March 17, 2025 • 41 mins
When I watch porn, when I relapse, when I wander, when I make mistakes... in the middle of my sin, how does God really feel about me?
Resources mentioned in this episode:
- Inheritance: Message by Graham Cooke (video)
- God Has A Name, by John Mark Comer (book; paid link)
- How Jesus Reverses The Curse (podcast)
Here are a few of the Bible passages we talked about:
- Matthew 3:13-4:11
- John 15:9
- Romans 5:8
- 1 John 2:1
- Psalm 103
- Luke 15
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- Step 2: Join the private Husband Material Community
- Step 3: Take the free mini-course: How To Outgrow Porn
- Step 4: Try the all-in-one program: Husband Material Academy
Thanks for listening!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to the Husband Material podcast, where
we help Christian men outgrowporn.
Why?
So you can change your brain,heal your heart and save your
relationship.
My name is Drew Boa and I'mhere to show you how let's go.
Today we are answering thisquestion how does God really
(00:25):
feel about me?
I can't think of a better wayto spend our time than to
reflect on this question.
This episode will be a littlebit different.
It'll be more of a Bible studyand at the same time, it will
touch some very deep places inyour heart.
(00:48):
Because what I'm really askingis how does God really feel
about me when I watch porn, whenI sexually act out, when I
relapse, when I wander, when Imake mistakes, when I
self-sabotage, when I hurtmyself and other people In the
(01:10):
middle of my sin?
How does God really feel aboutme?
And if you're with me, live.
I invite you to answer in thechat Instinctually.
What's the first word thatcomes out?
How does God really feel aboutme?
Give me a one-word answer.
Three of you answereddisappointed.
(01:34):
He feels disappointed in me.
Others are saying he feels sad,feels saddened.
A few of you are saying love.
Ryan says I feel like he's mad.
Clayton says compassion.
The most common answers I'mseeing are disappointed, let
(01:58):
down, sad, and yet also lovecompassion and yet also love
compassion.
You know, the intellectualanswer to this question is often
very different than how we feelemotionally.
For so many of us, we have beentaught again and again that
(02:21):
Jesus loves me, again that Jesusloves me, and at the same time,
we have had experiences thatseem to indicate the opposite.
And in terms of how we feel ona daily basis, many of us feel
like God is distant, or perhapsthat he merely tolerates us,
(02:47):
that he's happy with us until wemess up, and then he's not.
One of the most common reasonswhy we often feel like God is
anything but loving is becausewe view him through the lens of
(03:08):
our primary caregivers.
If you think about your view ofGod and how he feels about you,
oftentimes that's very similarto how your mom feels about you,
or very similar to how you feellike your parents related to
(03:31):
you.
When you were growing up, Iremember imagining God as being
harsh, as being so focused on myfailures, as being so hyper,
fixated on me being able to dothe right thing.
That's not God.
That's the lens that I viewedGod through.
(03:54):
That was given to me by myparents.
If you feel like God isinconsistent or unavailable, ask
yourself was my dad or my mominconsistent or unavailable?
I love what a Husband Materialcommunity member said at our
(04:19):
last HMA in a Day conference.
He said I need to wipe the faceof my parents off the face of
God.
So many of us are in theprocess of doing that.
If we want to answer thequestion, how does God really
feel about me?
(04:40):
Biblically speaking, the bestplace to look is at Jesus Christ
.
According to the Bible, jesusis the image of the invisible
God and the exact representationof his being, as Colossians
(05:03):
says.
Here's what that means.
Practically there is no God whois unlike Jesus.
Whatever your view of God is,if it's different than who Jesus
is, then the God you believe indoesn't exist.
(05:24):
The only God who exists isexactly like Jesus.
Jesus is the image of theinvisible God.
When we look at the life ofJesus, especially in how he
responded to people in themiddle of sexual brokenness,
what do we see?
When we look at the womancaught in adultery, we see Jesus
(05:49):
coming close to her, acceptingher, defending her, forgiving
her and commissioning her.
When we see the woman at thewell, who had five husbands, and
the man she's with now is nother husband.
Jesus doesn't shy away.
He talks to her, he looks intoher eyes, he sees her soul and
(06:18):
he offers her the gift ofhimself.
For the rich young ruler whothought he was keeping all the
rules but eventually rejectedJesus, the text tells us Jesus
looked at him and loved him,even when you're walking away
from him.
Even if you're running awayfrom him, he looks at you and
(06:42):
how does he feel?
He loves you and Peter.
When Peter denied Jesus threetimes in a row, how did Jesus
respond?
He pursued Peter.
When Peter went back to fishing, he went back to his old life
(07:05):
and he thought I'm done withbeing a disciple.
Jesus went to him, he made himbreakfast and he took him back
to the exact scene of Peter'sbetrayal and denial around a
charcoal fire, and he restoredPeter.
He healed his heart.
If you want to hear more aboutthat, listen to my episode
(07:27):
called how Jesus Reverses theCurse, and I go into depth about
the redemption that unfolded.
It's amazing.
In this moment, I want you tobecome aware of the presence of
Jesus with you right now andI'll lead you in a prayer to do
(07:49):
that.
Lord Jesus, we know you're here.
Help us become aware of yourpresence and if you feel
comfortable with this, noticeJesus with you in this moment.
And if you open up yourimagination, look into his eyes,
(08:16):
listen to his heart.
He sees you, he knows you, heloves you.
Notice the expression on hisface and in the chat, let me
know.
What do you see?
How does Jesus feel about you?
(08:43):
Micaiah says he smiles.
Mark says compassion.
Bob says he smiles and laughsand accepts me.
Jimmy says his eyes are full ofcompassion.
Clayton says deep love.
Doug says peace.
Keith says love.
(09:04):
Brad says unhindered compassionand lavish love.
Doug says peace.
Keith says love.
Brad says unhindered compassionand lavish love.
Another Brad says understanding.
Fred says Jesus has got a bigsmile on his face and he's happy
to be with me.
This is who God is.
(09:27):
If you want to answer thequestion, how does God really
feel about me, how does Jesusreally feel about me?
