Julie Barth turned personal loss and adversity into a mission of hope. After losing her first husband to cancer and surviving an abusive second marriage, she founded Colin James Barth Outreach to support women-led households in crisis. In collaboration with Podcasthon, a global charity podcast event, we spotlight how CJB Outreach provides legal aid, financial support, and resources for women navigating divorce, custody battles, and financial abuse. Julie shares her story of resilience, the struggles of single motherhood, and how women can reclaim their power with the right support. You are not alone—help is here.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Julie Barth (00:00):
When you feel alone, you don't fight for
yourself.
You've lost your courage.
You don't want people to know what's going
on in your home.
It's embarrassing, it's shameful, you feel
so broken and you feel like it's your fault.
So I want this charity not only to be a
monetary resource, but to be a source to
lift women up and let them know that it is
(00:22):
not on them, because they were kind and
they cared and they loved and they tried
and continue to try.
That does not make you a weak person.
It doesn't make you crazy.
It doesn't make you anything but a person
who's highly empathetic and cares greatly
for everyone.
But at a certain point you've got to care
for yourself.
Hilary Russo (00:40):
You, my friend, are a compassionate, caring,
empathetic human being.
Do you know that?
When is the last time somebody said that to
you?
When is the last time somebody said thank
you for everything you do?
If it's been a while, let me be the first
to say thank you, and also thank you for
(01:01):
tuning in to HIListically Speaking week
after week, because those are the kind of
people that tune into this show, speaking
week after week because those are the kind
of people that tune into the show.
But being that type of person means that
you likely put others first, don't you?
Yeah, I know I do it too.
And when the you know what hits the fan,
you still do what you know how to do best.
(01:26):
You protect, you nurture, you love, you
give to others.
It's just part of your makeup.
The human being kicks in before the human
doing because you care about others.
I get that.
I do it too.
But that got me thinking about those of us
who are the caretakers, the CEOs of the
home, mainly a job given to women, by women,
usually ourselves.
(01:47):
How are you going to handle all of that?
When something goes wrong, when life throws
you a curveball, a death, a health concern,
an unsafe environment, trauma.
It's no longer about thriving, is it?
It's about surviving, and as women, we have
(02:07):
a very hard time asking for help.
And that really got me thinking.
And before I knew it, there was a quote
that fell across my space and it was like
the universe just puts in your hands what
you need in that moment.
And the quote read like this the reality is
that anyone can find themselves in a
(02:29):
position where they stand to lose
everything in an instant.
It is our duty as a community to help one
another, as we hope others will help us.
Let that sink in.
Julie Barth said that If you don't know who
she is, you are about to get to know her a
(02:50):
little bit.
Because this episode is a little different.
I've joined a movement.
This year I'm taking part in something
that's called podcasthon.
It's a global charity podcast event
happening this March, and podcasters across
the world are taking part in this, where
we're dedicating one episode to a nonprofit
(03:10):
or a charity, a philanthropic organization
of choice, to bring awareness, to really
help each other out right.
Help others help us.
So that's what we're doing here, and I'm
dedicating this episode of HIListically
Speaking to support the Colin James Barth
Outreach CJB Outreach, because they're
(03:34):
dedicated to empowering women-led
households in times of crisis, because, no
matter who you are, no mother should have
to choose between their child's safety or a
lack of resources.
So, by providing legal assistance, they're
helping to protect those families without
fear, without intimidation or financial
(03:55):
strain, ensuring that they can make
decisions, they being women, they being
mothers, from a place of strength and not
desperation.
Julie's own trauma became her triumph when
she lost her first husband, colin, to
cancer, was caring for six children,
(04:16):
including one with special needs, and then
she found herself in a new relationship.
That was less than desirable, in fact, it
was a nightmare for both her and her
children.
But somewhere along the way, after losing
everything, she found herself again and she
said yes to help.
(04:36):
Cjb Outreach was born out of that, and
maybe you or someone you know could use
their support, and that's why we're
dedicating this episode, with partnership
with Podcasthon, to CJB and all the women
out there who know that it is okay to say
yes to help.
(04:56):
So take a listen, julie.
We had a couple moments to talk.
This is a new relationship, you and me, and
I'm just elated to know that people like
you are on this planet and while we say
it's unfortunate that we go through these
traumas in our lives, but we're able to
turn them into triumphs.
Hopefully, you're truly the spirit behind
(05:17):
that and I'm so glad to have you here on
the show to share your story, to share your
mission and welcome.
Julie Barth (05:24):
Well, thank you so much.
You know, sometimes it's hard to hear those
kind of phrases, but I really appreciate
them.
Hilary Russo (05:29):
Absolutely.
Usually the compassionate, empathetic type
tend to say that, especially us women.
It's hard for us to accept compliments, you
know, but when those moments come and you
can just sit back and see what you're doing
and how you're making a difference, it's
just coming from the most authentic place,
isn't it?
Julie Barth (05:52):
It is.
It is.
Yeah, I mean, you always hope that that's
how people see you.
So it is.
It does make your heart shine a little bit.
So thank you.
Hilary Russo (05:55):
Absolutely so.
What I would like to do is just share with
the HIListically Speaking audience who you
are more about what you're doing, your
mission, your story.
This is a really special episode and you
have a relatively new nonprofit.
That really caught my eye.
Your story caught my eye and I'd rather the
(06:18):
words come from you, because the idea of
putting this mess into a message to create
something bigger as a collective, as a
community, is really what we're all about
on this planet.
Hopefully we follow that way of living, but
your story really is making a difference
and I would love for you to just share.
Julie Barth (06:40):
Thank you.
I am the mother to six.
I have been through a lot of stuff, I mean,
and everybody has, so I'm no different than
anybody else.
But I've seen my fair share of people I
love, which is, I think, even harder.
You know, when you go through, well, it's
debatable, but when you go through
something yourself, you experience it,
(07:01):
experiencing secondhand.
Sometimes you can just there's so many
things that are out of your control.
My story started.
I'm an author.
The first book that I wrote started because
I was mother to four.
I had a daughter with special needs who had
been through a whole bunch of traumas and
she was just coming out the other end.
(07:21):
She has primordial dwarfism.
Still, she's 24 now and she's fighting 24
pounds and you'd never know it because
she's a spitfire.
But the book I found out that my husband,
who was my pretty much my soulmate I had
met him first, kiss, you know high school
sweethearts was diagnosed with stage four
(07:42):
pancreatic cancer.
When my youngest, at the time of four, was
six months, they said take him home, he's
got two weeks to live.
So, coming off of all the trauma with Tatum,
she was starting to fly and it was almost
like this is the way that I see the world.
Colin was there by my side.
He was my person to hold me up and he was
(08:05):
there for a very short period of time.
But he got Tatum to a place where she was
starting to soar and it was almost his time
to kind of exit.
And as much as I hated that, I couldn't
imagine life without him going through what
we did with Tatum.
So my first book is really a tribute to
(08:26):
both Tatum's fight.
If you hopefully will get a chance to read
it, she is a miracle by every.
She wasn't supposed to be born, she wasn't
supposed to talk, she wasn't supposed to
walk.
And here we are again, 24 years later, and
she's an artist and she's a force.
And to make matters worse, she which starts
(08:49):
up the second book she came down with
cancer when she was 13.
So she finally fought her way up and then
ended up with a rare form of cancer after
everything was resolved.
But I've tried to take all of that and
honor Colin's name and that was my first
husband's name.
And I've just been in a lot of positions
(09:09):
where I've had to rebuild, reinvent.
Everything's fallen on me to care for, to
make sure people are taken care of, and I
take that responsibility very heavily and
there have been points in my life where you
know you're down to your last dime, you're
down to your last pit of energy and you
think I can't do this anymore.
(09:31):
But, as any woman mother knows, that's you
can't.
There's no stopping.
You're in a marathon and you just keep
running.
Hilary Russo (09:43):
And you mentioned you know we're going to
talk ina minute about the Colin James Barth
Outreach, which is the nonprofit you
created in to your your first husband's
name, who passed from pancreatic cancer.
I can only imagine, and doing so many
episodes as I've done, having so many
conversations and talking to people who
(10:04):
have really been through different
struggles and triumph traumas.
Rather, you know, to find help when you're
in that traumatic place is really difficult,
no matter what the upset is.
I mean, you're in fight or flight.
How do I get help?
Where do I go first?
And so when I heard about your story that
(10:25):
you're focusing on helping women-led
households, women who are needing and
seeking support, when they might have a
spouse that is going through something or a
child that's going through something or,
good God, you're going through something
because you're running the household,
You're the CEO of the household.
That's what women normally are.
(10:47):
And where do you go for help during these
times?
Because a lot of things run through our
minds of where do we go first and what help
do we need, that we don't even find out
what help we need until we're in it and it
feels like there is no help right we're in
it and there is.
Julie Barth (11:06):
It feels like there is no help.
Right, correct, yeah.
And I, you know, I don't ask for help.
I, I have a very independent mother.
Um, we were taught stand tall and I think
that that is a huge part of our generation
as women.
Um, you know, we're taught to be
breadwinners but mothers.
So accepting help is a very hard thing
because it's almost like a loss of control,
and nobody wants to lose that control over
(11:27):
their household.
So when people would ask you know what can
I help you with, that was almost more
stressful than not having help, because
even the thought of me sitting around and
going I can't even tell you what I need,
because I don't even know what I need,
because it, would you know, shift so
quickly that you know.
I will say that, and this is part of the
(11:50):
thought behind my charity too, is that you
don't know what you need.
And but other people do you know, just
because I was sitting there going, gosh, I
don't, what do I need?
Anyone could have walked in my house and
said she clearly needs to her laundry, her
refrigerator is empty, her kids haven't
been picked up from school.
But those were thoughts that I couldn't,
(12:12):
they couldn't resonate.
I was putting out fire alarms, I was, you
know when was Colin needing his you know
his medicine, his appointment.
So I did have many people and I was very
the last two stepped in and just said you
know, I even had one woman, you know, I
woke up in the morning and they were snow
plowing my driveway and I didn't even know
(12:33):
who they were snow plowing my driveway and
I didn't even know who they were.
They just came over and it's those little
pieces of pockets of you know people
stepping in and stepping up and they don't
even have to know you.
But those, the smallest things can be, make
the biggest difference in your life,
whatever position that is, and when you
don't have to ask for it or, you know, beg
(12:55):
for it or yeah.
Hilary Russo (12:57):
And you mentioned community.
You say community and people that are
stepping in that you don't even know, and
really that's what it's all about, right?
And when you're in, when you're in the
throes of things, it's hard for you to put
thought together of what you really do need,
like I mentioned, and you're and you're
saying that as well, and I think it can be
any kind of situation when we're in that.
But when we are trying to make everything
(13:18):
work, sometimes it's so hard to take
ourselves out of the narrative to see what
it is we need.
