September 5, 2025 • 16 mins
In Episode 51 of Brolapse, I’m back with my sixth Ask Me Anything—this time focused on life after my colon perforation surgery. From depth vs. width, to the emotional relief of realizing I could still get fisted, to the daily realities of living with a stoma, I open up about recovery, grief, resilience, and gratitude.
This AMA covers 12 community-submitted questions across Twitter, BlueSky, Facebook, Telegram, and DMs—everything from small victories in healing, to whether I’ve had to relearn my body, to the role community support has played since surgery. It’s raw, honest, and deeply personal, with plenty of humor, nostalgia, and reflection along the way.
🕗 New video episodes drop every Friday at 8 PM (ET)! (Early video access for Spotify subscribers!)
🎙️ Audio available at 8 PM across all platforms!
🎧 Listen on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL3uJBareUPFci58BJ0NtwtoIOKKuaaBIa
🎧 Listen on Spotify: https://creators.spotify.com/pod/show/Brolapse (Early video access for Spotify subscribers!)
🍏 Apple Podcasts: https://apple.co/408WLLX
📻 Amazon & Audible: https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/57bbf689-250a-4c96-8559-0a79805f18b6/hungerff-presents-brolapse
❤️ iHeartRadio: https://www.iheart.com/podcast/269-hungerff-presents-brolapse-290151273
🙏 Please consider supporting Wrex Wylde’s recovery: https://www.gofundme.com/f/jeff-with-his-living-expenses-while-he-recuperates-at-home
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Welcome to Brolapse, the fistingpodcast that goes deep explore
my life views and raw, unfiltered conversations with
the creators that are redefiningkink connection in the fisting
community. Hey guys, welcome back for
another episode of Brolapse Today's episode 51.
And I decided after a couple of episodes of doing guests and
interviews and stuff that I wanted to kind of bring it back
to basics, do an ask me anything.
(00:21):
So this is the 6th Ask me anything that I've done on the
show. And today's focus is going to be
mostly on kind of my life post surgery, post perforation.
So I got together, there's a list of 20 questions that I've
been asked both in direct messages and on Twitter and on
Blue Sky, Facebook and Telegram.So I figured that we would just
kind of start with some light hearted questions, easier ones
(00:42):
for me to answer than some of the harder ones about the actual
injury itself. So the first one comes from at
fisting men. He wants to know what came first
for you, width or depth? Some guys focus on training one,
then move on to the other. Which did you achieve first?
Honestly, it's kind of weird. It did sort of both happen for
me kind of around the same time.I was always like able to kind
of go deeper. And I've talked about this
before. I think on the show that I had
(01:03):
like this like I still have it this like long like 24 inch
double headed dildo that like when I dated this guy when I
first moved to Fort Lauderdale, we had like the most boring sex
life. It was like Sunday fun day was
the only day we fuck around. So like I'd always of course
matters into my own hands. And so every day before he would
go to work, I would fuck myself with this huge dildo.
And I think that that sort of helps straighten things out for
(01:23):
me. But also after surgery, I found
out from my colorectal surgeon, Doctor Shakit, that I actually
have two feet of colon from the point of entry from my butt hole
until the actual sigmoid colon, which is completely detached.
So I don't know if I was born that way or if it's something
that I modified my body over time, which is using the long
toy. But he seems to think that it
was something I was born with ligament deficiency basically
(01:45):
that would prevent everything from sticking in place and allow
it to kind of move around. So depth came pretty easy for
me. I remember the first time I took
a double was in the 2010. I think I had just moved to Fort
Lauderdale. I remember because I was still
in rehab and so I hooked up withthis guy from Port Saint Lucie
that really tiny hands and he gave me my first double.
And after that it was kind of all uphill from there.
(02:06):
So with came after depth for me and now I can do pretty much
even with the perforation, I could still do pretty deep
double s, which is exciting for me.
So another question comes from somebody anonymous in DMS.
What's one small victory in recovery that felt huge to you?
I would have to say that just being able to get fisted again
after the perforation was a hugedeal for me.
(02:26):
I couldn't even when my doctor told me in the in the in his
office afterwards. Did you go home and try to fist
yourself yet? And I said no because I had
basically considered it closed, closed, closed off, closed for
business. He told me that he left
everything pretty much intact upuntil 24 inches inside me.
So to go home and try to fist myself.
