March 13, 2025 • 26 mins
But no matter how intensely I feel something, I’m always left with this sensation that there is a trapdoor the feeling didn’t make it through.
a forbidden place that is trying to protect the deepest parts of me…
I could cry at a leaf on the fucking ground if I think about it enough.
But I cannot escape this feeling that I am not feeling enough.
A sensation of some sort of weird disconnect-
A severed pathway that abruptly stops feelings before they get to some sort of elusive satisfying place that I’ll never know.
Subscribe to substack for free visual podcast episode delivered to your inbox.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hello.
Hello and welcome to another episode of help me see.
This post has been a long time in the making.
I've kind of surprised.
I've never.
Written about this before, maybe I haven't, it just don't remember.
Um, Unfinished feeling.
I feel like I don't know how to feel.
(00:22):
And this may sound.
Strange coming from a.
Self-identified highly sensitive person.
It's really hard to describe But if you know, you, you know what I'm talking about? It's like, I've always.
(00:44):
Felt things too much.
And.
I was aware of that from a young age, like.
She's getting really swept up in any new story that I'd happen to see as I was walking past the living room on my parents at the news on.
(01:04):
Having that stay with me for.
I mean, who knows how long I could still remember.
Stories that.
Severely impacted me.
Like from, I was a tween or something.
I mean, if I think about it too hard, I could cry at, at a leaf on the floor.
(01:27):
I definitely.
Feel things.
But then there's this weird.
Sensation that's like, I feel like I don't feel enough at the same time.
When someone says, yeah, just feel your feelings.
It's almost like I don't really.
No, what they're talking about.
(01:50):
Or at least I don't.
Resonate without wording and let her know why.
Because no matter how.
Intensely.
I feel something.
I'm always left with a sensation.
That there's a trap door.
Somewhere inside of me.
That the feeling didn't make it through.
(02:14):
Like this forbidden place that is trying to protect the deepest parts of me.
And because of that, I have this weird.
Unfinished feeling with everything with every exp.
Every experience that I know has impacted me.
(02:35):
Just nothing feels closed.
It feels like the kajillion open tabs that I have at all times on my computer.
Um, no coincidence there.
I'm sure.
I mean, I've asked this question and I've been in so many, um, beautiful coaching containers and.
(02:58):
Um, groups and.
I've just never been satisfied with.
An answer.
I'm going to have been satisfied in that.
You know, I respect the answer given, but I've never felt like.
Oh, that's scratch my itch.
Or though that really helped.
Me.
And I've tried to stop.
(03:18):
Thinking about it and just letting it go.
But shocker, that didn't work.
Um, I just can't escape this feeling that I'm not feeling.
Enough or I'm not feeling.
Correctly, which is a red flag, right? Isn't.
The weirdest sentence.
What is to feel correctly.
(03:41):
Um, But this sensation.
It's like.
Some sort of weird disconnect, like a severed pathway that abruptly stops feelings before they get to some sort of.
Elusive satisfying place.
That I'll never know.
(04:04):
And the thing is, I mean, I feel like most of us have heard the stat.
Um, takes around 90 seconds.
Uh, the initial surge of a feeling or an emotion for the body's chemical response.
To occur.
However it says how long you experience a feeling can be influenced by your thoughts and how you choose to process.
(04:30):
Um, the 92nd window is.
The most intense part of the emotion.
And then if you continue to dwell on the triggering thought or experience after the initial 90 seconds, you can prolong that feeling.
Shocking.
Okay, so dwelling.
And my dwelling.
(04:52):
Apparently.
You can choose to set aside your thinking and just let it go.
Did you know that.
Uh, Feelings are meant to share their message and then leave the body.
Usually this happens in 90 seconds, according to Harvard trained brain scientist, Dr.
Jill Bolte Taylor.
(05:12):
Anything beyond that may be you reacting.
Reactivating it with your thoughts.
So once the emotion has served its purpose, you can choose to set it aside.
And let it go.
Okay, so maybe I'm dwelling.
(05:33):
But I swear it feels.
More.
Than cognitive overthinking.
i swear.
It feels.
Internal.
It doesn't feel like it's just my head.
