December 26, 2024 • 33 mins
Every Christmas I'm left with the strange remorse of not having achieved this elusive feeling I yearn for. Surely I'm missing it by looking for it, but I cannot help it. It's all I've ever known. This perpetual homesickness for a feeling I've never felt . I grasp for moments like chasing bubbles. Only for it to vanish in the moment of contact… Subscribe to free visual/written podcast episodes delivered to your inbox HERE.
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(00:00):
Every Christmas I'm left with the strange remorse of not having achieved this elusive feeling I yearn for.
(00:07):
Surely I'm missing it by looking for it, but I cannot help it.
It's all I've ever known.
This perpetual homesickness for a feeling I've never felt I grasped for moments like chasing bubbles.
Only for it to vanish in the moment of contact.
Help Me See is a podcast dedicated to the art of seeing.
(00:31):
It's a space for the restless visionary with an insatiable desire to create the life and work you're meant for.
My name is Bianca Lea Mora, and I'm a photographic artist, a mother, and a coach who's transformed my fear of loss into power, art, and philosophy.
One of the scariest quotes I never want to say is, I wish I knew at the time, but I truly believe that we have the innate ability to bring our wise 2020 hindsight to our now.
(01:02):
.999You can deeply experience your nostalgia now, while it's actually happening, with no regrets.
All you have to do is see.
In this show, we laugh, we cry, we get inspired, we overshare, we have life changing conversations around making meaning, self discovery, and shedding all the BS layers in order to reconnect to our own sacred vision.
(01:29):
Seeing yourself is an essential key to living powerfully.
You are the vessel, the lens that filters absolutely everything in your life. 15 00:01:39,404.999 --> 00:02:00,960 What are you filtering for? Whether it be conversations with fellow artists and visionaries, or my solo audio journal style introspective ramblings, each episode is meant to feel like an exhale, an unraveling of truth, a moment for you to be able to put your finger on something that you haven't been able to for far too long. 16 00:02:02,519.999 --> 00:02:04,589.999 Come exactly as you are. 17 00:02:04,879.999 --> 00:02:05,739.999 It's perfect. 18 00:02:06,449.999 --> 00:02:07,969.999 Honor your instincts. 19 00:02:08,29.999 --> 00:02:13,649.999 Let's uncover some of the most important things in our lives which all too often can slip out from our view.
(02:14):
Let's commit to seeing and consciously creating what only you can in your one and only life.
Let's dive in. 22 00:02:25,743.33333333 --> 00:02:26,163.33333333 Hello. 23 00:02:26,163.33333333 --> 00:02:28,953.33333333 Hello and welcome to another episode of helped me see. 24 00:02:29,883.33333333 --> 00:02:31,83.33333333 Happy holidays. 25 00:02:32,103.33333333 --> 00:02:38,943.33333333 Whenever you celebrate, I'm hoping you had a beautiful holiday time filled with. 26 00:02:39,903.33333333 --> 00:02:41,133.33333333 Yami coziness. 27 00:02:41,583.33333333 --> 00:02:42,363.33333333 And. 28 00:02:44,63.33333333 --> 00:02:45,203.33333333 All of the. 29 00:02:45,203.33333333 --> 00:02:46,313.33333333 Joy and. 30 00:02:46,313.33333333 --> 00:02:48,293.33333333 Peace and love and light. 31 00:02:49,883.33333333 --> 00:02:53,183.33333333 Today is December 26th and. 32 00:02:53,183.33333333 --> 00:02:55,543.33333333 This morning, I Woke up and wrote a poem. 33 00:02:55,963.33333333 --> 00:02:56,683.33333333 Of sorts. 34 00:02:56,773.33333333 --> 00:02:57,283.33333333 I don't know. 35 00:02:57,433.33333333 --> 00:02:59,23.33333333 I still feel uncomfortable calling. 36 00:02:59,23.33333333 --> 00:03:02,833.33333333 The writing anything at this point, but I recently joined a. 37 00:03:02,833.33333333 --> 00:03:11,473.33333333 Poetry community and, um, It's definitely been inspiring me and sending me through all sorts of spirals. 38 00:03:11,473.33333333 --> 00:03:13,763.33333333 I keep thinking when I'm listening to. 39 00:03:14,903.33333333 --> 00:03:20,33.33333333 The gorgeous, uh, poetry readings and the analysis and the pulling of the threads. 40 00:03:20,33.33333333 --> 00:03:21,413.33333333 I keep thinking about how. 41 00:03:22,853.33333333 --> 00:03:23,873.33333333 Oh, my gosh. 42 00:03:25,133.33333333 --> 00:03:26,873.33333333 It's like, I know this language. 43 00:03:27,713.33333333 --> 00:03:28,193.33333333 In. 44 00:03:28,973.33333333 --> 00:03:29,723.33333333 Imagery. 45 00:03:30,563.33333333 --> 00:03:32,993.33333333 I know this language visually. 46 00:03:34,13.33333333 --> 00:03:35,963.33333333 But I don't know this language. 47 00:03:37,133.33333333 --> 00:03:38,813.33333333 With words. 48 00:03:39,173.33333333 --> 00:03:41,303.33333333 I don't know this language with language. 49 00:03:42,863.33333333 --> 00:03:43,193.33333333 Oops. 50 00:03:44,603.33333333 --> 00:03:45,803.33333333 Something that. 51 00:03:45,803.33333333 --> 00:03:56,123.33333333 Specifically bothers me and, um, I've been since unpacking one of my last posts about how photography has betrayed me. 52 00:03:57,143.33333333 --> 00:04:01,703.33333333 Um, It feels like I've been using photography. 53 00:04:02,513.33333333 --> 00:04:05,393.33333333 And visual art in general, as a crutch at times. 54 00:04:06,773.33333333 --> 00:04:09,293.33333333 I think it's definitely a healthy, beautiful. 55 00:04:09,803.33333333 --> 00:04:11,693.33333333 Way of expression and. 56 00:04:12,683.33333333 --> 00:04:17,543.33333333 It's therapeutic and it's enlightening and emboldening and all the things. 57 00:04:18,323.33333333 --> 00:04:19,163.33333333 And also. 58 00:04:20,273.33333333 --> 00:04:21,83.33333333 It allows me to. 59 00:04:21,893.33333333 --> 00:04:24,83.33333333 Touch the feeling and be like, oh, there it is. 60 00:04:25,373.33333333 --> 00:04:25,943.33333333 And walk away. 61 00:04:27,653.33333333 --> 00:04:28,793.33333333 And I want. 62 00:04:28,793.33333333 --> 00:04:31,163.33333333 To articulate it within myself in a different way. 63 00:04:31,193.33333333 --> 00:04:32,153.33333333 That's what I'm craving. 64 00:04:32,153.33333333 --> 00:04:32,483.33333333 So. 65 00:04:33,473.33333333 --> 00:04:35,423.33333333 I've been writing a lot more. 66 00:04:35,513.33333333 --> 00:04:38,123.33333333 So here is this morning's writing. 67 00:04:38,483.33333333 --> 00:04:40,73.33333333 It's called Christmas bubbles. 68 00:04:42,323.33333333 --> 00:04:48,443.33333333 Every Christmas I'm left with the strange remorse of not having achieved this elusive feeling I yearn for. 69 00:04:49,733.33333333 --> 00:04:53,153.33333333 Surely I'm missing it by looking for it, but I cannot help it. 70 00:04:54,593.33333333 --> 00:04:55,853.33333333 It's all I've ever known. 71 00:04:56,483.33333333 --> 00:04:59,723.33333333 This perpetual homesickness for a feeling I've never felt. 72 00:05:01,553.33333333 --> 00:05:02,963.33333333 Nowhere, but here. 73 00:05:03,503.33333333 --> 00:05:06,23.33333333 I grasped for moments like chasing bubbles. 74 00:05:06,803.33333333 --> 00:05:09,353.33333333 Only for it to vanish in the moment of contact. 75 00:05:11,153.33333333 --> 00:05:16,73.33333333 But what if I dip myself in what bubbles are made of? Only to touch it. 76 00:05:16,73.33333333 --> 00:05:17,303.33333333 Mere moments longer. 77 00:05:18,713.33333333 --> 00:05:22,103.33333333 And in those mere moments, I frantically searched my soul. 78 00:05:22,823.33333333 --> 00:05:28,133.33333333 Taking in the delicate magnificence as I try to feel for the spot inside, that feels. 79 00:05:29,303.33333333 --> 00:05:30,623.33333333 The spot that knows. 80 00:05:31,913.33333333 --> 00:05:33,503.33333333 The spot that recognizes. 81 00:05:36,413.33333333 --> 00:05:38,993.33333333 The counterpart of Christmas bubbles. 82 00:05:42,423.33333333 --> 00:05:44,223.33333333 Like looking through a viewfinder. 83 00:05:44,733.33333333 --> 00:05:45,963.33333333 My whole body knows. 84 00:05:46,353.33333333 --> 00:05:47,403.33333333 To press the shutter. 85 00:05:49,353.33333333 --> 00:05:52,503.33333333 The catharsis of synthesizing inside and outside. 86 00:05:54,123.33333333 --> 00:05:58,833.33333333 But alas, it's the same amount of time to take a picture as it is to pop a bubble. 87 00:05:58,863.33333333 --> 00:06:00,33.33333333 You finally reached. 88 00:06:01,413.33333333 --> 00:06:04,383.33333333 Except now you have the residue of a picture. 89 00:06:04,863.33333333 --> 00:06:08,913.33333333 To hold comfort console, astound and torture. 90 00:06:08,913.33333333 --> 00:06:09,183.33333333 You. 91 00:06:10,653.33333333 --> 00:06:13,893.33333333 It's there and gone alive and dead at once. 92 00:06:15,183.33333333 --> 00:06:19,563.33333333 Brought back to life only by my ability to touch that part inside my body. 93 00:06:19,563.33333333 --> 00:06:20,43.33333333 Again. 94 00:06:21,183.33333333 --> 00:06:25,233.33333333 But it is moved and morphed and melted into something unrecognizable. 95 00:06:26,853.33333333 --> 00:06:30,453.33333333 I could drown myself in bubbles only to disappear in an instant. 96 00:06:32,223.33333333 --> 00:06:35,493.33333333 Reaching for bubbles, like reaching for a single day all year. 97 00:06:37,23.33333333 --> 00:06:40,23.33333333 Both a shell of a space available everywhere. 98 00:06:40,23.33333333 --> 00:06:44,283.33333333 And at all times, Just like pictures. 99 00:06:45,573.33333333 --> 00:06:48,63.33333333 Only alive through the life inside of me. 100 00:07:07,953.33333333 --> 00:07:09,993.33333333 I was scrolling on Instagram after I read this. 101 00:07:10,83.33333333 --> 00:07:15,633.33333333 And, um, There's a quote that I came across. 102 00:07:15,633.33333333 --> 00:07:21,213.33333333 They give me that gives me mixed feelings, especially coming from a visual arts background. 103 00:07:21,273.33333333 --> 00:07:23,913.33333333 Um, it's by a photographer. 104 00:07:24,573.33333333 --> 00:07:25,953.33333333 Lovely photographer. 105 00:07:26,643.33333333 --> 00:07:31,503.33333333 It says, um, To suggest is to create. 106 00:07:32,733.33333333 --> 00:07:34,773.33333333 And to describe is to destroy. 107 00:07:36,813.33333333 --> 00:07:39,213.33333333 It's by Robert, how do I say his last name? Robert. 