DREAMERS GUILT| Navigating Success and Empathy

In this episode, we delve deep into the complex emotion of guilt. Learn about its causes, effects, and how it influences our actions and relationships. Discover strategies to manage and overcome feelings of guilt effectively. Whether you're dealing with recent regrets or long-standing guilt, this video provides valuable insights to help you navigate through it.

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Sanika is a storyteller, communicator, and creator passionate about exploring self-discovery, culture, and the power of words. With a background in technology and marketing communications; she has built a platform dedicated to authentic conversations that inspire growth, challenge perspectives, and amplify voices.

As the host of How Do You Divine?, she invites listeners to redefine meaning, embrace transformation, and navigate life—one word at a time. Her mission? To create space for reflection, empowerment, and deeper connections through storytelling.

Episode Transcript

Speaker (00:00):
Welcome to How Do You Divine the show where we explore
the words and concepts thatshape our lives.
One thought provokingconversation at a time.
I'm your host, Tanika Nicki, andtoday we dive into a topic
that's as complex As it isdeeply human dreamer's guilt,
whether it's walking away from acar accident, surviving an

(00:21):
illness, or living throughtraumatic event that others
didn't survive, survival guiltcan weigh on the minds and souls
like anchors.
What is it really?
Why do we experience it?
How do we navigate it in a waythat allows us to live fully
while honoring those who didn'thave the same fortune?

(00:41):
Stick with me.
We'll unpack it.
First, let's unpack whateveryone knows, which is, what
is survivor's guilt?
Let's start with the basics.
Survivor's guilt is a form ofself blame that often when
someone survives a situationwhere others didn't or they felt
that they benefited in a waywhere others suffered, that is

(01:03):
where that guilt comes from.
And I'm no doctor, I'm not apsychologist.
I'm speaking from firsthandexperience, and you might feel
like, why them and not me?
Or did I deserve to survive?
And these thoughts come up andmix different ways of sadness,
of fusion, even shame,interestingly enough, before I

(01:24):
dived into a concept that Ithink I.
I've I've come to Coin Dreamersguilt.
I wanted to talk about whatsurvivor's guilt meant
survivor's guilt isn't a modernphenomenon.
It's been documented from warveterans to disaster survivors.
Even in literature forcenturies, psychologists often

(01:44):
link it to a sense ofresponsibility and morality.
So it's a good thing.
In a way, it's part of whatmakes us empathetic in being,
then it can spiral intosomething unhealthy and if left
unchecked, both survivor anddreamers guilt evolve feelings
of undeserved success orfortune, but they arise from

(02:05):
different context and differentdistinct emotions.
Underpinning in this episode, Iwanna share my experience as a
dreamer and the associatedguilt.
Oddly enough, you would think asa dreamer, you shouldn't have
any guilt.
When someone thinks of aDreamer's guilt, it's actually
not ridiculous because in orderto dream beyond what you see and

(02:30):
what you read.
There takes this sense ofinternal tugging pulling that
there is something more, there'ssomething different here.
And then getting comfortablewith that thought.
I don't think anyone wants to beunlike the others.
I don't think anyone makes thatpursuit.
But a little bit more aboutrumor's, guilt.

(02:52):
It is always feeling like youneed to do more to deserve your
own purpose.
To do more to deserve your ownblessings is absolutely wired in
a weird way, and I can't tellyou necessarily where my dream
is guilt come from, but I canpinpoint moments where I said to
myself, this is not it.

