn't gotten the money and Zeke said, or Zeke says
that Caleb effectively approached him, offered him money for favors.
And then eventually it got down to Zeke said that Caleb said he asked if he could for a

(55:20):
hundred bucks put his hand on his thigh.
This is after he's he'd been pestering Zeke allegedly.
And so pan on his thigh and Zeke said, fucking fine, dude, I need to go home.
Like I need to be done with it.
And then hand on the thigh.
And then he played that game that was like three, two, one or 10.
He counted backwards and like did the nervous thing that I remember like kids in middle
school would do.
It always weirded me out.

(55:40):
Guess the state.
Yeah, something like that.
And so he's like working his way up his leg.
And then at the end of it, he like grabbed him in his spot and then threw the money at
him.
And he's like, fuck, what the fuck are you doing, dude?
That's fucked up.
Don't do that.
And he alleges that this was being recorded.
Yeah, but we can get into that later.
It's a secret camera allegedly.

(56:01):
So, um, and he's got cameras in every room.
Okay, play the audio message.
All right.
So here's the here's an audio message because Zeke and Caleb went back and forth for a little
while because Zeke was owed a bunch of money.
And this is an audio message that Caleb sent to Zeke.
So this you'll get what's going on.

(56:22):
Maybe this will be easier if I just send a voice thing.
Um, I think I understand where you're coming from.
Uh, and that's why I offered to cover your gas because I know that it's kind of inconvenient.
I just think from our conversation the other day, like I can tell you're a cool dude.
And I want to like, if there's anything, any connections that I have, which I've built

(56:44):
a lot of connections in Austin, anything that I'm able to kind of link you to, you know,
I definitely want to be helpful.
The main reason I haven't wanted to have this conversation via text is what conversation
sorry.
Um, one, I'm not used to only fans straight up.
All right.
One quick thing about Caleb is he burps.

(57:06):
He always is talking and he's got like the worst as a reflux.
And I feel like that's a simple anxiety.
He's probably anxious because he's doing some crazy shit.
Oh, for sure.
Dude, one million, no, like literally I'm, I've watched all the vlogs that he's uploaded
because he started uploading vlogs and he just always like, I'm like, bro, they know

(57:29):
what they're doing is wrong.
They, they know that it's bad and they have forgiven themselves and for gone their morals.
So they can accept money.
All right, let's get back to the, they said it's worth it for money.
Yeah.
I keep playing.
Uh, you know, I'm a personal finance dude.
I don't really know anything about that.
Uh, two, I'm straight.

(57:52):
I'm like 90% straight.
I literally fooled around because I'm open minded.
Um, and you know, when you get drunk, whatever, but you know, so, and this is like, okay,
one more thing here.
I've been wanting to do this in analysis of this for a while.
So you just gotta let me cook on this one.
We're not going to play the whole thing through.
Um, so I just did the, I'm like Caleb.

(58:15):
Um, um, so he says he's about 90% straight, but when you get drunk, whatever, you fool
around with your friends.
Caleb, Caleb, people who are straight, honey from, from, from a, from a bi person.

(58:38):
It's okay.
It's okay.
I think we're all a little bit.
That's the sweet guys, but yeah, Caleb, that being said, it's okay.
It's okay.
It's fine.
We're not going to label you here.
Cause that's rude.
But you know that Caleb has an imaginary girlfriend.
We'll tell it, talk to all about it.
I don't believe she's real.
The story of like everything about it.

(58:59):
It just doesn't feel real to me.
Anyway, you know, a man on man thing.
Uh, but essentially, you know, so, and this is like, um, you know, a man on man thing.
Uh, but essentially I think, well, from the conversation I had with him, the pay will
be dependent on what you're willing to do and what you're willing to do is set by you.

(59:21):
So what he would like to do, you every time he says he's self employed.
Yeah.
Every time he says he just imagine he's it's Caleb with a mustache on.
Yeah.
Cause it's, I don't believe there's another person.
And if there is, that feels even more like trafficking, bro.
If it is another person that feels weirder, but I think it's, it's him.

(59:43):
He's he's just feels like trafficking.
We've been saying that, but you can't say that word without Roger Clay.
They're fucking tying them up and like throwing them in a closet.
Although they were not a red room.
My face is so red right now.
I hate him so much.
Okay.
Keep going.

(01:00:04):
Keep going.
You guys make out.
Oh, do that.
Okay.
So they make out.
I would throw up if I received this message from.
Sorry.
We'll go back because I want you to understand the whole.
Can you imagine ever, ever in your life, even if I wanted to do this, if I was the type
of person that was like, I'm going to ask someone who I just met, who I have a, who

(01:00:27):
I have power over to do only fans.
And I'm going to describe all of the things that I want them to maybe possibly do.
Would you ever record that in a motherfucking voice message and send it to a person?
No.
Oh, really?
You know what?
Zeke has on Caleb.
Caleb has resources and this is kind of like, like this is all a big metaphor for a massage

(01:00:52):
because every episode, Zeke is just a fucking zoomer.
Dude.
Yeah.
Zeke is just a zoomer.
He's awesome.
And I want to point out, we can laugh about this voice message because I have laughed
about this voice message with Zeke.
Yeah.
Zeke has done some healing.

(01:01:12):
Zeke is a survivor.
Yeah.
He feels good about talking about it now and feels.
What's up Zeke?
All right.
He wants the story out.
Yeah.
He wants people to know about it.
So tell your friends and tell your mother.
Watch out for Caleb Hammer.
Will be dependent on what you're willing to do and what you're willing to do is set by
you.
What he would like to do, you guys make out.

(01:01:33):
He would like to do that.
What you guys, what he would like you guys to do, him fill you up.
He would like to do that.
You can say no about any of these.
He would like to play with your dick and see that.
That's why I didn't want to type this out either.
Because that's like weird for me to say.
I don't, you know, so weird for me to say.

