April 25, 2025 • 33 mins
This week on Brolapse, I sit down with the stunning and soft-spoken Rock Biggs—fist pig, bodybuilder, and unexpected mental health icon. We finally connect after a series of near-misses (including a heartbreaking one at Darklands), and what unfolds is one of the most vulnerable conversations the show has ever hosted.
We talk about the first time his hole got fisted (even if he doesn’t quite remember it), the ways addiction and autism shaped his early sexual journey, and how he balances public attention with private healing. From pre-shoot rituals to avoiding go-go boxes at fetish events, Rock opens up about the anxiety behind the persona, and what it means to show up—on camera, in community, and for himself.
This isn’t just a sex talk. It’s a survival story. And one I’m honored to share.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Welcome to Broil Apps, the fisting podcast that goes deep
explore my life views and raw, unfiltered conversations with
the creators that are redefiningkink connection in the fisting
community. Hey guys, welcome back to
another episode of Bro Lapse. And today I'm really excited
about our guests. Today we have Rock Biggs on the
show. Go ahead and introduce yourself.
Hey, well, I'm Rock Biggs. Here.
(00:21):
I am here. I am.
I'm really excited. We had like our paths have
almost crossed a couple. Of times near misses.
Yeah, near misses. Yes, that's a good way to
describe it. Yeah, Dark.
I think the last one was Darklands.
Yes, I'm 12, wasn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
My heart kind of like breaks every time I see that scene of
you and Axel. And I'm just like, oh,
motherfucker. I was like, I was not well that
(00:43):
day. I wish I could have done it.
I was so bummed. Yeah, no, I'm.
I'm a big fan and I love watching your videos.
And so I'm just really grateful that you're willing to be part
of the show. And I think it's gonna be a
really important episode 'cause it's important to me some of the
topics that we're going to cover.
So I'll go ahead and get started.
Let's start with the basics, like since this is a fisting
podcast, like what drew you intofisting content?
(01:03):
And when did you first realize that your hole was something
kind of legendary? What drew me into fisting?
OK, it's been part of my sexuality since I first had an
reaction, that's for sure. Since I first discovered porn is
something that I stumbled acrossand then could not get out of my
head. That's, that's for sure.
(01:24):
There's when I was I think 15, my parents bought me a laptop
and within a month it was absolutely riddled with viruses
and it had to be sent to, sent to a laptop like repair centre
in the little town that we livedin.
Who knew? And, and like the woman who
fixed the laptop was a friend ofmy step mum.
(01:45):
And she told my parents that we're not going to say where
these viruses came from, but it definitely came out that I was
watching fisting porn to my parents.
How old were you? 15 my.
God, that's crazy. And so it's been that was like
the biggest, well, I guess it was filled with shame
(02:06):
immediately or I didn't want I didn't want anyone to know I was
wanking when I was like a teenager anyway, family and then
knowing that that's what I was wanking to was.
Yeah. Massively traumatizing, just the
thought that they knew that. So it has been part of my
sexuality right from the very start.
And then obviously you are someone who there are very few
(02:28):
porn stars who I who I knew the name of before I got into porn.
Very few. But you were definitely one of
the safe 3. People, I'm very flattered.
I'm very flattered. Thank you.
You are. Was it the pickup truck video?
I'm just going to guess that's awesome.
Well, that's a crazy story. I mean, like I kind of got outed
the same way. I mean, like I remember when I
(02:49):
was a kid, I because we all did that.
We all like downloaded porn and got viruses.
We were like Limewire and Kazaa and Napster and all that shit
like downloading like videos. It was always the same videos
that were listed there and we'd all just get viruses because
like, and so I think our situation, your situation, it's
not terribly unique because I think that there's a lot of guys
that have been outed like in thesame way.
I remember that my mom like I took, I got my lap, my, my
(03:12):
computer taken away from me whenI was a kid because I was like
taking pictures of myself and shit.
Like I was like, yeah, my mom was, it just went to my friends
dad's house to fix and never came back.
And I was like, God, where did the computer go?
So that was awkward. So then.
So then, when was your first fishing experience?
Well, I guess my just about my whole teens into my late 20s, I
(03:33):
was very, very sheltered sexually.
Like I didn't explore any of thekinks that I had.
I was in a long term relationship with a guy who I
didn't love, but he loved me. So I thought that's that's and
he was just incredibly vanilla, like lovely guy, but nothing,
nothing sexually really. And that was 10 years of more
(03:56):
like the, the prime of my, my, my early 20s into yeah, like
late 20s. So all of this was a secret.
There's always a secret. And I didn't, I guess it gets
very deep very quickly, isn't it?
But it corresponds with with discovering partying and then
getting deeper and deeper into addiction and then just not
(04:19):
really knowing who I was meeting, what the feelings I was
feeling. And my first fisting experience,
I was told that I was fisted, but I can't remember it.
So wow, these sorts of things were and that's that was that
was a pattern for for quite a while.
So it was AI look back on it as a real shame because I wasn't
like a moment where the hand popped in and it was just like
(04:39):
amazing. It was.
It's just I think that happened.I'm not sure that happened, but
it's it's relatively recent. You know, in the past five years
of my life that I've noticed that my whole can give me so
much pleasure rather than just watching other people.
I'm now fully able to enjoy it myself.
Yes, you are. I am familiar enough with your
(05:01):
work to know that you do enjoy it very much.
So I'm like, that's awesome. I'm really, you know, it's
everybody's got like a differentorigin story and that you've
made-up for the experience, the lack of that first experience
being maybe not so memorable that you've had probably some
memorable experiences since then.
I have been very lucky to to to to make up for that in a very
short amount of time as well. So so it is good.
(05:23):
Yeah, my my first missing experience was with this guy.
I think I found this Dad. Do you remember Manhunt?
Did you guys have Manhunt? No.
No, So we had Manhunt in the States and it was this hookup
website and as soon as I turned 18, I like jumped on and I was
like OK, fisting. I was like, I had seen it when I
(05:43):
was like 1516 and I wanted to try it so bad and I just went to
this daddy's house in this dungeon and it was like super
sketchic. I probably could have died and
like, but I got fisted and I remember walking out of there
just being like, I fucking figured out my life.
I know exactly what I'm doing now.
So your scenes are always super intense, but also pretty
grounded. How do you manage or how do you
(06:03):
prepare mentally and physically for a shoot?
Is there a ritual routine you going to go through beforehand?
Well, with with a shoot is when it's filming, then it's always
been planned in advance, of course, and there is the whole
ritual behind it. So for us being like, like
amateur bodybuilder, part time bodybuilder, not a bit more than
part time, but amateur, they arevery hard to mix together.
(06:26):
They're very hard hobbies to mixtogether.
So having to eat all of the foodthat I would be eating for most
days, just it just goes. I'm just not able to do it
properly if I'm, if I'm shooting, especially if it's a
long shoot. So there's a there's a good few
days build up to make sure that it's all built into into the
workout plan, into the food planand stuff like that.
(06:47):
Yes, depending on depending on on obviously whether it's got
travel involved as well. But there is a few day build up.
Most most definitely. I know it's not with being I
guess it's part part of this mental, the mental shift.
You know, I adopt another character then for this.
I am not the bodybuilder Colin. I'm going into rock Biggs like
(07:10):
this is this is my person who I am.
Switch on. I switch on and I switch on like
in the morning, depending on I'll always try and shoot like
midday, early afternoon if I canso that I can just sort of get
it over and done with because that's always my thought in the
morning. Just get it over and done with,
get it over and done with. And then as soon as it starts,
(07:31):
as soon as I've met whoever I'm filming with, especially if I've
not met them before. I think I think it'd be it would
probably be about 95% of the time.
I always have a really, really good time from the 1st 10
seconds. That is the build up, the build
up, the build up more and more anxiety in the build up to, to,
to meeting someone. And that's just part of who who
(07:52):
I am as a person general not wanting to meet anyone new.
