April 24, 2025 • 32 mins
In this powerful episode of Hope Unlocked, host Kristin Kurtz welcomes Abigail Brown, author of Unstuck, who shares her inspiring story of resilience while living with dystonia. From a childhood medical crisis to becoming a voice of hope and healing, Abigail opens up about faith, grief, identity, and how she rewired her mindset through God’s truth, journaling, and coaching. Tune in to hear how she moved from resentment to purpose, and how God meets us in the unexpected. A must-listen for anyone feeling stuck, unseen, or in need of renewed hope.
Abigail's contact info:
Website - silent-inspirations.com
Don’t miss Abigail’s powerful book Unstuck—available now at major retailers. It’s a must-read!
I created Life Unlocked Collective for women who resonate with the stories shared here—those who feel the holy stir, the desire to live fully free and wildly obedient.
It’s a space like no other. Monthly missions, Kingdom sisterhood, bold conversations—and a whole lot of breakthrough.
Come explore what Life Unlocked might unlock in you:
👉 LifeUnlocked.life
Connect with Kristin Kurtz:
Website - https://msha.ke/newwings
Email - kristinkurtz@newwingscoaching.net
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/renew.wings/
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Medical Disclaimer: Information in this podcast is for general informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Always seek the advice of your physician, qualified health provider, functional medicine specialist or health coach with any questions regarding any medical conditions. The views and testimonies expressed are those of the individuals. Use the information at your own discretion.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
Welcome to the Hope Unlocked podcast.
I'm your host, kristen Kurtz,and I'm also the founder of New
Wings Coaching.
I help and empower wildheartedand adventurous women of faith
feeling caged and stuck, unlocktheir true purpose and potential
, break free from limitationsand thrive with confidence,
courage and hope.
If you're curious to learn moreabout coaching with me, head to
newwingscoachingnet and be sureto explore the show notes for
(00:38):
ways to connect with me further.
Get ready to dive in as weuncover empowering keys and
insights in this episode.
So tune in and let's unlockhope together.
Welcome to the Hope Unlockedpodcast.
I'm Kristen Kurtz, your host.
I pray this episode is like aholy IV of hope for your soul.
Please help me.
Welcome Abigail Brown to theshow.
(00:59):
I am so thrilled to have herhere with us today.
I would love for you to tell usmore about yourself and how
your story began, and could youshare with us how your life
journey started, especially withthe challenges you faced early
on?
Speaker 2 (01:17):
Kristen, thank you for having me on your podcast to
share my story with youraudience.
As Kristen said, my name isAbigail Brown and I have been
living with a condition calleddystonia for 29 years.
This condition has changed notonly my life, but also changed
(01:42):
my family's lives and outlook ondisability.
It was at age three when Ibegan suffering from the effects
of an undiagnosed case of RockyMountain Spotted Fever.
My parents rushed me to thenearest hospital.
There I was in a drug-inducedcoma for a week.
(02:02):
When I began to wake up, mymuscles were tight, with my arms
pulled up to my body.
My legs were rigid.
I could not move, could nottalk, swallow, eat, turn over or
even scratch.
My parents told me I cried andscreamed constantly.
A feeding tube was put in placeand screamed constantly.
(02:26):
A feeding tube was put in place.
Then I was transferred to arehabilitation center.
While in rehab, my speech andlanguage pathologist was talking
to me about the alphabet blocks.
She was lining up on the floorin front of my wheelchair.
She asked me my name and age.
My arms were still drawn up tomy chest, but with my left foot
and great effort anddetermination, I pointed to the
(02:49):
letters, slowly spelling out myname, names and I spelled them
all.
My cognitive abilities wereundamaged.
My parents were ecstatic andhopeful about the future.
(03:13):
When I was five years old, myparents discovered that the
brain trauma I experienced ledto the development of dystonia,
a condition which causes musclesto tighten and the body to
contort in different ways.
There is no cure for dystonia,though I have undergone numerous
(03:36):
surgeries and procedures toalleviate some of the more
painful and debilitatingsymptoms.
I grew up learning tocommunicate with others with
several different communicationdevices throughout the years.
I'm very thankful for theprogress of technology in my
(03:57):
life.
I am talking to you today withan app on my phone.
As of today, I am an author andspeaker.
I encourage women who live withdystonia and other disabilities
and plant seeds of hope andresilient hearts, believing that
even in the quietest places,god is planting purpose and
(04:18):
preparing a harvest of joy.
Speaker 1 (04:24):
Yes, thank you so much for sharing about this.
I know that you are an authorand you mentioned that there was
a pivotal moment where you werediagnosed with dystonia, and
how did you process that news asa young child?
Speaker 2 (04:41):
I really don't have many memories about being in the
hospital or going to physical,occupational and speech therapy
at ages 3 through 5, which canbe quite us laugh and asking
curious questions.
We all know toddlers those ages, and my heart would break if
(05:10):
the little girls and boys I knowgrew up not being able to run
around with their friends orlearn how to communicate in a
different way than they onceknew how to do with their mouths
, knew how to do with theirmouths.
That being said, I'm glad thatI don't remember the memories of
(05:30):
getting sick and being in thehospital.
At that age I went from a veryactive and talkative little girl
to being a little girl whowatched others do things I
couldn't anymore, but I alsobecame very determined to
relearn how to walk, feed myselfand do other daily tasks.
It of course took time, andwhile I don't remember my
(05:53):
parents explaining to me whathappened and why I couldn't talk
with my mouth anymore, I knowthey did.
I remember the first time itactually clicked that I lived
with a disability.
It was the first week of secondgrade.
I was in a regular classroomwith all my peers and each year
at the beginning of the schoolyear, my mom would come in my
(06:16):
class and explain to the kidswhat happened and how I
communicated and answered thekids questions.
I think it made the differenceas I started to make friends
with other kids.
Speaker 1 (06:31):
Wow, your mom sounds incredible and obviously it
sounds like the role of yourfamily was incredible in your
healing process.