Brings it more tangibly intoour perception.
Did you notice the differencebetween the answers to the
(09:50):
question how does God reallyfeel about me and how does Jesus
feel about me?
Guys, whatever God you have,who's different than this
doesn't exist and does notdeserve your allegiance or your
worship.
The only God who exists and theonly God who is worthy of your
heart is this one.
(10:10):
Roger says he just loves me.
He seems to be happy to have myattention.
Kevin says he holds my hand asI cry.
Brad says it feels so fulfillingto think about God in this way
and I hope you're starting tofeel what I'm feeling in my body
, which is a sense of presence,fullness, a deep-seated joy that
(10:35):
can handle distress and shameand fear and sexual brokenness.
Ryan says he tells me he lovesme and isn't upset.
I feel relief and peace.
Awesome, this is what we neededwhen we were little boys and
(10:57):
this is what we've always neededin relation to our sexuality.
So much of what we long for andache for sexually underneath
the urge to watch porn, is this,this secure attachment, this
emotional connection.
(11:18):
Keith is saying intellectually,I know what you guys are sharing
.
Emotionally I just can't senseit.
And that's okay.
That means that yourrelationship with God right now
is disembodied.
It's up here in your head.
So much of this journey ofhealing is to get out of our
(11:39):
head, to get into your heart andfeel, to get into your lungs
and breathe.
To get into your lungs andbreathe, to get into your gut
and to truly allow your body tobe loved.
Keith says I'm crying.
I'm sitting with you, man, andfor all of you who are listening
(12:05):
, I'm curious about what'scoming up for you.
Notice what's happening in yourbody as we reflect on the face
of Jesus.
This is one of my favoritepodcast topics ever.
I could talk about this all day.
(12:29):
We'll be enjoying thiseternally.
This is reality and for some ofyou, in order to embrace this
reality, you need a little bitmore scriptural support and
theological strength and depthto be able to open yourselves up
(12:55):
to this love.
Jimmy says I'm in tears.
I feel peace, but my mind istelling me I'm making it up and
that's why I'm going to do alittle Bible study with you in
an attempt to convince you ofthe truth of how God feels about
(13:15):
you, which is what I tell youevery week.
You are God's beloved son.
In you, he is well pleased.
I have received many emailsover the years asking me is that
really true and if so, why doyou say that?
Where is that coming from?
(13:37):
What is the basis of that claim?
It's easier for us to acceptthat we are beloved sons.
It's the second part that'smore difficult to digest.
It's the second part that'smore difficult to digest In me.
He is well-pleased.
Really, that feels like it'sgoing a little too far.
(14:00):
Is that really true?
Is he really proud of me?
Does he really smile when hethinks about me and looks at me
and relates to me?
That's what I want to talkabout.
(14:22):
That's what we're going toexplore over the next few
minutes.
When I was a college student, Ihad my first girlfriend who
(14:43):
broke up with me via email onChristmas morning, 2012.
And after that breakup, Ispiraled downward into a
depression and a season ofsexually fantasizing and
masturbating much morefrequently, in the grief, in the
(15:03):
loss.
And then that summer, we werecamp counselors at the same camp
, sleeping in the same building.
Our dorm rooms were separatedby a thin wall and I could hear
her laugh and it was justexcruciating.
(15:26):
During that summer, I felt likeI was going through the
temptation of Jesus, like thetemptation was just so strong
every day and during that time,god gave to me the same words
that he gave to Jesus rightbefore his temptation, right
(15:48):
before Matthew, chapter four,when Jesus was tempted we see
Matthew, chapter 3, where Jesuswas baptized and the voice of
the Father says to him this ismy beloved Son In him.
I am well pleased, my belovedson In him.
(16:18):
I am well pleased that truthbecame my lifeline and I've held
onto it ever since.
And, more importantly, thattruth has held onto me ever
since, and that is the identitythat Satan calls into question
every time he tempts Jesus.
He says if you really are theSon of God, do this.
(16:38):
If you really are the Son ofGod, do that.
And he says the same thing tous Are you really God's beloved
Son?
Are you just making that up,son?
Are you just making that up?
And the accuser is just so goodat feeding us lies and
questioning the truth of ouridentity.
(16:58):
Here is the verse that helped mebelieve that these words are
not just for Jesus, but they'refor you and I.
Not just for Jesus, but they'refor you and I.
John 15, verse 9,.
Jesus says as the Father hasloved me, so have I loved you.
(17:22):
In other words, if you want tounderstand how Jesus loves you,
look at how God the Father lovesJesus.
God the Son.
How does he love him?
He's proud of him, he delightsin him.
Jesus says I've had this glorywith the Father before the
beginning of the world.
I mean, this just blew my mind.
(17:44):
If you want to know how Godfeels about you, look at how the
Father feels about Jesus.
That's how he feels about youand I.
That's what Jesus said.
As the Father has loved me, sohave I loved you.
The Jesus Storybook Bible talksabout God's never stopping,
never giving up, unbreaking,always and forever love.
(18:06):
Isn't that amazing?
Is that really true, that youare God's beloved son and that
in you he is well-pleased?
I want to prove this to youfrom scripture, both
positionally and personally, andwe need both.
We need his love positionallyto establish us and we need his
(18:28):
love personally to emotionallyconnect with us.
Let's start with positionally.
Romans, chapter 5, verse 8,says that God demonstrates his
own love for us in this.
While we were still sinners,christ died for us.
So, no matter how much you sinor how much you're going to sin
(18:55):
in the future, no matter whatyou could possibly do to destroy
your life and the lives ofother people, while we were
still sinners, christ died forus.
That establishes the first partof this truth, that you are his
beloved son.
Now what about the well-pleasedpart?
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As 1 John 2 says my dearchildren, I write this to you so
that you will not sin.
But if anyone does sin, we havean advocate with the Father,
jesus Christ, the righteous one.
I want to focus on that wordadvocate.
Picture a courtroom where youare the defendant and you're
(19:39):
guilty.
You've done wrong, but you havea really, really good lawyer.
Jesus is your advocate.
He is your lawyer.
