Episode 35: The Rose Garden: Angel Díaz on Prolapse, Power Versing & Personal Boundaries

Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Welcome to brolaps, the fisting podcast that goes deep explore
my life, views and raw, unfiltered conversations with
the creators that are redefiningkink connection in the fisting
community. Hey guys, welcome back to
another episode of Brolaps today.
I'm thrilled to have my guests on the show.
It sort of feels like we're likekindred spirits a little bit
already. Prolapse Brothers Angel Diaz on

(00:22):
the show from You're from overseas in the UK, correct?
Yes, I'm in London. OK, cool.
Yeah, Yeah. So go ahead and introduce
yourself. Well, so as I said, my name is
Angel Diaz, I live in the UK, London.
I'm a content creator among other things, and I like to call
myself the ultimate power of US and possibly possibly the best

(00:45):
prolapse in the UK or we have the Jewish allow that.
One that's nice. It is quite nice.
I'm not gonna lie. I mean, I've, I've perused your
your videos and I think it's really hot that you call
yourself the ultimate power verse.
The moment I saw that the prolapse, though, I was like,
damn, like this one's my brotheralready.
Because it's like people don't understand what it's like to
live with a prolapse. And so I have yet to have

(01:06):
anybody on the show that truly has one similar to mine, are
similar to the way that mine wasprior injury.
But so I'm really excited to talk to you and get to know a
little bit about your experiencewith living with one and like
just your experience in general.So when did your Rosebud first
start showing up and how did youfeel about it?
So I think it's probably kind ofsimilar to your story where and

(01:27):
I think I've already broken a lot of hearts in the DMS on
Twitter over this. So I will have to probably do
that again on this podcast. But I think for guys who have a
prolapse the size of ours, it's purely genetics.
That's the way we were built. So I, my first experience is, I

(01:48):
think it's kind of the like almost like a ritual or rite of
passage for all of us where you basically go take a shit at some
point in your life. I must have been a teenager or
like we'd say like 14-15. And then you reach and you feel
there's something there and you just because The thing is also

(02:09):
because you don't, the sensitivity is very strange.
It's not like touching a part ofyour body or like touching your
leg or your, your arm. It's very different sensation.
So I was perplexed and then I realized, oh shit, this is my
insides hanging out. So as I were, how do I get them

(02:29):
back in quickly? Am I dying?
Am I hurt? And then so I kind of did what I
had to do quickly went on the Internet.
And mind you, when I was 14 or 15, the Internet was not what it
is today. How how old are you guys?
56. OK, we're the same age.
Were you born in 88? 89 so I'm March 89, so somebody

(02:53):
behind me. The Internet, when we were that
age wasn't really there wasn't really a ton of information.
No. And also you had to wait like
hours to load any page whatsoever.
So I looked it up and I saw thatthis was a thing and I think it
was kind of pictured or portrayed as undesirable.
So I kind of quickly push it aside and we're like, OK, we're

(03:16):
just not going to talk about this with ourselves.
And then cut to quite a few years later, I was in a long
term relationship with my ex or four years.
And weirdly enough, even though we never spoke about it, that's
something that he would joke about a lot and he would call
me. He was, you know, we would watch
Drag Race and he would say your drag name, drag name will be

(03:37):
prolapsed, which boggers my mindbecause we never, we never spoke
about this because obviously like it was not showing it to
anybody. Did he know that you had one?
So he just guessed that I guess,like just best smile.
It is in Richard space. I'm like, maybe it was written
in the stars or something. Yeah.

(03:58):
And so I grew a bit more ashamedof it because I thought, Oh my
God, this is gross. This is unhealthy.
This is something that, you know, is the the object of
mockery and jokes. So didn't think about it or just
didn't want to embrace it and it's only last year actually

(04:19):
there was perusing Twitter and Isaw a video of someone having
their products fagged and fisted.
I can't remember who it was but then I just clicked Now as I
wait, is that a thing? Do people?
Really like. It because Oh my God, I've got
I've got something to show you guys it's.

(04:40):
Awesome surprise. And and the prolapse reveals I
think a couple of weeks up to that.
That's awesome. It is, it is kind of, I remember
feeling shame about it too. And I remember thinking I had a
hernia. That's what I thought it was at
first. What is happening?
And I've had it since I was 16 as well.
So and I remember freaking out and then being ashamed of it,

(05:01):
but then also kind of also intrigued by it.
And so I was, I was getting fisted and I would see my
rosebud in videos and I'd be like, Oh my God, it's getting
bigger. And then, but then and then
during COVID, I decided to die. I've into it and make it my
thing. And so that's when I saw it
throw into like yours. Yours was, yours wasn't.
It can't have been that big whenyou started.
It was probably a month. It's thrown probably

(05:21):
significantly over time because it's pretty big in the videos
I've seen. I think it grows.
It comes out more easily when I get fisted because then you're
fully relaxed. But yeah, I can push it out
anytime, anywhere. But I obviously because I was
not, I had a difficult relationship with it for so
long. I didn't even try to push it out

(05:43):
to the Max because I was like, Oh my God.
I literally my first thought wasam I dying?
Yeah, that's that's a lot. Yeah, so not even hernia like
this is how traumatic I am. I was like.
My God, this is this. Is the end of.
Year 15, the end of year. 15 yeah.
So, so I, I, I, I don't think I could tell you if it really

(06:06):
grew. I think my confidence in it
grew. That's like knowing that, OK,
this is not something that's going to kill me.
This is not something that, I mean, some people will find it
disgusting, but you know, this is the world we live in.
Everyone's got their own thing. People cheat on everyone's
parade all the time. So but but to know that there
are actually people want to see that, I think just, it just

(06:29):
gives me the confidence to just like push it all out.
Have you, have you noticed that there's like been like this like
massive influx of prolapsers recently?
I just feel there's so many guysthat have, there's so many new
guys that have prolapses. It's like it seems like there's
every my teeth, I'm just like prolapse, which is great because
I love it, but it's just there'sso many guys that are like that
are getting into it now. A much bigger fetish than it

(06:51):
was. Well, you know, it's spring, so
it's blossoming everywhere, I guess.
Exactly. Yeah, it's true.
I. Don't know if I've noticed an
increase of in prolapses, but definitely I'm I'm constantly
surprised by how many people actually love to see it.
That's something that I'm a bit amazed at because to me it's
still very niche and understand how it can be gruesome and a bit

(07:14):
gory in a certain way because literally your goals are out.
Yeah, you know, there's Twitter.On Twitter they had a there's a
rule. You can't have a Twitter page or
an X page dedicated specificallyto prolapsing.
OK, because if you do then it's considered gore porn like gore,
blood and violence. But if you have a page that's

(07:34):
fisting and prolaphing, then you're in the clear because your
page isn't dedicated solely to the gore aspect.
Can we talk about this now? Cuz we had that conversation in
which ones or do you want to do you want to wait or do we should
we have that conversation right now?
I want. To know so and I actually for
reference for you guys, we had adiscussion about which isn't

(07:55):
listed. I don't think I put it in my
questions, but it'd be a discussion about the fact that
there was a little rumor that somebody from just for fans or
something had claimed that they were going to not allow a
prolapse category or something like that.
And then I spoke to Jeremy at just for fans and and Dominic's
actually going to come on the show kind of like address some
of that. And so Jeremy told me that

