March 8, 2025 • 12 mins
Step into a thought-provoking conversation about the narratives shaping modern masculinity in today's world. In this episode, we dissect the myths men tell themselves about strength and challenge the conventional wisdom that equates true masculinity with dominance or aggression. Through a critical lens, we examine the ongoing crisis of masculinity, where men feel torn between hyper-masculine ideals and the notion of disengagement from emotional connections.
As we navigate these complex discussions, we shine a light on the two main lies surrounding masculinity: the belief that strength is synonymous with control and the misguided notion that opting out of societal engagement signifies strength. Our dialogue encourages listeners to rethink their understanding of masculinity, reflecting on what it truly means to be strong. We highlight that genuine strength lies in emotional mastery and self-awareness, rather than external validation through aggression or dominance.
We also confront the societal expectations that create disconnection between genders, urging for deeper understanding and connection rather than blame and division. By acknowledging the emotional and biological differences between men and women, we illustrate how these differences can complement rather than compete with one another.
Join us as we unravel these complex themes, introspect on personal growth, and promote meaningful conversations about masculinity and relationships. This episode is not only for men seeking to redefine their understanding of strength, but also for anyone looking to foster greater empathy and connection across gender lines. Don’t miss out—tune in and engage with us on this essential topic! Share your thoughts and let’s keep the conversation going!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:09):
When strength is just noise, the lies men tell
themselves about masculinity.
Strength isn't about domination, it's not about avoidance.
It's about knowing who you are,what you stand for and when to
walk away or fight back the twoextremes of modern masculinity.
(00:32):
Masculinity is in a crisis, orso people keep saying, but if
you ask what that means, you'llget a hundred different answers
depending on who you're talkingto.
Some will say men are too weakthese days, lacking discipline,
drive or the ability to handleadversity.
Others argue that men are tooaggressive, clinging to outdated
(00:54):
ideals of dominance, emotionalsuppression and control.
And in between those twoextremes you have millions and
millions of men just trying tofigure out who the hell they're
supposed to be.
The problem A lot of what getspassed off as strength isn't
strength at all.
It's just noise, emptyposturing, reactionary
(01:15):
defensiveness or a hollowrejection of responsibility.
This isn't just a men's issueeither.
Women are watching, engagingand reacting to these shifts.
Some embrace traditional roles,some reject them and some are
caught in their own set ofcontradiction delusions,
expecting men to be bothemotionally available and
(01:35):
unwaveringly strong, bothfinancial providers and
completely egalitarian partners.
There's a disconnect betweenmen and women that feels like
it's only getting worse,especially in the USA, because
we're talking at each other, notwith each other, and, instead
of building understanding, manymen and women are falling into
the trap of tribalism, blame andvictimhood.
(01:58):
So in this episode, we'rebreaking down why modern
masculinity is broken and whythe online version is an
illusion.
The two major lies men tellthemselves about strength.
Why men and women will never beexactly the same and why that's
a really good thing.
The real difference betweenunderstanding the opposite sex
(02:22):
and just projecting yourfrustrations onto them.
Understanding the opposite sexand just projecting your
frustrations onto them.
What true masculinity andfemininity can look like in a
world that's lost the plot.
So let's get into it.
One the two lies of modernmasculinity.
When you look at the onlinediscourse around masculinity,
you see two major narrativesforming.
Lie number one thehyper-masculine posturing.
(02:45):
Real men are all warriors.
Women should submit If you'renot dominating, you're weak.
And look, I get it.
Speaking from a spiral dynamicsperspective, I absolutely love
tapping into the red side of mewhen necessary, yet I'm also
extremely intentional about whenI do, and I recognize what that
(03:08):
is.
Lie number two the passiveopt-out Nothing matters, women
are all the same.
Just go MGTOW and check out andlook, I get this too.
It can be terrible out there,especially if you look at
substance first and looks lastand want someone or someones in
your life just committed togrowth, just that low bar right
(03:30):
there, not being perfect, justcommitting to growth.
