February 26, 2025 • 18 mins
When I can’t be with myself or what is, I turn to repetition.
Why do I listen to the same song over and over and over and over again?
Is it because they are saying something I wish I could? Is it because it makes me feel something I can’t muster up for myself? Is it because I’m looking for permission to feel something I haven’t even let myself acknowledge? Why do I watch the same shows over and over and over again?
Is it because I want to feel comforted and familiar without having to actually participate? Is it because I feel braced for what I know occurs and I don’t have to feel it fresh and hard? Is it because I won’t allow space for something I don’t already know?
Why do I prefer to read or write about things instead of doing the thing itself?If I read about writing instead of actually writing, I can feel like I’m in that world without actually having to be in the work of it. If I read about others thoughts on philosophy and life, I can breathe the sigh of relief that I’m not as alien as I thought and lessen the compulsion to have to articulate myself.
The benefits of choosing this peripheral version of living have a limited shelf life. As cozy as it is, this repetitive overconsumption of repetition leads to repetitive undercreation. The temporary relief sedates us. It paralyzes our ability to actively engage/create/and experience life from our unique version of creative life force. It becomes an autopilot choice to be a passive bystander rather than an active participant. Why am I the only exception to my deepest belief? An unconditional love and acceptance of what is…unless what is, is me. This episode is an invitation to renovate the well grooved neuropathways of our mind to a home that feels good instead of just familiar.Get a free visual version of this podcast delivered to your inbox via subscribing to my substack :)
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
Hello.
Hello and welcome to another episode of help me see.
2025.
has not let up.
It's February 25th.
And.
Yeah.
My year just gives getting crazier and crazier.
(00:21):
How about you? Trying to catch your breath lately.
I have had.
Illness and ENT appointments and hearing loss appointments from a virus that traveled to my ear and decided to.
Stay forever.
And.
(00:42):
Um, I've had a brain MRIs.
To further investigate said hearing loss and.
Oh, my goodness.
Just so much stuff.
Just so much stuff.
And, you know, I keep waiting to catch my breath.
(01:03):
And be able to get back to creation mode.
My favorite place to be.
And.
In that waiting to catch my breath and also just complete lack of.
Physical and emotional energy.
There is.
(01:25):
This default mode that I can slip into.
And that is what I wrote about today.
If you want to read the whole thing.
I wrote this.
Episode.
I'm still trying to figure out like the flow of that.
It's like sometimes I voice record first and then create a post-doctor and sometimes I just write.
(01:45):
And then I'll talk about it and summarize it.
So, if you're interested in this head to my sub stack and you could subscribe the visual podcast episodes are always free.
And if you're a paid subscriber, you automatically get the monthly nostalgia now.
templates, the photographic journaling templates that guide you in self inquiry, paired with looking at the last month's worth of photos you've taken of your life.
(02:10):
To help.
Excavate.
And live intentionally.
So.
You can find the link in the show notes there.
So today, today I'm talking about.
When I can't be with myself.
Or what is I turned to repetition.
And what.
(02:31):
I mean by that is.
I listened to.
The same music.
All of the time.
I watched the same shoes over and over and over again.
I habitually default to reading instead of.
(02:55):
Uh, writing or doing something more active.
And when I was thinking about, well, many people do this, and of course I'm not, I'm not trying to shame myself.
.57142857It is And relaxation. 55 00:03:10,688.57142857 --> 00:03:19,958.57142857 What is that honking? Literally never heard a train go by in my life. 56 00:03:19,988.57142857 --> 00:03:24,38.57142857 But of course, when I hit record after a month of not recording, that's when the train goes by. 57 00:03:24,938.57142857 --> 00:03:27,38.57142857 Um, So I started questioning. 58 00:03:27,968.57142857 --> 00:03:33,908.57142857 Like, why do I listen to the same song over and over again? Is it because they're saying something I wish I could. 59 00:03:33,938.57142857 --> 00:03:38,18.57142857 Is it because it's making me feel something I can't muster up for myself. 60 00:03:39,8.57142857 --> 00:03:44,138.57142857 Is it because I'm looking for permission to feel something that I even haven't haven't even let myself acknowledge. 61 00:03:45,408.57142857 --> 00:03:51,858.57142857 Do I watch similar shows over and over again because I want to feel comforted by the familiar without actually having to participate. 62 00:03:52,338.57142857 --> 00:04:00,288.57142857 Oh, you know, that feeling of like, if you're out to dinner and you're hearing someone's awkward conversation and you're like, oh my God, Thank God. 63 00:04:00,288.57142857 --> 00:04:01,998.57142857 I don't have to participate in this. 64 00:04:03,318.57142857 --> 00:04:06,678.57142857 You feel your life force being sucked out of your body? Just being next to it. 65 00:04:07,98.57142857 --> 00:04:13,938.57142857 Um, Also with the shows like watching the same shows over and over again, is it. 66 00:04:14,628.57142857 --> 00:04:18,828.57142857 'cause I feel braced for what I know occurs and I don't have to feel it fresh. 67 00:04:19,848.57142857 --> 00:04:22,968.57142857 Because I want to allow space for something I don't already know. 68 00:04:25,848.57142857 --> 00:04:28,698.57142857 And even preferring to read overwrite. 69 00:04:29,478.57142857 --> 00:04:32,178.57142857 If I read instead of actually writing. 70 00:04:32,808.57142857 --> 00:04:37,728.57142857 I can feel like I'm in that world without actually having to do the work of it. 71 00:04:37,818.57142857 --> 00:04:38,178.57142857 Right. 