51: Why You Keep Missing Each Other in Conflict (and How to Change It) with Sam & Liv Ramsden from Silly Stories for Kids

Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Do you ever feel like you're speaking two different languages
in your relationship? Or do you wonder why your
partner shuts down when you bring something up?
Today we're talking about how understanding each other's
wiring can really transform yourrelationship.
We're really pumped about today's guests, Sam and Liv from
Silly Stories for Kids. These are our kids heroes, so
getting them onto our podcast isreally exciting.
Silly Stories has been the number one downloaded podcast

(00:23):
for kids and families category and we get to hear from them
today about communication in their relationship.
So stay tuned. This is going to be a good one.
Honey, we need to chat. The main memory I have of you

(00:44):
that I don't even know if is real.
I need you to confirm for me because.
I think you've heard the story. The only thing I can remember is
1 rainy day, being in the lockerBay, there's a crowd of our
classmates and and they're cheering on this guy.
And I was like, what are you guys doing?
And then this boy jumped onto the railing of the steps and

(01:05):
slipped down and whacked his head and got taken away in an
ambulance. Is that is that an accurate
story? 100% the funniest thing about
that story is my memories of it 'cause literally the last thing
I remember I was standing on topof a picnic table with the whole
you level there chanting do it, do it, do it and one guy being
like don't do it man, you gotta gotta mess yourself up.

(01:27):
And I literally the last thing Iremember is me turning to him
and saying no I'll be. Fine, I remember I was at the
back and I came in and I was like, you guys are so stupid.
And I was like, why are we all telling him to do this?
And then you fell and you whacked your head.
It was like look so traumatic. And I was like, This is why do
you know you don't do this? There was a rumour going around

(01:49):
that I died. When I came back, one of the
guys was like, I heard that you died.
I'm like, sorry to disappoint, no.
The teacher chanting. Mystic.
Do you remember him? The next thing I remember after
standing on top of the table, just being on the ground under a
space blanket with miss standingover the top of me chanting

(02:09):
chicks dig scars, bone will heal.
And I remember just going what what happened?
And the ambulance people were like, that's the seventh time
you've asked that. Now we're starting to get a
little bit worried. And I was like, but seriously,
what what happened? But the best part is I made it
to a a formal that knot. And so I remember none of it,

(02:30):
but supposedly I was a lot of fun.
You're very happy in the photos the.
Painkillers were strong, so. Welcome back to Honey.
We need to chat. We are so excited today.
We've got 2 incredible guests joining us.
This is a really special guest episode for our family because
our kids are obsessed with Sam. Sam and Liv are joining us.
Sam and Liv Ramson and you may or may not have heard of Silly

(02:54):
Stories for Kids. It's a podcast that skyrocketed,
and I can't wait to hear more about that whole incredible
journey. But our kids are obsessed with
it. It's such a good podcast for
kids. And they write letters, they
write stories. They talk about all the
different characters all the time.
They were so bombed that they were going to be at school when
we were doing this interview to the point where our oldest was

(03:15):
trying to convince him, convinceus to keep him home from school.
Yeah. And our and our second oldest
woke up with a limp this morningquotations and couldn't walk
properly. And so they come up with any
excuse, like we'll just stay home and meet you mate.
But yeah, they've got this videothey can watch back.
They also were very confused whySam from Silly Stories would be

(03:36):
wanting to be on our podcast. Yeah, why would he come on your
podcast? As I said, I mentioned when
we're in drawing, but yeah, anyway, so we're really excited
to have Sam and we're also superexcited to have his wife live
join us because as you know, we're a podcast all about
communication and relationships.And these concepts that are the
foundation of relationships are so important and we're so
passionate about them. So we love chatting to other

(03:56):
couples and seeing how they've navigated it in their marriages
and also in their different seasons of life.
And you guys have a lot going on.
So we can't wait to learn more about you guys.
Thank you for finding the time and thank you.
It's been a long time coming andso I really appreciate your
patience with finding a date andactually being here.
That's such a a helpful thing when we're trying to navigate

(04:17):
these things. So thank you for being here,
guys. Thanks for having us.
We're really excited to come on.We love what you guys do, so
it's fun to feel a part of it. And you can tell your kids that
I feel very special to be on your podcast.
Great. That's.
Good, great. I'm gonna clip that and they're
gonna that's gonna be played before every single silly story.
Kids at night time when they go.Every time they disagree with us
like Sam from Silly Stories. Sam said we're cool.

(04:39):
Yeah, yeah, absolutely. But say, say it at the end of
the episode, and then we'll really know you're telling the
truth. I'll send you some clips from
the different characters tellingyour kids how amazing you are.
So anytime they give you some grief, you can you can play
something some of the charactersand be like, oh, remember.
Parenting gold right there. That would be, I guess,
parenting. Oh man, we're really excited to

(05:00):
have you guys here, so thank youfor joining us.
Also your studio if anyone's watching the videos, your studio
looks so cool. So much nicer than ours.
So much nicer than ours. Yeah, I've got some jealousy it.
Normally looks terrible. You guys were the inspiration to
go, oh, I should try and make this look good and it it might
make me start recording some video stuff for my podcast as
well. You.
Should you've done it very well and we've been working on our

(05:20):
studio for a very long time and haven't achieved that yet.
So I'm kind of jealous now to start us off though, we'd love
to hear about you guys, if you could introduce yourselves, what
you do, your family. I mean, we'd also love to hear
how the silly stories world unfolded for you and what that's
looked like for your family and your marriage as well.

(05:42):
One at a time, though, I did just like, yeah, hydrant of
questions, but if you can remember all of them, perfect.
Leave, leave. You can fill them in on who we
are and I'll I'll jump on the silly story stuff.
I probably know much more about that one, so.
So I'm Liv AKA misses silly stories for kids as all the
school families know me and a lot of the kids know me.

(06:05):
So we've been married for 11 1/2years, a long time.
It's gone quick and in that timeI've had four beautiful little
girls. So we've got an 864 and a 19
month old. So we're nice and busy.
Samuel runs an electrical company five days a week and
also silly stories on the side. So after hours and in any time

(06:27):
we can make it fit between mummy.
I'm also a cardio respiratory physiotherapist, so I'm the
physio that no one really knows about.
I work in intensive care. I didn't even know that I would
exist when I started doing physio.
Yeah, but fell in love with it. So I work with ventilated
patients and yeah, in the ICU. So I really love that.
So I do that two days a week andthat is enough because between

(06:49):
4:00 kids and two days of work with less than the fact that my
mum can look after the girls those days that I work.
But that's my life maxed out. Absolutely.
We both do a little bit of volunteer stuff down at a local
church in a few different capacities.
I do some youth work there. We've done some teaching and
things. But on the silly story side,
that's that's been a wild littleadventure that I don't think

(07:12):
either of us ever expected. It wasn't our idea.
We didn't think of it at all. But having kids, bedtime's
always been one of those things that you kind of just, it's
damage control a lot of the time.
And we found that something thatworked for us was me laying down
on the floor and just, I have a very wild busy brain and I used
to just lay on the floor and just make up stories for our

