Episode Transcript
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(00:32):
hi, and welcome back to the IHave Fallen and Need Some Help
podcast and today I have my veryfirst guest on my podcast and
I'm so excited.
I'm so honored to have Ms.
Carlene Cadet Francois here withme today.
She is an author, real estateinvestor and an assistant living
coach.
She retired early from theBroward Sheriff's Office as a
(00:53):
sergeant, and today she isdevoted to teaching people how
to achieve financial freedom.
By combining real estateinvesting with assisted living
facilities and taking control oftheir lives by 2030, only seven
years from now, the assistedliving industry is projected to
be generating 140 billion.
(01:17):
That is staggering.
Yeah, she is teaching the steps.
She is teaching the step bysteps to get started and
educating families on how tohelp shape the field by raising
the bar for assisted livingfacilities.
You can find more freeeducational blogs and resources
on her website atcarlenecadetfrancois.com and a
wealth of free information onher social media
(01:39):
@CarleneCadetFrancois.
Welcome.
Thank you for being here.
Thank you for having me, Erin.
It is a pleasure to be with youtoday, Thank you.
Thank you, thank you.
Um, it's interesting, thestaggering number, 140 billion
expected to generate revenue togenerate in the next coming
(02:03):
years in our industry.
I know.
Or at least the past 10, 15years, we've been hearing about
the baby boomers.
The baby boomers.
The baby boomers.
Well, we're here, right?
All right.
I believe the first wave ishere.
Mm-hmm.
But we've got bigger wavescoming.
Yes.
And how do you feel?
(02:24):
where we are.
Are we ready for that?
Like as an industry, do you feellike we're ready for what is
coming in the next three to fiveyears?
Yes, the wave is here and it'sprojected to be even bigger.
So in the next three to fiveyears, we're gonna have even
(02:47):
more of a seniors into assistedliving.
Now, this is just for babyboomers.
This is not even for people withmedical issues, um, for people
who need assisted living forother issues that they may have.
This is by age baby boomers, andwe have to get ready for our
baby boomers., one of the thingI, uh, encourage families to do
(03:11):
is to get involved because thiswave is coming.
Whether you get involved or not,get educated early.
That's why me and Erin are hereto give you some, uh, pro tips
on what you can do to startpreparing for this wave.
And so one of the majoreducational points is to what to
(03:36):
expect when going to look for aplace for mom and dad.
Mm-hmm.
I believe we're all going toneed assistive living at some
point and setting the standardsvery early on helps every.
Yes.
I think one of my main goalswith this podcast and with my
company Aspire for more withErin and And in what you're
(03:57):
doing is changing theperception.
Yes, we're all gonna need help.
Yes, we're all gonna need help.
And asking for help is okay.
Yes, it's okay.
It's okay.
And I believe assisted living isone of the best ways.
to get help.
It can change your life.
It can change your life.
(04:17):
Mm-hmm.
as a resident, it can changeyour life.
Yeah.
As a family member, um, in myown personal experience, it
changed my grandmother's life,which therefore changed my life.
of course, it's, and um, Yeah.
I think changing the perceptionis important, and I think
society has kind of done that.
(04:37):
Mm-hmm.
for these baby boomers, I'm notsure they're as afraid as their
parents were, and I think theindustry has changed and we're
gonna continue to change tosupport.
Yeah.
But the baby boomer's idea offun and care and all those
things.
Mm-hmm.
versus.
The World War II generation.
(04:59):
Mm-hmm.
yes.
You know?
Mm-hmm.
I agree.
All right.
So what should residentsfamilies look for when they're
looking and trying to find thebest assisted living?
And I want you to answer thatquestion from, from, uh, uh,
from your, like your type ofcommunity, right?
The, the smaller communities.
(05:20):
Mm-hmm.
and then I'll answer thatquestion from the bigger ones.
And then let's talk about.
what's the same?
Yes.
And then what's different?
Uhhuh.
Because I think that's anexcellent exercise for
education.
Yes, it is.
I agree.
So go for it.
What should families look like?
Families should first calm down.
(05:41):
Don't get high in the whole,it's a new facility I'm going to
go see, come down and tap intotheir.
because your senses are gonnaspeak to you and let you know
whether this is the right placeor not.
But some signs that you canobserve that will help you make
a good decisions are what doesthe facility look like from a
(06:05):
smaller setting?
It should look like their staff.
It should look like it'sorganiz.
It should look like theresidents look calm.
No one is stressed.
Um, the caretaker pay closeattention to the caretaker.
How they seem to you, do theyseem anxious?
(06:27):
Do they seem nervous?
Do they seem stressed?
Because you wanna pay attentionto the environ.
because when you walk away, thisis the environment your loved
one is gonna live at.
Mm-hmm.
So you wanna make sure theenvironment seems to be as calm
as possible.
The environment seems to be as,um, organized as possible, and
(06:53):
the person in charge.
Seem to be someone who'srespected.
Um, if people respect theleader, that means the leader is
doing a good job when no one isthere.
So you wanna make sure you payattention to these factors.
Mm-hmm.
there are more that we can getinto, but those are the major
points that you want to at leastmake sure you pay attention to
(07:17):
that.
Yes, and I agree with that 100%.
I mean, on a, on a bigger scale,um, you're gonna have more
associates, more staff membersto observe mm-hmm.
because, you know, at mycommunities that I've worked in,
in the past, you could have asmany as 35, 50 people working at
a day versus at a community yoursize, it may be mm-hmm.
(07:39):
two to five, three.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
So I think certainly the softskills, I think a good
community.
the sign of a good to greatcommunity is in those soft
skills.
Yes.
It's in the senses.
Mm-hmm.
it's in, how do you feel whenyou walk in?
Mm-hmm.
And how do you feel when youwalk out?
(07:59):
Yeah.
And you're gonna, people aregonna have a bad day, and I feel
like if you're a good executivedirector or if you're a good
administrator, you're bringingyour team in to be a.
anytime a family comes to touryour community.
Yes.