If you become good at spottingthe wrong ones, it can feel like
all the good ones are taken.
However, both of these arecowardly in their own way.
Lie number one strength equalsdomination.
Some men believe strength meansbeing feared, being aggressive
(03:53):
and never showing emotion.
They think if they lift enoughweight, make enough money and
control enough people, they'llbe real men.
But real strength isn't aboutcontrol.
It's about mastery overyourself, not others.
A strong man isn't justphysically fit, he's disciplined
.
A strong man doesn't need todominate women.
(04:15):
He understands them.
A strong man isn't emotionallynumb.
He feels deeply and controlshis emotions instead of being
controlled by them.
And that goes for women too.
Emotional regulation is hugelyimportant.
The loudest guys preachingstrength online are quite often
(04:35):
the weakest ones.
Not physically, of course, butthey rely on externals money,
status, muscles, control insteadof internals character,
resilience, wisdom and, ofcourse, they tend to attract the
wrong kind of women.
Sure, many of these women mightbe hot on the outside, yet
(04:56):
they're hideous on the insideand round and round we go.
Hideous on the inside and roundand round we go.
If your entire sense of self isbuilt on power over others,
what happens when you lose it,when you're out-earned, when a
stronger man walks into the room, when your partner leaves, if
your identity crumbles in thosemoments, then what you had
(05:17):
wasn't strength, it was just anillusion.
Lie number two opting outequals strength.
On the flip side, some men,legitimately and terribly burned
by bad experiences with women,relationships or society, decide
to check out completely andpermanently.
They claim to have figured itout and say things like modern
(05:38):
women aren't worth it, thesystem is against men.
Just get your bag, go MGTOW andlive alone.
This is just another form ofweakness.
And look, I get it.
It's tough out there.
When you wake up and realizeyou've been fed a fairy tale
your entire fucking life.
That's really, really tough.
(06:01):
Yet giving up on buildingconnections, understanding
people or leading a fulfillinglife isn't strength.
It's surrender.
It's different from consciouslychoosing to live a certain way,
for example, monk mode orprioritizing personal growth.
Strength means making choicesbased on self-awareness and
(06:22):
vision, not on bitterness andavoidance.
Men who check out permanentlyaren't unplugging from the
matrix.
They're just choosing adifferent kind of dependency,
one where their identity isshaped by what they're rejecting
instead of what they'rebuilding.
If you claim to be a man ofdiscipline and purpose, then
(06:42):
that means facing the world asit is and figuring out how to
work within the system, nomatter how flawed you think the
system is not running from it.
Two, why men as a group andwomen as a group will never be
the same, and why that's areally good thing.
One of the dumbest ideasfloating around today is that
(07:03):
men and women are exactly thesame.
We're not Biologically,neurologically, emotionally as
groups.
We're wired differently and ofcourse there's outliers.
Just because we're wireddifferently as a group doesn't
mean that there are men that arevery feminine or women that are
very masculine.
I personally love women thatare masculine, but that's just
(07:24):
me, because I resonate with thatenergy.
That certainly doesn't meanthat one is better than the
other.
It just means we complementeach other.
The reality check.
Stop trying to make everythingsame.
A lot of modern gender discoursetries to force sameness where
it doesn't belong.
But true equality isn't abouterasing differences.
(07:45):
It's about recognizing them andplaying to their strengths.
Women on average are moreemotionally attuned and compete
covertly.
Men on average are morerisk-taking and physically
aggressive and compete overtly.
Women on average tend to buildsocial cohesion and focus on
relationships.
Men on average tend to competemore, at least visibly or
(08:09):
overtly, and seek externalachievement.
These are general tendencies,not absolute rules, but they
exist for a reason, and tryingto flatten everything into some
utopian idea of total samenesserases what makes men and women
so valuable to each other.
The ludicrousness of men andwomen are the same thinking.
(08:30):
If you really truly believe menand women are identical, ask
yourself why do women tend toselect for taller, stronger and
more dominant partners acrosscultures?