72 00:04:38,508.57142857 --> 00:04:44,748.57142857 If I read about other people's thoughts on life and philosophy that I resonate with, that I can. 73 00:04:45,228.57142857 --> 00:04:46,218.57142857 Be relieved. 74 00:04:47,358.57142857 --> 00:04:47,808.57142857 That I'm. 75 00:04:48,528.57142857 --> 00:04:49,338.57142857 Not alone. 76 00:04:50,208.57142857 --> 00:04:50,568.57142857 And. 77 00:04:51,858.57142857 --> 00:04:55,248.57142857 Lessen my compulsion to have to articulate it myself. 78 00:04:56,598.57142857 --> 00:05:02,868.57142857 So it's kind of like, It's a comfort that. 79 00:05:05,388.57142857 --> 00:05:07,98.57142857 Dulls the sharpness. 80 00:05:09,708.57142857 --> 00:05:11,358.57142857 When life can feel like too much. 81 00:05:12,978.57142857 --> 00:05:14,568.57142857 And there's always a time and place for that. 82 00:05:15,528.57142857 --> 00:05:15,948.57142857 But. 83 00:05:18,498.57142857 --> 00:05:21,528.57142857 I think it got to the point where I wanted to write about it because. 84 00:05:21,528.57142857 --> 00:05:24,48.57142857 The repetitive over-consumption. 85 00:05:25,998.57142857 --> 00:05:26,838.57142857 Led to. 86 00:05:28,788.57142857 --> 00:05:30,858.57142857 Repetitive under creation. 87 00:05:34,158.57142857 --> 00:05:35,898.57142857 And I just got so used to not. 88 00:05:36,618.57142857 --> 00:05:42,348.57142857 Creating, but that builds like you can't bullshit yourself in that way. 89 00:05:42,408.57142857 --> 00:05:43,938.57142857 Like there's only so long that. 90 00:05:45,798.57142857 --> 00:05:47,958.57142857 The numbing and the. 91 00:05:49,548.57142857 --> 00:05:52,398.57142857 Autopilot mode helps before it starts. 92 00:05:53,718.57142857 --> 00:05:55,128.57142857 Making it feel worse. 93 00:05:56,778.57142857 --> 00:05:59,208.57142857 And because I more recently have. 94 00:05:59,208.57142857 --> 00:06:03,558.57142857 Opened up this can of worms around my photography practice and how. 95 00:06:04,938.57142857 --> 00:06:08,388.57142857 I feel like the camera in hand has become. 96 00:06:09,548.57142857 --> 00:06:11,928.57142857 a, way that I bullshit myself sometimes. 97 00:06:12,978.57142857 --> 00:06:16,608.57142857 You know, what's my greatest, most sophisticated. 98 00:06:16,608.57142857 --> 00:06:17,268.57142857 Enabler. 99 00:06:17,268.57142857 --> 00:06:19,728.57142857 Becomes a way or I can. 100 00:06:20,268.57142857 --> 00:06:22,488.57142857 C instead of look right. 101 00:06:22,488.57142857 --> 00:06:23,298.57142857 Look Versie. 102 00:06:23,358.57142857 --> 00:06:24,198.57142857 I always think about. 103 00:06:24,648.57142857 --> 00:06:28,428.57142857 Looking as very surface level. 104 00:06:28,698.57142857 --> 00:06:36,198.57142857 Cursory, but seeing something feels like I'm penetrating in a way, like I'm, I'm like a see through what is happening. 105 00:06:37,98.57142857 --> 00:06:38,208.57142857 And it feels. 106 00:06:39,228.57142857 --> 00:06:41,838.57142857 More visceral and deeper, but. 107 00:06:43,788.57142857 --> 00:06:44,928.57142857 Then it feels like. 108 00:06:46,38.57142857 --> 00:06:49,158.57142857 At some point I'm confusing seeing for feeling. 109 00:06:50,588.57142857 --> 00:06:54,98.57142857 And it's Something that can't be easily recognized. 110 00:06:54,788.57142857 --> 00:06:57,728.57142857 But something that is utterly life altering. 111 00:06:58,28.57142857 --> 00:06:59,258.57142857 The difference between the two. 112 00:07:05,88.57142857 --> 00:07:09,438.57142857 And all of this, even this conversation just feels like so much. 113 00:07:10,308.57142857 --> 00:07:12,18.57142857 And I want a dog here at right. 114 00:07:12,348.57142857 --> 00:07:13,68.57142857 I'm like, okay. 115 00:07:13,428.57142857 --> 00:07:18,258.57142857 Highlight it or fold the corner of the page over close the book, table it for now. 116 00:07:18,318.57142857 --> 00:07:18,948.57142857 Take a break. 117 00:07:18,978.57142857 --> 00:07:19,338.57142857 Whew. 118 00:07:21,138.57142857 --> 00:07:22,278.57142857 Copy and paste that. 119 00:07:22,758.57142857 --> 00:07:25,98.57142857 Experience about a million times. 120 00:07:29,988.57142857 --> 00:07:36,228.57142857 It feels like I'm more obsessed with deconstructing picture taking than I am actually taking pictures. 121 00:07:37,38.57142857 --> 00:07:37,638.57142857 And. 122 00:07:38,358.57142857 --> 00:07:39,858.57142857 I think it's because there's. 123 00:07:41,928.57142857 --> 00:07:43,38.57142857 And effortless. 124 00:07:43,488.57142857 --> 00:07:45,408.57142857 And this with the picture taking. 125 00:07:48,438.57142857 --> 00:07:53,58.57142857 And the deconstructing of the picture, it's like a compulsion and obsession, something that. 126 00:07:53,778.57142857 --> 00:07:56,448.57142857 I don't want to overthink or something that I feel like. 127 00:07:56,958.57142857 --> 00:07:58,308.57142857 Is unnecessary. 128 00:07:59,58.57142857 --> 00:08:00,738.57142857 But it feels anything but unnecessary. 129 00:08:00,738.57142857 --> 00:08:03,708.57142857 It feels like the most necessary thing it could be doing. 130 00:08:04,428.57142857 --> 00:08:10,158.57142857 Um, So I've been going back and forth with that for the last few months. 131 00:08:11,598.57142857 --> 00:08:16,728.57142857 I've gotten so good at bookmarking my emotions with photographs that I've built up an emotional to do list. 132 00:08:17,148.57142857 --> 00:08:19,548.57142857 Too long to ever check off. 133 00:08:19,818.57142857 --> 00:08:20,748.57142857 That's what it feels like. 134 00:08:24,438.57142857 --> 00:08:26,868.57142857 Not so long ago, I wrote a note. 135 00:08:27,198.57142857 --> 00:08:32,948.57142857 On sub stack asking if anyone else feels led by the most intense restlessness. 136 00:08:33,608.57142857 --> 00:08:37,418.57142857 That you cannot name no matter how many words or pictures you use. 137 00:08:37,928.57142857 --> 00:08:38,528.57142857 And. 138 00:08:39,638.57142857 --> 00:08:41,798.57142857 One beautiful stranger. 139 00:08:42,218.57142857 --> 00:08:43,568.57142857 Replied in agreement. 