(03:12):
This can't be the appropriateway.
But always making sure that yourinternal compass of who you are
and how you treat others.
And how you allow others totreat you is aligned with your
intentions, because often we canget a little beside ourself, as
Rete would say, you knowyourself and get too comfortable

(03:35):
with what is, and forget aboutwhat will be and what the
purpose is.
It is not just to be.
It is not just to exist.
It is not just to pursue.
The notoriety for the people ofthe fame of the things.
It is for a purpose.
It is for the people.
It is to ensure that we amplifya space where it is comfortable,

(04:00):
where it is free to say, I'm notsure where I'm going, but I am
confident about my next step.
And my next step is not the nextstep Everyone thinks it should
be.
It's not the.
System or the structure that waslaid out for me.
There are many people who live avery courageous life and they

(04:21):
deserve all of the credit forthat because to be courageous
means to go it alone.
In some way, hopefully with byyour side, but it's often to
break away from this system orthis process of what you were
told was definitive.
And I think in today's age, weknow there's nothing definitive.

(04:43):
The concept of finding a goodjob at a good company and
working for 30 years and gettinga good pension and then living
your life.
I think we already haveuncovered that hoodwink or to be
a struggling artist becausestruggle is great.

(05:05):
No, I think to dream and also topace is equally important.
Take your time like I am withthis podcast, one episode at a
time.
Each concept at a time, ensuringthat this conversation in these
spaces are not just words over abeautiful background and some

(05:29):
clothes and some makeup, butoften like really making a
difference, creating a spacewhere you can't live, be
yourself.
And so you want.
Not be seen as one thing oranother, rather and another.
So thank you so much for joiningthis episode of How Do You

(05:50):
Divine Dreamer's Guilt.
See you on the next one.
Hi.
Have you ever watched a show andthought, oh damn, I love that
show.
Believe the lousy base of LeBronJames Rise of Fall is one of the
best basketball players ever.
He entered the league, not aquestion, a statement.

(06:10):
He is one of the best basketballplayers ever, argue with your
mama.
But while LeBron was able tobring along Maverick, who was
his right hand guy, hisgirlfriend, now wife at the
time.
And raise this amazing familyand have this amazing ecosystem.
I'm sure there are people he hadto leave along the way, and on

(06:33):
the early stages, I'm sure therewere some sense of guilt about
those people.
Why they couldn't understand andwhy didn't they want more for
themselves?
Maybe they wasn't athletic andmaybe basketball wasn't their
calling, but doing nothingsettling for life that's just to
exist and not to live.
What kind of life is that?

(06:54):
And over the journeys ofDreamer's guilt, it made me
realize that just becausesomeone's life doesn't mirror
the one that I feel they shouldhave does not mean it's not a
bad life, right?
So that's not what Dreamer'sguilt is.
Dreamer's guilt actuallyoriginates from achieving
personal dreams and success andopportunity, especially others

(07:14):
in your community and family andsocial circles have not had the
same.
Maybe they don't know who theyare or what they want out of
life.
Is that fair to them or you, foryou to feel guilty about that
decision?
Or is it a sense ofresponsibility that you feel
like, let's just say from aresource perspective, you have

(07:34):
five and they have one, so youowe them to share.
Often seen individuals who breakbarriers achieve upwardly
mobility and leave behinddifficult situations to pursue a
better life.
The feeling of guilt of evenearning a college degree when
others in your family couldn'tafford to.
Guilt is guilt and because I'msomeone who believes that your

(07:58):
intentions are led in some wayby your emotion and your moral
compass.
I think it's important to talkabout this because I often feel
some sense of dreamer guilt thatstems from.
Maybe mom guilt, right?
As I pursue this career andbuilding my podcast, this is

(08:20):
time I'm taking away from them.
This is time that I could befocusing on building my career.
Sounds familiar.
It might, maybe you felt, ormaybe you know, someone who felt
somewhat similar.
Why do we experience this?
It's an odd thing that you arepursuing a goal and a dream that
you think will change everyone'slife in your ecosystem, but then

(08:44):
you're guilty about the pursuitof that dream.
I don't know.
Our brains are wired forempathy, which is usually a
beautiful thing.
It helps us connect and care forothers, but after the aftermath
of a traumatic event, or thesame empathy of the twist and
the guilt of me wanting to bringeveryone with me.