How did they support you duringthose early years?
Speaker 2 (06:43):
Yeah, I believe I'm still in the healing process as
a 32-year-old woman living witha disability, because I'll
probably grieve over certainaspects of living with dystonia.
There was a period of time whenI turned 16 and into my late
20s I was very depressed Aroundthe day that I formally used to
(07:07):
look at the day I wasmisdiagnosed, that I formerly
used to look at the day I wasmisdiagnosed.
It was like clockwork and Ireally didn't know why I was
getting depressed and sad or howto communicate it very well.
As I got emotional, it wasfrustrating and exhausting for
both sides of the conversationas I would type out what I was
feeling as I cried, but it wasalso hard for my parents to
(07:32):
listen and wait.
I didn't know that every year Iwas grieving over my life with
dystonia.
In fact, before I met my editor, my working title for my book
was misdiagnosed Living a Life INever Expected.
Misdiagnosed living a life Inever expected.
(07:56):
That title right there,basically sums up the season of
life I just told you about.
That was my perspective on howI really thought and felt about
dystonia.
While it's true I wasmisdiagnosed, thinking about it
every single year wasn't helpful.
I wasn't aware how miserable itmade me.
I was so fixated on beingmisdiagnosed that I took for
(08:17):
granted that I was still living.
My parents let me express myfrustrations with dystonia, but
they also taught me to controlmy emotions and outbursts of
crying.
Looking back, I know that myparents and older sister had to
also be grieving thiscircumstance in different
(08:40):
aspects, because it did cause alot of change.
It's only been about four orfive years now since I've been
learning to really understandthat my thoughts affect my
feelings and I'm still learningto better communicate my
thoughts and feelings withothers.
Communication is important andit does take effort for people
(09:04):
who talk verbally and people whotalk using a different mode of
communication, like acommunication device.
It just may take us a minute totype out what we want to say,
but we do have thoughts, ideasand feelings, just like everyone
else.
Speaker 1 (09:22):
Yes, wow, abigail, thank you for sharing this part
of your life and your family andthe ways that they supported
you.
You do have a book which isamazing, and I can't wait for
you to tell us more about thatand I'll be sharing it in the
show notes.
But in the book you discuss theimportance of noticing
blessings.
Could you elaborate on some ofthe blessings you've discovered
(09:45):
through your struggles withdystonia?
Speaker 2 (09:55):
goals with dystonia.
First, let me just say I'm notsaying that you have to look at
your disability or the hardcircumstance you are going
through as a blessing.
I grew up thinking this lie andthought that I had to look at
what god allowed in my life assomething I enjoyed experiencing
.
My view of God was skewedbecause when we look at Jesus in
the Gospels, we see that he isclose to the brokenhearted and
(10:20):
cares very much for peopleliving with disability.
He actually sought out somepeople who lived with
disabilities in that time, likethe lame man and blind man.
We live in a fallen world wheretragic circumstances and events
happen all the time tonon-believers and believers in
(10:40):
Jesus Christ alike.
So how can we, as believers inJesus Christ, notice the
blessings when unjust and unfaircircumstances happen?
In my book Unstuck, moving fromResentment to Resilience While
Living with Dystonia, I sharepractical ways to do this.
(11:03):
For example, I made a list ofthings I can do and control in
my life and a list of things I'mnot able to do or out of my
control, and since writing thisbook, I continue to find things
that I can accomplish on my own,all while living with a
disability, and the I can listkeeps growing.
(11:25):
Like answering these questionstook many days to think about
and type out.
If I chose to focus on what I'munable to do in my life, these
questions wouldn't have gottenanswered.
We can still live an abundantlife, even when circumstances
don't align with what we thoughtour lives would look like.
(11:48):
Trust me, it is possible.
I lived with my parents for 12years after I graduated high
school and I didn't ever thinkI'd be living the life I am
today living life as independentas possible and freedom from
the self-loathing thoughts andlies I once believed.
Speaker 1 (12:10):
Wow, I'm just soaking this in and I don't know if you
can hear in the background.
There's a tornado siren goingoff with my dog, so hopefully
you guys can still hear this.
Thank you, abigail, for goingdeeper, and I hope that you guys
are catching a lot of whatshe's saying here, because, gosh
, we need to really pull backsometimes and just see the
(12:32):
blessings, even if we're walkingthrough really hard
circumstances.
I know everybody does.
Um, it just looks different foreverybody, right?
So you also talk about thepower of transforming your
thinking.
How did you shift your mindsetfrom resentment to resilience
and I love that word, resilience.
Speaker 2 (12:55):
I wrote this book because I found myself stuck in
resentment In many areas of mylife.
I struggled seeing that atfirst, when I was writing the
book, I think I cried the mostwriting chapters one, three and
six.
Just when I thought I couldn'tcry anymore, I would start to
cry again.
These chapters were hard towrite because I knew I struggled
(13:18):
with blaming others, speakingtruth to myself and well, I
struggle with comparison andcomplaining, so I had to write.
From my experience living withdystonia, I know I'm not the
only one who struggles withthese things.
Everyone, whether they want toadmit it or not, struggles with
(13:38):
resentment in some area of theirlife.
I will say it's not a veryenjoyable topic to look into
when you are struggling with it,but if you get alone with the
Lord, he will show you what youneed to correct in your life.
The purpose of Unstuck is toreach people who feel stuck
either emotionally, physicallyor spiritually and invite them
(14:00):
to move towards resilience inthe Lord.
My Christian life coach taughtme the thought model, which is a
very interesting tool to usewhen you are journaling.
I don't know if you arefamiliar with the thought model,
which is a very interestingtool to use when you are
journaling.
I don't know if you arefamiliar with the thought model
or not, but it starts with aspecific circumstance in your
life.
For example, I remember onetime my circumstance was staying
(14:23):
at home on Friday nights and mythought about that circumstance
at the time was I'm stuck, andmy feeling about that thought
was disappointed and my actionswere annoyed with my parents,
stayed in my room and didn'tspend time with my parents.
