June 27, 2025 • 15 mins
This week on Brolapse, I open up like never before—emotionally and medically. As I head into my colon reconnection surgery, I’m reflecting on everything this experience has taught me: from suicidal fear to radical acceptance, body horror to body pride, prolapse loss to prolapse resurrection.
I talk candidly about the day my hole almost killed me, the shock of waking up with a stoma, my doctor giving me the green light to keep fisting (bless him), and how I found peace, pleasure, and purpose in unexpected places—including latex, punchfisting, and maybe even filming with my stoma 👀. I also call out the two losers who ghosted me over my bag. You’ll never hear from them again.
This one’s raw, honest, and deeply personal. If you’ve ever felt broken or terrified that your kink, your body, or your life was over—this episode is for you.
💬 Tap in. Share it. And wish me luck.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Welcome to Brolapse, the fistingpodcast that goes deep explore
my life, views and raw, unfiltered conversations with
the creators that are redefiningkink connection in the fisting
community. Hey you guys, welcome back.
We're here for another episode of brolapse.
This is episode 41 and I am nervous as sheds.
So tomorrow is my reconnection surgery and you guys have been
(00:22):
following along on my journey basically since it started back
in March. 20th was the day of myperforation and so I released a
video called The Day That My whole Almost Killed Me was my
most popular episode that I've released so far.
A lot of you guys stated on my GoFundMe, which has been a
massive, massive help. You guys have supported me every
step of the way as I've kind of rediscovered my body and figured
(00:43):
out what I am still capable of doing with fisting and just with
general life stuff. And so I kind of wanted this
episode to be about what I learned about myself after
suffering the biggest fear I've ever had in my life.
If you guys remember one of the earliest episodes of the
podcast, I talked about how a fisting injury or perforation
was my biggest fear. And then that was kind of, I
guess a little foreshadowing forwhat was going to be coming up
(01:04):
later, which was the actual suffering of a goal in
preparation, which terrified theshit out of me for years.
And it's taught me a tremendous,tremendous amount about myself.
So I guess I'm just going to tell you guys a little bit about
how I'm feeling and just kind ofwhere my head is AT and how I've
handled the last couple months. I remember the very first week
that I had the stoma, I was Baker acted immediately
(01:26):
following the surgery because I said that I wanted to kill
myself when I saw it. And I was just overall terrified
about what it meant, what the implications were for my future
sex life, for my future life in general, for my career,
whatever, and my general love offisting.
Like I didn't want to give that up.
And so like I saw the stoma as being like the end of that.
And it wasn't for a few more weeks.
(01:48):
Like I remember the suffering that I went through having to
stand up and walk again. That was a nightmare finally
getting home woman realizing that I had probably left the
hospital a little too early because the way that my life is
set up, I'm going to take care of my dog and I'm very
independent. I live alone and so I didn't
realize how many things I was going to need help with.
So luckily I had my friends thatall showed up and took care of
(02:08):
me during those first few weeks on my downstairs neighbor walk
my dog for me, which is amazing.And life sort of got back to
normal. And so I remember after I had
week later follow up with doctorshock it, he and I were sitting
in the office and he's like, so did you try it yet?
And I was like, try what? And he's like, try fisting
yourself. And suddenly I remember just
feeling this huge sense of relief over me because I had not
(02:29):
even considered the fact that I could get fisted at all when I
had the injury. But he informed me that the
injury was so far up inside of me because I was prolapsed when
it happened. It was 24 inches deep inside me
that I was still safe to fist regardless of of the injury, as
long as I didn't go terribly deep.
I could still, you know, pee left my prolapse intact, all of
that. And so I was in tears in the
(02:51):
office. I was really just overwhelmed
with the idea, the possibility that I, my life wasn't over.
And so I came home and experimented with fisting again.
And I was able to take a fist and I was able to do it.
And I was able to prolapse a little bit.
And I was like, Oh my God, OK, it's not gone forever.