And the more involved that yourteam is in welcoming new people,
the better community it is andthe more residents you're gonna
(08:22):
get to move in.
Yes.
And they get used to it and theyfeel like they're a part of the
team.
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
And so if you're a family memberand you're walking into a
community, whether it's a small,individually owned community or
if it's a big one, if you haveinvolvement, From everyone.
Mm-hmm.
even if it's just one person.
(08:44):
Yes, it'd be great if it's more,but even if it's just one
person, I think it's, it's worthputting that on one of the, the
top list when you choose.
Mm-hmm.
I, I do think because a sign ofa good team is a sign of good
care.
Yes, absolutely.
Absolutely.
I think Maya Angelou said itcorrect, right?
Yes.
Yeah.
I mean, like, if you go into acommunity with her quote and
(09:07):
what people always remember howyou made them feel.
Mm-hmm.
and the salesperson, if they'regood.
Mm-hmm.
can make you feel really good.
Mm-hmm.
but it's everybody else that youwant to have that mindset with.
Did that caregiver make you feelgood?
Did that server, if you haveone, or did that, um, custodial
(09:30):
person in maintenance or didthey make you feel.
That to me is the sign of agreat community and how you
should keep it on yourshortlist.
Absolutely.
Yes.
Absolutely.
Would you say, what aboutsurveys?
That's an interesting topic,right?
You know, can't, you can'talways judge a community by
(09:54):
their last survey.
Yes.
I would say that is a very muchcorrect statement, um, because.
people have differentperspectives and people, people
act differently under differentcircumstances.
(10:15):
So let's say for example, acommunity received a very bad
survey or very bad review, and Iwouldn't say to go by that.
Take a trip to the community.
Better yet, ask the residentswhen you walk in, what is it
like living here?
(10:36):
You know, and, um, see what theysay and pay attention to what we
talked about earlier, what youshould, what you should be able
to observe.
The environment and then makeyour decisions from there.
Because people have differentreasons why they give good or
bad reviews.
And so reviews are meant to behonest, sound, um, you know,
(10:59):
feedbacks.
But over time, sometimes it canbecome too overly emotional and
one person can abuse.
The, the review and it, itbecomes unfair.
And so we want to pay attentionto the review, but don't let the
review be the, the last triggeras to which option you choose.
(11:22):
Use the review as, let me provethis right or wrong.
Um, mm-hmm.
to, to go that way when it comesto the review.
And I believe giving thecommunity an opportunity to
discuss that review.
Mm-hmm.
I have been, I have had someinteresting reviews put on
online about me from, um, anassociate that made some really
(11:49):
bad decisions.
Yes, yes.
And so there is no merit.
Yes.
And although we can'tnecessarily discuss all the
things mm-hmm.
we certainly can say, here's abroad under understanding of the
incident and mm-hmm.
and I think also acceptance fromthe community.
(12:12):
Yeah.
We made a mistake in thisparticular situation and here's
what we did to fix it.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
People love that.
Yeah.
You accept the wrong, it showedwhat we did to fix it.
Mm-hmm.
and if a community can tell youthat, no matter the size who
owns it, I think that that'scertainly in the win column too.
Yes, absolutely.
(12:32):
I agree a hundred percent.
Accept.
not a lot of people can do that.
So when you find somebody whocan do it, I think you've got
yourself a winner.
It shows integrity.
Mm-hmm.
Yes, absolutely.
Okay, so what can, let's givethe spotlight to the smaller
communities.
Mm-hmm.
okay.
Mm-hmm.
(12:52):
Um, what is points ofdifferences?
why would you say to choose asmaller community?
Like how many residents do youhave in your community?
What's your capacity?
So my capacity is four.
So we're like the average familysize in the us.
Okay.
(13:12):
So I'll let you finish thequestion, but so you tell me and
everybody listening, why wouldyou choose.
community, your size, or maybeeven bigger, 16 or less.
We'll just say mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Okay.
Um, why would a family choosethat size community over a
(13:34):
bigger community?
Let's just say sixty, ninety, ahundred twenty?
Mm-hmm.
So for my size of a community,um, you get more one-on-one
care.
It's like a family.
The average size familiesnowadays is about four.
(13:55):
And so you get more of a righthere, right now type of help.
Um, in the bigger communities, Ihave heard that is one of the
areas that they lack, um,because of staffing, um, but in
(14:15):
a smaller setting.
like if you have your mom anddad that needs more help, um,
that needs more assistance thanothers, you would want to bring
her to a smaller facilitybecause when she asks for help,
there will be someone availablethe whole time to help her.
(14:35):
Versus the bigger communities,it may be.
Mm-hmm.
And so the smaller setting ismore intimate, more one-on-one,
more so.
Okay.
We're a family with theresidents.
With the residents family,everybody know each other.
We're a very small team, veryintimate.
(14:56):
And, um, we make sure that thefamily unit is good, including
the staff members.
Mm-hmm.
And so it is a whole, a wholemore of.
Tighter group that we are here.
We are one family to care foryour loved one, and it's, you
get more out of the care thatmom and dad may need.
(15:19):
Mm-hmm.
And you are still licensed inyour state?
Correct.
Yes.
Still licensed?
The facility is still equippedwith everything that needs to
be.
We equipped a generator.
It is more safe than my home.
If we, we had a hurricane, I'dbe going up there with my
family.
Just, you know, because we haveeverything generator.
(15:41):
Um, reserved gas system.
it's fully equipped.
Fire alarm, fire sprinklersystem, um, safe sound, and a
good home because the staff aregood people.
Um, yeah.
Yeah.
And I think that's important tonote, you know?
Mm-hmm.
and I think it's important toask if you're a family member
(16:02):
and you're looking for assistedliving and you're looking at
both market types, the smallercompany this and the, the larger
companies.
I think it's important to ask.
Yeah.
Are you licensed?
Mm-hmm.
do you go by the same rules?
Yes.
Do you have the insurance?
Yes.
You know, all those things.
Yes.
Because that is important.
That gives you peace.
Yes.
(16:22):
Yes.
