BALANCE| Finding Harmony Through Faith and Life's Lesson with Chatela Young Eugene

Episode Transcript
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Speaker (00:00):
welcome back to this episode of How Do You Divine And
today we are here with Shaila.
And we are gonna explore theword balance.
Shaila, thank you so much forbeing on the show.

Speaker 2 (00:11):
Thank you for having me.
Thank you for acting quickly.
Yes.

Speaker (00:15):
Listen, like the po the audience knows, but I do not
play around divine alignment.
I really don't win.
I feel like God's like move,have this conversation.
It's needed.
Mm-hmm.
I always say there will bebarriers when, but I will never
be one of them.
Yeah.
I've traveled with my stuff I'malways ready to share people's
experience and also help framewho and what we wanna be in

(00:39):
life.
Right.
We often think that the, thebarrier for entries are so high
to obtain happiness, success,and even balance, right?
Mm-hmm.
But I think having discussionslike this and being agile and
we're in Atlanta, Georgia rightnow, and being able to have this
discussion in such a beautifulspace, you know, it just shows
you that you have to, just yourdesire to get something done

(01:01):
mm-hmm.
Has to be higher

Speaker 2 (01:02):
Yeah.

Speaker (01:02):
Than the challenge.
Just,

Speaker 2 (01:03):
yeah, no, you're absolutely right.
Because I feel like God hasconvicted me of that a lot.
Um, of, I've given you stuff andyou've sat on it, or you've
delayed, or you've, oh God, no,my hair's not done right now.
I can't hop online and do that.
Like, oh God.
And then the moment passes,right?
Yes.
And so he's really like, been onme about that, about, no, you
have to get up and move when Ineed you to move.

(01:26):
Everything is very timely andI'm asking you to do it now for
a reason.
And it's not tied to how yourhair, your makeup, your clothes,
your whatever.
Is that how you feel?
Resources, none

Speaker (01:35):
of that.
Yeah, girl.
And that's, it's so funny yousaid that'cause I kept seeing
this, um, quote online aboutpeople don't realize the path
becomes clear once you starttaking steps.
Mm-hmm.
And we never really think aboutthat.
I think just as human beings,we've conditioned ourselves to
feel like we need to see thepath mm-hmm.
Towards our goal.
If I, right now my life ischaotic and I'm trying to pursue

(01:56):
balance.
I need to see what balance willlook like before I start moving.
Mm-hmm.
And when I feel like what manypeople don't understand and I
had to learn, the hard way isGod is like, I'm never gonna
show you the path.
I need you to start walking.

Speaker 5 (02:06):
Mm-hmm.

Speaker (02:08):
I need you to keep putting one foot in front of the
other and let me guide you.
But if you think that you needto see the path first and who,
who's following who you

Speaker 2 (02:16):
Right.
Then you don't need me.
It Right.
It creates a dependency.
Mm-hmm.
Because when you don't know thefull picture, you don't know
where we're going.
You, you are forced to justfollow my leadership and be
submitted and trust me in thatway.
Yes.
Then I can lead you.
But when you have the plan, thenguess what we're gonna do?
Our human tendency is to takeoff running ahead of him.
Like, now we way over here onthe left and we supposed to be

(02:38):
way over here, now we're out ofalignment.
Yeah.
Right.
He like, now I gotta go rope youback in.
Listen, because you badass

Speaker (02:45):
is, now I gotta pull you back in because you wanted,
so, and I just think that's whowe are.
Right.
Depending on where you are inyour life, when you pursuing
balance and when you're.
Suing something.
Mm-hmm.
You, you need a level ofcertainty.
But I always have to even remindmyself constantly, sonika, if
you are certain you are withoutfaith mm-hmm.
You are without faith.

(03:05):
Because if you need one plus oneto equal two in order for you to
move, then you not operatingwith God.
You operating based on your ownlogic.
Mm-hmm.
And I'm like, all right,sneaking on, gather yourself.
Yeah.
You know, but that's really whatI usually do.
And so now I just start, I juststart taking steps.
Yeah.
And I let God unfold.

Speaker 2 (03:23):
No, I love that.
Because if it doesn't feel toobig for you, then there's no
room for God.
Right.
If you have that confidence towhere you can, like, I got it.
I got, let me, then we, youhaven't left that space.
Yes.
And for God to move

Speaker (03:37):
and, and he gives you that confidence, he gives you
those sense of balance only topropel you forward.
Mm-hmm.
Right.
And that's why I think many ofus, especially in our community,
we don't know balance'cause weare so accustomed to chaos.

Speaker 5 (03:49):
Mm-hmm.

Speaker (03:50):
Do you understand what I mean?
And.
So anytime God is like, but Ican't, I can't use you in this
state.

Speaker 5 (03:56):
Mm-hmm.
I need you

Speaker (03:56):
to find balance so you can find clarity.
Mm-hmm.
And it, it sometimes feelsuprooted.
Right.
And then that's why I thinkthese conversations are
important because people oftenthink that balance and happiness
and the things that really driveour lives are overly complicated
when they're really not.
Mm-hmm.
It, it takes a great deal offaith.
Yeah.
So tell me, you're an author.

(04:18):
Yeah.
Tell me, tell me how you havefound balance.

Speaker 2 (04:21):
So, I first redefined balance, and it wasn't an act
process.
It wasn't like, Hmm, let me sitdown and think about what
balance means.
It really was more so of arevelation of before I thought,
because for a long time I, I wasa single mom, so it was me, two
kids in diapers or whatever.
So I'm doing all the things, allthe

Speaker (04:40):
things.
4,

Speaker 2 (04:40):
2 20, 4 7, right around the clock.
Geez.
And so, and then I'm flying.
At the time I was a flightattendant Yes.
For a long time.
And so I'm.
Doing that.
So I'm traveling in the midst ofall of this.
Right?
So it was a lot.
And at the time I really thoughtbalance was perfectly weighing
everything.
Everything getting all of me allthe time.

(05:02):
100%.
Right.
And that's what I was strivingfor.
And I was failing.

Speaker 5 (05:07):
Yes.

Speaker 2 (05:07):
And so then I felt like a failure and I felt like,
okay, but I'm not doing that.
Yes.
I can never cheat.
I'm like, okay, well then maybeif I just time block, maybe if I
just, if I do it that way.
Yeah.
Okay.
That didn't work.
All right.
Well maybe if I just set asidecertain days.
Mm.
This day is gonna be alreadymarked off to display with my
kids.
Yes.
And this day will be open if,'cause I need to be a good

(05:28):
sister.
Yes.
And a good daughter.
You need good friend.
I need to block off a day.
Yes.
To like leave open for events,right?
Yes.
Okay.
No, that didn't work.
So I'm going through all theseiterations trying to create what
I'm thinking is balance.
Not until maybe the last year,six, eight months of my life
have I realized.

(05:49):
Balance is just reallystewardship.
Mm.
That's what true balance is.
Yes.
God has said, I have made you a,a wife, I have made you a
mother, I have made you adaughter, a friend, all these
things.
Right?
I have given you certaingiftings, right?
I'm a health coach, so I havecalled you into this space,
right?
Yes.
I have given you ideas andrevelation that yes.

(06:12):
I need you to act on, right?
Yes.
And so all that this requires ofyou is to just steward it.
Well, yes.
And maybe in, in this day, inthis moment today, your business
doesn't get 100%.
Maybe today your kids need 80%of you.
Mm.
Maybe that business can only getan hour today.
Right.

(06:32):
But in that hour, you give itall you have, you sit, you
focus, you have clarity, and Idon't get it right all the time.
Yeah.
I'm still trying to like, youknow, go with the ebbs and flows
and, and give myself grace andall these things.
Sometimes, yeah.
Good stewardship is taking anap.
Taking a day off completely.
Unplugging rest is not an award,

Speaker (06:51):
it's a necessity.
Right.
So we're called

Speaker 2 (06:52):
to rest and the Bible back and forth.
Yes.
It talks about rest and Sabbathand everything.
Like it's very important to God.

Speaker (06:59):
Yeah.
But, and I love how you saidthat some days I get it wrong
and I always remind who definedright and wrong.
Mm-hmm.
On a day that you showed up forthe people you loved.
Mm-hmm.
Right.
And sometimes that's us justgetting in our minds and
throwing off our own balance, ifI'm honest.
Right.
Throwing off our own ability tobe present.
'cause to me that's balance isthat simple.

(07:20):
I'm so big on simplificationbecause often like things seem
so inaccessible to people whenit's actually very accessible
when you break it down to laymanterms.
Mm-hmm.
Balance is being present for me.
Right.
And that means whatever room Ioccupy, whoever I'm sitting in
front of.
Mm-hmm.
They have my presence.
Right.
That's why I'm horrible belowtext message girl.