Why do men tend to be drawn toyouth, beauty and fertility
across cultures?
Why do male and female brainstend to process stress, risk and
(08:54):
emotions differently?
Denying biological realitiesonly makes things more confusing
.
Instead of trying to make menmore like women or women more
like men, which clearly isn'tworking at all, the better
approach is men shouldunderstand women, not just
(09:14):
complain about them.
Women should understand men,not just demand things from them
, and both should respect whatthe other brings to a truly
fulfilling life, not the table.
We aren't knights in KingArthur's court.
Consider this Thinking about atable is, in itself, kind of
materialistic.
Instead of fighting for somenon-existent perfect balance
(09:39):
where we all act the same, thereal way to win is recognizing
that we each have strengths andweaknesses, and that's why we
need each other Three the realway to be strong in a world
that's lost the plot.
If you want real strength,here's what it actually looks
like Master yourself before youtry and lead others.
(10:02):
If we can't control our emotions, our finances, our health or
our impulses, we have nobusiness calling ourselves
strong, whether we're a man or awoman.
Strength starts with discipline, and that includes knowing when
to unleash aggression and whento keep it in check.
Anger, aggression and evenviolence are tools.
They're neither good nor bad ontheir own, but, like any tool,
(10:27):
if you don't know how to wieldthem, they can cause more harm
than good.
A truly strong man isn't onewho suppresses his aggression
until it explodes.
He's one who understands itspurpose and can control it at
will.
You should be able to pullaggression out when it's
absolutely necessary.
You should also be able to putit away just as easily and, most
(10:51):
importantly, you should neverlet it control you.
Unchecked aggression isn'tstrength, it's weakness in
disguise.
If anger masters you instead ofthe other way around, you're
not strong, you're just volatile.
Real strength is the ability toaccess your power without being
ruled by it.
(11:11):
Build, don't just consume.
If your life revolves aroundreacting to things news, women,
men, politics, culture, warsinstead of being proactive and
figuring shit out, you're notleading, you're following.
Strong people create.
Weak people, complain with noreal solutions.
(11:32):
Own your choices.
If you want to be traditional,be traditional.
If you want to be modern, bemodern, but be intentional about
it.
Don't let social pressure pushyou into an identity that isn't
truly yours.
Understand people, don't justargue with them, whether it's
(11:54):
women, other men or people whoyou disagree with.
Your ability to lead depends onyour ability to listen.
At the end of the day, beingstrong isn't about what society
says, what women want, or whatsome influencer preaches.
It's about who you choose to beand how you show up.
So ask yourself are you strongor just making noise?
(12:17):
Thank you.
When strength is just noise, the lies men tell
themselves about masculinity.
Strength isn't about domination, it's not about avoidance.
It's about knowing who you are,what you stand for and when to
walk away or fight back the twoextremes of modern masculinity.
(00:32):
Masculinity is in a crisis, orso people keep saying, but if
you ask what that means, you'llget a hundred different answers
depending on who you're talkingto.
Some will say men are too weakthese days, lacking discipline,
drive or the ability to handleadversity.
Others argue that men are tooaggressive, clinging to outdated
(00:54):
ideals of dominance, emotionalsuppression and control.
And in between those twoextremes you have millions and
millions of men just trying tofigure out who the hell they're
supposed to be.
The problem A lot of what getspassed off as strength isn't
strength at all.
It's just noise, emptyposturing, reactionary
(01:15):
defensiveness or a hollowrejection of responsibility.
This isn't just a men's issueeither.
Women are watching, engagingand reacting to these shifts.
Some embrace traditional roles,some reject them and some are
caught in their own set ofcontradiction delusions,
expecting men to be bothemotionally available and
(01:35):
unwaveringly strong, bothfinancial providers and
completely egalitarian partners.
There's a disconnect betweenmen and women that feels like
it's only getting worse,especially in the USA, because
we're talking at each other, notwith each other, and, instead
of building understanding, manymen and women are falling into
the trap of tribalism, blame andvictimhood.
