October 24, 2024 • 19 mins
“You wasted my time! You wasted my time! This is the worst day ever!” My son screams in panic after an idyllic time eating dinner on the river bank and throwing stones in the water. I found myself telling him, “I understand that you feel panic and upset that we aren’t going to get to do what you want but that doesn't have to take away from the good time you just had. It doesn't have to be a waste.” I'm laughing at my hypocrite self as I'm saying this knowing full well this is probably the number one thing I yell at myself about internally about EV-ER-Y SIN-GLE DAY. How can we guarantee we aren't wasting our precious time on this earth? After listening to a meditation on desireless action and reading a how to poetry book, I found an answer.
What came to me has given me a renewed sense of power and relief. How can we bridge the gap between our desired result and present desire? Pretty damn easily actually... subscribe to my substack to get episodes delivered to your inbox (with pictures:))Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Not doing something with an end goal or a desire for it to become something else.
.999Doing it for the sake of life, for the sake of breath, for the sake of compulsion.
Because there is no other option.
There's no plan B.
.9There is only I am alive and my heart is beating and there's air in my lungs. 6 00:00:30,64.9 --> 00:00:31,344.9 And I must create. 7 00:00:48,44.9 --> 00:00:52,24.9 Help Me See is a podcast dedicated to the art of seeing. 8 00:00:52,664.9 --> 00:00:59,354.9 It's a space for the restless visionary with an insatiable desire to create the life and work you're meant for. 9 00:01:00,329.9 --> 00:01:09,449.9 My name is Bianca Lea Mora, and I'm a photographic artist, a mother, and a coach who's transformed my fear of loss into power, art, and philosophy. 10 00:01:09,719.9 --> 00:01:22,879.9 One of the scariest quotes I never want to say is, I wish I knew at the time, but I truly believe that we have the innate ability to bring our wise 2020 hindsight to our now. 11 00:01:23,779.9 --> 00:01:31,19.899 You can deeply experience your nostalgia now, while it's actually happening, with no regrets. 12 00:01:32,119.9 --> 00:01:33,449.9 All you have to do is see. 13 00:01:34,549.9 --> 00:01:50,399.9 In this show, we laugh, we cry, we get inspired, we overshare, we have life changing conversations around making meaning, self discovery, and shedding all the BS layers in order to reconnect to our own sacred vision. 14 00:01:51,209.9 --> 00:01:54,869.9 Seeing yourself is an essential key to living powerfully. 15 00:01:55,279.9 --> 00:02:00,89.9 You are the vessel, the lens that filters absolutely everything in your life. 16 00:02:01,49.899 --> 00:02:22,604.9 What are you filtering for? Whether it be conversations with fellow artists and visionaries, or my solo audio journal style introspective ramblings, each episode is meant to feel like an exhale, an unraveling of truth, a moment for you to be able to put your finger on something that you haven't been able to for far too long. 17 00:02:24,164.899 --> 00:02:26,234.899 Come exactly as you are. 18 00:02:26,524.899 --> 00:02:27,384.899 It's perfect. 19 00:02:28,94.899 --> 00:02:29,614.899 Honor your instincts. 20 00:02:29,674.899 --> 00:02:35,294.899 Let's uncover some of the most important things in our lives which all too often can slip out from our view. 21 00:02:36,619.9 --> 00:02:43,499.9 Let's commit to seeing and consciously creating what only you can in your one and only life. 22 00:02:44,639.9 --> 00:02:45,309.9 Let's dive in. 23 00:02:47,28.23333333 --> 00:02:49,548.23333333 Hello, hello, and welcome to another episode of Help Me See. 24 00:02:51,88.23333333 --> 00:02:57,208.23333333 Today, I am coming to you from a stunningly gorgeous nature walk. 25 00:02:57,748.23333333 --> 00:03:09,608.23333333 Uh, it is peak fall here in the Midwest and, oh my gosh, nothing captures my attention more than the changing leaves. 26 00:03:09,618.23333333 --> 00:03:10,718.23333333 It's so interesting. 27 00:03:15,788.23333333 --> 00:03:16,898.23333333 It feels heavenly. 28 00:03:20,393.23333333 --> 00:03:36,623.33333333 I feel so compelled to be in it as much as possible because it's so fleeting, that after school yesterday, when we picked up the kids and we decided to take them to a park just to be outside together, so often my partner and I kind of tag team and like switch. 