And I just thought, OK, I, I catastrophized like everything
(03:13):
else in my life, I'd make everything out to be way more
serious than it actually has to be.
And so with that kind of transformed into was a decision
on my part that I was not going to let the injury derail me,
that I had just started getting back out into the world.
I'd started attending fistology.I wasn't going to let it derail
my attempts at becoming a more social creature again, that I
(03:36):
wasn't going to let it be a source of stigma or source of
shame or anything like that. And so I remember I got geared
up in latex on the night of fistology and I tucked my bag
into the latex shirt and latex shorts and I went to the event
and I was maybe 3 weeks out of the surgery, maybe a little bit
less. And I got fisted in front of
everybody. And everybody was like, what the
fuck? And I'm like, listen, I said, I
got approval from my doctor and my surgeon said it's OK.
(03:59):
And my injury so far up that, you know, it's nothing to be, I
don't have to be scared. And So what I realized is that
it didn't I have to become this gigantic burden and I was able
to still kind of live my life the way that I wanted to live
with some limitations. And so I adjusted the way that I
have gotten fisted used to be a rhythmic depth puncher.
That's kind of how I describe the style that I like.
(04:20):
And so I decided that since I can't do that anymore, I didn't
people would be like, oh, can I experiment with how deep you
want to go? No, you can't experiment with
how deep you want to go because I don't want you to find the
seam, the stump as it's called. I don't want to know where the
stump is AT. And so just stay shallow and let
me enjoy it. So I developed like love of
punch fisting, which is kind of out of the blue because I've
never been a punch Fister in my life.
(04:40):
I mean, double S were kind of a cool thing that I got more into
double punching. It's like I could do shallow
stuff. And then my prolapse came back
and I felt like Jennifer Kale inAgatha all along when she gets
her powers back. And I remember feeling my
fucking hole and being like, Oh my God, it was really amazing.
It's not as big as it used to be, but if this is all I get for
the rest of my life, I'm completely content with that
(05:01):
because it's fucking more than Idreamed that I would have.
And so I'm cool with that. One thing that having the stoma
taught me is that there's a lot of fucking perverts out there.
I polled Twitter asking if people be interested in me
filming content with the stoma, showing my stoma and basically
doing double prolapse content. And the amount of people that
were interested in that was insane.
(05:22):
And so I haven't done it yet. I'm probably do it tonight.
I'm kind of like, I don't know, having like, I've been so kind
of anxious about like touching it in general or doing anything
with it. And I'm still kind of probably
just going to, I don't touch it.It's just like, I don't want to
risk infection or anything like that.
Filming a video playing with my prolapse, my actual prolapse
while my stoma is out is kind ofsomething that I've kind of
toyed with the idea of doing. It's kind of fringe.
(05:43):
My, my surgeon actually suggested that I do it.
He told me he's like, you're of a once in a lifetime opportunity
to do kind of some crazy contentthat you're never going to have
the opportunity to do again. So go for it.
And I never take myself too seriously.
And so I figure why the not. And so I learned that there's a
lot of guys that fetishize the idea of a postoma.
And in discussions with other guys who have suffered the same
injury as me, I've discovered that not everybody has had it as
(06:05):
easy as I have had it. And so I really feel for,
there's a guy that I've been chatting with overseas that
hasn't had sex in years. And I really feel for me because
he's ashamed of the bag. He says he gets turned down a
lot. I actually was turned down only
twice in the duration of the time that I was getting that I
had the that I've had the injury.
I've been turned down twice by two different guys that told me
(06:26):
to basically hit them up when I lost the bag, which to me kind
of the I subscribe to the idea if you don't accept me at my
lowest, you don't deserve me when I'm at my best.
So those two people got blocked immediately.
I'll never speak to them again. And so, yeah, I mean, like, it's
just, it felt body shaming. It felt, you know, there's
nothing wrong with me. I've been when I do play, I hide
it under latex and so people don't have to see it unless they
(06:46):
want to see it. And then I dress A roll with it.
