homesick for me: 2 Weeks Away From Home

2 weeks away from home. this episode is not yet about my trip, but about the idea of leaving my kids for 2 weeks, re-evaluating home, work, and a life loosened from being constrained by roles. Subscribe to get visual podcast episodes to your inbox. https://biancaleamorra.substack.com/ show notes- more conversation on full time artistry and part time work:

FULL TIME ARTIST & part time work w/Morgan Bukovec

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
.999999999973this. 2 00:00:00,209.99999999992 --> 00:00:00,809.99999999995 It may sound.

(00:01):
.9999999999Shitty, but. 4 00:00:02,489.9999999999 --> 00:00:04,800 Although it's hard and painful. 5 00:00:04,889.9999999999 --> 00:00:06,599.9999999999 I think it's really easy. 6 00:00:08,99.9999999999 --> 00:00:09,030 To use. 7 00:00:09,899.9999999999 --> 00:00:13,830 Our children as an excuse as to why.
We didn't.
Or couldn't or wouldn't.
Do life, the way we really wanted to do it.
We can build our lives around these.

(00:23):
Blanket statements of.
I could never leave them for that long, or I could never this, or they could never that.
And.
We won't ever know.
Until we try it.
Yes, there were.
Definitely points in which I felt homesick.
And guilty but not really guilty.
I think that that sentence comes out of my mouth, because.
It's the common sentence.

(00:43):
It's the common sentiment.
When a mother's away from home, but.
Our children are not ours.
They don't belong to us.
We are here to guide them.
They're their own beings.
They're their own entities and.
Our job is to support.
Them love them.
Keep them safe.
It's not.

(01:04):
That we own them and it's our responsibility to make them into something.
And.
I think that amount of time away.
Forced me to acknowledge that.
I too am a, something that is not.
Owned.
By them.
.999999999I am not owned by.
.999999999My family by my life. 42 00:01:27,749.999999999 --> 00:01:28,379.999999999 I am. 43 00:01:28,379.999999999 --> 00:01:31,499.999999999 First and foremost, a human being. 44 00:01:35,949.999999999 --> 00:01:39,929.999999999 Help Me See is a podcast dedicated to the art of seeing.

(01:40):
It's a space for the restless visionary with an insatiable desire to create the life and work you're meant for.
My name is Bianca Lea Mora, and I'm a photographic artist, a mother, and a coach who's transformed my fear of loss into power, art, and philosophy.
One of the scariest quotes I never want to say is, I wish I knew at the time, but I truly believe that we have the innate ability to bring our wise 2020 hindsight to our now.

(02:11):
.999You can deeply experience your nostalgia now, while it's actually happening, with no regrets.
All you have to do is see.
In this show, we laugh, we cry, we get inspired, we overshare, we have life changing conversations around making meaning, self discovery, and shedding all the BS layers in order to reconnect to our own sacred vision.

(02:39):
Seeing yourself is an essential key to living powerfully.
You are the vessel, the lens that filters absolutely everything in your life. 53 00:02:48,954.999 --> 00:03:10,510 What are you filtering for? Whether it be conversations with fellow artists and visionaries, or my solo audio journal style introspective ramblings, each episode is meant to feel like an exhale, an unraveling of truth, a moment for you to be able to put your finger on something that you haven't been able to for far too long. 54 00:03:12,69.999 --> 00:03:14,139.999 Come exactly as you are. 55 00:03:14,429.999 --> 00:03:15,289.999 It's perfect. 56 00:03:15,999.999 --> 00:03:17,519.999 Honor your instincts. 57 00:03:17,579.999 --> 00:03:23,199.999 Let's uncover some of the most important things in our lives which all too often can slip out from our view.

(03:24):
Let's commit to seeing and consciously creating what only you can in your one and only life.
Let's dive in. 60 00:03:36,73.33333333 --> 00:03:36,493.33333333 Hello. 61 00:03:36,523.33333333 --> 00:03:39,103.33333333 Hello and welcome to another episode of help me see. 62 00:03:39,823.33333333 --> 00:03:41,773.33333333 It almost feels weird to say that. 63 00:03:43,633.33333333 --> 00:03:45,583.33333333 It's been two weeks. 64 00:03:46,533.33333333 --> 00:03:48,213.33333333 It is 6:00 AM. 65 00:03:48,633.33333333 --> 00:03:49,503.33333333 And I am. 66 00:03:50,193.33333333 --> 00:03:53,573.33333333 Back in my basement after two weeks away from home. 67 00:03:55,133.33333333 --> 00:03:57,473.33333333 I went to Europe. 68 00:03:57,683.33333333 --> 00:04:02,493.33333333 I was selected to be part of a photo exhibition, Paris. 69 00:04:02,553.33333333 --> 00:04:03,153.33333333 And. 70 00:04:04,383.33333333 --> 00:04:10,143.33333333 I decided I was going and going to use the opportunity to take my mom. 71 00:04:10,443.33333333 --> 00:04:17,913.33333333 Who is, you know, 71 never been none of the country and her dream, her lifelong dream was to go to Tuscany. 72 00:04:18,633.33333333 --> 00:04:23,523.33333333 If you've ever seen Diane Lane's movie under the Tuscan sun, that is why. 73 00:04:26,603.33333333 --> 00:04:27,53.33333333 Yeah. 74 00:04:27,593.33333333 --> 00:04:28,823.33333333 It was a whirlwind. 75 00:04:28,883.33333333 --> 00:04:29,243.33333333 I. 76 00:04:30,113.33333333 --> 00:04:34,253.33333333 I flew to and from Florida on the front and backend. 77 00:04:34,643.33333333 --> 00:04:40,793.33333333 So that I can see my dad and my niece and accompany my mom, like on the plane and. 78 00:04:43,353.33333333 --> 00:04:45,363.33333333 I'm not quite ready to talk about. 