And so I did. At the point I was back with an
(02:46):
ex-boyfriend of mine. And so he is actually the first
one to fist me. But I tried to fist myself and I
could do it. Just the fact that I could still
do it was a huge deal to me. It was really I, I cried, it was
emotional. It was, you know, when you think
that something like that's takenaway from you and then you
realize it's not, it's a huge relief.
And so I was just relieved that I was still able to do anything
(03:07):
that I was able to do at all period, because I was afraid
that it was going to be over forme forever.
So the fact that it wasn't was ahuge deal.
Oh, this is interesting. So this is another anonymous
question. Do you feel that you've had to
relearn your body since surgery?This is a weird one because I
you know, what's funny is that I've gone my entire adult life
as a visturb without the fear inthe back of my head of like, how
(03:27):
deep is too deep? And so like I would always be
able to go and play and people could push my limits without me
having that. He didn't have this instinctual
fear that I feel I saw in a lot of other guys when I was just
seeing them, like when you wouldgo a little bit deeper and
they'd get this look of kind of anxious fear on their face.
I never could relate to that because I never was nervous.
And then when I had the surgery once, what is actually called is
(03:50):
it's called, it's kind of a gross term.
It's called a rectal stump. And so basically at the end of
my colon is like actually tied off, sewn off.
And then I have the stoma on theoutside of my stomach.
So I have this fear of hitting the back of the stump, which is
so gross and weird to say, but Ihave this fear now that there is
an end to the path. And so I panic a little bit now
(04:11):
when I'm guys are going a littlebit deeper inside me.
So I get a little nervous, I getanxious.
And I had a guy that was suckingon my prolapse a couple months
ago, maybe a month ago, and I felt he was sucking too close to
the scene and I freaked out. And so that's been something
I've had to relearn just to trust myself because the injury
happened so far inside me because I was prolapsed when it
happened, that there is not really much risk as far as
(04:34):
fisting goes for me. Even now.
I'd have to really do something really insane to try to hit the
spot where I'm actually injured and it bumped the seam.
So the next questions are going to be medical and recovery
based. So this comes from Michael, the
floor 12 at Blue Sky Social. May I ask what happens with a
prolapse surgery? What is the end goal?
You know, and I don't know if heunderstands what kind of surgery
(04:58):
I had. It wasn't a prolapse surgery is
actually completely adjacent to my prolapse.
The end goal for me in this situation was just to not die
because the perforation had caused air to leak into my
system and I was going to go septic at some point.
I luckily perforated into the fat wall, so I didn't perforate
directly into the bloodstream, which would have been immediate
sepsis. So I think that he maybe just
misunderstood what kind of surgery I had.
(05:19):
I had a colon resectioning done,which is when there's a
perforation, they've removed part of the damaged colon and
then create what's called a stoma on the outside of your
stomach where you'd then go to the bathroom and then they tie
off the other end until it can eventually be reversed, which is
the end goal. I guess if I had to ask if there
is an end goal for this surgery,it's just to get it reconnected
(05:39):
and put back together. I'm in the same way that I was
initially taken apart. So and the next question comes
from verse Stoner bear on X. Are you going to miss not having
to clean out when you get your colostomy reversal?
OK, so I will say that this is the biggest added bonus of
having the stoma. Never having a douche to get
fisted and fucked is kind of fucking amazing.
And I, if, if I had to trying tofigure out how I want to answer
(06:03):
this because there's part of me that's like, God, it would be
really fucking nice and never have to do ever again and just
be clean all the time because I can still technically do all the
same things that I could do before.
And I have an extra prolapse. So it's kind of amazing.
So I am going to miss not havingto clean out.
I still do shake a little bit before I play, but I'm going to
totally miss not having to cleanout at all because it's really
convenient And it's extremely nice to just be ready 24/7
(06:25):
because I'm playing, It's crazy.I'm playing way more now post
surgery than I am or than I was when I before my surgery because
it's just there's so much less pressure to be ready.
I'm constantly ready. So it doesn't matter when I play
or what I do because my butt hole's always fresh and ready.
So it works for me and it works for the guys that I play with.
So this next question is Anonymous.
(06:45):
What's been the hardest part of your physical recovery since
surgery? I will say that the hardest part
for me has been the fact that I can't lift anything technically
heavier than my water bottle, which is it's been annoying
because I've had to hire dog walkers, my friends have.
I've really relied on my friends.
I've figured out who my friends are, make time throughout the
(07:06):
surgery and the recovery period because I can't technically walk
my dog still because he pulls and it's gets hard.