(01:58):
So in this episode, we'rebreaking down why modern
masculinity is broken and whythe online version is an
illusion.
The two major lies men tellthemselves about strength.
Why men and women will never beexactly the same and why that's
a really good thing.
The real difference betweenunderstanding the opposite sex
(02:22):
and just projecting yourfrustrations onto them.
Understanding the opposite sexand just projecting your
frustrations onto them.
What true masculinity andfemininity can look like in a
world that's lost the plot.
So let's get into it.
One the two lies of modernmasculinity.
When you look at the onlinediscourse around masculinity,
you see two major narrativesforming.
Lie number one thehyper-masculine posturing.
(02:45):
Real men are all warriors.
Women should submit If you'renot dominating, you're weak.
And look, I get it.
Speaking from a spiral dynamicsperspective, I absolutely love
tapping into the red side of mewhen necessary, yet I'm also
extremely intentional about whenI do, and I recognize what that
(03:08):
is.
Lie number two the passiveopt-out Nothing matters, women
are all the same.
Just go MGTOW and check out andlook, I get this too.
It can be terrible out there,especially if you look at
substance first and looks lastand want someone or someones in
your life just committed togrowth, just that low bar right
(03:30):
there, not being perfect, justcommitting to growth.
If you become good at spottingthe wrong ones, it can feel like
all the good ones are taken.
However, both of these arecowardly in their own way.
Lie number one strength equalsdomination.
Some men believe strength meansbeing feared, being aggressive
(03:53):
and never showing emotion.
They think if they lift enoughweight, make enough money and
control enough people, they'llbe real men.
But real strength isn't aboutcontrol.
It's about mastery overyourself, not others.
A strong man isn't justphysically fit, he's disciplined
.
A strong man doesn't need todominate women.
(04:15):
He understands them.
A strong man isn't emotionallynumb.
He feels deeply and controlshis emotions instead of being
controlled by them.
And that goes for women too.
Emotional regulation is hugelyimportant.
The loudest guys preachingstrength online are quite often
(04:35):
the weakest ones.
Not physically, of course, butthey rely on externals money,
status, muscles, control insteadof internals character,
resilience, wisdom and, ofcourse, they tend to attract the
wrong kind of women.
Sure, many of these women mightbe hot on the outside, yet
(04:56):
they're hideous on the insideand round and round we go.
Hideous on the inside and roundand round we go.
If your entire sense of self isbuilt on power over others,
what happens when you lose it,when you're out-earned, when a
stronger man walks into the room, when your partner leaves, if
your identity crumbles in thosemoments, then what you had
(05:17):
wasn't strength, it was just anillusion.
Lie number two opting outequals strength.
On the flip side, some men,legitimately and terribly burned
by bad experiences with women,relationships or society, decide
to check out completely andpermanently.
They claim to have figured itout and say things like modern
(05:38):
women aren't worth it, thesystem is against men.
Just get your bag, go MGTOW andlive alone.
This is just another form ofweakness.
And look, I get it.
It's tough out there.
When you wake up and realizeyou've been fed a fairy tale
your entire fucking life.
That's really, really tough.
(06:01):
Yet giving up on buildingconnections, understanding
people or leading a fulfillinglife isn't strength.
It's surrender.
It's different from consciouslychoosing to live a certain way,
for example, monk mode orprioritizing personal growth.
Strength means making choicesbased on self-awareness and
(06:22):
vision, not on bitterness andavoidance.
Men who check out permanentlyaren't unplugging from the
matrix.
They're just choosing adifferent kind of dependency,
one where their identity isshaped by what they're rejecting
instead of what they'rebuilding.
If you claim to be a man ofdiscipline and purpose, then
(06:42):
that means facing the world asit is and figuring out how to
work within the system, nomatter how flawed you think the
system is not running from it.
Two, why men as a group andwomen as a group will never be
the same, and why that's areally good thing.