108 00:07:40,263.33333333 --> 00:07:41,403.33333333 I'm going to butcher it. 109 00:07:41,973.33333333 --> 00:07:44,553.33333333 D O I S N E a U. 110 00:07:45,663.33333333 --> 00:07:49,533.33333333 Um, and, you know, I. 111 00:07:51,63.33333333 --> 00:07:53,523.33333333 Agree to an extent, but it also. 112 00:07:54,783.33333333 --> 00:07:56,253.33333333 Feels so. 113 00:07:59,943.33333333 --> 00:08:00,573.33333333 Gray. 114 00:08:03,473.33333333 --> 00:08:05,543.33333333 To suggest is to create. 115 00:08:08,723.33333333 --> 00:08:10,643.33333333 To describe as to just dry. 116 00:08:18,923.33333333 --> 00:08:20,813.33333333 To suggest does feel. 117 00:08:22,763.33333333 --> 00:08:25,463.33333333 Expansive and iterative and. 118 00:08:27,593.33333333 --> 00:08:31,313.33333333 Open, like you're coming from and then to describe. 119 00:08:32,603.33333333 --> 00:08:34,253.33333333 Most certainly is. 120 00:08:36,113.33333333 --> 00:08:41,753.33333333 Boiling things down and constricting and specifying. 121 00:08:43,403.33333333 --> 00:08:47,183.33333333 But I also find such relief. 122 00:08:47,903.33333333 --> 00:08:48,443.33333333 In. 123 00:08:50,363.33333333 --> 00:08:52,193.33333333 That specificity. 124 00:08:52,193.33333333 --> 00:08:53,783.33333333 I find such relief in. 125 00:08:55,373.33333333 --> 00:09:00,653.33333333 When someone describes something so specific and eliminate so much. 126 00:09:01,253.33333333 --> 00:09:02,363.33333333 Of the outside. 127 00:09:06,443.33333333 --> 00:09:12,833.33333333 And it describes something that helps me put a finger on, you know helps me scratch the itch inside of me. 128 00:09:13,373.33333333 --> 00:09:14,753.33333333 Through the words that they were using. 129 00:09:17,33.33333333 --> 00:09:17,513.33333333 And. 130 00:09:20,333.33333333 --> 00:09:22,43.33333333 I think this effort to. 131 00:09:32,933.33333333 --> 00:09:36,233.33333333 Challenge myself with a medium that. 132 00:09:41,813.33333333 --> 00:09:43,43.33333333 Doesn't allow me. 133 00:09:45,53.33333333 --> 00:09:47,843.33333333 To point it'd be like, We're there to, there it is. 134 00:09:47,873.33333333 --> 00:09:48,263.33333333 There it is. 135 00:09:48,293.33333333 --> 00:09:48,773.33333333 There it is. 136 00:09:51,203.33333333 --> 00:09:52,853.33333333 It depends on me to come. 137 00:09:54,893.33333333 --> 00:09:55,793.33333333 To something. 138 00:09:58,793.33333333 --> 00:10:00,353.33333333 And create from nothing. 139 00:10:02,63.33333333 --> 00:10:04,763.33333333 And create the words that it demands that I. 140 00:10:06,483.33333333 --> 00:10:07,263.33333333 Go first. 141 00:10:12,743.33333333 --> 00:10:15,53.33333333 In this coming new year, I. 142 00:10:16,73.33333333 --> 00:10:17,3.33333333 Because of this I'm. 143 00:10:17,873.33333333 --> 00:10:21,563.33333333 Challenging myself to explore other mediums. 144 00:10:21,713.33333333 --> 00:10:26,813.33333333 And of course, I will continue to taking pictures. 145 00:10:30,323.33333333 --> 00:10:30,983.33333333 But I'm. 146 00:10:30,983.33333333 --> 00:10:32,843.33333333 Going to gift myself with. 147 00:10:36,113.33333333 --> 00:10:41,843.33333333 A very literal beginner's mind, not the, from a philosophical standpoint of. 148 00:10:42,803.33333333 --> 00:10:43,103.33333333 Yes. 149 00:10:43,103.33333333 --> 00:10:49,823.33333333 I know if I just sit down in the seat of consciousness of a beginner's mind, like everything is new all the time. 150 00:10:49,823.33333333 --> 00:10:51,833.33333333 Doesn't matter if I've been taking photos for. 151 00:10:52,553.33333333 --> 00:10:53,663.33333333 Decades, right. 152 00:10:56,633.33333333 --> 00:10:58,223.33333333 But a philosophical. 153 00:10:59,993.33333333 --> 00:11:01,793.33333333 Beginner's mind is very different from a. 154 00:11:03,53.33333333 --> 00:11:06,833.33333333 I don't know what the fuck I'm doing at all beginner's mind. 155 00:11:06,863.33333333 --> 00:11:10,253.33333333 And that's what I'm looking for in. 156 00:11:11,153.33333333 --> 00:11:15,803.33333333 Um, the poetry classes I'm taking and that's what I'll be looking for. 157 00:11:16,313.33333333 --> 00:11:21,743.33333333 And unavoidably experiencing in the singing classes, I'm going to be taking singing and piano. 158 00:11:22,283.33333333 --> 00:11:22,733.33333333 Which. 159 00:11:23,753.33333333 --> 00:11:28,373.33333333 I don't know why, but it feels embarrassing to say, which is so strange. 160 00:11:28,403.33333333 --> 00:11:28,463.33333333 I. 161 00:11:29,633.33333333 --> 00:11:32,813.33333333 Something feels extraordinarily vulnerable about it. 162 00:11:32,843.33333333 --> 00:11:33,293.33333333 And. 163 00:11:34,73.33333333 --> 00:11:37,433.33333333 You know, for someone that's been extraordinarily vulnerable. 164 00:11:37,943.33333333 --> 00:11:40,283.33333333 Like on a microphone for years. 165 00:11:40,883.33333333 --> 00:11:45,233.33333333 Um, via podcast, uh, It perplexes me. 166 00:11:45,563.33333333 --> 00:11:47,183.33333333 But it's definitely a different. 167 00:11:48,563.33333333 --> 00:11:49,703.33333333 It's just a different space. 168 00:11:55,263.33333333 --> 00:11:58,173.33333333 But coming back to Christmas, bubbles, It really does. 169 00:11:59,163.33333333 --> 00:12:04,733.33333333 The line that came to me um, the catharsis of synthesizing inside and outside. 170 00:12:06,603.33333333 --> 00:12:08,103.33333333 I think that's really. 171 00:12:08,103.33333333 --> 00:12:09,93.33333333 The root of. 172 00:12:09,93.33333333 --> 00:12:12,453.33333333 A lot of the discontent and the unrest that I can feel. 173 00:12:12,453.33333333 --> 00:12:13,203.33333333 It's just that. 174 00:12:14,163.33333333 --> 00:12:16,653.33333333 I know what it feels like. 175 00:12:17,703.33333333 --> 00:12:20,553.33333333 When I'm moving through my life and I see something and I. 176 00:12:22,23.33333333 --> 00:12:24,63.33333333 Touch the shatter take the picture. 177 00:12:24,93.33333333 --> 00:12:25,773.33333333 It's like this very physical. 178 00:12:26,463.33333333 --> 00:12:27,573.33333333 Emotional. 179 00:12:30,273.33333333 --> 00:12:31,623.33333333 Creative. 180 00:12:32,373.33333333 --> 00:12:38,43.33333333 Um, It's like an aligning of everything in a second. 181 00:12:40,923.33333333 --> 00:12:41,733.33333333 And then it's gone. 182 00:12:48,483.33333333 --> 00:12:52,53.33333333 Wakening awakening the part inside of you. 183 00:12:52,623.33333333 --> 00:12:56,163.33333333 That most deeply recognizes the thing you're looking at. 184 00:13:03,723.33333333 --> 00:13:04,83.33333333 And. 185 00:13:04,83.33333333 --> 00:13:05,253.33333333 It feels like I'm. 186 00:13:05,253.33333333 --> 00:13:06,873.33333333 Really wanting to. 187 00:13:08,133.33333333 --> 00:13:11,523.33333333 Be able to recognize and understand. 188 00:13:12,753.33333333 --> 00:13:14,103.33333333 The part inside of me. 189 00:13:15,423.33333333 --> 00:13:22,143.33333333 First without needing an outside experience or representation to draw it out of me. 190 00:13:22,923.33333333 --> 00:13:25,53.33333333 You know, it's, it's reminds me of. 191 00:13:25,893.33333333 --> 00:13:31,473.33333333 How, um, it can be really unhealthy in a relationship if you depend on the other person too. 192 00:13:31,863.33333333 --> 00:13:33,513.33333333 Bring happiness to you or. 193 00:13:33,513.33333333 --> 00:13:36,303.33333333 You look to them to make you feel a certain way. 194 00:13:43,233.33333333 --> 00:13:45,33.33333333 Like two halves of a whole. 195 00:13:45,573.33333333 --> 00:13:47,853.33333333 Dismissing the wholeness within yourself. 196 00:13:48,843.33333333 --> 00:13:49,743.33333333 It feels like. 197 00:13:50,103.33333333 --> 00:13:51,33.33333333 I do that. 198 00:13:51,813.33333333 --> 00:13:52,833.33333333 With life. 199 00:13:56,223.33333333 --> 00:13:57,183.33333333 Like I'm looking. 200 00:13:58,743.33333333 --> 00:14:01,53.33333333 I'm pleading with life too. 201 00:14:04,563.33333333 --> 00:14:07,263.33333333 Validate me and to comfort me. 202 00:14:08,133.33333333 --> 00:14:09,363.33333333 And to show me, see. 203 00:14:10,653.33333333 --> 00:14:12,933.33333333 I don't know what, see what I don't know, but see. 204 00:14:13,953.33333333 --> 00:14:14,343.33333333 This. 205 00:14:16,113.33333333 --> 00:14:16,563.33333333 Okay. 206 00:14:18,393.33333333 --> 00:14:20,463.33333333 I'm looking forward to pat me on the back. 207 00:14:21,213.33333333 --> 00:14:21,483.33333333 Yeah. 208 00:14:21,843.33333333 --> 00:14:22,263.33333333 It's okay. 209 00:14:22,413.33333333 --> 00:14:22,653.33333333 Yeah. 210 00:14:22,713.33333333 --> 00:14:23,43.33333333 See. 211 00:14:30,633.33333333 --> 00:14:32,673.33333333 And I, I'm not saying like, I don't even know. 212 00:14:32,673.33333333 --> 00:14:34,413.33333333 I'm not saying it as like a critique. 213 00:14:34,413.33333333 --> 00:14:36,453.33333333 I'm not saying it as I know this is wrong. 214 00:14:36,813.33333333 --> 00:14:38,163.33333333 Maybe it's just human nature. 215 00:14:38,193.33333333 --> 00:14:39,633.33333333 I don't, I don't know. 216 00:14:44,283.33333333 --> 00:14:46,113.33333333 I just feel particularly. 217 00:14:48,393.33333333 --> 00:14:50,883.33333333 Aware and an easy about it. 218 00:15:03,243.33333333 --> 00:15:04,953.33333333 And we hear with all this talk around. 219 00:15:05,313.33333333 --> 00:15:14,703.33333333 Manifestation and like, When you're on the same vibration as something else, like that's when it's attracted to you, that's when it's feels the most natural and. 220 00:15:16,113.33333333 --> 00:15:16,263.33333333 Yeah. 221 00:15:16,263.33333333 --> 00:15:18,363.33333333 I thought about that when I was thinking about how. 222 00:15:20,373.33333333 --> 00:15:22,263.33333333 You can hold a bubble longer. 223 00:15:22,293.33333333 --> 00:15:26,133.33333333 If your hand is dipped in that soapy water, right. 224 00:15:26,133.33333333 --> 00:15:29,43.33333333 Is it because it can rest on that surface. 225 00:15:30,873.33333333 --> 00:15:33,963.33333333 Because that surface is the same as it. 226 00:15:42,333.33333333 --> 00:15:45,3.33333333 But even with that, it only lasts a certain amount of time. 227 00:15:51,33.33333333 --> 00:15:52,173.33333333 And then it pops. 228 00:15:53,673.33333333 --> 00:15:55,983.33333333 But inside of it as the same thing, that's. 229 00:15:58,113.33333333 --> 00:15:58,893.33333333 Everywhere. 