June 12, 2025 • 57 mins
Use Code "PMDDFreedom" for $100 off Private PMDD Sessions- Click to Book a Private PMDD Session
Follow me on Instagram
Follow me on TikTok
Power dynamics shift dramatically when abuse enters a PMDD relationship, leaving both partners vulnerable to cycles of emotional manipulation, psychological control, and diminished self-worth. Whether you're the person living with PMDD or the partner of someone who does, recognizing these patterns is your first step toward healing.
I recently found myself navigating the painful terrain of psychological abuse in a relationship where my achievements became targets for manipulation. The push-pull dynamic—being love bombed one moment and emotionally abandoned the next—created the chaos and confusion that signal an unhealthy connection. Through tears and self-doubt, I discovered that taking my power back required first naming what was happening: "This is emotional abuse. This is psychological manipulation. This is not love."
For those with PMDD, our vulnerability increases during luteal phase when we desperately need validation and support. This makes us prime targets for narcissists who sense our deep capacity for empathy and forgiveness. Breaking free starts with meaningful detachment—not as punishment, but as protection for both parties. The mantra that saved me was simple yet profound: "I can love someone from a distance while protecting my peace."
Creating boundaries doesn't always mean cutting contact immediately. Sometimes it means limiting what you share, controlling when you respond, and recognizing that "my silence is my power, not my weakness." Most importantly, maintain your daily routines. When I reclaimed my morning practice of prayer, reading, exercise, and journaling, I reminded myself that every choice was a step toward freedom.
You deserve relationships where your emotions aren't invalidated, where you don't need to shrink yourself to make others comfortable, and where love doesn't come with the price tag of psychological warfare. If this resonates with your experience, know that your journey toward healing has already begun. Choose yourself consistently—especially when it's hard—and watch how quickly your innate power returns.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
So today we're going to be talking about taking your
power back when you are in anabusive PMDD relationship and
the reason why I wanted to talkabout this.
We talked about breakups, wetalked about detachment and now
we're going into taking yourpower back when you're on the
other side of recognizing thereare things that are going on in
(00:24):
my PMDD relationship that arenot right, that are less than
what I deserve, that aredownright abusive, and I mean
this for the partner that hasPMDD and the partner that
doesn't have PMDD, and I've hadto do this a couple of times
within my journey and I counsela lot of individuals with this,
and it's really hard when you'rein a PMDD relationship for both
(00:46):
aspects.
I'm gonna try to go into bothrealms one for the partner who
has premenstrual dysphoricdisorder and one for the partner
that does not.
But I'm gonna start off with myown journey and then, so
obviously, we're gonna talkabout the PMDD sufferer and then
maybe next episode, I'll talkabout the partner.
I like to try to break that upfor you so you can really.
I believe that if you're anindividual that has PMDD or
(01:08):
you're in a PMDD relationship,both you should be listening to
the perspective of both in orderto understand yourself better
and understand your partnerbetter.
But for me, I think that I am,and I'm coming out of something
right now, which is which is amI going to cry?
It's like I.
It's very emotional for mebecause I'm in it, but a lot of
(01:30):
times when I'm in the middle ofgoing through anything, I like
to share it with you, because Iget the bulk of my tools through
lived experiences.
Right, if you've read mydissertation, it is on the lived
experiences of PMDD partner.
It is not on what people havespeculated or what people think
(01:53):
that PMDD partners or PMDDsufferers have gone through.
It's what we actually gothrough and I interviewed
hundreds of PMDD partners andPMDD sufferers and I developed
my tools based off of what theytold me that they were going
through.
It's called a phenomenologicalstudy because it's based on your
life experience.
So I had a recent client that'sa new client and they were
(02:16):
saying one of the reasons whythey decided to work with me as
opposed to other counselors wasbecause I was very open about my
journey and they had neverheard of someone being so
transparent about their personallife, their personal journey,
with anything that they're goingon.
You kind of go into when youwant to get therapy.
You look at their resume, youlook at what they say that they
(02:36):
specialize in.
And I've been in that placewhere I've been disappointed,
where individuals say that theyspecialize in something and
they're just saying it becausethey read an article on it and
then all of a sudden, becausethey have a title, they're like
oh yeah, I specialize in this.
And I will always tell you youcan't specialize in premenstrual
dysphoric disorder if you'venever suffered with it, if
you've never been in a PMDDrelationship.
(02:56):
You can know about it and youcan absolutely advocate for it,
but you cannot specialize in it.
You can't have all of the toolsbecause you haven't been to
those places.
And I don't just mean theplaces of having premenstrual
dysphoric disorder, I mean theplaces of talking to partners
that are suffering with this andtrying to decide what to do and
(03:19):
having to come up with toolsand solutions.
And so I want to talk about mylived experience, first and
foremost, with having to take mypower back when I really
recognized I not only was I inan abusive relationship, I
noticed a pattern of abusiverelationships, and a lot of that
(03:39):
has to do with my past trauma,and sometimes I can get to a
point where it's like this isgetting old, right, you know
what I mean Like talking aboutwhat I've gone through in the
past and really feeling like Ishould be over this, I should be
past it.
This shouldn't still beimpacting me, but it does, and
I'm not claiming my PMDD or mytrauma as a label or an identity
(04:05):
, but I have to recognize thatit does have an impact on me and
on my life.
Otherwise I would get in astate of avoidance, which is
something I always tell myclients not to do.
When you notice a patternthat's going on in your
relationship, in your life, youneed to pay attention to that,
because what happens is becauseof my lived experiences.
I've had to put certain thingsinto place to protect myself.
(04:29):
And do I always do it correctly?
Absolutely not.
I still, to this day, have notmastered protecting myself,
otherwise I wouldn't find myselfin these situations.
But it's all.
My pain is always used for apurpose.
So I remember I was at churchearlier today and I was just
like why do I keep going throughall of this?
But what happens is when I dogo through all of this in
(04:52):
relationships, I really developthe most amazing tools because
not only do I have the abilityto pull someone else out of
things that they're goingthrough, I also have to pull
myself out, and I had to do thatrecently and it was hard for me
because I think I still havethese rose colored glasses on.
(05:16):
When it comes to love, when itcomes to relationships, even
though I have been anything thatyou can think of I've been
cheated on, I've been lied to,I've been robbed by partners,
I've been manipulated, I've beenwith narcissists, like it's
almost like I was telling myfriend the other day, like, if
you mention one other kind ofthing, that's horrible.
I hope I don't just like callit in, because I feel like I've
(05:39):
gone down the ringer of all thethings.
And it's not because I've beenout on these streets, you know,
trying to like live my best lifewith these people.
I've gotten into committedrelationships.
I've been married twice.
I've tried to do this the waythat I envision, you know, and
(05:59):
it hasn't always worked out inmy favor and I've had to endure
a lot and I take fullresponsibility because I invite
every individual that's in mylife.
I'm not blaming them, I'm notblaming the situation, it's just
, I just know that when it comesto relationships, I have the
propensity to attract a lot ofabusive partners, and what I
(06:20):
mean by that is verbally abusive, not really physically, I
wouldn't say physically, thankgoodness.
And what I mean by that isverbally abusive, not really
physically, I wouldn't sayphysically, thank goodness, and
I'm not like calling that in.
But when it comes to verbalabuse and talking, you know
strongly, like with a lot ofcursing and a lot of fighting
and a lot of that, I have thepropensity to attract that
because I am someone that valuesa peaceful environment and so a
(06:43):
lot of times when you thinkabout what the other person
would want if they want peace, Iwould say, when you have
something, you're going to beattracted to people who have the
opposite and you need torecognize that.
If I'm a person that valuespeace and I have a peaceful
environment, then obviously aperson with chaos and confusion
is going to want to have refugeand, you know, be with someone
(07:05):
like me, like, oh, she's a goodperson and I never was like wow,
like since when?
Did being a good person meanthat I was more susceptible to
verbal abuse?
I would just say verbal becauseI haven't really had physical
abuse and I don't want to likemisinterpret what that is,
because that's not my livedjourney.
I've had a lot of verbal abusein childhood and then this
(07:26):
stemmed into relationships and alot of manipulation and a lot
of narcissists, and so Iremember my friends saying, like
why are they so attracted toyou?
Like I feel like it's like adifferent person and you're
going through similar situations, and I think that when I get
into a relationship, especiallywith having premenstrual
(07:47):
dysphoric disorder, I am verywell-versed in in really just
wanting to understand theindividual.