One of the dumbest ideasfloating around today is that
(07:03):
men and women are exactly thesame.
We're not Biologically,neurologically, emotionally as
groups.
We're wired differently and ofcourse there's outliers.
Just because we're wireddifferently as a group doesn't
mean that there are men that arevery feminine or women that are
very masculine.
I personally love women thatare masculine, but that's just
(07:24):
me, because I resonate with thatenergy.
That certainly doesn't meanthat one is better than the
other.
It just means we complementeach other.
The reality check.
Stop trying to make everythingsame.
A lot of modern gender discoursetries to force sameness where
it doesn't belong.
But true equality isn't abouterasing differences.
(07:45):
It's about recognizing them andplaying to their strengths.
Women on average are moreemotionally attuned and compete
covertly.
Men on average are morerisk-taking and physically
aggressive and compete overtly.
Women on average tend to buildsocial cohesion and focus on
relationships.
Men on average tend to competemore, at least visibly or
(08:09):
overtly, and seek externalachievement.
These are general tendencies,not absolute rules, but they
exist for a reason, and tryingto flatten everything into some
utopian idea of total samenesserases what makes men and women
so valuable to each other.
The ludicrousness of men andwomen are the same thinking.
(08:30):
If you really truly believe menand women are identical, ask
yourself why do women tend toselect for taller, stronger and
more dominant partners acrosscultures?
Why do men tend to be drawn toyouth, beauty and fertility
across cultures?
Why do male and female brainstend to process stress, risk and
(08:54):
emotions differently?
Denying biological realitiesonly makes things more confusing
.
Instead of trying to make menmore like women or women more
like men, which clearly isn'tworking at all, the better
approach is men shouldunderstand women, not just
(09:14):
complain about them.
Women should understand men,not just demand things from them
, and both should respect whatthe other brings to a truly
fulfilling life, not the table.
We aren't knights in KingArthur's court.
Consider this Thinking about atable is, in itself, kind of
materialistic.
Instead of fighting for somenon-existent perfect balance
(09:39):
where we all act the same, thereal way to win is recognizing
that we each have strengths andweaknesses, and that's why we
need each other Three the realway to be strong in a world
that's lost the plot.
If you want real strength,here's what it actually looks
like Master yourself before youtry and lead others.
(10:02):
If we can't control our emotions, our finances, our health or
our impulses, we have nobusiness calling ourselves
strong, whether we're a man or awoman.
Strength starts with discipline, and that includes knowing when
to unleash aggression and whento keep it in check.
Anger, aggression and evenviolence are tools.
They're neither good nor bad ontheir own, but, like any tool,
(10:27):
if you don't know how to wieldthem, they can cause more harm
than good.
A truly strong man isn't onewho suppresses his aggression
until it explodes.
He's one who understands itspurpose and can control it at
will.
You should be able to pullaggression out when it's
absolutely necessary.
You should also be able to putit away just as easily and, most
(10:51):
importantly, you should neverlet it control you.
Unchecked aggression isn'tstrength, it's weakness in
disguise.
If anger masters you instead ofthe other way around, you're
not strong, you're just volatile.
Real strength is the ability toaccess your power without being
ruled by it.
(11:11):
Build, don't just consume.
If your life revolves aroundreacting to things news, women,
men, politics, culture, warsinstead of being proactive and
figuring shit out, you're notleading, you're following.
Strong people create.
Weak people, complain with noreal solutions.
(11:32):
Own your choices.
If you want to be traditional,be traditional.
If you want to be modern, bemodern, but be intentional about
it.
Don't let social pressure pushyou into an identity that isn't
truly yours.
Understand people, don't justargue with them, whether it's
(11:54):
women, other men or people whoyou disagree with.
Your ability to lead depends onyour ability to listen.
At the end of the day, beingstrong isn't about what society
says, what women want, or whatsome influencer preaches.
It's about who you choose to beand how you show up.
So ask yourself are you strongor just making noise?
(12:17):
Thank you.
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