What you NEED to Know about Senior Living ( Assisted Living) Part 2

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Episode Transcript

(00:32):
Hi, and welcome back to anotherepisode of the, I have fallen
and need some help podcast.
Where today we're going tocontinue to talk about.
My, one of my favorite topics,which is senior living.
And focusing in on the assistedliving, which is where I spent
the majority of my career insideof an assisted living and memory
care community.
So when people.

(00:53):
Nonchalantly referred toassisted living.
They typically mean memory careand assisted living because
memory care is considered anassisted living, but more like a
specialty care type assistedliving.
But you can.
Bring those two, separate thosetwo out and say, I'm just

(01:14):
talking about assisted living orI'm just talking about memory
care.
So today we're strictly going totalk about assisted living.
Not necessarily memory carebecause to me that's a whole
separate.
Entity that requires its ownpodcast.
It's one of my favorite placesto work in for many different
reasons.
But we're going to talk aboutassisted living and I will loop

(01:35):
you in if the same rules applyfor memory care.
I love assisted living.
I love memory care.
I love assisted living.
I love senior living.
It is literally where I spent myentire.
Or it will just say the last 20years of my life and had life
not been what it was.
I probably would still be insideof the assisted living senior

(01:59):
living realm.
But here I am starting apodcast, educating families and
doing what I did inside thecommunities.
Anyways.
So it still works for me.
One of the biggestmisconceptions.
And one of the biggestheartbreaks for me is when
family members.
Feel as if they're failing theirloved ones.

(02:21):
When talking about.
Senior living.
When talking about moving aloved one into an assisted
living community.
When you when we talk aboutindependent living, most
residents move themselves intoindependent living.
It's something that they want todo.
There's that social aspect thatthey wanted to partake in.
It doesn't necessarily have thesame connotation as assisted

(02:43):
living or memory care or nursinghome.
And so when family members wouldcome and tour.
They would sit down and youcould almost feel.
The shame, the guilt, the fear,all the things that come along
with having to make those toughdecisions.
When you promise to loved one,that you would never move into a

(03:04):
nursing home.
Well, I'm here to tell you thatassisted living is not a nursing
home.
It is not, it's very different.
And it can be very luxurious.
It can be very customer serviceoriented and it can be very,
very life-changing.
Uh, it, is not failure.
It's not automatic failure.
It isn't.

(03:24):
To me.
If I had to define what failurewas in caring for an elderly
loved one, because I did, Icared for my grandmother for 15
years.
And I have.
Had the.
I have the gift of being able tolook at her life five years
before she moved into assistedliving and her two years of life

(03:45):
inside the assisted living.
And I would tell you.
That her life was much morerobust, much more full, much
more, uh, happy.
Inside the assisted living herlast two years of life than it
was five years before that.
Inside of her apartment byherself.

(04:09):
So I would tell you.
That isolating your loved oneinside of their.
In their apartment or of theirhome.
Is much more defeating.
Then it is moving them into anassisted living community.
So it is not failure.
I don't.
Like, I would just want toscream it from the rooftops.

(04:30):
It is not failure.
In fact, it is so much fun.
There's so many things thatchanges the dynamic.
From.
Not being in control when youwere in living in a house and
you can't handle all the thingsthat it needs to being in
absolute control.
When you move into an assistedliving community.

(04:51):
It, it just doesn't compare.
So if there's one thing that Ican do.
That.
Would be my mission.
It would be to help familymembers know, moving to a senior
living community is not failure.
You have to be able to choosethe right one.

(05:12):
You have to know what you'relooking for.
You have to know.
That there are humans that workinside of senior living.
And so therefore it's not 100%perfect all the time.
But it is not an automaticfailure.
It just isn't.
So that's my mission.
And I hope that through thecourse of this podcast and many

(05:35):
others, and following me onsocial media, that you too can
feel the same way.
If you have to.
Embark on the senior living.
Journey with your loved one.
Like I said, humans work inassisted living.
I ran great assisted livings.
We were high performing teams.

