February 24, 2025 • 11 mins
When did you first hear the word "sex" or "porn" or "masturbation"? The first time you ever hear a word has a disproportionate impact. This is called the power of first mention, and it is an extremely important principle for sex education.
Related resources and episodes:
- TheSexTalk.com (online course for parents)
- Having The Talks: A Guided Conversation Game On Sexuality For Parents And Children (paid link)
- How To Teach Children About Sexuality (with Adam and Karissa King)
- How To Talk With Your Kids About Sex (with Rodney and Traci Wright)
- Healing With My Parents (with Yvonne Boa and Sandy Boa)
- The 2025 Husband Material Retreat (with a breakout session on sex education)
Take the Husband Material Journey...
- Step 1: Listen to this podcast or watch on YouTube
- Step 2: Join the private Husband Material Community
- Step 3: Take the free mini-course: How To Outgrow Porn
- Step 4: Try the all-in-one program: Husband Material Academy
Thanks for listening!
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome to the Husband Material podcast, where
we help Christian men outgrowporn.
Why?
So you can change your brain,heal your heart and save your
relationship.
My name is Drew Boa and I'mhere to show you how let's go.
Today we are talking about thepower of first mention in sex
(00:24):
education.
Can you remember the first timeyou heard the word sex, penis,
vagina or porn?
What about the word gay,lesbian or trans?
I invite you to pick a wordlike that.
Let's just use the wordmasturbation, for example, and
(00:44):
think back.
When did you first hear thatword mentioned?
Who introduced it to you?
How did they talk about it?
What did they say?
How did you feel and how didthat affect you?
Whoever introduces you to atopic for the very first time
(01:05):
has authority and influence overyou, because they are creating
your first impression ofwhatever that is.
This is true in many areas oflife.
Politically, it affects how weview different candidates and
different issues.
It's true theologically.
The first time you hear about acertain church denomination or
(01:27):
a certain belief, and it's alsotrue sexually.
The first time you hear about acertain sexual body part or
sexual behavior is going to havea big impact on how you view
that thing impact on how youview that thing.
(01:47):
In my sex education story I seethe power of first mention so
powerfully when I think aboutfemale genitals.
So the vagina and the clitoriswere very, very different in my
mind because of the way that Ifirst heard these terms.
I first heard the word vaginafrom other kids in my fourth
grade class who were beingsnarky, secretive.
(02:13):
They talked about it likesomething dirty, nasty, gross
and that was the first mentionfor me and I developed a rather
negative association with thatword.
On the other hand, when I firstheard about the clitoris in a
sex education class I took as anadult, heard about the clitoris
in a sex education class I tookas an adult, I thought, wow,
(02:33):
God made this part of the bodyso wonderfully and beautifully.
I mean, that's true for thevagina and for the clitoris.
But the first time I heardthese terms and who I heard them
from made a huge difference inhow I felt about them and in the
male body.
I learned about the penis firstand then the testicles when I
got a little older and when itcomes to male genitals I had
never heard the word prostate.
(02:54):
Until I heard people talkingabout prostate cancer.
I actually didn't understandwhat the prostate was or how it
worked until less than a yearago when, at the husband
material retreat, Dr DougCarpenter gave me some sex
education.
That was long overdue, and nowI am very glad I know what this
part of the body is and how itworks.
(03:16):
Guys, when it comes to any bodypart or any part of our
sexuality, God made it very good.
We can bless our body parts andalso have boundaries around
them, and it is so important forkids to learn about these
things from an early age.
Whenever parents don'tintroduce these concepts and
(03:45):
terms, we are literally givingaway the power of first mention
to other people.
The power of first mention isan incredible opportunity and
it's an urgent need for parentsand anyone else involved in sex
education to be the first voiceabout any topic related to
sexuality.
Think back to how you firstheard about different body parts
(04:07):
and sexual behaviors.
Do you view those things aspositive or negative, or maybe a
confusing mix between the two?
Do you view them as normalizedor do you view them as
magicalized?
If conversations about sex andsexuality happen early and often
you end up viewing it as anormal part of life, something
(04:30):
we can talk about openly,something we can learn about and
feel good about.
Most of us did not get that.