It feels.
Like a problem with feeling.
(05:54):
You know, I caught myself saying it just never feels complete.
And then that perked my ears up.
Is completion really the goal.
When it comes to feelings.
(06:16):
And since I'm in a phase where I'm blaming everything good and bad in my life, on my photography, like an angsty teenager.
I can't help.
But look to my practice.
I'm doing on the inside.
What I do with my photo taking outside.
(06:40):
Um, emotional bookmarking is what I've.
Made up.
But then I think now, because the term just sounded too catchy to me and I was like, is this a thing.
And I think it is a thing, but.
I didn't spend too much time looking into it because if I did, then I would totally lose my.
Train of thought, and this would never.
(07:01):
Get finished.
The most frustrating part of this whole situation is feeling like I'm both the villain and the victim in this.
The narrator and the character.
Screaming at the person on the screen.
As they continue to walk into the creepy house and it is I walking into the creepy house.
(07:25):
And just because I'm able to understand what's happening doesn't mean.
I'm able to stop sucking air into that cavity.
So it's like, I have.
(07:46):
High degree of awareness around what.
Going on.
And what might be contributing.
But not high enough.
To know.
How to fucking stop and get out of this.
Pattern.
Uh, the slow, this inertia.
(08:10):
My background in neuro-linguistic programming has been a really vital part in.
Piecing this together.
But at the end of the day, I'm still inside the bottle and it's hard to read.
Yourself when you are the bottle and you're inside the bottle.
Um, So recently I met.
(08:31):
This beautiful human.
Her name is Sylvia, Bella, and she is a human design expert.
And I met her.
In a creative women's retreats and we are going to start working together actually tomorrow is our first meeting, and the human design mentorship and M P S I have a special collaborative post coming up.
It'll be the next one.
Um, Talking all about human design and its capacity to heal.
(08:56):
And if you want to hear that episode or get it delivered to your inbox through sub stack, um, go to the show notes and hit subscribe so you can get that.
I'm really excited to, share her message and her expertise.
Because human design has been a really eyeopening portal to a deeper level of self acceptance for me.
(09:21):
that end of late, diving a little bit into something called the gene keys has been super powerful.
All of it has been.
Exciting to learn about.
I love learning about new things.
I'm just.
One of those.
EDU.
We would do tainment junkies.
I love learning new things.
(09:43):
Um, And as powerful and fascinating as all of these new things are.
Ironically, none of it has told me anything.
I didn't already know about myself.
But all of it has been healing.
All of it has helped me.
Not only give it a name, but B have a way to hold it in a way to witness it in a way too.
(10:10):
Feel a permission that I didn't know, I needed.
In order to breathe.
Easier within my life.
Just something to point to when I'm feeling out of sorts and be like, oh, that's why.
And it's oddly soothing.
I mean, not oddly, of course it's soothing.
We all want to understand ourselves more or understand.
(10:32):
Y.
Things are happening in our lives the way they are.
So.
Going back to the Magellan tabs I've had.
A bunch of new information in my system around Jean keys and a refresh or refresher on human design based on, uh, my new relationship with Sylvia.
(10:55):
And.
You know about a dozen.
Books and.
Blah, blah, blah.
All around.
chakras and.
like just so much stuff that I can really easily.
Kind of snicker at I'm like, oh my gosh.
When I start describing and I'm like, yeah, Maybe we just need to chill out.
(11:17):
I just wanted.
To answer a question, a very specific question.
But I wanted this question answered.
Wild contextually steeped.
In.
The details of my design, my human design, my gene keys.
That feel so resonant and like vs of course this is yes, this is me.
(11:44):
So I decided to remember that I live in 2025.
And.
I turned to the contentious.
Chat GPT up until this point.
The most I'd ever used chat DBT was to plan my first trip to Europe.
And it was actually wildly helpful because I was planning it.
(12:06):
Um, for me and my mother who has some mobility constraints and stuff like that, and just having it helped me.
Find setting the locations that are more easily walkable, but whatever.
Anyway, it was great.
But.
I hadn't really meaningfully.
Use it.
(12:27):
Since as intensely as that situation.
So I asked it.