Speaker 2 (07:40):
I'm too, I'm like, charge it to my mind and not my
heart.
If I see you four days later, ifit's still sitting in the little
box and I'm like, I did not it.
And you know what, you know whenyou

Speaker (07:49):
think you sent it in your mind, in my brain, it's
still there.
I responded and I never did.
But, but if you call me, I'mlocked in and we can wash the
dishes together.
It's all of that.
Yeah.
So to me, balance meant to bepresent, but like you said, you
found, you tried all thesedifferent strategies and you
came back to balance thestewardship.
Yeah.
Right.
And then writing a book.

(08:09):
Tell me more about how thatprocess, what made you go, oh,
I'm gonna write this book.

Speaker 2 (08:14):
Um, well, I, I didn't set out to write a book.
I didn't, I, um, oh gosh.
I don't know how far back to go.
As far back as you need

Speaker (08:27):
to as far, because I think, again, people need to
hear this, right?
People think that everyachievement you come across is
something that you planned out,you had a vision board for.
Mm-hmm.
I, while I appreciate thatmanifestation and those actions
to get there, it actually makesme sad because it makes me feel
like people don't leave the roomGod for God to show up.

(08:48):
Yeah.
So I love that you said I didn'tneed to write no book.
I didn't.

Speaker 2 (08:53):
I ended up with a good book.
Well, the, the name of the bookis Redefine a Single Mother's
Journey to Wholeness.
And I think I finished it aboutthree years ago.
Um, but this was, I don't know,maybe 2021.
And I had this come to Jesusmoment, right?
Um, I had been divorced a coupleyears.

(09:14):
I had gotten back out.
I was trying to date and all,

Speaker (09:17):
you know, all the things, all that

Speaker 2 (09:18):
chaos, right?
Found myself in a whole lot ofsitu, not a whole lot of, let me
not do that because twosituations

Speaker (09:28):
be pinpoint that just so are clarified.

Speaker 2 (09:35):
There were a few, a few situation ships.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Situation ships.
And it's, it's like I would justkind of find myself in it,
right?
I would look up and I would belike, how am I in this gray area
with this person?
Like, I'm looking for black orwhite, right?
I'm looking for, um, restorationright.

(09:55):
Of my family.
All these things.
How do I keep finding myselfhere?
Right?
So I had this moment, um, verytransparently.
Mm-hmm.
I was spending time with thisperson, went, found like hair
all in the bathroom wasn't mine.
Right.
And I'm like thrown off'causeI'm like.
I, I thought we were trying,like we had specifically said, I

(10:19):
thought we both had goals.
We were going try, right?
And I'm finding I went into FBImode and I'm comparing hair.
Listen, now you expect thegadget.
And listen, I'm not evenlooking.
This hair is early

Speaker (10:30):
with blonde streak.
Yes.
From, I believe about threemonths ago.
She actually needs a push up.
This is not me.
This is not me, sir.
This is not me.

Speaker 2 (10:40):
It's not, I literally, I think I had like
this like, um, half wig thingon.
I like plucked a piece out andI'm like, come Mary, not you.
What she said,

Speaker (10:47):
she said, I'm gonna certain One moment.

Speaker 2 (10:49):
Okay.
Um, but's the thing too.
See, God, you don't have toalways go looking for things.
God will reveal, reveal them toyou every time.

Speaker 3 (10:57):
Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2 (10:58):
All right.
So found this out.
And then it comes out here, youknow, like I've been spending
time with this other person.
I was devastated.
It literally felt like a punchin the gut.
Because I'm like, I'm trying.
Yes.
Right.
And I'm thinking that we're onthe same page and it just hurts
so bad.
So I go home, I'm so upset, butI, what I realized is that
almost five years to the day Ihad, God had revealed the same

(11:23):
thing to me.
Almost five years to the day Godhad revealed.
'cause I prayed my granny, shetold me, she was like, you know,
Shaila, just randomly, she waslike, you know, when I was um,
younger, I used to pray and askGod, God help me not to walk in
darkness.
And I was like, Hmm, all right.
That's interesting.
Didn't feel a need to pray thatprayer.

(11:44):
I was dating my ex-husband atthe time didn't feel the need to
pray it, but I was like, okay,God, help me not to walk in
darkness.
I kid you not.
Within two hours I'm sitting atthe nail salon and I get this
book about how he had been goingback and forth and all these
things.
When I tell you my mind wasblown.

(12:05):
It was kind of like middleschool friends, all these
things.
You think that like you have allthis history and Yes.
Like you can trust this personso much.
You kind of put'em on apedestal.
Really?
Yes.
It was like devastating.
So five, almost five years tothe day, that situation, to this
situation.
And I realized God reveal it

Speaker 5 (12:24):
to you.

Speaker 2 (12:24):
Oh my gosh, I'm going around a mountain, I'm going
around in circles.
I've made another loop aroundthis mountain.
So I'm like, in that scenario,God opened my eyes, but I was so
desperate to be loved anddesperate in that situation and
broken and all these things thatI said, ah, you know, I also
wasn't in alignment with God andmy relationship with God.

Speaker 5 (12:45):
Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2 (12:46):
So I wasn't taking his revelation for what it was
as a warning.

Speaker 5 (12:52):
Mm.

Speaker 2 (12:52):
So I forged for it, ended up married and divorced.
Not after you prayed the prayer.
He showed you the thing youlike.
Thank you Lord.
But I'm gonna take that for, for

Speaker (13:01):
later.

Speaker 2 (13:02):
Right.
Right.
Right.
Crazy craziness.
Oh, absolute craziness, right?
Both.

Speaker (13:06):
You are.

Speaker 2 (13:07):
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
But see, at the time I didn'teven see it as that because it
didn't seem that like black orwhite.
I, I think I was so caught up inmy emotions.

Speaker (13:16):
Yes.

Speaker 2 (13:17):
Right.
So then now all the emotions andI'm sad, and then he else are so
sorry.
Has

Speaker (13:22):
a way of like teaching you, like, I feel like my
grandmother was said this to meas well, where she was like, God
is always talking to us.
Mm-hmm.
First is whispers, then it'spebbles.
Then he starts throwing rocksand he was like, when the rocks
don't work, he shuts the door inyour face.
Mm-hmm.
He was like, because each andevery part of that journey is

(13:45):
for you to trust him.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Right.
He's like, I'm not showing youthis to hurt you.
I will never forget, I was onthe phone with my therapist,
this was years ago, and I wastelling her like, I just feel.
Like, again, when I wasn't onthe podcast for like a year and
change,'cause I was like, Idon't wanna

Speaker 3 (14:02):
be

Speaker (14:03):
famous.
I just wanna

Speaker 3 (14:04):
be a part

Speaker (14:04):
of building something that changed the world, but I
don't need my face out there.
And she was just like, butsneaking your grit.
And I'm like, it's not aboutthat.
It's just genuinely not mypersonality to be like, yeah.
You know what I mean?
I just, I'm cool.
Like I'm cool.
I don't need all that.

Speaker 2 (14:19):
Mm-hmm.
Right.

Speaker (14:19):
And um, I remember her talking to me and she was like,
but do you believe God is usingyou?
I was like, absolutely.
Mm-hmm.
And she was like, so why are youso afraid?
I was like, because it's scaryand I don't want to Yeah.
I kid you not.
I was like, and if I'm honest,sometimes I'm genuinely afraid
of what that will bring.

(14:40):
Like, I love my family deeply.
Mm-hmm.
To me, you can tell, I alwayssay like, I'm already rich in
life.
Mm.
Like my daughters are, well, myhusband's amazing.
Take all the money, take thehouses, take all the shit.
I'm cool.
Put us in a island by herselfand I will live and die happy.
Me, like, I genuinely love myfamily.
Mm-hmm.
So I'm always, so I said to her,to me, it's scary.

(15:00):
I never want to jeopardize mynucleus.
Right?
Like, these are my, like, theseare my hearts.
Like I need them.
Right.
And as I said that, as I saidthat my Bible app, which I did
not have the notifications on,right?
Mm-hmm.
And you would think, this iscrazy, but I swear to God pops
up the, the script.

(15:21):
I don't mean to harm you.
Everything I do for you is foryour will not to hurt you.

Speaker 2 (15:25):
Talk about a message, girl, when I

Speaker (15:27):
tell you my

Speaker 2 (15:28):
whole body Yeah.

Speaker (15:31):
Lifted.
And then I started telling her,and then when I said weeped, I
could not, my eyes could notstop crying.
I was just like, that'spowerful.
He literally, the, and you knowhow it pops up with, I mean, not
to harm you.
He was like, everything I do foryou is never to harm you.
And I'm just like.
Jesus, God, you know, I'm anobody out here like it was so,

(15:57):
yeah.
Hard for me.
Yeah.
And that's why it was just like,again, I said, get in front of
the camera.
I said, do it like, I, so I hearyou where you're just like, you
saw that?
Mm-hmm.
And he was like, fine.
You're not at the place whereyou can see balance the way I
need you to.