Instead, if it was never talkedabout or only very rarely, or
maybe just once on, like apassport to purity retreat or
something like that, then youlearn this is a forbidden,
(04:53):
dangerous, magical, secretivepart of life that I can't talk
about openly, a source of fearand shame and control, and that
type of sex education sets upboys and girls for porn.
More and more children andteens are turning to porn for
(05:14):
the sex education that theycan't get anywhere else because
they're not hearing about things.
In the absence of healthy,ongoing, intimate conversations
about sex and sexuality, pornoften becomes the primary sex
educator.
And it's bigger than just porn.
Across social media, in music,in movies, the wider world is
(05:39):
talking about all kinds ofsexual things all the time, and
by doing so, they have taken thepower of first mention on so
many different topics,especially sexual topics, that
aren't usually talked about in asafe, loving environment.
Here's why this matters so much.
(06:00):
Here's what I want you to getout of this episode Parents and
future parents.
Please don't give away the powerof first mention to someone
else On topics like porn, sex,the body relationships and all
(06:22):
those different, maybe seeminglyinappropriate things that the
wider culture is talking about.
The power of first mentionshould not belong to pornography
.
The power of first mentionshould not even belong to a
kid's peers.
The power of first mentionshould belong to parents.
When it comes to sexuality, sex, sexual issues, sexual ethics,
(06:48):
pornography should not have thepower of first mention.
So if you're a parent of youngkids or you're friends with
parents of young kids, or oneday you hope to be a parent of
young kids, here's what I wantyou to do with parents of young
kids, or one day you hope to bea parent of young kids.
Here's what I want you to doStart introducing new sexual
(07:10):
vocabulary words earlier thanyou think you need to.
You can do this in anage-appropriate way.
Here's the truth, guys.
Kids are going to hear aboutall kinds of sexual topics from
all kinds of people.
Someone is going to have thepower of the first mention in
their lives, and that someoneshould be their dad and their
mom.
One of the best steps parentscan take towards giving the next
(07:34):
generation a better sexeducation is to increase your
own knowledge, to increase yourown comfort in talking about
these things, and that'sactually why we are going to
have a breakout session at thisyear's Husband Material Retreat
in September on sex education.
It's going to be a place whereyou can ask any question about
(07:56):
any sexual topic and get honest,accurate information.
And that's how it should be.
Sex education should be fun.
My favorite resource that I usewith my kids, who are seven
years old, four years old andtwo years old, is a guided
conversation game on sexualityfor parents and children called
(08:17):
Having the Talks.
It's got 107 cards.
On one side of each card is aquestion for younger kids and on
the other side is a questionfor older kids and it's got all
kinds of topics related tomarriage, body relationships,
sex anatomy, feelings.
They talk about everything inthis card deck and my kids love
(08:39):
it.
They actually ask me to play.
They'll say, hey, dad, can wedo the talks?
And around the dinner tablewe'll go through a few cards.
It's not this super serious,secret, shame-filled part of
life, it's just normal.
We talk about it on the regularand it's kind of fun.
(09:00):
That's the way it should be.
And as we go through each topicin this card deck, I am
claiming the power of firstmention on all kinds of
different topics related to sex,because I think that's my job
as a dad.
I realize that for some of youwho are parents of older
children or adult children, youmight be feeling a lot of guilt
(09:24):
and shame right now because ofthe way that you didn't sexually
educate them.
Maybe you neglected the powerof first mention and you gave
that power away to their peersor to pornography without even
knowing it.
My friend, if that's you, thereis still an incredible
(09:46):
opportunity that you have withyour kids to say I'm sorry.
Wow.
When I heard those words frommy dad, I wept.
I remember I was going on ahike with my dad, asking him
questions about his childhoodand his sexuality growing up.
(10:08):
I asked about the sex educationthat he received and he said he
got basically nothing.
And then, essentially, my dadsaid I'm sorry for not giving
you the sex education that youneeded.
That was so healing for me,that was such a gift.
I felt closer to him and if youwant to hear more about my
(10:28):
story with my parents, I've gotan episode called Healing With
my Parents that shares theentire thing, Whether you're a
parent of young kids or adultkids, or you want to be a parent
someday, or even if you don'thave kids at all.
Sex education is not over forany of us.
We keep learning, we keepgrowing and if you want to find
(10:50):
a safe place where you can askany question about any sexual
topic, consider coming to theHusband Material Retreat in
September.
