September 24, 2024 • 22 mins
Concoctions: The anti recipe? no. after giving it thought, I realize concoctions inevitably become a recipe in its own way. (also, can being “for” something stop meaning we have to be “"anti” something else?) ((but to be honest, anti recipe was my immediate initial thought. lol)) intuitive cooking? based off a lifetime of tasting experiences, thanks to recipes (ironically). okayyyyyyyy. so what’s the difference and why do I feel so averse to one over the other? After all, a recipe is just the fine tuned & recorded end point of intuitive concocting. Essentially it’s all the same thing and the only thing that’s different is our relationship to our perception of the words and their implications. They are both beautiful. But this share will be about my deep dive into embracing my instincts in the kitchen and letting go of forcing myself to do it any other way. Every single thing you do has this innate wisdom to it. There's a strategy that you're tapping into for whatever you do when you're doing it instinctually- in the way that is natural to you. Instead of looking around at how it’s outside of the norm, the way it's usually done, or the way that most people understand- instead of using that as a weapon against yourself,
maybe take a breath and look at whatever it is you're doing through this lens of neutrality. Maybe it’s not subpar. Maybe it’s more than enough. Maybe it’s fucking genius. Interest in the visual version of this episode? Subscribe on Substack here & join the community <3
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Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
If I'm going to do the thing.
(00:01):
I don't love doing.
Let me love the way I choose to do it.
Every single thing you do.
It has this innate wisdom to it.
.999There's a strategy that you're tapping into for whatever you do when you're doing it instinctually, right? In the way that is natural to you.
And instead of looking around at how it is maybe outside of the norm and not the societal expectation or the way it's usually done or the way that most people understand, instead of using that as a weapon against yourself.
(00:36):
Maybe take a breath and look at whatever it is you're doing through this lens of neutrality Just take the breath and just say, Hmm.
Assume.
Wisdom in your instinct.
Stop assuming shame Can we shift from assuming shame and assuming.
(00:58):
This hunched shoulder type of energy around whatever it is we're doing for me, it was cooking.
Okay.
And can we start assuming this.
Power.
This natural instinct that we have and respect that.
And, and see how much more enjoyable and how much more energy flows.
(01:20):
When you own that about yourself.
Help Me See is a podcast dedicated to the art of seeing.
It's a space for the restless visionary with an insatiable desire to create the life and work you're meant for.
My name is Bianca Lea Mora, and I'm a photographic artist, a mother, and a coach who's transformed my fear of loss into power, art, and philosophy.
(01:46):
One of the scariest quotes I never want to say is, I wish I knew at the time, but I truly believe that we have the innate ability to bring our wise 2020 hindsight to our now.
.999You can deeply experience your nostalgia now, while it's actually happening, with no regrets.
(02:09):
All you have to do is see.
In this show, we laugh, we cry, we get inspired, we overshare, we have life changing conversations around making meaning, self discovery, and shedding all the BS layers in order to reconnect to our own sacred vision.
Seeing yourself is an essential key to living powerfully.
(02:32):
You are the vessel, the lens that filters absolutely everything in your life. 28 00:02:38,274.999 --> 00:02:59,830 What are you filtering for? Whether it be conversations with fellow artists and visionaries, or my solo audio journal style introspective ramblings, each episode is meant to feel like an exhale, an unraveling of truth, a moment for you to be able to put your finger on something that you haven't been able to for far too long. 29 00:03:01,389.999 --> 00:03:03,459.999 Come exactly as you are. 30 00:03:03,749.999 --> 00:03:04,609.999 It's perfect. 31 00:03:05,319.999 --> 00:03:06,839.999 Honor your instincts. 32 00:03:06,899.999 --> 00:03:12,519.999 Let's uncover some of the most important things in our lives which all too often can slip out from our view.
(03:13):
Let's commit to seeing and consciously creating what only you can in your one and only life.
Let's dive in. 35 00:03:24,843.33333333 --> 00:03:28,43.33333333 Hello, hello, and welcome to another episode of Help Me See. 36 00:03:33,653.33333333 --> 00:03:37,363.33333333 Today is going to be something a little bit different. 37 00:03:38,783.33333333 --> 00:03:48,303.33233333 I have never in any episode, what am I up to, 120? I don't know, of the show read anything. 38 00:03:48,663.33233333 --> 00:04:00,813.33333333 But today's episode It's different because, uh, a couple of weeks ago I was on my deck and just had the impulse to write. 39 00:04:01,153.33333333 --> 00:04:08,903.33333333 And so I started writing and it's on a topic that I really want to talk about on the podcast. 40 00:04:08,913.33333333 --> 00:04:11,563.33233333 So I'm going to try. 41 00:04:11,723.33333333 --> 00:04:14,613.33333333 Reading it and hopefully it's not unbearable for you. 42 00:04:15,956.66666667 --> 00:04:16,936.66666667 I think it's interesting. 43 00:04:16,936.66666667 --> 00:04:17,506.66666667 Actually. 44 00:04:17,556.66666667 --> 00:04:35,466.66666667 I feel like this way of creating more recently if you've been listening for a while more recently, I've been taking the podcast episodes transcription and Creating a post on Substack from it. 45 00:04:35,496.66666667 --> 00:04:43,766.66566667 So I'll take the transcription and then go in and massage it and fine tune it and like turn it into a piece of writing and a visual experience paired with photos. 46 00:04:43,776.66666667 --> 00:05:02,361.66666667 And I love that process and it's really cool, but what is way better than just creating another something? Alongside the podcast episode is the fact that it's forcing me to sit with myself and my own words in a very, very different way. 47 00:05:02,801.66666667 --> 00:05:16,41.66666667 And in doing so, I have felt the impulse to write more outside of the podcast, outside of, um, you know, the, the working off the transcription. 48 00:05:17,61.66666667 --> 00:05:17,741.66666667 So. 49 00:05:18,491.66666667 --> 00:05:24,121.66666667 Yeah, it's just a whole new sense of empowerment and I was gonna sit down to talk about this. 50 00:05:24,121.66666667 --> 00:05:39,421.66666667 I was going to just surmise, but then the other part of me was like, Hey, you already wrote these words, respect the fucking words that you wrote and speak them. 51 00:05:39,581.66566667 --> 00:05:41,421.66566667 So now I'm going to do it in reverse. 52 00:05:41,471.66666667 --> 00:05:43,211.66666667 I'm going to read what I wrote. 53 00:05:46,241.66666667 --> 00:05:47,901.66666667 Ah, okay. 54 00:05:48,471.66666667 --> 00:06:14,716.66666667 So today's episode is about concoctions and Um, what got me thinking about this was actually the cooking concoctions, Cooking is usually like a Um, controversial topic, like not controversial, but you know, I love to cook or I hate cooking or I enjoy it, but I'm bad at it or blah, blah, blah, blah. 55 00:06:16,596.66666667 --> 00:06:30,686.66666667 And if you don't feel like listening to me reading it, either go to my sub stack to read the actual post or take this nugget before you go. 56 00:06:33,756.66666667 --> 00:06:35,206.66666667 Every single thing you do. 57 00:06:35,951.66666667 --> 00:06:38,551.66666667 It has this innate wisdom to it. 58 00:06:38,561.66666667 --> 00:06:48,91.66566667 There's a strategy that you're tapping into for whatever you do when you're doing it instinctually, right? In the way that is natural to you. 59 00:06:48,871.66666667 --> 00:07:04,61.66666667 And instead of looking around at how it is maybe outside of the norm and not the societal expectation or the way it's usually done or the way that most people understand, instead of using that as a weapon against yourself. 