140 00:08:44,408.57142857 --> 00:08:48,368.57142857 And it felt like an exhale. 141 00:08:48,848.57142857 --> 00:08:51,458.57142857 That I had been holding in my lungs for years. 142 00:08:55,838.57142857 --> 00:08:56,468.57142857 And I don't. 143 00:08:57,668.57142857 --> 00:08:58,358.57142857 Like. 144 00:08:59,138.57142857 --> 00:09:02,78.57142857 Feeling so relieved. 145 00:09:02,468.57142857 --> 00:09:03,788.57142857 When somebody else. 146 00:09:05,498.57142857 --> 00:09:06,308.57142857 Can agree. 147 00:09:07,238.57142857 --> 00:09:07,598.57142857 Right. 148 00:09:07,658.57142857 --> 00:09:13,778.57142857 Like, it's like, Why do I need to connect? To the world in this way. 149 00:09:13,778.57142857 --> 00:09:19,568.57142857 Why can I just be what I am without searching? For some form of relationship. 150 00:09:19,898.57142857 --> 00:09:21,758.57142857 For some sort of relation. 151 00:09:22,238.57142857 --> 00:09:25,628.57142857 In my personal emotional experience. 152 00:09:25,628.57142857 --> 00:09:26,18.57142857 I mean, I'm. 153 00:09:27,158.57142857 --> 00:09:28,658.57142857 Yes, human nature. 154 00:09:29,138.57142857 --> 00:09:30,878.57142857 I feel like is the answer, but. 155 00:09:31,958.57142857 --> 00:09:38,798.57142857 Um, Of course, I want to exclude myself from human nature and say, But I, but I still don't want to need it. 156 00:09:42,8.57142857 --> 00:09:47,888.57142857 But can I see it better if someone else feels it too? Or maybe. 157 00:09:49,448.57142857 --> 00:09:51,488.57142857 It can be more okay for me. 158 00:09:51,848.57142857 --> 00:09:52,898.57142857 If someone feels it too. 159 00:09:57,128.57142857 --> 00:10:01,208.57142857 For how about the worst one? Perhaps, it's not a defect. 160 00:10:01,208.57142857 --> 00:10:04,178.57142857 If it belongs to someone else, it's only a defect. 161 00:10:04,298.57142857 --> 00:10:06,98.57142857 If it's mine and mine alone. 162 00:10:09,188.57142857 --> 00:10:11,738.57142857 This got me thinking about like, why. 163 00:10:12,698.57142857 --> 00:10:17,78.57142857 Am I the only exception to my deepest belief. 164 00:10:19,328.57142857 --> 00:10:34,838.57142857 In unconditional love and acceptance of what is, unless what is, is me? Me being uninspired or distracted or unproductive or inarticulate. 165 00:10:35,558.57142857 --> 00:10:37,718.57142857 Or me not being helpful. 166 00:10:39,578.57142857 --> 00:10:47,798.57142857 What happens then? Well, I think more often than not. 167 00:10:48,338.57142857 --> 00:10:49,598.57142857 I can't be with that. 168 00:10:50,348.57142857 --> 00:10:51,878.57142857 I choose not to be with that. 169 00:10:52,568.57142857 --> 00:10:53,798.57142857 So I turned to repetition. 170 00:10:58,628.57142857 --> 00:11:01,808.57142857 Zach Brian Lana Del Ray Keenan. 171 00:11:01,838.57142857 --> 00:11:02,768.57142857 O'Meara. 172 00:11:04,178.57142857 --> 00:11:06,548.57142857 He listened to those songs again and again, and again. 173 00:11:08,858.57142857 --> 00:11:12,908.57142857 The office, Seinfeld Gilmore girls again and again, and again. 174 00:11:15,548.57142857 --> 00:11:18,548.57142857 Another Marc Nepo book, another Rilke book. 175 00:11:19,28.57142857 --> 00:11:20,818.57142857 Some Julia Cameron some Anais. 176 00:11:20,948.57142857 --> 00:11:21,398.57142857 Nin. 177 00:11:23,138.57142857 --> 00:11:24,848.57142857 Again, and again, and again. 178 00:11:28,348.57142857 --> 00:11:29,278.57142857 Repetition. 179 00:11:30,568.57142857 --> 00:11:31,708.57142857 Is beautiful. 180 00:11:32,968.57142857 --> 00:11:34,48.57142857 It is needed. 181 00:11:35,368.57142857 --> 00:11:36,808.57142857 It can comfort us. 182 00:11:37,78.57142857 --> 00:11:39,418.57142857 It can embolden us and empower us. 183 00:11:40,198.57142857 --> 00:11:41,788.57142857 And it can also numb us. 184 00:11:44,428.57142857 --> 00:11:46,678.57142857 Yeah, there's a well-groomed neuropathways. 185 00:11:46,678.57142857 --> 00:11:49,108.57142857 Are there for a reason it's because we do that. 186 00:11:50,368.57142857 --> 00:11:53,128.57142857 Emotional spiritual, physical habit. 187 00:11:53,668.57142857 --> 00:11:55,228.57142857 Day in and day out. 188 00:11:55,228.57142857 --> 00:11:56,848.57142857 So it's a very easy. 189 00:11:57,928.57142857 --> 00:11:58,738.57142857 Slip and slide. 190 00:12:03,928.57142857 --> 00:12:07,978.57142857 I almost always feel this undertone of melancholy. 191 00:12:09,88.57142857 --> 00:12:12,538.57142857 I almost always feel a restless discontent. 192 00:12:14,158.57142857 --> 00:12:18,718.57142857 I always not almost, I always sit dreadfully, ergonomically incorrect. 193 00:12:19,78.57142857 --> 00:12:21,328.57142857 In fact, my neck is already tight from this. 194 00:12:26,368.57142857 --> 00:12:29,368.57142857 These patterns are home, but not the home I want to live in anymore. 195 00:12:31,78.57142857 --> 00:12:32,368.57142857 But all my shit is there. 196 00:12:33,58.57142857 --> 00:12:36,628.57142857 All the furniture, all the comforts, everything I know. 197 00:12:38,608.57142857 --> 00:12:40,318.57142857 And it takes too much energy. 198 00:12:41,488.57142857 --> 00:12:42,268.57142857 To move out. 199 00:12:46,718.57142857 --> 00:12:49,808.57142857 But I don't think the point is about moving out either. 200 00:12:52,118.57142857 --> 00:12:52,868.57142857 I think it's. 201 00:12:56,258.57142857 --> 00:12:58,148.57142857 Plugging the energy leaks. 202 00:12:59,288.57142857 --> 00:13:05,228.57142857 In our world to be able to restore ourselves to the point where we have the energy to renovate. 203 00:13:06,98.57142857 --> 00:13:07,808.57142857 What's going on internally. 204 00:13:08,858.57142857 --> 00:13:10,388.57142857 You know, a grew up in Florida. 205 00:13:11,108.57142857 --> 00:13:13,178.57142857 And I never knew anything different. 206 00:13:13,958.57142857 --> 00:13:14,738.57142857 I was miserable. 207 00:13:15,8.57142857 --> 00:13:15,428.57142857 Like. 208 00:13:16,748.57142857 --> 00:13:19,38.57142857 I'm really pale freckly person. 209 00:13:19,158.57142857 --> 00:13:22,38.57142857 And that Florida sun was not my friend. 