The Avoidance Trap: Managing Divorce Emotions with Dr. Michelle Maidenberg

Navigating Emotional Avoidance in DivorceIn this illuminating episode of How to Split a Toaster, family law attorney Seth Nelson and Pete Wright explore emotional avoidance during divorce with expert guest Dr. Michelle Maidenberg, a specialist in mindfulness and emotional resilience.Understanding Values in ConflictDr. Maidenberg explains how our core values shape divorce decisions and reactions. Values aren't just what we claim to prioritize—they reveal themselves through our actions and emotional triggers. When two values conflict, such as financial security versus family time, the resulting tension often drives divorce disputes.Breaking Down Emotional AvoidanceThe conversation delves into how emotional avoidance manifests during divorce proceedings. Dr. Maidenberg describes various avoidance tactics people employ, from repression to distraction, while explaining how these coping mechanisms can ultimately hinder healing and resolution.Practical Tools for Emotional RegulationDr. Maidenberg introduces therapeutic approaches including EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) for managing divorce-related trauma and anxiety. She emphasizes the importance of finding the right therapeutic relationship and approach for individual needs.Key Insights:

• Identify conflicting core values to better understand emotional reactions during divorce
• Set appropriate boundaries around communication to maintain emotional stability
• Work with qualified professionals to develop personalized coping strategies

The Role of Professional SupportThe episode highlights how legal counsel and mental health professionals can work together to support clients through divorce. Seth Nelson shares practical strategies for managing difficult communications, while Dr. Maidenberg offers therapeutic perspectives on processing divorce-related emotions.Plus, the conversation explores how different therapeutic modalities—from CBT to mindfulness-based approaches—can help individuals navigate divorce's emotional challenges while staying true to their values.This episode provides valuable insights for anyone seeking to better understand and manage their emotional responses during divorce, while offering practical tools for maintaining stability throughout the legal process.Links & Notes

• Find Michelle on her website, LinkedIn, X, Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube
• Check out Michelle’s book “Ace Your Life: Unleash Your Best Self and Live the Life You Want”
• Schedule a consult with Seth
• Got a question you want to ask on the show? Click here!

• (00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster
• (00:26) - Meet Dr. Michelle Maidenberg
• (01:01) - Emotional Avoidance
• (02:18) - Formative Values
• (06:36) - When in Distress
• (07:54) - In the Divorce Process
• (10:13) - Dealing with Fear
• (12:10) - Conflict of Values
• (16:56) - Values Charting
• (17:59) - Learning to Self-Regulate
• (23:19) - EMDR
• (27:20) - Finding the Right Therapist
• (29:36) - Finding Michelle
• (31:19) - Wrap Up