29 00:03:37,653.33333333 --> 00:03:43,353.33333333 Look at this, is that an eagle or a hawk? It is right above me. 30 00:03:43,353.43333333 --> 00:03:57,703.33333333 I wonder if I'll be able to zoom in and decipher. 31 00:03:59,703.33333333 --> 00:04:07,263.33333333 I swear every time I put my camera out of my arms reach, something happens. 32 00:04:09,23.33333333 --> 00:04:09,363.33333333 Okay. 33 00:04:10,373.33333333 --> 00:04:38,663.33333333 Picked up the kids, took them to the park, played by the river, and then it's time to go and there's this playground at this park and it was getting dark and we ran out of time and we're gonna go home and my son starts panicking that he doesn't have time to go to the playground and all of a sudden starts Yelling that we wasted his time. 34 00:04:39,173.33333333 --> 00:04:49,93.33333333 You wasted my time! You wasted my time! This is the worst day ever! And, this is a very new thing that he's been saying. 35 00:04:49,783.33233333 --> 00:04:51,353.33333333 You wasted my time. 36 00:04:53,363.33333333 --> 00:04:56,533.33333333 And I found myself, you know, telling him. 37 00:04:56,533.33333333 --> 00:05:06,483.33333333 That I understand that he feels panic and upset that he realized that we weren't going to get to do what he wants to do but that doesn't have to take away from the time he had. 38 00:05:07,253.33333333 --> 00:05:09,923.33233333 So it doesn't have to be a waste. 39 00:05:11,453.33333333 --> 00:05:18,563.33333333 And I'm like laughing at myself as I'm saying this because this is probably the number one thing. 40 00:05:18,563.33333333 --> 00:05:22,873.33333333 That I yell at myself about internally every single day. 41 00:05:23,803.33333333 --> 00:05:28,233.33333333 It's the threat of having to say, You wasted your time. 42 00:05:29,463.33333333 --> 00:05:31,183.33333333 You wasted your time. 43 00:05:32,783.33333333 --> 00:05:35,663.33233333 Even today, even today, I got here at almost 9. 44 00:05:35,923.33233333 --> 00:05:36,163.33233333 00. 45 00:05:36,673.33233333 --> 00:05:57,93.43333333 And I Walked around with almost panic, what do I do with this energy, with this time? I spent the first, two hours listening to music and taking photos, uh, which is super interesting because I usually don't take nature photos that often. 46 00:05:57,143.43333333 --> 00:06:02,173.43333333 And, um, it was like a just blissful experience. 47 00:06:02,903.43333333 --> 00:06:06,223.43333333 Then I listened to some meditations and then I started reading. 48 00:06:06,783.43333333 --> 00:06:13,193.43333333 And then of course, I opened to a passage that I read and I was like, Oh my God, I have to talk about this. 49 00:06:13,273.43333333 --> 00:06:13,943.43333333 And then. 50 00:06:14,463.43333333 --> 00:06:22,993.43333333 I read two pages more and I couldn't, I had to stop and decided I was going to talk to you about this. 51 00:06:22,993.43333333 --> 00:06:27,533.43433333 So I'm going to read what I read that inspired me to start recording. 52 00:06:29,3.43333333 --> 00:06:35,463.43433333 So this is from Mary Oliver's A Poetry Handbook, A Prose Guide to Understanding and Writing Poetry. 53 00:06:38,973.43433333 --> 00:06:43,368.43433333 And the part says poetry is a river. 54 00:06:43,878.43433333 --> 00:06:45,378.43433333 Many voices travel in it. 55 00:06:46,8.43333333 --> 00:06:51,118.43433333 Poem after poem moves along in the exciting crest and falls of the river waves. 56 00:06:51,948.43433333 --> 00:06:53,648.43433333 None is timeless. 57 00:06:54,578.43433333 --> 00:06:58,138.43433333 Each arrives in historical context. 58 00:06:59,73.43433333 --> 00:07:15,103.43333333 Almost everything in the end passes, but the desire to make a poem and the world's willingness to receive it, indeed the world's need of it, these never pass. 59 00:07:16,713.43433333 --> 00:07:25,703.43433333 If it is all poetry, and not just one's own accomplishment, that carries one from this green and mortal world. 60 00:07:26,173.43433333 --> 00:07:30,63.43433333 that lifts the latch and gives a glimpse into a greater paradise. 