(07:33):
kids. And my father in law, Liv's dad
was actually listening to them all.
And he told Liv, one day, I needyou to get your kids looked
after. I need to speak to you and your
husband. And we were both like, Oh no,
what have we done? What have we forgotten?
Do we owe the money or that we've forgotten about or
something? And they're like full panic
stations. And he took us out to a local

(07:54):
pub and sat us down and said, hey, I listen to you tell these
stories for a while. I want you to turn it into a
podcast. Like what are you talking?
About and then he brings out thestats like my dad's a very, he's
very entrepreneurial minded. So he brings everything out.
He's researched it, and he's like, there's nothing in this
space that's like what you do. So he'd heard it because it
started when Holly Eldest was one.
Yeah. So he'd been telling them for

(08:15):
about 6:00 or so years. And he can just rattle them off
without thinking. So he sits and just goes, I'm
going to talk about popcorn and just tells this story.
And when we started timing them,they all went for like 11.
And 1/2 it was really 12. Minutes.
Just naturally found into the rhythm.
Wow, yeah. Seriously.
But yeah, we kicked it off and Istarted, I'm someone who likes

(08:36):
to do things well. So once I decided I was going to
do it, I went down the rabbit hole of all like the YouTube
videos and everything of like, how do you start a podcast?
Let's get addicted to technologyand work out what different
microphones. As you can see, this is like 2
of like the five microphones I've got.
I just like to hear what they all sound like and play with all
the different things. And it's like a bit of a, it's a

(08:57):
bit of a focus point for me. I just love learning about all
that kind of stuff. But I honestly thought I was
recording them for our kids to hopefully show their kids one
day of like, hey, this was when your grandpa went insane kind of
thing. But as it kind of got running,
all of a sudden people were listening and then people
overseas were listening. And then we started showing up
on the weird one was all of a sudden I opened up this app that

(09:19):
kind of tells you where you're ranking in different countries
and stuff. And we were number one in
Israel. I was like, what the heck is
killing? And it was just this moment of
realisation. This thing was turning into a
lot more than what we ever expected.
And so it just kept growing and growing and growing and just
opened random doors and just given me so many opportunities
to use creativity that I'd nevergot to use previously in my

(09:42):
electrical business or anything like that.
So fun little adventure. Little is maybe the questionable
word there, but yes, fun adventure for sure.
It's fun. It's so much fun.
It's one of those things, the more you kind of just step out
and give something a go, it's exciting to see where it goes.
And even if it all flops at somestage, what an exciting little
journey to have some fun with atthe time.
So. And I was just gonna say it's

(10:04):
easy in like you guys would understand, for kids, life is
very, very busy. And as they're getting older,
you're adding all the extracurriculars and all these
things. And for something that, like,
Samuel was recording in a cupboard, like literally in a
cupboard after hours with some blankets and a microphone, it
was so easy to release him to dothat because it excited me so

(10:25):
much to see him using the way that he's wired, his creativity,
the joy it would bring him and the life it would bring him.
It was in regards to counting the cost of what it took at home
for me to, you know, put the kids down and do a bit of
tidying up while he was ducking out to the cupboard to record.
It was easy to do because it wasso life giving to him and so
exciting just to see, yeah, how he was using, how he's wired.

(10:48):
It's just amazing. Wow, that story is incredible.
And I love that because it couldbe really easy for something
that was started off as kind of a, let's see how this goes and
then blows up like that to be a sore point in a marriage because
you are having to then sacrificesome of your time and some of
your energy to make him free to do that.

(11:09):
And so I love that. That's such a life giving thing
for both of you. You're watching him enjoy that,
and him having that creative outlet is huge.
And because Samuels, don't get me wrong, he's a great
electrician, but he's in electrical because he loves
people that he comes home and hetalks about from work is I got
to go into this house today and I had this conversation with the

(11:30):
homeowner and our apprentices. You know, we had all these
amazing conversations and just seeing him invest in people,
that's what he loves, that's what he loves doing.
So this podcast just gives him such an outlet to positively
impact other people's families. And selfishly, I'd held that for
seven years. And that's what my dad said to
me. He's like, you can't keep this
gift just to yourself because giving me 11 1/2 to 12 minutes,

(11:53):
probably about 1520 minutes by the time you got the girls in
said or told them a story, what I could achieve in our house in
15 minutes of peace to reset. Whether it was, you know,
loading the dishwasher or, you know, clearing table or getting
just toys off the floor or it enabled me that when the girls
were then in bed and Samuel cameback out, we had a space where

(12:13):
we could actually sit with each other.
So it was such a gift to then beable to give that to other
families and what the ways that we've heard from other families,
how they're using it in their own lives, whether it's just,
you know, kids with anxiety, notbeing able to get to into the
classroom. They pop headphones on them and
they can listen to a story from the drive to school to walk into
the classroom and take it off toget into the classroom.

(12:34):
Like gifts like that, That's such an incredible thing, to be
able to allow other people the joy of doing so.
One of my favourites was a dad who came up to me and he's like,
I need to thank you. I'm like, why is that?
And he goes, because my kids will be in rat bags.
And I was ready to see how far they could fly.
And, and I was, I could feel that anger building up inside of
me. And instead of an outburst, I

(12:56):
just said, go listen to Sam. And they went off and they
turned on their little speaker and they started listening.
And he said, I took some time just to pause and come calm down
and come back as a better dad. And I was like, oh hell, what is
that like? To be able to create some
opportunity for people to have more positive interactions?
It's a massive blessing to be a part of that.
Absolutely, mate. And like I said to you earlier,

(13:17):
before we start recording, you know, like to get you onto our
podcast, it's more than just like, oh cool, we've got this
guest speaker on. He's done something, you know,
really cool out there for kids. It's way more than that because
as a parent, it's like knowing the impact it's had on my kids,
like helping them go to sleep orwhen they've had a low day or
whatever else like that, that person that can go to that just
brings that spark and that skipping their step, whatever

(13:39):
that has a, a special part for, for us to as parents.
And so, you know, like I, I willbe honest, there's only so much
I can listen to with the stories, All right.
So like, like, like any, any children's show, right?
There's only so much I can cope with.
But it's been really, really amazing, man.
And you saw the way that my daughter reacted and my kids
were up late last night writing cards and stuff for you.

(14:02):
Because it's not just this is a famous person.
It's like, no, this is Sam. We know Sam, we know these
characters and these these characters had an impact on our
life, which is really, really special.
Mate. What have you learnt?
Like, so, you know, do your kidslisten to this podcast to to
your podcast? No, no, to your podcast.
To your podcast. They still all they want is a
live story because they feel like they're getting treated

(14:23):
when they listen to dad on a speaker.
Yeah, yeah, they like they do listen to it.
We drove so we have a family holiday house in Bright, so 3
1/2 hour drive and our kids are like let's start at the start
and see how far we can get. And I was like really?
And we did. We listened to it for 3 1/2
hours straight. Wow, I.
Wasn't in the car. He wasn't in the car.