(08:15):
whoever said that was incorrect.But there is still a giant
stigma around prolapsing. You don't see you see all the
categories for every kind of kink and prolapse is not ever
really listed. And so go ahead and tell me what
you were. Tell me how what happened?
So I was not directly speaking to them, but a friend of mine
met some of the team at the grabbies last weekend or

(08:39):
whatever that was. And this is someone from the
French team, so there might be different perspectives on these
things. But basically I asked why there
wasn't a category for prolapses or even rosebuds when sometimes
when I tried to label my videos on just for fans, I see stuff
there. I'm like, is that really a
market for that? Like really it's just like when

(09:02):
clearly there is a market for prolapse.
So, you know, my thought was, well, not only would it make it
easier for people want to see itto find us because I think the
best, the closest like gaping, but that's not the same thing.
So, so I, I submit to the question as to why that was the
case. And the, the reply that I got
was that they see it as a practice that can put people in

(09:25):
physical harm and can be dangerous.
And that's why they want to exclude it as to not promote it,
which again, like, listen, they,they are a business.
I don't expect them to have medical degrees in anything or
to have like an understanding ofhow absolutely every king under
the sun works. I think it really reveals how

(09:45):
even big players within the pornindustry don't understand what
it is and don't have the education around it that's
necessary to really make informed decisions.
Because you know, you and I, we're going to prolapse whether
we're filming or not, whether wewant it or not.
It's just it's a part of us. It's I would some time put it on

(10:06):
the same level as, you know, having a big Dick.
Like you can't train yourself into having a big Dick.
You can't train yourself into having a massive prolapse.
You do or you don't. And I think the kind, the sort
of follow up argument that I hear is what maybe that's going
to encourage people to try and do it.
But then you can you can say thesame about fisting or even anal.

(10:27):
I think the health consequences of bareback fucking are much
more significant than trying to prolapse.
And yeah, I do bareback. I know I'm fully informed.
But you know, if you want to talk about health risks, you
have to be honest here. So I'm trying to get that ball
rolling, not just for my financial interest, let's face
it, but also to again, to be part of that destigmatization

(10:50):
around it. Because you still see online
comments pushing towards like this is unhealthy.
This is dangerous. Like you can find it gross, it's
fine, but don't say it's unhealthy.
When like most, whether the people who come in there, they
act like the doctors, when if you ask them to give you the
water cycle, they will not be there was a bit stuck.

(11:11):
You know, it's like when I hurt,when I hurt myself, everybody
and their brother wanted to jumpon my cake about how it had to
have been from prolapsing and itwasn't, it had nothing to do
with that whatsoever. And so but everybody just kind
of wanted to just blame it on that.
And I think, I think the clarification that I got from
Jeremy, and I'll clarify it again with Dominic when I have
him on a week, but was that theyhave the tag prolapse tag on

(11:33):
just for grants. It's like the hashtag prolapse.
So that's how you can sort of search for it, but they don't
have a category integrated yet. So there's not a category that
you can put prolapse in if thereare categories for literally
every fucking kink under the sun.
But you're right, prolapse doesn't.
Prolapses and rosebuds don't show up on that on that list, so
we're relegated to just using a hashtag to search for it.
So it's kind of annoying. So I'm hopefully, hopefully

(11:55):
between you and I, we can get them to change their.
I mean, listen, it's not the biggest fish to fry out there.
I just want to put it out there.But if there's any cause that I
think you and I and cluster of other people can argue or get
our case full, it's probably that, yeah.
Could you imagine, like me, you eye down FF Honk boy trophy

(12:17):
muscle, all of us banding together, unionizing for
prolapsers. It's like it's.
The Avengers. We won't be equally represented.
The Avengers of prolapse Avengers.
Amazing. I would love it.
I would be. I'm totally here.
For it video that so I'm pretty sure a lot of people would pay a
lot of money to see. Oh my God, all of us in a row.
Like all prolapse like it would be.
So insane, like a proper, like arose, you know, like we just

(12:41):
like, line our butts in the yeah, and they all touch.
Oh my God, We call it the Rose Garden. the Rose garden.
I think it's yeah. OK.
We've, we've absolutely created a new, a new video.
And Speaking of videos, since I was gonna ask you beforehand, we
started filming because I was soexcited to hear about it.
So the video that you shot with Fun days.

(13:01):
I, I'm friendly with him. I filmed with him.
And so I followed him on just for fans.
And so I was scrolling through and I saw this video.
Yeah, he's he's so nice and he takes such good videos.
It's really, really impressive. But he had this video of you and
I saw you on your back outside getting fisted.
It was like anonymous fisting, cum dump, whatever.
And I've watched that video like50 fucking times in the last
week. You're getting fisted with your

(13:22):
prolapse outside, your body outside and it looks like the
woods. It's pretty crazy.
So what's the back story behind filming that in a?
Park we shot that I think last year, October, November.
And the way I work with my videos is sometimes very simple,
especially first time meeting someone.
I think the brief is very simple.

(13:42):
Just you know, who's going to get fisted?
Who's going to fist the other person is is it going to be a
flavor? So it's mostly about the roles
and getting to know the other person.
So with AB Fundazed, I never know what to say for him, but
with him and his real name Private, that was the third time
filming. So we already had that report.

(14:03):
So I think second or third time filming with someone is, is
everything is more relaxed. And whenever that's the case, I
try to be a bit more ambitious creatively or just follow an
instinct or a thought that I might have.
The idea behind this is, so I'm a huge Kylie fan.
That's not Kylie Jenner, that's Kylie Minogue.

(14:24):
Because I know that in the US, OK, one is wrongly more popular
than the other. Yeah.
And she has some called Where the Wide Roses Grow.
And there's a line that goes, Heknelt above me with a rock in
his face. And I was listening to that
song, and I just clicked. I was like, where the wide
rosebuds grow. Of course it makes sense.

(14:47):
Yeah. So that's the idea.
Knew a location which is conveniently close to mine,
which is also a cruising ground.So it's either the locals know
and they don't go because they know what happens there, or they
do go precisely for what happensthere.
So I just, I presented the idea to him and we just talked it

(15:09):
through and how we were going tofilm it just got there.
I knew which spots would lend themselves to like me being on
them. So it's like, like a big like
golden tree. It was like a like a tree stone
right in the middle of nowhere. And we just went and did what we
had to do. Were you nervous?
Were you nervous? No, if I, if I I'm just like if

(15:30):
shit happens, it just happens. We just if I prepared in my mind
and if I know exactly what I'm going to do, I'm like, I'm
willing to accept someone walking in on us.
Knowing that it was November, soit was quite cold.
I don't think anyone would have been walking their dog by
accident in in that specific area, so it was a calculated
risk as well. OK.

(15:52):
Yeah, yeah. It's not like if it was like in
the middle of summer, I think I would have gone out way outside
London and found a very quiet location.
I just thought it was so hot. You're on there on your back and
you're getting fisted outside your prolapse, and that is one
of my favorite things to do. I feel like there's this rid
like in my head. I'm like, Oh my God, what am I
doing? This is crazy.
I'm getting this it outside my body, but it's so feels so good.