60 00:07:05,231.66666667 --> 00:07:11,991.66666667 Maybe take a breath and look at whatever it is you're doing through this lens of neutrality. 61 00:07:12,71.66666667 --> 00:07:28,451.66666667 Like for a long time, cooking, I was like, Oh, it just now, especially now that I have kids, it feels like this whole big thing and my responsibility to do this and to have proper dinners and this, that, and the other thing. 62 00:07:29,771.66666667 --> 00:07:31,541.66666667 And as soon as I let go of. 63 00:07:32,106.66666667 --> 00:07:45,406.66666667 It having to look like something, like even just something as innocent as, uh, a friend asking, like, well, what are you making for dinners this week? Or, you know, whatever that feeling of like, Oh, I already should have that figured out by now. 64 00:07:45,416.66666667 --> 00:07:57,36.66666667 Or, Oh, um, I can't explain how I made it because I just threw it together and now blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, whatever do exactly that. 65 00:07:57,456.66666667 --> 00:08:00,156.66666667 Just take the breath and just say, Hmm. 66 00:08:00,716.66666667 --> 00:08:01,616.66666667 Assume. 67 00:08:02,501.66666667 --> 00:08:04,261.66666667 Wisdom in your instinct. 68 00:08:05,231.66666667 --> 00:08:13,181.66566667 Stop assuming shame in like, oh, this is hard to explain or, oh, I'm not doing it the way. 69 00:08:13,611.66666667 --> 00:08:16,311.66666667 You know, most people do it, or I could be doing it healthier. 70 00:08:16,311.66666667 --> 00:08:23,61.66666667 I could, whatever, neutralize the way you're witnessing yourself and the way that you do things. 71 00:08:23,61.66666667 --> 00:08:35,531.66666667 And the second you remove the shame or the shoulds or looking else elsewhere think about how sacred it is if you take all the shit off of it. 72 00:08:36,601.66666667 --> 00:08:38,391.66666667 Like when I wrote this. 73 00:08:40,26.66666667 --> 00:08:45,786.66666667 And I had to actually sit, I never before had thought about what is actually happening for me as I'm cooking. 74 00:08:45,796.66666667 --> 00:08:55,816.66666667 Like, what are the, what, how do I concoct these random meals that I make? What happens? And I had to actually sit and type it out. 75 00:08:56,626.66666667 --> 00:09:01,586.66566667 I was like, wow, this is exactly me. 76 00:09:05,236.66566667 --> 00:09:06,76.66566667 It's not. 77 00:09:06,496.66566667 --> 00:09:07,276.66566667 Oh. 78 00:09:08,266.66566667 --> 00:09:15,196.66566667 I am just a shit storm in the kitchen and it's my lifelong responsibility now. 79 00:09:15,226.66566667 --> 00:09:15,976.66566667 And I just. 80 00:09:16,786.66566667 --> 00:09:19,186.66566667 Make it work and figure it out. 81 00:09:19,936.66566667 --> 00:09:20,446.66566667 It's. 82 00:09:22,396.66566667 --> 00:09:28,996.66566667 Oh, I channeled that same space inside of me that I use. 83 00:09:30,346.66566667 --> 00:09:33,406.66566667 In my most favorite place to be. 84 00:09:33,436.66566667 --> 00:09:36,556.66566667 Is it like this creation place? And. 85 00:09:37,216.66566667 --> 00:09:40,126.66566667 Although, it's not my favorite to cook. 86 00:09:40,546.66566667 --> 00:09:44,56.66566667 I channeled that same flow state into my cooking. 87 00:09:44,686.66566667 --> 00:09:49,996.66566667 And so this task that I have to do every single day, Now. 88 00:09:50,596.66566667 --> 00:09:54,346.66566667 Is a less of a burden and more of a channel. 89 00:09:55,96.66566667 --> 00:10:00,916.66566667 That I used to be with my creativity and my instincts in a different way. 90 00:10:02,56.66566667 --> 00:10:06,76.66566667 And that's incredible and there's so much we can glean from that. 91 00:10:06,76.66566667 --> 00:10:06,496.66566667 And it's. 92 00:10:07,246.66566667 --> 00:10:13,516.66566667 Really there's so much because oftentimes the most potent genius. 93 00:10:14,86.66566667 --> 00:10:15,196.66566667 That we have. 94 00:10:15,856.66566667 --> 00:10:18,976.66566667 It's so internal that it's hard to view. 95 00:10:18,976.66566667 --> 00:10:19,516.66566667 It's hard to. 96 00:10:20,536.66566667 --> 00:10:22,846.66566667 Diagnose, it's hard to articulate. 97 00:10:23,296.66566667 --> 00:10:28,606.66566667 But with something when it's applied to an area that we don't feel so precious about. 98 00:10:29,356.66566667 --> 00:10:32,536.66566667 Now that I'm looking at it in this way, my concoctions. 99 00:10:33,226.66566667 --> 00:10:34,486.66566667 I look at it with like this. 100 00:10:35,116.66566667 --> 00:10:37,156.66566667 Confidence and this like, yeah. 101 00:10:37,576.66566667 --> 00:10:39,916.66566667 This is how it, this is how I put food together. 102 00:10:40,456.66566667 --> 00:10:44,56.66566667 And I figure things out and it feels right for me and it feels good for me. 103 00:10:44,446.66566667 --> 00:10:46,366.66566667 Um, and it's sustainable for me. 104 00:10:46,576.66566667 --> 00:10:48,76.66566667 If I held myself to making. 105 00:10:49,766.66566667 --> 00:10:52,16.66566667 Recipes and meal plans every week. 106 00:10:52,96.66566667 --> 00:10:54,556.66566667 it would feel soul sucking to me. 107 00:10:55,296.66566667 --> 00:11:01,56.66566667 well, at least in this phase, in my life, I believe that all these blanket statements don't really do us any favors because then we get. 108 00:11:02,466.66566667 --> 00:11:03,546.66566667 Swallowed by. 109 00:11:04,56.66566667 --> 00:11:09,966.66566667 Our identity that we have in this moment, which can be our truth now, but don't have to be our truths forever, but okay. 110 00:11:09,966.66566667 --> 00:11:11,106.66566667 Enough for the nuances here. 111 00:11:11,736.66566667 --> 00:11:15,516.66566667 Uh, I just wanted to leave that nugget here. 112 00:11:15,636.66566667 --> 00:11:16,26.66566667 It's. 113 00:11:17,676.66566667 --> 00:11:21,516.66566667 Can we shift from assuming shame and assuming. 114 00:11:22,26.66566667 --> 00:11:26,766.66566667 This hunched shoulder type of energy around whatever it is we're doing for me, it was cooking. 115 00:11:26,886.66566667 --> 00:11:27,336.66566667 Okay. 116 00:11:28,86.66566667 --> 00:11:30,366.66566667 And can we start assuming this. 117 00:11:32,26.66566667 --> 00:11:32,746.66566667 Power. 118 00:11:33,616.66566667 --> 00:11:37,366.66566667 This natural instinct that we have and respect that. 119 00:11:38,596.66566667 --> 00:11:43,6.66566667 And, and see how much more enjoyable and how much more energy flows. 120 00:11:43,366.66566667 --> 00:11:46,126.66566667 When you own that about yourself. 121 00:11:48,196.66566667 --> 00:11:48,676.66566667 So. 122 00:11:50,416.66566667 --> 00:11:51,166.66566667 That is what I have. 123 00:11:51,676.66566667 --> 00:11:52,936.66566667 I hope you enjoy. 124 00:11:53,986.66566667 --> 00:11:55,726.66566667 I hope you enjoy the. 125 00:11:57,496.66566667 --> 00:11:59,86.66566667 Writings about my. 126 00:12:00,316.66566667 --> 00:12:01,216.66566667 Concoction. 127 00:12:01,606.66566667 --> 00:12:03,706.66566667 My concocting and. 128 00:12:05,146.66566667 --> 00:12:08,596.66566667 The source of where I learned it all from. 129 00:12:09,406.66566667 --> 00:12:12,526.66566667 My Italian New York parents who. 130 00:12:14,566.66566667 --> 00:12:16,156.66566667 Use phrase. 