(09:06):
Guilt is guilt.
There's also a sense ofresponsibility.
Even if there's nothing you canhave done or nothing I can even
offer, there is still this senseof guilt, this sense of
disconnect.
So I thought that in thisepisode, we'll dive into it and
see if anyone feels that way.
Who do you think you are todream.

(09:27):
Who do you think you are topursue even that college degree
or even that job that you maynot even be qualified for?
Who do you think you are?
I wanna take a moment here tojust congratulate you for.
putting one step in front of theother, pursuing that dream, big

(09:50):
or small, because it takes a lotof courage, it takes a lot of
bravery.
And the interestingdifferentiation between those
two things is I think braveryhappens in a moment.
you are encountered with thesituation and you need to know,
do I fight, do I act or do Isubmit?

(10:12):
And I think in all of us thereis some sense of bravery because
we want to survive thatsituation.
But courage.
Courage is a little bitdifferent'cause courage requires
subconscious belief.
It requires a level ofgroundness, a level of certainty
that you are acting in a waythat is not only best for you,

(10:34):
but best for others.
You are acting in a way in whichyour faith and your relationship
with God is driving you.
I would say that my courage andcourageousness stems from my
relationship with God.
I acknowledge the feeling, theguilt that thrives in the
silence.
I talk to someone.
I trust family members.

(10:56):
It exists.
It definitely exists.
Even as I shift my perspective,knowing that God put me on this
path and this journey that he'dlike me to pursue.
That's why I don't chaseanything.
So I don't do beyond what I feelin that moment.
I create a strategy and I alterit 10 times because I've never
wanted to be too much of me andnot much of him honoring others

(11:20):
through my actions.
I dedicate time to.
Two, the things that matter.
Most importantly, my family, mydaughters, I dedicate time to
learning.
I practice self-compassion alot.
Guilt is heavy, especially inmob guilt.
Then there's wife guilt, thenthere's sister guilt.
There's the guilt of theCaribbean.

(11:43):
We find guilt in anything.
But guilt is heavy.
But compassion is so light, andI find refuge in the sun, and I
feel like I am light, so I takeit one step at a time.
There's no perfect way to handleDreamers guilt.
Everyone's journey is differentand maybe that guilt steps from

(12:04):
something else.
What's important is givingyourself to heal on your own
pace.
Take your time.
Everything is not, road was notbuilt in a day.
Before we wrap up, I wanna leaveyou with some highlight and some
things that I've been thinkingabout.
I have always journaled and atone point you could say

(12:27):
journaling is like doing adiary.
Nah, not really.
Journaling is about flushing outideas.
So I encourage you to flesh outyour ideas, put your thoughts on
paper.
'cause often they circle in yourmind and it's just not healthy.
Everyone deserves peace.
Dreamer's.
Guilt is a sign of a big heart,and that's what I keep reminding

(12:49):
myself.
It means that we care deeply,but caring for others should
never come at the expense ofcaring for myself, and I know
that due to the lovely.
Lessons of my grandmothers.
If you've been carrying someform of guilt, ICU, I hope this
conversation gives you a littlespace to breathe, to reflect, to

(13:09):
maybe even take the first steptowards healing.
But I.
Hopefully I've given you someinsight on what it's like and
what is Dreamer's guilt?
Is it the guilt of pursuing yourown dreams or the guilt of not
having the ability to bringeveryone or maybe knowing that
you should?

(13:30):
It's the guilt that comes withthe pursuit of your dream.
But thank you so much forjoining this episode, and if
this episode resonated with you,share it with someone who might
need to hear it.
Let's keep the conversationgoing, because growth happens
when we lean in touncomfortable.
Choose to evolve.

(13:50):
And until next time, take careof yourself.
Take care of each other.
'cause this guilt, be guilt.
Thank you for watching thisepisode of How Do You Divine?
A Little Snippet of Dreamer'sGuilt.