230 00:15:59,343.33333333 --> 00:16:06,693.33333333 Surrounding us, right? Like what makes a bubble? It's like the tiny, like what, I wonder what the measurement is of. 231 00:16:07,593.33333333 --> 00:16:09,243.33333333 The surface of a bubble. 232 00:16:09,333.33333333 --> 00:16:10,293.33333333 Let me see if I can find that. 233 00:16:11,763.33333333 --> 00:16:12,483.33333333 How. 234 00:16:13,353.33333333 --> 00:16:18,873.33333333 It is the surface of a bubble. 235 00:16:20,283.33333333 --> 00:16:26,193.33333333 Ah, The surface of a bubble. 236 00:16:26,193.33333333 --> 00:16:37,323.33333333 Typically a soap bubble is incredibly thin measuring only a few hundred nanometers thick, which is roughly the same thickness as a wavelength of visible light. 237 00:16:37,743.33333333 --> 00:16:42,423.3333333 Meaning it's essentially as thin as a single LightWave. 238 00:16:44,703.3333333 --> 00:16:45,963.3333333 Oh, my God. 239 00:16:55,113.3333333 --> 00:16:55,923.3333333 Of course. 240 00:16:56,223.3333333 --> 00:16:57,933.3333333 It's compared to light. 241 00:16:58,713.3333333 --> 00:17:01,293.3333333 A bubble consist of a thin layer of water. 242 00:17:02,133.3333333 --> 00:17:05,733.3333333 Sandwiched between two layers of soap molecules. 243 00:17:06,93.3333333 --> 00:17:07,563.3333333 Creating the film. 244 00:17:08,433.3333333 --> 00:17:10,173.3333333 That holds the air inside. 245 00:17:10,743.3333333 --> 00:17:12,453.3333333 Of course, there's film in this. 246 00:17:15,303.3333333 --> 00:17:16,353.3333333 Oh, my God. 247 00:17:17,613.3333333 --> 00:17:24,3.3333333 The thinness of the bubble film causes light to interfere with itself. 248 00:17:24,603.3333333 --> 00:17:28,443.3333333 Resulting in the rainbow, like colors we see on bubbles. 249 00:17:43,863.3333333 --> 00:17:46,203.3333333 The thinness of the bubble film. 250 00:17:46,773.3333333 --> 00:17:49,923.3333333 Causes light to interfere with itself. 251 00:17:52,443.3333333 --> 00:17:54,783.3333333 Resulting in rainbow colors. 252 00:17:54,813.3333333 --> 00:17:55,443.3333333 We see. 253 00:18:08,433.3333333 --> 00:18:10,233.3333333 So emotional. 254 00:18:11,493.3333333 --> 00:18:15,603.3333333 Um, I certainly feel like I'm interfering with myself. 255 00:18:17,193.3333333 --> 00:18:21,963.3333333 Um, Uh, and also just for context. 256 00:18:22,533.3333333 --> 00:18:24,453.3333333 About my bubble tears right now. 257 00:18:24,543.3333333 --> 00:18:26,133.3333333 Um, We. 258 00:18:28,503.3333333 --> 00:18:32,853.3333333 The boys for Christmas, got a room makeover and. 259 00:18:35,43.3333333 --> 00:18:36,603.3333333 The door was locked and it said. 260 00:18:37,173.3333333 --> 00:18:38,853.3333333 Uh, Christmas magic is happening. 261 00:18:38,853.3333333 --> 00:18:42,483.3333333 And, uh, They were trying to look under the door. 262 00:18:43,173.3333333 --> 00:18:43,983.3333333 Cassius said. 263 00:18:45,93.3333333 --> 00:18:50,823.3333333 That he felt like he saw rainbows and that Tyson was probably in there working on his Christmas present. 264 00:18:51,633.3333333 --> 00:18:54,633.3333333 Because Tyson now is all the rainbows we see are Tyson. 265 00:18:55,803.3333333 --> 00:19:00,373.3333333 Um, so now as I. 266 00:19:02,173.3333333 --> 00:19:02,923.3333333 Well think of. 267 00:19:03,433.3333333 --> 00:19:04,633.3333333 Bubbles as. 268 00:19:04,633.3333333 --> 00:19:06,433.3333333 Light fighting with itself. 269 00:19:08,623.3333333 --> 00:19:09,343.3333333 In a film. 270 00:19:13,633.3333333 --> 00:19:16,93.3333333 Underneath that film inside. 271 00:19:16,813.3333333 --> 00:19:19,933.3333333 Inside and literally inside the bubble. 272 00:19:20,443.3333333 --> 00:19:21,763.3333333 It's the same stuff. 273 00:19:22,483.3333333 --> 00:19:23,443.3333333 That is everywhere. 274 00:19:24,763.3333333 --> 00:19:25,183.3333333 Err. 275 00:19:30,433.3333333 --> 00:19:31,243.3333333 It's everywhere. 276 00:19:31,243.3333333 --> 00:19:32,863.3333333 And yet you're looking for. 277 00:19:34,243.3333333 --> 00:19:35,293.3333333 Reaching for. 278 00:19:35,773.3333333 --> 00:19:36,283.3333333 This. 279 00:19:38,113.3333333 --> 00:19:38,953.3333333 Elusive. 280 00:19:42,703.3333333 --> 00:19:44,833.3333333 A few hundred nanometers thick. 281 00:19:46,213.3333333 --> 00:19:46,813.3333333 Surface. 282 00:19:47,623.3333333 --> 00:19:48,493.3333333 Of a thing. 283 00:19:49,483.3333333 --> 00:19:51,73.3333333 That has only made visible. 284 00:19:53,873.3333333 --> 00:19:55,553.3333333 By a single LightWave. 285 00:19:59,283.3333333 --> 00:20:00,423.3333333 Once you touch it. 286 00:20:01,773.3333333 --> 00:20:02,553.3333333 It's gone. 287 00:20:06,573.3333333 --> 00:20:12,993.3333333 Extract that to It's a shell. 288 00:20:13,263.3333333 --> 00:20:13,593.3333333 Right. 289 00:20:15,933.3333333 --> 00:20:17,493.3333333 Reaching for the shell. 290 00:20:18,723.3333333 --> 00:20:20,223.3333333 And inside the shell. 291 00:20:20,583.3333333 --> 00:20:22,893.3333333 If we were even able to hold it and open it. 292 00:20:23,913.3333333 --> 00:20:24,693.3333333 It's like, imagine. 293 00:20:25,113.3333333 --> 00:20:28,773.3333333 If you were able to take a bubble, hold it and then open it up. 294 00:20:29,613.3333333 --> 00:20:30,543.3333333 It would look empty. 295 00:20:31,23.3333333 --> 00:20:33,63.3333333 Because it's full of everything. 296 00:20:33,63.3333333 --> 00:20:33,903.3333333 That's all around. 297 00:20:33,903.3333333 --> 00:20:34,743.3333333 You already. 298 00:20:36,603.3333333 --> 00:20:37,893.3333333 I mean, what a mind fuck. 299 00:20:40,83.3333333 --> 00:20:40,233.3333333 Yeah. 300 00:20:40,263.3333333 --> 00:20:42,543.3333333 Think about the shell of a day. 301 00:20:43,53.3333333 --> 00:20:47,223.3333333 The Christmas shell that is the day of December 25th. 302 00:20:48,453.3333333 --> 00:20:50,43.3333333 And I get to de. 303 00:20:50,973.3333333 --> 00:20:51,963.3333333 And I'm like, Ugh. 304 00:20:53,283.3333333 --> 00:20:55,593.3333333 I don't feel the way I want to feel. 305 00:20:59,253.3333333 --> 00:21:00,63.3333333 It's like it's. 306 00:21:03,513.3333333 --> 00:21:04,503.3333333 I saw quote. 307 00:21:05,373.3333333 --> 00:21:06,333.3333333 I don't know who said it. 308 00:21:07,803.3333333 --> 00:21:10,773.3333333 The idea that it's just too much and not enough. 309 00:21:12,573.3333333 --> 00:21:14,343.3333333 At the same time and. 310 00:21:18,873.3333333 --> 00:21:22,233.3333333 It's overwhelming and it's frustrating, but it's so comforting. 311 00:21:22,233.3333333 --> 00:21:24,843.3333333 It's like, it's all always here. 312 00:21:26,343.3333333 --> 00:21:29,613.3333333 Just like the picture means nothing and everything. 313 00:21:31,953.3333333 --> 00:21:38,523.3333333 How alive is the person looking at it? What parts. 314 00:21:39,603.3333333 --> 00:21:43,983.3333333 What is the counterpart inside of you that is able to see and witness. 315 00:21:45,123.3333333 --> 00:21:46,173.3333333 What's in front of you. 316 00:21:47,283.3333333 --> 00:21:48,63.3333333 At all times. 317 00:21:52,363.3333333 --> 00:21:57,13.3333333 It feels like I've come full circle in this, um, I am in the middle of. 318 00:21:59,83.3333333 --> 00:22:03,973.3333333 Recreating my original like flagship course manifest your memories. 319 00:22:04,933.3333333 --> 00:22:08,503.3333333 About using photography or photographic practice, rather as. 320 00:22:09,313.3333333 --> 00:22:10,513.3333333 This means to. 321 00:22:11,773.3333333 --> 00:22:16,843.3333333 Like sinking your teeth into your life, vision, and being able to. 322 00:22:18,523.3333333 --> 00:22:22,633.3333333 Really extract this version of presence that feels. 323 00:22:23,563.3333333 --> 00:22:25,753.3333333 Conscious and unconscious and. 324 00:22:26,743.3333333 --> 00:22:31,213.3333333 Um, effortless and intentional at the same time. 325 00:22:31,273.3333333 --> 00:22:33,463.3333333 And that's the gift in. 326 00:22:35,503.3333333 --> 00:22:36,373.3333333 In the best of it. 327 00:22:36,373.3333333 --> 00:22:40,963.3333333 That's like if that photography gives me and I'm in that recreation, I've been. 328 00:22:41,953.3333333 --> 00:22:45,823.3333333 Putting some of those practices from that course into play in my daily life. 329 00:22:46,903.3333333 --> 00:22:51,43.3333333 You know, just in a healthy way, just coming back to like, does this still hold. 330 00:22:51,523.3333333 --> 00:22:52,873.3333333 Does this still hold true. 331 00:22:53,983.3333333 --> 00:23:04,153.3333333 Or is this like a bubble that when I touch it, It just appears and I'm like, oh, I don't, I don't, I guess this is something that does need to be recreated. 332 00:23:04,153.3333333 --> 00:23:04,663.3333333 Maybe. 333 00:23:05,263.3333333 --> 00:23:06,913.3333333 It doesn't hold its weight anymore. 334 00:23:07,3.3333333 --> 00:23:10,993.3333333 And, um, I'm happy to say that. 335 00:23:11,803.3333333 --> 00:23:12,913.3333333 It most certainly. 336 00:23:13,903.3333333 --> 00:23:14,473.3333333 Has. 337 00:23:16,303.3333333 --> 00:23:21,13.3333333 You know, When the kids are in the basement with the door open and I can hear them. 338 00:23:30,973.3333333 --> 00:23:33,943.3333333 I think I hear that he's calling me right now from outside the room. 339 00:23:37,963.3333333 --> 00:23:38,833.3333333 Yes, buddy. 340 00:23:39,583.3333333 --> 00:23:40,243.3333333 Give me your. 341 00:23:42,223.3333333 --> 00:23:43,93.3333333 You can come in. 342 00:23:45,153.3333333 --> 00:23:46,203.3333333 The door is open, baby. 343 00:23:48,633.3333333 --> 00:23:48,843.3333333 Hi. 344 00:23:49,773.3333333 --> 00:23:50,193.3333333 Come here. 345 00:23:55,113.3333333 --> 00:23:55,203.3333333 Yeah. 346 00:23:56,223.3333333 --> 00:23:56,583.3333333 Come here. 347 00:23:57,273.3333333 --> 00:23:58,173.3333333 Tell me in the mic. 348 00:23:59,523.3333333 --> 00:23:59,883.3333333 Hi. 349 00:24:00,753.3333333 --> 00:24:01,473.3333333 How. 350 00:24:03,423.3333333 --> 00:24:07,683.3333333 What do you want to show me? Your robot named. 351 00:24:08,493.3333333 --> 00:24:09,483.3333333 His name is Jr. 352 00:24:10,113.3333333 --> 00:24:14,583.3333333 Can you speak in the mic? Can you tell, um, I'm recording a podcast episode. 