(01:01:54):
He wants to.
Sorry.
I'm Caleb.
I've never heard of sex.
Oh, sorry.
I don't know anything about this.
I just don't know.
You can hear that.
Right.
Yeah.
Bro, at least if you texted this to someone, you'd be able to have the plausible deniability
that like someone took your phone out of your hands and typed it.
You voice message dude.
He's going to come back with it.
Yeah, I was just going to say that.

(01:02:15):
I was going to say he's going to come in with a it's it's an AI generated fake message.
Brother.
I want to run it back because I want to hear that again and see that.
That's why I didn't want to type this out either.
Because that's like weird for me to say, I don't know.
It's not like we're friends or anything.
But that's what he wants to do.

(01:02:36):
It's not like we're friends or anything.
It's not like we're friends.
We're talking about my friend.
To give you a blowjob.
I give you a blowjob.
My friend wants to.
I hate it.
He needs to have no advertisers on his podcast.
All of Caleb's advertisers would make more money if they were on our podcast.
Honestly, I'll plug some rocket money.

(01:02:57):
Was he again?
Caleb 19.
Zeke is 19.
Caleb's like 28 at the time of this.
Yeah, probably at the time.
One of the 27 28.
Please.
I was also told and confirmed with them that your face would be hidden, blurted out and
hidden.
Your identity would be hidden.
That's what we do to all the traffic.

(01:03:20):
We tried literally we were trying so hard to find his little niche podcast at one point
or his only fans that doesn't exist.
We don't know.
We cannot confirm.
This was like a yeah.
If this was like a ring of sorts that like happened, what is this for like personal reasons

(01:03:45):
or is this like for Caleb?
I think yeah.
I don't know.
I think if it was my opinion, I think that Caleb is Caleb's a weirdo for himself.
Like he's in it for something that he's not supposed to be doing.
Maybe it's a little Jeffrey Epstein.
I think he's a little bull.
Maybe if you want to.
I don't know.
We're not claiming any.

(01:04:06):
Oh, he's soliciting him.
Wait, sorry.
We would never claim anything on this comedy podcast.
Here's some solicit.
And then if you wanted to give a blowjob, you could again, you would make more from
that.
And, you know, he would eat your butt and you would make more for that.
You know, as well, you can say no, you know, you could top him.

(01:04:31):
He could talk to you.
The way he's so casual, dude.
He's like he I could cut your arm off and eat part of it too.
You would get more and you can say no if you want Mr.
Beast vibe of no, they all they want to be in the videos.
We'll do it.
People, people, people.
Everyone has a price for anything.

(01:04:52):
Mr.
Beast said that at one point that every person has a price.
Yeah.
Yes.
It's fucked up.
That's gross.
You could top you.
Anyway, you know, you could top him.
He could top you.
Whatever you're willing to do comes with more money, but you could literally do nothing.

(01:05:14):
You could literally just lay back and let him just touch you for the video.
I hate this so much.
Subscribers love that.
You'd get paid for it.
Stop.
And, you know, there's things that I think.
OK, so real quick, we got a scavenger hunt because I can't find it.
If he so he calls himself finance daddy on like Reddit and stuff, which feels a little
sexual to me.

(01:05:35):
If anybody could find like like if anyone can find if Caleb Hammer is on a sex work
site, someone's got to find it.
That's all I'm saying.
I'm not going to look, but someone's got to find it.
I did look at one point, but I gave up because I had other things I was looking into.
That was when like Forbes deal was hot and Austin Russell, Austin Russell.
Yeah, bro.
Guys, there will be an Austin Russell episode.

(01:05:58):
Don't worry.
You'll learn all about him.
It's fun.
But yeah, he's going to have his downfall this year.
So that was the the message.
And so someone also made a subreddit r slash creepy Caleb Hammer.
And when we say someone, we're not just joking this time being like someone made a post.
No, someone random made this.
It was not us.
It's fucking awesome.
We do participate frequently in it now.

(01:06:19):
OK, so it's funny.
I think everybody gets the idea of this new Caleb shit.
So now we got to go into the old Caleb shit.
Yeah, here is the most recent Caleb.
So this is a new channel called now.
Now this is time for a presentation.
Let me pull this shit up, Jamie.
All right, Jamie, pull that shit up.

(01:06:45):
Can you see the whole screen?
Yeah.
Cool.
So this is from a new channel.
It's a new channel and it's called it's called Caleb Hammer Fun and Clips.
OK, and it's them.
It's not like a fan channel.
No, it's it's them.
It's their vlog.
And so this is the first clip that I pulled from it.
And so this is when they get a new vlog rig.

(01:07:06):
And so it's funny when I say vlog rig.
What do I mean?
I mean, like the camera.
Yep.
And so you would think when you're vlogging, I'm thinking nimble.
I'm thinking a small camera that's good enough.
Doesn't really need to do four K while I'm flogging.
Shit. I want to like a shotgun mic on it.
You know, it's like a submachine gun and call of duty.

(01:07:27):
You know, I don't need the AK 47 when I'm just shooting shit with my friend.
And so he gets the camera that he bought, I believe, was a Sony FX 30.
That is a three thousand dollar camera.
And it's heavy.
Not like the first thing when you look up, don't vlog.
And you're going to see in the in the footage, you can't tell that this was filmed on like a nice.

(01:07:52):
Well, because the thing with these cameras is if you don't know how to use them, they actually look worse.
Yeah, they're not user friendly.
That's why I like at a certain point paying more doesn't get you better.
If you're not. Yeah. If you don't know.
Why do you think people like iPhones are so good at video because it's just fucking plug and play.
You just tap start. Yeah.
So here's a clip of their new vlog rig.

(01:08:15):
Get you out.
Yeah. And there's no question in the corner.
That's weird. Why do they have lighting?
Yeah. Great lighting on the way. What are you looking at?
The secret camera in the corner that's in their office.
Yeah. What's right. What is that?
What's going on? That's why you're a weird partition.
Oh, that's a whiteboard. Yeah.

