March 3, 2025 • 34 mins
Why do I feel so disconnected from other people...and myself? In this episode, Dr. Eddie Capparucci unpacks the reasons why many men struggle to emotionally connect. You'll learn about the talker, the fixer, the thinker, the nice guy, "Mr. Right," the runner, the distractor, and the flopper.
Mark your calendar for Drew and Eddie's upcoming workshop:
Emotional Connection Workshop For Men
Friday April 11, 2025 (replays available)
Learn more and register now here.
https://drew-boa.mykajabi.com/workshop
Related resources featuring Eddie:
- Why Men Struggle To Love (book; paid link)
- Becoming Emotionally Mature (podcast)
- How Do I Help My Hurting Spouse? (podcast)
Take the Husband Material Journey...
- Step 1: Listen to this podcast or watch on YouTube
- Step 2: Join the private Husband Material Community
- Step 3: Take the free mini-course: How To Outgrow Porn
- Step 4: Try the all-in-one program: Husband Material Academy
Thanks for listening!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome to the Husband Material podcast, where
we help Christian men outgrowporn.
Why?
So you can change your brain,heal your heart and save your
relationship.
My name is Drew Boa and I'mhere to show you how let's go.
I am so excited that Dr EddieCaparucci is back on the show,
(00:25):
because it's been too long.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
It's been way long.
I mean, it's like you have melocked away in a closet
somewhere.
I've wondered when are yougoing to let me out so I can
come and talk?
But then I thought, well,you're going to hear me talk and
that guy never shuts up, solet's put him back in a closet.
But anyway, drew, it's great tobe back with you.
I always enjoy that.
We have a great time together.
For those of you who don't know, drew and I we're good friends.
(00:49):
We communicate quite a bit, sothis is rather natural for us.
Speaker 1 (00:54):
Yeah, this is going to be great.
I mean, you've written multiplebooks lately, we've presented
at a few different conferencesand we have a new one coming up
called the Emotional ConnectionWorkshop, which is so exciting,
and we're going to tell you moreabout that.
And today you are going to hearabout some of the most common
(01:18):
barriers to emotional connectionthat men face.
Eddie, why are you passionateabout this?
Speaker 2 (01:24):
connection that men face.
Eddie, why are you passionateabout this?
Well, because you know, I cameto realize a long time ago, drew
, when I started all of this,that what we went the man who
was struggling with sobriety,that being sober just isn't
enough.
And the other thing Irecognized in my research was
the fact that many men areemotionally, was the fact that
many men are emotionallyunderdeveloped, and that is a
(01:48):
factor in what goes on in thedevelopment of a porn addiction
or sexual addiction.
So there's many differentcomponents.
It also has a major impact on arelationship even before
infidelity is discovered, andtherefore it makes it even more
(02:10):
difficult to heal because of it.
So there's a lot of educationthat men need, there's a lot of
training that they need and, asI said, for years this has not
really been something that hadbeen, you know, put out there
where people can reallyunderstand the why.
How did I get in this place,how come I can't bond with
(02:30):
people, how come I don't knowhow to be empathetic?
So hopefully, those are thethings we'll talk about today.
Speaker 1 (02:37):
So many guys are getting more freedom.
They're gaining sobriety.
It's been a long time sincethey've sexually acted out, but
their relationships are inshambles and they're still
feeling like I'm spinning incircles trying to rebuild trust.
Speaker 2 (03:02):
He goes into this protective mode, he wants to
protect himself from theonslaught that's coming at him
as opposed to no.
Let me look outward and findher pain point and focus on that
.
But again, what's at the heartof all of it is fear.
(03:24):
We're like terrified littleboys.
Speaker 1 (03:29):
And that's why we focus on the inner child.
So much, Eddie, if you had tosimplify your understanding.
Why do men struggle toemotionally connect?
Speaker 2 (03:41):
Basically because, as we were growing up, we were not
given the tools that we neededfrom our parents.
We weren't taught how toidentify what our real emotions
are, we weren't given the wordsto do that.
We weren't taught how toemotionally regulate, how to be
(04:03):
attuned to others, to beempathetic but, most important,
drew, we weren't taught how tosit with emotional discomfort.
We weren't taught how to sitwith that pain, no matter what
it would have been.
It could have been border, butwe weren't taught what to do
with them.
(04:23):
So we had to come up with ourown coping strategy, which
basically came along the linesof I won't think about it and
then we'll find something todistract ourselves from the pain
itself.
And therefore we carry thatinto our world.
And if you don't learn how tosit in pain, don't grow.
(04:44):
Don't grow emotionally, youcan't grow as a couple.
The other aspect of it is whenwe don't get that emotional
connection with our parents, wedon't learn how to bond.
We bond very shallow, where, asopposed to, this, is the way a
bond is and that bonding whichis really discussed in detail
(05:09):
when it comes to attachmenttheory.
A different attachment style isa major component in all of
this Without having a strongability to bond.
This thing comes apart prettyquick.
In the book I wrote why MenStruggle for Love.
I used the word obliviousprobably a dozen times, because
(05:29):
we are, we're oblivious to allof this.
Once we get the knowledge, oncewe understand why, we are then
empowered to make substantialchanges so that we can grow and
mature to be the men we weredesigned to be Amen.
Speaker 1 (05:48):
And this is not just happening in marriage or
romantic relationships.
This is happening in allrelationships with friends at
work, with kids.
Our attachment styles and ourlack of emotional connection is
affecting every person.
Speaker 2 (06:07):
we are trying to get close to right and you could say
you know, I think I know I havefriends.
I have friends at work and Ihave friends in the neighborhood
.
I said, yeah, you do a bunch ofstuff with them, right, yeah,
yeah, we hang out, yeah, yeah.
What was the last time you satdown and had a really deep,
sensitive conversation?
What?
Were you ever vulnerable withthem?
(06:28):
Were they vulnerable with youand you didn't want to try to
fix their problem?
It probably didn't happen.
It probably doesn't happen.
Speaker 1 (06:37):
So, even though you might be surrounded by people,
it is so common for us to feeldisconnected from ourselves and
each other.
In this workshop, we are goingto help you overcome the
barriers to emotional connection, which are ultimately coping
strategies, ways that we learnedto deal with emotional distress
(07:01):
.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
That's a great point, drew, it is.
And when men start to recognizethat and they start to look at
it and say, oh, wait a second,if somebody comes to me with a
problem, I try to fix it or Itry to minimize it because
you're trying to shut it down.