Speaker 2 (16:12):
Mm-hmm.

Speaker (16:13):
Here go again.
What you gonna do now?

Speaker 2 (16:15):
Yeah.
And that's exactly what it was.
It was a, a, a massive like wakeup call.
Like, oh wow.
Okay.
I know very intimately therepercussions of what happened
last time and not making thedecision I knew I should and
kind of choosing through a lensof my trauma.
Mm-hmm.
And letting my heart kind ofpropel me in that kind of way

(16:35):
and, and being so desperate.
Yeah.
For, for what I should have beengetting from God.
So I said, all right, I gottachoose differently.
So on that day I said, you knowwhat, God, that's it.
It's me and you.
For the next year.
I was like, no men, no sex, nodating, no, no.
It is me and you.
And we are locking in together.
Right?
I've always, I grew up in thechurch.

(16:57):
Yeah, all these things had arelationship with God, but it
was like, no, I've been tryingto get certain things from the
world or from these men orwhatever, love, validation, all
this stuff, and I need to learnhow to get that from you.
And I said, this is, this is meand you.
So then for that next year, Isat, and it was me and him, and
I was living with my dad at thetime.
And it became a year becausethere stuff started happening

(17:20):
and it's like, it's time for meto go.
It's time for me to leave.
And I went and got a year lease.
So I'm like, I'm, he physicallymoved me to a place of
isolation.
So physically and spiritually, Iwas isolated with him for that
year.
And when I tell you he.
He revealed to me what lovereally is, what it should look
like, what it should look likein a partner.
Right.

(17:41):
Um, he revealed more about myidentity, so much restoration
and things like that happen.
He, he validated me.
Everything that I have been, hadbeen looking for, searching for,
and needing because of my ownYes.
Wounds and whatever, like tryingto find in men.
Right.
God was like, I got you.
I can feel you.
Right.

(18:01):
I am your creator.
I got, I got the manual right.
I know how to go back to thefactory setting hard reset.

Speaker (18:13):
I, I always feel like that's why in trials and
tribulations, I'm more quietthan I am.

Speaker 5 (18:19):
Mm-hmm.

Speaker (18:19):
Heartbroken.
Right.
And, and mad because I, I havebeen a testimony of there, those
are the moments where God islike, I need you to be wounded.

Speaker 5 (18:28):
Mm-hmm.

Speaker (18:29):
I need you to see trauma so that I can use you in
a way that I could use.
You.
Mm-hmm.
Because you need to feel it.
You need to know it.
Because when I send you out inthe world, we are all part of
his kingdom.
When I send you out as awarrior, I need you to be able
to communicate and articulate mylight in the way that it needs
to.
Right.
So that's when people are like,well, if there is a God, then

(18:49):
why are bad things happening?
And I'm like, first of all,we're at war.
Mm-hmm.
Like, let's be clear, likeThat's right.
The people have free will.
There's free will.
Yeah.
The devil's very active.
Like there is, there's a lot ofthings happening, but when you
are part of the kingdom ofChrist, he needs you mm-hmm.
To go through your human trialsand tribulations so that you can
properly be used.

(19:10):
Mm-hmm.
Because if you didn't go, I'mgonna isolate.
People are like, isolate girl.
What?
Why?
But you're like, it's deeperthan a partner.
It's deeper than love.
It's me not understanding, likeyou said, those factory
settings.
Mm-hmm.
What is love?
What is balance?
What am I needing in this seasonof my life?
And also understanding thatthere, there it is.
Just seasonality.

(19:31):
Yeah.
Right.
Often we, it's kind of actuallyone of the reasons I have this,
I love this tattoo andeveryone's like, I don't
understand what it is.
Right.
And my, my tattoo artist when hedid this, he said, this is the
most selfish tattoo I think I'veever done.
He's been doing tattoos for liketwo decades.
He was like, this is the mostselfish statue I think I've ever
done.
Yeah.
You are literally the onlyperson that can enjoy this

(19:51):
tattoo.
It is a sunrise.

Speaker 2 (19:54):
Mm-hmm.
I mean, oh, it's a sunrise.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Right.

Speaker (19:57):
And it's the selfish, yes.
He was like the most self statueever.
And to me it was a reminder.
Right.
And I of like, God ensured thatevery day RI starts and ends
with the most beautiful thingevery single day.
So any single thing that happensin between is just a lesson.
Because if I give you anothersunrise, I am still crafting

(20:20):
you.
I'm still working on you.
Do you understand?
And sometimes we get so lost inthe, in between the beauty.
Every day starts and ends sobeautifully.

Speaker 2 (20:29):
Mm-hmm.

Speaker (20:30):
And we just, we forget that, oh, he's gonna gimme
another beautiful sunrise in themorning.

Speaker 2 (20:35):
That's, that's beautiful.
Yeah.
I actually, this tattoo that Ihave on my ankle, I had gotten
it with the, the whole premiseof bloom where you planted.
Right.
And it really came out of theseason as well of, it doesn't
matter, it doesn't matter whereyou are.
Right.
What season it is.
Yeah.
I used to, especially duringthat time there, there were so

(20:56):
many things that I wanted to do,business and all these things,
but I'm like, okay, I'm a singlemom.
I have two kids in diapers.

Speaker 5 (21:01):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (21:02):
Logistically, there's only so much that I can do
sometimes.
And I used to struggle with thata lot because I'm like, I wanna
go a hundred miles per hour, butI can only go 20.
You can sometimes only go five.
And I'm like, I wanna go faster,I wanna do more, I wanna, right.
And then I got to the pointwhere I felt like.
If I wasn't, I was settling andI was, I was getting complacent.

(21:26):
I,

Speaker (21:26):
I was getting angry in that same season in my life.
I was getting angry.
I was there.
Mm-hmm.
I had two toddlers in my bed,and I'm sitting on the bed like,
I'm gonna be great.
I'm intelligent.
There's gonna be greatness thatcomes from me.
This is that.
And then, and then like, it'slike, it's like crazy people.

(21:46):
Right.
Then there's another moment I'mlike, oh, girls, come listen
down.
Now you wanna come up with them?
Yeah.
Watch it while sleep.
Yeah.
You wanna watch them while yousleep, but then you also like,
damnit, I could be out buildingsomething and throw something
right now and I'm not, and thenyou feel guilty.
Then there's the guilt.
Then it's like, am I settling inlife?
Oh god, dear Lord, I'm settlingin life.
This's gonna be my life.
I'm gonna be one of those peoplethat their life only about their

(22:07):
kids like you.
Yes.
Yeah.
Then you, there's an aroma ofguilt.
Mm-hmm.
And then I have to remember, seeit's season.
It's a season now.
My kids are so much older andthey're watching me build.
Oh, beautiful.
Yeah, girl, when I say God'stiming Yeah.
Chef's kiss.
And that's what has allowed meto like really understand

(22:29):
balances being present, bepresent in the season that I've
given you.
Mm-hmm.
Because listen, I I, we made thechoice.
I have kids early and so like,you know, so you see your
friends getting theseinternships, doing these jobs,
flying around and I'm like, I'msmarter, but I love you.

Speaker 2 (22:46):
It's hard.
Yes.
It really is hard.
But see me, I felt that too, butit was more so the enemy was
like playing in my ear.
'cause I'm, I'm divorced, right?
Yes.
Divorced a single mom.
I had ran from being a singlemom my whole life.
Yeah.
And for me, not only was I inthat space of seeing other
people excel and go in theircareers and all these things now
got the enemy was Yeah.

(23:07):
And I'm divorced and there'sstigma.
Yes.
And shame all this stuff aroundit.
And the enemy was kind of usingthat to be like, see, see this
what she worked so hard for it.
You see other people doing itand look at you just sitting
over here doing, basically justdoing nothing, divorce all
these, right?
So I, in that season, God, hekind of revealed to me you can
be content without beingcomplacent.

(23:30):
Girl.
You can be content in thisseason.
That doesn't mean you got, Imean, doesn't mean that, it
doesn't mean you found peace init and that's okay.
So you planted you balance.
Yes.
And you found

Speaker (23:39):
balance.
Right.
And I think we need to rememberwhat is for us with will always
be for us.
Like Ika, we said what I feelJasmine about, I feel Yeah.
Like seriously.
And we need to understand thatwe aren't the one that designed
the plan.
So how dare we think we shouldbe the one to say.
Go.
Mm-hmm.
We should be the one to sayupscale.

