March 30, 2025 • 37 mins
This episode is a little different — we weren’t in the same place when we recorded. With Blair away for work, we decided to try something new: answering all our questions separately… without hearing each other’s responses first. 👀
What followed was fun, real, and surprisingly deep. We shared what it’s like being apart, how we stay connected in busy seasons, and what we appreciate (and miss) most about each other. There’s also a Reddit reflection on whether it’s weird not to miss your partner, a hilarious trip down memory lane (fart stories included), and a rapid-fire “Who’s More Likely To” quiz you can try with your own partner.
Don’t miss our Reality Check Challenge at the end — it’s a practical, bite-sized way to reflect on your own relationship this week.
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Keywords: relationship podcast for couples, marriage podcast, solo parenting, staying connected, missing your partner, real couple stories, Reddit relationship advice, love and connection, Honey We Need to Chat, weekly relationship challenge
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:05):
Honey, we need to chat. Hello and welcome back to Honey.
We need to chat. This episode is a little bit
different and if you're watchingthe video, you'll immediately
know why. But for those of you that are
just listening, we have a bit ofa different format today because
(00:25):
Blair is a way for work. He is up in Queensland.
And instead of trying to cram ina recording session in the very
limited time we got together this week and or delaying the
episode next week, we thought what about we look at this like
a fun little activity and try a bit of a different format.
So this week we're recording separately.
We do not know each other's answers.
(00:46):
We don't know how each other have responded.
And I'm just going to stitch it all together in editing and
we'll see how it goes. So it should be a little bit of
fun. It might be a little bit of
messy, but that's OK. We're here for that.
Sorry for the different format. We just thought it would be fun
to be a bit creative and make itwork with our schedule because
life happens and you guys get that.
So let's dive right in. We've got some questions we're
(01:08):
going to be answering. Got a Reddit story that we're
reflecting on. We'll also have a rapid fire
mini quiz later of who is more likely.
So keep an ear out for that one because that would be really fun
for you to do as a couple as well.
And then we've also got at the very end, as per usual, a
reality check challenge. Just a short one this week to
reflect on separately, but you guys get the benefit of hearing
(01:29):
both of our answers after I editit all together.
So let's dive right in. All right, firstly, we're going
to go through some questions. Where am I and what am I doing?
Well, I'm in the usual location other than sitting in Blair's
chair. I'm at home and I've just been
working. So I have taken a little break
to record this episode. Blair will have a different
answer, obviously, because he isnot here, but it's been all
(01:52):
right. It hasn't been too bad.
Solo parenting. I've actually had quite a bit of
help from my mother in law, which is amazing.
She's helping again tonight withsome babysitting.
For the most part, it's really good.
It's just when everyone needs something at the same time that
is pretty exhausting and I'm notvery good at self discipline in
terms of getting to bed on time.So when Blair is not here, I
become a bit of a loose cannon and I say up way too late and
(02:14):
then I have the consequences of that the next morning.
So that is probably the most chaotic or worst part of it.
The only other thing I do walk around a little bit like a
zombie when I I walk around likea zombie when I've been
parenting in general, when I getto, like, rehearsal for my show
or if I go out to the shops and I'm suddenly engaging with other
people other than just my children or my husband, I do
(02:37):
walk around like a little bit ofa zombie.
But it's probably tenfold when Blair's not here and my brain's
just, like, so full of stuff that I need to be doing.
So my little funny, chaotic moment of the day is that, yeah,
I did not go to bed early. And when I say early, I mean I
didn't go to bed until it was early.
Sorry, babe. Hey guys, I am currently on a
work trip. I flew up here into Rockhampton
(03:00):
on what was it? I think it was Wednesday.
I thought he, Well, yeah, early Wednesday morning, flew up here
just for a little. We had a progress report
meeting, fun stuff with our projects happening up here with
my organisation. I work for Dad's group, the
nonprofit organisation. And then today we had a big like
networking collaboration, meeting with all the different
(03:21):
organisations in this region, talking about how we can, you
know, work together better, but also how can we have a greater
impact together or even individually and, and sort of
navigating through some of the challenges that we're having,
let's say the for all of us, right, in this mental health
space, the biggest challenge that we all find is engaging
dads, right? We want to support dads because
(03:43):
we know that the more supported dads are the greatest support
the family gets. So the importance of dads
getting support and encouraged and equipped and all of that
sort of stuff is really sure, it's really important.
But like, so for example, a statthat we talk about is one in 10
dads suffer from post fatal depression.
Now a lot of majority of people don't know dads can get post
(04:04):
fatal depression. And all of those one in 10 dads,
56% of them don't go help, don'tgo seeking help and support.
And so yeah, like that's a big thing.
It's not even just unique to us as an organisation as to all
organisations. Supporting dads is is really
hard because it's not dads, sorry, it's men.
Supporting men in the mental health space is very hard
(04:25):
because there's a lot of stigma around support for guys.
There's no other stuff. So we looked at about how high
percentage of men see getting help with support as a sign of
weakness. And then, then with that comes
pride and all that's really thing if it's just really sad
because like I, I know for myself when I'm, you know,
trying to figure stuff out and Ican make no sense of things and
(04:47):
I make things worse. It's just very isolating and
difficult situation. But now that I'm in this place
where, you know, I do get help, I've seen counsellors and stuff
before and I'm a part of my dad's group and and so forth.
Like I've just seen the benefitsof that support and I don't, you
know, my story and my struggles are not unique to myself.
(05:08):
And so, yeah, saying that from other people has been really
fantastic. It's been, it's hard.
I always find it very hard to goaway for work.
I'm really tired. I'm, you know, some great
stuff's happening. It's exciting in the work front
what's happening. But you know, I always just get
this sense of guilt whenever having to leave the family and,
(05:29):
and things. So it's not really chaotic
wouldn't be the right word I would say, but it's difficult.
I don't enjoy leaving the familyto go away for work.
All right. The next one is 3 things I
appreciate about you, Blair today.
So today I went to the shops after I dropped the kids at
school. I had to get some clothes for
our baby, who is actually 2 today, which is really exciting,
(05:51):
except for the fact that Blair'snot here.
And when I was walking out of one of the shops, somebody came
out of a shop ahead of me and hekind of had the same body.
What is it called? Demeanour.
That's not the word I'm trying to say.
But the way that he held his body as gate, maybe gate as
Blair. And all of a sudden when I saw
it, I was like, oh, I miss Blair.
So that's one thing I appreciateabout him just being here,
(06:12):
something I appreciate about him.
Another thing is he is so good at maintaining the house and
doing stuff with the kids. I've been making lunches for the
kids, obviously in the mornings.And that has actually become his
job for the last, I don't know how many months, maybe six
months now. So just having to think about
things like getting the lunches done is just another task when
(06:34):
you're trying to get all the kids out the door for school.
And it's stuff like that, that when he's not here, I finally,
not finally, because I do appreciate it at the time, but
I, I can really feel the absenceof the stuff that he just
naturally does that isn't super easy to notice at the time.
So things like getting dinner ready, things like, you know,
him just being able to put one or more of the children down so
(06:57):
that I can put one more one or more of the children down and we
don't have to do the whole task ourselves.
The dishes piled up very quickly.
So that was it too, him not being here to help with some of
those things, which he's, he tends to be a little bit more
natural at than me anyway. So yeah, definitely stuff like
what he feels in the house, justnot being here is something that
I appreciate a lot about him when he's not here.
(07:18):
And then the other one, which I already alluded to, is the
rhythms that he brings. I do not like going to bed.
I just don't like it. I don't like going to bed.
I like being in bed, but I don'tlike going to sleep.
It's probably a better way of saying this.
And my little rebellious 18 yearold still exists inside of me
where it gets late and then I just want to stay up later.
(07:38):
And I definitely enjoy the late hours of the night.
Blair is much, much better at being like we should go to bed
and then going to bed. So when he's not here, I am.
I really am a loose cannon. I also sometimes just float
around a little bit, like I'm not sure what I'm doing or who I
am. Yeah, definitely.
That's another thing that I appreciate is his consistency
and his rhythms. Even though on the nights when
(08:00):
he is here and he's saying we should go to bed, I don't always
feel like I appreciate it in that moment, but I do appreciate
it the next morning. So that's what I appreciate
about you, babe. One thing I will say on top of
that is I, I'm a bit of an, well, I am an introvert and I do
enjoy a lot of time to myself. A lot of the time when people
talk about things like quarantine for COVID.
(08:21):
And I know this is so naive. I remember being like 14 days in
a hotel room by myself. Yes, please.
And I would go loopy if I did that.
But the idea of it sounds reallygood.
And every now and then I hear these stories of people doing
things on their own. And I'm like, yes, please.