And when you created this foundation, this
charity, this wasn't when you were in the
throes of it.
By the way, I do want to make it very clear
that this has been a 12-year journey to get
you to the place where you now have the
(13:39):
colin james barth mission, right, this,
this organization, this outreach, because
of the things that you dealt with, even
after the loss of your husband and then
raising then what became six children, like
you said, because you were then in a second
relationship that did not fare very well or
(14:00):
allow you to move into that space.
Can we talk about that briefly too?
Julie Barth (14:04):
You hear survivor's guilt and this is
something outside of that.
To me, survivor's guilt was always kind of
like you know, you're in a lifeboat and you
make a decision to get out at the sacrifice
of somebody else.
I always thought it was like, you know,
twin Towers you made it up the stairs,
someone else didn't.
But I didn't recognize that it happens to
(14:26):
people who care, give in these situations.
And you know I came out of it not knowing
all of the guilt that I had.
You know anybody on the outside would say,
oh my.
And you know I came out of it not knowing
all of the guilt that I had.
You know anybody on the outside would say,
oh my gosh, you were so strong, you cared
for him so deeply.
But there were things that you say to
yourself in your inside voice, wishing him
gone, you know, wishing that he wasn't
(14:47):
around anymore, saying, you know he wanted
to go for treatment and I was lying to him
because he didn't have the wherewithal to
be able to even reason why we weren't.
But I had to lie to him and he was my best
friend and I had to lie to him continually.
And it's all of those experiences, things
that you were thinking that maybe nobody
(15:08):
else heard but you did.
And when somebody leaves, you remember the
person that you lost before they got sick,
not the person that you so desperately wish
would move, that was sick.
So all of those feelings, you just kind of
pick them up, you shelf them, you move
along and if you don't unpack them, you end
(15:28):
up in situations like I did with my second
marriage and I settled for somebody who
treated me very badly and I think you know
unpacking all of that.
I had so much guilt and shame in my inside
voice and not being able to save someone
who looked to me to save them that I
(15:50):
thought I deserved what I got.
I just thought you know that I wasn't a
good person.
If people knew what I was thinking, if
people knew that I lied to my husband, you
know, when he was in his final moments.
I took that very personally and I could not
let go of that.
And instead of having somebody there to
talk to me, the shame was eating away at me
(16:11):
and drove me into further shame, because
then I married somebody who took advantage
of it, saw my weaknesses, used them against
me.
And then where do you go with it?
Because I had left my entire past behind,
thinking I was going to start over and
leave Julie Barth behind.
And you can't.
It has to be unpacked, but that unpacking
(16:32):
is so painful that it's much easier to just
keep the train on the same pavement.
So that's what I did.
Hilary Russo (16:40):
At some point, julie picked up her
bootstraps, pulled them up and said enough
is enough.
And I'm curious about that point in your
life, about that point in your life.
When did that happen, where now you're in a
relationship that is not as not loving, not
caring, with someone that is taking
advantage and abusing you?
(17:03):
How did you walk away from that?
Because, as someone who deals with a lot of
narcissistic, abusive relationships in the
work that I do and even going through it
myself, by the way it's very hard to see it
when you it myself, by the way.
It's very hard to see it when you're in it.
In fact, it's almost impossible, but it's
not impossible to get out of it.
I want to preface it with that because
obviously both of us are an example of that
but it's hard to see it when you're in it,
(17:25):
especially when you are beat down.
And so how did you move forward and remove
yourself from that situation and build
yourself back up?
Julie Barth (17:35):
I would love to say that I had had enough
and I walked away.
So I did have enough, but I had two very
small children and I knew that they would
be used as pawns and they were not old
enough to speak for themselves, so I kept
at it.
But I did have four children from my first
marriage, who he was very terrible to.
(17:55):
I specifically had a younger boy who was
very sensitive and just wanted a dad and
was stepped all over and very ridiculed.
And one day I had to come to Jesus moment
and he said to me Mom, I don't understand
you.
You know why you keep going back.
He's threatened to kill me.
He's threatened to kill me.
He's threatened to kill you.
(18:17):
I've slept and I, you know these things,
but you don't want to acknowledge it.
He said I've slept with a knife under my
bed since I was six.
That was it.
I don't care what it takes.
I have put this off long enough.
I've excused it.
I have made excuses for it.
I've isolated myself and I thought that I
was being the buffer you know like I
(18:40):
thought, placing myself in the middle of it,
taking the brunt of it.
You know, being yelled at and screamed at
and threatened, and that I was protecting
them.
And kids know, yeah, they're smart, yeah,
and the thought that I let him grow up
without a childhood and a knife under his
bed was enough.
So it was not easy.
(19:01):
He came after me, he lied about me, he set
me up for two years, he recorded me, he
sent things to his friends, he sent all my
text messages to other people, he stole
everything I had, he bottomed out my
accounts, he um, he did everything possible
and I knew at a certain point that I was
going to lose everything and I had to be
(19:23):
okay with that and I just had to make sure
that my children were protected.
And I wasn't.
I wasn't able to for three years.
It was a battle and a fight and I gave
every dollar I had, you know, and I said I
don't care if I live in a trailer park and
it should never come to that.
My children, if I deserved it, that was one
(19:44):
thing.
But my children did not deserve to be put
on hold, to have a guardian that wasn't
listening and for my hands to be tied and
put them in jeopardy wasn't listening and
for my hands to be tied and put them in
jeopardy.
So that's when, not only did I step up, but
I said I won't ever let anyone, as long as
I can, if I can.
I never want anyone to be in that position
again.
Hilary Russo (20:03):
That takes a lot of courage and
vulnerability, you know especially when
there's still that trauma from the first
marriage and a loss, it's now, it's still,
even if it was toxic in the second marriage,
it's still a loss.
And then there's the fear of losing
children and losing everything.
But clearly you're on the other side of
(20:26):
this now and you're able to put this
amazing organization to work, which I truly
love this.
And, look, we're doing a very special
episode here because I'm part of a movement
that's happening right now called Podcasthon.
It is a global community of podcasters who
are featuring and focusing on charities and
(20:48):
nonprofits so that we can amplify the voice,
be the voice and help put these amazing
charities out there.
And so that's why I wanted to focus on the
Colin James Barth outreach and your story
and what you're doing, because seeing this
happen and really truly being what
HIListically Speaking is about those trauma
(21:09):
to triumph stories poster child for this.
Because you've been through battle of loss
and you've been through the battle of
sickness and being a parent of a special
needs child and losing everything and
abusive relationships.
And here you are on the other side and and
you go back 12 years later to creating this
(21:33):
organization so that you can help others
like you find the support that you had a
hard time finding.
Yeah, so I love that and and we're so I'm
so so grateful to have you share the story,
and we didn't get a chance to really talk
about your books yet.
Real quick, the first book you said is
about your daughter and Colin.
(21:53):
Um, your daughter Tatum, and uh, who's the
incredible artist?
Is that the one that there's with?
Julie Barth (21:57):
just six children.
How do?
Hilary Russo (21:59):
you keep track of all their amazing talents,
right, and that one's notes from a
Blackberry, a Blackberry, right, and then
your second book is what.
Julie Barth (22:08):
That one's going to be released later this
year and it's called from Blackberries to
Thorns Great.
And then I actually am in the writing a
third one right now.
That's from thorns to blossoms.
Wow, and that's hopefully more of a
introspective, like unpacking everything
and trying to figure out, you know, the
meaning and helping others to.
(22:29):
You know.
Take action instead of sticking with it and
keep hoping it's going to get better when
it clearly isn't worth saving.
Hilary Russo (22:37):
Clearly, writing is therapeutic for you,
because you mentioned that and we had this
conversation that you wrote a lot of the
first book Notes from a Blackberry on your
Blackberry which do we even have
Blackberries anymore?
No, it just goes to show you how long ago
you started working on this, when Colin was
sick.
You were doing this when he was going
through treatment and there's so much that
(22:57):
can really come from just purging and
writing, so it is a memoir, and then moving
into the second book that you have coming
out and then the third book.
We're going to put all of that in the notes
of this podcast so people can grab that
book.
Julie Barth (23:10):
Well, actually it's coming out in audio
(23:32):
break community.
Hilary Russo (23:33):
So it's wonderful when you see people
coming together.
But let's talk about the charity too, and
again, you know we're doing this episode in
collaboration with Podcasthon.
It's a global effort to inspire you to get
in touch with a charity, to see what other
charities are out there.
So, focusing on the Colin James Barth
outreach and let's talk about that
(23:54):
specifically so that we can give people an
idea exactly what it is that this charity
is doing and who it's helping.
Julie Barth (24:02):
So it was formed obviously to honor my
first husband, but that situation itself
was just kind of a microcosm of what I'm
trying to accomplish as women.
We're caregivers, we're caring for our
parents, we're caring for our children,
we're caring for our significant others,
and sometimes we find ourselves in a
(24:22):
position where we were single, and not only
single, but had a household, for whatever
reason, whether it's divorce or illness,
and you know you've devoted your entire
adult life to not being the breadwinner.
You know you might have a job, or you might
have, or a second income even.
And all of a sudden you're in the throes of
(24:44):
not only having to care for children but
take care of everyone.
And you know you go in for a job and they
say well, what's your experience?
And it's almost as if you've been living in
a bubble for it.
Well, I don't have any, but you do.
I mean, you're a project manager, you're a
therapist, you're you know nurse, you're a
(25:07):
caregiver, you're a counselor, you're
probably doing sales at, you know, at your
kid's school.
So there's a lot of kind of revolving
pieces in this charity that we're running.
We're trying to partner with companies who
are willing to see women, for you know sure,
their education is 10 years old, maybe 15
years old, but to recognize their special
skills, what they bring to the table, that
(25:28):
they have so many talents to give and not
in a, you know, part-time capacity for
minimum wage, and who are also willing to
work with them, to work around their
schedules so that they can work at
nighttime, when they're most productive,
when they have the right hours and it's
meaningful work.
It's not remedial work.
You know, we have so much to give as
(25:49):
mothers and there's so many lessons to
learn from us, but unfortunately our
society tends to make us feel as if we're
an afterthought or oh, that's great and
kind of pat us on the head.
So I'm trying to overcome those barriers to
experience and work experience, because I
don't know what's harder than to run a
household.
So that's one part of it.
(26:10):
The second part is if you find yourself in
a situation, as I did, in a divorce, with
somebody who the average woman's standard
of living goes down 40% when they get
divorced and a man's goes down 10% on
average.
So there's a lot of range in that too.
I don't think that women should have to get
(26:31):
to a point where they are, you know, having
to flee their homes.
They need assistance to pay for their kids'
clothing.
Why don't we have support systems that stop
them before they get there and protects
children when we can't through monetary
means?
