October 10, 2024 • 36 mins
My used book called me a hypocrite. I almost didn't record this episode because I had nothing to say. I followed my unproductive instinct and magically found something to say. Your turn... GET VISUAL PODCASTS STRAIGHT TO YOUR INBOX.
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Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
what is the part of you that hears these conversations and feels relief. 2 00:00:05,339.9999999997 --> 00:00:07,960.0000000003 That's the thing when I pick up a book and I find a book that.
(00:09):
Says something that I so deeply resonate, I feel relief like, oh, okay. 4 00:00:14,859.999999999 --> 00:00:17,290 But then after the relief.
I feel this itch of like, oh, I gotta make something.
Oh, Dola.
It's like this contagious. 8 00:00:23,619.999999999 --> 00:00:26,740 Inspiration of like, Yes. 9 00:00:28,689.999999999 --> 00:00:31,559.999999999 What do I do with it? I feel urgency. 10 00:00:31,949.999999999 --> 00:00:36,809.999999999 Around wrapping my brain around what the fuck I'm obsessed with. 11 00:00:37,229.999999999 --> 00:00:38,669.999999999 Cause I can't define it. 12 00:00:39,539.999999999 --> 00:00:40,139.999999999 But it is. 13 00:00:40,139.999999999 --> 00:00:41,69.999999999 Undeniable. 14 00:00:41,459.999999999 --> 00:00:43,589.999999999 I am possessed by it. 15 00:00:43,589.999999999 --> 00:00:44,459.999999999 Yes. 16 00:00:45,29.999999999 --> 00:00:46,19.999999999 Now what. 17 00:00:48,89.999999999 --> 00:00:49,229.999999998 So I asked you. 18 00:00:50,699.999999998 --> 00:00:53,249.999999998 If this made you feel like, ah, yes. 19 00:00:53,969.999999999 --> 00:00:54,269.999999999 Yeah. 20 00:00:55,409.999999998 --> 00:00:55,709.999999998 Yes. 21 00:00:55,739.999999999 --> 00:00:56,9.999999998 Yes. 22 00:00:56,9.999999998 --> 00:00:56,339.999999999 Yes. 23 00:00:57,719.999999998 --> 00:00:58,769.999999998 Now what. 24 00:01:00,269.999999998 --> 00:01:04,899.999999998 Is there something that you're praying to pull yourself against your own current. 25 00:01:05,49.999999998 --> 00:01:10,479.999999998 What is your current, what is the natural flow of your energy and your love and your. 26 00:01:10,839.999999998 --> 00:01:13,89.999999998 Inspiration your life force. 27 00:01:14,589.999999998 --> 00:01:18,429.999999998 Where does that carry you? If you just. 28 00:01:18,429.999999998 --> 00:01:19,809.999999998 Float with it. 29 00:01:20,199.999999998 --> 00:01:26,176.666666665 Where does it carry you? Help Me See is a podcast dedicated to the art of seeing. 30 00:01:26,816.666666665 --> 00:01:33,506.666666665 It's a space for the restless visionary with an insatiable desire to create the life and work you're meant for. 31 00:01:34,481.666666665 --> 00:01:43,601.66666667 My name is Bianca Lea Mora, and I'm a photographic artist, a mother, and a coach who's transformed my fear of loss into power, art, and philosophy. 32 00:01:43,871.66666667 --> 00:01:57,31.66666667 One of the scariest quotes I never want to say is, I wish I knew at the time, but I truly believe that we have the innate ability to bring our wise 2020 hindsight to our now. 33 00:01:57,931.66666667 --> 00:02:05,171.66566667 You can deeply experience your nostalgia now, while it's actually happening, with no regrets. 34 00:02:06,271.66666667 --> 00:02:07,601.66666667 All you have to do is see. 35 00:02:08,701.66666667 --> 00:02:24,551.66666667 In this show, we laugh, we cry, we get inspired, we overshare, we have life changing conversations around making meaning, self discovery, and shedding all the BS layers in order to reconnect to our own sacred vision. 36 00:02:25,361.66666667 --> 00:02:29,21.66666667 Seeing yourself is an essential key to living powerfully. 37 00:02:29,431.66666667 --> 00:02:34,241.66666667 You are the vessel, the lens that filters absolutely everything in your life. 38 00:02:35,201.66566667 --> 00:02:56,756.66666667 What are you filtering for? Whether it be conversations with fellow artists and visionaries, or my solo audio journal style introspective ramblings, each episode is meant to feel like an exhale, an unraveling of truth, a moment for you to be able to put your finger on something that you haven't been able to for far too long. 39 00:02:58,316.66566667 --> 00:03:00,386.66566667 Come exactly as you are. 40 00:03:00,676.66566667 --> 00:03:01,536.66566667 It's perfect. 41 00:03:02,246.66566667 --> 00:03:03,766.66566667 Honor your instincts. 42 00:03:03,826.66566667 --> 00:03:09,446.66566667 Let's uncover some of the most important things in our lives which all too often can slip out from our view. 43 00:03:10,771.66666667 --> 00:03:17,651.66666667 Let's commit to seeing and consciously creating what only you can in your one and only life. 44 00:03:18,791.66666667 --> 00:03:19,461.66666667 Let's dive in.
(03:20):
Hello, and welcome to another episode of help me see.
It is 5 45 in the morning.
My dog has been vomiting for the last two hours.
And I have decided.
To stop reading my book.
(03:43):
And come here to talk about.
How unintentionally hypocritical.
I can be.
So.
Today.
Yesterday.
I was restless and.
(04:06):
It was my time allotted to record a podcast episode.
And I just didn't feel like talking.
Is actually the first time ever that I was like, I actually don't have anything that I feel like saying right now.
And.
If you know me at all, you know, I'm not in the business of forcing anything.
(04:30):
So I was like, well, I guess.
You know, in the past, it's been like almost four years, right.
Since I've had the podcast and.
I've missed a week or so, based on, you know, Literally.
Life, personal life stuff, logistics.
Um, But never.
(04:53):
For lack of something to say, And, um, I'm certainly not going to just.
Force myself to say something.
I'm not going to create something unless.