We're licensed, we're in thesame standards as a big 50 bed,
A l F.
Mm-hmm.
the same standards.
the same sets of rules, uh,applies to whatever size that
you choose to have.
It's the same sets of rules.
The only difference is the levelof care.
(16:43):
We are able to provide more carebecause we're smaller.
Mm-hmm.
we are able to provide the moreone-on-one intimate care because
we're smaller.
That is the only difference.
Mm-hmm.
and that's a powerfuldifference.
It's a powerful difference.
All right, so let's talk aboutways to, I think this goes for
(17:10):
small communities and largecommunities for family members
to build relationships with yourteam and to ensure, not no one
can ensure right, but to dowhatever they can to.
make sure their loved ones getthe best care.
Yeah.
And I tell family members allthe time, choose where you can
(17:33):
go the quickest and make surethat you communicate and care
for the people caring for yourloved one.
Because I have seen where someof my associates worked harder
for certain family members thanthey did for others.
How would you tell familymembers to create relationships
(17:58):
with the caregivers who arecaring for their loved ones?
Because I think relationshipsand communication matters to the
people who are caring for yourloved ones, and not every family
comes in knowing that.
Mm-hmm.
So what would be your adviceYes.
To a family member on how toinitiate that relationship and
how to stay?
(18:19):
Connected in that relationship.
I would say treat everyone withrespect, dignity, and to always
think of what that person mighthave going on.
Because sometimes some familieswalk in and you have a very
(18:41):
peaceful staff member.
You know that staff member.
Yet they may have a complaintbecause of how they behaved.
The family member.
Mm-hmm.
So if you're having a bad day,um, and you're just frustrated,
you probably should not visitmom and dad today, because when
(19:02):
you show up, your vibe is goingto be different and.
The caregivers, a lot of'em arelike people who really value the
work that they do, and they lovewhat they do and they want the
family members to see that.
Mm-hmm.
so when the family members showup, and you're, you have a, the
(19:25):
family member have a lot goingon and, and they're just in a
different vibe and you're notsending good vibe.
You're not opening that gatewayfor that positive relationship
building because the staff whois looking at you in the way
that you behave, they don't knowwhat's going on with you.
(19:46):
And you may find the.
Having a rough day too, and youdon't know what's going on with
them.
So I would.
Come in with a positiveattitude.
Um, observe the staff and see ifthey're in a positive mindset.
And how you doing today goes along way.
You can ask, how are you today?
(20:08):
How's mom doing today?
Um, have you observed anythingdifferent about mom?
You open up that communicationgateway to let the.
know.
Like, hey, we're in the sameteam here to make sure mom is
okay.
And another suggestions that Ihave is if you make the staff
member feel like staff feel likethey are on your side, like.
(20:35):
For example, some families bringgifts, some families have little
small conversations with thestaff member.
They ask them how your family isdoing, where you're from.
You open up that communication.
You tell them about your ownfamily.
You tell them some of thetraditions.
You find ways to communicate andconnect because it goes a long
(20:57):
way because now this caregiverknow.
oh, this is why, um, Mrs.
Spalding do that little thingthat she does now, I understand
the background behind it, youget what I'm saying.
But it takes someone to, uh,tell that staff member the
background of, of that whatevertrigger that may have been, and
(21:21):
now they have a generalunderstanding of what's really
going on.
And it helps the situation.
It helps everyone.
Yes.
I believe making the connectionand communicating and reading
the room.
Mm-hmm.
you know, I think this canreally tie into the scarcity
mindset and the culturalawareness aspect of caregiving.
(21:46):
Mm-hmm.
um, people can go in.
automatically, assuming theexpectations that you have as a
family member.
Yes, I'm the family member andI'm walking in, I'm
automatically assuming that youunderstand and know what I want.
Mm-hmm.
(22:06):
but if I don't communicate thatto anybody, Then all of a sudden
we've got a complete disconnect.
Yes.
And I'm walking in expecting mygrandmother to be wearing her
favorite outfit that she wearsevery Tuesday.
Mm-hmm.
And you have on a Friday outfit.
Yes.
How dare you have on a Fridayoutfit?
Yes.
Tuesday.
You know that could be Yes.
(22:27):
But I didn't communicate that.
She wears this outfit on Mondayand this outfit on Tuesday.
And if you are coming at a groupof people, in a very negative
way without understandingmm-hmm.
that group of people's mindset.
Mm-hmm.
you're gonna get a reaction thatyou're not necessarily prepared
(22:49):
for.
Right.
And that is just that I believesometimes is where the
disconnect is.
Mm-hmm.
and, and.
It can be simple If we justcommunicate, Hey, I've labeled,
um, you know, my grandmother'sclothes, this is what she likes
to wear on each day.
It's very important to me thatshe continues to do that.
(23:10):
It brings me some peace.
Yes.
And then if you actually followthrough with that mm-hmm.
As a community mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
you have brought the familypeace.
Yes.
You know?
Yeah.
But if me as a family memberdoesn't communicate, I come in
and I'm expecting that, and thenI react in a way.
Mm-hmm.
(23:31):
that takes a group of people.
who are not capable ofunderstanding why you're so
upset because mm-hmm.
she has clothes on.
Yes.
And they think they're doingsomething wrong.
Right.
Yeah.
And they really thought theywere succeeding for the day.
Yes.
You know?
Mm-hmm.
And that's why I think it'simportant for communities to be
able to ask the question, whatdoes success look like to you?
(23:53):
To each family member.
Mm-hmm.
Yes.
And then for the family memberto give grace, to extend grace
out sometimes.
Mm-hmm.
Yes.
And understand.
for the most part, it's womenwho are caregivers.
Mm-hmm.
who may not have been treatedvery nicely.
Mm-hmm.
their entire life.
(24:14):
Yes.
And they have this group ofwomen mm-hmm.
wherever.
Mm-hmm.
um, have had struggles thatmaybe most of us have not had.
Yes.
And so we have to honor thingsthat we don't know and we need
to.
Yes.
And we need to respect people.
(24:36):
We can disagree.