The Guardian-Eleiden system is broken.
Our court systems are broken and I can't
(26:53):
fix the courts, but I want to be the person
that helps to give people resources to get
out of the situations they're in.
I'd love to Don't get me wrong.
I'd love to get started on the courts, but
one step at a time, it's just.
I want to give women community, especially
in these situations where you feel like
(27:13):
your community has abandoned you, which
they haven't.
You feel like your family has, you know,
walked away and they haven't.
They just don't know how to help.
Hilary Russo (27:23):
Yeah, and we hear the word community a lot.
You know community collective Look, I have
one as well, and there are many others who
tune into the show, even those who don't
that have built communities, collectives,
tribes or whatever you want to call it,
that we can connect with, and more likely
it's women.
Because we are sisters, we need support.
(27:44):
It's how we started, that's how we created
that collective in the red tent back in the
day, right?
So what makes this more than just a
community and a support?
I mean, what kind of things are you really
offering within the outreach program that
can be very beneficial to women and
women-led households and those who are
(28:06):
going through something in the struggle
where they don't see the forest through the
trees?
Julie Barth (28:10):
Mostly, like I said, what we want to do is
take away the burden of bills when it comes
to legal fees so that you can focus on
protecting your kids instead of oh, I can't
even send my lawyer another email because
it's going to cost me $25, because you do
get to that.
I also want to build a network of lawyers
and guardian of items and counselors who
(28:34):
know how to identify these sort of economic,
financial and emotional abuse situations
that are not they are not recognized in the
court.
You cannot go to court and say I've been
emotionally abused because it's not a thing
which again needs to be tackled on a
different front.
But we need people who can spot these
things, who can say this is what's going on
(28:54):
and protect these kids from being used as
pawns, because that's exactly what happens.
So that's a big part of the charity, as
well as just mentoring.
I personally, in talking about our charity,
I can't even tell you I've probably
encountered 20 people in the past two weeks
that I've sat down and had a conversation
about this and everyone is saying my
(29:16):
sister's going through this, my aunt went
through this, my best friend is going
through this, and they have all asked me
will you please, would you mind sitting
down with them, would you mind explaining
to them, so that when you feel alone, you
don't fight for yourself.
You've lost your courage.
You don't want people to know what's going
on in your home.
It's embarrassing, it's shameful.
(29:40):
You, you don't want people to know what's
going on in your home.
It's embarrassing, it's shameful.
You feel so broken and you feel like it's
your fault.
I want this charity not only to be a
monetary resource, but to be a source to
lift women up and let them know that it is
not on them, because they were kind and
they cared and they loved and they tried
and continue to try.
That does not make you a weak person.
It doesn't make you crazy.
It doesn't make you anything but a person
(30:01):
who's highly empathetic and cares greatly
for everyone.
But at a certain point you've got to care
for yourself.
Hilary Russo (30:07):
And that's really the strength right there
is realizing when you need help and asking
for help.
That's the biggest batch of courage right
there is saying you know what?
I can't do it all myself.
And look, I hear this a lot, a lot.
And I think the first step to any change
has to be an awareness that a change needs
to happen.
(30:27):
So when you're in the throes of something
and maybe you don't see it when you're in
it because it is hard to see it when you
are in it but that moment where you have
that little like little spark of hmm, but
that moment where you have that little
spark of hmm that says something just
doesn't feel right.
It's usually right and it's usually that
higher self, that GPS system that we have
internally, saying I'm going against the
(30:49):
resistance of something and maybe I need to
just take a step back and, yeah, be okay,
asking for help, because you'd be surprised,
my friends, those those tuning in, and
Julie as well, myself these are messages to
myself as well.
I'm talking to me too.
That you'd be surprised how many people
will step forward and say how can I support
(31:09):
you when you just ask for help?
Julie Barth (31:14):
Yeah, Right, yeah, and I think a lot of
people.
I can't tell you how many people sat there
and listened to me for years, years.
And finally I had one friend say to me when
you are done, you will know you are done.
Hilary Russo (31:29):
And.
Julie Barth (31:29):
I remember thinking, oh, you don't
understand, I'm going to go down with the
ship with this one.
But she was the very first person to come
back and say I knew you would know and I
didn't want to push you, but I was waiting
in the wings.
And there are people that are always
waiting in the wings.
They might not, they don't want to get
involved, because they think you're going
to probably go back to it and then you're
(31:50):
going to shut them out if they, if they
talk badly, you know.
So they're stuck in kind of the same fog
that you are just standing on the outside
wondering how to help.
But they will and they want to.
Hilary Russo (32:01):
Right, so I want to mention something.
I saw this on your website.
By the way, we're going to put all this in
the podcast notes.
It's the cjboutreachorg.
That's for Colin James Barth.
That is your first husband that you lost,
the love of your life, love that.
You are coming back and I'm sure he is
wherever he is, is going.
You go, girl, I knew you were gonna do it.
(32:22):
You ever think about stuff like that, like
what do you think, stu?
I do, I do.
Julie Barth (32:26):
Yeah, probably more so than I'd want to
admit.
Yes, if there was one person that I really
just cared what he thought and you know not
to go back to it either, but there were
many times after he passed that I made
decisions, and that was.
Another thing is I thought he would have
made a better decision.
He was always my guide.
(32:46):
He was always, but, in looking back on it,
he was my guide because he stood behind me
and he supported me, and all you need is to
have the support of someone that you really
believe in to help you believe in yourself,
and that's what we want to be.
Hilary Russo (33:00):
And hey, there's that quote out there
behind every good man is a strong woman,
it's not a quote.
Julie Barth (33:06):
It's a reality.
It is a reality.
Hilary Russo (33:08):
And speaking of reality, you said and this
is on your website it said the reality is,
anyone can find themselves in a position
where they stand to lose everything in an
instant, like in an instant.
And if it is your duty, it is our duty as a
community to help one another, as we hope
others will help us.
Right?
And it can be as simple as just deciding
(33:31):
and saying hey, Julie, I want this to be
the subject of this podcast episode, or how
can I support you further?
Or you need your laundry folded?
Cool, I got you.
Julie Barth (33:42):
Or you need me to do a voiceover.
I'm at the grocery store.
Yeah, I'm at the grocery store.
Let me pick something up for you, right?
Hilary Russo (33:47):
It's the simplest things that make the
biggest difference.
Because the currency of time is sometimes
more valuable than money itself.
Actually, I think it is the currency of
time and kindness and compassion.
These are currencies too.
We we tend to overlook it.
We're so fixated on the monetary side of
currency.
(34:07):
But the other currencies are so valuable
and the currency of connection and
collaboration and community probably.
I would put first Right.
Julie Barth (34:17):
So I would agree yeah.
Hilary Russo (34:19):
Well, that's why you're here, that's why
we're here.
This was not me choosing you, this was us
choosing each other.
Right, so we'll share.
We'll share everything about the, the
mission here, the outreach, which is the
Colin James Bart outreach, and
cjboutreachorg.
I'm remembering it on the top of my head.
(34:41):
And also this is a very special episode
that is a part of Podcasthon, which is a
global charity podcast event that is
happening right now, and there are many
other podcasts that are supporting many
other charities.
This was just the one I wanted to support
and I was really happy when they came to me
and said, hey, would you be a part of this?
And I said absolutely yes.
Then you just appeared, you know.
(35:03):
So things happen just in the most beautiful,
magical, miraculous ways right, they really
do.
I told you I don't believe in accidents
ever, absolutely not.
So where you are now.
What I would love to know is where would
you like to take this organization?
Where would you like to see this charity go?
Julie Barth (35:22):
Well, that's the problem is I've got, I'm a
Pisces.
I don't know if you know anything about
Pisces Left and right, I'd like to take the
world over, right right, one of the most
exciting well, not the most exciting in the
future.
Again, I think I've mentioned like I
couldn't do anything to stop cancer.
I couldn't you know, but there were certain
(35:43):
things that I chose that brought me to
where I was at in one of the worst
situations I was in.
I don't know if you're familiar with Gabby
Petito.
Hilary Russo (35:52):
Yes, I would imagine the entire world is.
Julie Barth (35:57):
Thank God, it's about time, yeah.
So I've spoken with them about perhaps
bringing a prevention program to young
women.
And you know, not just about domestic abuse,
but about protecting yourself in many ways.
You know, if you're a stay at home mom, you
should be, should have your own savings
account, you should be paying yourself the
same way that you would pay yourself at a
(36:17):
job.
Um, just taking steps, um, to help young
women, see, see the signs, we all see them.
You know, I, I don't know, I don't think in
in being older you, you know, you've seen
it it's like yeah, yeah, yeah.
But when you're so young and idealistic and
you've got these, you know, you just think
(36:39):
you're invincible.
So I don't want to bring anybody's dream
down, but you know, just to, prevention is
is a very strong point in me too.
Hilary Russo (37:02):
if you're not familiar with who Gabby
Petito is, she was the young lady that
traveled a trip with her boyfriend and went
missing for a number of months.
And then you know, we come to find out the
fate of that was not.
She didn't really go missing.
Um, I don't know if you want to speak about,
speak to that a little bit, since, um,
you're talking to them, but just, it's
(37:23):
important to be aware of your surroundings
and the people you're with.
Sometimes we aren't aware of that and, um,
we just would like less outcomes to turn
out like Gabby's situation.
Julie Barth (37:32):
And I, you know, I saw it, uh, the first
time I came around and I will say it
profoundly changed me.
There was one part of it where the police
stopped the couple and she was outside the
van and he played it off like I had to lock
her out.
She couldn't control her emotion, she was
aggressive, she was aggressive and the cops
(37:53):
ended up turning the situation around,
buying him a hotel room for battered
husbands or significant others, leaving her
in the van and she disappeared, yeah.
Hilary Russo (38:04):
This was her boyfriend, by the way.
Julie Barth (38:06):
This was her boyfriend.
I think it was her fiance.
Hilary Russo (38:08):
Yeah, fiance.
Julie Barth (38:08):
So it was a true eye opener to you know,
looking on the outside and being somebody
who's been in that situation, I knew all
the signs.
But we should all learn to know all of the
signs.
Mothers I'm sure that her mother, you know,
probably had feelings about it.
But you just feel helpless and we can't be
(38:29):
in a state of helplessness anymore.
It's not okay anymore.
Hilary Russo (38:32):
And it's also very hard to tell somebody
what to do and to get out of something if
they are not truly ready.
Oh yeah, I mean, you can't tell anyone what
to do and to get out of something if they
are not truly ready.
Oh yeah, I mean, you can't tell anyone what
to do, you can't tell someone to go to
therapy and say you really need to go to
therapy if they're not ready.
And it's understanding the warning signs,
understanding any signs, and that was
(38:54):
really I mean, that was definitely on the
folks that stopped that car to have a
better understanding of that kind of
situation, but also how it trickled down
and what it turned into didn't have to
happen that way.