So guess what my result was?
It's so funny and profound atthe same time.
(14:46):
My result was I'm stuck at home.
Yes, what I just walked youthrough was an unintentional
thought model, but there's alsoan intentional thought model and
this time you have to pick adifferent thought, a thought
that seems doable about thecircumstance, and you go through
the same process.
You choose how you feel whenyou think a certain thought,
(15:08):
then feelings produce actionsand then you get your result.
As I mentioned in the book, ittook me a while to really figure
out what I was feeling.
My life coach was so patientwith me.
I was frustrated most sessions.
The thought model didn't makesense to me at first.
It might have been because Iwas so bogged down with thoughts
(15:30):
about what others could dofaster, easier and better than I
could.
I had to retrain my brain andlearn to think good and lovely
thoughts again, which took time,but it was time well spent.
I also do brain dumps.
Those help me so much too.
There's something aboutphysically writing down my
thoughts that just helps me feelbetter.
A lot of times my thoughts makeme feel heavy, but when I type
(15:53):
them out or write them out Ifeel refreshed.
Speaker 1 (15:58):
Yeah, listeners, I really want you to grab some of
these tools that Abigail issharing with us.
I'm aware of the thought modelit's.
It took me a little while tofigure out as well, and it's
still very challenging at timesoh my gosh, really being
intentional with our thoughtsand taking our thoughts captive.
So so there are tools out there.
You can even Google the thoughtmodel.
(16:19):
It's prevalent out there in theworld.
And then also the brain dump.
I'm sure some of you have heardabout the brain dumps before and
just seeing it on paper, youknow, getting it out and like
visually seeing what ourthoughts are, we can really
question it.
And I'm so thankful you have aChristian life coach, because
I'm also a Christian life coachand it's such a blessing to come
(16:40):
alongside people to help themLike your book title, you know
get unstuck and to live thatabundant life right.
So I hope I'm glad that thetornado sirens have ended.
I don't know why they're on,but we're safe here.
So one of the themes in yourbook is about learning to speak
truth to yourself.
What were some of the mostchallenging truths you had to
(17:03):
face in your own journey?
Speaker 2 (17:08):
As I mentioned, writing about speaking truth to
myself was one of the hardestchapters to write.
I struggled with negativeself-talk for 14 years and would
beat myself up mentally Like Itell myself you are slow at
typing or you are horrible atspelling, and I had become very
(17:29):
comfortable in the rut that Ihad made in my mind and I blamed
whatever I was struggling withat the time on dystonia.
I had become good at putting ona smile and acting like
everything was fine when I knewdeep down things were not fine.
What I have learned throughthis process is there are
several things I can't controlin my life living with a
(17:52):
disability, but there is onething I can control and that's
how I think about not onlymyself, but also circumstances,
people in my life and God.
You may have struggled withthoughts like I did and felt
ashamed and hopeless.
You may think you can nevertransform your thinking from
(18:15):
negative self-talk.
For now, your first step may beto share these unhelpful
thoughts with one person youtrust.
You become courageous withyourself when you bring what
you've been thinking into thelight.
And when you become courageouswith yourself, you will start
being kind to yourself.
Speaker 1 (18:33):
That is a word worth repeating.
I just wanted to say what shejust spoke again you become
courageous with yourself whenyou bring what you've been
thinking into the light.
And when you become courageouswith yourself, you will start
being kind to yourself.
That is a huge key right there,abigail.
Thank you so much for sharingthat.
(18:53):
Living with a disability likedystonia presents many physical
and emotional challenges.
How did you find strengthduring difficult days and how
has your faith played a role inthat?
Speaker 2 (19:08):
Obviously, the experiences surrounding dystonia
have been life changing, butthe most important event
happened when I accepted Jesusas my Savior at the age of seven
.
At a kid's event at church.
I prayed in my heart as my momprayed out loud.
That day, I entered into arelationship with Jesus.
(19:31):
It's the best decision I'vemade in my life.
The Lord has been so faithful.
I have asked the Lord manyquestions growing up about why
he allowed dystonia in my lifeand, even though I may not
understand why he allowed thiscondition in my life, I am
thankful that I can trust Jesusand that our relationship
(19:56):
continues to grow each day.
Worship, music and listening toBible teaching and inspiring
podcasts and speakers kept myfocus on Jesus and has helped me
keep going.
Speaker 1 (20:10):
Yes, incredible, those are huge keys for everyone
.
Definitely, those are huge keysfor everyone.
Definitely, I prescribedworships to somebody today.
Speaker 2 (20:21):
It's a weapon right.
Speaker 1 (20:22):
It's been like an IV for me, even this last month
where I've been dealing with alot of circumstances that have
come my way and I'm literallyhooked up to an IV of the Bible
and worship music to keep going,and that is such a word Like
that is my favorite phrase iskeep going to others and that
word just to speak over yourselflike we have to keep going.
(20:43):
There's no new turns right.
So phrases for being saved atseven.
That is so incredible.
So you shared a powerful storyabout the support you received
when you had a difficult fall inpublic.
How did that experience impactyour understanding of community
and support?
Speaker 2 (21:06):
In chapter two of my book, I share this story about
how I had fallen really hard inthe crowded lobby at church and
when I fell, people around mequickly helped me up.
While it's not pleasant to fallin public, I am thankful I had
(21:26):
people who cared to stop andhelp.
We all need people to stop andhelp us when we physically fall,
but we also need people to helpus when we spiritually fall.
When we spiritually fall, it'snot as noticeable as when we
physically fall.
We can hide our spiritual falls.
On the days when we descendinto frustration or
(21:49):
disappointment, people will notknow to run over and apply
bandages to our hidden heartwounds, to run over and apply
bandages to our hidden heartwounds.
It's important to be around achurch family who can encourage
and support you and who you canalso encourage and support.
Speaker 1 (22:08):
Yes, yeah, we are not called to do this life alone,
right?