Your judgment in that courtroomdoesn't depend on you.
It depends on your advocate,and he can prove by the scars in
(20:02):
his body that your sentence hasalready been paid for and it
would be unjust for you toreceive it again.
In fact, you not only have yourown wrongs pardoned and you
(20:23):
have not only been declared notguilty.
You have been given his trackrecord and his righteousness, so
that whatever Jesus has earnedthrough his life now belongs to
you.
It is right for you to receivethe result of Jesus's goodness,
(20:51):
and his performance is whatcounts.
As some have said, when Godlooks at you, he sees Jesus.
I've wrestled with thatstatement.
I've wondered is that reallytrue?
In a way, yes and in a way, no.
My former pastor in SantaBarbara helped me understand
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this.
In a legal sense, yes, this istrue.
You are covered by the blood ofJesus and his sacrifice is
enough.
But if that's all you have,there can be a sense of like
well, I guess God doesn't reallylove me.
He's not really well-pleasedwith me.
He's well-pleased with Jesusand I'm in Jesus, so I guess he
(21:38):
has to love me.
You know, it's like a sense ofobligation or duty, not as much
delight, and that's why you needto not only see his love for
you positionally, you need tosee his love for you personally,
because Jesus is not only yourlawyer, he's also your lover,
(22:03):
and as your lover, yes, he seesyou.
You are not just covered up andhe sees Jesus.
Instead, you are uncoveredbefore him.
He sees every single part ofyou.
He knows everything about youand he still loves you and he
says you are the one that I want, one that I want, and I want to
(22:36):
share two passages from theBible that really beautifully
portray his personal love.
The first one is Psalm 103,reflecting on Exodus 34, which
is where God declares his name.
First time God declares hisname to Moses, he says you can
call me, I am who I am.
Then, later in the life ofMoses, when Moses says, show me
(23:01):
your glory, he declares his namemore fully, and this psalm is
all about that.
God's name is who he is.
If you want to hear more aboutGod's name, check out the book
God has a Name by John MarkComer, and it goes into this
(23:21):
beautiful name of God that weget in Exodus 34.
Here's Psalm 103, talking aboutwho God is and who we are.
Praise the Lord, my soul, all myinmost being.
Praise his holy name.
Praise the Lord, my soul, andforget not all his benefits.
Who forgives all your sins andheals all your diseases.
(23:47):
Who redeems your life from thepit and crowns you with love and
compassion.
Who satisfies your desires withgood things so that your youth
is renewed.
Like the eagles, the Lord worksrighteousness and justice for
(24:08):
all the oppressed.
He made known his ways to Moses, his deeds to the people of
Israel.
This is where he says his name.
This is what I want you to focuson.
This is the answer to how Godreally feels about you.
The Lord is compassionate andgracious, slow to anger,
(24:34):
abounding in love.
He will not always accuse, norwill he harbor his anger forever
.
He does not treat us as oursins deserve or repay us
according to our iniquities, foras high as the heavens are
above the earth, so great is hislove for those who fear him.
(24:58):
As far as the east is from thewest, so far has he removed our
transgressions from us.
As a father has compassion onhis children.
(25:19):
Let's reflect on that a littlebit.
Let's reflect on that a littlebit, as a father has compassion
on his children.
That's how God really feelsabout you.
If you're a father or you wouldlike to be a father, take a
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moment to describe how you feeltowards your kids, or how you
would feel towards your kids ifyou were a dad, and put it in
the chat.
How do you feel towards yourkids, or how would you feel
towards your kids?
Bob says I love them and Iwould do anything for them.
Doug says undamageable love, ohso good.
(26:05):
Micaiah says compassion.
Roger says I would give my lifefor my kids.
That is a little taste of howGod feels about you, as a father
has compassion on his children.
That's what it's saying.
(26:25):
Jimmy says there's nothing myson could do that would separate
him from me.
Nate says no matter what mykids do, they are always worthy
of my love and there is nothingI wouldn't do for them.
Ryan says I would tell themthey are amazing and special,
(26:47):
right, you are well pleased withthem, you are proud of them,
and it has nothing to do withtheir performance.
It just has to do with who theyare and who you are.
You don't need a reason.
This is the love that goesbeyond the legal position of who
we are in Christ.
This is the love that goes intothe deepest parts of our
(27:11):
stories, the deepest parts ofour shame, and we need both.
We need the positional love ofGod, we need the personal love
of God.
I love these answers to how youfeel towards your kids.
Fred says totally accepting andloving.
Brad says I love them with myentire being, even when they
(27:34):
disappoint me.
Now think about that for amoment.
If that's how you feel, doesthat change when they run away
from you, when they hurt you,when your kids hurt each other,
when they make mistakes?
Your love doesn't change.
Does it?
That's how God is with you?
(27:54):
Your love doesn't change.
Does it?
That's how God is with you,except even more?
Because if we, as sinful,broken, flaky humans, feel this
way, how much more is perfectlove going to never give up on
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you, always desire your good,pursue you no matter what
champion you and celebrate you.
You know I love what we read inPsalm 103 just a little while
ago.
It says that the Lord crownsyou with love and compassion.
He puts a crown on your head.
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Love and compassion, he puts acrown on your head.
Isn't that a greatforeshadowing of you're, my
beloved son?
You are royalty.
You are a son of the most highking.
That's who you are, becausethat's who he is.
And the New Testament paints thesame picture.
(28:57):
It's not that God is angry andcold in the Old Testament and
soft and tender in the NewTestament.
Those are some categories thatwe often feel based on how we
read the Bible.
But there is no God who isunlike Jesus.
There is no God who is unlikeJesus, and here's a story that
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he told in Luke, chapter 15,when some religious leaders
thought Jesus is being too softon all these sinners Because
they saw how tender andwelcoming he was with the tax
collectors and the prostitutes.
He was with the tax collectorsand the prostitutes, and Jesus
(30:05):
told this story not just to showus his love.
It is right and good for God tobe this way.
Sometimes it's called theparable of the prodigal son.
More accurately, it's theparable of the two lost sons.
My favorite name for this storyis the Parable of the Running
Father.