79 00:04:45,993.33333333 --> 00:04:48,873.33333333 I just don't feel like I've had the time to. 80 00:04:49,263.33333333 --> 00:04:50,163.33333333 Process it. 81 00:04:52,593.33333333 --> 00:04:54,363.33333333 But what I do want to talk about. 82 00:04:55,413.33333333 --> 00:04:57,423.33333333 Is the feeling of. 83 00:04:58,293.33333333 --> 00:04:59,13.33333333 Home. 84 00:05:00,423.33333333 --> 00:05:02,493.33333333 And being away from home. 85 00:05:04,433.33333333 --> 00:05:06,203.33333333 And I want to talk about this mug. 86 00:05:08,393.33333333 --> 00:05:12,953.33333333 I got this mug in Tuscany, in a village called particularly on all. 87 00:05:13,643.33333333 --> 00:05:15,353.33333333 And it was, there was a. 88 00:05:16,433.33333333 --> 00:05:17,603.33333333 Uh, phew. 89 00:05:17,693.33333333 --> 00:05:19,763.33333333 Uh, Artists. 90 00:05:19,883.33333333 --> 00:05:24,593.33333333 And if you see this, if you're looking at the video on sub stack, then you'll see. 91 00:05:25,403.33333333 --> 00:05:31,163.33333333 Um, Artist shops that were making the most unique. 92 00:05:32,303.33333333 --> 00:05:35,603.33333333 Original stuff I've seen in so long. 93 00:05:35,633.33333333 --> 00:05:37,373.33333333 And it's no coincidence that this. 94 00:05:38,183.33333333 --> 00:05:40,973.33333333 Village is from thousands of years ago. 95 00:05:41,33.33333333 --> 00:05:41,573.33333333 And. 96 00:05:41,573.33333333 --> 00:05:44,123.33333333 Feels like you've stepped back thousands of years ago. 97 00:05:45,143.33333333 --> 00:05:48,623.33333333 Um, But this mug. 98 00:05:49,43.33333333 --> 00:05:53,63.33333333 It's like ergonomic it's it looks completely squished. 99 00:05:53,843.33333333 --> 00:05:54,533.33333333 And. 100 00:05:55,103.33333333 --> 00:05:59,183.33333333 It is the most comfortable mug I've ever held in my life. 101 00:05:59,213.33333333 --> 00:06:01,643.33333333 I gasped when I came across. 102 00:06:01,973.33333333 --> 00:06:02,183.33333333 It. 103 00:06:02,993.33333333 --> 00:06:05,213.33333333 He had like a whole store full of them. 104 00:06:05,243.33333333 --> 00:06:07,253.33333333 Each one, obviously completely different. 105 00:06:07,283.33333333 --> 00:06:08,813.33333333 Cause it was one by one made by hand. 106 00:06:09,263.33333333 --> 00:06:11,993.33333333 And you better believe I picked up every single motherfucker. 107 00:06:14,123.33333333 --> 00:06:18,413.33333333 And this is the one that felt like it was made just for my hand. 108 00:06:18,893.33333333 --> 00:06:20,693.33333333 And I think it's so funny how. 109 00:06:21,643.33333333 --> 00:06:23,473.33333333 Absolutely unnatural. 110 00:06:23,563.33333333 --> 00:06:24,343.33333333 It looks. 111 00:06:25,453.33333333 --> 00:06:28,483.33333333 And yet it is the most natural. 112 00:06:30,43.33333333 --> 00:06:31,993.33333333 Feeling I've ever had holding a mug. 113 00:06:39,643.33333333 --> 00:06:41,623.33333333 I think about how glad I am that this. 114 00:06:42,283.33333333 --> 00:06:42,913.33333333 Artist. 115 00:06:42,943.33333333 --> 00:06:44,863.33333333 I didn't go to make this and think, Hmm. 116 00:06:47,23.33333333 --> 00:06:48,163.33333333 It's just too weird. 117 00:06:49,153.33333333 --> 00:06:50,443.33333333 People won't want this. 118 00:06:52,933.33333333 --> 00:06:54,943.33333333 Just that sentence sounds so fucking dumb. 119 00:06:57,433.33333333 --> 00:06:58,693.33333333 I think about how. 120 00:07:00,103.33333333 --> 00:07:01,993.33333333 Susceptible we are to. 121 00:07:02,413.33333333 --> 00:07:08,463.33333333 Those thoughts when we think of something so brilliant and something, so outside the box, That we dismiss it. 122 00:07:09,363.33333333 --> 00:07:12,303.33333333 It's like our brain can't acknowledge. 123 00:07:13,743.33333333 --> 00:07:14,823.33333333 The possibility. 124 00:07:17,13.33333333 --> 00:07:17,403.33333333 But. 125 00:07:17,403.33333333 --> 00:07:21,993.33333333 Going to the possibility, I think is the part where we start to screw ourselves over. 126 00:07:24,943.33333333 --> 00:07:30,553.33333333 We can get so wrapped up in a means to an end, figuring out a means to an end. 127 00:07:31,93.33333333 --> 00:07:33,643.33333333 How to configure a life to get to a certain. 128 00:07:35,413.33333333 --> 00:07:36,103.33333333 Point. 129 00:07:37,663.33333333 --> 00:07:42,43.33333333 At the focus shifts away from the means for means sake. 130 00:07:45,873.33333333 --> 00:07:50,133.33333333 Being away from home for two weeks is a really long time, especially when you have kids. 131 00:07:50,853.33333333 --> 00:07:51,483.33333333 And. 132 00:07:53,783.33333333 --> 00:07:57,293.33333333 One time before I'd been away for two weeks and it was way too long. 133 00:07:57,953.33333333 --> 00:08:00,473.33333333 But it was for work specifically. 134 00:08:00,523.33333333 --> 00:08:01,723.33333333 It felt like. 135 00:08:02,623.33333333 --> 00:08:08,833.33333333 There isn't the real, chance to really process it because you're working from like nine to five. 136 00:08:09,433.33333333 --> 00:08:13,383.33333333 Every single day so there's too many distractions but. 137 00:08:14,223.33333333 --> 00:08:25,143.33333333 For this? Yes, it was to see my work in an exhibition first and foremost, but well, Not really for me in my head, but that was the prompt to get us there. 138 00:08:25,473.33333333 --> 00:08:26,463.33333333 Was to see the work. 139 00:08:26,893.33333333 --> 00:08:34,853.33333333 But other than that, it was exploring and, um, Yes, there were. 140 00:08:36,353.33333333 --> 00:08:39,53.33333333 Definitely points in which I felt homesick. 