353 00:24:14,763.3333333 --> 00:24:17,283.3333333 Um, my mom. 354 00:24:18,663.3333333 --> 00:24:20,913.3333333 I've had death episode. 355 00:24:20,973.3333333 --> 00:24:28,623.3333333 Do you know what that is? That means I record my thoughts onto here and then other people in the world listen to it. 356 00:24:28,653.3333333 --> 00:24:31,113.3333333 They press play and they listen to it on their headphones. 357 00:24:32,733.3333333 --> 00:24:35,283.3333333 I love you. 358 00:24:35,763.3333333 --> 00:24:36,393.3333333 The mic buddy. 359 00:24:37,113.3333333 --> 00:24:37,653.3333333 I love you. 360 00:24:38,463.3333333 --> 00:24:39,543.3333333 What do you want to show me? Here. 361 00:24:39,693.3333333 --> 00:24:39,963.3333333 Hold on. 362 00:24:40,923.3333333 --> 00:24:41,313.3333333 The sun. 363 00:24:42,93.3333333 --> 00:24:42,243.3333333 Yeah. 364 00:24:43,53.3333333 --> 00:24:43,563.3333333 Now talk. 365 00:24:43,613.3333333 --> 00:24:51,813.3333333 What was your favorite part of Christmas? Did daddy finish your robot? Yeah. 366 00:24:52,203.3333333 --> 00:24:53,43.3333333 Well, yeah. 367 00:24:53,463.3333333 --> 00:24:54,933.3333333 I'm trying to fit me. 368 00:24:56,193.3333333 --> 00:25:00,213.3333333 Are you trying to connect him on his phone? So we could play him. 369 00:25:00,933.3333333 --> 00:25:03,303.3333333 I move them, but I'm not sure if he can move. 370 00:25:03,843.3333333 --> 00:25:06,3.3333333 I mean, I'm not sure he could talk. 371 00:25:06,663.3333333 --> 00:25:07,893.3333333 Well, I guess we got to see. 372 00:25:07,893.3333333 --> 00:25:08,943.3333333 I'll be right there, baby. 373 00:25:10,533.3333333 --> 00:25:10,713.3333333 Yes. 374 00:25:11,73.3333333 --> 00:25:11,913.3333333 You have the bus. 375 00:25:11,973.3333333 --> 00:25:13,143.3333333 Mommy in the world. 376 00:25:13,353.3333333 --> 00:25:13,413.3333333 If you. 377 00:25:13,653.3333333 --> 00:25:20,223.3333333 Oh, You good. 378 00:25:21,903.3333333 --> 00:25:24,693.3333333 I interrupt this programming for life. 379 00:25:24,813.3333333 --> 00:25:25,113.3333333 So. 380 00:25:25,263.3333333 --> 00:25:25,953.3333333 I'll be right back. 381 00:25:29,332.8344671 --> 00:25:30,22.8344671 Okay. 382 00:25:30,202.8344671 --> 00:25:32,632.8344671 That'd be right back, turned into a couple hours. 383 00:25:33,802.8344671 --> 00:25:34,852.8344671 Surprise surprise. 384 00:25:35,602.8344671 --> 00:25:39,382.8344671 I ended up reheating a, an egg. 385 00:25:39,802.8344671 --> 00:25:43,372.8344671 Bake that I made for Christmas yesterday. 386 00:25:43,592.8344671 --> 00:25:50,282.8344671 And then I put some monkey bread in the oven that I made yesterday that was like hanging out in the fridge because. 387 00:25:51,362.8344671 --> 00:25:54,212.8344671 Um, A lot of our family members got sick. 388 00:25:54,212.8344671 --> 00:25:55,592.8344671 So we had to postpone. 389 00:25:55,982.8344671 --> 00:25:58,52.8344671 Our Christmas festivities and. 390 00:25:59,252.8344671 --> 00:26:00,962.8344671 So that was just hanging out in the fridge. 391 00:26:01,442.8344671 --> 00:26:09,602.8344671 Um, And in that time that I was gone. 392 00:26:10,712.8344671 --> 00:26:11,282.8344671 Aye. 393 00:26:12,32.8344671 --> 00:26:14,342.8344671 It was recording a video of. 394 00:26:15,662.8344671 --> 00:26:18,152.8344671 My dog through the blur of flowers. 395 00:26:18,182.8344671 --> 00:26:20,732.8344671 And then my son scooted over to me. 396 00:26:22,352.8344671 --> 00:26:23,792.8344671 On his new blue scooter. 397 00:26:23,882.8344671 --> 00:26:24,632.8344671 It was so cute. 398 00:26:25,472.8344671 --> 00:26:27,362.8344671 And I turned the camera to him. 399 00:26:28,82.8344671 --> 00:26:34,412.8344671 And it focused for a second, but then it had a hard time tracking him and he scooted away and. 400 00:26:37,172.8344671 --> 00:26:44,282.8344671 The vision of the forced blur, the blur that happens through a camera through your phone camera, whatever it is. 401 00:26:48,842.8344671 --> 00:26:49,412.8344671 It's like. 402 00:26:51,92.8344671 --> 00:26:54,482.8344671 The most wonderful reframe, the most wonderful. 403 00:26:57,272.8344671 --> 00:26:58,232.8344671 Mistake. 404 00:26:59,162.8344671 --> 00:26:59,852.8344671 That is. 405 00:27:00,152.8344671 --> 00:27:01,532.8344671 Anything, but it's. 406 00:27:05,132.8344671 --> 00:27:09,542.8344671 It just pulled me so deep into that moment and I ended up making a real. 407 00:27:10,592.8344671 --> 00:27:15,962.8344671 Where I said, what did I say? Sometimes the blur helps let the blur help you see. 408 00:27:16,952.8344671 --> 00:27:17,492.8344671 And. 409 00:27:20,612.8344671 --> 00:27:22,442.8344671 Just that moment reminded me. 410 00:27:23,272.8344671 --> 00:27:24,982.8344671 Reminded me to like lean in. 411 00:27:25,462.8344671 --> 00:27:26,362.8344671 Lean into the. 412 00:27:29,122.8344671 --> 00:27:30,322.8344671 Interference. 413 00:27:31,552.8344671 --> 00:27:31,942.8344671 Right. 414 00:27:31,972.8344671 --> 00:27:32,392.8344671 Like. 415 00:27:33,742.8344671 --> 00:27:38,272.8344671 Just because there is interference doesn't mean it's bad just because. 416 00:27:40,162.8344671 --> 00:27:42,532.8344671 The light is interfering with itself. 417 00:27:44,92.8344671 --> 00:27:46,522.8344671 Doesn't mean it's bad in the bubbles case. 418 00:27:46,522.8344671 --> 00:27:48,472.8344671 It results in a rainbow. 419 00:27:52,492.8344671 --> 00:27:55,682.8344671 And this squabbling, I find myself doing so often. 420 00:27:59,582.8344671 --> 00:28:04,202.8344671 It's like, I'm so aware of how discontent I'm so aware of how restless I am. 421 00:28:04,202.8344671 --> 00:28:05,132.8344671 I'm so aware. 422 00:28:05,702.8344671 --> 00:28:06,152.8344671 Of. 423 00:28:07,892.8344671 --> 00:28:09,2.8344671 Awareness. 424 00:28:09,452.8344671 --> 00:28:11,522.8344671 That it, I let it get in the way. 425 00:28:17,222.8344671 --> 00:28:22,52.8344671 When in fact that's the biggest gift, right? But it's like a. 426 00:28:23,552.8344671 --> 00:28:25,202.8344671 The top of a pin, like. 427 00:28:25,982.8344671 --> 00:28:26,462.8344671 Or the. 428 00:28:27,422.8344671 --> 00:28:29,822.8344671 The width of a bubble. 429 00:28:33,182.8344671 --> 00:28:35,462.8344671 It is a few hundred nanometers. 430 00:28:35,462.8344671 --> 00:28:36,452.8344671 Of a. 431 00:28:36,452.8344671 --> 00:28:37,622.8344671 coin swap of. 432 00:28:39,302.8344671 --> 00:28:45,662.8344671 Is it going to hinder you or is it going to help you? So. 433 00:28:46,532.8344671 --> 00:28:49,592.8344671 In my last podcast episode of. 434 00:28:50,342.8344671 --> 00:28:52,262.8344671 2024. 435 00:28:57,142.8344671 --> 00:28:58,402.8344671 I ask you. 436 00:29:03,2.8344671 --> 00:29:15,962.8344671 What do you want to do with your Christmas bubble? What do you want to do with your life bubble? Your holiday bubble. 437 00:29:19,592.8344671 --> 00:29:23,342.8344671 What do you want to do with your pursuit? Of a bubble. 438 00:29:34,642.8344671 --> 00:29:37,162.8344671 I'm using this conversation and this. 439 00:29:37,162.8344671 --> 00:29:38,122.8344671 Information. 440 00:29:38,872.8344671 --> 00:29:39,472.8344671 On bubbles. 441 00:29:39,892.8344671 --> 00:29:42,952.8344671 As inspiration for my final nostalgia now. 442 00:29:44,92.8344671 --> 00:29:46,432.8344671 Guided photographic journaling template. 443 00:29:47,602.8344671 --> 00:29:48,802.8344671 Which will be out. 444 00:29:49,552.8344671 --> 00:29:50,242.8344671 Soon. 445 00:29:51,582.8344671 --> 00:29:57,642.8344671 And in this template, We are going to like always reflect. 446 00:29:57,642.8344671 --> 00:30:00,612.8344671 On the past, the more recent past. 447 00:30:01,802.8344671 --> 00:30:05,612.8344671 As we simultaneously feel into the future. 448 00:30:07,52.8344671 --> 00:30:09,842.8344671 And the type of life that we're wanting to live. 449 00:30:14,222.8344671 --> 00:30:19,202.8344671 Anything you do anything you see? Anything you feel. 450 00:30:19,952.8344671 --> 00:30:23,252.8344671 It's only alive through the life inside of you. 451 00:30:27,572.8344671 --> 00:30:29,312.8344671 The life inside of you. 452 00:30:34,32.8344671 --> 00:30:41,592.8344671 What kind of life brings you alive? What kind of days bring you alive? Sometimes? We make it too big. 453 00:30:42,102.8344671 --> 00:30:43,392.8344671 It overwhelms us. 454 00:30:46,362.8344671 --> 00:30:47,772.8344671 What kind of moments. 455 00:30:49,422.8344671 --> 00:30:51,282.8344671 Remind you being alive. 456 00:31:05,112.8344671 --> 00:31:13,62.8344671 And if you're finding yourself particularly discontent in this season, I ask you. 457 00:31:14,802.8344671 --> 00:31:20,622.8344671 What would it look like? To come from. 458 00:31:22,782.8344671 --> 00:31:25,692.8344671 Creation to come from a place of content. 459 00:31:27,42.8344671 --> 00:31:28,752.8344671 Rather than reaching. 460 00:31:29,322.8344671 --> 00:31:32,712.8344671 For it, reaching for creation, reaching for content. 461 00:31:34,122.8344671 --> 00:31:35,262.8344671 To me, this means. 462 00:31:37,392.8344671 --> 00:31:38,952.8344671 When I'm feeling discontent. 463 00:31:40,422.8344671 --> 00:31:43,182.8344671 How can I empower myself to put myself. 464 00:31:43,722.8344671 --> 00:31:45,162.8344671 In the situation of. 465 00:31:46,662.8344671 --> 00:31:47,562.8344671 Creating. 466 00:31:48,522.8344671 --> 00:31:49,842.8344671 Using it as fuel. 467 00:31:50,502.8344671 --> 00:31:52,602.8344671 Alchemizing transmuting. 468 00:31:55,602.8344671 --> 00:31:57,852.8344671 Instead of reaching for the bubble. 469 00:31:59,752.8344671 --> 00:32:03,382.8344671 Letting myself acknowledge that I am inside of it. 470 00:32:09,172.8344671 --> 00:32:10,132.8344671 And I choose. 471 00:32:10,132.8344671 --> 00:32:10,762.8344671 To see. 472 00:32:12,122.8344671 --> 00:32:12,992.8344671 The rainbows. 473 00:32:15,602.8344671 --> 00:32:16,622.8344671 And all I need. 474 00:32:19,982.8344671 --> 00:32:23,462.8344671 Is as little as a single wave of light. 475 00:32:28,142.8344671 --> 00:32:29,132.8344671 To do any of it. 476 00:32:34,952.8344671 --> 00:32:36,782.8344671 And sometimes it's just me. 477 00:32:37,412.8344671 --> 00:32:39,242.8344671 I am the single wave of light. 478 00:32:53,432.8344671 --> 00:32:54,122.8344671 Happy new year. 479 00:32:57,517.2789116 --> 00:33:00,737.2789116 This has been an Awkward Sage Production.