I didn't even know until I wentto go have counseling myself
with my psychotherapist that shewas like oh so you're a people
pleaser and I'm like I'm a.
What I didn't recognize thatand this is the beauty in having
counselors and therapists isbecause they call you out on
(08:10):
things that you can't see inyourself.
And so many of my people arelike my clients are like can't
you see that?
Or wouldn't you know that Ican't counsel myself?
You know, obviously that wouldbe great.
I can't do what I do for otherpeople, I can't do it for myself
(08:35):
.
You know how they say hindsightis 20-20.
And so I got into thisrelationship and I began my
people pleasing.
I immediately went into what dothey want, what do they like,
what works better for theirschedule.
I took the attention and thefocus off of me and I put it on
them.
And I did that because, in mymind, a relationship is two
people doing that.
I've always thought that.
I've always thought that if youdecide to be connected with
(08:56):
someone, if both of you just tryto put the other person first,
to put their needs first, kindof like having that kind of
unconditional love, then neitherone of you are going to be
lacking, because you're bothtrying to provide a strong and
healthy environment for theother person.
So how can it ever go wrong ifI'm always thinking about what
is it that you need, what is itthat you want, what is it that
(09:18):
you desire?
You know how can I please you,and not in a way that I'm like
not pleasing myself, but justtaking you into consideration,
because when I'm single, I livea very individualistic life when
it comes to other adults, like,yes, I have a daughter, yes, I
have a dog.
When it comes to my time, allthe focus is on me, and so I
know when I'm in a relationshipor even dating.
(09:40):
I have to consciously okay, Ican't just get up in the morning
and not check my phone, or Ican't just get up, you know, and
during the day and just totallyfocus on me.
I have to, like, look at theirschedule.
What are the times in the daythat they like to be
communicated with?
Like I'm very accommodating,right, and I'm very nice and I'm
very sweet and I'm very lovingand it's all very authentic.
(10:03):
That's just the core of who Iam.
It very sweet and I'm veryloving and it's all very
authentic.
That's just the core of who Iam.
It doesn't take a lot of effortfor me to be that way.
I'm just a very loving person.
I was meeting up with a coupleof clients and they're just like
, oh my gosh, how I imaginedthat you would be from listening
to you for over the past coupleof years and then seeing you in
person.
You're the same way.
You're just so loving and youfeel.
You just feel what did they say?
This feels like the besttherapeutic environment, because
(10:27):
you're just loving and kind andsweet and nice and fun and all
of these things.
And I just you feel that energy.
It's an innocent thing, right.
You can feel someone's energy.
I always say you can feelsomeone's energy before you even
see them, before you even talkto them, like regardless of what
someone says.
If I come into their presence,like I can feel someone's energy
before you even see them,before you even talk to them,
like regardless of what someonesays, if I come into their
(10:47):
presence, like I can feel theirenergy.
And so that's just the core ofwho I am, and so I think when
you get into these relationshipsor you're dating or you're
getting to know people, I'malways assuming the best of
people.
That's another trait that Ihave.
I just assume the best, andwhat that means is I make a lot
of excuses for the red flags, Imake a lot of excuses for
(11:09):
behavior that is less than whatI deserve, and I'm admitting to
this because I know that I'velived a long life where I've
been in traumatic situations andit's impacted how I show up,
and so I really don't likeblaming people, I don't like
shaming them, I don't likecriticizing them, I don't like
(11:30):
any of that.
I kind of like accepting peoplefor where they are, like I'll
love you for where you are andthen we can go from there, like
I don't put this persona thatyou have to be a certain way,
but I think when someone getsinto a relationship or
connection with me romantically,they feel the need to be a
different version of themselves.
I have noticed a common threadof they start comparing like
(11:54):
it's like, oh, you're.
Especially after I became adoctor, I was like I'm literally
the same person that I wasbefore, but, like everyone,
there's some people that justtreat me differently and so it's
made dating like really, reallyhard.
Because it's like, oh, you're adoctor and you've done this
career for over 20 years.
And oh, you have a daughter andyou've been like a single mom
(12:17):
and oh, you have a dog.
Like they're looking at all ofthese things and I'm like, why
are you comparing?
Like I just think I don't havethat comparison mindset.
I just take people for wherethey are in their life and I can
find value in.
I've hired people that don'thave an associate's degree.
I've paid hundreds of dollarsto people during my journey that
(12:40):
don't have a degree.
For me, it's not about thedegree, it's about the lived
experience.
It's about the discernment thatyou have on your degree.
For me, it's not about thedegree, it's about the lived
experience.
It's about the discernment thatyou have on your life.
It's an energy I can feel whenI know that I'm about to work
with someone that's gonna beable to help me.
And I'm not looking ataccolades, because I know, and
maybe you've been in the sameplace where you have gone to
doctors and gynecologists andspecialists that are like I and
(13:02):
gynecologists and specialiststhat are like I work, I'm the
best and I'm supposed to be thebest at this and then you go to
talk to them and you'reeducating them more about PMDD
than they know and you're likewell, what was the point of this
?
Like you should actually pay mebecause you didn't know
anything about my condition.
So when people start to treat medifferently and feel like that
they need to be a differentversion of themselves, it's
really like a.
It's a pain point for me,because I feel like that's when
(13:26):
people take a turn and theystart acting out of character
and I don't like that for them,I don't love that for them, and
so I get into this peoplepleasing mode of kind of like
telling them it's okay, youdon't have to do this and you
don't have to do that, cause I'mtrying to be comforting in a
way of like you don't have to bea certain way in order to be
with me.
You have to be yourself andthen allow me to make the
(13:48):
decision after you've beenyourself.
But for a lot of reasons,people don't feel like they feel
a little bit insecure, not alittle bit.
They feel very insecure and itmakes them act out of character
and it makes them I don't know.
I don't know, it makes themuncomfortable.
I think and I'm so accepting,like it's so weird, because if
(14:08):
you talk to my friends or evenfamily members, they'll tell you
like she's so accepting, she'sso loving, like I don't care,
even with my clients, like Idon't care what kind of life you
live, like I'm going to loveyou for where you're at, I'm
going to serve you for whereyou're at.
It's not about you never haveto be anything other than your
authentic self.
But I think what happens is inintimate relationships is
(14:29):
they're trying to be the one toimpress me.
They're trying to be the one tobring something to the table.
They're trying to be the one tosave me from whatever.
And I don't need saving, Idon't need to be taken care of
in certain ways, in certain ways.
Yes, you know I love attention,affection, validation, I love
(14:50):
that.
But if you don't give it to me,I'm going to give it to myself,
where I have other sources toget it from, like it's not a
thing.
But I think and with this pastsituation and I'll really
explain it to you to reallybreak it down where I really had
to take my power back is Ishrunk myself because this
person was so intimidated withall of my accolades.
(15:12):
I mean, I genuinely acted likemyself, but I didn't mention
certain things because I'm avery open person.
I'm kind of like an all in orall out, so I would go and be
like oh, I just got back fromhere and I could just get back
from traveling here, and I justgot back from traveling there
and next week I'm going to behere, like I travel, I would say
two out of the four weeks ofevery single month, traveling
(15:34):
for me, vacationing for and notjust for work.
Sometimes it's a vacation,sometimes it's for work, it's
for work, sometimes it's amixture of both, because I speak
at a lot of conferences andthat's just my lifestyle.
I'm literally a nomad.
My daughter is in high school.
She's going into 11th gradeactually next week and I would
take her with me before and evennow.
It's kind of like we're veryplugged into our community here
(15:56):
so I try to have some sense ofroutine.
But honestly, if she didn'thave a lot of those things and I
didn't have a lot of things inthe community, I would be gone
the majority of the time.
That's just my personality.
That's how I desire to live.
I know some people want thewhite picket fence and they want
like a big house and a big yardand a dog and a farm and a
(16:17):
thing, and that for me I've hadit before and it is the
antithesis, is the opposite ofwhat I want.
So I love a traveling lifestyle, I love exploring new areas,
new countries, new cultures, allthe things.
But I feel like when I connectmyself with someone and they're
in that place of wanting toprovide something for me, they
(16:37):
don't see a space.
They don't see a space, a space, they don't see a space, and so
that can actually turn intothem becoming very abusive and
or manipulative and or feelinglike they want to have that
level of control again.
And so I had to really thinkabout this when it came down to
taking my power back, which iswhat we're getting into.
(16:58):
I had to name the abuse.
I was like what kind ofindividuals am I really seeing a
pattern with?
And it is narcissist number oneand then number two,
manipulators.