141 00:08:43,133.33333333 --> 00:08:46,403.33333333 And guilty for missing the boys, but not really guilty. 142 00:08:46,403.33333333 --> 00:08:49,943.33333333 I think that that sentence comes out of my mouth, because. 143 00:08:51,773.33333333 --> 00:08:53,543.33333333 It's the common sentence. 144 00:08:53,573.33333333 --> 00:08:55,133.33333333 It's the common sentiment. 145 00:08:57,203.33333333 --> 00:09:00,353.33333333 When a mother's away from home, but. 146 00:09:02,573.33333333 --> 00:09:07,283.33333333 I think what that time with this time with this trip has taught me in terms of. 147 00:09:08,663.33333333 --> 00:09:11,783.33333333 The home dynamic is that. 148 00:09:15,503.33333333 --> 00:09:17,33.33333333 You know, due to. 149 00:09:18,533.33333333 --> 00:09:22,913.33333333 Swimming around the conscious parenting content online and. 150 00:09:23,453.33333333 --> 00:09:27,533.33333333 The things you'll read here and there, something that has struck me in a stayed with me. 151 00:09:28,553.33333333 --> 00:09:30,323.33333333 Because it's very uncomfortable. 152 00:09:30,323.33333333 --> 00:09:33,863.33333333 Is the idea that our children are not are ours. 153 00:09:33,923.33333333 --> 00:09:35,363.33333333 They don't belong to us. 154 00:09:36,563.33333333 --> 00:09:38,213.33333333 We are here to guide them. 155 00:09:38,213.33333333 --> 00:09:40,43.33333333 They're their own beings. 156 00:09:40,643.33333333 --> 00:09:43,103.33333333 They're their own entities and. 157 00:09:44,423.33333333 --> 00:09:46,913.33333333 Our job is merely to support. 158 00:09:47,243.33333333 --> 00:09:48,383.33333333 Them love them. 159 00:09:48,443.33333333 --> 00:09:49,343.33333333 Keep them safe. 160 00:09:49,493.33333333 --> 00:09:50,273.33333333 It's not. 161 00:09:50,843.33333333 --> 00:09:55,553.33333333 That we own them and it's our responsibility to make them into something. 162 00:09:56,483.33333333 --> 00:09:58,193.33333333 Uh, and. 163 00:10:02,273.33333333 --> 00:10:04,333.33333333 I think that amount of time away. 164 00:10:05,653.33333333 --> 00:10:08,653.33333333 Forced me to acknowledge that. 165 00:10:11,753.33333333 --> 00:10:14,3.33333333 I too am a, something that is not. 166 00:10:15,83.33333333 --> 00:10:15,743.33333333 Owned. 167 00:10:17,753.33333333 --> 00:10:18,503.33333333 By them. 168 00:10:19,103.33333333 --> 00:10:20,123.33333333 Which is weird. 169 00:10:26,543.33333333 --> 00:10:28,103.33333333 I am not owned by. 170 00:10:28,913.33333333 --> 00:10:31,193.33333333 My family by my. 171 00:10:31,793.33333333 --> 00:10:33,833.33333333 House by my life. 172 00:10:34,973.33333333 --> 00:10:41,603.33333333 You know, it's like, I am. 173 00:10:45,413.33333333 --> 00:10:48,533.33333333 First and foremost, a human being. 174 00:10:54,153.33333333 --> 00:10:59,463.33333333 And outside of all of the tasks and duties and responsibilities and. 175 00:11:00,93.33333333 --> 00:11:03,453.33333333 Um, even the preferences and. 176 00:11:06,303.33333333 --> 00:11:08,613.33333333 You know, hobbies and habits that I have. 177 00:11:11,553.33333333 --> 00:11:14,403.33333333 Being taken away from all that. 178 00:11:14,493.33333333 --> 00:11:16,803.33333333 And put it into a different environment. 179 00:11:18,633.33333333 --> 00:11:20,703.33333333 It really highlighted how. 180 00:11:20,703.33333333 --> 00:11:22,923.33333333 Important it is to. 181 00:11:22,923.33333333 --> 00:11:26,553.33333333 Find center to be tethered to center. 182 00:11:26,553.33333333 --> 00:11:28,623.33333333 And to make that center me. 183 00:11:29,253.33333333 --> 00:11:30,93.33333333 Instead of. 184 00:11:30,93.33333333 --> 00:11:34,263.33333333 Trying to orbit around whatever center I'm trying to create at home. 185 00:11:34,713.33333333 --> 00:11:36,783.33333333 Does that make sense? No. 186 00:11:37,473.33333333 --> 00:11:38,373.33333333 It makes sense to my head. 187 00:11:41,883.33333333 --> 00:11:45,153.33333333 I think there were a lot of things that I would have done differently on this trip. 188 00:11:45,243.33333333 --> 00:11:50,343.33333333 Um, I wanted to really make sure that. 189 00:11:50,343.33333333 --> 00:11:54,523.33333333 We experienced some of the more noteworthy things. 190 00:11:54,523.33333333 --> 00:11:57,553.33333333 I don't know if my mom will come back here or not. 191 00:11:57,553.33333333 --> 00:11:59,263.33333333 And I really wanted her to see. 192 00:11:59,743.33333333 --> 00:12:00,673.33333333 As much as possible. 193 00:12:00,673.33333333 --> 00:12:05,233.33333333 And if it were just me, if I were there alone, I wouldn't have planned anything. 194 00:12:07,103.33333333 --> 00:12:08,753.33333333 I don't really like traveling. 195 00:12:08,843.33333333 --> 00:12:09,593.33333333 I don't. 196 00:12:12,773.33333333 --> 00:12:19,123.33333333 It, although I'm so grateful for the trip and I'm so happy to have experienced Europe. 197 00:12:20,143.33333333 --> 00:12:23,143.33333333 I don't like going somewhere for a week or so at a time. 198 00:12:23,143.33333333 --> 00:12:26,713.33333333 Like if I'm going to go somewhere, I honestly I'd rather move. 199 00:12:26,773.33333333 --> 00:12:27,853.33333333 I'd rather just move there. 200 00:12:28,723.33333333 --> 00:12:34,843.33333333 But I think any form of traveling that I would like to do would be going somewhere for. 201 00:12:36,373.33333333 --> 00:12:37,303.33333333 A couple of months. 202 00:12:37,993.33333333 --> 00:12:41,323.33333333 And just being there and deciding what I want to do while I'm there. 