I've actually filmed content showing the bag, which I thought
was kind of important to destigmatize the injury because
it doesn't necessarily mean thatyour sex life is over depending
on the severity of the injury. I don't think it means a death
sentence for your fisting life. It certainly didn't for me yet.
And I say yet because I'm going to get to that later on the
video, the conversation I had with my doctor today.
(07:07):
So basically I discovered that there's a lot of freaks out
there and that there is a need for destigmatization of colon
perforations and state stomas and ostomies and stuff like
that. One major thing that I learned
about myself during this processis that there is significantly
(07:29):
more to me than my body, and that I have a brain that is
completely capable of sustainingme.
The last couple years have sort of tricked me into believing
that I am just my prolapse or just my butthole.
And I've learned since this injury that I am significantly
more than that. I've learned that I am a role
model to people. I've learned that I have the
(07:49):
talent to write. I finished my book.
I got a gig with a publisher that I had been dreaming about
working with, and the book is probably the thing that I'm the
most proud of in my entire career.
It is basically like if putting my prolapse on the Internet was
exposing myself. This is a completely other level
of exposure. It's literally everything that's
been going on behind the scenes for the last 20 years of my life
in the porn industry. It's everything that's been
(08:11):
going on with my drug use, with my sex life, with my, you know,
personal interpersonal relationships, my childhood
trauma, my relationship with my family, my grandmother, friends.
It's literally everything. All my relationships, it's
everything kind of rolls up intoone.
And that's the first time I've actually used my brain to
accomplish something in a reallylong time, which is really
(08:31):
embarrassing to say, but it's true.
I've just relied on my body for so long.
And so this has taught me that Ihave more than just that.
And I'm super grateful for that.I'm super grateful, honestly,
for the entire experience so far.
It's taught me so much about whoI am and that I can get through
virtually anything that life throws my way.
I was terrified, petrified of this incident happening to me.
(08:55):
And I walked through the fire. My grandmother told me that she
was afraid that my mental healthwas going to be really bad
during this and she was afraid that I was going to kill myself
actually. And she was really impressed
with the amount of grace and just stability that I handled
this with. I didn't let it stop me.
I didn't let it stop me from going out.
I didn't let it stop me from taking care of my grandma.
I didn't let it stop me from hanging out with my friends.
(09:16):
It was a little embarrassing. There's a couple times like what
I discovered is I can't eat ass anymore.
And what's this fucking stoma? Because for whatever reason it
tears up my stomach, which is sugar annoying because I love
eating butt. And I've realized that there's a
lot of really understanding and accepting guys out there that
they're I had to frame the injury in a way that was non
threatening. I think had I said I perforated
my colon, I think the guys wouldhave been more hesitant to hook
(09:39):
up with me. But I said that I injured my
belly, which is not a neck, not a lie.
And I'd surgery on my belly, butit's getting reversed shortly
and I'm safe to play. And I think that was the proper
way to frame it so that I didn'tget ostracized by people that
that were made. It wasn't.
I don't feel like I was trickinganybody, but I feel like I was
being honest in a way that was palatable, explaining the
situation in a way that was palatable.
(09:59):
I learned who my real friends are because there are several
people in my life who I considered to be close friends
at one point who never reached out to me.
And the fact is, is that I nearly died.
And the support that I got from strangers was overwhelmingly
positive and just like just really moving.
I mean, like the GoFundMe one example, but I mean, just like
in general, messages I got from strangers on the Internet who've
(10:21):
suffered the same thing, who wanted to talk to me about what,
who reached out to me when they thought that they were
potentially injured and what my experience was.
Yeah, my, it's just been a really wild ride.
And so which brings me to where I am at today.
Today is the day preceding my surgery.
Tomorrow is my surgery. And I am scared because this
(10:44):
morning I had a phone call with my surgeon, and he told me that
based on the CT scan that I had,that I still have a lot of
diverticuli inside my colon. I was diagnosed with
diverticulitis last year. And that's what originally was
going to cost me part of my colon.