Or, you know, Mother's Day treatfor me is that Blair sends me
out of the house to go do something by myself.
(08:42):
And that's just who I tend to be.
But when he's not here, I do realise how much I rely on that
consistent presence around me. And I do get a little bit loopy.
Like I do start talking to myself and sometimes I walk
around the house and do weird things.
So like just weird facial expressions or I don't even want
(09:03):
to dive too much more into that because all my respect from you
guys will go right out the window.
But yes, I definitely, I definitely miss when he's not
here, his presence and the grounding that comes with that.
So I love you, baby. So now we've got a choose your
own big question segment. So I don't know which one player
will have responded to, but I'm choosing the question.
(09:24):
What's something you wish you were better at right now?
Something that I wish I was better at right now?
It's a big answer and it's kind of hard to explain, but
definitely something that I havebeen working on in terms of my
mental health over the last my whole life, but especially the
last like six months to a year is recognising some of the stuff
that goes on for me. And I have definitely alluded to
(09:44):
it on the podcast before, but I really wish I was better at
setting aside some of the weightthat I carry inside.
He was having a little reflection moment the other
night actually, while Blair was gone.
And I just was like, sometimes Ijust have this glimpse of
lightness and joy and, you know,freedom or like just fun, just
(10:05):
light joyfulness. Sometimes, like there'll be a
moment that that just is injected into me for whatever
reason, whether something fun has happened, good has happened
to watch just one of those moments where you're like, oh,
look at my family. Like I experienced that.
And when I experienced that lightness inside is when I'm
really aware of the heaviness that I carry all the time.
And I am, I really am determinedto figure out a way to be
(10:29):
carrying myself and the things around me a lot lighter than I
do. Because it's not when heavy
things happen, heavy things happen.
You're going to be stressed or overwhelmed, anxious, whatever
you want to say with that. But it's not just that.
It's not just when something heavy and big is going on.
It's often when there's nothing.If you look on paper, it doesn't
look like anything should be weighing that heavily.
(10:50):
But I just allow these little things to weigh really heavily.
And then unfortunately, that trickles out into my family.
I'm very aware that that influences how I act with my
kids or with Blair, influences the vibe of the house,
influences my my priorities and my motivation.
And I also just really believe that we are called to and
(11:11):
allowed to enjoy joy regardless of circumstances.
And that's part of our Christianfaith is, is that element.
But also just in general, I believe that, and I am trying to
work on getting that without having to wait for those
special, really special little glimmers.
I think they call it glimmer moments where you're like, oh, I
want that more often and I want the heaviness much less often.
(11:33):
So that is something I wish I was better at for a plethora of
reasons. So what does staying connected
actually look like when life is busy?
That's a great question and something that, you know, Amy
and I have definitely put time in.
We, we are quite intentional, but at the same time, it's very
easy to be too busy to think about, you know what I mean?
(11:56):
Like it's something that we definitely continue to work on.
We're constantly going up and down with busy stages of life,
either with kids or work or podcasting or, or whatever else.
It is like Amy's has done an amazing job setting up new
coaching business, which is absolutely fantastic, but in
that comes a real sense of busyness.
(12:18):
And she's also doing a theatre, she's doing a show at the
theatre, in our local theatre. And I'm, you know, doing
volleyball once a week as well. And, you know, we've got quite
busy lives. And, and I think for us, we have
really had to, you know, we always keep catching ourselves.
We, we notice like there, we go through a long period in that
(12:39):
business where we haven't been intentional.
We haven't really connected well.
And I think, you know, for us, we've just recently gone on our
10 year wedding anniversary. We went away and we were able to
reflect on that sort of stuff. We're able to reflect on or how
are we going? How you know, what can we do
differently? What can we do going forward?
What's important in that connection?
(13:01):
Like what does connection actually look like When we went
through a number of different things, different topics and
ideas and so forth. But so when I when it says like
when the question is what does stay connected actually look
like when life is busy, it varies.
You know, we might go through times of like, you know, date
nights could be, could be that it might be what we need or just
(13:22):
being physically intimate, you know, it might be what we need
in that time or just, you know, close, just spending time.
It might be just relaxing watching a movie or whatever
else might be going for a walk or whatever.
There's is not one thing. It's down to what are we needing
in that moment? Maybe it's a massage, you know,
I mean, like whatever it's, it'sreally having that conversation.
(13:45):
We've had to have those conversations to identify what
we need in those moments. Think first of all, it's
identifying that we're hey, we're not connecting, we're
busy, we're not connecting. We haven't had that intentional
time with each other. Then it's about a matter of
like, cool, well, what does thatlook like for you?
And I would share what it looks like for me.
And then putting things in placebased on what our needs are in
(14:05):
that moment. But yeah, it's not one thing.
It's whatever's needed in that moment.
But what it looks like actually,to go back to it, is in
everything we keep saying, having the conversation, being
aware of it, having the conversation and then and
putting something in place to goforward.
All right now mini memory lane, share a random or nostalgic
(14:27):
memory from your relationship. Bonus if it's funny or awkward.
Now I accidentally overheard one.
Like I'm saying 2 seconds of Blair's video because I just
wanted to check that the audio was OK when it came through and
I just happened to overhear him talking about I think this
question. Unfortunately now the only story
(14:48):
I can think of is the one I heard him saying and or ones in
the same vein. So apologies for the repeating
theme that's probably going to come out.
I am not a grot, I just need to make that clear.
One thing I will say, this isn'treally a memory necessarily.
We are not. We do not wind in front of each
(15:09):
other. It's just neither of us have
been really, you know, those really farty kind of people.
This is so gross or even like really loud burpers or anything
like that. We we just individually before
we were together, we weren't really into that.
And then when we got together, we both aren't into that.
So it just got reinforced in ourrelationship.
And we don't do that most of thetime in front of each other.
(15:31):
I remember early on, just beforewe got married, I was at a hens
party and there's a bunch of other women there that I knew
they were also about to get married or had just gotten
married. And they could not believe that
we didn't fart in truck in frontof each other.
They couldn't believe it. And like I know it was all
lighthearted and fun. I did have, I think some people
were actually genuinely concerned that we wouldn't do
(15:53):
that and that that might be a red flag in a relationship.
I'm here to say it's not a red flag and I know that I can if I
need to. I just don't like doing that in
general. Just anyway, if you think it's a
red flag, that's fine. And to those that are really
comfortable in front of each other, I love that for you guys.
I love that for you guys. Genuinely, I think it's very
beautiful. It's not, it's not a lack of
(16:13):
comfort necessarily, it's just it's just something that we're
not into. Anyway, that's my little context
to it. And I'm sure this is going to
resonate through his story as well, considering what I heard
him quickly saying. But there's a few instances
where with that lens in mind, it's been very funny and hasn't
been made for a more made a veryfunny memory because of kind of
(16:35):
our culture as a couple. And one of the times being when
I was induced with at first, like I had my contractions, it
was quite intense. And so they, I quickly decided
to go with an epidural. And so once the epidural
happened, I just could not startfart, stop farting.
I was like, oh, I'm, I'm farting.
I was in the hospital bed and I was just farting.
(16:57):
And I, it was because I couldn't, I physically didn't
feel like I had much control of my muscles on the lower half of
my body because of the epidural.And there was just a lot of gas
and stuff going on in my stomach.
And so I was, I was just sittingthere with Blair and our student
midwife and all the other midwives that were coming in.
Doctors were coming in. And I just had to kind of laugh
about it because, yeah, I couldn't hold that in.
(17:20):
So there's that. There's a few other stories.
I'm sure Blair will be sharing one of them.
Another thing actually on the another memory on that day where
we were in the hospital having our son, our first child, I was
when I was, I was addicted to the gas.
The gas was my lifeline. I loved it so much.
(17:40):
I've never ever done anything that has made me feel like the
gas has made me feel. I'll just put it that way.
And so when I was on the gas, partially because of the pain
relief it gave me, but also justthe trip that it gave me, I was
living my best life. And then I was very scared about
the idea of getting an epidural.So when I did agree to it, I
demanded that I be allowed to continue sucking on that gas
(18:03):
while they did it. Now knowing what I know, because
I've now had four caesareans andfour spinal blocks and plus the
epidural, I now know how how much you need to sit still.
But at the time I didn't realisehow difficult someone high on
gas would be to get them to sit still.
(18:24):
And so poor Blair was sitting there holding me as still as he
possibly could as this lady was giving me the epidural.
And I just was off in La La land.
And in my mind, I literally was picturing this.
There was this little tubby Dr cartoon person that had bounced
into my little cartoon world andwas this like cranky little
doctor giving me an epidural. And I was, I was off with the
(18:47):
fairies, but Blair was having tohold my back very, very still
while they put this into my spine.