Absolutely, it took a wrong turn.
Julie Barth (39:10):
Yeah, it was real, real tragedy and it was
hard to watch.
Hilary Russo (39:13):
Yeah.
Julie Barth (39:14):
Yeah, somebody who was in that position and
knowing that I could have been.
Yeah, somebody who is in that position and
knowing that I could have been.
You know, and having four daughters, it's a
real problem and it's not an isolated
incident.
I mean, we love to think it wouldn't happen
to me, but we have to all think that it
could.
Hilary Russo (39:30):
We also could have thought it's the only
way to get through, we'd never be in a
narcissistic, abusive relationship, or that
you would be in partnership with someone
that is no longer here anymore.
I mean, you know what do they say If you
want to make God laugh, tell them your
plans.
And that is so true.
You know, we can only go forward powerfully
and live our true selves and do the best
that we can.
(39:50):
Of what you're doing now, you know, going
through the upsets and the traumas you've
gone through, how are your kids doing today?
I'd like to know that.
Julie Barth (40:00):
My kids are amazing.
They are resilient and strong and sweet and
kind.
Colin's youngest daughter actually just got
a full ride to Clemson University and she
did it all herself because she wrote a
whole bunch of essays about her father and
her stepfather and you know she was really
(40:22):
a huge part behind this, the outreach as
well.
We both came to terms.
The rest of them I have my first grandbaby.
I can't even believe it.
Hilary Russo (40:33):
How is that even possible?
Julie Barth (40:37):
He said, when they came to me, they said
well, what do you want?
What is she going to call you?
And I said how about Aunt Julie?
Hilary Russo (40:43):
You're like I'm not ready, I'm not ready,
but I am ready Her first birthday is at my
house this weekend.
Julie Barth (40:49):
I always say they turned out beautifully in
spite of me.
So I hope, you know, I hope the best of
them.
They've each risen to the occasion and you
know, I hope the best of them.
They've.
They've each risen to the occasion and they,
they have pulled me out many, many times
and they're a reason why I'm here and why
I'm relatively sane and why I'm doing what
I'm doing.
Hilary Russo (41:06):
Yeah, and I imagine that there's going to
be a spark of courage and vulnerability and
strength and just everything that comes
with who you are.
We'll see that in your kids and your
grandchild and those to come future
grandchildren.
I got to say anybody watching this on
YouTube.
You're going to look at this beautiful
woman that I'm having a conversation with
and be like how in the world is she a
(41:27):
grandma?
Because I'm sitting here, going.
Yeah, I mean, you shine, and maybe part of
that is because you're finally being able
to live this dream, this passion of putting
something that has really been part of your
plan for the past 12 years.
That's a long time to sit on something,
(41:47):
including the books you know, to finally be
able to see things come to light.
I can only imagine what it must feel like.
Julie Barth (41:54):
It almost feels like I am two different
people.
You know, I had to read my book and then I
listened to it and the audio version just
it was like I was listening to somebody
else's story and I don't know.
One of the most important things I found
whether you're a writer or not a writer, I
(42:14):
didn't write this for notoriety.
I didn't write it to put it out into the
universe, although I'm glad I did.
I forgot so many things and important and
in real life affirming things that I'm so
blessed and happy that I wrote down,
because when I revisit those things I
remember that there was so much life to be
(42:36):
had in A Death Sy death series.
It just was.
There were so many moments that I'm so glad
that I made mention to that.
My children can relive it, because Piper
was only six months.
So if anyone's going through something like
this I know people are like journal journal,
even if it doesn't come naturally just
write down those things that mean something
in the moment, because it might not strike
(42:58):
you in the moment why you're writing it
down, but I promise you, if you do, you'll
go back and you'll say that I was meant to
read that and it is a reminder of something
that I was supposed to learn and I was too
busy at the time.
But I'm listening now and it is really
important to remember the good things as
(43:19):
well as the bad, because you're just swept
away by a tidal wave in these kinds of
crises.
Hilary Russo (43:23):
Absolutely, and it's just.
It says something about who you are and
that you're able to do this, and I can
imagine you're going to touch, move and
inspire a lot of people who are going to
tune into this episode.
Again, we're going to share everything and
let you know how to get in touch with Julie,
how to find out about the Colin James Barth
outreach, your books.
(43:43):
It's all going to be in the notes of this
podcast, as well as a little bit about
Podcasthon, which is this great
organization that is giving us, as
podcasters, a space to share amazing
philanthropies and charities, like Julie's.
But before we go, yes, I don't know how
(44:04):
familiar you are with HIListically Speaking,
but I do a little game at the end of every
episode, and this is what I call the brain
candy game.
Basically, I've been writing down words
that you've said.
I'm going to throw a word out to you and
what I would like for you to do is come
back with the first word that comes to mind,
a little word association.
So a fun way to just kind of like think
(44:24):
about what words are really that you're
sharing and then what they really mean to
you in that moment.
Right, okay, keep that brain working.
Julie Barth (44:31):
I'm going to put my glasses on.
Hilary Russo (44:33):
I'm trying, All right here we go, you ready,
I am ready, all right, independent Strong.
Julie Barth (44:44):
Trauma Lasting Loss, joy Widow Missing.
Hilary Russo (44:54):
Mom Killer Narcissist Toxic Colin.
Killer, narcissist, toxic colin a bus.
Julie Barth (45:06):
I know that's two words, but I had to do it
completely permitted.
Hilary Russo (45:10):
Uh, caregiving, difficult, resilience,
built violence, resilience Belt, violence,
harmful Charity, community.
I think we're stopping there.
(45:30):
I actually had a couple more, but I think
that's really what this is all about, isn't
it?
It's truly about community and creating
that massive and international wave of
support.
Right, and look, as somebody who is in the
line of work as a trauma-informed
practitioner, I would love to continue this
(45:51):
conversation to see how I could help in
some way.
I'd love to be able to support you further
and those that you're serving so we'll have
a deeper conversation about that Because,
as anyone that knows about Havening and
what I do, it truly is a tool that can help
you with your traumas and also the
secondary traumatic stress that people go
through during very difficult times.
(46:11):
But I do want to leave you with a moment to
share with those who are tuning in.
What is it you would like for our
HIListically Speaking community to know?
What would you like to leave them with?
Julie Barth (46:25):
I think, something I said to you earlier
that you know everything looks bad when
you're in the midst of it, and it takes,
beyond getting beyond it, to really
understand why you went through it and to
make sense of it.
And once you can do that, that's when you
make the best of it.
Because, as I said, my very worst day today
(46:45):
is better than my very best day when I was
living a life that I knew was not good for
me, and it did take losing it all to get
where I'm at.
But the things that I lost, I found out
they weren't the things I wanted to begin
with.
Hilary Russo (47:01):
Wow, that that sits it.
And I think sometimes we don't really
realize that.
Do we that in that moment, when the very
best day from your worst, wow, that's heavy.
And and I think I'm I'm thinking about some
of the things I've been through and it's so
true, we think it's the worst thing ever in
(47:22):
the moment, and then we would look back.
Then we look back on it and we're like I
got through that, I can do this, I can do
hard things.
Julie Barth (47:32):
Yeah, and it wasn't as hard on the outside.
It was just coming to terms with what you
had, what you felt you were going to lose.
And you know if you, if you live in a
constant state of trying to hold on to
something, god will tell you differently.
You know, you, you have, sometimes you have
to lean into things instead of resisting it.
Hilary Russo (47:53):
What would the younger Julie need to hear
that the Julie today would say to her?
Julie Barth (48:01):
It doesn't matter what people think of you.
That was very hard for me.
Every step of the way I worried sometimes
more about what other people felt about me
than what I felt about me and I hid a lot
of good things about myself for fear that I
would be judged and that was really hard
for me.
Releasing the book and doing the charity
(48:22):
and certainly releasing the second book,
because I don't like to be disliked.
But sometimes it's okay to be disliked or
thought not so great of, because as long as
you're good with you, it doesn't matter
what other people think and if you can look
at yourself every morning and know that
you're being the best you, it just doesn't
matter.
Hilary Russo (48:40):
Amen to that, and you don't always have to
be understood either.
Julie Barth (48:44):
No, you don't even have to understand
yourself sometimes.
Hilary Russo (48:49):
That is the truth.
Sit here and battle ourselves half the time.
That's so true.
Julie Barth (48:53):
A lot of the time, I'm pretty sure.
Hilary Russo (48:55):
Yeah, great.
Well, julie, thank you so much.
This was such a pleasure.
Thank you for everything you're doing.
Again, we will share everything about the
Colin James Barth outreach, about your
books, about everything you're doing and
just continuing the fight, which isn't so
much a fight when you know you have support
and community.
Julie Barth (49:14):
Well, and I think it's always easier to
fight for someone else, isn't it Absolutely?
You know, I'll fight for other people.
It feels really good and I want to.
So what do you think?
Hilary Russo (49:23):
Colin would say right now, and maybe you've
heard him, but what would he say in this
moment, knowing everything you're doing,
everything you've been through, what would
his words be to you?
And if it's personal, please don't share.
Julie Barth (49:35):
No, yeah, he was always a joker, so I don't
know.
Hilary Russo (49:45):
he'd probably say, like I told you, you
should have done this a long time ago, I
don't know right like I told you, so I told
you, so dance you're all right, I've been
there.
Julie Barth (49:51):
I've been here the whole time.
What have you been waiting for?
Hilary Russo (49:53):
probably about time you showed up, kind of
thing yeah, yeah, I'm glad you're back.
Julie Barth (49:58):
Right, definitely, I'm glad you're back
that's good.
Hilary Russo (50:01):
That's a good thing to hear amazing thanks
so much well.
Julie Barth (50:05):
Thank you, heller.
It's very nice meeting you and thank you so
much for believing in me and our charity,
and I hope that we'll do some really great
things me too.
Hilary Russo (50:15):
All right, my friends, if you or someone
you know could use cjb outreach, or even if
you want to get in touch with Julie or
possibly lend a hand, I've shared
everything you need in the notes of this
podcast episode, including Julie's books,
great addition to put into your library.
And if you're looking for tools to create a
safe space in your mind, a haven, join me
(50:35):
every month for my free online Havening
Happy H hours.
These are guided experiences where you
learn Havening, you put the healing in your
hands and it has neuroscience right there
by your side.
If you're interested in stepping it up and
even learning more in the trainings I host
Havening trainings and certifications as
well Just go to hilaryrussocom slash events.
(50:57):
You'll find that link also in the notes of
this podcast.
HIListically Speaking is edited by Two
Market Media with music by Lipbone Redding,
of course, supported by you.
So thank you week after week for saying yes
and saying yes to yourself.