I'm going to read a section ofit for you now, and I invite you
(30:26):
to take a deep breath, slowdown and receive the word of God
From Jesus.
(30:46):
The younger son got together allhe had set off for a distant
country and there squandered hiswealth in wild living.
After he had spent everything,there was a severe famine in
that whole country and he beganto be in need.
So he went and hired himselfout to a citizen of that country
who sent him to his fields tofeed pigs.
He longed to fill his stomachwith the pods that the pigs were
(31:07):
eating, but no one gave himanything.
I'm going to pause there.
Some of you know what it's liketo be that younger son to be
running away and feeding on likea pigsty of pornography.
(31:31):
You know what it's like to feelso empty and yet so disgusted
with yourself at the same time.
Listen to what happens next.
When he came to his senses hesaid how many of my father's
(31:55):
hired servants have food tospare and here I am starving to
death?
I will set out and go back tomy father and say to him Father,
I have sinned against heavenand against you.
I am no longer worthy to becalled your son.
Make me like one of your hiredservants.
So he got up and went to hisfather, and I will pause there
(32:16):
again.
The son had prepared a speech.
He was trying to get back inthe father's good books by
becoming a servant.
He still did not dare tobelieve that, after everything
(32:38):
he did, he could be treated as ason.
And he had very carefullyprepared this perfect,
presentable speech.
And as we're about to read, thefather didn't even let him
finish the speech because he hasno interest in performing or
(33:00):
people-pleasing, or God-pleasing, because that entirely misses
the point.
What I'm about to read is howGod really feels about you and
me.
Listen to this and me, listento this.
(33:25):
But while he was still a longway off, his father saw him and
was filled with compassion forhim.
He ran to his son, threw hisarms around him and kissed him,
threw his arms around him andkissed him.
The son said to him Father, Ihave sinned against heaven and
against you.
I am no longer worthy to becalled your son.
(33:46):
But the father said to hisservants Quick, bring the best
robe and put it on him, put aring on his finger and sandals
on his feet, bring the fattenedcalf and kill it.
Let's have a feast andcelebrate, for this son of mine
(34:10):
was dead and is alive again.
He was lost and is found, sothey began to celebrate.
This is the father whocelebrates you.
This is how he feels about you.
He's not interested in yourperformance, he's interested in
(34:39):
your presence.
He doesn't want something fromyou, he just wants to be with
you.
As he says to the older brotherlater my son, you are always
with me and everything I have isyours.
And I would add his heart isyours, his delight is yours.
His delight is yours.
His face is yours, his eyes areyours, his smile is yours.
(35:06):
His eternal joy is yours.
His protection is yours.
His affection is yours.
His acceptance is yours.
Everything he has is yours.
His acceptance is yours.
Everything he has is yours.
You are God's beloved son.
In you.
(35:29):
He is well pleased.
That's how God really feelsabout you.
I didn't make this up.
This is the Bible, this is theword of God, old Testament and
(35:50):
New Testament.
Brad says wow, that is all Ican say.
Clayton says thanks, now I'mcrying.
Ryan says the phrase saw himstands out.
He sees us, yes, and he likeswhat he sees.
(36:10):
Legally he sees Jesus, andeverything necessary for our
place in this family has alreadybeen taken care of, and now
that we're in the family, let'senjoy his love.
Let's enjoy it, let's delightin it.
It's ours, guys, and when werun away it doesn't change that
love.
It just means we're not takingadvantage of it like we could.
(36:40):
Now a few of you guys are crying.
I just oh, I don't know what tosay.
Take a moment to soak in thegoodness of God.
Simply receive it.
This is not about achieving,this is about receiving, and I
(37:02):
want to give you a chance toshare in the chat with what's
standing out to you right now.
Brad says I wrecked my familyand myself and when I was far
off, he opened his arms and ranto me.
And when I was far off, heopened his arms and ran to me.
That image of the fatherrunning would have required him
to pull up his robes.
(37:23):
It would have been humiliating,embarrassing in that culture.
He's exposing his legs.
I mean, that's a big deal.
He is willing to go throughshame and humiliation to remove
our shame and humiliation andreplace it with honor and worth
and identity.
God doesn't just love usbecause Jesus died on the cross.
(37:48):
Jesus died on the cross becauseGod loves us.
That's a truth that needs tosink in.
That's a truth that needs tosink in.
If you're watching this live.
We are going to conclude with avideo called Inheritance by
Graham Cook, because this isjust such a great summary of
(38:15):
what we've been talking abouttoday.
So if you're listening to therecording, go in the show notes
in the description and get thelink to that video.
It's wonderful.
Keith says it's difficult toreceive this.
Yes, it is difficult to receivethis.
(38:36):
Roger says what I know and whatI feel are two different things
.
Another way to say that is whatI know in my left brain is
different than what I feel in myright brain.
What I know in my head isdifferent than what I feel in my
heart.
What I know intellectually isdifferent than what I feel in my
(38:57):
body.
And in order to feel God's lovein our bodies, we need his body
, and that is where the body ofChrist comes in.
To embody his love, we needeach other and that is our gift
(39:19):
and our strength.
As a community of brothers inChrist, we get to represent God
to each other so many times.
The way that God chooses tolove us is through his body,
through his people.
For example, when I share thethings I'm most ashamed of, that
(39:40):
I've never told anyone beforeand instead of being rejected,
I'm accepted and loved.
When you are able to be fullyyourself and other people
delight in you and actuallyenjoy you, you get a sense in
your body of how God feels aboutyou.
So it's not just an individualjourney of trying to think the
(40:04):
right things.
It's a relational journey.
So many of us have trouble trulyknowing that God's in love with
us because we've learned to nottrust others, especially our
primary caregivers.
And as we love one another inthis community, as brothers in
(40:28):
Christ, we are re-fathering eachother and re-presenting the
open arms of God.
We are embodying his love toeach other, and that is so
beautiful.
Let's continue to do that withcuriosity and compassion and
(40:52):
courage and connection.
There's nothing I would ratherdo than this with you and with
God.
So, my friend, he loves youbecause he loves you, because he
loves you, because he loves you, because he loves you.