(24:00):
We should be the one to saymove.
Yeah.
When God is like, oh, justbecause I gave you some visions.
You think you

Speaker 2 (24:07):
the orchestrator now you think you orchestrator on
your town Now the, that's we,the, that's that's right there.
Then we start thinking, oh, we,the boss, we do a lot with a
little bit.
Okay.
And

Speaker (24:20):
he said, as he said, a mustard seed, this is all I
need.
Like stay out my garden.
Right.
Stay out my garden.
But it's under becoming moredisciplined.
Understanding that balance.
Right.
That you need to find thatwithin yourself to know that
although you feel like you aredrowning, you're actually
rocking pretty steady.
Mm-hmm.
Right.
You're actually rocking prettysteady because God is teaching

(24:42):
you something in this season youneed to learn.
That's why for me now, I've,I've gone through so much in
life that every single thing,I'm like, what?
What am I supposed to learnhere?
Yeah.
And sometimes I get frustrated.
I'm like, what's the.
What's the premise?
Yeah, Lord.
Because this is irritating me.
Like, you know what I mean?
Like, help me.
Yeah.
And honestly when I do that, itbecomes so play.

(25:05):
Mm-hmm.
And sometimes it's not stuff Ilike, but when I'm like, dear
Lord, help me see the lessonhere.
You ain't even got to tell meplan.
Yeah.
I'm just like, show me.
'cause one thing I hate morethan anything in the world is
wasting my time.

Speaker 5 (25:17):
Mm-hmm.

Speaker (25:17):
So I'm just like, Lord, help me.
And he makes it clear sometimeswithin days.
Mm-hmm.
And also brings peace andbalance.
'cause I think we often get sofrustrated in our own chaos, in
our own doings.
We don't even realize we'rerallying up ourselves.
Father God is like, look athere.
Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2 (25:34):
Look at, look at, look at this.
It did here.
Yeah.
Whenever you are ready to takeit off your shoulders and lay it
at my feet.
I'm just sitting right herewaiting for you.
You've picked up all this stuff.
A lot of it I didn't even askyou to.
You're carrying stuff that I, a,a load that I never intended you
to have.
Of because of you, your own, onyour own volition.
You don't went and picked up allthis stuff and now you're like,

(25:55):
Lord, I just, I just can't, butokay, put it down.
I didn't tell you to do that.

Speaker (26:00):
But the same thing with these labels and the stigma,
right?
I'm divorced, I have two kids.
Yeah.
He said, I'm sorry,

Speaker 2 (26:05):
who's shy you?
Mm-hmm.
And that's what he told meduring that time.
When I tell you before, I usedto feel so because I had worked
so hard that that star studentthat super achieve and I'm gonna
be so great.
And it was like, I felt like Ihad gotten knocked way down.
Right.
And I would feel such aninsecurity around it.

(26:26):
You know, of course there'scomments and online and single
moms because people are realroot.
But you know what?
Coming outta that season, therewasn't a thing you could tell
me.
You weren't, it was not a thingthat you could tell me.
Yes, it was.
Oh, okay.
Oh, you, I would, so then I had,when I had finally came on that
season and I had to kind of openmyself up to meet people, which
actually I kind of delayed abit.

(26:46):
It was longer than a year.
It was about a year and a half.
Yes.
Because I had gotten so contentthat I was like, I don't, I was
just not gonna invite chaos intomy life.
Yes.
I'm actually okay being overhere by myself with, I think
before I was scared of that.
Mm.
During that season, I had gottenso filled with God.
It was like, I'm okay.
I'm not running back out intothese streets.

(27:08):
Right.
'cause because

Speaker (27:08):
you're no longer in pursuit of something.

Speaker 2 (27:10):
Mm-hmm.
No, I'm like, it will, it willcome.
And literally when it happened,my cut, he brought him to my
door.
But I, when I started going backout there and you know, I would
meet people.
Oh yeah.
I don't, I don't date singlemoms.
I'm like, oh, okay.
Well it was so nice meeting you,you know, and, and move along.
Right.
And it was okay.
It was like, that's yourpreference.

(27:31):
That's alright.
No worries.
We not meant for each otherbecause my prayer is that the
guy, the man that God sends tome, he's gonna love these boys.
Like they got their, his DAlisten run through they vein.
And that's what he did.
That's what he sent to me.
So I'm like, well, obviouslyit's not you.
Thank you for helping me.
I appreciate,

Speaker (27:52):
but that's what I'm, but it's coming to that place.
Right.
It's finding that peace.
How did you do that in thatseason, right?
Is that a lot about what, what,what's in the book?

Speaker 2 (28:00):
Um, well, kind of, it's not, well kind of.
So in the book, it really startsby going back, well, I guess,
let me go back to writing thebook.
Yes.
So when I set out to do it, Ididn't set out to write a book.
I was like, I'm gonna write thislittle PDF on it was gonna be
titled My Year with God, just aquick little PDF.
But then I was like, well.
I can't just start here.

Speaker (28:22):
Not you just trying to write a blog and God's like,
yes, I was.
It was be a little, a littlesomething, little recap.
Why put together my blog postand God's like, look at this.
Look at this.
Right?
Come look at this.
Somebody come look at this.
He was

Speaker 2 (28:35):
like, no, no, no, no.
Oh, and I was actually followingan online ministry at the time,
and they were like, we're gonnahave a writer's workshop and
then the month of January we'regonna all get together and we're
gonna be on Zoom together, likeholding each other accountable
and we're gonna spend like eighthours and we're gonna sit down
and do time blocks and write ourbook.
I'm like, what are the chances?

(28:56):
Right?
So in December, I had decided towrite this PDF January, they
make this announcement.
Mm.
So I was like, well, I can'tjust start here.
I can't start in the middle ofthe story.
I gotta give you the backstory.
I gotta give you context aroundmy brokenness that even led me
here.
Yes.
Right.
So I was broken beforehand and Ithought that that brokenness

(29:19):
that I.
That I felt and that I carriedwith me.
Mm-hmm.
You think, oh, people say Timemheals all wounds.
No, it does not.

Speaker (29:26):
Yeah.
It's not

Speaker 2 (29:26):
time.
It's still there.
It's time and effort.
I'm always right.
Time, effort, and personality.
You

Speaker (29:31):
don't just, I'm like, the sentence don't end there,
right?
No, no, no.
It's

Speaker 2 (29:34):
just not just, oh, that it was 10 years ago.
I No, no, no, no.
You have to still deal with thatthing.
If you don't go, if you don't gothrough it, you can't get to the
other side.
Right.
Like, you have to and it's uglyand it's painful and you, it is
uncomfortable, but you have togo through it.
Right?
Yeah.
So, I, um, sorry, I thought you,I thought you was trying to be

(29:57):
like, y'all got, um, all right.
I gotta like, um, so

Speaker (30:02):
you started, did, you started at, I need to give you
the context of the book beforeI, I can help you understand
the, the healing part,

Speaker 2 (30:08):
right.
So the broke, so I thought,okay.
The brokenness Was there stillthere?
I acknowledged it in a sense.
Right.
But not really.
And I realized that so often wetry to like bury it away or sex
it away or eat it away orwhatever.
It doesn't work like that.
You have to confront it head on.
Right.
I just,

Speaker (30:29):
well, the show was reported over a month ago
mm-hmm.
Where we talked about brushingthings under the rug.
Mm-hmm.
And I was like, I don't operatein any room that got stuffed,
stuffed under the rug.
Yeah.
We are gonna be empathetic toeach other and we're gonna have
the discussion, but I'm not tipsaround all these lumps.
Yeah.
Like, they're acting likethey're not there.

(30:49):
Acting like they're not there.
'cause I think culturally we'vemade that a norm.
Yeah.
And an effort to, we keepthinking it's time.
Mm-hmm.
Like we can just pass throughlike, oh, this hurts if I just
hurry up past it.
Mm-hmm.
Like, like we racing past it.
If I just hurry up past this,it's, it's not, it's not gonna
hurt anymore.
And it's like, actually no.
Mm-hmm.
It's gonna hurt longer actually.

Speaker 2 (31:10):
Mm-hmm.
It will time because you'regonna have to time.
That's why you have peoplethat's 30, 40, 50 still dealing
with childhood trauma.
It's showing up in yourrelationship.
60, 70,

Speaker (31:19):
80.

Speaker 2 (31:19):
Yeah.
Yeah.
When my

Speaker (31:20):
grandmother passed away and the I am like un, I, I know.
I feel like I was anointed thefamily mediator.
I, since I'm a child, I don'tknow how I got this role.
I don't really like it, but itstill got me.
Right.
And when my grandmother passedaway, the conversations, the
perspectives that for thedecisions that they wanted to
make went back until they wereelementary school.

(31:41):
Well, when I went to school andI'm like, I'm, when I tell you
I'm listening and I'm trying tofind solution through these
problems, what hurt me the mostis that a lot of what you guys
are fighting about happened 40plus years ago.
Mm-hmm.
40 plus years ago.
And if at any point someonesaid, these lumpy rugs, ain't it

(32:04):
for me.
Yeah.
I'm deal with that.
Let's just talk, let's just talkabout it.
You guys could have healed onthat, but actually what time did
was made the lumps higher.