A special thanks to our friends at Podcasthon
for creating this global event as a
reminder that help is always possible and
(51:20):
you are never alone.
And yes, if you just ask, we'll be there.
I love you, I believe in you and I'm
sending hugs your way Be well, with
mountains in her eyes.
Julie Barth (51:36):
Love in her heart.
When you feel alone, you don't fight for
yourself.
You've lost your courage.
You don't want people to know what's going
on in your home.
It's embarrassing, it's shameful, you feel
so broken and you feel like it's your fault.
So I want this charity not only to be a
monetary resource, but to be a source to
lift women up and let them know that it is
(00:22):
not on them, because they were kind and
they cared and they loved and they tried
and continue to try.
That does not make you a weak person.
It doesn't make you crazy.
It doesn't make you anything but a person
who's highly empathetic and cares greatly
for everyone.
But at a certain point you've got to care
for yourself.
Hilary Russo (00:40):
You, my friend, are a compassionate, caring,
empathetic human being.
Do you know that?
When is the last time somebody said that to
you?
When is the last time somebody said thank
you for everything you do?
If it's been a while, let me be the first
to say thank you, and also thank you for
(01:01):
tuning in to HIListically Speaking week
after week, because those are the kind of
people that tune into this show, speaking
week after week because those are the kind
of people that tune into the show.
But being that type of person means that
you likely put others first, don't you?
Yeah, I know I do it too.
And when the you know what hits the fan,
you still do what you know how to do best.
(01:26):
You protect, you nurture, you love, you
give to others.
It's just part of your makeup.
The human being kicks in before the human
doing because you care about others.
I get that.
I do it too.
But that got me thinking about those of us
who are the caretakers, the CEOs of the
home, mainly a job given to women, by women,
usually ourselves.
(01:47):
How are you going to handle all of that?
When something goes wrong, when life throws
you a curveball, a death, a health concern,
an unsafe environment, trauma.
It's no longer about thriving, is it?
It's about surviving, and as women, we have
(02:07):
a very hard time asking for help.
And that really got me thinking.
And before I knew it, there was a quote
that fell across my space and it was like
the universe just puts in your hands what
you need in that moment.
And the quote read like this the reality is
that anyone can find themselves in a
(02:29):
position where they stand to lose
everything in an instant.
It is our duty as a community to help one
another, as we hope others will help us.
Let that sink in.
Julie Barth said that If you don't know who
she is, you are about to get to know her a
(02:50):
little bit.
Because this episode is a little different.
I've joined a movement.
This year I'm taking part in something
that's called podcasthon.
It's a global charity podcast event
happening this March, and podcasters across
the world are taking part in this, where
we're dedicating one episode to a nonprofit
(03:10):
or a charity, a philanthropic organization
of choice, to bring awareness, to really
help each other out right.
Help others help us.
So that's what we're doing here, and I'm
dedicating this episode of HIListically
Speaking to support the Colin James Barth
Outreach CJB Outreach, because they're
(03:34):
dedicated to empowering women-led
households in times of crisis, because, no
matter who you are, no mother should have
to choose between their child's safety or a
lack of resources.
So, by providing legal assistance, they're
helping to protect those families without
fear, without intimidation or financial
(03:55):
strain, ensuring that they can make
decisions, they being women, they being
mothers, from a place of strength and not
desperation.
Julie's own trauma became her triumph when
she lost her first husband, colin, to
cancer, was caring for six children,
(04:16):
including one with special needs, and then
she found herself in a new relationship.
That was less than desirable, in fact, it
was a nightmare for both her and her
children.
But somewhere along the way, after losing
everything, she found herself again and she
said yes to help.
(04:36):
Cjb Outreach was born out of that, and
maybe you or someone you know could use
their support, and that's why we're
dedicating this episode, with partnership
with Podcasthon, to CJB and all the women
out there who know that it is okay to say
yes to help.
(04:56):
So take a listen, julie.
We had a couple moments to talk.
This is a new relationship, you and me, and
I'm just elated to know that people like
you are on this planet and while we say
it's unfortunate that we go through these
traumas in our lives, but we're able to
turn them into triumphs.
Hopefully, you're truly the spirit behind
(05:17):
that and I'm so glad to have you here on
the show to share your story, to share your
mission and welcome.
Julie Barth (05:24):
Well, thank you so much.
You know, sometimes it's hard to hear those
kind of phrases, but I really appreciate
them.
Hilary Russo (05:29):
Absolutely.
Usually the compassionate, empathetic type
tend to say that, especially us women.
It's hard for us to accept compliments, you
know, but when those moments come and you
can just sit back and see what you're doing
and how you're making a difference, it's
just coming from the most authentic place,
isn't it?
Julie Barth (05:52):
It is.
It is.
Yeah, I mean, you always hope that that's
how people see you.
So it is.
It does make your heart shine a little bit.
So thank you.
Hilary Russo (05:55):
Absolutely so.
What I would like to do is just share with
the HIListically Speaking audience who you
are more about what you're doing, your
mission, your story.
This is a really special episode and you
have a relatively new nonprofit.
That really caught my eye.
Your story caught my eye and I'd rather the
(06:18):
words come from you, because the idea of
putting this mess into a message to create
something bigger as a collective, as a
community, is really what we're all about
on this planet.
Hopefully we follow that way of living, but
your story really is making a difference
and I would love for you to just share.
Julie Barth (06:40):
Thank you.
I am the mother to six.
I have been through a lot of stuff, I mean,
and everybody has, so I'm no different than
anybody else.
But I've seen my fair share of people I
love, which is, I think, even harder.
You know, when you go through, well, it's
debatable, but when you go through
something yourself, you experience it,
(07:01):
experiencing secondhand.
Sometimes you can just there's so many
things that are out of your control.
My story started.
I'm an author.
The first book that I wrote started because
I was mother to four.
I had a daughter with special needs who had
been through a whole bunch of traumas and
she was just coming out the other end.
(07:21):
She has primordial dwarfism.
Still, she's 24 now and she's fighting 24
pounds and you'd never know it because
she's a spitfire.
But the book I found out that my husband,
who was my pretty much my soulmate I had
met him first, kiss, you know high school
sweethearts was diagnosed with stage four
(07:42):
pancreatic cancer.
When my youngest, at the time of four, was
six months, they said take him home, he's
got two weeks to live.
So, coming off of all the trauma with Tatum,
she was starting to fly and it was almost
like this is the way that I see the world.
Colin was there by my side.
He was my person to hold me up and he was
(08:05):
there for a very short period of time.
But he got Tatum to a place where she was
starting to soar and it was almost his time
to kind of exit.
And as much as I hated that, I couldn't
imagine life without him going through what
we did with Tatum.
So my first book is really a tribute to
(08:26):
both Tatum's fight.
If you hopefully will get a chance to read
it, she is a miracle by every.
She wasn't supposed to be born, she wasn't
supposed to talk, she wasn't supposed to
walk.
And here we are again, 24 years later, and
she's an artist and she's a force.
And to make matters worse, she which starts
(08:49):
up the second book she came down with
cancer when she was 13.
So she finally fought her way up and then
ended up with a rare form of cancer after
everything was resolved.
But I've tried to take all of that and
honor Colin's name and that was my first
husband's name.
And I've just been in a lot of positions
(09:09):
where I've had to rebuild, reinvent.
Everything's fallen on me to care for, to
make sure people are taken care of, and I
take that responsibility very heavily and
there have been points in my life where you
know you're down to your last dime, you're
down to your last pit of energy and you
think I can't do this anymore.
(09:31):
But, as any woman mother knows, that's you
can't.
There's no stopping.
You're in a marathon and you just keep
running.
Hilary Russo (09:43):
And you mentioned you know we're going to
talk ina minute about the Colin James Barth
Outreach, which is the nonprofit you
created in to your your first husband's
name, who passed from pancreatic cancer.
I can only imagine, and doing so many
episodes as I've done, having so many
conversations and talking to people who
(10:04):
have really been through different
struggles and triumph traumas.
Rather, you know, to find help when you're
in that traumatic place is really difficult,
no matter what the upset is.
I mean, you're in fight or flight.
How do I get help?
Where do I go first?
And so when I heard about your story that
(10:25):
you're focusing on helping women-led
households, women who are needing and
seeking support, when they might have a
spouse that is going through something or a
child that's going through something or,
good God, you're going through something
because you're running the household,
You're the CEO of the household.
That's what women normally are.
(10:47):
And where do you go for help during these
times?
Because a lot of things run through our
minds of where do we go first and what help
do we need, that we don't even find out
what help we need until we're in it and it
feels like there is no help right we're in
it and there is.
Julie Barth (11:06):
It feels like there is no help.
Right, correct, yeah.
And I, you know, I don't ask for help.
I, I have a very independent mother.
Um, we were taught stand tall and I think
that that is a huge part of our generation
as women.
Um, you know, we're taught to be
breadwinners but mothers.
So accepting help is a very hard thing
because it's almost like a loss of control,
and nobody wants to lose that control over
(11:27):
their household.
So when people would ask you know what can
I help you with, that was almost more
stressful than not having help, because
even the thought of me sitting around and
going I can't even tell you what I need,
because I don't even know what I need,
because it, would you know, shift so
quickly that you know.
I will say that, and this is part of the
(11:50):
thought behind my charity too, is that you
don't know what you need.
And but other people do you know, just
because I was sitting there going, gosh, I
don't, what do I need?
Anyone could have walked in my house and
said she clearly needs to her laundry, her
refrigerator is empty, her kids haven't
been picked up from school.
But those were thoughts that I couldn't,
(12:12):
they couldn't resonate.
I was putting out fire alarms, I was, you
know when was Colin needing his you know
his medicine, his appointment.
So I did have many people and I was very
the last two stepped in and just said you
know, I even had one woman, you know, I
woke up in the morning and they were snow
plowing my driveway and I didn't even know
(12:33):
who they were snow plowing my driveway and
I didn't even know who they were.
They just came over and it's those little
pieces of pockets of you know people
stepping in and stepping up and they don't
even have to know you.
But those, the smallest things can be, make
the biggest difference in your life,
whatever position that is, and when you
don't have to ask for it or, you know, beg
(12:55):
for it or yeah.
Hilary Russo (12:57):
And you mentioned community.
You say community and people that are
stepping in that you don't even know, and
really that's what it's all about, right?
And when you're in, when you're in the
throes of things, it's hard for you to put
thought together of what you really do need,
like I mentioned, and you're and you're
saying that as well, and I think it can be
any kind of situation when we're in that.
But when we are trying to make everything
(13:18):
work, sometimes it's so hard to take
ourselves out of the narrative to see what
it is we need.
And when you created this foundation, this
charity, this wasn't when you were in the
throes of it.