If they don't feel a sense ofcontrol, like they can provide
anything, they will try to dimmy light, they will try to make
me feel insecure about thethings that I have and they'll
(17:19):
try to get me to really likethem, love them, care about them
all the things and then they'llpull away.
There's this push-pull thingthat keeps going on and I'm like
what the heck is this?
Because I'm a very routineperson.
So the push-pull thing I don'teven know what it's called when
it comes to dating andrelationships, where they pay a
lot of attention to you andthey're really all in and then
they pull back as soon as theysee that you're matching that
(17:42):
energy.
They just wanna know that theygot you and then they pull back.
And I'm pretty sure if I calledmy dating mentor on this
podcast again, he would be ableto name it Like I'm not a dating
expert, me, this is me talking.
I'm not a dating expert, I am arelationship expert.
This dating thing isweirdcomorg.
Like I don't understand it.
But I had to really identify andname the abuse.
(18:04):
And the abuse was narcissism.
The abuse was was manipulation.
I actually had and I'm lookingover at the book right now One
of the guys that I'm I wasdating gave me this book on dark
manipulation and narcissistsand all this and he actually did
the things that were in thebook.
I thought that was the weirdestthing, but I also take
everything as a sign.
So I'm like, okay, I probablyneed to finish the book because
(18:26):
I started to read it but he wasliterally doing some of the
tactics, these manipulationtactics, that are in the book.
He was like I know you like toread, so I got you this book.
And then he literally did thethings in the book and I was
like what Was he trying toprotect me, like I don't know,
but anyway, so I have toidentify and name the abuse.
So I think what you need torealize being in a PMDD
(18:47):
relationship is PMDD does notexcuse you being verbally or
physically abusive in yourrelationship.
So you need to acknowledgepatterns of emotional, verbal
and psychological abuse.
Now I will say minus, minus,yeah, minus the emotional, the
verbal and the psychological.
That psychological is that pushand pull.
The reason why is because whenI'm in PMD, I'm already a little
(19:10):
bit confused, like I'm alreadylike what's going on, and so I
feel like I've had to come tothis place of like I'm
overthinking things.
If I notice my anxiety isgetting really high, I'm like
are we good, are we not good?
Like there's always I'm on edge.
I have had to pull back fromthat and just really use this
mantra.
This is what's really helped me.
(19:31):
When you notice that you'reexperiencing abuse verbal or
physical abuse and you want totake your power back, you have
to name it.
You have to name the behaviorthat is abusive and be really
honest with yourself.
So this is the partner that hasPMDD and the partner that
doesn't Be really honest withyourself, because you know if
somebody else was telling youthat they were treated like this
(19:52):
, like you would have an opinionabout it.
So I don't want you to feellike because it's your person,
or who you proclaim to be yourperson, that you can't call.
But what do they say?
Call a spade a spade, right?
You stonewalling me, meaningyou're shutting down on me when
you know that I need emotionalconnection.
Stonewalling you, making me feelless of a person, is minimizing
(20:17):
me, is manipulating me, lyingto me, you being like super
secretive and then being superopen and blah blah.
Like that's manipulative.
You're doing it for your ownpurpose and it really does make
you feel a little bit not alittle bit, a lot insecure.
You feel insecure aboutyourself because you're all over
the place, even the mostconfident person.
(20:37):
You start to mess with thempsychologically and they're
going to be off their game.
They're going to be off theirrocker.
They're going to be off theirgame.
They're going to be off theirrocker.
They're going to be like what'sgoing on?
They're going to feel likethey're not.
As they're going to, theirself-worth is going to go down.
They're not going to be asconfident because they're going
to be like how did I get myselfin this place?
How am I accepting thisbehavior?
You know you're going to feelreally shameful about it and
(20:58):
you're going to.
You're living in a land of chaosand confusion and the mantra
that I had to use when I noticedthat there was verbal,
emotional and psychologicalabuse, which I've dealt with a
lot, because I feel like I am agood person and people see that
and they want to maybe tear thatdown a little bit.
(21:18):
So it seems like we're a littlebit more even.
I think that's what the goal is.
The goal is making it seem likeI don't have more than they
have.
So then they feel better aboutthemselves because I'm not a
mirror of what they haven'taccomplished.
Like I never tell someone oh, Ihave this, you should have this
.
But I feel like you cansometimes be a mirror to your
partner and make them feelinferior just by your existence,
(21:41):
and I really hated that becauseI didn't want to feel like when
I was going into the datingworld, that I had to match every
accolade, like I didn't want tolike.
Think about it.
Think about the pool right now,the dating pool.
I would be like I can only be ina relationship with another
person who's a doctor, or I canonly be with another person
(22:01):
that's a single parent, or I canonly be with another person
that's a single parent, or I canonly be with someone who has a
dog, or I can only be withsomeone who has an entrepreneur,
or I can only be with someonewho's been in their career and
could travel whenever they want.
Like it would be very hard tomeet someone that mirrors
everything that I have andthat's not a requirement for me.
That's my journey and it hasnot come easy and it's not.
It's just, this is the way mylife has worked out, and I think
(22:25):
, even without me asking forthese things, there's almost
this underlying expectation,this underlying expectation of
like, oh, you must want this.
This is what happened with thelatest person that I was dating
and they're like you, you mustwant to get married, like you've
been married before you, you'reof a certain age I'm turning 40
in November and they're younger, and so they're kind of like oh
(22:50):
, you want to get married, andI'm like well, I mean someday.
But that was not even a concernof mine, that wasn't even on my
radar.
I'm not ready for that.
I just wanted what did I say?
A companion, yeah, like Ididn't, I'm not, I'm not there
yet.
I think, when you come out of amarriage, like, even if you're
(23:11):
ready to date, you're ready toconnect yourself with someone,
like you need to take some time,because a lot of times when you
start dating, a lot of thethings that you need to work on
come out in those relationships.
And so I was just embracingthat.
I was just embracing, okay,what do I like?
What do I need for this stageof my life?
And I was great.
But there was this level ofexpectation that they felt, this
(23:32):
insecurity that they felt andthey started to do a lot of the
psychological abuse.
I don't think it was conscious,I think it was subconscious,
like I think they were justtrying to feel like they were
the man or feel like they were alittle bit like on my level and
you know, hearing, hearingabout my life and my schedule
(23:53):
and my, my travels, and seeingpictures, like I am also an
overshare, so like if I'm inconnection with you, like I'm
sending you selfies of where Iam on the beaches, of wherever
I'm sitting, like I do it not tobrag, not to boast, but just
for you to share my joy, cause Ihave so much joy when I'm
traveling.
But I feel like that's atrigger for some people.
(24:13):
And then I also feel like forme it's hard for me to pull back
from that, cause I'm just likedang, why am I with someone that
I can't really share you knowthat aspect of my life with?
So now I've gotten to the pointwhere it's like I kind of do
have to vet and filter out aperson's capabilities to live a
life in alignment with mine,which I didn't want to do that
(24:37):
because I didn't want to cancelout people because they're not
where I'm at, I don't need themto be where I'm at, I don't need
them to maintain me being whereI'm at.
But I get that it's a thing andthe I had to name the
psychological abuse.
Like you're, emotionally, theybroke up with me in like this
weird text and then they gotback with me and was like okay,
(25:02):
no, I really do love you, Ireally want to be with you,
you're the best thing sincesliced bread.
And then they pulled back again.
Like literally days later theystarted making all these plans
and then they pulled back againand I was just like what is
going on?
Like I don't understand thepull and push thing, like I
don't understand what it wasgoing on with them, because they
weren't really open about theirjourney, about what was going
(25:25):
on with them emotionally.
But I had to call it and saythis is emotional abuse, this is
psychological abuse, and verbalabuse doesn't always look like
someone is yelling at you,someone's cursing at you.
Verbal abuse can be love bombingand I completely got love
bombed again.
I'm like golly, like I mean,granted, I don't want any of the
(25:46):
other forms of narcissism, butI literally got love bomb again,
because as soon as they startedto say like oh, I love you, I
care about you and I want tomake this work and let's try
again, I was completely on board.
I was like, oh yeah, yeah, wecan work through this, and I
even comforted them.
It was the weirdest thing.
Like they did this Dear Johnbreakup text with me and I
(26:08):
immediately called them likewhat?
And then they're like well, Ijust feel like blah, blah, blah.
And I'm like oh, no, we canwork through this, like this is
fine.
This is exactly what I did withall of my exes when I realized
that they were overwhelmed withemotions.