You want to take care of it andlet it go because you don't
(07:24):
want the emotion coming at you,and we have all different types
of emotional coping strategiesthat we utilize to try to keep
emotions at bay strategies or,to use the language of internal
(07:48):
family systems, some of theparts of us that are keeping us
in emotional protection insteadof emotional connection.
Speaker 1 (07:52):
We've got a list here .
Let's start with the talker.
This is the part of you thathere's.
Someone asked you a questionand you think, oh, now's my
chance.
And you share and share andshare.
Meanwhile, the other person'seyes are glazing over.
(08:14):
They wanted to say something,but they can't even get a word
in because you're going on andon for minutes and minutes.
Speaker 2 (08:22):
Because what I need to say is more important than
what I need to say is moreimportant than what you have to
say.
And again, you don't have thatmindset, you're not thinking
that, but then again, most cases, this is probably someone who
grew up and didn't have a voiceat home.
Right, it felt like they didn'thave an outlet.
They were shut down a greatdeal.
(08:43):
So now, if an adult, guess what?
There's nobody who shut me down, and so therefore, they
overextend when it comes to sometype of dialogue.
Speaker 1 (08:54):
And you probably know what it's like to be with
somebody who just keeps going.
And if you're in a group withthis person, they're taking up a
lot of the group and they maynot even know that they're doing
it.
They're not trying to giveother people less time to share.
It's often coming from thissubconscious pain point of being
(09:15):
unheard.
Speaker 2 (09:17):
Yes, and there's also another aspect that's at you,
and what that is is that'sinside the people who ramble and
go on and on and on and talkforever.
They are very ancient peopleand so therefore, they do that
in a way to mask their anxiety.
Speaker 1 (09:36):
Yeah, we're going to go through a whole list of these
.
Another very common one is thefixer.
Speaker 2 (09:44):
Oh, the fixer boy, you know what like you have to
joke about men.
Right, fix things.
You know that we will fix theproblem.
That's what women hate.
They're like you try to talk tous, it is like oh, wait a
second, I got a solution for you.
And again, don't do thatbecause we want to show them how
brilliant we are, although,although maybe that's a part of
(10:05):
it, but that's not what we'retrying to do.
We want to shut it down here.
Here's your solution.
Okay, to go away.
So I don't have to be botheredwith those emotions.
And it's counterproductiveBecause in many cases, when your
partner, your spouse, wants totalk to you about something,
(10:27):
about a problem they're havingor some issue, they're not
looking for a solution, they'rejust looking to come.
But we, although yet go therebecause the emotion will be
coming at us there, willincrease our anxiety.
So instead, what do I do?
Let's see if I can end it asquickly as possible by coming up
(10:49):
with a brilliant solution.
Speaker 1 (10:52):
Some of us know what it's like to be really
vulnerable with someone and howviolating it feels for them to
say, oh well, have you thoughtabout this thing?
You could try, or have you readthis book?
Or oh, I know just the thing.
For that it's like completelymissing the emotions Because
(11:14):
you're dismissing a personDismissive.
Speaker 2 (11:17):
Yes, you're right, that's stinging.
Speaker 1 (11:22):
And I am a recovering fixer Because when I was a kid
my emotions were dismissed andsometimes the fixer can have a
spiritual side to him where he'strying to give you the right
Bible verse or the righttheology.
That doesn't really help.
Speaker 2 (11:43):
No, it doesn't.
It doesn't.
We have to be very, verycareful when it comes to the
fixer.
Speaker 1 (11:50):
The fixer will sabotage emotional connection.
He can solve a lot of problems.
Emotional connection is not oneof them.
Another one is the thinker.
The thinker I find is reallydifficult to work with.
The thinker is the guy who'salways in his head.
He has trouble getting downinto the heart space.
He can tell you all the rightanswers, he can analyze
(12:15):
everything.
But he has so much trouble justbeing with sadness or anger or
loneliness it's so hard for himto actually feel something.
Speaker 2 (12:28):
Right, and that's why this is the individual, who
somebody is being very emotionalto pour their heart out, and he
seemed to come across as veryaloof and, again, part of it is
this fear of I don't know how toreally respond to this from an
emotional standpoint.
(12:49):
So, therefore, let's see if wetry to keep it analytical, you
know, and it kind of ties into alittle bit into the picture in
a way where, if you thoughtabout this, you know, or let me
tell you something that I saw orI've read you know they're
going down that path withoutbeing staying away from the
(13:12):
emotions that are there and,again, it's another way of
protecting yourself, but itcomes at the cost of the person
being vulnerable because onceagain, you're being dismissive.
Speaker 1 (13:24):
The person being vulnerable because once again
you're being dismissive.
Speaker 2 (13:36):
The thinker and the fixer, are very good friends
with someone who I like to callMr Right or the editor.
I'm laughing because this isprobably one of the more common,
you know COVID strategies thatwe get, and that's the guy who I
have.
He said something and he has toget in.
No, no, no, that's not the wayit is.
This is not what's going on,don't understand.
(13:58):
And it's just this constantbattle to make sure that what he
says and what he feel is seenas this is the right answer.
Well, my wife, who is atherapist, has a wonderful, you
know line about that.
Because you can be right andyou can be alone, because,
(14:22):
because it does happen at times,because again, the guy is
always trying to, again, it'slike what you're doing, you're
almost like trying to one-up oneup and what you really do is
try to push them down.
So, once again, push peopledown.
What does that do?
That makes them withdraw, makesthem move aside, and so now oh,
(14:46):
guess what I don't have toworry about the emotional
onslaught that's coming down.
Speaker 1 (14:50):
Mm-hmm.
Mr Wright often has a childhoodpain point of being falsely
accused, being misunderstood,being very criticized yeah,
underappreciated pouring herheart out, he will find the 5%
(15:17):
of what she said that didn'tseem accurate and focus on that.
Speaker 2 (15:23):
That's correct.
That's exactly what he will doand therefore he's missing again
what her pain points are.
And if you miss the pain points, one thing we're going to talk
about when we do our workshop isabout the pain field, that you
have to find the pain point,because if you don't, then you
know what?
You're dead in the water,basically, and she's going to
(15:47):
get more and more frustrated andyou're going to be sitting here
wondering what am I doing wrong?
Well, everything You're doingeverything wrong and hopefully
you know, what Drew and I aregoing to do is help you guys to
learn how to do it the right way.
Speaker 1 (16:03):
Yes, our goal is not to guilt you or to shame you,
but to empower you, becauseemotional pain is not a problem
to be solved.
It's a place to connect.