(16:13):
It's hard. It's a hard feeling to explain
to people. I don't know if you're you get
ask the same questions that I do, but what does it feel like?
I don't know. It feels like I'm taking the
best shit of my life over and over again.
So I don't know how to describe it.
I don't know. It's just natural.
That's really. Cool.
It's just, you know, that's likeasking a fish what the what
water feels like. It's so such a part of who we

(16:36):
are that, you know, again, I'm sure you're the same kids.
I could pull ups right now. Yeah.
Yeah, me too. Do you want to?
Let's go. Oh, my God.
Yeah. And I'm going to have to retrain
mine, which is, I mean, I still have a rosebud.
It's pretty big. Still big.
And then it comes out this far, though.
But ever since my surgery, I'm hoping that when I get

(16:57):
reconnected that it'll be able to come out similar to the way
it was before. But it's like, it's just kind
of, it does feel like I lost a limb.
You guys look at old pictures. I wish I still had it, but it's
it might come out. It'll come back.
Who? Knows.
I know. And then wouldn't that be a
fucking blessing? So like, So what is it?
I guess you're sort of asked this.
We were just sort of talking about this.

(17:17):
What does it feel like to live with a prolapse?
Because I know I get asked this a lot.
Like I just said, the physical sensations, the care that it
takes, the weird moments we don't talk about.
I know that for a while for me, I was lying to people and they'd
be like, does it come out when you take a shit?
And I'm like, no, of course not.And then like in reality it does
for me every time I take a shit.So it's like I for a while, Oh

(17:37):
yeah, I was as I was lying aboutit for a while for no reason.
Then I started being honest about it and I'm just like, you
know, it is what it is. And so what's, what is your
day-to-day experience like living with prolapse?
Like is it sort of has it, have you ever had any impact on your
quality of life or anything likethat?
Like. Well now with that we open the
the toilet chapter. Discussion.
Yeah, because I did listen to quite a few episodes of the

(18:00):
podcast, so that's also one. Super happy to be on it.
Thank you for inviting me. Yeah, yeah, of.
Course, it's because you said, you know, maybe American toilets
are built different, but your purpose is really way bigger
than mine facing like sometimes touch the water.
I don't think that's because I know German toilets have the
same system Was like you have a little parapet and then like the

(18:23):
proper dip. Is that, is that what you have?
Yeah. It's like ours are like a bowl
and like, and then there's like ours.
I've noticed that Americans use way more water in their toilets
than Europeans do. There's way more water in the
toilets that are in Europe that I've seen than compared when I
come home. It seems like we're very
wasteful of water. So yeah, so and so like I think
just tire to the level where where my butthole sits, then

(18:45):
it's easier to. Water but in the UK at least
there's it's like a pit. So I think your products would
have to be the length of an arm for it to reach the water.
But what does happen is sometimes it touch the Ridge at
the back. Oh yeah.
And yeah, and that's something now always have to be careful
with, especially when I use public toilets to always brush
it off 'cause like, I don't wanna be like a nasty person

(19:08):
like this, like, you know, like campfire rolls, you have to
leave the toilet in the same conditions, if not better than
you found them. So that's something that will
happen. Something about me as well is
that I work in fitness. Sometimes I'll be doing teaching
a class that is very high intensity cardio depending on
like if my feet are wide and I'mdoing like a twisting motion,

(19:30):
especially like mixed martial arts jabbing, that kind of
stuff. I can feel it opening.
So I have to like remember. So just second again otherwise.
I'm getting more hands on. What they're paid for.
I'm so turned on just hearing you talk about that.
I think that's so hot so. Like video, just like I'm going
a boxing bag and just comes out.No, no, no, OK, so many videos.

(19:53):
Something that will happen is ifI eat too much or too fast, then
I think maybe it's because pressure builds in your in your
abdomen. It will come out with a fucking
vengeance. And then I will have to basic
manually push it back in becausejust that it just doesn't want
to come out. That's the one where like now I

(20:15):
have to be super careful. It's literally like.
Down to the bite, Can I just have my face or is this going to
be a situation where it's just, it just wants out because I
don't know, it needs to relieve some pressure.
Yeah, I feel the same thing happened to me.
When I eat a lot and it does, itwould come out so big and then
I'd have to, I would stand up and like try and like lean

(20:36):
forward and suck it back in likeI normally do, which is kind of
this weird, like Cirque du Soleil gymnastics thing.
I don't know, when I, when I hadlike core AB muscles before they
cut them in half for me, I couldjust stand up, lean forward and
suck it back in. But there were times where I'd
be, Oh my God, like, I gotta getback.
There was one time in Mexico, I got it stuck.
I got it stuck out for like a couple hours.
I could not get it back in to save my life.

(20:57):
And I was like, what the fuck? And so like eventually it came
back in and never happened again.
It was actually like easier to work with after that.
It was like I had one, one time that I was actually a little
alarmed. I was a little scared.
I couldn't get it back in, but it came back came back that.
Was awesome. If you push it back in with your
hands, it does not. I couldn't get it to go.
It was like, so mine what happens is it kind of becomes
like engorged with blood at likethe base.

(21:18):
And so then I have to kind of like deflate that part of it,
kind of nurse the blood back into the rest of the hole and
then I can collapse it into because.
Because yours twist. So crazy.
I've never told anybody that. I've never told anybody that it
was. A secret no one will know.
Secret Everybody on the plane isgonna know what?
I'm because yours twists a little bit, right?

(21:39):
Kind of like wiggles. Whereas mine is like completely
straight out. And if I push it out, it just
becomes a bit rounder, but it's just like it's a straight line.
Yeah, yeah. Mine is at the sigmoid colon.
When the sigmoid colon prolapses, it bends.
There's a bend there. I have my small, just hold on
one second. Let me show you.
I call this, I have the the small one on top of my TV.
I call it my small lapse in judgement.

(22:00):
It does. It has like a little curve.
This is like where the sigmoid colon I guess would be where it
bends a little bit. That so comes out.
Well, I've seen that. I've seen that installs.
Have you yeah, you know they're they're we're talking about
making a bigger size together. We're actually talking about
Hanky Stories wants to do that size up.
So because even the biggest one is it's kind of life-size, but
it's not really life-size so. You know, what I would like to

(22:22):
do is make a masturbation sleeveout of my prolapse.
That is a dream of mine because I think beyond the visual
aspect, prolapse fucking apparently is amazing.
And I would love for everyone tohave their sense.
I don't know what it feels like because like when people ask you
what does it feel to fuck your products, I'm like, I'm not that

(22:45):
baby, OK? I don't know.
That's so funny. Yeah.
It's my original plan for the Hunger FF dildo was to have it
be a sleeve in addition to beinglike a dildo.
So there was going to be like varying levels of silicone
thickness throughout it so that they could use it as a hot
sleeve too. But it turned into like a
project that was going to cost like 10 times as much as what
just making a dildo was going tocost.
We went to just the dildo route.So maybe I, I would, that's,

(23:08):
it's an amazing idea and I, I'm really hoping somebody does it
one day because for through has the rosebud sleeve, but they
don't have a like a prolapse sleeve.
It's just a real rose, but sleeve.
So it's exactly, everyone's coming around to it as somebody
else who has such a big rose. But if you ever had to navigate
people in your DMS treating you kind of, I get this a lot where
I am objectified for my prolapseAnd, and it's, you know, I feel

(23:32):
sometimes it comes from people that are, they don't actually
care what happens to me if it was to break and they just want
to see how big it can go. Do you ever feel like you're
objectified for it rather than, you know, just do you feel like
you're objective right for it? OK, so I'm going to keep this
one as short as I can because that can be quite verbose and
I'm going to further because I saw your friends I I'm going to