203 00:12:41,533.33333333 --> 00:12:43,633.33333333 Like where my energy takes me. 204 00:12:43,663.33333333 --> 00:12:51,943.33333333 I don't like planning and having to find a time slot and to feel this pressure, to hit all these things that make the most of your time. 205 00:12:52,423.33333333 --> 00:12:53,443.33333333 Don't like that. 206 00:12:54,523.33333333 --> 00:12:55,453.33333333 Um, but. 207 00:12:59,593.33333333 --> 00:13:00,643.33333333 But it was good too. 208 00:13:00,673.33333333 --> 00:13:06,853.33333333 It was good for me to experience like that reinforcement of like, yeah, I don't regret doing it this way. 209 00:13:06,853.33333333 --> 00:13:08,803.33333333 I'm so happy that we saw what we saw. 210 00:13:08,803.33333333 --> 00:13:13,603.33333333 And we went to the lube and we went to the palace of Versailles and like, my mom got to see these amazing things. 211 00:13:14,23.33333333 --> 00:13:14,653.33333333 So did I. 212 00:13:15,223.33333333 --> 00:13:15,943.33333333 But I. 213 00:13:19,393.33333333 --> 00:13:21,643.33333333 And you hear all over and over again. 214 00:13:23,33.33333333 --> 00:13:28,913.33333333 Oh, what, what are you going to do? Do you have plans? Did you do this ahead of time? You know, really should you really? Blah, blah, blah. 215 00:13:29,333.33333333 --> 00:13:30,953.33333333 Like all of these blanket. 216 00:13:30,953.33333333 --> 00:13:32,603.33333333 Well-meaning well-intentioned. 217 00:13:33,773.33333333 --> 00:13:37,103.33333333 Words that make you feel like, oh, I should, I should I, should I, should. 218 00:13:37,163.33333333 --> 00:13:38,483.33333333 I must, I must, I must have missed. 219 00:13:39,413.33333333 --> 00:13:39,923.33333333 And. 220 00:13:40,943.33333333 --> 00:13:46,33.33333333 You know, being there and being honest with myself, Yes, that's a version of this. 221 00:13:46,393.33333333 --> 00:13:47,413.33333333 And it's not my version. 222 00:13:51,793.33333333 --> 00:13:54,703.33333333 And in that same vein. 223 00:13:58,363.33333333 --> 00:14:09,603.33333333 The reminder of oh, Life is still my own just as my children's lives are their own. 224 00:14:10,743.33333333 --> 00:14:15,513.33333333 And there is a way that we can live in really beautiful, connected. 225 00:14:16,293.33333333 --> 00:14:17,253.33333333 Harmony. 226 00:14:18,543.33333333 --> 00:14:20,13.33333333 That doesn't involve. 227 00:14:20,13.33333333 --> 00:14:21,513.33333333 Uh, sacrifice. 228 00:14:25,533.33333333 --> 00:14:27,873.33333333 And then of course, there's the mundane. 229 00:14:28,893.33333333 --> 00:14:30,813.33333333 Sacrifices and. 230 00:14:31,803.33333333 --> 00:14:36,183.33333333 You know, compromises that are inherent with being a parent and, and. 231 00:14:36,503.33333333 --> 00:14:38,33.33333333 Artist and a. 232 00:14:38,33.33333333 --> 00:14:38,603.33333333 Human. 233 00:14:41,663.33333333 --> 00:14:43,793.33333333 But I'm talking about like the deep seated. 234 00:14:45,83.33333333 --> 00:14:46,73.33333333 Sacrifices. 235 00:14:49,823.33333333 --> 00:14:50,843.33333333 The ones. 236 00:14:52,313.33333333 --> 00:14:53,813.33333333 That if you make them. 237 00:14:56,783.33333333 --> 00:14:59,153.33333333 You know, in your gut, as you're making them. 238 00:15:01,493.33333333 --> 00:15:02,933.33333333 The regret that will come. 239 00:15:03,983.33333333 --> 00:15:04,343.33333333 Like. 240 00:15:07,943.33333333 --> 00:15:09,233.33333333 At the end of your days. 241 00:15:19,763.33333333 --> 00:15:20,723.33333333 I think it's really. 242 00:15:22,163.33333333 --> 00:15:23,363.33333333 Sounds this. 243 00:15:23,543.33333333 --> 00:15:24,143.33333333 It may sound. 244 00:15:24,983.33333333 --> 00:15:25,823.33333333 Shitty, but. 245 00:15:28,953.33333333 --> 00:15:31,263.33333333 Although it's hard and painful. 246 00:15:31,353.33333333 --> 00:15:33,63.33333333 I think it's really easy. 247 00:15:34,563.33333333 --> 00:15:35,493.33333333 To use. 248 00:15:36,363.33333333 --> 00:15:40,293.33333333 Our children as an excuse as to why. 249 00:15:41,553.33333333 --> 00:15:42,393.33333333 We didn't. 250 00:15:42,663.33333333 --> 00:15:44,313.33333333 Or couldn't or wouldn't. 251 00:15:47,883.33333333 --> 00:15:50,193.33333333 Do life, the way we really wanted to do it. 252 00:15:57,523.33333333 --> 00:16:01,843.33333333 I've gotten comments like, oh, I could never leave my babies for that long or. 253 00:16:02,743.33333333 --> 00:16:05,833.33333333 You know, They just wouldn't. 254 00:16:06,523.33333333 --> 00:16:08,293.33333333 They couldn't, they couldn't. 255 00:16:10,93.33333333 --> 00:16:11,953.33333333 You know, deal with me being away for that long. 256 00:16:12,823.33333333 --> 00:16:13,423.33333333 And. 257 00:16:14,743.33333333 --> 00:16:21,763.33333333 You know, not out of not saying that in an offensive way for me at all, but just matter of fact, and. 258 00:16:23,443.33333333 --> 00:16:23,923.33333333 And wait. 259 00:16:24,673.33333333 --> 00:16:26,413.33333333 Kids are obsessed with me. 260 00:16:27,413.33333333 --> 00:16:28,233.33333333 obsessed. 261 00:16:29,143.33333333 --> 00:16:29,683.33333333 And. 262 00:16:32,823.33333333 --> 00:16:37,833.33333333 I think it's really beautiful that they had the opportunity to, you know, deepen their. 263 00:16:39,543.33333333 --> 00:16:41,73.3333333 Experiences with just their dad. 264 00:16:45,933.3333333 --> 00:16:49,23.3333333 And I gave them the opportunity to. 265 00:16:49,23.3333333 --> 00:16:49,983.3333333 Find a different. 