Like I am a psychologist, I cando emotions.
Like, if you're overwhelmedwith emotions, like I can help
you.
So that's what I told them.
And then they were like okay,and then they're like let's go
to dinner and we have all ofthese things that happened that
(26:31):
reconnected us.
And then two days later, they'relike oh, I can't do this.
I'm like what the heck justhappened?
That's a form of psychologicalabuse and it's the way I had to
take my power back in thatsituation and it was really,
really hard for me, but it wasvery, very necessary, because I
literally said this, and I saidthis in person.
(26:51):
I was like listen, this is thesecond time you've done this,
where you've kind of done this,kind of like, oh, we're fine,
and then you pull back and yougo ghost me for like a couple of
days.
I said I'm not going totolerate this anymore.
Like this is the second time.
They did it literally two dayslater and I'm like okay, I see
the pattern here and I had toreally take my power back.
(27:13):
And the way that I took mypower back was saying this
mantra it's not my fault and I'mnot responsible for someone
else's cruelty.
I remember that I was crying.
I was literally crying becauseI have emotions and I'm a human,
and I was crying over thissecond.
I think it was the second, yeah, the second like little
(27:34):
dissertation looking text oflike you're an amazing person,
like I just can't be with you, Ican't give you what it is, that
you deserve All these things,and I literally was crying.
He's like don't cry, I can'ttalk to you if you're crying,
like completely dismissing myemotions, and I'm like what do
you mean you can't talk to me ifI'm crying.
That's what you say to kidswhen you can't really understand
(27:55):
what they're saying.
You're like I can't understandyou till you stop crying.
And so that was a sign for methat this is not safe for me,
that that that is really whathelped me take my power back,
because you just showed me thatwhen I'm in an emotional state
that you're not a safe personfor me because you're going to
invalidate my feelings and tellme that I should just be strong.
I am strong, but I'm also ahuman who has emotions and my
(28:17):
feelings are hurt Like I don't.
I don't understand what we'retalking about here.
So that's the first way thatyou can kind of take your power
back when you recognize thatyour partner is invalidating you
, minimizing you verbally,emotionally, psychologically,
abusing.
You name it, because I know alot of times you're denying it,
you're like it's fine becausethey had a hard day or that.
(28:39):
No, you have to name it.
You have to identify it,because you cannot heal what you
don't reveal.
And so the next thing that I hadto do was this is so hard for
me because I am a very routineperson and I had to detach.
Like I talked about on theother episodes, I had to detach
(29:01):
from them emotionally, detachfrom their chaos.
So you're using detachment asprotection, you're not punishing
them.
I didn't detach, I did notanswer their text messages
because I was trying to punishthem, because I wanted them to
feel bad.
You know, I was trying to talkto them and all these things and
then they were like this is mylast message to you.
Like we were actually supposedto go on a walk that day and
(29:25):
then they messaged me before thewalk.
I was literally waking up from anap to this breakup text and I
was like what is going on?
Like what are you talking about?
Like I literally had an amazingday with my daughter.
We went to go see Lilo andStitch Please go see the movie,
it's amazing.
Then I went to brunch withfriends and I literally woke up
to this long text and I was likewhy would you send me this?
And they were like, oh, I toldyou.
I told you it's all in there.
(29:45):
And I'm like what?
Like number one, I don't likethe whole text, like the breakup
text over text message, but Iguess that's a thing.
But like you could have talkedto, I don't like when people
make the decision to break upwithout having a conversation
with the other person and I saythis to my private clients, like
if you're thinking whateveryou're because I have a private
(30:06):
clients where they're thinkingabout breaking up a lot of times
but they're not telling theirpartner any of the thoughts that
they're having.
So by the time they talk totheir partner, they've already
made the decision.
That's a trigger for me becauseI'm like you guys could have
worked through that.
Like when we have privatesessions and we have them
together, you're actuallyworking through the things that
are going on in your brain.
That's making you feel like youneed to break up, which is the
healthy thing to do, becauseyou're letting your partner know
(30:28):
what's really going on in yourmind and then giving them the
opportunity to tell you what'sgoing on in their mind and what
you can do to ease their mindand what they can do to ease
your mind and vice versa.
That's called being in arelationship.
But what I had to do was I hadto emotionally detach from their
chaos.
If anything causes me chaos andconfusion, I know that it needs
(30:49):
to go.
It's not from God.
God is not a God of chaos andconfusion.
I don't want anything that'stied to chaos and confusion in
my life, because I know that Ihave the ability to have
relationships that are notchaotic and that are not
confusing.
But I know what that will dofor my mental health.
I know what that will do for mymental health.
I've been in a lot ofrelationships where I've had
(31:12):
chaos and confusion and I'veliterally woken up like I was on
the episode of the Walking Dead.
It messes with my body.
It messes with my mind.
It messes with my capability.
I'm not able to live out mypurpose.
I can't do what I do If I'mtotally confused and chaotic all
the time.
I become a different version ofmyself that I don't even like,
like it's not comfortable.
I'm on edge.
(31:33):
My cortisol levels are so high.
I'm hypervigilant.
Like it's it's which was againvery hard for me because in my
(31:55):
mind I wanted to be like.
You mistreated me, you ignoredme, you emotionally neglected me
, you led me on, you told meeverything was great.
So I let my guard down and theneverything was not great.
And then, like, I was like andthen I made you made plans with
me, like it was just a wholebunch that I just felt offended
(32:18):
by, but I couldn't match theirenergy.
I had to protect mine because Iknew it would have taken me out
of character to go be petty.
Can I be petty?
Yes, can I go off?
Yes, can I make them feelhorrible?
Yes, I am a psychologist.
I know all the tricks that youcan do with someone's brain to
(32:40):
make them feel horrible.
I do not use my power for evil.
That's not in my nature.
But sometimes, when you feeloffended, it's really hard for
you to not say things and dothings that are below the belt
to your partner, when you knowthat you have the capability of
doing it.
But I know what that would havecost me.
That would have cost me a lotof guilt, a lot of shame.
(33:02):
I would have regretted it.
It's not the core of who I am.
I had to detach, not only toprotect myself from them, but to
protect them from me, protectthem from the version of me that
could have came out when I wasin that emotionally charged
place, when I was emotionallytriggered and I felt like they
had offended me and they haddone me wrong and all these
things I could say or do, thingsthat are out of character.
(33:22):
I didn't want to do that.
I don't want to hurt them.
I don't want to leave a lastingmark on their life that they're
going to have to recover fromin somebody's therapy chair.
Like I don't want to do that.
So my mantra that I really useto detach and to protect the
both of us because I knew thatit wasn't going to work I knew
that it wasn't going to work andit wasn't a situation where I
(33:43):
needed to put myself back intothe emotional rollercoaster and
I said this the last time inperson with him.
I was like this is the secondtime that this has happened.
This cannot happen again.
Promise me that this is notgoing to happen again.
They promised me and then itliterally happened two days
later, whether it was consciousor subconscious.
I I'm like, okay, buddy, likeI'm not about to do this, and so
I can love and care about aperson from a distance and
(34:06):
protect my peace.
That was the mantra that I usedfor my detachment.
I can care about them and lovethem from a distance.
I even prayed for them atchurch this morning.
I don't hate the person, Idon't.
I have this mentality that a lotof things, everything that they
do, has everything to do withthem and nothing to do with me.
I was loving, I was wonderful,I was caring, I was
(34:29):
understanding, I was forgiving,and then I had to let them go
because they weren't in a placewhere they could receive it.
A lot of times, some people maynot be in a place where they
can receive your love and youdon't wanna get to a place where
you replace your love withbitterness, resentment your love
.
And you don't want to get to aplace where you replace your
love with bitterness, resentmentand unforgiveness and you start
acting out of character.
You regret it.
If you're a good person, you'regoing to regret it.
It may feel good in the moment.
(34:49):
The flesh feels good, the egofeels good to tell them about
themselves Like I even havefriends that were like if I were
you, I would have told himdon't you freaking call me,
don't bubble.
Like I would have got on thephone and like, ran them to
shreds and been like how dareyou?
Because when you were cryingthey're like stop crying and
then they call you crying,leaving you voicemails, and
you're supposed to be soempathetic.
(35:10):
No, I don't need to do that,because here's the thing when it
comes to detachment giving thatperson.
Space and detaching from themhelps them understand their
impact and what they did, waymore than having the
conversation with them.
When you're having aconversation with your partner
about, or someone that you'redating about things that they
did to you, they're like rollingtheir eyes.
