Episode Transcript
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Kevin Davis (00:00):
What happens with
you and I as business owners,
(00:02):
when we overboard my work, Ican't go to my manager, I can't
go to my president. It all fallson my shoulders. So I can't go
to everybody. So I had to findout a way, how do I stop
reacting? What happens whenthere's things happen in my life
where I have no control over,you know, normally when we have
no control over, you know, youget anxious and anxious. Beat
the anger and I get upset, andthen all of a sudden, I need to
(00:23):
learn what to do when thosethings happen and who I go to.
HOA
Announcer (00:28):
HOA Insights is
brought to you by Six companies
that c (00:30):
Association Insights and
Marketplace, Association
Reserves, Community Financials,Kevin Davis Insurance Services,
HOA Invest, and Inspectors ofElection . You'll find links to
their websites and social mediain the show notes.
Robert Nordlund (00:44):
Hi. I'm Robert
Norland of Association Reserves,
Kevin Davis (00:46):
and I'm Kevin Davis
of Kevin Davis Insurance
Services. And this is HOAInsights, where we promote
common sense
Robert Nordlund (00:53):
for common
areas. Welcome to episode number
120 where we're again speakingwith insurance expert and
regular co host Kevin Davis, sohe can continue our theme of
lowering the temperature at yourassociation and in your own
heart. There is, as you know,plenty of tension in a board
member's life and plenty ofincivility for you to deal with
(01:13):
on an ongoing basis. So thisepisode is for you. In addition
to being an insurance expert,Kevin is a UCLA trained
mindfulness facilitator, andthat was news to me, but
frankly, knowing Kevin all theseyears, I'm not surprised by all
of his capabilities. So Kevin isprofessionally trained with
tools to de escalate tension,create space for better
(01:34):
decisions and cultivateemotional intelligence, all of
which are crucial in the highstakes, high stress environment
of community associationleadership, especially when
you're doing this as avolunteer. So this helps you our
podcast audience to be wellinformed and to be effectively
equipped for the challengingwork you do leading your
(01:55):
association. Last week's episodenumber 119 featured a great
interview with Melissa Ramsey,professionally, she's in the
community association consultingbusiness, but she was on the
program because she's currentlythe president of CAI nationals
Board of Trustees. I hope youenjoyed her message on health
(02:15):
and wellness, some hallmarks ofher personal skill set and her
company's strengths, and if youmissed that episode or any other
prior episode, take a momentafter today's program to listen
from our podcast website, Hoainsights.org or watch on our
YouTube channel, but better yet,subscribe from any of the major
podcast platforms so you don'tmiss any future episodes. And
(02:39):
those of you watching onYouTube, can see the HOA
insights mug that I have.
Kevin's got his mug too, and wegot those from the merch store,
which you can browse throughfrom our Hoa insights.org
website, or the link in the shownotes, you'll find that we have
some great free stuff there,like board member zoom
backgrounds and some specialtyitems for sale, like these mugs.
(03:00):
So go to the merch store,download a free zoom background,
then take a moment look around,find the mug you'd like, and if
you're the 10th person to emailme at podcast, at reserve
study.com mentioning episode120, mug giveaway, and we'll
ship that mug to you free ofcharge. Well, we enjoy hearing
from you responding to theissues you're facing at your
(03:22):
association. So if you have ahot topic, a crazy story, or a
question you'd like us toaddress, you can always contact
us at 805-203-3130, or email usat podcast at reserve, study.com
but today's episode comes fromKevin. He wanted to share some
(03:42):
of what he's learned and appliedabout mindfulness with our
audience here. So Kevin, tellme, what is mindfulness? And
Kevin Davis (03:53):
again, once again,
I'm glad to be here, and I think
this topic is so importanttoday, because when you talk
about mindfulness, mindfulnessis a pretty simple term that is,
pay attention on purpose. Assimple as that, pay attention
Robert Nordlund (04:07):
on purpose. Pay
attention on purpose. Okay, I'm
closing my eyes, payingattention on purpose. Yes, let
me
Kevin Davis (04:13):
tell you what that
means. You do reserve studies.
Let's say you just finished. Youjust finished a reserve study in
downtown LA, right. Just got itdone. Let's put them and once
you finish that reserve study,while you're doing it, you want
you are on purpose, right?