131 00:12:16,786.66566667 --> 00:12:17,686.66566667 When it looks right. 132 00:12:18,166.66566667 --> 00:12:19,6.66566667 When I ask. 133 00:12:20,806.66566667 --> 00:12:22,186.66566667 For any sort of detail. 134 00:12:24,796.66566667 --> 00:12:25,66.66566667 Okay. 135 00:12:25,66.66566667 --> 00:12:25,366.66566667 Okay. 136 00:12:25,786.66566667 --> 00:12:26,176.66566667 Here we go. 137 00:12:26,936.66566667 --> 00:12:30,96.66566667 um, concoctions. 138 00:12:30,726.66566667 --> 00:12:32,876.66566667 The anti recipe? No. 139 00:12:33,746.66566667 --> 00:12:39,946.66466667 After giving it thought, I realized concoctions inevitably become a recipe in its own way anyway. 140 00:12:40,436.66566667 --> 00:12:50,886.66566667 Also, can being for something stop meaning we have to be anti something else? But to be honest, anti recipe was my immediate initial thought. 141 00:12:54,931.66566667 --> 00:13:00,791.66566667 Intuitive cooking Based off a lifetime of tasting experiences. 142 00:13:00,971.66566667 --> 00:13:03,641.66566667 Thanks to recipes, ironically. 143 00:13:05,591.66566667 --> 00:13:16,581.66466667 Okay, so what's the difference and why do I feel so averse to one over the other? After all, a recipe is just the fine tuned and recorded end point of intuitive concocting. 144 00:13:17,796.66566667 --> 00:13:28,66.66566667 Essentially, the only thing that's different is, drum roll please, our relationship to our perception of the words and their implications, like everything else in life. 145 00:13:28,896.66566667 --> 00:13:37,946.66466667 They are both beautiful, but this share will be about my deep dive into embracing my own instincts in the kitchen and letting go of forcing myself to do it any other way. 146 00:13:40,276.66466667 --> 00:13:41,586.66466667 I cook like I take pictures. 147 00:13:42,296.66466667 --> 00:13:43,526.66466667 I hate instructions. 148 00:13:43,596.66466667 --> 00:13:44,666.66466667 I have no patience. 149 00:13:44,746.66466667 --> 00:13:45,746.66466667 I have no desire. 150 00:13:46,386.66566667 --> 00:13:57,216.66566667 I grew up in an Italian family whose measure for if something was right was first smelling it, then looking at it, then stirring it to test consistency, and then taste. 151 00:13:58,146.66566667 --> 00:13:59,926.66466667 Get your whole self in it. 152 00:14:00,816.66566667 --> 00:14:05,326.66466667 I once asked my dad how much olive oil to put in and he said, you know, till it looks right. 153 00:14:05,886.66566667 --> 00:14:06,816.66566667 Like glunk glunk. 154 00:14:06,816.76566667 --> 00:14:07,816.56566667 Glunk glunk. 155 00:14:08,676.66566667 --> 00:14:11,6.66566667 Now I use glunks as a unit of measurement. 156 00:14:11,586.66566667 --> 00:14:21,856.66566667 How many glunk feelings slash sounds as the olive oil leaves the bottle? I cook in concoctions exclusively. 157 00:14:21,876.66566667 --> 00:14:25,286.66466667 Anytime I even attempt to follow a recipe, I immediately reject it. 158 00:14:25,336.66566667 --> 00:14:27,246.66566667 My whole self cannot bear it. 159 00:14:27,296.66566667 --> 00:14:28,216.66566667 I loathe it. 160 00:14:28,916.66566667 --> 00:14:31,176.66566667 Impatience is a huge part, yes. 161 00:14:31,756.66566667 --> 00:14:42,186.66566667 Probably also ADHD, but more so than that, I really think it has more to do with my need To feel the energy of what I'm doing and move with that across the board. 162 00:14:43,266.66566667 --> 00:14:50,136.66566667 A life force that cannot and will not be constrained even with a guarantee of a tested and delicious recipe. 163 00:14:51,466.66566667 --> 00:14:53,446.66466667 The process over the end result. 164 00:14:54,506.66466667 --> 00:15:01,186.66466667 Life is too short to live for a supposed guarantee according to someone else with different taste buds. 165 00:15:02,996.66566667 --> 00:15:05,56.66566667 To be resourceful with what I already have. 166 00:15:05,636.66566667 --> 00:15:09,116.66566667 Not only from a fiscal perspective, but from a, there's no way in hell. 167 00:15:09,116.66566667 --> 00:15:13,86.66566667 I'm going to stop what I'm doing to leave the house, to get this dumb ass ingredient perspective. 168 00:15:13,746.66566667 --> 00:15:15,256.66566667 I'd rather make a whole different dish. 169 00:15:17,906.66566667 --> 00:15:22,516.66566667 I used to take offense to the whole, how you do one thing is how you do all things. 170 00:15:23,306.66566667 --> 00:15:31,856.66466667 I operate like a shit storm, disorganized, unplanned, frenetic, half assed, or. 171 00:15:35,1.66566667 --> 00:15:49,831.66566667 Is the way I operate just nonlinear, exclusively energetic and inspired, led by my own instincts and perhaps effortlessly genius. 172 00:15:51,851.66466667 --> 00:15:55,621.66566667 Now I think because I can find a favorable way to spin it, I'm okay with it. 173 00:15:58,231.66566667 --> 00:16:00,221.66566667 I cook like I take photos. 174 00:16:00,761.66566667 --> 00:16:03,211.66566667 I sense what state I'm in. 175 00:16:03,421.66566667 --> 00:16:06,621.66466667 What do I feel? Something heavy, light, hot, cold. 176 00:16:07,226.66566667 --> 00:16:20,396.66566667 What is my energy? How much of a process do I want to make this? Am I in the mood to be in the kitchen or am I just addressing the need with as little effort as possible? Neither better or worse than the other. 177 00:16:21,986.66466667 --> 00:16:23,776.66466667 Then I look at what I already have. 178 00:16:24,336.66566667 --> 00:16:34,106.66566667 What's in front of me? What did another version of me decide would be a good idea to buy and have in the house? We harvest what we planted before. 179 00:16:35,546.66566667 --> 00:16:41,771.6656667 How did I equip myself for this? I don't have an ingredient I want noted for next time. 180 00:16:42,371.6656667 --> 00:16:43,501.6656667 I'll make do this time. 181 00:16:44,721.6656667 --> 00:16:49,211.6656667 What could work or be even better? Maybe it's perfect this way. 182 00:16:51,591.6656667 --> 00:17:02,341.6646667 I layer and add and stir and chop and stand there with senses tingling because I feel I'm conjuring up something delicious or losing steam because my enthusiasm is going down with the ship. 183 00:17:03,611.6646667 --> 00:17:08,341.6646667 There's no family recipe book to be had from my parents who make delicious meals. 184 00:17:08,961.6656667 --> 00:17:20,161.6656667 They pretty much have rotated the same 10 to 15 different meals my whole life and scoff and gag in the most juvenile way at my experimentation and quote unquote healthy organic stuff. 185 00:17:21,21.6646667 --> 00:17:22,781.6656667 That's a ridicule in my family. 186 00:17:22,831.6656667 --> 00:17:23,811.6656667 That's like a diss. 187 00:17:27,581.6656667 --> 00:17:30,171.6656667 I didn't know what hummus was until college. 188 00:17:30,621.6656667 --> 00:17:33,191.6656667 My mom rolls her eyes and gags at my quinoa. 189 00:17:34,401.6656667 --> 00:17:36,391.6656667 And God forbid I even pronounce hummus. 190 00:17:42,636.6656667 --> 00:17:49,406.6646667 It's funny because even though I enjoy being open to making new and interesting foods with health conscious food, I'm not used to it. 191 00:17:49,886.6656667 --> 00:17:52,86.6656667 I still deeply want their approval. 192 00:17:52,366.6656667 --> 00:18:05,86.6656667 I'd love for them to taste something I make and say, well, damn, but that will never happen because when they come to visit, I make their asses cook the whole time because mama needs a break and nostalgic home cooking is comforting. 193 00:18:06,461.6656667 --> 00:18:10,891.6656667 Also, cooking is my dad's love language, so if he wasn't cooking, he'd be sitting on the couch grumpy anyway. 