How Can I Say This...

How Can I Say This...

The “How Can I Say This…” podcast offers tips and advice for interpersonal communications challenges, such as difficult conversations, conflict, giving and receiving feedback, negotiating, and other situations where what you say and how you say it makes all the difference. Your host is Beth Buelow, PCC, founder of ZOPA Consulting and author of “The Introvert Entrepreneur: Amplify Your Strengths and Create Success on Your Own Terms.” Beth’s credentialed professional coach and trained mediator. She loves finding the “Zone of Possible Agreement” (ZOPA!) in any situation that comes her way. She hosted The Introvert Entrepreneur Podcast from 2010-2018. In every episode of "How Can I Say This...", you’ll find ideas about how to handle your communication conundrums; tips on feeling more confident and comfortable with conflict; opportunities to learn from real-life situations through questions shared by listeners; and ultimately, gain skills and techniques for dealing with sticky situations at work and home. Of course, we can’t be all talk and no action; each show will end with an invitation to try a particular technique or approach that came up in the episode. Episodes will feature a mixture of commentary, listener questions, and expert guest interviews and contributions. The scope of conversation will evolve over time… we’re open to seeing where this goes. Thanks for joining us on the journey! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.... Show More

Episodes

June 4, 2020 32 min

A coaching client recently reminded me of a truth that’s easy to forget: if you want to have a great conversation with someone, focus on trying to be interested, rather than interesting. And how do we demonstrate interest? We ask questions. But there’s more to it than that, and not all questions are created equal. Our question this episode: how can we use curiosity to make more meaningful connections with others? 


My guest is Marcia...

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As life in the pandemic continues, our capacity for empathy and connection can come and go. Sometimes it’s easy to be present for our loved ones, and other times, we need space and just to be left alone. Asking for what we need and having boundaries can be challenging enough during non-stressful times, but add a pandemic and all that comes with it into the mix? Things get more complicated.


Our question this episode: how can we take ...

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We all know that our physical surroundings influence our mood and ability to focus. But do we fully appreciate how much they affect our communication? How a room is arranged, what’s in the space, and how welcoming it is all contribute – or detract – from being able to have productive conversations. Our question this episode: what does our physical space have to do with our capacity for connection?


My special guest is Rebecca West, f...

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If you’ve been listening to this podcast for a while, you know that on the surface we talk about communication, but underneath that, we’re really talking about relationships. Caring about another person is why we are thoughtful about how we speak with one another. Today we’re going to hear from two listeners that have very different situations but share some common themes. I'm also pleased to welcome Rebecca West of Seriously H...

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When we think of negotiators, we often think of people who are trying to find a bargain, job seekers, or people on the front lines of a hostage situation. Those things might be true some of the time, but there’s so much more to it than that. Life is a negotiation; and right now, it’s showing up in the form of negotiating new structures, working arrangements, and relationships in light of the coronavirus pandemic. We’re all negotiat...

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April 2, 2020 17 min

When we’re in close quarters with someone for a long time, even the strongest of relationships can be tested. In this episode, I offer you a simple mantra that can help you stay calm and compassionate while we shelter-in-place. #spaceandgrace


Hosted by Beth L. Buelow, PCC. More information and downloadable mantra images at howcanisaythis.com. Your feedback, shares, reviews and ratings are welcome!


See acast.com/privacy for privacy a...

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It’s a phrase I’ve heard over and over these past few years: there’s no point in trying to talk to them. Them is always the person with whom we have strong disagreements, or it might represent an entire group of people we’ve decided are unreachable. But there is a point; it’s just not what you might think. Our question this episode: how can we get past our surface differences to find our common humanity?


My guest is Kern Beare, fou...

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When we think of forming new habits, our minds go to the obvious – changing what we eat, how much we exercise, what time we go to bed or get up in the morning, deciding to meditate. Those are all good habits to pay attention to, and there’s one more to add that can change your life just as much. Our question this episode: which small word choices make a huge difference in the effectiveness of our communication?


You can find past epi...