Speaker 2 (32:14):
They did.
So that's what I talked about inthe book I, I referred to as
trauma monster, right?
All this stuff, all that itlike, it creates like this
almost this ugly, dark part ofyou, right?
And maybe a small at first, butthat me, specifically, what I
started doing based off of the,my trauma that I held, it was
needing that validation for men,needing that cat call, needing

(32:36):
that.
Like, Hey girl, I see you woowoo.
Right?
And that right and that, guesswhat?
That trauma monster grew andgrew and grew and grew, right?
And it started dictating certainbehaviors.
So when God clearly answered aprayer in my mid twenties
regarding this relationship, mytrauma monster was so big and

(32:56):
loud at that point that itoverpowered him.
It was like, no, no, no, no.
But see, you don't want him to.
Y'all have bonded so much.
You don't want him to go back tothis person, just stay and
figure it out.
Right.
It had become so long that was,it's bigger, the wind and the
voice, and it was the, it wasbigger than the voice of God.
My trauma was my, the voice ofmy trauma was bigger than the

(33:19):
voice of God.

Speaker (33:20):
Oh, that happens.
So, and that's where it led meso much.
And I love how simplistic youput that, right?
Because I think we all feellike, we all know we have
intuition, right?
Mm-hmm.
We have a gut feeling in how weoperate, but we don't realize
how traumatic experiences,negative interactions build
slowly builds up this monsterinside of you.

(33:40):
Mm-hmm.
And then you start showing up asthat person.
You don't realize that likelegit, they have overtaken.
Mm-hmm.
You and your identity.
And your identity.
Therefore you are no longerconnected to the father.
Mm-hmm.
Because you now are operatinghollow.
You are just the shallowmonster.
Of that incident that has grown.
Mm-hmm.
It's just stacked upon somethingelse.

(34:02):
Oh my gosh.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (34:03):
Again, that's how the enemy uses it.
'cause he's after our identity.
Number one, he wants to take outyour identity.
Right.
Because that's what God gave us.
He gave us our identity.
He said, I purposed you, I gaveyou, um, I I I purposed a plan
for you for your life, whatyou're gonna do.
You know, all these things.
Um, I made you, I said, who youare?
I gave you your identity, girl.

(34:26):
You and the enemy comes in.
Like, you can redefine that.
This

Speaker (34:30):
is so crazy.
So I found a church home, whichit's been long overdue.
Mm-hmm.
But I found a church home.
'cause I, I'm a hopper.
I'm also, I'm an active visitor.
Yeah.
I visit, see, I'm like, I let itgoing.
I'm always like, I'm for thestreets in the context of the
Lord.
I, I, I'm for the, in the churchstreets.
I'm the church streets.
Like he had me ministry,Starbucks that, but I found

(34:52):
church home and part of what.
The pastor was saying that likeme and my daughter'cause me and
my, it's our, I bring both mydaughters, but me and my oldest,
my teen, like that's our, welike to go every other Sunday.
Just her and I, she feels likethat's our mommy and me time.
That's sweet.
And I'm like, you know,everybody gotta go the little
house.
You gotta stop.
But, um, he said he can't harmyou'cause the devil knows his

(35:13):
limitations.
Mm-hmm.
He can't harm you but so much.
Mm-hmm.
But what he can do freelywithout limitation is distract
and discourage you.
Mm-hmm.
And because we know how much, heknows how much power he has in
those two realms.
Mm-hmm.
That's why he, that's the root,that's the root of the tap.

(35:35):
Mm-hmm.
You, you think no girl, you theain't nobody want you girl.
Mm-hmm.
And even body girl, you big,ain't nobody want no big girl.
And they start telling he, andit's now the identity.
It's trying to come for youridentity.
But that's why you, and that'swhy I always say it's so
important.
To teach your children Christfrom the mo.
Mm-hmm.
They know Miss Rachel and tabtime.

(35:55):
Mm-hmm.
Well, tab time you're doing agood time.
You tell them, but they shouldalso know the Lord.
Yeah.
They should also know the Lord.
Because that, I feel like onceyou are rooted in Christ, you
know, you get distracted, youget, you get discouraged.
But there's, there's some,there's always like a
lighthouse.
There's always like a beaconsomewhere that's like, excuse

(36:16):
me.
Mm-hmm.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
Mm-hmm.
Excuse me.
Don't, don't forget now.
Mm-hmm.
Don't forget now.
Who, who made you, yeah.
Who, who put this together?
You understand?
What, so it's good that you wereable to acknowledge and see that
this trauma monster got bigger.
Mm-hmm.
It got louder.
I fell out of balance.
Mm-hmm.

(36:36):
How did you find your way back?

Speaker 2 (36:39):
Really just that year.
So I, I sat was, I was likereally active in church.
I was like, I'm gonna serve, I'mgoing to, um, you know, God, he.
He has called us to serve.
Right.
And and not all in manycapacities.
Right.
It could be a church.

Speaker (36:53):
It could at serving is kindness to me.
Again, it's very simple.
We keep thinking like servicemeans like I gotta be the one
leading the youth pastor, ifthat's your calling, yes.
It can be unseen, but being,being of service in Christ is
being kind to one another.
Mm-hmm.
It is that simple.

Speaker 2 (37:10):
Yeah, it is.
It's very simple.
It's kind of going that extramile.
It's doing the stuff that mightgo unnoticed.
Like nobody's gonna ever see orknow that you did that good
deed, but God told you to do itRight.
He was able to use you.
You are an open vessel for himto, and you were willing for him
to use you.
Right.
Yeah.
So I really, I, I, that's,that's what I was kind of drawn
to.
Like, I have to one, get back inchurch.

(37:32):
'cause I had been flying forsuch a long time leading up to
that.
I wasn't able to really be atchurch.
She was always online and, youknow, whatever.
So I was like, bedside Baptist,Baptist, I need to be in the,
yeah.
I'm like, I need to be in thehouse, right?
Mm-hmm.
And that naturally learned, ledto like serving and leading
small groups and all these sortsof things.
Um, making connections.
I would spend a lot of time inworship and prayer, fasting, all

(37:53):
these things like, I wasdreaming dreams.
They were like so loud and vividand all these things.
And so that was it.
That was my journey.
And I know, um, like the, Icould have done therapy, right?
But at that season I didn't feellike, um, that's what I was
called to kind of integrate.
Yes.
I was called to listen, I needyou to tuck off in this corner
over here with me mm-hmm.

(38:14):
And come resting me.
Ugh.
Come just rest in me.
And when I tell you like, myphone was Dr.
Drive.
Drive.
Do you hear me?
And it was great.
I mean, not that it was superpopping before, but like, it was
sori, but it was great, right?
It was really just time, peacespent.
I was reading my Bible.

(38:34):
I was getting into that word,like, and I started going
through the Bible front, theback, and I was doing it
alongside.
So on YouTube there's a class,it's called Torah class.
It's a Bible teaching class.
Yeah.
And it's so hilarious.
My 8-year-old listens to itevery night.
Every night he's just like, no,no, no, he will not go to, he's
like, we gotta put on tourclass.
I didn't make them watch it.

(38:55):
He would just maybe hear me likewashing in the car or sitting.
I think there's, there's, Godhas already arrested his heart.
He is so drawn to God.
Mm-hmm.
Yes.
And so now he's like, he's a,it's this old white man who is
doing Bible teaching and he hasto listen to it every night.
My husband, my mom-in-law, she'shere.

(39:17):
Mm-hmm.
And she's in there in their roomand she's like, I've been liking
listening to We Going The FirstKings.
But like, it, I loved it becauseI had read the, I hadn't read
the Bible through all the waythrough before.
I had always wanted to.
Um, and I had gotten but so farand I was using like a physical
concordance, but I didn't haveit.

(39:38):
So when I went back to thebeginning, I was like, I don't
know, lemme go to YouTube.
And I just googled, like Genesisor put in there like Genesis
one.

Speaker 5 (39:44):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (39:44):
And, um, I found the, the teaching class, it's Tom
Bradford.
It's amazing.
Right.
For anybody who wants to go likedeeper in the Bible and really
understand it, I alwaysrecommend go listen to to class.
Right.
Yeah.
Because it's, it's teaching younot a good sermon, which.
You know, no, no shade.
But it's, it's teaching you

Speaker 3 (40:05):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (40:05):
What is actually happening here?
What is the historical context?
What were, what were they reallytrying to translate here?
Right?
Mm-hmm.
And it gives so much color to,to the word, right?
Like I was reading before, Ifelt like it was like black and
white, but listening alongsideof that,'cause it goes by
literally chapter by chapter.
This

Speaker (40:24):
also ties into your consumption.