(35:30):
They're thinking you're soemotional.
They're thinking you're nagging, they're thinking you're the
problem.
You're like, and you did thisand you did that.
You're blaming, you're shaming,and it's going in one ear out
the other.
They're repelled by it.
It doesn't work.
It's a scam.
When you give them space, thetruth comes out, because the
truth is within them.
The truth is in your energy andwhen you detach from someone,
(35:52):
they can feel that detachment.
And I literally did it yesterday.
I did it like strategically.
I talked about the situation,which I agree you need to talk
about it, right.
I talked about it with mytherapist and then after that, I
was like I need to let this go,I need to shake this off.
I went and I moved my body, Iwent on walks, I journaled, I
used all the tools that I usedmy private clients and I woke up
(36:13):
today and I felt amazing.
And I woke up today and theywere calling me and they were
whatever, and I used the methodof detachment.
I am not going to go back tothe same place that hurt me in
order to heal me.
Meaning, if I feel hurt and Ineed healing from that situation
, why would I go back and putmyself back in that same
(36:34):
situation thinking that they'regoing to treat me any
differently, right?
So another thing that youreally have to do when you're
taking your power back is you'retracking your PMDD symptoms so
you can recognize when you'revulnerable to an emotional
manipulation or gaslighting.
A lot of times that I was reallyopen to these individuals that
(36:56):
are abusive or not good not evenabusive, but just not good for
me.
I was in PMDD because I wantedlove, affection, attention,
validation in a way that feltgood to me and I was needing it,
and so I was very vulnerable tomanipulation or gaslighting and
love bombing.
I was loving the love bombingand a part of me was like
(37:16):
beating myself up about oh mygosh, I got love bombed again, I
got manipulated again and youknow what I did to take my power
back.
I said my emotions are valid.
I am a human and I haveemotions, but they do not make
me weak or they do not make meunworthy.
You know that said a lot aboutthe other person when they said
that to me, that I shouldn't becrying.
(37:36):
That tells me that they're anavoidance and that tells me that
they're not willing to sit withtheir hard emotions.
And people that are avoidance.
When they do have strongemotions it's debilitating, it's
horrible, because they're notused to staying in that place.
They just want to feel better.
And so when the person wascalling me today and they're
like I want to talk to you, Iwant to say yeah, because you
(37:58):
want me to make you feel betterabout a situation that you
created for yourself.
I'm taking my power backbecause that's not my
responsibility.
I didn't do anything to thatperson In between the time that
we had the interactions onenight.
They're like I love you, you'remy peace, you're my heart,
you're the most beautiful personever.
Love bomb, love bomb.
All the things Do.
I believe that they genuinelybelieve those things?
(38:18):
Yes, but I also believe thatwhen things got hard in their
mind with whatever it is thatthey were going through, they
took it on back.
That's the thing.
This is why you can't takevalidation from the individual
that is mistreating you.
Right, because when I wasseeking validation.
I just wanted them to say allthose loving things to me.
And I had to shift my focusfrom needing their approval as a
(38:41):
people pleaser and I'm tryingto recover from that and I had
to shift my focus from needingtheir approval as a people
pleaser and I'm trying torecover from that and I had to
start validating myself andreminding myself of who I am and
what I bring to the table and Ihate saying bring to the table,
because I'm not like offeringmyself up as a sacrifice but I
know who I am and I don't needsomeone to tell me that I'm
valuable.
And so I really had to say thismantra.
(39:01):
When I took my power back, I waslike I don't need your
validation to feel valuable.
I didn't even say that to them.
That's another way of takingyour power back.
You don't need to go tell them.
Sometimes you feel like I needto tell them.
I need to tell them.
I don't need to tell themanything.
I need to tell myself that whenI feel like I need to respond
or I need to do this and I needto go Like I'm really big on no
contact when you kind of madethe decision that this person is
(39:24):
not healthy for you.
You need to go no contact untilyou're in a place where it
feels safe for you.
Again, I'm not saying you haveto go no contact forever,
because I know for me, once Iget to a place where I've
detached and I've taken my powerback, then I can read your text
messages and I can hear fromyou and I don't feel the need to
go back and I don't feel theneed to people please.
But you have to know yourweaknesses, you have to know
(39:46):
what you're still working on andif I know that I'm still
valuing validation from theother person to feel valuable, I
need to do no contact.
So I just had to tell myself Idon't need the validation of
this person.
I don't need them to tell meI'm amazing, that I'm a good
person.
I already know that I genuinelydid.
I just thought it was nice tohear, but like I didn't need
(40:07):
them to tell me that.
But it was kind of like whenthey were breaking up, they were
like you're gonna be okay,you're gonna, and I'm just like
the heck are you talking aboutchicken nugget?
Of course, able to be okay wasthe very next morning.
What you don't want to do whenyou're trying to take your power
back, when you're in thesesituations, is to stop doing
your routines.
That is the biggest mistake.
(40:27):
That's a scam.
Do not do that.
And so this is the wholepurpose of having a routine,
because it gets you back to thecore of who you are.
And so I got up this morning andof course, I got up earlier
than I really would have gottenup on a Sunday but I was like
that's fine and I reclaimed mymorning routine.
I reclaimed it by doing mymorning routine.
(40:50):
I got up, I read my Bible, Iprayed, I read a little bit of
the book that I'm reading, Iwent and worked out, I went and
took my dog on a walk.
I felt better.
I journaled a lot.
I felt better through everyphase of my morning routine
because I was proud of myself.
I'm like, wow, that happenedyesterday.
That could have broken me, butI did all of these things.
I got the dopamine.
The dopamine is that chemicalthat your brain and your body
(41:12):
automatically produce when youget things done.
I got the endorphins frommoving my body.
I rewarded myself with thingsthat made me feel better.
I used music therapy.
That made me feel amazing and Iliterally said to myself as I
was doing my morning routine,like every choice that I'm
making, every action that I'mtaking in this routine is a step
towards freedom.
And what that meant was freedomfrom the negative emotions that
(41:35):
I didn't wanna feel, that Ididn't need to feel.
I had felt all of the negativefeelings the night before.
I allowed myself to feel them.
I gave myself time.
I literally was like I'm noteven because I was supposed to
go out that night.
So, technically, this personruined my evening.
I was supposed to go out and Ijust I could have gone out and I
could have numbed it.
I could have numbed my pain andnot processed it, and I could
(41:59):
have gone out and had an amazingtime, but I still would have
had my issue waiting for me assoon as I got back.
But I said you know what I'mgoing to take this evening and
I'm going to process it.
I'm going to feel the feels,I'm going to cry, I'm going to
release, I'm going to journal,I'm going to do whatever it is
that I needed to do in order tofeel better, not even good,
because I didn't end up feelinggood and I went to sleep.
And then I woke up and I did myroutine, and so I.
(42:20):
What I really had to do after Iwas doing my morning routine is
silence the inner critic thatthey fed me, write down in my
journaling, write down the liesthat they told me you shouldn't
cry, you deserve someone so muchbetter than me.
All these things I rewrite themwith the truth, and so I had to
really get back to the core ofwho I am.
So if I was in my luteal phasethank goodness I'm in my
(42:42):
follicular phase but even in myfollicular phase, it made me cry
Like I was sad.
I was like dang, that's crazy.
Because I was just and I'mproud of myself, because I was
really open and vulnerable tothem in my last conversation
with them, because I've been insituations where I've held it in
.
You know how you can get in theego and be like I'm fine, I'm
fine.
No, I was completely honest.
(43:03):
I was like I'm not fine, I'mnot okay.
This is very disappointing andI don't like it.
I think that this is not fair.
I think that I didn't deservethis, I think that I gave you
another chance and I'm not okay.
And so I had to tell the truthand be really honest with myself
, be really authentic and it'sokay.
You know that phrase it's okayto not be okay.
(43:24):
It's okay to not be okay.
I don't want to be okay all thetime.
I want to have the ebbs andflows and know that I have the
tools to get myself out of thesehard times.
And I said I'm not too much, I'menough, I'm amazing, I know.
Like when I told my friendbecause I had to tell her
because I talk about you know,like when I told my friend
because I had to tell herbecause I talk about you know my
relationships are dating allthe time, and she was just like
(43:45):
but you're this and you'reamazing and you're magical and
you're sexy and you're fun, andyou know you're all of these
things.
I appreciate that.
But I know, I know I'm sexy, Iknow I'm fun, I know I'm a good
person, I know I have a goodheart, I know I have a good
heart.