It feels like.
Truth.
So I'm like, you know what.
I'm just going to go to this bookstore that I've been wanting to go to.
(05:14):
Uh, I've been there before, but it's been a long time.
And last time I was there, I was there with my youngest who was screaming and licking the cart.
And as I was pushing him, anyway, so.
I got a bunch of books.
And.
I'm reading one of them.
It is.
(05:35):
Um, Mary Oliver.
Uh, poetry handbook, UPROSE guide to understanding and writing poetry.
So I start.
Reading this book.
And I just can't get over.
How in love I am.
(05:56):
With when I get used books.
The writing from previous people.
It feels so intimate and so private, it almost feels wrong.
For me to be reading their notes.
It's so interesting because I'm someone that I need to underline as I read absolutely need to otherwise I can't comprehend it.
(06:22):
And it's.
I mean, it gets, it's kind of like taking pictures in a moment.
Like it's like a way of comprehending something more deeply.
Like, as I'm reading, if it's something important, I'm like underlining and it's like synthesizing in a way.
I don't know.
If you, if you know, you know, And, um, So it's really interesting to see like what another person that underlined versus what I would underline and where that overlap is.
(06:48):
And.
You begin to have this like, Kind of relationship where.
I don't know as I'm reading it, I'm like, oh yes, of course you underline that.
It's I don't know.
It almost kind of makes me want to cry.
It's just really.
Beautiful.
And, um, You know, I thought it was interesting cause.
(07:13):
I'm reading these words of this book.
Obviously I'm that same.
I'm a similar person.
Ish.
Right.
I bought this book and this person.
Has already read this book.
All I keep thinking about when I'm reading these notes.
(07:36):
And also beautiful handwriting.
If anyone had books with my handwriting in the margins, they'd be like, what the fuck is this psycho SA.
I can't even read my own writing.
Um, Like one of the notes is I get acquainted with poets of the past.
(07:56):
Or like an exclamation point next to something.
Or.
Words were initially created to reflect realities.
Through their sounds.
I love.
Witnessing how someone's brain works.
And moreover, I start thinking about.
Oh, How beautiful.
(08:21):
Of all the things, this person.
Could be reading or doing.
They're reading about poetry.
And like the earnest, like.
Underlining and triple underlining and bracketing and circling.
(08:44):
And then I think.
As I'm marveling over.
This person that I have no idea who it is.
Like you hypocrite.
You are reading this book.
You're one that underlines.
(09:05):
Have you ever marveled at yourself? At the magnificence and innocence and beauty.
Efforts and craving in.
Taking in.
A poetry book.
One of the quotes in this book says.
(09:27):
Um, of the book, it is written to empower the beginning writer who stands between two marvelous and complex things.
And experience.
Or an idea or a feeling.
And the urge to tell about it in the best possible conjunction of words.
So I read that.
And then I start thinking.
(09:49):
Oh, Beautifully put yes.
And I immediately equated to photographs.
And experience.
Or an idea or a feeling.
And the urge to tell about it.
In the.
In a picture.
Okay.
(10:09):
Interesting.
And then I spiraled into thinking.
Why do I keep.
Wanting to talk around.
The process instead of creating something, this is, it's a very specific thing.
That I've been frustrated with myself about.
(10:31):
Hmm.
I can't stop.
Wanting to talk about the experience.
Of the work and the consumption and the.
Metabolizing of.
(10:53):
These ideas.
But from the outside and it feels wrong, it feels like.
Well, I should be.
Doing the thing.
Why am I reading about.
Poetry instead of.
Writing poetry.
Why am I.
Talking more about.
Photographic practice instead of.
(11:15):
Creating a book.
I just do the work, create the work.
But that is so again, once again, hypocritical to what.
I believe to be true, which is like, honor your fucking impulse.
I don't believe that there's this inner working.
Like hidden.
(11:38):
Worthiness issue or avoidance of my work.
I do have a craving to like create more physical things.
Like I want to.
Commit to making a book of the work.
And in the past I have just completely glazed over it because so much of the work I do is just never ending.
(12:02):
So it doesn't ever feel like a good time.
It's just all forever.
And, um, but I also want to give it a special place.
But also I can't force the fact that it doesn't feel urgent.
(12:26):
It feels urgent.
What, what, what is urgent to me is this pile of books next to me.
Let's talk about the books I have the way under the way by mark Nepo to poetry book.
I have the, also this poetry handbook by Mary Oliver.
I have.
(12:49):
The amazing laws of cosmic mind, power by Joseph Murphy.
Um, Just talking about the subconscious.
I have solitude a return to the self by Anthony store.
What else do I have? Oh, The book I'm leaning on right now.
(13:11):
And they have the inkblots Herman Rorschach.
His iconic test.
And the power of seeing.
Okay.
My impulse to go to the store and.
Pick out of this whole store, thousands of books.
(13:32):
These books.
What if I pretend that I'm, that.
Wonderful person.
That I'm.
Singing the praises of the road, the margins in the book.
What would I say about that person? If I knew that these were the books that she bought.
I'm trying to unlock my ability.
(13:52):
Two.
Soften to myself.
And two.
Respect.
My impulse.
And the same way I believe through my bones, that you should respect yours.
And open up to what I'm trying.
(14:15):
Do you know what I'm trying to do to what I am doing? And recognize it and the power that it has, because that's what this is about.
I was, um, also listening to an audio book by, um, it's like co-written by this.
Psychologist, Phil Stutz.
(14:35):
Um, And.
They talk about.
Life force, energy and overcoming.
This.
X factor.
That's inhibiting us and draining our life force and, um, resisting the impulse to.
(14:58):
Um, withdraw and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
And I was like, Hmm.
I found myself like feeling that defensive feeling, you know? Not wanting to be in that, like Confirmation bias thing and like, no, that doesn't align with what I believe to be true.
So I like let myself.
Go into thinking about it.
And I'm like, no, I still.
(15:18):
I, the impulses are the key to recognizing everything good and bad.
Good and bad.
It's in the witnessing of the impulses and being aware of our impulses.
Whether or not.
They are serving.
(15:39):
That is where our insights lie.
