August 20, 2024 • 29 mins
Today is a part two of sorts. Last week's episode felt too big to just move on from and I've been burrowing myself into it ever since. I uncovered a really deep insecurity of mine: being redundant. Feeling like what I have to share and what I feel so deeply compelled to say is obvious. But isn't that what pictures are? redundant. and thank goodness.
The most important things in the world need to be repeated over and over again.
My clarity problem revealed its true nature in this episode- it's a courage problem. And what is so scary? the visceral joy that might come from setting myself free.
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Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
It doesn't require courage for me to take the pictures I take anymore. 2 00:00:07,129.999 --> 00:00:08,349.999 At one point it did. 3 00:00:10,589.999 --> 00:00:16,930 And while in some instances there are moments where a form of courage comes into play, it is far more flow.
(00:18):
And honestly, I don't think that there's anything wrong with that.
Some might say, maybe you need to push harder then, but that doesn't resonate with me in this.
.466304348I think the only problem here is that I've been so consumed with feeling like I was having a clarity problem and trying to figure out what I'm trying to do, I didn't realize it was actually a courage problem. 7 00:00:58,663.466304348 --> 00:00:59,763.465304348 I don't like that. 8 00:01:01,363.466304348 --> 00:01:02,683.466304348 I don't like that at all. 9 00:01:04,863.466304348 --> 00:01:06,383.466304348 It's really hard to swallow that. 10 00:01:09,133.466304348 --> 00:01:10,553.466304348 It's really hard to say that out loud. 11 00:01:10,778.441569905 --> 00:01:11,498.441569905 writing. 12 00:01:11,498.441569905 --> 00:01:28,208.441569905 writing would mean singing, not out of fulfilling a primal need, like my photography feels like, but to cross over into the courageous act of allowing visceral joy. 13 00:01:33,218.441569905 --> 00:01:48,958.44156991 Have I ever allowed myself visceral joy? I have never paired the word visceral with joy, never. 14 00:02:01,657.50818972 --> 00:02:05,637.50818972 Help Me See is a podcast dedicated to the art of seeing. 15 00:02:06,277.50818972 --> 00:02:12,967.50818972 It's a space for the restless visionary with an insatiable desire to create the life and work you're meant for. 16 00:02:13,942.50818972 --> 00:02:23,62.50818972 My name is Bianca Lea Mora, and I'm a photographic artist, a mother, and a coach who's transformed my fear of loss into power, art, and philosophy. 17 00:02:23,332.50818972 --> 00:02:36,492.50818972 One of the scariest quotes I never want to say is, I wish I knew at the time, but I truly believe that we have the innate ability to bring our wise 2020 hindsight to our now. 18 00:02:37,392.50818972 --> 00:02:44,632.50718972 You can deeply experience your nostalgia now, while it's actually happening, with no regrets. 19 00:02:45,732.50818972 --> 00:02:47,62.50818972 All you have to do is see. 20 00:02:48,162.50818972 --> 00:03:04,12.50818972 In this show, we laugh, we cry, we get inspired, we overshare, we have life changing conversations around making meaning, self discovery, and shedding all the BS layers in order to reconnect to our own sacred vision. 21 00:03:04,822.50818972 --> 00:03:08,482.50818972 Seeing yourself is an essential key to living powerfully. 22 00:03:08,892.50818972 --> 00:03:13,702.50818972 You are the vessel, the lens that filters absolutely everything in your life. 23 00:03:14,662.50718972 --> 00:03:36,217.50818972 What are you filtering for? Whether it be conversations with fellow artists and visionaries, or my solo audio journal style introspective ramblings, each episode is meant to feel like an exhale, an unraveling of truth, a moment for you to be able to put your finger on something that you haven't been able to for far too long. 24 00:03:37,777.50718972 --> 00:03:39,847.50718972 Come exactly as you are. 25 00:03:40,137.50718972 --> 00:03:40,997.50718972 It's perfect. 26 00:03:41,707.50718972 --> 00:03:43,227.50718972 Honor your instincts. 27 00:03:43,287.50718972 --> 00:03:48,907.50718972 Let's uncover some of the most important things in our lives which all too often can slip out from our view. 28 00:03:50,232.50818972 --> 00:03:57,112.50818972 Let's commit to seeing and consciously creating what only you can in your one and only life. 29 00:03:58,252.50818972 --> 00:03:58,922.50818972 Let's dive in. 30 00:04:01,740.84152305 --> 00:04:05,290.84152305 Hello, hello, and welcome to another episode of Help Me See. 31 00:04:09,990.84152305 --> 00:04:14,770.84152305 Today I am doing a part two of sorts. 32 00:04:15,700.84152305 --> 00:04:27,460.84152305 Last week's episode felt too big to just move on from, and uh, I've been burrowing myself into it ever since, quite frankly. 33 00:04:27,460.94152305 --> 00:04:50,935.84052305 Um, if you didn't catch last week's episode, it was Uh, in uncovering around, uh, a really deep insecurity of mine of being redundant, um, feeling like what I have to share and what I feel so deeply compelled to say and share is, is obvious. 34 00:04:51,405.84052305 --> 00:05:03,339.51033778 It's, it's not, um, it doesn't feel like something that is, um, You know, fresh and new. 35 00:05:03,339.51033778 --> 00:05:06,999.51033778 It feels like this, like, of course, of course. 36 00:05:08,59.51033778 --> 00:05:10,899.51033778 And I've really walked myself through this. 37 00:05:10,999.50933778 --> 00:05:15,419.50933778 And I think about how, of course, of course, of course. 38 00:05:15,829.50933778 --> 00:05:16,859.51033778 No shit. 39 00:05:18,839.51033778 --> 00:05:28,109.51033778 I ground my whole knowing and philosophy into the fact that all I'm ever doing is reminding. 40 00:05:29,349.51033778 --> 00:05:30,79.51033778 And I'll hear. 41 00:05:31,414.51033778 --> 00:05:31,784.51033778 Oh, wait. 42 00:05:32,734.51033778 --> 00:05:35,244.51033778 Did you see that? Here. 43 00:05:38,772.2606643 --> 00:05:52,694.54193703 I was on a call the other day with one of my coaches, and she's someone who I've received support from for years now. 44 00:05:52,694.54193703 --> 00:05:56,957.1606643 Uh, her name is Amber Lillestrom. 45 00:05:57,937.2606643 --> 00:05:59,537.2606643 She's a magical human being. 46 00:05:59,547.2606643 --> 00:06:01,187.2606643 If you don't know her, please go check her out. 47 00:06:01,187.2606643 --> 00:06:03,527.2606643 I'll put her, um, link in the show notes. 48 00:06:04,97.2606643 --> 00:06:46,847.2606643 I had her on, um, uh, one of the podcast episodes you may remember, but she was speaking on this call and I was just pummeled, like completely brought to my knees in, in a way of, It what she was saying really, really hit me and I left her a voice note afterwards and I was saying to her that I have been a part of her world for years now, and there's nothing that she said on that call yesterday that was new. 49 00:06:47,267.2606643 --> 00:06:48,677.2606643 Like that was anything. 50 00:06:49,307.2606643 --> 00:06:54,327.2606643 Like completely off the beaten path, like in some way, shape, or form. 51 00:06:54,387.2606643 --> 00:07:34,93.7348451 I have heard her say Everything before and yet It entered me in a way that felt like it changed everything and Also, most of the call was prompted journaling So, this is not someone that's like, here, here are my answers. 