I'm so thankful that you haveamazing people in your corner,
like I'm always talking aboutthat, like you need people in
your corner because you're goingto go out there in the fight
like in a boxing ring and we'regoing to get beat up sometimes
and we need somebody who's goingto help point us back to the
(22:29):
Lord, right?
So throughout the book youreflect on the concept of being
seen by God and by others.
Can you talk more about themoments when you felt truly seen
and how that affected yoursense of purpose?
Speaker 2 (22:49):
There are several stories in my book, unstuck,
that I share about feeling seenand known.
I encourage your listeners topurchase Unstuck online at
Barnes and Noble or Books AMillion.
You can also find the links tomy book on my Facebook and
Instagram pages at Abigail BrownWrites.
(23:13):
One of my favorite stories inthe book is a story that
happened while I was writingthis book.
I remember this story like itwas yesterday.
It was after the service Sundaymorning.
I was standing off in the lobbyof the church telling people
(23:33):
goodbye as they leave.
As I'm waving and huggingpeople by, this sweet, soft-eyed
truck driver in a light tansuit walks up and asks in the
gentlest and kindest voice Can Ipray for you?
Before I even give him a thumbsup, he placed his hand gently
(23:53):
on my left shoulder and startedpraying loud enough so I could
just hear.
As he was praying, I felt myface get flushed and tears
started rolling down my cheeks.
He prayed God.
I thank you for giving MissAbby the strength to get up and
come to church today.
While we as a church family maynever know what she goes
(24:15):
through to be here, you do giveher strength for this week and
bless her in all she does.
It's times like these when Ican't help but feel seen, known
and loved by God.
It's in the simple moments ofeveryday life when I remember
what the Lord has brought methrough, and it helps me depend
(24:38):
on Him even more.
Speaker 1 (24:40):
Oh, my gosh, my heart is like bursting.
I'm just visualizing this sweetman coming over to pray over
you and it's you know thosemoments where maybe we don't
feel seen and somebody comes upand it's like Jesus with you
know he's in an earth suit again.
Right, we have to really be.
(25:03):
I don't know about you, but Ihave to be very intentional to
see him in all the details everysingle day.
He in all the details, likeevery single one, and we are all
seen.
He created us right, but wehave, as, as you know, humans we
have a tendency to to feelunseen at times, and it it's, I
(25:24):
mean, we all go through that,but this moment that you were
able to, just you know it, I'msure it was just a catalyst for
you know your life, which isincredible.
So, um, my last, um you know,question here is could you share
one piece of advice with otherswho are facing their own
challenges?
(25:45):
Um, and what would that be andhow can they apply in their
journey to becoming unstuck?
Speaker 2 (25:53):
that be, and how can they apply in their journey to
becoming unstuck, to thosefacing uncertainty and anxiety
in your life?
Remember that sometimes theinward screams that can't be
heard by anyone are welcomed bythe only one who can take it and
doesn't abandon you.
So, while it may seem like he'snot listening or paying
(26:16):
attention, he is very aware ofwhat's happening in your life.
The Bible is filled with goodpromises, like Deuteronomy 31, 6
, which says Be strong and ofgood courage.
Do not fear, nor be afraid ofthem, for the lord, your god, he
(26:37):
is the one who goes with you.
He will not leave you norforsake you.
That promise, along with allthe rest, will continue to be
true until the Lord returns, anduntil he does, he sends his
presence to comfort us when lifedoesn't make sense.
Speaker 1 (26:58):
Yes, that verse.
You know there's how manyverses in the Bible about not
fearing, and he knew that wewould have moments of fear and
he knows that we need you know,I like to say that IV of hope.
We also need that IV of courageevery day.
I love what you said when yousaid that you know we have the
(27:21):
inward screams that can't beheard by anyone, but they're
welcomed by the one who can takeit and he won't abandon us.
I mean, I just really wantsomebody to grab that today.
I know somebody is reallygrabbing hold of that, so, gosh,
I wish we could keep going.
I'll have to have you back onanother time, but as we wrap up,
(27:44):
I'd love for you to think ofthe one who's listening in right
now, facing their ownchallenges and what would you
like to speak over them today?
Speaker 2 (27:52):
and then would you pray us out to the woman who
feels stuck in an unexpected orunfair situation.
I want to speak this over youtoday you are not forgotten.
You are not forgotten.
You are not disqualified.
You are not alone.
(28:14):
You are known and loved by God.
You are precious in his sight.
Even in this detour, god's hand, his deepest work in you.
You may not have chosen thispath, but he is still walking it
(28:34):
with you, redeeming, restoringand preparing something
beautiful from the ashes.
You don't have to have all theanswers, you just need to hold
on to the one who does.
Let's pray Jesus.
Today.
I lift up every woman who findsherself living a life she didn't
(28:56):
expect, whether because of loss, illness, disappointment or
delay.
Lord, she may feel stuck, wearyor unsure of the next step, but
you see her.
You know her heart, her painand her desire for more.
I ask that you meet her rightwhere she is.
(29:17):
Surround her with your peace,the kind that quiets anxious
thoughts and reminds her thatshe's not alone.
Infuse her with divine strengthand unshakable hope.
Let her know that, even in thisseason, her life still holds
purpose and promise.
Restore what's been broken,renew what's grown weary,
(29:40):
rekindle what feels lost andremind her that her identity is
not rooted in her circumstance,but in you, in Jesus' name amen.
Speaker 1 (29:53):
Wow.
Well, abigail, I was definitelyone of the ones today.
So thank you for that word forthe prayer.
I'm actually, whenever I dopodcast episodes and sometimes
when I'm doing group coaching orZooms, just in general, I love
like shirts with words andsweatshirts with words, and
today it's the words from thesong Gratitude by Brandon Lake,
(30:18):
and the part where it saysyou've got a line inside of
those lungs, so get up andpraise the Lord.
And I just want to, like, Ijust felt that over you, that
there's, you've got such a roargirl over you, that there's,
you've got such a roar girl.
