Inside the Mediation Room: Understanding the Process with Family Law Mediator Tami Sbar
In this episode of How to Split a Toaster, part of the season-long series Your Divorce Case, Seth Nelson and Pete Wright welcome back family law mediator Tami Sbar to dive deep into the mediation process. With 35 years of legal experience, Tami shares her unique perspective as a neutral party who helps divorcing couples reach agreements outside the courtroom. This episode builds on last week's discussion about mediation preparation, offering valuable insights into what actually happens during mediation sessions.
Seth and Pete explore with Tami how mediation differs from courtroom proceedings, particularly in how it empowers couples to make their own decisions. Tami explains her role as a neutral facilitator rather than a decision-maker, and describes how she works with couples separately to help them reach mutually beneficial agreements. The conversation covers everything from managing power imbalances to handling emotional reactions, while providing practical examples of how mediators can help bridge communication gaps between divorcing partners.
Questions we answer in this episode:
- What exactly does a mediator do during divorce proceedings?
- How do mediators handle situations with significant power imbalances?
- Can mediation address issues that courts can't enforce, like college expenses?
Key Takeaways:
- Mediators work as neutral facilitators, not judges or decision-makers
- Keeping parties in separate rooms often leads to better outcomes
- Successful mediation requires both parties to be emotionally ready to settle
Plus, we tackle another listener question! A parent asks about handling college expenses in states where courts don't address them, particularly when one parent previously promised to cover costs through inheritance. Seth and Tami discuss various solutions, from establishing trusts to creating detailed agreements with specific timeframes and conditions.
Whether you're considering mediation or already scheduled for it, this episode provides crucial insights into the process. Tami's experienced perspective, combined with Seth and Pete's practical advice, offers valuable guidance for anyone navigating divorce mediation.
Links & Notes
- Schedule a consult with Seth
- Got a question you want to ask on the show? Click here!
- (00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster
- (00:26) - Mediation with Tami Sbar
- (01:29) - Tami’s Background
- (03:32) - Conditions to Get Through It
- (04:46) - Being ‘A Neutral’
- (06:20) - Finding Underlying Reasons
- (07:53) - With or Without Lawyers
- (09:14) - Compartmentalization
- (11:26) - Preparing Mentally for Mediation
- (16:31) - How Lawyers Can Mess Things Up
- (21:02) - Your Authority
- (22:56) - Negotiating
- (25:01) - Power Imbalances
- (29:57) - Finding a Good Mediator
- (32:07) - Certification
- (32:51) - Feeling Comfortable with Your Mediator
- (34:42) - Listener Question
- (42:36) - Wrap Up
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