That is where our.
Understanding of ourselves.
Arises.
And when, when we're able to see ourselves in that way, then we can move.
Through it.
Away from it into it, whatever it is.
(16:00):
I said, I hope.
Anyway, um, Okay, following, keep, keep, keep with me here.
I'm just following the thread.
That's going to.
God knows where.
One of the.
Reviews on the back of this book.
It says, who knew the founding lines of psychoanalysis often seem as petty as they were at times.
(16:23):
Brilliant.
But to hear Damion, Searls tell it in this absorbing new biography, Herman war shark, was it.
Different sort altogether, humane, empathetic, loving, deeply, seen.
And possessed of a true artist soul.
Searles account.
Of Roche rocks after life is no less fascinating as every culture that encountered his test team to project its own values onto it.
(16:51):
In the end true to rorschach searles locates, the heart of being human at the endlessly unfurling intersection of vision.
And self-awareness.
And I read that and I think.
All of these seemingly disparate.
(17:12):
Pieces.
All of these different books.
All of this.
All that.
I'm responding to what is me? Outside in the world.
And I see that.
And I'm like, oh yes.
That I'm looking to scratch this itch of like, Acquiring the breadcrumbs and the nuggets to be able to give myself.
(17:34):
The ability to wrap my mind around.
What I want to be wrapping my mind around.
And I think.
In the past I've.
Felt insecure about it as if I'm trying to validate myself, which there's nothing wrong with that, by the way, wanting to validate yourself.
And I feel like validating your yourself through.
(17:55):
You're.
Your art and your photographs is a really healthy, beautiful way to do that.
Um, But not only is it.
Helpful.
And expansive.
To look outside of yourself to.
(18:18):
Acquire.
Knowledge and understanding of what's been done in the past and be able to formulate.
What is.
Deeply.
Pulling at you.
But it's also.
An opportunity in invitation.
To love yourself.
(18:38):
Like I, I think about that.
I haven't even started this book and I think.
Ah, what.
Uh, fucking bad-ass.
And then say cover says it shines a light on the 20th.
Century's most visionary synthesis of art and science.
My God, what.
(19:00):
In amazing.
Thing to do.
And then I think, how am I different? How am I less than that? I'm not.
I'm doing my own.
Synthesis.
I'm just in it.
(19:23):
So, what are you.
Craving to synthesize.
What are you? I don't know, it's like a blind spot.
It's like, The glare and sun in your eyes.
And it's so strong that you're missing a certain spot.
Uh, view.
Like for me.
(19:45):
I'm sitting here.
Believing to my core.
That when we trust our instinct and move with our impulse.
There's this undeniable.
Self-actualization available for us.
(20:05):
There's this.
Understanding of.
And reverence for our place in the world.
And I know.
That my.
Craft.
No, it is essential to my life.
It is also.
(20:27):
Not the center.
Of what I want to do.
And that feels a little strange, but also I know it.
I know it in the way I recoil.
When someone assumes.
Oh, um, that I'm a.
Photographer.
(20:47):
I mean, I am a photographer, but just my reaction.
To the label.
It's like, Of course I I'm obsessed with photographers.
I love photographers.
I am a photographer.
But when someone.
Buckets me like that.
I'm like, oh, But my heart.
(21:08):
is in a slightly different place.
And I don't know, I don't know what I want to be called.
I don't care.
Really.
What did we called? But I know that it's not just about the pictures for me.
It's about.
This the synthesizing of more, this.
I'm still uncovering like the.
(21:31):
Crux of like, This intersection of.
Wellness of.
Love of living life.
The best way we can.
Through.
This art to the successful, to.
(21:52):
Anyone.
Breaking down these boundaries and barriers and hierarchal bullshit of.
Good art.
Good pictures.
(22:12):
There's also a book, the, on the back of this.
Oh, that same, the same guy.
Yeah.
So the guy that wrote that quote, that I just read about the intersection of vision and self-awareness his name is Lawrence Weschler.
And.
It says author of stealing is forgetting the name of the thing.
One sees like, well, I certainly need to pick up that book.
(22:40):
But yeah.
Anyway, all that to say.
All the Z.
I waste energy.
Silently subconsciously shaming myself for not creating more like.
Doing more with the work.
(23:01):
Like, okay.
I have.
Billions of photos.
What do I do with it? Like, I don't.
I don't feel urgency or I'm making a book.
I would like to.
I feel urgency.
Around wrapping my brain around what the fuck I'm obsessed with.
Cause I can't define it.
(23:23):
But it is.
Undeniable.
I am possessed by it.
What does that for you? That, that interesting, specific insidious nuance of.
Is there something that you're like, I should be doing this.
Why am I not doing this? And like praying to pull yourself against your own current.
(23:49):
What is your current, what is the natural flow of your energy and your love and your.
Inspiration your life force.
Where does that carry you? If you just.
Float with it.
Where does it carry you? If we get rid of that narrative of like, Work hard.
(24:12):
Got to commit, have to blah, blah, blah.
What does that natural current.
Of enthusiasm.
At natural current of your life forced the things when you feel flat, like I did.
Oh, my God.
I don't feel like recording a podcast.
Don't have anything to say.
Right now.
What do you go and do.
(24:34):
When that's the case.
I didn't feel like doing anything related to work.
In fact, I set up upon to go get a fiction book.
Because I need to read more.
Fiction.
As I read no fiction.
None.
I mean, other than.
Well, no, I mean, I guess not, I don't does poetry qualify as fiction? I mean, I guess I don't, I'm probably a whole separate genre anyway.
(25:04):
Um, But, yeah, it's just this undeniable.
Draw to something.
My last podcast and last post, if you were on, um, I know it all.
(25:25):
All of my podcast episodes.
Well, I'm going to say all because if.
If there's a time in which I don't feel like a podcast episode calls for a sub stack post.
Um, I'm just not going to do it, but so far.
Since I started sub stack a month and a half ago.
All of my podcast episodes have an accompanying.
Uh, visual.
(25:45):
Element, and that is on sub stack and, um, And also on sub stack, I have.
A, um, membership here where.
You can monthly get my.
Templates for nostalgia now.