So that was also funny because I, I, I wasn't just like feeling
good. I was having full on stories
playing out in my mind of these little cartoon characters and,
and I didn't have to read the, the consequences of it.
He did. So he was there holding me and
keeping me safe. Thank you again, babe.
(19:08):
Another thing I'm appreciative of.
Many memory lines share a randomor nostalgic memory from your
relationship. Bonus if it's funny or awkward.
I remember, I think, you know, Iremember early on when, I mean,
I was saying that and I, I mean,feel free to cut this out if
this is too embarrassing for you, but I remember early on, I
mean, I, we went to the drive inmovies.
(19:29):
I think we're date, we're datingat a time.
We went to the drive in movies, kind of all we were watching.
And anyway, we, we parked the car.
It's lovely, beautiful night. Like I'm, I'm falling for this
girl. She's absolutely amazing.
And then next minute I realised you're in the movie, she's
falling asleep. I'm like, all right, well that's
rude, but whatever. No, what?
(19:51):
I didn't care. I don't remember what movie it
was, so it wasn't that impactful, but she fell asleep
and I'm still watching the movie.
The next minute, just out of nowhere, she just freaks out.
She wakes up, freaks out, opens the door.
I thought she was going to go running out the door, but she
doesn't. She's just like, oh, she's just
woken up all of a sudden realised she's just freaked out.
We're laughing and stuff. I'm like, oh man, she just must
(20:13):
have, you know, had a weird dream and woken up and nearly
ran out the door. And it wasn't until maybe years
later that Amy actually told me that she farted in her sleep and
she woke up freaked out that it was gonna smell bad, so she
quickly wanted to open the door so I wouldn't smell stinky out
of the car. It didn't.
I had zero idea and I thought she just had a crazy dream.
So yeah, that's it. My wife's a fart off.
(20:35):
All right, so moving on to rapidfire mini quiz, who is more
likely? So I'm going to rapid fire
through these things and say whoI believe is more likely to do
these things. OK, who is most likely to forget
an anniversary? I feel like it depends if it's a
relate. If it's an anniversary to me,
like one of my marriage anniversaries, I feel like Amy's
(20:56):
more unlikely to forget, and I feel like I've had a good track
record of remembering our anniversary.
If it's anything else though, like other people's birthdays or
whatever else, it's never me. I'm trash, I'm terrible at it.
I can't remember things. Blair is more likely to forget
an anniversary. He doesn't mostly, but he is
more likely to do that, put systems in place.
(21:17):
Because I know I'll forget. So I just have a lot of systems
around things like that that keep it on the top of my mind.
But he is more likely to forget it, I believe.
Who is more likely to cry duringa movie?
Blair is more likely to cry during a movie.
I actually feel like I'm a little bit cold hearted.
He cried at our wedding. It was beautiful and I didn't.
He cries at the thought of a lotof things that I don't,
(21:41):
partially because I protect myself.
So if I start to feel too emotional sometimes I just shut
that part off. And then also because, I don't
know, I just, I haven't a different way of empathy to him.
And he feels things, I'm very emotional, but he feels things
very differently to me. And so he is, I think, more
likely to cry in a movie. It's a hard one.
(22:03):
I I don't know. I think most likely Amy, but it
wouldn't surprise me if she saysme.
Who is more likely to make the first move after an argument?
I'm assuming this means first move for like saying sorry.
I think it's 5050. I think actually no, probably me
because I'm probably the one that's in the wrong in the
argument. So I'm like, yeah, you're right,
my bad. I don't know who I don't know.
(22:25):
I think both of us would. It depends on the argument, and
it depends over like when it is,who started it, what it was, and
what our circumstances are. But we both do eventually.
Who is more likely to overpack for a weekend away?
And that would be me. That is definitely Amy.
Amy would overpack for the weekend away.
I would underpack. I would forget things.
So I don't know what's worse. I don't know if overpacking or
(22:46):
underpacking is worse, but now Amy absolutely overpacks.
There's nothing else to say about that.
Actually, that's not true. I mean never takes their
appropriate clothing. She's either too cold or too
hot. She never dresses appropriately.
Who is more likely to text I love you randomly?
Probably also me, but not in a bitter way.
I think he would do it as well, he's just not on his phone as
(23:08):
much. He he we both throughout the day
randomly say I love you in person.
So it's probably the text element that makes it more
likely that I would be doing it.Amy.
Amy would be the first one to text that.
Who's more likely to stay up late?
I mean, none of us need to answer this question because
we've just heard it in the episode, but it is me.
Amy, she's a night owl. Ridiculous.
(23:31):
When we first got together, she was like, man, that like, she
would easily stay up to 123 in the morning.
And well, I was bricklaying at the time.
I was a tradie, so I got up early, like sometimes 4:00 AM or
earlier. And yeah, it was hard and it was
hard. Who is more likely to forget
where they put their keys? And that is Blair 1000%.
(23:51):
And this is a bitter 1 because we have a key hook.
Just again, I, I have built my systems to relieve myself of
stress because I have experienced being like, where is
it? I've got no idea.
But his keys, his Sonny's, his wallet often are on repeat.
Where is this? Where is this?
Sometimes even his phone. Actually, a lot of the time even
his phone. Amy 1 Hope No, I'm joking.
(24:14):
That is 100% me and I always do this.
I always put things down. My sunglasses, wallet, keys,
hats. I've got a I've got a place for
them all, but I never put them there.
I don't know why. I know there's a lot of pointing
the fingers here and like tus tusking, I know I need to get
better. OK, who is more likely to start
(24:34):
a deep conversation 5 minutes before bedtime?
That is me. He.
That was one of the things we had to adjust to when we were
early married because I was like, we're in bed.
We're just like the lights are off.
So your brain just starts to like think.
And I'm like, what deep conversation can we have?
And he's already like half asleep.
Once he's in bed, he's ready forbed.
And when he's tired, you've, you've probably seen it in some
(24:55):
of our episodes, but you can seethat he his brains just like in
sleep mode. So I would bring up these deep
things, especially early on whenI would finally, it's like I
finally had the courage to bringup the thing that was upsetting
me or the thing I thought was upsetting him.
And then I'd bring it up and it was an important conversation
and it was a bad time. And that was never helpful.
(25:16):
So once I figured that out, things have been a lot better.
And he tried, he really does trywhen that happens to engage with
it, but he also just physically has difficulties with that.
Amy, it's a problem. All right, last one is who is
more likely to bail on social plans to stay home and chill?
I'm going to say Blair again. He's become more and more of a
(25:39):
homebody introvert over the years and social plans take a
lot from him when he's already really tired.
They actually have gone the opposite way and become more
excited about social things. In saying that, though, there's
not many times where social planning gets cancel it.
And I'm upset. Like I think when you've got
kids and when you're an older adult, like you're not older,
(25:59):
but you know, when you're not a young adult, you've got kids,
you're working, there's these things that just mean that any
free time you have is such a blessing.
And I feel like that just kind of has this almost this
disclaimer over anytime anythinggets cancelled, I'm like, you
know what, that's fine. I'm just going to watch my show
or I'm going to get done the 500things that I wanted to get
done. So I think it's probably more
(26:19):
likely to be Blair at this stage, but I think both of us
are in the same boat. Amy like we would be both on
same of wanting to do that, actually doing that.
Maybe me and that's that's changed quite a lot since
becoming a parent because I was like such a social butterfly,
like I'm like always wanting to be out, always wanting to be
with people. Amy might want to like bail, but
(26:43):
she would actually stick to it where I would more likely, and I
don't. I don't think I've done it the
last time I've done that, but I think I'd be more likely to do
it. All right, so there we go.
That's a rapid fire mini quiz soyou guys can answer that at
home. Who's more likely to forget an
anniversary? Who's more likely to cry during
a movie? Who is more likely to make the
first move after an argument? Who's more likely to overpack
for a weekend away? Who's more likely to say I love
(27:06):
you in a text randomly? Who's more likely to stay up
late? Who's more likely to forget
where they put their keys? Who's more likely to start a
deep conversation 5 minutes before bedtime?
And who is more likely to bail on social plans and stay home
and chill? Now we're going to dive into a
Reddit story reflection. So first I'm going to read the
story and then I'm just going togive some thoughts on it.
So this is titled Is it weird tonot miss your partner when they
(27:27):
leave? My partner is gone like he is
right now. I don't really miss him and I'm
feeling a little guilty about it.
I don't even care that much to have long talks with him, just
quick catch UPS are enough for me.
I remember I used to pine over my partners if they were on a
trip and call them and text themconstantly.
With my current partner I'm enjoying being alone and being
able to make whatever I want forfood, sleep on my schedule,
(27:49):
crochet and watch my own shows and just be alone.