(01:08:37):
One's isn't. That's OK.
And we got money.
Dude, everyone is like this.
I feel what is the deal with everyone who has security cameras reporting their homes?
That guy was just like, OK, and you've got the condor bullying him about the point of this one.
This is a warm up for what we're getting into.
The point of this is that if you look at the camera that he got, it is you can't really tell that well, but it is fucking massive.

(01:09:03):
And honestly, Brandon's even kind of clowning him for he's like, bro, they told they stole your fucking money.
Only time Brandon's made a good joke.
I wouldn't say that unless Brandon has like an equity ownership in Caleb's company, I don't think that Brandon is like anywhere near as much of a capitalist as Caleb.
Brandon's just like a scumbag worker, I guess, or like he's like management maybe.

(01:09:26):
Andrew Tate type of mentality.
But Caleb is just such a capitalist.
Or like he gets like 90K a year and he thinks he's like bought.
Hot fucking shit. Yeah.
So and then, you know, Brandon actually does fix the camera because I think one thing about Brandon is that man knows cameras.
What he's got going on and knows his cameras.
So he fixes the camera does not know empathy, though.

(01:09:49):
But. And so which one is Brandon again, the one on the left or right?
OK, so Brandon is the one on the left.
Another piece of lore about all this that we're going to deal see it is that he's the one who was like Brandon's.
So he's the one who was like, oh, I'm going to go to the left.
You guys when you were there.
And it was an asshole.
My girlfriend. Fuck you, Brandon.
Brandon made me so angry at one point that I had to leave the room and I don't drink.

(01:10:14):
And I went and took a shot because we were at a bar because I was like, I need to go do a lap.
And then I walked down to the bar and was like, I don't know.
I guess I don't know.
I literally never drink.
Oh, you're fucking cool.
Oh, you want a trophy?
Yeah, I don't drink shots.
And drinking should be exclusively reserved for like weddings and like special, special occasions or like my friends are in town.

(01:10:38):
I haven't seen them in a year.
That's when I'll party hard with I see my friends smoke weed all.
Yeah.
Oh, and endorse that.
But so now this next one is so the title of this video is my entire company is a failure, which is so funny.
This one is when this is this so this is new Lauren, Caleb, this other editor here from the other video, this one, not Brandon.

(01:11:03):
He's only there for a check.
And this is you'll see.
We're here.
And we're just we're just going to find out.
I want to talk to you over here sitting in the red room.
Wow.
Ten thousand is this is the worst blog ever.
All the footage is awful.

(01:11:27):
I.
So in the way he's so annoyed with you literally says I'm trying to work.
Try to work.
Dude, this is also like message us, dude.
We want to help you.
We'll find you a better creator to work for.
You know, and if we ever make money one day, come work with us.
But I don't want to promise Matt.

(01:11:48):
And we won't promise you a job.
There's like an etiquette that most people, you know, most editors and stuff, they want to be editors.
You know, they're not there to be on camera talent.
Yeah.
An on camera talent is like a different skill set.
It's a different thing.
And most people are not willing, you know, just trying to do that.

(01:12:12):
So it's like kind of taking advantage already to be putting your people who are behind the scenes on camera.
And he's clearly uncomfortable with it.
Yeah.
And I was going to say, just being in the editing zone, like that's being pulled out of that is so fucking annoying.
Like if you're trying to get a video with headphones on, like that's a that's a solo tap on the shoulder.

(01:12:38):
When I have headphones on, if I'm editing something long form, if you tap my shoulder, please be as good of a reason as Nicole usually has.
Yeah, usually is pretty good.
And definitely don't have a camera on my face.
Oh, that was a good reason.
We can't talk about that.

(01:12:59):
No, that's all I'm going to say.
No, no, no.
Legal reasons.
Yeah, no, no, no, no more about that.
So this one is when he, that editor that we just gave some lore on, just we just find out he stayed all night.
He just sleep, he's slept here on the couch.
Slept here on the couch.
You're covering your face.
It's funny.
It's not funny.
No, because they like set up these unrealistic expectations.

(01:13:23):
You got to watch this interaction.
Okay.
I'm covering my glasses.
Oh, okay.
I'm watching your video right now.
Yeah.
It's pretty good, pretty good video.
So I heard there's a rumor.
What's the rumor?
That Mika and Brandon stayed here all last night again.
That's a true rumor.
True rumor.

(01:13:44):
Why?
Well, circumstances.
What happened?
Circumstances.
Yeah, what could those circumstances possibly be?
Possibly their boss demanding too much of them and expecting too much and he's going
to yell if they don't get something done because we see that in another clip.
Oh, dude, this is just the beginning.
He just proudly shows that he does it.

(01:14:05):
Yeah.
This is, their upload, my goal with this is to get them to stop uploading their little
stupid vlogs.
Because he said they're uploading every week and maybe three days a week.
True, like you said.
Hour and 15 minute long documentary of a day in the life of a Caleb Hammer employee.
And it gets worse.
It gets worse.
It gets miserable.
That can't be a thing.
You guys are going to burn out.

(01:14:26):
Dude.
You're working too hard motherfucker.
Nah, it's just so annoying.
You're too committed.
You're too committed to the grind.
The Premiere thing really is just so annoying.
Premiere?
Is this the software you want to use?
No, it's the same project file still.
That was the same video where we couldn't use Premiere.
Oh, it's corrupt.
Yeah.
So time went back and forth.
How'd you guys get it finished if it actually went out though?

(01:14:50):
What's it called?
I did everything I needed to in After Effects and then any changes for the final thing, I
did it out there on After Effects in that PC.
So I didn't have to.
Motherfucker.
You guys can not be here.
Yeah, no.
It's insane.
It's the last time.
It should be, yeah.
Notice he doesn't say go home.