52 00:07:34,393.7348451 --> 00:07:35,163.7338451 Here they are. 53 00:07:35,173.7348451 --> 00:07:36,803.7348451 And I'm like, Oh, I hear it now. 54 00:07:36,803.7348451 --> 00:07:43,643.7348451 No, this is someone that's committed to reminding me of my answers. 55 00:07:46,563.7348451 --> 00:07:56,93.7348451 It's the same reason why I format my Nostalgia Now, uh, visual journal templates in the way that I do. 56 00:07:58,13.7348451 --> 00:07:59,883.7348451 Go find, go look in your own photos. 57 00:08:00,653.7348451 --> 00:08:01,803.7348451 Go find your truth. 58 00:08:02,173.7348451 --> 00:08:03,463.7348451 Go find your answers. 59 00:08:03,463.7348451 --> 00:08:04,653.7348451 Go find your wisdom. 60 00:08:04,833.7338451 --> 00:08:06,123.7348451 Go find your pain. 61 00:08:06,383.7348451 --> 00:08:07,433.7348451 Go find your love. 62 00:08:07,653.7348451 --> 00:08:08,663.7348451 In your own photos. 63 00:08:08,683.7348451 --> 00:08:09,513.7348451 It's all there. 64 00:08:13,573.7338451 --> 00:08:23,393.7348451 Anyway, I, I went and I sent her a voice memo and I, I told her that, I had been really struggling with this weird insecurity around redundancy. 65 00:08:23,393.7348451 --> 00:08:26,143.7348451 It just feels so like anticlimactic. 66 00:08:26,143.7348451 --> 00:08:28,553.7338451 I'm like, really, that's the thing that's been fucking with me. 67 00:08:28,553.8338451 --> 00:08:38,163.7348451 And I told her how I would never consider her redundant. 68 00:08:38,173.7348451 --> 00:08:39,843.7348451 That has never even crossed my mind. 69 00:08:39,843.7348451 --> 00:08:45,573.7348451 And not only that, but you know, it hit me in such a way. 70 00:08:46,253.7348451 --> 00:08:58,338.7343451 And I was I was laughing through crying on this voice memo when I told her that, you know, no one ever said, I love you. 71 00:08:58,338.7343451 --> 00:09:00,958.7348451 And the other person was like, Oh, that's redundant. 72 00:09:01,488.7348451 --> 00:09:02,978.7348451 I didn't need to hear that again. 73 00:09:04,148.7338451 --> 00:09:15,798.7338451 Like what? Of course the most important things in the world need to be repeated over and over again. 74 00:09:17,323.7348451 --> 00:09:20,53.7348451 Take a picture of your dog and then go to take a picture again. 75 00:09:20,53.7348451 --> 00:10:00,764.70169293 You're like, oh, wait, actually I already have a picture of him No, or your kid or your spouse or your parents or no What Every moment is completely new and remembered at the same time You know, I've said before It's not See it, I'll, I'll believe it when I see it. 76 00:10:00,794.70169293 --> 00:10:04,310.42288858 It's, Believe it until you see it, and you will. 77 00:10:10,680.42288858 --> 00:10:15,530.42188858 And that is what photographs are. 78 00:10:17,280.42188858 --> 00:10:22,210.42188858 They're pictures of your beliefs. 79 00:10:22,840.42188858 --> 00:10:24,380.42188858 They're pictures of your beliefs. 80 00:10:29,305.42288858 --> 00:10:32,485.42288858 That are representative and not comprehensive. 81 00:10:37,75.42288858 --> 00:10:40,975.42288858 They are whatever you need them to be. 82 00:10:43,125.42288858 --> 00:10:50,375.42288858 I'm actually going to read, um, The other day I was journaling in the morning. 83 00:10:53,735.53626726 --> 00:10:54,155.53626726 Okay. 84 00:10:54,155.53626726 --> 00:10:55,145.53626726 So. 85 00:10:55,955.53626726 --> 00:10:58,235.53626726 Please forgive me because. 86 00:10:59,675.53626726 --> 00:11:01,805.53626726 I'm not the best out loud reader. 87 00:11:06,725.53626726 --> 00:11:07,775.53626726 But. 88 00:11:09,515.53626726 --> 00:11:12,365.53626726 I know I'm going to include this in the sub stack. 89 00:11:12,485.53626726 --> 00:11:18,845.53626726 And I would like it to also be in the video in case that's what you prefer and don't want to read. 90 00:11:20,105.53626726 --> 00:11:22,55.53626726 Um, Also yes. 91 00:11:22,55.53626726 --> 00:11:22,535.53626726 Side note. 92 00:11:22,565.53626726 --> 00:11:25,55.53626726 I am every podcast episode. 93 00:11:25,55.53626726 --> 00:11:26,735.53626726 Now we'll have a. 94 00:11:27,455.53626726 --> 00:11:32,255.53626726 Sub stack, which is the place to really sit with myself and. 95 00:11:33,185.53626726 --> 00:11:35,945.53626726 Refine what I said in a way that feels like. 96 00:11:36,965.53626726 --> 00:11:39,845.53626726 Coming home to myself and not just, you know, when you like. 97 00:11:40,415.53626726 --> 00:11:41,105.53626726 You know, when you like. 98 00:11:42,215.53626726 --> 00:11:52,925.53626726 Give advice or something, or like you're talking to a friend and then all of a sudden you're like, yeah, but I don't know, just in case, you know, You know, on a really ruin their life, or you don't want to act like, you know, everything. 99 00:11:55,535.53626726 --> 00:11:57,125.53626726 So I feel like I do with myself. 100 00:11:57,665.53626726 --> 00:11:59,255.53626726 I record podcast episodes. 101 00:11:59,645.53626726 --> 00:12:01,355.53626726 And then I can't listen to them back. 102 00:12:01,355.53626726 --> 00:12:05,345.53626726 I post them and I'm like, Well, I hope that makes sense to somebody. 103 00:12:07,295.53626726 --> 00:12:07,595.53626726 Okay. 104 00:12:08,855.53626726 --> 00:12:09,515.53626726 Here's what I wrote. 105 00:12:11,15.53626726 --> 00:12:16,175.53626726 Um, photographs as invitations and barriers. 106 00:12:16,835.53626726 --> 00:12:18,845.53626726 A free pass to leave the scene. 107 00:12:19,625.53626726 --> 00:12:21,755.53626726 The ignorant confidence of. 108 00:12:22,325.53626726 --> 00:12:24,335.53626726 I can always return to this later. 109 00:12:25,775.53626726 --> 00:12:27,665.53626726 This is how photos have betrayed me. 110 00:12:28,415.53626726 --> 00:12:31,775.53626726 They give me the comfort of proof evidence effort. 111 00:12:32,285.53626726 --> 00:12:34,895.53626726 And with that, I turn away as soon as I press and release. 112 00:12:36,95.53626726 --> 00:12:37,55.53626726 It has given me. 113 00:12:38,615.53626726 --> 00:12:39,935.53626726 Perpetual. 114 00:12:40,85.53626726 --> 00:12:47,45.53626726 Oh, It has helped me perpetuate my inability to bear the depths of what I feel by letting me touch it and move on. 115 00:12:48,155.53626726 --> 00:12:49,445.53626726 It lets me off the hook. 116 00:12:51,155.53626726 --> 00:12:59,495.53626726 If I make pictures of what is unsayable to me, and then feel relief in the thisness of putting my finger on the outside of my insides. 117 00:13:00,65.53626726 --> 00:13:02,705.53626726 Wouldn't the next step be to sit with it. 118 00:13:05,45.53626726 --> 00:13:06,455.53626726 Not to try to figure it out. 119 00:13:06,755.53626726 --> 00:13:08,345.53626726 Not to explain it away. 120 00:13:08,915.53626726 --> 00:13:09,905.53626726 But to be with it. 121 00:13:11,375.53626726 --> 00:13:14,945.53626726 I've been telling myself that's what I do in the editing process. 122 00:13:15,935.53626726 --> 00:13:17,525.53626726 But I'm starting to think that's not true. 123 00:13:19,25.53626726 --> 00:13:21,815.53626726 I mold and work with an image until it feels right. 124 00:13:22,85.53626726 --> 00:13:22,805.53626726 And then I leave. 