I feel like I should miss him but I honestly don't.
This was not written by me babe,just in case you thought that
because I also crochet and I also like being on my own.
So is it weird to not miss your partner when they leave?
I don't think it's weird to not miss.
I think it comes down to the definition of what missing is.
Would it be weird to be happy and have no emotional connection
(28:13):
to the fact that your partner's gone?
Maybe a little bit weird. I miss Blair when he's gone.
Like I said in my early reflections, you know, I saw
someone today for a second, it just made me think it was him
and it wasn't. And it that's when I have the
moments of like, Oh my gosh, I miss Blair.
And often, like, you know, by the end of a trip, it's very
much like, I just want you home now.
I miss the routine. I miss having someone here.
(28:35):
I miss having my person. I miss everything that he brings
to the family. So I do miss those things.
For me, a lot of my things like this, missing things, missing
people, grieving, a lot of that is very logical and sits in my
head rather than in my emotions.Whereas I think some people feel
things really physically like that and I I just don't for
whatever reason. It's the same with our kids when
(28:57):
we go away and we haven't had them around.
I miss them logically and I knowI miss them emotionally, but if
I'm honest, I don't feel this deep craving for them that I
think some other people experience.
I would after, after, you know, more than three days, I'm sure
that I would be feeling that. And especially if something's
gone wrong, like when we went away to New Zealand, our baby
(29:17):
got sick and that really I really struggled being away when
that was happening. But I am OK at having at knowing
that I'm going back to them and I don't have that.
I don't have that like deep drive all the time to be with
them. When are we gone?
And I think it's the same with Blair, like I really love having
him here and I would always prefer to have him here, but I
(29:39):
also appreciate time to myself. And so when he is gone, I don't
necessarily walk around in a bigbowl of missing him or this kind
of like dependency I would have when I was younger and I did
when I was younger. And I wonder if there's
something to say, something to be said for ageing.
And like I said earlier, like just becoming a bit more
established as an adult. You've got work, you got
routines, you like get deeper and deeper into the sacrificing
(30:03):
side of relationships or the effort side of relationships.
So like as a mother, a lot of myrelationship is a lot of work
with my kids because I am completely responsible for them.
I love them and they're so life giving.
But I also can see the side of it being when you can finally
you've got a little moment to belike, oh, I can choose what I
want to eat. That's one of my favourite
things when Blair goes away is being like, I'm going to choose
(30:25):
what I want to eat. Unfortunately, right now I'm on
a strict diet so I can't really just eat whatever I want, but I
get to pick. We've got different and taste in
food, we've got different tastesin bed times, we've got
different tastes in what we watch.
We've also got similarities, overlaps and that's where we
normally exist. But I think when he's gone, it's
like that's the moment that I can kind of have that time to
myself. And so I don't think that in and
(30:47):
of itself this story sounds likeit's weird.
I don't think it's not surprising to me that she might
be experiencing something different with this partner than
she did with her partners from when she was younger.
And I think that's got more to do probably with the life stage
that you're in. I think what would be weird is
if you prefer to be alone. And I think what would be weird
is if you never missed to them, like if they're gone for more
(31:08):
than a week and you didn't have the thought of I just want you
back. It would maybe make me question
some stuff more if that's the case.
But if it's they're gone for a short trip and you're just
enjoying that time to yourself without feeling this pang of
like, oh, I should, I should want them here.
I don't think that's necessarilyconcerning.
It's the outworking of it and it's the deeper meaning of it
for yourself. And there's nothing we can say
(31:30):
about somebody else's story. But just from my own personal
experience, I resonate with enjoying this time to myself and
and being responsible for my ownschedule.
I'm curious to see what Blair said in his.
Yeah, I mean, obviously we we have 0 context to the rest of
their relationship. Or from what she's well, all
we've got is what she's written here.
(31:50):
She says she has, I'm guessing Pine means like miss some.
I don't even remember. I don't even know what that
means. Well, I'm going to assume it
means that she has missed other partners when they're on a trip
and call them and text them constantly.
I wonder if that's a telling thing.
You know, I wonder if that's something they're like why she
missed them and not this guy. I had no idea if they're like
(32:11):
been dating for a long time or whatever.
I have no idea of any of that. I think that it's a bit weird.
I find a bit weird that she doesn't miss him at all.
You know, maybe they're in friend zone, maybe.
I don't know. There's so many things that it
could be and there's not enough information here.
I think it's a little bit weird.I think either that she's just
(32:33):
not. I wonder what it's like when
he's actually around though. That's probably when I would ask
her what's it like when he is around?
Does does she love him being around or is she looking forward
to him going away? Then it's a real issue.
If she's looking forward to him to go away.
There's a real issue. If it's just that she's not
missing him while he's gone, still see it as an issue, but
not as much of 1. I don't know.
(32:55):
Like I like I said, I really struggle to be away when I'm
away. I have no idea if Amy misses me
or if it's just so busy and chaotic there that it's just,
you know, she just doesn't thinkabout it.
But I I really hate being away. So I miss Amy, I miss my family.
(33:16):
I want to be with them. So This is why I find this one a
bit weird. I think asking the question of
why is probably important for her, you know, I mean, your own
space is good. And and if it's if he's not away
often, if he's only away for like a day or so, like maybe
it's fine. Like it's, I don't know.
There's too many unknowns about this topic here.
(33:37):
If yeah, I would say she needs probably asked the question, why
would she not miss him? I thought it weird.
I don't know. I don't have much more to say
about that. I think it's a bit weird.
What do you guys think? Do you guys think it's weird?
I'd love to hear from you. All right now, just the last
little bit here. We're going to go into the
reality check corner and today is just a little reflection that
(33:58):
you can do with yourself and or with your partner later.
And we're going to obviously be doing it separately to each
other this week too. So the reflection is, what's one
way I could show up better in our relationship right now?
I, I think I need to check in more about how Amy's love tank
is going. Like I, we've talked about a
lot, we've spoken a lot about love, love languages.
And I know Amy's is words of affirmation or it used to be.
(34:23):
And the more I know about love languages, the more I've been
learning about them. I know that things can change.
And so I'm not sure where that fits.
And I don't know how I'm going with that because I haven't
asked, but I think just being more aware, creating space to
actually ask those questions andto be curious in that way would
be good. I know she, we've spoken
(34:44):
recently about how she, you know, I've asked her recently
like, oh, bye, be more actively listening or something.
And it was, that's ironic because I'm, I can't remember
what she, we were actually talking about, but I remember
she was saying about, you know, asking more questions about her
interests. And so even though they're not
my interests, but being curious about hers was something that
(35:06):
she would like more of. Now I feel like I've been trying
to do that, but I, I, I don't know how I'm going and that's
something that I would like to improve.
Like I want to know how I'm going.
So she's mentioned that she wants me to show more interest
in her interests. Cool.
I've been trying to do that. Now, is that clear to Amy that
I've been trying to do that, or is that me just assuming that
I'm on the right path? You know, I mean, we haven't
(35:27):
spoken about it again since. So I want to know, I want to
know how I'm going with that. I think that's something I
definitely want to increase in my intentionality on.
I think something that I could do better is being more thankful
and more verbally appreciative of Blair, but also just even
mentally taking that time, setting aside that time to
notice what I appreciate about him.
Like the exercise earlier in this episode, I think is really
(35:50):
helpful. And we we can find ourselves in
routines and rhythms that go. We just go without doing that
stuff unless you're prompted. And so I think, yeah, having
having time where I'm intentional about just taking a
few extra seconds to look at himand appreciate him or noticing
what he does and then verbalising that to where
appropriate as well. So that my attitude is an
(36:12):
attitude of thankfulness. And my approach to him is an
approach of thankfulness becausethere's always going to be
things to nitpick about your situation or your family or your
partner, but there's also thingsto appreciate about them.
And if you can appreciate that, if that can be your default to
be appreciating, then the nitpicky things won't feel so
big. Well, guys, I know this is a bit
(36:33):
of a weird episode, and I just want to say thank you so much
for sticking to the end. You know, this has just been one
of those ones. We want to give you a little bit
more insight into our lives and to who we are and a little bit
of our journey as we're trying to, you know, we're wanting to
be here on the podcast and we wanted to be here on YouTube and
all the socials, but we also have jobs and we're passionate
(36:53):
about our jobs. You know, there's more to us
than just what you see on each episode.
So we wanted to give you a little glimpse of that.
We want to thank you so much forbeing here.
We want to challenge you and encourage you do that rapid fire
question. It's actually fun to try and
think through our partners and and it's it actually makes me
giggle, you know, going through that.
So check it out, try that out with you, with your partners and
(37:15):
even ask yourself self the question as well with this
reality check corner. What's one way that you could
show up better in your relationship right now?