You're paying attention onpurpose while you're doing that
reserve study, what's thatreserve study? Right? You're
done, you're finished, you'regoing back home, right? But
downtown LA right? Now, all of asudden, guess what happens to
(04:34):
your brain? Your brain wants tosolve another problem. It wants
to do something, okay? It was towork. Your brain is constantly
on, constantly on. So once thatreserve study is done, your
brain you're finished for theday. You want to go home and
relax and maybe watch Netflix orwhatever. But what happens is
your brain starts to go in twodirect three different
directions, many differentdirections, but one direction to
(04:56):
go into, it goes back into. Didthat do it the right way? The.
Yeah, that did the last one theright way. That did what I did
six months ago, the right way.
So am I prepared for tomorrow?
You start, first of all, youstart worrying about yesterday,
yeah, which creates certainlevels depression, or you get
anxious about tomorrow. So eventhough your body's in that
present moment and you're goinghome and you ride on a 101, and
(05:16):
I was like, your brain, you'redaydreaming, or you're worried
about the past, which createsdepression, or you worry about
the future which createsanxiety. So that's a world we
live in. The only time when wedon't live in that world is when
we are in the present moment onpurpose. So our bodies is always
in the present moment onpurpose. My hands on that
(05:38):
steering wheel, you know, I'llbe listening to the radio, but
my brain is in autopilot, so wedon't auto pilot. Guess what's
happening? You're not onpurpose. But what happens when
you're driving home that one onone? What happens is that the
truck comes by, or you may becrossing a 405, guess what?
You're on purpose. So thingsonly happen when you are being
in the present moment and onpurpose, and that's what all
(06:03):
mindfulness
Robert Nordlund (06:05):
is. Let me get
some clarity on that be present
and on purpose. I'm a businessowner, so I when you said your
brain is always going, then,yes, my brain is always going. I
finished the site inspection ofthe reserve study. I jump in the
car. What happened at theoffice. Am I ready for tomorrow?
You know, my brain is onpurpose, but when I'm in the
(06:28):
car, I do like to turn on apodcast. I have a short list of
podcasts that I enjoy, and thatallows me to kind of turn my
brain off. Is that? Is thatresting my brain, or is that an
escape? Or tell me about that?
Kevin Davis (06:45):
No, no. Okay, good.
We turn on you do you beingdeliberate? You on purpose.
You're learning, you'reinforming yourself. So whenever
you do that, you are active,that's when you stop react,
reacting to the world, okay?
Reactivity comes from, guesswhat, not being in the present
moment. We react to things thatare happening in around the
(07:07):
world that we have no controlover, but when we have control
in our lives, we're doing thingson purpose and deliberate. Guess
what? Things happen. Things onlyhappen when we are focused on
the present moment, okay? Ifyou're right, homey, this is
your podcast, and you'relearning about what's going on
(07:28):
in the world of communityassociations. You know that
you're in the present moment,but let's say you listen to old
music. Are you daydreaming?
Okay? And that's what a lot ofus do. We listen to old music,
but it brings back memories ofwhat happened in the past. So
what happens is we startthinking about the past, and may
worries make up of nothing. Butour brains are not active. The
brain is is not it? Brainsactive because our brain wants
(07:52):
to solve problems. It's all ourbrain wants to do. Is one thing
is constantly solving problems,and it looks for problems to
solve. What mindfulness does isone simple thing. It says, Uh
oh, guess what? I'm daydreaming,or I am worried, or I am
anxious. And once you understandthat reality, you can do
something about it. Okay, forexample, let's say you drive
(08:15):
home and you worry about all thethings you just said, I gotta
worry. I have to go back to theoffice. I got more things to do
and a podcast to worry aboutwith mindfulness does a guest
schedule, yes, but all of yourbody embraces, wait a minute,
let me stop. You know, let mestop. And that's the number one
tool mindfulness has, is, is, isstop, okay? And whenever you get
(08:37):
overwhelmed, you're coming homeand you got all stuff, you go,
Wait a minute. Let me stop. Andstop means stop, you know. And
this, it's not a physical stopwhat you doing, but you just
shut your body. So wait me, juststop. Take a breath. You know
what's going on? Yeah. And thenyou go, that's it, as simple as
(08:59):
that.
Robert Nordlund (09:02):
I met a guy,
and he told me about his daily
routine. Another business owner,work, work, work, work, work.