By the way, I do want to make it very clear
that this has been a 12-year journey to get
you to the place where you now have the
(13:39):
colin james barth mission, right, this,
this organization, this outreach, because
of the things that you dealt with, even
after the loss of your husband and then
raising then what became six children, like
you said, because you were then in a second
relationship that did not fare very well or
(14:00):
allow you to move into that space.
Can we talk about that briefly too?
Julie Barth (14:04):
You hear survivor's guilt and this is
something outside of that.
To me, survivor's guilt was always kind of
like you know, you're in a lifeboat and you
make a decision to get out at the sacrifice
of somebody else.
I always thought it was like, you know,
twin Towers you made it up the stairs,
someone else didn't.
But I didn't recognize that it happens to
(14:26):
people who care, give in these situations.
And you know I came out of it not knowing
all of the guilt that I had.
You know anybody on the outside would say,
oh my.
And you know I came out of it not knowing
all of the guilt that I had.
You know anybody on the outside would say,
oh my gosh, you were so strong, you cared
for him so deeply.
But there were things that you say to
yourself in your inside voice, wishing him
gone, you know, wishing that he wasn't
(14:47):
around anymore, saying, you know he wanted
to go for treatment and I was lying to him
because he didn't have the wherewithal to
be able to even reason why we weren't.
But I had to lie to him and he was my best
friend and I had to lie to him continually.
And it's all of those experiences, things
that you were thinking that maybe nobody
(15:08):
else heard but you did.
And when somebody leaves, you remember the
person that you lost before they got sick,
not the person that you so desperately wish
would move, that was sick.
So all of those feelings, you just kind of
pick them up, you shelf them, you move
along and if you don't unpack them, you end
(15:28):
up in situations like I did with my second
marriage and I settled for somebody who
treated me very badly and I think you know
unpacking all of that.
I had so much guilt and shame in my inside
voice and not being able to save someone
who looked to me to save them that I
(15:50):
thought I deserved what I got.
I just thought you know that I wasn't a
good person.
If people knew what I was thinking, if
people knew that I lied to my husband, you
know, when he was in his final moments.
I took that very personally and I could not
let go of that.
And instead of having somebody there to
talk to me, the shame was eating away at me
(16:11):
and drove me into further shame, because
then I married somebody who took advantage
of it, saw my weaknesses, used them against
me.
And then where do you go with it?
Because I had left my entire past behind,
thinking I was going to start over and
leave Julie Barth behind.
And you can't.
It has to be unpacked, but that unpacking
(16:32):
is so painful that it's much easier to just
keep the train on the same pavement.
So that's what I did.
Hilary Russo (16:40):
At some point, julie picked up her
bootstraps, pulled them up and said enough
is enough.
And I'm curious about that point in your
life, about that point in your life.
When did that happen, where now you're in a
relationship that is not as not loving, not
caring, with someone that is taking
advantage and abusing you?
(17:03):
How did you walk away from that?
Because, as someone who deals with a lot of
narcissistic, abusive relationships in the
work that I do and even going through it
myself, by the way it's very hard to see it
when you it myself, by the way.
It's very hard to see it when you're in it.
In fact, it's almost impossible, but it's
not impossible to get out of it.
I want to preface it with that because
obviously both of us are an example of that
but it's hard to see it when you're in it,
(17:25):
especially when you are beat down.
And so how did you move forward and remove
yourself from that situation and build
yourself back up?
Julie Barth (17:35):
I would love to say that I had had enough
and I walked away.
So I did have enough, but I had two very
small children and I knew that they would
be used as pawns and they were not old
enough to speak for themselves, so I kept
at it.
But I did have four children from my first
marriage, who he was very terrible to.
(17:55):
I specifically had a younger boy who was
very sensitive and just wanted a dad and
was stepped all over and very ridiculed.
And one day I had to come to Jesus moment
and he said to me Mom, I don't understand
you.
You know why you keep going back.
He's threatened to kill me.
He's threatened to kill me.
He's threatened to kill you.
(18:17):
I've slept and I, you know these things,
but you don't want to acknowledge it.
He said I've slept with a knife under my
bed since I was six.
That was it.
I don't care what it takes.
I have put this off long enough.
I've excused it.
I have made excuses for it.
I've isolated myself and I thought that I
was being the buffer you know like I
(18:40):
thought, placing myself in the middle of it,
taking the brunt of it.
You know, being yelled at and screamed at
and threatened, and that I was protecting
them.
And kids know, yeah, they're smart, yeah,
and the thought that I let him grow up
without a childhood and a knife under his
bed was enough.
So it was not easy.
(19:01):
He came after me, he lied about me, he set
me up for two years, he recorded me, he
sent things to his friends, he sent all my
text messages to other people, he stole
everything I had, he bottomed out my
accounts, he um, he did everything possible
and I knew at a certain point that I was
going to lose everything and I had to be
(19:23):
okay with that and I just had to make sure
that my children were protected.
And I wasn't.
I wasn't able to for three years.
It was a battle and a fight and I gave
every dollar I had, you know, and I said I
don't care if I live in a trailer park and
it should never come to that.
My children, if I deserved it, that was one
(19:44):
thing.
But my children did not deserve to be put
on hold, to have a guardian that wasn't
listening and for my hands to be tied and
put them in jeopardy wasn't listening and
for my hands to be tied and put them in
jeopardy.
So that's when, not only did I step up, but
I said I won't ever let anyone, as long as
I can, if I can.
I never want anyone to be in that position
again.
Hilary Russo (20:03):
That takes a lot of courage and
vulnerability, you know especially when
there's still that trauma from the first
marriage and a loss, it's now, it's still,
even if it was toxic in the second marriage,
it's still a loss.
And then there's the fear of losing
children and losing everything.
But clearly you're on the other side of
(20:26):
this now and you're able to put this
amazing organization to work, which I truly
love this.
And, look, we're doing a very special
episode here because I'm part of a movement
that's happening right now called Podcasthon.
It is a global community of podcasters who
are featuring and focusing on charities and
(20:48):
nonprofits so that we can amplify the voice,
be the voice and help put these amazing
charities out there.
And so that's why I wanted to focus on the
Colin James Barth outreach and your story
and what you're doing, because seeing this
happen and really truly being what
HIListically Speaking is about those trauma
(21:09):
to triumph stories poster child for this.
Because you've been through battle of loss
and you've been through the battle of
sickness and being a parent of a special
needs child and losing everything and
abusive relationships.
And here you are on the other side and and
you go back 12 years later to creating this
(21:33):
organization so that you can help others
like you find the support that you had a
hard time finding.
Yeah, so I love that and and we're so I'm
so so grateful to have you share the story,
and we didn't get a chance to really talk
about your books yet.
Real quick, the first book you said is
about your daughter and Colin.
(21:53):
Um, your daughter Tatum, and uh, who's the
incredible artist?
Is that the one that there's with?
Julie Barth (21:57):
just six children.
How do?
Hilary Russo (21:59):
you keep track of all their amazing talents,
right, and that one's notes from a
Blackberry, a Blackberry, right, and then
your second book is what.
Julie Barth (22:08):
That one's going to be released later this
year and it's called from Blackberries to
Thorns Great.
And then I actually am in the writing a
third one right now.
That's from thorns to blossoms.
Wow, and that's hopefully more of a
introspective, like unpacking everything
and trying to figure out, you know, the
meaning and helping others to.
(22:29):
You know.
Take action instead of sticking with it and
keep hoping it's going to get better when
it clearly isn't worth saving.
Hilary Russo (22:37):
Clearly, writing is therapeutic for you,
because you mentioned that and we had this
conversation that you wrote a lot of the
first book Notes from a Blackberry on your
Blackberry which do we even have
Blackberries anymore?
No, it just goes to show you how long ago
you started working on this, when Colin was
sick.
You were doing this when he was going
through treatment and there's so much that
(22:57):
can really come from just purging and
writing, so it is a memoir, and then moving
into the second book that you have coming
out and then the third book.
We're going to put all of that in the notes
of this podcast so people can grab that
book.
Julie Barth (23:10):
Well, actually it's coming out in audio
(23:32):
break community.
Hilary Russo (23:33):
So it's wonderful when you see people
coming together.
But let's talk about the charity too, and
again, you know we're doing this episode in
collaboration with Podcasthon.
It's a global effort to inspire you to get
in touch with a charity, to see what other
charities are out there.
So, focusing on the Colin James Barth
outreach and let's talk about that
(23:54):
specifically so that we can give people an
idea exactly what it is that this charity
is doing and who it's helping.
Julie Barth (24:02):
So it was formed obviously to honor my
first husband, but that situation itself
was just kind of a microcosm of what I'm
trying to accomplish as women.
We're caregivers, we're caring for our
parents, we're caring for our children,
we're caring for our significant others,
and sometimes we find ourselves in a
(24:22):
position where we were single, and not only
single, but had a household, for whatever
reason, whether it's divorce or illness,
and you know you've devoted your entire
adult life to not being the breadwinner.
You know you might have a job, or you might
have, or a second income even.
And all of a sudden you're in the throes of
(24:44):
not only having to care for children but
take care of everyone.
And you know you go in for a job and they
say well, what's your experience?
And it's almost as if you've been living in
a bubble for it.
Well, I don't have any, but you do.
I mean, you're a project manager, you're a
therapist, you're you know nurse, you're a
(25:07):
caregiver, you're a counselor, you're
probably doing sales at, you know, at your
kid's school.
So there's a lot of kind of revolving
pieces in this charity that we're running.
We're trying to partner with companies who
are willing to see women, for you know sure,
their education is 10 years old, maybe 15
years old, but to recognize their special
skills, what they bring to the table, that
(25:28):
they have so many talents to give and not
in a, you know, part-time capacity for
minimum wage, and who are also willing to
work with them, to work around their
schedules so that they can work at
nighttime, when they're most productive,
when they have the right hours and it's
meaningful work.
It's not remedial work.
You know, we have so much to give as
(25:49):
mothers and there's so many lessons to
learn from us, but unfortunately our
society tends to make us feel as if we're
an afterthought or oh, that's great and
kind of pat us on the head.
So I'm trying to overcome those barriers to
experience and work experience, because I
don't know what's harder than to run a
household.
So that's one part of it.
(26:10):
The second part is if you find yourself in
a situation, as I did, in a divorce, with
somebody who the average woman's standard
of living goes down 40% when they get
divorced and a man's goes down 10% on
average.
So there's a lot of range in that too.
I don't think that women should have to get
(26:31):
to a point where they are, you know, having
to flee their homes.
They need assistance to pay for their kids'
clothing.
Why don't we have support systems that stop
them before they get there and protects
children when we can't through monetary
means?
The Guardian-Eleiden system is broken.
Our court systems are broken and I can't
(26:53):
fix the courts, but I want to be the person
that helps to give people resources to get
out of the situations they're in.
I'd love to Don't get me wrong.
I'd love to get started on the courts, but
one step at a time, it's just.