(14:44):
I called Sam and I'm like, I love you so much, but if I need
to listen to that intro one more, I'm going to go in name
you. Literally said when you arrive,
please just don't speak for a little bit.
Just wave, man. Just wave.
Yeah, hugs and wave. It's been for us, though, the
learning journey has been a really exciting kind of thing of

(15:08):
looking to inspire different forms of creativity in their own
kids. So understand how much joy there
is for me in getting to use my brain as it kind of is wired
rather than trying to push it into doing what everyone else
wants it to do for once. Finding those areas where you
can release a person to do what it is that brings them real joy
rather than try and push them into a little box and kind of

(15:29):
make them do what they need to do.
Looking for opportunities for that with our kids because like,
I don't know what it's like withyour for, but I didn't realise
there was 4 forms of opposite until we had our kids.
So they're all so different and so like amazing, but you got to
kind of look at it from age as individuals.
If you try and replicate the same kind of stuff from one to
the next, it just doesn't work so.

(15:50):
So how is that actually played out into your story?
So you've got four different kids and this is where the base
is. You know how you sort of started
up telling these stories for your kids, but as you said, you
know you have 4 different types of opposites.
So you learning each one of yourkids and what they respond to
and so forth. How did you go about that
process? Within the stories, man, it's,

(16:11):
it's tricky to kind of articulate because I don't
actually think, to be honest, whenever I'm recording a story,
it's just like taking the brakesoff and seeing where it runs.
So for me, it feels like I'm very much experiencing the story
as it's coming out rather than the one telling it, which is
quite strange because I often forget that it's me telling it
and I find myself listening and going, oh, that's kind of,
that's kind of funny. I'm like, oh, hang on, that's

(16:32):
you. Like you got to cut.
It out a few of this kind. Of stuff.
I've learned that so much stuff in natural life just changes the
little bits inside of me so thatwhat naturally comes out in
those moments is different. So the more I get to understand
my kids and what they find funnyand who they are, then naturally
in those moments where I'm not consciously thinking, it changes

(16:54):
what comes out in those moments just because of over time what
I've learned. Because all of a sudden what's
in me is different than it was before.
When you squeeze something, what's going to come out of it
is only what was already in there in the 1st place.
So the more information that we can put in about who our kids
are and how they react and what they enjoy and what they don't
enjoy, it will naturally when you take the brakes off and let

(17:14):
it run, it'll come out differently the more you put in.
We were actually talking about this the other night when I was
saying one of the things I thinkwe've really had to learn with
our kids is that we've needed tobe good students of each child
that we have. We need to learn who they are
and we can't treat them all the same.
And in regards if we're talking specifically about creativity,

(17:34):
one of our children really, really struggle to sit and focus
and write. They're so creative, like you
talk to them and they are witty and sharp and quick and just the
funniest girl. And but she really struggles to
get that down on writing. And last holidays I bought her a
book and I tried to encourage her and it just became so hard
for her. And then a couple of days later
I gave her a laptop with voice to text and she wrote this eight

(17:59):
page script for a play which shetook to school to teach all of
her friends. She gave them all parts and the
way she formatted it. So knowing how she's wide and
not forcing her to do something to try to express who she is in
a way that's really hard for her, but finding what works for
her, it was amazing. Then to see what actually came
out of her. It blew my mind.

(18:20):
I was not even I when Samuel waslike, look at this, like this is
actually, it's incredible. But I think when we were talking
about that, I said that was actually something we had to do
at the start of our marriage. And I think that works
seriously, really, really well for us is we had lots of
opportunities early on because we got married when I was 21, No
22, just turned 22. Yeah.

(18:40):
And Samuel, just 23. Yeah.
Oh, we're about to turn. Oh, I don't know.
We were young. We were young when we got
married, but we had lots of opportunities early on to do a
few things that we did pre marriage counselling, which was
fantastic. We did it with about 3.
We did like a formal one and then two couples who we would
just catch up with and chat with, which was really, really
valuable. And then we also did another

(19:02):
course. It was old.
Do you remember? No, so, so too.
So it was just a course, which what it did is you looked at
things like family ties, family of origin, Unbearable Feelings
was a really, really big one that worked really well for us.
Where you look at what, what is an emotion that is or a
situation that is unbearable foryou and how do you respond in

(19:24):
that situation? So we walked away from that
learning that I myself, I was a bottler.
So I, but neither of us lack confrontation.
We don't like to raise things ordo something that's going to
cause friction. But the difference we learned
between us is that I'm a bottlerin that I won't react to the
conflict or start conflict, but I will hold it and I will build
and build and build and build and get to the point where it

(19:46):
comes out in my emotions. Not that because Samuel and I,
we don't, we've just sort of hadto think.
We don't yell at each other, we don't call each other names.
We don't we, we don't really argue in that regard.
But I would get to a point whereit would come out in sort of
all, I'll just get overwhelmed with emotion.
And Samuel's the opposite in that he doesn't approach
conflict well at all, but he just avoids.
So while I'm sitting there bottling, he's just totally

(20:08):
suppressing and avoiding. So when I when we would then
talk about something and this isI think we want to be good
students of each other early on through all these opportunities
is that I learnt if I was to thepoint where my bottling.
Was to the Max and then I would come to him overwhelmed he would
just walls up and not want to even go there.
I wouldn't want to deal with theconflicts and would suppress
suppress suppress so I had to learn early on to acknowledge my

(20:30):
bottling humble myself remove mypride in them.
I would have to come to him and give him the grace in that time
to I approached him with something, give him time to
process it and to come back and I could easily have act up, I
think and been like he's not responding.
He's emotionally cut off from me.
He's but by knowing him well andhow he's wired, I was able to go
OK, I need to hold space for him.

(20:50):
We had. To have some conversations in
the times when it was really, really casual to be able to
explain how we think. I think a big thing for us was
when, because we used to, if there was something serious that
we were trying to talk about a we did the dumb thing.
We talked about it too late at night, but livid raised
something. And then I would sit there in
dead silence because the way that my brain works is I will

(21:13):
sit there and I will run every scenario of everything that I
can possibly say all at the sametime.
And if my brain can't come up with a positive scenario that
leads in the direction that I think it needs to go, then I'm
incapacitated to say anything. So.
Literally says nothing. Literally nothing so learning

(21:33):
and spending some time together when we were just chatting
normally and saying, hey, this is how it works and kind of
chatting about it and going, well, how do we how do we deal
with that if that's the reality of the way that my brain works?
And so we just kind of put something together where Liv
just said, I'm I'm happy for youjust to start talking.
And I will give you the grace knowing that what comes out at
the beginning most likely won't be what you're actually trying

(21:54):
to say. And a lot of the times it's not
and some and I have to really bein the right mind frame to be
like whatever comes out of his mouth, I need to give him time
to refine that and not take offence to it.
I cannot hold that and I cannot bring that back up because I
know for him he needs time and space to work out exactly what
he's thinking. And it's harder for him to do
that internally if he just starts.

