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June 3, 2025 38 mins

Ancient Wisdom Meets Modern Divorce: A Guide to Repair and Healing

Seth Nelson, a Tampa divorce attorney, and Pete Wright explore the complex journey of repentance and repair during divorce with special guest Rabbi Danya Ruttenberg, author of "On Repentance and Repair: Making Amends in an Unapologetic World." Rabbi Ruttenberg brings ancient Jewish wisdom to modern relationship challenges, offering insights into healing and growth when marriages end.

The conversation dives deep into what true repair means in divorce, exploring the difference between reconciliation and healing. Seth and Pete discuss with Rabbi Ruttenberg her five-step framework for meaningful repentance, examining how these principles apply specifically to divorce situations. The discussion illuminates how personal accountability and genuine healing can occur even when one party refuses to participate in the repair process, and explores the impact of this work on co-parenting relationships.

Questions we answer in this episode:

  • Can you heal from divorce without receiving an apology from your ex?
  • How do you move forward when the other person won't take accountability?
  • What role does personal accountability play in divorce healing?

Key Takeaways:

  • True healing requires owning your part, regardless of the other person's actions
  • The five steps of repentance provide a practical framework for divorce healing
  • Modeling accountability and repair helps children navigate divorce impacts better

This episode offers invaluable insights for anyone navigating divorce or its aftermath. Rabbi Ruttenberg's framework, combined with Seth's legal expertise and Pete's facilitation, creates a powerful roadmap for personal growth and healing during one of life's most challenging transitions.

Links & Notes

  • (00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster
  • (00:26) - Meet Rabbi Danya Ruttenberg
  • (03:47) - Repair in the Context of Divorce
  • (05:06) - When the Other Party Won’t Engage
  • (06:50) - Doing Your Work
  • (11:24) - Needing to Face the Music Together
  • (13:00) - Steps of Repentance
  • (17:56) - Readiness for Change
  • (19:08) - From the Legal Perspective
  • (21:42) - Blame
  • (24:48) - Learning Better Ways to Communicate
  • (27:56) - Repentance Around the Kids
  • (30:33) - When Kids Become a Focus
  • (34:38) - Finding Peace
  • (36:24) - Wrapping Up
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