You're like, your words arelike prolific, and I just want
to, you know, just say keepgoing to you as well.
So, thank you for being a bravevoice.
(30:41):
Who's setting so many free?
I will add Abigail's contactinfo to the show notes.
You can definitely pick up herbook, go to her social media.
I cannot wait for you guys toread her book.
It is amazing.
So I'm going to close with theanchoring verse for Hope,
unlocked it is.
May the God of hope fill youwith all joy and peace in
(31:06):
believing, so that, by the powerof the Holy Spirit, you may
abound in hope, and that'sRomans 15, 13.
So thank you for tuning inlisteners.
I will be back with anotherepisode next week and thank you
again, abigail, for coming onthe show.
Blessings, thank you.
Welcome to the Hope Unlocked podcast.
I'm your host, kristen Kurtz,and I'm also the founder of New
Wings Coaching.
I help and empower wildheartedand adventurous women of faith
feeling caged and stuck, unlocktheir true purpose and potential
, break free from limitationsand thrive with confidence,
courage and hope.
If you're curious to learn moreabout coaching with me, head to
newwingscoachingnet and be sureto explore the show notes for
(00:38):
ways to connect with me further.
Get ready to dive in as weuncover empowering keys and
insights in this episode.
So tune in and let's unlockhope together.
Welcome to the Hope Unlockedpodcast.
I'm Kristen Kurtz, your host.
I pray this episode is like aholy IV of hope for your soul.
Please help me.
Welcome Abigail Brown to theshow.
(00:59):
I am so thrilled to have herhere with us today.
I would love for you to tell usmore about yourself and how
your story began, and could youshare with us how your life
journey started, especially withthe challenges you faced early
on?
Speaker 2 (01:17):
Kristen, thank you for having me on your podcast to
share my story with youraudience.
As Kristen said, my name isAbigail Brown and I have been
living with a condition calleddystonia for 29 years.
This condition has changed notonly my life, but also changed
(01:42):
my family's lives and outlook ondisability.
It was at age three when Ibegan suffering from the effects
of an undiagnosed case of RockyMountain Spotted Fever.
My parents rushed me to thenearest hospital.
There I was in a drug-inducedcoma for a week.
(02:02):
When I began to wake up, mymuscles were tight, with my arms
pulled up to my body.
My legs were rigid.
I could not move, could nottalk, swallow, eat, turn over or
even scratch.
My parents told me I cried andscreamed constantly.
A feeding tube was put in placeand screamed constantly.
(02:26):
A feeding tube was put in place.
Then I was transferred to arehabilitation center.
While in rehab, my speech andlanguage pathologist was talking
to me about the alphabet blocks.
She was lining up on the floorin front of my wheelchair.
She asked me my name and age.
My arms were still drawn up tomy chest, but with my left foot
and great effort anddetermination, I pointed to the
(02:49):
letters, slowly spelling out myname, names and I spelled them
all.
My cognitive abilities wereundamaged.
My parents were ecstatic andhopeful about the future.
(03:13):
When I was five years old, myparents discovered that the
brain trauma I experienced ledto the development of dystonia,
a condition which causes musclesto tighten and the body to
contort in different ways.
There is no cure for dystonia,though I have undergone numerous
(03:36):
surgeries and procedures toalleviate some of the more
painful and debilitatingsymptoms.
I grew up learning tocommunicate with others with
several different communicationdevices throughout the years.
I'm very thankful for theprogress of technology in my
(03:57):
life.
I am talking to you today withan app on my phone.
As of today, I am an author andspeaker.
I encourage women who live withdystonia and other disabilities
and plant seeds of hope andresilient hearts, believing that
even in the quietest places,god is planting purpose and
(04:18):
preparing a harvest of joy.
Speaker 1 (04:24):
Yes, thank you so much for sharing about this.
I know that you are an authorand you mentioned that there was
a pivotal moment where you werediagnosed with dystonia, and
how did you process that news asa young child?
Speaker 2 (04:41):
I really don't have many memories about being in the
hospital or going to physical,occupational and speech therapy
at ages 3 through 5, which canbe quite us laugh and asking
curious questions.
We all know toddlers those ages, and my heart would break if
(05:10):
the little girls and boys I knowgrew up not being able to run
around with their friends orlearn how to communicate in a
different way than they onceknew how to do with their mouths
, knew how to do with theirmouths.
That being said, I'm glad thatI don't remember the memories of
(05:30):
getting sick and being in thehospital.
At that age I went from a veryactive and talkative little girl
to being a little girl whowatched others do things I
couldn't anymore, but I alsobecame very determined to
relearn how to walk, feed myselfand do other daily tasks.
It of course took time, andwhile I don't remember my
(05:53):
parents explaining to me whathappened and why I couldn't talk
with my mouth anymore, I knowthey did.
I remember the first time itactually clicked that I lived
with a disability.
It was the first week of secondgrade.
I was in a regular classroomwith all my peers and each year
at the beginning of the schoolyear, my mom would come in my
(06:16):
class and explain to the kidswhat happened and how I
communicated and answered thekids questions.
I think it made the differenceas I started to make friends
with other kids.
Speaker 1 (06:31):
Wow, your mom sounds incredible and obviously it
sounds like the role of yourfamily was incredible in your
healing process.
How did they support you duringthose early years?
Speaker 2 (06:43):
Yeah, I believe I'm still in the healing process as
a 32-year-old woman living witha disability, because I'll
probably grieve over certainaspects of living with dystonia.
There was a period of time whenI turned 16 and into my late
20s I was very depressed Aroundthe day that I formally used to
(07:07):
look at the day I wasmisdiagnosed, that I formerly
used to look at the day I wasmisdiagnosed.
It was like clockwork and Ireally didn't know why I was
getting depressed and sad or howto communicate it very well.
As I got emotional, it wasfrustrating and exhausting for
both sides of the conversationas I would type out what I was
feeling as I cried, but it wasalso hard for my parents to
(07:32):
listen and wait.