125 00:13:23,345.53626726 --> 00:13:27,425.53626726 Onto the next, when I feel satisfied enough to stop, I move on. 126 00:13:27,965.53626726 --> 00:13:28,865.53626726 I don't sit with it. 127 00:13:31,265.53626726 --> 00:13:32,465.53626726 The photographs demand. 128 00:13:32,495.53626726 --> 00:13:33,305.53626726 I speak. 129 00:13:33,875.53626726 --> 00:13:35,465.53626726 They demand a response. 130 00:13:36,185.53626726 --> 00:13:40,955.53626726 It wants to have a conversation with me and I have turned away time and time again. 131 00:13:42,935.53626726 --> 00:13:45,35.53626726 Frantically searching for my stillness. 132 00:13:45,515.53626726 --> 00:13:50,225.53626726 Frantically searching for what the photographs have been trying to tell me all along. 133 00:13:53,195.53626726 --> 00:13:54,95.53626726 That's makes me really. 134 00:13:57,155.53626726 --> 00:13:58,685.53626726 I actually haven't read it back. 135 00:13:58,745.53626726 --> 00:14:01,565.53626726 Ironically, I haven't read it back until just now. 136 00:14:03,425.53626726 --> 00:14:06,695.53626726 Uh, I sat with a photograph the other day and bald. 137 00:14:07,175.53626726 --> 00:14:08,735.53626726 So close to the surface. 138 00:14:09,815.53626726 --> 00:14:12,155.53626726 It took less than 20 seconds to start crying. 139 00:14:12,755.53626726 --> 00:14:14,555.53626726 Over looking at this photograph I had made. 140 00:14:14,555.53626726 --> 00:14:16,715.53626726 Uh, photo therapy. 141 00:14:17,885.53626726 --> 00:14:20,255.53626726 I've spent a lot of time diminishing. 142 00:14:20,525.53626726 --> 00:14:21,875.53626726 My work as a writer. 143 00:14:22,625.53626726 --> 00:14:25,475.53626726 It even feels strange and uncomfortable to say that sentence. 144 00:14:26,255.53626726 --> 00:14:26,975.53626726 As a writer. 145 00:14:29,787.66550418 --> 00:14:31,227.66550418 I'm not articulate enough. 146 00:14:31,267.66550418 --> 00:14:32,757.66550418 I'm not concise. 147 00:14:33,17.66550418 --> 00:14:34,467.66550418 I'm redundant. 148 00:14:36,437.66550418 --> 00:14:38,287.66550418 I'm not great at communicating. 149 00:14:39,287.66550418 --> 00:14:45,437.66550418 Those criticisms felt okay because I wasn't looking at the writing as my art. 150 00:14:47,737.66550418 --> 00:14:55,157.66550418 And I think that was so painful, the fact that I couldn't see through myself. 151 00:14:56,257.66550418 --> 00:15:03,47.66550418 My photographs were the untouchable heavenly experiences of freedom that exist because I am in my fullest expression. 152 00:15:03,417.66550418 --> 00:15:08,907.66550418 No questions, no doubts, no pollutants, just pure connection to life. 153 00:15:11,257.66550418 --> 00:15:18,907.66450418 But I read an excerpt from a book recently that gave me the exact punch in the fucking face I so desperately needed. 154 00:15:20,797.66450418 --> 00:15:27,367.66550418 And this is a quote from Mark Nepo's book, um, The Forever Practice. 155 00:15:27,467.66550418 --> 00:15:28,447.66550418 What is it? Sorry. 156 00:15:30,202.66550418 --> 00:15:32,62.66550418 Oh, no, no, no, duh. 157 00:15:32,342.66550418 --> 00:15:34,402.66550418 Um, drinking from the river of light. 158 00:15:40,222.66550418 --> 00:15:51,2.66550418 Well, actually what's so crazy about this is that I believe I opened drinking from the river of light as I finished it a long time ago and I was Deeply madly in love with it. 159 00:15:51,142.66550418 --> 00:15:53,312.66550418 Go get that book right now, whatever you're doing. 160 00:15:53,392.66550418 --> 00:16:08,7.66550418 Just stop everything go get it um, but I'm listening very, very, very slowly to an audio, another audio book of his, I think it's something about the Art of Forever Practice or I don't know. 161 00:16:08,977.66550418 --> 00:16:18,397.66450418 And um, I opened to a page that was the, he referenced the book I was listening to on Audible. 162 00:16:18,687.66550418 --> 00:16:19,477.66450418 So, anyway. 163 00:16:19,667.66550418 --> 00:16:27,317.66550418 So this was from the audible book I was listening to, but really I read it in the book I had read forever. 164 00:16:27,317.66550418 --> 00:16:27,557.66550418 Okay. 165 00:16:27,557.66550418 --> 00:16:31,337.66550418 You didn't need to know that, but I wanted to tell you because I thought it was very synchronistic. 166 00:16:31,337.66550418 --> 00:16:32,617.66450418 And so, okay. 167 00:16:33,517.66450418 --> 00:16:44,87.6655042 The quote is such openness requires two things, the risk to be, which asks us to slow to the pace of creation where all things join. 168 00:16:45,7.6655042 --> 00:16:51,367.6655042 And secondly, the courage, not just to let what comes up through, but to sing it through. 169 00:16:52,472.6655042 --> 00:16:56,252.6655042 It takes courage to give voice to what we experience. 170 00:16:56,792.6655042 --> 00:17:05,302.6645042 The way a coyote howls, not just out of hunger, but out of a visceral joy at being part of the infinite secret revealed. 171 00:17:06,412.6655042 --> 00:17:15,342.6655042 In this way, we're angels wrapped in skin and fur, racing through thicket because we sense, we sense what can't be seen all around us. 172 00:17:21,132.6655042 --> 00:17:24,722.6655042 We sense what can't be seen all around us. 173 00:17:28,597.6655042 --> 00:17:37,7.6655042 So, I read that and it came rushing in. 174 00:17:38,597.6655042 --> 00:17:42,537.6655042 It doesn't require courage for me to take the pictures I take anymore. 175 00:17:45,727.6645042 --> 00:17:46,947.6645042 At one point it did. 176 00:17:49,187.6645042 --> 00:17:55,527.6655042 And while in some instances there are moments where a form of courage comes into play, it is far more flow. 177 00:17:56,917.6655042 --> 00:17:59,587.6655042 And honestly, I don't think that there's anything wrong with that. 178 00:18:02,477.6655042 --> 00:18:08,527.6655042 Some might say, maybe you need to push harder then, but that doesn't resonate with me in this. 179 00:18:10,357.6655042 --> 00:18:49,582.6655042 I think the only problem here is that I didn't realize I was thinking that since I wasn't feeling resistance in my quote unquote real art, I wasn't recognizing the struggle in my writing as I've been so consumed with feeling like I was having a clarity problem and trying to figure out what I'm trying to do, I didn't realize it was actually a courage problem. 180 00:18:57,302.6655042 --> 00:18:58,402.6645042 I don't like that. 181 00:19:00,2.6655042 --> 00:19:01,322.6655042 I don't like that at all. 182 00:19:03,502.6655042 --> 00:19:05,22.6655042 It's really hard to swallow that. 183 00:19:07,772.6655042 --> 00:19:09,192.6655042 It's really hard to say that out loud. 184 00:19:12,45.5415911 --> 00:19:31,555.5415911 my photographs is letting what comes up through But my writing is me needing to sing it through I know this is a bitch slap from the universe because I've had this annoying Nag to take up singing lessons lately. 185 00:19:33,145.5415911 --> 00:19:34,920.5415911 I cannot Kick it. 186 00:19:34,990.5415911 --> 00:19:46,440.5405911 I can't, I, I don't understand when I was a little girl, I wanted to be a singer when I grew up little, little, but that never, it's not like I ever took singing classes before. 