You can go tohusbandmaterialretreatcom slash
retreat to find out moreinformation, and I've also
included links to resources likethesextalkcom Having the Talks
and a few other podcast episodesin the description down below.
(11:10):
Remember the first time youhear a word, especially about
something sexual, has a powerfulimpact on you.
So, parents, don't give thepower of first mention away to
someone else.
Start introducing those newsexual vocab words earlier than
you think you need to, andalways remember, my friend, you
are God's beloved son and you,he is well pleased.
Welcome to the Husband Material podcast, where
we help Christian men outgrowporn.
Why?
So you can change your brain,heal your heart and save your
relationship.
My name is Drew Boa and I'mhere to show you how let's go.
Today we are talking about thepower of first mention in sex
(00:24):
education.
Can you remember the first timeyou heard the word sex, penis,
vagina or porn?
What about the word gay,lesbian or trans?
I invite you to pick a wordlike that.
Let's just use the wordmasturbation, for example, and
(00:44):
think back.
When did you first hear thatword mentioned?
Who introduced it to you?
How did they talk about it?
What did they say?
How did you feel and how didthat affect you?
Whoever introduces you to atopic for the very first time
(01:05):
has authority and influence overyou, because they are creating
your first impression ofwhatever that is.
This is true in many areas oflife.
Politically, it affects how weview different candidates and
different issues.
It's true theologically.
The first time you hear about acertain church denomination or
(01:27):
a certain belief, and it's alsotrue sexually.
The first time you hear about acertain sexual body part or
sexual behavior is going to havea big impact on how you view
that thing impact on how youview that thing.
(01:47):
In my sex education story I seethe power of first mention so
powerfully when I think aboutfemale genitals.
So the vagina and the clitoriswere very, very different in my
mind because of the way that Ifirst heard these terms.
I first heard the word vaginafrom other kids in my fourth
grade class who were beingsnarky, secretive.
(02:13):
They talked about it likesomething dirty, nasty, gross
and that was the first mentionfor me and I developed a rather
negative association with thatword.
On the other hand, when I firstheard about the clitoris in a
sex education class I took as anadult, heard about the clitoris
in a sex education class I tookas an adult, I thought, wow,
(02:33):
God made this part of the bodyso wonderfully and beautifully.
I mean, that's true for thevagina and for the clitoris.
But the first time I heardthese terms and who I heard them
from made a huge difference inhow I felt about them and in the
male body.
I learned about the penis firstand then the testicles when I
got a little older and when itcomes to male genitals I had
never heard the word prostate.
(02:54):
Until I heard people talkingabout prostate cancer.
I actually didn't understandwhat the prostate was or how it
worked until less than a yearago when, at the husband
material retreat, Dr DougCarpenter gave me some sex
education.
That was long overdue, and nowI am very glad I know what this
part of the body is and how itworks.
(03:16):
Guys, when it comes to any bodypart or any part of our
sexuality, God made it very good.
We can bless our body parts andalso have boundaries around
them, and it is so important forkids to learn about these
things from an early age.
Whenever parents don'tintroduce these concepts and
(03:45):
terms, we are literally givingaway the power of first mention
to other people.
The power of first mention isan incredible opportunity and
it's an urgent need for parentsand anyone else involved in sex
education to be the first voiceabout any topic related to
sexuality.
Think back to how you firstheard about different body parts
(04:07):
and sexual behaviors.
Do you view those things aspositive or negative, or maybe a
confusing mix between the two?
Do you view them as normalizedor do you view them as
magicalized?
If conversations about sex andsexuality happen early and often
you end up viewing it as anormal part of life, something
(04:30):
we can talk about openly,something we can learn about and
feel good about.
Most of us did not get that.
Instead, if it was never talkedabout or only very rarely, or
maybe just once on, like apassport to purity retreat or
something like that, then youlearn this is a forbidden,
(04:53):
dangerous, magical, secretivepart of life that I can't talk
about openly, a source of fearand shame and control, and that
type of sex education sets upboys and girls for porn.
More and more children andteens are turning to porn for
(05:14):
the sex education that theycan't get anywhere else because
they're not hearing about things.
In the absence of healthy,ongoing, intimate conversations
about sex and sexuality, pornoften becomes the primary sex
educator.
And it's bigger than just porn.