I didn't know that every year Iwas grieving over my life with
dystonia.
In fact, before I met my editor, my working title for my book
was misdiagnosed Living a Life INever Expected.
Misdiagnosed living a life Inever expected.
(07:56):
That title right there,basically sums up the season of
life I just told you about.
That was my perspective on howI really thought and felt about
dystonia.
While it's true I wasmisdiagnosed, thinking about it
every single year wasn't helpful.
I wasn't aware how miserable itmade me.
I was so fixated on beingmisdiagnosed that I took for
(08:17):
granted that I was still living.
My parents let me express myfrustrations with dystonia, but
they also taught me to controlmy emotions and outbursts of
crying.
Looking back, I know that myparents and older sister had to
also be grieving thiscircumstance in different
(08:40):
aspects, because it did cause alot of change.
It's only been about four orfive years now since I've been
learning to really understandthat my thoughts affect my
feelings and I'm still learningto better communicate my
thoughts and feelings withothers.
Communication is important andit does take effort for people
(09:04):
who talk verbally and people whotalk using a different mode of
communication, like acommunication device.
It just may take us a minute totype out what we want to say,
but we do have thoughts, ideasand feelings, just like everyone
else.
Speaker 1 (09:22):
Yes, wow, abigail, thank you for sharing this part
of your life and your family andthe ways that they supported
you.
You do have a book which isamazing, and I can't wait for
you to tell us more about thatand I'll be sharing it in the
show notes.
But in the book you discuss theimportance of noticing
blessings.
Could you elaborate on some ofthe blessings you've discovered
(09:45):
through your struggles withdystonia?
Speaker 2 (09:55):
goals with dystonia.
First, let me just say I'm notsaying that you have to look at
your disability or the hardcircumstance you are going
through as a blessing.
I grew up thinking this lie andthought that I had to look at
what god allowed in my life assomething I enjoyed experiencing
.
My view of God was skewedbecause when we look at Jesus in
the Gospels, we see that he isclose to the brokenhearted and
(10:20):
cares very much for peopleliving with disability.
He actually sought out somepeople who lived with
disabilities in that time, likethe lame man and blind man.
We live in a fallen world wheretragic circumstances and events
happen all the time tonon-believers and believers in
(10:40):
Jesus Christ alike.
So how can we, as believers inJesus Christ, notice the
blessings when unjust and unfaircircumstances happen?
In my book Unstuck, moving fromResentment to Resilience While
Living with Dystonia, I sharepractical ways to do this.
(11:03):
For example, I made a list ofthings I can do and control in
my life and a list of things I'mnot able to do or out of my
control, and since writing thisbook, I continue to find things
that I can accomplish on my own,all while living with a
disability, and the I can listkeeps growing.
(11:25):
Like answering these questionstook many days to think about
and type out.
If I chose to focus on what I'munable to do in my life, these
questions wouldn't have gottenanswered.
We can still live an abundantlife, even when circumstances
don't align with what we thoughtour lives would look like.
(11:48):
Trust me, it is possible.
I lived with my parents for 12years after I graduated high
school and I didn't ever thinkI'd be living the life I am
today living life as independentas possible and freedom from
the self-loathing thoughts andlies I once believed.
Speaker 1 (12:10):
Wow, I'm just soaking this in and I don't know if you
can hear in the background.
There's a tornado siren goingoff with my dog, so hopefully
you guys can still hear this.
Thank you, abigail, for goingdeeper, and I hope that you guys
are catching a lot of whatshe's saying here, because, gosh
, we need to really pull backsometimes and just see the
(12:32):
blessings, even if we're walkingthrough really hard
circumstances.
I know everybody does.
Um, it just looks different foreverybody, right?
So you also talk about thepower of transforming your
thinking.
How did you shift your mindsetfrom resentment to resilience
and I love that word, resilience.
Speaker 2 (12:55):
I wrote this book because I found myself stuck in
resentment In many areas of mylife.
I struggled seeing that atfirst, when I was writing the
book, I think I cried the mostwriting chapters one, three and
six.
Just when I thought I couldn'tcry anymore, I would start to
cry again.
These chapters were hard towrite because I knew I struggled
(13:18):
with blaming others, speakingtruth to myself and well, I
struggle with comparison andcomplaining, so I had to write.
From my experience living withdystonia, I know I'm not the
only one who struggles withthese things.
Everyone, whether they want toadmit it or not, struggles with
(13:38):
resentment in some area of theirlife.
I will say it's not a veryenjoyable topic to look into
when you are struggling with it,but if you get alone with the
Lord, he will show you what youneed to correct in your life.
The purpose of Unstuck is toreach people who feel stuck
either emotionally, physicallyor spiritually and invite them
(14:00):
to move towards resilience inthe Lord.
My Christian life coach taughtme the thought model, which is a
very interesting tool to usewhen you are journaling.
I don't know if you arefamiliar with the thought model,
which is a very interestingtool to use when you are
journaling.
I don't know if you arefamiliar with the thought model
or not, but it starts with aspecific circumstance in your
life.
For example, I remember onetime my circumstance was staying
(14:23):
at home on Friday nights and mythought about that circumstance
at the time was I'm stuck, andmy feeling about that thought
was disappointed and my actionswere annoyed with my parents,
stayed in my room and didn'tspend time with my parents.
So guess what my result was?
It's so funny and profound atthe same time.
(14:46):
My result was I'm stuck at home.
Yes, what I just walked youthrough was an unintentional
thought model, but there's alsoan intentional thought model and
this time you have to pick adifferent thought, a thought
that seems doable about thecircumstance, and you go through
the same process.
You choose how you feel whenyou think a certain thought,
(15:08):
then feelings produce actionsand then you get your result.
As I mentioned in the book, ittook me a while to really figure
out what I was feeling.
My life coach was so patientwith me.
I was frustrated most sessions.
The thought model didn't makesense to me at first.
It might have been because Iwas so bogged down with thoughts
(15:30):
about what others could dofaster, easier and better than I
could.