Another character who oftenshows up is the nice guy, and on
the surface level, there'snothing wrong with being nice,
and many of us have tried sohard to be nice, especially if
(16:25):
we were taught that being aChristian means being nice.
But there's a differencebetween nice and kind.
The nice guy is not focused onloving others and being kind so
much as he's focused onpreventing other people's
painful emotions from coming out.
(16:46):
He's wanting to make sure thatsomebody else doesn't feel angry
, or somebody else doesn't feelsad, or that somebody else is
never going to view him in anegative light.
And so underneath this nicepersona, there's a lot of fear,
there's a lot of shame and ofteneven a bit of manipulation, of
(17:09):
wanting to be good enough tocontrol somebody else.
Speaker 2 (17:13):
Yeah, because, once again, it's about protecting the
son.
Okay, that's what they're doing.
They're protecting themselvesand they will.
Even you know, becausesometimes we look at the nice
guy and say, oh, they're goingto follow all the rules.
No, you know what, sometimesthe nice guy is going to lie and
deceive because he said that'swhat you want to hear, right?
Is this what's going to makeyou happy?
(17:34):
Because again said that's whatyou want to hear, right?
Is this what's going to makeyou happy?
Because, again, they don't wantto disappoint, and we see this
a lot when we're looking at, youknow, in the area of betrayal
recovery.
There is that nice guy who,again, he feels like, if I bend
over backwards to accommodateher, that everything will be
okay and when it's not, that'swhen their resentment start to
(17:55):
kick in I'm doing everything Ineed to do, which they're.
When it's not, that's whentheir resentment starts to kick
in I'm doing everything I needto do, which they're not really
doing, but that's what they feel.
And so now it becomes almostlike the title child pops in.
Well, you know what I deservethat?
Because she's not appreciatingwhat I'm doing and showing her.
But this, the nice guy, likeyou said, it looks like somebody
(18:18):
who is trying to do the rightthing.
He's doing the right thing forthe wrong reason, in his own
comfort.
Speaker 1 (18:27):
Man.
That is so true, and this issomething that we need to watch
out for, because if you doeverything that we recommend for
learning how to emotionallyconnect for the wrong reason,
then you're still missing thepoint.
The goal of emotionalconnection is not to get to a
(18:53):
point where we can have sexagain.
It's not to get to a pointwhere she doesn't get angry
again.
The goal of emotionalconnection is not to try to get
something and so the nice guy orreally any of these strategies,
can often be a way of justtrying to make it.
(19:15):
Stop trying to get what I want.
Speaker 2 (19:19):
It's all about getting something I want.
You have to remember too, weare takers.
This is part of what you haveto break out of.
When you're you know, whenyou've been dealing with
addictive behavior.
You have to stop taking the fewless, taking the give more, the
more you give.
(19:40):
That's where you're going tofind.
Oh wow, my gosh.
I feel so much better aboutmyself because I'm putting other
people first.
Speaker 1 (19:51):
Right, with no expectations and no strings
attached for how they'resupposed to respond.
Speaker 2 (19:57):
That's right, and that's another one of the
biggest problems we have too.
We have these expectations.
Well, if I do this, you'regoing to do that, right?
Oh, hey, you take out thegarbage and clean up the kitchen
, ok, great, yeah, hey, so we'rehaving to get a bedroom, right?
No, that wasn't the deal madehere, folks.
(20:19):
You know it's not like when wewere kids, again like, okay, all
right, yeah, take out thebarber.
Okay, here's your 50 cents foryour allowance for what you've
done.
That's not what a relationshipis about, not quote, quote, and
we have to understand that.
But again, when you're in wordsand focus, it's very, very hard
to understand that.
Speaker 1 (20:40):
We don't know what we don't know.
Speaker 2 (20:42):
Right, we don't.
Speaker 1 (20:43):
Most of these strategies we've been talking
about so far happen inconversations with another
person.
Yet there are also some thattake you far away, such as the
runner, the avoider, the part ofus that just wants to get away
(21:04):
from someone else's pain.
Speaker 2 (21:07):
This I really.
If you look at almost all thedifferent coping strategies that
we've been talking about, therudder is mixed in with all of
them, because what we're tryingto do is create a sense of
comfort.
We want comfort in anythingthat pops into our lives that
(21:32):
brings, or even has a potentialfor bringing, disconcern.
We've got to try to get rid ofit and in many cases we'll try
to get rid of it doing thethings you did, like talking
about like the fixer or the niceguy thinker.
But in some cases you'll knowwhat I have to do is I just have
to run away from it because Ican't do anything about it.
(21:55):
It's there and it's not goingaway.
Speaker 1 (21:58):
And there can be a legitimate place for pushing
pause on a conversation so youcan go take some deep breaths or
go for a walk, but the runnerthat we're talking about is the
one who will find an excuse togo do something else and never
come back.
Speaker 2 (22:17):
Right, or this is a person who's supposed to be
doing the check-in every day andthey don't work it up unless
they're suffering from it.
See, it's those types of things.
It's like you know what, maybeif I don't say anything, she'll
just forget this ever happened.
Speaker 1 (22:35):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (22:36):
Bad strategy, dude Bad strategy, dude Bad strategy.
Speaker 1 (22:41):
The runner is really good friends with the distractor
.
The distractor is the guy who Ireally resonate with, who
immediately feels the urge toget out his phone and go check
messages or see if anything newis coming up.
The escapist, the one wholearned how to survive as a
(23:04):
little boy by going into my head, going off into another world
where none of this is happening.
Speaker 2 (23:12):
This is probably the coping strategy that frustrates
women more than anything else,because and again, once again,
it's like more of that kind oflisten, it's like you don't care
, it gives I don't care type ofattitude, and that's the message
(23:34):
that we deliver here, right,she's trying to talk to you and
you message that we deliver toyou, right?
Speaker 1 (23:38):
She's trying to talk to you and you're still looking
at your phone.
Speaker 2 (23:40):
Right, right, or you're just, you know, not
paying attention, or you'retrying, you're there, you're
sitting there, but your mind'snot there.
And why is it not there?
Because it's too intense foryou and your emotions, once
again, are trumping her emotions.
Speaker 1 (23:59):
Yeah, and this can be so automatic.
We do it without even thinking.
Speaker 2 (24:05):
Well, that's what we call dissociation.
We do it quite often and youknow what?
It's more common than peoplethink.
Especially in the age of allthis technology and all the
distractions that we have in ourlife, it's much more easier to
do it, and this is wheremindfulness is a big tool that's
(24:28):
needed so that you can sit, becalm and be able to stay there
and not get overwhelmed.