(23:56):
address something else further down the line.
So also here's a teaser for you if you have some ad breaks.
So short answer first, I mean, since the reveal of the
pronouns, which for me happened last year, yes, I got so many
more opportunities in terms of content and super grateful for

(24:16):
it. And it's very humbling.
You know, I've had people from the US coming not just for me,
but you know, including me in their trip for content.
I shot with stuff Fist as well, which you know, they are very
particular with the guys that they select, at least when
they're abroad. So that, that's been very
humbling, especially I naturallyhave a bit of a imposter

(24:40):
syndrome. And in my profession, other
professional career, like the main career, I took so long
before actually certifying in myfitness qualifications because
I've always thought, you know, who the fuck am I to tell people
what to do? You know, I generally have such
a high standard for myself and other people that I thought

(25:04):
there's going to be a lot of gatekeeping in that community or
the fisting for a reason. We'll explore.
I don't fancy calling it a community.
So, yeah, so I've had a lot of opportunities because like,
here's the reality of it is thatI only been doing fisting since
2020, so that's not even a year and a half.

(25:30):
So yeah, I got bombarded with somany DMS from people who want to
share with me. I think in light of what
happened to me recently that we're going to delve into, I do
have to be more careful about who I meet and what their
intentions are. There's someone very like a

(25:50):
couple of days ago who messaged me on Twitter and this person
has for a very long time ignoredmy messages or has directly
liked me about their availability or their presence
in London. And all of a sudden they just
come like like a fresh flower inmy in the audience and literally
said, we need to me to me, are you free Saturdays?

(26:13):
Are you? Because they're like, I want to
face your prolapse, etcetera. And I do notice that for a lot
of people, they just see the prolapse as a photo op and we
just so happened to be the person attached to it.
And when I use the word person, that's already very generous.
The CS has the body attached to the prolapse.

(26:33):
So they want they want their video, they want their photo
with it. Especially in the case of that
guy who messaged me a couple of days ago, I didn't see any
fisting content on his page. I never heard of them.
As a Fister, I don't see your genuine interest in it or
genuine passion or fetish for prolapses.

(26:54):
So I think what's happening in his case, and I think that's
going to happen more frequently,is that prolapses are are
becoming to be in vogue and creators who are kind of running
dry in terms of what they can dowith the content.
Maybe the following is slowing down.
Maybe the subscriptions are slowing down.
I think they kind of see that asan opportunity to sort of like

(27:17):
throw something at the audience and maybe branch out into
something. Again, I've only been fisting
for a year and a half, so maybe I'm not the most qualified
person to say this, but I do it.It is incredibly opportunistic.
And I yeah, in in those cases, Iliterally said I don't see
anything fisting content on yourpage.
You didn't speak to me for so long.

(27:39):
You lied to me many times. I have no interest in cheating
with you, even though I know that that's someone we love more
followers than me. So that would get get me an
audience. But I'm like, at the end of the
day, like I am still a person. So my purpose is going to do
fine without you at this point. And you need me more than I need
you. And I, if it's a business, fine.

(28:00):
Like, you know, we kind of use each other to a certain extent.
It's like, I'm not, I'm not naive about that, but I think
there has to be a little bit of respect and a bit of ethics as
well. And when that's missing 0
interest. It does feel bad for me when I'm
treated like a notch on the belt, like, oh, like I just want
to get a video with hunger FF They don't care about getting to

(28:21):
know me. And, and I know we, I know we
don't have to get to know each other, but I I like getting to
know the people that are interesting.
I like to walk away with a friend.
I like to not feel like it was transactional and that I feel,
you know, if I don't prolapse, if I choose not to prolapse
during a session, And then the look on their face at the end,
they're like, I thought I was going to get to see it.
And I'm like, no, I don't alwaysfeel compelled to do it.

(28:42):
And so I don't always feel it has to come out.
And when people look at me disappointed afterward, that
does make me feel like I am justan object to them and it was
just about the prolapse and not about actually me.
And that's a bad feeling. It's not a fun feeling at all.
Yeah. I think I'm I'm sorry.
I'm a bit too much of A people pleaser sometimes.

(29:02):
So I'm the one who asked people,do you want to see it?
OK. Because, I mean, it's a cool
party. Trick.
Yeah, I call it a party trick. But like, I think now I'm just
going to adopt your stance on this and be like, if I want to
show it, I'm going to show it ifI don't want to.

(29:23):
Yeah, to be more patient. Yeah, exactly.
I tell guys how to get it out ofme and if you're not going to do
it, then it's not going to happen.
I don't like to. There's certain ways I like to
prolapse. Like I don't like to do it
unless somebody is like a super pig.
Like a super pig. I don't like to prolapse
directly into somebody's mouth unless they're like super into
that. Then I'll do it.
But I like to people like back up a little bit before I push
out. I don't, it's a weird thing for

(29:45):
me. And I'm much easier prolapsing
on my back than on my hands and knees.
And so if they want me on my hands and knees, it's hard for
me to prolapse like that. And so it's just, I've learned,
I've been doing, I've been in the industry now for almost 20
years. And so I'm a little jaded and a
little spoiled. So I kinda just do what I want
and I don't know whatever. But yeah, it's it's I just want
to say, I want to interject. This is so interesting to talk

(30:07):
to you. When anytime I get to talk to
like Timmy pH or Underhoof or anybody else that has a prolapse
like mine, it's just feels I just want to like, girl out with
you and be like, Oh my God, let's talk about all the shit
that we have together. So there's something deeply
spiritual about fisting for a lot of us, Not for everybody,
but for a lot of us. And so how has fisting shaped
your identity or the way that you see sex in general?

(30:29):
I think the way it's changed sexin general is that for me,
coming is not always the conclusion or the main goal.
Just, you know, sort of relishing and feeling the
different sensations and building that connection with
the person who is fisting you. That's that's a reward in
itself. The big thing about fisting is

(30:51):
there is a physiological aspect to it of course, but I would say
like 90% of the pleasure you getfor me is like just passing the
ring, at least for me. Yeah.
Everything that's more to do with depth or width, that is
more psychological. And again, there's so many
sessions where like nobody came and I'm like, I'm good, are you

(31:13):
good? And say, yeah, I'm good.
So that's kind of changed my perception of sex as well.
So now apply that to sex as well, where if, I mean, if it's
on camera, it's different, but if no one comes, I'm like, did
you have a good time? I had a good time.
So it's. Yeah, every boyfriend that I've
ever had got into a long term relationship with, I have to
explain to them in the beginningI'm like, listen, orgasm is not
the end goal. Your goal is to have a good

(31:35):
time. And if you come, great.
But if you don't, it doesn't mean it was a bad experience.
It doesn't mean it doesn't take anything away from the
experience that we just had. It's just an extra bonus.
And so especially with this thing, I, I'll come just from,
I'm getting fisted, like I'll shoot loads out of my chassis
cage, but I don't, I don't sit there and beat off until I come
and then then get satisfied. It's like once I'm done fisting,
it's like when my whole gives out.

(31:56):
So then, then I usually I'm done, but it takes a little bit
together. Well, that's interesting.
I that we have the same same kind of experience.
Did you have a prep routine as far as when you're getting ready
to shoot a scene or play anything prolapse specific?
Because I know that for me, I used to joke around and say I
used to push her out and hose her down.