Every Christmas I'm left with the strange remorse of not having achieved this elusive feeling I yearn for.
(00:07):
Surely I'm missing it by looking for it, but I cannot help it.
It's all I've ever known.
This perpetual homesickness for a feeling I've never felt I grasped for moments like chasing bubbles.
Only for it to vanish in the moment of contact.
Help Me See is a podcast dedicated to the art of seeing.
(00:31):
It's a space for the restless visionary with an insatiable desire to create the life and work you're meant for.
My name is Bianca Lea Mora, and I'm a photographic artist, a mother, and a coach who's transformed my fear of loss into power, art, and philosophy.
One of the scariest quotes I never want to say is, I wish I knew at the time, but I truly believe that we have the innate ability to bring our wise 2020 hindsight to our now.
(01:02):
.999You can deeply experience your nostalgia now, while it's actually happening, with no regrets.
All you have to do is see.
In this show, we laugh, we cry, we get inspired, we overshare, we have life changing conversations around making meaning, self discovery, and shedding all the BS layers in order to reconnect to our own sacred vision.
(01:29):
Seeing yourself is an essential key to living powerfully.
You are the vessel, the lens that filters absolutely everything in your life. 15 00:01:39,404.999 --> 00:02:00,960 What are you filtering for? Whether it be conversations with fellow artists and visionaries, or my solo audio journal style introspective ramblings, each episode is meant to feel like an exhale, an unraveling of truth, a moment for you to be able to put your finger on something that you haven't been able to for far too long. 16 00:02:02,519.999 --> 00:02:04,589.999 Come exactly as you are. 17 00:02:04,879.999 --> 00:02:05,739.999 It's perfect. 18 00:02:06,449.999 --> 00:02:07,969.999 Honor your instincts. 19 00:02:08,29.999 --> 00:02:13,649.999 Let's uncover some of the most important things in our lives which all too often can slip out from our view.
(02:14):
Let's commit to seeing and consciously creating what only you can in your one and only life.
Let's dive in. 22 00:02:25,743.33333333 --> 00:02:26,163.33333333 Hello. 23 00:02:26,163.33333333 --> 00:02:28,953.33333333 Hello and welcome to another episode of helped me see. 24 00:02:29,883.33333333 --> 00:02:31,83.33333333 Happy holidays. 25 00:02:32,103.33333333 --> 00:02:38,943.33333333 Whenever you celebrate, I'm hoping you had a beautiful holiday time filled with. 26 00:02:39,903.33333333 --> 00:02:41,133.33333333 Yami coziness. 27 00:02:41,583.33333333 --> 00:02:42,363.33333333 And. 28 00:02:44,63.33333333 --> 00:02:45,203.33333333 All of the. 29 00:02:45,203.33333333 --> 00:02:46,313.33333333 Joy and. 30 00:02:46,313.33333333 --> 00:02:48,293.33333333 Peace and love and light. 31 00:02:49,883.33333333 --> 00:02:53,183.33333333 Today is December 26th and. 32 00:02:53,183.33333333 --> 00:02:55,543.33333333 This morning, I Woke up and wrote a poem. 33 00:02:55,963.33333333 --> 00:02:56,683.33333333 Of sorts. 34 00:02:56,773.33333333 --> 00:02:57,283.33333333 I don't know. 35 00:02:57,433.33333333 --> 00:02:59,23.33333333 I still feel uncomfortable calling. 36 00:02:59,23.33333333 --> 00:03:02,833.33333333 The writing anything at this point, but I recently joined a. 37 00:03:02,833.33333333 --> 00:03:11,473.33333333 Poetry community and, um, It's definitely been inspiring me and sending me through all sorts of spirals. 38 00:03:11,473.33333333 --> 00:03:13,763.33333333 I keep thinking when I'm listening to. 39 00:03:14,903.33333333 --> 00:03:20,33.33333333 The gorgeous, uh, poetry readings and the analysis and the pulling of the threads. 40 00:03:20,33.33333333 --> 00:03:21,413.33333333 I keep thinking about how. 41 00:03:22,853.33333333 --> 00:03:23,873.33333333 Oh, my gosh. 42 00:03:25,133.33333333 --> 00:03:26,873.33333333 It's like, I know this language. 43 00:03:27,713.33333333 --> 00:03:28,193.33333333 In. 44 00:03:28,973.33333333 --> 00:03:29,723.33333333 Imagery. 45 00:03:30,563.33333333 --> 00:03:32,993.33333333 I know this language visually. 46 00:03:34,13.33333333 --> 00:03:35,963.33333333 But I don't know this language. 47 00:03:37,133.33333333 --> 00:03:38,813.33333333 With words. 48 00:03:39,173.33333333 --> 00:03:41,303.33333333 I don't know this language with language. 49 00:03:42,863.33333333 --> 00:03:43,193.33333333 Oops. 50 00:03:44,603.33333333 --> 00:03:45,803.33333333 Something that. 51 00:03:45,803.33333333 --> 00:03:56,123.33333333 Specifically bothers me and, um, I've been since unpacking one of my last posts about how photography has betrayed me. 52 00:03:57,143.33333333 --> 00:04:01,703.33333333 Um, It feels like I've been using photography. 53 00:04:02,513.33333333 --> 00:04:05,393.33333333 And visual art in general, as a crutch at times. 54 00:04:06,773.33333333 --> 00:04:09,293.33333333 I think it's definitely a healthy, beautiful. 55 00:04:09,803.33333333 --> 00:04:11,693.33333333 Way of expression and. 56 00:04:12,683.33333333 --> 00:04:17,543.33333333 It's therapeutic and it's enlightening and emboldening and all the things. 57 00:04:18,323.33333333 --> 00:04:19,163.33333333 And also. 58 00:04:20,273.33333333 --> 00:04:21,83.33333333 It allows me to. 59 00:04:21,893.33333333 --> 00:04:24,83.33333333 Touch the feeling and be like, oh, there it is. 60 00:04:25,373.33333333 --> 00:04:25,943.33333333 And walk away. 61 00:04:27,653.33333333 --> 00:04:28,793.33333333 And I want. 62 00:04:28,793.33333333 --> 00:04:31,163.33333333 To articulate it within myself in a different way. 63 00:04:31,193.33333333 --> 00:04:32,153.33333333 That's what I'm craving. 64 00:04:32,153.33333333 --> 00:04:32,483.33333333 So. 65 00:04:33,473.33333333 --> 00:04:35,423.33333333 I've been writing a lot more. 66 00:04:35,513.33333333 --> 00:04:38,123.33333333 So here is this morning's writing. 67 00:04:38,483.33333333 --> 00:04:40,73.33333333 It's called Christmas bubbles. 68 00:04:42,323.33333333 --> 00:04:48,443.33333333 Every Christmas I'm left with the strange remorse of not having achieved this elusive feeling I yearn for. 69 00:04:49,733.33333333 --> 00:04:53,153.33333333 Surely I'm missing it by looking for it, but I cannot help it. 70 00:04:54,593.33333333 --> 00:04:55,853.33333333 It's all I've ever known. 71 00:04:56,483.33333333 --> 00:04:59,723.33333333 This perpetual homesickness for a feeling I've never felt. 72 00:05:01,553.33333333 --> 00:05:02,963.33333333 Nowhere, but here. 73 00:05:03,503.33333333 --> 00:05:06,23.33333333 I grasped for moments like chasing bubbles. 74 00:05:06,803.33333333 --> 00:05:09,353.33333333 Only for it to vanish in the moment of contact. 75 00:05:11,153.33333333 --> 00:05:16,73.33333333 But what if I dip myself in what bubbles are made of? Only to touch it. 76 00:05:16,73.33333333 --> 00:05:17,303.33333333 Mere moments longer. 77 00:05:18,713.33333333 --> 00:05:22,103.33333333 And in those mere moments, I frantically searched my soul. 78 00:05:22,823.33333333 --> 00:05:28,133.33333333 Taking in the delicate magnificence as I try to feel for the spot inside, that feels. 79 00:05:29,303.33333333 --> 00:05:30,623.33333333 The spot that knows. 80 00:05:31,913.33333333 --> 00:05:33,503.33333333 The spot that recognizes. 81 00:05:36,413.33333333 --> 00:05:38,993.33333333 The counterpart of Christmas bubbles. 82 00:05:42,423.33333333 --> 00:05:44,223.33333333 Like looking through a viewfinder. 83 00:05:44,733.33333333 --> 00:05:45,963.33333333 My whole body knows. 84 00:05:46,353.33333333 --> 00:05:47,403.33333333 To press the shutter. 85 00:05:49,353.33333333 --> 00:05:52,503.33333333 The catharsis of synthesizing inside and outside. 86 00:05:54,123.33333333 --> 00:05:58,833.33333333 But alas, it's the same amount of time to take a picture as it is to pop a bubble. 87 00:05:58,863.33333333 --> 00:06:00,33.33333333 You finally reached. 88 00:06:01,413.33333333 --> 00:06:04,383.33333333 Except now you have the residue of a picture. 89 00:06:04,863.33333333 --> 00:06:08,913.33333333 To hold comfort console, astound and torture. 90 00:06:08,913.33333333 --> 00:06:09,183.33333333 You. 91 00:06:10,653.33333333 --> 00:06:13,893.33333333 It's there and gone alive and dead at once. 92 00:06:15,183.33333333 --> 00:06:19,563.33333333 Brought back to life only by my ability to touch that part inside my body. 93 00:06:19,563.33333333 --> 00:06:20,43.33333333 Again. 94 00:06:21,183.33333333 --> 00:06:25,233.33333333 But it is moved and morphed and melted into something unrecognizable. 95 00:06:26,853.33333333 --> 00:06:30,453.33333333 I could drown myself in bubbles only to disappear in an instant. 96 00:06:32,223.33333333 --> 00:06:35,493.33333333 Reaching for bubbles, like reaching for a single day all year. 97 00:06:37,23.33333333 --> 00:06:40,23.33333333 Both a shell of a space available everywhere. 98 00:06:40,23.33333333 --> 00:06:44,283.33333333 And at all times, Just like pictures. 99 00:06:45,573.33333333 --> 00:06:48,63.33333333 Only alive through the life inside of me. 100 00:07:07,953.33333333 --> 00:07:09,993.33333333 I was scrolling on Instagram after I read this. 101 00:07:10,83.33333333 --> 00:07:15,633.33333333 And, um, There's a quote that I came across. 102 00:07:15,633.33333333 --> 00:07:21,213.33333333 They give me that gives me mixed feelings, especially coming from a visual arts background. 103 00:07:21,273.33333333 --> 00:07:23,913.33333333 Um, it's by a photographer. 104 00:07:24,573.33333333 --> 00:07:25,953.33333333 Lovely photographer. 105 00:07:26,643.33333333 --> 00:07:31,503.33333333 It says, um, To suggest is to create. 106 00:07:32,733.33333333 --> 00:07:34,773.33333333 And to describe is to destroy. 107 00:07:36,813.33333333 --> 00:07:39,213.33333333 It's by Robert, how do I say his last name? Robert. 108 00:07:40,263.33333333 --> 00:07:41,403.33333333 I'm going to butcher it. 109 00:07:41,973.33333333 --> 00:07:44,553.33333333 D O I S N E a U. 110 00:07:45,663.33333333 --> 00:07:49,533.33333333 Um, and, you know, I. 111 00:07:51,63.33333333 --> 00:07:53,523.33333333 Agree to an extent, but it also. 112 00:07:54,783.33333333 --> 00:07:56,253.33333333 Feels so. 113 00:07:59,943.33333333 --> 00:08:00,573.33333333 Gray. 114 00:08:03,473.33333333 --> 00:08:05,543.33333333 To suggest is to create. 