(22:17):
It's much easier to say something and then say,
actually, no, that's not what I mean.
Let me think about it more. And the hard thing is though,
not taking offence to that. And I had to learn to be like,
OK, he does not mean what that sounds like.
I need to allow him to refine that.
And I think a lot of communication in regards to
conflict for us has been humbling and it's been me not

(22:39):
framing things in a way that makes me believe a narrative
that's not true of the situation.
So I could very easily take offence straight away to what
Samuel saying, talk myself down a path.
This is what he means, this is what he's thinking, which would
not be of benefit for either as individually or for our marriage
together. I think the only reason that
kind of communication tactic works for us is because we

(23:01):
actually have so much trust within our relationship.
And the way Liv responds to me because sometimes the first
thing that comes out of my mouthis dumb and not what I'm trying
to say at all. And to be able to know that she
loves me and she's always looking for the best.
She's not looking to be offended, She's not looking to
attack me. She's actually looking for the
best. So even when I say the dumbest

(23:22):
thing and I'm sitting there going idiot, that was wrong and
going, that's not what I'm trying to say.
The fact that she actually givesme the grace because it would be
so easy for her to hold on to that and use it against me.
And if she did, that conversation would be dead.
There'd be no way to redeem it. So.
Damaging. But it's that like, we actually
genuinely really love each other.
And we're actually trying to look at these kind of things as,

(23:44):
hey, we're working this for the best for both of us.
So she knows that if she gives me the grace to be able to
communicate well, that it will be better for the both of us.
And I know that even though it'ssuper uncomfortable, if I start
talking, we'll get to a better understanding of what's actually
going on here. So it's a team game.
Like if you're not on the same team, this kind of stuff is
really hard. Yeah, that's a huge part of our

(24:07):
approach to the podcast and justour marriages, the curiosity and
like and trying to figure out what's going on for your
partner. And that I love what you guys,
how you described it when you'reyou said being a student of your
kids or of your partner. I think that's so important
because if you take things at face value and just assume
everybody functions the same way, you're going to find so

(24:27):
many misunderstandings and hurtsand like mismatched everything's
because we don't all function the same way.
And so we've, we often read Reddit stories on the podcast
and so often it's like they justdon't have the ability to think
about what their partner, where they're coming from or what
might be sitting behind it or why they might be acting that
way. And sometimes it is really

(24:48):
horrible behaviours. And so it's like, Yep, that's
fair. But just having your brain like
trained to think about what's going on for them is such a
tool. It's just such a helpful tool
because it, it'll help you navigate anything that you come
up against. So I love, I love that.
I think that's a beautiful way of navigating it.
A question that I love as well and I find it actually really,

(25:09):
really helps with this kind of stuff.
And I'll, I'll ask this questionto a lot of people.
Because anyone in the street whowe start talking to.
It's super interesting, but asking them to describe what it
feels like to think because if you can get an understanding of
what someone sees their own thinking and thought processes
like, it gives you so much of more of an understanding into

(25:30):
how they operate. And it helps.
You to look at moments and go, no, they're not actually being
rude. They're actually processing this
or they're running through this and you get some wild like I
still haven't got a single answer that's been the same out
of anyone that I've spoken to. It's it's wild.
And like when I described for Liv the first time what it felt
like for me to think, I rememberthis look on her face of like,

(25:53):
how do you? How do you exist?
My brain must be like crickets for Samuel.
Like I have one voice and 1 clear thought and logic and
order and process and he has like 8 voices at once with he
explains like these things swirling around on the outside
that he sometimes grabbed. And if one's in front of him
then another one has to be pushed out of the way.
Like his brain works so differently.
So for example, if we talk aboutthat late night conversation

(26:14):
again, I sit there in my head with my single voice saying why
isn't he answering me? Like how?
And he's. There, like I'm chatting to 30
people. I'm writing a song where I'm
like wondering how you actually get the toaster to run at the
right number so that actually comes out correct.
My brain still 50 things at the same time.

(26:35):
And so for us getting to understand that and going, OK,
what actually works here, what do we need to do?
It's great. It's a really fun question.
I love it so. And that's allowed me to be a
good shit and Samuel, but also for him to understand how I
work. So again, just knowing that he's
wide that way doesn't excuse things.
No, for like 1 of the biggest things, I whenever anyone asks
what's the hardest thing in yourmarriage, I would say it's this

(26:57):
really like silly mundane thing.But the one thing that Samuel
always does is he leaves his wettowel on the carpet and I just I
can't understand how 11 1/2 he'sin.
He still just can't pick it up. But I know that he's not leaving
that on the ground because he internally is like, she can pick

(27:22):
this up and links there or thinks that I'm the one who
looks after the household or I, but I know that he, his mental
load is so, so high that for him, he doesn't even realise
that it's on the ground. And there are times where
depending on what's happening inlife, I might look at that towel
and I might go, you know what? I'm actually going to go out and
tell him that he's left it on the ground.

(27:42):
Or I might go this time I'm justgoing to serve him and I'm just
going to pick it back up and putit on the hooks.
At the end of the day it's a towel on the ground and I can
fix that in 2 seconds. But I'm not going to excuse the
behaviour so that our time and Icould come out and say you know,
you've done it again, your towels on the ground.
Or I could come out and say hey Ram, like I just noticed the

(28:02):
towels in The Walking road. Do you mind picking it up and
hanging? And he'd be like, oh I'm so
sorry. Yeah, I'll go and grab it and
he'll go and get it straight away.
So I'm not a doormat. I'm not, you know, he's slave
and servant, but sometimes he does just need that prompting.
And there are things like, that's one that just won't
stick. He's like, you know, I'm not
always prompting and always needing to be his mum in that

(28:24):
sense to get him to do things. There are things where he has
changed and picked up and he does see things now that he
didn't say earlier, but it's just the way that his brain
works. And I could hold that against
him or I can, yeah, actually just serve him in or prompt him
to go and do it. And what I found is that 9 times
out, well actually probably I could say 10 out of 10, is that
when I do ask him to do something, he's more than happy

(28:44):
and willing to do something straight away.
It's just that he hasn't seen itin the first place.
And I can, I can imagine one of our listeners like hearing that
and being like, well, you shouldn't have to say anything
in the 1st place. Like that is not your role.
But I think what's special aboutwhat you're sharing though, is
there's times when we show up for each other, though.
It's not that, you know, you shouldn't be, like you
mentioned, you don't have to be his mother or anything else like

(29:07):
that. But for if I look at our, my
name is relationship, you know, we'll do that for each other in
different ways. We are.
And what I love about what you're sharing is, you know, his
mental load is so big. So this is the way that I can
show up for him in this moment. And we do that for each other.
And that's the teamwork of relationships.
I think it's really, really important to to identify that as

(29:28):
well. It's not you being the mother,
it's you supporting your your partner in a small way and
frustrating way as well. Yeah, sometimes, yeah.
Yeah, yeah. I would say one of the most
romantic things that Samuel's ever done, which actually made
me cry, which is ridiculous whenI think about it, is because he
knows that we had floorboards inour first house and they were
forever. Just, I was felt like I was

(29:49):
vacuuming all the time or sweeping all the time.
And he's just so busy with work that it was that I was home
more. So because I was home more, I
was doing a lot more of that housework because he was out
quite a bit coming in late. And one night he rocked up with
a robot vacuum because he knew that he physically couldn't do
the work, but he could find a solution in how to help me.
And I actually sat on our couch and cried over a robot.