Mm-hmm.
without being disrespectful.
And um, it goes both ways.
Also, Erin, because some of thefamilies members may be going
through a lot.
Mm-hmm.
But as you said earlier, if wejust come in and communicate our
expectations, let's say thatoutfit for example that you show
(25:00):
up and you see she's not wearingthat outfit.
could you kindly ask that?
You know, we put the outfit onher.
Most of us would not mind.
A good community would not mind.
Yes.
We'll get it done.
And right then and there, theproblem is solved nobody's
feelings are hurt.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, absolutely.
I think communication is by farthe number one tool to ensure
(25:25):
that your loved one gets thecare that you expect.
Yes.
And then acceptance.
From a family member is just toaccept that you cannot control
everything.
Everything.
And that maybe wearing aThursday outfit on Tuesday, it's
okay.
Yes.
(25:45):
And maybe mom didn't wanna wearit.
I have had that happened.
I have had that happen.
I had a family member, it was inmemory care.
It was many years ago.
where this particular familymember was so irate, that we
(26:08):
were not using the properhangers for their loved one.
I mean, like I mean bad.
I didn't, I didn't even know howto manage the situation.
I mean, like I understand theconcept of I.
these hangers, where are thesehangers?
(26:30):
Mm-hmm.
I even labeled them.
Mm-hmm.
I, I mean, I understand thefrustration of that.
Mm-hmm.
but to take it to the level thatit went was too much shocking.
It was shocking.
Wow.
You know, because her loved onewas being taken care.
Phenomenal, and that's all thatmatters.
(26:50):
Yeah.
That's all that matters as longas your loved one is you are in
a licensed facility.
Your staff are trained.
Your loved one is safe, they'rebeing cared for.
Everything else is just.
it matters, but it don't matter.
Right?
Because the reason you broughtmom and dad here was for mom and
(27:13):
dad to be cared for.
Mm-hmm.
all the little smaller stuff.
We can work to make that happen,but if you show up, those little
small things are not done.
Maybe you can just ask why is itnot done?
There's a reason behind it.
Yes.
And I think going to theadministrator, or the director
(27:34):
of nursing or the manager ofthat department, depending on
what size of community thatyou're in.
Mm-hmm.
I think that's the the firststep.
Mm-hmm.
because they can communicate theprocess to the team the way they
know the team can receive it thebest.
Yes.
But if you have a goodrelationship with your
(27:56):
caregivers that are caring foryour loved ones, that line of
communication should be open.
Yes.
You know, it should be.
It should be fine.
Yeah.
And you don't have to bringexpensive gifts or No.
Anything like that.
I mean mm-hmm.
I used to tell people, um,donuts, I used to have family
(28:17):
members bring fried chickenevery Sunday.
Mm-hmm.
Every Sunday.
Oh, some coffee, some orangejuice.
Yes.
Some Dr.
Pepper.
Yes.
Um, you know, whatever it isthat they like to drink.
I mean, just something thatsimple.
Mm-hmm.
shows people appreciation.
Yes.
It's, it's, it's more of thegesture than the gift itself.
(28:40):
Mm-hmm.
even a Thank you.
even a thank you note, a pack ofgum, you know?
Mm-hmm.
uh, it shows that you, you seethat I do a good job taking care
of your mom and that I do, um,that I love your mom and you see
my hard work.
And oftentimes that's all ourcaregivers care about is for
(29:03):
someone to observe and toacknowledge that they do a good
job and they do the best thatthey can.
Yep.
Yeah.
Yep.
And in healthcare, we don't getit enough In healthcare.
Being seen and heard and beingappreciated, um, is not as
(29:23):
consistent as maybe some othersor may, or maybe that's just the
world we live in today.
So it's more powerful thesmaller it is.
Yes.
And with that scarcity mindsetof potentially the group of
women and men, Caring for yourloved ones, the smallest things
(29:44):
to maybe some of us are reallybig.
Oh yes.
Other people.
Yes.
And we cannot lose sight ofthat.
Like to me, we cannot losesight.
we cannot lose sight of howimportant.
the small things, it's thedetails that make greatness.
It is not the, the, the bigthings.
(30:06):
Yes, it is the details.
Mm-hmm.
I agree a hundred percent.
And small communities can begreat just like the big
communities.
Mm-hmm.
And I'm glad that you were hereto teach us that.
Yes.
Um, is there anything else thatyou want to.
to say, as a representative ofthe smaller communities of the
(30:29):
market, I would say a lot offamily don't know about the
smaller communities.
Mm-hmm.
um, because the smallercommunities don't have the funds
to go out in market like the bigfacilities.
So a lot of people believebecause of what's showing that
the only way to assistive livingis a big facility.
(30:53):
Um, but that is not true.
The smaller settings, um, givethe utmost better care that I've
seen.
Um, and it's not because I ownand operate one, it's because
when I go into the bigfacilities, I see the signs.
Um, you know, you walk in and.
(31:16):
Ms.
Jodi is in the front.
She's distressed.
Everyone is passing her by andis heartbreaking to see that.
And the smaller settings, it'smore one-on-one.
We sit down and speak to, to ourresidents.
We know what's going on withthem.
We can tell the doctor or shedoesn't look good today,
(31:36):
something is going on.
You could sense something iswrong because you have that more
intimate care.
And I think.
If mom and dad is more active,they may be, be a better fit for
a bigger setting because theywon't need that much care.
(31:57):
They're just there for someoneto, to just be in the building
and if they go missing, to knowthat they went missing.
But if you really want a familytype of setting, the smaller
setting is better.
16 beds or.
It's better and when you gosmaller and smaller it becomes
(32:17):
even more and more, um,important for mom and dad
because they can get thatone-on-one.
I want my medication now.
I get it now.
Type of care.
Mm-hmm.
Okay.
Thank you so much.
You made a powerful point, Iappreciate it.
Thank you for having me, Erin.
You're welcome.
hi, and welcome back to the IHave Fallen and Need Some Help
podcast and today I have my veryfirst guest on my podcast and
I'm so excited.