210 00:13:22,938.57142857 --> 00:13:25,428.57142857 When I moved to San Francisco, I finally felt. 211 00:13:26,988.57142857 --> 00:13:33,408.57142857 In my bones, like, oh, Good to be in California. 212 00:13:33,498.57142857 --> 00:13:35,508.57142857 It felt good to be in California. 213 00:13:36,768.57142857 --> 00:13:37,68.57142857 But. 214 00:13:38,298.57142857 --> 00:13:41,718.57142857 Even traveling to the other side of the country. 215 00:13:41,718.57142857 --> 00:13:44,298.57142857 I still felt this restlessness. 216 00:13:47,88.57142857 --> 00:13:48,498.57142857 And it's because it's not. 217 00:13:50,478.57142857 --> 00:13:52,218.57142857 The place I'm in or. 218 00:13:53,868.57142857 --> 00:13:55,8.57142857 The people I'm around. 219 00:13:55,8.57142857 --> 00:13:55,458.57142857 It's me. 220 00:14:00,108.57142857 --> 00:14:06,148.57142857 This weird perpetual feeling of homesickness and restlessness and discontent. 221 00:14:06,538.57142857 --> 00:14:07,78.57142857 Is me. 222 00:14:07,798.57142857 --> 00:14:09,778.57142857 In me, it isn't me. 223 00:14:10,768.57142857 --> 00:14:13,18.57142857 But it's inside of me, it is inside. 224 00:14:13,618.57142857 --> 00:14:15,928.57142857 Those well, grooved neuropathways. 225 00:14:18,988.57142857 --> 00:14:21,638.57142857 Recently, I read a post by Xavier Dagba. 226 00:14:21,658.57142857 --> 00:14:23,548.57142857 He is on sub stack use. 227 00:14:23,548.57142857 --> 00:14:24,448.57142857 Incredible. 228 00:14:24,538.57142857 --> 00:14:26,158.57142857 I love reading his work. 229 00:14:27,58.57142857 --> 00:14:28,558.57142857 And it felt like. 230 00:14:29,938.57142857 --> 00:14:32,788.57142857 Uh, warm and knowing hug in this life's long. 231 00:14:33,148.57142857 --> 00:14:34,228.57142857 Unsettling feeling. 232 00:14:34,228.57142857 --> 00:14:34,678.57142857 He said. 233 00:14:35,158.57142857 --> 00:14:37,888.57142857 People are rarely stuck because they don't know what to do. 234 00:14:39,298.57142857 --> 00:14:44,338.57142857 They very often are because they are too energetically, scattered. 235 00:14:45,358.57142857 --> 00:14:46,378.57142857 Fragmented. 236 00:14:46,858.57142857 --> 00:14:51,418.57142857 And emotionally under resource to act on what they already know. 237 00:14:56,698.57142857 --> 00:14:57,868.57142857 Energetically scattered. 238 00:14:59,128.57142857 --> 00:15:02,398.57142857 Fragmented and emotionally under resourced. 239 00:15:04,318.57142857 --> 00:15:04,978.57142857 Check check, check. 240 00:15:09,668.57142857 --> 00:15:10,598.57142857 I am always. 241 00:15:12,458.57142857 --> 00:15:14,348.57142857 Looking for a tangible sense of home. 242 00:15:16,808.57142857 --> 00:15:20,468.57142857 And it feels like it's everywhere and nowhere at the same time. 243 00:15:22,448.57142857 --> 00:15:23,738.57142857 And that is because. 244 00:15:25,238.57142857 --> 00:15:26,588.57142857 When I am everywhere. 245 00:15:28,328.57142857 --> 00:15:29,78.57142857 I am nowhere. 246 00:15:36,218.57142857 --> 00:15:42,368.57142857 I don't think it's a coincidence that the only time that feeling has ever gone away is when I'm creating. 247 00:15:45,68.57142857 --> 00:15:47,228.57142857 Because what's happening when I'm creating. 248 00:15:48,548.57142857 --> 00:15:50,348.57142857 Photographing writing, making. 249 00:15:52,628.57142857 --> 00:15:54,278.57142857 Visceral presence. 250 00:15:57,98.57142857 --> 00:16:02,108.57142857 What happens in presence? Energetically focused. 251 00:16:03,578.57142857 --> 00:16:04,538.57142857 Feel whole. 252 00:16:04,868.57142857 --> 00:16:06,848.57142857 You feel emotional freedom and flow. 253 00:16:09,248.57142857 --> 00:16:13,898.57142857 I love those old songs and those shows and those books. 254 00:16:15,338.57142857 --> 00:16:16,598.57142857 But I want to sing. 255 00:16:17,18.57142857 --> 00:16:17,648.57142857 And live. 256 00:16:18,458.57142857 --> 00:16:19,268.57142857 And write. 257 00:16:21,638.57142857 --> 00:16:24,398.57142857 This afternoon, I have my first ever singing lesson. 258 00:16:24,968.57142857 --> 00:16:26,108.57142857 In an hour actually. 259 00:16:27,308.57142857 --> 00:16:32,258.57142857 And, um, I'm a little nervous, but it feels really good. 260 00:16:32,858.57142857 --> 00:16:36,758.57142857 To actually do something that has no plan or reason. 261 00:16:37,958.57142857 --> 00:16:40,928.5714286 Other than I've just always wanted to use my voice in this way. 262 00:16:40,928.5714286 --> 00:16:43,328.5714286 And I can't understand why I've never pursued it. 263 00:16:45,388.5714286 --> 00:16:47,638.5714286 And I wonder what happens. 264 00:16:50,428.5714286 --> 00:16:57,688.5714286 What if this becomes a new pattern? Opting for energetic and personal freedom. 265 00:16:59,908.5714286 --> 00:17:02,518.5714286 Without a plan or a vision. 266 00:17:03,988.5714286 --> 00:17:05,518.5714286 Without logic or reason. 267 00:17:12,238.5714286 --> 00:17:14,638.5714286 Maybe I'm knocking down a wall in the living room. 268 00:17:14,638.5714286 --> 00:17:17,38.5714286 Of the paradigm I've been living in my whole life. 269 00:17:18,978.5714286 --> 00:17:20,658.5714286 And it already feels more spacious. 270 00:17:25,248.5714286 --> 00:17:27,438.5714286 So my invitation to you. 271 00:17:28,968.5714286 --> 00:17:32,478.5714286 Where does your energy feel? Boundless and almost always available. 272 00:17:35,358.5714286 --> 00:17:45,548.5714286 What are you doing? What are you feeling where are you? When do you feel inexplicably hole? Complete. 273 00:17:46,298.5714286 --> 00:17:47,48.5714286 Full. 274 00:17:49,748.5714286 --> 00:17:54,218.5714286 And when is your heart and soul full and free and light and love. 275 00:17:56,798.5714286 --> 00:18:01,898.5714286 Use that as your vision board, your GPS, your renovation plans. 276 00:18:04,28.5714286 --> 00:18:05,408.5714286 I would love to hear. 277 00:18:06,428.5714286 --> 00:18:07,148.5714286 What you find. 278 00:18:11,268.5714286 --> 00:18:11,968.5714286 See ya next time. 279 00:18:14,673.5714286 --> 00:18:17,893.5714286 This has been an Awkward Sage Production.
