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September 4, 2024 33 mins

When does the quest for "why" turn into justification paralysis? Is figuring out the root cause the only key to moving forward? or is it as simple as a decision? With visual journaling I reflect on the big and little picture(s) for feelings rather than answers. NOTES from Bianca: Sacred Seeing on Substack https://www.instagram.com/biancaleamorra/

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Episode Transcript

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(00:00):
Four pictures on this page.

(00:05):
Because of these four pictures placed together in this way, I understand and I now know that That I don't need to know why.
I can see it and feel what I feel and know that there is space for all of it and I can still move and I can still breathe. 4 00:00:40,454.999 --> 00:00:41,464.999 Four pictures.

(00:45):
Help Me See is a podcast dedicated to the art of seeing.
It's a space for the restless visionary with an insatiable desire to create the life and work you're meant for.
My name is Bianca Lea Mora, and I'm a photographic artist, a mother, and a coach who's transformed my fear of loss into power, art, and philosophy.

(01:06):
One of the scariest quotes I never want to say is, I wish I knew at the time, but I truly believe that we have the innate ability to bring our wise 2020 hindsight to our now.
.999You can deeply experience your nostalgia now, while it's actually happening, with no regrets.

(01:29):
All you have to do is see.
In this show, we laugh, we cry, we get inspired, we overshare, we have life changing conversations around making meaning, self discovery, and shedding all the BS layers in order to reconnect to our own sacred vision.
Seeing yourself is an essential key to living powerfully.

(01:52):
You are the vessel, the lens that filters absolutely everything in your life. 14 00:01:58,29.999 --> 00:02:19,585 What are you filtering for? Whether it be conversations with fellow artists and visionaries, or my solo audio journal style introspective ramblings, each episode is meant to feel like an exhale, an unraveling of truth, a moment for you to be able to put your finger on something that you haven't been able to for far too long. 15 00:02:21,144.999 --> 00:02:23,214.999 Come exactly as you are. 16 00:02:23,504.999 --> 00:02:24,364.999 It's perfect. 17 00:02:25,74.999 --> 00:02:26,594.999 Honor your instincts. 18 00:02:26,654.999 --> 00:02:32,274.999 Let's uncover some of the most important things in our lives which all too often can slip out from our view.

(02:33):
Let's commit to seeing and consciously creating what only you can in your one and only life.
Let's dive in.
Hello, hello and welcome to another episode of help me see today.
I am boxing.
I don't know if you've heard the word boxer app.

(02:54):
That's like a walkie talkie app. 25 00:02:55,979.999 --> 00:03:01,390 I use that with clients for coaching with friends.
.999Um, it's just a way to send voice notes to people so that you can meander and have, like, kind of like phone conversations, but also not be available at both at the same time. 27 00:03:13,394.999 --> 00:03:14,625 I really, really love it. 28 00:03:14,684.999 --> 00:03:15,525 Really love it.

(03:15):
.999Especially with, like.
.9People that I've met later in life, like, not only has it given the ability to have more voice time, but then ever because of convenience, but also it's really helps to deepen those relationships, like, more than I really truly feel would be possible without it.

(03:40):
I have a.
To my closest.
Friends that I met, like, later in life, I, I really truly feel like.
Became that level of close because we were able to.
Talk on boxer, like, just internormal lives, like speaking to each other and playing each other's voice and messages and feeling like we were having all of these.

(04:06):
Intimate conversations with each other.
So I am recording a note to myself in Voxer right now that I'm hoping to download and use as a podcast episode because I am starving and I'm cooking lunch at the same time.
And I have all these thoughts swirling in my head, and if they don't come out.

(04:29):
Right now.
They'll be gone forever.
Um, you ever have a thought and you're like, oh, my gosh, this is so important.
That I will, I don't have to get out of bed to write this down.
I will not forget this.
There's no way I'll forget this or, like, you're making a password or something.

(04:51):
You're like, I don't 1.
Gone, you know, it all falls in that category.
Wherever the hell you put your birth certificates and social security cards, especially when you have a whole damn family for yourself and it's not just yours that you're worried about.
I was just talking to someone on here on Voxer and I told them that I really think that it's time to invest in, like, a safe that's only unlockable by, um, with your own blood as entry. 49 00:05:24,829.999 --> 00:05:34,540 Like, you need that so bad, you're willing to prick yourself to open that box and that is the only place where these documents can live because it is insane.