What would you say to a highly sensitive person with gene key 28.
And an open head and throat center in human design with emotional authority that feels like they still have trouble feeling.
(12:48):
Or feeling satisfied or at peace with feeling their feelings.
Oftentimes things never feel complete in every emotional experience can feel bookmarked or unfinished.
Does he not going to lie reading that question out loud.
(13:12):
Little insecure.
Do you feel.
A little insecure.
Just like judging myself with that.
With that question, but.
I have to share it.
I'd have to share a need.
(13:33):
You don't understand.
What the question was.
And how and why? My eyes bugged out of my head with how helpful.
The very quickly, it spit out a response was.
Um, I'm going to read.
Verbatim.
Um, some of it.
I don't read all of it.
If you want to see the full I copied and pasted the response in the post for this podcast, episode on sub stack.
(13:59):
But.
To number one, you were never meant to feel done.
There's a deep myth, especially in creative and emotional healing spaces that feelings are meant to resolve.
That if you do it right, you'll reach a clean conclusion where a chapter closes and the next one opens with clarity and ease, but your emotional system, your whole design, in fact, doesn't work like that.
(14:20):
You're built to feel in layers.
Not lines, experience emotions as whether or not tasks and receive echos and aftershocks sometimes long after the initial feeling.
For you, it is not about finality.
It's about being fully present with the layer you're in today.
(14:40):
Even if it's something, even if it's a return to something you thought you had already processed.
Number two, some feelings will remain unfinished because they just aren't yours with an open head and throat, your receiver of collective emotions and stories, not just personal ones.
That sense of unfinished newness.
Of there always being more to feel as partly because you're feeling your own history.
(15:03):
Incesteral echoes and the edges of collective emotions rippling through the creative and relational feel field.
You're simply wired to be in an ongoing conversation with life's larger emotional story.
Three satisfaction comes from fully inhabiting, not resolving.
Your peace, your gene key 28 totality.
(15:26):
Doesn't come from having everything tied up in a neat bow.
It comes from knowing I was fully present with what the moment asked me.
I let myself touch the edge of this feeling.
Even if I couldn't stay long.
I let the feeling be part of my creative rhythm, even if it's unfinished.
Completion for you is about being fully.
They're not about making sense of it all.
(15:50):
I needed to read that one a couple of times, because.
It almost felt like I could have written it.
And at the same time, I was like, why was I pretending like that? Wasn't so, or why was I bypassing.
That deep knowing of mine.
My goodness.
Uh, for your wired for emotional bookmarking, that's not a failure.
(16:14):
That sense of always bookmarking emotion, leaving them partially open as part of your emotional authority.
Your emotions are waves.
They revisit themselves each time you return, you see something you missed before.
It's not because you didn't feel enough.
It's because your system fields and layers and each pass brings a new view.
You're not behind.
You're not incomplete.
You're in process and you always will be.
(16:37):
Did I just like.
Do you like a free counselor? Um, Yeah, I'll just finish reading this last one.
Before I recap.
Feelings don't need to make sense to belong.
Some feelings will never connect to a clear story.
Some will never be fully explainable.
(16:59):
They still deserve space in your body, your art, your life, the part of you that wants to understand every feeling before you let it move through you.
That's your open head center searching for certainty.
Or none as needed.
So.
chat GPT.
(17:20):
Yeah, that was both.
Brilliant.
And de at the same time.
Of course.
We feel in layers.
Of course, we feel echoes of the collective of course.
Deep presence is the most satisfying thing you could ever experience.
(17:41):
Of course, we're always in process and of course, feelings don't need to make sense to belong.
I just didn't realize.
I've been focusing so much on how my natural way of processing and the feelings that come with it.
Must be the barrier to feeling peace and contentment and a general sense of completeness.
(18:07):
Meanwhile.
The way to peace and contentment is to stop vilifying the most natural and enduring parts of me.
It's like this thorn has been in my side.
For decades.
Well, maybe it's not fucking meant to go anywhere.
Maybe.
(18:30):
Your quote, unquote problem is the exact gift.
I've been vilifying the emotional bookmarking when that is one of my highest forms of creation.