Always remember you are God'sbeloved son.
(41:14):
In you he is delighted,thrilled and overjoyed.
He is glad to be with you, nomatter what.
He is proud of you, not becauseof what you do or don't do, but
because of who he is and in you, just you, exactly as you are.
(41:37):
He is well pleased.
Welcome to the Husband Material podcast, where
we help Christian men outgrowporn.
Why?
So you can change your brain,heal your heart and save your
relationship.
My name is Drew Boa and I'mhere to show you how let's go.
Today we are answering thisquestion how does God really
(00:25):
feel about me?
I can't think of a better wayto spend our time than to
reflect on this question.
This episode will be a littlebit different.
It'll be more of a Bible studyand at the same time, it will
touch some very deep places inyour heart.
(00:48):
Because what I'm really askingis how does God really feel
about me when I watch porn, whenI sexually act out, when I
relapse, when I wander, when Imake mistakes, when I
self-sabotage, when I hurtmyself and other people In the
(01:10):
middle of my sin?
How does God really feel aboutme?
And if you're with me, live.
I invite you to answer in thechat Instinctually.
What's the first word thatcomes out?
How does God really feel aboutme?
Give me a one-word answer.
Three of you answereddisappointed.
(01:34):
He feels disappointed in me.
Others are saying he feels sad,feels saddened.
A few of you are saying love.
Ryan says I feel like he's mad.
Clayton says compassion.
The most common answers I'mseeing are disappointed, let
(01:58):
down, sad, and yet also lovecompassion and yet also love
compassion.
You know, the intellectualanswer to this question is often
very different than how we feelemotionally.
For so many of us, we have beentaught again and again that
(02:21):
Jesus loves me, again that Jesusloves me, and at the same time,
we have had experiences thatseem to indicate the opposite.
And in terms of how we feel ona daily basis, many of us feel
like God is distant, or perhapsthat he merely tolerates us,
(02:47):
that he's happy with us until wemess up, and then he's not.
One of the most common reasonswhy we often feel like God is
anything but loving is becausewe view him through the lens of
(03:08):
our primary caregivers.
If you think about your view ofGod and how he feels about you,
oftentimes that's very similarto how your mom feels about you,
or very similar to how you feellike your parents related to
(03:31):
you.
When you were growing up, Iremember imagining God as being
harsh, as being so focused on myfailures, as being so hyper,
fixated on me being able to dothe right thing.
That's not God.
That's the lens that I viewedGod through.
(03:54):
That was given to me by myparents.
If you feel like God isinconsistent or unavailable, ask
yourself was my dad or my mominconsistent or unavailable?
I love what a Husband Materialcommunity member said at our
(04:19):
last HMA in a Day conference.
He said I need to wipe the faceof my parents off the face of
God.
So many of us are in theprocess of doing that.
If we want to answer thequestion, how does God really
feel about me?
(04:40):
Biblically speaking, the bestplace to look is at Jesus Christ
.
According to the Bible, jesusis the image of the invisible
God and the exact representationof his being, as Colossians
(05:03):
says.
Here's what that means.
Practically there is no God whois unlike Jesus.
Whatever your view of God is,if it's different than who Jesus
is, then the God you believe indoesn't exist.
(05:24):
The only God who exists isexactly like Jesus.
Jesus is the image of theinvisible God.
When we look at the life ofJesus, especially in how he
responded to people in themiddle of sexual brokenness,
what do we see?
When we look at the womancaught in adultery, we see Jesus
(05:49):
coming close to her, acceptingher, defending her, forgiving
her and commissioning her.
When we see the woman at thewell, who had five husbands, and
the man she's with now is nother husband.
Jesus doesn't shy away.
He talks to her, he looks intoher eyes, he sees her soul and
(06:18):
he offers her the gift ofhimself.
For the rich young ruler whothought he was keeping all the
rules but eventually rejectedJesus, the text tells us Jesus
looked at him and loved him,even when you're walking away
from him.
Even if you're running awayfrom him, he looks at you and
(06:42):
how does he feel?
He loves you and Peter.
When Peter denied Jesus threetimes in a row, how did Jesus
respond?
He pursued Peter.
When Peter went back to fishing, he went back to his old life
(07:05):
and he thought I'm done withbeing a disciple.
Jesus went to him, he made himbreakfast and he took him back
to the exact scene of Peter'sbetrayal and denial around a
charcoal fire, and he restoredPeter.
He healed his heart.
If you want to hear more aboutthat, listen to my episode
(07:27):
called how Jesus Reverses theCurse, and I go into depth about
the redemption that unfolded.
It's amazing.
In this moment, I want you tobecome aware of the presence of
Jesus with you right now andI'll lead you in a prayer to do
(07:49):
that.
Lord Jesus, we know you're here.
Help us become aware of yourpresence and if you feel
comfortable with this, noticeJesus with you in this moment.
And if you open up yourimagination, look into his eyes,
(08:16):
listen to his heart.
He sees you, he knows you, heloves you.
Notice the expression on hisface and in the chat, let me
know.
What do you see?
How does Jesus feel about you?
(08:43):
Micaiah says he smiles.
Mark says compassion.
Bob says he smiles and laughsand accepts me.
Jimmy says his eyes are full ofcompassion.
Clayton says deep love.
Doug says peace.
Keith says love.
(09:04):
Brad says unhindered compassionand lavish love.
Doug says peace.
Keith says love.
Brad says unhindered compassionand lavish love.
Another Brad says understanding.
Fred says Jesus has got a bigsmile on his face and he's happy
to be with me.
This is who God is.
(09:27):
If you want to answer thequestion, how does God really
feel about me, how does Jesusreally feel about me?
Brings it more tangibly intoour perception.
Did you notice the differencebetween the answers to the
(09:50):
question how does God reallyfeel about me and how does Jesus
feel about me?
Guys, whatever God you have,who's different than this
doesn't exist and does notdeserve your allegiance or your
worship.
The only God who exists and theonly God who is worthy of your
heart is this one.
(10:10):
Roger says he just loves me.
He seems to be happy to have myattention.