(05:35):
Irresponsible, how often I can't find this.
I don't understand.
I really don't understand.
Um, okay, moving on. 54 00:05:45,746.93877551 --> 00:05:46,646.93877551 Threw up the white flag. 55 00:05:46,676.93877551 --> 00:05:50,726.93877551 I couldn't keep recording like that because I wanted to refer to. 56 00:05:50,726.93877551 --> 00:05:52,856.93877551 Something very important. 57 00:05:53,306.93877551 --> 00:05:54,266.93877551 So I'm back at my desk. 58 00:05:55,436.93877551 --> 00:05:58,706.93877551 Not that you need to really know that, but you know how I always. 59 00:05:59,426.93877551 --> 00:06:00,596.93877551 Feel like, I want you to know. 60 00:06:01,766.93877551 --> 00:06:02,366.93877551 Where I am. 61 00:06:02,636.93877551 --> 00:06:03,206.93877551 I don't know. 62 00:06:06,86.93877551 --> 00:06:07,196.93877551 I don't know why. 63 00:06:07,706.93877551 --> 00:06:10,346.93877551 Which leads me right into today's episode. 64 00:06:12,116.93877551 --> 00:06:13,106.93877551 Does Y. 65 00:06:13,646.93877551 --> 00:06:14,576.93877551 Always. 66 00:06:14,996.93877551 --> 00:06:15,626.93877551 Matter. 67 00:06:18,296.93877551 --> 00:06:19,196.93877551 Does Y. 68 00:06:20,456.93877551 --> 00:06:21,506.93877551 Always. 69 00:06:22,136.93877551 --> 00:06:23,276.93877551 Really matter. 70 00:06:25,676.93877551 --> 00:06:28,676.93877551 This may come as a surprise to you considering. 71 00:06:28,676.93877551 --> 00:06:29,906.93877551 Almost everything I do. 72 00:06:30,236.93877551 --> 00:06:34,436.93877551 Incorporates Y and there is some deep layered why. 73 00:06:34,586.93877551 --> 00:06:37,406.93877551 And I dive into the nuances of why. 74 00:06:37,976.93877551 --> 00:06:39,56.93877551 In so many things. 75 00:06:40,706.93877551 --> 00:06:41,546.93877551 And. 76 00:06:43,256.93877551 --> 00:06:46,16.93877551 I want to highlight something that. 77 00:06:47,516.93877551 --> 00:06:48,476.93877551 I don't know. 78 00:06:49,256.93877551 --> 00:06:50,846.93877551 It gets talked about enough. 79 00:06:51,716.93877551 --> 00:06:53,426.93877551 And it's the fact that. 80 00:06:56,216.93877551 --> 00:06:58,376.93877551 Sometimes the quest for Y. 81 00:06:59,126.93877551 --> 00:07:01,196.93877551 Keeps us stuck. 82 00:07:03,26.93877551 --> 00:07:04,106.93877551 Sometimes. 83 00:07:05,96.93877551 --> 00:07:07,826.93877551 Wanting to understand why. 84 00:07:11,216.93877551 --> 00:07:13,456.93877551 Keeps us in this loop of. 85 00:07:13,456.93877551 --> 00:07:16,336.93877551 Digging and digging and burrowing and burrowing. 86 00:07:17,686.93877551 --> 00:07:20,56.93877551 And looking underneath and underneath and underneath. 87 00:07:20,686.93877551 --> 00:07:21,436.93877551 And. 88 00:07:21,436.93877551 --> 00:07:23,326.93877551 Somewhere along the way there. 89 00:07:23,326.93877551 --> 00:07:27,856.93877551 It turns into the sort of justification paralysis. 90 00:07:28,966.93877551 --> 00:07:31,516.93877551 And I want to highlight. 91 00:07:33,496.93877551 --> 00:07:36,406.93877551 That I didn't say analysis paralysis. 92 00:07:37,606.93877551 --> 00:07:39,106.93877551 I said justification. 93 00:07:39,826.93877551 --> 00:07:40,696.93877551 Paralysis. 94 00:07:42,436.93877551 --> 00:07:44,566.93877551 Because I think that. 95 00:07:44,566.93877551 --> 00:07:46,696.93877551 That's specific. 96 00:07:47,206.93877551 --> 00:07:49,96.93877551 Term highlights. 97 00:07:49,96.93877551 --> 00:07:58,816.93877551 What can happen inside of you? When you feel like you need to uncover the why in order to move in order to proceed in order to. 98 00:07:59,476.93877551 --> 00:08:00,916.93877551 Feel in alignment. 99 00:08:00,916.93877551 --> 00:08:02,866.93877551 Just the same as there is. 100 00:08:03,406.93877551 --> 00:08:05,956.93877551 Uh, a version of toxic positivity. 101 00:08:06,436.93877551 --> 00:08:08,836.93877551 I think there's also a point where. 102 00:08:09,736.93877551 --> 00:08:10,786.93877551 Wellness. 103 00:08:11,296.93877551 --> 00:08:17,416.93877551 Can become toxic, right? We've all watched some Colt documentaries in our day. 104 00:08:17,446.93877551 --> 00:08:22,936.93877551 Have we not? I watched one do money freaks me the fuck out. 105 00:08:24,136.93877551 --> 00:08:24,346.93877551 Hmm. 106 00:08:26,696.93877551 --> 00:08:27,116.93877551 Okay. 107 00:08:28,16.93877551 --> 00:08:29,126.93877551 We don't need to go there. 