I want to give women community, especially
in these situations where you feel like
(27:13):
your community has abandoned you, which
they haven't.
You feel like your family has, you know,
walked away and they haven't.
They just don't know how to help.
Hilary Russo (27:23):
Yeah, and we hear the word community a lot.
You know community collective Look, I have
one as well, and there are many others who
tune into the show, even those who don't
that have built communities, collectives,
tribes or whatever you want to call it,
that we can connect with, and more likely
it's women.
Because we are sisters, we need support.
(27:44):
It's how we started, that's how we created
that collective in the red tent back in the
day, right?
So what makes this more than just a
community and a support?
I mean, what kind of things are you really
offering within the outreach program that
can be very beneficial to women and
women-led households and those who are
(28:06):
going through something in the struggle
where they don't see the forest through the
trees?
Julie Barth (28:10):
Mostly, like I said, what we want to do is
take away the burden of bills when it comes
to legal fees so that you can focus on
protecting your kids instead of oh, I can't
even send my lawyer another email because
it's going to cost me $25, because you do
get to that.
I also want to build a network of lawyers
and guardian of items and counselors who
(28:34):
know how to identify these sort of economic,
financial and emotional abuse situations
that are not they are not recognized in the
court.
You cannot go to court and say I've been
emotionally abused because it's not a thing
which again needs to be tackled on a
different front.
But we need people who can spot these
things, who can say this is what's going on
(28:54):
and protect these kids from being used as
pawns, because that's exactly what happens.
So that's a big part of the charity, as
well as just mentoring.
I personally, in talking about our charity,
I can't even tell you I've probably
encountered 20 people in the past two weeks
that I've sat down and had a conversation
about this and everyone is saying my
(29:16):
sister's going through this, my aunt went
through this, my best friend is going
through this, and they have all asked me
will you please, would you mind sitting
down with them, would you mind explaining
to them, so that when you feel alone, you
don't fight for yourself.
You've lost your courage.
You don't want people to know what's going
on in your home.
It's embarrassing, it's shameful.
(29:40):
You, you don't want people to know what's
going on in your home.
It's embarrassing, it's shameful.
You feel so broken and you feel like it's
your fault.
I want this charity not only to be a
monetary resource, but to be a source to
lift women up and let them know that it is
not on them, because they were kind and
they cared and they loved and they tried
and continue to try.
That does not make you a weak person.
It doesn't make you crazy.
It doesn't make you anything but a person
(30:01):
who's highly empathetic and cares greatly
for everyone.
But at a certain point you've got to care
for yourself.
Hilary Russo (30:07):
And that's really the strength right there
is realizing when you need help and asking
for help.
That's the biggest batch of courage right
there is saying you know what?
I can't do it all myself.
And look, I hear this a lot, a lot.
And I think the first step to any change
has to be an awareness that a change needs
to happen.
(30:27):
So when you're in the throes of something
and maybe you don't see it when you're in
it because it is hard to see it when you
are in it but that moment where you have
that little like little spark of hmm, but
that moment where you have that little
spark of hmm that says something just
doesn't feel right.
It's usually right and it's usually that
higher self, that GPS system that we have
internally, saying I'm going against the
(30:49):
resistance of something and maybe I need to
just take a step back and, yeah, be okay,
asking for help, because you'd be surprised,
my friends, those those tuning in, and
Julie as well, myself these are messages to
myself as well.
I'm talking to me too.
That you'd be surprised how many people
will step forward and say how can I support
(31:09):
you when you just ask for help?
Julie Barth (31:14):
Yeah, Right, yeah, and I think a lot of
people.
I can't tell you how many people sat there
and listened to me for years, years.
And finally I had one friend say to me when
you are done, you will know you are done.
Hilary Russo (31:29):
And.
Julie Barth (31:29):
I remember thinking, oh, you don't
understand, I'm going to go down with the
ship with this one.
But she was the very first person to come
back and say I knew you would know and I
didn't want to push you, but I was waiting
in the wings.
And there are people that are always
waiting in the wings.
They might not, they don't want to get
involved, because they think you're going
to probably go back to it and then you're
(31:50):
going to shut them out if they, if they
talk badly, you know.
So they're stuck in kind of the same fog
that you are just standing on the outside
wondering how to help.
But they will and they want to.
Hilary Russo (32:01):
Right, so I want to mention something.
I saw this on your website.
By the way, we're going to put all this in
the podcast notes.
It's the cjboutreachorg.
That's for Colin James Barth.
That is your first husband that you lost,
the love of your life, love that.
You are coming back and I'm sure he is
wherever he is, is going.
You go, girl, I knew you were gonna do it.
(32:22):
You ever think about stuff like that, like
what do you think, stu?
I do, I do.
Julie Barth (32:26):
Yeah, probably more so than I'd want to
admit.
Yes, if there was one person that I really
just cared what he thought and you know not
to go back to it either, but there were
many times after he passed that I made
decisions, and that was.
Another thing is I thought he would have
made a better decision.
He was always my guide.
(32:46):
He was always, but, in looking back on it,
he was my guide because he stood behind me
and he supported me, and all you need is to
have the support of someone that you really
believe in to help you believe in yourself,
and that's what we want to be.
Hilary Russo (33:00):
And hey, there's that quote out there
behind every good man is a strong woman,
it's not a quote.
Julie Barth (33:06):
It's a reality.
It is a reality.
Hilary Russo (33:08):
And speaking of reality, you said and this
is on your website it said the reality is,
anyone can find themselves in a position
where they stand to lose everything in an
instant, like in an instant.
And if it is your duty, it is our duty as a
community to help one another, as we hope
others will help us.
Right?
And it can be as simple as just deciding
(33:31):
and saying hey, Julie, I want this to be
the subject of this podcast episode, or how
can I support you further?
Or you need your laundry folded?
Cool, I got you.
Julie Barth (33:42):
Or you need me to do a voiceover.
I'm at the grocery store.
Yeah, I'm at the grocery store.
Let me pick something up for you, right?
Hilary Russo (33:47):
It's the simplest things that make the
biggest difference.
Because the currency of time is sometimes
more valuable than money itself.
Actually, I think it is the currency of
time and kindness and compassion.
These are currencies too.
We we tend to overlook it.
We're so fixated on the monetary side of
currency.
(34:07):
But the other currencies are so valuable
and the currency of connection and
collaboration and community probably.
I would put first Right.
Julie Barth (34:17):
So I would agree yeah.
Hilary Russo (34:19):
Well, that's why you're here, that's why
we're here.
This was not me choosing you, this was us
choosing each other.
Right, so we'll share.
We'll share everything about the, the
mission here, the outreach, which is the
Colin James Bart outreach, and
cjboutreachorg.
I'm remembering it on the top of my head.
(34:41):
And also this is a very special episode
that is a part of Podcasthon, which is a
global charity podcast event that is
happening right now, and there are many
other podcasts that are supporting many
other charities.
This was just the one I wanted to support
and I was really happy when they came to me
and said, hey, would you be a part of this?
And I said absolutely yes.
Then you just appeared, you know.
(35:03):
So things happen just in the most beautiful,
magical, miraculous ways right, they really
do.
I told you I don't believe in accidents
ever, absolutely not.
So where you are now.
What I would love to know is where would
you like to take this organization?
Where would you like to see this charity go?
Julie Barth (35:22):
Well, that's the problem is I've got, I'm a
Pisces.
I don't know if you know anything about
Pisces Left and right, I'd like to take the
world over, right right, one of the most
exciting well, not the most exciting in the
future.
Again, I think I've mentioned like I
couldn't do anything to stop cancer.
I couldn't you know, but there were certain
(35:43):
things that I chose that brought me to
where I was at in one of the worst
situations I was in.
I don't know if you're familiar with Gabby
Petito.
Hilary Russo (35:52):
Yes, I would imagine the entire world is.
Julie Barth (35:57):
Thank God, it's about time, yeah.
So I've spoken with them about perhaps
bringing a prevention program to young
women.
And you know, not just about domestic abuse,
but about protecting yourself in many ways.
You know, if you're a stay at home mom, you
should be, should have your own savings
account, you should be paying yourself the
same way that you would pay yourself at a
(36:17):
job.
Um, just taking steps, um, to help young
women, see, see the signs, we all see them.
You know, I, I don't know, I don't think in
in being older you, you know, you've seen
it it's like yeah, yeah, yeah.
But when you're so young and idealistic and
you've got these, you know, you just think
(36:39):
you're invincible.
So I don't want to bring anybody's dream
down, but you know, just to, prevention is
is a very strong point in me too.
Hilary Russo (37:02):
if you're not familiar with who Gabby
Petito is, she was the young lady that
traveled a trip with her boyfriend and went
missing for a number of months.
And then you know, we come to find out the
fate of that was not.
She didn't really go missing.
Um, I don't know if you want to speak about,
speak to that a little bit, since, um,
you're talking to them, but just, it's
(37:23):
important to be aware of your surroundings
and the people you're with.
Sometimes we aren't aware of that and, um,
we just would like less outcomes to turn
out like Gabby's situation.
Julie Barth (37:32):
And I, you know, I saw it, uh, the first
time I came around and I will say it
profoundly changed me.
There was one part of it where the police
stopped the couple and she was outside the
van and he played it off like I had to lock
her out.
She couldn't control her emotion, she was
aggressive, she was aggressive and the cops
(37:53):
ended up turning the situation around,
buying him a hotel room for battered
husbands or significant others, leaving her
in the van and she disappeared, yeah.
Hilary Russo (38:04):
This was her boyfriend, by the way.
Julie Barth (38:06):
This was her boyfriend.
I think it was her fiance.
Hilary Russo (38:08):
Yeah, fiance.
Julie Barth (38:08):
So it was a true eye opener to you know,
looking on the outside and being somebody
who's been in that situation, I knew all
the signs.
But we should all learn to know all of the
signs.
Mothers I'm sure that her mother, you know,
probably had feelings about it.
But you just feel helpless and we can't be
(38:29):
in a state of helplessness anymore.
It's not okay anymore.
Hilary Russo (38:32):
And it's also very hard to tell somebody
what to do and to get out of something if
they are not truly ready.
Oh yeah, I mean, you can't tell anyone what
to do and to get out of something if they
are not truly ready.
Oh yeah, I mean, you can't tell anyone what
to do, you can't tell someone to go to
therapy and say you really need to go to
therapy if they're not ready.
And it's understanding the warning signs,
understanding any signs, and that was
(38:54):
really I mean, that was definitely on the
folks that stopped that car to have a
better understanding of that kind of
situation, but also how it trickled down
and what it turned into didn't have to
happen that way.
Absolutely, it took a wrong turn.
Julie Barth (39:10):
Yeah, it was real, real tragedy and it was
hard to watch.
Hilary Russo (39:13):
Yeah.