Essentially what happens is whenthey when they create the stoma,
they create a a man made hernia.So I have a herniated bulge on
my belly that could be exacerbated by walking the dog
or lifting something heavy. Closing my back door wall is
(07:26):
kind of a nightmare. So I've just had to rely on like
my friends and people that are willing to come over and help me
take care of the dog and take care of my life.
So that's been definitely the hardest physical part of
recovery since the surgery and the fact that they had to cut my
abdominal muscles. So my best friend actually
installed a rope at the end of my bed because I was having a
hard time getting up and down out of bed initially when it
(07:48):
happened. And so using the rope to hoist
myself, I pull myself up, relieve some of the pressure on
my abs because I had no core strength for the first couple
weeks when I first got home, I couldn't lift myself out of bed.
It was really kind of a nightmare.
What's something that people don't realize about living with
a colostomy bed? OK, so this is I'm still
learning what it's like to live with a colostomy bed.
So like I'm still trying to figure that out.
So I guess just making sure thatI always have supplies with me
(08:12):
is really, sometimes I leave thehouse and I forget.
I'm like, oh shit, I forgot an extra bag or I forgot, you know,
something. Or if I can't find the scissors
that you use to cut the fucking plate thing.
If I use regular scissors, that's a nightmare.
Changing the bag isn't, which I mean, it's kind of convenient.
It's kind of full and then you're like, oh, OK, pop it off,
pop on back on. So it's not so bad, but just
remembering to always have supplies with me, I guess is the
(08:35):
thing that I, I think that people don't realize that I
wouldn't have thought about whenI first got the surgery.
When I first got the surgery, I was very concerned about how it
was going to affect my sex life,how it was going to affect my
social life. And to be honest, it's not
really affected either one in any kind of negative capacity.
So the things that I was worriedabout are things that I was
(08:56):
realized. What I thought about living with
a colostomy bag were not the things that ended up affecting
me. It was actually the the little
things supplies. It's not not fun.
So what's the the most emotional?
This is also an anonymous submission.
What's been the most emotional moment for you since all of this
happened? And I'd have to tie that back to
the third question or the secondquestion, which was the most
(09:17):
emotional moment for me? Actually, no.
You know what? Waking up with the stoma was
definitely the most emotional thing for me because I looked
down and I was like, fuck me. I was just like, I couldn't
believe it. I had gone under anesthesia
thinking that I was going to wake up with just a small
incision or something and I had the full stoma with the
abdominal muscle cut in half. And so I woke up to a body that
(09:39):
I didn't really recognize and that was really emotional for
me. And I actually made a really
dumb comment that got me a Bakeracted, which for those of you
guys who aren't in Florida, a Baker act is a mandatory 72 hour
psychiatric hold. I made a comment that I was
like, oh fuck, I'm going to killmyself, which was so stupid
because I didn't actually mean it, but I was just, that's how I
was feeling in the moment. And so I made that comment and
(10:00):
they reacted me and for three days.
And so, but it was just really, I had just come out of
anesthesia and I was really justupset and, you know, freaked out
about what it was going to mean for the rest of my life.
The next questions are going to center on emotional factors and
identity related issues. So this is interesting.
Did I ever feel pressure to still perform as hunger FF while
I was healing? Luckily I had some content in
(10:22):
the bank that I had was able to to release kind of actual the
initial hurdle of I never missedeven an episode of the podcast.
I never missed an update on my website performing as hunger FF.
I've never really felt like a performer anyways.
I've always just sort of just filmed my sex life.
It's never been a performance. It's been more accused docu
(10:43):
series. So I never really felt the
pressure to perform. But then when I did start having
sex again, I and time because this this this process has been
much longer than I was originally told it would be due
to some insurance issues that myinsurance is no longer in
network with the hospital where I had my surgery done at.
So I have to find a new hospitalto have the the reconnection
done at a new surgeon. So I didn't really what I wasn't
(11:06):
expecting to have to go this long with the bag on.
And so I have had to film content since then and which is
fine because I'm still having sex anyway, so figure why not
film it, But it's been a little bit uncomfortable having to film
in latex every single time that I film.
I'm so used to playing totally naked and I've released one
video where you can see the bag,but it's the rest of them.
I've worn some latex shirts to hide it.
(11:27):
I will give a shout out to Invincible Rubber.