Where we do all of this, like introspective.
Self-discovery.
(26:07):
Work with our photographs.
In a monthly, intentional living guide at template.
It's really awesome.
I'm obsessed with the ritual and the commitment.
Of seeing my life in this way every month.
Um, and I know.
That this practice will.
Inevitably lead to.
Living the life I'm meant for.
(26:27):
Preventing me from getting distracted.
And swayed by noise.
If you're interested in their more, uh, click on the link in the podcast.
Or in the show notes and you'll find the sub stack, you'll see photographs that I pair with their writings from the show and all that.
Um, okay.
(26:50):
But going back to the magical person that wrote the notes in this book.
The admiration and the love I have for this person.
Because of the few.
Random scribbles that she made in this book that she read.
And underlines.
She, he, I don't know.
Who knows, why am I saying she could be.
Yeah, man.
(27:12):
I don't know.
It is important to allow yourself to step outside of yourself and witness.
Your efforts.
In life Look at your.
Photos like this, look at your tendencies.
Like this.
Witnessed those.
Poles.
Witness that life force current.
(27:35):
That if you did nothing.
To strong arm.
Or effort your way into X, Y, or the other thing.
Where does that go? And I'm not saying don't ever exert yourself.
Don't ever.
Yeah.
Try super hard for whatever.
That's not what I'm saying at all.
But I'm saying.
Kate curious about the most ease filled.
(28:00):
Good energy inspiring.
Place.
Where you naturally drift to.
What does that tell you? I'm not wrong.
I'm not a bad artist.
I'm not, um, Uh, a fraud.
I'm not for.
(28:20):
For one.
For being so obsessed with talking about the practice.
Rather than doing the work.
That has been something and past episodes that I've talked about feeling this.
Deep seated fear of like redundancy and like.
The work speak for itself.
So why do you keep overexplaining and why are you.
(28:41):
Um, what are some of the narratives that I have, um, Like stating the obvious or public.
It's like.
Shut the fuck up.
Y.
What a waste of energy questioning.
My life force.
(29:03):
I think that should be.
The.
Beau that we tie up this episode with is.
Journal on.
Photographically.
Compiling pictures or writing.
Preferably both.
What is my life force current.
(29:26):
When you think of.
That feeling of like, Just your life force, that natural enthusiasm and energy and glowy, warm love feeling.
Where's that current take you.
Where does it take you? And two.
(29:48):
In what ways are you questioning? Resisting.
Of awaiting that.
And how can you eliminate that energy drain? You know, before I recorded this episode this morning, this is that this episode will go out this morning.
(30:10):
This or this afternoon, whatever.
Um, Because.
Last night or yesterday when I didn't feel like I was going to, um, Record an episode.
Aye.
I was like, you know what I should do.
I should.
Start a creation.
Analysis.
So I was going to like, do like an audio scape, like, because I love, um, Multimedia.
(30:35):
And I love working with sound and I, I do have some projects that I want to work on that involve sound.
And I was like, I'm just gonna put a rough draft of a soundscape out there and I can experimentation, which still sounds cool.
And I still might do it.
But it felt flat.
I couldn't do it because I'm like, I don't feel an urgency to get that out.
(30:57):
It felt like, oh yeah.
Cool.
Like showing.
A first draft of something and like opening that conversation and I could rationalize.
Why that would be a cool.
Exercise.
But.
Every single time I get behind this mic and talk about something like there's this place that I go to in my soul, where I just feel like.
(31:24):
I have to say this.
I have to say this.
I don't care if I'm just saying it to myself, one person hears it.
A hundred people here.
I don't, I have to see this.
Guess not saying this feels like a.
(31:46):
To king betrayal.
Of.
My soul.
Putting out a.
You know, an experimentation on the creative project.
I didn't feel like that.
I'll probably do that when it does feel like that.
(32:07):
But, um, I don't know.
I'm just really.
Glad that I trusted my instincts and got to this conversation because it feels like really.
Healing for me.
I hope that it's.
Helpful for you.
I am.
Yeah, I just.
(32:27):
This whole podcast production, like.
This ritual of doing this week after week.
Uh, It's like another way.
Another attempt at.
Deepening my trust for my voice and my conviction in myself.
(32:51):
Um, and my love for myself.
Really.
And, um, I hope that these very unplanned, very.
Um, Personal.
Ramblings.
(33:11):
Speak to the part of you that.
You might dismiss.
Like, what is the part of you that hears these conversations and feels relief.
That's the thing I, when I pick up a book and I find a book that.
(33:33):
Says something that I so deeply resonate, I feel relief like, oh, okay.
But then after the relief.
I feel this itch of like, oh, I gotta make something.
Oh, Dola.
It's like this contagious.
Inspiration of like, Yes.
Yes.
(33:54):
Now what.
So I asked you.
If this made you feel like, ah, yes.
Yeah.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Now what.
(34:22):
I would love to know what.
Um, You can find me on Instagram at Bianca, Lea, Morra.
And I'm also follow along on sub stack.
If you are not familiar with sub stack, it is a magical place that I have been.
Spending a lot of time in recently So.
(34:44):
Subscribe to subdeck.
Uh, you can do that.
For free.
And you will get the podcast, the visual podcast episodes.
in your inbox, so you can read them if you don't feel like listening to me.
And also, if you want to become a paid subscriber, then you get your monthly one of a kind.
Guided prompted.
(35:04):
Photographic journaling templates.
For self-introspection and reflection on your life.
And there is a founding member tier, that comes with a private remote virtual shoot with me, which is, this is his own breed of super special, interesting.
(35:25):
Amazingness.
And, I will be.
Transferring my flagship courses.
Manifest your memories.
Harnessing your life vision for living intentionally in there.
And I will also be adding a, my conscious creator course.
In there as well, um, over the next few weeks.
And, um, yeah, I envisioned that to be the space.
(35:48):
That I just ongoing create courses.
And if you become that, yearly membership, You will get access to whatever courses that I create in there.
Okay.
Thank you.
Thank you for spending your time here.
I cannot wait to see.
What comes of this? Now I have a lot of puke.
(36:14):
To clean up all over my house.