194 00:18:12,241.6656667 --> 00:18:17,666.6656667 Writing this makes me think, the next time we're together, And they're cooking. 195 00:18:18,186.6656667 --> 00:18:20,656.6656667 I need to record the whole process from start to finish. 196 00:18:20,796.6656667 --> 00:18:25,256.6656667 The recipes will be long winded videos But that's okay because we are long winded people. 197 00:18:26,286.6656667 --> 00:18:28,476.6656667 Speaking of long winded, I digress. 198 00:18:29,76.6656667 --> 00:18:36,206.6656667 I start pairing and tasting different combinations with different condiments and decide how would be best to serve it to each family member. 199 00:18:37,436.6656667 --> 00:18:40,26.6656667 Silas loves dips of all kinds. 200 00:18:40,276.6656667 --> 00:18:41,586.6656667 Cash hates dips. 201 00:18:41,996.6656667 --> 00:18:43,186.6656667 He likes his stuff dry. 202 00:18:44,74.6031667 --> 00:18:46,294.6031667 Ben wants everything obnoxiously spicy. 203 00:18:47,44.6031667 --> 00:18:50,494.6031667 I take a smaller portion to ensure that there's enough for the boys. 204 00:18:50,944.6031667 --> 00:18:52,444.6031667 And serve it over greens. 205 00:18:53,434.6031667 --> 00:18:54,124.6031667 Each bowl. 206 00:18:55,204.6031667 --> 00:18:58,144.6031667 Personalized to that person that's sitting in front of it. 207 00:18:59,644.6031667 --> 00:19:03,484.6031667 I hate cooking in the more traditional way, but I love nourishing my family. 208 00:19:05,224.6031667 --> 00:19:06,784.6031667 Less because of gender roles. 209 00:19:07,654.6031667 --> 00:19:11,434.6031667 And more because I don't want to eat microwave chicken every night of my life. 210 00:19:11,554.6031667 --> 00:19:14,194.6031667 And they would, if I wasn't the one cooking at all times. 211 00:19:16,834.6031667 --> 00:19:18,364.6031667 If I'm going to do the thing. 212 00:19:18,784.6031667 --> 00:19:19,834.6031667 I don't love doing. 213 00:19:20,614.6031667 --> 00:19:22,324.6031667 Let me love the way I choose to do it. 214 00:19:24,4.6031667 --> 00:19:24,724.6031667 I tune in. 215 00:19:25,144.6031667 --> 00:19:26,284.6031667 I sense myself. 216 00:19:26,614.6031667 --> 00:19:28,354.6031667 I observe what's available to me. 217 00:19:28,534.6031667 --> 00:19:30,34.6031667 Trust I can make it work. 218 00:19:30,754.6031667 --> 00:19:38,254.6031667 Move with what comes to be and take my love and memories and considerations to make it personal for each person I'm concocting for. 219 00:19:40,564.6031667 --> 00:19:43,174.6031667 I just cut up an apple to make a yogurt parfait. 220 00:19:43,444.6031667 --> 00:19:44,434.6031667 Don't have yogurt. 221 00:19:44,614.6031667 --> 00:19:45,154.6031667 Okay. 222 00:19:45,214.6031667 --> 00:19:46,834.6031667 I'll make an apple oatmeal dish. 223 00:19:47,794.6031667 --> 00:19:49,24.6031667 Don't feel like oatmeal again. 224 00:19:49,564.6031667 --> 00:19:50,314.6031667 It's fall. 225 00:19:50,344.6031667 --> 00:19:51,274.6031667 I want cozy. 226 00:19:51,814.6031667 --> 00:19:55,294.6031667 Baked goods, but I'm leaning gluten-free for my thyroid now. 227 00:19:55,804.6031667 --> 00:19:58,204.6031667 Preheat oven for whatever the hell is about to go down. 228 00:19:58,984.6031667 --> 00:20:00,64.6031667 Grab a dish. 229 00:20:00,634.6031667 --> 00:20:03,304.6031667 At trader Joe's oats, chia seeds blend. 230 00:20:03,724.6031667 --> 00:20:05,164.6031667 Add a cup of almond flour. 231 00:20:05,764.6031667 --> 00:20:09,424.6031667 At my apples water, no, don't want to dilute the flavor. 232 00:20:09,814.6031667 --> 00:20:10,654.6031667 Oat milk instead. 233 00:20:11,764.6031667 --> 00:20:13,804.6031667 Hmm, no chocolate chips we found. 234 00:20:14,464.6031667 --> 00:20:15,154.6031667 Maple syrup. 235 00:20:15,154.6031667 --> 00:20:15,484.6031667 It is. 236 00:20:16,354.6031667 --> 00:20:18,724.6031667 Still looks too thick at some coconut oil. 237 00:20:19,264.6031667 --> 00:20:19,864.6031667 Looks better. 238 00:20:20,644.6031667 --> 00:20:21,364.6031667 At cinnamon. 239 00:20:21,574.6031667 --> 00:20:25,774.6031667 Uh, and really want to make sure that this thing doesn't completely suck. 240 00:20:25,774.6031667 --> 00:20:28,234.6031667 So I add the fix-all brown sugar on top. 241 00:20:29,764.6031667 --> 00:20:33,484.6031667 But in the oven, keep checking on it until it firms up or starts to golden. 242 00:20:33,484.6031667 --> 00:20:34,564.6031667 Whichever comes first. 243 00:20:35,704.6031667 --> 00:20:38,614.6031667 Move on to journal or create something, come back six times. 244 00:20:39,484.6031667 --> 00:20:41,344.6031667 Damn, this is really not a solid yet. 245 00:20:42,664.6031667 --> 00:20:44,194.6031667 I knew I needed an egg. 246 00:20:44,434.6031667 --> 00:20:45,634.6031667 But another thyroid? No. 247 00:20:45,634.6031667 --> 00:20:45,874.6031667 No. 248 00:20:45,874.6031667 --> 00:20:46,774.6031667 So we'll just deal. 249 00:20:47,584.6031667 --> 00:20:48,424.6031667 I took it out. 250 00:20:48,754.6031667 --> 00:20:51,574.6031667 Before the top burnt and affirmed more as it cooled. 251 00:20:52,714.6031667 --> 00:20:53,554.6031667 It was delicious. 252 00:20:53,614.6031667 --> 00:20:54,934.6031667 Absolutely delicious. 253 00:20:55,594.6031667 --> 00:20:57,394.6031667 I will never make it quite the same again. 254 00:20:57,574.6031667 --> 00:21:00,394.6031667 Of course too impatient to write down the measurements I did. 255 00:21:01,24.6031667 --> 00:21:03,64.6031667 I didn't know, I'd even want to remember it. 256 00:21:03,394.6031667 --> 00:21:05,44.6031667 Who knew if it would be worth repeating. 257 00:21:05,494.6031667 --> 00:21:06,754.6031667 But masochistically. 258 00:21:06,754.6031667 --> 00:21:09,634.6031667 I think I enjoy the inability to repeat. 259 00:21:10,594.6031667 --> 00:21:11,614.6031667 Just like a moment. 260 00:21:12,124.6031667 --> 00:21:14,284.6031667 Never repeated, never the same. 261 00:21:15,514.6031667 --> 00:21:17,434.6031667 Even the recipes that aren't delicious. 262 00:21:17,434.6031667 --> 00:21:18,574.6031667 I feel no angst. 263 00:21:18,784.6031667 --> 00:21:20,644.6031667 I accept it because I did it my way. 264 00:21:21,664.6031667 --> 00:21:27,694.6031667 I didn't sacrifice my experience, my instincts, my natural tendencies to make something that ended up sucking anyway. 265 00:21:29,374.6031667 --> 00:21:31,744.6031667 I'm satisfied with whatever comes. 266 00:21:31,744.6031667 --> 00:21:33,394.6031667 When I trust my gut and go. 267 00:21:36,864.6031667 --> 00:21:42,264.6031667 Where in your life are you using someone else's recipe? That's leaving a bitter taste in your mouth. 268 00:21:46,404.6031667 --> 00:21:47,724.6031667 Do it your way. 269 00:21:50,394.6031667 --> 00:21:53,544.6031667 And find so much more peace in whatever the outcome is. 270 00:21:55,984.6031667 --> 00:21:56,984.6031667 Delicious peace. 271 00:21:58,634.6031667 --> 00:22:03,794.6031667 If you're looking for help in being able to identify and find your own. 272 00:22:04,784.6031667 --> 00:22:08,594.6031667 Magic connect to your own instinct and see yourself. 273 00:22:08,644.6031667 --> 00:22:20,224.6031667 I invite you to come over to, um, sub stack where when you join and become a paid subscriber currently at $11 a month, you get access to nostalgia now, which is your monthly. 274 00:22:21,64.6031667 --> 00:22:30,424.6031667 One of a kind prompted photo templates where you go inward connect to self and see the evidence of your own love, genius, heart. 275 00:22:31,144.6031667 --> 00:22:32,14.6031667 Every single month. 276 00:22:32,674.6031667 --> 00:22:36,34.6031667 If you want to learn more head to the Lincoln bio and. 277 00:22:36,604.6031667 --> 00:22:38,764.6031667 If you have any questions, send me a DM. 278 00:22:39,484.6031667 --> 00:22:41,74.6031667 Okay, have a beautiful day.