115 00:08:08,723.33333333 --> 00:08:10,643.33333333 To describe as to just dry. 116 00:08:18,923.33333333 --> 00:08:20,813.33333333 To suggest does feel. 117 00:08:22,763.33333333 --> 00:08:25,463.33333333 Expansive and iterative and. 118 00:08:27,593.33333333 --> 00:08:31,313.33333333 Open, like you're coming from and then to describe. 119 00:08:32,603.33333333 --> 00:08:34,253.33333333 Most certainly is. 120 00:08:36,113.33333333 --> 00:08:41,753.33333333 Boiling things down and constricting and specifying. 121 00:08:43,403.33333333 --> 00:08:47,183.33333333 But I also find such relief. 122 00:08:47,903.33333333 --> 00:08:48,443.33333333 In. 123 00:08:50,363.33333333 --> 00:08:52,193.33333333 That specificity. 124 00:08:52,193.33333333 --> 00:08:53,783.33333333 I find such relief in. 125 00:08:55,373.33333333 --> 00:09:00,653.33333333 When someone describes something so specific and eliminate so much. 126 00:09:01,253.33333333 --> 00:09:02,363.33333333 Of the outside. 127 00:09:06,443.33333333 --> 00:09:12,833.33333333 And it describes something that helps me put a finger on, you know helps me scratch the itch inside of me. 128 00:09:13,373.33333333 --> 00:09:14,753.33333333 Through the words that they were using. 129 00:09:17,33.33333333 --> 00:09:17,513.33333333 And. 130 00:09:20,333.33333333 --> 00:09:22,43.33333333 I think this effort to. 131 00:09:32,933.33333333 --> 00:09:36,233.33333333 Challenge myself with a medium that. 132 00:09:41,813.33333333 --> 00:09:43,43.33333333 Doesn't allow me. 133 00:09:45,53.33333333 --> 00:09:47,843.33333333 To point it'd be like, We're there to, there it is. 134 00:09:47,873.33333333 --> 00:09:48,263.33333333 There it is. 135 00:09:48,293.33333333 --> 00:09:48,773.33333333 There it is. 136 00:09:51,203.33333333 --> 00:09:52,853.33333333 It depends on me to come. 137 00:09:54,893.33333333 --> 00:09:55,793.33333333 To something. 138 00:09:58,793.33333333 --> 00:10:00,353.33333333 And create from nothing. 139 00:10:02,63.33333333 --> 00:10:04,763.33333333 And create the words that it demands that I. 140 00:10:06,483.33333333 --> 00:10:07,263.33333333 Go first. 141 00:10:12,743.33333333 --> 00:10:15,53.33333333 In this coming new year, I. 142 00:10:16,73.33333333 --> 00:10:17,3.33333333 Because of this I'm. 143 00:10:17,873.33333333 --> 00:10:21,563.33333333 Challenging myself to explore other mediums. 144 00:10:21,713.33333333 --> 00:10:26,813.33333333 And of course, I will continue to taking pictures. 145 00:10:30,323.33333333 --> 00:10:30,983.33333333 But I'm. 146 00:10:30,983.33333333 --> 00:10:32,843.33333333 Going to gift myself with. 147 00:10:36,113.33333333 --> 00:10:41,843.33333333 A very literal beginner's mind, not the, from a philosophical standpoint of. 148 00:10:42,803.33333333 --> 00:10:43,103.33333333 Yes. 149 00:10:43,103.33333333 --> 00:10:49,823.33333333 I know if I just sit down in the seat of consciousness of a beginner's mind, like everything is new all the time. 150 00:10:49,823.33333333 --> 00:10:51,833.33333333 Doesn't matter if I've been taking photos for. 151 00:10:52,553.33333333 --> 00:10:53,663.33333333 Decades, right. 152 00:10:56,633.33333333 --> 00:10:58,223.33333333 But a philosophical. 153 00:10:59,993.33333333 --> 00:11:01,793.33333333 Beginner's mind is very different from a. 154 00:11:03,53.33333333 --> 00:11:06,833.33333333 I don't know what the fuck I'm doing at all beginner's mind. 155 00:11:06,863.33333333 --> 00:11:10,253.33333333 And that's what I'm looking for in. 156 00:11:11,153.33333333 --> 00:11:15,803.33333333 Um, the poetry classes I'm taking and that's what I'll be looking for. 157 00:11:16,313.33333333 --> 00:11:21,743.33333333 And unavoidably experiencing in the singing classes, I'm going to be taking singing and piano. 158 00:11:22,283.33333333 --> 00:11:22,733.33333333 Which. 159 00:11:23,753.33333333 --> 00:11:28,373.33333333 I don't know why, but it feels embarrassing to say, which is so strange. 160 00:11:28,403.33333333 --> 00:11:28,463.33333333 I. 161 00:11:29,633.33333333 --> 00:11:32,813.33333333 Something feels extraordinarily vulnerable about it. 162 00:11:32,843.33333333 --> 00:11:33,293.33333333 And. 163 00:11:34,73.33333333 --> 00:11:37,433.33333333 You know, for someone that's been extraordinarily vulnerable. 164 00:11:37,943.33333333 --> 00:11:40,283.33333333 Like on a microphone for years. 165 00:11:40,883.33333333 --> 00:11:45,233.33333333 Um, via podcast, uh, It perplexes me. 166 00:11:45,563.33333333 --> 00:11:47,183.33333333 But it's definitely a different. 167 00:11:48,563.33333333 --> 00:11:49,703.33333333 It's just a different space. 168 00:11:55,263.33333333 --> 00:11:58,173.33333333 But coming back to Christmas, bubbles, It really does. 169 00:11:59,163.33333333 --> 00:12:04,733.33333333 The line that came to me um, the catharsis of synthesizing inside and outside. 170 00:12:06,603.33333333 --> 00:12:08,103.33333333 I think that's really. 171 00:12:08,103.33333333 --> 00:12:09,93.33333333 The root of. 172 00:12:09,93.33333333 --> 00:12:12,453.33333333 A lot of the discontent and the unrest that I can feel. 173 00:12:12,453.33333333 --> 00:12:13,203.33333333 It's just that. 174 00:12:14,163.33333333 --> 00:12:16,653.33333333 I know what it feels like. 175 00:12:17,703.33333333 --> 00:12:20,553.33333333 When I'm moving through my life and I see something and I. 176 00:12:22,23.33333333 --> 00:12:24,63.33333333 Touch the shatter take the picture. 177 00:12:24,93.33333333 --> 00:12:25,773.33333333 It's like this very physical. 178 00:12:26,463.33333333 --> 00:12:27,573.33333333 Emotional. 179 00:12:30,273.33333333 --> 00:12:31,623.33333333 Creative. 180 00:12:32,373.33333333 --> 00:12:38,43.33333333 Um, It's like an aligning of everything in a second. 181 00:12:40,923.33333333 --> 00:12:41,733.33333333 And then it's gone. 182 00:12:48,483.33333333 --> 00:12:52,53.33333333 Wakening awakening the part inside of you. 183 00:12:52,623.33333333 --> 00:12:56,163.33333333 That most deeply recognizes the thing you're looking at. 184 00:13:03,723.33333333 --> 00:13:04,83.33333333 And. 185 00:13:04,83.33333333 --> 00:13:05,253.33333333 It feels like I'm. 186 00:13:05,253.33333333 --> 00:13:06,873.33333333 Really wanting to. 187 00:13:08,133.33333333 --> 00:13:11,523.33333333 Be able to recognize and understand. 188 00:13:12,753.33333333 --> 00:13:14,103.33333333 The part inside of me. 189 00:13:15,423.33333333 --> 00:13:22,143.33333333 First without needing an outside experience or representation to draw it out of me. 190 00:13:22,923.33333333 --> 00:13:25,53.33333333 You know, it's, it's reminds me of. 191 00:13:25,893.33333333 --> 00:13:31,473.33333333 How, um, it can be really unhealthy in a relationship if you depend on the other person too. 192 00:13:31,863.33333333 --> 00:13:33,513.33333333 Bring happiness to you or. 193 00:13:33,513.33333333 --> 00:13:36,303.33333333 You look to them to make you feel a certain way. 194 00:13:43,233.33333333 --> 00:13:45,33.33333333 Like two halves of a whole. 195 00:13:45,573.33333333 --> 00:13:47,853.33333333 Dismissing the wholeness within yourself. 196 00:13:48,843.33333333 --> 00:13:49,743.33333333 It feels like. 197 00:13:50,103.33333333 --> 00:13:51,33.33333333 I do that. 198 00:13:51,813.33333333 --> 00:13:52,833.33333333 With life. 199 00:13:56,223.33333333 --> 00:13:57,183.33333333 Like I'm looking. 200 00:13:58,743.33333333 --> 00:14:01,53.33333333 I'm pleading with life too. 201 00:14:04,563.33333333 --> 00:14:07,263.33333333 Validate me and to comfort me. 202 00:14:08,133.33333333 --> 00:14:09,363.33333333 And to show me, see. 203 00:14:10,653.33333333 --> 00:14:12,933.33333333 I don't know what, see what I don't know, but see. 204 00:14:13,953.33333333 --> 00:14:14,343.33333333 This. 205 00:14:16,113.33333333 --> 00:14:16,563.33333333 Okay. 206 00:14:18,393.33333333 --> 00:14:20,463.33333333 I'm looking forward to pat me on the back. 207 00:14:21,213.33333333 --> 00:14:21,483.33333333 Yeah. 208 00:14:21,843.33333333 --> 00:14:22,263.33333333 It's okay. 209 00:14:22,413.33333333 --> 00:14:22,653.33333333 Yeah. 210 00:14:22,713.33333333 --> 00:14:23,43.33333333 See. 211 00:14:30,633.33333333 --> 00:14:32,673.33333333 And I, I'm not saying like, I don't even know. 212 00:14:32,673.33333333 --> 00:14:34,413.33333333 I'm not saying it as like a critique. 213 00:14:34,413.33333333 --> 00:14:36,453.33333333 I'm not saying it as I know this is wrong. 214 00:14:36,813.33333333 --> 00:14:38,163.33333333 Maybe it's just human nature. 215 00:14:38,193.33333333 --> 00:14:39,633.33333333 I don't, I don't know. 216 00:14:44,283.33333333 --> 00:14:46,113.33333333 I just feel particularly. 217 00:14:48,393.33333333 --> 00:14:50,883.33333333 Aware and an easy about it. 218 00:15:03,243.33333333 --> 00:15:04,953.33333333 And we hear with all this talk around. 219 00:15:05,313.33333333 --> 00:15:14,703.33333333 Manifestation and like, When you're on the same vibration as something else, like that's when it's attracted to you, that's when it's feels the most natural and. 220 00:15:16,113.33333333 --> 00:15:16,263.33333333 Yeah. 221 00:15:16,263.33333333 --> 00:15:18,363.33333333 I thought about that when I was thinking about how. 222 00:15:20,373.33333333 --> 00:15:22,263.33333333 You can hold a bubble longer. 223 00:15:22,293.33333333 --> 00:15:26,133.33333333 If your hand is dipped in that soapy water, right. 224 00:15:26,133.33333333 --> 00:15:29,43.33333333 Is it because it can rest on that surface. 225 00:15:30,873.33333333 --> 00:15:33,963.33333333 Because that surface is the same as it. 226 00:15:42,333.33333333 --> 00:15:45,3.33333333 But even with that, it only lasts a certain amount of time. 227 00:15:51,33.33333333 --> 00:15:52,173.33333333 And then it pops. 228 00:15:53,673.33333333 --> 00:15:55,983.33333333 But inside of it as the same thing, that's. 229 00:15:58,113.33333333 --> 00:15:58,893.33333333 Everywhere. 230 00:15:59,343.33333333 --> 00:16:06,693.33333333 Surrounding us, right? Like what makes a bubble? It's like the tiny, like what, I wonder what the measurement is of. 231 00:16:07,593.33333333 --> 00:16:09,243.33333333 The surface of a bubble. 