(32:18):
And because it's I would always kind of have my whole pushed out
when I was cleaning out, which is actually what ended up.
I wasn't prolapse related, but Imean, I was prolapsing a little
bit when I were afraid of my colon, but it was just a freak
accident. It wasn't really specifically
prolapsing. But so do you have any kind of
rituals or specific prolapsed hair that you do when you're
getting ready to play? I guess for me there's no

(32:39):
aftercare, it's mostly everything that comes before.
So as I said before, I work in fitness, so my diet is an
integral part of my job. But also, I'm vegetarian by
choice and I have I'm into gluten and I've got IBS with a

(33:02):
lot of stuff. So the care is really having a
diabetic is is extremely boring,but but nothing that will
overtake me. So that's why I can get a bit
hissy when someone cancels last minute, because I'm just saying,
yeah, you have no idea what. I had to go through bro.
I've been preparing. Not true.

(33:24):
Yeah. So it's it's usually nothing
that will irritate me in terms of douching.
Some days it's this. And you know, you have like
surprise douching and just a few, a few pumps inside and
everything comes clean and you're good.
And I've had experiences where Inearly cried in the shower at
the guys place because it's likethere's more coming out and I

(33:45):
don't know, I know where. It's the same.
I mean, it either takes me 5 minutes or two hours or it's not
going to happen. Like it's so hit and miss.
That's so funny I had. Do you know who Canadian lifter
is? CDN lifter.
I don't know anybody. I don't know anybody.
OK, Canadian lifter is this really hot guy.
He lives in Canada and he was here visiting and we've tried to

(34:05):
play several times. And I finally got him at my
house and I was like, yes, get in the shower, get ready.
And then I got in the shower andI was in the shower for two
hours and I came out and I'm just like, bro, I'm so sorry.
I can't. It's not happening.
So even with the prolapse, whichmost people think is easier to
clean out with, we still run into the same issues as
everybody. Else I will not be vanquished by

(34:26):
shade. I want people to know that I'm
like, if I have to spend the entire weekend in the shower, so
be it. I'm getting fisted.
One or the other God? Damn it.
You know, I've I've my speed dial Rolodex of tops that are
into that so that I'm like having a shitty clean out.
I'm like, I still want to play. Who can I call?

(34:47):
So what is did you ever have a scene that went too far or not
even seen be like a play sessionthat maybe went a little too
far? I talked about how my prolapse,
I got it stuck out one time and that was me playing on webcam
with the guy who just wanted me to keep pushing and pushing and
showing him more and more. And then I logged off and I
couldn't get it back in and I was like, fuck.
So that wasn't maybe an example of something time that I went
too far. I don't know if you have any
experiences at times where you felt maybe you went prolapse a

(35:08):
little too far. I haven't had that yet, so touch
wood, but I guess that's gonna that will happen at some point
because, you know, bodies are not predictable.
I think for me it's more becauseI relate to that question more
to consent and before I should or before the prolapse is going.
If I know if I know I'm gonna beprolapsing and I'm with someone

(35:29):
who is curious about it or just has not seen one in real life
because that happens a lot. You know, I'm a lot of people's
first prolapse that they see in real life.
And I suppose so are you or evenfor you or 9, you launched a
generation of prolapses. But I always ask the same

(35:51):
questions regarding OK, what do you like to do?
What do you not like to do or tobe done to you?
So just the basic questions and I always ask, have you seen a
prolapse before, be it on like in porn or in real life?
Have you seen my prolapse before?
Because sometimes also when you will shoot with guys and you

(36:12):
realize when you meet that they didn't look at your content on
on your Twitter or like it's free.
You just have to Scroll down like.
I always do my homework. Yeah, by the way, this one guy
who I shot with, he, it was, it's a crazy story.
He had come out as gay the year before and he was doing content.
And then at the end of the session he goes like, oh, you

(36:35):
know, people are doing such extreme things these days.
Have you seen those guys who do those prolapse things?
I was like, Oh no, do that. It's all over my page.
OK, fine. So I always ask guys, have you
seen mine? Because it's one thing to see it
on camera and then it's another thing to see it in real life.

(36:56):
I know it can be very intimidating.
I know it can look bigger in real life than it does on camera
because you know, it's 3D, so you see the whole width, you see
the whole length of it. So far I've had one guy who just
gulped at it. I was just that it just was just
silent for a minute. Was that you're gay?
But I think it's smoked weed away as well.
So maybe that explained it, but.I fainted.

(37:19):
Had a guy faint one time when hesaid really?
So do you know that video that Ifilmed, I filmed with Timmy Take
Hold where we were like mashing our prolapses together.
I don't know if you ever saw that, but it was like one of my
first viral videos was called Clash of the Titans and the
cameraman that filmed it, we were getting fisted side by
side, chariot race. And then we both pushed out.
We had huge prolapses. We mashed them together and the

(37:39):
whole thing, it's really hot. And then the cameraman puts the
phone, puts the camera down at the end and is skipping like a
broken record. Like he's like, like clicking
like his head, like back and forth and then just passed out.
And I was like, shit. He's like, that was so much for
me to see. I don't know what I just saw
because it was too exposed. Organs like mashing up kind of

(38:00):
freaked him out. So I freaked out but.
Clearly, he freaked out. He signed up for.
No, he didn't. I don't think, I don't think
anybody in the room knew what they signed up for when we
signed up for that video becausethat video changed my life.
But it was, it's now there's reaction videos to that video
from Sharon Osbourne and Heidi Klum's Pio Vergara.
All these celebrities watch thatvideo and react to it.
It's crazy, but it is like it. I think that's actually a really

(38:23):
what I'm going to take a note from you.
And when I meet people for fisting, I never really asked
them about they'll tell me usually if they don't want to
see it. And I take that as kind of
offensive when they're like, I want to fist you.
I just have no interest in seeing your prolapse.
I'm like, OK, well, you're body shaming me kind of right out of
the gate and making me feel a little uncomfortable.
Weird. So I don't really play with guys

(38:44):
that do that. But asking them, vetting their
prolapse connoisseur Ness, I guess I don't know how how much
experience they have with it is a good idea.
I think. I think that's really clever
that you asked, have you seen myprolapse?
Like it's, it's a good thing to ask people.
Wow, look at me teaching veterans.
You are. I'm always, I'm always learning.
I learned something new from every one of these things.
So what? Let's see, do you find yourself

(39:07):
leaning into more of the top or bottom these days?
Are you mostly bottom? Now a lot of my interactions are
codified according to to that, and that would be, if not the
center of the video, a big part of it.
It's what sell. Yeah.
I mean, you know, if you if you're shooting content, you

(39:27):
have to go with what the audience wants.
So I'm mostly bottoming these days.
But always, you know, I always find my nails before going to a
session just in case. For me, the most satisfying
sessions are verse sessions because again, the ultimate
power versus as we know now. Yeah.
But I know it's not always feasible because, you know, not

(39:51):
everyone can be douched to the standard of getting fisted for a
long time, especially, you know,if you both getting fisted, then
the session is going to take longer because you need to open
each each other up, cetera. So so I know verse fisting
sessions are great, but sometimes a bit unrealistic,
especially if you like, if I'm coming from work and the other

(40:12):
person is just if it happens is great.
If it doesn't, it's it's fine aswell.
Yeah, I do like that. Fisting sessions is verse
fisting sessions. Is that when you're being
fisted, then the other person can take a break from there And
then that's sort of like, you know, just you have that sort of
period of rest where then you can go a bit further or you can

(40:33):
explore something else. You can change position.
And it's not just like I do feelready now.
Yeah, there's there isn't that moment.
So you kind of it flows a lot more because then you can go,
OK, I've had enough for now. Do you want to take a turn?
I think there's more of an exchange that way.
So that's fine. I want to play with you so bad.
I'm looking talk about like yourmentality I'm twisting is pretty
much identical to mine too. I feel the same way.