They're sponsoring an upcoming episode of the show and they
come to me for really awesome new latex tops so that I can
have something different to wearin my videos so I don't have to
always look like I'm wearing thesame 2-3 black and red latex
tops. I've got some really cool multi
colored stuff coming soon that Ican perform and so I'm really
looking forward to getting that stuff hopefully really soon.
(11:48):
But otherwise, no real pressure to perform, just pressure to
keep maintaining the same level of content release on the same.
Originally I was thinking about maybe doing juice schedule, but
I decided to maintain the same release schedule even with the
perforations and I still have a ton of a ton of content still in
the bank, so nothing is going tobe slowing down anytime soon.
(12:09):
Oh this is sad. Have I felt grief for my
prolapse or more relief since the surgery?
Definitely not relief. I will say that the grief that I
felt is more intense than any kind of relief that I feel.
I see people like online that still have massive prolapses and
like mine is still getting. It's getting back to the way
that it used to be, but it's notquite back to the way it was.
So I do feel nostalgic. I will say that I'll say I'll
(12:31):
feel nostalgic. I see guys doing what I used to
be able to do and I miss it. But then I try to retrain my
brain to think that I need to begrateful for what I can still do
and not about what I've lost because what I can still do is
still fucking awesome. And so I'm not sad really about
what happened to me. I mean, it's, it's inconvenient,
but it hasn't impacted me in a way that in the ways that I was
(12:55):
anticipating it. So yes, I still, I feel grief
that I lost part of my prolapse,but it's still pretty fucking
big. So I'm cool with it the way that
it is now. And if this is all I can do
forever, then I'm grateful for what I'm able to do.
This next question comes from a Twitter user who asks to remain
anonymous as well. He says sometimes I struggle
when I clean myself or go to thebathroom because of my prolapse.
Do you have any tips to make it more effortless?
(13:17):
I don't really. I mean, like, it's cleaning out.
It's always sort of a nightmare for everybody, whether you have
a prolapse or not. And so I would say if it's
becoming an issue where you can't pull it back in or you
can't, then it might be time to see a doctor regarding it.
But if you can still pull it back in, it shouldn't be that
much more different than anybodyelse cleaning out or anybody
(13:37):
else going to the bathroom. So I don't really talk about
bathroom stuff too often becauseit's not really, I always feel
there's some things that are just my fucking life.
I don't need to share every every single bit of it.
So I have not really made a lot of stuff like that public.
But I would just say that if you're having trouble pulling it
back in and then it might be time to see a doctor.
And otherwise it should just mostly sort of be the same.
I don't think that it should have a huge impact on the way
(13:59):
that you clean out. But everybody is different, and
so your situation might be different than mine.
And my situation is certainly not typical, to say the least.
All right, so the next question,what role has community support
played for you since surgery? That's a really big one.
I raised a ton of money on GoFundMe and that sustained me
for the first few months after the surgery happened.
And I am intensely, intensely grateful to everybody who
(14:21):
donated, who continues to donate.
I also want to take a moment to shout out to Rex Wild, who is
still ongoing a major health crisis.
And please, if you have the opportunity, I will include it
in the info or the description for this episode.
But Rex is donation link to support his recovery as well.
He needs it more than I do at this point.
So please, if you can donate to Rex's GoFundMe.
(14:42):
He is an Angel and what he's gone through has been a
nightmare. So please, if you guys have the
ability and please donate. And in general, just community
support's been really amazing. Everybody's been really great
with me. I've only been like discarded
twice for having the colostomy back for in a play session.
So that was convenient that I didn't really ever have a single
time or, or just two times whereI was rejected, basically.
(15:05):
Otherwise, the community's been really supportive.
Initially, there was a couple ofnaysayers that thought that I
was faking it or that I had doneit for attention, which is just
bullshit. I don't know who would do
anything like this for attention.
Yeah. Otherwise, community support's
been really amazing. So those 12 questions are going
to be the questions that I'm going to answer today.
I'm going to do in the second part of this episode, probably
after the anniversary episode next week, which I'm super
excited about. If my guest comes through, which
(15:26):
I'm fucking hoping that he does,it's gonna be really amazing
anniversary episodes. So I hope you guys have enjoyed
it. If you guys are enjoying the
show, we are on Apple, Amazon, YouTube, Spotify, and
iHeartRadio now. So you can find new episodes on
hungerff.com. And just for fans, slash hunger
FF on Friday nights at 8:00 PM. Video episodes go live early for
Spotify subscribers as soon as I'm done editing them and make
(15:48):
sure you guys do take a moment. And like I said earlier, donate
to Rex Wilds go fund me. That would be amazing.