I'm so honored to have Ms.
Carlene Cadet Francois here withme today.
She is an author, real estateinvestor and an assistant living
coach.
She retired early from theBroward Sheriff's Office as a
(00:53):
sergeant, and today she isdevoted to teaching people how
to achieve financial freedom.
By combining real estateinvesting with assisted living
facilities and taking control oftheir lives by 2030, only seven
years from now, the assistedliving industry is projected to
be generating 140 billion.
(01:17):
That is staggering.
Yeah, she is teaching the steps.
She is teaching the step bysteps to get started and
educating families on how tohelp shape the field by raising
the bar for assisted livingfacilities.
You can find more freeeducational blogs and resources
on her website atcarlenecadetfrancois.com and a
wealth of free information onher social media
(01:39):
@CarleneCadetFrancois.
Welcome.
Thank you for being here.
Thank you for having me, Erin.
It is a pleasure to be with youtoday, Thank you.
Thank you, thank you.
Um, it's interesting, thestaggering number, 140 billion
expected to generate revenue togenerate in the next coming
(02:03):
years in our industry.
I know.
Or at least the past 10, 15years, we've been hearing about
the baby boomers.
The baby boomers.
The baby boomers.
Well, we're here, right?
All right.
I believe the first wave ishere.
Mm-hmm.
But we've got bigger wavescoming.
Yes.
And how do you feel?
(02:24):
where we are.
Are we ready for that?
Like as an industry, do you feellike we're ready for what is
coming in the next three to fiveyears?
Yes, the wave is here and it'sprojected to be even bigger.
So in the next three to fiveyears, we're gonna have even
(02:47):
more of a seniors into assistedliving.
Now, this is just for babyboomers.
This is not even for people withmedical issues, um, for people
who need assisted living forother issues that they may have.
This is by age baby boomers, andwe have to get ready for our
baby boomers., one of the thingI, uh, encourage families to do
(03:11):
is to get involved because thiswave is coming.
Whether you get involved or not,get educated early.
That's why me and Erin are hereto give you some, uh, pro tips
on what you can do to startpreparing for this wave.
And so one of the majoreducational points is to what to
(03:36):
expect when going to look for aplace for mom and dad.
Mm-hmm.
I believe we're all going toneed assistive living at some
point and setting the standardsvery early on helps every.
Yes.
I think one of my main goalswith this podcast and with my
company Aspire for more withErin and And in what you're
(03:57):
doing is changing theperception.
Yes, we're all gonna need help.
Yes, we're all gonna need help.
And asking for help is okay.
Yes, it's okay.
It's okay.
And I believe assisted living isone of the best ways.
to get help.
It can change your life.
It can change your life.
(04:17):
Mm-hmm.
as a resident, it can changeyour life.
Yeah.
As a family member, um, in myown personal experience, it
changed my grandmother's life,which therefore changed my life.
of course, it's, and um, Yeah.
I think changing the perceptionis important, and I think
society has kind of done that.
(04:37):
Mm-hmm.
for these baby boomers, I'm notsure they're as afraid as their
parents were, and I think theindustry has changed and we're
gonna continue to change tosupport.
Yeah.
But the baby boomer's idea offun and care and all those
things.
Mm-hmm.
versus.
The World War II generation.
(04:59):
Mm-hmm.
yes.
You know?
Mm-hmm.
I agree.
All right.
So what should residentsfamilies look for when they're
looking and trying to find thebest assisted living?
And I want you to answer thatquestion from, from, uh, uh,
from your, like your type ofcommunity, right?
The, the smaller communities.
(05:20):
Mm-hmm.
and then I'll answer thatquestion from the bigger ones.
And then let's talk about.
what's the same?
Yes.
And then what's different?
Uhhuh.
Because I think that's anexcellent exercise for
education.
Yes, it is.
I agree.
So go for it.
What should families look like?
Families should first calm down.
(05:41):
Don't get high in the whole,it's a new facility I'm going to
go see, come down and tap intotheir.
because your senses are gonnaspeak to you and let you know
whether this is the right placeor not.
But some signs that you canobserve that will help you make
a good decisions are what doesthe facility look like from a
(06:05):
smaller setting?
It should look like their staff.
It should look like it'sorganiz.
It should look like theresidents look calm.
No one is stressed.
Um, the caretaker pay closeattention to the caretaker.
How they seem to you, do theyseem anxious?
(06:27):
Do they seem nervous?
Do they seem stressed?
Because you wanna pay attentionto the environ.
because when you walk away, thisis the environment your loved
one is gonna live at.
Mm-hmm.
So you wanna make sure theenvironment seems to be as calm
as possible.
The environment seems to be as,um, organized as possible, and
(06:53):
the person in charge.
Seem to be someone who'srespected.
Um, if people respect theleader, that means the leader is
doing a good job when no one isthere.
So you wanna make sure you payattention to these factors.
Mm-hmm.
there are more that we can getinto, but those are the major
points that you want to at leastmake sure you pay attention to
(07:17):
that.
Yes, and I agree with that 100%.
I mean, on a, on a bigger scale,um, you're gonna have more
associates, more staff membersto observe mm-hmm.
because, you know, at mycommunities that I've worked in,
in the past, you could have asmany as 35, 50 people working at
a day versus at a community yoursize, it may be mm-hmm.
(07:39):
two to five, three.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
So I think certainly the softskills, I think a good
community.
the sign of a good to greatcommunity is in those soft
skills.
Yes.
It's in the senses.
Mm-hmm.
it's in, how do you feel whenyou walk in?
Mm-hmm.
And how do you feel when youwalk out?
(07:59):
Yeah.
And you're gonna, people aregonna have a bad day, and I feel
like if you're a good executivedirector or if you're a good
administrator, you're bringingyour team in to be a.
anytime a family comes to touryour community.
Yes.
And the more involved that yourteam is in welcoming new people,
the better community it is andthe more residents you're gonna
(08:22):
get to move in.
Yes.
And they get used to it and theyfeel like they're a part of the
team.