And poor dog.
Okay.
Have a great day.
Hope you're not cleaning up any puke.
This has been an Awkward Sage Production.
what is the part of you that hears these conversations and feels relief. 2 00:00:05,339.9999999997 --> 00:00:07,960.0000000003 That's the thing when I pick up a book and I find a book that.
(00:09):
Says something that I so deeply resonate, I feel relief like, oh, okay. 4 00:00:14,859.999999999 --> 00:00:17,290 But then after the relief.
I feel this itch of like, oh, I gotta make something.
Oh, Dola.
It's like this contagious. 8 00:00:23,619.999999999 --> 00:00:26,740 Inspiration of like, Yes. 9 00:00:28,689.999999999 --> 00:00:31,559.999999999 What do I do with it? I feel urgency. 10 00:00:31,949.999999999 --> 00:00:36,809.999999999 Around wrapping my brain around what the fuck I'm obsessed with. 11 00:00:37,229.999999999 --> 00:00:38,669.999999999 Cause I can't define it. 12 00:00:39,539.999999999 --> 00:00:40,139.999999999 But it is. 13 00:00:40,139.999999999 --> 00:00:41,69.999999999 Undeniable. 14 00:00:41,459.999999999 --> 00:00:43,589.999999999 I am possessed by it. 15 00:00:43,589.999999999 --> 00:00:44,459.999999999 Yes. 16 00:00:45,29.999999999 --> 00:00:46,19.999999999 Now what. 17 00:00:48,89.999999999 --> 00:00:49,229.999999998 So I asked you. 18 00:00:50,699.999999998 --> 00:00:53,249.999999998 If this made you feel like, ah, yes. 19 00:00:53,969.999999999 --> 00:00:54,269.999999999 Yeah. 20 00:00:55,409.999999998 --> 00:00:55,709.999999998 Yes. 21 00:00:55,739.999999999 --> 00:00:56,9.999999998 Yes. 22 00:00:56,9.999999998 --> 00:00:56,339.999999999 Yes. 23 00:00:57,719.999999998 --> 00:00:58,769.999999998 Now what. 24 00:01:00,269.999999998 --> 00:01:04,899.999999998 Is there something that you're praying to pull yourself against your own current. 25 00:01:05,49.999999998 --> 00:01:10,479.999999998 What is your current, what is the natural flow of your energy and your love and your. 26 00:01:10,839.999999998 --> 00:01:13,89.999999998 Inspiration your life force. 27 00:01:14,589.999999998 --> 00:01:18,429.999999998 Where does that carry you? If you just. 28 00:01:18,429.999999998 --> 00:01:19,809.999999998 Float with it. 29 00:01:20,199.999999998 --> 00:01:26,176.666666665 Where does it carry you? Help Me See is a podcast dedicated to the art of seeing. 30 00:01:26,816.666666665 --> 00:01:33,506.666666665 It's a space for the restless visionary with an insatiable desire to create the life and work you're meant for. 31 00:01:34,481.666666665 --> 00:01:43,601.66666667 My name is Bianca Lea Mora, and I'm a photographic artist, a mother, and a coach who's transformed my fear of loss into power, art, and philosophy. 32 00:01:43,871.66666667 --> 00:01:57,31.66666667 One of the scariest quotes I never want to say is, I wish I knew at the time, but I truly believe that we have the innate ability to bring our wise 2020 hindsight to our now. 33 00:01:57,931.66666667 --> 00:02:05,171.66566667 You can deeply experience your nostalgia now, while it's actually happening, with no regrets. 34 00:02:06,271.66666667 --> 00:02:07,601.66666667 All you have to do is see. 35 00:02:08,701.66666667 --> 00:02:24,551.66666667 In this show, we laugh, we cry, we get inspired, we overshare, we have life changing conversations around making meaning, self discovery, and shedding all the BS layers in order to reconnect to our own sacred vision. 36 00:02:25,361.66666667 --> 00:02:29,21.66666667 Seeing yourself is an essential key to living powerfully. 37 00:02:29,431.66666667 --> 00:02:34,241.66666667 You are the vessel, the lens that filters absolutely everything in your life. 38 00:02:35,201.66566667 --> 00:02:56,756.66666667 What are you filtering for? Whether it be conversations with fellow artists and visionaries, or my solo audio journal style introspective ramblings, each episode is meant to feel like an exhale, an unraveling of truth, a moment for you to be able to put your finger on something that you haven't been able to for far too long. 39 00:02:58,316.66566667 --> 00:03:00,386.66566667 Come exactly as you are. 40 00:03:00,676.66566667 --> 00:03:01,536.66566667 It's perfect. 41 00:03:02,246.66566667 --> 00:03:03,766.66566667 Honor your instincts. 42 00:03:03,826.66566667 --> 00:03:09,446.66566667 Let's uncover some of the most important things in our lives which all too often can slip out from our view. 43 00:03:10,771.66666667 --> 00:03:17,651.66666667 Let's commit to seeing and consciously creating what only you can in your one and only life. 44 00:03:18,791.66666667 --> 00:03:19,461.66666667 Let's dive in.
(03:20):
Hello, and welcome to another episode of help me see.
It is 5 45 in the morning.
My dog has been vomiting for the last two hours.
And I have decided.
To stop reading my book.
(03:43):
And come here to talk about.
How unintentionally hypocritical.
I can be.
So.
Today.
Yesterday.
I was restless and.
(04:06):
It was my time allotted to record a podcast episode.
And I just didn't feel like talking.
Is actually the first time ever that I was like, I actually don't have anything that I feel like saying right now.
And.
If you know me at all, you know, I'm not in the business of forcing anything.
(04:30):
So I was like, well, I guess.
You know, in the past, it's been like almost four years, right.
Since I've had the podcast and.
I've missed a week or so, based on, you know, Literally.
Life, personal life stuff, logistics.
Um, But never.
(04:53):
For lack of something to say, And, um, I'm certainly not going to just.
Force myself to say something.
I'm not going to create something unless.
It feels like.
Truth.
So I'm like, you know what.
I'm just going to go to this bookstore that I've been wanting to go to.