And on his way home, he had thelast stop sign, and he pulled
over at that last stop sign andgave himself a couple of
minutes, literally, to stop. Andthat was his stop sign, to stop
(09:23):
working. And he started thinkingabout his wife. He started
thinking about his kids. Andthen the last 30 seconds of his
drive until he pulled up intohis driveway in his home, he
became dad, and he became thedad that his family needed him
to be in that last 30 secondsafter he had stopped to kind of
(09:45):
let the baggage go. Of all theseother things is that a little
bit of what you're talking about
Kevin Davis (09:50):
stop exactly I'm
talking about what he did was
exactly supposed to do wheneveryou get overwhelmed. Okay,
another weekend, if we'reoverwhelmed, why? We're not
present right now. We're justeverything is happening right
now. We were at the past. We'reabout the future. We worry about
everything. So when we stop, andthe word stop is you stop, you
take a breath, okay? You observewhat's happening and then you
(10:13):
proceed. That's what that's howwe do it. Stoke, stop, take a
breath, observe and proceed andexactly what your friend did,
exactly what he did. He maynever taken a mindfulness class
in his life.
Robert Nordlund (10:27):
Forever ago,
mindfulness was invented.
Kevin Davis (10:31):
That was the one
tool for mindfulness, is this,
do exactly what he did, and thenwhat happens is, once you stop,
you're in that present moment.
And he became present at thatpoint in time, and he was able
to come home and deal with hisfamily. And that's the same
thing happened to me when Ijoined mine for this about 15
years ago. Okay, I wasoverwhelmed by work. And what
happens with you and I, asbusiness owners, we overwork my
(10:52):
work. I can't go to my manager.
I can't go to my present. It allfalls on my shoulders. So I
can't go to everybody. So I hadto find out a way. How do I stop
reacting? What happens whenthere's things happen in my life
where I have no control over,you know, normally, when we have
no control over, you know, youget anxious and anxious. Beat
the anger, and I get upset, andthen all of a sudden, I need to
(11:14):
learn what to do when thosethings happen, and who I go to.
And, you know? And I gointernally. You go to yourself
and go, Okay, wait a minute, youknow? I googled mindfulness. I
heard about it and UCLA. I said,Well, UCLA is a great
institution. Let me go there. Itook mindfulness for about eight
years before i i joined a classto teach it, because I realized
(11:39):
the importance of being a take abreath and not reacting to
everything that goes on,especially for me, I'm a hyper
guy. I'm a hyper I get excited alot. I I'm always on to be able
to stop, take a breath and juststop. And that's what happens
when we have our conversations.
You know, I love to haveconversation with you, because
(12:01):
I'm an active guy, normally,historically, I've got, yeah,
come on, guess what, Robert,guess what. And we could do
this, you know, but what I'velearned is to stop and wait for
you to go. And I go, Yeah, butthis is another way we can do
this thing. As before we talkand you talk, we never talk at
each other. I take a stop, takea step back and listen to you,
and then I proceed,
Robert Nordlund (12:22):
yeah, well,
Kevin, you're always saying
fascinating things, and thecircuits are firing in my brain.
My son is a Navy pilot, and hehas told me about this thing,
the Reno Air Races, andapparently these small planes
fly around the pylon course. Andthe secret to going fast, and
(12:44):
the mantra is fast is slow, andslow is fast, because the more
you can be smooth about youractions and go around the
course, smooth, that leads to afaster time. Because if you're
jerking and reacting and alwayscorrecting, then it ends up with
a slow time. And I what I'mhearing you say is slow it down.
(13:08):
Slow it down, and get your lifetogether, get your self focused,
work in the present, and get ridof all the gazillion things that
well, the marketing messages.
What do we hear about all themarketing messages we hear each
day, hundreds or 1000s. There'slots of stuff floating around,
and we just need to the YouTubepeople can watch it, kind of cut
through the clutter and just getto what do I need to do now? Is
(13:31):
that
Kevin Davis (13:35):
exactly it's and
this how it works too. Is that,
let's say you are in New YorkCity. You know, in New York City
Times Square, you have everysubway in the world going for
you, the A to B to C, the one,the two. And what happens is,
what our brain does it get onthe first subway that comes by?
Okay, okay, that's what happens.
We have the thoughts constantlycoming in, and whenever our
thought comes in, we jump in itjust like we jump on our first
subway. What we have to do forour thoughts is wait for that
(13:57):
right thought to pay attentionto. So now of a sudden, I'm
going uptown. I'm not gonnacatch it when it goes cross
town. But what happens is, isthat historically, what we do is
whatever thoughts come through,we gravitate to them, and we
worry about them, or we getanxious about them. When
mindfulness tells us to, as wequiet the mind, we realize what
things are really are important.