But as like I say, as soon as wego into into into the room,
literally as soon as I start talking to them in person
physically it it always just gets so easy.
Life just like just it just changes so so it's.
Cool. Like it's it's funny like I, I'm
(08:14):
realizing now as we're talking like we're very similar.
I've been doing porn for 18 years since I was since I was 18
years old and in 18 years I still get the same level of
anxiety before a shoot. And these are shoots that I plan
with people that I want to film with.
Like they're not like studios putting me with people that I
don't know. I connected with this person.
And even still before they get there, I'm nervous and I'm
(08:35):
anxious. And like, then they get there
like do anything to drink. And I'm like being like overly
hosty. And I'm like, just calm down.
I'm like, and then, but then as soon as I get in the sling, as
soon as we start going like, I'mlike, it's good.
And so most of the time it's good.
I had a scene recently that I didn't know.
This is sort of funny. I didn't know that he didn't
like I should, I should speak more than one language.
That's like, my thought is that I, I, I should speak more than
(08:56):
one language, especially Spanishin South Florida, but I don't.
But like this guy comes over to film with me and had been using
a translator to talk to me the whole entire time.
And so like, I had no idea. And so he shows up here and then
I'm like, here, here's my paperwork.
He's like, what? And I was like, and they say Rep
pulls out his phone. He said, I speak no English.
I'm like, oh shit. So then like when we were
playing, I couldn't communicate with him about like what I
(09:19):
needed or what I wanted. So I was like, I was like, slow
down. He's like, I'm like, bro, I'm
like, I'm gonna die. So I mean, like, but other than
situations like that, like weirdkind of mishaps like that or
miscommunications, like I'm in the same way.
I almost always have like a really good time too.
And I feel like it shows in our videos when we have a good.
Time. Yeah, yeah.
It's, it's it, it's really hard for me to change my face if I'm,
(09:43):
if I'm not having a good time. It's really, really, really
hard. There are a couple, especially
like when Phil, my husband Phil,when he knows me now well enough
and there's a couple of videos. It's like you're really not
enjoying yourself. Are you on the line?
I know, I know, it's so funny. My good, my like my biggest
fans. They can always point about
they're like you aren't. They feel they like know my
mannerisms well enough that theyknow like when I'm enjoying it.
(10:05):
When I'm not, they're like, the fuck Yazz and the all the like,
you know, all that stuff is likedifferent tone, I guess.
So that's funny. So you've got a really strong
visual brand. Like how much of what we see is
curated versus spontaneous when you're filming?
So I guess it's like exactly what you've just said.
It's as long as I get home. Well, filming, OK, filming
fisting, filming vanilla sex. Then there are or penetrative
(10:29):
sex. I'll say there are two
different. It's when when I'm being fisted
on camera, I cannot act my my brain cannot, I can't think of
anything else. It's it's a really powerful.
This is one of the one of the ways that I got over addiction
was through fisting because it'sso powerful.
It's really sort of replaced everything that I needed.
(10:50):
But therefore I can't think about composing myself or
putting putting anything on likethe majority of the time because
because it's so intense when we're talking about filming with
with it with just like a Dick inmy, then oftentimes I'll have to
remember what I'm doing, what I'm meant to do.
So it's just it's always I always find it quite painful as
(11:12):
well. It's just like.
I know. I was just telling my friend
that last night. I was like, I feel like I'm
getting stabbed, I'm getting fucked.
I'm like I get fisted all day long, but Dick sex, I'm just,
I'll take it or leave it. Like, yeah.
Yeah, Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that, that sometimes is.
But again, it just depends on the person.
But but yeah, with, with fisting, there is, there is.
I will, I will just be laughing.I just whatever emotion happens
(11:36):
to come to me, I feel emotions really, really strongly.
I feel feelings really strongly.So if and if there's nothing
happening, it's really visual onmy face.
Like it is quite, quite visual. There's there's I think it's
only twice where I've just not put a video up.
Like it's just not. Yeah, it's just not.
Like maybe there's one I'll say in the vault, yeah.
If, if needed, it could come out.
(11:58):
But yeah, no, it's it's. But otherwise, like, again, a
large percentage of the time it is just just, I'm just not, not
able. There's a lot of giggling that
happens. Yeah, yeah.
No, and that's what that's what I love about porn today is that
there's this movement towards authenticity versus
perfectionism. People want to see us having a
good time versus 2 hot perfect bodies together where they used
(12:21):
to. I come from an era of porn where
you got an agent and you got paired up with whoever you you
got paired up with at your studio and you didn't have a
say. So I got paired up with people
had no chemistry with, but they were hot.
But I mean, I didn't really get along with them.
And so now I'm so happy that theshift has happened where people
wanna see us actually engaging in sex we wanna be having.
(12:42):
And people always wanted to see that.
Yeah, yeah. The vast people, just boys.
It's what was missing. I think it's what was missing
from porn culture. There was just need to just have
two hot guys together regardlessof whether they had chemistry or
not. And now we're all picking who we
wanna fuck and so. Yeah, still getting anxious.
Yeah, still getting anxious though.
Exactly. That's so funny and so true.
(13:06):
Do you ever feel pressure to live up to your reputation as a
porn star or anything in real life?
In real life. So if there's, there's, it's
sort of I, I have moved my life to be very I, I live on a farm
in the Peak District in like north of England, which is like,
I don't see anyone. I won't see anyone for the next
two days. Like this is how I how I live my
(13:28):
life normally. Oh wow.
When I do want to go and be partof it, for example, going to
Darklands or going to Folsom, it, it will, I will get really,
really excited. And that will be part of the
whole build up, you know, havinglike a rubber suit made-up with
like rock bigs written over the back and stuff like that.
(13:49):
And I'll get really, really, really excited for it.
And then as soon as I put it allon and I'm, I'm like, oh, my
little lime scooter with rock bigs written on the back.
I, I just like, what the fuck amI doing?
What the fuck am I doing? This is not me.
And then and then I get that again and it is I've got a
reputation as just sort of beinga bit of a like, I guess what
(14:11):
would it be? Just a little, a little himbo
himbo fist hole I guess I'd say.That's accurate.
Yeah, but. There's depth to you.
Too who? Who am I deciding to to to pull
out-of-the-box for that day? But but yeah, it is, it is hard
to live up to that expectation in real life all the time.
How do you find it? I hide in my house.
(14:34):
So like I hide in my house. I have built a neon palace that
is more like a cave, but like it's I don't, it's hard for me.
I think of myself as Ryan. There's Ryan James, who's like
kind of anxious and nervous and doesn't really love social
situations too much because I don't know what to talk about
most of the time, because everybody always wants to just
talk to me about fisting. I'm the outlet for fisting for
(14:56):
everyone. And so they just talk to me
about that. And sometimes I just want to
talk about fucking, I don't know, daredevil or something on
Disney or something. And so nobody ever wants to talk
to me about that stuff. And so that's annoying.
But then hunger FF is much more confident and when I turn on, I
turn on and I get really, I can feel it change inside me.
And so, but I'm just like you, the build up to going to these
(15:17):
events and stuff. I psyched myself out.
I mean, I went, I mean even events like fist Fest where like
that should be my home, my home space.
I get so anxious going there because I get bombarded when I
go. I can't attend these events as
Ryan James anymore. I want to but I can't.
There's no anonymity. And it's a weird double, it's a
(15:39):
weird double edged sword becauseI was kind of around in the
beginning when the fisting community was really expanding
and so it was cool to be part ofthat.
But now it's expanded and I've grown in a way that makes me
kind of almost an outsider. It's a little bit, it's a little
tricky for me sometimes, but I'mtrying to get over my dumb shit
about social things and just getback into the grind.
So I've started going to fistingparties here locally again.
(16:02):
And I went actually went to one just two nights ago.
He's. Like, Oh my God, we.
Didn't expect to see you here. I'm like well I'm not gonna let
this fucking bag stop me from living my life.