108 00:08:30,346.93877551 --> 00:08:32,386.93877551 There's wanting to understand why. 109 00:08:32,836.93877551 --> 00:08:37,606.93877551 To provide yourself with fuller context and more stuff to work with. 110 00:08:37,606.93877551 --> 00:08:41,476.93877551 And there's the ability that comes from being able to see. 111 00:08:41,526.93877551 --> 00:08:44,256.93877551 That can release so much. 112 00:08:45,186.93877551 --> 00:08:46,266.93877551 But then there's this. 113 00:08:46,266.93877551 --> 00:08:47,676.93877551 Other thing that can happen. 114 00:08:47,676.93877551 --> 00:08:48,576.93877551 To where. 115 00:08:49,416.93877551 --> 00:08:56,736.93877551 You're searching for why, so that you can justify to yourself why you are the way you are. 116 00:08:57,16.93877551 --> 00:08:58,66.93877551 It's less about. 117 00:08:58,906.93877551 --> 00:09:02,596.93877551 Curiosity and wanting to discover different aspects of yourself. 118 00:09:03,46.93877551 --> 00:09:11,866.93877551 Um, And the satisfaction of like being able to put your finger on all of these different things that make up who you are as a person. 119 00:09:12,316.93877551 --> 00:09:18,496.93877551 And then it starts to turn into something that's like, I need to figure out why I'm broken in this way. 120 00:09:19,76.93877551 --> 00:09:21,176.93877551 I need to figure out whatever it is. 121 00:09:21,176.93877551 --> 00:09:25,46.93877551 That is the reason for why I've done this up until this point in my life. 122 00:09:26,426.93877551 --> 00:09:27,416.93877551 And it's such a. 123 00:09:28,676.93877551 --> 00:09:34,186.93877551 It's such a thin line and it can be hard to figure out when you've plopped over to the other side. 124 00:09:35,686.93877551 --> 00:09:42,826.93877551 And I think, uh, in the last week or two, I plopped and I didn't realize I plopped until yesterday. 125 00:09:45,526.93877551 --> 00:09:49,426.93877551 They had this thought that came across my mind, that was like, It feels like. 126 00:09:50,506.93877551 --> 00:09:52,936.93877551 I'm climbing out of this. 127 00:09:52,936.93877551 --> 00:10:01,966.93877551 Well, And I keep losing my footing every time we discover something else, because then I want to look back behind me and then I just like slide all the way down. 128 00:10:02,596.93877551 --> 00:10:04,816.93877551 And let's slide down and slide down. 129 00:10:09,16.93877551 --> 00:10:10,756.93877551 And when I realized I felt like that. 130 00:10:11,576.93877551 --> 00:10:12,566.93877551 I realized that. 131 00:10:12,566.93877551 --> 00:10:15,236.93877551 I'm looking for the Y for. 132 00:10:15,236.93877551 --> 00:10:19,796.93877551 Justification sake to justify myself rather than for. 133 00:10:20,486.93877551 --> 00:10:21,956.93877551 Empowerment and love. 134 00:10:21,956.93877551 --> 00:10:22,916.93877551 And. 135 00:10:22,916.93877551 --> 00:10:25,46.93877551 I don't want that to be the case because. 136 00:10:25,46.93877551 --> 00:10:28,106.93877551 Deepening our understanding of our lives is such a beautiful thing. 137 00:10:28,106.93877551 --> 00:10:29,276.93877551 And I don't want to taint it. 138 00:10:30,476.93877551 --> 00:10:33,266.93877551 This morning, I just completed my. 139 00:10:33,926.93877551 --> 00:10:36,26.93877551 August nostalgia now template. 140 00:10:36,126.93877551 --> 00:10:36,996.93877551 And. 141 00:10:36,996.93877551 --> 00:10:41,736.93877551 I uncovered something so incredibly healing and. 142 00:10:41,736.93877551 --> 00:10:42,996.93877551 Life-changing. 143 00:10:42,996.93877551 --> 00:10:45,126.93877551 Through the process and I. 144 00:10:45,126.93877551 --> 00:10:53,256.93877551 Think that I will be sharing my findings from my templates because of the way the membership has changed. 145 00:10:54,906.93877551 --> 00:11:00,426.93877551 Uh, so nostalgia now is something that I've been doing for a couple years now, a few years now. 146 00:11:00,426.93877551 --> 00:11:03,126.93877551 I think, I think up to three years thinks that this is the third year. 147 00:11:03,666.93877551 --> 00:11:07,326.93877551 And traditionally I did it in a group setting. 148 00:11:07,356.93877551 --> 00:11:10,446.93877551 I had a membership where we're all. 149 00:11:11,196.93877551 --> 00:11:12,216.93877551 Coming together. 150 00:11:12,606.93877551 --> 00:11:13,566.93877551 Once a month. 