Hello.
Hello and welcome to another episode of help me see.
2025.
has not let up.
It's February 25th.
And.
Yeah.
My year just gives getting crazier and crazier.
(00:21):
How about you? Trying to catch your breath lately.
I have had.
Illness and ENT appointments and hearing loss appointments from a virus that traveled to my ear and decided to.
Stay forever.
And.
(00:42):
Um, I've had a brain MRIs.
To further investigate said hearing loss and.
Oh, my goodness.
Just so much stuff.
Just so much stuff.
And, you know, I keep waiting to catch my breath.
(01:03):
And be able to get back to creation mode.
My favorite place to be.
And.
In that waiting to catch my breath and also just complete lack of.
Physical and emotional energy.
There is.
(01:25):
This default mode that I can slip into.
And that is what I wrote about today.
If you want to read the whole thing.
I wrote this.
Episode.
I'm still trying to figure out like the flow of that.
It's like sometimes I voice record first and then create a post-doctor and sometimes I just write.
(01:45):
And then I'll talk about it and summarize it.
So, if you're interested in this head to my sub stack and you could subscribe the visual podcast episodes are always free.
And if you're a paid subscriber, you automatically get the monthly nostalgia now.
templates, the photographic journaling templates that guide you in self inquiry, paired with looking at the last month's worth of photos you've taken of your life.
(02:10):
To help.
Excavate.
And live intentionally.
So.
You can find the link in the show notes there.
So today, today I'm talking about.
When I can't be with myself.
Or what is I turned to repetition.
And what.
(02:31):
I mean by that is.
I listened to.
The same music.
All of the time.
I watched the same shoes over and over and over again.
I habitually default to reading instead of.
(02:55):
Uh, writing or doing something more active.
And when I was thinking about, well, many people do this, and of course I'm not, I'm not trying to shame myself.
.57142857It is And relaxation. 55 00:03:10,688.57142857 --> 00:03:19,958.57142857 What is that honking? Literally never heard a train go by in my life. 56 00:03:19,988.57142857 --> 00:03:24,38.57142857 But of course, when I hit record after a month of not recording, that's when the train goes by. 57 00:03:24,938.57142857 --> 00:03:27,38.57142857 Um, So I started questioning. 58 00:03:27,968.57142857 --> 00:03:33,908.57142857 Like, why do I listen to the same song over and over again? Is it because they're saying something I wish I could. 59 00:03:33,938.57142857 --> 00:03:38,18.57142857 Is it because it's making me feel something I can't muster up for myself. 60 00:03:39,8.57142857 --> 00:03:44,138.57142857 Is it because I'm looking for permission to feel something that I even haven't haven't even let myself acknowledge. 61 00:03:45,408.57142857 --> 00:03:51,858.57142857 Do I watch similar shows over and over again because I want to feel comforted by the familiar without actually having to participate. 62 00:03:52,338.57142857 --> 00:04:00,288.57142857 Oh, you know, that feeling of like, if you're out to dinner and you're hearing someone's awkward conversation and you're like, oh my God, Thank God. 63 00:04:00,288.57142857 --> 00:04:01,998.57142857 I don't have to participate in this. 64 00:04:03,318.57142857 --> 00:04:06,678.57142857 You feel your life force being sucked out of your body? Just being next to it. 65 00:04:07,98.57142857 --> 00:04:13,938.57142857 Um, Also with the shows like watching the same shows over and over again, is it. 66 00:04:14,628.57142857 --> 00:04:18,828.57142857 'cause I feel braced for what I know occurs and I don't have to feel it fresh. 67 00:04:19,848.57142857 --> 00:04:22,968.57142857 Because I want to allow space for something I don't already know. 68 00:04:25,848.57142857 --> 00:04:28,698.57142857 And even preferring to read overwrite. 69 00:04:29,478.57142857 --> 00:04:32,178.57142857 If I read instead of actually writing. 70 00:04:32,808.57142857 --> 00:04:37,728.57142857 I can feel like I'm in that world without actually having to do the work of it. 71 00:04:37,818.57142857 --> 00:04:38,178.57142857 Right. 72 00:04:38,508.57142857 --> 00:04:44,748.57142857 If I read about other people's thoughts on life and philosophy that I resonate with, that I can. 73 00:04:45,228.57142857 --> 00:04:46,218.57142857 Be relieved. 74 00:04:47,358.57142857 --> 00:04:47,808.57142857 That I'm. 75 00:04:48,528.57142857 --> 00:04:49,338.57142857 Not alone. 76 00:04:50,208.57142857 --> 00:04:50,568.57142857 And. 77 00:04:51,858.57142857 --> 00:04:55,248.57142857 Lessen my compulsion to have to articulate it myself. 78 00:04:56,598.57142857 --> 00:05:02,868.57142857 So it's kind of like, It's a comfort that. 79 00:05:05,388.57142857 --> 00:05:07,98.57142857 Dulls the sharpness. 80 00:05:09,708.57142857 --> 00:05:11,358.57142857 When life can feel like too much. 81 00:05:12,978.57142857 --> 00:05:14,568.57142857 And there's always a time and place for that. 82 00:05:15,528.57142857 --> 00:05:15,948.57142857 But. 83 00:05:18,498.57142857 --> 00:05:21,528.57142857 I think it got to the point where I wanted to write about it because. 84 00:05:21,528.57142857 --> 00:05:24,48.57142857 The repetitive over-consumption. 85 00:05:25,998.57142857 --> 00:05:26,838.57142857 Led to. 86 00:05:28,788.57142857 --> 00:05:30,858.57142857 Repetitive under creation. 87 00:05:34,158.57142857 --> 00:05:35,898.57142857 And I just got so used to not. 88 00:05:36,618.57142857 --> 00:05:42,348.57142857 Creating, but that builds like you can't bullshit yourself in that way. 89 00:05:42,408.57142857 --> 00:05:43,938.57142857 Like there's only so long that. 90 00:05:45,798.57142857 --> 00:05:47,958.57142857 The numbing and the. 91 00:05:49,548.57142857 --> 00:05:52,398.57142857 Autopilot mode helps before it starts. 