(01:15:12):
Like, first thing, if I'm Caleb and my people happen to stay all night, God forbid I ever
have my people.
But if I had people that worked for me and I was exploiting them, like Caleb exploits
his workers and I found out they stayed all fucking night to produce my shitty dogshit

(01:15:34):
bottom tier financial audit broadcast, it's on a strict Monday, Wednesday, Friday schedule,
I'd say, all right, bro, go home.
Is that crazy?
No.
I don't think that's that crazy.
No, dude.
That's a really reasonable thing to say.
I've come up under a lot of shitty shitty bosses and I've always like swore to myself

(01:15:55):
that I would be a good boss and I've learned everything from all the bad ones.
But you've got to think about, you know, just put yourself in other people's shoes, you
know?
And when you're telling someone to do something, you should be willing to do that and know
how to do that.
And that's a common theme in this video, dude, is Caleb is not once ever.

(01:16:17):
I never saw Caleb ever one time in this hour and 15 minutes of this whole thing.
Every good boss I've ever had, every good manager, whatever, has been the reason they're
good is because I know that they will help me if I need help.
They're not like a technical problem.
This entire video is them stressing over technical problems.

(01:16:38):
Caleb never once ever got his hands dirty ever.
What the fuck is he going to do?
He like went to Best Buy and spent the money on stuff.
That's all he did.
He literally all he does is supply like he didn't start this from.
He didn't start this from like the love of the game.
He wasn't like, oh, I like video editing and I want to create content.
He actively talks about how he doesn't even like being on camera recording videos.

(01:17:01):
He doesn't even like doing this.
I'm like, why are you doing it then?
Like he just money is high on finance videos.
That's the only reason why.
So basically, I'm going to I'm going to go grab a snack.
But you keep telling Corey about this.
I'll be right back.
Me a snack.
Yeah.
Well, I was no I was going to eat it out there because I don't want to eat on the mic.
OK, I'll keep telling you.

(01:17:23):
You keep talking.
When you come back in, can you bring like a diarrhea?
OK.
Thank you very much.
So that's right, woman.
Get your man a beer.
Well, make me a sandwich.
Robert.
Light mayo, please.

(01:17:46):
OK, so yeah, so we find out his editor stayed all night, which I don't know.
He said it's one off thing circumstances.
I don't buy it.
And so this is the here's the new guy that we're trying to save from Caleb just to establish some lore in the Caleb Hammer universe with our people.
So this is the guy that I DM when I when he he did his own little stupid financial audit.

(01:18:13):
And what my impression of him is that he just seems like a pretty normal guy who wants to make content or be involved.
He doesn't need to be the face of it, but he's open to be, you know, he just kind of wants to be in the space.
Give a final review of your video before coming in.
What are your thoughts?
You were like, I love it.
Well, I think I come across as pretty cranky, but I always I always come across as pretty cranky.

(01:18:36):
I think our dynamic is great because like I think you're a little cranky and I'm usually just like very excited.
I don't know why I'm so cranky.
I don't think I am.
But then on videos, I am.
But anyway, I think it's because I'm annoying.
What do you think?
I love it.
I'm stoked.
Your video coming out.
Like, I don't know.
I think that it's a little sad that I'm a 27 year old man who has no money and who's been living on a credit card.

(01:18:59):
That to me is awesome.
That's poor guy.
That's like Americans.
Yeah, but like that's not.
Did you pause it or did it?
Did it pause?
Did it freeze or did?
Yeah, it's not playing right now.
I am better than that.
It just stopped like.
Well, I paused it and redid it.
So I'll redo the stream.
Share your screen.

(01:19:22):
I'll edit this out.
Not.
But yeah, dude, that's that I feel bad for that.
You know, get the gist.
And he's like this.
You see, this is like a pattern, right?
It's like the people who are young and like or, you know, he's not super young, but he's like young at heart.

(01:19:45):
He's trying to like get into this thing.
He said himself that he's broke.
Well, did I say how he got the job?
No, what actually caused him to get the job?
I didn't hear that.
So he he like made a video on his YouTube channel, which is like he's got like for free probably.
Well, it wasn't like Caleb didn't ask.
He just did it.

(01:20:06):
It was like him doing it.
So he obviously has like some kind of drive, right?
He's like motivated, which is good.
And the video, I didn't particularly care for it, but I could tell it was it wasn't bad.
You know, there's a difference between content that I like because the content was kind of sucking.
Caleb, if we're being real.
Yeah, but it was a well put together video and he's probably trying to get a job.

(01:20:27):
Yeah, he was trying to show his editing skills.
He's trying to do that.
Yeah, which is good.
I fucking I like this guy.
He seems like a decent dude.
I wouldn't mind working with him.
I think he would be a good colleague.
He's just misguided for liking Caleb.
And so he likes Caleb, but I don't think he knows why.
And so that's why I DM him.
And so we want to save him.
We want to save this guy from.

(01:20:48):
And so here is the one no no.
I know what I think is his name.
No, I know.
No, I hear.
Yeah, he seems really sweet.
Seems just like a sweet guy who knows what he's doing with fucking editing and shit or not editing.
I don't know if he edits.
He's like a producer, the junior producer on Caleb Hammer Show.
And Caleb makes doing over a million dollars a year with his YouTube channel.

(01:21:13):
And he pays a guy 50 grand a year.
Plus, oh, he's got up to the company does well.
He can get up to one hundred thousand, which means like he might get 60.
Bro, go and do your own thing.
Stream by yourself.
You do not need Caleb Hammer.
He is a anchor.
I will do it if you can be on the show.

(01:21:34):
If you see this, I invite you on the show anyway.
So can you see the new one?
Yeah.
So the new the next part of the video is this is like a lunch and learn and there is no silverware.
Nice.
This is my chipotle though.
All right.
This should be enough.
There's not a silver.

(01:21:55):
No, no.
I like once I get started, you're going against everything.
Brandon probably told them last night.
There are no silverware.
Yeah, that you're not allowed to eat.
No silverware seems like a cool guy.
Which one's Brandon?
Which one you talk about?