151 00:11:13,956.93877551 --> 00:11:24,636.93877551 To reflect on our month through these one of a kind prompted photo templates that I create in Canva super easy, super intuitive to do. 152 00:11:25,26.93877551 --> 00:11:33,786.93877551 And then we would come together in this like adult show Intel on zoom, and it was so amazing and lovely, and I cannot let this practice go. 153 00:11:33,786.93877551 --> 00:11:38,886.93877551 I seen how deeply empowering and transformative it is for myself. 154 00:11:39,246.93877551 --> 00:11:43,236.93877551 For, um, the beautiful souls that are in the group. 155 00:11:43,566.93877551 --> 00:11:55,116.93877551 So it lives on now through my sub stack, when you become a paid member of my sub stack, then you get access to these monthly, one of a kind prompted photo templates where you take them and create this. 156 00:11:55,206.93877551 --> 00:11:56,286.93877551 Delicious. 157 00:11:56,646.93877551 --> 00:12:01,26.93877551 Space for yourself to dive into witnessing your life in this way. 158 00:12:01,26.93877551 --> 00:12:03,696.93877551 And through that you take that. 159 00:12:04,266.93877551 --> 00:12:05,646.93877551 Invaluable. 160 00:12:06,186.93877551 --> 00:12:17,916.93877551 Bread crumb of wisdom of hindsight that you have gathered in you're now at a time where you're still able to move with it and action on it and dig deeper and live deeper into your life. 161 00:12:18,246.93877551 --> 00:12:19,776.93877551 And then you move forward to the next month. 162 00:12:19,896.93877551 --> 00:12:20,376.93877551 So. 163 00:12:21,156.93877551 --> 00:12:29,296.93877551 It's something that if you, as you're listening to this are like, okay, I want to do this you can sign up to be a paid supporter of the sub stack. 164 00:12:29,356.93877551 --> 00:12:31,6.93877551 It's $11 a month. 165 00:12:31,156.93877551 --> 00:12:32,956.93877551 You can find that link in the show notes. 166 00:12:33,356.93877551 --> 00:12:35,906.93877551 So I sat down like I normally do. 167 00:12:35,996.93877551 --> 00:12:39,806.93877551 I opened up my Google photos for the month of August. 168 00:12:40,376.93877551 --> 00:12:43,586.93877551 Um, you could do that through your iCloud to whatever it is that you use. 169 00:12:44,366.93877551 --> 00:12:46,136.93877551 And I read the template. 170 00:12:46,136.93877551 --> 00:12:46,796.93877551 Prompts. 171 00:12:46,796.93877551 --> 00:12:48,896.93877551 And when looking for the images. 172 00:12:49,586.93877551 --> 00:12:51,956.93877551 And I found them a little boy. 173 00:12:51,986.93877551 --> 00:13:03,606.93877551 Did I find them? I found exactly what I needed to like, let go of this fixation, let go of like my job being locked. 174 00:13:04,416.93877551 --> 00:13:05,226.93877551 Onto. 175 00:13:06,216.93877551 --> 00:13:11,256.93877551 Needing to figure out why I am the way I'm before I take a single. 176 00:13:12,636.93877551 --> 00:13:14,646.93877551 Step forward in another direction. 177 00:13:15,466.93877551 --> 00:13:18,736.93877551 This is the power of guided self discovery. 178 00:13:19,276.93877551 --> 00:13:20,746.93877551 That focuses on you. 179 00:13:21,886.93877551 --> 00:13:23,596.93877551 No one is giving you. 180 00:13:24,376.93877551 --> 00:13:25,516.93877551 Profound breakthroughs. 181 00:13:25,516.93877551 --> 00:13:27,286.93877551 You are giving them to yourself. 182 00:13:27,406.93877551 --> 00:13:31,276.93877551 You are literally looking at the photographs you took. 183 00:13:32,476.93877551 --> 00:13:34,816.93877551 With this innate wisdom that you have. 184 00:13:36,196.93877551 --> 00:13:37,456.93877551 Not even knowing. 185 00:13:37,876.93877551 --> 00:13:40,336.93877551 How important they were in the moment. 186 00:13:40,336.93877551 --> 00:13:42,436.93877551 It's just pure instinct. 187 00:13:43,216.93877551 --> 00:13:45,526.93877551 And then having this container. 188 00:13:45,886.93877551 --> 00:13:54,256.93877551 This reason to go back and look in this way is what brings all of that instinctual wisdom. 189 00:13:54,646.93877551 --> 00:13:59,326.93877551 To the surface so that you can actually live with it and move with it and act on it. 190 00:14:00,626.93877551 --> 00:14:20,276.93877551 I'm a visual person and creating these templates helps me talk to myself, helps me connect to my life in a way that feels way too big and overwhelming to do so without this as the vehicle. 