And also I want to say I'm really glad to do an episode not
about the perforation today. So like because my last like 3
episodes have been all about that so I have so.
Many questions, but I will leavethem for that.
Yeah, I'll answer. I'm an open book.
(16:23):
So we talked about this a littlebit earlier.
We almost met at Darklands. So, and this is sort of kind of
a tie into the last question too.
Events like that can be overwhelming for anyone.
And as you remember, I mean, I was not really in a good space
at that point in time and I was really sick, but I also just had
like a tremendous amount of anxiety and shit going on that I
had to pull out of the chute that we had planned, which is
(16:44):
still kicks a kick in the Dick for me.
But do you ever feel torn between wanting to show up for
your fans at event and then alsoprotecting your inner peace?
What you need to do to keep yourself healthy?
I guess I have had quite a bit of experience with knowing that
I'm autistic. So.
So any social situation can be, can be really, really stressful
(17:05):
and, and like, just like workingin an office or going to a
lecture and stuff. Because I'm still in the
university quite a bit, academiais part of my life.
So, so having to deal with quitea few different social
situations all the time, I view this as just sort of another
version of of that. So there are quite a few little
tricks that I would do, which islike, you know, like 3 slowest
(17:27):
breaths I could ever do in and out.
Like there's those sorts of things just to regulate back
down. And, and I do, I did that Folsom
Berlin walking around and I remember I just had to go and
like chat, chit chat, talking, laughing and just be like, oh,
I'm just going to toilet. And just literally walked off,
stood against a tree and was just like 3 times and then back
in. Back in the game, that's really
(17:49):
amazing though that you have that ability to kind of I mean,
I recoil, I'm just like, let me go back to my room like it's
amazing that you can actually like in the thick of a situation
like that, pull yourself out of.It, they're a successful time.
So yeah, it is, it is hard. But like I say, I guess I, I've
been lucky because I've, I've been able to speak to counselors
and stuff about it. So little tricks, things like
(18:11):
that have, have been, have been helpful.
And, and again, you just use these tools in a, in a different
part of life. Yeah.
Yeah, that's interesting. I'm gonna try breathing, taking
deep breaths against a tree nexttime I have an opportunity, so
see if it fixes my shit. This is something that we both
can relate to, I think, a lot. And that's just kind of getting
into like the meat of what I'd hoped this episode would be
about, which was mental health and stuff when it comes to being
(18:34):
in the adult industry. So you mentioned about being
recognized in certain spaces canfeel overwhelming to you at
times. I feel exactly the same way.
I've said this. I said this earlier.
People come up to me and they say I love your work.
And I just don't know what to say after I say thank you.
And I'm like now what? Now we're just staring at each
other and I'm awkward and weird.And so it's a little bit
(18:54):
nervous. And then you, I feel like I come
across as like an asshole. I don't an anti social asshole,
but I'm not, I just, I'm just nervous.
So has your relationship to public attention shifted as your
career has grown? Have you gotten more comfortable
with that type of thing? I definitely have got it gave me
once once I've started getting recognized in in certain spaces.
Of course, it's only certain spaces.
(19:14):
We're not talking about getting recognized everywhere, but in
certain spaces there are things that at first I was just like,
my God, Oh my God, this is so cool.
And I really, it's exciting. Yeah, it's really exciting.
It is really exciting. And then, and then, like I say,
for, for, for me to, to want to go and meet someone else
(19:37):
normally takes like a lot of build up and, and stuff like
that. So for, for someone to come
across and say, say, for example, JFK airport, New York,
we were, we were waiting for bags and a guy came while we're
waiting for these bags to go around and said, you're rock
pigs, aren't you? And I just started talking.
And because he came up to me andstarted talking, I could then
(19:58):
talk to someone I would never ever in my life.
Like go and talk to a stranger ever.
Yeah, I would. I'll ever do.
And that's why I've I've I've been had a really unsuccessful
dating life because I just wouldnever talk to anyone.
I don't know, but someone else, yeah.
But we met on filming. But yeah, it's it's like that
(20:21):
thing of people coming up to you, to me to talk was amazing.
I loved it. Absolutely loved it when it when
it's like one person after another person after another.
If we're talking about those bigevents, then that's that's where
it can be like 2. It's two months and that's
where. It break, Yeah.
Once we shut down it, it became talking about events like
(20:41):
they're the big ones. So, so club, club nights or
something like that. So like live sex shows, things
like that, people have to the venue knowing that I am on the
list. So they've they've not, it's not
like I've just popped up there and someone's recognized me.
It's been part of the advertising and and I thought,
oh, well, let's try it out, let's do it.
And I and I did 111 live search show and that that was it.
(21:06):
It was, it was just too much. The act of doing it on stage
was, which was great. I loved it.
I absolutely loved it. Got a standing ovation as well
afterwards, which was fantastic.It was the build up and the
chitchat and the talk around andgoing around.
And that was part of the contract with it as well.
And that was just how absolutelylike, you know, people, people
(21:29):
like looking at you because theyrecognize you, but not talking.
That's one of the worst things Ihate.
Like I say, I won't go over and say hi to someone.
Yeah. So someone recognizes they might
and you don't do anything back to them.
That can be seen as quite a rudeinteraction.
Yes, Oh my God, we have lived such parallel lives, dude, I
(21:50):
organized, I organized a big fisting party, a big fisting
meet up. It was just, I was just there to
coordinate a place for fisters to come to, to meet each other.
I was not there to introduce everybody to each other.
I was just there organizing it. And so I put this event together
and then like got all this shit for not introducing, not coming
(22:11):
up to every person and being like, hi, I'm hunger FF.
I'm like, bitch, it was not my responsibility.
I am not a welcome mat. I'm like, it is your
responsibility to introduce yourselves to each other.
And if I am one person you want to introduce up to me, introduce
yourself to me. But it's a it's a it's a
tightrope. It's a really, it's a big
tightrope to have to walk between being light.
(22:31):
You want to do it. Yeah.
Does does the build it where youreally want to to be part of
this and do it? And, and I don't know about you,
but I still feel like, Oh well, tonight's going to be different.
Often I'll I'll just be like, you know, pull it together.
I can do this as time. It's going to be different.
Most of the time it's not, you know, it's also because it's
(22:52):
just not occasionally there'll be something where something it
didn't, it didn't feel bad and Iand I was a bit more chatty and
there was no massive wave of tiredness that hits or anything
like that. It just flowed.
But but they are rare. But I'm always hoping if I if I
sign up for going to something, then please, is that going to be
it tonight? So that's why I have.
A good day, that day. Can I wake up on the right side
(23:15):
of the bed please? That's so interesting.
I'm just realizing how. I wonder how many guys out there
and girls out there in the industry feel the same way.
Yeah, I know there's people thatreally eat up the attention and
they love it and they live for it.
And there's those of us who are just kind of like, like, I don't
know, like, what to do with this.
And especially, especially within sort of the, the, the,
(23:36):
the fetish world as well. It's one of the reasons why I
really like what we talk about with Darklands.
Just going there. It's just like a big convention
of of geeks and like everyone, everyone's just happy to be
there. I found like that's a specific
example for that. And there are, I think there's a
(23:57):
lot of us all together in one space, therefore all looking at
each other and all not interacting.
That's. The worst.
And then they message you after you get home, like I saw you.
It's like, well, bitch, thanks for coming up and saying hi.
It's funny. It's true.
It's funny because it's true. So you've shared how social
situations can sometimes feel intense or draining already.
Do you remember when that has that always kind of been like an
(24:19):
issue for you? Like yes.
Always, always been an issue, but it definitely, definitely
has been, I've been thrown out in my comfort zone whilst
filming and whilst being what bigs.
So it has been on one hand it has been incredibly, incredibly
educational in like I can do this.