266 00:16:49,983.3333333 --> 00:16:55,83.3333333 Version of their days and resiliency and all of that without me too. 267 00:16:55,623.3333333 --> 00:16:56,373.3333333 And now I'm back. 268 00:16:56,373.3333333 --> 00:16:58,953.3333333 And of course, like I, that's not the norm. 269 00:17:00,483.3333333 --> 00:17:00,933.3333333 But. 270 00:17:05,833.3333333 --> 00:17:07,923.3333333 We can Build our lives around these. 271 00:17:08,523.3333333 --> 00:17:09,963.3333333 Blanket statements of. 272 00:17:10,743.3333333 --> 00:17:14,823.3333333 I could never leave them for that long, or I could never this, or they could never that. 273 00:17:14,913.3333333 --> 00:17:15,183.3333333 And. 274 00:17:16,653.3333333 --> 00:17:17,823.3333333 We won't ever know. 275 00:17:18,993.3333333 --> 00:17:20,193.3333333 Until we try it. 276 00:17:20,403.3333333 --> 00:17:22,143.3333333 Like we can, you can always. 277 00:17:22,923.3333333 --> 00:17:23,703.3333333 Always course. 278 00:17:23,703.3333333 --> 00:17:24,213.3333333 Correct. 279 00:17:24,393.3333333 --> 00:17:24,933.3333333 Always. 280 00:17:25,23.3333333 --> 00:17:26,103.3333333 You could feel it in your gut. 281 00:17:26,133.3333333 --> 00:17:33,93.3333333 Like if you start doing a lifestyle change, And it's, you know, not right or whatever. 282 00:17:33,873.3333333 --> 00:17:35,463.3333333 You can always undo something. 283 00:17:38,553.3333333 --> 00:17:39,363.3333333 For the most part. 284 00:17:42,353.3333333 --> 00:17:46,133.3333333 You know, an example that I have, that's really current for me is that. 285 00:17:47,453.3333333 --> 00:17:51,533.3333333 I so for the past year, two years, I think two years now. 286 00:17:52,73.3333333 --> 00:17:53,63.3333333 A year and a half, two years. 287 00:17:53,723.3333333 --> 00:17:56,963.3333333 I've been traveling a lot for work. 288 00:17:57,383.3333333 --> 00:17:59,363.3333333 Uh, so since I became. 289 00:18:00,23.3333333 --> 00:18:04,753.3333333 Um, open my own business and it has not been as. 290 00:18:06,283.3333333 --> 00:18:07,693.3333333 Smooth as. 291 00:18:08,413.3333333 --> 00:18:09,853.3333333 It would have been helpful to be. 292 00:18:10,423.3333333 --> 00:18:12,73.3333333 From a monetary perspective. 293 00:18:12,763.3333333 --> 00:18:18,223.3333333 Um, you know, I decided I wasn't willing to get a full-time job and I wanted to. 294 00:18:18,763.3333333 --> 00:18:20,353.3333333 still do my own thing. 295 00:18:20,353.3333333 --> 00:18:21,943.3333333 I decided to start freelancing. 296 00:18:21,973.3333333 --> 00:18:30,163.3333333 So for most months, I've been traveling to California or Atlanta or whatever for a week out of the month. 297 00:18:30,583.3333333 --> 00:18:31,273.3333333 Give or take. 298 00:18:32,263.3333333 --> 00:18:32,833.3333333 And. 299 00:18:35,473.3333333 --> 00:18:36,703.3333333 It was really helpful. 300 00:18:36,763.3333333 --> 00:18:36,913.3333333 It. 301 00:18:37,123.3333333 --> 00:18:41,443.3333333 It made sense, like the, the rates I would get in a week. 302 00:18:42,13.3333333 --> 00:18:42,673.3333333 Wood. 303 00:18:43,423.3333333 --> 00:18:47,113.3333333 Be more than if I had a part-time job for a month here. 304 00:18:48,733.3333333 --> 00:18:50,223.3333333 And, It was a great. 305 00:18:51,213.3333333 --> 00:18:52,233.3333333 Growth experience. 306 00:18:52,233.3333333 --> 00:18:53,883.3333333 It was a great experience in general. 307 00:18:54,273.3333333 --> 00:18:54,783.3333333 But. 308 00:18:55,593.3333333 --> 00:18:56,493.3333333 All right now. 309 00:18:57,543.3333333 --> 00:18:57,873.3333333 I. 310 00:18:58,893.3333333 --> 00:19:01,983.3333333 Had come to the point where I decided I can't. 311 00:19:02,823.3333333 --> 00:19:04,953.3333333 And I don't want to do this anymore. 312 00:19:07,263.3333333 --> 00:19:08,793.3333333 I'm really grateful for it. 313 00:19:08,823.3333333 --> 00:19:14,343.3333333 And I don't, it's not that I'll never do it again, but like this amount of regularity is not something that. 314 00:19:15,693.3333333 --> 00:19:17,133.3333333 I want to be doing right now. 315 00:19:18,153.3333333 --> 00:19:27,93.3333333 And so I, for the first time in my life, well, no, In in high school, I had a part-time job in high school, but. 316 00:19:28,383.3333333 --> 00:19:29,133.3333333 Outside of that. 317 00:19:29,253.3333333 --> 00:19:34,443.3333333 I've never had a job that's part-time um, or outside of my industry. 318 00:19:34,983.3333333 --> 00:19:41,283.3333333 Outside of, you know, being a photo editor or photographer operations specialist or art director. 319 00:19:42,63.3333333 --> 00:19:43,443.3333333 This, I, I. 320 00:19:43,923.3333333 --> 00:19:45,453.3333333 Just said yes. 321 00:19:45,543.3333333 --> 00:19:47,943.3333333 To in office assistant job. 322 00:19:48,393.3333333 --> 00:19:49,293.3333333 Part-time job. 323 00:19:49,773.3333333 --> 00:19:52,803.3333333 Um, That is local to my house. 324 00:19:53,343.3333333 --> 00:19:55,383.3333333 And I'm going to stop traveling. 325 00:19:56,163.3333333 --> 00:19:56,823.3333333 And. 326 00:19:59,313.3333333 --> 00:20:04,953.3333333 You know, parts of me are really like, wow, this feels so strange. 327 00:20:06,483.3333333 --> 00:20:06,753.3333333 Yeah. 328 00:20:07,113.3333333 --> 00:20:08,793.3333333 Just adjusting to. 329 00:20:08,793.3333333 --> 00:20:11,283.3333333 Looking at, you know, this rate versus. 330 00:20:12,183.3333333 --> 00:20:20,403.3333333 The rate and I'm accustomed to, and this and that and also like work outside of, you know, the creative realm. 331 00:20:20,763.3333333 --> 00:20:22,233.3333333 In the traditional sense. 