Of experience of processing.
(18:53):
The bookmarking means I get to revisit and reach a level of intimacy with each layer, a new, every time I come back.
It's my way of deepening into my vision and feeling.
Not redundant shackles.
That mean I have failed to feel.
Completely.
Correctly.
Or fully.
(19:18):
I feel that you can go to.
All of your struggle, all of your pain points, all of your dissatisfactions.
And find a way.
To pull that thread up an up and up and up into.
Hey.
(19:38):
Later expression.
A more powerful expression.
Of it.
My aching means I'm alive.
And I feel my restlessness means I have surging energy to experience life.
My desire for totality.
Is a life force hunger.
(20:00):
I want all of it.
My fear around mortality is the reason for the magnitude and reverence for the now.
Each and every now.
My sometimes in sufferable tendency to bring everything back to being everything and nothing at the same time shows me.
That I have the capacity to see and be with and hold both extremes.
(20:26):
At once.
I've been so focused on how to get to a feeling of completion.
Of wholeness.
But I skipped over the fact that they are not the same.
And I don't even want completion.
(20:47):
I don't want to be finished with something.
I don't want to be finished with anything ever.
I want to feel whole.
Undivided.
Looking back and looking in, I can see that I actually feel a sense of wholeness often, but the trouble is.
(21:13):
I'm so busy being whole.
That I've never thought to name it.
And perhaps.
That means.
I'm doing it right.
This feeling of rest and ease and peace.
It visits me often.
Even though it feels like never.
(21:34):
And it is in the moments where we blissfully stopped questioning ourselves.
Those moments where we forget, we even are a self.
You know, those moments that you're.
So in it, you forget you're even human.
(21:55):
The times where we can stop dividing ourselves.
Into the parts that are good.
Or okay.
Or bad.
Rest and ease and peace and wholeness is only possible when we can embrace ourselves fully.
When we become unconditional.
With all of who we are.
(22:18):
That's when everything softens that's when everything reveals itself.
And only when we trust our ability to tolerate.
And even embrace the parts of us that we struggle with.
Are we able to see.
That they are the gift.
And only.
After that genuine recognition occurs.
(22:39):
Might those parts transform into a different expression.
And a different perspective.
So completion.
Was never the point.
Of the unfinished feeling.
Resolution was never the point.
(23:06):
I believe it was feeling wholly.
Undivided.
In process.
In feeling.
Forever.
That is the gift.
(23:26):
So I'm going to leave you with.
An invitation, if you resonated with.
Any of what I just said.
What are you grateful will never be complete or resolved.
What are you like? Oh, Thank goodness.
This will never.
(23:48):
Be finished.
What is that? Number two.
What process would you like to sit inside forever? What process.
Are you unconditionally? I committed to.
(24:09):
Being inside.
Forever.
And three.
Can you take a part of you that feels like struggle.
And become unconditional with it being here.
What might it turn into when it's fully seen and accepted? I am currently working on February is nostalgia now.
(24:34):
If you are not a paid subscriber, nostalgia now is my monthly photographic journaling template.
One of kind templates where.
I give you a Canva template with, um, prompts.
And you go through the photos that you took in the last month of your life.
And you answer my prompts with pictures and through this.
(24:58):
Visual excavation and expression.
you're able to really sink your teeth into what your life is right now.
What the last few weeks of your life has looked like.
And.
Really bring that hindsight.
Into the present and journal.
(25:20):
On what you would like to take with you into the next month? And.
I believe that these monthly check-ins with ourselves not only gives us something.
Wonderful to do what those hundreds and thousands of photos we take every month.
Instead of just accumulating them, but it gives us a way to.
(25:42):
Pivot pivot, pivot the ship each month into a sharper.
More connected, aligned.
Life that we're living with ourselves instead of like a yearly new year's check-in.
Let's do that.
A bit more than once a year, shall we? So if you're interested in that you could subscribe on my sub stack.
(26:05):
you can still subscribe for the free version of my sub stack, where you get the visual.
Podcast episodes.
So each podcast episode has.
A written post alongside of my art.
My photography.
So if you want that to come to your inbox, go ahead and hit subscribe on sub stack.