Speaker 2 (40:27):
Mm-hmm.
Right?

Speaker (40:28):
People don't, I always say like, I'm mindful of what I
consume.
Yeah.
And that's in all things.
Mm-hmm.
Food information, like audiowise.
Right.
Your son is eight.
Mm-hmm.
And he's like, run the show backbefore I go to bed.
Yes.
He will not go to sleep aboutit.
We don't think of how, what ourconsumption on a day, we're not
that present.

(40:48):
Mm-hmm.
Because we haven't foundbalance.
When you live in chaos.
You don't realize you consume somuch garbage.
Mm-hmm.
Every day, all day.
Mm-hmm.
You listening to you listeningto DMX on the way to church, you
know, like, you know what Imean?
You like, then you get to work.
Yeah.
You like, fuck this shit, I needto hear this.
And then it's like you consumingall of these messages.
The scrolling, and then thescrolling.

(41:09):
Then you like, ha, I do with mykid all the time.
I'm like, you want your brainnot to work.
Ha ha.
Yeah.
I'm like, that endorphin spikeis not good for your brain.
We were not wired this way.
Mm-hmm.
But then if you sit there andyou look at you are awake for 10
hours, how much of yourconsumption is aligned with your
goals?
Mm-hmm.
How much of your consumption isaligned with who God has made
you to be?

Speaker 2 (41:30):
It's really about feeding your spirit.
Right.
That's why the Bible talks aboutprotecting your eye gates and
your air gates and things likethat because that's what I, I
didn't do anything miraculous.
I just sat with God and I readhis word that he said it
sharpened any twoedged sword.
Right.
That changed me.
That re that reshaped myidentity of spending time with
her.
You can't, you can't enter thepresence of God and then just

(41:55):
leave the state.

Speaker (41:56):
You don't.
Right.
And just be like, I'm out.
I, I'm done.
You can't do that.

Speaker 2 (41:59):
That's, I spent so many, um, days, like just on my
face, just crying and, and allthese things and just spending
like sweet moments and worship.
Yes.
And it was just, it was just sobeautiful.
And so his sitting with him andhis spirit and actually reading
his word.
Yeah.
It did it right.
We think that it takes all ofthis, it's very simple.

(42:20):
I think as

Speaker (42:21):
human beings, we love complexity.
Mm-hmm.
I, this general, I have thisgeneral belief as human beings,
we love complexity becausecomplexity makes it easy to make
excuses.

Speaker 2 (42:31):
Mm-hmm.

Speaker (42:32):
Right.

Speaker 2 (42:36):
Oh, the thing Oh, oh.
Did the, um, the GI musta, um,yeah.

Speaker (42:42):
That's interesting.
That's gonna be, it's

Speaker 2 (42:44):
quite a shock.

Speaker 4 (42:49):
Hold for a second.
Um, don't forget.

Speaker 2 (42:54):
Mm-hmm.
The complexity.
Oh, is it timed out?

Speaker 4 (43:00):
Uh, um,

Speaker 2 (43:03):
I'm glad you caught it.
I know.

Speaker (43:05):
Okay.
Now you make me think I needthis DGI Kimball situation.

Speaker 4 (43:09):
Nah, it's important.
It's important.
So here's what we're gonna do.

Speaker 5 (43:21):
Do you need,

Speaker (43:26):
this is a good thing.
It actually can, you can changeangles if you want.

Speaker 5 (43:30):
Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker (43:32):
Because this will help them stay engaged.
'cause all of a sudden I waslooking at it like this.
Now I'm going like, oh wait.
Oh no switch.
Exactly.
Don't switching up on me.
You get it coined razzle dazzlethere, aren't you?
This is an in intriguingconversation now.
Visually you're doing somethings

Speaker 3 (43:57):
you need, you can use my sweat off you want?

Speaker (44:06):
Alright.
What is the name?
Okay.
MacGyver.
He's like, I hope Okay.
MacGyver good.
This is double.

Speaker 4 (44:15):
Yes.

Speaker (44:17):
I, I feel like I love these like, um.
Um, one off moments mm-hmm.
In, in the middle of aconversation.
'cause it reminds people like,this is not a scripted show.
We are generally having asincere conversation.
So if somebody walked by andsomething just, yeah, we gonna
stop and be like, yeah, but yeahgirl, I say like, you know,
like, this is this genuine,sincere conversation.
That's why I, I often go backand forth around making it like

(44:38):
a live discussion.
Mm-hmm.
Right?
Because I think when it comes topodcasts, we, you have to edit,
right?
Yeah.
To, to like chop it up for, forsponsorship opportunities and
then also like call to action.
But then I want you to rememberlike, this is I and am this is a
genuine conversation.
If you walked in right now,you'd be a part of it.
Right.
But so that's, so that's why I'msaying this is actually a great

(44:59):
thing.
Yeah.
Right.
To show people that it's not,we're not sitting here and we
scripted in discussion to like,this is us sharing our
experience and with the massesand hopes that you see yourself,
that you understand that balanceis attainable to everybody.
That we all come from some formof chaos.
We get it.
Mm-hmm.
And that's not, that's notdependent on your race or your

(45:19):
gender or your culture.
Chaos finds humans, period.

Speaker 5 (45:24):
Mm-hmm.
Right.

Speaker (45:25):
But you have to be able to find balance because without
balance you can't hear God.

Speaker 5 (45:31):
Mm-hmm.

Speaker (45:32):
Without, like, you can't do it.
And sometimes people thinkbalance is like, you know,
laying with cucumber on my faceand like, I'm just so relaxed
and my life is so peaceful andmy bills are all paid and I'm,
that's not balance.
Balance is peace, balance ispresence.

Speaker 2 (45:48):
Mm-hmm.

Speaker (45:49):
All the things that your mind and soul can do
regardless of your resources.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (45:53):
Yeah.
That's what I had to learn isthat peace in the midst of the
chaos.
That's what it was.
Like.
You can't always, like, like Isaid, I'm, I'm a health coach
and so I talk to people a lotabout food, nutrition, stress,
all the things.
Right.
Stress comes up a lot.
And what I tell people, yes,there are a lot of stress
management techniques.
Absolutely.
Do you need your stress to comedown that cortisol, all that

(46:13):
stuff?
Absolutely.
Sometimes if you are the mom ofa newborn, right?
And that newborn is waking upall throughout the night,
there's not, but a whole, awhole lot of things you can do
about that, right?
Yes.
Maybe it's the type of job thatyou have and you can't just up
to quit.
Yeah.
Right.
Maybe you have a exit plan.
Mm-hmm.
But maybe it's a six month thingand it's not today.
So sometimes some stressorscan't be removed.

(46:36):
It's just a part of your life.
So what can you do to find peacein the midst of that?
Right?
How can you make sure your cupis full so that you have the
capacity to deal with thosestressors?
That's sometimes what stressmanagement looks like.
It doesn't always look likemoving stuff outta the way.
It's, is my cup full?

Speaker 3 (46:54):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (46:55):
Um, so that I can, I have the capacity to handle the
stressors.
So, yeah.
And I even with the idea of likealignment itself, I, you know
how you always hear people like,oh, I'm chasing the bag.
Right.
This same thing, right?
Oh, I'm not here.
I'm chasing man.
Or they chasing a man or theychasing whatever.
Listen.
I'll

Speaker (47:15):
be like,

Speaker 2 (47:15):
that's that ain't it.
Like it's not it.
That's never it.
It's not it.

Speaker (47:18):
So you know, I work in technology mm-hmm.
And I also consult withdifferent technology companies
and big brands.
And they also like, oh, we'llgive you X amount of dollars if
you can work on this project anddo this for this amount of
times.
And I'm just like, fun fact,it's never about the money.
And like, and I'm like, that'snot'cause like I don't need the
money.
I need the money.
I want the money.
Yeah.
But I'm not motivated by money.

(47:40):
Mm-hmm.
Because I believe the way inwhich I operate, money
gravitates towards me.
It's the y we should worktogether.
Mm-hmm.
Why should I work here?
Like I know my skills arevaluable, like your company is
valuable.
There must be some alignmentbecause once you chase the bag,
you end up.
Just in the bag.
Mm-hmm.
Like, you literally just end upin the bag.
And for me it's like, again, Ialready, I'm already rich.

(48:00):
Like, you know, it's likemm-hmm.
My family is good.
Like I, I'm rich in the waysthat I know really matters.
Mm-hmm.
So chasing the bag just makes mefeel like there's something
missing.
And I, I, yes, there's somethingmissing this

Speaker 2 (48:15):
constant state of achieving and attaining and it's
not enough and it's not allthese things.
Right.
And that's how you're pulled outof alignment.
And so that's kind of likeanother huge revelation that I
had.
And we get all this messagingabout, you need to be doing
more, you need to be havingeight businesses.
You need to be da da da.
Right.
And it's not about chasing, it'sabout getting in alignment,

(48:37):
right.
So that you're in position toreceive what God has already
predestined.
That was a massive like

Speaker (48:44):
locker.