Speaker 1 (24:38):
Learning how to emotionally connect can be
overwhelming.
It takes practice, it's noteasy, and that's why our last
character needs to be talkedabout, the flopper also known as
Mr Freeze.
Speaker 2 (24:57):
Yeah, we see this very often too, where the person
just you know, it's almost likehe's wilting in front of her.
Okay, again, it's about you.
It's about, oh, this is toointense, and I'm not trying to
shame anybody, but this iswhat's going on.
This is too intense.
This is too intense, this istoo hard.
(25:17):
This hurts too much.
I don't like this.
She's yelling at me and, if youthink about it, your inner child
is being debated and somebodyelse is in the room now, whether
it's a father, a mother, asibling, whoever it was, it's
over the down street.
There's somebody else there,and what you're doing?
You just start to wilt in orderto try, hopefully, that, oh, I
(25:40):
can disappear.
And you're not going todisappear, but that's what it is
free.
Once that anxiety starts tokick in and you, you start to
breathe, you're not going toknow what to say.
You're not going to know whatto say, you're not going to know
how to say it, or you'redefinitely going to say
something that you should notsay.
And that's why confidence andwe're going to talk a lot about
(26:04):
building confidence is soimportant, so that we don't need
these coping strategies anylonger.
Instead, we can rely on what isthe Holy Spirit telling me what
is the direction I'm beinggiven, that I can use in these
very difficult times?
Speaker 1 (26:24):
Yes, because it's so easy for shame to take over.
In those moments when you'rewith somebody in the middle of
their pain and you don't knowwhat to say and you don't know
what to do, and it feelsoverwhelming, shame takes over.
We want to help you be able tonotice when that's happening and
(26:47):
come out of it so that you canemotionally connect.
Speaker 2 (26:50):
We have a lot of stuff that's lined up for these
folks.
We have a lot of informationand I really believe that,
ultimately, it's going to be ablueprint that is going to help
them to be able to start tobreak free of the fears that
they have so that they be ableto engage more with their
(27:14):
partner and therefore help torebuild the relationship.
Speaker 1 (27:18):
And while our main focus is men who want to help
their wives heal and emotionallyconnect after sexual betrayal,
these principles and theseskills apply to any relationship
Friendships, work relationships, relationships with your kids.
This will not just beinformation.
You will have a chance toactually practice showing up in
(27:43):
those situations where yourtemptation is to be like a deer
in the headlights, or to fightor to run away.
We're going to work with youand help you notice how you're
showing up.
You'll identify some of thesebarriers to emotional connection
and how to overcome them.
It's so beautiful when we learnthe relational skills that we
(28:04):
were never taught as boys.
Speaker 2 (28:06):
Tell men constantly that emotional intimacy is so
much more powerful than physicalintimacy, and when they first
hear that they're like, yeah,right, but once they start to
get into it they understand thatthey can engage fully.
It's so true.
(28:28):
It's true because, again, whatGod's design for a relationship,
the foundation, is supposed tobe about emotional bonding, and
then we're supposed to take thephysical and sprinkle it in to
support that.
Many of us men we have itbackwards.
That means we laid afoundational relationship on
(28:51):
physical intimacy and we'llsprinkle in some
pseudo-emotional stuff I loveyou, you're some flowers things
like that, to try to support thephysical and to get more
physical engagement in therelationship.
Speaker 1 (29:10):
That sounds like the nice guy and the fixer yeah
there's quite a few in there,aren't there?
We're going to help you allowthose protective parts to step
aside so your true self can showup.
Speaker 2 (29:29):
Emotional connection is the foundation of any good
relationship, and it's also, Ibelieve, one of the antidotes
for addictive behaviors.
There's something that many ofus don't quite understand.
We've been chasing after lustfor a long, long time.
(29:51):
We're using it as a substitute.
For a long, long time we wereusing it as a substitute.
What we were really seeking wasemotional connection.
We just didn't know it.
So once you start to be able tobuild that muscle, strengthen
that muscle, it could changeeverything about life.
(30:13):
I love that so much.
Speaker 1 (30:17):
So true.
Maybe you've heard the phrasethe opposite of addiction is not
sobriety.
The opposite of addiction isconnection.
But what is that?
How can I experience it?
How can I work on my skills toemotionally connect?
That's what this workshop isabout.
So let's talk about the details.
If you're interested in joiningEddie Caparucci and I at the
(30:38):
Emotional Connection Workshopfor Men, it will be on April
11th, it'll be six hours long,and if you're not able to attend
, you can get access to all therecordings when you sign up at
drewboacom.
Speaker 2 (30:53):
It's going to be a pretty incredible event.
There's a lot of things that wehave planned that, I think, is
going to kind of blow your mind.
I think you've got to walk awaywith a lot of knowledge and
insight that are going to beable to help move to the next
level of your recovery.
Speaker 1 (31:14):
And we also know that learning emotional connection
doesn't happen in one day, sowe're offering some follow-up
meetings as well for you tocontinue to integrate this into
your life.
We know that we don't justlearn by hearing.
We learn by doing so as much aspossible.
This workshop is going toempower you to do the work.
Speaker 2 (31:35):
I'm big into the preparing, the preparation, okay
, be able to spend timeunderstanding, okay, what the
dynamics I'm going to be facingand what are some of the
solutions.
How can I approach it in adifferent way?
Or let's go back into thetrenching again and do it again.
No, let's find a different wayof when we get in the trenching
(32:00):
to be able to handle that in asmarter way, a more effective
way and a way that again helpsyou to grow, because you're
taking that emotional muscle andyou're strengthening it.
Speaker 1 (32:12):
So, whether you already have a lot of emotional
connection in your life or youfeel like you have none, this is
going to be a safe place foryou to learn and grow and heal,
and there are some surprisesthat we've been saving up that
we're excited to share with you.
Eddie, what is your favoritething about emotional connection
(32:34):
?
Speaker 2 (32:35):
It's just a sense of peace, boy, when we all like
peace, that's what we reallywant.
Anyway, we don't have peace inour lives.
We haven't had peace in ourlives in many cases because
we've been so marred in thisaddictive behavior that we've
had in the lives and thedeceptions and trying to hide
(32:55):
things you know.
And now I get to be able to sayno, no more, there's no more of
that.
In fact, what there is, there'sa person I can go to, that I
can share the pain, I can sharethe hurt that I'm dealing with
and I can get it out and not bejudged, not be ridiculed, but be
(33:19):
accepted.
There's nothing warmer thanthat type of feeling.
Speaker 1 (33:25):
Amen.