(26:26):
All right.
That is it for you today? That is it for me today.
I have to go pick up the kids.
And I hope you have a beautiful rest of your week. 409 00:26:35,887.4333333 --> 00:26:39,107.4333333 This has been an Awkward Sage Production.
Hello.
Hello and welcome to another episode of help me see.
This post has been a long time in the making.
I've kind of surprised.
I've never.
Written about this before, maybe I haven't, it just don't remember.
Um, Unfinished feeling.
I feel like I don't know how to feel.
(00:22):
And this may sound.
Strange coming from a.
Self-identified highly sensitive person.
It's really hard to describe But if you know, you, you know what I'm talking about? It's like, I've always.
(00:44):
Felt things too much.
And.
I was aware of that from a young age, like.
She's getting really swept up in any new story that I'd happen to see as I was walking past the living room on my parents at the news on.
(01:04):
Having that stay with me for.
I mean, who knows how long I could still remember.
Stories that.
Severely impacted me.
Like from, I was a tween or something.
I mean, if I think about it too hard, I could cry at, at a leaf on the floor.
(01:27):
I definitely.
Feel things.
But then there's this weird.
Sensation that's like, I feel like I don't feel enough at the same time.
When someone says, yeah, just feel your feelings.
It's almost like I don't really.
No, what they're talking about.
(01:50):
Or at least I don't.
Resonate without wording and let her know why.
Because no matter how.
Intensely.
I feel something.
I'm always left with a sensation.
That there's a trap door.
Somewhere inside of me.
That the feeling didn't make it through.
(02:14):
Like this forbidden place that is trying to protect the deepest parts of me.
And because of that, I have this weird.
Unfinished feeling with everything with every exp.
Every experience that I know has impacted me.
(02:35):
Just nothing feels closed.
It feels like the kajillion open tabs that I have at all times on my computer.
Um, no coincidence there.
I'm sure.
I mean, I've asked this question and I've been in so many, um, beautiful coaching containers and.
(02:58):
Um, groups and.
I've just never been satisfied with.
An answer.
I'm going to have been satisfied in that.
You know, I respect the answer given, but I've never felt like.
Oh, that's scratch my itch.
Or though that really helped.
Me.
And I've tried to stop.
(03:18):
Thinking about it and just letting it go.
But shocker, that didn't work.
Um, I just can't escape this feeling that I'm not feeling.
Enough or I'm not feeling.
Correctly, which is a red flag, right? Isn't.
The weirdest sentence.
What is to feel correctly.
(03:41):
Um, But this sensation.
It's like.
Some sort of weird disconnect, like a severed pathway that abruptly stops feelings before they get to some sort of.
Elusive satisfying place.
That I'll never know.
(04:04):
And the thing is, I mean, I feel like most of us have heard the stat.
Um, takes around 90 seconds.
Uh, the initial surge of a feeling or an emotion for the body's chemical response.
To occur.
However it says how long you experience a feeling can be influenced by your thoughts and how you choose to process.
(04:30):
Um, the 92nd window is.
The most intense part of the emotion.
And then if you continue to dwell on the triggering thought or experience after the initial 90 seconds, you can prolong that feeling.
Shocking.
Okay, so dwelling.
And my dwelling.
(04:52):
Apparently.
You can choose to set aside your thinking and just let it go.
Did you know that.
Uh, Feelings are meant to share their message and then leave the body.
Usually this happens in 90 seconds, according to Harvard trained brain scientist, Dr.
Jill Bolte Taylor.
(05:12):
Anything beyond that may be you reacting.
Reactivating it with your thoughts.
So once the emotion has served its purpose, you can choose to set it aside.
And let it go.
Okay, so maybe I'm dwelling.
(05:33):
But I swear it feels.
More.
Than cognitive overthinking.
i swear.
It feels.
Internal.
It doesn't feel like it's just my head.
It feels.
Like a problem with feeling.
(05:54):
You know, I caught myself saying it just never feels complete.
And then that perked my ears up.
Is completion really the goal.
When it comes to feelings.
(06:16):
And since I'm in a phase where I'm blaming everything good and bad in my life, on my photography, like an angsty teenager.