We would love to hear from you. So send us an email, let us know
what's one way that you would like to do better in your
relationship right now. All right guys, thanks so much
for being with us. I hope you enjoyed this random
(37:36):
little honey we need to chat corner.
We'd love to hear your responsesto the Reddit story, the reality
check corner and the Rapid Fire mini quiz if you're keen.
Thanks guys, I'll catch you nextweek.
Good chat, bye.
Honey, we need to chat. Hello and welcome back to Honey.
We need to chat. This episode is a little bit
different and if you're watchingthe video, you'll immediately
know why. But for those of you that are
just listening, we have a bit ofa different format today because
(00:25):
Blair is a way for work. He is up in Queensland.
And instead of trying to cram ina recording session in the very
limited time we got together this week and or delaying the
episode next week, we thought what about we look at this like
a fun little activity and try a bit of a different format.
So this week we're recording separately.
We do not know each other's answers.
(00:46):
We don't know how each other have responded.
And I'm just going to stitch it all together in editing and
we'll see how it goes. So it should be a little bit of
fun. It might be a little bit of
messy, but that's OK. We're here for that.
Sorry for the different format. We just thought it would be fun
to be a bit creative and make itwork with our schedule because
life happens and you guys get that.
So let's dive right in. We've got some questions we're
(01:08):
going to be answering. Got a Reddit story that we're
reflecting on. We'll also have a rapid fire
mini quiz later of who is more likely.
So keep an ear out for that one because that would be really fun
for you to do as a couple as well.
And then we've also got at the very end, as per usual, a
reality check challenge. Just a short one this week to
reflect on separately, but you guys get the benefit of hearing
(01:29):
both of our answers after I editit all together.
So let's dive right in. All right, firstly, we're going
to go through some questions. Where am I and what am I doing?
Well, I'm in the usual location other than sitting in Blair's
chair. I'm at home and I've just been
working. So I have taken a little break
to record this episode. Blair will have a different
answer, obviously, because he isnot here, but it's been all
(01:52):
right. It hasn't been too bad.
Solo parenting. I've actually had quite a bit of
help from my mother in law, which is amazing.
She's helping again tonight withsome babysitting.
For the most part, it's really good.
It's just when everyone needs something at the same time that
is pretty exhausting and I'm notvery good at self discipline in
terms of getting to bed on time.So when Blair is not here, I
become a bit of a loose cannon and I say up way too late and
(02:14):
then I have the consequences of that the next morning.
So that is probably the most chaotic or worst part of it.
The only other thing I do walk around a little bit like a
zombie when I I walk around likea zombie when I've been
parenting in general, when I getto, like, rehearsal for my show
or if I go out to the shops and I'm suddenly engaging with other
people other than just my children or my husband, I do
(02:37):
walk around like a little bit ofa zombie.
But it's probably tenfold when Blair's not here and my brain's
just, like, so full of stuff that I need to be doing.
So my little funny, chaotic moment of the day is that, yeah,
I did not go to bed early. And when I say early, I mean I
didn't go to bed until it was early.
Sorry, babe. Hey guys, I am currently on a
work trip. I flew up here into Rockhampton
(03:00):
on what was it? I think it was Wednesday.
I thought he, Well, yeah, early Wednesday morning, flew up here
just for a little. We had a progress report
meeting, fun stuff with our projects happening up here with
my organisation. I work for Dad's group, the
nonprofit organisation. And then today we had a big like
networking collaboration, meeting with all the different
(03:21):
organisations in this region, talking about how we can, you
know, work together better, but also how can we have a greater
impact together or even individually and, and sort of
navigating through some of the challenges that we're having,
let's say the for all of us, right, in this mental health
space, the biggest challenge that we all find is engaging
dads, right? We want to support dads because
(03:43):
we know that the more supported dads are the greatest support
the family gets. So the importance of dads
getting support and encouraged and equipped and all of that
sort of stuff is really sure, it's really important.
But like, so for example, a statthat we talk about is one in 10
dads suffer from post fatal depression.
Now a lot of majority of people don't know dads can get post
(04:04):
fatal depression. And all of those one in 10 dads,
56% of them don't go help, don'tgo seeking help and support.
And so yeah, like that's a big thing.
It's not even just unique to us as an organisation as to all
organisations. Supporting dads is is really
hard because it's not dads, sorry, it's men.
Supporting men in the mental health space is very hard
(04:25):
because there's a lot of stigma around support for guys.
There's no other stuff. So we looked at about how high
percentage of men see getting help with support as a sign of
weakness. And then, then with that comes
pride and all that's really thing if it's just really sad
because like I, I know for myself when I'm, you know,
trying to figure stuff out and Ican make no sense of things and
(04:47):
I make things worse. It's just very isolating and
difficult situation. But now that I'm in this place
where, you know, I do get help, I've seen counsellors and stuff
before and I'm a part of my dad's group and and so forth.
Like I've just seen the benefitsof that support and I don't, you
know, my story and my struggles are not unique to myself.
(05:08):
And so, yeah, saying that from other people has been really
fantastic. It's been, it's hard.
I always find it very hard to goaway for work.
I'm really tired. I'm, you know, some great
stuff's happening. It's exciting in the work front
what's happening. But you know, I always just get
this sense of guilt whenever having to leave the family and,
(05:29):
and things. So it's not really chaotic
wouldn't be the right word I would say, but it's difficult.
I don't enjoy leaving the familyto go away for work.
All right. The next one is 3 things I
appreciate about you, Blair today.
So today I went to the shops after I dropped the kids at
school. I had to get some clothes for
our baby, who is actually 2 today, which is really exciting,
(05:51):
except for the fact that Blair'snot here.
And when I was walking out of one of the shops, somebody came
out of a shop ahead of me and hekind of had the same body.
What is it called? Demeanour.
That's not the word I'm trying to say.
But the way that he held his body as gate, maybe gate as
Blair. And all of a sudden when I saw
it, I was like, oh, I miss Blair.
So that's one thing I appreciateabout him just being here,
(06:12):
something I appreciate about him.
Another thing is he is so good at maintaining the house and
doing stuff with the kids. I've been making lunches for the
kids, obviously in the mornings.And that has actually become his
job for the last, I don't know how many months, maybe six
months now. So just having to think about
things like getting the lunches done is just another task when
(06:34):
you're trying to get all the kids out the door for school.
And it's stuff like that, that when he's not here, I finally,
not finally, because I do appreciate it at the time, but
I, I can really feel the absenceof the stuff that he just
naturally does that isn't super easy to notice at the time.
So things like getting dinner ready, things like, you know,
him just being able to put one or more of the children down so
(06:57):
that I can put one more one or more of the children down and we
don't have to do the whole task ourselves.
The dishes piled up very quickly.
So that was it too, him not being here to help with some of
those things, which he's, he tends to be a little bit more
natural at than me anyway. So yeah, definitely stuff like
what he feels in the house, justnot being here is something that
I appreciate a lot about him when he's not here.
(07:18):
And then the other one, which I already alluded to, is the
rhythms that he brings. I do not like going to bed.
I just don't like it. I don't like going to bed.
I like being in bed, but I don'tlike going to sleep.
It's probably a better way of saying this.
And my little rebellious 18 yearold still exists inside of me
where it gets late and then I just want to stay up later.
(07:38):
And I definitely enjoy the late hours of the night.
Blair is much, much better at being like we should go to bed
and then going to bed. So when he's not here, I am.
I really am a loose cannon. I also sometimes just float
around a little bit, like I'm not sure what I'm doing or who I
am. Yeah, definitely.
That's another thing that I appreciate is his consistency
and his rhythms. Even though on the nights when
(08:00):
he is here and he's saying we should go to bed, I don't always
feel like I appreciate it in that moment, but I do appreciate
it the next morning. So that's what I appreciate
about you, babe. One thing I will say on top of
that is I, I'm a bit of an, well, I am an introvert and I do
enjoy a lot of time to myself. A lot of the time when people
talk about things like quarantine for COVID.
(08:21):
And I know this is so naive. I remember being like 14 days in
a hotel room by myself. Yes, please.
And I would go loopy if I did that.
But the idea of it sounds reallygood.
And every now and then I hear these stories of people doing
things on their own. And I'm like, yes, please.
Or, you know, Mother's Day treatfor me is that Blair sends me
out of the house to go do something by myself.
(08:42):
And that's just who I tend to be.
But when he's not here, I do realise how much I rely on that
consistent presence around me. And I do get a little bit loopy.
Like I do start talking to myself and sometimes I walk
around the house and do weird things.
So like just weird facial expressions or I don't even want
(09:03):
to dive too much more into that because all my respect from you
guys will go right out the window.