191 00:14:22,526.93877551 --> 00:14:28,911.93877551 So this practice every month is a The most grounding and instinctual way for me to do that. 192 00:14:32,391.93877551 --> 00:14:43,278.60444218 When I looked, oof, why I get so choked up every time I talk about it out loud. 193 00:14:44,328.60444218 --> 00:14:54,48.60544218 Um, It made so much sense, like a fucking stepladder, like one after the other after the other. 194 00:14:54,148.60544218 --> 00:14:57,628.60544218 It just connected on such a deep level. 195 00:14:57,798.60544218 --> 00:15:10,178.60444218 And uh, uh, I just want to read a couple of the parts that are relevant to the conversation that I want to have today. 196 00:15:10,328.60444218 --> 00:15:23,790.00247436 Um, so one of the things that I uncovered From looking at the photos is realizing how impacted I was from Something. 197 00:15:24,519.67103958 --> 00:15:25,259.67103958 growing up. 198 00:15:26,162.26292581 --> 00:15:43,149.93053175 And it could be really frustrating for me to try to figure out why it's like, why does that, why is that affect me so much? but I don't have to know why. 199 00:15:44,166.31531745 --> 00:15:50,476.31531745 Just by seeing it and feeling the impact on me through the picture that I used in this template. 200 00:15:51,82.40526693 --> 00:15:59,532.40526693 I was able to write, my children get to see them the way I never did. 201 00:16:01,172.40426693 --> 00:16:05,862.40526693 I get to keep conscious the idea that my children need to see that. 202 00:16:06,662.40426693 --> 00:16:17,72.40526693 Like I get to understand how important that is for a child to see because of my experience. 203 00:16:19,272.40526693 --> 00:16:22,652.40426693 And then not only for them, but because of that, I get to remember. 204 00:16:23,182.40526693 --> 00:16:27,322.40526693 That I need to feel that in order for them to see that. 205 00:16:28,114.46504954 --> 00:16:38,14.46504954 Recently, there's been this viral reel going around talking about how the number one indicator of a child's wellbeing is the quality of the mother's happiness. 206 00:16:44,724.4640495 --> 00:16:46,754.4650495 That cannot be planned. 207 00:16:47,774.4650495 --> 00:16:49,314.4650495 That cannot be constructed. 208 00:16:50,664.4650495 --> 00:16:57,294.4650495 That cannot be faked or made up for in other ways. 209 00:17:03,154.4650495 --> 00:17:11,324.4650495 The number one indicator of a child's wellbeing is quality of their mother's happiness. 210 00:17:12,794.4640495 --> 00:17:33,304.4640495 The quality of happiness in one person, in you, in me, it's not something. 211 00:17:33,729.4650495 --> 00:17:36,759.4650495 That has to be articulated or can even be articulated. 212 00:17:36,759.4650495 --> 00:17:38,209.4650495 It has to be felt. 213 00:17:41,789.4650495 --> 00:17:56,509.4650495 And that reverberates into every aspect of a life and not just our immediate loved ones, but everyone that they touch. 214 00:18:07,561.5520061 --> 00:18:13,861.5520061 The pictures show me how I've been braced for impact for my whole life. 215 00:18:15,871.2476582 --> 00:18:43,999.228427 Holding my breath for what, for why do I have to know why in order to exhale and move in my life? No, I don't. 216 00:18:49,849.228427 --> 00:18:51,109.228427 I need to decide. 217 00:18:54,179.228427 --> 00:18:56,109.228427 And it's not mutually exclusive. 218 00:18:56,469.228427 --> 00:18:59,749.228427 It's not one or the other. 219 00:19:00,374.228427 --> 00:19:08,174.228427 It can be both, but it doesn't have to be figured out in order for you to move forward in your life. 220 00:19:10,445.3588618 --> 00:19:18,975.5317748 There was a prompt on this template that had me look for my representation of a personal ether. 221 00:19:19,245.5317748 --> 00:19:19,865.5317748 Right? Ether. 222 00:19:19,875.5317748 --> 00:19:21,25.5317748 The space. 223 00:19:21,675.5317748 --> 00:19:24,485.5317748 The epitome of space and weightlessness. 224 00:19:27,125.5327748 --> 00:19:33,785.5327748 Container for all that ever is all space between everything. 225 00:19:34,921.2589002 --> 00:19:41,391.2589002 And for that image, I chose the same picture that I always get in my mind. 226 00:19:41,391.2589002 --> 00:19:44,281.2589002 When I close my mind and think of somewhere that makes me feel at peace. 227 00:19:44,301.2579002 --> 00:19:50,791.2589002 And it's, um, the California coast, um, with all the cliffs and rocks in the ocean. 