61 00:07:30,803.43433333 --> 00:07:41,353.43433333 Then perhaps one has the sensibility, a gratitude apart from authorship, a fervor and desire beyond the margins of the self. 62 00:07:50,33.43433333 --> 00:07:56,643.43433333 None is timeless, but the desire to make a poem. 63 00:07:58,873.43433333 --> 00:08:00,553.43433333 And the willingness to receive it. 64 00:08:01,683.43433333 --> 00:08:02,853.43433333 These never pass. 65 00:08:05,343.43433333 --> 00:08:06,283.43433333 So this struck me. 66 00:08:06,793.43433333 --> 00:08:07,833.43433333 The desire. 67 00:08:10,783.43333333 --> 00:08:12,333.43433333 The desire to make a poem. 68 00:08:12,343.43433333 --> 00:08:16,453.43433333 And the desire to be touched by a poem. 69 00:08:20,443.43433333 --> 00:08:26,843.43433333 Right before I started reading, I was listening to a meditation on desireless action. 70 00:08:29,208.43433333 --> 00:08:54,478.43433333 And I chose that meditation, I chose that title because yesterday I wrote, um, something on Substack, uh, on a note that said, if no one could ever see it, if it could not serve anyone, if it never led to anything, if. 71 00:08:54,478.43433333 --> 00:09:04,648.43533333 My body's need for oxygen was replaced with the need to create and be with only what sustains my spirit in order to stay alive. 72 00:09:05,988.43533333 --> 00:09:33,943.43433333 What would I be doing right this minute? Just from tracing back that thread, I think it's really important to note how obvious and clear it is when you place attention on something, how that attention expands, how that experience expands. 73 00:09:35,793.43433333 --> 00:09:38,163.43533333 I was thinking about that. 74 00:09:38,163.43533333 --> 00:09:38,923.43533333 I wrote that. 75 00:09:39,513.43533333 --> 00:09:45,983.43533333 I chose a meditation based on that title because I was more aware of that than today. 76 00:09:45,983.43533333 --> 00:09:51,23.43533333 As I'm reading that passage, I come across that and link it. 77 00:09:53,103.43533333 --> 00:10:01,693.43533333 When you give yourself, the space and time to meander on what actually interests you, it opens, it just comes. 78 00:10:02,773.43533333 --> 00:10:03,393.43433333 If you like. 79 00:10:03,818.43533333 --> 00:10:10,998.43533333 This is a magically mundane version of magnetism and manifestation, that's what it feels like. 80 00:10:17,588.43433333 --> 00:10:24,848.43533333 So, what came to me after I read that was that we don't have to vilify desire. 81 00:10:27,663.43533333 --> 00:10:52,113.43433333 I know like non attachment is important, but non attachment can also feel like we have to be non human and just completely okay with whatever happens and not strive for anything specific and I believe the point, it feels like the point is. 82 00:10:53,333.43433333 --> 00:11:06,733.43433333 to distill your life down to the point where your desireless action is filled with desire in and of itself. 83 00:11:10,273.43433333 --> 00:11:22,93.43333333 So find the place where your deepest desire is the action that is available to you right now. 84 00:11:24,293.43433333 --> 00:11:32,863.43433333 Right, because whatever you're striving for, whatever goal you have actually isn't the end desire. 85 00:11:32,873.43433333 --> 00:11:48,93.43433333 It's not like the deepest level of the desire because like whatever it is, you can go layers beneath it until you get to the core of why you want that thing and what you believe is going to make you feel. 86 00:11:49,238.43433333 --> 00:12:07,218.43433333 If I want a book published, if I want, gallery representation, if that is the desire, let's just say, gallery representation, the desire is that to feel. 87 00:12:08,178.43433333 --> 00:12:21,358.43333333 validated in my vision to feel like deeply seen and understood and I can give that to myself. 88 00:12:23,418.43433333 --> 00:12:33,398.43433333 What action can I take right now that is seeing and understanding myself? It's creating art. 89 00:12:34,228.43433333 --> 00:12:35,248.43433333 It's journaling. 90 00:12:38,148.43433333 --> 00:12:39,458.43433333 It's making a picture. 91 00:12:40,728.43433333 --> 00:12:57,848.43333333 It could be self publishing a book, not waiting to be seen or recognized and validated externally, whatever, whatever it is, transmute an end goal desire into something you can give yourself right now. 92 00:13:07,648.43333333 --> 00:13:15,888.43433333 As I always say, the picture, although the most precious thing in the world, it doesn't matter. 