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
And so if you're a family memberand you're walking into a
community, whether it's a small,individually owned community or
if it's a big one, if you haveinvolvement, From everyone.
Mm-hmm.
even if it's just one person.
(08:44):
Yes, it'd be great if it's more,but even if it's just one
person, I think it's, it's worthputting that on one of the, the
top list when you choose.
Mm-hmm.
I, I do think because a sign ofa good team is a sign of good
care.
Yes, absolutely.
Absolutely.
I think Maya Angelou said itcorrect, right?
Yes.
Yeah.
I mean, like, if you go into acommunity with her quote and
(09:07):
what people always remember howyou made them feel.
Mm-hmm.
and the salesperson, if they'regood.
Mm-hmm.
can make you feel really good.
Mm-hmm.
but it's everybody else that youwant to have that mindset with.
Did that caregiver make you feelgood?
Did that server, if you haveone, or did that, um, custodial
(09:30):
person in maintenance or didthey make you feel.
That to me is the sign of agreat community and how you
should keep it on yourshortlist.
Absolutely.
Yes.
Absolutely.
Would you say, what aboutsurveys?
That's an interesting topic,right?
You know, can't, you can'talways judge a community by
(09:54):
their last survey.
Yes.
I would say that is a very muchcorrect statement, um, because.
people have differentperspectives and people, people
act differently under differentcircumstances.
(10:15):
So let's say for example, acommunity received a very bad
survey or very bad review, and Iwouldn't say to go by that.
Take a trip to the community.
Better yet, ask the residentswhen you walk in, what is it
like living here?
(10:36):
You know, and, um, see what theysay and pay attention to what we
talked about earlier, what youshould, what you should be able
to observe.
The environment and then makeyour decisions from there.
Because people have differentreasons why they give good or
bad reviews.
And so reviews are meant to behonest, sound, um, you know,
(10:59):
feedbacks.
But over time, sometimes it canbecome too overly emotional and
one person can abuse.
The, the review and it, itbecomes unfair.
And so we want to pay attentionto the review, but don't let the
review be the, the last triggeras to which option you choose.
(11:22):
Use the review as, let me provethis right or wrong.
Um, mm-hmm.
to, to go that way when it comesto the review.
And I believe giving thecommunity an opportunity to
discuss that review.
Mm-hmm.
I have been, I have had someinteresting reviews put on
online about me from, um, anassociate that made some really
(11:49):
bad decisions.
Yes, yes.
And so there is no merit.
Yes.
And although we can'tnecessarily discuss all the
things mm-hmm.
we certainly can say, here's abroad under understanding of the
incident and mm-hmm.
and I think also acceptance fromthe community.
(12:12):
Yeah.
We made a mistake in thisparticular situation and here's
what we did to fix it.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
People love that.
Yeah.
You accept the wrong, it showedwhat we did to fix it.
Mm-hmm.
and if a community can tell youthat, no matter the size who
owns it, I think that that'scertainly in the win column too.
Yes, absolutely.
(12:32):
I agree a hundred percent.
Accept.
not a lot of people can do that.
So when you find somebody whocan do it, I think you've got
yourself a winner.
It shows integrity.
Mm-hmm.
Yes, absolutely.
Okay, so what can, let's givethe spotlight to the smaller
communities.
Mm-hmm.
okay.
Mm-hmm.
(12:52):
Um, what is points ofdifferences?
why would you say to choose asmaller community?
Like how many residents do youhave in your community?
What's your capacity?
So my capacity is four.
So we're like the average familysize in the us.
Okay.
(13:12):
So I'll let you finish thequestion, but so you tell me and
everybody listening, why wouldyou choose.
community, your size, or maybeeven bigger, 16 or less.
We'll just say mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Okay.
Um, why would a family choosethat size community over a
(13:34):
bigger community?
Let's just say sixty, ninety, ahundred twenty?
Mm-hmm.
So for my size of a community,um, you get more one-on-one
care.
It's like a family.
The average size familiesnowadays is about four.
(13:55):
And so you get more of a righthere, right now type of help.
Um, in the bigger communities, Ihave heard that is one of the
areas that they lack, um,because of staffing, um, but in
(14:15):
a smaller setting.
like if you have your mom anddad that needs more help, um,
that needs more assistance thanothers, you would want to bring
her to a smaller facilitybecause when she asks for help,
there will be someone availablethe whole time to help her.
(14:35):
Versus the bigger communities,it may be.
Mm-hmm.
And so the smaller setting ismore intimate, more one-on-one,
more so.
Okay.
We're a family with theresidents.
With the residents family,everybody know each other.
We're a very small team, veryintimate.
(14:56):
And, um, we make sure that thefamily unit is good, including
the staff members.
Mm-hmm.
And so it is a whole, a wholemore of.
Tighter group that we are here.
We are one family to care foryour loved one, and it's, you
get more out of the care thatmom and dad may need.
(15:19):
Mm-hmm.
And you are still licensed inyour state?
Correct.
Yes.
Still licensed?
The facility is still equippedwith everything that needs to
be.
We equipped a generator.
It is more safe than my home.
If we, we had a hurricane, I'dbe going up there with my
family.
Just, you know, because we haveeverything generator.
(15:41):
Um, reserved gas system.
it's fully equipped.
Fire alarm, fire sprinklersystem, um, safe sound, and a
good home because the staff aregood people.
Um, yeah.
Yeah.
And I think that's important tonote, you know?
Mm-hmm.
and I think it's important toask if you're a family member
(16:02):
and you're looking for assistedliving and you're looking at
both market types, the smallercompany this and the, the larger
companies.
I think it's important to ask.
Yeah.
Are you licensed?
Mm-hmm.
do you go by the same rules?
Yes.
Do you have the insurance?
Yes.
You know, all those things.
Yes.
Because that is important.
That gives you peace.
Yes.
(16:22):
Yes.
We're licensed, we're in thesame standards as a big 50 bed,
A l F.
Mm-hmm.
the same standards.
the same sets of rules, uh,applies to whatever size that
you choose to have.