232 00:16:09,333.33333333 --> 00:16:10,293.33333333 Let me see if I can find that. 233 00:16:11,763.33333333 --> 00:16:12,483.33333333 How. 234 00:16:13,353.33333333 --> 00:16:18,873.33333333 It is the surface of a bubble. 235 00:16:20,283.33333333 --> 00:16:26,193.33333333 Ah, The surface of a bubble. 236 00:16:26,193.33333333 --> 00:16:37,323.33333333 Typically a soap bubble is incredibly thin measuring only a few hundred nanometers thick, which is roughly the same thickness as a wavelength of visible light. 237 00:16:37,743.33333333 --> 00:16:42,423.3333333 Meaning it's essentially as thin as a single LightWave. 238 00:16:44,703.3333333 --> 00:16:45,963.3333333 Oh, my God. 239 00:16:55,113.3333333 --> 00:16:55,923.3333333 Of course. 240 00:16:56,223.3333333 --> 00:16:57,933.3333333 It's compared to light. 241 00:16:58,713.3333333 --> 00:17:01,293.3333333 A bubble consist of a thin layer of water. 242 00:17:02,133.3333333 --> 00:17:05,733.3333333 Sandwiched between two layers of soap molecules. 243 00:17:06,93.3333333 --> 00:17:07,563.3333333 Creating the film. 244 00:17:08,433.3333333 --> 00:17:10,173.3333333 That holds the air inside. 245 00:17:10,743.3333333 --> 00:17:12,453.3333333 Of course, there's film in this. 246 00:17:15,303.3333333 --> 00:17:16,353.3333333 Oh, my God. 247 00:17:17,613.3333333 --> 00:17:24,3.3333333 The thinness of the bubble film causes light to interfere with itself. 248 00:17:24,603.3333333 --> 00:17:28,443.3333333 Resulting in the rainbow, like colors we see on bubbles. 249 00:17:43,863.3333333 --> 00:17:46,203.3333333 The thinness of the bubble film. 250 00:17:46,773.3333333 --> 00:17:49,923.3333333 Causes light to interfere with itself. 251 00:17:52,443.3333333 --> 00:17:54,783.3333333 Resulting in rainbow colors. 252 00:17:54,813.3333333 --> 00:17:55,443.3333333 We see. 253 00:18:08,433.3333333 --> 00:18:10,233.3333333 So emotional. 254 00:18:11,493.3333333 --> 00:18:15,603.3333333 Um, I certainly feel like I'm interfering with myself. 255 00:18:17,193.3333333 --> 00:18:21,963.3333333 Um, Uh, and also just for context. 256 00:18:22,533.3333333 --> 00:18:24,453.3333333 About my bubble tears right now. 257 00:18:24,543.3333333 --> 00:18:26,133.3333333 Um, We. 258 00:18:28,503.3333333 --> 00:18:32,853.3333333 The boys for Christmas, got a room makeover and. 259 00:18:35,43.3333333 --> 00:18:36,603.3333333 The door was locked and it said. 260 00:18:37,173.3333333 --> 00:18:38,853.3333333 Uh, Christmas magic is happening. 261 00:18:38,853.3333333 --> 00:18:42,483.3333333 And, uh, They were trying to look under the door. 262 00:18:43,173.3333333 --> 00:18:43,983.3333333 Cassius said. 263 00:18:45,93.3333333 --> 00:18:50,823.3333333 That he felt like he saw rainbows and that Tyson was probably in there working on his Christmas present. 264 00:18:51,633.3333333 --> 00:18:54,633.3333333 Because Tyson now is all the rainbows we see are Tyson. 265 00:18:55,803.3333333 --> 00:19:00,373.3333333 Um, so now as I. 266 00:19:02,173.3333333 --> 00:19:02,923.3333333 Well think of. 267 00:19:03,433.3333333 --> 00:19:04,633.3333333 Bubbles as. 268 00:19:04,633.3333333 --> 00:19:06,433.3333333 Light fighting with itself. 269 00:19:08,623.3333333 --> 00:19:09,343.3333333 In a film. 270 00:19:13,633.3333333 --> 00:19:16,93.3333333 Underneath that film inside. 271 00:19:16,813.3333333 --> 00:19:19,933.3333333 Inside and literally inside the bubble. 272 00:19:20,443.3333333 --> 00:19:21,763.3333333 It's the same stuff. 273 00:19:22,483.3333333 --> 00:19:23,443.3333333 That is everywhere. 274 00:19:24,763.3333333 --> 00:19:25,183.3333333 Err. 275 00:19:30,433.3333333 --> 00:19:31,243.3333333 It's everywhere. 276 00:19:31,243.3333333 --> 00:19:32,863.3333333 And yet you're looking for. 277 00:19:34,243.3333333 --> 00:19:35,293.3333333 Reaching for. 278 00:19:35,773.3333333 --> 00:19:36,283.3333333 This. 279 00:19:38,113.3333333 --> 00:19:38,953.3333333 Elusive. 280 00:19:42,703.3333333 --> 00:19:44,833.3333333 A few hundred nanometers thick. 281 00:19:46,213.3333333 --> 00:19:46,813.3333333 Surface. 282 00:19:47,623.3333333 --> 00:19:48,493.3333333 Of a thing. 283 00:19:49,483.3333333 --> 00:19:51,73.3333333 That has only made visible. 284 00:19:53,873.3333333 --> 00:19:55,553.3333333 By a single LightWave. 285 00:19:59,283.3333333 --> 00:20:00,423.3333333 Once you touch it. 286 00:20:01,773.3333333 --> 00:20:02,553.3333333 It's gone. 287 00:20:06,573.3333333 --> 00:20:12,993.3333333 Extract that to It's a shell. 288 00:20:13,263.3333333 --> 00:20:13,593.3333333 Right. 289 00:20:15,933.3333333 --> 00:20:17,493.3333333 Reaching for the shell. 290 00:20:18,723.3333333 --> 00:20:20,223.3333333 And inside the shell. 291 00:20:20,583.3333333 --> 00:20:22,893.3333333 If we were even able to hold it and open it. 292 00:20:23,913.3333333 --> 00:20:24,693.3333333 It's like, imagine. 293 00:20:25,113.3333333 --> 00:20:28,773.3333333 If you were able to take a bubble, hold it and then open it up. 294 00:20:29,613.3333333 --> 00:20:30,543.3333333 It would look empty. 295 00:20:31,23.3333333 --> 00:20:33,63.3333333 Because it's full of everything. 296 00:20:33,63.3333333 --> 00:20:33,903.3333333 That's all around. 297 00:20:33,903.3333333 --> 00:20:34,743.3333333 You already. 298 00:20:36,603.3333333 --> 00:20:37,893.3333333 I mean, what a mind fuck. 299 00:20:40,83.3333333 --> 00:20:40,233.3333333 Yeah. 300 00:20:40,263.3333333 --> 00:20:42,543.3333333 Think about the shell of a day. 301 00:20:43,53.3333333 --> 00:20:47,223.3333333 The Christmas shell that is the day of December 25th. 302 00:20:48,453.3333333 --> 00:20:50,43.3333333 And I get to de. 303 00:20:50,973.3333333 --> 00:20:51,963.3333333 And I'm like, Ugh. 304 00:20:53,283.3333333 --> 00:20:55,593.3333333 I don't feel the way I want to feel. 305 00:20:59,253.3333333 --> 00:21:00,63.3333333 It's like it's. 306 00:21:03,513.3333333 --> 00:21:04,503.3333333 I saw quote. 307 00:21:05,373.3333333 --> 00:21:06,333.3333333 I don't know who said it. 308 00:21:07,803.3333333 --> 00:21:10,773.3333333 The idea that it's just too much and not enough. 309 00:21:12,573.3333333 --> 00:21:14,343.3333333 At the same time and. 310 00:21:18,873.3333333 --> 00:21:22,233.3333333 It's overwhelming and it's frustrating, but it's so comforting. 311 00:21:22,233.3333333 --> 00:21:24,843.3333333 It's like, it's all always here. 312 00:21:26,343.3333333 --> 00:21:29,613.3333333 Just like the picture means nothing and everything. 313 00:21:31,953.3333333 --> 00:21:38,523.3333333 How alive is the person looking at it? What parts. 314 00:21:39,603.3333333 --> 00:21:43,983.3333333 What is the counterpart inside of you that is able to see and witness. 315 00:21:45,123.3333333 --> 00:21:46,173.3333333 What's in front of you. 316 00:21:47,283.3333333 --> 00:21:48,63.3333333 At all times. 317 00:21:52,363.3333333 --> 00:21:57,13.3333333 It feels like I've come full circle in this, um, I am in the middle of. 318 00:21:59,83.3333333 --> 00:22:03,973.3333333 Recreating my original like flagship course manifest your memories. 319 00:22:04,933.3333333 --> 00:22:08,503.3333333 About using photography or photographic practice, rather as. 320 00:22:09,313.3333333 --> 00:22:10,513.3333333 This means to. 321 00:22:11,773.3333333 --> 00:22:16,843.3333333 Like sinking your teeth into your life, vision, and being able to. 322 00:22:18,523.3333333 --> 00:22:22,633.3333333 Really extract this version of presence that feels. 323 00:22:23,563.3333333 --> 00:22:25,753.3333333 Conscious and unconscious and. 324 00:22:26,743.3333333 --> 00:22:31,213.3333333 Um, effortless and intentional at the same time. 325 00:22:31,273.3333333 --> 00:22:33,463.3333333 And that's the gift in. 326 00:22:35,503.3333333 --> 00:22:36,373.3333333 In the best of it. 327 00:22:36,373.3333333 --> 00:22:40,963.3333333 That's like if that photography gives me and I'm in that recreation, I've been. 328 00:22:41,953.3333333 --> 00:22:45,823.3333333 Putting some of those practices from that course into play in my daily life. 329 00:22:46,903.3333333 --> 00:22:51,43.3333333 You know, just in a healthy way, just coming back to like, does this still hold. 330 00:22:51,523.3333333 --> 00:22:52,873.3333333 Does this still hold true. 331 00:22:53,983.3333333 --> 00:23:04,153.3333333 Or is this like a bubble that when I touch it, It just appears and I'm like, oh, I don't, I don't, I guess this is something that does need to be recreated. 332 00:23:04,153.3333333 --> 00:23:04,663.3333333 Maybe. 333 00:23:05,263.3333333 --> 00:23:06,913.3333333 It doesn't hold its weight anymore. 334 00:23:07,3.3333333 --> 00:23:10,993.3333333 And, um, I'm happy to say that. 335 00:23:11,803.3333333 --> 00:23:12,913.3333333 It most certainly. 336 00:23:13,903.3333333 --> 00:23:14,473.3333333 Has. 337 00:23:16,303.3333333 --> 00:23:21,13.3333333 You know, When the kids are in the basement with the door open and I can hear them. 338 00:23:30,973.3333333 --> 00:23:33,943.3333333 I think I hear that he's calling me right now from outside the room. 339 00:23:37,963.3333333 --> 00:23:38,833.3333333 Yes, buddy. 340 00:23:39,583.3333333 --> 00:23:40,243.3333333 Give me your. 341 00:23:42,223.3333333 --> 00:23:43,93.3333333 You can come in. 342 00:23:45,153.3333333 --> 00:23:46,203.3333333 The door is open, baby. 343 00:23:48,633.3333333 --> 00:23:48,843.3333333 Hi. 344 00:23:49,773.3333333 --> 00:23:50,193.3333333 Come here. 345 00:23:55,113.3333333 --> 00:23:55,203.3333333 Yeah. 346 00:23:56,223.3333333 --> 00:23:56,583.3333333 Come here. 347 00:23:57,273.3333333 --> 00:23:58,173.3333333 Tell me in the mic. 348 00:23:59,523.3333333 --> 00:23:59,883.3333333 Hi. 349 00:24:00,753.3333333 --> 00:24:01,473.3333333 How. 350 00:24:03,423.3333333 --> 00:24:07,683.3333333 What do you want to show me? Your robot named. 351 00:24:08,493.3333333 --> 00:24:09,483.3333333 His name is Jr. 352 00:24:10,113.3333333 --> 00:24:14,583.3333333 Can you speak in the mic? Can you tell, um, I'm recording a podcast episode. 353 00:24:14,763.3333333 --> 00:24:17,283.3333333 Um, my mom. 354 00:24:18,663.3333333 --> 00:24:20,913.3333333 I've had death episode. 