(01:22:16):
Wait, he said Brandon.
Brandon's the guy that you guys were.
Yeah, one on the line.
Nicole, right?
Yeah.
Yeah, the one on the left is Brandon.
No, he just said he just said it's probably everything that the opposite of everything that Brandon told you last night because they're saying like just eat whenever you want.
Why haven't you eaten?
Yeah, you should eat like because I was working.

(01:22:42):
I feel like Brandon does a lot of cocaine, but that's all speculation.
Are they staying all night?
Are you staying up all night, Brandon?
I got to go to sleep.
I'm a sleepy boy.
All these Silicon Valley guys.
They're like, oh, I got to sleep.
Yeah, I can't imagine like I'm pretty open about it.
I have an Adderall prescription.

(01:23:03):
I don't know how people can take more than like 10 milligrams in a day.
Yeah, I'm just trying to get a couple things done.
Like they're all brainwacked to like Elon Musk isn't even doing any.
What is he?
Well, that's what it feels like when you're on stimulants.
The more you take, the more it feels like you do.
That is what it is, dude.

(01:23:25):
Yeah.
You ever talk to cokeheads at 3 a.m.?
Yeah, except it's yeah, it's worse because they like I feel like they're high functioning cokeheads.
At least you're like, okay, wackadoodle.
But these guys, they've been getting around.
I'd say Elon's a cokehead. I would classify him as a cokehead.
Yeah, for sure.
I mean, yeah, they're all just like on these.

(01:23:46):
Yeah, exactly.
Well, they're all on the new like designer speeds, I'm sure.
Yeah.
So, yeah, the point of that is like maybe maybe we didn't quite appreciate it.
Caleb here.
The way he says, there's no silverware.
I like once I get started, you're going against interrupts everybody, by the way.

(01:24:12):
They're talking, talking about their diets or whatever.
Everything Brandon probably told them last night.
Is there no silverware?
That's another clip.
Yeah, we got a sound anybody sign.
Oh, diet root beer.
Let's fucking go, dude.
I could go for a Rudy to Rudy duty.

(01:24:39):
Nicole, can you come get me a Rudy to.
Oh, okay. Yeah, I'll grab you one.
Thank you.
He spawns a diet.
Let the boys talk.
Yeah, I hope you guys didn't get us into.
So Caleb's an asshole at work a little bit.
That was like an intro. That could be a bit, but I don't think it is.
So this is Clara.

(01:25:08):
Find it real quick.
Dude, I feel bad for Clara.
I think she's being held hostage if we're being real allegedly.
But so this is this is the very least she got in and didn't realize it until she was too deep.
Yes.
This is after so they once earlier in the video, they had a debate.
I couldn't find the clip when I was looking earlier, but I know it's there.

(01:25:29):
They said that Clara had stayed there for four straight days.
Like, what? This is that nice young lady that was just.
Yeah, I did. No, I'm telling you, she looks.
It's all just young, earnest people.
Look at this shit.
This is crazy. This is such a pattern.
Wait, is it playing yet?

(01:25:51):
Because it's frozen.
Fucking hell. Yeah. Technical difficulties while it's gone.
Yeah. Oh, no.
Oh, no. We're fine.
A little second.
It's OK. Maybe maybe this time.
Well, now we don't really need the soundboard, so I'm going to just share the chrome window.
Yeah, go for it. Yeah.

(01:26:15):
Can you see that? Now is it full screen?
Let's go. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Are you still here? What are you still here?
I'm helping redact documents.
I can build up the spreadsheet for tomorrow.
No. Why are you still here?
I've got Mike's documents that we need to make a spreadsheet for.
How much longer are you guys going to be here?
I'm going to be too. Yelling at.

(01:26:39):
Fuck. Like, why is he?
That would put me in fight or flight, dude.
Like, so clearly, he's like, not not like going over this with them beforehand.
Right. No, it doesn't feel like no, because the thing I was telling this to Nicole earlier.
This is so funny to me because like it's not a earlier.

(01:27:02):
His response is not.
Can you guys like take a break or can you guys like go home for a little bit and come back later?
Like nothing even like.
Can I get you guys some food, something like that?
It's like, oh, fuck, you're still here.
Oh, my God. What am I going to do?
You do such a good impersonation of him.
I heard I heard. I don't give a shit.

(01:27:24):
All right. Let's listen again.
Let's listen to it again.
Yeah, the rendering machine.
Why are you still here?
Hey, you emergency episode.
Why are you still here? Why are you still here?
I'm helping redact documents.
I can build up the spreadsheet.
OK, if you're going to work for 50 grand a year.

(01:27:47):
OK, I'm fine.
Prickle dick.
No, why are you still here?
I'm still here because I just started and she's still here.
So I'm literally literally like I'm not allowed to.
Hey, Caleb, you show up at any time, Caleb.
There his employees should unionize.
We'll help you guys. Let us know the Caleb Hammer Union.

(01:28:10):
This is an hour and 13 minute.
I'm not even showing my right.
So the beauty of this video, we could never we could.
I could never do it justice.
The only way to watch this is with no distractions.
Dude, and I want to zoom in on this document that he's redacting
and get a copy of it before it's redacted.

(01:28:31):
Like, it's probably just financial statements, honestly,
because I feel like that's just like they get everyone's unredacted
statements and then they'll redact pages to like put up in the episode.
But sometimes they've messed up and then people have been like dogs somewhere.
That's so funny. That is funny.
So release the documents, Caleb.
I've got Mike's documents that we need to make a spreadsheet for.

(01:28:55):
How much longer are you guys going to be here?
How much longer are you guys still going to be here?
How much longer are you going to be here?
I'm really hard by the fact that you are working for me.
How much longer?
And then they go, I'm going to be two hours.
Fuck. God damn it.
Oh, fuck. Oh, look at her face.