(14:19):
And like your friend said, myfamily is more important. Okay,
quiet in mind. Does that whatyou said about your son? We go
slow. You quiet your mind. Ourmind wants to solve problems, so
we bring it down to a certainlevel. You know what problems
that really, truly need to besolved because there's constant
thoughts in there, going, I needto do this. I need it. I need
(14:40):
it. I worry. I worry. You'reanxious. Worry, anxious. Worry,
anxious. It goes back and forthbecause your brain was to solve
those problems. The only time itdoesn't happen is we have a
project to do. We have a hobbyto do. If you like gardening or
cooking, you know, if you likeplaying off, whatever your hobby
you do, you're in the presentmoment. And guess what? Life is
the best. Yes, yeah, that yourfriend said, I'm from my family.
(15:03):
That is the best moment in timewhen you with your family, one
purpose, I suppose, with yourfamily, and you're daydreaming,
we worry about work.
Robert Nordlund (15:11):
Kevin, I do
love going to the golf driving
range, because when I'm hittingballs, I'm hitting at targets.
I'm focusing on that. And you'reright, that's all I'm working on
right then. And there are timeswhen I'm at dinner and my wife
will say, leave work behind her.
What's what she say, she'ssomething I got. I says, How do
you know? You know? Or she sayssomething like, where did you
(15:33):
go? It's like, oh. And she says,Because I noticed your hands are
clenched, and I'm at the dinnertable with my hands clenched,
and she says, Let it go. We'rehere at dinner, and I just
imagine there's so much tensioninside your body that there's
physical manifestations.
Kevin Davis (15:50):
That's it. We talk
about stop. What we do is stop
and put you observe what'shappening in your body. Your
shoulders are up, your hands areclenched, and then you let go.
You don't have to have to haveyour wife tell you let go.
Mindful says you wait a minute.
Wait a minute. I need to let go.
Okay, now that we
Robert Nordlund (16:06):
I'm getting a
sense of I almost want to call
you a Zen master on this. Butwhat does this mean for board
members? Tell me about how thisapplies to community
associations,
Kevin Davis (16:17):
okay, when we talk
about mindfulness, okay, there's
two aspects of mindfulness thatwe have to be concerned about.
Okay, what we've talked aboutwith mindfulness awareness, just
being aware of what's happeningright now in this moment in
time. Okay, that I have a boardmeeting. I'm anxious about the
board meeting, or I'm worriedabout the board meeting, or I
don't care about it. I'm notgoing to board meeting. I'm a
(16:38):
daydream. Okay, when thosethings are going to be
happening, but whatever theyare, you're not gonna be
present, and you're not gonna bepresent, then you're gonna be
act. So the first thing we wantto do is be mindfully aware that
we're gonna use stop whenever wefeel that we are out of control,
or we feel place uncertainty,whenever you face any
disagreement this, let me juststop and take a breath. Observe
(17:02):
what's happening in my hands,observe what's happening in my
body, and then answer thequestion. It could take a second
or five seconds, or it couldtake a couple of minutes. You
can sit, you can sit by yourselfwhile stuff's going on, and go,
Okay, let me really stop. Slowit down. Let me take a breath.
There, they're talking andeverything, but not me. I'm
going to just find what'shappening in my body right now.
(17:25):
I feel these sensations all overthe tension all over my body,
and once, as you describe it, ittakes the power away. Yeah, we
describe that right now, I'mreally angry about what they're
talking about, and I'm angry.
Okay, okay, well, let me dealwith that means I'm angry. Oh,
I'm reacting to anger. How can Imake this not react to the anger
right now? And then the key partof it, then we go and cultivate
(17:46):
kindness, and then we want to dois be kind to everybody else. To
me, is always a three partthing. You have to quiet the
mind first, and then you yourelax the body. You know,
understanding what's happeningin the body, relaxing, and then
you come back. You cultivatemindfulness by using kindness.
Kindness is the thing that youdo so by being kind to others.
(18:10):
And it's just easy to do that.