93 00:13:20,33.43433333 --> 00:13:52,623.43333333 What matters is the alchemy of what rose up inside of you that created that exchange, that created the event, that creation of the image, the meaning that it is infused with and emits, and the iterations that follow, and the ripple effect. 94 00:13:53,273.43433333 --> 00:13:54,503.43433333 That comes from that. 95 00:13:54,913.43433333 --> 00:14:03,233.43333333 It all comes from this nucleus of super concentrated truth. 96 00:14:06,513.43433333 --> 00:14:12,763.43433333 Not doing something with an end goal or a desire for it to become something else. 97 00:14:12,763.43433333 --> 00:14:20,43.43333333 Doing it for the sake of life, for the sake of breath, for the sake of compulsion. 98 00:14:21,478.43433333 --> 00:14:22,978.43433333 Because there is no other option. 99 00:14:22,978.43433333 --> 00:14:23,888.43433333 There's no plan B. 100 00:14:26,478.43433333 --> 00:14:34,538.33433333 There is only I am alive and my heart is beating and there's air in my lungs. 101 00:14:36,378.33433333 --> 00:14:37,658.33433333 And I must create. 102 00:14:54,208.33433333 --> 00:14:58,678.33333333 It makes me think about cute aggression. 103 00:14:59,948.33333333 --> 00:15:09,548.33433333 My neighbor's grandchild was over the other day, and this baby smiled at me, and the noises that came out of my body were Horrifying. 104 00:15:09,728.33433333 --> 00:15:19,418.33433333 I, I just couldn't even deal with the smile of this child and there are no words. 105 00:15:19,488.33433333 --> 00:15:31,908.33433333 The, the innocence, the purity, the joy, the love, the, the just the, it's such a immediate reaction. 106 00:15:32,118.33433333 --> 00:15:36,188.33333333 There's no room for strategy. 107 00:15:36,188.33433333 --> 00:15:38,823.33433333 There's no room for overthinking. 108 00:15:38,833.33433333 --> 00:15:44,493.33433333 There's no room for conditional circumstances. 109 00:15:44,503.33433333 --> 00:15:53,913.33433333 It's just unconditional life that erupts from something that reacts. 110 00:16:10,743.33533333 --> 00:16:12,583.33433333 Desireless action. 111 00:16:23,693.33433333 --> 00:16:25,463.33433333 Think about what you want. 112 00:16:26,983.33433333 --> 00:16:46,563.3343333 Think about what you desire and dial it back Until that same kernel of truth is an action of desire, is desire and action at once. 113 00:17:00,943.3333333 --> 00:17:14,208.3333333 If we harness our actions into pure desire, Then we don't withhold that feeling and that craving until we achieve a thing. 114 00:17:14,498.3333333 --> 00:17:16,358.3333333 We feel it all along. 115 00:17:18,468.3333333 --> 00:17:19,958.3323333 We live our life the whole time. 116 00:17:20,68.3323333 --> 00:17:22,528.3333333 We don't hold our breath until we get to the thing. 117 00:17:25,788.3333333 --> 00:17:29,338.3333333 And holding your breath is going to make it a fuck ton of a lot harder to get to the thing. 118 00:17:34,58.3333333 --> 00:17:41,618.3333333 And when you hold your breath until you get to the thing, it usually never feels worth it. 119 00:17:45,233.3333333 --> 00:18:00,733.3323333 What's worth it is, right now, I'm looking up in the sky, and there are leaves falling, twirling, and glowing, and sparkling, until they gently land in the grass. 120 00:18:01,583.3333333 --> 00:18:15,443.3323333 What more can I ask of myself than to actually see that right now? Close your eyes and let them open on something right in front of you, right now. 121 00:18:20,573.3333333 --> 00:18:22,903.3333333 Think about how that is a gift. 122 00:18:25,503.3333333 --> 00:18:31,423.3323333 And think about how that fulfills a desire that you already have. 123 00:18:36,223.3323333 --> 00:18:38,133.3323333 Okay, that is what I have for you today. 124 00:18:38,443.3333333 --> 00:18:42,13.3333333 I hope you are having a beautiful week. 125 00:18:42,13.3333333 --> 00:18:57,813.3333333 If you'd like to connect over on Substack, you could find this episode in written form alongside of photographs that I pair with it for my archive Alrighty, I'm gonna pack up, go home, eat some lunch, and pick up the kiddos. 126 00:18:59,33.3343333 --> 00:19:00,223.3343333 That is what I have for you today. 127 00:19:00,223.3343333 --> 00:19:03,23.3343333 I hope you have a beautiful rest of your week, and I will catch you next time. 128 00:19:04,472.7220884 --> 00:19:07,692.7220884 This has been an Awkward Sage Production.