(01:29:18):
What? You want the? Yeah.
It's green. Like, she.
Did you like? Yeah, you can probably just green screen this out.
You don't know what we're passing right now.
What are you saying, Corey?
If you're doing, you know, if you're going to do this,
you need to talk to them first and it's clear that they didn't like prank stuff is not cool.
You know, you know what?

(01:29:39):
Doing this to your employees is like an abuse of power.
Yeah. I think that he's doing.
Well, OK, here's my thing. Look at her face.
No, and even if he is doing a bit like full benefit of the doubt, even if he is doing a bit,
I know for a fact the way he would have approached it is he walked in 10 seconds before this and went,
hey, guys, I'm going to come in here and pretend to be angry with you.

(01:30:00):
And they but they actually have been there for that long.
And they're like, OK. And he's like, well, they said, OK, and they're adults.
So I'm going to do it. Yep. That's his logic.
I don't have your page.
Like, dude, if I was ever in a position where like I was someone's employer.
I would be like scared of them, you know, like like you have to write like because I know what they they have all the power.

(01:30:24):
I would do everything in my power to keep them happy. Yeah.
You know that I don't know if people who don't work, though, I don't think that they do know that.
I think that people who have just skated through, they they don't know that.
So they just think that I'm the person who's in this position and I'm owed all the power.
I'm owed all of the allegiance. I'm owed every I'm owed all of your time.

(01:30:47):
You're going to do something like this. You do it as like you do it in the morning like the beginning of the day and you fake it.
Yeah. You don't do this at the end of them clearly working 20 hours straight.
And then you literally I bet he shut the fucking camera off and he went home.
Yeah. You know what I want to see? Sorry. It's a quick tangent.

(01:31:08):
You know, gave them the footage, you know, the Stanford prison experiment.
Can you edit this? I'm telling you, all of this stuff is associated with.
You know, you guys are going to get this episode out before tomorrow.
Right. You guys who's staying up to edit this after Corey said he will.
Corey said he won a year time. This is a fucking long.
You have you have like four hours still tonight.

(01:31:29):
We have three hours is one week. Can I say what I was going to say?
You guys know the Stanford, you know, the Stanford prison experiment.
Sure. I want something like that.
Well, I don't want that, but I I I guess I'm going to say that for the sake of this example.
I want something like that. But for like managers in a company like the way that people get on like an ego trip and like forget real life when they not everyone.

(01:31:58):
But like there are some people so brainwashed into the grind that they truly believe that they have some moral superiority over their subordinates.
And that is toxic as fuck. And like, yeah.
Oh, let it go. Let it go. Work is not your life.

(01:32:19):
No, especially when you really extrapolate what you're doing and you're like, be fucking for real, guys.
It's for the shareholders. We're making money for the shareholders right now. Shut up.
Demand today. Work week. Maybe one day.
More likely. Well, so Corey's running for president first because he's got to save us.
He's he's closer to the age. I think. Are you eligible, Corey? Can we elect you this year?

(01:32:43):
I think the only thing is 35. Are you 35? Right. Unfortunately, guys.
Oh, no, that's fortunate for us. Guys elect Corey. Twenty twenty four.
Who can't get for press? We're going to announce that I'm like I'm running for president. If you guys write my name, I will do.

(01:33:04):
He'll do a civic duty. Yeah. So proud.
But it needs to be like forced upon me, you know, so that's fine.
If everyone gets down for this, I'm fucking down. But I'm not going to say that I'm running.
No, it's similar to my thoughts. Yeah.
It's like that's how I think it should be already. I don't think the people should be deciding.

(01:33:26):
Yeah. No, that's the only reason why I'm going to do it is because if Mr.
Beast, if Mr. Beast runs, I've already said this. I announced my pre you can do my pre presidential campaign
because we don't we can't have Mr. Beast as president. So we need you.
We have like 10 years in between. I'm 26. So yeah, we need some buffer time.
So, Corey, we really need you to take over from here. I know you don't want to be president, but the people.

(01:33:49):
I'm saying I will accept. I will accept it if it comes my way.
I will do I will do my duty and I will I will try in every single way to make you guys.
This is a good this is a good. OK, so you know how we've bounced the idea that we want to like write a movie at some point.
We all we like to write, you know, script writers. We got ideas.

(01:34:10):
That's a good comedy movie. Little buddy comedy.
It's like you accidentally getting elected president from write ins because the people are so great options.
I would truly be that would truly be the greatest president of all time.
I believe that I know that a person picked at random would be the best president in the history of America.

(01:34:34):
Seriously, like the people who have been president have been groomed to be there and they're all brain broken because their brains do not work.
And then Trump prayed on that by being like, no, I'm not like those guys.
Seriously, I'm going to drain the swamp. And we're telling you right now, guys, we're the real swamp drainers.

(01:34:56):
This is the watch out. We're coming to drain your swamp. Go ahead.
Go ahead. No politics. Yeah, sorry. Hammer and Predators.
Yes. And how is a fat? So can I point something out? Sorry.
The OBS for Caleb got all fucked up. Oh, do we have to sink again?
Sink. No, but I'm paying. I'm going to go grab a soda.

(01:35:17):
Oh, so to pop time.
So that's how we sing.
I need to point something out. Caleb, many times in this episode, Caleb did that same thing where he was like, oh, fuck, why'd you stay all night again?
There's like four instances where he's like, we can't keep doing this. Oh, my God. But you're oh, you're so productive.

(01:35:41):
So I'm conflicted. And so like they've had this Caleb and the editors have had this all back and forth all day where Caleb's complaining about spending money
and buying like a supercomputer for them to edit on because they can't just like, you know, upload it to the hard drive and then put it in Premiere Pro and then just like cut the shit.
He makes a really big deal out of how he has to like, I don't know, upgrade things sometimes or like expand his.