I had to retrain my brain andlearn to think good and lovely
thoughts again, which took time,but it was time well spent.
I also do brain dumps.
Those help me so much too.
There's something aboutphysically writing down my
thoughts that just helps me feelbetter.
A lot of times my thoughts makeme feel heavy, but when I type
(15:53):
them out or write them out Ifeel refreshed.
Speaker 1 (15:58):
Yeah, listeners, I really want you to grab some of
these tools that Abigail issharing with us.
I'm aware of the thought modelit's.
It took me a little while tofigure out as well, and it's
still very challenging at timesoh my gosh, really being
intentional with our thoughtsand taking our thoughts captive.
So so there are tools out there.
You can even Google the thoughtmodel.
(16:19):
It's prevalent out there in theworld.
And then also the brain dump.
I'm sure some of you have heardabout the brain dumps before and
just seeing it on paper, youknow, getting it out and like
visually seeing what ourthoughts are, we can really
question it.
And I'm so thankful you have aChristian life coach, because
I'm also a Christian life coachand it's such a blessing to come
(16:40):
alongside people to help themLike your book title, you know
get unstuck and to live thatabundant life right.
So I hope I'm glad that thetornado sirens have ended.
I don't know why they're on,but we're safe here.
So one of the themes in yourbook is about learning to speak
truth to yourself.
What were some of the mostchallenging truths you had to
(17:03):
face in your own journey?
Speaker 2 (17:08):
As I mentioned, writing about speaking truth to
myself was one of the hardestchapters to write.
I struggled with negativeself-talk for 14 years and would
beat myself up mentally Like Itell myself you are slow at
typing or you are horrible atspelling, and I had become very
(17:29):
comfortable in the rut that Ihad made in my mind and I blamed
whatever I was struggling withat the time on dystonia.
I had become good at putting ona smile and acting like
everything was fine when I knewdeep down things were not fine.
What I have learned throughthis process is there are
several things I can't controlin my life living with a
(17:52):
disability, but there is onething I can control and that's
how I think about not onlymyself, but also circumstances,
people in my life and God.
You may have struggled withthoughts like I did and felt
ashamed and hopeless.
You may think you can nevertransform your thinking from
(18:15):
negative self-talk.
For now, your first step may beto share these unhelpful
thoughts with one person youtrust.
You become courageous withyourself when you bring what
you've been thinking into thelight.
And when you become courageouswith yourself, you will start
being kind to yourself.
Speaker 1 (18:33):
That is a word worth repeating.
I just wanted to say what shejust spoke again you become
courageous with yourself whenyou bring what you've been
thinking into the light.
And when you become courageouswith yourself, you will start
being kind to yourself.
That is a huge key right there,abigail.
Thank you so much for sharingthat.
(18:53):
Living with a disability likedystonia presents many physical
and emotional challenges.
How did you find strengthduring difficult days and how
has your faith played a role inthat?
Speaker 2 (19:08):
Obviously, the experiences surrounding dystonia
have been life changing, butthe most important event
happened when I accepted Jesusas my Savior at the age of seven
.
At a kid's event at church.
I prayed in my heart as my momprayed out loud.
That day, I entered into arelationship with Jesus.
(19:31):
It's the best decision I'vemade in my life.
The Lord has been so faithful.
I have asked the Lord manyquestions growing up about why
he allowed dystonia in my lifeand, even though I may not
understand why he allowed thiscondition in my life, I am
thankful that I can trust Jesusand that our relationship
(19:56):
continues to grow each day.
Worship, music and listening toBible teaching and inspiring
podcasts and speakers kept myfocus on Jesus and has helped me
keep going.
Speaker 1 (20:10):
Yes, incredible, those are huge keys for everyone
.
Definitely, those are huge keysfor everyone.
Definitely, I prescribedworships to somebody today.
Speaker 2 (20:21):
It's a weapon right.
Speaker 1 (20:22):
It's been like an IV for me, even this last month
where I've been dealing with alot of circumstances that have
come my way and I'm literallyhooked up to an IV of the Bible
and worship music to keep going,and that is such a word Like
that is my favorite phrase iskeep going to others and that
word just to speak over yourselflike we have to keep going.
(20:43):
There's no new turns right.
So phrases for being saved atseven.
That is so incredible.
So you shared a powerful storyabout the support you received
when you had a difficult fall inpublic.
How did that experience impactyour understanding of community
and support?
Speaker 2 (21:06):
In chapter two of my book, I share this story about
how I had fallen really hard inthe crowded lobby at church and
when I fell, people around mequickly helped me up.
While it's not pleasant to fallin public, I am thankful I had
(21:26):
people who cared to stop andhelp.
We all need people to stop andhelp us when we physically fall,
but we also need people to helpus when we spiritually fall.
When we spiritually fall, it'snot as noticeable as when we
physically fall.
We can hide our spiritual falls.
On the days when we descendinto frustration or
(21:49):
disappointment, people will notknow to run over and apply
bandages to our hidden heartwounds, to run over and apply
bandages to our hidden heartwounds.
It's important to be around achurch family who can encourage
and support you and who you canalso encourage and support.
Speaker 1 (22:08):
Yes, yeah, we are not called to do this life alone,
right?
I'm so thankful that you haveamazing people in your corner,
like I'm always talking aboutthat, like you need people in
your corner because you're goingto go out there in the fight
like in a boxing ring and we'regoing to get beat up sometimes
and we need somebody who's goingto help point us back to the
(22:29):
Lord, right?
So throughout the book youreflect on the concept of being
seen by God and by others.
Can you talk more about themoments when you felt truly seen
and how that affected yoursense of purpose?
Speaker 2 (22:49):
There are several stories in my book, unstuck,
that I share about feeling seenand known.
I encourage your listeners topurchase Unstuck online at
Barnes and Noble or Books AMillion.
You can also find the links tomy book on my Facebook and
Instagram pages at Abigail BrownWrites.