(40:56):
It's when they're it's a personal session of to be able
to take breaks from kind of time.
I'm more of a sprinter than a than a marathon runner.
I can't go like for super long periods of time, but back and
forth living twice is the ideal situation.
Yeah, it goes back to the. Sort of.
Competition aspect of it where all the sort of like coming not
being the end or be all it's like it doesn't have to be 4

(41:19):
hours. OK if if you get 30 minutes of
amazing fisting that is way better than trying to just that
who who are who are you trying to impress?
Because if it's for content, no one's gonna no one's gonna watch
a four hour video. Let me put it this way.
So so this is an audience who paid for like fucking kabuki

(41:40):
theater like AKA 4 hour performance.
Then what's the point? Just get a good session and and
and move on and then you can talk and then you can have fun
in different ways. Yeah, exactly.
That's so true. I shoot for 15 minutes of
footage, like each session I'm bottoming 15 minutes and then
I'm topping minutes and I got a 30 minute scene and it's all
great. My friend and I, I just told
Yoga Pirate. He and I just flipped.

(42:02):
We did 215 minute sessions. Keep us at me first.
I just hit him after and then then I came.
That's why I was a little bit late.
Sorry. You've said give me a Dick, I'll
take it. Give me a hole and I'll wreck
it. So have you ever had a moment
where you destroyed somebody so bad that you were like, oh shit,
I fucked that guy's hole up? Any any standout topping
experiences come to mind. So not wrecking in a physical

(42:22):
sense of I mean, right. Yeah, yeah.
Any good top? Appearances so when I fuck it's
I've got a curved but dig that curve up OK so I think the
length and the curve is quite perfect to mash prostates very

(42:43):
efficiently and yeah and I know exactly how to position the
guys. My favorite thing is if someone
is straddling me in cowgirl and just push, push them back a
little and say keep leaning, keep leaning and then just
thrust and I see it on. If it's a that is my favorite
thing to do when I fuck. But so it's not so much

(43:05):
wrecking, it's more overstimulating that can happen
sometimes. The good side of it is that I've
given a lot of guys in orgasms. I think that last Sunday I shot
with a couple and one of them started coming riding me and he
told me that he had never experienced that.
You're welcome. What has been your most euphoric
experience so far? One that made you feel the most

(43:26):
alive, the most like? I call those moments like sex
magic when I get it right, whereit feels like everything is
perfect. Did you have any any kind of
euphoric experiences that stick out in your mind?
So I don't want to mention too many specifics or name names
because I think again, especially in fisting and porn,
there's a bit of a competition syndrome where, you know, I've

(43:49):
sat so many times on my bed witha guy telling me for two hours,
like who he's been fisted by andhow many fists he's taken.
And, and just like I'm here, canwe do something now?
But I think for me, beside the verse thing that we discussed,
there's everyone's got the different style of fisting.

(44:10):
So I like to explore and you know, some people will be like
hardcore punchers, others are more like going deeper and
deeper and like working their way inside you.
So I think there's always a bit of an element of surprise.
I like to just discover everyone's personal style.
The one thing that if you two things, there's one person who

(44:32):
visited me and I'd never felt that in my Dick.
It felt like they were inside myDick and I guess they were doing
something to my perhaps I was like just not any, but just like
there's someone who visited me recently.

(44:53):
I just tell them that I have no idea what you're doing, but
you're doing so well because it's just like it just
completely let go and like your body melts and you just like you
don't know if the hands are in or out or if there's like 2 at
once. It's just that's when you just
like make one with the universe and it's like, Oh my God.
Like I'm sort of losing perception of my body, while at

(45:17):
the same time you have a very acute sense of like your whole,
I don't know how to describe it,That's that.
Chest kiss. I can relate so much to that.
I've had several experiences like that where I'm I just, my
eyes are in the back of my skulland I don't know what's going on
down there, but whatever is happening is working.
And so it's working for me and I'm happy and, and then I look

(45:39):
and then my friend the other night I was getting this, it
happened to me the other night. He was fisting me.
He's both, this is just the other day and he had both hands
in my ass up to late, probably early.
And so that felt amazing. And I didn't even I, I was so
just in a euphoria pleasure zonethat I, I couldn't tell you if
you had two hands. I just felt really good.
I was just like, oh man, this isamazing.

(46:02):
It's interesting, but we we share a lot of the same
experiences, I think. Yeah, I guess from all the
episodes that I, I listened to, and it's not, you know, it's
different performers. It's so funny and weird how this
seems to be a very specific profile of people because we
like, all I'm hearing is like, yeah, I recognize myself in a

(46:25):
lot of stuff that's been said bydifferent people.
And yeah, I think maybe there is.
I would, I would say in content,there's like guys like us who I
think we have a genuine passion and interest for what we do and
we just want to share and use that as a creative outlet.
And then you have people just like 100% business and they are
after the money. I'm not saying it is wrong or

(46:47):
right. That's just not who I am.
But you know, they, they deal with their conscience or
whatever they they need to do. But the ones who are more like,
you know, this is a part of me that I want to express.
We're all the same. We're all, the only thing we
want to do is stay home and be cozy.
And we're all socially awkward and we somehow put ourselves in

(47:08):
that position where we have likethe eyes of thousands of people,
but somehow we just extremely introverted.
It's it's really funny. Yeah, it is.
And I noticed that after I talked to Rock Biggs, everybody
that I've talked to has got thisdegree of social anxiety where
they don't want, they want the exhibition like to be an
exhibitionist to the voyeurism. It's a little bit.

(47:31):
I know for me personally, I get anxious in public and I don't
necessarily want to, I don't know what to say after you tell
me that you love my videos. I don't know what to say.
So I'm just like, thank you. And I don't know what to say
now. So I just, I got to go.
I'm awkward. And so I actually started this
show in addition to doing profiles on people and just as a
way to relearn how to be social after COVID.
It's like COVID made me so antisocial and I never was able

(47:53):
to really snap out of that. And so I, I wanted to teach
myself how to talk to people again.
And so that's kind of partially why this show came to be as
well. All right.
So when you're shooting, do you prefer having a cameraman or do
you like shooting stuff like notby yourself?
If I had the luxury to have a cameraman every single time, I
would go with that just purely because it stops the sort of

(48:15):
stop and go and like repositioning the line,
repositioning the camera, etc. Also makes the editing so much
quicker because you know, you just have to cut the bits where
you know accident happens or just something that you don't
want to be shown for whatever reason.
But like you can edit a filmed like video on a by a cameraman
in maybe like 10 minutes. Whereas yeah, when you have a

(48:38):
multi static camera and POV, it can be such a harrowing process.
And just like, oh, it's like. No, you're not.
You don't like you. Don't like, I don't want to get
there, but once you do it, it's fine.
But just the the emotional toll of getting yourself to that
point is just so. It's funny, I love the editing
process and I love shooting withmultiple cameras.