Kevin says he holds my hand asI cry.
Brad says it feels so fulfillingto think about God in this way
and I hope you're starting tofeel what I'm feeling in my body
, which is a sense of presence,fullness, a deep-seated joy that
(10:35):
can handle distress and shameand fear and sexual brokenness.
Ryan says he tells me he lovesme and isn't upset.
I feel relief and peace.
Awesome, this is what we neededwhen we were little boys and
(10:57):
this is what we've always neededin relation to our sexuality.
So much of what we long for andache for sexually underneath
the urge to watch porn, is this,this secure attachment, this
emotional connection.
(11:18):
Keith is saying intellectually,I know what you guys are sharing
.
Emotionally I just can't senseit.
And that's okay.
That means that yourrelationship with God right now
is disembodied.
It's up here in your head.
So much of this journey ofhealing is to get out of our
(11:39):
head, to get into your heart andfeel, to get into your lungs
and breathe.
To get into your lungs andbreathe, to get into your gut
and to truly allow your body tobe loved.
Keith says I'm crying.
I'm sitting with you, man, andfor all of you who are listening
(12:05):
, I'm curious about what'scoming up for you.
Notice what's happening in yourbody as we reflect on the face
of Jesus.
This is one of my favoritepodcast topics ever.
I could talk about this all day.
(12:29):
We'll be enjoying thiseternally.
This is reality and for some ofyou, in order to embrace this
reality, you need a little bitmore scriptural support and
theological strength and depthto be able to open yourselves up
(12:55):
to this love.
Jimmy says I'm in tears.
I feel peace, but my mind istelling me I'm making it up and
that's why I'm going to do alittle Bible study with you in
an attempt to convince you ofthe truth of how God feels about
(13:15):
you, which is what I tell youevery week.
You are God's beloved son.
In you, he is well pleased.
I have received many emailsover the years asking me is that
really true and if so, why doyou say that?
Where is that coming from?
(13:37):
What is the basis of that claim?
It's easier for us to acceptthat we are beloved sons.
It's the second part that'smore difficult to digest.
It's the second part that'smore difficult to digest In me.
He is well-pleased.
Really, that feels like it'sgoing a little too far.
(14:00):
Is that really true?
Is he really proud of me?
Does he really smile when hethinks about me and looks at me
and relates to me?
That's what I want to talkabout.
(14:22):
That's what we're going toexplore over the next few
minutes.
When I was a college student, Ihad my first girlfriend who
(14:43):
broke up with me via email onChristmas morning, 2012.
And after that breakup, Ispiraled downward into a
depression and a season ofsexually fantasizing and
masturbating much morefrequently, in the grief, in the
(15:03):
loss.
And then that summer, we werecamp counselors at the same camp
, sleeping in the same building.
Our dorm rooms were separatedby a thin wall and I could hear
her laugh and it was justexcruciating.
(15:26):
During that summer, I felt likeI was going through the
temptation of Jesus, like thetemptation was just so strong
every day and during that time,god gave to me the same words
that he gave to Jesus rightbefore his temptation, right
(15:48):
before Matthew, chapter four,when Jesus was tempted we see
Matthew, chapter 3, where Jesuswas baptized and the voice of
the Father says to him this ismy beloved Son In him.
I am well pleased, my belovedson In him.
(16:18):
I am well pleased that truthbecame my lifeline and I've held
onto it ever since.
And, more importantly, thattruth has held onto me ever
since, and that is the identitythat Satan calls into question
every time he tempts Jesus.
He says if you really are theSon of God, do this.
(16:38):
If you really are the Son ofGod, do that.
And he says the same thing tous Are you really God's beloved
Son?
Are you just making that up,son?
Are you just making that up?
And the accuser is just so goodat feeding us lies and
questioning the truth of ouridentity.
(16:58):
Here is the verse that helped mebelieve that these words are
not just for Jesus, but they'refor you and I.
Not just for Jesus, but they'refor you and I.
John 15, verse 9,.
Jesus says as the Father hasloved me, so have I loved you.
(17:22):
In other words, if you want tounderstand how Jesus loves you,
look at how God the Father lovesJesus.
God the Son.
How does he love him?
He's proud of him, he delightsin him.
Jesus says I've had this glorywith the Father before the
beginning of the world.
I mean, this just blew my mind.
(17:44):
If you want to know how Godfeels about you, look at how the
Father feels about Jesus.
That's how he feels about youand I.
That's what Jesus said.
As the Father has loved me, sohave I loved you.
The Jesus Storybook Bible talksabout God's never stopping,
never giving up, unbreaking,always and forever love.
(18:06):
Isn't that amazing?
Is that really true, that youare God's beloved son and that
in you he is well-pleased?
I want to prove this to youfrom scripture, both
positionally and personally, andwe need both.
We need his love positionallyto establish us and we need his
(18:28):
love personally to emotionallyconnect with us.
Let's start with positionally.
Romans, chapter 5, verse 8,says that God demonstrates his
own love for us in this.
While we were still sinners,christ died for us.
So, no matter how much you sinor how much you're going to sin
(18:55):
in the future, no matter whatyou could possibly do to destroy
your life and the lives ofother people, while we were
still sinners, christ died forus.
That establishes the first partof this truth, that you are his
beloved son.
Now what about the well-pleasedpart?
(19:17):
As 1 John 2 says my dearchildren, I write this to you so
that you will not sin.
But if anyone does sin, we havean advocate with the Father,
jesus Christ, the righteous one.
I want to focus on that wordadvocate.
Picture a courtroom where youare the defendant and you're
(19:39):
guilty.
You've done wrong, but you havea really, really good lawyer.
Jesus is your advocate.
He is your lawyer.
Your judgment in that courtroomdoesn't depend on you.
It depends on your advocate,and he can prove by the scars in
(20:02):
his body that your sentence hasalready been paid for and it
would be unjust for you toreceive it again.
In fact, you not only have yourown wrongs pardoned and you
(20:23):
have not only been declared notguilty.
You have been given his trackrecord and his righteousness, so
that whatever Jesus has earnedthrough his life now belongs to
you.