(05:14):
Uh, I've been there before, but it's been a long time.
And last time I was there, I was there with my youngest who was screaming and licking the cart.
And as I was pushing him, anyway, so.
I got a bunch of books.
And.
I'm reading one of them.
It is.
(05:35):
Um, Mary Oliver.
Uh, poetry handbook, UPROSE guide to understanding and writing poetry.
So I start.
Reading this book.
And I just can't get over.
How in love I am.
(05:56):
With when I get used books.
The writing from previous people.
It feels so intimate and so private, it almost feels wrong.
For me to be reading their notes.
It's so interesting because I'm someone that I need to underline as I read absolutely need to otherwise I can't comprehend it.
(06:22):
And it's.
I mean, it gets, it's kind of like taking pictures in a moment.
Like it's like a way of comprehending something more deeply.
Like, as I'm reading, if it's something important, I'm like underlining and it's like synthesizing in a way.
I don't know.
If you, if you know, you know, And, um, So it's really interesting to see like what another person that underlined versus what I would underline and where that overlap is.
(06:48):
And.
You begin to have this like, Kind of relationship where.
I don't know as I'm reading it, I'm like, oh yes, of course you underline that.
It's I don't know.
It almost kind of makes me want to cry.
It's just really.
Beautiful.
And, um, You know, I thought it was interesting cause.
(07:13):
I'm reading these words of this book.
Obviously I'm that same.
I'm a similar person.
Ish.
Right.
I bought this book and this person.
Has already read this book.
All I keep thinking about when I'm reading these notes.
(07:36):
And also beautiful handwriting.
If anyone had books with my handwriting in the margins, they'd be like, what the fuck is this psycho SA.
I can't even read my own writing.
Um, Like one of the notes is I get acquainted with poets of the past.
(07:56):
Or like an exclamation point next to something.
Or.
Words were initially created to reflect realities.
Through their sounds.
I love.
Witnessing how someone's brain works.
And moreover, I start thinking about.
Oh, How beautiful.
(08:21):
Of all the things, this person.
Could be reading or doing.
They're reading about poetry.
And like the earnest, like.
Underlining and triple underlining and bracketing and circling.
(08:44):
And then I think.
As I'm marveling over.
This person that I have no idea who it is.
Like you hypocrite.
You are reading this book.
You're one that underlines.
(09:05):
Have you ever marveled at yourself? At the magnificence and innocence and beauty.
Efforts and craving in.
Taking in.
A poetry book.
One of the quotes in this book says.
(09:27):
Um, of the book, it is written to empower the beginning writer who stands between two marvelous and complex things.
And experience.
Or an idea or a feeling.
And the urge to tell about it in the best possible conjunction of words.
So I read that.
And then I start thinking.
(09:49):
Oh, Beautifully put yes.
And I immediately equated to photographs.
And experience.
Or an idea or a feeling.
And the urge to tell about it.
In the.
In a picture.
Okay.
(10:09):
Interesting.
And then I spiraled into thinking.
Why do I keep.
Wanting to talk around.
The process instead of creating something, this is, it's a very specific thing.
That I've been frustrated with myself about.
(10:31):
Hmm.
I can't stop.
Wanting to talk about the experience.
Of the work and the consumption and the.
Metabolizing of.
(10:53):
These ideas.
But from the outside and it feels wrong, it feels like.
Well, I should be.
Doing the thing.
Why am I reading about.
Poetry instead of.
Writing poetry.
Why am I.
Talking more about.
Photographic practice instead of.
(11:15):
Creating a book.
I just do the work, create the work.
But that is so again, once again, hypocritical to what.
I believe to be true, which is like, honor your fucking impulse.
I don't believe that there's this inner working.
Like hidden.
(11:38):
Worthiness issue or avoidance of my work.
I do have a craving to like create more physical things.
Like I want to.
Commit to making a book of the work.
And in the past I have just completely glazed over it because so much of the work I do is just never ending.
(12:02):
So it doesn't ever feel like a good time.
It's just all forever.
And, um, but I also want to give it a special place.
But also I can't force the fact that it doesn't feel urgent.
(12:26):
It feels urgent.
What, what, what is urgent to me is this pile of books next to me.
Let's talk about the books I have the way under the way by mark Nepo to poetry book.
I have the, also this poetry handbook by Mary Oliver.
I have.
(12:49):
The amazing laws of cosmic mind, power by Joseph Murphy.
Um, Just talking about the subconscious.
I have solitude a return to the self by Anthony store.
What else do I have? Oh, The book I'm leaning on right now.
(13:11):
And they have the inkblots Herman Rorschach.
His iconic test.
And the power of seeing.
Okay.
My impulse to go to the store and.
Pick out of this whole store, thousands of books.
(13:32):
These books.
What if I pretend that I'm, that.
Wonderful person.
That I'm.
Singing the praises of the road, the margins in the book.
What would I say about that person? If I knew that these were the books that she bought.
I'm trying to unlock my ability.
(13:52):
Two.
Soften to myself.
And two.
Respect.
My impulse.
And the same way I believe through my bones, that you should respect yours.
And open up to what I'm trying.
(14:15):
Do you know what I'm trying to do to what I am doing? And recognize it and the power that it has, because that's what this is about.
I was, um, also listening to an audio book by, um, it's like co-written by this.
Psychologist, Phil Stutz.
(14:35):
Um, And.
They talk about.
Life force, energy and overcoming.
This.
X factor.
That's inhibiting us and draining our life force and, um, resisting the impulse to.
(14:58):
Um, withdraw and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
And I was like, Hmm.
I found myself like feeling that defensive feeling, you know? Not wanting to be in that, like Confirmation bias thing and like, no, that doesn't align with what I believe to be true.
So I like let myself.
Go into thinking about it.
And I'm like, no, I still.
(15:18):
I, the impulses are the key to recognizing everything good and bad.
Good and bad.
It's in the witnessing of the impulses and being aware of our impulses.
Whether or not.
They are serving.
(15:39):
That is where our insights lie.
That is where our.
Understanding of ourselves.
Arises.
And when, when we're able to see ourselves in that way, then we can move.
Through it.