(48:58):
And so for me it's it's kind of that that is where we differ.
It's like I, I really love filming multiple cameras.
Cameramen for me is like feels alittle invasive sometimes.
Like it feels like there's just the person watching the video
knows that there's a camera man.It feels more professional porno
to me than than a hookup, which is really kind of the brand or
the look I'm going for when I, when I film is that I wanted to

(49:21):
look more like actual sex and staged sex.
And I think a cameraman sometimes makes it feel staged.
But that's just my opinion. You know, I, I, I've started
experimenting with using a cameraman more often and, and it
is infinitely easier to edit forsure.
You just got to kind of sit there, just watch it, make sure
nothing weird happens, and then that shit out.
So does that. Mean that we need You're the one

(49:42):
who's gonna be editing a video. I would love to edit our video.
I love that. I would love to.
I'm kind of a little bit of a control freak and I do most of
the editing myself anyways, but I hand it off when PS2.
If somebody's really dead set, they really want to do the
editing themselves, I'll hand itoff to them.
Typically, I do most of my own editing.
This is the question I think we were getting to earlier.

(50:03):
What about the community in London?
As somebody based in London, howis the scene over there and do
you feel supported, respected oris do you feel like it is more
of a niche battle like it is still in some places all?
Right, so I recently posted a long video on Twitter and if you
want to see me cry I myself in my room I guess.

(50:26):
I guess it's a place to go. I, I was invited to what I
thought was going to be a shoot and turns out it was a four day
Bender much, very possibly fueled by all sorts of chems and

(50:47):
whatnot. And when I arrived, the terms
that I had negotiated beforehandwere pretty much all violated.
So for me, due to the social anxiety and past experiences
I've had, I need to know how many people are going to be
there. I need to know what the chem
situation is going to be like. And when I arrived, the place

(51:10):
was just like heaving with guys that I never met, didn't have
any idea who they were. He refers again to me honestly,
very still refers. OK, you can see me on keyboard.
So I mean, I explain it in video.
If you want, you can go on my Twitter in my media tab.
But basically I was like to I had a panic attack.

(51:33):
I was sort of coerced or cajoledinto going ahead with were
filming more guys were coming inetcetera.
So I just felt so unsafe and turns out that the person who
did this is a known is known fororganizing that kind of events

(51:53):
where drugs are being consumed and I don't even do poppers.
I left there thinking that the people who I shot with in London
and who I thought I could trust would have my best interest in
mind. And what turn out is that?
Most of them, even though they told me they were incredibly
sorry for me in private, were not willing to take full

(52:17):
accountability of what happened or even sort of trying to
minimize the serious nature of what happened to me, were very
quick to dismiss my claims. Overall, people who are trusted
or I thought I could trust. I was not expecting people to
get on this soapbox and make huge statements about that
person because also in the videothat posted I don't.

(52:39):
I didn't mention any names because I was not there for the
drama. I was mostly trying to set
people to. Consent is key and if you agreed
to do something and the other person disregards your requests
for completely pulls you out of your comfort zone and puts you
in a dangerous situation for yourself, you have to leave and

(53:01):
say like no matter what the situation is, you have to leave
and just say this is not acceptable.
That's not what I did and I sorely regret it.
I think I did what I could at the time, so I didn't expect
people to get on this Soapboxes.Are you OK?
Like after what happened? I mean, like everything that OK,
good. I mean, like, it just sounds

(53:21):
like a really awful situation and it's a lack of consent, a
lack of communication and putting you in a situation that
was really inappropriate, it sounds like.
I struggle so I have a past of depression and eating disorders.
So I I know, I know the signs that I have to monitor with
myself. I'm getting there the first two

(53:43):
weeks, which is when I barely slept for two weeks.
I think this, the thing that sort of kept me going is work,
because I had to go back to work.
And my work is so like, you know, I'm here, I'm there to
uplift people and, you know, to just like, and also physical
activities like create so much endorphins that it didn't help
me process. But at the same time, it kind of

(54:05):
gave me a bit of a respite and, you know, some, some time where
I didn't have to focus on that. But yeah, it's, it's, I still
have dreams about it. I still.
I'm so guys are guys are awful, especially guys that are on
drugs. I mean, I've done my fair share
of cans and so, but one of my golden rules was always to never
invite somebody over. They didn't know exactly

(54:27):
explicitly what was going on because I never wanted to be
responsible for somebody being uncomfortable in a situation
that they weren't prepared for. And so to me, when I hear about
things like that, I can't imagine the type of person that
it takes to do something like that, to put somebody in that
kind of position. I think what shocked me the most
about it is I mean, his behavior, a lot of people have

(54:50):
been on my end like since since I shared what happened to me, I
had a lot of people messaging measking me, is this this person?
And so it's, it really is telling that, you know, you have
certain agents within the fisting spheres who are acting
inappropriately, putting people in danger.
Everyone knows and nobody does anything.
And to me. I'm really sorry you went

(55:13):
through that, it sounds like a nightmare.
The nightmare really came afterwards when, you know, I got
told that I needed help, that, you know, I was portraying him
as a monster when really he was like such a sweet guy trying to,
you know, like make me feel comfortable that, you know, I
was accused of doing that to other people as well, which I'm

(55:34):
not. It's.
Crazy. Just Internet can turn shit
around on you. Insane stuff.
And The thing is, that guy who what he did, I can clearly see
where that comes from. It's probably, you know, someone
who it's striving to get validated, someone who needs to

(55:55):
be seen with certain people online or offline to feel like
he belongs in a community or that he has a place.
It's someone who operates under very sort of primal selfish
instincts that I do believe are the result of drug use because
people who are on Cam, especially the hard ones, they

(56:16):
it's sort of hard wise you to seek instant gratification.
So I can see where that comes from.
I'm not saying it's OK, but at least I can understand it's
people who are sober who could do something by excluding those
people from the community, doingnothing, protecting no one,
accusing or just, you know, going after the ones who do ring

(56:41):
the alarm. Because you know, when when you
tell me, Oh, I'm also for I'm more fully sorry for what
happened to you. But then you post the content
that you filmed that weekend, like hours after saying that.
I'm like, what? Like, yeah.
Just. It just you know, I it really
showed me who I could trust in the future, who I want to keep

(57:01):
meeting, who I want to keep shooting with because you know
what you do if you choose to publish that content, knowing
what happened to me, sometimes witnessing what happened to me,
good for you. But then I don't want to have
anything to do with you. And for some people was there
was shocked to hear. And again, it goes back to for

(57:23):
them, we're just a body between them and the prolapse.
And that's all it was. They didn't want to lose their
content. They did not want to lose access
to certain people. They didn't want to lose access
to certain events. And then I just found that
regrettable. So that's why for me, a
community has a meaning of, you know, we have to care for each
other. We have to have a sort of code

(57:45):
of conduct and when there's noneof that, you just a group of
people with a common interest. But you can't for me, you can't
really speak of a community. If you really do not give a
shit, I will just wonder why, what it will take for some of
those people to really react, maybe like someone dying, a
crime being committed. Because I'm like, I'm not like
I'm not being funny. But you know, we have a wave of