It's the same sets of rules.
The only difference is the levelof care.
(16:43):
We are able to provide more carebecause we're smaller.
Mm-hmm.
we are able to provide the moreone-on-one intimate care because
we're smaller.
That is the only difference.
Mm-hmm.
and that's a powerfuldifference.
It's a powerful difference.
All right, so let's talk aboutways to, I think this goes for
(17:10):
small communities and largecommunities for family members
to build relationships with yourteam and to ensure, not no one
can ensure right, but to dowhatever they can to.
make sure their loved ones getthe best care.
Yeah.
And I tell family members allthe time, choose where you can
(17:33):
go the quickest and make surethat you communicate and care
for the people caring for yourloved one.
Because I have seen where someof my associates worked harder
for certain family members thanthey did for others.
How would you tell familymembers to create relationships
(17:58):
with the caregivers who arecaring for their loved ones?
Because I think relationshipsand communication matters to the
people who are caring for yourloved ones, and not every family
comes in knowing that.
Mm-hmm.
So what would be your adviceYes.
To a family member on how toinitiate that relationship and
how to stay?
(18:19):
Connected in that relationship.
I would say treat everyone withrespect, dignity, and to always
think of what that person mighthave going on.
Because sometimes some familieswalk in and you have a very
(18:41):
peaceful staff member.
You know that staff member.
Yet they may have a complaintbecause of how they behaved.
The family member.
Mm-hmm.
So if you're having a bad day,um, and you're just frustrated,
you probably should not visitmom and dad today, because when
(19:02):
you show up, your vibe is goingto be different and.
The caregivers, a lot of'em arelike people who really value the
work that they do, and they lovewhat they do and they want the
family members to see that.
Mm-hmm.
so when the family members showup, and you're, you have a, the
(19:25):
family member have a lot goingon and, and they're just in a
different vibe and you're notsending good vibe.
You're not opening that gatewayfor that positive relationship
building because the staff whois looking at you in the way
that you behave, they don't knowwhat's going on with you.
(19:46):
And you may find the.
Having a rough day too, and youdon't know what's going on with
them.
So I would.
Come in with a positiveattitude.
Um, observe the staff and see ifthey're in a positive mindset.
And how you doing today goes along way.
You can ask, how are you today?
(20:08):
How's mom doing today?
Um, have you observed anythingdifferent about mom?
You open up that communicationgateway to let the.
know.
Like, hey, we're in the sameteam here to make sure mom is
okay.
And another suggestions that Ihave is if you make the staff
member feel like staff feel likethey are on your side, like.
(20:35):
For example, some families bringgifts, some families have little
small conversations with thestaff member.
They ask them how your family isdoing, where you're from.
You open up that communication.
You tell them about your ownfamily.
You tell them some of thetraditions.
You find ways to communicate andconnect because it goes a long
(20:57):
way because now this caregiverknow.
oh, this is why, um, Mrs.
Spalding do that little thingthat she does now, I understand
the background behind it, youget what I'm saying.
But it takes someone to, uh,tell that staff member the
background of, of that whatevertrigger that may have been, and
(21:21):
now they have a generalunderstanding of what's really
going on.
And it helps the situation.
It helps everyone.
Yes.
I believe making the connectionand communicating and reading
the room.
Mm-hmm.
you know, I think this canreally tie into the scarcity
mindset and the culturalawareness aspect of caregiving.
(21:46):
Mm-hmm.
um, people can go in.
automatically, assuming theexpectations that you have as a
family member.
Yes, I'm the family member andI'm walking in, I'm
automatically assuming that youunderstand and know what I want.
Mm-hmm.
(22:06):
but if I don't communicate thatto anybody, Then all of a sudden
we've got a complete disconnect.
Yes.
And I'm walking in expecting mygrandmother to be wearing her
favorite outfit that she wearsevery Tuesday.
Mm-hmm.
And you have on a Friday outfit.
Yes.
How dare you have on a Fridayoutfit?
Yes.
Tuesday.
You know that could be Yes.
(22:27):
But I didn't communicate that.
She wears this outfit on Mondayand this outfit on Tuesday.
And if you are coming at a groupof people, in a very negative
way without understandingmm-hmm.
that group of people's mindset.
Mm-hmm.
you're gonna get a reaction thatyou're not necessarily prepared
(22:49):
for.
Right.
And that is just that I believesometimes is where the
disconnect is.
Mm-hmm.
and, and.
It can be simple If we justcommunicate, Hey, I've labeled,
um, you know, my grandmother'sclothes, this is what she likes
to wear on each day.
It's very important to me thatshe continues to do that.
(23:10):
It brings me some peace.
Yes.
And then if you actually followthrough with that mm-hmm.
As a community mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
you have brought the familypeace.
Yes.
You know?
Yeah.
But if me as a family memberdoesn't communicate, I come in
and I'm expecting that, and thenI react in a way.
Mm-hmm.
(23:31):
that takes a group of people.
who are not capable ofunderstanding why you're so
upset because mm-hmm.
she has clothes on.
Yes.
And they think they're doingsomething wrong.
Right.
Yeah.
And they really thought theywere succeeding for the day.
Yes.
You know?
Mm-hmm.
And that's why I think it'simportant for communities to be
able to ask the question, whatdoes success look like to you?
(23:53):
To each family member.
Mm-hmm.
Yes.
And then for the family memberto give grace, to extend grace
out sometimes.
Mm-hmm.
Yes.
And understand.
for the most part, it's womenwho are caregivers.
Mm-hmm.
who may not have been treatedvery nicely.
Mm-hmm.
their entire life.
(24:14):
Yes.
And they have this group ofwomen mm-hmm.
wherever.
Mm-hmm.
um, have had struggles thatmaybe most of us have not had.
Yes.
And so we have to honor thingsthat we don't know and we need
to.
Yes.
And we need to respect people.
(24:36):
We can disagree.
Mm-hmm.
without being disrespectful.
And um, it goes both ways.
Also, Erin, because some of thefamilies members may be going
through a lot.
Mm-hmm.