(01:36:07):
Yes, spend money to expand his business. And he acts like every purchase is such a big deal.
Like he really I mean, that's like one of the capitalists. They spend money to make money. Yeah. And I think what I wanted to say earlier, I never quite got to make the point because I probably got interrupted, which is the point of this podcast.
I got a lot of people saying, you know, if your stupid girlfriend wouldn't interrupt you so much, you really hate me on that.

(01:36:33):
People on TikTok comments and what I have to say to each one of you. Yeah, dude. They hate when she talks in the background.
I think that's the best part. I love getting interrupted by you and I love that.
Only fans of the show that I want are people that like enjoy when you get interrupt me because it does kind of like viscerally like shock me sometimes.
But I'm never upset and I'm always happy because I keep going on tangents. So thank you. You're so welcome for interrupting me.

(01:36:59):
You're so I will interrupt you. OK, cool. So back to Caleb.
And the point of this was that they've been going back and forth because editing is hard and this editor who's just here for a check is probably the sixth time that Caleb has pressed his buttons.
Those are examples by when this is a third editor.

(01:37:20):
No, this is the second guy. Oh, it's this guy, this guy, the one who's just there for the.
Oh, this is so uncomfortable. This is actually fucked up.
But like there's like six different instances where he's just like aggravated. And I just don't think he's left the office this entire time.
It just does. It feels like he's in the same clothes. And regardless, he's stuck in hell, clearly.
Tomorrow's episode, right? So what are you talking about?

(01:37:44):
Aren't you going to you would implement the change for tomorrow's episode when you build a budget?
Well, I'm asking because. Because what am I am I using this PC or not?
Well, do you want to troubleshoot that first time?
Well, I'm finishing what Oscar's video. Yeah.
With what I have. It's just I don't want to hold Brandon up.
So the faster this gets up, I could try for Monday. OK.

(01:38:06):
I mean, I just don't like living in quality.
Sorry. What? Watch his face on quality gets up.
I could try for Monday. OK.
I mean, I just don't like living in quality. Quality.
But we're not living in quality. It would be on par with what we've been doing. I'm confused.
We've already know. But if we have a better idea of something that's going to be better and we're going to be better, then we're living in quality by keeping that quality.

(01:38:31):
The student in the background is a ringleader. That's the that's Brandon, dude. That's Brandon.
I think that, too. I think Brandon benefits largely financially from all of this.
And he doesn't give a fuck throwing Caleb under the bus and making him look like a dick. It's all rage bait.
Like his check goes up and he's not really associated with the brand. So he doesn't care.
But yeah, fuck you, Brandon, Gori.

(01:38:54):
And I think that this isn't even the bad part yet. Right. Doesn't it get madder?
Yeah, he gets even worse. This is already uncomfortable to be filming.
And like, it's weird. He's just demanding more of unless like unless this is a bit.
It's a weird bit, though, because my thing is it normalizes it regardless.

(01:39:16):
It's like a bit for that kid. That's what I'm saying.
It's because it feels like a bit when Caleb does like living in quality, living in quality.
But sometimes it Caleb just sounds like he's doing a bit, but he's not. I think that's weird.
I think that he yeah, it's like a bit for him in like that he's acting.

(01:39:37):
He's acting, but they don't. He's acting for the camera.
But he's not like he's like telling everyone.
And the thing is, he doesn't his audience doesn't know he's acting like that was a big thing.
He claimed with his like financial audit videos to is like, yeah, kind of that that it's like a character.

(01:39:58):
So perplexing. It's the weirdest reality TV show ever, because it's so real.
But like, but he's not like he's not like making it seem.
No, that's what I was going to say. Like the audience doesn't know that.
Make it normal. It makes he wants it to seem normal and real.
And that's weird to me because this vibe is weird. Why would you want people?
Why would you upload an hour and fifteen minutes of shaky ass,

(01:40:21):
just looking footage like this shit, bro, that also it's not even like it's like shitty footage,
but it's like funny and goofy. And it's like we had to use this footage.
This is so good. It's like so uncomfortable. It's just this poor kid has just been sitting.
I feel so bad. Listen to the rest of the stringing it all out.

(01:40:42):
I'm confused. We've already know.
But if we have a better idea of something that's going to be better and we're going to be better,
then we're limiting quality by keeping that quality.
So he's saying that if you don't improve your quality and you just keep it, if it's really still see a good quality
and if you just keep it good, you're limiting quality by not making it better.
If you know that there is a way that you can feasibly make it better.

(01:41:03):
That's the most backwards, stupid logic I've ever heard.
So Caleb sit down and make it better than make a better.
Yeah, make the fucking graphics export it.
That's your graphics editor showing what you want.
Yeah. Do you know how to do it?
What do you want?
One is an example and said, if you can just like model this, do this a bunch.
That would be great. I would respect that. Yeah.
But he doesn't know how to do shit.

(01:41:24):
This is such, this is like the how all I'm asking what you can do.
Oh, the normal stuff for Oscar.
OK, so Monday's video. Meaning you're working on it tomorrow then.
Or into the night tonight. OK.
One of the two because my priority is finished and then we can review fixes, render, test out the machine

(01:41:47):
because this this whole should work.
And then I'm sure troubleshooting this cunt.
Yeah, then I'm working on Mondays and I could skip to the pie graph section.
Do that first. Yeah.
OK, so, yeah, you know, finish Oscar.
It's just it's just a matter of priorities and troubleshoot cunt.
Yes. It could be. I think it is.
I like with how she's working and the trouble she's given us.

(01:42:09):
Cut is a good name.
Talking about the supercomputer that they've been hard.
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Like a little server thing.
I don't know. Just weird vibes. Also, boys club vibes to the max coming out of this office.
There I don't know if you showed the clips while I wasn't in here or we even have them for this.
But like there's just like dicks and dumb like middle school boy jokes everywhere in these vlogs.