And isn't that what God wantsto have with us, not just an
intellectual relationship, but adeep emotional connection, a
secure attachment.
Speaker 2 (33:41):
That is why God sent his son to die for our sins so
that we can have a connectionwith him, that one day we will
actually walk side by side withhim.
Speaker 1 (33:55):
So if you guys want to join us at the Emotional
Connection Workshop for Men, godown to the link in the
description or just go todrewboacom.
We would love to see you there.
Always remember you are God'sbeloved son and you he is
well-pleased.
Welcome to the Husband Material podcast, where
we help Christian men outgrowporn.
Why?
So you can change your brain,heal your heart and save your
relationship.
My name is Drew Boa and I'mhere to show you how let's go.
I am so excited that Dr EddieCaparucci is back on the show,
(00:25):
because it's been too long.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
It's been way long.
I mean, it's like you have melocked away in a closet
somewhere.
I've wondered when are yougoing to let me out so I can
come and talk?
But then I thought, well,you're going to hear me talk and
that guy never shuts up, solet's put him back in a closet.
But anyway, drew, it's great tobe back with you.
I always enjoy that.
We have a great time together.
For those of you who don't know, drew and I we're good friends.
(00:49):
We communicate quite a bit, sothis is rather natural for us.
Speaker 1 (00:54):
Yeah, this is going to be great.
I mean, you've written multiplebooks lately, we've presented
at a few different conferencesand we have a new one coming up
called the Emotional ConnectionWorkshop, which is so exciting,
and we're going to tell you moreabout that.
And today you are going to hearabout some of the most common
(01:18):
barriers to emotional connectionthat men face.
Eddie, why are you passionateabout this?
Speaker 2 (01:24):
connection that men face.
Eddie, why are you passionateabout this?
Well, because you know, I cameto realize a long time ago, drew
, when I started all of this,that what we went the man who
was struggling with sobriety,that being sober just isn't
enough.
And the other thing Irecognized in my research was
the fact that many men areemotionally, was the fact that
many men are emotionallyunderdeveloped, and that is a
(01:48):
factor in what goes on in thedevelopment of a porn addiction
or sexual addiction.
So there's many differentcomponents.
It also has a major impact on arelationship even before
infidelity is discovered, andtherefore it makes it even more
(02:10):
difficult to heal because of it.
So there's a lot of educationthat men need, there's a lot of
training that they need and, asI said, for years this has not
really been something that hadbeen, you know, put out there
where people can reallyunderstand the why.
How did I get in this place,how come I can't bond with
(02:30):
people, how come I don't knowhow to be empathetic?
So hopefully, those are thethings we'll talk about today.
Speaker 1 (02:37):
So many guys are getting more freedom.
They're gaining sobriety.
It's been a long time sincethey've sexually acted out, but
their relationships are inshambles and they're still
feeling like I'm spinning incircles trying to rebuild trust.
Speaker 2 (03:02):
He goes into this protective mode, he wants to
protect himself from theonslaught that's coming at him
as opposed to no.
Let me look outward and findher pain point and focus on that
.
But again, what's at the heartof all of it is fear.
(03:24):
We're like terrified littleboys.
Speaker 1 (03:29):
And that's why we focus on the inner child.
So much, Eddie, if you had tosimplify your understanding.
Why do men struggle toemotionally connect?
Speaker 2 (03:41):
Basically because, as we were growing up, we were not
given the tools that we neededfrom our parents.
We weren't taught how toidentify what our real emotions
are, we weren't given the wordsto do that.
We weren't taught how toemotionally regulate, how to be
(04:03):
attuned to others, to beempathetic but, most important,
drew, we weren't taught how tosit with emotional discomfort.
We weren't taught how to sitwith that pain, no matter what
it would have been.
It could have been border, butwe weren't taught what to do
with them.
(04:23):
So we had to come up with ourown coping strategy, which
basically came along the linesof I won't think about it and
then we'll find something todistract ourselves from the pain
itself.
And therefore we carry thatinto our world.
And if you don't learn how tosit in pain, don't grow.
(04:44):
Don't grow emotionally, youcan't grow as a couple.
The other aspect of it is whenwe don't get that emotional
connection with our parents, wedon't learn how to bond.
We bond very shallow, where, asopposed to, this, is the way a
bond is and that bonding whichis really discussed in detail
(05:09):
when it comes to attachmenttheory.
A different attachment style isa major component in all of
this Without having a strongability to bond.
This thing comes apart prettyquick.
In the book I wrote why MenStruggle for Love.
I used the word obliviousprobably a dozen times, because
(05:29):
we are, we're oblivious to allof this.
Once we get the knowledge, oncewe understand why, we are then
empowered to make substantialchanges so that we can grow and
mature to be the men we weredesigned to be Amen.
Speaker 1 (05:48):
And this is not just happening in marriage or
romantic relationships.
This is happening in allrelationships with friends at
work, with kids.
Our attachment styles and ourlack of emotional connection is
affecting every person.
Speaker 2 (06:07):
we are trying to get close to right and you could say
you know, I think I know I havefriends.
I have friends at work and Ihave friends in the neighborhood
.
I said, yeah, you do a bunch ofstuff with them, right, yeah,
yeah, we hang out, yeah, yeah.
What was the last time you satdown and had a really deep,
sensitive conversation?
What?
Were you ever vulnerable withthem?
(06:28):
Were they vulnerable with youand you didn't want to try to
fix their problem?
It probably didn't happen.
It probably doesn't happen.
Speaker 1 (06:37):
So, even though you might be surrounded by people,
it is so common for us to feeldisconnected from ourselves and
each other.
In this workshop, we are goingto help you overcome the
barriers to emotional connection, which are ultimately coping
strategies, ways that we learnedto deal with emotional distress
(07:01):
.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
That's a great point, drew, it is.
And when men start to recognizethat and they start to look at
it and say, oh, wait a second,if somebody comes to me with a
problem, I try to fix it or Itry to minimize it because
you're trying to shut it down.
You want to take care of it andlet it go because you don't
(07:24):
want the emotion coming at you,and we have all different types
of emotional coping strategiesthat we utilize to try to keep
emotions at bay strategies or,to use the language of internal
(07:48):
family systems, some of theparts of us that are keeping us
in emotional protection insteadof emotional connection.
Speaker 1 (07:52):
We've got a list here .
Let's start with the talker.
This is the part of you thathere's.
Someone asked you a questionand you think, oh, now's my
chance.
And you share and share andshare.
Meanwhile, the other person'seyes are glazing over.