But now it was the perforation. He told me that he believes that
I didn't actually perforate through the colon, that I
perforated through a diverticuliweakening in the wall of the
colon. And so my colon still has those
(11:05):
weakenings. And so tomorrow during my
surgery, typically if it was anybody else, he would remove
the entire length of the damagedcolon, which is a significant
amount of my colon, which would affect my prolapse, would affect
my ability to get fisted. It would affect my ability to do
the type of sex that I like to have for the rest of my life.
And there we discussed the difference between staples and
(11:26):
hand stitching, the potential need for an ileostomy, which is
basically allowing him to hand. So my 2 end to end bits that
have been disconnected, while also giving me a new stoma,
which would allow the current orthe recently reconnected one to
heal without the presence of stool, which would essentially
(11:48):
lengthen the amount of time thatthis process is going to be
going on. I'm not, I was not thrilled.
I'm a little bit more scared andnervous about the experience now
after having that conversation with him.
But I trust him. He knows me, he knows what I, I
am about and what I want to continue doing in my life.
And for me, a 5 to 10% risk thatit might go wrong with, with the
(12:10):
inclusion of hand stitching versus staples is worth it to me
to maintain even like, you know,he said to me, he's like, you
know, you might see me again in six months.
And I said to him, well, you know, it's six more months of
living the life that I want to live versus, you know, the maybe
that it might, you know, it might go wrong.
So doing something drastic, I'd rather take the little risk and
get my love back because I really, really feel like I just
(12:32):
miss fisting the way that I usedto fist.
Like I said, I mean, if this is the only fisting that I can
have, a shallow fisting, double fisting, whatever, I'll take
what I can get because I love itso much and I just love the
scene of the community. I love everything about it.
And so I will put this on just out there.
I'm scared to death for tomorrow.
I have a really big day tomorrow.
Surgery is at 2:30 in the afternoon at Imperial Point
(12:53):
Hospital. So I will be it'll be a lengthy
surgery and I'm just scared. I'm just nervous.
And I was less nervous this morning.
I'd actually kind of written AI song about I'm going to miss the
little guy about how like, you know, it's actually been super
convenient to not have to wipe my ass.
I'm not going to lie, having thestoma has been not such a
(13:13):
nightmare, not the nightmare that I expected it to be.
And so I was joking around that I'm going to miss the little
guy. And so I sent it to my surgeon
and then he came back at me withthis, you know, this bad news,
basically this nervousness afterseeing my CT scan.
So that is where I'm at. I've learned a lot.
What about myself? I've learned a lot about my
friends. I've learned a lot about my
family in particular, family members who did not reach out to
(13:34):
me or did not care that I had this surgery, did not remember
that I had this surgery when they saw me.
It's pretty wild. And so, yeah, I mean, overall,
I'm grateful for the experience thus far.
Like I said, it's taught me a lot about myself.
And I just want people to know that if you end up suffering the
same injury, that it is something that you can get
through. It's something that you will get
through. It's something that you don't
need to be, that it won't defeatyou, that you don't have to let
(13:57):
it defeat you. If I can get through it, you can
get through it. With the level of fear that I
had going into this compared to my response to it now.
I mean, overall, looking back, I'm just grateful that I'm still
here and I'm grateful that I canstill fist.
I'm grateful that I still have my prolapse to the small degree
that I do. And yeah, I'm grateful for my
surgeon. I'm grateful for all of the
people that donated at the GoFundMe.
(14:18):
And yeah, wish me luck tomorrow.And this has been episode 41 of
Prolapse. If you're enjoying the show,
please like, follow, subscribe, share it with your friends.
We're on Apple podcast, Amazon, Audible and YouTube.
Early access goes live for Spotify subscribers for the
videos as soon as they are done being edited.
New episodes go live on Friday nights at 8:00 PM across all
(14:38):
platforms and hunger ff.com. And just for fans slash hunger
FF get the video episodes as well.
Thank you guys so much for listening to me ramble.