I can't help.
But look to my practice.
I'm doing on the inside.
What I do with my photo taking outside.
(06:40):
Um, emotional bookmarking is what I've.
Made up.
But then I think now, because the term just sounded too catchy to me and I was like, is this a thing.
And I think it is a thing, but.
I didn't spend too much time looking into it because if I did, then I would totally lose my.
Train of thought, and this would never.
(07:01):
Get finished.
The most frustrating part of this whole situation is feeling like I'm both the villain and the victim in this.
The narrator and the character.
Screaming at the person on the screen.
As they continue to walk into the creepy house and it is I walking into the creepy house.
(07:25):
And just because I'm able to understand what's happening doesn't mean.
I'm able to stop sucking air into that cavity.
So it's like, I have.
(07:46):
High degree of awareness around what.
Going on.
And what might be contributing.
But not high enough.
To know.
How to fucking stop and get out of this.
Pattern.
Uh, the slow, this inertia.
(08:10):
My background in neuro-linguistic programming has been a really vital part in.
Piecing this together.
But at the end of the day, I'm still inside the bottle and it's hard to read.
Yourself when you are the bottle and you're inside the bottle.
Um, So recently I met.
(08:31):
This beautiful human.
Her name is Sylvia, Bella, and she is a human design expert.
And I met her.
In a creative women's retreats and we are going to start working together actually tomorrow is our first meeting, and the human design mentorship and M P S I have a special collaborative post coming up.
It'll be the next one.
Um, Talking all about human design and its capacity to heal.
(08:56):
And if you want to hear that episode or get it delivered to your inbox through sub stack, um, go to the show notes and hit subscribe so you can get that.
I'm really excited to, share her message and her expertise.
Because human design has been a really eyeopening portal to a deeper level of self acceptance for me.
(09:21):
that end of late, diving a little bit into something called the gene keys has been super powerful.
All of it has been.
Exciting to learn about.
I love learning about new things.
I'm just.
One of those.
EDU.
We would do tainment junkies.
I love learning new things.
(09:43):
Um, And as powerful and fascinating as all of these new things are.
Ironically, none of it has told me anything.
I didn't already know about myself.
But all of it has been healing.
All of it has helped me.
Not only give it a name, but B have a way to hold it in a way to witness it in a way too.
(10:10):
Feel a permission that I didn't know, I needed.
In order to breathe.
Easier within my life.
Just something to point to when I'm feeling out of sorts and be like, oh, that's why.
And it's oddly soothing.
I mean, not oddly, of course it's soothing.
We all want to understand ourselves more or understand.
(10:32):
Y.
Things are happening in our lives the way they are.
So.
Going back to the Magellan tabs I've had.
A bunch of new information in my system around Jean keys and a refresh or refresher on human design based on, uh, my new relationship with Sylvia.
(10:55):
And.
You know about a dozen.
Books and.
Blah, blah, blah.
All around.
chakras and.
like just so much stuff that I can really easily.
Kind of snicker at I'm like, oh my gosh.
When I start describing and I'm like, yeah, Maybe we just need to chill out.
(11:17):
I just wanted.
To answer a question, a very specific question.
But I wanted this question answered.
Wild contextually steeped.
In.
The details of my design, my human design, my gene keys.
That feel so resonant and like vs of course this is yes, this is me.
(11:44):
So I decided to remember that I live in 2025.
And.
I turned to the contentious.
Chat GPT up until this point.
The most I'd ever used chat DBT was to plan my first trip to Europe.
And it was actually wildly helpful because I was planning it.
(12:06):
Um, for me and my mother who has some mobility constraints and stuff like that, and just having it helped me.
Find setting the locations that are more easily walkable, but whatever.
Anyway, it was great.
But.
I hadn't really meaningfully.
Use it.
(12:27):
Since as intensely as that situation.
So I asked it.
What would you say to a highly sensitive person with gene key 28.
And an open head and throat center in human design with emotional authority that feels like they still have trouble feeling.
(12:48):
Or feeling satisfied or at peace with feeling their feelings.
Oftentimes things never feel complete in every emotional experience can feel bookmarked or unfinished.