187 00:19:46,460.5415911 --> 00:19:47,220.5405911 I have no idea. 188 00:19:47,840.5415911 --> 00:20:03,80.5415911 And of course this message comes and tells me to sing it through giving voice to myself through images because I'm hungry to create, to scratch an itch, to touch something and say this, but writing. 189 00:20:03,80.5415911 --> 00:20:19,790.5415911 writing would mean singing, not out of fulfilling a primal need, like my photography feels like, but to cross over into the courageous act of allowing visceral joy. 190 00:20:24,800.5415911 --> 00:20:40,540.5415911 Have I ever allowed myself visceral joy? I have never paired the word visceral with joy, never. 191 00:20:49,750.5415911 --> 00:20:53,800.5405911 But now that I see what I want to say is not a communication problem. 192 00:20:54,885.5415911 --> 00:21:04,755.5415911 Not a clarity problem, but a courage problem? Game fucking on. 193 00:21:09,95.5405911 --> 00:21:17,855.5405911 Yeah, can't unsee that and I do not like that. 194 00:21:20,435.5415911 --> 00:21:24,245.5415911 Okay, I can soften to it. 195 00:21:24,245.5415911 --> 00:22:18,620.5415911 I can hold space for that, but my question for you after uncovering this for myself is What problem in your life, what issue, what tension in your life are you overcomplicating to think that it is very complex, that there's something that you can't see or get a hold of, but now when you hear, maybe it's actually a courage problem, it opens up. 196 00:22:20,630.5415911 --> 00:22:34,400.5415911 What comes up for you? What is far more simple than you'd like to realize. 197 00:22:45,896.3676781 --> 00:23:01,684.5850694 So the plot twist here in this part two is I thought last week that the monster under the bed was named Redundancy. 198 00:23:05,348.845939 --> 00:23:16,248.845939 But this week, I realized its real name is Courage. 199 00:23:20,528.845939 --> 00:23:24,488.845939 Well, I guess that's not the name. 200 00:23:24,488.945939 --> 00:23:29,198.845939 I guess the name is Fear. 201 00:23:29,198.945939 --> 00:23:53,868.845939 Dun da da da! Fear of what? Fear. 202 00:23:54,778.845939 --> 00:24:11,668.845939 of visceral joy, fear of singing, fear of singing it through. 203 00:24:12,178.844939 --> 00:25:13,373.845939 I can allow myself the photographs because they're like my own special secret, private language that no matter what I show or say, I have an indescribable relationship to them and they're quiet, but using my voice, using my words requires a level of ownership and power that is so scary, and yet, Refuses to be dismissed. 204 00:25:25,493.025939 --> 00:25:30,933.025939 So whatever came up that felt like, oh, maybe I just need more courage. 205 00:25:34,323.025939 --> 00:25:48,893.025939 What part are you afraid of? It's just so crazy how we live our lives. 206 00:25:48,893.025939 --> 00:25:52,773.025939 Like we're living inside the Pythagorean theorem. 207 00:25:53,543.025939 --> 00:26:01,93.025939 Like, what is the answer? What is it? And it's like the most simple thread. 208 00:26:04,73.025939 --> 00:26:09,703.025939 Oh, humans are so silly and wonderful. 209 00:26:13,787.7538301 --> 00:26:14,447.7538301 Alrighty. 210 00:26:15,17.7538301 --> 00:26:17,477.7538301 That is what I have for you to say. 211 00:26:20,207.7538301 --> 00:26:21,227.7538301 Aye. 212 00:26:23,897.7538301 --> 00:26:27,317.7538301 Want to let you know that I now have a sub stack. 213 00:26:27,347.7538301 --> 00:26:30,17.7538301 This will be my second post and sub deck. 214 00:26:30,467.7538301 --> 00:26:33,767.7538301 And I have some very friggin and exciting news. 215 00:26:34,247.7538301 --> 00:26:36,407.7538301 I'm moving my membership over to sub stack. 216 00:26:36,437.7538301 --> 00:26:39,467.7538301 So sacred seeing slash nostalgia now. 217 00:26:40,7.7538301 --> 00:26:41,477.7538301 Um, it's all the same thing. 218 00:26:43,127.7538301 --> 00:26:46,37.7538301 And this is going to be hosted on sub stack. 219 00:26:46,67.7538301 --> 00:26:52,97.7538301 So if you, um, If you want to just follow along on sub stack for free. 220 00:26:52,217.7538301 --> 00:26:59,807.7538301 Uh, you get access to all of the, um, posts, all of the page posts from the podcast episodes that will include. 221 00:27:00,437.7538301 --> 00:27:14,957.7538301 Pictures and embellishments and, um, You know, The experience of me exploring this new self identified art form of my writing. 222 00:27:16,157.7538301 --> 00:27:23,387.7538301 And, um, If you would like to become a, um, subscriber, a paid subscriber. 223 00:27:23,697.7538301 --> 00:27:26,787.7538301 Then you will get access to the monthly. 224 00:27:27,57.7538301 --> 00:27:29,967.7538301 Self discovery, visual journal templates. 225 00:27:29,967.7538301 --> 00:27:31,137.7538301 My one of a kind. 226 00:27:31,737.7538301 --> 00:27:32,457.7538301 favorite thing. 227 00:27:32,637.7538301 --> 00:27:42,497.7538301 Uh, world is I make these templates and I utilize my background in neuro-linguistic programming and, uh, my philosophy and my photographic practice. 228 00:27:42,497.7538301 --> 00:27:43,7.7538301 And I. 229 00:27:43,547.7538301 --> 00:27:54,737.7538301 Come up with a handful of very concise prompts for you to read and then burrow through your photo scroll so that you can reflect and immerse in your life and have that. 230 00:27:55,247.7538301 --> 00:27:57,947.7538301 Um, really intentional space to. 231 00:27:59,627.7538301 --> 00:28:00,857.7538301 Go forage. 232 00:28:00,887.7538301 --> 00:28:02,957.7538301 Look for evidence that you've already taken. 233 00:28:02,957.7538301 --> 00:28:08,27.7538301 Your complete centered core of wisdom has already. 234 00:28:09,257.7538301 --> 00:28:20,117.7538301 Seen it, and you're about to see evidence for it by picking it, foraging it, putting on this template, and then the experience of witnessing yourself in that way, in that act. 235 00:28:20,567.7538301 --> 00:28:26,807.7538301 Um, really it's bringing the intentions that we usually save for new years. 236 00:28:27,167.7538301 --> 00:28:28,217.7538301 Resolutions. 237 00:28:28,607.7538301 --> 00:28:30,227.7538301 It's bringing that intentionality. 238 00:28:30,617.7538301 --> 00:28:34,907.7538301 Um, back to a month by month basis with this kind of reflection. 239 00:28:34,907.7538301 --> 00:28:42,17.7538301 So if you want access to that, um, that will be in the, um, private subscriber, uh, section of the page. 240 00:28:42,377.7538301 --> 00:28:46,427.7538301 And then also there is a special founding member option. 241 00:28:46,817.7538301 --> 00:28:59,567.7538301 And if you choose to be a founding member, not only do you have the year long access, but you have, a remote photo session with me, Remote photo sessions are something that I've recently gotten into and absolutely loved them. 242 00:28:59,567.7538301 --> 00:29:11,357.7538301 They are their own species of intimacy and weirdness and wonderfulness, and allows me to come to wherever you are without travel and. 243 00:29:11,417.7538301 --> 00:29:15,647.7538301 Um, make very private, personal imagery in that way. 244 00:29:15,827.7538301 --> 00:29:17,927.7538301 And, um, It's a wonderful thing. 245 00:29:19,157.7538301 --> 00:29:21,107.7538301 So there's the information there. 246 00:29:21,137.7538301 --> 00:29:25,997.7538301 The links will be in the show notes and I look forward to catching up with you next week. 247 00:29:28,810.7243517 --> 00:29:32,30.7243517 This has been an Awkward Sage Production.