(30:11):
Like how? Particular, he loves his robot.
I felt so seen in something so. That's awesome and.
So third in that, you know, and he got one that he could link
from his phone. So there'd be some days right
home. And then all of a sudden, I just
hear the vacuum ground. I'm like, oh, Samuel thought of
me. And he set the vacuum off from
his phone. Like, yeah.

(30:32):
You know, they're the moments I was, I was trying to capture
before. So I don't know how clear or
that came across, but I think that's, it is like, again, what,
what, in what ways can we show up for our partner in small ways
or big ways? I think the, the what you just
said then again is you feel seen, You know, I mean, I went
through this love language period, right, where we're
really trying to understand eachother's love languages, but how

(30:53):
like understand the other personmore.
And we went through this processof like gifts, rights of mine
are gifts. And she would go out and try and
get these gifts. I'm like, why are these not
having the impacts that I, you know, I'm supposed to have from
doing this test? I'm meant to be gifts.
And then she got me a mug one time and it was it was just a
mug. It was a Star Wars mug.

(31:14):
Look, before this mug, I wasn't massively into Star Wars.
It was actually Mandalorian, right?
And I started to really get intothis show and the fact that she
got me something. It was so much smaller than what
she was getting me previously, but it was that moment of being
seen, right? Like so And that has so much
more weight behind it than the extravagant sometimes.
I mean, robot vacuum cleaner is pretty, pretty nifty.

(31:35):
I'm not going. To lie the meaning for you is
what that what that helps yeah and same with the mug the.
Scene element is is really important.
Exactly. That's why understanding your
partner and what makes them tickand what sits behind their
behaviours and their needs and that kind of thing is so
important because then you know how to address those things.
And I think another thing that we really love to focus on in

(31:57):
the podcast is wanting your partner to succeed.
So it would be easy in what you guys have described, Liv, if you
were like, I've said this so many times as Sam and I'm just,
I'm done, like I'm done. And I'm not going to keep
telling you about this wet towelkind of thing.
It'd be easy to do that. But we also, I think a lot of
the time we miss this piece of like wanting them to succeed
because we want our marriage to be stronger and we want to be

(32:19):
closer together. And ideally, the goal is in 10
years time, we're working closerand closer together, not further
and further apart. And when we've got that
mentality, I think it helps withthose things and that grace that
we give to our partner because we're on the same team and we
want them to succeed and we wantthem to feel loved and we want
them to learn and grow because all of us are learning and
growing. So you can extend that grace in

(32:41):
a better way, which is really beautiful.
And it's the difference between a relationship that is caring
about the other person versus a relationship that's
transactional. Yeah.
So if Liv was being transactional with me and
saying, well, I've done this foryou, therefore you should be
doing this for me, it would actually be negative for both of
us. But I think the big thing within

(33:02):
our relationship is that we makesure that our focus isn't on
ourselves. And if I do this, what will I
get? You have to kind of check your
reasoning and check your purposebehind it and go, why am I doing
this? And if it's not for her benefit
and it is deceptively for my benefit, then don't do it.
Find something that is actually about her.
Because as soon as you get into that space of I did this,

(33:23):
therefore you should do this, all of a sudden, it just changes
your perception around everything that you're doing.
And it actually leads to more divisiveness within the
relationship than actual strength together.
And so it's one of those things that we've choosing to pick up
my towel. And because for me, it's
something that as soon as I literally take that towel off my
shoulders, it disappears. It's not in my world anymore

(33:44):
because there's too much going on in my head.
It's just gone. But if she chose to be
transactional about it and go, well, I'm always picking up your
towel, you need to do this for me and made it about herself.
It would be a really different conversation and her picking up
that towel and me noticing when she picks up that towel and
going all of a sudden, it would either be tied to guilt or shame

(34:04):
or something like that. But at the moment, it's one of
those things that I go, I wish Icould remember that more, but
how blessed am I that I have a wife that loves me so much that
she does this without grumbling and without trying to make me
feel horrible. What can I do to show my wife
love and value? It's it drives something in me
that wants to see the good in her, but it's not an expectation

(34:24):
on her behalf at all. She's doing it because she loves
us and she's making a decision that moves us closer together.
It's one of those things, so often we chat, like we chat with
a few different people with different complex relationships
and stuff. And the thing that we've learned
from chatting with people, and Iguess we apply it to our own
marriage a lot at the time, is you can actually only change
what you can change. The thing that you can change is

(34:46):
your own responses and your own attitudes to any given
situation. And what that enables the other
person to be able to do is astronomical.
So when people are sitting in a position of going well, I'm not
going to give my best until theygive their best.
Well, you're putting yourself ina really tough situation.
But if you go actually, I love my partner and I actually want
what's best for this relationship.

(35:07):
Therefore no matter what they'redoing, I'm going to choose this.
It actually enables them to be able to make better decisions
themselves when choosing to loveme and to see the best in me
even when I do dumb stuff. Enables me to be a better
husband in our relationship so. Yeah, One of the things that we
talk about a lot is sitting on the same side of the table.

(35:28):
Yeah. We're not opposing each other in
everything we do. And I can see it early on before
we had kids. I can probably even see it more
so now that we do have kids. And one of the easiest ways to
probably show it is like if we, we always say to our kids, you
know, mum and dad are a team. If dad says something, I'm not
going to say anything different.Or if mum says something or if
our kids come and ask us something, we'll always ask them

(35:49):
straight away. Have you spoken to mum or dad
first just to hear and see if they haven't come into play each
other because. That's how I got a puppy as a
kid. Mum said no, so I went to dad
and he was like, oh I don't see why.
Not they went to the pet shop. And we were, we were prepared
not to get caught out by that one.
Because I have your genetic. Yeah, exactly.