92 00:05:53,718.57142857 --> 00:05:55,128.57142857 Making it feel worse. 93 00:05:56,778.57142857 --> 00:05:59,208.57142857 And because I more recently have. 94 00:05:59,208.57142857 --> 00:06:03,558.57142857 Opened up this can of worms around my photography practice and how. 95 00:06:04,938.57142857 --> 00:06:08,388.57142857 I feel like the camera in hand has become. 96 00:06:09,548.57142857 --> 00:06:11,928.57142857 a, way that I bullshit myself sometimes. 97 00:06:12,978.57142857 --> 00:06:16,608.57142857 You know, what's my greatest, most sophisticated. 98 00:06:16,608.57142857 --> 00:06:17,268.57142857 Enabler. 99 00:06:17,268.57142857 --> 00:06:19,728.57142857 Becomes a way or I can. 100 00:06:20,268.57142857 --> 00:06:22,488.57142857 C instead of look right. 101 00:06:22,488.57142857 --> 00:06:23,298.57142857 Look Versie. 102 00:06:23,358.57142857 --> 00:06:24,198.57142857 I always think about. 103 00:06:24,648.57142857 --> 00:06:28,428.57142857 Looking as very surface level. 104 00:06:28,698.57142857 --> 00:06:36,198.57142857 Cursory, but seeing something feels like I'm penetrating in a way, like I'm, I'm like a see through what is happening. 105 00:06:37,98.57142857 --> 00:06:38,208.57142857 And it feels. 106 00:06:39,228.57142857 --> 00:06:41,838.57142857 More visceral and deeper, but. 107 00:06:43,788.57142857 --> 00:06:44,928.57142857 Then it feels like. 108 00:06:46,38.57142857 --> 00:06:49,158.57142857 At some point I'm confusing seeing for feeling. 109 00:06:50,588.57142857 --> 00:06:54,98.57142857 And it's Something that can't be easily recognized. 110 00:06:54,788.57142857 --> 00:06:57,728.57142857 But something that is utterly life altering. 111 00:06:58,28.57142857 --> 00:06:59,258.57142857 The difference between the two. 112 00:07:05,88.57142857 --> 00:07:09,438.57142857 And all of this, even this conversation just feels like so much. 113 00:07:10,308.57142857 --> 00:07:12,18.57142857 And I want a dog here at right. 114 00:07:12,348.57142857 --> 00:07:13,68.57142857 I'm like, okay. 115 00:07:13,428.57142857 --> 00:07:18,258.57142857 Highlight it or fold the corner of the page over close the book, table it for now. 116 00:07:18,318.57142857 --> 00:07:18,948.57142857 Take a break. 117 00:07:18,978.57142857 --> 00:07:19,338.57142857 Whew. 118 00:07:21,138.57142857 --> 00:07:22,278.57142857 Copy and paste that. 119 00:07:22,758.57142857 --> 00:07:25,98.57142857 Experience about a million times. 120 00:07:29,988.57142857 --> 00:07:36,228.57142857 It feels like I'm more obsessed with deconstructing picture taking than I am actually taking pictures. 121 00:07:37,38.57142857 --> 00:07:37,638.57142857 And. 122 00:07:38,358.57142857 --> 00:07:39,858.57142857 I think it's because there's. 123 00:07:41,928.57142857 --> 00:07:43,38.57142857 And effortless. 124 00:07:43,488.57142857 --> 00:07:45,408.57142857 And this with the picture taking. 125 00:07:48,438.57142857 --> 00:07:53,58.57142857 And the deconstructing of the picture, it's like a compulsion and obsession, something that. 126 00:07:53,778.57142857 --> 00:07:56,448.57142857 I don't want to overthink or something that I feel like. 127 00:07:56,958.57142857 --> 00:07:58,308.57142857 Is unnecessary. 128 00:07:59,58.57142857 --> 00:08:00,738.57142857 But it feels anything but unnecessary. 129 00:08:00,738.57142857 --> 00:08:03,708.57142857 It feels like the most necessary thing it could be doing. 130 00:08:04,428.57142857 --> 00:08:10,158.57142857 Um, So I've been going back and forth with that for the last few months. 131 00:08:11,598.57142857 --> 00:08:16,728.57142857 I've gotten so good at bookmarking my emotions with photographs that I've built up an emotional to do list. 132 00:08:17,148.57142857 --> 00:08:19,548.57142857 Too long to ever check off. 133 00:08:19,818.57142857 --> 00:08:20,748.57142857 That's what it feels like. 134 00:08:24,438.57142857 --> 00:08:26,868.57142857 Not so long ago, I wrote a note. 135 00:08:27,198.57142857 --> 00:08:32,948.57142857 On sub stack asking if anyone else feels led by the most intense restlessness. 136 00:08:33,608.57142857 --> 00:08:37,418.57142857 That you cannot name no matter how many words or pictures you use. 137 00:08:37,928.57142857 --> 00:08:38,528.57142857 And. 138 00:08:39,638.57142857 --> 00:08:41,798.57142857 One beautiful stranger. 139 00:08:42,218.57142857 --> 00:08:43,568.57142857 Replied in agreement. 140 00:08:44,408.57142857 --> 00:08:48,368.57142857 And it felt like an exhale. 141 00:08:48,848.57142857 --> 00:08:51,458.57142857 That I had been holding in my lungs for years. 142 00:08:55,838.57142857 --> 00:08:56,468.57142857 And I don't. 143 00:08:57,668.57142857 --> 00:08:58,358.57142857 Like. 144 00:08:59,138.57142857 --> 00:09:02,78.57142857 Feeling so relieved. 145 00:09:02,468.57142857 --> 00:09:03,788.57142857 When somebody else. 146 00:09:05,498.57142857 --> 00:09:06,308.57142857 Can agree. 147 00:09:07,238.57142857 --> 00:09:07,598.57142857 Right. 148 00:09:07,658.57142857 --> 00:09:13,778.57142857 Like, it's like, Why do I need to connect? To the world in this way. 149 00:09:13,778.57142857 --> 00:09:19,568.57142857 Why can I just be what I am without searching? For some form of relationship. 150 00:09:19,898.57142857 --> 00:09:21,758.57142857 For some sort of relation. 151 00:09:22,238.57142857 --> 00:09:25,628.57142857 In my personal emotional experience. 152 00:09:25,628.57142857 --> 00:09:26,18.57142857 I mean, I'm. 153 00:09:27,158.57142857 --> 00:09:28,658.57142857 Yes, human nature. 