It just say in your mind, nowyou'll say to God, may you be
well, yeah, may you be well, mayyou be happy, may you be
peaceful. And what happens isyou feel better, and then all of
a sudden, you feel better justby feeling me feeling if I look
at you right now and just say,May you be happy, may you be
(18:33):
peaceful, may be healthy, maybestrong. I'm saying that in my
mind, all of a sudden, you feelmy reaction just to be and then
also it's hard to be angry atsomebody when inside your brain,
you're going, May you bepeaceful, may you be happy, and
then you look at somebody go,may you may be healthy, and may
your health continue. And that'swhat that's the key part about
(18:56):
mindfulness that brings in thekindness part of it. That's what
you see when you're seeingpeople that are really genuinely
happy, because they not happyabout themselves. They happy for
you too. May you be well. That'swhy may you be well. I
appreciate you as a as a humanbeing, and that's and that's the
key to how we do it in a from aboard member perspective. You
(19:17):
know now that's part one isawareness. Part two is a
mindfulness meditation, andthat's the key to all of it, the
meditation part of him, he goesas we meditate, we end up quiet
in the mind. We can calm thebody, and then we can move
forward and be kind to others.
You can't be kind to othersunless we kind to ourselves
(19:38):
first, and when we got behind myfirst, we understand what's
going on in the body. The kind
Robert Nordlund (19:45):
of things
you're talking about, I realize
are not new. Now, the goldenrule is, as old as humans do
unto others, as you would havethem do unto you. And you're
talking about being aware ofwhen you were talking I was
thinking about because. Do someexpert witness work in reserves
and financing and that kind ofstuff. And I was on the witness
stand, and an attorney wasbadgering me, and I could feel
(20:08):
him getting under my skin. Andthen I started looking at him,
and my entire attitude, mycharacter towards him, changed
from, you know, he's a mean man,to, oh, he's got his set of
problems, and he's, he'sgrasping me at straws to get me
to say the wrong thing. And allof a sudden I became so
(20:29):
peaceful, and that idea ofslowing down being present and
then serving others, oh, I, hemust have problems in his life.
I, you know, I is washingmachine broken? Did he not have
enough time to get to the drycleaners? And all of a sudden it
when you have a compassionateheart, you're not mad at the
(20:51):
person.
Kevin Davis (20:52):
That's the key. The
key thing is that we have a
choice. There's a point in timewhere mindfulness, we say, Wait
a minute. I'm really angry. Andyou did it. You experienced
anger, but you did is you lookedat him and said, he's a human
being. Now we have a choice oftreating somebody with kindness,
or treating somebody with anegative emotion. Say you are
evil, you are wicked, you are abad person. Or you can say,
(21:12):
Listen, you know, may you bewell, yeah, may you be well, may
you be free from suffering, youknow, may you find joy. Maybe
you experience joy. And you lookat a person and do that, it
takes the power away from himagainst you, because you
recognizing him as a humanbeing. If you were in a board of
directors in the condoassociation, the temperature is
rising, what you want to do islower the temperature by just
(21:35):
calming your brain, just whiningthe brain, and then all of a
sudden, cultivate the kindnessby saying, guess what? And
you'll be well, may you behappy, you know, and you just be
free, you know? Yeah, whateverit is that comes into your brain
that promotes kindness, youknow, what you did is that you
(21:55):
promoted a sense of compassionfor a person. It's the same
thing. It's gratitude. You know,I'm happy to be part of you. I'm
happy with you. I'm happy to behere with you. I'm glad I'm here
with you. You know, may thiscontinue, May it never end. You
know, these are things thattakes cultivating. And the thing
about things like gratitude andcompassion and joy, those things
(22:18):
have to be worked on, because wedon't we know how to control our
anger and our sadness, and welove being angry, and we we've
been our whole lives. We angerhas been that one thing we we
learn how to control, we learnhow to use in our favor, but we
never learn how to use thingslike joy and compassion to our
favor, because they have tocultivate, especially in times
(22:38):
when you really, truly needthem.
Robert Nordlund (22:40):
I want to go
deeper on that, but we are
looking at the time, and it'stime to take a break. So Kevin,
let's take a quick break now tohear from one of our generous
sponsors, after which we'll beback with more common sense for
common areas, and I want to hearmore about what a meditation is.
So join us in just a
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(23:18):
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Robert Nordlund (23:28):
and we're back.
Well, Kevin, before the break,you had my brain spinning. I was
trying to be present and savoryour words. That's what you were
talking about. Be aware. Slowdown, stop actually. Cultivate
kindness, meditate, but help mewith that. Because when I think
about meditating, I think aboutwhen I've slowed down, and I
(23:51):
think about what's going on inmy life, what are my concerns?
What do I have control over?
Boy, it's a gorgeous dayoutside. So glad for my wife.