(58:08):
homophobic, homophobic crime happening in Europe right now
where people approach gay men ongrinder under false identities,
go to their places and kill themand steal the stuff.
It's happening. I'm not saying it's happening
all the time, but it's significant enough that if you
decide to be like open house anyone in, anyone out, one day,

(58:29):
something's gonna happen. I guarantee you then.
And then who's gonna like, who'slike, who can look at themselves
in the mirror and think, OK, I did not participate in that kind
of nefarious dynamics. I know I can.
Yeah, yeah, that's good. I mean, like I, I will say this
as somebody who has a history ofdrug use and who I have, I have

(58:50):
been ostracized from the community at some point in my
past because of my drug use. It's not because of anything
that I did to anybody, but just because I was using.
And so, but it takes getting sober, owning your shit, owning
it and not trying to bury it or lie about it.
And then I think there are, there's a possibility for
redemption in some cases, not all, like depending on what

(59:11):
happened. I don't know if you knew this or
not, but I was kicked out of theFacebook group that I started.
I started fantastic friends and I was removed from it because of
my drug, drug behavior. And so it was a consequence,
direct consequence of my action.It took me years to repair the
friendships that I had destroyed.
And so luckily now I'm in a really good place with everybody
again. I feel for you.
I'm really sorry that that that went on.

(59:33):
I feel really, really bad. Thank you.
I don't know. I don't know who it was.
I hadn't heard about it, you know, and so I'm definitely
going to be checking out the video.
Can we wrap this? And you have my support.
Whatever it is that happened, you have my support.
Thank you. And The thing is, I also want to
say my ex is an addict like so Iknow and I, I've, I've lived it.

(59:54):
It's not a great life. It's not an easy life.
A lot of pain. It's a lot of suffering not
managing to express itself in. A healthy way.
It's a very lonely life, even though you might be surrounded
by a lot of people, you just, you know, absolutely it's a way
to numb your feelings because you can't face them.

(01:00:15):
And when I look at my ex, because we're still on very good
terms, he got he got out of it. Even though in terms of like the
12 steps, you never fully out ofit.
It's a constant woken president.I do believe that as well.
But when I see him now, I am so proud of him and I'm so happy to
see that he's a more complete person.

(01:00:35):
He's dealt with this shit like doing the 12 steps is not easy.
No, it's not. But it's the result at the end
is just, you know, you become such a better version of
yourself and so beautiful to see.
So my hope is that people who are in that situation can get
out of it because the out of it pond is just beautiful to see.

(01:00:59):
It's just the work that it takesto get there.
A lot of people are afraid to do.
It's a hard look at yourself. It's taking a hard look at
yourself, your flaws, your character defects, all that
stuff. I've been through the 12 steps
two or three times, and so I've got a belly pull of recovery.
So it's never fun for me. Would struggle with the trust
steps. It's like it's really you have
to be a bitch to yourself. Yeah, it's a guide to living.

(01:01:20):
Steps 2 through 12 are just how to be a good person.
If you took voice step one, it'sjust a guide for living.
It's a guide to just make yourself make your.
Anybody can do the 12 steps, even if they're not an
alcoholic. It's just steps 2 through 12
that is applicable to almost everybody on the planet.
So I've got I've got one more question and this is my last
one. So I'm just going to ask you, do
you have any coming collabs or projects or anything you're

(01:01:40):
really excited about working on or anything coming up that
people can look forward to? And where can they find more
about you on the Internet? But where can they find me?
I'm going to answer that becausethat's quicker.
I'm at Angel Diaz. I like Cameron Diaz XXL
everywhere. So that's Twitter blue sky only
fans, just for fans performing projects.
Not really. I have an idea for a video that

(01:02:03):
like it's going to be utterly stupid, but maybe just as fun as
the the one in in the park. I guess what my ambition is to
have enough funds and enough access to different people to be
a bit more creatively ambitious.I love fashion, I love arts, I
love photography. I would like to include some of

(01:02:23):
that in the videos I'm going to shoot in the future.
Like maybe something that is missing but also beautiful.
Like I dream of, you know, perhapsing on the set full of
roses. Something is just like beautiful
and stupid and hot and calm at the same time.
So that's what I would like to do.
In terms of shooting. I think I'm still very much in a

(01:02:45):
space where I need to figure outwhat the parameters are around
who I feel comfortable with and who I want to include in my
little bubble. I'm still yeah after what
happened, I want to also like this.
Can I be in your bubble? You know, maybe I'm going to go
to Darklands. Can I be in your bubble?
You can't be in my bubble. It's OK, Yeah.
But you know, we built that report.

(01:03:07):
So it's it's they gave me about bubbles, all of them.
But you know, like, for instance, I was like this year
I'm going to go, or maybe next year I'm going to go to
Darklands and this event, this event there is I'm not there.
Like I wasn't really there to begin with, but I'm even less
there because again, it's navigating.

(01:03:27):
I'm going to see the people I don't want to see.
I'm going to be in a situation where if I'm going there for
work, if I'm being told you're going to show up at that time,
do this, that and the other, I'mfine because I know it's work in
my head. I can block everything out.
If it's just me going to somewhere like Darklands and I
feel like, Oh my God, like what,what, what am I supposed to
present? What are people going to think

(01:03:48):
of me? Like what if I like, don't
perform the way people are expecting?
That is going to trigger all my anxiety and there's I'm going to
have another panic attack, whichI don't want to have.
So I think the mission now is rebuilding my trust in myself
and other people. Really.
It's not very sexy and glamorous, but that's what I

(01:04:09):
have to say. No, but it's it's human, and
that's what the whole point of the show is.
Angel Diaz, I just want to say thank you so much for coming on
with me On to Pro Labs. This has been a really great way
to get to know you and learn a little bit more about you and
you guys. If you guys are enjoying the
show, we are on Apple Podcasts, Amazon, YouTube, Spotify on

(01:04:30):
Fridays at 8:00 PM. The videos, excuse me, the audio
goes live on all podcasting platforms and the video episodes
go live as soon as I'm done editing them on Spotify and also
at 8:00 PM on hungerff.com just for dot fan slash hunger FF, and
I will also be able to also be able to see it on angels adjust
for fantage. Again, thank you so much.
This has been such a pleasure. I'm really glad I got to know

(01:04:51):
you, my little prolapsed brotheron the other side of the pond.
So thanks again. Can I, can I just, Can I just
and then let you finish because you have the last?
Word. Yeah, yeah.
Like myself and all the prolapses out there, we all owe
you debt of attitude because without you, I'd like I will not
be here. You pave the way in still paving

(01:05:13):
the way to towards stigmatizing something that is completely
natural. I think we all live in your
shadow for now until the rest oftime.
You just you're the name that one is going to be just just
against no, but for real, for real, like and what you're doing
now with this project is so great because again, like we

(01:05:35):
human beings and we have lives and people have all those
questions. It's great that we can answer
them and also show a side that we don't show.
You're gonna make me cry. I want to give you a giant hug
now. So yeah, I'll hug this thing.
All right. Thank you so much.
I'm going to end it here and look forward to seeing you guys
again next week. Angel Diaz, thank you so much.
And we'll see you guys soon. Thanks for going deep with me on

(01:05:56):
Hunger FF Presents Roll apps. If you're loving the ride, hit
subscribe, drop a review, and share the fisting love.
Follow me on social media at Hunger FF for unfiltered updates
and exclusive content. But until next time, keep it
raw, real, and always hungry. I'll see you on the next
episode.

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