He needs the support. He needs everybody's support
right now and I will see you guys again next week.
Have a good night. Thanks for going deep with me on
Hunger FF presents prolapse. If you're loving the ride, hit
subscribe, drop a review and share the fisting love.
Follow me on social media at Hunger FF for unfiltered updates
(16:09):
and exclusive content. But until next time, keep it
raw, real and always hungry. I'll see you on the next
episode.
Welcome to Brolapse, the fistingpodcast that goes deep explore
my life views and raw, unfiltered conversations with
the creators that are redefiningkink connection in the fisting
community. Hey guys, welcome back for
another episode of Brolapse Today's episode 51.
And I decided after a couple of episodes of doing guests and
interviews and stuff that I wanted to kind of bring it back
to basics, do an ask me anything.
(00:21):
So this is the 6th Ask me anything that I've done on the
show. And today's focus is going to be
mostly on kind of my life post surgery, post perforation.
So I got together, there's a list of 20 questions that I've
been asked both in direct messages and on Twitter and on
Blue Sky, Facebook and Telegram.So I figured that we would just
kind of start with some light hearted questions, easier ones
(00:42):
for me to answer than some of the harder ones about the actual
injury itself. So the first one comes from at
fisting men. He wants to know what came first
for you, width or depth? Some guys focus on training one,
then move on to the other. Which did you achieve first?
Honestly, it's kind of weird. It did sort of both happen for
me kind of around the same time.I was always like able to kind
of go deeper. And I've talked about this
before. I think on the show that I had
(01:03):
like this like I still have it this like long like 24 inch
double headed dildo that like when I dated this guy when I
first moved to Fort Lauderdale, we had like the most boring sex
life. It was like Sunday fun day was
the only day we fuck around. So like I'd always of course
matters into my own hands. And so every day before he would
go to work, I would fuck myself with this huge dildo.
And I think that that sort of helps straighten things out for
(01:23):
me. But also after surgery, I found
out from my colorectal surgeon, Doctor Shakit, that I actually
have two feet of colon from the point of entry from my butt hole
until the actual sigmoid colon, which is completely detached.
So I don't know if I was born that way or if it's something
that I modified my body over time, which is using the long
toy. But he seems to think that it
was something I was born with ligament deficiency basically
(01:45):
that would prevent everything from sticking in place and allow
it to kind of move around. So depth came pretty easy for
me. I remember the first time I took
a double was in the 2010. I think I had just moved to Fort
Lauderdale. I remember because I was still
in rehab and so I hooked up withthis guy from Port Saint Lucie
that really tiny hands and he gave me my first double.
And after that it was kind of all uphill from there.
(02:06):
So with came after depth for me and now I can do pretty much
even with the perforation, I could still do pretty deep
double s, which is exciting for me.
So another question comes from somebody anonymous in DMS.
What's one small victory in recovery that felt huge to you?
I would have to say that just being able to get fisted again
after the perforation was a hugedeal for me.
(02:26):
I couldn't even when my doctor told me in the in the in his
office afterwards. Did you go home and try to fist
yourself yet? And I said no because I had
basically considered it closed, closed, closed off, closed for
business. He told me that he left
everything pretty much intact upuntil 24 inches inside me.
So to go home and try to fist myself.
And so I did. At the point I was back with an
(02:46):
ex-boyfriend of mine. And so he is actually the first
one to fist me. But I tried to fist myself and I
could do it. Just the fact that I could still
do it was a huge deal to me. It was really I, I cried, it was
emotional. It was, you know, when you think
that something like that's takenaway from you and then you
realize it's not, it's a huge relief.
And so I was just relieved that I was still able to do anything
(03:07):
that I was able to do at all period, because I was afraid
that it was going to be over forme forever.
So the fact that it wasn't was ahuge deal.
Oh, this is interesting. So this is another anonymous
question. Do you feel that you've had to
relearn your body since surgery?This is a weird one because I
you know, what's funny is that I've gone my entire adult life
as a visturb without the fear inthe back of my head of like, how
(03:27):
deep is too deep? And so like I would always be
able to go and play and people could push my limits without me
having that. He didn't have this instinctual
fear that I feel I saw in a lot of other guys when I was just
seeing them, like when you wouldgo a little bit deeper and
they'd get this look of kind of anxious fear on their face.