You know things like that. WhenI slow myself down and I can
choose what then I want to speakabout. So that's kind of my
(24:12):
untrained understanding. Buttell me what what is a
meditation? What are yourecommending? What are you
talking about here, that's
Kevin Davis (24:21):
good. Now there's
different types of meditation,
because most people, when I hearword meditation, they think
about empty their brain. And,you know, it's not about
emptying the brain. What itmeditation is about focusing on
something that is neutral, okay,normally it's the breath, where
you just breathe in and youbreathe out, and meditation is
(24:41):
about. That's what it is, justbreathing in and noticing the
breath. Now, what happens is,there's nothing more boring than
noticing the breath, because nojudgment, there's no breath of
the breath. For example, if Itell you to focus in on my hand
right now, I say, focus on myhand. Focus on my hand, and same
thing focusing your breath. Nowwhat happens eventually? Lead,
you end up not focusing. You'refocusing everything else by
(25:03):
faced everything else, butmindfulness says, come back to
the hand. So focus yourattention on the hand which is
neutral. Is the hands, the hand,okay, so what you want to do is
the way you quiet. Your mind isfocusing on something that is
neutral. The breath is neutral.
Sounds are neutral. Okay, so byfocusing on something that's
neutral acquires the mind. Nowyour brain doesn't like that.
(25:27):
Your brain wants to solve aproblem. So your brain gonna
say, this is boring, you know,I'm gonna divert my attention.
Every time you divert attention,yes, exactly, whatever happens,
that's mindfulness. Whenever yousay, Aha, I diverted my
attention. You come back to thebreath. If you never meditate
before, it was in five secondsof breathing in and breathing
(25:47):
out, you can be saying, wait aminute, I'm doing this wrong,
and it's not working. But assoon as you say that, that is
mindfulness. So eventually getto a point where you're
recognizing it my mindfulness,bring it back to the breath so
that when you are going home andyou start to worry, you'll do
the same. Up, I'm worried. Up,I'm not paying attention. And
you bring it back to payingattention when you need to. Our
(26:09):
brains are automatic pilot mostof time, because it takes a lot
of energy to work the brain.
Nothing wrong then, but when itgoes off kilter, when you
daydream about, you know,spending the time with your wife
and at the beach, whatever.
That's okay, but the problemcomes in. Oh, well, what
happens? I can't whatever. Don'tmake enough money. Oh, wait,
man, mindfulness. I mean, stopdoing that and bring it back
into the present moment. So whenyou focus your energy on the
(26:33):
breath, every time you leave thebreath, aha. Mindfulness, it's
like a pendulum that swings. ItGo. You go further and further
out. But every time it getsstopped to a certain point, you
bring it back. Eventually, ifyou do this over time, like I do
this, I could do this like 2025,minutes a day, and then at 2025,
minutes a day, it comes and itgoes, it comes and it continues,
(26:55):
comes and it goes, and iteventually quiets the mind to
the point where, you know, youmake the things that really,
truly matter comes out, and thenyou pay attention to those
things. We're going to meditate.
You got any question for me?
Yeah, I
Robert Nordlund (27:09):
do have a
question. Is that 20 or 25
minutes some of the best minutesof your day? Yes, yes.
Kevin Davis (27:16):
But after we time
perfectly, because what happens
if it's the wrong time there's2025 minutes you will sleep,
right,
Robert Nordlund (27:23):
right. Okay, I
understand that. Yes, okay. And
also I wonder, yeah, I'mwringing my hands just thinking
about it. If I was to slow downand stop and do that, I'm
guessing I would be bad at it atfirst. Is it like exercising,
where you need to walk beforeyou run? So give yourself a
little bit of grace here. Yeah,
Kevin Davis (27:41):
give yourself some
kindness to yourself, okay?
Because it is hard, because,first of all, you don't think
you're doing it wrong. I've donethis in a group of people, and
the first thing you do is thatyou look around, go, I can't be
doing this thing right. It isnothing easier to do than this,
but it's so easy that we don'twe think we can't be doing the
right way. And it's such. It's away that, if you really get into
(28:04):
it, it eliminates a lot ofmedication. You're taking a lot
of things that we take back nowthat we take because of anxiety
or high blood pressure or weightloss. All those things disappear
when you're able to have controlover your body and mindful of
all it does is say, Wait aminute. You're recognized at
this point in time where you notpaying attention. Hardest thing
(28:26):
to do is focus on your breathfor any length of time because
it is boring and your brainwants to solve a problem as soon
as you recognize, uh oh, I'mdaydreaming. Uh oh, I'm worried.