It doesn't require courage for me to take the pictures I take anymore. 2 00:00:07,129.999 --> 00:00:08,349.999 At one point it did. 3 00:00:10,589.999 --> 00:00:16,930 And while in some instances there are moments where a form of courage comes into play, it is far more flow.
(00:18):
And honestly, I don't think that there's anything wrong with that.
Some might say, maybe you need to push harder then, but that doesn't resonate with me in this.
.466304348I think the only problem here is that I've been so consumed with feeling like I was having a clarity problem and trying to figure out what I'm trying to do, I didn't realize it was actually a courage problem. 7 00:00:58,663.466304348 --> 00:00:59,763.465304348 I don't like that. 8 00:01:01,363.466304348 --> 00:01:02,683.466304348 I don't like that at all. 9 00:01:04,863.466304348 --> 00:01:06,383.466304348 It's really hard to swallow that. 10 00:01:09,133.466304348 --> 00:01:10,553.466304348 It's really hard to say that out loud. 11 00:01:10,778.441569905 --> 00:01:11,498.441569905 writing. 12 00:01:11,498.441569905 --> 00:01:28,208.441569905 writing would mean singing, not out of fulfilling a primal need, like my photography feels like, but to cross over into the courageous act of allowing visceral joy. 13 00:01:33,218.441569905 --> 00:01:48,958.44156991 Have I ever allowed myself visceral joy? I have never paired the word visceral with joy, never. 14 00:02:01,657.50818972 --> 00:02:05,637.50818972 Help Me See is a podcast dedicated to the art of seeing. 15 00:02:06,277.50818972 --> 00:02:12,967.50818972 It's a space for the restless visionary with an insatiable desire to create the life and work you're meant for. 16 00:02:13,942.50818972 --> 00:02:23,62.50818972 My name is Bianca Lea Mora, and I'm a photographic artist, a mother, and a coach who's transformed my fear of loss into power, art, and philosophy. 17 00:02:23,332.50818972 --> 00:02:36,492.50818972 One of the scariest quotes I never want to say is, I wish I knew at the time, but I truly believe that we have the innate ability to bring our wise 2020 hindsight to our now. 18 00:02:37,392.50818972 --> 00:02:44,632.50718972 You can deeply experience your nostalgia now, while it's actually happening, with no regrets. 19 00:02:45,732.50818972 --> 00:02:47,62.50818972 All you have to do is see. 20 00:02:48,162.50818972 --> 00:03:04,12.50818972 In this show, we laugh, we cry, we get inspired, we overshare, we have life changing conversations around making meaning, self discovery, and shedding all the BS layers in order to reconnect to our own sacred vision. 21 00:03:04,822.50818972 --> 00:03:08,482.50818972 Seeing yourself is an essential key to living powerfully. 22 00:03:08,892.50818972 --> 00:03:13,702.50818972 You are the vessel, the lens that filters absolutely everything in your life. 23 00:03:14,662.50718972 --> 00:03:36,217.50818972 What are you filtering for? Whether it be conversations with fellow artists and visionaries, or my solo audio journal style introspective ramblings, each episode is meant to feel like an exhale, an unraveling of truth, a moment for you to be able to put your finger on something that you haven't been able to for far too long. 24 00:03:37,777.50718972 --> 00:03:39,847.50718972 Come exactly as you are. 25 00:03:40,137.50718972 --> 00:03:40,997.50718972 It's perfect. 26 00:03:41,707.50718972 --> 00:03:43,227.50718972 Honor your instincts. 27 00:03:43,287.50718972 --> 00:03:48,907.50718972 Let's uncover some of the most important things in our lives which all too often can slip out from our view. 28 00:03:50,232.50818972 --> 00:03:57,112.50818972 Let's commit to seeing and consciously creating what only you can in your one and only life. 29 00:03:58,252.50818972 --> 00:03:58,922.50818972 Let's dive in. 30 00:04:01,740.84152305 --> 00:04:05,290.84152305 Hello, hello, and welcome to another episode of Help Me See. 31 00:04:09,990.84152305 --> 00:04:14,770.84152305 Today I am doing a part two of sorts. 32 00:04:15,700.84152305 --> 00:04:27,460.84152305 Last week's episode felt too big to just move on from, and uh, I've been burrowing myself into it ever since, quite frankly. 33 00:04:27,460.94152305 --> 00:04:50,935.84052305 Um, if you didn't catch last week's episode, it was Uh, in uncovering around, uh, a really deep insecurity of mine of being redundant, um, feeling like what I have to share and what I feel so deeply compelled to say and share is, is obvious. 34 00:04:51,405.84052305 --> 00:05:03,339.51033778 It's, it's not, um, it doesn't feel like something that is, um, You know, fresh and new. 35 00:05:03,339.51033778 --> 00:05:06,999.51033778 It feels like this, like, of course, of course. 36 00:05:08,59.51033778 --> 00:05:10,899.51033778 And I've really walked myself through this. 37 00:05:10,999.50933778 --> 00:05:15,419.50933778 And I think about how, of course, of course, of course. 38 00:05:15,829.50933778 --> 00:05:16,859.51033778 No shit. 39 00:05:18,839.51033778 --> 00:05:28,109.51033778 I ground my whole knowing and philosophy into the fact that all I'm ever doing is reminding. 40 00:05:29,349.51033778 --> 00:05:30,79.51033778 And I'll hear. 41 00:05:31,414.51033778 --> 00:05:31,784.51033778 Oh, wait. 42 00:05:32,734.51033778 --> 00:05:35,244.51033778 Did you see that? Here. 43 00:05:38,772.2606643 --> 00:05:52,694.54193703 I was on a call the other day with one of my coaches, and she's someone who I've received support from for years now. 44 00:05:52,694.54193703 --> 00:05:56,957.1606643 Uh, her name is Amber Lillestrom. 45 00:05:57,937.2606643 --> 00:05:59,537.2606643 She's a magical human being. 46 00:05:59,547.2606643 --> 00:06:01,187.2606643 If you don't know her, please go check her out. 47 00:06:01,187.2606643 --> 00:06:03,527.2606643 I'll put her, um, link in the show notes. 48 00:06:04,97.2606643 --> 00:06:46,847.2606643 I had her on, um, uh, one of the podcast episodes you may remember, but she was speaking on this call and I was just pummeled, like completely brought to my knees in, in a way of, It what she was saying really, really hit me and I left her a voice note afterwards and I was saying to her that I have been a part of her world for years now, and there's nothing that she said on that call yesterday that was new. 49 00:06:47,267.2606643 --> 00:06:48,677.2606643 Like that was anything. 50 00:06:49,307.2606643 --> 00:06:54,327.2606643 Like completely off the beaten path, like in some way, shape, or form. 51 00:06:54,387.2606643 --> 00:07:34,93.7348451 I have heard her say Everything before and yet It entered me in a way that felt like it changed everything and Also, most of the call was prompted journaling So, this is not someone that's like, here, here are my answers. 52 00:07:34,393.7348451 --> 00:07:35,163.7338451 Here they are. 53 00:07:35,173.7348451 --> 00:07:36,803.7348451 And I'm like, Oh, I hear it now. 54 00:07:36,803.7348451 --> 00:07:43,643.7348451 No, this is someone that's committed to reminding me of my answers. 55 00:07:46,563.7348451 --> 00:07:56,93.7348451 It's the same reason why I format my Nostalgia Now, uh, visual journal templates in the way that I do. 56 00:07:58,13.7348451 --> 00:07:59,883.7348451 Go find, go look in your own photos. 