Like it's, it's given me so muchconfidence to, to do all sorts
(24:41):
of things. Like if I go to a new city on my
own and then I have like 2 shoots each day and I've got to
traverse the city, go and knock on someone's door and then like
get to someone else. Go talk to someone.
If you've got half hour chitchatbefore, then you go into film
and then you go and then and then meet, meet a friend like
who I actually knew from previous situations before for
(25:03):
dinner. These are like massive amounts
of social situations that are just like slotted into into my
days, which I all previous life I never used to do or if I did
do I'd have to be high. That's why it's been such A and
it's, it's been really freeing. It's been really freeing.
But it, it there is, there is a turning point.
(25:25):
And I think it's something to dowith the amount of people.
It's all right if there's like asmall group, say, but when, when
it's in an environment where there are like 100 people, for
example, a street, a street party or street fight, something
like that. Like in the day, everyone's chit
chatting, everyone's drinking, there's music, there's the
sunshine, there's light. It's there's all sorts of stuff
(25:45):
happening all around. And, and I remember one time in
it was, yeah, it was false. And Berlin, I was talking to,
talking to someone who's well known in the industry and I've
chit chatted on Instagram. I've met him before in real life
briefly. And I, we were came and said hi
and I was like, Hey, what's yourname?
And just completely forgot who. But The thing is, I hadn't
(26:08):
forgotten who he was. I knew who he was.
But just just like my brain has switched off and that and that
happens sometimes. And then obviously he was just
like, and that's the point wherelike people can start talking
kind of saying like he's a rude kind like, because I didn't, I
didn't mean to say that I didn'tmean to have this, these these
(26:31):
interactions, but it's just there's a point where things get
a little bit too much And and that's down.
That's grateful when I was diagnosed with autism because I
now I can like put it in a it's.Because of this.
Yeah, previous life it was very difficult to figure out how that
happened and it was very rare because I wouldn't wouldn't be
in situations like that. But but it has been a lot
easier. These two things have coincided.
(26:51):
Filming and being known as Rock Big and being diagnosed as
autism, the two things came together so so that that it's
been a very, very educational few years, that's for sure.
Yeah, it's I call myself the anti porn star because I feel
like I'm everything that a porn star shouldn't be.
I'm like socially anxious. I don't do the gym regularly.
(27:12):
I'm like I eat Taco Bell like for as a food group and so all
the things that I shouldn't be doing as a porn star, I do those
things. And so I unfortunately have not
changed too much. So I'm like you, you seem to
have learned and adapted and I'mjust still kind of trudging
along set in my ways, like old man hunger FF, but like set in
(27:32):
my ways. So, so all right, so we're kind
of winding down to the end. There's just a couple questions
left. So what are the ways that you
take care of yourself after a tough social interaction or
shoot, especially if the anxietykicks in hard afterwards?
Well, I guess it's like, like wewere saying, for me, the anxiety
is before, OK, it's the build up.
It's the build up before. This is with, with, with
(27:53):
filming, yes, specifically the anxieties before.
And that can that can really that can be really quite, quite
paralyzing before, but I'm very lucky, I think in that
afterwards this is like I was done.
It was great. Next.
Yeah, and the next project. So I'm always really grateful
that that it's that there's no there's there's not the the post
(28:14):
anxiety. Yeah, because that that must be
really hard to deal with. Just keep keep going over
things. Yeah, No, for me, for me, it's
relief. I mean, it's over.
I'm like, OK, it's like I got itdone.
That's right. I think that this, I just want
to say, I think this conversation, this episode in
general is just really importantand like the purpose of bro
(28:36):
lapse was kind of like a social experiment for myself to kind of
like retrain myself how to talk to people again.
But I think it's also doing a good job of humanizing the
people that I have on the show and showing that there's other
sides to us that make us more dynamic than just porn stars and
just holes and just, you know, whatever.
And so you being so vulnerable and talking about this stuff, I
just want to say thank you again.
So what is there one thing that you want people in the industry
(28:58):
to know about you that to maybe better understand the experience
of being a performer? Struggles with anxiety.
I guess with it, with within theindustry, I think things have
changed in general for over the last couple of years with rise
of mental health awareness, etcetera.
But if you cancel and you need to cancel for a reason, some
(29:19):
people can get really, really shitty.
I know. That's hard because you don't
want, like, I don't want to cancel.
I've organized it, I've booked it.
I've I've there is a reason why I said yes, I'm cancelling for a
reason. And then obviously some people
may do different things, but I'mcancelling because something's
gone wrong and to get abuse back.
(29:41):
It's, it's so tacky and I don't mean to interrupt you, but what
I when I think about those situations, I always when
somebody has to cancel on me andI'm, I'm empathetic towards it
because I hope for the same kindof response if I have to do it
to somebody else, if I have to cancel, like I hope for the same
kind of respect and understanding and concern.
And so I try to give that and when it's not given back to me,
I'm like, God damn it. It's like, clearly it's the same
(30:04):
thing. It's like, I want to be here.
It's like, it's not like I'm canceling just to fuck off.
It's like, but yeah, it's the same.
I feel the same way. And it's this is, I guess for,
for promoters as well as things like in, in different parts of,
of, of the industry, as well as the site that add-ons like when
people ask about performing in clubs or something like that as
well. And I have to say like, no, I
(30:26):
can't do it. Now that now I know that I just
can't do it. There's all sorts of things
triggers with, with with addiction anxiety, all sorts of
bits and bobs that, that cross into it.
So I know that the specific things, yeah, obviously people
not obviously, but people still still ask if if you want to do
it. And and that's that's been
something that's been especiallyif there's a bit of a language
barrier, yes, though again, likemy Spanish should probably be
(30:48):
better, but. Than mine or you say it should
be better. Like this should be better when
I'm trying to say to people to to club promoters, like I can't
do, I can't, I can't go go dance.
I can't move to save my life. But they'll always be put
people's back up a little bit because the that's what is
expected of someone who's muscular, you know, just do is
(31:10):
doing like the himbo whole thingthat yeah, it's part of the
package. It's expected.
It's very much expected. And that's quite I.
I told my agent one time I was like, he knows I don't dance.
I don't dance on boxes. I don't strip.
I'm not a stripper, I'm not a dancer.
So like, don't put me on a fucking box and ask me to take
my clothes off. Put me on a stage to fuck.
(31:30):
And that's one thing. But like, put me on a stage
where I have to like, dance to music.
Like, not gonna happen. So I did this, this or this
event at this place called the Parliament House in Orlando.
And I remember, I remember goingthere and being put on a box and
they were doing an interview with us live.
And then they're just like, all right, boys, time is time to
(31:50):
start the show. And I was like, what?
It's like, it's in my contract. I'm not supposed to dance.
It's like it just stood there and like took money in my
underwear. I was like, this is so awkward.
I'm like, this is the worst. So that's, that's actually my
last big major question. I was going to ask where, Well,
first I'll say if you guys are enjoying the show, please like,
follow, share, subscribe. We are an audible, Amazon, Apple
(32:13):
Podcasts and YouTube. New episodes go live on Friday
nights at 8:00 PM on hungerff.com and just for dot
fan slash hunger FF early video access is available for Spotify
subscribers. I want to ask Rock Bigs, where
can people find more informationabout you on the Internet, like
social media handles and stuff like that?
Twitter X and to Rock bigs and blue sky bigs.com rockbigs.com
(32:39):
itself just for fans rock bigs everything is just rock bigs
apart from Instagram which is rock under score bigs because
that was taken. That's just so annoying.
I've had like 6 hunger FF Instagram accounts now.
I'm official hunger FF now. So, well, cool dude.
I'm so grateful for your time. I'm so, so happy.
I've wanted to talk to you for so long, and so this feels just
(33:00):
a really kind of cool way to getto know you.
And even more excited about the prospect of filming together one
day. Wait to me.
I'm excited. I'm really excited.
I want to get my hands in your butt.
So. All right, dude.
Thank you so much. All right, you guys, this is the
latest episode of Prolapse. We'll see you guys next week.