You say, I'm worried. And yourbrain and it's, guess what,
you're not worried anymore. Youbring it back, because at this
moment you have nothing to worryabout. At this moment, as you
and I are talking, you have noproblems at all, zero at this
(28:50):
moment, you know. And that's thepoint in time. That's what we
were when you meditate, do yourealize that at this moment you
were okay? We're all okay rightnow, where I was listening to
this podcast right now is aOkay, nothing matters right now,
and that's why the presentmoment is so important, because
we spend too much time worryabout the past and the future
(29:11):
that we can't enjoy right now.
You and I are enjoyingourselves. Robert and we do
every time we do a podcast,yeah. What happens with the
phone once we we got we go toour emails, we worry, you. We
got anxiousness. Now comes back.
The difference with me, after 15years of doing mindfulness is
that, oh, I'm anxious right now.
And guess what? I still getanxious. All those things don't
happen, and it doesn't mean theygo away. I'm the same guy. I'm
(29:34):
the same high energy guy I'vealways had been. But
Robert Nordlund (29:39):
you have the
tool now. I have a tool. Okay,
that control. Are you gonna talkus through something or
something? We'll
Kevin Davis (29:46):
do a meditation for
about, you know, but I get it
done. This is the important partabout this meditation. If you do
this meditation before you gointo your board meeting, you
have a board meeting. Okay? Andthis meditation is designed. For
one thing, right now, Robert,you were a board president. I'm
a board president, okay, okay,I'm have this I'm have a
contentious meeting. Okay, yeah,and you are feeling a
(30:08):
contentious meeting. But even ifnot contentious, you know how
you feel before you go to boardmeeting. So this mindfulness
meditation is designed for thatbefore, when you walk into that
room and sit in that chair, thismeditative posture first. Okay,
this is kind of your posture.
It's like a string is on top.
You kind of pull it up likethat. That's your position,
(30:29):
okay? And we'll start by takingthat nice deep breath in,
exhale, inhale, exhale. And nowwe're going to just breathe
normally.
(30:52):
You'll notice your shoulder riseas you inhale, lowers as you
exhale, andyou know, there's a slight pause
as you inhale, then you exhale,going to inhale, slight pause
(31:15):
and exhale. I
Robert Nordlund (31:22):
can even hear
my heartbeat in the headphones.
I can I can feel a little somuch more about what is
happening in my life, or my Ishould say, my body. I
Kevin Davis (31:47):
now your brain
wants to get bored and do other
things, but just stay in amoment. Just keep noticing the
breath.
Always we're doing is quiet themind, and then we're going to
relax the body. We know we havea big board meeting coming up.
(32:12):
We got a lot of thoughts, a lotof sensations going on in the
body, a lot of emotions, butright now, none of that matters,
because all we want to do isquiet the mind, and We're
focusing in on the breath,inhale and exhale, we're
(32:43):
now we want to do is relax thebody, and we do that by bringing
our attention to our facialmuscles, starting from forehead.
We're going to soften and relaxall of our facial muscles
starting with the forehead. Justrelax those forehead muscles. To
soften them and relax them.
We're going to soften and relaxaround the eyes, just let them
(33:09):
go.
Soften and relax around thecheek, your mouth, your tongue,
just let everything relax andsoften.
(33:32):
All your facial muscles are justrelaxed and softened. You have a
board meeting, and you relaxyour entire body before we go
into that meeting. Now we go tothe neck muscles. We're going to
soften and relaxing all thosemuscles along the neck, one by
(33:55):
one, we'reand now we go to the shoulders.
Just relax your shoulders. Letthem go. Your left shoulder,
your right shoulder, soften andrelax them and are gonna relax
(34:19):
the arms and we're gonna cup onehand in the other, by cupping
one hand in the other, the samething we take a small child's
hand to say that right now youare safe. You're in a safe
(34:42):
you're secure. You have nothingto worry about. You have a sense
of you're in control right now.
You.
Now we're going to recognize theback and our chair, how our
(35:10):
chair and our back, we'resupported right now, that we
held together, how we held up,how we know at this point in
time that we're okay and thatwe're ready. You're ready for a
meeting no matter what, becauseright now we're safe. We're in a
(35:32):
safe environment, and we know
Unknown (35:36):
we can do this. You
Kevin Davis (35:45):
and before we go
into our meeting, we want to
wish everybody well. We're goingto be kind to everybody in that
meeting. It may be a littlechallenging, but right now,
we'll take a few minutes andjust focusing the people in that
meeting that we know aresupportive of us and know that
(36:06):
whatever we say, they will be onour side. They will be
encouraging and supportive. Andwe want to take a moment wish
them well in this meeting, andwe're going to say, May you be
happy, may you be safe, may befree from suffering, may be
healthy, may be strong, may youcontinue the support and just
(36:37):
pick words that you feel arecomforting through Those people
that support you and back youup. Just feel that group right
now, the support you get forthem and how they make you feel.