It is right for you to receivethe result of Jesus's goodness,
(20:51):
and his performance is whatcounts.
As some have said, when Godlooks at you, he sees Jesus.
I've wrestled with thatstatement.
I've wondered is that reallytrue?
In a way, yes and in a way, no.
My former pastor in SantaBarbara helped me understand
(21:13):
this.
In a legal sense, yes, this istrue.
You are covered by the blood ofJesus and his sacrifice is
enough.
But if that's all you have,there can be a sense of like
well, I guess God doesn't reallylove me.
He's not really well-pleasedwith me.
He's well-pleased with Jesusand I'm in Jesus, so I guess he
(21:38):
has to love me.
You know, it's like a sense ofobligation or duty, not as much
delight, and that's why you needto not only see his love for
you positionally, you need tosee his love for you personally,
because Jesus is not only yourlawyer, he's also your lover,
(22:03):
and as your lover, yes, he seesyou.
You are not just covered up andhe sees Jesus.
Instead, you are uncoveredbefore him.
He sees every single part ofyou.
He knows everything about youand he still loves you and he
says you are the one that I want, one that I want, and I want to
(22:36):
share two passages from theBible that really beautifully
portray his personal love.
The first one is Psalm 103,reflecting on Exodus 34, which
is where God declares his name.
First time God declares hisname to Moses, he says you can
call me, I am who I am.
Then, later in the life ofMoses, when Moses says, show me
(23:01):
your glory, he declares his namemore fully, and this psalm is
all about that.
God's name is who he is.
If you want to hear more aboutGod's name, check out the book
God has a Name by John MarkComer, and it goes into this
(23:21):
beautiful name of God that weget in Exodus 34.
Here's Psalm 103, talking aboutwho God is and who we are.
Praise the Lord, my soul, all myinmost being.
Praise his holy name.
Praise the Lord, my soul, andforget not all his benefits.
Who forgives all your sins andheals all your diseases.
(23:47):
Who redeems your life from thepit and crowns you with love and
compassion.
Who satisfies your desires withgood things so that your youth
is renewed.
Like the eagles, the Lord worksrighteousness and justice for
(24:08):
all the oppressed.
He made known his ways to Moses, his deeds to the people of
Israel.
This is where he says his name.
This is what I want you to focuson.
This is the answer to how Godreally feels about you.
The Lord is compassionate andgracious, slow to anger,
(24:34):
abounding in love.
He will not always accuse, norwill he harbor his anger forever
.
He does not treat us as oursins deserve or repay us
according to our iniquities, foras high as the heavens are
above the earth, so great is hislove for those who fear him.
(24:58):
As far as the east is from thewest, so far has he removed our
transgressions from us.
As a father has compassion onhis children.
(25:19):
Let's reflect on that a littlebit.
Let's reflect on that a littlebit, as a father has compassion
on his children.
That's how God really feelsabout you.
If you're a father or you wouldlike to be a father, take a
(25:42):
moment to describe how you feeltowards your kids, or how you
would feel towards your kids ifyou were a dad, and put it in
the chat.
How do you feel towards yourkids, or how would you feel
towards your kids?
Bob says I love them and Iwould do anything for them.
Doug says undamageable love, ohso good.
(26:05):
Micaiah says compassion.
Roger says I would give my lifefor my kids.
That is a little taste of howGod feels about you, as a father
has compassion on his children.
That's what it's saying.
(26:25):
Jimmy says there's nothing myson could do that would separate
him from me.
Nate says no matter what mykids do, they are always worthy
of my love and there is nothingI wouldn't do for them.
Ryan says I would tell themthey are amazing and special,
(26:47):
right, you are well pleased withthem, you are proud of them,
and it has nothing to do withtheir performance.
It just has to do with who theyare and who you are.
You don't need a reason.
This is the love that goesbeyond the legal position of who
we are in Christ.
This is the love that goes intothe deepest parts of our
(27:11):
stories, the deepest parts ofour shame, and we need both.
We need the positional love ofGod, we need the personal love
of God.
I love these answers to how youfeel towards your kids.
Fred says totally accepting andloving.
Brad says I love them with myentire being, even when they
(27:34):
disappoint me.
Now think about that for amoment.
If that's how you feel, doesthat change when they run away
from you, when they hurt you,when your kids hurt each other,
when they make mistakes?
Your love doesn't change.
Does it?
That's how God is with you?
(27:54):
Your love doesn't change.
Does it?
That's how God is with you,except even more?
Because if we, as sinful,broken, flaky humans, feel this
way, how much more is perfectlove going to never give up on
(28:15):
you, always desire your good,pursue you no matter what
champion you and celebrate you.
You know I love what we read inPsalm 103 just a little while
ago.
It says that the Lord crownsyou with love and compassion.
He puts a crown on your head.
(28:36):
Love and compassion, he puts acrown on your head.
Isn't that a greatforeshadowing of you're, my
beloved son?
You are royalty.
You are a son of the most highking.
That's who you are, becausethat's who he is.
And the New Testament paints thesame picture.
(28:57):
It's not that God is angry andcold in the Old Testament and
soft and tender in the NewTestament.
Those are some categories thatwe often feel based on how we
read the Bible.
But there is no God who isunlike Jesus.
There is no God who is unlikeJesus, and here's a story that
(29:29):
he told in Luke, chapter 15,when some religious leaders
thought Jesus is being too softon all these sinners Because
they saw how tender andwelcoming he was with the tax
collectors and the prostitutes.
He was with the tax collectorsand the prostitutes, and Jesus
(30:05):
told this story not just to showus his love.
It is right and good for God tobe this way.
Sometimes it's called theparable of the prodigal son.
More accurately, it's theparable of the two lost sons.
My favorite name for this storyis the Parable of the Running
Father.
I'm going to read a section ofit for you now, and I invite you
(30:26):
to take a deep breath, slowdown and receive the word of God
From Jesus.
(30:46):
The younger son got together allhe had set off for a distant
country and there squandered hiswealth in wild living.
After he had spent everything,there was a severe famine in
that whole country and he beganto be in need.