355 00:24:20,973.3333333 --> 00:24:28,623.3333333 Do you know what that is? That means I record my thoughts onto here and then other people in the world listen to it. 356 00:24:28,653.3333333 --> 00:24:31,113.3333333 They press play and they listen to it on their headphones. 357 00:24:32,733.3333333 --> 00:24:35,283.3333333 I love you. 358 00:24:35,763.3333333 --> 00:24:36,393.3333333 The mic buddy. 359 00:24:37,113.3333333 --> 00:24:37,653.3333333 I love you. 360 00:24:38,463.3333333 --> 00:24:39,543.3333333 What do you want to show me? Here. 361 00:24:39,693.3333333 --> 00:24:39,963.3333333 Hold on. 362 00:24:40,923.3333333 --> 00:24:41,313.3333333 The sun. 363 00:24:42,93.3333333 --> 00:24:42,243.3333333 Yeah. 364 00:24:43,53.3333333 --> 00:24:43,563.3333333 Now talk. 365 00:24:43,613.3333333 --> 00:24:51,813.3333333 What was your favorite part of Christmas? Did daddy finish your robot? Yeah. 366 00:24:52,203.3333333 --> 00:24:53,43.3333333 Well, yeah. 367 00:24:53,463.3333333 --> 00:24:54,933.3333333 I'm trying to fit me. 368 00:24:56,193.3333333 --> 00:25:00,213.3333333 Are you trying to connect him on his phone? So we could play him. 369 00:25:00,933.3333333 --> 00:25:03,303.3333333 I move them, but I'm not sure if he can move. 370 00:25:03,843.3333333 --> 00:25:06,3.3333333 I mean, I'm not sure he could talk. 371 00:25:06,663.3333333 --> 00:25:07,893.3333333 Well, I guess we got to see. 372 00:25:07,893.3333333 --> 00:25:08,943.3333333 I'll be right there, baby. 373 00:25:10,533.3333333 --> 00:25:10,713.3333333 Yes. 374 00:25:11,73.3333333 --> 00:25:11,913.3333333 You have the bus. 375 00:25:11,973.3333333 --> 00:25:13,143.3333333 Mommy in the world. 376 00:25:13,353.3333333 --> 00:25:13,413.3333333 If you. 377 00:25:13,653.3333333 --> 00:25:20,223.3333333 Oh, You good. 378 00:25:21,903.3333333 --> 00:25:24,693.3333333 I interrupt this programming for life. 379 00:25:24,813.3333333 --> 00:25:25,113.3333333 So. 380 00:25:25,263.3333333 --> 00:25:25,953.3333333 I'll be right back. 381 00:25:29,332.8344671 --> 00:25:30,22.8344671 Okay. 382 00:25:30,202.8344671 --> 00:25:32,632.8344671 That'd be right back, turned into a couple hours. 383 00:25:33,802.8344671 --> 00:25:34,852.8344671 Surprise surprise. 384 00:25:35,602.8344671 --> 00:25:39,382.8344671 I ended up reheating a, an egg. 385 00:25:39,802.8344671 --> 00:25:43,372.8344671 Bake that I made for Christmas yesterday. 386 00:25:43,592.8344671 --> 00:25:50,282.8344671 And then I put some monkey bread in the oven that I made yesterday that was like hanging out in the fridge because. 387 00:25:51,362.8344671 --> 00:25:54,212.8344671 Um, A lot of our family members got sick. 388 00:25:54,212.8344671 --> 00:25:55,592.8344671 So we had to postpone. 389 00:25:55,982.8344671 --> 00:25:58,52.8344671 Our Christmas festivities and. 390 00:25:59,252.8344671 --> 00:26:00,962.8344671 So that was just hanging out in the fridge. 391 00:26:01,442.8344671 --> 00:26:09,602.8344671 Um, And in that time that I was gone. 392 00:26:10,712.8344671 --> 00:26:11,282.8344671 Aye. 393 00:26:12,32.8344671 --> 00:26:14,342.8344671 It was recording a video of. 394 00:26:15,662.8344671 --> 00:26:18,152.8344671 My dog through the blur of flowers. 395 00:26:18,182.8344671 --> 00:26:20,732.8344671 And then my son scooted over to me. 396 00:26:22,352.8344671 --> 00:26:23,792.8344671 On his new blue scooter. 397 00:26:23,882.8344671 --> 00:26:24,632.8344671 It was so cute. 398 00:26:25,472.8344671 --> 00:26:27,362.8344671 And I turned the camera to him. 399 00:26:28,82.8344671 --> 00:26:34,412.8344671 And it focused for a second, but then it had a hard time tracking him and he scooted away and. 400 00:26:37,172.8344671 --> 00:26:44,282.8344671 The vision of the forced blur, the blur that happens through a camera through your phone camera, whatever it is. 401 00:26:48,842.8344671 --> 00:26:49,412.8344671 It's like. 402 00:26:51,92.8344671 --> 00:26:54,482.8344671 The most wonderful reframe, the most wonderful. 403 00:26:57,272.8344671 --> 00:26:58,232.8344671 Mistake. 404 00:26:59,162.8344671 --> 00:26:59,852.8344671 That is. 405 00:27:00,152.8344671 --> 00:27:01,532.8344671 Anything, but it's. 406 00:27:05,132.8344671 --> 00:27:09,542.8344671 It just pulled me so deep into that moment and I ended up making a real. 407 00:27:10,592.8344671 --> 00:27:15,962.8344671 Where I said, what did I say? Sometimes the blur helps let the blur help you see. 408 00:27:16,952.8344671 --> 00:27:17,492.8344671 And. 409 00:27:20,612.8344671 --> 00:27:22,442.8344671 Just that moment reminded me. 410 00:27:23,272.8344671 --> 00:27:24,982.8344671 Reminded me to like lean in. 411 00:27:25,462.8344671 --> 00:27:26,362.8344671 Lean into the. 412 00:27:29,122.8344671 --> 00:27:30,322.8344671 Interference. 413 00:27:31,552.8344671 --> 00:27:31,942.8344671 Right. 414 00:27:31,972.8344671 --> 00:27:32,392.8344671 Like. 415 00:27:33,742.8344671 --> 00:27:38,272.8344671 Just because there is interference doesn't mean it's bad just because. 416 00:27:40,162.8344671 --> 00:27:42,532.8344671 The light is interfering with itself. 417 00:27:44,92.8344671 --> 00:27:46,522.8344671 Doesn't mean it's bad in the bubbles case. 418 00:27:46,522.8344671 --> 00:27:48,472.8344671 It results in a rainbow. 419 00:27:52,492.8344671 --> 00:27:55,682.8344671 And this squabbling, I find myself doing so often. 420 00:27:59,582.8344671 --> 00:28:04,202.8344671 It's like, I'm so aware of how discontent I'm so aware of how restless I am. 421 00:28:04,202.8344671 --> 00:28:05,132.8344671 I'm so aware. 422 00:28:05,702.8344671 --> 00:28:06,152.8344671 Of. 423 00:28:07,892.8344671 --> 00:28:09,2.8344671 Awareness. 424 00:28:09,452.8344671 --> 00:28:11,522.8344671 That it, I let it get in the way. 425 00:28:17,222.8344671 --> 00:28:22,52.8344671 When in fact that's the biggest gift, right? But it's like a. 426 00:28:23,552.8344671 --> 00:28:25,202.8344671 The top of a pin, like. 427 00:28:25,982.8344671 --> 00:28:26,462.8344671 Or the. 428 00:28:27,422.8344671 --> 00:28:29,822.8344671 The width of a bubble. 429 00:28:33,182.8344671 --> 00:28:35,462.8344671 It is a few hundred nanometers. 430 00:28:35,462.8344671 --> 00:28:36,452.8344671 Of a. 431 00:28:36,452.8344671 --> 00:28:37,622.8344671 coin swap of. 432 00:28:39,302.8344671 --> 00:28:45,662.8344671 Is it going to hinder you or is it going to help you? So. 433 00:28:46,532.8344671 --> 00:28:49,592.8344671 In my last podcast episode of. 434 00:28:50,342.8344671 --> 00:28:52,262.8344671 2024. 435 00:28:57,142.8344671 --> 00:28:58,402.8344671 I ask you. 436 00:29:03,2.8344671 --> 00:29:15,962.8344671 What do you want to do with your Christmas bubble? What do you want to do with your life bubble? Your holiday bubble. 437 00:29:19,592.8344671 --> 00:29:23,342.8344671 What do you want to do with your pursuit? Of a bubble. 438 00:29:34,642.8344671 --> 00:29:37,162.8344671 I'm using this conversation and this. 439 00:29:37,162.8344671 --> 00:29:38,122.8344671 Information. 440 00:29:38,872.8344671 --> 00:29:39,472.8344671 On bubbles. 441 00:29:39,892.8344671 --> 00:29:42,952.8344671 As inspiration for my final nostalgia now. 442 00:29:44,92.8344671 --> 00:29:46,432.8344671 Guided photographic journaling template. 443 00:29:47,602.8344671 --> 00:29:48,802.8344671 Which will be out. 444 00:29:49,552.8344671 --> 00:29:50,242.8344671 Soon. 445 00:29:51,582.8344671 --> 00:29:57,642.8344671 And in this template, We are going to like always reflect. 446 00:29:57,642.8344671 --> 00:30:00,612.8344671 On the past, the more recent past. 447 00:30:01,802.8344671 --> 00:30:05,612.8344671 As we simultaneously feel into the future. 448 00:30:07,52.8344671 --> 00:30:09,842.8344671 And the type of life that we're wanting to live. 449 00:30:14,222.8344671 --> 00:30:19,202.8344671 Anything you do anything you see? Anything you feel. 450 00:30:19,952.8344671 --> 00:30:23,252.8344671 It's only alive through the life inside of you. 451 00:30:27,572.8344671 --> 00:30:29,312.8344671 The life inside of you. 452 00:30:34,32.8344671 --> 00:30:41,592.8344671 What kind of life brings you alive? What kind of days bring you alive? Sometimes? We make it too big. 453 00:30:42,102.8344671 --> 00:30:43,392.8344671 It overwhelms us. 454 00:30:46,362.8344671 --> 00:30:47,772.8344671 What kind of moments. 455 00:30:49,422.8344671 --> 00:30:51,282.8344671 Remind you being alive. 456 00:31:05,112.8344671 --> 00:31:13,62.8344671 And if you're finding yourself particularly discontent in this season, I ask you. 457 00:31:14,802.8344671 --> 00:31:20,622.8344671 What would it look like? To come from. 458 00:31:22,782.8344671 --> 00:31:25,692.8344671 Creation to come from a place of content. 459 00:31:27,42.8344671 --> 00:31:28,752.8344671 Rather than reaching. 460 00:31:29,322.8344671 --> 00:31:32,712.8344671 For it, reaching for creation, reaching for content. 461 00:31:34,122.8344671 --> 00:31:35,262.8344671 To me, this means. 462 00:31:37,392.8344671 --> 00:31:38,952.8344671 When I'm feeling discontent. 463 00:31:40,422.8344671 --> 00:31:43,182.8344671 How can I empower myself to put myself. 464 00:31:43,722.8344671 --> 00:31:45,162.8344671 In the situation of. 465 00:31:46,662.8344671 --> 00:31:47,562.8344671 Creating. 466 00:31:48,522.8344671 --> 00:31:49,842.8344671 Using it as fuel. 467 00:31:50,502.8344671 --> 00:31:52,602.8344671 Alchemizing transmuting. 468 00:31:55,602.8344671 --> 00:31:57,852.8344671 Instead of reaching for the bubble. 469 00:31:59,752.8344671 --> 00:32:03,382.8344671 Letting myself acknowledge that I am inside of it. 470 00:32:09,172.8344671 --> 00:32:10,132.8344671 And I choose. 471 00:32:10,132.8344671 --> 00:32:10,762.8344671 To see. 472 00:32:12,122.8344671 --> 00:32:12,992.8344671 The rainbows. 473 00:32:15,602.8344671 --> 00:32:16,622.8344671 And all I need. 474 00:32:19,982.8344671 --> 00:32:23,462.8344671 Is as little as a single wave of light. 475 00:32:28,142.8344671 --> 00:32:29,132.8344671 To do any of it. 476 00:32:34,952.8344671 --> 00:32:36,782.8344671 And sometimes it's just me. 477 00:32:37,412.8344671 --> 00:32:39,242.8344671 I am the single wave of light. 478 00:32:53,432.8344671 --> 00:32:54,122.8344671 Happy new year. 479 00:32:57,517.2789116 --> 00:33:00,737.2789116 This has been an Awkward Sage Production.
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