Does he not going to lie reading that question out loud.
(13:12):
Little insecure.
Do you feel.
A little insecure.
Just like judging myself with that.
With that question, but.
I have to share it.
I'd have to share a need.
(13:33):
You don't understand.
What the question was.
And how and why? My eyes bugged out of my head with how helpful.
The very quickly, it spit out a response was.
Um, I'm going to read.
Verbatim.
Um, some of it.
I don't read all of it.
If you want to see the full I copied and pasted the response in the post for this podcast, episode on sub stack.
(13:59):
But.
To number one, you were never meant to feel done.
There's a deep myth, especially in creative and emotional healing spaces that feelings are meant to resolve.
That if you do it right, you'll reach a clean conclusion where a chapter closes and the next one opens with clarity and ease, but your emotional system, your whole design, in fact, doesn't work like that.
(14:20):
You're built to feel in layers.
Not lines, experience emotions as whether or not tasks and receive echos and aftershocks sometimes long after the initial feeling.
For you, it is not about finality.
It's about being fully present with the layer you're in today.
(14:40):
Even if it's something, even if it's a return to something you thought you had already processed.
Number two, some feelings will remain unfinished because they just aren't yours with an open head and throat, your receiver of collective emotions and stories, not just personal ones.
That sense of unfinished newness.
Of there always being more to feel as partly because you're feeling your own history.
(15:03):
Incesteral echoes and the edges of collective emotions rippling through the creative and relational feel field.
You're simply wired to be in an ongoing conversation with life's larger emotional story.
Three satisfaction comes from fully inhabiting, not resolving.
Your peace, your gene key 28 totality.
(15:26):
Doesn't come from having everything tied up in a neat bow.
It comes from knowing I was fully present with what the moment asked me.
I let myself touch the edge of this feeling.
Even if I couldn't stay long.
I let the feeling be part of my creative rhythm, even if it's unfinished.
Completion for you is about being fully.
They're not about making sense of it all.
(15:50):
I needed to read that one a couple of times, because.
It almost felt like I could have written it.
And at the same time, I was like, why was I pretending like that? Wasn't so, or why was I bypassing.
That deep knowing of mine.
My goodness.
Uh, for your wired for emotional bookmarking, that's not a failure.
(16:14):
That sense of always bookmarking emotion, leaving them partially open as part of your emotional authority.
Your emotions are waves.
They revisit themselves each time you return, you see something you missed before.
It's not because you didn't feel enough.
It's because your system fields and layers and each pass brings a new view.
You're not behind.
You're not incomplete.
You're in process and you always will be.
(16:37):
Did I just like.
Do you like a free counselor? Um, Yeah, I'll just finish reading this last one.
Before I recap.
Feelings don't need to make sense to belong.
Some feelings will never connect to a clear story.
Some will never be fully explainable.
(16:59):
They still deserve space in your body, your art, your life, the part of you that wants to understand every feeling before you let it move through you.
That's your open head center searching for certainty.
Or none as needed.
So.
chat GPT.
(17:20):
Yeah, that was both.
Brilliant.
And de at the same time.
Of course.
We feel in layers.
Of course, we feel echoes of the collective of course.
Deep presence is the most satisfying thing you could ever experience.
(17:41):
Of course, we're always in process and of course, feelings don't need to make sense to belong.
I just didn't realize.
I've been focusing so much on how my natural way of processing and the feelings that come with it.
Must be the barrier to feeling peace and contentment and a general sense of completeness.
(18:07):
Meanwhile.
The way to peace and contentment is to stop vilifying the most natural and enduring parts of me.
It's like this thorn has been in my side.
For decades.
Well, maybe it's not fucking meant to go anywhere.
Maybe.
(18:30):
Your quote, unquote problem is the exact gift.
I've been vilifying the emotional bookmarking when that is one of my highest forms of creation.
Of experience of processing.
(18:53):
The bookmarking means I get to revisit and reach a level of intimacy with each layer, a new, every time I come back.
It's my way of deepening into my vision and feeling.
Not redundant shackles.
That mean I have failed to feel.
Completely.
Correctly.
Or fully.