(36:10):
You've had a lot. But even in front of the kids,
if there's a discipline situation and Samuel says
something or says to our kids, because this has happened, this
is a consequence for it. And this is unfortunately what
it's going to be. And in my head, even if I don't
agree with that, I need to sit there quietly for that moment
and be on Dad's team. And and then away from the kids,
I can either say to Samuel, you know, I actually think that was

(36:31):
a bit too much or, or I don't know if you were aware that this
was actually the precursor to why that happened.
Yeah. And if something does need to
change, Samuel will then come back to the kids in front of
them and say, do you know what? I didn't have the full picture.
I'm really sorry that that's what I said.
We're actually going to change it for this.
So even being that united front,our children know now that
there's no way that we're going.They're going to get one thing

(36:53):
from dad different to what they get from mum.
They know that we're working together, the same team.
And even if it's not for parenting, but just in regards
to our marriage, we're going to be for each other.
We're not against each other. Nothing that Samuel does if he
says he's going to be home at 4:45 and it's 6:15 and I'm not
going to think he's only trying to avoid dinner time and bards
and because it's easier to be out of the house, that's a wrong

(37:14):
framing for me. He's on my side.
We're on the same team. Something's obviously happened.
We just held him up for that little bit extra time.
I can attack him, Hey, where theheck are you in a message or I
can send a message saying, hey, is everything OK?
Like there's ways in which you can be on the same team in all
situations. That I love that, that
curiosity, that always assuming the best, the, you know, it

(37:34):
allows us to approach even issues of conflicts in a more
humble way rather than a way that's looking at ourselves
being like, I'm offended by thisand I need to know why it's
happened. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. Love that.
That's so good. And I, I just love the way that
you guys are speaking about, youknow, just for each other and
you know, it's all about the assumptions, right?
And I think we can get too easily offended by a lot of

(37:55):
things like you mentioned beforeof like, you know, if he's, if
he's half an hour late from, from work, I could picture
myself like, I could see myself getting offended of like Amy
hasn't got home. And this is, you know, I'm
taking this personally now, but I love that just reframing of
your mind and, and Amy's really brought that curiosity into our
relationship, you know, having that attitude of curiosity

(38:16):
first. And that's been huge for us.
Another thing that you guys mentioned is the saying sorry
part. You said it for like 2 seconds,
but I think it's really, really important is being able to say
sorry, you know, going back later, that reflection to your
kids, but also to you to each other.
Like actually upon reflection, I'm sorry.

(38:38):
I, I realised I've either reacted this way or I haven't
had the full picture or whateverelse.
I feel like sometimes where we can put our heels in too much of
like, well, I can't go back now.I've said what I've said and
then I can't go back. I was like, no, you can and and
we should a lot of the times as well.
So that reflective part I think is really important and
valuable. Especially in parenting I feel

(39:00):
like that happens. Yeah, in parenting in front of
your kids, like even not to yourchildren, but to each other.
Yeah, like to say sorry to each other in front of our children
and then to go and say it to them and to own.
Yeah, to be responsible for yourown actions.
Like to say, do you know what? Mummy was really frustrated.
Just saying I'm sorry I spoke toyou so sharply.

(39:20):
Please forgive me. That's what I want them to be
able to say to each other, That when one snatches the toy off
the other and 1 screams and gives her a little wallet back.
You know what I I owe my my response.
I was feeling frustrated by that.
I responded in the wrong way. Can you please forgive me?
They're only going to do that. We can't expect that of a child
if they've never seen that model.

(39:41):
Exactly. Yeah, a lot of these things, I
think when we became parents, they became even more.
They're important to us before being parents and they're even
more so important because of what it models to them and what
it shows them and especially theintentionality and relationship.
I think that that like just knowing that our kids, we don't
know what their lives are going to be like or what's going to
unfold for them, but knowing that we have done our bit to

(40:03):
show them what it looks like to be intentional and and have this
curiosity mindset and have this sacrificial mindset in
relationship is. Really encouraging because we
know that that's what we can give them.
Yeah, I love that idea of like your family ties or the lucky
family of origin. And Samuel and I are very
blessed to have come from 2 verysolid, loving families and both

(40:29):
families that didn't yell or didn't raise voices, treated
each other respectfully. We've had that modelled really
well from both our families separately.
So I think coming together in some ways it was easier for us
to have this relationship. We are all for marriage.
We love marriage. It's like being married to some
of these the best thing, like I can't actually put words.
I just and we want this for other people, but having that

(40:51):
understanding for ourselves through all that work we did
early on, I think it's made us more aware of the type of
household we want to model for our children as well.
And even something I hear Samuelsay to our girls quite often, he
says, you know, how do your friends speak about their
brothers and sisters because they, you know, in the
playground, there's all these things, you know, such and such
as older sister came down and they're so annoying and they're

(41:12):
this and they're that. And then and we say, you know,
how do your friends talk about their family?
Because, you know, the way they talk about their family gives
you a really good idea of how they're going to treat their
family when they're older. They're starting to equip our
kids with this. I guess it's like an emotional
intelligence and intelligence and other people and how they're
wide and what you can see as fruits in other people's lives

(41:34):
is actually what's going to comeout of them later.
Samuel spoke earlier on about, you know, when you squeeze
something, what's going to come out when pressures on is what's
inside it. You want to be able to be
looking for these things. And we want to be modelling to
our kids in our home, hopefully things that they're going to
catch. You know you can't.
You can tell. You can lecture your kids as
much as you want, but what they're actually going to take
with them is the things that they see and experience and

(41:55):
feel. Yeah, consistency just also
increases trust. So.
Like for me within our relationship, like one of the
big things is that what live sees of me when it's just us is
the exact same person that should exist everywhere else.
Pretend to be something within our relationship and then go out
And like a big thing that I really can't stand and it's a

(42:19):
bit of a bug bear for me is guysthat complain about their wives
or partners. And so for me, like, I just want
Liv to always be 100% clear thatthe way that I speak to her
about like with my friends is the exact same way that I would
speak to her. And it's one of those things of
like even for our kids, we want them to see a consistency of
character in US in every single situation, whether it be

(42:42):
chatting to new kids at a podcast event or doing youth
ministry or hanging out with just them.
I want them to see us as us, notdifferent versions of the same
person, but consistency in character so that they have
comfortability and trust in who they're dealing with and
encourages them to actually get to know who they are and then be

(43:03):
consistent with that. Because with a lot of young
children, like, and as they get older and hit teens and that
sort of thing, like identity andwho you are is something that is
really complicated. And so for them actually getting
the understanding of you do not need to be someone different in
different circumstances. You actually just need to be who
you are and the best version of who you are.

(43:24):
And that will be fine in every situation.
And so that's the kind of thing that we we lack consistency of
character in our own relationship because it gives
confidence and stability. But at the same time, we want to
display that to our kids so thatas they get older, they know
that it's completely OK to be consistent.
You don't need to pretend to be one person with your friends and
then pretend to be a different person at home and all those

(43:47):
other things. You can actually be confident
and comfortable in who you are and be consistent across all
areas of your life. Yeah, that's so good.
And we actually spoke just recently about attachment
styles. And one of the things with
attachment styles that people navigate is it's the consistent
relationship or interactions they had with their caregivers

(44:08):
when they were children that usually sets that up.
So it's not about like sometimesthey're extremely affectionate
and then other times they're really distant.
It's actually what they saw consistently that was more
impactful to them. So that's a really, that's a big
challenge. And I love that approach and I
love the lesson that that gives for kids because you're right,
it is so complex. Identity is so complex.

(44:28):
And it's something we've been navigating with our kids, what
everybody does. But like trying to think, how do
we get ahead of this as they're younger now and they're not yet
in high school where the pressures are 10 times more?
How do we get ahead of this in terms of really helping them
understand who they are and whattheir worth is and what they can
offer people and how to treat people?