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February 8, 2020 17 min

There are many ways to evaluate the health of a social connection. We know to notice eye contact, body language, tone of voice and balance of listening and talking. But what about laughter? We intuitively know that when we laugh together, there’s a high probability we like one another or have something in common. It can also signal discomfort, a power indifference, or low self-esteem. Our question this episode: what are the ways la...

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There’s a widely circulated saying that people fear public speaking more than death. That funny but misguided bit of trivia distracts us from the opportunity we have whenever we’re given the literal or metaphorical microphone and invited to share our thoughts.


Our question this episode: what strategies for overcoming public speaking anxiety can help us be better communicators?


If you don’t consider yourself a public speaker, I invi...

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January 23, 2020 23 min

"Almost all words do have color and nothing is more pleasant than to utter a pink word and see someone's eyes light up and know it is a pink word for him or her, too." ~Gladys Taber


Our words are paint strokes on the canvas of life – sounds cheesy, but it’s true. We create a certain picture with every word we choose, both in thinking and speaking. Our question this episode: what world are we creating with our words?

 

How...

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January 10, 2020 20 min

You’ve messed up. You feel embarrassed, you know what you did was a mistake, and you own up to it. You say you’re sorry. And even though you acknowledge it, the other person still wants to chew you out. They want to make sure you know how badly you’ve screwed up. It feels terrible, and you shut down.


Our question this episode: what’s the harm with shaming the shameful?


This episode was inspired by a post I read over the break with th...

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Being successful in our professional lives depends on lots of people agreeing on certain principles. Show up on time. Follow through. Take your responsibilities seriously. Respect your boss and your colleagues. But what do you do if those shared expectations are violated? Our question this episode: How do you behave when your direct report behaves disrespectfully and refuses to acknowledge that you found the behavior disrespectful?...

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December 6, 2019 21 min

On February 20, 1954, Albert Einstein said the following during an address to the Chicago Decalogue Society: “…in long intervals I have expressed an opinion on public issues whenever they appeared to me so bad and unfortunate that silence would have made me feel guilty of complicity.” As a public figure with a particular reputation and credibility to maintain, Einstein had to weigh the pros and cons of making his private opinions p...

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It’s that time of year, when we look forward to food, drink, and time with people we care about. It’s also when we might dread time with people we care about, because that time is filled with talking, and that talking might go in directions that cause conflict. And no, I’m not talking about debating who will win the big game or which movie you want to watch. While Thanksgiving 2016 was probably the most stressful in recent memory f...

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November 16, 2019 22 min

Once upon a time, if we were upset or disagreed with a person, policy or decision, our thoughts on the matter rippled out maybe as far as our second- or third-degree connections, but not much further. Things moved fairly slowly, and we could generally trust our information sources. But now, almost everyone, with a single click on the word “post” or “tweet,” can share their thoughts with friends and strangers alike, and we can unkno...

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November 7, 2019 15 min

There are lots of mantras I live by, including "I’m open to outcome, not attached," and "I can handle whatever happens." I’ve recently adopted a new mantra based on some recent experiences – experiences that have found me angry and upset – and it’s such a good I have to share it. Our question this episode: what can we do when we’re so mad we can hardly see straight?


Hosted by Beth L. Buelow, PCC. More info at www.how...

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October 25, 2019 19 min

How many times have you been in a conversation and the other person says or does something unexpected or hostile, and you think to yourself – where did THAT come from!? In fact, you might have thought that very thing about yourself! We might think that frustration, anger, confusion, or other emotions that block productive conversations “come out of nowhere,” but the truth is that they always come from somewhere. Our question this e...

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If we hang around with someone long enough, there are little things that pop up that can distract us from heart of the relationship. It might be the way another person eats, dresses, or even folds the towels. And those might seem trivial – after all, differences or annoyances in those areas aren’t make-or-break issues. But they’re not so trivial when they become distractions that suck up our attention.


Our question this episode: how...

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When we hear someone make a statement that’s not true, or express a personal opinion that cuts us to the core, it’s easy to react by lashing out and attacking that person. It’s not so easy to offer a thoughtful reply that is both respectful and direct. Our question this episode: how can we take the high road while still calling someone out on their harmful actions? I highlight two recent videos - one from James Corden, the other fr...

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