I know all of these things.
I don't try to be those waysfor anybody else except for
myself and I just try to sharewho I am with other people.
(44:09):
But I mean, if they fumble theball, that's kind of how I
thought about it.
I was like if you fumble theball, you fumble the ball.
That's taking your power back.
I took my power back byrecognizing you lost something
that would have really addedvalue to your life.
That's what I really had tocome to terms with.
He lost something that reallywould have added value to his
life and that's not for me tofeel bad about.
(44:31):
That is not for me to feel badabout, because I know what I did
and I know what I would havedone for that person, and they
no longer have access to me.
So what I did is I had topractice emotional
non-reactivity, and what thatmeans is when they were sending
me messages and they were likeoh, I want to talk to you again
(44:52):
and I'm here for you if you wantto talk.
It's almost like the situationwhere someone breaks you down
and then they try to like bethere to pick up the pieces.
I had to take my power backbecause I think that they
assumed that I was worse offthan I was and that they were
(45:14):
the cause of it, and blah, blah,blah and I say this because I
try not to get to this point alot of time where once I'm
detached and I'm going back tomy regularly scheduled program.
Once I'm going back to my life,you don't have control over me
anymore.
Do not worry, I'm not balled upin a corner crying I'm fine, I
(45:37):
am fine, god is my source.
And luckily this happened on aSaturday night.
So I went to church thismorning like I'm completely
filled up, and they were like Ihope you're okay, sending me a
message I'm great and yeah, Ithink there's this.
You know, misconception that I,when I started to shrink myself
(45:59):
to make this person feel better,like they assume that they have
more control over me than theyreally did.
You have the control that Igave you.
When you decide and this is foryou when you decide to take
back your control, then theydon't have any power over you.
They could say whatever, theycould do whatever, and I had the
(46:21):
power to be like I'll respondwhen I choose to.
Literally, I had the power tobe like I'll respond when I
choose to, or if I don't want to, if I don't want to respond to
your text message, if I don'twant to respond to your anything
.
I didn't block them yet but ifI'm, if I never speak to you
again because of what you did,that's fine, because I know.
I think when I'm able to makepeace with things is because I
(46:43):
know that I tried my very best.
I was very open with you upuntil the very end and I
literally said you don't need toworry about me anymore because
I gave you my heart, I gave youall of me, in a sense of what
you would get in being inconnection with me and having
access to me.
And you misused it.
(47:03):
You misused it and you abusedit and you took it for granted
and you probably thought I wasalways going to be there, coming
back.
You know, getting water, like Iwas thirsty, like a dog like,
and, no, like I'm fine.
And so the next thing you cando when you really take your
power back is you createinvisible boundaries.
If you're in a situation whereyou can do, when you really take
(47:24):
your power back, is you createinvisible boundaries.
If you're in a situation whereyou can't really leave yet, you
limit what you share, you limithow you engage with them and
when you respond and you say mysilence is my power, it's not my
weakness, when you removeaccess to you, that's you
creating the boundary and takingyour power back.
When I gave you access to me,you took it for granted.
You abused it.
You gave it to me sometimes,you breadcrumbed me, you gave it
(47:48):
to me sometimes and then youtook it back.
You gave it to me.
You used your words, which hadpower over me from your love
bombing, and then you used themto say I'm going to leave you,
I'm going to neglect you, I'mgoing to abandon you.
I don't need to be with you,I'm not this person.
Blah, blah.
Okay, then don't be with me.
I honestly, I've turned down alot of people.
(48:12):
When I decide to put my focusand attention on individuals
that I'm dating and inrelationships, it's not because
I don't have anybody else that Icould pursue, but I'm a very
loyal person.
So if you're telling me thatyou don't wanna be with me, if
you're telling me that you'renot sure about me, if you're
telling me that you're not ready, whatever it is that you're
(48:33):
saying, that is fine, that iscompletely fine and I respect
that.
I just wish you would saysomething sooner and not do the
push and pull.
But I literally had to take mypower back and just choose
myself.
And I said this mantra I chooseme even when it's hard,
especially when it's hard.
I'm choosing me.
I'm always going to choose meand I don't mean that in a
(48:55):
selfish way, in a manipulativeway, but I'm not going to let me
deteriorate and go down.
Because you fumbled me, becauseyou misused me, because you
abused me, because you did allof these things.
I'm not going to let myselffall and not be operable Like
I'm.
You can make one small decisiondaily that puts you first, and
(49:18):
even if it's just saying no.
So that's what I did today andI said you can say no.
You can say no to yourself.
No, you don't have access to meanymore.
No, like you showed me thatit's not safe to be open and
emotional and to give you accessto me.
You've lost that privilege andthat's on you, that is on you
(49:39):
and you're going to have to livewith that.
And I'm at peace with thatbecause I gave that was the
third chance.
I was like, oh my goodness,that was the third chance.
I was like wow, becausenormally I don't, especially not
being married, like beingmarried.
Obviously I've given a billionchances before, I've let
marriages go, but in a datingrelationship that was, and that
(50:01):
was because there was like itwas very convincing.
When it was good, it was reallygood, but obviously that's the
whole point.
And then the next thing you dois, when you're really taking
your power back, is you'resurrounding yourself with a
support system.
You're not isolated, you feelsupported, you feel seen, you
feel safe Again.
I'm just like really glad thatthis happened on a Saturday
(50:22):
night, because Sunday, thismorning, I went to church with
my daughter.
We were both serving at churchtoday and it just was an amazing
experience being surrounded bylike oh my gosh, how was your
week?
Like we love you so much.
Like you look so beautiful,like we love that you're here.
Like it was so it was so muchsupport, so much love.
It was so much support, so muchlove.
And it was with people thatgenuinely know me, see me, value
(50:45):
me.
Like would never, like theywould never do anything to
jeopardize being around me,having too, where I've been in
situations where it's only beenme, and so I've kind of been
like, am I crazy?
Am I manipulative?
Am I a narcissist?
Like whatever the person issaying negatively, abusive about
(51:17):
me, I'm like, and you wonder ifit's true, if you don't have a
good support system.
That's like, what are youtalking about?
You're amazing.
Like, oh my gosh, I'm so glad Ihave you in my life, like and
they're saying it not to getanything from you.
They're saying it because theygenuinely mean it, not like the
love bomber who says it just toget access to you and to make
you feel good.
This is why, when it comes tolove bombing, you can never
really you can never really letthem be the only one that's
(51:38):
speaking life into you.
When you get to a point wherethe only person that's speaking
life into you by speaking life,what I mean is they're giving
you positive affirmations aboutyourself, they're telling you
that you're amazing, that you'rebeautiful, that you're smart,
all these things when you onlyhave that one person doing it,
all of the power is in theirhands and if they decide so,
basically they could decide onemoment that you're the best
(51:59):
thing since I spread.
Oh, my gosh, you're the love ofmy life, you're my rock, you're
everything.
And the next moment they cansay you're a piece of crap.
And you're going to believeboth because they're the only
ones that are speaking life intoyou.
You need to have people that areclose to you, that are really
talking to you, and this is alot of times what I do with my
private clients when they'retelling me things that their
partner is saying and it'sreally like the antithesis.
(52:20):
I have to remind them, likethat's what I'm there for.
I'm going to remind them thecore of who they are.
But like, wait a minute, aren'tyou working on yourself in this
way?
Or aren't you doing this?
Or aren't you going back toschool?
Or aren't you serving in thisway?
Like, aren't you an amazing mom?
Like aren't you that?
Like I have to do that because alot of times, when you're
solely you know, depending onyour partner, they have the
power to tell you that you'reamazing and give you that
(52:44):
validation, or show you thatyou're amazing and give you that
validation, and they also havethe power to take it back, and
so I hope this episode reallyhelped you to learn how to take
your power back, just the sameway that I had to do.
I go through a lot of thethings that I'm teaching you in
real time, and I wanna say, onthe other side of it, on the
(53:05):
other side of it and I will, Iwill literally say this with
confidence I wasn't evensupposed to record this episode
today, but I feel amazing forsomeone that's just been dumped,
like I guess I can say that,yeah, I've been dumped and I
feel amazing, and not because Idon't miss the person, not
because I don't miss the versionof us that we were, not because
(53:27):
of any of that.
I just I feel amazing because Iwas able to take my power back
and I know who I am and I knowthat there are amazing things
and people and experiences andadventures in my future and I
don't feel like anything is acoincidence.
So I'm very grateful.