(05:57):
We had great surveys.
We had surveys that we needed tolearn from.
My grandmother lived inside thecommunity that I worked at and
then another manager's motherlived inside of our community.
Uh, we were not perfect.
And we knew where the dirt wasinstill are our parents and
grandparents lives were changed.
I mean it wasn't perfect.

(06:19):
There were mistakes made.
There were people that probablyshouldn't have said what they
said when they said it.
There were meals that mygrandmother would not eat.
Those things happen.
That happens.
That will always happen.
There are many reasons why thathappens.
So it's how we react to that.

(06:39):
It's how we advocate for ourresidents in our loved ones for
that.
And it is.
Looking at the entire pictureperspective.
Senior living has taken a hugehit since COVID.
And so things are very differenttoday than they were three, four
years ago.
And it's coming back around andit's trying to redefine.

(07:02):
The industry as a whole.
How do we get people to stay andwork here?
How do we get people to bepassionate about doing the right
thing?
How do we motivate people toknow that we can make a
difference?
And how do we add value topeople who are caring for our
loved ones?
All of these are very validquestions.
All of these are questions thatyou could ask on a tour.

(07:24):
You know, how valuable do youthink that your associates or
your employees think they aresince they're going to be caring
for my loved one?
Those are important questions.
And things that you can do as aloved one of somebody living
inside of an assisted livingcommunity.
Because when you realize that.

(07:44):
These caregivers are just peoplewho want to feel valued too.
You can easily add value totheir lives and just
acknowledging them and thankingthem.
And.
Giving them a sweet complimentevery time that you're there.
That adds value.
That.
Brings forth confidence.

(08:04):
And a mutual.
Positive relationship betweenthe family, the resident and the
caregiver.
You'd be surprised at how.
Good.
That works.
And I'm going to do a separatepodcast on that because I have
seen the good, the bad.
And the really ugly when itcomes to that.
And I think it's definitelyworth sharing.

(08:26):
Uh, with everybody.
So.
Yes.
People are scared to move lovedones into assisted living.
And yes, I have heard, I don'twant them to know that I
complained because I don't wantmy mother to bear the brunt of
this complaint.
And I can't tell you how manytimes I've heard that comment
and it breaks my heart.

(08:47):
That that is what happens inthat thought process is still
there.
And I'm sure in some places thatthere has been an element of
retaliation involved, but in thecommunities with a good leader,
with a good.
Culture.
Communication is important andwe would expect that level of
communication.

(09:08):
So.
Look for that.
When you tour, how do they treatyou through the tour process?
Do you talk to other managers?
Are you being introduced topeople and that will help you
appreciate whether or not theyhave good communication inside
of.
Their.
Processes.
The community.
Because communication is thehardest aspect of life.

(09:31):
Isn't it.
It's the details that makethings.
Beautiful.
Right.
I heard someone say Disney, it'sall about the details, right?
I mean, it's about, that's howimportant.
It is to make the magic happen.
It's the details in.
It's hard to communicate thedetails when you have a large
community.
And it's hard to communicatethose details when you are

(09:55):
moving a loved one in, so themore.
More communication that you havewith the leaders inside of the
community, the better.
And the more communication youhave with the caregivers who are
caring for your loved one, thebetter.
Because then it feels like ateam.
And that's one of the bestaspects about moving a loved one

(10:16):
into senior living is that youdo have a team.
You do.
And it's a great team.
The average stay inside of anassisted living community is
around 22 months.
Which for my own personal storyto share, my grandmother was
there for about.

(10:38):
20 somewhere between 18 to 20months.
And I have seen residents be inassisted living for 10 years.
Which is a very long time.
And I have seen assisted livingresidents move in and not even
be able to stay for 30 days.
So it's really hard to.

(10:58):
Say exactly.
What to expect.
But one of the best pieces ofadvice that I have, that I've
given lots of people who try toplan for someone to stay.
Inside of the community for 10years.
Is to here's our 10 yearviewpoint.
I wanted.
Scooch it down to here to whereif we can take it six months.