332 00:20:24,633.3333333 --> 00:20:25,143.3333333 But. 333 00:20:29,163.3333333 --> 00:20:31,683.3333333 I have a hunch that this might be. 334 00:20:32,253.3333333 --> 00:20:33,543.3333333 Exactly what I need. 335 00:20:33,573.3333333 --> 00:20:35,43.3333333 And if it's not all on, do it. 336 00:20:36,693.3333333 --> 00:20:38,523.3333333 But I have a hunch that. 337 00:20:42,573.3333333 --> 00:20:43,173.3333333 This mug. 338 00:20:44,163.3333333 --> 00:20:45,3.3333333 It's like this mug. 339 00:20:46,623.3333333 --> 00:20:51,63.3333333 It might look really strange and the way I'm describing it might sound really strange. 340 00:20:51,93.3333333 --> 00:20:53,463.3333333 How has got a huge dent and it looks like it was smushed. 341 00:20:54,153.3333333 --> 00:20:55,683.3333333 Uh, and it was an accident. 342 00:20:58,353.3333333 --> 00:21:02,373.3333333 But the experience of it and the sentiment of it. 343 00:21:03,303.3333333 --> 00:21:04,623.3333333 And the feeling. 344 00:21:06,33.3333333 --> 00:21:06,783.3333333 It's very right. 345 00:21:06,933.3333333 --> 00:21:08,103.3333333 And so when I thought about. 346 00:21:08,823.3333333 --> 00:21:11,343.3333333 Taking part time job. 347 00:21:12,123.3333333 --> 00:21:21,243.3333333 It's really important from, as I was looking for jobs in general, I would look at these jobs that sounded fun and were relevant to me and like our director creative direction. 348 00:21:21,663.3333333 --> 00:21:23,163.3333333 Uh, photography, but. 349 00:21:24,33.3333333 --> 00:21:24,603.3333333 Not only. 350 00:21:24,873.3333333 --> 00:21:25,893.3333333 Full time. 351 00:21:27,333.3333333 --> 00:21:31,653.3333333 Too much of a time commitment because I am going to uphold my own work. 352 00:21:32,133.3333333 --> 00:21:32,553.3333333 But. 353 00:21:33,663.3333333 --> 00:21:37,143.3333333 Energy management wise, mental capacity wise. 354 00:21:37,143.3333333 --> 00:21:38,313.3333333 Like I know myself. 355 00:21:39,303.3333333 --> 00:21:46,503.3333333 And I don't do things half, like I know I would be consumed by their mission. 356 00:21:46,923.3333333 --> 00:21:49,413.3333333 Their job responsibilities, that role. 357 00:21:49,413.3333333 --> 00:21:54,243.3333333 And at this point in my life, I'm not interested in furthering someone else's. 358 00:21:55,533.3333333 --> 00:21:57,303.3333333 Dreams someone else's goal. 359 00:21:57,693.3333333 --> 00:21:59,883.3333333 I want to prioritize me. 360 00:22:00,303.3333333 --> 00:22:02,103.3333333 And prioritizing. 361 00:22:03,933.3333333 --> 00:22:05,73.3333333 My work. 362 00:22:06,603.3333333 --> 00:22:12,993.3333333 In my mental and energetic capacity for my family and myself. 363 00:22:13,483.3333333 --> 00:22:18,283.3333333 requires me to not have a job that turns on that. 364 00:22:19,963.3333333 --> 00:22:21,793.3333333 Intense creative. 365 00:22:22,483.3333333 --> 00:22:22,993.3333333 Juice. 366 00:22:23,233.3333333 --> 00:22:27,523.3333333 You know, Um, And it feels. 367 00:22:27,823.3333333 --> 00:22:31,693.3333333 Really good to think about a job that is like super straightforward. 368 00:22:32,83.3333333 --> 00:22:33,13.3333333 Super. 369 00:22:33,403.3333333 --> 00:22:37,273.3333333 Um, You know, mundane in the tasks. 370 00:22:37,813.3333333 --> 00:22:38,863.3333333 It sounds refreshing. 371 00:22:40,873.3333333 --> 00:22:45,193.3333333 Like, do you have something that separates my days? Like. 372 00:22:45,973.3333333 --> 00:22:46,903.3333333 Gives me. 373 00:22:48,103.3333333 --> 00:22:49,153.3333333 Something to work around. 374 00:22:49,153.3333333 --> 00:22:54,433.3333333 That gives me a sense of, uh, Stability. 375 00:22:55,663.3333333 --> 00:23:01,153.3333333 Instead of this feast and famine dynamic that I've been working with for the last couple of years. 376 00:23:04,953.3333333 --> 00:23:07,923.3333333 So, yeah, I I've ha I have a lot of. 377 00:23:07,923.3333333 --> 00:23:09,483.3333333 Changes a foot. 378 00:23:10,173.3333333 --> 00:23:14,313.3333333 But it feels like settling into bed for the night. 379 00:23:14,343.3333333 --> 00:23:15,513.3333333 It feels like. 380 00:23:16,593.3333333 --> 00:23:17,253.3333333 When you like. 381 00:23:18,753.3333333 --> 00:23:22,443.3333333 Burrow yourself into just the right spot in your bed. 382 00:23:23,43.3333333 --> 00:23:24,423.3333333 Put the pillow between your legs. 383 00:23:24,423.3333333 --> 00:23:26,663.3333333 So you don't feel pain in your hip. 384 00:23:27,323.3333333 --> 00:23:28,163.3333333 I'm getting old. 385 00:23:28,463.3333333 --> 00:23:34,113.3333333 Um, I always stuff like a blanket or a sweater hoodie, under my neck. 386 00:23:35,343.3333333 --> 00:23:37,683.3333333 And then when you get to the spot where. 387 00:23:39,483.3333333 --> 00:23:41,43.3333333 You don't feel. 388 00:23:43,263.3333333 --> 00:23:44,973.3333333 Strain or discomfort. 389 00:23:46,413.3333333 --> 00:23:47,43.3333333 And you feel this. 390 00:23:47,643.3333333 --> 00:23:49,533.3333333 Comfortable neutrality. 391 00:23:50,403.3333333 --> 00:23:53,643.3333333 It's like, then you're able to settle in. 392 00:23:55,803.3333333 --> 00:23:59,43.3333333 And sleep and dream and rest. 393 00:24:00,33.3333333 --> 00:24:02,643.3333333 And it feels like what I'm doing in my life is. 394 00:24:04,113.3333333 --> 00:24:06,63.3333333 Finding a new way to settle in. 395 00:24:07,953.3333333 --> 00:24:09,573.3333333 So that I have this. 396 00:24:11,553.3333333 --> 00:24:12,813.3333333 Availability. 