Julie Barth (39:14):
Yeah, somebody who was in that position and
knowing that I could have been.
Yeah, somebody who is in that position and
knowing that I could have been.
You know, and having four daughters, it's a
real problem and it's not an isolated
incident.
I mean, we love to think it wouldn't happen
to me, but we have to all think that it
could.
Hilary Russo (39:30):
We also could have thought it's the only
way to get through, we'd never be in a
narcissistic, abusive relationship, or that
you would be in partnership with someone
that is no longer here anymore.
I mean, you know what do they say If you
want to make God laugh, tell them your
plans.
And that is so true.
You know, we can only go forward powerfully
and live our true selves and do the best
that we can.
(39:50):
Of what you're doing now, you know, going
through the upsets and the traumas you've
gone through, how are your kids doing today?
I'd like to know that.
Julie Barth (40:00):
My kids are amazing.
They are resilient and strong and sweet and
kind.
Colin's youngest daughter actually just got
a full ride to Clemson University and she
did it all herself because she wrote a
whole bunch of essays about her father and
her stepfather and you know she was really
(40:22):
a huge part behind this, the outreach as
well.
We both came to terms.
The rest of them I have my first grandbaby.
I can't even believe it.
Hilary Russo (40:33):
How is that even possible?
Julie Barth (40:37):
He said, when they came to me, they said
well, what do you want?
What is she going to call you?
And I said how about Aunt Julie?
Hilary Russo (40:43):
You're like I'm not ready, I'm not ready,
but I am ready Her first birthday is at my
house this weekend.
Julie Barth (40:49):
I always say they turned out beautifully in
spite of me.
So I hope, you know, I hope the best of
them.
They've each risen to the occasion and you
know, I hope the best of them.
They've.
They've each risen to the occasion and they,
they have pulled me out many, many times
and they're a reason why I'm here and why
I'm relatively sane and why I'm doing what
I'm doing.
Hilary Russo (41:06):
Yeah, and I imagine that there's going to
be a spark of courage and vulnerability and
strength and just everything that comes
with who you are.
We'll see that in your kids and your
grandchild and those to come future
grandchildren.
I got to say anybody watching this on
YouTube.
You're going to look at this beautiful
woman that I'm having a conversation with
and be like how in the world is she a
(41:27):
grandma?
Because I'm sitting here, going.
Yeah, I mean, you shine, and maybe part of
that is because you're finally being able
to live this dream, this passion of putting
something that has really been part of your
plan for the past 12 years.
That's a long time to sit on something,
(41:47):
including the books you know, to finally be
able to see things come to light.
I can only imagine what it must feel like.
Julie Barth (41:54):
It almost feels like I am two different
people.
You know, I had to read my book and then I
listened to it and the audio version just
it was like I was listening to somebody
else's story and I don't know.
One of the most important things I found
whether you're a writer or not a writer, I
(42:14):
didn't write this for notoriety.
I didn't write it to put it out into the
universe, although I'm glad I did.
I forgot so many things and important and
in real life affirming things that I'm so
blessed and happy that I wrote down,
because when I revisit those things I
remember that there was so much life to be
(42:36):
had in A Death Sy death series.
It just was.
There were so many moments that I'm so glad
that I made mention to that.
My children can relive it, because Piper
was only six months.
So if anyone's going through something like
this I know people are like journal journal,
even if it doesn't come naturally just
write down those things that mean something
in the moment, because it might not strike
(42:58):
you in the moment why you're writing it
down, but I promise you, if you do, you'll
go back and you'll say that I was meant to
read that and it is a reminder of something
that I was supposed to learn and I was too
busy at the time.
But I'm listening now and it is really
important to remember the good things as
(43:19):
well as the bad, because you're just swept
away by a tidal wave in these kinds of
crises.
Hilary Russo (43:23):
Absolutely, and it's just.
It says something about who you are and
that you're able to do this, and I can
imagine you're going to touch, move and
inspire a lot of people who are going to
tune into this episode.
Again, we're going to share everything and
let you know how to get in touch with Julie,
how to find out about the Colin James Barth
outreach, your books.
(43:43):
It's all going to be in the notes of this
podcast, as well as a little bit about
Podcasthon, which is this great
organization that is giving us, as
podcasters, a space to share amazing
philanthropies and charities, like Julie's.
But before we go, yes, I don't know how
(44:04):
familiar you are with HIListically Speaking,
but I do a little game at the end of every
episode, and this is what I call the brain
candy game.
Basically, I've been writing down words
that you've said.
I'm going to throw a word out to you and
what I would like for you to do is come
back with the first word that comes to mind,
a little word association.
So a fun way to just kind of like think
(44:24):
about what words are really that you're
sharing and then what they really mean to
you in that moment.
Right, okay, keep that brain working.
Julie Barth (44:31):
I'm going to put my glasses on.
Hilary Russo (44:33):
I'm trying, All right here we go, you ready,
I am ready, all right, independent Strong.
Julie Barth (44:44):
Trauma Lasting Loss, joy Widow Missing.
Hilary Russo (44:54):
Mom Killer Narcissist Toxic Colin.
Killer, narcissist, toxic colin a bus.
Julie Barth (45:06):
I know that's two words, but I had to do it
completely permitted.
Hilary Russo (45:10):
Uh, caregiving, difficult, resilience,
built violence, resilience Belt, violence,
harmful Charity, community.
I think we're stopping there.
(45:30):
I actually had a couple more, but I think
that's really what this is all about, isn't
it?
It's truly about community and creating
that massive and international wave of
support.
Right, and look, as somebody who is in the
line of work as a trauma-informed
practitioner, I would love to continue this
(45:51):
conversation to see how I could help in
some way.
I'd love to be able to support you further
and those that you're serving so we'll have
a deeper conversation about that Because,
as anyone that knows about Havening and
what I do, it truly is a tool that can help
you with your traumas and also the
secondary traumatic stress that people go
through during very difficult times.
(46:11):
But I do want to leave you with a moment to
share with those who are tuning in.
What is it you would like for our
HIListically Speaking community to know?
What would you like to leave them with?
Julie Barth (46:25):
I think, something I said to you earlier
that you know everything looks bad when
you're in the midst of it, and it takes,
beyond getting beyond it, to really
understand why you went through it and to
make sense of it.
And once you can do that, that's when you
make the best of it.
Because, as I said, my very worst day today
(46:45):
is better than my very best day when I was
living a life that I knew was not good for
me, and it did take losing it all to get
where I'm at.
But the things that I lost, I found out
they weren't the things I wanted to begin
with.
Hilary Russo (47:01):
Wow, that that sits it.
And I think sometimes we don't really
realize that.
Do we that in that moment, when the very
best day from your worst, wow, that's heavy.
And and I think I'm I'm thinking about some
of the things I've been through and it's so
true, we think it's the worst thing ever in
(47:22):
the moment, and then we would look back.
Then we look back on it and we're like I
got through that, I can do this, I can do
hard things.
Julie Barth (47:32):
Yeah, and it wasn't as hard on the outside.
It was just coming to terms with what you
had, what you felt you were going to lose.
And you know if you, if you live in a
constant state of trying to hold on to
something, god will tell you differently.
You know, you, you have, sometimes you have
to lean into things instead of resisting it.
Hilary Russo (47:53):
What would the younger Julie need to hear
that the Julie today would say to her?
Julie Barth (48:01):
It doesn't matter what people think of you.
That was very hard for me.
Every step of the way I worried sometimes
more about what other people felt about me
than what I felt about me and I hid a lot
of good things about myself for fear that I
would be judged and that was really hard
for me.
Releasing the book and doing the charity
(48:22):
and certainly releasing the second book,
because I don't like to be disliked.
But sometimes it's okay to be disliked or
thought not so great of, because as long as
you're good with you, it doesn't matter
what other people think and if you can look
at yourself every morning and know that
you're being the best you, it just doesn't
matter.
Hilary Russo (48:40):
Amen to that, and you don't always have to
be understood either.
Julie Barth (48:44):
No, you don't even have to understand
yourself sometimes.
Hilary Russo (48:49):
That is the truth.
Sit here and battle ourselves half the time.
That's so true.
Julie Barth (48:53):
A lot of the time, I'm pretty sure.
Hilary Russo (48:55):
Yeah, great.
Well, julie, thank you so much.
This was such a pleasure.
Thank you for everything you're doing.
Again, we will share everything about the
Colin James Barth outreach, about your
books, about everything you're doing and
just continuing the fight, which isn't so
much a fight when you know you have support
and community.
Julie Barth (49:14):
Well, and I think it's always easier to
fight for someone else, isn't it Absolutely?
You know, I'll fight for other people.
It feels really good and I want to.
So what do you think?
Hilary Russo (49:23):
Colin would say right now, and maybe you've
heard him, but what would he say in this
moment, knowing everything you're doing,
everything you've been through, what would
his words be to you?
And if it's personal, please don't share.
Julie Barth (49:35):
No, yeah, he was always a joker, so I don't
know.
Hilary Russo (49:45):
he'd probably say, like I told you, you
should have done this a long time ago, I
don't know right like I told you, so I told
you, so dance you're all right, I've been
there.
Julie Barth (49:51):
I've been here the whole time.
What have you been waiting for?
Hilary Russo (49:53):
probably about time you showed up, kind of
thing yeah, yeah, I'm glad you're back.
Julie Barth (49:58):
Right, definitely, I'm glad you're back
that's good.
Hilary Russo (50:01):
That's a good thing to hear amazing thanks
so much well.
Julie Barth (50:05):
Thank you, heller.
It's very nice meeting you and thank you so
much for believing in me and our charity,
and I hope that we'll do some really great
things me too.
Hilary Russo (50:15):
All right, my friends, if you or someone
you know could use cjb outreach, or even if
you want to get in touch with Julie or
possibly lend a hand, I've shared
everything you need in the notes of this
podcast episode, including Julie's books,
great addition to put into your library.
And if you're looking for tools to create a
safe space in your mind, a haven, join me
(50:35):
every month for my free online Havening
Happy H hours.
These are guided experiences where you
learn Havening, you put the healing in your
hands and it has neuroscience right there
by your side.
If you're interested in stepping it up and
even learning more in the trainings I host
Havening trainings and certifications as
well Just go to hilaryrussocom slash events.
(50:57):
You'll find that link also in the notes of
this podcast.
HIListically Speaking is edited by Two
Market Media with music by Lipbone Redding,
of course, supported by you.
So thank you week after week for saying yes
and saying yes to yourself.
A special thanks to our friends at Podcasthon
for creating this global event as a
reminder that help is always possible and
(51:20):
you are never alone.
And yes, if you just ask, we'll be there.
I love you, I believe in you and I'm
sending hugs your way Be well, with
mountains in her eyes.
Julie Barth (51:36):
Love in her heart.
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