(11:20):
To a year.
Because then it doesn't feel sooverwhelming from a financial
standpoint, it doesn't feel sooverwhelming from.
Just a life standpoint.
Because anything can happen in aday, right?
I mean, like life can change ona dime, so.
Planning something out ascritical as.

(11:41):
How long will this person stayinside of senior living can get
very overwhelming and decisions.
We'll be made based on whetheror not there's a financial
ability to afford it for 10years.
Five years.
Those length of stays happen.
But your average length of stay.
It is two years or less.

(12:03):
So I would have always said,let's just take it six months to
a year.
Because anything and a lot canhappen in six months.
And that way it gives you plentyof time to plan for.
The next phase.
If, if there ever is a need fora skilled care type of stay.
That's not assisted living.

(12:24):
One of the.
Barriers to assisted living isthat it is private pay.
Now there are states that dohave Medicaid waivers.
There's a lot of states thathave Medicaid waivers and
there's a few states that donot.
So know whether or not yourstate takes Medicaid waivers for

(12:45):
assisted living.
And if they do, I'm sure it isnot.
An unlimited supply.
And figure out how do you get ona waiting list for that?
And then which communities takeMedicaid waivers?
And I've spoken to a fewcommunities in different states
where they felt as if the.

(13:08):
Process of moving in.
Getting people to choose theircommunity is a little bit harder
when they are Medicaid waiver.
Communities.
And I want to say to that.
There is something about beingable to know that you're moving
your loved one into a communitythat will accept Medicaid

(13:28):
waivers.
Because one of the hardestthings for me.
In my career and I have workedmy entire career in the state of
Alabama.
Is that when.
The money did run out forpeople.
They had to move out.
And I hated that feeling.

(13:49):
I hated that feeling.
But in some states, You canchoose a community.
That.
Will allow you to stay with aMedicaid waiver.
That.
To me is beautiful.
A, from a personal standpoint,had Alabama paid.

(14:09):
How or had the ability for aMedicaid waiver?
My grandmother would have beenable to afford assisted living
on her own.
We as a family had to create.
Well, I'll just say my aunt.
Paid for the majority of herstay inside of the assisted
living community and in adifferent state.

(14:29):
Medicaid waiver could have beenused.
That would have been nice,certainly for my aunt.
Right.
But also for other families whohad multiple children.
Paying for their parents to liveinside of an assisted living
community.
So no, the Medicaid rules inyour state and embrace the idea.

(14:53):
Of choosing a community thataccepts Medicaid waiver.
Because if you have a hundredthousand dollars or less inside
of that, We have to pay forassisted living.
Then you might be able to stayat one place.
Because having to move yourloved one.

(15:16):
From place to place isdisruptive and not necessarily
in your loved one's bestinterest.
'cause moving can be traumaticfor people.
Whether you physically canhandle the move or you struggle
with anxiety through the move.
Or just getting comfortable in anew situation is hard to do in

(15:37):
general, especially if you're 85plus, right.
So look closely at thecommunities that offer the
Medicaid waivers and just thinkof it from the perspective that.
It really is a blessing.
And could benefit the entirefamily.

(15:59):
If you choose that community.
Assisted living at the beginningwas built on this social model
aspect.
One of the aspects of thatsocial model is that a nurse is
not necessarily required forresidents inside.

(16:22):
Of an assisted living community.
Think about that for a minute.
In most states.
Nurses are not wired.
Now I'm talking about atraditional assisted living.
I'm not talking about memorycare, assisted living, but in
assisted living.
At the beginning.

(16:43):
It was strictly social model.
We're going to help you withyour activities of daily living.
Uh, we may assist you with yourmedications.
But we're not going to doskilled care type of needs
because that belongs inside of alongterm care community.
But.
As times have changed rules havechanged.

(17:04):
Each state has its own set ofrules and who makes those rules
is depending on the states.
Set up in Alabama, it saidbarman to public health and
other states.
It could be the department ofpublic health or other type of
agencies that make the rules.
For instance.