But as you said earlier, if wejust come in and communicate our
expectations, let's say thatoutfit for example that you show
(25:00):
up and you see she's not wearingthat outfit.
could you kindly ask that?
You know, we put the outfit onher.
Most of us would not mind.
A good community would not mind.
Yes.
We'll get it done.
And right then and there, theproblem is solved nobody's
feelings are hurt.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, absolutely.
I think communication is by farthe number one tool to ensure
(25:25):
that your loved one gets thecare that you expect.
Yes.
And then acceptance.
From a family member is just toaccept that you cannot control
everything.
Everything.
And that maybe wearing aThursday outfit on Tuesday, it's
okay.
Yes.
(25:45):
And maybe mom didn't wanna wearit.
I have had that happened.
I have had that happen.
I had a family member, it was inmemory care.
It was many years ago.
where this particular familymember was so irate, that we
(26:08):
were not using the properhangers for their loved one.
I mean, like I mean bad.
I didn't, I didn't even know howto manage the situation.
I mean, like I understand theconcept of I.
these hangers, where are thesehangers?
(26:30):
Mm-hmm.
I even labeled them.
Mm-hmm.
I, I mean, I understand thefrustration of that.
Mm-hmm.
but to take it to the level thatit went was too much shocking.
It was shocking.
Wow.
You know, because her loved onewas being taken care.
Phenomenal, and that's all thatmatters.
(26:50):
Yeah.
That's all that matters as longas your loved one is you are in
a licensed facility.
Your staff are trained.
Your loved one is safe, they'rebeing cared for.
Everything else is just.
it matters, but it don't matter.
Right?
Because the reason you broughtmom and dad here was for mom and
(27:13):
dad to be cared for.
Mm-hmm.
all the little smaller stuff.
We can work to make that happen,but if you show up, those little
small things are not done.
Maybe you can just ask why is itnot done?
There's a reason behind it.
Yes.
And I think going to theadministrator, or the director
(27:34):
of nursing or the manager ofthat department, depending on
what size of community thatyou're in.
Mm-hmm.
I think that's the the firststep.
Mm-hmm.
because they can communicate theprocess to the team the way they
know the team can receive it thebest.
Yes.
But if you have a goodrelationship with your
(27:56):
caregivers that are caring foryour loved ones, that line of
communication should be open.
Yes.
You know, it should be.
It should be fine.
Yeah.
And you don't have to bringexpensive gifts or No.
Anything like that.
I mean mm-hmm.
I used to tell people, um,donuts, I used to have family
(28:17):
members bring fried chickenevery Sunday.
Mm-hmm.
Every Sunday.
Oh, some coffee, some orangejuice.
Yes.
Some Dr.
Pepper.
Yes.
Um, you know, whatever it isthat they like to drink.
I mean, just something thatsimple.
Mm-hmm.
shows people appreciation.
Yes.
It's, it's, it's more of thegesture than the gift itself.
(28:40):
Mm-hmm.
even a Thank you.
even a thank you note, a pack ofgum, you know?
Mm-hmm.
uh, it shows that you, you seethat I do a good job taking care
of your mom and that I do, um,that I love your mom and you see
my hard work.
And oftentimes that's all ourcaregivers care about is for
(29:03):
someone to observe and toacknowledge that they do a good
job and they do the best thatthey can.
Yep.
Yeah.
Yep.
And in healthcare, we don't getit enough In healthcare.
Being seen and heard and beingappreciated, um, is not as
(29:23):
consistent as maybe some othersor may, or maybe that's just the
world we live in today.
So it's more powerful thesmaller it is.
Yes.
And with that scarcity mindsetof potentially the group of
women and men, Caring for yourloved ones, the smallest things
(29:44):
to maybe some of us are reallybig.
Oh yes.
Other people.
Yes.
And we cannot lose sight ofthat.
Like to me, we cannot losesight.
we cannot lose sight of howimportant.
the small things, it's thedetails that make greatness.
It is not the, the, the bigthings.
(30:06):
Yes, it is the details.
Mm-hmm.
I agree a hundred percent.
And small communities can begreat just like the big
communities.
Mm-hmm.
And I'm glad that you were hereto teach us that.
Yes.
Um, is there anything else thatyou want to.
to say, as a representative ofthe smaller communities of the
(30:29):
market, I would say a lot offamily don't know about the
smaller communities.
Mm-hmm.
um, because the smallercommunities don't have the funds
to go out in market like the bigfacilities.
So a lot of people believebecause of what's showing that
the only way to assistive livingis a big facility.
(30:53):
Um, but that is not true.
The smaller settings, um, givethe utmost better care that I've
seen.
Um, and it's not because I ownand operate one, it's because
when I go into the bigfacilities, I see the signs.
Um, you know, you walk in and.
(31:16):
Ms.
Jodi is in the front.
She's distressed.
Everyone is passing her by andis heartbreaking to see that.
And the smaller settings, it'smore one-on-one.
We sit down and speak to, to ourresidents.
We know what's going on withthem.
We can tell the doctor or shedoesn't look good today,
(31:36):
something is going on.
You could sense something iswrong because you have that more
intimate care.
And I think.
If mom and dad is more active,they may be, be a better fit for
a bigger setting because theywon't need that much care.
(31:57):
They're just there for someoneto, to just be in the building
and if they go missing, to knowthat they went missing.
But if you really want a familytype of setting, the smaller
setting is better.
16 beds or.
It's better and when you gosmaller and smaller it becomes
(32:17):
even more and more, um,important for mom and dad
because they can get thatone-on-one.
I want my medication now.
I get it now.
Type of care.
Mm-hmm.
Okay.
Thank you so much.
You made a powerful point, Iappreciate it.
Thank you for having me, Erin.
You're welcome.
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Therapy Gecko
An unlicensed lizard psychologist travels the universe talking to strangers about absolutely nothing. TO CALL THE GECKO: follow me on https://www.twitch.tv/lyleforever to get a notification for when I am taking calls. I am usually live Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays but lately a lot of other times too. I am a gecko.