But yes, I definitely, I definitely miss when he's not
here, his presence and the grounding that comes with that.
So I love you, baby. So now we've got a choose your
own big question segment. So I don't know which one player
will have responded to, but I'm choosing the question.
(09:24):
What's something you wish you were better at right now?
Something that I wish I was better at right now?
It's a big answer and it's kind of hard to explain, but
definitely something that I havebeen working on in terms of my
mental health over the last my whole life, but especially the
last like six months to a year is recognising some of the stuff
that goes on for me. And I have definitely alluded to
(09:44):
it on the podcast before, but I really wish I was better at
setting aside some of the weightthat I carry inside.
He was having a little reflection moment the other
night actually, while Blair was gone.
And I just was like, sometimes Ijust have this glimpse of
lightness and joy and, you know,freedom or like just fun, just
(10:05):
light joyfulness. Sometimes, like there'll be a
moment that that just is injected into me for whatever
reason, whether something fun has happened, good has happened
to watch just one of those moments where you're like, oh,
look at my family. Like I experienced that.
And when I experienced that lightness inside is when I'm
really aware of the heaviness that I carry all the time.
And I am, I really am determinedto figure out a way to be
(10:29):
carrying myself and the things around me a lot lighter than I
do. Because it's not when heavy
things happen, heavy things happen.
You're going to be stressed or overwhelmed, anxious, whatever
you want to say with that. But it's not just that.
It's not just when something heavy and big is going on.
It's often when there's nothing.If you look on paper, it doesn't
look like anything should be weighing that heavily.
(10:50):
But I just allow these little things to weigh really heavily.
And then unfortunately, that trickles out into my family.
I'm very aware that that influences how I act with my
kids or with Blair, influences the vibe of the house,
influences my my priorities and my motivation.
And I also just really believe that we are called to and
(11:11):
allowed to enjoy joy regardless of circumstances.
And that's part of our Christianfaith is, is that element.
But also just in general, I believe that, and I am trying to
work on getting that without having to wait for those
special, really special little glimmers.
I think they call it glimmer moments where you're like, oh, I
want that more often and I want the heaviness much less often.
(11:33):
So that is something I wish I was better at for a plethora of
reasons. So what does staying connected
actually look like when life is busy?
That's a great question and something that, you know, Amy
and I have definitely put time in.
We, we are quite intentional, but at the same time, it's very
easy to be too busy to think about, you know what I mean?
(11:56):
Like it's something that we definitely continue to work on.
We're constantly going up and down with busy stages of life,
either with kids or work or podcasting or, or whatever else.
It is like Amy's has done an amazing job setting up new
coaching business, which is absolutely fantastic, but in
that comes a real sense of busyness.
(12:18):
And she's also doing a theatre, she's doing a show at the
theatre, in our local theatre. And I'm, you know, doing
volleyball once a week as well. And, you know, we've got quite
busy lives. And, and I think for us, we have
really had to, you know, we always keep catching ourselves.
We, we notice like there, we go through a long period in that
(12:39):
business where we haven't been intentional.
We haven't really connected well.
And I think, you know, for us, we've just recently gone on our
10 year wedding anniversary. We went away and we were able to
reflect on that sort of stuff. We're able to reflect on or how
are we going? How you know, what can we do
differently? What can we do going forward?
What's important in that connection?
(13:01):
Like what does connection actually look like When we went
through a number of different things, different topics and
ideas and so forth. But so when I when it says like
when the question is what does stay connected actually look
like when life is busy, it varies.
You know, we might go through times of like, you know, date
nights could be, could be that it might be what we need or just
(13:22):
being physically intimate, you know, it might be what we need
in that time or just, you know, close, just spending time.
It might be just relaxing watching a movie or whatever
else might be going for a walk or whatever.
There's is not one thing. It's down to what are we needing
in that moment? Maybe it's a massage, you know,
I mean, like whatever it's, it'sreally having that conversation.
(13:45):
We've had to have those conversations to identify what
we need in those moments. Think first of all, it's
identifying that we're hey, we're not connecting, we're
busy, we're not connecting. We haven't had that intentional
time with each other. Then it's about a matter of
like, cool, well, what does thatlook like for you?
And I would share what it looks like for me.
And then putting things in placebased on what our needs are in
(14:05):
that moment. But yeah, it's not one thing.
It's whatever's needed in that moment.
But what it looks like actually,to go back to it, is in
everything we keep saying, having the conversation, being
aware of it, having the conversation and then and
putting something in place to goforward.
All right now mini memory lane, share a random or nostalgic
(14:27):
memory from your relationship. Bonus if it's funny or awkward.
Now I accidentally overheard one.
Like I'm saying 2 seconds of Blair's video because I just
wanted to check that the audio was OK when it came through and
I just happened to overhear him talking about I think this
question. Unfortunately now the only story
(14:48):
I can think of is the one I heard him saying and or ones in
the same vein. So apologies for the repeating
theme that's probably going to come out.
I am not a grot, I just need to make that clear.
One thing I will say, this isn'treally a memory necessarily.
We are not. We do not wind in front of each
(15:09):
other. It's just neither of us have
been really, you know, those really farty kind of people.
This is so gross or even like really loud burpers or anything
like that. We we just individually before
we were together, we weren't really into that.
And then when we got together, we both aren't into that.
So it just got reinforced in ourrelationship.
And we don't do that most of thetime in front of each other.
(15:31):
I remember early on, just beforewe got married, I was at a hens
party and there's a bunch of other women there that I knew
they were also about to get married or had just gotten
married. And they could not believe that
we didn't fart in truck in frontof each other.
They couldn't believe it. And like I know it was all
lighthearted and fun. I did have, I think some people
were actually genuinely concerned that we wouldn't do
(15:53):
that and that that might be a red flag in a relationship.
I'm here to say it's not a red flag and I know that I can if I
need to. I just don't like doing that in
general. Just anyway, if you think it's a
red flag, that's fine. And to those that are really
comfortable in front of each other, I love that for you guys.
I love that for you guys. Genuinely, I think it's very
beautiful. It's not, it's not a lack of
(16:13):
comfort necessarily, it's just it's just something that we're
not into. Anyway, that's my little context
to it. And I'm sure this is going to
resonate through his story as well, considering what I heard
him quickly saying. But there's a few instances
where with that lens in mind, it's been very funny and hasn't
been made for a more made a veryfunny memory because of kind of
(16:35):
our culture as a couple. And one of the times being when
I was induced with at first, like I had my contractions, it
was quite intense. And so they, I quickly decided
to go with an epidural. And so once the epidural
happened, I just could not startfart, stop farting.
I was like, oh, I'm, I'm farting.
I was in the hospital bed and I was just farting.
(16:57):
And I, it was because I couldn't, I physically didn't
feel like I had much control of my muscles on the lower half of
my body because of the epidural.And there was just a lot of gas
and stuff going on in my stomach.
And so I was, I was just sittingthere with Blair and our student
midwife and all the other midwives that were coming in.
Doctors were coming in. And I just had to kind of laugh
about it because, yeah, I couldn't hold that in.
(17:20):
So there's that. There's a few other stories.
I'm sure Blair will be sharing one of them.
Another thing actually on the another memory on that day where
we were in the hospital having our son, our first child, I was
when I was, I was addicted to the gas.
The gas was my lifeline. I loved it so much.
(17:40):
I've never ever done anything that has made me feel like the
gas has made me feel. I'll just put it that way.
And so when I was on the gas, partially because of the pain
relief it gave me, but also justthe trip that it gave me, I was
living my best life. And then I was very scared about
the idea of getting an epidural.So when I did agree to it, I
demanded that I be allowed to continue sucking on that gas
(18:03):
while they did it. Now knowing what I know, because
I've now had four caesareans andfour spinal blocks and plus the
epidural, I now know how how much you need to sit still.
But at the time I didn't realisehow difficult someone high on
gas would be to get them to sit still.
(18:24):
And so poor Blair was sitting there holding me as still as he
possibly could as this lady was giving me the epidural.
And I just was off in La La land.
And in my mind, I literally was picturing this.
There was this little tubby Dr cartoon person that had bounced
into my little cartoon world andwas this like cranky little
doctor giving me an epidural. And I was, I was off with the
(18:47):
fairies, but Blair was having tohold my back very, very still
while they put this into my spine.
So that was also funny because I, I, I wasn't just like feeling
good. I was having full on stories
playing out in my mind of these little cartoon characters and,
and I didn't have to read the, the consequences of it.
He did. So he was there holding me and
keeping me safe. Thank you again, babe.
(19:08):
Another thing I'm appreciative of.
Many memory lines share a randomor nostalgic memory from your
relationship. Bonus if it's funny or awkward.