397 00:24:13,173.3333333 --> 00:24:18,723.3333333 To create from a different flavor of space that I have. 398 00:24:21,823.3333333 --> 00:24:27,533.3333333 If you're interested in this sentiment of, part-time work, I have an actual, podcast episode. 399 00:24:28,103.3333333 --> 00:24:35,153.3333333 That I did a little bit back with, uh, my dear friend Morgan, who she's such an inspiration to me. 400 00:24:35,203.3333333 --> 00:24:40,633.3333333 She's only ever had part-time work and made that work around her art. 401 00:24:41,3.3333333 --> 00:24:45,893.3333333 So hearing her talk about it was certainly super inspiring and certainly a nudge. 402 00:24:46,643.3333333 --> 00:24:49,193.3333333 In, in that direction for me. 403 00:24:49,223.3333333 --> 00:24:52,583.3333333 So if you, I will link that in the show notes. 404 00:24:54,83.3333333 --> 00:24:57,263.3333333 So, if you want to check that out and hear more about this conversation. 405 00:24:57,633.3333333 --> 00:25:01,743.3333333 head to that and in her information will be in those show notes and all of that. 406 00:25:03,103.3333333 --> 00:25:03,463.3333333 Yeah. 407 00:25:04,123.3333333 --> 00:25:04,573.3333333 So. 408 00:25:06,43.3333333 --> 00:25:08,53.3333333 I think that's it for this, this. 409 00:25:08,563.3333333 --> 00:25:10,93.3333333 Moment I'm. 410 00:25:12,163.3333333 --> 00:25:14,263.3333333 I'm feeling really antsy to talk about. 411 00:25:15,413.3333333 --> 00:25:19,553.3333333 Some of the breakthroughs I've had some of the experiences. 412 00:25:20,33.3333333 --> 00:25:22,13.3333333 I had in Europe and all of this, but. 413 00:25:22,733.3333333 --> 00:25:25,883.3333333 It feels really important to ground into the sense of. 414 00:25:26,633.3333333 --> 00:25:28,973.3333333 You know, being back home after two weeks away. 415 00:25:28,973.3333333 --> 00:25:33,113.3333333 And speaking to that first and foremost, because I think that that's a big hump that. 416 00:25:34,43.3333333 --> 00:25:34,793.3333333 Many of us. 417 00:25:34,883.3333333 --> 00:25:39,83.3333333 Can't get past to begin with this idea of leaving for so long. 418 00:25:39,83.3333333 --> 00:25:41,803.3333333 I just want to highlight the, importance. 419 00:25:42,553.3333333 --> 00:25:43,183.3333333 Of it. 420 00:25:44,323.3333333 --> 00:25:45,733.3333333 The importance of. 421 00:25:47,263.3333333 --> 00:25:49,273.3333333 If that's something that. 422 00:25:51,73.3333333 --> 00:25:54,823.3333333 You know, is important for you to do as an experience. 423 00:25:55,153.3333333 --> 00:25:56,323.3333333 It doesn't mean that. 424 00:25:57,493.3333333 --> 00:25:58,963.3333333 You know, I was. 425 00:25:58,963.3333333 --> 00:26:01,543.3333333 Not without reservation or I wasn't. 426 00:26:02,33.3333333 --> 00:26:03,203.3333333 Sad about it. 427 00:26:05,663.3333333 --> 00:26:07,493.3333333 It also doesn't mean I had to be sad about it. 428 00:26:08,303.3333333 --> 00:26:09,83.3333333 No judgment. 429 00:26:10,73.3333333 --> 00:26:10,583.3333333 But. 430 00:26:16,313.3333333 --> 00:26:19,283.3333333 That amount of physical space. 431 00:26:20,423.3333333 --> 00:26:21,533.3333333 And mental space. 432 00:26:23,543.3333333 --> 00:26:26,63.3333333 Opens up the possibility to. 433 00:26:29,153.3333333 --> 00:26:30,803.3333333 Nuzzle into your home. 434 00:26:32,463.3333333 --> 00:26:41,133.3333333 Your home life in a way that feels more you, once you're able to recognize like, oh, That's not. 435 00:26:41,973.3333333 --> 00:26:43,743.3333333 Actually working for me. 436 00:26:45,63.3333333 --> 00:26:48,333.3333333 Me as a human, not just me as a mother or a spouse. 437 00:26:49,53.3333333 --> 00:26:51,123.3333333 Like I, me as a person. 438 00:26:53,973.3333333 --> 00:26:56,43.3333333 Has just as much stake. 439 00:26:56,523.3333333 --> 00:26:59,313.3333333 In my everyday life, then. 440 00:26:59,913.3333333 --> 00:27:05,673.3333333 My maternal duties or my relationship duties or my job duties, or what have you. 441 00:27:08,943.3333333 --> 00:27:12,723.3333333 And everyone can and will survive without me. 442 00:27:14,343.3333333 --> 00:27:16,23.3333333 I think that's hard to digest. 443 00:27:21,993.3333333 --> 00:27:24,723.3333333 And I don't say this in a way of like, oh, you. 444 00:27:25,143.3333333 --> 00:27:29,673.3333333 In order to have these revelations, you have to go a million miles from home. 445 00:27:29,703.3333333 --> 00:27:31,323.3333333 That's not what I mean at all. 446 00:27:32,73.3333333 --> 00:27:34,293.3333333 I just want to breathe a little bit more air. 447 00:27:34,803.3333333 --> 00:27:36,273.3333333 Into the conversation just. 448 00:27:38,583.3333333 --> 00:27:41,523.3333333 Open a window of like, if. 449 00:27:43,233.3333333 --> 00:27:45,333.3333333 Your gut like pulls you. 450 00:27:46,923.3333333 --> 00:27:50,613.3333333 But then your heart and your mind are like, no, no, no, no, no, I can't. 451 00:27:50,613.3333333 --> 00:27:51,483.3333333 It's not the time. 452 00:27:51,873.3333333 --> 00:27:53,613.3333333 When the kids are older, when the kids are older. 453 00:27:56,583.3333333 --> 00:27:58,83.3333333 Give yourself some space. 454 00:27:58,533.3333333 --> 00:28:05,493.3333333 To reconsider, um, You know, What if you looked at yourself and your parenthood. 455 00:28:06,693.3333333 --> 00:28:09,903.3333333 In the same way that you're looking at. 456 00:28:10,623.3333333 --> 00:28:11,853.3333333 Your children. 457 00:28:12,393.3333333 --> 00:28:12,873.3333333 And. 458 00:28:14,703.3333333 --> 00:28:16,203.3333333 You know, they're not yours. 459 00:28:17,13.3333333 --> 00:28:19,143.3333333 They are these beautiful spirits. 