Not doing something with an end goal or a desire for it to become something else.
.999Doing it for the sake of life, for the sake of breath, for the sake of compulsion.
Because there is no other option.
There's no plan B.
.9There is only I am alive and my heart is beating and there's air in my lungs. 6 00:00:30,64.9 --> 00:00:31,344.9 And I must create. 7 00:00:48,44.9 --> 00:00:52,24.9 Help Me See is a podcast dedicated to the art of seeing. 8 00:00:52,664.9 --> 00:00:59,354.9 It's a space for the restless visionary with an insatiable desire to create the life and work you're meant for. 9 00:01:00,329.9 --> 00:01:09,449.9 My name is Bianca Lea Mora, and I'm a photographic artist, a mother, and a coach who's transformed my fear of loss into power, art, and philosophy. 10 00:01:09,719.9 --> 00:01:22,879.9 One of the scariest quotes I never want to say is, I wish I knew at the time, but I truly believe that we have the innate ability to bring our wise 2020 hindsight to our now. 11 00:01:23,779.9 --> 00:01:31,19.899 You can deeply experience your nostalgia now, while it's actually happening, with no regrets. 12 00:01:32,119.9 --> 00:01:33,449.9 All you have to do is see. 13 00:01:34,549.9 --> 00:01:50,399.9 In this show, we laugh, we cry, we get inspired, we overshare, we have life changing conversations around making meaning, self discovery, and shedding all the BS layers in order to reconnect to our own sacred vision. 14 00:01:51,209.9 --> 00:01:54,869.9 Seeing yourself is an essential key to living powerfully. 15 00:01:55,279.9 --> 00:02:00,89.9 You are the vessel, the lens that filters absolutely everything in your life. 16 00:02:01,49.899 --> 00:02:22,604.9 What are you filtering for? Whether it be conversations with fellow artists and visionaries, or my solo audio journal style introspective ramblings, each episode is meant to feel like an exhale, an unraveling of truth, a moment for you to be able to put your finger on something that you haven't been able to for far too long. 17 00:02:24,164.899 --> 00:02:26,234.899 Come exactly as you are. 18 00:02:26,524.899 --> 00:02:27,384.899 It's perfect. 19 00:02:28,94.899 --> 00:02:29,614.899 Honor your instincts. 20 00:02:29,674.899 --> 00:02:35,294.899 Let's uncover some of the most important things in our lives which all too often can slip out from our view. 21 00:02:36,619.9 --> 00:02:43,499.9 Let's commit to seeing and consciously creating what only you can in your one and only life. 22 00:02:44,639.9 --> 00:02:45,309.9 Let's dive in. 23 00:02:47,28.23333333 --> 00:02:49,548.23333333 Hello, hello, and welcome to another episode of Help Me See. 24 00:02:51,88.23333333 --> 00:02:57,208.23333333 Today, I am coming to you from a stunningly gorgeous nature walk. 25 00:02:57,748.23333333 --> 00:03:09,608.23333333 Uh, it is peak fall here in the Midwest and, oh my gosh, nothing captures my attention more than the changing leaves. 26 00:03:09,618.23333333 --> 00:03:10,718.23333333 It's so interesting. 27 00:03:15,788.23333333 --> 00:03:16,898.23333333 It feels heavenly. 28 00:03:20,393.23333333 --> 00:03:36,623.33333333 I feel so compelled to be in it as much as possible because it's so fleeting, that after school yesterday, when we picked up the kids and we decided to take them to a park just to be outside together, so often my partner and I kind of tag team and like switch. 29 00:03:37,653.33333333 --> 00:03:43,353.33333333 Look at this, is that an eagle or a hawk? It is right above me. 30 00:03:43,353.43333333 --> 00:03:57,703.33333333 I wonder if I'll be able to zoom in and decipher. 31 00:03:59,703.33333333 --> 00:04:07,263.33333333 I swear every time I put my camera out of my arms reach, something happens. 32 00:04:09,23.33333333 --> 00:04:09,363.33333333 Okay. 33 00:04:10,373.33333333 --> 00:04:38,663.33333333 Picked up the kids, took them to the park, played by the river, and then it's time to go and there's this playground at this park and it was getting dark and we ran out of time and we're gonna go home and my son starts panicking that he doesn't have time to go to the playground and all of a sudden starts Yelling that we wasted his time. 34 00:04:39,173.33333333 --> 00:04:49,93.33333333 You wasted my time! You wasted my time! This is the worst day ever! And, this is a very new thing that he's been saying. 