(08:14):
They wanted to say something,but they can't even get a word
in because you're going on andon for minutes and minutes.
Speaker 2 (08:22):
Because what I need to say is more important than
what I need to say is moreimportant than what you have to
say.
And again, you don't have thatmindset, you're not thinking
that, but then again, most cases, this is probably someone who
grew up and didn't have a voiceat home.
Right, it felt like they didn'thave an outlet.
They were shut down a greatdeal.
(08:43):
So now, if an adult, guess what?
There's nobody who shut me down, and so therefore, they
overextend when it comes to sometype of dialogue.
Speaker 1 (08:54):
And you probably know what it's like to be with
somebody who just keeps going.
And if you're in a group withthis person, they're taking up a
lot of the group and they maynot even know that they're doing
it.
They're not trying to giveother people less time to share.
It's often coming from thissubconscious pain point of being
(09:15):
unheard.
Speaker 2 (09:17):
Yes, and there's also another aspect that's at you,
and what that is is that'sinside the people who ramble and
go on and on and on and talkforever.
They are very ancient peopleand so therefore, they do that
in a way to mask their anxiety.
Speaker 1 (09:36):
Yeah, we're going to go through a whole list of these
.
Another very common one is thefixer.
Speaker 2 (09:44):
Oh, the fixer boy, you know what like you have to
joke about men.
Right, fix things.
You know that we will fix theproblem.
That's what women hate.
They're like you try to talk tous, it is like oh, wait a
second, I got a solution for you.
And again, don't do thatbecause we want to show them how
brilliant we are, although,although maybe that's a part of
(10:05):
it, but that's not what we'retrying to do.
We want to shut it down here.
Here's your solution.
Okay, to go away.
So I don't have to be botheredwith those emotions.
And it's counterproductiveBecause in many cases, when your
partner, your spouse, wants totalk to you about something,
(10:27):
about a problem they're havingor some issue, they're not
looking for a solution, they'rejust looking to come.
But we, although yet go therebecause the emotion will be
coming at us there, willincrease our anxiety.
So instead, what do I do?
Let's see if I can end it asquickly as possible by coming up
(10:49):
with a brilliant solution.
Speaker 1 (10:52):
Some of us know what it's like to be really
vulnerable with someone and howviolating it feels for them to
say, oh well, have you thoughtabout this thing?
You could try, or have you readthis book?
Or oh, I know just the thing.
For that it's like completelymissing the emotions Because
(11:14):
you're dismissing a personDismissive.
Speaker 2 (11:17):
Yes, you're right, that's stinging.
Speaker 1 (11:22):
And I am a recovering fixer Because when I was a kid
my emotions were dismissed andsometimes the fixer can have a
spiritual side to him where he'strying to give you the right
Bible verse or the righttheology.
That doesn't really help.
Speaker 2 (11:43):
No, it doesn't.
It doesn't.
We have to be very, verycareful when it comes to the
fixer.
Speaker 1 (11:50):
The fixer will sabotage emotional connection.
He can solve a lot of problems.
Emotional connection is not oneof them.
Another one is the thinker.
The thinker I find is reallydifficult to work with.
The thinker is the guy who'salways in his head.
He has trouble getting downinto the heart space.
He can tell you all the rightanswers, he can analyze
(12:15):
everything.
But he has so much trouble justbeing with sadness or anger or
loneliness it's so hard for himto actually feel something.
Speaker 2 (12:28):
Right, and that's why this is the individual, who
somebody is being very emotionalto pour their heart out, and he
seemed to come across as veryaloof and, again, part of it is
this fear of I don't know how toreally respond to this from an
emotional standpoint.
(12:49):
So, therefore, let's see if wetry to keep it analytical, you
know, and it kind of ties into alittle bit into the picture in
a way where, if you thoughtabout this, you know, or let me
tell you something that I saw orI've read you know they're
going down that path withoutbeing staying away from the
(13:12):
emotions that are there and,again, it's another way of
protecting yourself, but itcomes at the cost of the person
being vulnerable because onceagain, you're being dismissive.
Speaker 1 (13:24):
The person being vulnerable because once again
you're being dismissive.
Speaker 2 (13:36):
The thinker and the fixer, are very good friends
with someone who I like to callMr Right or the editor.
I'm laughing because this isprobably one of the more common,
you know COVID strategies thatwe get, and that's the guy who I
have.
He said something and he has toget in.
No, no, no, that's not the wayit is.
This is not what's going on,don't understand.
(13:58):
And it's just this constantbattle to make sure that what he
says and what he feel is seenas this is the right answer.
Well, my wife, who is atherapist, has a wonderful, you
know line about that.
Because you can be right andyou can be alone, because,
(14:22):
because it does happen at times,because again, the guy is
always trying to, again, it'slike what you're doing, you're
almost like trying to one-up oneup and what you really do is
try to push them down.
So, once again, push peopledown.
What does that do?
That makes them withdraw, makesthem move aside, and so now oh,
(14:46):
guess what I don't have toworry about the emotional
onslaught that's coming down.
Speaker 1 (14:50):
Mm-hmm.
Mr Wright often has a childhoodpain point of being falsely
accused, being misunderstood,being very criticized yeah,
underappreciated pouring herheart out, he will find the 5%
(15:17):
of what she said that didn'tseem accurate and focus on that.
Speaker 2 (15:23):
That's correct.
That's exactly what he will doand therefore he's missing again
what her pain points are.
And if you miss the pain points, one thing we're going to talk
about when we do our workshop isabout the pain field, that you
have to find the pain point,because if you don't, then you
know what?
You're dead in the water,basically, and she's going to
(15:47):
get more and more frustrated andyou're going to be sitting here
wondering what am I doing wrong?
Well, everything You're doingeverything wrong and hopefully
you know, what Drew and I aregoing to do is help you guys to
learn how to do it the right way.
Speaker 1 (16:03):
Yes, our goal is not to guilt you or to shame you,
but to empower you, becauseemotional pain is not a problem
to be solved.
It's a place to connect.
Another character who oftenshows up is the nice guy, and on
the surface level, there'snothing wrong with being nice,
and many of us have tried sohard to be nice, especially if
(16:25):
we were taught that being aChristian means being nice.
But there's a differencebetween nice and kind.
The nice guy is not focused onloving others and being kind so
much as he's focused onpreventing other people's
painful emotions from coming out.
(16:46):
He's wanting to make sure thatsomebody else doesn't feel angry
, or somebody else doesn't feelsad, or that somebody else is
never going to view him in anegative light.