(17:24):
Um, the state of Florida allowspuree diets inside of a memory
care.
And in Alabama they do not.
So that changes the type ofresident who can move inside of
an assisted living or a memorycare in Alabama.
And it opens up who can moveinside of an assisted living or

(17:45):
a memory care in Florida.
So it's two completely differentthings.
So it's two completely differentset of rules that serves two
different types of residents.
But getting back to the nurse.
Right?
So in assisted livingtechnically.

(18:05):
A company could get away withouthaving a nurse.
Most companies have a nurse,whether the nurses, the
administrator, or the residentservices director, but most
companies do have a nurseavailable to their residents,
but not 24 hours a day.
And so family members can getconfused as to exactly what an

(18:28):
assisted living.
Can offer their loved ones.
And that's important for you toask.
You know, do you have a nurse?
How often do you have a nurseand what does that nurse do?
Because most assisted livingcommunities.
Have med techs.
Give the medication, notnecessarily nurses.

(18:52):
And this is something for you toreally think about because in
the hospital, nurses are givingthe medication.
And in nursing homes, long-termcare communities.
Typically you see LPN or nurses,RNs giving medication.
New rules have been made to wearmed techs, licensed medication.

(19:13):
CNAs basically can givemedications.
The same thing goes for assistedliving.
And in some states, memory caretoo, and Alabama nurses in
memory care, give meds.
It's all very confusing.
I know.
But these are things for you tothink about and for you to

(19:33):
really understand about seniorliving and where a lot of people
get kind of confused.
Because nurses are not required.
Or available 24 hours a dayinside of senior living.
Certain.
Skills certain care needs cannotbe met appropriately inside of

(19:57):
an assisted living community.
And different licenses.
That the community has, willprohibit whether or not skilled
care needs can be given.
So that is the differencebetween assisted living and a
long-term care setting.
Long-term care would be nursinghome, skilled care, whichever

(20:17):
you want to call it.
Those terms are typicallyinterchangeable.
But that's the main difference.
Yes, as the baby boomers come,or as rules have to be looked
at, there will be some looseningof the rules potentially.
And.
The new face of a resident will,will emerge.
And we'll see if the industrycan, can change with the times,

(20:42):
but for now, There is not anurse.
For the most part required inassisted living.
It's just the way it is.
The activities of daily livingthat assisted living was built
upon, right?
Our bathing, eating, dressing,transferring and toileting.

(21:02):
Okay.
So if you need help, Getting tothe bathroom.
You know, transferring from thetoilet on and off, going to the
bathroom, transferring in andout of the bed.
Um, getting dressed, whetherit's just picking out your
clothes or just kind ofassisting you with your clothes
to literally putting and doingit all.
Um, Without the help of theresident.

(21:26):
Or, just needing that extra handwhile you get out of the shower
or while you're in the shower,that is what assisted living was
made for.
And the main part of assistedliving was the social aspect,
which is your activitiesprogram, which to me is the
personality of your community.
And if you're on a tour, theyshould be showing you the

(21:47):
activity department and theyshould be bragging about that
activity department and howeverybody is involved with it,
because that sets people apartthat sets the competition apart
from each other.
And of course your loved one hasto like activities.
Right.
When you tour and you tourspecifically for your loved one
and maybe the activity programisn't necessarily their number

(22:09):
one top priority, but if it is,you want to make sure that you
get to see that activityprogram.
When your loved one moves intoan assisted living community,
when you make that choice.
There's this concept that.

(22:30):
You do not have to be asinvolved.
But that's not necessarily true.
I believe.
That when your loved one movesinto assisted living.
You turn into.
An advocate for them.
You turn into being the captainof the team.

(22:52):
Of the people who are caring foryour loved one, you still have
to make the decisions.
You potentially still have to goto the store for them.
If they don't want to go forthemselves.
You have to still be involved insome aspect of their life.
And the really cool thing is.
Is that they.