35 00:04:49,783.33233333 --> 00:04:51,353.33333333 You wasted my time. 36 00:04:53,363.33333333 --> 00:04:56,533.33333333 And I found myself, you know, telling him. 37 00:04:56,533.33333333 --> 00:05:06,483.33333333 That I understand that he feels panic and upset that he realized that we weren't going to get to do what he wants to do but that doesn't have to take away from the time he had. 38 00:05:07,253.33333333 --> 00:05:09,923.33233333 So it doesn't have to be a waste. 39 00:05:11,453.33333333 --> 00:05:18,563.33333333 And I'm like laughing at myself as I'm saying this because this is probably the number one thing. 40 00:05:18,563.33333333 --> 00:05:22,873.33333333 That I yell at myself about internally every single day. 41 00:05:23,803.33333333 --> 00:05:28,233.33333333 It's the threat of having to say, You wasted your time. 42 00:05:29,463.33333333 --> 00:05:31,183.33333333 You wasted your time. 43 00:05:32,783.33333333 --> 00:05:35,663.33233333 Even today, even today, I got here at almost 9. 44 00:05:35,923.33233333 --> 00:05:36,163.33233333 00. 45 00:05:36,673.33233333 --> 00:05:57,93.43333333 And I Walked around with almost panic, what do I do with this energy, with this time? I spent the first, two hours listening to music and taking photos, uh, which is super interesting because I usually don't take nature photos that often. 46 00:05:57,143.43333333 --> 00:06:02,173.43333333 And, um, it was like a just blissful experience. 47 00:06:02,903.43333333 --> 00:06:06,223.43333333 Then I listened to some meditations and then I started reading. 48 00:06:06,783.43333333 --> 00:06:13,193.43333333 And then of course, I opened to a passage that I read and I was like, Oh my God, I have to talk about this. 49 00:06:13,273.43333333 --> 00:06:13,943.43333333 And then. 50 00:06:14,463.43333333 --> 00:06:22,993.43333333 I read two pages more and I couldn't, I had to stop and decided I was going to talk to you about this. 51 00:06:22,993.43333333 --> 00:06:27,533.43433333 So I'm going to read what I read that inspired me to start recording. 52 00:06:29,3.43333333 --> 00:06:35,463.43433333 So this is from Mary Oliver's A Poetry Handbook, A Prose Guide to Understanding and Writing Poetry. 53 00:06:38,973.43433333 --> 00:06:43,368.43433333 And the part says poetry is a river. 54 00:06:43,878.43433333 --> 00:06:45,378.43433333 Many voices travel in it. 55 00:06:46,8.43333333 --> 00:06:51,118.43433333 Poem after poem moves along in the exciting crest and falls of the river waves. 56 00:06:51,948.43433333 --> 00:06:53,648.43433333 None is timeless. 57 00:06:54,578.43433333 --> 00:06:58,138.43433333 Each arrives in historical context. 58 00:06:59,73.43433333 --> 00:07:15,103.43333333 Almost everything in the end passes, but the desire to make a poem and the world's willingness to receive it, indeed the world's need of it, these never pass. 59 00:07:16,713.43433333 --> 00:07:25,703.43433333 If it is all poetry, and not just one's own accomplishment, that carries one from this green and mortal world. 60 00:07:26,173.43433333 --> 00:07:30,63.43433333 that lifts the latch and gives a glimpse into a greater paradise. 61 00:07:30,803.43433333 --> 00:07:41,353.43433333 Then perhaps one has the sensibility, a gratitude apart from authorship, a fervor and desire beyond the margins of the self. 62 00:07:50,33.43433333 --> 00:07:56,643.43433333 None is timeless, but the desire to make a poem. 63 00:07:58,873.43433333 --> 00:08:00,553.43433333 And the willingness to receive it. 64 00:08:01,683.43433333 --> 00:08:02,853.43433333 These never pass. 65 00:08:05,343.43433333 --> 00:08:06,283.43433333 So this struck me. 66 00:08:06,793.43433333 --> 00:08:07,833.43433333 The desire. 67 00:08:10,783.43333333 --> 00:08:12,333.43433333 The desire to make a poem. 68 00:08:12,343.43433333 --> 00:08:16,453.43433333 And the desire to be touched by a poem. 69 00:08:20,443.43433333 --> 00:08:26,843.43433333 Right before I started reading, I was listening to a meditation on desireless action. 