Have a good one. Thanks for going deep with me on
Hunger FF Presents Prolapse. If you're loving the ride, hit
(33:22):
subscribe, drop a review, and share the fisting love.
Follow me on social media at Hunger FF for unfiltered updates
and exclusive content. But until next time, keep it
raw, real, and always hungry. I'll see you on the next
episode.
Welcome to Broil Apps, the fisting podcast that goes deep
explore my life views and raw, unfiltered conversations with
the creators that are redefiningkink connection in the fisting
community. Hey guys, welcome back to
another episode of Bro Lapse. And today I'm really excited
about our guests. Today we have Rock Biggs on the
show. Go ahead and introduce yourself.
Hey, well, I'm Rock Biggs. Here.
(00:21):
I am here. I am.
I'm really excited. We had like our paths have
almost crossed a couple. Of times near misses.
Yeah, near misses. Yes, that's a good way to
describe it. Yeah, Dark.
I think the last one was Darklands.
Yes, I'm 12, wasn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
My heart kind of like breaks every time I see that scene of
you and Axel. And I'm just like, oh,
motherfucker. I was like, I was not well that
(00:43):
day. I wish I could have done it.
I was so bummed. Yeah, no, I'm.
I'm a big fan and I love watching your videos.
And so I'm just really grateful that you're willing to be part
of the show. And I think it's gonna be a
really important episode 'cause it's important to me some of the
topics that we're going to cover.
So I'll go ahead and get started.
Let's start with the basics, like since this is a fisting
podcast, like what drew you intofisting content?
(01:03):
And when did you first realize that your hole was something
kind of legendary? What drew me into fisting?
OK, it's been part of my sexuality since I first had an
reaction, that's for sure. Since I first discovered porn is
something that I stumbled acrossand then could not get out of my
head. That's, that's for sure.
(01:24):
There's when I was I think 15, my parents bought me a laptop
and within a month it was absolutely riddled with viruses
and it had to be sent to, sent to a laptop like repair centre
in the little town that we livedin.
Who knew? And, and like the woman who
fixed the laptop was a friend ofmy step mum.
(01:45):
And she told my parents that we're not going to say where
these viruses came from, but it definitely came out that I was
watching fisting porn to my parents.
How old were you? 15 my.
God, that's crazy. And so it's been that was like
the biggest, well, I guess it was filled with shame
(02:06):
immediately or I didn't want I didn't want anyone to know I was
wanking when I was like a teenager anyway, family and then
knowing that that's what I was wanking to was.
Yeah. Massively traumatizing, just the
thought that they knew that. So it has been part of my
sexuality right from the very start.
And then obviously you are someone who there are very few
(02:28):
porn stars who I who I knew the name of before I got into porn.
Very few. But you were definitely one of
the safe 3. People, I'm very flattered.
I'm very flattered. Thank you.
You are. Was it the pickup truck video?
I'm just going to guess that's awesome.
Well, that's a crazy story. I mean, like I kind of got outed
the same way. I mean, like I remember when I
(02:49):
was a kid, I because we all did that.
We all like downloaded porn and got viruses.
We were like Limewire and Kazaa and Napster and all that shit
like downloading like videos. It was always the same videos
that were listed there and we'd all just get viruses because
like, and so I think our situation, your situation, it's
not terribly unique because I think that there's a lot of guys
that have been outed like in thesame way.
I remember that my mom like I took, I got my lap, my, my
(03:12):
computer taken away from me whenI was a kid because I was like
taking pictures of myself and shit.
Like I was like, yeah, my mom was, it just went to my friends
dad's house to fix and never came back.
And I was like, God, where did the computer go?
So that was awkward. So then.
So then, when was your first fishing experience?
Well, I guess my just about my whole teens into my late 20s, I
(03:33):
was very, very sheltered sexually.
Like I didn't explore any of thekinks that I had.
I was in a long term relationship with a guy who I
didn't love, but he loved me. So I thought that's that's and
he was just incredibly vanilla, like lovely guy, but nothing,
nothing sexually really. And that was 10 years of more
(03:56):
like the, the prime of my, my, my early 20s into yeah, like
late 20s. So all of this was a secret.
There's always a secret. And I didn't, I guess it gets
very deep very quickly, isn't it?
But it corresponds with with discovering partying and then
getting deeper and deeper into addiction and then just not
(04:19):
really knowing who I was meeting, what the feelings I was
feeling. And my first fisting experience,
I was told that I was fisted, but I can't remember it.
So wow, these sorts of things were and that's that was that
was a pattern for for quite a while.
So it was AI look back on it as a real shame because I wasn't
like a moment where the hand popped in and it was just like
(04:39):
amazing. It was.
It's just I think that happened.I'm not sure that happened, but
it's it's relatively recent. You know, in the past five years
of my life that I've noticed that my whole can give me so
much pleasure rather than just watching other people.
I'm now fully able to enjoy it myself.
Yes, you are. I am familiar enough with your
(05:01):
work to know that you do enjoy it very much.
So I'm like, that's awesome. I'm really, you know, it's
everybody's got like a differentorigin story and that you've
made-up for the experience, the lack of that first experience
being maybe not so memorable that you've had probably some
memorable experiences since then.
I have been very lucky to to to to make up for that in a very
short amount of time as well. So so it is good.
(05:23):
Yeah, my my first missing experience was with this guy.
I think I found this Dad. Do you remember Manhunt?
Did you guys have Manhunt? No.
No, So we had Manhunt in the States and it was this hookup
website and as soon as I turned 18, I like jumped on and I was
like OK, fisting. I was like, I had seen it when I
(05:43):
was like 1516 and I wanted to try it so bad and I just went to
this daddy's house in this dungeon and it was like super
sketchic. I probably could have died and
like, but I got fisted and I remember walking out of there
just being like, I fucking figured out my life.
I know exactly what I'm doing now.
So your scenes are always super intense, but also pretty
grounded. How do you manage or how do you
(06:03):
prepare mentally and physically for a shoot?
Is there a ritual routine you going to go through beforehand?
Well, with with a shoot is when it's filming, then it's always
been planned in advance, of course, and there is the whole
ritual behind it. So for us being like, like
amateur bodybuilder, part time bodybuilder, not a bit more than
part time, but amateur, they arevery hard to mix together.
(06:26):
They're very hard hobbies to mixtogether.
So having to eat all of the foodthat I would be eating for most
days, just it just goes. I'm just not able to do it
properly if I'm, if I'm shooting, especially if it's a
long shoot. So there's a there's a good few
days build up to make sure that it's all built into into the
workout plan, into the food planand stuff like that.
(06:47):
Yes, depending on depending on on obviously whether it's got
travel involved as well. But there is a few day build up.
Most most definitely. I know it's not with being I
guess it's part part of this mental, the mental shift.
You know, I adopt another character then for this.
I am not the bodybuilder Colin. I'm going into rock Biggs like
(07:10):
this is this is my person who I am.
Switch on. I switch on and I switch on like
in the morning, depending on I'll always try and shoot like
midday, early afternoon if I canso that I can just sort of get
it over and done with because that's always my thought in the
morning. Just get it over and done with,
get it over and done with. And then as soon as it starts,
(07:31):
as soon as I've met whoever I'm filming with, especially if I've
not met them before. I think I think it'd be it would
probably be about 95% of the time.
I always have a really, really good time from the 1st 10
seconds. That is the build up, the build
up, the build up more and more anxiety in the build up to, to,
to meeting someone. And that's just part of who who
(07:52):
I am as a person general not wanting to meet anyone new.
But as like I say, as soon as wego into into into the room,
literally as soon as I start talking to them in person
physically it it always just gets so easy.
Life just like just it just changes so so it's.
Cool. Like it's it's funny like I, I'm
(08:14):
realizing now as we're talking like we're very similar.