(19:18):
I feel that you can go to.
All of your struggle, all of your pain points, all of your dissatisfactions.
And find a way.
To pull that thread up an up and up and up into.
Hey.
(19:38):
Later expression.
A more powerful expression.
Of it.
My aching means I'm alive.
And I feel my restlessness means I have surging energy to experience life.
My desire for totality.
Is a life force hunger.
(20:00):
I want all of it.
My fear around mortality is the reason for the magnitude and reverence for the now.
Each and every now.
My sometimes in sufferable tendency to bring everything back to being everything and nothing at the same time shows me.
That I have the capacity to see and be with and hold both extremes.
(20:26):
At once.
I've been so focused on how to get to a feeling of completion.
Of wholeness.
But I skipped over the fact that they are not the same.
And I don't even want completion.
(20:47):
I don't want to be finished with something.
I don't want to be finished with anything ever.
I want to feel whole.
Undivided.
Looking back and looking in, I can see that I actually feel a sense of wholeness often, but the trouble is.
(21:13):
I'm so busy being whole.
That I've never thought to name it.
And perhaps.
That means.
I'm doing it right.
This feeling of rest and ease and peace.
It visits me often.
Even though it feels like never.
(21:34):
And it is in the moments where we blissfully stopped questioning ourselves.
Those moments where we forget, we even are a self.
You know, those moments that you're.
So in it, you forget you're even human.
(21:55):
The times where we can stop dividing ourselves.
Into the parts that are good.
Or okay.
Or bad.
Rest and ease and peace and wholeness is only possible when we can embrace ourselves fully.
When we become unconditional.
With all of who we are.
(22:18):
That's when everything softens that's when everything reveals itself.
And only when we trust our ability to tolerate.
And even embrace the parts of us that we struggle with.
Are we able to see.
That they are the gift.
And only.
After that genuine recognition occurs.
(22:39):
Might those parts transform into a different expression.
And a different perspective.
So completion.
Was never the point.
Of the unfinished feeling.
Resolution was never the point.
(23:06):
I believe it was feeling wholly.
Undivided.
In process.
In feeling.
Forever.
That is the gift.
(23:26):
So I'm going to leave you with.
An invitation, if you resonated with.
Any of what I just said.
What are you grateful will never be complete or resolved.
What are you like? Oh, Thank goodness.
This will never.
(23:48):
Be finished.
What is that? Number two.
What process would you like to sit inside forever? What process.
Are you unconditionally? I committed to.
(24:09):
Being inside.
Forever.
And three.
Can you take a part of you that feels like struggle.
And become unconditional with it being here.
What might it turn into when it's fully seen and accepted? I am currently working on February is nostalgia now.
(24:34):
If you are not a paid subscriber, nostalgia now is my monthly photographic journaling template.
One of kind templates where.
I give you a Canva template with, um, prompts.
And you go through the photos that you took in the last month of your life.
And you answer my prompts with pictures and through this.
(24:58):
Visual excavation and expression.
you're able to really sink your teeth into what your life is right now.
What the last few weeks of your life has looked like.
And.
Really bring that hindsight.
Into the present and journal.
(25:20):
On what you would like to take with you into the next month? And.
I believe that these monthly check-ins with ourselves not only gives us something.
Wonderful to do what those hundreds and thousands of photos we take every month.
Instead of just accumulating them, but it gives us a way to.
(25:42):
Pivot pivot, pivot the ship each month into a sharper.
More connected, aligned.
Life that we're living with ourselves instead of like a yearly new year's check-in.
Let's do that.
A bit more than once a year, shall we? So if you're interested in that you could subscribe on my sub stack.
(26:05):
you can still subscribe for the free version of my sub stack, where you get the visual.
Podcast episodes.
So each podcast episode has.
A written post alongside of my art.
My photography.
So if you want that to come to your inbox, go ahead and hit subscribe on sub stack.
(26:26):
All right.
That is it for you today? That is it for me today.
I have to go pick up the kids.
And I hope you have a beautiful rest of your week. 409 00:26:35,887.4333333 --> 00:26:39,107.4333333 This has been an Awkward Sage Production.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.