And then we want to do ispicture the other group in
(36:59):
there, and the ones that come toall the meetings and they don't
say anything, but you want towish them well. You wish that
they have, that they're okay,that they're happy, that they're
free from suffering, thatthey're healthy. You
(37:24):
and then you want to do istackle the harder group, the
challenging group, if you wantto, if you don't want to do
that, stick with the group thatbrings you joy, the ones that
that will you see them, you feela sense of calm and ease. You.
(37:46):
But before we end themeditation, we want to do is
that bring that one person tomind that matters to you in your
life, that one person, and bringthem in front of you so you can
wish that person well. Right nowyou're imagining a person that
you care for, and they care foryou, and they're in front of
(38:07):
you. They're supporting youbecause they know that this
board meeting can be challengingfor you, but right now they're
giving you support that youneed. They're wishing you well.
They're saying, May you behappy, may you be peaceful, may
you have a good board meeting.
And you stay with that feelingright now, you know how you
(38:32):
feel, and so we enter that boardmeeting. You know right now that
you are in control, that you andgo in that meeting with kindness
and compassion, and you have oneof the best board meetings you
ever had. All right, let's endthe meditation. And Robert, how
(38:55):
do you feel?
Robert Nordlund (39:02):
Well, you took
me to a happy place. I had no
problems. I love holding achild's hand, walking them
across across the street. And Iwas holding my own hand. I was
in a safe place. Kevin, I'mgonna have to remember episode
120 and the bookmark this one,whatever it is, because to have
an old friend with your kindvoice walking me through just
(39:28):
settling myself down, andthere's a little bit of voice
saying, this is going to belousy podcast, because there's
so much silence that I wasthinking this could be the best
podcast, because people aregoing to bookmark this and come
back because it's good for them.
Yeah, this is a good. I don'tknow what that was five minutes.
I don't know how long it was. Idon't care, but it's going to be
(39:49):
a good after you do it oncestop, watch it, time it, and
give yourself that much timebefore a board meeting. You. And
I felt like, I'm good to go. IYeah, this is yeah. It's
fantastic stuff. Anyway, you'regood at this. Surprise,
(40:12):
surprise,
Kevin Davis (40:14):
yeah. Well, again,
I teach it. This is what I do. I
teach it, and for the record, Iteach at that LA library, one
one week every month in downtownLA,
Robert Nordlund (40:25):
okay, well,
downtown LA has its challenges,
or LA has its challenges fires,Yep, yeah. And we there's a lot
of anxiety local. There's a lotof anxiety in the world. Well,
Kevin, this is a fascinating andabsolutely wonderful time that
we've had here today. Like yousaid, I always enjoyed talking
to you, and I just hope this wasmeaningful. Settling down for
(40:54):
everyone who has joined us tolisten to this. Any closing,
wrapping thoughts that you wantto add.
Kevin Davis (41:00):
The key to this
thing is, whenever you have a
board meeting, at any time ofmeeting, let's see at work,
listen to this part of it, andthen it'll make you feel ready
for anything you're going toexperience in life, even if
right now. Look, we all livingin challenging times. We hate
uncertainty. We love certaintypredictability in our lives.
Listen to that, listen to thatlittle meditation, and you will
(41:20):
feel a lot better about whateverhappening. Feels a lot of things
happening right now.
Robert Nordlund (41:25):
That's for
sure. That's for sure. Well,
thank you so much. Again, I'mgonna have to keep this one on
bookmark or whatever. Episode120 episode 120 my my closing
line is, we hope you learn someHOA insights from our discussion
today, but I hope you learnedsome mindfulness techniques
today that helps you be a betterperson, and as you do that that
(41:47):
brings a greater person to yourassociation, which brings common
sense to your common areas.
Thank you for joining us. I hopeit was at least as helpful to
you as it was to me. We lookforward to bringing many more
episodes to you, fascinatingepisodes on this topic or
another topic or any topic. Weekafter week after week, we're
(42:07):
going to be here, and it'll begreat to have you join us. So
thank you so much, and we lookforward to having you join us on
a regular basis, spread theword, and we'll see you next
time you've
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