Hope you enjoyed the episode episode and I'll see you guys
next week, hopefully in one piece.
Have a good night. Thanks for going deep with me on
Hunger FF Presents Roll Apps. If you're loving the ride, hit
subscribe, drop a review and share the fisting love.
(14:58):
Follow me on social media at Hunger FF for unfiltered updates
and exclusive content. But until next time, keep it
raw, real, and always hungry. I'll see you on the next
episode.
Welcome to Brolapse, the fistingpodcast that goes deep explore
my life, views and raw, unfiltered conversations with
the creators that are redefiningkink connection in the fisting
community. Hey you guys, welcome back.
We're here for another episode of brolapse.
This is episode 41 and I am nervous as sheds.
So tomorrow is my reconnection surgery and you guys have been
(00:22):
following along on my journey basically since it started back
in March. 20th was the day of myperforation and so I released a
video called The Day That My whole Almost Killed Me was my
most popular episode that I've released so far.
A lot of you guys stated on my GoFundMe, which has been a
massive, massive help. You guys have supported me every
step of the way as I've kind of rediscovered my body and figured
(00:43):
out what I am still capable of doing with fisting and just with
general life stuff. And so I kind of wanted this
episode to be about what I learned about myself after
suffering the biggest fear I've ever had in my life.
If you guys remember one of the earliest episodes of the
podcast, I talked about how a fisting injury or perforation
was my biggest fear. And then that was kind of, I
guess a little foreshadowing forwhat was going to be coming up
(01:04):
later, which was the actual suffering of a goal in
preparation, which terrified theshit out of me for years.
And it's taught me a tremendous,tremendous amount about myself.
So I guess I'm just going to tell you guys a little bit about
how I'm feeling and just kind ofwhere my head is AT and how I've
handled the last couple months. I remember the very first week
that I had the stoma, I was Baker acted immediately
(01:26):
following the surgery because I said that I wanted to kill
myself when I saw it. And I was just overall terrified
about what it meant, what the implications were for my future
sex life, for my future life in general, for my career,
whatever, and my general love offisting.
Like I didn't want to give that up.
And so like I saw the stoma as being like the end of that.
And it wasn't for a few more weeks.
(01:48):
Like I remember the suffering that I went through having to
stand up and walk again. That was a nightmare finally
getting home woman realizing that I had probably left the
hospital a little too early because the way that my life is
set up, I'm going to take care of my dog and I'm very
independent. I live alone and so I didn't
realize how many things I was going to need help with.
So luckily I had my friends thatall showed up and took care of
(02:08):
me during those first few weeks on my downstairs neighbor walk
my dog for me, which is amazing.And life sort of got back to
normal. And so I remember after I had
week later follow up with doctorshock it, he and I were sitting
in the office and he's like, so did you try it yet?
And I was like, try what? And he's like, try fisting
yourself. And suddenly I remember just
feeling this huge sense of relief over me because I had not
(02:29):
even considered the fact that I could get fisted at all when I
had the injury. But he informed me that the
injury was so far up inside of me because I was prolapsed when
it happened. It was 24 inches deep inside me
that I was still safe to fist regardless of of the injury, as
long as I didn't go terribly deep.
I could still, you know, pee left my prolapse intact, all of
that. And so I was in tears in the
(02:51):
office. I was really just overwhelmed
with the idea, the possibility that I, my life wasn't over.
And so I came home and experimented with fisting again.
And I was able to take a fist and I was able to do it.
And I was able to prolapse a little bit.
And I was like, Oh my God, OK, it's not gone forever.
And I just thought, OK, I, I catastrophized like everything
(03:13):
else in my life, I'd make everything out to be way more
serious than it actually has to be.
And so with that kind of transformed into was a decision
on my part that I was not going to let the injury derail me,
that I had just started getting back out into the world.