So he went and hired himselfout to a citizen of that country
who sent him to his fields tofeed pigs.
He longed to fill his stomachwith the pods that the pigs were
(31:07):
eating, but no one gave himanything.
I'm going to pause there.
Some of you know what it's liketo be that younger son to be
running away and feeding on likea pigsty of pornography.
(31:31):
You know what it's like to feelso empty and yet so disgusted
with yourself at the same time.
Listen to what happens next.
When he came to his senses hesaid how many of my father's
(31:55):
hired servants have food tospare and here I am starving to
death?
I will set out and go back tomy father and say to him Father,
I have sinned against heavenand against you.
I am no longer worthy to becalled your son.
Make me like one of your hiredservants.
So he got up and went to hisfather, and I will pause there
(32:16):
again.
The son had prepared a speech.
He was trying to get back inthe father's good books by
becoming a servant.
He still did not dare tobelieve that, after everything
(32:38):
he did, he could be treated as ason.
And he had very carefullyprepared this perfect,
presentable speech.
And as we're about to read, thefather didn't even let him
finish the speech because he hasno interest in performing or
(33:00):
people-pleasing, or God-pleasing, because that entirely misses
the point.
What I'm about to read is howGod really feels about you and
me.
Listen to this and me, listento this.
(33:25):
But while he was still a longway off, his father saw him and
was filled with compassion forhim.
He ran to his son, threw hisarms around him and kissed him,
threw his arms around him andkissed him.
The son said to him Father, Ihave sinned against heaven and
against you.
I am no longer worthy to becalled your son.
(33:46):
But the father said to hisservants Quick, bring the best
robe and put it on him, put aring on his finger and sandals
on his feet, bring the fattenedcalf and kill it.
Let's have a feast andcelebrate, for this son of mine
(34:10):
was dead and is alive again.
He was lost and is found, sothey began to celebrate.
This is the father whocelebrates you.
This is how he feels about you.
He's not interested in yourperformance, he's interested in
(34:39):
your presence.
He doesn't want something fromyou, he just wants to be with
you.
As he says to the older brotherlater my son, you are always
with me and everything I have isyours.
And I would add his heart isyours, his delight is yours.
His delight is yours.
His face is yours, his eyes areyours, his smile is yours.
(35:06):
His eternal joy is yours.
His protection is yours.
His affection is yours.
His acceptance is yours.
Everything he has is yours.
His acceptance is yours.
Everything he has is yours.
You are God's beloved son.
In you.
(35:29):
He is well pleased.
That's how God really feelsabout you.
I didn't make this up.
This is the Bible, this is theword of God, old Testament and
(35:50):
New Testament.
Brad says wow, that is all Ican say.
Clayton says thanks, now I'mcrying.
Ryan says the phrase saw himstands out.
He sees us, yes, and he likeswhat he sees.
(36:10):
Legally he sees Jesus, andeverything necessary for our
place in this family has alreadybeen taken care of, and now
that we're in the family, let'senjoy his love.
Let's enjoy it, let's delightin it.
It's ours, guys, and when werun away it doesn't change that
love.
It just means we're not takingadvantage of it like we could.
(36:40):
Now a few of you guys are crying.
I just oh, I don't know what tosay.
Take a moment to soak in thegoodness of God.
Simply receive it.
This is not about achieving,this is about receiving, and I
(37:02):
want to give you a chance toshare in the chat with what's
standing out to you right now.
Brad says I wrecked my familyand myself and when I was far
off, he opened his arms and ranto me.
And when I was far off, heopened his arms and ran to me.
That image of the fatherrunning would have required him
to pull up his robes.
(37:23):
It would have been humiliating,embarrassing in that culture.
He's exposing his legs.
I mean, that's a big deal.
He is willing to go throughshame and humiliation to remove
our shame and humiliation andreplace it with honor and worth
and identity.
God doesn't just love usbecause Jesus died on the cross.
(37:48):
Jesus died on the cross becauseGod loves us.
That's a truth that needs tosink in.
That's a truth that needs tosink in.
If you're watching this live.
We are going to conclude with avideo called Inheritance by
Graham Cook, because this isjust such a great summary of
(38:15):
what we've been talking abouttoday.
So if you're listening to therecording, go in the show notes
in the description and get thelink to that video.
It's wonderful.
Keith says it's difficult toreceive this.
Yes, it is difficult to receivethis.
(38:36):
Roger says what I know and whatI feel are two different things
.
Another way to say that is whatI know in my left brain is
different than what I feel in myright brain.
What I know in my head isdifferent than what I feel in my
heart.
What I know intellectually isdifferent than what I feel in my
(38:57):
body.
And in order to feel God's lovein our bodies, we need his body
, and that is where the body ofChrist comes in.
To embody his love, we needeach other and that is our gift
(39:19):
and our strength.
As a community of brothers inChrist, we get to represent God
to each other so many times.
The way that God chooses tolove us is through his body,
through his people.
For example, when I share thethings I'm most ashamed of, that
(39:40):
I've never told anyone beforeand instead of being rejected,
I'm accepted and loved.
When you are able to be fullyyourself and other people
delight in you and actuallyenjoy you, you get a sense in
your body of how God feels aboutyou.
So it's not just an individualjourney of trying to think the
(40:04):
right things.
It's a relational journey.
So many of us have trouble trulyknowing that God's in love with
us because we've learned to nottrust others, especially our
primary caregivers.
And as we love one another inthis community, as brothers in
(40:28):
Christ, we are re-fathering eachother and re-presenting the
open arms of God.
We are embodying his love toeach other, and that is so
beautiful.
Let's continue to do that withcuriosity and compassion and
(40:52):
courage and connection.
There's nothing I would ratherdo than this with you and with
God.
So, my friend, he loves youbecause he loves you, because he
loves you, because he loves you, because he loves you.
Always remember you are God'sbeloved son.
(41:14):
In you he is delighted,thrilled and overjoyed.
He is glad to be with you, nomatter what.
He is proud of you, not becauseof what you do or don't do, but
because of who he is and in you, just you, exactly as you are.
(41:37):
He is well pleased.
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