I never could relate to that because I never was nervous.
And then when I had the surgery once, what is actually called is
(03:50):
it's called, it's kind of a gross term.
It's called a rectal stump. And so basically at the end of
my colon is like actually tied off, sewn off.
And then I have the stoma on theoutside of my stomach.
So I have this fear of hitting the back of the stump, which is
so gross and weird to say, but Ihave this fear now that there is
an end to the path. And so I panic a little bit now
(04:11):
when I'm guys are going a littlebit deeper inside me.
So I get a little nervous, I getanxious.
And I had a guy that was suckingon my prolapse a couple months
ago, maybe a month ago, and I felt he was sucking too close to
the scene and I freaked out. And so that's been something
I've had to relearn just to trust myself because the injury
happened so far inside me because I was prolapsed when it
happened, that there is not really much risk as far as
(04:34):
fisting goes for me. Even now.
I'd have to really do something really insane to try to hit the
spot where I'm actually injured and it bumped the seam.
So the next questions are going to be medical and recovery
based. So this comes from Michael, the
floor 12 at Blue Sky Social. May I ask what happens with a
prolapse surgery? What is the end goal?
You know, and I don't know if heunderstands what kind of surgery
(04:58):
I had. It wasn't a prolapse surgery is
actually completely adjacent to my prolapse.
The end goal for me in this situation was just to not die
because the perforation had caused air to leak into my
system and I was going to go septic at some point.
I luckily perforated into the fat wall, so I didn't perforate
directly into the bloodstream, which would have been immediate
sepsis. So I think that he maybe just
misunderstood what kind of surgery I had.
(05:19):
I had a colon resectioning done,which is when there's a
perforation, they've removed part of the damaged colon and
then create what's called a stoma on the outside of your
stomach where you'd then go to the bathroom and then they tie
off the other end until it can eventually be reversed, which is
the end goal. I guess if I had to ask if there
is an end goal for this surgery,it's just to get it reconnected
(05:39):
and put back together. I'm in the same way that I was
initially taken apart. So and the next question comes
from verse Stoner bear on X. Are you going to miss not having
to clean out when you get your colostomy reversal?
OK, so I will say that this is the biggest added bonus of
having the stoma. Never having a douche to get
fisted and fucked is kind of fucking amazing.
And I, if, if I had to trying tofigure out how I want to answer
(06:03):
this because there's part of me that's like, God, it would be
really fucking nice and never have to do ever again and just
be clean all the time because I can still technically do all the
same things that I could do before.
And I have an extra prolapse. So it's kind of amazing.
So I am going to miss not havingto clean out.
I still do shake a little bit before I play, but I'm going to
totally miss not having to cleanout at all because it's really
convenient And it's extremely nice to just be ready 24/7
(06:25):
because I'm playing, It's crazy.I'm playing way more now post
surgery than I am or than I was when I before my surgery because
it's just there's so much less pressure to be ready.
I'm constantly ready. So it doesn't matter when I play
or what I do because my butt hole's always fresh and ready.
So it works for me and it works for the guys that I play with.
So this next question is Anonymous.
(06:45):
What's been the hardest part of your physical recovery since
surgery? I will say that the hardest part
for me has been the fact that I can't lift anything technically
heavier than my water bottle, which is it's been annoying
because I've had to hire dog walkers, my friends have.
I've really relied on my friends.
I've figured out who my friends are, make time throughout the
(07:06):
surgery and the recovery period because I can't technically walk
my dog still because he pulls and it's gets hard.
Essentially what happens is whenthey when they create the stoma,
they create a a man made hernia.So I have a herniated bulge on
my belly that could be exacerbated by walking the dog
or lifting something heavy. Closing my back door wall is
(07:26):
kind of a nightmare. So I've just had to rely on like
my friends and people that are willing to come over and help me
take care of the dog and take care of my life.
So that's been definitely the hardest physical part of
recovery since the surgery and the fact that they had to cut my
abdominal muscles. So my best friend actually
installed a rope at the end of my bed because I was having a
hard time getting up and down out of bed initially when it
(07:48):
happened. And so using the rope to hoist
myself, I pull myself up, relieve some of the pressure on
my abs because I had no core strength for the first couple
weeks when I first got home, I couldn't lift myself out of bed.
It was really kind of a nightmare.
What's something that people don't realize about living with
a colostomy bed? OK, so this is I'm still
learning what it's like to live with a colostomy bed.