I'd started attending fistology.I wasn't going to let it derail
my attempts at becoming a more social creature again, that I
(03:36):
wasn't going to let it be a source of stigma or source of
shame or anything like that. And so I remember I got geared
up in latex on the night of fistology and I tucked my bag
into the latex shirt and latex shorts and I went to the event
and I was maybe 3 weeks out of the surgery, maybe a little bit
less. And I got fisted in front of
everybody. And everybody was like, what the
fuck? And I'm like, listen, I said, I
got approval from my doctor and my surgeon said it's OK.
(03:59):
And my injury so far up that, you know, it's nothing to be, I
don't have to be scared. And So what I realized is that
it didn't I have to become this gigantic burden and I was able
to still kind of live my life the way that I wanted to live
with some limitations. And so I adjusted the way that I
have gotten fisted used to be a rhythmic depth puncher.
That's kind of how I describe the style that I like.
(04:20):
And so I decided that since I can't do that anymore, I didn't
people would be like, oh, can I experiment with how deep you
want to go? No, you can't experiment with
how deep you want to go because I don't want you to find the
seam, the stump as it's called. I don't want to know where the
stump is AT. And so just stay shallow and let
me enjoy it. So I developed like love of
punch fisting, which is kind of out of the blue because I've
never been a punch Fister in my life.
(04:40):
I mean, double S were kind of a cool thing that I got more into
double punching. It's like I could do shallow
stuff. And then my prolapse came back
and I felt like Jennifer Kale inAgatha all along when she gets
her powers back. And I remember feeling my
fucking hole and being like, Oh my God, it was really amazing.
It's not as big as it used to be, but if this is all I get for
the rest of my life, I'm completely content with that
(05:01):
because it's fucking more than Idreamed that I would have.
And so I'm cool with that. One thing that having the stoma
taught me is that there's a lot of fucking perverts out there.
I polled Twitter asking if people be interested in me
filming content with the stoma, showing my stoma and basically
doing double prolapse content. And the amount of people that
were interested in that was insane.
(05:22):
And so I haven't done it yet. I'm probably do it tonight.
I'm kind of like, I don't know, having like, I've been so kind
of anxious about like touching it in general or doing anything
with it. And I'm still kind of probably
just going to, I don't touch it.It's just like, I don't want to
risk infection or anything like that.
Filming a video playing with my prolapse, my actual prolapse
while my stoma is out is kind ofsomething that I've kind of
toyed with the idea of doing. It's kind of fringe.
(05:43):
My, my surgeon actually suggested that I do it.
He told me he's like, you're of a once in a lifetime opportunity
to do kind of some crazy contentthat you're never going to have
the opportunity to do again. So go for it.
And I never take myself too seriously.
And so I figure why the not. And so I learned that there's a
lot of guys that fetishize the idea of a postoma.
And in discussions with other guys who have suffered the same
injury as me, I've discovered that not everybody has had it as
(06:05):
easy as I have had it. And so I really feel for,
there's a guy that I've been chatting with overseas that
hasn't had sex in years. And I really feel for me because
he's ashamed of the bag. He says he gets turned down a
lot. I actually was turned down only
twice in the duration of the time that I was getting that I
had the that I've had the injury.
I've been turned down twice by two different guys that told me
(06:26):
to basically hit them up when I lost the bag, which to me kind
of the I subscribe to the idea if you don't accept me at my
lowest, you don't deserve me when I'm at my best.
So those two people got blocked immediately.
I'll never speak to them again. And so, yeah, I mean, like, it's
just, it felt body shaming. It felt, you know, there's
nothing wrong with me. I've been when I do play, I hide
it under latex and so people don't have to see it unless they
(06:46):
want to see it. And then I dress A roll with it.
I've actually filmed content showing the bag, which I thought
was kind of important to destigmatize the injury because
it doesn't necessarily mean thatyour sex life is over depending
on the severity of the injury. I don't think it means a death
sentence for your fisting life. It certainly didn't for me yet.
And I say yet because I'm going to get to that later on the
video, the conversation I had with my doctor today.