And so underneath this nicepersona, there's a lot of fear,
there's a lot of shame and ofteneven a bit of manipulation, of
(17:09):
wanting to be good enough tocontrol somebody else.
Speaker 2 (17:13):
Yeah, because, once again, it's about protecting the
son.
Okay, that's what they're doing.
They're protecting themselvesand they will.
Even you know, becausesometimes we look at the nice
guy and say, oh, they're goingto follow all the rules.
No, you know what, sometimesthe nice guy is going to lie and
deceive because he said that'swhat you want to hear, right?
Is this what's going to makeyou happy?
(17:34):
Because again said that's whatyou want to hear, right?
Is this what's going to makeyou happy?
Because, again, they don't wantto disappoint, and we see this
a lot when we're looking at, youknow, in the area of betrayal
recovery.
There is that nice guy who,again, he feels like, if I bend
over backwards to accommodateher, that everything will be
okay and when it's not, that'swhen their resentment start to
(17:55):
kick in I'm doing everything Ineed to do, which they're.
When it's not, that's whentheir resentment starts to kick
in I'm doing everything I needto do, which they're not really
doing, but that's what they feel.
And so now it becomes almostlike the title child pops in.
Well, you know what I deservethat?
Because she's not appreciatingwhat I'm doing and showing her.
But this, the nice guy, likeyou said, it looks like somebody
(18:18):
who is trying to do the rightthing.
He's doing the right thing forthe wrong reason, in his own
comfort.
Speaker 1 (18:27):
Man.
That is so true, and this issomething that we need to watch
out for, because if you doeverything that we recommend for
learning how to emotionallyconnect for the wrong reason,
then you're still missing thepoint.
The goal of emotionalconnection is not to get to a
(18:53):
point where we can have sexagain.
It's not to get to a pointwhere she doesn't get angry
again.
The goal of emotionalconnection is not to try to get
something and so the nice guy orreally any of these strategies,
can often be a way of justtrying to make it.
(19:15):
Stop trying to get what I want.
Speaker 2 (19:19):
It's all about getting something I want.
You have to remember too, weare takers.
This is part of what you haveto break out of.
When you're you know, whenyou've been dealing with
addictive behavior.
You have to stop taking the fewless, taking the give more, the
more you give.
(19:40):
That's where you're going tofind.
Oh wow, my gosh.
I feel so much better aboutmyself because I'm putting other
people first.
Speaker 1 (19:51):
Right, with no expectations and no strings
attached for how they'resupposed to respond.
Speaker 2 (19:57):
That's right, and that's another one of the
biggest problems we have too.
We have these expectations.
Well, if I do this, you'regoing to do that, right?
Oh, hey, you take out thegarbage and clean up the kitchen
, ok, great, yeah, hey, so we'rehaving to get a bedroom, right?
No, that wasn't the deal madehere, folks.
(20:19):
You know it's not like when wewere kids, again like, okay, all
right, yeah, take out thebarber.
Okay, here's your 50 cents foryour allowance for what you've
done.
That's not what a relationshipis about, not quote, quote, and
we have to understand that.
But again, when you're in wordsand focus, it's very, very hard
to understand that.
Speaker 1 (20:40):
We don't know what we don't know.
Speaker 2 (20:42):
Right, we don't.
Speaker 1 (20:43):
Most of these strategies we've been talking
about so far happen inconversations with another
person.
Yet there are also some thattake you far away, such as the
runner, the avoider, the part ofus that just wants to get away
(21:04):
from someone else's pain.
Speaker 2 (21:07):
This I really.
If you look at almost all thedifferent coping strategies that
we've been talking about, therudder is mixed in with all of
them, because what we're tryingto do is create a sense of
comfort.
We want comfort in anythingthat pops into our lives that
(21:32):
brings, or even has a potentialfor bringing, disconcern.
We've got to try to get rid ofit and in many cases we'll try
to get rid of it doing thethings you did, like talking
about like the fixer or the niceguy thinker.
But in some cases you'll knowwhat I have to do is I just have
to run away from it because Ican't do anything about it.
(21:55):
It's there and it's not goingaway.
Speaker 1 (21:58):
And there can be a legitimate place for pushing
pause on a conversation so youcan go take some deep breaths or
go for a walk, but the runnerthat we're talking about is the
one who will find an excuse togo do something else and never
come back.
Speaker 2 (22:17):
Right, or this is a person who's supposed to be
doing the check-in every day andthey don't work it up unless
they're suffering from it.
See, it's those types of things.
It's like you know what, maybeif I don't say anything, she'll
just forget this ever happened.
Speaker 1 (22:35):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (22:36):
Bad strategy, dude Bad strategy, dude Bad strategy.
Speaker 1 (22:41):
The runner is really good friends with the distractor
.
The distractor is the guy who Ireally resonate with, who
immediately feels the urge toget out his phone and go check
messages or see if anything newis coming up.
The escapist, the one wholearned how to survive as a
(23:04):
little boy by going into my head, going off into another world
where none of this is happening.
Speaker 2 (23:12):
This is probably the coping strategy that frustrates
women more than anything else,because and again, once again,
it's like more of that kind oflisten, it's like you don't care
, it gives I don't care type ofattitude, and that's the message
(23:34):
that we deliver here, right,she's trying to talk to you and
you message that we deliver toyou, right?
Speaker 1 (23:38):
She's trying to talk to you and you're still looking
at your phone.
Speaker 2 (23:40):
Right, right, or you're just, you know, not
paying attention, or you'retrying, you're there, you're
sitting there, but your mind'snot there.
And why is it not there?
Because it's too intense foryou and your emotions, once
again, are trumping her emotions.
Speaker 1 (23:59):
Yeah, and this can be so automatic.
We do it without even thinking.
Speaker 2 (24:05):
Well, that's what we call dissociation.
We do it quite often and youknow what?
It's more common than peoplethink.
Especially in the age of allthis technology and all the
distractions that we have in ourlife, it's much more easier to
do it, and this is wheremindfulness is a big tool that's
(24:28):
needed so that you can sit, becalm and be able to stay there
and not get overwhelmed.
Speaker 1 (24:38):
Learning how to emotionally connect can be
overwhelming.
It takes practice, it's noteasy, and that's why our last
character needs to be talkedabout, the flopper also known as
Mr Freeze.
Speaker 2 (24:57):
Yeah, we see this very often too, where the person
just you know, it's almost likehe's wilting in front of her.
Okay, again, it's about you.
It's about, oh, this is toointense, and I'm not trying to
shame anybody, but this iswhat's going on.
This is too intense.
This is too intense, this istoo hard.