So like I'm still trying to figure that out.
So I guess just making sure thatI always have supplies with me
(08:12):
is really, sometimes I leave thehouse and I forget.
I'm like, oh shit, I forgot an extra bag or I forgot, you know,
something. Or if I can't find the scissors
that you use to cut the fucking plate thing.
If I use regular scissors, that's a nightmare.
Changing the bag isn't, which I mean, it's kind of convenient.
It's kind of full and then you're like, oh, OK, pop it off,
pop on back on. So it's not so bad, but just
remembering to always have supplies with me, I guess is the
(08:35):
thing that I, I think that people don't realize that I
wouldn't have thought about whenI first got the surgery.
When I first got the surgery, I was very concerned about how it
was going to affect my sex life,how it was going to affect my
social life. And to be honest, it's not
really affected either one in any kind of negative capacity.
So the things that I was worriedabout are things that I was
(08:56):
realized. What I thought about living with
a colostomy bag were not the things that ended up affecting
me. It was actually the the little
things supplies. It's not not fun.
So what's the the most emotional?
This is also an anonymous submission.
What's been the most emotional moment for you since all of this
happened? And I'd have to tie that back to
the third question or the secondquestion, which was the most
(09:17):
emotional moment for me? Actually, no.
You know what? Waking up with the stoma was
definitely the most emotional thing for me because I looked
down and I was like, fuck me. I was just like, I couldn't
believe it. I had gone under anesthesia
thinking that I was going to wake up with just a small
incision or something and I had the full stoma with the
abdominal muscle cut in half. And so I woke up to a body that
(09:39):
I didn't really recognize and that was really emotional for
me. And I actually made a really
dumb comment that got me a Bakeracted, which for those of you
guys who aren't in Florida, a Baker act is a mandatory 72 hour
psychiatric hold. I made a comment that I was
like, oh fuck, I'm going to killmyself, which was so stupid
because I didn't actually mean it, but I was just, that's how I
was feeling in the moment. And so I made that comment and
(10:00):
they reacted me and for three days.
And so, but it was just really, I had just come out of
anesthesia and I was really justupset and, you know, freaked out
about what it was going to mean for the rest of my life.
The next questions are going to center on emotional factors and
identity related issues. So this is interesting.
Did I ever feel pressure to still perform as hunger FF while
I was healing? Luckily I had some content in
(10:22):
the bank that I had was able to to release kind of actual the
initial hurdle of I never missedeven an episode of the podcast.
I never missed an update on my website performing as hunger FF.
I've never really felt like a performer anyways.
I've always just sort of just filmed my sex life.
It's never been a performance. It's been more accused docu
(10:43):
series. So I never really felt the
pressure to perform. But then when I did start having
sex again, I and time because this this this process has been
much longer than I was originally told it would be due
to some insurance issues that myinsurance is no longer in
network with the hospital where I had my surgery done at.
So I have to find a new hospitalto have the the reconnection
done at a new surgeon. So I didn't really what I wasn't
(11:06):
expecting to have to go this long with the bag on.
And so I have had to film content since then and which is
fine because I'm still having sex anyway, so figure why not
film it, But it's been a little bit uncomfortable having to film
in latex every single time that I film.
I'm so used to playing totally naked and I've released one
video where you can see the bag,but it's the rest of them.
I've worn some latex shirts to hide it.
(11:27):
I will give a shout out to Invincible Rubber.
They're sponsoring an upcoming episode of the show and they
come to me for really awesome new latex tops so that I can
have something different to wearin my videos so I don't have to
always look like I'm wearing thesame 2-3 black and red latex
tops. I've got some really cool multi
colored stuff coming soon that Ican perform and so I'm really
looking forward to getting that stuff hopefully really soon.
(11:48):
But otherwise, no real pressure to perform, just pressure to
keep maintaining the same level of content release on the same.
Originally I was thinking about maybe doing juice schedule, but
I decided to maintain the same release schedule even with the
perforations and I still have a ton of a ton of content still in
the bank, so nothing is going tobe slowing down anytime soon.
(12:09):
Oh this is sad. Have I felt grief for my
prolapse or more relief since the surgery?
Definitely not relief. I will say that the grief that I
felt is more intense than any kind of relief that I feel.
I see people like online that still have massive prolapses and
like mine is still getting. It's getting back to the way
that it used to be, but it's notquite back to the way it was.