If I'm going to do the thing.
(00:01):
I don't love doing.
Let me love the way I choose to do it.
Every single thing you do.
It has this innate wisdom to it.
.999There's a strategy that you're tapping into for whatever you do when you're doing it instinctually, right? In the way that is natural to you.
And instead of looking around at how it is maybe outside of the norm and not the societal expectation or the way it's usually done or the way that most people understand, instead of using that as a weapon against yourself.
(00:36):
Maybe take a breath and look at whatever it is you're doing through this lens of neutrality Just take the breath and just say, Hmm.
Assume.
Wisdom in your instinct.
Stop assuming shame Can we shift from assuming shame and assuming.
(00:58):
This hunched shoulder type of energy around whatever it is we're doing for me, it was cooking.
Okay.
And can we start assuming this.
Power.
This natural instinct that we have and respect that.
And, and see how much more enjoyable and how much more energy flows.
(01:20):
When you own that about yourself.
Help Me See is a podcast dedicated to the art of seeing.
It's a space for the restless visionary with an insatiable desire to create the life and work you're meant for.
My name is Bianca Lea Mora, and I'm a photographic artist, a mother, and a coach who's transformed my fear of loss into power, art, and philosophy.
(01:46):
One of the scariest quotes I never want to say is, I wish I knew at the time, but I truly believe that we have the innate ability to bring our wise 2020 hindsight to our now.
.999You can deeply experience your nostalgia now, while it's actually happening, with no regrets.
(02:09):
All you have to do is see.
In this show, we laugh, we cry, we get inspired, we overshare, we have life changing conversations around making meaning, self discovery, and shedding all the BS layers in order to reconnect to our own sacred vision.
Seeing yourself is an essential key to living powerfully.
(02:32):
You are the vessel, the lens that filters absolutely everything in your life. 28 00:02:38,274.999 --> 00:02:59,830 What are you filtering for? Whether it be conversations with fellow artists and visionaries, or my solo audio journal style introspective ramblings, each episode is meant to feel like an exhale, an unraveling of truth, a moment for you to be able to put your finger on something that you haven't been able to for far too long. 29 00:03:01,389.999 --> 00:03:03,459.999 Come exactly as you are. 30 00:03:03,749.999 --> 00:03:04,609.999 It's perfect. 31 00:03:05,319.999 --> 00:03:06,839.999 Honor your instincts. 32 00:03:06,899.999 --> 00:03:12,519.999 Let's uncover some of the most important things in our lives which all too often can slip out from our view.
(03:13):
Let's commit to seeing and consciously creating what only you can in your one and only life.
Let's dive in. 35 00:03:24,843.33333333 --> 00:03:28,43.33333333 Hello, hello, and welcome to another episode of Help Me See. 36 00:03:33,653.33333333 --> 00:03:37,363.33333333 Today is going to be something a little bit different. 37 00:03:38,783.33333333 --> 00:03:48,303.33233333 I have never in any episode, what am I up to, 120? I don't know, of the show read anything. 38 00:03:48,663.33233333 --> 00:04:00,813.33333333 But today's episode It's different because, uh, a couple of weeks ago I was on my deck and just had the impulse to write. 39 00:04:01,153.33333333 --> 00:04:08,903.33333333 And so I started writing and it's on a topic that I really want to talk about on the podcast. 40 00:04:08,913.33333333 --> 00:04:11,563.33233333 So I'm going to try. 41 00:04:11,723.33333333 --> 00:04:14,613.33333333 Reading it and hopefully it's not unbearable for you. 42 00:04:15,956.66666667 --> 00:04:16,936.66666667 I think it's interesting. 43 00:04:16,936.66666667 --> 00:04:17,506.66666667 Actually. 44 00:04:17,556.66666667 --> 00:04:35,466.66666667 I feel like this way of creating more recently if you've been listening for a while more recently, I've been taking the podcast episodes transcription and Creating a post on Substack from it. 45 00:04:35,496.66666667 --> 00:04:43,766.66566667 So I'll take the transcription and then go in and massage it and fine tune it and like turn it into a piece of writing and a visual experience paired with photos. 46 00:04:43,776.66666667 --> 00:05:02,361.66666667 And I love that process and it's really cool, but what is way better than just creating another something? Alongside the podcast episode is the fact that it's forcing me to sit with myself and my own words in a very, very different way. 47 00:05:02,801.66666667 --> 00:05:16,41.66666667 And in doing so, I have felt the impulse to write more outside of the podcast, outside of, um, you know, the, the working off the transcription. 48 00:05:17,61.66666667 --> 00:05:17,741.66666667 So. 49 00:05:18,491.66666667 --> 00:05:24,121.66666667 Yeah, it's just a whole new sense of empowerment and I was gonna sit down to talk about this. 50 00:05:24,121.66666667 --> 00:05:39,421.66666667 I was going to just surmise, but then the other part of me was like, Hey, you already wrote these words, respect the fucking words that you wrote and speak them. 51 00:05:39,581.66566667 --> 00:05:41,421.66566667 So now I'm going to do it in reverse. 52 00:05:41,471.66666667 --> 00:05:43,211.66666667 I'm going to read what I wrote. 53 00:05:46,241.66666667 --> 00:05:47,901.66666667 Ah, okay. 54 00:05:48,471.66666667 --> 00:06:14,716.66666667 So today's episode is about concoctions and Um, what got me thinking about this was actually the cooking concoctions, Cooking is usually like a Um, controversial topic, like not controversial, but you know, I love to cook or I hate cooking or I enjoy it, but I'm bad at it or blah, blah, blah, blah. 55 00:06:16,596.66666667 --> 00:06:30,686.66666667 And if you don't feel like listening to me reading it, either go to my sub stack to read the actual post or take this nugget before you go. 56 00:06:33,756.66666667 --> 00:06:35,206.66666667 Every single thing you do. 57 00:06:35,951.66666667 --> 00:06:38,551.66666667 It has this innate wisdom to it. 58 00:06:38,561.66666667 --> 00:06:48,91.66566667 There's a strategy that you're tapping into for whatever you do when you're doing it instinctually, right? In the way that is natural to you. 59 00:06:48,871.66666667 --> 00:07:04,61.66666667 And instead of looking around at how it is maybe outside of the norm and not the societal expectation or the way it's usually done or the way that most people understand, instead of using that as a weapon against yourself. 60 00:07:05,231.66666667 --> 00:07:11,991.66666667 Maybe take a breath and look at whatever it is you're doing through this lens of neutrality. 61 00:07:12,71.66666667 --> 00:07:28,451.66666667 Like for a long time, cooking, I was like, Oh, it just now, especially now that I have kids, it feels like this whole big thing and my responsibility to do this and to have proper dinners and this, that, and the other thing. 