154 00:09:29,138.57142857 --> 00:09:30,878.57142857 I feel like is the answer, but. 155 00:09:31,958.57142857 --> 00:09:38,798.57142857 Um, Of course, I want to exclude myself from human nature and say, But I, but I still don't want to need it. 156 00:09:42,8.57142857 --> 00:09:47,888.57142857 But can I see it better if someone else feels it too? Or maybe. 157 00:09:49,448.57142857 --> 00:09:51,488.57142857 It can be more okay for me. 158 00:09:51,848.57142857 --> 00:09:52,898.57142857 If someone feels it too. 159 00:09:57,128.57142857 --> 00:10:01,208.57142857 For how about the worst one? Perhaps, it's not a defect. 160 00:10:01,208.57142857 --> 00:10:04,178.57142857 If it belongs to someone else, it's only a defect. 161 00:10:04,298.57142857 --> 00:10:06,98.57142857 If it's mine and mine alone. 162 00:10:09,188.57142857 --> 00:10:11,738.57142857 This got me thinking about like, why. 163 00:10:12,698.57142857 --> 00:10:17,78.57142857 Am I the only exception to my deepest belief. 164 00:10:19,328.57142857 --> 00:10:34,838.57142857 In unconditional love and acceptance of what is, unless what is, is me? Me being uninspired or distracted or unproductive or inarticulate. 165 00:10:35,558.57142857 --> 00:10:37,718.57142857 Or me not being helpful. 166 00:10:39,578.57142857 --> 00:10:47,798.57142857 What happens then? Well, I think more often than not. 167 00:10:48,338.57142857 --> 00:10:49,598.57142857 I can't be with that. 168 00:10:50,348.57142857 --> 00:10:51,878.57142857 I choose not to be with that. 169 00:10:52,568.57142857 --> 00:10:53,798.57142857 So I turned to repetition. 170 00:10:58,628.57142857 --> 00:11:01,808.57142857 Zach Brian Lana Del Ray Keenan. 171 00:11:01,838.57142857 --> 00:11:02,768.57142857 O'Meara. 172 00:11:04,178.57142857 --> 00:11:06,548.57142857 He listened to those songs again and again, and again. 173 00:11:08,858.57142857 --> 00:11:12,908.57142857 The office, Seinfeld Gilmore girls again and again, and again. 174 00:11:15,548.57142857 --> 00:11:18,548.57142857 Another Marc Nepo book, another Rilke book. 175 00:11:19,28.57142857 --> 00:11:20,818.57142857 Some Julia Cameron some Anais. 176 00:11:20,948.57142857 --> 00:11:21,398.57142857 Nin. 177 00:11:23,138.57142857 --> 00:11:24,848.57142857 Again, and again, and again. 178 00:11:28,348.57142857 --> 00:11:29,278.57142857 Repetition. 179 00:11:30,568.57142857 --> 00:11:31,708.57142857 Is beautiful. 180 00:11:32,968.57142857 --> 00:11:34,48.57142857 It is needed. 181 00:11:35,368.57142857 --> 00:11:36,808.57142857 It can comfort us. 182 00:11:37,78.57142857 --> 00:11:39,418.57142857 It can embolden us and empower us. 183 00:11:40,198.57142857 --> 00:11:41,788.57142857 And it can also numb us. 184 00:11:44,428.57142857 --> 00:11:46,678.57142857 Yeah, there's a well-groomed neuropathways. 185 00:11:46,678.57142857 --> 00:11:49,108.57142857 Are there for a reason it's because we do that. 186 00:11:50,368.57142857 --> 00:11:53,128.57142857 Emotional spiritual, physical habit. 187 00:11:53,668.57142857 --> 00:11:55,228.57142857 Day in and day out. 188 00:11:55,228.57142857 --> 00:11:56,848.57142857 So it's a very easy. 189 00:11:57,928.57142857 --> 00:11:58,738.57142857 Slip and slide. 190 00:12:03,928.57142857 --> 00:12:07,978.57142857 I almost always feel this undertone of melancholy. 191 00:12:09,88.57142857 --> 00:12:12,538.57142857 I almost always feel a restless discontent. 192 00:12:14,158.57142857 --> 00:12:18,718.57142857 I always not almost, I always sit dreadfully, ergonomically incorrect. 193 00:12:19,78.57142857 --> 00:12:21,328.57142857 In fact, my neck is already tight from this. 194 00:12:26,368.57142857 --> 00:12:29,368.57142857 These patterns are home, but not the home I want to live in anymore. 195 00:12:31,78.57142857 --> 00:12:32,368.57142857 But all my shit is there. 196 00:12:33,58.57142857 --> 00:12:36,628.57142857 All the furniture, all the comforts, everything I know. 197 00:12:38,608.57142857 --> 00:12:40,318.57142857 And it takes too much energy. 198 00:12:41,488.57142857 --> 00:12:42,268.57142857 To move out. 199 00:12:46,718.57142857 --> 00:12:49,808.57142857 But I don't think the point is about moving out either. 200 00:12:52,118.57142857 --> 00:12:52,868.57142857 I think it's. 201 00:12:56,258.57142857 --> 00:12:58,148.57142857 Plugging the energy leaks. 202 00:12:59,288.57142857 --> 00:13:05,228.57142857 In our world to be able to restore ourselves to the point where we have the energy to renovate. 203 00:13:06,98.57142857 --> 00:13:07,808.57142857 What's going on internally. 204 00:13:08,858.57142857 --> 00:13:10,388.57142857 You know, a grew up in Florida. 205 00:13:11,108.57142857 --> 00:13:13,178.57142857 And I never knew anything different. 206 00:13:13,958.57142857 --> 00:13:14,738.57142857 I was miserable. 207 00:13:15,8.57142857 --> 00:13:15,428.57142857 Like. 208 00:13:16,748.57142857 --> 00:13:19,38.57142857 I'm really pale freckly person. 209 00:13:19,158.57142857 --> 00:13:22,38.57142857 And that Florida sun was not my friend. 210 00:13:22,938.57142857 --> 00:13:25,428.57142857 When I moved to San Francisco, I finally felt. 211 00:13:26,988.57142857 --> 00:13:33,408.57142857 In my bones, like, oh, Good to be in California. 212 00:13:33,498.57142857 --> 00:13:35,508.57142857 It felt good to be in California. 213 00:13:36,768.57142857 --> 00:13:37,68.57142857 But. 214 00:13:38,298.57142857 --> 00:13:41,718.57142857 Even traveling to the other side of the country. 215 00:13:41,718.57142857 --> 00:13:44,298.57142857 I still felt this restlessness. 216 00:13:47,88.57142857 --> 00:13:48,498.57142857 And it's because it's not. 217 00:13:50,478.57142857 --> 00:13:52,218.57142857 The place I'm in or. 218 00:13:53,868.57142857 --> 00:13:55,8.57142857 The people I'm around. 219 00:13:55,8.57142857 --> 00:13:55,458.57142857 It's me. 220 00:14:00,108.57142857 --> 00:14:06,148.57142857 This weird perpetual feeling of homesickness and restlessness and discontent. 