Beaver Damned: The Flying Wedge

Ever had a perfectly ordinary day suddenly transform into a story you'll be telling for decades? That's exactly what happened when a simple golf game turned into "The Beaver Dam Incident."

My supposedly reliable 56-degree wedge—ironically nicknamed "the closer"—had other plans that day on the 16th hole. One slippery grip later, and my beloved club was helicoptering through the air before landing squarely in what I can only describe as "a rodent condo." Thus began our impromptu rescue mission featuring four grown men, a borrowed groundskeeper's rake, and one very unimpressed beaver.

Send me a message, pretty please.

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Here For the Memories

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Here for the memories thought-provoking audio memoir
shorts filled with stories,humor, anecdotes and commentary
on social, cultural, businessand religious issues.
Whatever Lyndon remembers andthinks will entertain, challenge
and inform is a possiblesubject.

(00:20):
The collection of memoriesabout one's life allows for the
development and refinement of asense of self, including who one
is, how one has changed andwhat one might be like in the
future.

Speaker 2 (00:36):
Greetings and salutations.
This is Lyndon Wolfe and youhave had the good fortune of
stumbling upon my audio memoir,not a podcast.
It's about me, my life, mystories, my thoughts, my
commentary, just to leavesomething behind for the small
crowd that knows and loves me,so that when I depart this

(00:59):
planet they wouldn't read amemoir but they may listen to
some of these silly excerpts andlaugh at me or laugh with me.
Nonetheless, I'm glad you'vejoined me for this part of the
journey, always glad to havevisitors.
Last episode we looked at fourgolfing stooges linden, uniquely

(01:20):
named nate, shane and alan andtheir escapades.
The story continues.
I would call this beaver damnedthe flying wedge story.
Now, following the infamousnate lost in the woods incident
of the last episode, the guyshad managed to play another few

(01:43):
holes with only minor trauma.
Lyndon got dive-bombed by aBlue Jay, allen spraying
something important whilesneezing.
Shane lost his favorite ball towhat may or may not have been a
fox with a tidalist addiction.
And Nate well, nate continuedbeing Nate.
It was all calm until the 16thhole.

(02:06):
Lyndon stood at the edge of asmall creek that meandered
alongside the fairway.
Behind it, a peaceful littlebeaver dam.
Very picturesque, very serene.
Lyndon took out his trusty56-degree wedge, the one he
called the closer the closerright, that's a misnomer for a

(02:28):
delicate chip shot.
He lined it up, swung withgrace and beautifully executed
until in slow motion horror hewatched as the closer slipped
right out of his hand, its wingand helicoptered through the air
like a majestic but cursedbaton Plop, right in the middle

(02:52):
of the beaver dam.
Silence ensued.
Did you notice how I ensued thesilence?
Did you just throw your clubinto a rodent condo?
Alan asked, blinking, it wasn'ton purpose.
Linden muttered the grip waswet, you're wet.

(03:12):
Nate said helpfully.
Sipping a Diet Coke like thiswas a drama-free documentary.
Shane stepped forward scanningthe dam.
Okay, we retrieve it.
No big deal, it's just wood andwater and nature.
Alan chimed in.
And beavers, yeah, shane said,possibly carnivorous ones, but

(03:37):
still we're off to the damnrescue.
The team sprang into actionlike a half-motivated SWAT unit.
Nate was voted least useful, sohe was in charge of documenting
the mission with his phone.
This was for posterity, he said.
But also TikTok.
Shane took off his socks,rolled up his pants and stepped

(03:58):
into the water.
It's only a couple feet deep.
This is totally manageable.
Alan handed him a rake from thegroundskeeper's cart that they
borrowed.
He's napping.
It's only a couple feet deep.
This is totally manageable.
Alan handed him a rake from thegroundskeeper's cart that they
borrowed.
He's napping, it's fine.
Lyndon stood behind with immoralsupport and yelled things like
Watch out for snake logs anddon't let his teeth make an

(04:19):
imprint on you.
Shane prodded at the dam.
I can see it.
It's wedged in the top, likeit's part of the architecture.
Beavers have taste, lindenquipped.
Suddenly, a head popped up fromthe water, and it wasn't Shane's
.
A beaver stared at himjudgingly.
Shane froze he's.

(04:40):
He's looking into my soul.
Alan, with more words of wisdom, be diplomatic.
Shane nodded solemnly.
Mr Beaver, good sir, I don'twant to disrespect your home,
but I do require my friend'spoorly thrown golf implement.

(05:00):
The beaver slapped the waterloudly with his tail and
disappeared.
Shane quoted that famous line.
I think that's a no.
There was a heroic conclusion,however well, kind of heroic.
I don't know if you call these,these yahoos, heroic in any,

(05:22):
but after about 15 more minutesof negotiation, shane yelling
and the beaver splashing, shanemanaged to hook the wedge with
the rake, lift it triumphantlyinto the air and immediately he
slipped backward into the creeklike a reverse Excalibur moment.
Lyndon helped him up.
You're a hero.
I'm soaked, okay.

(05:43):
You're a wet hero.
Shane glared.
We're never speaking of thisagain, okay?
Oh, definitely not, except atyour wedding and your funeral,
and possibly both.
Back at the clubhouse, drippingand covered in questionable moss
, the boys recounted the taleover lukewarm hot dogs and

(06:04):
pride-swallowing beers.
Next week, allen said, staringto the middle distance, we need
to go bowling, agreed, they allsaid.
Nate then pulled out his phoneby the way, our beaver video has
12,000 views.
They all stared at him.
What hashtag did you use?
Lyndon asked Hashtag WedgeWarriors.

(06:27):
The table nodded in solemnapproval.
The end.
Again.
I'm Lyndon Wolfe and you'vebeen listening to my audio
memoir here for the Memories.
I hope you can look back onthings that have happened to you
with friends or even on yourown that were ridiculous and

(06:48):
silly and exaggerated and maybebigger than life, and you look
back and there's a glint in youreye and there is a smile on
your lips and there's a jump inyour heart as you recollect
fondly these treasures that makelife so interesting.

Speaker 1 (07:23):
If you don't have them, it takes to create and
deliver it.
Please consider a smallcontribution.
Just go to buymeacoffeecomslash here for the memories.
That's buymeacoffeecom slashhere for the memories.
Much appreciated.