(07:07):
So basically I discovered that there's a lot of freaks out
there and that there is a need for destigmatization of colon
perforations and state stomas and ostomies and stuff like
that. One major thing that I learned
about myself during this processis that there is significantly
(07:29):
more to me than my body, and that I have a brain that is
completely capable of sustainingme.
The last couple years have sort of tricked me into believing
that I am just my prolapse or just my butthole.
And I've learned since this injury that I am significantly
more than that. I've learned that I am a role
model to people. I've learned that I have the
(07:49):
talent to write. I finished my book.
I got a gig with a publisher that I had been dreaming about
working with, and the book is probably the thing that I'm the
most proud of in my entire career.
It is basically like if putting my prolapse on the Internet was
exposing myself. This is a completely other level
of exposure. It's literally everything that's
been going on behind the scenes for the last 20 years of my life
in the porn industry. It's everything that's been
(08:11):
going on with my drug use, with my sex life, with my, you know,
personal interpersonal relationships, my childhood
trauma, my relationship with my family, my grandmother, friends.
It's literally everything. All my relationships, it's
everything kind of rolls up intoone.
And that's the first time I've actually used my brain to
accomplish something in a reallylong time, which is really
(08:31):
embarrassing to say, but it's true.
I've just relied on my body for so long.
And so this has taught me that Ihave more than just that.
And I'm super grateful for that.I'm super grateful, honestly,
for the entire experience so far.
It's taught me so much about whoI am and that I can get through
virtually anything that life throws my way.
I was terrified, petrified of this incident happening to me.
(08:55):
And I walked through the fire. My grandmother told me that she
was afraid that my mental healthwas going to be really bad
during this and she was afraid that I was going to kill myself
actually. And she was really impressed
with the amount of grace and just stability that I handled
this with. I didn't let it stop me.
I didn't let it stop me from going out.
I didn't let it stop me from taking care of my grandma.
I didn't let it stop me from hanging out with my friends.
(09:16):
It was a little embarrassing. There's a couple times like what
I discovered is I can't eat ass anymore.
And what's this fucking stoma? Because for whatever reason it
tears up my stomach, which is sugar annoying because I love
eating butt. And I've realized that there's a
lot of really understanding and accepting guys out there that
they're I had to frame the injury in a way that was non
threatening. I think had I said I perforated
my colon, I think the guys wouldhave been more hesitant to hook
(09:39):
up with me. But I said that I injured my
belly, which is not a neck, not a lie.
And I'd surgery on my belly, butit's getting reversed shortly
and I'm safe to play. And I think that was the proper
way to frame it so that I didn'tget ostracized by people that
that were made. It wasn't.
I don't feel like I was trickinganybody, but I feel like I was
being honest in a way that was palatable, explaining the
situation in a way that was palatable.
(09:59):
I learned who my real friends are because there are several
people in my life who I considered to be close friends
at one point who never reached out to me.
And the fact is, is that I nearly died.
And the support that I got from strangers was overwhelmingly
positive and just like just really moving.
I mean, like the GoFundMe one example, but I mean, just like
in general, messages I got from strangers on the Internet who've
(10:21):
suffered the same thing, who wanted to talk to me about what,
who reached out to me when they thought that they were
potentially injured and what my experience was.
Yeah, my, it's just been a really wild ride.
And so which brings me to where I am at today.
Today is the day preceding my surgery.
Tomorrow is my surgery. And I am scared because this
(10:44):
morning I had a phone call with my surgeon, and he told me that
based on the CT scan that I had,that I still have a lot of
diverticuli inside my colon. I was diagnosed with
diverticulitis last year. And that's what originally was
going to cost me part of my colon.
But now it was the perforation. He told me that he believes that
I didn't actually perforate through the colon, that I
perforated through a diverticuliweakening in the wall of the
colon. And so my colon still has those
(11:05):
weakenings. And so tomorrow during my
surgery, typically if it was anybody else, he would remove
the entire length of the damagedcolon, which is a significant
amount of my colon, which would affect my prolapse, would affect
my ability to get fisted. It would affect my ability to do
the type of sex that I like to have for the rest of my life.