So I do feel nostalgic. I will say that I'll say I'll
(12:31):
feel nostalgic. I see guys doing what I used to
be able to do and I miss it. But then I try to retrain my
brain to think that I need to begrateful for what I can still do
and not about what I've lost because what I can still do is
still fucking awesome. And so I'm not sad really about
what happened to me. I mean, it's, it's inconvenient,
but it hasn't impacted me in a way that in the ways that I was
(12:55):
anticipating it. So yes, I still, I feel grief
that I lost part of my prolapse,but it's still pretty fucking
big. So I'm cool with it the way that
it is now. And if this is all I can do
forever, then I'm grateful for what I'm able to do.
This next question comes from a Twitter user who asks to remain
anonymous as well. He says sometimes I struggle
when I clean myself or go to thebathroom because of my prolapse.
Do you have any tips to make it more effortless?
(13:17):
I don't really. I mean, like, it's cleaning out.
It's always sort of a nightmare for everybody, whether you have
a prolapse or not. And so I would say if it's
becoming an issue where you can't pull it back in or you
can't, then it might be time to see a doctor regarding it.
But if you can still pull it back in, it shouldn't be that
much more different than anybodyelse cleaning out or anybody
(13:37):
else going to the bathroom. So I don't really talk about
bathroom stuff too often becauseit's not really, I always feel
there's some things that are just my fucking life.
I don't need to share every every single bit of it.
So I have not really made a lot of stuff like that public.
But I would just say that if you're having trouble pulling it
back in and then it might be time to see a doctor.
And otherwise it should just mostly sort of be the same.
I don't think that it should have a huge impact on the way
(13:59):
that you clean out. But everybody is different, and
so your situation might be different than mine.
And my situation is certainly not typical, to say the least.
All right, so the next question,what role has community support
played for you since surgery? That's a really big one.
I raised a ton of money on GoFundMe and that sustained me
for the first few months after the surgery happened.
And I am intensely, intensely grateful to everybody who
(14:21):
donated, who continues to donate.
I also want to take a moment to shout out to Rex Wild, who is
still ongoing a major health crisis.
And please, if you have the opportunity, I will include it
in the info or the description for this episode.
But Rex is donation link to support his recovery as well.
He needs it more than I do at this point.
So please, if you can donate to Rex's GoFundMe.
(14:42):
He is an Angel and what he's gone through has been a
nightmare. So please, if you guys have the
ability and please donate. And in general, just community
support's been really amazing. Everybody's been really great
with me. I've only been like discarded
twice for having the colostomy back for in a play session.
So that was convenient that I didn't really ever have a single
time or, or just two times whereI was rejected, basically.
(15:05):
Otherwise, the community's been really supportive.
Initially, there was a couple ofnaysayers that thought that I
was faking it or that I had doneit for attention, which is just
bullshit. I don't know who would do
anything like this for attention.
Yeah. Otherwise, community support's
been really amazing. So those 12 questions are going
to be the questions that I'm going to answer today.
I'm going to do in the second part of this episode, probably
after the anniversary episode next week, which I'm super
excited about. If my guest comes through, which
(15:26):
I'm fucking hoping that he does,it's gonna be really amazing
anniversary episodes. So I hope you guys have enjoyed
it. If you guys are enjoying the
show, we are on Apple, Amazon, YouTube, Spotify, and
iHeartRadio now. So you can find new episodes on
hungerff.com. And just for fans, slash hunger
FF on Friday nights at 8:00 PM. Video episodes go live early for
Spotify subscribers as soon as I'm done editing them and make
(15:48):
sure you guys do take a moment. And like I said earlier, donate
to Rex Wilds go fund me. That would be amazing.
He needs the support. He needs everybody's support
right now and I will see you guys again next week.
Have a good night. Thanks for going deep with me on
Hunger FF presents prolapse. If you're loving the ride, hit
subscribe, drop a review and share the fisting love.
Follow me on social media at Hunger FF for unfiltered updates
(16:09):
and exclusive content. But until next time, keep it
raw, real and always hungry. I'll see you on the next
episode.
Popular Podcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
NFL Daily with Gregg Rosenthal
Gregg Rosenthal and a rotating crew of elite NFL Media co-hosts, including Patrick Claybon, Colleen Wolfe, Steve Wyche, Nick Shook and Jourdan Rodrigue of The Athletic get you caught up daily on all the NFL news and analysis you need to be smarter and funnier than your friends.
The Joe Rogan Experience
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.