I'm very grateful for thejourney that I went on with this
person and they taught me somuch about myself and about how
(53:51):
to help you even more and how totake my power back.
Like every single time I gothrough something, I turn my
pain into my purpose and I neverhave any regrets because I
always, always, always, alwayslead with love and good vibes
only.
So if this is something thatyou're going through, where
(54:12):
you're feeling like I'm in thisreally hard situation, dr Rose,
and I really just need to learnhow to take my power back,
because I'm in this really deep,dark place that I was literally
in just last night and you wantto just go through it Remember
I went through all of this in aday.
I'm not saying that I'm notgoing to have the next week when
I go through my routines andmiss the person.
Obviously they were in myday-to-day routine, but I'm
(54:35):
going to be okay.
I'm going to be better thanokay.
I'm going to be amazing.
And I'm not going to be amazingbecause I had to wait for them
to tell me that I'm amazing orbecome the source of me being
amazing.
I'm gonna be amazing because ofeverything that I'm able to do
for myself and the tools that Igive to you.
So until next time, we got this.
I love you.
So today we're going to be talking about taking your
power back when you are in anabusive PMDD relationship and
the reason why I wanted to talkabout this.
We talked about breakups, wetalked about detachment and now
we're going into taking yourpower back when you're on the
other side of recognizing thereare things that are going on in
(00:24):
my PMDD relationship that arenot right, that are less than
what I deserve, that aredownright abusive, and I mean
this for the partner that hasPMDD and the partner that
doesn't have PMDD, and I've hadto do this a couple of times
within my journey and I counsela lot of individuals with this,
and it's really hard when you'rein a PMDD relationship for both
(00:46):
aspects.
I'm gonna try to go into bothrealms one for the partner who
has premenstrual dysphoricdisorder and one for the partner
that does not.
But I'm gonna start off with myown journey and then, so
obviously, we're gonna talkabout the PMDD sufferer and then
maybe next episode, I'll talkabout the partner.
I like to try to break that upfor you so you can really.
I believe that if you're anindividual that has PMDD or
(01:08):
you're in a PMDD relationship,both you should be listening to
the perspective of both in orderto understand yourself better
and understand your partnerbetter.
But for me, I think that I am,and I'm coming out of something
right now, which is which is amI going to cry?
It's like I.
It's very emotional for mebecause I'm in it, but a lot of
(01:30):
times when I'm in the middle ofgoing through anything, I like
to share it with you, because Iget the bulk of my tools through
lived experiences.
Right, if you've read mydissertation, it is on the lived
experiences of PMDD partner.
It is not on what people havespeculated or what people think
(01:53):
that PMDD partners or PMDDsufferers have gone through.
It's what we actually gothrough and I interviewed
hundreds of PMDD partners andPMDD sufferers and I developed
my tools based off of what theytold me that they were going
through.
It's called a phenomenologicalstudy because it's based on your
life experience.
So I had a recent client that'sa new client and they were
(02:16):
saying one of the reasons whythey decided to work with me as
opposed to other counselors wasbecause I was very open about my
journey and they had neverheard of someone being so
transparent about their personallife, their personal journey,
with anything that they're goingon.
You kind of go into when youwant to get therapy.
You look at their resume, youlook at what they say that they
(02:36):
specialize in.
And I've been in that placewhere I've been disappointed,
where individuals say that theyspecialize in something and
they're just saying it becausethey read an article on it and
then all of a sudden, becausethey have a title, they're like
oh yeah, I specialize in this.
And I will always tell you youcan't specialize in premenstrual
dysphoric disorder if you'venever suffered with it, if
you've never been in a PMDDrelationship.
(02:56):
You can know about it and youcan absolutely advocate for it,
but you cannot specialize in it.
You can't have all of the toolsbecause you haven't been to
those places.
And I don't just mean theplaces of having premenstrual
dysphoric disorder, I mean theplaces of talking to partners
that are suffering with this andtrying to decide what to do and
(03:19):
having to come up with toolsand solutions.
And so I want to talk about mylived experience, first and
foremost, with having to take mypower back when I really
recognized I not only was I inan abusive relationship, I
noticed a pattern of abusiverelationships, and a lot of that
(03:39):
has to do with my past trauma,and sometimes I can get to a
point where it's like this isgetting old, right, you know
what I mean Like talking aboutwhat I've gone through in the
past and really feeling like Ishould be over this, I should be
past it.
This shouldn't still beimpacting me, but it does, and
I'm not claiming my PMDD or mytrauma as a label or an identity
(04:05):
, but I have to recognize thatit does have an impact on me and
on my life.
Otherwise I would get in astate of avoidance, which is
something I always tell myclients not to do.
When you notice a patternthat's going on in your
relationship, in your life, youneed to pay attention to that,
because what happens is becauseof my lived experiences.
I've had to put certain thingsinto place to protect myself.
(04:29):
And do I always do it correctly?
Absolutely not.
I still, to this day, have notmastered protecting myself,
otherwise I wouldn't find myselfin these situations.
But it's all.
My pain is always used for apurpose.
So I remember I was at churchearlier today and I was just
like why do I keep going throughall of this?
But what happens is when I dogo through all of this in
(04:52):
relationships, I really developthe most amazing tools because
not only do I have the abilityto pull someone else out of
things that they're goingthrough, I also have to pull
myself out, and I had to do thatrecently and it was hard for me
because I think I still havethese rose colored glasses on.
(05:16):
When it comes to love, when itcomes to relationships, even
though I have been anything thatyou can think of I've been
cheated on, I've been lied to,I've been robbed by partners,
I've been manipulated, I've beenwith narcissists, like it's
almost like I was telling myfriend the other day, like, if
you mention one other kind ofthing, that's horrible.
I hope I don't just like callit in, because I feel like I've
(05:39):
gone down the ringer of all thethings.
And it's not because I've beenout on these streets, you know,
trying to like live my best lifewith these people.
I've gotten into committedrelationships.
I've been married twice.
I've tried to do this the waythat I envision, you know, and
(05:59):
it hasn't always worked out inmy favor and I've had to endure
a lot and I take fullresponsibility because I invite
every individual that's in mylife.
I'm not blaming them, I'm notblaming the situation, it's just
, I just know that when it comesto relationships, I have the
propensity to attract a lot ofabusive partners, and what I
(06:20):
mean by that is verbally abusive, not really physically, I
wouldn't say physically, thankgoodness.
And what I mean by that isverbally abusive, not really
physically, I wouldn't sayphysically, thank goodness, and
I'm not like calling that in.
But when it comes to verbalabuse and talking, you know
strongly, like with a lot ofcursing and a lot of fighting
and a lot of that, I have thepropensity to attract that
because I am someone that valuesa peaceful environment and so a
(06:43):
lot of times when you thinkabout what the other person
would want if they want peace, Iwould say, when you have
something, you're going to beattracted to people who have the
opposite and you need torecognize that.
If I'm a person that valuespeace and I have a peaceful
environment, then obviously aperson with chaos and confusion
is going to want to have refugeand, you know, be with someone
(07:05):
like me, like, oh, she's a goodperson and I never was like wow,
like since when?
Did being a good person meanthat I was more susceptible to
verbal abuse?
I would just say verbal becauseI haven't really had physical
abuse and I don't want to likemisinterpret what that is,
because that's not my livedjourney.
I've had a lot of verbal abusein childhood and then this
(07:26):
stemmed into relationships and alot of manipulation and a lot
of narcissists, and so Iremember my friends saying, like
why are they so attracted toyou?
Like I feel like it's like adifferent person and you're
going through similar situations, and I think that when I get
into a relationship, especiallywith having premenstrual
(07:47):
dysphoric disorder, I am verywell-versed in in really just
wanting to understand theindividual.
I didn't even know until I wentto go have counseling myself
with my psychotherapist that shewas like oh so you're a people
pleaser and I'm like I'm a.
What I didn't recognize thatand this is the beauty in having
counselors and therapists isbecause they call you out on
(08:10):
things that you can't see inyourself.
And so many of my people arelike my clients are like can't
you see that?
Or wouldn't you know that Ican't counsel myself?
You know, obviously that wouldbe great.
I can't do what I do for otherpeople, I can't do it for myself
(08:35):
.
You know how they say hindsightis 20-20.
And so I got into thisrelationship and I began my
people pleasing.
I immediately went into what dothey want, what do they like,
what works better for theirschedule.
I took the attention and thefocus off of me and I put it on
them.
And I did that because, in mymind, a relationship is two
people doing that.