And there we discussed the difference between staples and
(11:26):
hand stitching, the potential need for an ileostomy, which is
basically allowing him to hand. So my 2 end to end bits that
have been disconnected, while also giving me a new stoma,
which would allow the current orthe recently reconnected one to
heal without the presence of stool, which would essentially
(11:48):
lengthen the amount of time thatthis process is going to be
going on. I'm not, I was not thrilled.
I'm a little bit more scared andnervous about the experience now
after having that conversation with him.
But I trust him. He knows me, he knows what I, I
am about and what I want to continue doing in my life.
And for me, a 5 to 10% risk thatit might go wrong with, with the
(12:10):
inclusion of hand stitching versus staples is worth it to me
to maintain even like, you know,he said to me, he's like, you
know, you might see me again in six months.
And I said to him, well, you know, it's six more months of
living the life that I want to live versus, you know, the maybe
that it might, you know, it might go wrong.
So doing something drastic, I'd rather take the little risk and
get my love back because I really, really feel like I just
(12:32):
miss fisting the way that I usedto fist.
Like I said, I mean, if this is the only fisting that I can
have, a shallow fisting, double fisting, whatever, I'll take
what I can get because I love itso much and I just love the
scene of the community. I love everything about it.
And so I will put this on just out there.
I'm scared to death for tomorrow.
I have a really big day tomorrow.
Surgery is at 2:30 in the afternoon at Imperial Point
(12:53):
Hospital. So I will be it'll be a lengthy
surgery and I'm just scared. I'm just nervous.
And I was less nervous this morning.
I'd actually kind of written AI song about I'm going to miss the
little guy about how like, you know, it's actually been super
convenient to not have to wipe my ass.
I'm not going to lie, having thestoma has been not such a
(13:13):
nightmare, not the nightmare that I expected it to be.
And so I was joking around that I'm going to miss the little
guy. And so I sent it to my surgeon
and then he came back at me withthis, you know, this bad news,
basically this nervousness afterseeing my CT scan.
So that is where I'm at. I've learned a lot.
What about myself? I've learned a lot about my
friends. I've learned a lot about my
family in particular, family members who did not reach out to
(13:34):
me or did not care that I had this surgery, did not remember
that I had this surgery when they saw me.
It's pretty wild. And so, yeah, I mean, overall,
I'm grateful for the experience thus far.
Like I said, it's taught me a lot about myself.
And I just want people to know that if you end up suffering the
same injury, that it is something that you can get
through. It's something that you will get
through. It's something that you don't
need to be, that it won't defeatyou, that you don't have to let
(13:57):
it defeat you. If I can get through it, you can
get through it. With the level of fear that I
had going into this compared to my response to it now.
I mean, overall, looking back, I'm just grateful that I'm still
here and I'm grateful that I canstill fist.
I'm grateful that I still have my prolapse to the small degree
that I do. And yeah, I'm grateful for my
surgeon. I'm grateful for all of the
people that donated at the GoFundMe.
(14:18):
And yeah, wish me luck tomorrow.And this has been episode 41 of
Prolapse. If you're enjoying the show,
please like, follow, subscribe, share it with your friends.
We're on Apple podcast, Amazon, Audible and YouTube.
Early access goes live for Spotify subscribers for the
videos as soon as they are done being edited.
New episodes go live on Friday nights at 8:00 PM across all
(14:38):
platforms and hunger ff.com. And just for fans slash hunger
FF get the video episodes as well.
Thank you guys so much for listening to me ramble.
Hope you enjoyed the episode episode and I'll see you guys
next week, hopefully in one piece.
Have a good night. Thanks for going deep with me on
Hunger FF Presents Roll Apps. If you're loving the ride, hit
subscribe, drop a review and share the fisting love.
(14:58):
Follow me on social media at Hunger FF for unfiltered updates
and exclusive content. But until next time, keep it
raw, real, and always hungry. I'll see you on the next
episode.
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