62 00:07:29,771.66666667 --> 00:07:31,541.66666667 And as soon as I let go of. 63 00:07:32,106.66666667 --> 00:07:45,406.66666667 It having to look like something, like even just something as innocent as, uh, a friend asking, like, well, what are you making for dinners this week? Or, you know, whatever that feeling of like, Oh, I already should have that figured out by now. 64 00:07:45,416.66666667 --> 00:07:57,36.66666667 Or, Oh, um, I can't explain how I made it because I just threw it together and now blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, whatever do exactly that. 65 00:07:57,456.66666667 --> 00:08:00,156.66666667 Just take the breath and just say, Hmm. 66 00:08:00,716.66666667 --> 00:08:01,616.66666667 Assume. 67 00:08:02,501.66666667 --> 00:08:04,261.66666667 Wisdom in your instinct. 68 00:08:05,231.66666667 --> 00:08:13,181.66566667 Stop assuming shame in like, oh, this is hard to explain or, oh, I'm not doing it the way. 69 00:08:13,611.66666667 --> 00:08:16,311.66666667 You know, most people do it, or I could be doing it healthier. 70 00:08:16,311.66666667 --> 00:08:23,61.66666667 I could, whatever, neutralize the way you're witnessing yourself and the way that you do things. 71 00:08:23,61.66666667 --> 00:08:35,531.66666667 And the second you remove the shame or the shoulds or looking else elsewhere think about how sacred it is if you take all the shit off of it. 72 00:08:36,601.66666667 --> 00:08:38,391.66666667 Like when I wrote this. 73 00:08:40,26.66666667 --> 00:08:45,786.66666667 And I had to actually sit, I never before had thought about what is actually happening for me as I'm cooking. 74 00:08:45,796.66666667 --> 00:08:55,816.66666667 Like, what are the, what, how do I concoct these random meals that I make? What happens? And I had to actually sit and type it out. 75 00:08:56,626.66666667 --> 00:09:01,586.66566667 I was like, wow, this is exactly me. 76 00:09:05,236.66566667 --> 00:09:06,76.66566667 It's not. 77 00:09:06,496.66566667 --> 00:09:07,276.66566667 Oh. 78 00:09:08,266.66566667 --> 00:09:15,196.66566667 I am just a shit storm in the kitchen and it's my lifelong responsibility now. 79 00:09:15,226.66566667 --> 00:09:15,976.66566667 And I just. 80 00:09:16,786.66566667 --> 00:09:19,186.66566667 Make it work and figure it out. 81 00:09:19,936.66566667 --> 00:09:20,446.66566667 It's. 82 00:09:22,396.66566667 --> 00:09:28,996.66566667 Oh, I channeled that same space inside of me that I use. 83 00:09:30,346.66566667 --> 00:09:33,406.66566667 In my most favorite place to be. 84 00:09:33,436.66566667 --> 00:09:36,556.66566667 Is it like this creation place? And. 85 00:09:37,216.66566667 --> 00:09:40,126.66566667 Although, it's not my favorite to cook. 86 00:09:40,546.66566667 --> 00:09:44,56.66566667 I channeled that same flow state into my cooking. 87 00:09:44,686.66566667 --> 00:09:49,996.66566667 And so this task that I have to do every single day, Now. 88 00:09:50,596.66566667 --> 00:09:54,346.66566667 Is a less of a burden and more of a channel. 89 00:09:55,96.66566667 --> 00:10:00,916.66566667 That I used to be with my creativity and my instincts in a different way. 90 00:10:02,56.66566667 --> 00:10:06,76.66566667 And that's incredible and there's so much we can glean from that. 91 00:10:06,76.66566667 --> 00:10:06,496.66566667 And it's. 92 00:10:07,246.66566667 --> 00:10:13,516.66566667 Really there's so much because oftentimes the most potent genius. 93 00:10:14,86.66566667 --> 00:10:15,196.66566667 That we have. 94 00:10:15,856.66566667 --> 00:10:18,976.66566667 It's so internal that it's hard to view. 95 00:10:18,976.66566667 --> 00:10:19,516.66566667 It's hard to. 96 00:10:20,536.66566667 --> 00:10:22,846.66566667 Diagnose, it's hard to articulate. 97 00:10:23,296.66566667 --> 00:10:28,606.66566667 But with something when it's applied to an area that we don't feel so precious about. 98 00:10:29,356.66566667 --> 00:10:32,536.66566667 Now that I'm looking at it in this way, my concoctions. 99 00:10:33,226.66566667 --> 00:10:34,486.66566667 I look at it with like this. 100 00:10:35,116.66566667 --> 00:10:37,156.66566667 Confidence and this like, yeah. 101 00:10:37,576.66566667 --> 00:10:39,916.66566667 This is how it, this is how I put food together. 102 00:10:40,456.66566667 --> 00:10:44,56.66566667 And I figure things out and it feels right for me and it feels good for me. 103 00:10:44,446.66566667 --> 00:10:46,366.66566667 Um, and it's sustainable for me. 104 00:10:46,576.66566667 --> 00:10:48,76.66566667 If I held myself to making. 105 00:10:49,766.66566667 --> 00:10:52,16.66566667 Recipes and meal plans every week. 106 00:10:52,96.66566667 --> 00:10:54,556.66566667 it would feel soul sucking to me. 107 00:10:55,296.66566667 --> 00:11:01,56.66566667 well, at least in this phase, in my life, I believe that all these blanket statements don't really do us any favors because then we get. 108 00:11:02,466.66566667 --> 00:11:03,546.66566667 Swallowed by. 109 00:11:04,56.66566667 --> 00:11:09,966.66566667 Our identity that we have in this moment, which can be our truth now, but don't have to be our truths forever, but okay. 110 00:11:09,966.66566667 --> 00:11:11,106.66566667 Enough for the nuances here. 111 00:11:11,736.66566667 --> 00:11:15,516.66566667 Uh, I just wanted to leave that nugget here. 112 00:11:15,636.66566667 --> 00:11:16,26.66566667 It's. 113 00:11:17,676.66566667 --> 00:11:21,516.66566667 Can we shift from assuming shame and assuming. 114 00:11:22,26.66566667 --> 00:11:26,766.66566667 This hunched shoulder type of energy around whatever it is we're doing for me, it was cooking. 115 00:11:26,886.66566667 --> 00:11:27,336.66566667 Okay. 116 00:11:28,86.66566667 --> 00:11:30,366.66566667 And can we start assuming this. 117 00:11:32,26.66566667 --> 00:11:32,746.66566667 Power. 118 00:11:33,616.66566667 --> 00:11:37,366.66566667 This natural instinct that we have and respect that. 119 00:11:38,596.66566667 --> 00:11:43,6.66566667 And, and see how much more enjoyable and how much more energy flows. 120 00:11:43,366.66566667 --> 00:11:46,126.66566667 When you own that about yourself. 121 00:11:48,196.66566667 --> 00:11:48,676.66566667 So. 122 00:11:50,416.66566667 --> 00:11:51,166.66566667 That is what I have. 123 00:11:51,676.66566667 --> 00:11:52,936.66566667 I hope you enjoy. 124 00:11:53,986.66566667 --> 00:11:55,726.66566667 I hope you enjoy the. 125 00:11:57,496.66566667 --> 00:11:59,86.66566667 Writings about my. 126 00:12:00,316.66566667 --> 00:12:01,216.66566667 Concoction. 127 00:12:01,606.66566667 --> 00:12:03,706.66566667 My concocting and. 128 00:12:05,146.66566667 --> 00:12:08,596.66566667 The source of where I learned it all from. 129 00:12:09,406.66566667 --> 00:12:12,526.66566667 My Italian New York parents who. 130 00:12:14,566.66566667 --> 00:12:16,156.66566667 Use phrase. 131 00:12:16,786.66566667 --> 00:12:17,686.66566667 When it looks right. 132 00:12:18,166.66566667 --> 00:12:19,6.66566667 When I ask. 133 00:12:20,806.66566667 --> 00:12:22,186.66566667 For any sort of detail. 134 00:12:24,796.66566667 --> 00:12:25,66.66566667 Okay. 135 00:12:25,66.66566667 --> 00:12:25,366.66566667 Okay. 136 00:12:25,786.66566667 --> 00:12:26,176.66566667 Here we go. 137 00:12:26,936.66566667 --> 00:12:30,96.66566667 um, concoctions. 138 00:12:30,726.66566667 --> 00:12:32,876.66566667 The anti recipe? No. 139 00:12:33,746.66566667 --> 00:12:39,946.66466667 After giving it thought, I realized concoctions inevitably become a recipe in its own way anyway. 140 00:12:40,436.66566667 --> 00:12:50,886.66566667 Also, can being for something stop meaning we have to be anti something else? But to be honest, anti recipe was my immediate initial thought. 