Speaker 2 (48:44):
What?
God has already predestined awhole lot of stuff over my life.
But if I'm way over here and I'msupposed to be way over here,
I'm not in position.
I can't get it.
Yeah.
Right.
If Amazon send a package to NewYork right.
And I'm here, but I'm supposedto be in New York to get it, I'm
not gonna get it.
Right.
Yes.

(49:04):
So it's about being inalignment.
And you can only do that bygoing back, going back to God,
being like, okay, God, what haveyou called me to do?
What have you called me tosteward?
Making sure that I'm doing thatwell.
Making sure that I'm, I'maligning things in my life to
where you are at the head andeverything else is flowing from
there.
Yes.
Right.
And I'm, I'm operating from thatspace and not this, this

(49:26):
constant chase and trying toperform.
Mm.
And it's really just learning torest and rest in you.
And you're gonna lead and guidemy steps.
That doesn't look like just, youknow, sitting on your butt and
just the Lord will bring though.
That's not it either.

Speaker (49:41):
It's not, it, nothing irritates me more.
We're

Speaker 2 (49:43):
required to do our part too.
Right.
Nothing irritates me more whenpeople are like, God

Speaker (49:48):
will fix it, and what do you do?
Yeah.
Yeah.
We have a

Speaker 2 (49:50):
part to play

Speaker (49:51):
too.
Again, the path does not show upunless you take action.
Yeah.
God is sitting here like, youknow what?
Let me, let me do all of it foryou.
Mm-hmm.
No, no, no, no.
Because then again, how are youvaluable in the kingdom of
Christ?
Right.
If you don't want to do anythingRight.
You help us get here so youdon't wanna help us get out it.
No.
Yeah.
And I always say like, again,nobody's coming.
Mm-hmm.

(50:12):
I don't know why we keep feelinglife and I don't know where this
perception came from, even as achild, I felt like I heard it,
that like somebody's going to,nobody's coming.
And I think we need to hear thatin order for you to find balance
and success and happiness andwhatever you want in your life.

(50:32):
Nobody's coming.
Tamika, you.
So, you know what, I

Speaker 2 (50:36):
actually think I opened up the book with this
like little, so there was thismoment I was at my daddy's house
'cause I was still staying thereand I was laying literally like
laying on the floor.
Done for right, laying on thefloor.
Both of my boys, they're indiaper running around chaos.
Like they're going the toys, youknow, at that age, the toys, all

(50:56):
of them make noise, all of thatstuff, right?
The TV is on and I'm just layingthere in the floor like, and I
was so tired.
I was tired.
Amen.
I was like, I am tired ofcarrying all of this.
I'm doing so much.
Sometimes it feels like thereare a lot of people around me,

(51:18):
but they don't really see me.
They don't really see what allI'm carrying and.
I'm tired, I can't do it.
And I'm literally on the floorlike crying.
My kids are oblivious,oblivious, obli, like running
around doing a thing, stillcoming, you know, tapping me on
the head and I'm just like,comatose, right?
And I'm just laying there andI'm like, like, I don't even

(51:41):
have it in me to get up off ofthis floor.
And I had that exact same thatGod, right?
That voice.
Nobody's coming to save you.
Just like you need to get up offthis floor by yourself.
You have to get up.
Nobody's coming in on a whitehorse.
This, I think at the time I hadthis feeling, yeah.

(52:03):
That, oh, if I just, if myhusband was finally here, that
was gonna fix this time, makeget better.
But I feel like that is so

Speaker (52:09):
not fair, right?
Mm-hmm.
As women, as men.
It is not fair to put thatburden on anyone.
It's not.

Speaker 2 (52:17):
It really is not.
It's not.
And that's why God had to rootthat up out of me before he sent
him.
Right?
Yeah.
You sent your good man Savannah.
Right.
So he had to, he still had to doa lot of processing and
preparation in me because Icouldn't step into that marriage
with this expectation of, whew,now I can just pass this off to

(52:39):
No, no, no, no, no.
We gotta like still heal and fixsome stuff within you.
And so that's what I got in thatmoment.
He was like, nobody's coming tosave you, nobody.
I got up, I got off that floorand I went because I was gonna,
same thing.
I need to send an email, I needto reach out to people.
I need to connect.
Right.
I had just finished my healthcoach training and um, I went

(53:01):
to,'cause I was gonna startdoing some outreach mm-hmm.
To connect with some doctors.
I couldn't find my charger and Iwas like, whatever, I'll, I'll
try again tomorrow.
So I got up that next day, firstthing morning, I sat down, sent
some emails.
I connected with a doctor whoI'm still working with today

Speaker (53:18):
to today.
Do you say, because he saidnobody, nobody is coming to save
you.
It is coming to save you.
Mm-hmm.
Because I always wonder likewhat the thought, like what is
the, the, the complete thoughtsthere.
Right.
I feel like in business and howwe think as human beings, we
all, we only think about stepone and two, right?
Oh, if I find that perfectpartner, then life will be
great.

(53:39):
Yeah.
It's a full circle ofcompletion.
So if you find that perfectpartner, you now, life is great.
The scales are tipped.
Mm-hmm.
What continues to happen in thatfull circle?
Oh, that's still, that's stillwork to be done.
And I always feel like that'sactually why, like God is not
gonna place one of his goodwarriors in the presence of

(54:00):
someone who he knows is notgoing to treat them well.
Like, you're not gonna find apartner that is aligned with you
if you don't know who you areand what you.
Are in Christ.
Yeah.
Right.
Because he's not gonna send, hewas like, alright now, so you
distracted.
So I'm gonna send you somedistractions.
Like you can, you can stay indistractions, you can stay in

(54:22):
chaos because you keep believingthat this weight, this
validation, this wholeness, lieswithin one of these people.
I'm gonna sit back and wait.
I'm gonna sit back and wait.
You go ahead and figure it out.
I'll be here until when yourealize it's me.

Speaker 2 (54:36):
Mm-hmm.
It's me.
And then that's what I did likeas I was writing.
'cause when I tell you this bookwas so revelatory, it was not
me.
It was like I'm telling as Iback through

Speaker (54:47):
write.
Yeah,

Speaker 2 (54:48):
I did.
But even as I'm reading it, asI'm like going back through
editing, I'm like, where didthis come from?
I want this.
Like, because it was, as I'mwriting, I'm just getting
revelation.
Right.
So it was, I felt so proud.
It was because it wasn't likethings that I had heard or
things that this preacher said.
No.
It was revelation that God gaveme.

(55:11):
Oh.
And so one of those things wasin my past marriage, we were
together to fulfill voids notpurpose.
And so that's what I thinkhappens in a lot of
relationships.
We are just trauma bonding.
We're filling voids.
Right.
But we're not together tofulfill purpose.
Because if you don't know whoyou are, and I don't know who I
am, we don't know what ourpurpose is, we don't know what

(55:33):
our purpose is together.
So why are we together can bedistracted

Speaker (55:36):
in one another.
Mm-hmm.
And not even have capacity to,in a weird way, this kind of is
like the, the movie forever,right?
Mm-hmm.
Where they realize that I can'tjust pour into you'cause in my
life will just be you.
Mm-hmm.
Then I don't even, then I haveno desire to even search for
purpose

Speaker 2 (55:53):
and I wasn't created for you.
Wow.
I was created for purpose.

Speaker (55:59):
Wow.

Speaker 2 (55:59):
You are my purpose partner.
We were brought together topropel the kingdom forward.
God had a plan in pairing two bytwo.
So what is his instructions forus if we don't know that?
If we're not doing that, ifwe're not solid in our
identities with him first.

(56:20):
And that's not to say we have tohave it all figured out.
Right.
Because we

Speaker (56:24):
will.
That's not, but that's where I'msaying is like, again, we have
to part our ways with theseweird expectations that, again,
someone said one time and youthink it's the reality.
Yeah.
No, there is not a human beingwalking the earth.
That is perfection.
They killed him on to Christ.
Mm-hmm.
We like, it was very clear,like, I don't understand why we
keep thinking that we need to bepoised, need to be gym 16 week

(56:46):
and my hair is flourishing and Ineed to be great, my skin needs
to be amazing.
And that's when I'm gonna findthe perfect partner to then
that's not, but then it's notlike then you have lost.
You are so far off of purpose.
Mm-hmm.
That God is like, all right,there goes that one.
So how do I find like legit?
Because it's just like, like yousaid, I paired you in twos to be
a part of my kingdom.