(23:13):
One of my favorite stories inthe book is a story that
happened while I was writingthis book.
I remember this story like itwas yesterday.
It was after the service Sundaymorning.
I was standing off in the lobbyof the church telling people
(23:33):
goodbye as they leave.
As I'm waving and huggingpeople by, this sweet, soft-eyed
truck driver in a light tansuit walks up and asks in the
gentlest and kindest voice Can Ipray for you?
Before I even give him a thumbsup, he placed his hand gently
(23:53):
on my left shoulder and startedpraying loud enough so I could
just hear.
As he was praying, I felt myface get flushed and tears
started rolling down my cheeks.
He prayed God.
I thank you for giving MissAbby the strength to get up and
come to church today.
While we as a church family maynever know what she goes
(24:15):
through to be here, you do giveher strength for this week and
bless her in all she does.
It's times like these when Ican't help but feel seen, known
and loved by God.
It's in the simple moments ofeveryday life when I remember
what the Lord has brought methrough, and it helps me depend
(24:38):
on Him even more.
Speaker 1 (24:40):
Oh, my gosh, my heart is like bursting.
I'm just visualizing this sweetman coming over to pray over
you and it's you know thosemoments where maybe we don't
feel seen and somebody comes upand it's like Jesus with you
know he's in an earth suit again.
Right, we have to really be.
(25:03):
I don't know about you, but Ihave to be very intentional to
see him in all the details everysingle day.
He in all the details, likeevery single one, and we are all
seen.
He created us right, but wehave, as, as you know, humans we
have a tendency to to feelunseen at times, and it it's, I
(25:24):
mean, we all go through that,but this moment that you were
able to, just you know it, I'msure it was just a catalyst for
you know your life, which isincredible.
So, um, my last, um you know,question here is could you share
one piece of advice with otherswho are facing their own
challenges?
(25:45):
Um, and what would that be andhow can they apply in their
journey to becoming unstuck?
Speaker 2 (25:53):
that be, and how can they apply in their journey to
becoming unstuck, to thosefacing uncertainty and anxiety
in your life?
Remember that sometimes theinward screams that can't be
heard by anyone are welcomed bythe only one who can take it and
doesn't abandon you.
So, while it may seem like he'snot listening or paying
(26:16):
attention, he is very aware ofwhat's happening in your life.
The Bible is filled with goodpromises, like Deuteronomy 31, 6
, which says Be strong and ofgood courage.
Do not fear, nor be afraid ofthem, for the lord, your god, he
(26:37):
is the one who goes with you.
He will not leave you norforsake you.
That promise, along with allthe rest, will continue to be
true until the Lord returns, anduntil he does, he sends his
presence to comfort us when lifedoesn't make sense.
Speaker 1 (26:58):
Yes, that verse.
You know there's how manyverses in the Bible about not
fearing, and he knew that wewould have moments of fear and
he knows that we need you know,I like to say that IV of hope.
We also need that IV of courageevery day.
I love what you said when yousaid that you know we have the
(27:21):
inward screams that can't beheard by anyone, but they're
welcomed by the one who can takeit and he won't abandon us.
I mean, I just really wantsomebody to grab that today.
I know somebody is reallygrabbing hold of that, so, gosh,
I wish we could keep going.
I'll have to have you back onanother time, but as we wrap up,
(27:44):
I'd love for you to think ofthe one who's listening in right
now, facing their ownchallenges and what would you
like to speak over them today?
Speaker 2 (27:52):
and then would you pray us out to the woman who
feels stuck in an unexpected orunfair situation.
I want to speak this over youtoday you are not forgotten.
You are not forgotten.
You are not disqualified.
You are not alone.
(28:14):
You are known and loved by God.
You are precious in his sight.
Even in this detour, god's hand, his deepest work in you.
You may not have chosen thispath, but he is still walking it
(28:34):
with you, redeeming, restoringand preparing something
beautiful from the ashes.
You don't have to have all theanswers, you just need to hold
on to the one who does.
Let's pray Jesus.
Today.
I lift up every woman who findsherself living a life she didn't
(28:56):
expect, whether because of loss, illness, disappointment or
delay.
Lord, she may feel stuck, wearyor unsure of the next step, but
you see her.
You know her heart, her painand her desire for more.
I ask that you meet her rightwhere she is.
(29:17):
Surround her with your peace,the kind that quiets anxious
thoughts and reminds her thatshe's not alone.
Infuse her with divine strengthand unshakable hope.
Let her know that, even in thisseason, her life still holds
purpose and promise.
Restore what's been broken,renew what's grown weary,
(29:40):
rekindle what feels lost andremind her that her identity is
not rooted in her circumstance,but in you, in Jesus' name amen.
Speaker 1 (29:53):
Wow.
Well, abigail, I was definitelyone of the ones today.
So thank you for that word forthe prayer.
I'm actually, whenever I dopodcast episodes and sometimes
when I'm doing group coaching orZooms, just in general, I love
like shirts with words andsweatshirts with words, and
today it's the words from thesong Gratitude by Brandon Lake,
(30:18):
and the part where it saysyou've got a line inside of
those lungs, so get up andpraise the Lord.
And I just want to, like, Ijust felt that over you, that
there's, you've got such a roargirl over you, that there's,
you've got such a roar girl.
You're like, your words arelike prolific, and I just want
to, you know, just say keepgoing to you as well.
So, thank you for being a bravevoice.
(30:41):
Who's setting so many free?
I will add Abigail's contactinfo to the show notes.
You can definitely pick up herbook, go to her social media.
I cannot wait for you guys toread her book.
It is amazing.
So I'm going to close with theanchoring verse for Hope,
unlocked it is.
May the God of hope fill youwith all joy and peace in
(31:06):
believing, so that, by the powerof the Holy Spirit, you may
abound in hope, and that'sRomans 15, 13.
So thank you for tuning inlisteners.
I will be back with anotherepisode next week and thank you
again, abigail, for coming onthe show.
Blessings, thank you.
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