Across social media, in music,in movies, the wider world is
(05:39):
talking about all kinds ofsexual things all the time, and
by doing so, they have taken thepower of first mention on so
many different topics,especially sexual topics, that
aren't usually talked about in asafe, loving environment.
Here's why this matters so much.
(06:00):
Here's what I want you to getout of this episode Parents and
future parents.
Please don't give away the powerof first mention to someone
else On topics like porn, sex,the body relationships and all
(06:22):
those different, maybe seeminglyinappropriate things that the
wider culture is talking about.
The power of first mentionshould not belong to pornography
.
The power of first mentionshould not even belong to a
kid's peers.
The power of first mentionshould belong to parents.
When it comes to sexuality, sex, sexual issues, sexual ethics,
(06:48):
pornography should not have thepower of first mention.
So if you're a parent of youngkids or you're friends with
parents of young kids, or oneday you hope to be a parent of
young kids, here's what I wantyou to do with parents of young
kids, or one day you hope to bea parent of young kids.
Here's what I want you to doStart introducing new sexual
(07:10):
vocabulary words earlier thanyou think you need to.
You can do this in anage-appropriate way.
Here's the truth, guys.
Kids are going to hear aboutall kinds of sexual topics from
all kinds of people.
Someone is going to have thepower of the first mention in
their lives, and that someoneshould be their dad and their
mom.
One of the best steps parentscan take towards giving the next
(07:34):
generation a better sexeducation is to increase your
own knowledge, to increase yourown comfort in talking about
these things, and that'sactually why we are going to
have a breakout session at thisyear's Husband Material Retreat
in September on sex education.
It's going to be a place whereyou can ask any question about
(07:56):
any sexual topic and get honest,accurate information.
And that's how it should be.
Sex education should be fun.
My favorite resource that I usewith my kids, who are seven
years old, four years old andtwo years old, is a guided
conversation game on sexualityfor parents and children called
(08:17):
Having the Talks.
It's got 107 cards.
On one side of each card is aquestion for younger kids and on
the other side is a questionfor older kids and it's got all
kinds of topics related tomarriage, body relationships,
sex anatomy, feelings.
They talk about everything inthis card deck and my kids love
(08:39):
it.
They actually ask me to play.
They'll say, hey, dad, can wedo the talks?
And around the dinner tablewe'll go through a few cards.
It's not this super serious,secret, shame-filled part of
life, it's just normal.
We talk about it on the regularand it's kind of fun.
(09:00):
That's the way it should be.
And as we go through each topicin this card deck, I am
claiming the power of firstmention on all kinds of
different topics related to sex,because I think that's my job
as a dad.
I realize that for some of youwho are parents of older
children or adult children, youmight be feeling a lot of guilt
(09:24):
and shame right now because ofthe way that you didn't sexually
educate them.
Maybe you neglected the powerof first mention and you gave
that power away to their peersor to pornography without even
knowing it.
My friend, if that's you, thereis still an incredible
(09:46):
opportunity that you have withyour kids to say I'm sorry.
Wow.
When I heard those words frommy dad, I wept.
I remember I was going on ahike with my dad, asking him
questions about his childhoodand his sexuality growing up.
(10:08):
I asked about the sex educationthat he received and he said he
got basically nothing.
And then, essentially, my dadsaid I'm sorry for not giving
you the sex education that youneeded.
That was so healing for me,that was such a gift.
I felt closer to him and if youwant to hear more about my
(10:28):
story with my parents, I've gotan episode called Healing With
my Parents that shares theentire thing, Whether you're a
parent of young kids or adultkids, or you want to be a parent
someday, or even if you don'thave kids at all.
Sex education is not over forany of us.
We keep learning, we keepgrowing and if you want to find
(10:50):
a safe place where you can askany question about any sexual
topic, consider coming to theHusband Material Retreat in
September.
You can go tohusbandmaterialretreatcom slash
retreat to find out moreinformation, and I've also
included links to resources likethesextalkcom Having the Talks
and a few other podcast episodesin the description down below.
(11:10):
Remember the first time youhear a word, especially about
something sexual, has a powerfulimpact on you.
So, parents, don't give thepower of first mention away to
someone else.
Start introducing those newsexual vocab words earlier than
you think you need to, andalways remember, my friend, you
are God's beloved son and you,he is well pleased.
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