228 00:19:52,101.2589002 --> 00:19:55,591.2589002 That view, that view, just everything is okay. 229 00:19:55,991.2589002 --> 00:19:56,701.2589002 Everything. 230 00:19:57,731.2589002 --> 00:19:58,301.2589002 Okay. 231 00:19:58,811.2589002 --> 00:20:13,717.5632701 With that view and in reflecting on that view in this capacity, in this way of doing it and with the journal questions, My ether right sizes the pain. 232 00:20:14,257.5632701 --> 00:20:19,317.5632701 It emphasizes its ability to hold all of it just as I can. 233 00:20:19,397.5632701 --> 00:20:31,707.5632701 And just as I do, even if it feels like I don't and I can't, there's a version of neutrality that doesn't have to feel cold or wrong or unloving. 234 00:20:32,417.5632701 --> 00:20:38,387.5632701 It just is and allows breath to move, life to move. 235 00:20:39,317.5632701 --> 00:20:45,616.015444 Me to move It also shows me that the pain can be outside of me. 236 00:20:46,756.014444 --> 00:20:48,186.014444 I don't need to swallow it. 237 00:20:49,576.015444 --> 00:20:51,296.014444 It doesn't need to swallow me. 238 00:20:54,116.015444 --> 00:20:59,616.015444 It is not wrong of me to make it separate, to have space from it. 239 00:20:59,864.5763055 --> 00:21:04,442.4468717 The pains are like the beautiful rocks in the ocean that I love so much. 240 00:21:05,302.4468717 --> 00:21:09,402.4468717 Life and space and nothing and everything washes over them. 241 00:21:11,442.4468717 --> 00:21:12,202.4468717 They stay. 242 00:21:13,607.4468717 --> 00:21:33,205.6159976 Sometimes drenched in life and sparkling, and other times too tall, refusing to be washed over, refusing to sparkle, refusing to be covered and comforted by the vastness of life and space. 243 00:21:34,905.6159976 --> 00:21:35,525.6159976 But it's okay. 244 00:21:35,767.6524453 --> 00:21:37,287.6524453 It's allowed to be that. 245 00:21:38,767.6524453 --> 00:21:43,7.6524453 It is still a drop in the ocean, no matter how protruding. 246 00:21:44,457.6524453 --> 00:21:49,367.6524453 After all, the magnitude of its presence is only ever the depth of its love. 247 00:21:53,377.6514453 --> 00:21:55,747.6524453 I can bear it all whether I see it or not. 248 00:22:00,522.6871242 --> 00:22:06,387.5871242 When I think about this landscape, that means so much to me. 249 00:22:07,77.6871242 --> 00:22:17,167.6871242 I think about the size of a grain of sand next to a boulder of rock in the sea. 250 00:22:19,587.6871242 --> 00:22:25,257.6871242 And yet how that boulder is actually held by the sand. 251 00:22:25,457.6871242 --> 00:22:54,257.6871242 All of those tiny pieces of sand, those tiny pieces of life, all of our memories hold the boulders of pain and joy and bittersweetness that take up so much more space in our mind and in our heart and in our consciousness. 252 00:22:58,27.6871242 --> 00:23:10,557.6861242 And yet all of it are only parts of the ocean and the ocean itself is only a part of ether. 253 00:23:11,357.6861242 --> 00:23:22,377.6871242 Weightless, transparent, frictionless, unsayable, unknowable, undetectable space. 254 00:23:26,637.6871242 --> 00:23:37,97.6871242 And my essence is unavoidably that, that magnitude, that capacity, regardless of if I'm willing to see it or not. 255 00:23:49,437.6871242 --> 00:24:10,72.6861242 So when I look at this and I reflect on this and I think about But the prompt asks me, how will I move forward with what I've consciously uncovered? I know, I feel that I don't need to know why all of those boulders are there. 256 00:24:10,752.6871242 --> 00:24:12,472.6861242 I don't need to know the reason. 257 00:24:18,282.6871242 --> 00:24:21,92.6871242 I can bear it whether I see it or not. 258 00:24:21,402.6871242 --> 00:24:25,252.6871242 I can move whether I understand that or not. 259 00:24:26,202.6871242 --> 00:24:36,652.6871242 I will consciously invite light into my heaviness, not to deny the heaviness, but to not deny the light. 260 00:24:46,32.6871242 --> 00:24:48,182.6871242 I will find the love in all of it. 261 00:25:04,212.6871242 --> 00:25:23,135.1871242 This is a huge reason why I love neuro linguistic programming so much because the impact of that work, you know, going into the subconscious and pulling something up and uncovering it, it's huge. 262 00:25:23,135.1871242 --> 00:25:23,297.5871242 so much. 263 00:25:23,877.6871242 --> 00:25:36,867.6871242 Um, is so illuminating, but also so easeful and effortless in terms of integration. 