(44:50):
And I think this is a really good approach to that.
That's a really, I love that framework.
It's challenging. You've got to be intentional,
don't you? It's actually, parenting is
exhausting very much really is. You feel like a broken record.
You've said things 10 times over.
You, you know, but it's that consistency.
It's actually, we say to be clear is to be kind and setting

(45:11):
the example, explaining to kids exactly what's going to happen
and you feel like a broken record because you've said it
five times over. But that's actually the kindest
thing for them because they knowwhat's coming.
They know what they can expect. They know that if something goes
wrong in our household, they don't need to be fearful about
our response because they've consistently seen how we handle
and deal with things over time. They don't need to be worried

(45:32):
about our emotions. And it's hard to, you know, take
have the self control at times when you guys were there for
kids, you're stressed. It's you just want them to get
into bed. You just, it's really tiring.
Yeah. But it's the kindest thing for
them, isn't it? And then apologising when you
get it wrong, as you inevitably.Do we do?
And no way at all does Samuel and I have a a perfect marriage.

(45:53):
We are two people who make mistakes over and over and over
again. But we're willing to be humble
enough to come to each other andsay I am actually really sorry
for that. I'm going to own that behaviour
and apologise for it. I know that we are.
Well, we are long game parenting.
Yeah, exactly parenting for the here and now.
We are trying to instil and build character and encourage

(46:14):
our kids to help them become whothey are.
They're also different, but the best versions of themselves.
Not for today and tomorrow to make it easier for that, they'll
eat their food and go to bed andbrush their teeth.
But to know that when we're sending them out of our house
one day that they are going to be people who know who they are,
who love each other and who are willing to, I guess, even be
willing to listen to instruction.

(46:36):
That's one of the biggest things.
And by being being clear and kind and consistent, they're
more likely to to turn to you for advice or for anything.
Like that? Absolutely.
Find people they trust. Yeah.
Well, so you guys are, as we've heard a little bit in your intro
here, in a really, really busy season and you've got 4 kids.
How do you find yourselves finding time to connect and

(46:58):
spend time as a married couple in that quality space?
Because. You, you, you're talking a lot
about intentionality and it's like, where do you find the time
for that intentionality? For kids podcasts.
Electrical Work. You know.
Physio work. Yeah, we've been living with my
parents for 12 months because we've had a huge insurance job.
At our. House, yeah, even that we're

(47:18):
like, we don't even have like the individual family space that
we normally have too. So what would you say that's
huge? I think, I think I'm someone
time for me is one of the most valuable things I think that
there is. Time is something that if not
used well, feels quite wasted. And so as busy as we are, I
really value moments and time. And so it's one of those things

(47:43):
that in the busyness, choosing to redeem the moments that there
are because we see it so often. So many people have such a
different definition of what busy looks like, and that's
completely fine. The reality of what busy is for
them might be what different to what busy is for us.
But even in the busiest of busy,you still have time and it's
about how you use that time. And so for us, we often will

(48:06):
look forward and we will go, hey, we get got the kids into
bed. Well done.
It's still this time, whatever. Let's just be together and being
intentional about that time and intentional about moments and
looking for opportunities to create time together and create
time as a family and just constantly checking in.
And so it lives really good at that of going, Hey, I feel like

(48:28):
we need an actual something together.
We're going to do this. And for me it's, it's hard
because I'm like, I'm always on the run.
I'm always doing something. If I'm not being productive, it
hurts. So I think someone who is there
watching me as well and going, hey, I think we need to do this.
I think we need to do this is really, really helpful.

(48:49):
But it's it's about choosing what you do in the moments for
us. I.
Was gonna say Samuel is really, really good that he will never
leave the house or leave me without coming and giving a kiss
and a hug. He tells me he loves me.
I don't even know how I couldn'tprobably count it so many times
in the day, whether it's in a text message or a quick phone
call or, you know, we'll be homeand forever.

(49:09):
He'll just touch my arm. And he's such a physical touch
person that for him, you know, if we do have a moment on the
couch, me putting my hand on hisfoot is like, that's it just
builds that form of connection. So he's really good that in
every moment, every hello, everygoodbye is super intentional.
And that whole thing about feeling seen, I can see I'm
prioritised even in the busyness.

(49:31):
So even in the flybys of a greatthing that sort of, it's just
sort of formed this year with extracurriculars and sports and
things is that Samuel really owns the trainings, the games,
that all that stuff for sport. One of our daughters really
wanted to do piano and we did not have a night.
So on a Tuesday morning we founda friend who was willing to give
her a lesson before school. So Samuel leaves extra early to
get her to piano, do that. He's sort of taken all that.

(49:53):
So we fly by each other quite quickly and time disappears very
quickly. But even in all those moments,
all those drop offs or, you know, he picks one kid up from
me and takes him to training or I always feel very valued.
Even in those seconds. He always comes to me, always
ask me how I am or always give me some form of touch, a kiss, a
hug, anything like that at all. So we even have that.

(50:13):
I think that we don't live as like housemates.
We still very much live valuing each other first.
And we do see that we we do put our marriage at the top.
And then there are the kids priorities I.
Was going to say priorities. This is such a big one because
The thing is as busy as we are, we could be so much busier if we
chose different things. And it's the reality of for me,

(50:36):
it's all about value. Like what is the most valuable
thing you've like? You've probably heard the big
rocks, little rocks thing. Get the important things in
place first and then whatever you can squeeze in around it,
great. But for me, family and my wife
are always going to be the most important thing, so they get the
priority. Even in my electrical business,
if there's a wild day, that is ridiculous.

(50:58):
But I need to be here for my family.
The big thing that I've learned is even people that kick and
scream and treat you like rubbish because they think
they're so important, they're still just people.
And the reality is I actually really value my people, which is
my wife and my family. And so I will make those
choices. And it's that thing of you do
what you love most. And so for me, what I love most

(51:20):
is actually my family. So I'm always going to choose to
do the family things first. And then whatever we do around
that is great. It's all extra stuff.
And wherever we can kind of plugin and add some value to
everything that we're doing is fantastic.
But at the same time, I also have the confidence that Liv
will say to me, hey, you're not giving enough time to our family
if it ever gets to that point. And if she said it, that would

(51:41):
be me going, cool, what are we dropping?
And it's that being of like, because it is the priority, she
has full confidence to be able to tell me at any given time, we
need to cut something and I'll be all for it.
And so it's just, I know that our marriage and our life is so
much different to a lot of people, but it's actually what
works for us. Because he's Samuel's always

(52:03):
been this way and so consistent in that prioritisation that if
there is a time where he is super busy or he can't come home
because of the past, because of his track record, I know and I
can fully trust that clearly this is something that really
needed to happen so often. So willing.
If he does have space, he'll call me and say I can do pick up

(52:24):
today or I can. And being your own boss, it's a
bit, we're a bit more flexible with that.
But running a company, it takes a lot of time.
It's very fine balance, but I can trust in how he's proven
himself. I thought to that over time that
if he is busier for a season, itis for a good reason.
And it's not because he's necessarily deprioritizing us,

(52:46):
it's just that something is veryclearly a high priority that
needs. Communicating the why behind.
It as well, yeah. So if I can say, hey, the next
couple of weeks are going to be really, really busy because of
AB and C, I've declared why? And all of a sudden it's not
just a, oh, you're not here or I'm seeing less of you.
It gives reasoning behind it, which helps to see the best in

(53:06):
those moments. But in that as well, going once
it's all done, we should go awayfor a weekend.
We should take the kids to the zoo or something and can look
for those special little events to kind of go, hey, it's going
to be tricky for a bit. I'm really sorry, but let's do
this at the end of it and kind of just because like I, I hate
when I don't get to see my wife.Like a bit of a side note.