Away from it into it, whatever it is.
(16:00):
I said, I hope.
Anyway, um, Okay, following, keep, keep, keep with me here.
I'm just following the thread.
That's going to.
God knows where.
One of the.
Reviews on the back of this book.
It says, who knew the founding lines of psychoanalysis often seem as petty as they were at times.
(16:23):
Brilliant.
But to hear Damion, Searls tell it in this absorbing new biography, Herman war shark, was it.
Different sort altogether, humane, empathetic, loving, deeply, seen.
And possessed of a true artist soul.
Searles account.
Of Roche rocks after life is no less fascinating as every culture that encountered his test team to project its own values onto it.
(16:51):
In the end true to rorschach searles locates, the heart of being human at the endlessly unfurling intersection of vision.
And self-awareness.
And I read that and I think.
All of these seemingly disparate.
(17:12):
Pieces.
All of these different books.
All of this.
All that.
I'm responding to what is me? Outside in the world.
And I see that.
And I'm like, oh yes.
That I'm looking to scratch this itch of like, Acquiring the breadcrumbs and the nuggets to be able to give myself.
(17:34):
The ability to wrap my mind around.
What I want to be wrapping my mind around.
And I think.
In the past I've.
Felt insecure about it as if I'm trying to validate myself, which there's nothing wrong with that, by the way, wanting to validate yourself.
And I feel like validating your yourself through.
(17:55):
You're.
Your art and your photographs is a really healthy, beautiful way to do that.
Um, But not only is it.
Helpful.
And expansive.
To look outside of yourself to.
(18:18):
Acquire.
Knowledge and understanding of what's been done in the past and be able to formulate.
What is.
Deeply.
Pulling at you.
But it's also.
An opportunity in invitation.
To love yourself.
(18:38):
Like I, I think about that.
I haven't even started this book and I think.
Ah, what.
Uh, fucking bad-ass.
And then say cover says it shines a light on the 20th.
Century's most visionary synthesis of art and science.
My God, what.
(19:00):
In amazing.
Thing to do.
And then I think, how am I different? How am I less than that? I'm not.
I'm doing my own.
Synthesis.
I'm just in it.
(19:23):
So, what are you.
Craving to synthesize.
What are you? I don't know, it's like a blind spot.
It's like, The glare and sun in your eyes.
And it's so strong that you're missing a certain spot.
Uh, view.
Like for me.
(19:45):
I'm sitting here.
Believing to my core.
That when we trust our instinct and move with our impulse.
There's this undeniable.
Self-actualization available for us.
(20:05):
There's this.
Understanding of.
And reverence for our place in the world.
And I know.
That my.
Craft.
No, it is essential to my life.
It is also.
(20:27):
Not the center.
Of what I want to do.
And that feels a little strange, but also I know it.
I know it in the way I recoil.
When someone assumes.
Oh, um, that I'm a.
Photographer.
(20:47):
I mean, I am a photographer, but just my reaction.
To the label.
It's like, Of course I I'm obsessed with photographers.
I love photographers.
I am a photographer.
But when someone.
Buckets me like that.
I'm like, oh, But my heart.
(21:08):
is in a slightly different place.
And I don't know, I don't know what I want to be called.
I don't care.
Really.
What did we called? But I know that it's not just about the pictures for me.
It's about.
This the synthesizing of more, this.
I'm still uncovering like the.
(21:31):
Crux of like, This intersection of.
Wellness of.
Love of living life.
The best way we can.
Through.
This art to the successful, to.
(21:52):
Anyone.
Breaking down these boundaries and barriers and hierarchal bullshit of.
Good art.
Good pictures.
(22:12):
There's also a book, the, on the back of this.
Oh, that same, the same guy.
Yeah.
So the guy that wrote that quote, that I just read about the intersection of vision and self-awareness his name is Lawrence Weschler.
And.
It says author of stealing is forgetting the name of the thing.
One sees like, well, I certainly need to pick up that book.
(22:40):
But yeah.
Anyway, all that to say.
All the Z.
I waste energy.
Silently subconsciously shaming myself for not creating more like.
Doing more with the work.
(23:01):
Like, okay.
I have.
Billions of photos.
What do I do with it? Like, I don't.
I don't feel urgency or I'm making a book.
I would like to.
I feel urgency.
Around wrapping my brain around what the fuck I'm obsessed with.
Cause I can't define it.
(23:23):
But it is.
Undeniable.
I am possessed by it.
What does that for you? That, that interesting, specific insidious nuance of.
Is there something that you're like, I should be doing this.
Why am I not doing this? And like praying to pull yourself against your own current.
(23:49):
What is your current, what is the natural flow of your energy and your love and your.
Inspiration your life force.
Where does that carry you? If you just.
Float with it.
Where does it carry you? If we get rid of that narrative of like, Work hard.
(24:12):
Got to commit, have to blah, blah, blah.
What does that natural current.
Of enthusiasm.
At natural current of your life forced the things when you feel flat, like I did.
Oh, my God.
I don't feel like recording a podcast.
Don't have anything to say.
Right now.
What do you go and do.
(24:34):
When that's the case.
I didn't feel like doing anything related to work.
In fact, I set up upon to go get a fiction book.
Because I need to read more.
Fiction.
As I read no fiction.
None.
I mean, other than.
Well, no, I mean, I guess not, I don't does poetry qualify as fiction? I mean, I guess I don't, I'm probably a whole separate genre anyway.
(25:04):
Um, But, yeah, it's just this undeniable.
Draw to something.
My last podcast and last post, if you were on, um, I know it all.
(25:25):
All of my podcast episodes.
Well, I'm going to say all because if.
If there's a time in which I don't feel like a podcast episode calls for a sub stack post.
Um, I'm just not going to do it, but so far.
Since I started sub stack a month and a half ago.
All of my podcast episodes have an accompanying.
Uh, visual.
(25:45):
Element, and that is on sub stack and, um, And also on sub stack, I have.
A, um, membership here where.
You can monthly get my.
Templates for nostalgia now.
Where we do all of this, like introspective.
Self-discovery.
(26:07):
Work with our photographs.
In a monthly, intentional living guide at template.