141 00:12:54,931.66566667 --> 00:13:00,791.66566667 Intuitive cooking Based off a lifetime of tasting experiences. 142 00:13:00,971.66566667 --> 00:13:03,641.66566667 Thanks to recipes, ironically. 143 00:13:05,591.66566667 --> 00:13:16,581.66466667 Okay, so what's the difference and why do I feel so averse to one over the other? After all, a recipe is just the fine tuned and recorded end point of intuitive concocting. 144 00:13:17,796.66566667 --> 00:13:28,66.66566667 Essentially, the only thing that's different is, drum roll please, our relationship to our perception of the words and their implications, like everything else in life. 145 00:13:28,896.66566667 --> 00:13:37,946.66466667 They are both beautiful, but this share will be about my deep dive into embracing my own instincts in the kitchen and letting go of forcing myself to do it any other way. 146 00:13:40,276.66466667 --> 00:13:41,586.66466667 I cook like I take pictures. 147 00:13:42,296.66466667 --> 00:13:43,526.66466667 I hate instructions. 148 00:13:43,596.66466667 --> 00:13:44,666.66466667 I have no patience. 149 00:13:44,746.66466667 --> 00:13:45,746.66466667 I have no desire. 150 00:13:46,386.66566667 --> 00:13:57,216.66566667 I grew up in an Italian family whose measure for if something was right was first smelling it, then looking at it, then stirring it to test consistency, and then taste. 151 00:13:58,146.66566667 --> 00:13:59,926.66466667 Get your whole self in it. 152 00:14:00,816.66566667 --> 00:14:05,326.66466667 I once asked my dad how much olive oil to put in and he said, you know, till it looks right. 153 00:14:05,886.66566667 --> 00:14:06,816.66566667 Like glunk glunk. 154 00:14:06,816.76566667 --> 00:14:07,816.56566667 Glunk glunk. 155 00:14:08,676.66566667 --> 00:14:11,6.66566667 Now I use glunks as a unit of measurement. 156 00:14:11,586.66566667 --> 00:14:21,856.66566667 How many glunk feelings slash sounds as the olive oil leaves the bottle? I cook in concoctions exclusively. 157 00:14:21,876.66566667 --> 00:14:25,286.66466667 Anytime I even attempt to follow a recipe, I immediately reject it. 158 00:14:25,336.66566667 --> 00:14:27,246.66566667 My whole self cannot bear it. 159 00:14:27,296.66566667 --> 00:14:28,216.66566667 I loathe it. 160 00:14:28,916.66566667 --> 00:14:31,176.66566667 Impatience is a huge part, yes. 161 00:14:31,756.66566667 --> 00:14:42,186.66566667 Probably also ADHD, but more so than that, I really think it has more to do with my need To feel the energy of what I'm doing and move with that across the board. 162 00:14:43,266.66566667 --> 00:14:50,136.66566667 A life force that cannot and will not be constrained even with a guarantee of a tested and delicious recipe. 163 00:14:51,466.66566667 --> 00:14:53,446.66466667 The process over the end result. 164 00:14:54,506.66466667 --> 00:15:01,186.66466667 Life is too short to live for a supposed guarantee according to someone else with different taste buds. 165 00:15:02,996.66566667 --> 00:15:05,56.66566667 To be resourceful with what I already have. 166 00:15:05,636.66566667 --> 00:15:09,116.66566667 Not only from a fiscal perspective, but from a, there's no way in hell. 167 00:15:09,116.66566667 --> 00:15:13,86.66566667 I'm going to stop what I'm doing to leave the house, to get this dumb ass ingredient perspective. 168 00:15:13,746.66566667 --> 00:15:15,256.66566667 I'd rather make a whole different dish. 169 00:15:17,906.66566667 --> 00:15:22,516.66566667 I used to take offense to the whole, how you do one thing is how you do all things. 170 00:15:23,306.66566667 --> 00:15:31,856.66466667 I operate like a shit storm, disorganized, unplanned, frenetic, half assed, or. 171 00:15:35,1.66566667 --> 00:15:49,831.66566667 Is the way I operate just nonlinear, exclusively energetic and inspired, led by my own instincts and perhaps effortlessly genius. 172 00:15:51,851.66466667 --> 00:15:55,621.66566667 Now I think because I can find a favorable way to spin it, I'm okay with it. 173 00:15:58,231.66566667 --> 00:16:00,221.66566667 I cook like I take photos. 174 00:16:00,761.66566667 --> 00:16:03,211.66566667 I sense what state I'm in. 175 00:16:03,421.66566667 --> 00:16:06,621.66466667 What do I feel? Something heavy, light, hot, cold. 176 00:16:07,226.66566667 --> 00:16:20,396.66566667 What is my energy? How much of a process do I want to make this? Am I in the mood to be in the kitchen or am I just addressing the need with as little effort as possible? Neither better or worse than the other. 177 00:16:21,986.66466667 --> 00:16:23,776.66466667 Then I look at what I already have. 178 00:16:24,336.66566667 --> 00:16:34,106.66566667 What's in front of me? What did another version of me decide would be a good idea to buy and have in the house? We harvest what we planted before. 179 00:16:35,546.66566667 --> 00:16:41,771.6656667 How did I equip myself for this? I don't have an ingredient I want noted for next time. 180 00:16:42,371.6656667 --> 00:16:43,501.6656667 I'll make do this time. 181 00:16:44,721.6656667 --> 00:16:49,211.6656667 What could work or be even better? Maybe it's perfect this way. 182 00:16:51,591.6656667 --> 00:17:02,341.6646667 I layer and add and stir and chop and stand there with senses tingling because I feel I'm conjuring up something delicious or losing steam because my enthusiasm is going down with the ship. 183 00:17:03,611.6646667 --> 00:17:08,341.6646667 There's no family recipe book to be had from my parents who make delicious meals. 184 00:17:08,961.6656667 --> 00:17:20,161.6656667 They pretty much have rotated the same 10 to 15 different meals my whole life and scoff and gag in the most juvenile way at my experimentation and quote unquote healthy organic stuff. 185 00:17:21,21.6646667 --> 00:17:22,781.6656667 That's a ridicule in my family. 186 00:17:22,831.6656667 --> 00:17:23,811.6656667 That's like a diss. 187 00:17:27,581.6656667 --> 00:17:30,171.6656667 I didn't know what hummus was until college. 188 00:17:30,621.6656667 --> 00:17:33,191.6656667 My mom rolls her eyes and gags at my quinoa. 189 00:17:34,401.6656667 --> 00:17:36,391.6656667 And God forbid I even pronounce hummus. 190 00:17:42,636.6656667 --> 00:17:49,406.6646667 It's funny because even though I enjoy being open to making new and interesting foods with health conscious food, I'm not used to it. 191 00:17:49,886.6656667 --> 00:17:52,86.6656667 I still deeply want their approval. 192 00:17:52,366.6656667 --> 00:18:05,86.6656667 I'd love for them to taste something I make and say, well, damn, but that will never happen because when they come to visit, I make their asses cook the whole time because mama needs a break and nostalgic home cooking is comforting. 193 00:18:06,461.6656667 --> 00:18:10,891.6656667 Also, cooking is my dad's love language, so if he wasn't cooking, he'd be sitting on the couch grumpy anyway. 194 00:18:12,241.6656667 --> 00:18:17,666.6656667 Writing this makes me think, the next time we're together, And they're cooking. 195 00:18:18,186.6656667 --> 00:18:20,656.6656667 I need to record the whole process from start to finish. 196 00:18:20,796.6656667 --> 00:18:25,256.6656667 The recipes will be long winded videos But that's okay because we are long winded people. 197 00:18:26,286.6656667 --> 00:18:28,476.6656667 Speaking of long winded, I digress. 