(25:17):
This hurts too much.
I don't like this.
She's yelling at me and, if youthink about it, your inner child
is being debated and somebodyelse is in the room now, whether
it's a father, a mother, asibling, whoever it was, it's
over the down street.
There's somebody else there,and what you're doing?
You just start to wilt in orderto try, hopefully, that, oh, I
(25:40):
can disappear.
And you're not going todisappear, but that's what it is
free.
Once that anxiety starts tokick in and you, you start to
breathe, you're not going toknow what to say.
You're not going to know whatto say, you're not going to know
how to say it, or you'redefinitely going to say
something that you should notsay.
And that's why confidence andwe're going to talk a lot about
(26:04):
building confidence is soimportant, so that we don't need
these coping strategies anylonger.
Instead, we can rely on what isthe Holy Spirit telling me what
is the direction I'm beinggiven, that I can use in these
very difficult times?
Speaker 1 (26:24):
Yes, because it's so easy for shame to take over.
In those moments when you'rewith somebody in the middle of
their pain and you don't knowwhat to say and you don't know
what to do, and it feelsoverwhelming, shame takes over.
We want to help you be able tonotice when that's happening and
(26:47):
come out of it so that you canemotionally connect.
Speaker 2 (26:50):
We have a lot of stuff that's lined up for these
folks.
We have a lot of informationand I really believe that,
ultimately, it's going to be ablueprint that is going to help
them to be able to start tobreak free of the fears that
they have so that they be ableto engage more with their
(27:14):
partner and therefore help torebuild the relationship.
Speaker 1 (27:18):
And while our main focus is men who want to help
their wives heal and emotionallyconnect after sexual betrayal,
these principles and theseskills apply to any relationship
Friendships, work relationships, relationships with your kids.
This will not just beinformation.
You will have a chance toactually practice showing up in
(27:43):
those situations where yourtemptation is to be like a deer
in the headlights, or to fightor to run away.
We're going to work with youand help you notice how you're
showing up.
You'll identify some of thesebarriers to emotional connection
and how to overcome them.
It's so beautiful when we learnthe relational skills that we
(28:04):
were never taught as boys.
Speaker 2 (28:06):
Tell men constantly that emotional intimacy is so
much more powerful than physicalintimacy, and when they first
hear that they're like, yeah,right, but once they start to
get into it they understand thatthey can engage fully.
It's so true.
(28:28):
It's true because, again, whatGod's design for a relationship,
the foundation, is supposed tobe about emotional bonding, and
then we're supposed to take thephysical and sprinkle it in to
support that.
Many of us men we have itbackwards.
That means we laid afoundational relationship on
(28:51):
physical intimacy and we'llsprinkle in some
pseudo-emotional stuff I loveyou, you're some flowers things
like that, to try to support thephysical and to get more
physical engagement in therelationship.
Speaker 1 (29:10):
That sounds like the nice guy and the fixer yeah
there's quite a few in there,aren't there?
We're going to help you allowthose protective parts to step
aside so your true self can showup.
Speaker 2 (29:29):
Emotional connection is the foundation of any good
relationship, and it's also, Ibelieve, one of the antidotes
for addictive behaviors.
There's something that many ofus don't quite understand.
We've been chasing after lustfor a long, long time.
(29:51):
We're using it as a substitute.
For a long, long time we wereusing it as a substitute.
What we were really seeking wasemotional connection.
We just didn't know it.
So once you start to be able tobuild that muscle, strengthen
that muscle, it could changeeverything about life.
(30:13):
I love that so much.
Speaker 1 (30:17):
So true.
Maybe you've heard the phrasethe opposite of addiction is not
sobriety.
The opposite of addiction isconnection.
But what is that?
How can I experience it?
How can I work on my skills toemotionally connect?
That's what this workshop isabout.
So let's talk about the details.
If you're interested in joiningEddie Caparucci and I at the
(30:38):
Emotional Connection Workshopfor Men, it will be on April
11th, it'll be six hours long,and if you're not able to attend
, you can get access to all therecordings when you sign up at
drewboacom.
Speaker 2 (30:53):
It's going to be a pretty incredible event.
There's a lot of things that wehave planned that, I think, is
going to kind of blow your mind.
I think you've got to walk awaywith a lot of knowledge and
insight that are going to beable to help move to the next
level of your recovery.
Speaker 1 (31:14):
And we also know that learning emotional connection
doesn't happen in one day, sowe're offering some follow-up
meetings as well for you tocontinue to integrate this into
your life.
We know that we don't justlearn by hearing.
We learn by doing so as much aspossible.
This workshop is going toempower you to do the work.
Speaker 2 (31:35):
I'm big into the preparing, the preparation, okay
, be able to spend timeunderstanding, okay, what the
dynamics I'm going to be facingand what are some of the
solutions.
How can I approach it in adifferent way?
Or let's go back into thetrenching again and do it again.
No, let's find a different wayof when we get in the trenching
(32:00):
to be able to handle that in asmarter way, a more effective
way and a way that again helpsyou to grow, because you're
taking that emotional muscle andyou're strengthening it.
Speaker 1 (32:12):
So, whether you already have a lot of emotional
connection in your life or youfeel like you have none, this is
going to be a safe place foryou to learn and grow and heal,
and there are some surprisesthat we've been saving up that
we're excited to share with you.
Eddie, what is your favoritething about emotional connection
(32:34):
?
Speaker 2 (32:35):
It's just a sense of peace, boy, when we all like
peace, that's what we reallywant.
Anyway, we don't have peace inour lives.
We haven't had peace in ourlives in many cases because
we've been so marred in thisaddictive behavior that we've
had in the lives and thedeceptions and trying to hide
(32:55):
things you know.
And now I get to be able to sayno, no more, there's no more of
that.
In fact, what there is, there'sa person I can go to, that I
can share the pain, I can sharethe hurt that I'm dealing with
and I can get it out and not bejudged, not be ridiculed, but be
(33:19):
accepted.
There's nothing warmer thanthat type of feeling.
Speaker 1 (33:25):
Amen.
And isn't that what God wantsto have with us, not just an
intellectual relationship, but adeep emotional connection, a
secure attachment.
Speaker 2 (33:41):
That is why God sent his son to die for our sins so
that we can have a connectionwith him, that one day we will
actually walk side by side withhim.
Speaker 1 (33:55):
So if you guys want to join us at the Emotional
Connection Workshop for Men, godown to the link in the
description or just go todrewboacom.
We would love to see you there.
Always remember you are God'sbeloved son and you he is
well-pleased.
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