(53:29):
I I've been a little bit unwell with a few bits and pieces and
spent the night in hospital, notlast night, the night before.
And yeah, my, my heart wasn't playing friends, but it's all
part of the fun. But it was that moment of being
separate even for that one night.
I hate it. I really hate it.

(53:50):
Like my desire is to be with my wife and my family.
And so when I'm not with them, I'm wanting to be with them.
There's never that moment of like, oh, I'm so glad to get
away from them. And I think we've knows that,
which actually adds to the fact of when I'm not there, she
actually knows that my desire isactually to be there.
I would love to be there if I could so.
No, I get that. We call it like so we do a bit

(54:12):
of travel for for our work and and majority of our dads and we
call it the dad guilt like we just being away is is very, very
hard. And because you feel guilty, you
know, it's like 1, I want to spend time with you, but two, I
know now you, I'm sort of dumping stuff on you too, which
is, which is hard, but just really admire you guys.

(54:33):
I admire your intentionality, your way to communicate.
What you're communicating about is just so clear and
encouraging. And so thank you so much for
that. And I think, you know, like you
said, 11 1/2 years, you guys have been married and you don't
have the perfect marriage as you've mentioned, but you've
definitely learnt a lot of things on the way.
You've been so intentional alongthe way.

(54:54):
And so, but you weren't always like that.
You definitely started somewhere, so if you could look
at all the things that you've learned up until today, if you
could go back in time, meet yourselves when you just got
married or just started dating, what's the biggest advice you
would give each other? For me, I think the biggest
thing that I would tell my younger self in my relationship

(55:15):
with Liv is humility will actually lead to the best
because the more that I can humble myself and pull myself
out of the picture and what thatnaturally does is encourages me
to put her first, it actually leads to a much stronger
relationship. I think early on, like we dated
as 16 year olds and then broke up and then got back together

(55:38):
later in life and then got married and we had to do a lot
of growing up over it. And so if I was talking to 16
year old me about relationships when we were together, I would
be saying this relationship isn't about you, it is about her
and bringing out the best in herso that together you can have
the best life. And that's the same thing.
Like you learn it more and more and more.
The more you put your wife or your partner first, the easier

(56:01):
your relationship becomes because you're seeking their
good and enabling them to be able to be the best that they
can be as well. And so it's one of those things
I would just continuously tell myself, take your eyes off you
and give your wife your very best continuously for no other
reason than you love her and care for her.
One of your like family, your family mottos has very much been

(56:24):
how are you going to be outwardly focused?
They spoke about that all the time over and over and over.
And I've seen that in Samuels life over and over and over.
He's always I eyes up and out and not on himself and looking
for others. I guess for me, I being so young
when we got married, even thoughwe were friends for a very long
time. So I felt like I knew Samuel so
well before we even got married,which was a gift and I think

(56:45):
that's helped us a lot. I would just tell myself that my
emotions can deceive me. My emotions actually don't tell
me the true narrative and that things always feel better in the
morning in that you sort of justneed that space and that time
and you need you need someone wise around you who's older than
you, not you, not not a peer no,I could go to my girlfriends and

(57:06):
I could it would turn into it could turn into a complaint
fest, but we've made that call that we don't complain about
each other at all. We talk to each other, but
having someone ahead of you who has walked what you've walked,
even though it might look different, having someone who
has knowledge and wisdom, who can speak truth into your
emotion, who knows both of us doesn't just know me and will

(57:26):
side with me, but someone who knows Samuel as well.
That was so beneficial. And just to hold to those
relationships, to walk your journey with people like it is,
it's hard. It's hard having two people with
flaws coming together, trying tobuild something which is going
to be long lasting and have positive impact on others.
Yeah, you need support and you need people around you.
Don't trust your own emotions. Have wise insight and wisdom

(57:47):
from others. And just that long game, you're
on the same team. Yeah, that's awesome.
Well, guys, we could talk to youfor hours because this has been
such an incredible. Kind of actually did a mini
episode before. We first.
Recorded. Sorry.
Guys don't get to hear that and this has been so good having you
on the podcast. And again, we're so honoured
that you would take the time to chat with us, especially during

(58:09):
the day. This is daytime hours.
So this is parenting slash work hours.
So really, really appreciate yousetting aside this time and the
wisdom that you've shared and the stories that you've shared.
It's been incredible and encouraging.
And we wanted to just finish offas well and say if anyone wanted
to get in contact with you, Sam,or follow along with what's
going on in the silly story world, Yeah, what would they do?

(58:30):
Where would they find you? Best place to start is on
Instagram. If you look for silly stories
for kids you'll be able to find everything from there.
Which is, yeah, it's been a wildlittle journey.
I'm not normally a social media person at all.
I'm trying to learn it as I go and it is a complex base.
But it is at the. Same time.
It's it's probably the best starting point.
It's a fun time to get involved because I feel like we're, we

(58:53):
feel very much like we're standing on the precipice of
something and we don't know whatit is.
We've got a podcast that has grown over time.
We're doing some music, we've written a few books and it's
audiobook coming out as well. And it's at this moment of like,
it's really exciting to see where it goes next.
So if you wanna join us along the journey, jump on Instagram,

(59:15):
find silly stories for kids and you can witness what a bad
Instagram looks like. Slowly gets a little bit better,
but. Any podcast platform as well?
You're on all of. It yeah, Spotify podcast all of
it but at the same time if if you do have young kids and.
They will love it. They will, but.
I also want to encourage parentsto really use their own

(59:36):
creativity with their kids because my brain is 1 type of
creative and who they might be might be a different kind of
creative that they're your kids.Like the reality is they've got
some of your genetics. They'll be creative stuff in you
that they will resonate in with.So well, be encouraged and
equipped just to do something and give it a go because it's
really, really fun to connect with your own kids through that

(59:57):
creativity and through those kinds of things.
And the way that you are in yourfamily is.
So as much as the podcast is funand I'd love to share it with
anyone that wants to, I'd love for them to be sharing within
their own family as well, so. Yeah, I love that.
Thanks again, Sam and Liv for joining.
Thanks for having us.

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51: Why You Keep Missing Each Other in Conflict (and How to Change It) with Sam & Liv Ramsden from Silly Stories for Kids

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