(01:42:34):
Oh, what I wanted to say earlier, they'll touch on that. Yes.
Weird. The best way to because there's so many little details.
I could never do this justice. You need to watch this.
What you need to do is put your phone in do not disturb mode and click the down vote.
And then you're allowed to like the dislike button and then you can watch this video.
Fuck it. I don't care if Caleb gets watch time.
The more people who see Caleb, the more people will know that he should not have a platform.

(01:43:01):
Yeah. And the bigger Caleb gets, the worse it's going to end for him because he's shown many times.
He doesn't know how to like manage his resources.
So he's really just going to burn burn through his money when the housing market crashes.
And that's our opinion. Yep.
And I'm best way to enjoy all of these people are already burning through their.
Oh, yeah. Oh, bro. They're all like hanging on by so many people are just posers with that.

(01:43:26):
That's the thing. People won't actually admit that the system is not working in their favor.
You got to be one of the real, real top dogs to really be benefiting from it.
And you won't admit that to yourself.
So instead you want to act superior to those who have less than you.
And it's just fucking stupid. Like.
And that's why they got to keep taking bigger risks.

(01:43:50):
People like Jake Paul or Logan Paul who keep doing these fucking scams
because they're living way above their means and they don't have the money for the videos coming in anymore and all that shit.
So they got to do a couple risky crypto scams, but it's OK because crypto is unregulated.
Dude, I hope a bunch of people gets I hope Mr. B is going to die.

(01:44:14):
Is it actually this time? It's just getting lower even though it's plugged in.
Well, we got one more thing we got. Yeah.
But we're done with the Caleb Hammer emergency episode. Yeah.
And I just finished my point, please. Oh, yes.
I'm sorry. Sorry. Go right now. Hand me a root beer and I'll shut up.
The best the best way to enjoy this video, you know, put your phone in do not disturb mode and sit through.
Yeah, it's it's painful. It's a feature length film. God damn it.

(01:44:37):
Hour and 15. So worth it.
There's so many little Easter eggs you can find some. Let me know.
There's like little dicks and cocks and balls and shit all over the office.
And there's just little like there's one scene where Brandon goes rubbing his knuckles.
He's doing the little like tongue thing and shit's really gross.
Just weird shit. And I don't know. You just got to sit through it.
It's a it's a fucking roller coaster. And it's worth it because now I'm sorry.

(01:45:03):
I know. Hey, can I personally speak for myself as a woman? I you can't do it.
I would not watch this on my own time. Yeah, you got to have a sex.
So this is off saying that he said that before. OK, I got one more video for us.
I got one more thing. And so this is Caleb's toxic gossip train.
And the reason the reason that I say that this is a person gossip train is so this is right.

(01:45:29):
This is Caleb's toxic gossip train. And the reason that I say that is because I couldn't find the footage of the episode
that he was talking about. I didn't really put much time into this.
But he basically this one guy came on a financial audit and he was like using financial audit for clout.
And Caleb fucking went nuclear on him on the broadcast. And this is him apologizing for that.

(01:45:53):
He didn't go too far. He told him he's like, you know what? Fuck you or whatever he said.
Here's Caleb apologizing. OK, the classic handout.
This should be pretty good. Wait, this was actually closing out a few days ago.
Today, you're awake for the day. Today's video is coming out.
Yes, January 30th. We don't know when this will get uploaded, though.

(01:46:15):
In fact, I think it just went live and I should make it better be tomorrow morning.
Yeah, you guys better be up. It does better be up before the end of the month.
This is clickbait drama, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But like legitimately in this episode,
nervous to put it out because I don't know. Did you just pause it?
I started this. It did the thing. It must be like when it's like

(01:46:38):
it like made like a weird glitch sound and then froze.
So it's like. Yeah, just play the video again.
I don't know. I started this and have continued this just being myself in every way whatsoever.
I think and what we think here is that it's been successful because it's just me being me.

(01:47:01):
No, you know, putting on filters, no, anything like that.
And with this episode, you know, I got really angry and just I was kind of mean and probably went overboard.
This is actually kind of a philosophy of mine that if people are going to come on the show
and something embarrassing might happen, it's not fair to them.
It's not fair to you if something embarrassing happens on my end that I would cut it.

(01:47:25):
Now, the person I just got so angry at him because he came out to plug something and we've had,
you know, people upset in the comments that people come out and plug things and that is upsetting.
The casting process is extensive and we have two full time people working on it.
But it's it's so much harder than a lot of people.
People are like, you just need to do casting and get people along that want to improve their situation.

(01:47:50):
Can you pause it for a sec, Caleb?
Caleb, if you're like not if you're not insufferable person, it's actually really easy to get people to talk on the podcast with you or like come talk about their finances with you.
Like we have a laundry list of guests that are all cool ass people that we have just like connected with online.

(01:48:12):
And Caleb said, do you guys understand how hard it is to cast?
It's hard to cast because you're just exploiting them.
If you went in undercover and he's like, the fact that you're you betrayed the working class, dude, Malumbo, please.
So I think because the cameras are going to die.

(01:48:33):
So we did enough time.
Yes, ladies, let's go home.
Why the fuck are you guys still here?
We still go home, go home, everyone.
I love you guys.
Love you.
Go home, everyone.
Go home and go home and go home on the big on the big the space, the big spaceship.

(01:48:55):
And I'm going to end this with saying that Caleb, I know you watch every motherfucking second of this.
Have a horrible day.
Bye, Caleb.

All Episodes

Episode Transcript

Popular Podcasts

Dateline NBC

24/7 News: The Latest

Therapy Gecko

.css-15opob5{left:0;position:absolute;top:0.8rem;} All Episodes

.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Creepy Caleb Hammer is SO COOKED

Episode Transcript

Popular Podcasts

.css-r6mb8g{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:1;overflow:hidden;}Dateline NBC

24/7 News: The Latest

Therapy Gecko

All Episodes

Creepy Caleb Hammer is SO COOKED

Dateline NBC