I remember, I think, you know, Iremember early on when, I mean,
I was saying that and I, I mean,feel free to cut this out if
this is too embarrassing for you, but I remember early on, I
mean, I, we went to the drive inmovies.
(19:29):
I think we're date, we're datingat a time.
We went to the drive in movies, kind of all we were watching.
And anyway, we, we parked the car.
It's lovely, beautiful night. Like I'm, I'm falling for this
girl. She's absolutely amazing.
And then next minute I realised you're in the movie, she's
falling asleep. I'm like, all right, well that's
rude, but whatever. No, what?
(19:51):
I didn't care. I don't remember what movie it
was, so it wasn't that impactful, but she fell asleep
and I'm still watching the movie.
The next minute, just out of nowhere, she just freaks out.
She wakes up, freaks out, opens the door.
I thought she was going to go running out the door, but she
doesn't. She's just like, oh, she's just
woken up all of a sudden realised she's just freaked out.
We're laughing and stuff. I'm like, oh man, she just must
(20:13):
have, you know, had a weird dream and woken up and nearly
ran out the door. And it wasn't until maybe years
later that Amy actually told me that she farted in her sleep and
she woke up freaked out that it was gonna smell bad, so she
quickly wanted to open the door so I wouldn't smell stinky out
of the car. It didn't.
I had zero idea and I thought she just had a crazy dream.
So yeah, that's it. My wife's a fart off.
(20:35):
All right, so moving on to rapidfire mini quiz, who is more
likely? So I'm going to rapid fire
through these things and say whoI believe is more likely to do
these things. OK, who is most likely to forget
an anniversary? I feel like it depends if it's a
relate. If it's an anniversary to me,
like one of my marriage anniversaries, I feel like Amy's
(20:56):
more unlikely to forget, and I feel like I've had a good track
record of remembering our anniversary.
If it's anything else though, like other people's birthdays or
whatever else, it's never me. I'm trash, I'm terrible at it.
I can't remember things. Blair is more likely to forget
an anniversary. He doesn't mostly, but he is
more likely to do that, put systems in place.
(21:17):
Because I know I'll forget. So I just have a lot of systems
around things like that that keep it on the top of my mind.
But he is more likely to forget it, I believe.
Who is more likely to cry duringa movie?
Blair is more likely to cry during a movie.
I actually feel like I'm a little bit cold hearted.
He cried at our wedding. It was beautiful and I didn't.
He cries at the thought of a lotof things that I don't,
(21:41):
partially because I protect myself.
So if I start to feel too emotional sometimes I just shut
that part off. And then also because, I don't
know, I just, I haven't a different way of empathy to him.
And he feels things, I'm very emotional, but he feels things
very differently to me. And so he is, I think, more
likely to cry in a movie. It's a hard one.
(22:03):
I I don't know. I think most likely Amy, but it
wouldn't surprise me if she saysme.
Who is more likely to make the first move after an argument?
I'm assuming this means first move for like saying sorry.
I think it's 5050. I think actually no, probably me
because I'm probably the one that's in the wrong in the
argument. So I'm like, yeah, you're right,
my bad. I don't know who I don't know.
(22:25):
I think both of us would. It depends on the argument, and
it depends over like when it is,who started it, what it was, and
what our circumstances are. But we both do eventually.
Who is more likely to overpack for a weekend away?
And that would be me. That is definitely Amy.
Amy would overpack for the weekend away.
I would underpack. I would forget things.
So I don't know what's worse. I don't know if overpacking or
(22:46):
underpacking is worse, but now Amy absolutely overpacks.
There's nothing else to say about that.
Actually, that's not true. I mean never takes their
appropriate clothing. She's either too cold or too
hot. She never dresses appropriately.
Who is more likely to text I love you randomly?
Probably also me, but not in a bitter way.
I think he would do it as well, he's just not on his phone as
(23:08):
much. He he we both throughout the day
randomly say I love you in person.
So it's probably the text element that makes it more
likely that I would be doing it.Amy.
Amy would be the first one to text that.
Who's more likely to stay up late?
I mean, none of us need to answer this question because
we've just heard it in the episode, but it is me.
Amy, she's a night owl. Ridiculous.
(23:31):
When we first got together, she was like, man, that like, she
would easily stay up to 123 in the morning.
And well, I was bricklaying at the time.
I was a tradie, so I got up early, like sometimes 4:00 AM or
earlier. And yeah, it was hard and it was
hard. Who is more likely to forget
where they put their keys? And that is Blair 1000%.
(23:51):
And this is a bitter 1 because we have a key hook.
Just again, I, I have built my systems to relieve myself of
stress because I have experienced being like, where is
it? I've got no idea.
But his keys, his Sonny's, his wallet often are on repeat.
Where is this? Where is this?
Sometimes even his phone. Actually, a lot of the time even
his phone. Amy 1 Hope No, I'm joking.
(24:14):
That is 100% me and I always do this.
I always put things down. My sunglasses, wallet, keys,
hats. I've got a I've got a place for
them all, but I never put them there.
I don't know why. I know there's a lot of pointing
the fingers here and like tus tusking, I know I need to get
better. OK, who is more likely to start
(24:34):
a deep conversation 5 minutes before bedtime?
That is me. He.
That was one of the things we had to adjust to when we were
early married because I was like, we're in bed.
We're just like the lights are off.
So your brain just starts to like think.
And I'm like, what deep conversation can we have?
And he's already like half asleep.
Once he's in bed, he's ready forbed.
And when he's tired, you've, you've probably seen it in some
(24:55):
of our episodes, but you can seethat he his brains just like in
sleep mode. So I would bring up these deep
things, especially early on whenI would finally, it's like I
finally had the courage to bringup the thing that was upsetting
me or the thing I thought was upsetting him.
And then I'd bring it up and it was an important conversation
and it was a bad time. And that was never helpful.
(25:16):
So once I figured that out, things have been a lot better.
And he tried, he really does trywhen that happens to engage with
it, but he also just physically has difficulties with that.
Amy, it's a problem. All right, last one is who is
more likely to bail on social plans to stay home and chill?
I'm going to say Blair again. He's become more and more of a
(25:39):
homebody introvert over the years and social plans take a
lot from him when he's already really tired.
They actually have gone the opposite way and become more
excited about social things. In saying that, though, there's
not many times where social planning gets cancel it.
And I'm upset. Like I think when you've got
kids and when you're an older adult, like you're not older,
(25:59):
but you know, when you're not a young adult, you've got kids,
you're working, there's these things that just mean that any
free time you have is such a blessing.
And I feel like that just kind of has this almost this
disclaimer over anytime anythinggets cancelled, I'm like, you
know what, that's fine. I'm just going to watch my show
or I'm going to get done the 500things that I wanted to get
done. So I think it's probably more
(26:19):
likely to be Blair at this stage, but I think both of us
are in the same boat. Amy like we would be both on
same of wanting to do that, actually doing that.
Maybe me and that's that's changed quite a lot since
becoming a parent because I was like such a social butterfly,
like I'm like always wanting to be out, always wanting to be
with people. Amy might want to like bail, but
(26:43):
she would actually stick to it where I would more likely, and I
don't. I don't think I've done it the
last time I've done that, but I think I'd be more likely to do
it. All right, so there we go.
That's a rapid fire mini quiz soyou guys can answer that at
home. Who's more likely to forget an
anniversary? Who's more likely to cry during
a movie? Who is more likely to make the
first move after an argument? Who's more likely to overpack
for a weekend away? Who's more likely to say I love
(27:06):
you in a text randomly? Who's more likely to stay up
late? Who's more likely to forget
where they put their keys? Who's more likely to start a
deep conversation 5 minutes before bedtime?
And who is more likely to bail on social plans and stay home
and chill? Now we're going to dive into a
Reddit story reflection. So first I'm going to read the
story and then I'm just going togive some thoughts on it.
So this is titled Is it weird tonot miss your partner when they
(27:27):
leave? My partner is gone like he is
right now. I don't really miss him and I'm
feeling a little guilty about it.
I don't even care that much to have long talks with him, just
quick catch UPS are enough for me.
I remember I used to pine over my partners if they were on a
trip and call them and text themconstantly.
With my current partner I'm enjoying being alone and being
able to make whatever I want forfood, sleep on my schedule,
(27:49):
crochet and watch my own shows and just be alone.
I feel like I should miss him but I honestly don't.
This was not written by me babe,just in case you thought that
because I also crochet and I also like being on my own.
So is it weird to not miss your partner when they leave?
I don't think it's weird to not miss.
I think it comes down to the definition of what missing is.
Would it be weird to be happy and have no emotional connection
(28:13):
to the fact that your partner's gone?
Maybe a little bit weird. I miss Blair when he's gone.