460 00:28:19,863.3333333 --> 00:28:20,493.3333333 That. 461 00:28:21,603.3333333 --> 00:28:24,843.3333333 Have their own free will and desires and path. 462 00:28:25,143.3333333 --> 00:28:28,533.3333333 And we're just here to be with them and connect and love them. 463 00:28:28,533.3333333 --> 00:28:28,713.3333333 And. 464 00:28:29,553.3333333 --> 00:28:30,543.3333333 Support them. 465 00:28:31,503.3333333 --> 00:28:37,203.3333333 What if that same sentiment was echoed for you? And not just. 466 00:28:37,863.3333333 --> 00:28:39,183.3333333 Someone that is. 467 00:28:41,343.3333333 --> 00:28:42,393.3333333 Completely. 468 00:28:43,263.3333333 --> 00:28:48,633.3333333 Unavoidably attached to this role. 469 00:28:51,393.3333333 --> 00:28:53,733.3333333 The more that you can. 470 00:28:55,683.3333333 --> 00:28:58,803.3333333 Really revel in your humanness. 471 00:28:59,523.3333333 --> 00:29:03,543.3333333 And stay connected to yourself outside of your roles in life. 472 00:29:04,443.3333333 --> 00:29:13,323.3333333 I think the better, more intimate, more fulfilling, any other relationship? Uh, will be. 473 00:29:17,763.3333333 --> 00:29:20,313.3333333 I really think that I really, really do. 474 00:29:21,963.3333333 --> 00:29:28,293.3333333 I come back here and I'm like, okay, I want to take down the mural in my office now. 475 00:29:28,803.3333333 --> 00:29:32,943.3333333 That was up for my, when my son, it was his nursery. 476 00:29:33,423.3333333 --> 00:29:34,653.3333333 It's like a mural of clouds. 477 00:29:34,683.3333333 --> 00:29:36,483.3333333 I don't want to rip it down and paint the wall black. 478 00:29:38,583.3333333 --> 00:29:41,643.3333333 And I think before it felt a little sad to me, but I'm like, wait, what's. 479 00:29:41,643.3333333 --> 00:29:42,903.3333333 What's his nursery. 480 00:29:43,203.3333333 --> 00:29:46,383.3333333 And now I come back and I'm like, This is my studio. 481 00:29:46,383.3333333 --> 00:29:47,433.3333333 It's my office now. 482 00:29:47,973.3333333 --> 00:29:48,573.3333333 It gets mine. 483 00:29:48,843.3333333 --> 00:29:50,13.3333333 I spend time in there now. 484 00:29:50,73.3333333 --> 00:29:50,523.3333333 And. 485 00:29:52,293.3333333 --> 00:29:54,873.3333333 I will be inspired and happy every day. 486 00:29:54,873.3333333 --> 00:29:57,43.3333333 If I walk in there and one whole wall is black. 487 00:29:59,103.3333333 --> 00:30:00,213.3333333 Oh, I look at the. 488 00:30:00,933.3333333 --> 00:30:02,133.3333333 Uh, curtain rod. 489 00:30:02,403.3333333 --> 00:30:05,643.3333333 I'm like, oh, I don't want that silver. 490 00:30:05,643.3333333 --> 00:30:06,603.3333333 I want it brass. 491 00:30:06,603.3333333 --> 00:30:07,443.3333333 And I have breasts. 492 00:30:07,833.3333333 --> 00:30:08,613.3333333 Colored paint. 493 00:30:09,423.3333333 --> 00:30:12,333.3333333 Uh, that's actually a pretty cool, I used to it on some frames. 494 00:30:13,203.3333333 --> 00:30:14,673.3333333 I'm going to paint that brass. 495 00:30:17,253.3333333 --> 00:30:20,613.3333333 It's like I'm coming back and making my home more of my own. 496 00:30:26,433.3333333 --> 00:30:34,53.3333333 How can you make your life more of your own? And maybe you have to look at it. 497 00:30:35,493.3333333 --> 00:30:38,403.3333333 I think this mug, maybe it's going to, whatever changes you make. 498 00:30:38,883.3333333 --> 00:30:47,823.3333333 Are going to look really strange to others and even to yourself, But when you feel them you'll know what's right. 499 00:30:56,843.3333333 --> 00:30:57,203.3333333 Okay. 500 00:30:57,503.3333333 --> 00:30:58,613.3333333 That's what I have for you today. 501 00:30:58,883.3333333 --> 00:31:02,753.3333333 I am going to refill my coffee. 502 00:31:03,353.3333333 --> 00:31:05,603.3333333 Uh, if you are. 503 00:31:06,503.3333333 --> 00:31:08,3.3333333 Looking to join. 504 00:31:08,243.3333333 --> 00:31:12,173.3333333 The sub stack sacred, seeing community where you get your monthly. 505 00:31:13,223.3333333 --> 00:31:14,663.3333333 Introspective. 506 00:31:15,533.3333333 --> 00:31:17,393.3333333 Photo prompted journal. 507 00:31:18,563.3333333 --> 00:31:19,193.3333333 Templates. 508 00:31:19,613.3333333 --> 00:31:20,543.3333333 Such a mouthful. 509 00:31:20,813.3333333 --> 00:31:24,113.3333333 I really got to figure out like a succinct way to say that. 510 00:31:24,473.3333333 --> 00:31:26,603.3333333 I mean, it's nostalgia now is the. 511 00:31:27,833.3333333 --> 00:31:28,703.3333333 Is the. 512 00:31:29,633.3333333 --> 00:31:30,233.3333333 Ritual. 513 00:31:33,663.3333333 --> 00:31:38,343.3333333 But yeah, this photo room, I guess just photographic, journaling prompted photographic journaling. 514 00:31:38,463.3333333 --> 00:31:38,973.3333333 Yes. 515 00:31:39,123.3333333 --> 00:31:39,543.3333333 That's it. 516 00:31:40,323.3333333 --> 00:31:42,993.3333333 Um, Definitely been doing it for fucking. 517 00:31:46,353.3333333 --> 00:31:47,43.3333333 For years. 518 00:31:47,373.3333333 --> 00:31:48,123.3333333 Whatever it's been. 519 00:31:48,993.3333333 --> 00:31:52,533.3333333 Um, If you want to. 520 00:31:53,643.3333333 --> 00:31:54,663.3333333 Receive that. 521 00:31:54,693.3333333 --> 00:32:02,193.3333333 And, uh, the perks of being part of the sacred, seeing collective then head to my sub stack and. 522 00:32:03,153.3333333 --> 00:32:04,923.3333333 And, uh, check it out. 523 00:32:08,173.3333333 --> 00:32:09,793.3333333 I will see you next week.

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This has been an Awkward Sage Production.