57 00:08:00,653.7348451 --> 00:08:01,803.7348451 Go find your truth. 58 00:08:02,173.7348451 --> 00:08:03,463.7348451 Go find your answers. 59 00:08:03,463.7348451 --> 00:08:04,653.7348451 Go find your wisdom. 60 00:08:04,833.7338451 --> 00:08:06,123.7348451 Go find your pain. 61 00:08:06,383.7348451 --> 00:08:07,433.7348451 Go find your love. 62 00:08:07,653.7348451 --> 00:08:08,663.7348451 In your own photos. 63 00:08:08,683.7348451 --> 00:08:09,513.7348451 It's all there. 64 00:08:13,573.7338451 --> 00:08:23,393.7348451 Anyway, I, I went and I sent her a voice memo and I, I told her that, I had been really struggling with this weird insecurity around redundancy. 65 00:08:23,393.7348451 --> 00:08:26,143.7348451 It just feels so like anticlimactic. 66 00:08:26,143.7348451 --> 00:08:28,553.7338451 I'm like, really, that's the thing that's been fucking with me. 67 00:08:28,553.8338451 --> 00:08:38,163.7348451 And I told her how I would never consider her redundant. 68 00:08:38,173.7348451 --> 00:08:39,843.7348451 That has never even crossed my mind. 69 00:08:39,843.7348451 --> 00:08:45,573.7348451 And not only that, but you know, it hit me in such a way. 70 00:08:46,253.7348451 --> 00:08:58,338.7343451 And I was I was laughing through crying on this voice memo when I told her that, you know, no one ever said, I love you. 71 00:08:58,338.7343451 --> 00:09:00,958.7348451 And the other person was like, Oh, that's redundant. 72 00:09:01,488.7348451 --> 00:09:02,978.7348451 I didn't need to hear that again. 73 00:09:04,148.7338451 --> 00:09:15,798.7338451 Like what? Of course the most important things in the world need to be repeated over and over again. 74 00:09:17,323.7348451 --> 00:09:20,53.7348451 Take a picture of your dog and then go to take a picture again. 75 00:09:20,53.7348451 --> 00:10:00,764.70169293 You're like, oh, wait, actually I already have a picture of him No, or your kid or your spouse or your parents or no What Every moment is completely new and remembered at the same time You know, I've said before It's not See it, I'll, I'll believe it when I see it. 76 00:10:00,794.70169293 --> 00:10:04,310.42288858 It's, Believe it until you see it, and you will. 77 00:10:10,680.42288858 --> 00:10:15,530.42188858 And that is what photographs are. 78 00:10:17,280.42188858 --> 00:10:22,210.42188858 They're pictures of your beliefs. 79 00:10:22,840.42188858 --> 00:10:24,380.42188858 They're pictures of your beliefs. 80 00:10:29,305.42288858 --> 00:10:32,485.42288858 That are representative and not comprehensive. 81 00:10:37,75.42288858 --> 00:10:40,975.42288858 They are whatever you need them to be. 82 00:10:43,125.42288858 --> 00:10:50,375.42288858 I'm actually going to read, um, The other day I was journaling in the morning. 83 00:10:53,735.53626726 --> 00:10:54,155.53626726 Okay. 84 00:10:54,155.53626726 --> 00:10:55,145.53626726 So. 85 00:10:55,955.53626726 --> 00:10:58,235.53626726 Please forgive me because. 86 00:10:59,675.53626726 --> 00:11:01,805.53626726 I'm not the best out loud reader. 87 00:11:06,725.53626726 --> 00:11:07,775.53626726 But. 88 00:11:09,515.53626726 --> 00:11:12,365.53626726 I know I'm going to include this in the sub stack. 89 00:11:12,485.53626726 --> 00:11:18,845.53626726 And I would like it to also be in the video in case that's what you prefer and don't want to read. 90 00:11:20,105.53626726 --> 00:11:22,55.53626726 Um, Also yes. 91 00:11:22,55.53626726 --> 00:11:22,535.53626726 Side note. 92 00:11:22,565.53626726 --> 00:11:25,55.53626726 I am every podcast episode. 93 00:11:25,55.53626726 --> 00:11:26,735.53626726 Now we'll have a. 94 00:11:27,455.53626726 --> 00:11:32,255.53626726 Sub stack, which is the place to really sit with myself and. 95 00:11:33,185.53626726 --> 00:11:35,945.53626726 Refine what I said in a way that feels like. 96 00:11:36,965.53626726 --> 00:11:39,845.53626726 Coming home to myself and not just, you know, when you like. 97 00:11:40,415.53626726 --> 00:11:41,105.53626726 You know, when you like. 98 00:11:42,215.53626726 --> 00:11:52,925.53626726 Give advice or something, or like you're talking to a friend and then all of a sudden you're like, yeah, but I don't know, just in case, you know, You know, on a really ruin their life, or you don't want to act like, you know, everything. 99 00:11:55,535.53626726 --> 00:11:57,125.53626726 So I feel like I do with myself. 100 00:11:57,665.53626726 --> 00:11:59,255.53626726 I record podcast episodes. 101 00:11:59,645.53626726 --> 00:12:01,355.53626726 And then I can't listen to them back. 102 00:12:01,355.53626726 --> 00:12:05,345.53626726 I post them and I'm like, Well, I hope that makes sense to somebody. 103 00:12:07,295.53626726 --> 00:12:07,595.53626726 Okay. 104 00:12:08,855.53626726 --> 00:12:09,515.53626726 Here's what I wrote. 105 00:12:11,15.53626726 --> 00:12:16,175.53626726 Um, photographs as invitations and barriers. 106 00:12:16,835.53626726 --> 00:12:18,845.53626726 A free pass to leave the scene. 107 00:12:19,625.53626726 --> 00:12:21,755.53626726 The ignorant confidence of. 108 00:12:22,325.53626726 --> 00:12:24,335.53626726 I can always return to this later. 109 00:12:25,775.53626726 --> 00:12:27,665.53626726 This is how photos have betrayed me. 110 00:12:28,415.53626726 --> 00:12:31,775.53626726 They give me the comfort of proof evidence effort. 111 00:12:32,285.53626726 --> 00:12:34,895.53626726 And with that, I turn away as soon as I press and release. 112 00:12:36,95.53626726 --> 00:12:37,55.53626726 It has given me. 113 00:12:38,615.53626726 --> 00:12:39,935.53626726 Perpetual. 114 00:12:40,85.53626726 --> 00:12:47,45.53626726 Oh, It has helped me perpetuate my inability to bear the depths of what I feel by letting me touch it and move on. 115 00:12:48,155.53626726 --> 00:12:49,445.53626726 It lets me off the hook. 116 00:12:51,155.53626726 --> 00:12:59,495.53626726 If I make pictures of what is unsayable to me, and then feel relief in the thisness of putting my finger on the outside of my insides. 117 00:13:00,65.53626726 --> 00:13:02,705.53626726 Wouldn't the next step be to sit with it. 118 00:13:05,45.53626726 --> 00:13:06,455.53626726 Not to try to figure it out. 119 00:13:06,755.53626726 --> 00:13:08,345.53626726 Not to explain it away. 120 00:13:08,915.53626726 --> 00:13:09,905.53626726 But to be with it. 121 00:13:11,375.53626726 --> 00:13:14,945.53626726 I've been telling myself that's what I do in the editing process. 122 00:13:15,935.53626726 --> 00:13:17,525.53626726 But I'm starting to think that's not true. 123 00:13:19,25.53626726 --> 00:13:21,815.53626726 I mold and work with an image until it feels right. 124 00:13:22,85.53626726 --> 00:13:22,805.53626726 And then I leave. 125 00:13:23,345.53626726 --> 00:13:27,425.53626726 Onto the next, when I feel satisfied enough to stop, I move on. 126 00:13:27,965.53626726 --> 00:13:28,865.53626726 I don't sit with it. 127 00:13:31,265.53626726 --> 00:13:32,465.53626726 The photographs demand. 128 00:13:32,495.53626726 --> 00:13:33,305.53626726 I speak. 129 00:13:33,875.53626726 --> 00:13:35,465.53626726 They demand a response. 