70 00:08:29,208.43433333 --> 00:08:54,478.43433333 And I chose that meditation, I chose that title because yesterday I wrote, um, something on Substack, uh, on a note that said, if no one could ever see it, if it could not serve anyone, if it never led to anything, if. 71 00:08:54,478.43433333 --> 00:09:04,648.43533333 My body's need for oxygen was replaced with the need to create and be with only what sustains my spirit in order to stay alive. 72 00:09:05,988.43533333 --> 00:09:33,943.43433333 What would I be doing right this minute? Just from tracing back that thread, I think it's really important to note how obvious and clear it is when you place attention on something, how that attention expands, how that experience expands. 73 00:09:35,793.43433333 --> 00:09:38,163.43533333 I was thinking about that. 74 00:09:38,163.43533333 --> 00:09:38,923.43533333 I wrote that. 75 00:09:39,513.43533333 --> 00:09:45,983.43533333 I chose a meditation based on that title because I was more aware of that than today. 76 00:09:45,983.43533333 --> 00:09:51,23.43533333 As I'm reading that passage, I come across that and link it. 77 00:09:53,103.43533333 --> 00:10:01,693.43533333 When you give yourself, the space and time to meander on what actually interests you, it opens, it just comes. 78 00:10:02,773.43533333 --> 00:10:03,393.43433333 If you like. 79 00:10:03,818.43533333 --> 00:10:10,998.43533333 This is a magically mundane version of magnetism and manifestation, that's what it feels like. 80 00:10:17,588.43433333 --> 00:10:24,848.43533333 So, what came to me after I read that was that we don't have to vilify desire. 81 00:10:27,663.43533333 --> 00:10:52,113.43433333 I know like non attachment is important, but non attachment can also feel like we have to be non human and just completely okay with whatever happens and not strive for anything specific and I believe the point, it feels like the point is. 82 00:10:53,333.43433333 --> 00:11:06,733.43433333 to distill your life down to the point where your desireless action is filled with desire in and of itself. 83 00:11:10,273.43433333 --> 00:11:22,93.43333333 So find the place where your deepest desire is the action that is available to you right now. 84 00:11:24,293.43433333 --> 00:11:32,863.43433333 Right, because whatever you're striving for, whatever goal you have actually isn't the end desire. 85 00:11:32,873.43433333 --> 00:11:48,93.43433333 It's not like the deepest level of the desire because like whatever it is, you can go layers beneath it until you get to the core of why you want that thing and what you believe is going to make you feel. 86 00:11:49,238.43433333 --> 00:12:07,218.43433333 If I want a book published, if I want, gallery representation, if that is the desire, let's just say, gallery representation, the desire is that to feel. 87 00:12:08,178.43433333 --> 00:12:21,358.43333333 validated in my vision to feel like deeply seen and understood and I can give that to myself. 88 00:12:23,418.43433333 --> 00:12:33,398.43433333 What action can I take right now that is seeing and understanding myself? It's creating art. 89 00:12:34,228.43433333 --> 00:12:35,248.43433333 It's journaling. 90 00:12:38,148.43433333 --> 00:12:39,458.43433333 It's making a picture. 91 00:12:40,728.43433333 --> 00:12:57,848.43333333 It could be self publishing a book, not waiting to be seen or recognized and validated externally, whatever, whatever it is, transmute an end goal desire into something you can give yourself right now. 92 00:13:07,648.43333333 --> 00:13:15,888.43433333 As I always say, the picture, although the most precious thing in the world, it doesn't matter. 93 00:13:20,33.43433333 --> 00:13:52,623.43333333 What matters is the alchemy of what rose up inside of you that created that exchange, that created the event, that creation of the image, the meaning that it is infused with and emits, and the iterations that follow, and the ripple effect. 