(23:16):
Will love to show you off.
Because of the season of lifethat I'm in.
I am a mother of children whoare 11 and seven, and I have a
special needs child.
And I have a typical child.
When I go into their schools,they are so happy to see me when
I'm going on a field trip withthem.

(23:37):
They are so happy that I'mthere.
And it, of course it makes mefeel like a million bucks.
Right.
When you have a loved one, moveinto assisted living.
Or memory care.
The joy that they feel when youwalk in to visit them.
Is very similar to the joy thatyou feel when you're, when your

(24:00):
child sees you at school.
They want to introduce you totheir friends.
They want you to be a part ofthe activities.
They want you to come and eatlunch with them.
They want you involved.
Now sometimes they don't want tosee you until after the
activities over.
And if they do, you aresuccessful, you have chosen the

(24:21):
right place, right.
But they want you there.
And.
It's really cool and neat.
And, inspiring for me to see.
That happen.
When you go from being nervousand scared and your loved one is

(24:42):
resentful of you.
To all of a sudden your lovedone is at.
Half or all of the activitiesand there welcome you into the
room and they're showing you offand they're inviting you to
lunch.
And they're talking about allthe wonderful things that
they're doing.
And they don't want you to comeuntil the activities over.
That makes me know that I did myjob.

(25:04):
And that should let you knowthat you have done your job.
Because my best saying is allthat's required is your best.
And when you see your loved onethriving in a social situation.
You've done your best.
It is.
Awesome.
One of the best things.

(25:24):
For me was to see thetransformation from isolating
grandmother.
To a very social grandmother.
Who.
Was upset was never going to letme know that she was happy, but
I saw that she was happy.
And that's where that phrase,actions speak louder than words

(25:45):
comes in.
Right.
When you know that they'reinvolved.
More than they say.
And you know, that they're happyand it doesn't matter what they
say to you.
Because.
You see it?
That is powerful.
When they go from beingisolated.
Little confused.

(26:07):
bored depressed, potentially tooinvolved, having friends getting
dressed.
To eating in the dining room to,in wanting to invite you to eat.
To.
Potentially having a little bitof a special friendship with
somebody.
Um, Those things are amazing.

(26:30):
And you're not going to findthem.
Inside of a house all alone.
And you as the elderly caregivercan not always be everything at
every moment of every day as aparent.
That is true for me.
And it's true for you as acaregiver.

(26:54):
So.
Senior living is not failingyour loved one.
Senior living.
Can be honoring who your lovedone was.
When they were in their prime.
There's a lot of fun, a lot oflife.
And a lot of value that seniorliving brings.

(27:17):
Just as a recap, senior livingis not failing.
Assisted living has differentregulatory rules and each state.
So ask.
What those rules are before anykind of final decisions are
made.
If you're moving across thestate lines.
Assisted living is.

(27:37):
Was built on a social model.,focusing in on those activities
of daily living, but as timeschange.
More care needs can be met andsome more in other states than
less.
Assisted living is primarilyprivate pay.
But there are states withMedicaid waivers.
I do not rule out communitieswith Medicaid waivers.

(28:02):
Because consistency is importantfor your loved one, especially
if you know that.
They only have a limited amountof financial resources.
And don't look so far into thefuture that you miss your
opportunity to change your lovedone's life in the short term.
So.

(28:23):
Kind of narrowing that focus forsix months to a year, knowing
that the average stay inside ofassisted living or memory care
is less than two years.
I hope this helps.
One of my next episodes will bemy personal story with my
grandmother.
And, um, her stays inside ofassisted living and her

(28:44):
eventual.
permanent stay inside ofassisted living.
I want to answer all yourquestions about senior living
assisted living.
Memory care, all the things thatI can.
So if you have any questionsthat you want me to answer or
topics that you want me to talkabout, please.

(29:04):
Message me.
Reply to this video.
Um, Let me know I'm here tohelp.
That's my goal.
You can follow me on socialmedia.
On Instagram and Facebook, andyou can find me on LinkedIn as
well.
Thank you for your time today.
I appreciate you spending itwith me.