130 00:13:36,185.53626726 --> 00:13:40,955.53626726 It wants to have a conversation with me and I have turned away time and time again. 131 00:13:42,935.53626726 --> 00:13:45,35.53626726 Frantically searching for my stillness. 132 00:13:45,515.53626726 --> 00:13:50,225.53626726 Frantically searching for what the photographs have been trying to tell me all along. 133 00:13:53,195.53626726 --> 00:13:54,95.53626726 That's makes me really. 134 00:13:57,155.53626726 --> 00:13:58,685.53626726 I actually haven't read it back. 135 00:13:58,745.53626726 --> 00:14:01,565.53626726 Ironically, I haven't read it back until just now. 136 00:14:03,425.53626726 --> 00:14:06,695.53626726 Uh, I sat with a photograph the other day and bald. 137 00:14:07,175.53626726 --> 00:14:08,735.53626726 So close to the surface. 138 00:14:09,815.53626726 --> 00:14:12,155.53626726 It took less than 20 seconds to start crying. 139 00:14:12,755.53626726 --> 00:14:14,555.53626726 Over looking at this photograph I had made. 140 00:14:14,555.53626726 --> 00:14:16,715.53626726 Uh, photo therapy. 141 00:14:17,885.53626726 --> 00:14:20,255.53626726 I've spent a lot of time diminishing. 142 00:14:20,525.53626726 --> 00:14:21,875.53626726 My work as a writer. 143 00:14:22,625.53626726 --> 00:14:25,475.53626726 It even feels strange and uncomfortable to say that sentence. 144 00:14:26,255.53626726 --> 00:14:26,975.53626726 As a writer. 145 00:14:29,787.66550418 --> 00:14:31,227.66550418 I'm not articulate enough. 146 00:14:31,267.66550418 --> 00:14:32,757.66550418 I'm not concise. 147 00:14:33,17.66550418 --> 00:14:34,467.66550418 I'm redundant. 148 00:14:36,437.66550418 --> 00:14:38,287.66550418 I'm not great at communicating. 149 00:14:39,287.66550418 --> 00:14:45,437.66550418 Those criticisms felt okay because I wasn't looking at the writing as my art. 150 00:14:47,737.66550418 --> 00:14:55,157.66550418 And I think that was so painful, the fact that I couldn't see through myself. 151 00:14:56,257.66550418 --> 00:15:03,47.66550418 My photographs were the untouchable heavenly experiences of freedom that exist because I am in my fullest expression. 152 00:15:03,417.66550418 --> 00:15:08,907.66550418 No questions, no doubts, no pollutants, just pure connection to life. 153 00:15:11,257.66550418 --> 00:15:18,907.66450418 But I read an excerpt from a book recently that gave me the exact punch in the fucking face I so desperately needed. 154 00:15:20,797.66450418 --> 00:15:27,367.66550418 And this is a quote from Mark Nepo's book, um, The Forever Practice. 155 00:15:27,467.66550418 --> 00:15:28,447.66550418 What is it? Sorry. 156 00:15:30,202.66550418 --> 00:15:32,62.66550418 Oh, no, no, no, duh. 157 00:15:32,342.66550418 --> 00:15:34,402.66550418 Um, drinking from the river of light. 158 00:15:40,222.66550418 --> 00:15:51,2.66550418 Well, actually what's so crazy about this is that I believe I opened drinking from the river of light as I finished it a long time ago and I was Deeply madly in love with it. 159 00:15:51,142.66550418 --> 00:15:53,312.66550418 Go get that book right now, whatever you're doing. 160 00:15:53,392.66550418 --> 00:16:08,7.66550418 Just stop everything go get it um, but I'm listening very, very, very slowly to an audio, another audio book of his, I think it's something about the Art of Forever Practice or I don't know. 161 00:16:08,977.66550418 --> 00:16:18,397.66450418 And um, I opened to a page that was the, he referenced the book I was listening to on Audible. 162 00:16:18,687.66550418 --> 00:16:19,477.66450418 So, anyway. 163 00:16:19,667.66550418 --> 00:16:27,317.66550418 So this was from the audible book I was listening to, but really I read it in the book I had read forever. 164 00:16:27,317.66550418 --> 00:16:27,557.66550418 Okay. 165 00:16:27,557.66550418 --> 00:16:31,337.66550418 You didn't need to know that, but I wanted to tell you because I thought it was very synchronistic. 166 00:16:31,337.66550418 --> 00:16:32,617.66450418 And so, okay. 167 00:16:33,517.66450418 --> 00:16:44,87.6655042 The quote is such openness requires two things, the risk to be, which asks us to slow to the pace of creation where all things join. 168 00:16:45,7.6655042 --> 00:16:51,367.6655042 And secondly, the courage, not just to let what comes up through, but to sing it through. 169 00:16:52,472.6655042 --> 00:16:56,252.6655042 It takes courage to give voice to what we experience. 170 00:16:56,792.6655042 --> 00:17:05,302.6645042 The way a coyote howls, not just out of hunger, but out of a visceral joy at being part of the infinite secret revealed. 171 00:17:06,412.6655042 --> 00:17:15,342.6655042 In this way, we're angels wrapped in skin and fur, racing through thicket because we sense, we sense what can't be seen all around us. 172 00:17:21,132.6655042 --> 00:17:24,722.6655042 We sense what can't be seen all around us. 173 00:17:28,597.6655042 --> 00:17:37,7.6655042 So, I read that and it came rushing in. 174 00:17:38,597.6655042 --> 00:17:42,537.6655042 It doesn't require courage for me to take the pictures I take anymore. 175 00:17:45,727.6645042 --> 00:17:46,947.6645042 At one point it did. 176 00:17:49,187.6645042 --> 00:17:55,527.6655042 And while in some instances there are moments where a form of courage comes into play, it is far more flow. 177 00:17:56,917.6655042 --> 00:17:59,587.6655042 And honestly, I don't think that there's anything wrong with that. 178 00:18:02,477.6655042 --> 00:18:08,527.6655042 Some might say, maybe you need to push harder then, but that doesn't resonate with me in this. 179 00:18:10,357.6655042 --> 00:18:49,582.6655042 I think the only problem here is that I didn't realize I was thinking that since I wasn't feeling resistance in my quote unquote real art, I wasn't recognizing the struggle in my writing as I've been so consumed with feeling like I was having a clarity problem and trying to figure out what I'm trying to do, I didn't realize it was actually a courage problem. 180 00:18:57,302.6655042 --> 00:18:58,402.6645042 I don't like that. 181 00:19:00,2.6655042 --> 00:19:01,322.6655042 I don't like that at all. 182 00:19:03,502.6655042 --> 00:19:05,22.6655042 It's really hard to swallow that. 183 00:19:07,772.6655042 --> 00:19:09,192.6655042 It's really hard to say that out loud. 184 00:19:12,45.5415911 --> 00:19:31,555.5415911 my photographs is letting what comes up through But my writing is me needing to sing it through I know this is a bitch slap from the universe because I've had this annoying Nag to take up singing lessons lately. 185 00:19:33,145.5415911 --> 00:19:34,920.5415911 I cannot Kick it. 186 00:19:34,990.5415911 --> 00:19:46,440.5405911 I can't, I, I don't understand when I was a little girl, I wanted to be a singer when I grew up little, little, but that never, it's not like I ever took singing classes before. 187 00:19:46,460.5415911 --> 00:19:47,220.5405911 I have no idea. 188 00:19:47,840.5415911 --> 00:20:03,80.5415911 And of course this message comes and tells me to sing it through giving voice to myself through images because I'm hungry to create, to scratch an itch, to touch something and say this, but writing. 