264 00:25:36,977.6871242 --> 00:25:40,967.6871242 It's like, there's nothing to do after you see what you see. 265 00:25:41,857.6861242 --> 00:25:44,887.6861242 There's nothing, there's not an action plan that you need to make. 266 00:25:45,137.6871242 --> 00:25:49,707.6871242 There's nothing that you need to do to, um, upkeep it. 267 00:25:49,707.6871242 --> 00:25:51,647.6871242 You cannot unsee what you have seen. 268 00:25:51,657.6871242 --> 00:25:58,17.6871242 You cannot, a rubber band stretched out beyond its original shape doesn't go back. 269 00:26:04,332.6871242 --> 00:26:11,332.6871242 There are processes in NLP that have nothing to do with uncovering, uh, a memory. 270 00:26:11,352.6871242 --> 00:26:19,732.6871242 It's just going to the spot in you where it feels and being in that and moving with that. 271 00:26:21,562.6871242 --> 00:26:23,742.6861242 And that's what happens with the pictures. 272 00:26:24,882.6871242 --> 00:26:47,302.6871242 When I go and I pick these specific pictures that I could have never in a million fucking years planned with my brain, And now, because of this, they are all together on this page and I look at them clear as day and they are like my own language in like hieroglyphics. 273 00:26:51,62.6871242 --> 00:26:52,722.6871242 Four pictures on this page. 274 00:26:56,582.6871242 --> 00:27:14,697.6871242 Because of these four pictures placed together in this way, I understand and I now know that That I don't need to know why. 275 00:27:16,467.6871242 --> 00:27:26,107.6871242 I can see it and feel what I feel and know that there is space for all of it and I can still move and I can still breathe. 276 00:27:31,517.6861242 --> 00:27:32,527.6861242 Four pictures. 277 00:27:35,737.6871242 --> 00:27:39,467.6871242 One of them is a picture of a book cover I took in Barnes and Noble. 278 00:27:40,297.6861242 --> 00:27:46,997.6871242 One of them is a snapshot I took on vacation with my family that I just edited this month, which is why it was in this month's folder. 279 00:27:47,367.6871242 --> 00:27:49,507.6871242 One of them is a picture of my. 280 00:27:50,97.6871242 --> 00:27:55,567.6871242 Living room, uh, in the early morning where I lit a candle and the fireplace is on. 281 00:27:55,627.6871242 --> 00:27:58,97.6871242 And one of them is the picture of the California coast. 282 00:28:01,607.6871242 --> 00:28:07,194.6545139 Those four pictures came together on this page and made me understand all of what I just said. 283 00:28:14,524.6545139 --> 00:28:23,724.6555139 And you have that same well of knowledge and insight available to you in your hand. 284 00:28:24,74.6555139 --> 00:28:30,749.6555139 If you're holding your phone, wherever it is, wherever your pictures are, in your body. 285 00:28:36,889.6555139 --> 00:28:45,449.6555139 And sometimes we're so preoccupied with looking for that sentence, the good enough sentence of why. 286 00:28:46,439.6545139 --> 00:29:05,329.6545139 But why am I like this? Why is this the way that this is? Why, why, why, why, why? That we forget that we have the ability to decide something different. 287 00:29:06,49.6545139 --> 00:29:12,449.6535139 We have the power to decide something that feels better. 288 00:29:14,499.6555139 --> 00:29:16,9.6555139 And just move. 289 00:29:17,189.6555139 --> 00:29:19,889.6555139 And it's not running away from something. 290 00:29:22,889.6555139 --> 00:29:37,359.6555139 We don't need to vilify the boulders in our landscape because at the root of it all, it's all love, all of it. 291 00:29:45,579.6545139 --> 00:29:48,879.6555139 We don't need to justify ourselves. 292 00:29:49,29.6555139 --> 00:29:57,49.6555139 We don't need to justify anything about ourselves or the way we've lived our lives or what we do with our time. 293 00:29:58,69.6555139 --> 00:30:01,179.6555139 We're justify our need for space. 294 00:30:04,839.6555139 --> 00:30:07,879.6555139 We are always doing the best we can with what we have. 295 00:30:12,399.6555139 --> 00:30:15,9.6545139 Let's look at what we have a little bit closer. 296 00:30:18,828.9163835 --> 00:30:20,858.9163835 That is what I have for you today. 297 00:30:24,58.9163835 --> 00:30:25,818.9163835 Gosh, this one was supposed to be funny. 298 00:30:25,898.9163835 --> 00:30:32,578.9153835 I was like in the mood this morning to be like, I'm going to like talk shit and laugh in my podcast today. 