198 00:18:29,76.6656667 --> 00:18:36,206.6656667 I start pairing and tasting different combinations with different condiments and decide how would be best to serve it to each family member. 199 00:18:37,436.6656667 --> 00:18:40,26.6656667 Silas loves dips of all kinds. 200 00:18:40,276.6656667 --> 00:18:41,586.6656667 Cash hates dips. 201 00:18:41,996.6656667 --> 00:18:43,186.6656667 He likes his stuff dry. 202 00:18:44,74.6031667 --> 00:18:46,294.6031667 Ben wants everything obnoxiously spicy. 203 00:18:47,44.6031667 --> 00:18:50,494.6031667 I take a smaller portion to ensure that there's enough for the boys. 204 00:18:50,944.6031667 --> 00:18:52,444.6031667 And serve it over greens. 205 00:18:53,434.6031667 --> 00:18:54,124.6031667 Each bowl. 206 00:18:55,204.6031667 --> 00:18:58,144.6031667 Personalized to that person that's sitting in front of it. 207 00:18:59,644.6031667 --> 00:19:03,484.6031667 I hate cooking in the more traditional way, but I love nourishing my family. 208 00:19:05,224.6031667 --> 00:19:06,784.6031667 Less because of gender roles. 209 00:19:07,654.6031667 --> 00:19:11,434.6031667 And more because I don't want to eat microwave chicken every night of my life. 210 00:19:11,554.6031667 --> 00:19:14,194.6031667 And they would, if I wasn't the one cooking at all times. 211 00:19:16,834.6031667 --> 00:19:18,364.6031667 If I'm going to do the thing. 212 00:19:18,784.6031667 --> 00:19:19,834.6031667 I don't love doing. 213 00:19:20,614.6031667 --> 00:19:22,324.6031667 Let me love the way I choose to do it. 214 00:19:24,4.6031667 --> 00:19:24,724.6031667 I tune in. 215 00:19:25,144.6031667 --> 00:19:26,284.6031667 I sense myself. 216 00:19:26,614.6031667 --> 00:19:28,354.6031667 I observe what's available to me. 217 00:19:28,534.6031667 --> 00:19:30,34.6031667 Trust I can make it work. 218 00:19:30,754.6031667 --> 00:19:38,254.6031667 Move with what comes to be and take my love and memories and considerations to make it personal for each person I'm concocting for. 219 00:19:40,564.6031667 --> 00:19:43,174.6031667 I just cut up an apple to make a yogurt parfait. 220 00:19:43,444.6031667 --> 00:19:44,434.6031667 Don't have yogurt. 221 00:19:44,614.6031667 --> 00:19:45,154.6031667 Okay. 222 00:19:45,214.6031667 --> 00:19:46,834.6031667 I'll make an apple oatmeal dish. 223 00:19:47,794.6031667 --> 00:19:49,24.6031667 Don't feel like oatmeal again. 224 00:19:49,564.6031667 --> 00:19:50,314.6031667 It's fall. 225 00:19:50,344.6031667 --> 00:19:51,274.6031667 I want cozy. 226 00:19:51,814.6031667 --> 00:19:55,294.6031667 Baked goods, but I'm leaning gluten-free for my thyroid now. 227 00:19:55,804.6031667 --> 00:19:58,204.6031667 Preheat oven for whatever the hell is about to go down. 228 00:19:58,984.6031667 --> 00:20:00,64.6031667 Grab a dish. 229 00:20:00,634.6031667 --> 00:20:03,304.6031667 At trader Joe's oats, chia seeds blend. 230 00:20:03,724.6031667 --> 00:20:05,164.6031667 Add a cup of almond flour. 231 00:20:05,764.6031667 --> 00:20:09,424.6031667 At my apples water, no, don't want to dilute the flavor. 232 00:20:09,814.6031667 --> 00:20:10,654.6031667 Oat milk instead. 233 00:20:11,764.6031667 --> 00:20:13,804.6031667 Hmm, no chocolate chips we found. 234 00:20:14,464.6031667 --> 00:20:15,154.6031667 Maple syrup. 235 00:20:15,154.6031667 --> 00:20:15,484.6031667 It is. 236 00:20:16,354.6031667 --> 00:20:18,724.6031667 Still looks too thick at some coconut oil. 237 00:20:19,264.6031667 --> 00:20:19,864.6031667 Looks better. 238 00:20:20,644.6031667 --> 00:20:21,364.6031667 At cinnamon. 239 00:20:21,574.6031667 --> 00:20:25,774.6031667 Uh, and really want to make sure that this thing doesn't completely suck. 240 00:20:25,774.6031667 --> 00:20:28,234.6031667 So I add the fix-all brown sugar on top. 241 00:20:29,764.6031667 --> 00:20:33,484.6031667 But in the oven, keep checking on it until it firms up or starts to golden. 242 00:20:33,484.6031667 --> 00:20:34,564.6031667 Whichever comes first. 243 00:20:35,704.6031667 --> 00:20:38,614.6031667 Move on to journal or create something, come back six times. 244 00:20:39,484.6031667 --> 00:20:41,344.6031667 Damn, this is really not a solid yet. 245 00:20:42,664.6031667 --> 00:20:44,194.6031667 I knew I needed an egg. 246 00:20:44,434.6031667 --> 00:20:45,634.6031667 But another thyroid? No. 247 00:20:45,634.6031667 --> 00:20:45,874.6031667 No. 248 00:20:45,874.6031667 --> 00:20:46,774.6031667 So we'll just deal. 249 00:20:47,584.6031667 --> 00:20:48,424.6031667 I took it out. 250 00:20:48,754.6031667 --> 00:20:51,574.6031667 Before the top burnt and affirmed more as it cooled. 251 00:20:52,714.6031667 --> 00:20:53,554.6031667 It was delicious. 252 00:20:53,614.6031667 --> 00:20:54,934.6031667 Absolutely delicious. 253 00:20:55,594.6031667 --> 00:20:57,394.6031667 I will never make it quite the same again. 254 00:20:57,574.6031667 --> 00:21:00,394.6031667 Of course too impatient to write down the measurements I did. 255 00:21:01,24.6031667 --> 00:21:03,64.6031667 I didn't know, I'd even want to remember it. 256 00:21:03,394.6031667 --> 00:21:05,44.6031667 Who knew if it would be worth repeating. 257 00:21:05,494.6031667 --> 00:21:06,754.6031667 But masochistically. 258 00:21:06,754.6031667 --> 00:21:09,634.6031667 I think I enjoy the inability to repeat. 259 00:21:10,594.6031667 --> 00:21:11,614.6031667 Just like a moment. 260 00:21:12,124.6031667 --> 00:21:14,284.6031667 Never repeated, never the same. 261 00:21:15,514.6031667 --> 00:21:17,434.6031667 Even the recipes that aren't delicious. 262 00:21:17,434.6031667 --> 00:21:18,574.6031667 I feel no angst. 263 00:21:18,784.6031667 --> 00:21:20,644.6031667 I accept it because I did it my way. 264 00:21:21,664.6031667 --> 00:21:27,694.6031667 I didn't sacrifice my experience, my instincts, my natural tendencies to make something that ended up sucking anyway. 265 00:21:29,374.6031667 --> 00:21:31,744.6031667 I'm satisfied with whatever comes. 266 00:21:31,744.6031667 --> 00:21:33,394.6031667 When I trust my gut and go. 267 00:21:36,864.6031667 --> 00:21:42,264.6031667 Where in your life are you using someone else's recipe? That's leaving a bitter taste in your mouth. 268 00:21:46,404.6031667 --> 00:21:47,724.6031667 Do it your way. 269 00:21:50,394.6031667 --> 00:21:53,544.6031667 And find so much more peace in whatever the outcome is. 270 00:21:55,984.6031667 --> 00:21:56,984.6031667 Delicious peace. 271 00:21:58,634.6031667 --> 00:22:03,794.6031667 If you're looking for help in being able to identify and find your own. 272 00:22:04,784.6031667 --> 00:22:08,594.6031667 Magic connect to your own instinct and see yourself. 273 00:22:08,644.6031667 --> 00:22:20,224.6031667 I invite you to come over to, um, sub stack where when you join and become a paid subscriber currently at $11 a month, you get access to nostalgia now, which is your monthly. 274 00:22:21,64.6031667 --> 00:22:30,424.6031667 One of a kind prompted photo templates where you go inward connect to self and see the evidence of your own love, genius, heart. 275 00:22:31,144.6031667 --> 00:22:32,14.6031667 Every single month. 276 00:22:32,674.6031667 --> 00:22:36,34.6031667 If you want to learn more head to the Lincoln bio and. 277 00:22:36,604.6031667 --> 00:22:38,764.6031667 If you have any questions, send me a DM. 278 00:22:39,484.6031667 --> 00:22:41,74.6031667 Okay, have a beautiful day.
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