(57:06):
Yeah.
Then that's just so interestingthat you said that like, I
wasn't made for you.
Mm-hmm.
When we like, you know, youknow, you went to all these
weddings, girl, you had tune upand that's what they say.
Like, you're made for me.
Yeah.
You are my thing.
I'm made for you.
No, am I, no, I, no.
We are partners in Christ and Ilove the human You are.

(57:27):
I love the, like, that's what Ialways say about Omar.
I'm like, that's my husband bythe way.
He's an amazing human.
I am honored to be his wife.
Even the times when he annoysme.
Mm-hmm.
He gets on, I get on his nerves,but he's just a genuinely
sincere, good human being.
Mm-hmm.
If he wasn't my husband, hewould still be out in the world
being a good human.

(57:48):
Mm-hmm.
And doing great things.
I just get to be the cute onethat stand next to me, like, you
know what I mean?
It's different when you know whoyou are.
Mm-hmm.
And that's something he actuallytaught me from very young.
Like he, I'm, we are, when I sayblack and white, I am the
talker.
I'm miss Social.
I'm the, and he's like, I'mcool.
I'm cool on that.
I'll be over here babe.
Do your thing.
Do your thing.

(58:08):
I'm like, he's not with that atall.
And I used sitting with ouryounger years, I used to be
like, babe, come with me to theBarney or come with me to the
social, or Why are you nottalking more and da da?
And he's like, I don't needthat.
Yeah.
That's not something I need.
And like I remember vividly inlike our twenties, like I keep
watching him being content withI Am Who I Am.

(58:32):
Mm-hmm.
I said what I said.
Set with like assurity, suchasurity and like, oh, I'm not
missing out on anything.
'cause that's not even like mything.
Yeah.
It's like I don't even, like, Ilike music, but I don't like
talking to feeding it to peoplelike you do like and like he
doesn't like, you know when I'mlike you, but I have so much

(58:52):
fire, I'm telling things and I'mlike, you can really like create
community and impact.
And he's like, yeah, but no,with such certainty and like
happiness, like if you know whatI mean?
Sometimes when we hear no, or weneed to be this kind of person
to find balance and we need to,we keep thinking that it's

(59:13):
limiting, like what's annarrowing, right?
Mm-hmm.
We keep thinking in order to getthis thing we need to either get
more of resources or become lessof ourselves.
Mm.
That's genuinely what we think.
In order for me to obtainhappiness and balance, I need
more resources, but I need to beless of who God made me, who I
am.

Speaker 2 (59:30):
Mm-hmm.
Says who.
Who said you need to be more ofwho you are.
'cause he made you that way fora reason.
That part, he gave you thosegifts for a reason.
That part, and even that partnerthat he gave you, he graced them
to be able to cover you.
That part.
Everybody's not grace to coveryou.
That's why you can't bepartnered with any and everybody

(59:50):
just'cause you like them.
Do they have the grace for you?

Speaker (59:53):
And I feel like your book and your journey is for
that flock that he feels likehe's losing.

Speaker 2 (01:00:00):
Mm-hmm.
That's what I really felt calledfor in that time.
I was like, I, I was like, Ifeel like Moses.
I feel Jesus.

Speaker (01:00:10):
Jesus.
Such

Speaker 2 (01:00:12):
not Jesus.

Speaker (01:00:14):
You both

Speaker 2 (01:00:15):
me.
I did.
I really.
But that came like later, right?
Yes.
But I, I, as I was readingthrough, you know, I told you I
was starting the back front, theback.
And I got to Exodus and I wasreading Moses right.
Or reading about him.
And this exchange he had withGod.
That's probably the first momentthat I had this massive
revelation, you know, from theHoly Spirit.

(01:00:36):
And I, I grabbed a, um, a penand I just started writing.
And it was essentially as I'mwriting it, because at the time
I was really struggling kind of,I guess with like perfectionism
or whatever.
And so as I'm reading thisexchange with God, and God is
like, listen Moses, I'm gonnaneed you going back to Pharaoh.
Tell him let my people go, youknow, whatever.
Moses, like, I don't know if youknow who I am or not.

Speaker (01:00:58):
Sure.
I know you realize, you know,I'm a single

Speaker 2 (01:01:00):
mom, divorced one I've

Speaker (01:01:02):
already had, I don't know, brought it

Speaker 2 (01:01:04):
back.
Did you read before you cameover here?
I, right.
Like, I don't, let me just giveyou my resume real quick, guy,
because you know, like I killeda guy, you know, I actually
can't go back there and you'retelling me to go to Pharaoh to
like, let the millions ofpeople, that's the whole
infrastructure of Egypt, justlet'em go.
Right?
It makes like 4 million people.
Like it's a lot of people justlet'em go, right?

(01:01:26):
I don't know if I'm gonna beable to do that.
Right?
And then

Speaker (01:01:29):
we go with our logic thing.
I did the math and one, that oneplus one ain't really adding up
to me, right?
Like,

Speaker 2 (01:01:35):
like his plan is dependent on us.
He's a big God.
That part, he's a big God.
Like his plan is limited by ourlimitations.
If he called you, then he canuse you.
So I'm, I'm going this, thisexchange.
Then God is like, listen, Moses,that same mouth that I made, the

(01:01:56):
one that I cracked it on yourface, I could put the words in
it for you to use.
And that's how started going,right?
So I was like, whoa.
Right?
So then I just started likewriting and I just, that's when
I, I got this, this revelationthat is, it's not about being
perfect.
It's not about your accolades.
It's not all these things.
It's did you give God your Yes.

(01:02:17):
Are you willing to be used?
Are you a vessel that hasemptied yourself so that you can
be filled with him?
And used by him?
Yes.
Okay, cool.
No, you didn't do it.
Okay, cool.
Oh, this person, they ain'treally ready yet.
Wow.
It's not, oh, they got money.
Oh, they got connections.
Oh, they got, they went to thisschool.

(01:02:37):
Oh, they, they, they, the CEO?
No, no, no, no.
Did they gimme their Yes.
Cool.
Did they?
No, they didn't give me theirYes.
This one.
Right.
Oh, I got a bunch of yeses overthere.
Wow.
I love that.
That's all.
It's about symbol

Speaker (01:02:48):
and convicted.
That was right.
Mm-hmm.
Did you give God your Yes.
That's it.
That's it.
That's it.
While it's, again, while it's sosimple, I think many people can
sit back and go, well, I dopraise him and I believe in him.
But did I, did I say yes?

(01:03:09):
Because I think that is like,yeah, that's a level of fear,
right?
That's, it's scary.
It's scary because then you,then you really are saying you
have your, it's you trust.
Then it's like, have your

Speaker 2 (01:03:21):
will.
Did you give God your, yes.
That's it.
All he need to be doing.
Just tap you in your shoulderand say, Hey, that person, I
need you to go over there andtell them X, Y, and Z.
What?
I dunno.
I dunno.
Them I, they gonna look at melike I'm crazy.
I'm telling them, what?
No, no, no.
Yes or yes or no.
Hey Kay, I need you to go.
That person said over there, Ineed you to go get$300 and get

(01:03:41):
what to them.
What?
You don't know what's on theother side of your yes.
You don't know what prayersomebody else is praying.
God, please show up for metoday.
I just need$300 to, to pay this.
I just need$300.
Are they gonna X, Y, and Z mykids?
I God please show I I need you.
God.
Right?
And then he just sends somebodyand he sends one of,'cause he

(01:04:04):
blesses people through people.
$300 ain't gonna fall from theside.
I say that

Speaker (01:04:09):
all the time.
God blesses people with people.
We don't, it's so easy for us tosee blessings and things, which
again, irritates me.
If we talk like.
Deep.
Like it's so easy for us to belike, oh, he blessed me with
this new house.
He blessed me with this new car.
I hate, I hate how people don'tsee that God's true blessings

Speaker 2 (01:04:33):
is in people.
Yeah.
They send you a person,

Speaker (01:04:37):
they send you, they send you a person, and it's so
much more valuable.
Mm-hmm.
It's'cause human beings, we'reso layered.
We're so complex.
We're so full.
He's like, I am big.
That's why he says kingdom.
Mm-hmm.
That's why he says kingdom.
Yeah.
This has been an amazingconversation.
Like ama, I can talk to you allday.
I know.

(01:04:59):
I'm sure we, yeah.
But thank you so much forbringing us into your journey,
bringing us into your world andhow you found balance.
Right?
Yeah.
A single divorced mom nowremarried.
I, let's finish it.
Remarry re re.
And today's actually herhusband's birthday.

(01:05:19):
I happy and he's behind thecamera.
So Happy

Speaker 2 (01:05:22):
birthday day.
You, happy birthday to you.

Speaker (01:05:28):
Thank you so much for joining this conversation and
this is, how do you divinebalance?

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24/7 News: The Latest

Stuff You Should Know

All Episodes

BALANCE| Finding Harmony Through Faith and Life's Lesson with Chatela Young Eugene

Crime Junkie