299 00:30:32,578.9163835 --> 00:30:33,428.9163835 Cause I'm feeling. 300 00:30:36,468.9163835 --> 00:30:40,68.9163835 snarky and then this happened and I cried again. 301 00:30:46,348.9163835 --> 00:30:50,742.7295151 Ah, I hope this felt good to you. 302 00:30:50,872.7295151 --> 00:30:52,52.7285151 It feels good to me. 303 00:30:52,802.7295151 --> 00:30:54,182.7295151 I still want to know why. 304 00:30:55,132.7295151 --> 00:30:56,912.7295151 I still really want to know why. 305 00:30:58,612.7295151 --> 00:31:02,742.7285151 But there, but the, there's no but. 306 00:31:02,772.7285151 --> 00:31:03,652.7295151 It's and. 307 00:31:04,102.7295151 --> 00:31:05,382.7295151 And I get to keep going. 308 00:31:05,792.7295151 --> 00:31:06,102.7295151 Okay. 309 00:31:06,402.7295151 --> 00:31:17,192.7295151 And it doesn't have to feel like Uncovering more truths doesn't mean that I'm sliding down a hole. 310 00:31:18,872.7295151 --> 00:31:20,322.7295151 Just more information. 311 00:31:26,842.7285151 --> 00:31:31,232.7295151 And also I'm allowed to touch it without picking it up and putting it on my back. 312 00:31:32,212.7305151 --> 00:31:33,322.7295151 And you could do that too. 313 00:31:35,83.0673716 --> 00:31:41,263.0673716 So if this feels like something that you're interested in, you can access the personalized template. 314 00:31:41,623.0673716 --> 00:31:46,363.0673716 That you can take and make your own and have this introspective. 315 00:31:47,23.0673716 --> 00:31:49,903.0673716 Um, Explorative experience. 316 00:31:50,713.0673716 --> 00:31:51,973.0673716 Uh, at my sub stack. 317 00:31:54,533.0673716 --> 00:31:56,753.0673716 If you are a paid subscriber, you get access. 318 00:31:57,123.0673716 --> 00:32:06,633.0673716 to these brand new templates every single month, uh, in addition to whatever other goodies I decided to drop your way and popups and all of that fun stuff and community. 319 00:32:07,423.0673716 --> 00:32:17,53.0673716 but even, so if you are a free subscriber, you get the, the writing and a visual experience of every podcast, episode, straight to your inbox. 320 00:32:17,393.0673716 --> 00:32:22,223.0673716 so if you're in a space where you're not in the mood to listen and you just want to scan and Bubba, blah, blah, blah. 321 00:32:22,613.0673716 --> 00:32:27,143.0673716 Becoming a subscriber ensures that you get every podcast episode direct to your inbox. 322 00:32:27,203.0673716 --> 00:32:30,533.0673716 And honestly, I love it. 323 00:32:31,313.0673716 --> 00:32:31,913.0673716 I love it. 324 00:32:32,63.0673716 --> 00:32:42,803.0673716 I get to sit with each episode and pair photos with it and, um, It really forces me to sit with myself in a way that I haven't been used to. 325 00:32:43,463.0673716 --> 00:32:46,43.0673716 And, uh, it's really. 326 00:32:47,813.0673716 --> 00:32:48,263.0673716 Intimate. 327 00:32:49,13.0673716 --> 00:32:53,873.0673716 It's forcing me to be intimate with myself in a way that is very strange for me. 328 00:32:54,503.0673716 --> 00:32:57,293.0673716 But, um, I'm very appreciative of it. 329 00:32:57,323.0673716 --> 00:33:00,93.0673716 So I will leave you with this. 330 00:33:01,523.0673716 --> 00:33:02,333.0673716 What. 331 00:33:02,723.0673716 --> 00:33:03,323.0673716 Is. 332 00:33:04,433.0673716 --> 00:33:04,763.0673716 This. 333 00:33:05,543.0673716 --> 00:33:09,533.0673716 Big ambiguous presence that you have in your life right now. 334 00:33:09,533.0673716 --> 00:33:12,203.0673716 That you could actually shift like. 335 00:33:13,13.0673716 --> 00:33:15,113.0673716 This with a decision. 336 00:33:16,883.0673716 --> 00:33:19,253.0673716 What comes to mind? When I say. 337 00:33:20,243.0673716 --> 00:33:22,463.0673716 This big blob of. 338 00:33:23,93.0673716 --> 00:33:26,243.0673716 Overwhelm and weight holding you down. 339 00:33:27,833.0673716 --> 00:33:30,473.0673716 That you truly can just decide. 340 00:33:31,43.0673716 --> 00:33:31,973.0673716 Something different. 341 00:33:33,863.0673716 --> 00:33:34,643.0673716 And move with it. 342 00:33:37,213.0673716 --> 00:33:39,463.0673716 Good luck with that. 343 00:33:40,633.0673716 --> 00:33:43,243.0673716 I hope you have a beautiful rest of the day and I will catch you next time. 344 00:33:44,909.0673716 --> 00:33:48,129.0673716 This has been an Awkward Sage Production.
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