94 00:13:53,273.43433333 --> 00:13:54,503.43433333 That comes from that. 95 00:13:54,913.43433333 --> 00:14:03,233.43333333 It all comes from this nucleus of super concentrated truth. 96 00:14:06,513.43433333 --> 00:14:12,763.43433333 Not doing something with an end goal or a desire for it to become something else. 97 00:14:12,763.43433333 --> 00:14:20,43.43333333 Doing it for the sake of life, for the sake of breath, for the sake of compulsion. 98 00:14:21,478.43433333 --> 00:14:22,978.43433333 Because there is no other option. 99 00:14:22,978.43433333 --> 00:14:23,888.43433333 There's no plan B. 100 00:14:26,478.43433333 --> 00:14:34,538.33433333 There is only I am alive and my heart is beating and there's air in my lungs. 101 00:14:36,378.33433333 --> 00:14:37,658.33433333 And I must create. 102 00:14:54,208.33433333 --> 00:14:58,678.33333333 It makes me think about cute aggression. 103 00:14:59,948.33333333 --> 00:15:09,548.33433333 My neighbor's grandchild was over the other day, and this baby smiled at me, and the noises that came out of my body were Horrifying. 104 00:15:09,728.33433333 --> 00:15:19,418.33433333 I, I just couldn't even deal with the smile of this child and there are no words. 105 00:15:19,488.33433333 --> 00:15:31,908.33433333 The, the innocence, the purity, the joy, the love, the, the just the, it's such a immediate reaction. 106 00:15:32,118.33433333 --> 00:15:36,188.33333333 There's no room for strategy. 107 00:15:36,188.33433333 --> 00:15:38,823.33433333 There's no room for overthinking. 108 00:15:38,833.33433333 --> 00:15:44,493.33433333 There's no room for conditional circumstances. 109 00:15:44,503.33433333 --> 00:15:53,913.33433333 It's just unconditional life that erupts from something that reacts. 110 00:16:10,743.33533333 --> 00:16:12,583.33433333 Desireless action. 111 00:16:23,693.33433333 --> 00:16:25,463.33433333 Think about what you want. 112 00:16:26,983.33433333 --> 00:16:46,563.3343333 Think about what you desire and dial it back Until that same kernel of truth is an action of desire, is desire and action at once. 113 00:17:00,943.3333333 --> 00:17:14,208.3333333 If we harness our actions into pure desire, Then we don't withhold that feeling and that craving until we achieve a thing. 114 00:17:14,498.3333333 --> 00:17:16,358.3333333 We feel it all along. 115 00:17:18,468.3333333 --> 00:17:19,958.3323333 We live our life the whole time. 116 00:17:20,68.3323333 --> 00:17:22,528.3333333 We don't hold our breath until we get to the thing. 117 00:17:25,788.3333333 --> 00:17:29,338.3333333 And holding your breath is going to make it a fuck ton of a lot harder to get to the thing. 118 00:17:34,58.3333333 --> 00:17:41,618.3333333 And when you hold your breath until you get to the thing, it usually never feels worth it. 119 00:17:45,233.3333333 --> 00:18:00,733.3323333 What's worth it is, right now, I'm looking up in the sky, and there are leaves falling, twirling, and glowing, and sparkling, until they gently land in the grass. 120 00:18:01,583.3333333 --> 00:18:15,443.3323333 What more can I ask of myself than to actually see that right now? Close your eyes and let them open on something right in front of you, right now. 121 00:18:20,573.3333333 --> 00:18:22,903.3333333 Think about how that is a gift. 122 00:18:25,503.3333333 --> 00:18:31,423.3323333 And think about how that fulfills a desire that you already have. 123 00:18:36,223.3323333 --> 00:18:38,133.3323333 Okay, that is what I have for you today. 124 00:18:38,443.3333333 --> 00:18:42,13.3333333 I hope you are having a beautiful week. 125 00:18:42,13.3333333 --> 00:18:57,813.3333333 If you'd like to connect over on Substack, you could find this episode in written form alongside of photographs that I pair with it for my archive Alrighty, I'm gonna pack up, go home, eat some lunch, and pick up the kiddos. 126 00:18:59,33.3343333 --> 00:19:00,223.3343333 That is what I have for you today. 127 00:19:00,223.3343333 --> 00:19:03,23.3343333 I hope you have a beautiful rest of your week, and I will catch you next time. 128 00:19:04,472.7220884 --> 00:19:07,692.7220884 This has been an Awkward Sage Production.
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