I've been doing porn for 18 years since I was since I was 18
years old and in 18 years I still get the same level of
anxiety before a shoot. And these are shoots that I plan
with people that I want to film with.
Like they're not like studios putting me with people that I
don't know. I connected with this person.
And even still before they get there, I'm nervous and I'm
(08:35):
anxious. And like, then they get there
like do anything to drink. And I'm like being like overly
hosty. And I'm like, just calm down.
I'm like, and then, but then as soon as I get in the sling, as
soon as we start going like, I'mlike, it's good.
And so most of the time it's good.
I had a scene recently that I didn't know.
This is sort of funny. I didn't know that he didn't
like I should, I should speak more than one language.
That's like, my thought is that I, I, I should speak more than
(08:56):
one language, especially Spanishin South Florida, but I don't.
But like this guy comes over to film with me and had been using
a translator to talk to me the whole entire time.
And so like, I had no idea. And so he shows up here and then
I'm like, here, here's my paperwork.
He's like, what? And I was like, and they say Rep
pulls out his phone. He said, I speak no English.
I'm like, oh shit. So then like when we were
playing, I couldn't communicate with him about like what I
(09:19):
needed or what I wanted. So I was like, I was like, slow
down. He's like, I'm like, bro, I'm
like, I'm gonna die. So I mean, like, but other than
situations like that, like weirdkind of mishaps like that or
miscommunications, like I'm in the same way.
I almost always have like a really good time too.
And I feel like it shows in our videos when we have a good.
Time. Yeah, yeah.
It's, it's it, it's really hard for me to change my face if I'm,
(09:43):
if I'm not having a good time. It's really, really, really
hard. There are a couple, especially
like when Phil, my husband Phil,when he knows me now well enough
and there's a couple of videos. It's like you're really not
enjoying yourself. Are you on the line?
I know, I know, it's so funny. My good, my like my biggest
fans. They can always point about
they're like you aren't. They feel they like know my
mannerisms well enough that theyknow like when I'm enjoying it.
(10:05):
When I'm not, they're like, the fuck Yazz and the all the like,
you know, all that stuff is likedifferent tone, I guess.
So that's funny. So you've got a really strong
visual brand. Like how much of what we see is
curated versus spontaneous when you're filming?
So I guess it's like exactly what you've just said.
It's as long as I get home. Well, filming, OK, filming
fisting, filming vanilla sex. Then there are or penetrative
(10:29):
sex. I'll say there are two
different. It's when when I'm being fisted
on camera, I cannot act my my brain cannot, I can't think of
anything else. It's it's a really powerful.
This is one of the one of the ways that I got over addiction
was through fisting because it'sso powerful.
It's really sort of replaced everything that I needed.
(10:50):
But therefore I can't think about composing myself or
putting putting anything on likethe majority of the time because
because it's so intense when we're talking about filming with
with it with just like a Dick inmy, then oftentimes I'll have to
remember what I'm doing, what I'm meant to do.
So it's just it's always I always find it quite painful as
(11:12):
well. It's just like.
I know. I was just telling my friend
that last night. I was like, I feel like I'm
getting stabbed, I'm getting fucked.
I'm like I get fisted all day long, but Dick sex, I'm just,
I'll take it or leave it. Like, yeah.
Yeah, Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that, that sometimes is.
But again, it just depends on the person.
But but yeah, with, with fisting, there is, there is.
I will, I will just be laughing.I just whatever emotion happens
(11:36):
to come to me, I feel emotions really, really strongly.
I feel feelings really strongly.So if and if there's nothing
happening, it's really visual onmy face.
Like it is quite, quite visual. There's there's I think it's
only twice where I've just not put a video up.
Like it's just not. Yeah, it's just not.
Like maybe there's one I'll say in the vault, yeah.
If, if needed, it could come out.
(11:58):
But yeah, no, it's it's. But otherwise, like, again, a
large percentage of the time it is just just, I'm just not, not
able. There's a lot of giggling that
happens. Yeah, yeah.
No, and that's what that's what I love about porn today is that
there's this movement towards authenticity versus
perfectionism. People want to see us having a
good time versus 2 hot perfect bodies together where they used
(12:21):
to. I come from an era of porn where
you got an agent and you got paired up with whoever you you
got paired up with at your studio and you didn't have a
say. So I got paired up with people
had no chemistry with, but they were hot.
But I mean, I didn't really get along with them.
And so now I'm so happy that theshift has happened where people
wanna see us actually engaging in sex we wanna be having.
(12:42):
And people always wanted to see that.
Yeah, yeah. The vast people, just boys.
It's what was missing. I think it's what was missing
from porn culture. There was just need to just have
two hot guys together regardlessof whether they had chemistry or
not. And now we're all picking who we
wanna fuck and so. Yeah, still getting anxious.
Yeah, still getting anxious though.
Exactly. That's so funny and so true.
(13:06):
Do you ever feel pressure to live up to your reputation as a
porn star or anything in real life?
In real life. So if there's, there's, it's
sort of I, I have moved my life to be very I, I live on a farm
in the Peak District in like north of England, which is like,
I don't see anyone. I won't see anyone for the next
two days. Like this is how I how I live my
(13:28):
life normally. Oh wow.
When I do want to go and be partof it, for example, going to
Darklands or going to Folsom, it, it will, I will get really,
really excited. And that will be part of the
whole build up, you know, havinglike a rubber suit made-up with
like rock bigs written over the back and stuff like that.
(13:49):
And I'll get really, really, really excited for it.
And then as soon as I put it allon and I'm, I'm like, oh, my
little lime scooter with rock bigs written on the back.
I, I just like, what the fuck amI doing?
What the fuck am I doing? This is not me.
And then and then I get that again and it is I've got a
reputation as just sort of beinga bit of a like, I guess what
(14:11):
would it be? Just a little, a little himbo
himbo fist hole I guess I'd say.That's accurate.
Yeah, but. There's depth to you.
Too who? Who am I deciding to to to pull
out-of-the-box for that day? But but yeah, it is, it is hard
to live up to that expectation in real life all the time.
How do you find it? I hide in my house.
(14:34):
So like I hide in my house. I have built a neon palace that
is more like a cave, but like it's I don't, it's hard for me.
I think of myself as Ryan. There's Ryan James, who's like
kind of anxious and nervous and doesn't really love social
situations too much because I don't know what to talk about
most of the time, because everybody always wants to just
talk to me about fisting. I'm the outlet for fisting for
(14:56):
everyone. And so they just talk to me
about that. And sometimes I just want to
talk about fucking, I don't know, daredevil or something on
Disney or something. And so nobody ever wants to talk
to me about that stuff. And so that's annoying.
But then hunger FF is much more confident and when I turn on, I
turn on and I get really, I can feel it change inside me.
And so, but I'm just like you, the build up to going to these
(15:17):
events and stuff. I psyched myself out.
I mean, I went, I mean even events like fist Fest where like
that should be my home, my home space.
I get so anxious going there because I get bombarded when I
go. I can't attend these events as
Ryan James anymore. I want to but I can't.
There's no anonymity. And it's a weird double, it's a
(15:39):
weird double edged sword becauseI was kind of around in the
beginning when the fisting community was really expanding
and so it was cool to be part ofthat.
But now it's expanded and I've grown in a way that makes me
kind of almost an outsider. It's a little bit, it's a little
tricky for me sometimes, but I'mtrying to get over my dumb shit
about social things and just getback into the grind.
So I've started going to fistingparties here locally again.
(16:02):
And I went actually went to one just two nights ago.
He's. Like, Oh my God, we.
Didn't expect to see you here. I'm like well I'm not gonna let
this fucking bag stop me from living my life.
And also I want to say I'm really glad to do an episode not
about the perforation today. So like because my last like 3
episodes have been all about that so I have so.
Many questions, but I will leavethem for that.
Yeah, I'll answer. I'm an open book.
(16:23):
So we talked about this a littlebit earlier.
We almost met at Darklands. So, and this is sort of kind of
a tie into the last question too.