It's really awesome.
I'm obsessed with the ritual and the commitment.
Of seeing my life in this way every month.
Um, and I know.
That this practice will.
Inevitably lead to.
Living the life I'm meant for.
(26:27):
Preventing me from getting distracted.
And swayed by noise.
If you're interested in their more, uh, click on the link in the podcast.
Or in the show notes and you'll find the sub stack, you'll see photographs that I pair with their writings from the show and all that.
Um, okay.
(26:50):
But going back to the magical person that wrote the notes in this book.
The admiration and the love I have for this person.
Because of the few.
Random scribbles that she made in this book that she read.
And underlines.
She, he, I don't know.
Who knows, why am I saying she could be.
Yeah, man.
(27:12):
I don't know.
It is important to allow yourself to step outside of yourself and witness.
Your efforts.
In life Look at your.
Photos like this, look at your tendencies.
Like this.
Witnessed those.
Poles.
Witness that life force current.
(27:35):
That if you did nothing.
To strong arm.
Or effort your way into X, Y, or the other thing.
Where does that go? And I'm not saying don't ever exert yourself.
Don't ever.
Yeah.
Try super hard for whatever.
That's not what I'm saying at all.
But I'm saying.
Kate curious about the most ease filled.
(28:00):
Good energy inspiring.
Place.
Where you naturally drift to.
What does that tell you? I'm not wrong.
I'm not a bad artist.
I'm not, um, Uh, a fraud.
I'm not for.
(28:20):
For one.
For being so obsessed with talking about the practice.
Rather than doing the work.
That has been something and past episodes that I've talked about feeling this.
Deep seated fear of like redundancy and like.
The work speak for itself.
So why do you keep overexplaining and why are you.
(28:41):
Um, what are some of the narratives that I have, um, Like stating the obvious or public.
It's like.
Shut the fuck up.
Y.
What a waste of energy questioning.
My life force.
(29:03):
I think that should be.
The.
Beau that we tie up this episode with is.
Journal on.
Photographically.
Compiling pictures or writing.
Preferably both.
What is my life force current.
(29:26):
When you think of.
That feeling of like, Just your life force, that natural enthusiasm and energy and glowy, warm love feeling.
Where's that current take you.
Where does it take you? And two.
(29:48):
In what ways are you questioning? Resisting.
Of awaiting that.
And how can you eliminate that energy drain? You know, before I recorded this episode this morning, this is that this episode will go out this morning.
(30:10):
This or this afternoon, whatever.
Um, Because.
Last night or yesterday when I didn't feel like I was going to, um, Record an episode.
Aye.
I was like, you know what I should do.
I should.
Start a creation.
Analysis.
So I was going to like, do like an audio scape, like, because I love, um, Multimedia.
(30:35):
And I love working with sound and I, I do have some projects that I want to work on that involve sound.
And I was like, I'm just gonna put a rough draft of a soundscape out there and I can experimentation, which still sounds cool.
And I still might do it.
But it felt flat.
I couldn't do it because I'm like, I don't feel an urgency to get that out.
(30:57):
It felt like, oh yeah.
Cool.
Like showing.
A first draft of something and like opening that conversation and I could rationalize.
Why that would be a cool.
Exercise.
But.
Every single time I get behind this mic and talk about something like there's this place that I go to in my soul, where I just feel like.
(31:24):
I have to say this.
I have to say this.
I don't care if I'm just saying it to myself, one person hears it.
A hundred people here.
I don't, I have to see this.
Guess not saying this feels like a.
(31:46):
To king betrayal.
Of.
My soul.
Putting out a.
You know, an experimentation on the creative project.
I didn't feel like that.
I'll probably do that when it does feel like that.
(32:07):
But, um, I don't know.
I'm just really.
Glad that I trusted my instincts and got to this conversation because it feels like really.
Healing for me.
I hope that it's.
Helpful for you.
I am.
Yeah, I just.
(32:27):
This whole podcast production, like.
This ritual of doing this week after week.
Uh, It's like another way.
Another attempt at.
Deepening my trust for my voice and my conviction in myself.
(32:51):
Um, and my love for myself.
Really.
And, um, I hope that these very unplanned, very.
Um, Personal.
Ramblings.
(33:11):
Speak to the part of you that.
You might dismiss.
Like, what is the part of you that hears these conversations and feels relief.
That's the thing I, when I pick up a book and I find a book that.
(33:33):
Says something that I so deeply resonate, I feel relief like, oh, okay.
But then after the relief.
I feel this itch of like, oh, I gotta make something.
Oh, Dola.
It's like this contagious.
Inspiration of like, Yes.
Yes.
(33:54):
Now what.
So I asked you.
If this made you feel like, ah, yes.
Yeah.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Now what.
(34:22):
I would love to know what.
Um, You can find me on Instagram at Bianca, Lea, Morra.
And I'm also follow along on sub stack.
If you are not familiar with sub stack, it is a magical place that I have been.
Spending a lot of time in recently So.
(34:44):
Subscribe to subdeck.
Uh, you can do that.
For free.
And you will get the podcast, the visual podcast episodes.
in your inbox, so you can read them if you don't feel like listening to me.
And also, if you want to become a paid subscriber, then you get your monthly one of a kind.
Guided prompted.
(35:04):
Photographic journaling templates.
For self-introspection and reflection on your life.
And there is a founding member tier, that comes with a private remote virtual shoot with me, which is, this is his own breed of super special, interesting.
(35:25):
Amazingness.
And, I will be.
Transferring my flagship courses.
Manifest your memories.
Harnessing your life vision for living intentionally in there.
And I will also be adding a, my conscious creator course.
In there as well, um, over the next few weeks.
And, um, yeah, I envisioned that to be the space.
(35:48):
That I just ongoing create courses.
And if you become that, yearly membership, You will get access to whatever courses that I create in there.
Okay.
Thank you.
Thank you for spending your time here.
I cannot wait to see.
What comes of this? Now I have a lot of puke.
(36:14):
To clean up all over my house.
And poor dog.
Okay.
Have a great day.
Hope you're not cleaning up any puke.
This has been an Awkward Sage Production.
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