221 00:14:06,538.57142857 --> 00:14:07,78.57142857 Is me. 222 00:14:07,798.57142857 --> 00:14:09,778.57142857 In me, it isn't me. 223 00:14:10,768.57142857 --> 00:14:13,18.57142857 But it's inside of me, it is inside. 224 00:14:13,618.57142857 --> 00:14:15,928.57142857 Those well, grooved neuropathways. 225 00:14:18,988.57142857 --> 00:14:21,638.57142857 Recently, I read a post by Xavier Dagba. 226 00:14:21,658.57142857 --> 00:14:23,548.57142857 He is on sub stack use. 227 00:14:23,548.57142857 --> 00:14:24,448.57142857 Incredible. 228 00:14:24,538.57142857 --> 00:14:26,158.57142857 I love reading his work. 229 00:14:27,58.57142857 --> 00:14:28,558.57142857 And it felt like. 230 00:14:29,938.57142857 --> 00:14:32,788.57142857 Uh, warm and knowing hug in this life's long. 231 00:14:33,148.57142857 --> 00:14:34,228.57142857 Unsettling feeling. 232 00:14:34,228.57142857 --> 00:14:34,678.57142857 He said. 233 00:14:35,158.57142857 --> 00:14:37,888.57142857 People are rarely stuck because they don't know what to do. 234 00:14:39,298.57142857 --> 00:14:44,338.57142857 They very often are because they are too energetically, scattered. 235 00:14:45,358.57142857 --> 00:14:46,378.57142857 Fragmented. 236 00:14:46,858.57142857 --> 00:14:51,418.57142857 And emotionally under resource to act on what they already know. 237 00:14:56,698.57142857 --> 00:14:57,868.57142857 Energetically scattered. 238 00:14:59,128.57142857 --> 00:15:02,398.57142857 Fragmented and emotionally under resourced. 239 00:15:04,318.57142857 --> 00:15:04,978.57142857 Check check, check. 240 00:15:09,668.57142857 --> 00:15:10,598.57142857 I am always. 241 00:15:12,458.57142857 --> 00:15:14,348.57142857 Looking for a tangible sense of home. 242 00:15:16,808.57142857 --> 00:15:20,468.57142857 And it feels like it's everywhere and nowhere at the same time. 243 00:15:22,448.57142857 --> 00:15:23,738.57142857 And that is because. 244 00:15:25,238.57142857 --> 00:15:26,588.57142857 When I am everywhere. 245 00:15:28,328.57142857 --> 00:15:29,78.57142857 I am nowhere. 246 00:15:36,218.57142857 --> 00:15:42,368.57142857 I don't think it's a coincidence that the only time that feeling has ever gone away is when I'm creating. 247 00:15:45,68.57142857 --> 00:15:47,228.57142857 Because what's happening when I'm creating. 248 00:15:48,548.57142857 --> 00:15:50,348.57142857 Photographing writing, making. 249 00:15:52,628.57142857 --> 00:15:54,278.57142857 Visceral presence. 250 00:15:57,98.57142857 --> 00:16:02,108.57142857 What happens in presence? Energetically focused. 251 00:16:03,578.57142857 --> 00:16:04,538.57142857 Feel whole. 252 00:16:04,868.57142857 --> 00:16:06,848.57142857 You feel emotional freedom and flow. 253 00:16:09,248.57142857 --> 00:16:13,898.57142857 I love those old songs and those shows and those books. 254 00:16:15,338.57142857 --> 00:16:16,598.57142857 But I want to sing. 255 00:16:17,18.57142857 --> 00:16:17,648.57142857 And live. 256 00:16:18,458.57142857 --> 00:16:19,268.57142857 And write. 257 00:16:21,638.57142857 --> 00:16:24,398.57142857 This afternoon, I have my first ever singing lesson. 258 00:16:24,968.57142857 --> 00:16:26,108.57142857 In an hour actually. 259 00:16:27,308.57142857 --> 00:16:32,258.57142857 And, um, I'm a little nervous, but it feels really good. 260 00:16:32,858.57142857 --> 00:16:36,758.57142857 To actually do something that has no plan or reason. 261 00:16:37,958.57142857 --> 00:16:40,928.5714286 Other than I've just always wanted to use my voice in this way. 262 00:16:40,928.5714286 --> 00:16:43,328.5714286 And I can't understand why I've never pursued it. 263 00:16:45,388.5714286 --> 00:16:47,638.5714286 And I wonder what happens. 264 00:16:50,428.5714286 --> 00:16:57,688.5714286 What if this becomes a new pattern? Opting for energetic and personal freedom. 265 00:16:59,908.5714286 --> 00:17:02,518.5714286 Without a plan or a vision. 266 00:17:03,988.5714286 --> 00:17:05,518.5714286 Without logic or reason. 267 00:17:12,238.5714286 --> 00:17:14,638.5714286 Maybe I'm knocking down a wall in the living room. 268 00:17:14,638.5714286 --> 00:17:17,38.5714286 Of the paradigm I've been living in my whole life. 269 00:17:18,978.5714286 --> 00:17:20,658.5714286 And it already feels more spacious. 270 00:17:25,248.5714286 --> 00:17:27,438.5714286 So my invitation to you. 271 00:17:28,968.5714286 --> 00:17:32,478.5714286 Where does your energy feel? Boundless and almost always available. 272 00:17:35,358.5714286 --> 00:17:45,548.5714286 What are you doing? What are you feeling where are you? When do you feel inexplicably hole? Complete. 273 00:17:46,298.5714286 --> 00:17:47,48.5714286 Full. 274 00:17:49,748.5714286 --> 00:17:54,218.5714286 And when is your heart and soul full and free and light and love. 275 00:17:56,798.5714286 --> 00:18:01,898.5714286 Use that as your vision board, your GPS, your renovation plans. 276 00:18:04,28.5714286 --> 00:18:05,408.5714286 I would love to hear. 277 00:18:06,428.5714286 --> 00:18:07,148.5714286 What you find. 278 00:18:11,268.5714286 --> 00:18:11,968.5714286 See ya next time. 279 00:18:14,673.5714286 --> 00:18:17,893.5714286 This has been an Awkward Sage Production.
Popular Podcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang
Ding dong! Join your culture consultants, Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang, on an unforgettable journey into the beating heart of CULTURE. Alongside sizzling special guests, they GET INTO the hottest pop-culture moments of the day and the formative cultural experiences that turned them into Culturistas. Produced by the Big Money Players Network and iHeartRadio.
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.