Events like that can be overwhelming for anyone.
And as you remember, I mean, I was not really in a good space
at that point in time and I was really sick, but I also just had
like a tremendous amount of anxiety and shit going on that I
had to pull out of the chute that we had planned, which is
(16:44):
still kicks a kick in the Dick for me.
But do you ever feel torn between wanting to show up for
your fans at event and then alsoprotecting your inner peace?
What you need to do to keep yourself healthy?
I guess I have had quite a bit of experience with knowing that
I'm autistic. So.
So any social situation can be, can be really, really stressful
(17:05):
and, and like, just like workingin an office or going to a
lecture and stuff. Because I'm still in the
university quite a bit, academiais part of my life.
So, so having to deal with quitea few different social
situations all the time, I view this as just sort of another
version of of that. So there are quite a few little
tricks that I would do, which islike, you know, like 3 slowest
(17:27):
breaths I could ever do in and out.
Like there's those sorts of things just to regulate back
down. And, and I do, I did that Folsom
Berlin walking around and I remember I just had to go and
like chat, chit chat, talking, laughing and just be like, oh,
I'm just going to toilet. And just literally walked off,
stood against a tree and was just like 3 times and then back
in. Back in the game, that's really
(17:49):
amazing though that you have that ability to kind of I mean,
I recoil, I'm just like, let me go back to my room like it's
amazing that you can actually like in the thick of a situation
like that, pull yourself out of.It, they're a successful time.
So yeah, it is, it is hard. But like I say, I guess I, I've
been lucky because I've, I've been able to speak to counselors
and stuff about it. So little tricks, things like
(18:11):
that have, have been, have been helpful.
And, and again, you just use these tools in a, in a different
part of life. Yeah.
Yeah, that's interesting. I'm gonna try breathing, taking
deep breaths against a tree nexttime I have an opportunity, so
see if it fixes my shit. This is something that we both
can relate to, I think, a lot. And that's just kind of getting
into like the meat of what I'd hoped this episode would be
about, which was mental health and stuff when it comes to being
(18:34):
in the adult industry. So you mentioned about being
recognized in certain spaces canfeel overwhelming to you at
times. I feel exactly the same way.
I've said this. I said this earlier.
People come up to me and they say I love your work.
And I just don't know what to say after I say thank you.
And I'm like now what? Now we're just staring at each
other and I'm awkward and weird.And so it's a little bit
(18:54):
nervous. And then you, I feel like I come
across as like an asshole. I don't an anti social asshole,
but I'm not, I just, I'm just nervous.
So has your relationship to public attention shifted as your
career has grown? Have you gotten more comfortable
with that type of thing? I definitely have got it gave me
once once I've started getting recognized in in certain spaces.
Of course, it's only certain spaces.
(19:14):
We're not talking about getting recognized everywhere, but in
certain spaces there are things that at first I was just like,
my God, Oh my God, this is so cool.
And I really, it's exciting. Yeah, it's really exciting.
It is really exciting. And then, and then, like I say,
for, for, for me to, to want to go and meet someone else
(19:37):
normally takes like a lot of build up and, and stuff like
that. So for, for someone to come
across and say, say, for example, JFK airport, New York,
we were, we were waiting for bags and a guy came while we're
waiting for these bags to go around and said, you're rock
pigs, aren't you? And I just started talking.
And because he came up to me andstarted talking, I could then
(19:58):
talk to someone I would never ever in my life.
Like go and talk to a stranger ever.
Yeah, I would. I'll ever do.
And that's why I've I've I've been had a really unsuccessful
dating life because I just wouldnever talk to anyone.
I don't know, but someone else, yeah.
But we met on filming. But yeah, it's it's like that
(20:21):
thing of people coming up to you, to me to talk was amazing.
I loved it. Absolutely loved it when it when
it's like one person after another person after another.
If we're talking about those bigevents, then that's that's where
it can be like 2. It's two months and that's
where. It break, Yeah.
Once we shut down it, it became talking about events like
(20:41):
they're the big ones. So, so club, club nights or
something like that. So like live sex shows, things
like that, people have to the venue knowing that I am on the
list. So they've they've not, it's not
like I've just popped up there and someone's recognized me.
It's been part of the advertising and and I thought,
oh, well, let's try it out, let's do it.
And I and I did 111 live search show and that that was it.
(21:06):
It was, it was just too much. The act of doing it on stage
was, which was great. I loved it.
I absolutely loved it. Got a standing ovation as well
afterwards, which was fantastic.It was the build up and the
chitchat and the talk around andgoing around.
And that was part of the contract with it as well.
And that was just how absolutelylike, you know, people, people
(21:29):
like looking at you because theyrecognize you, but not talking.
That's one of the worst things Ihate.
Like I say, I won't go over and say hi to someone.
Yeah. So someone recognizes they might
and you don't do anything back to them.
That can be seen as quite a rudeinteraction.
Yes, Oh my God, we have lived such parallel lives, dude, I
(21:50):
organized, I organized a big fisting party, a big fisting
meet up. It was just, I was just there to
coordinate a place for fisters to come to, to meet each other.
I was not there to introduce everybody to each other.
I was just there organizing it. And so I put this event together
and then like got all this shit for not introducing, not coming
(22:11):
up to every person and being like, hi, I'm hunger FF.
I'm like, bitch, it was not my responsibility.
I am not a welcome mat. I'm like, it is your
responsibility to introduce yourselves to each other.
And if I am one person you want to introduce up to me, introduce
yourself to me. But it's a it's a it's a
tightrope. It's a really, it's a big
tightrope to have to walk between being light.
(22:31):
You want to do it. Yeah.
Does does the build it where youreally want to to be part of
this and do it? And, and I don't know about you,
but I still feel like, Oh well, tonight's going to be different.
Often I'll I'll just be like, you know, pull it together.
I can do this as time. It's going to be different.
Most of the time it's not, you know, it's also because it's
(22:52):
just not occasionally there'll be something where something it
didn't, it didn't feel bad and Iand I was a bit more chatty and
there was no massive wave of tiredness that hits or anything
like that. It just flowed.
But but they are rare. But I'm always hoping if I if I
sign up for going to something, then please, is that going to be
it tonight? So that's why I have.
A good day, that day. Can I wake up on the right side
(23:15):
of the bed please? That's so interesting.
I'm just realizing how. I wonder how many guys out there
and girls out there in the industry feel the same way.
Yeah, I know there's people thatreally eat up the attention and
they love it and they live for it.
And there's those of us who are just kind of like, like, I don't
know, like, what to do with this.
And especially, especially within sort of the, the, the,
(23:36):
the fetish world as well. It's one of the reasons why I
really like what we talk about with Darklands.
Just going there. It's just like a big convention
of of geeks and like everyone, everyone's just happy to be
there. I found like that's a specific
example for that. And there are, I think there's a
(23:57):
lot of us all together in one space, therefore all looking at
each other and all not interacting.
That's. The worst.
And then they message you after you get home, like I saw you.
It's like, well, bitch, thanks for coming up and saying hi.
It's funny. It's true.
It's funny because it's true. So you've shared how social
situations can sometimes feel intense or draining already.
Do you remember when that has that always kind of been like an
(24:19):
issue for you? Like yes.
Always, always been an issue, but it definitely, definitely
has been, I've been thrown out in my comfort zone whilst
filming and whilst being what bigs.
So it has been on one hand it has been incredibly, incredibly
educational in like I can do this.
Like it's, it's given me so muchconfidence to, to do all sorts
(24:41):
of things. Like if I go to a new city on my
own and then I have like 2 shoots each day and I've got to
traverse the city, go and knock on someone's door and then like
get to someone else. Go talk to someone.
If you've got half hour chitchatbefore, then you go into film
and then you go and then and then meet, meet a friend like
who I actually knew from previous situations before for
(25:03):
dinner. These are like massive amounts
of social situations that are just like slotted into into my
days, which I all previous life I never used to do or if I did
do I'd have to be high. That's why it's been such A and
it's, it's been really freeing. It's been really freeing.