189 00:20:03,80.5415911 --> 00:20:19,790.5415911 writing would mean singing, not out of fulfilling a primal need, like my photography feels like, but to cross over into the courageous act of allowing visceral joy. 190 00:20:24,800.5415911 --> 00:20:40,540.5415911 Have I ever allowed myself visceral joy? I have never paired the word visceral with joy, never. 191 00:20:49,750.5415911 --> 00:20:53,800.5405911 But now that I see what I want to say is not a communication problem. 192 00:20:54,885.5415911 --> 00:21:04,755.5415911 Not a clarity problem, but a courage problem? Game fucking on. 193 00:21:09,95.5405911 --> 00:21:17,855.5405911 Yeah, can't unsee that and I do not like that. 194 00:21:20,435.5415911 --> 00:21:24,245.5415911 Okay, I can soften to it. 195 00:21:24,245.5415911 --> 00:22:18,620.5415911 I can hold space for that, but my question for you after uncovering this for myself is What problem in your life, what issue, what tension in your life are you overcomplicating to think that it is very complex, that there's something that you can't see or get a hold of, but now when you hear, maybe it's actually a courage problem, it opens up. 196 00:22:20,630.5415911 --> 00:22:34,400.5415911 What comes up for you? What is far more simple than you'd like to realize. 197 00:22:45,896.3676781 --> 00:23:01,684.5850694 So the plot twist here in this part two is I thought last week that the monster under the bed was named Redundancy. 198 00:23:05,348.845939 --> 00:23:16,248.845939 But this week, I realized its real name is Courage. 199 00:23:20,528.845939 --> 00:23:24,488.845939 Well, I guess that's not the name. 200 00:23:24,488.945939 --> 00:23:29,198.845939 I guess the name is Fear. 201 00:23:29,198.945939 --> 00:23:53,868.845939 Dun da da da! Fear of what? Fear. 202 00:23:54,778.845939 --> 00:24:11,668.845939 of visceral joy, fear of singing, fear of singing it through. 203 00:24:12,178.844939 --> 00:25:13,373.845939 I can allow myself the photographs because they're like my own special secret, private language that no matter what I show or say, I have an indescribable relationship to them and they're quiet, but using my voice, using my words requires a level of ownership and power that is so scary, and yet, Refuses to be dismissed. 204 00:25:25,493.025939 --> 00:25:30,933.025939 So whatever came up that felt like, oh, maybe I just need more courage. 205 00:25:34,323.025939 --> 00:25:48,893.025939 What part are you afraid of? It's just so crazy how we live our lives. 206 00:25:48,893.025939 --> 00:25:52,773.025939 Like we're living inside the Pythagorean theorem. 207 00:25:53,543.025939 --> 00:26:01,93.025939 Like, what is the answer? What is it? And it's like the most simple thread. 208 00:26:04,73.025939 --> 00:26:09,703.025939 Oh, humans are so silly and wonderful. 209 00:26:13,787.7538301 --> 00:26:14,447.7538301 Alrighty. 210 00:26:15,17.7538301 --> 00:26:17,477.7538301 That is what I have for you to say. 211 00:26:20,207.7538301 --> 00:26:21,227.7538301 Aye. 212 00:26:23,897.7538301 --> 00:26:27,317.7538301 Want to let you know that I now have a sub stack. 213 00:26:27,347.7538301 --> 00:26:30,17.7538301 This will be my second post and sub deck. 214 00:26:30,467.7538301 --> 00:26:33,767.7538301 And I have some very friggin and exciting news. 215 00:26:34,247.7538301 --> 00:26:36,407.7538301 I'm moving my membership over to sub stack. 216 00:26:36,437.7538301 --> 00:26:39,467.7538301 So sacred seeing slash nostalgia now. 217 00:26:40,7.7538301 --> 00:26:41,477.7538301 Um, it's all the same thing. 218 00:26:43,127.7538301 --> 00:26:46,37.7538301 And this is going to be hosted on sub stack. 219 00:26:46,67.7538301 --> 00:26:52,97.7538301 So if you, um, If you want to just follow along on sub stack for free. 220 00:26:52,217.7538301 --> 00:26:59,807.7538301 Uh, you get access to all of the, um, posts, all of the page posts from the podcast episodes that will include. 221 00:27:00,437.7538301 --> 00:27:14,957.7538301 Pictures and embellishments and, um, You know, The experience of me exploring this new self identified art form of my writing. 222 00:27:16,157.7538301 --> 00:27:23,387.7538301 And, um, If you would like to become a, um, subscriber, a paid subscriber. 223 00:27:23,697.7538301 --> 00:27:26,787.7538301 Then you will get access to the monthly. 224 00:27:27,57.7538301 --> 00:27:29,967.7538301 Self discovery, visual journal templates. 225 00:27:29,967.7538301 --> 00:27:31,137.7538301 My one of a kind. 226 00:27:31,737.7538301 --> 00:27:32,457.7538301 favorite thing. 227 00:27:32,637.7538301 --> 00:27:42,497.7538301 Uh, world is I make these templates and I utilize my background in neuro-linguistic programming and, uh, my philosophy and my photographic practice. 228 00:27:42,497.7538301 --> 00:27:43,7.7538301 And I. 229 00:27:43,547.7538301 --> 00:27:54,737.7538301 Come up with a handful of very concise prompts for you to read and then burrow through your photo scroll so that you can reflect and immerse in your life and have that. 230 00:27:55,247.7538301 --> 00:27:57,947.7538301 Um, really intentional space to. 231 00:27:59,627.7538301 --> 00:28:00,857.7538301 Go forage. 232 00:28:00,887.7538301 --> 00:28:02,957.7538301 Look for evidence that you've already taken. 233 00:28:02,957.7538301 --> 00:28:08,27.7538301 Your complete centered core of wisdom has already. 234 00:28:09,257.7538301 --> 00:28:20,117.7538301 Seen it, and you're about to see evidence for it by picking it, foraging it, putting on this template, and then the experience of witnessing yourself in that way, in that act. 235 00:28:20,567.7538301 --> 00:28:26,807.7538301 Um, really it's bringing the intentions that we usually save for new years. 236 00:28:27,167.7538301 --> 00:28:28,217.7538301 Resolutions. 237 00:28:28,607.7538301 --> 00:28:30,227.7538301 It's bringing that intentionality. 238 00:28:30,617.7538301 --> 00:28:34,907.7538301 Um, back to a month by month basis with this kind of reflection. 239 00:28:34,907.7538301 --> 00:28:42,17.7538301 So if you want access to that, um, that will be in the, um, private subscriber, uh, section of the page. 240 00:28:42,377.7538301 --> 00:28:46,427.7538301 And then also there is a special founding member option. 241 00:28:46,817.7538301 --> 00:28:59,567.7538301 And if you choose to be a founding member, not only do you have the year long access, but you have, a remote photo session with me, Remote photo sessions are something that I've recently gotten into and absolutely loved them. 242 00:28:59,567.7538301 --> 00:29:11,357.7538301 They are their own species of intimacy and weirdness and wonderfulness, and allows me to come to wherever you are without travel and. 243 00:29:11,417.7538301 --> 00:29:15,647.7538301 Um, make very private, personal imagery in that way. 244 00:29:15,827.7538301 --> 00:29:17,927.7538301 And, um, It's a wonderful thing. 245 00:29:19,157.7538301 --> 00:29:21,107.7538301 So there's the information there. 246 00:29:21,137.7538301 --> 00:29:25,997.7538301 The links will be in the show notes and I look forward to catching up with you next week. 247 00:29:28,810.7243517 --> 00:29:32,30.7243517 This has been an Awkward Sage Production.
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