Like I said in my early reflections, you know, I saw
someone today for a second, it just made me think it was him
and it wasn't. And it that's when I have the
moments of like, Oh my gosh, I miss Blair.
And often, like, you know, by the end of a trip, it's very
much like, I just want you home now.
I miss the routine. I miss having someone here.
(28:35):
I miss having my person. I miss everything that he brings
to the family. So I do miss those things.
For me, a lot of my things like this, missing things, missing
people, grieving, a lot of that is very logical and sits in my
head rather than in my emotions.Whereas I think some people feel
things really physically like that and I I just don't for
whatever reason. It's the same with our kids when
(28:57):
we go away and we haven't had them around.
I miss them logically and I knowI miss them emotionally, but if
I'm honest, I don't feel this deep craving for them that I
think some other people experience.
I would after, after, you know, more than three days, I'm sure
that I would be feeling that. And especially if something's
gone wrong, like when we went away to New Zealand, our baby
(29:17):
got sick and that really I really struggled being away when
that was happening. But I am OK at having at knowing
that I'm going back to them and I don't have that.
I don't have that like deep drive all the time to be with
them. When are we gone?
And I think it's the same with Blair, like I really love having
him here and I would always prefer to have him here, but I
(29:39):
also appreciate time to myself. And so when he is gone, I don't
necessarily walk around in a bigbowl of missing him or this kind
of like dependency I would have when I was younger and I did
when I was younger. And I wonder if there's
something to say, something to be said for ageing.
And like I said earlier, like just becoming a bit more
established as an adult. You've got work, you got
routines, you like get deeper and deeper into the sacrificing
(30:03):
side of relationships or the effort side of relationships.
So like as a mother, a lot of myrelationship is a lot of work
with my kids because I am completely responsible for them.
I love them and they're so life giving.
But I also can see the side of it being when you can finally
you've got a little moment to belike, oh, I can choose what I
want to eat. That's one of my favourite
things when Blair goes away is being like, I'm going to choose
(30:25):
what I want to eat. Unfortunately, right now I'm on
a strict diet so I can't really just eat whatever I want, but I
get to pick. We've got different and taste in
food, we've got different tastesin bed times, we've got
different tastes in what we watch.
We've also got similarities, overlaps and that's where we
normally exist. But I think when he's gone, it's
like that's the moment that I can kind of have that time to
myself. And so I don't think that in and
(30:47):
of itself this story sounds likeit's weird.
I don't think it's not surprising to me that she might
be experiencing something different with this partner than
she did with her partners from when she was younger.
And I think that's got more to do probably with the life stage
that you're in. I think what would be weird is
if you prefer to be alone. And I think what would be weird
is if you never missed to them, like if they're gone for more
(31:08):
than a week and you didn't have the thought of I just want you
back. It would maybe make me question
some stuff more if that's the case.
But if it's they're gone for a short trip and you're just
enjoying that time to yourself without feeling this pang of
like, oh, I should, I should want them here.
I don't think that's necessarilyconcerning.
It's the outworking of it and it's the deeper meaning of it
for yourself. And there's nothing we can say
(31:30):
about somebody else's story. But just from my own personal
experience, I resonate with enjoying this time to myself and
and being responsible for my ownschedule.
I'm curious to see what Blair said in his.
Yeah, I mean, obviously we we have 0 context to the rest of
their relationship. Or from what she's well, all
we've got is what she's written here.
(31:50):
She says she has, I'm guessing Pine means like miss some.
I don't even remember. I don't even know what that
means. Well, I'm going to assume it
means that she has missed other partners when they're on a trip
and call them and text them constantly.
I wonder if that's a telling thing.
You know, I wonder if that's something they're like why she
missed them and not this guy. I had no idea if they're like
(32:11):
been dating for a long time or whatever.
I have no idea of any of that. I think that it's a bit weird.
I find a bit weird that she doesn't miss him at all.
You know, maybe they're in friend zone, maybe.
I don't know. There's so many things that it
could be and there's not enough information here.
I think it's a little bit weird.I think either that she's just
(32:33):
not. I wonder what it's like when
he's actually around though. That's probably when I would ask
her what's it like when he is around?
Does does she love him being around or is she looking forward
to him going away? Then it's a real issue.
If she's looking forward to him to go away.
There's a real issue. If it's just that she's not
missing him while he's gone, still see it as an issue, but
not as much of 1. I don't know.
(32:55):
Like I like I said, I really struggle to be away when I'm
away. I have no idea if Amy misses me
or if it's just so busy and chaotic there that it's just,
you know, she just doesn't thinkabout it.
But I I really hate being away. So I miss Amy, I miss my family.
(33:16):
I want to be with them. So This is why I find this one a
bit weird. I think asking the question of
why is probably important for her, you know, I mean, your own
space is good. And and if it's if he's not away
often, if he's only away for like a day or so, like maybe
it's fine. Like it's, I don't know.
There's too many unknowns about this topic here.
(33:37):
If yeah, I would say she needs probably asked the question, why
would she not miss him? I thought it weird.
I don't know. I don't have much more to say
about that. I think it's a bit weird.
What do you guys think? Do you guys think it's weird?
I'd love to hear from you. All right now, just the last
little bit here. We're going to go into the
reality check corner and today is just a little reflection that
(33:58):
you can do with yourself and or with your partner later.
And we're going to obviously be doing it separately to each
other this week too. So the reflection is, what's one
way I could show up better in our relationship right now?
I, I think I need to check in more about how Amy's love tank
is going. Like I, we've talked about a
lot, we've spoken a lot about love, love languages.
And I know Amy's is words of affirmation or it used to be.
(34:23):
And the more I know about love languages, the more I've been
learning about them. I know that things can change.
And so I'm not sure where that fits.
And I don't know how I'm going with that because I haven't
asked, but I think just being more aware, creating space to
actually ask those questions andto be curious in that way would
be good. I know she, we've spoken
(34:44):
recently about how she, you know, I've asked her recently
like, oh, bye, be more actively listening or something.
And it was, that's ironic because I'm, I can't remember
what she, we were actually talking about, but I remember
she was saying about, you know, asking more questions about her
interests. And so even though they're not
my interests, but being curious about hers was something that
(35:06):
she would like more of. Now I feel like I've been trying
to do that, but I, I, I don't know how I'm going and that's
something that I would like to improve.
Like I want to know how I'm going.
So she's mentioned that she wants me to show more interest
in her interests. Cool.
I've been trying to do that. Now, is that clear to Amy that
I've been trying to do that, or is that me just assuming that
I'm on the right path? You know, I mean, we haven't
(35:27):
spoken about it again since. So I want to know, I want to
know how I'm going with that. I think that's something I
definitely want to increase in my intentionality on.
I think something that I could do better is being more thankful
and more verbally appreciative of Blair, but also just even
mentally taking that time, setting aside that time to
notice what I appreciate about him.
Like the exercise earlier in this episode, I think is really
(35:50):
helpful. And we we can find ourselves in
routines and rhythms that go. We just go without doing that
stuff unless you're prompted. And so I think, yeah, having
having time where I'm intentional about just taking a
few extra seconds to look at himand appreciate him or noticing
what he does and then verbalising that to where
appropriate as well. So that my attitude is an
(36:12):
attitude of thankfulness. And my approach to him is an
approach of thankfulness becausethere's always going to be
things to nitpick about your situation or your family or your
partner, but there's also thingsto appreciate about them.
And if you can appreciate that, if that can be your default to
be appreciating, then the nitpicky things won't feel so
big. Well, guys, I know this is a bit
(36:33):
of a weird episode, and I just want to say thank you so much
for sticking to the end. You know, this has just been one
of those ones. We want to give you a little bit
more insight into our lives and to who we are and a little bit
of our journey as we're trying to, you know, we're wanting to
be here on the podcast and we wanted to be here on YouTube and
all the socials, but we also have jobs and we're passionate
(36:53):
about our jobs. You know, there's more to us
than just what you see on each episode.
So we wanted to give you a little glimpse of that.
We want to thank you so much forbeing here.
We want to challenge you and encourage you do that rapid fire
question. It's actually fun to try and
think through our partners and and it's it actually makes me
giggle, you know, going through that.
So check it out, try that out with you, with your partners and
(37:15):
even ask yourself self the question as well with this
reality check corner. What's one way that you could
show up better in your relationship right now?
We would love to hear from you. So send us an email, let us know
what's one way that you would like to do better in your
relationship right now. All right guys, thanks so much
for being with us. I hope you enjoyed this random
(37:36):
little honey we need to chat corner.
We'd love to hear your responsesto the Reddit story, the reality
check corner and the Rapid Fire mini quiz if you're keen.
Thanks guys, I'll catch you nextweek.
Good chat, bye.
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Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
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If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.