But it, it there is, there is a turning point.
(25:25):
And I think it's something to dowith the amount of people.
It's all right if there's like asmall group, say, but when, when
it's in an environment where there are like 100 people, for
example, a street, a street party or street fight, something
like that. Like in the day, everyone's chit
chatting, everyone's drinking, there's music, there's the
sunshine, there's light. It's there's all sorts of stuff
(25:45):
happening all around. And, and I remember one time in
it was, yeah, it was false. And Berlin, I was talking to,
talking to someone who's well known in the industry and I've
chit chatted on Instagram. I've met him before in real life
briefly. And I, we were came and said hi
and I was like, Hey, what's yourname?
And just completely forgot who. But The thing is, I hadn't
(26:08):
forgotten who he was. I knew who he was.
But just just like my brain has switched off and that and that
happens sometimes. And then obviously he was just
like, and that's the point wherelike people can start talking
kind of saying like he's a rude kind like, because I didn't, I
didn't mean to say that I didn'tmean to have this, these these
(26:31):
interactions, but it's just there's a point where things get
a little bit too much And and that's down.
That's grateful when I was diagnosed with autism because I
now I can like put it in a it's.Because of this.
Yeah, previous life it was very difficult to figure out how that
happened and it was very rare because I wouldn't wouldn't be
in situations like that. But but it has been a lot
easier. These two things have coincided.
(26:51):
Filming and being known as Rock Big and being diagnosed as
autism, the two things came together so so that that it's
been a very, very educational few years, that's for sure.
Yeah, it's I call myself the anti porn star because I feel
like I'm everything that a porn star shouldn't be.
I'm like socially anxious. I don't do the gym regularly.
(27:12):
I'm like I eat Taco Bell like for as a food group and so all
the things that I shouldn't be doing as a porn star, I do those
things. And so I unfortunately have not
changed too much. So I'm like you, you seem to
have learned and adapted and I'mjust still kind of trudging
along set in my ways, like old man hunger FF, but like set in
(27:32):
my ways. So, so all right, so we're kind
of winding down to the end. There's just a couple questions
left. So what are the ways that you
take care of yourself after a tough social interaction or
shoot, especially if the anxietykicks in hard afterwards?
Well, I guess it's like, like wewere saying, for me, the anxiety
is before, OK, it's the build up.
It's the build up before. This is with, with, with
(27:53):
filming, yes, specifically the anxieties before.
And that can that can really that can be really quite, quite
paralyzing before, but I'm very lucky, I think in that
afterwards this is like I was done.
It was great. Next.
Yeah, and the next project. So I'm always really grateful
that that it's that there's no there's there's not the the post
(28:14):
anxiety. Yeah, because that that must be
really hard to deal with. Just keep keep going over
things. Yeah, No, for me, for me, it's
relief. I mean, it's over.
I'm like, OK, it's like I got itdone.
That's right. I think that this, I just want
to say, I think this conversation, this episode in
general is just really importantand like the purpose of bro
(28:36):
lapse was kind of like a social experiment for myself to kind of
like retrain myself how to talk to people again.
But I think it's also doing a good job of humanizing the
people that I have on the show and showing that there's other
sides to us that make us more dynamic than just porn stars and
just holes and just, you know, whatever.
And so you being so vulnerable and talking about this stuff, I
just want to say thank you again.
So what is there one thing that you want people in the industry
(28:58):
to know about you that to maybe better understand the experience
of being a performer? Struggles with anxiety.
I guess with it, with within theindustry, I think things have
changed in general for over the last couple of years with rise
of mental health awareness, etcetera.
But if you cancel and you need to cancel for a reason, some
(29:19):
people can get really, really shitty.
I know. That's hard because you don't
want, like, I don't want to cancel.
I've organized it, I've booked it.
I've I've there is a reason why I said yes, I'm cancelling for a
reason. And then obviously some people
may do different things, but I'mcancelling because something's
gone wrong and to get abuse back.
(29:41):
It's, it's so tacky and I don't mean to interrupt you, but what
I when I think about those situations, I always when
somebody has to cancel on me andI'm, I'm empathetic towards it
because I hope for the same kindof response if I have to do it
to somebody else, if I have to cancel, like I hope for the same
kind of respect and understanding and concern.
And so I try to give that and when it's not given back to me,
I'm like, God damn it. It's like, clearly it's the same
(30:04):
thing. It's like, I want to be here.
It's like, it's not like I'm canceling just to fuck off.
It's like, but yeah, it's the same.
I feel the same way. And it's this is, I guess for,
for promoters as well as things like in, in different parts of,
of, of the industry, as well as the site that add-ons like when
people ask about performing in clubs or something like that as
well. And I have to say like, no, I
(30:26):
can't do it. Now that now I know that I just
can't do it. There's all sorts of things
triggers with, with with addiction anxiety, all sorts of
bits and bobs that, that cross into it.
So I know that the specific things, yeah, obviously people
not obviously, but people still still ask if if you want to do
it. And and that's that's been
something that's been especiallyif there's a bit of a language
barrier, yes, though again, likemy Spanish should probably be
(30:48):
better, but. Than mine or you say it should
be better. Like this should be better when
I'm trying to say to people to to club promoters, like I can't
do, I can't, I can't go go dance.
I can't move to save my life. But they'll always be put
people's back up a little bit because the that's what is
expected of someone who's muscular, you know, just do is
(31:10):
doing like the himbo whole thingthat yeah, it's part of the
package. It's expected.
It's very much expected. And that's quite I.
I told my agent one time I was like, he knows I don't dance.
I don't dance on boxes. I don't strip.
I'm not a stripper, I'm not a dancer.
So like, don't put me on a fucking box and ask me to take
my clothes off. Put me on a stage to fuck.
(31:30):
And that's one thing. But like, put me on a stage
where I have to like, dance to music.
Like, not gonna happen. So I did this, this or this
event at this place called the Parliament House in Orlando.
And I remember, I remember goingthere and being put on a box and
they were doing an interview with us live.
And then they're just like, all right, boys, time is time to
(31:50):
start the show. And I was like, what?
It's like, it's in my contract. I'm not supposed to dance.
It's like it just stood there and like took money in my
underwear. I was like, this is so awkward.
I'm like, this is the worst. So that's, that's actually my
last big major question. I was going to ask where, Well,
first I'll say if you guys are enjoying the show, please like,
follow, share, subscribe. We are an audible, Amazon, Apple
(32:13):
Podcasts and YouTube. New episodes go live on Friday
nights at 8:00 PM on hungerff.com and just for dot
fan slash hunger FF early video access is available for Spotify
subscribers. I want to ask Rock Bigs, where
can people find more informationabout you on the Internet, like
social media handles and stuff like that?
Twitter X and to Rock bigs and blue sky bigs.com rockbigs.com
(32:39):
itself just for fans rock bigs everything is just rock bigs
apart from Instagram which is rock under score bigs because
that was taken. That's just so annoying.
I've had like 6 hunger FF Instagram accounts now.
I'm official hunger FF now. So, well, cool dude.
I'm so grateful for your time. I'm so, so happy.
I've wanted to talk to you for so long, and so this feels just
(33:00):
a really kind of cool way to getto know you.
And even more excited about the prospect of filming together one
day. Wait to me.
I'm excited. I'm really excited.
I want to get my hands in your butt.
So. All right, dude.
Thank you so much. All right, you guys, this is the
latest episode of Prolapse. We'll see you guys next week.
Have a good one. Thanks for going deep with me on
Hunger FF Presents Prolapse. If you're loving the ride, hit
(33:22):
subscribe, drop a review, and share the fisting love.
Follow me on social media at Hunger FF for unfiltered updates
and exclusive content. But until next time, keep it
raw, real, and always hungry. I'll see you on the next
episode.
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