I've always thought that.
I've always thought that if youdecide to be connected with
(08:56):
someone, if both of you just tryto put the other person first,
to put their needs first, kindof like having that kind of
unconditional love, then neitherone of you are going to be
lacking, because you're bothtrying to provide a strong and
healthy environment for theother person.
So how can it ever go wrong ifI'm always thinking about what
is it that you need, what is itthat you want, what is it that
(09:18):
you desire?
You know how can I please you,and not in a way that I'm like
not pleasing myself, but justtaking you into consideration,
because when I'm single, I livea very individualistic life when
it comes to other adults, like,yes, I have a daughter, yes, I
have a dog.
When it comes to my time, allthe focus is on me, and so I
know when I'm in a relationshipor even dating.
(09:40):
I have to consciously okay, Ican't just get up in the morning
and not check my phone, or Ican't just get up, you know, and
during the day and just totallyfocus on me.
I have to, like, look at theirschedule.
What are the times in the daythat they like to be
communicated with?
Like I'm very accommodating,right, and I'm very nice and I'm
very sweet and I'm very lovingand it's all very authentic.
(10:03):
That's just the core of who Iam.
It very sweet and I'm veryloving and it's all very
authentic.
That's just the core of who Iam.
It doesn't take a lot of effortfor me to be that way.
I'm just a very loving person.
I was meeting up with a coupleof clients and they're just like
, oh my gosh, how I imaginedthat you would be from listening
to you for over the past coupleof years and then seeing you in
person.
You're the same way.
You're just so loving and youfeel.
You just feel what did they say?
This feels like the besttherapeutic environment, because
(10:27):
you're just loving and kind andsweet and nice and fun and all
of these things.
And I just you feel that energy.
It's an innocent thing, right.
You can feel someone's energy.
I always say you can feelsomeone's energy before you even
see them, before you even talkto them, like regardless of what
someone says.
If I come into their presence,like I can feel someone's energy
before you even see them,before you even talk to them,
like regardless of what someonesays, if I come into their
(10:47):
presence, like I can feel theirenergy.
And so that's just the core ofwho I am, and so I think when
you get into these relationshipsor you're dating or you're
getting to know people, I'malways assuming the best of
people.
That's another trait that Ihave.
I just assume the best, andwhat that means is I make a lot
of excuses for the red flags, Imake a lot of excuses for
(11:09):
behavior that is less than whatI deserve, and I'm admitting to
this because I know that I'velived a long life where I've
been in traumatic situations andit's impacted how I show up,
and so I really don't likeblaming people, I don't like
shaming them, I don't likecriticizing them, I don't like
(11:30):
any of that.
I kind of like accepting peoplefor where they are, like I'll
love you for where you are andthen we can go from there, like
I don't put this persona thatyou have to be a certain way,
but I think when someone getsinto a relationship or
connection with me romantically,they feel the need to be a
different version of themselves.
I have noticed a common threadof they start comparing like
(11:54):
it's like, oh, you're.
Especially after I became adoctor, I was like I'm literally
the same person that I wasbefore, but, like everyone,
there's some people that justtreat me differently and so it's
made dating like really, reallyhard.
Because it's like, oh, you're adoctor and you've done this
career for over 20 years.
And oh, you have a daughter andyou've been like a single mom
(12:17):
and oh, you have a dog.
Like they're looking at all ofthese things and I'm like, why
are you comparing?
Like I just think I don't havethat comparison mindset.
I just take people for wherethey are in their life and I can
find value in.
I've hired people that don'thave an associate's degree.
I've paid hundreds of dollarsto people during my journey that
(12:40):
don't have a degree.
For me, it's not about thedegree, it's about the lived
experience.
It's about the discernment thatyou have on your degree.
For me, it's not about thedegree, it's about the lived
experience.
It's about the discernment thatyou have on your life.
It's an energy I can feel whenI know that I'm about to work
with someone that's gonna beable to help me.
And I'm not looking ataccolades, because I know, and
maybe you've been in the sameplace where you have gone to
doctors and gynecologists andspecialists that are like I and
(13:02):
gynecologists and specialiststhat are like I work, I'm the
best and I'm supposed to be thebest at this and then you go to
talk to them and you'reeducating them more about PMDD
than they know and you're likewell, what was the point of this
?
Like you should actually pay mebecause you didn't know
anything about my condition.
So when people start to treat medifferently and feel like that
they need to be a differentversion of themselves, it's
really like a.
It's a pain point for me,because I feel like that's when
(13:26):
people take a turn and theystart acting out of character
and I don't like that for them,I don't love that for them, and
so I get into this peoplepleasing mode of kind of like
telling them it's okay, youdon't have to do this and you
don't have to do that, cause I'mtrying to be comforting in a
way of like you don't have to bea certain way in order to be
with me.
You have to be yourself andthen allow me to make the
(13:48):
decision after you've beenyourself.
But for a lot of reasons,people don't feel like they feel
a little bit insecure, not alittle bit.
They feel very insecure and itmakes them act out of character
and it makes them I don't know.
I don't know, it makes themuncomfortable.
I think and I'm so accepting,like it's so weird, because if
(14:08):
you talk to my friends or evenfamily members, they'll tell you
like she's so accepting, she'sso loving, like I don't care,
even with my clients, like Idon't care what kind of life you
live, like I'm going to loveyou for where you're at, I'm
going to serve you for whereyou're at.
It's not about you never haveto be anything other than your
authentic self.
But I think what happens is inintimate relationships is
(14:29):
they're trying to be the one toimpress me.
They're trying to be the one tobring something to the table.
They're trying to be the one tosave me from whatever.
And I don't need saving, Idon't need to be taken care of
in certain ways, in certain ways.
Yes, you know I love attention,affection, validation, I love
(14:50):
that.
But if you don't give it to me,I'm going to give it to myself,
where I have other sources toget it from, like it's not a
thing.
But I think and with this pastsituation and I'll really
explain it to you to reallybreak it down where I really had
to take my power back is Ishrunk myself because this
person was so intimidated withall of my accolades.
(15:12):
I mean, I genuinely acted likemyself, but I didn't mention
certain things because I'm avery open person.
I'm kind of like an all in orall out, so I would go and be
like oh, I just got back fromhere and I could just get back
from traveling here, and I justgot back from traveling there
and next week I'm going to behere, like I travel, I would say
two out of the four weeks ofevery single month, traveling
(15:34):
for me, vacationing for and notjust for work.
Sometimes it's a vacation,sometimes it's for work, it's
for work, sometimes it's amixture of both, because I speak
at a lot of conferences andthat's just my lifestyle.
I'm literally a nomad.
My daughter is in high school.
She's going into 11th gradeactually next week and I would
take her with me before and evennow.
It's kind of like we're veryplugged into our community here
(15:56):
so I try to have some sense ofroutine.
But honestly, if she didn'thave a lot of those things and I
didn't have a lot of things inthe community, I would be gone
the majority of the time.
That's just my personality.
That's how I desire to live.
I know some people want thewhite picket fence and they want
like a big house and a big yardand a dog and a farm and a
(16:17):
thing, and that for me I've hadit before and it is the
antithesis, is the opposite ofwhat I want.
So I love a traveling lifestyle, I love exploring new areas,
new countries, new cultures, allthe things.
But I feel like when I connectmyself with someone and they're
in that place of wanting toprovide something for me, they
(16:37):
don't see a space.
They don't see a space, a space, they don't see a space, and so
that can actually turn intothem becoming very abusive and
or manipulative and or feelinglike they want to have that
level of control again.
And so I had to really thinkabout this when it came down to
taking my power back, which iswhat we're getting into.
(16:58):
I had to name the abuse.
I was like what kind ofindividuals am I really seeing a
pattern with?
And it is narcissist number oneand then number two,
manipulators.
If they don't feel a sense ofcontrol, like they can provide
anything, they will try to dimmy light, they will try to make
me feel insecure about thethings that I have and they'll
(17:19):
try to get me to really likethem, love them, care about them
all the things and then they'llpull away.
There's this push-pull thingthat keeps going on and I'm like
what the heck is this?
Because I'm a very routineperson.
So the push-pull thing I don'teven know what it's called when
it comes to dating andrelationships, where they pay a
lot of attention to you andthey're really all in and then
they pull back as soon as theysee that you're matching that
(17:42):
energy.
They just wanna know that theygot you and then they pull back.
And I'm pretty sure if I calledmy dating mentor on this
podcast again, he would be ableto name it Like I'm not a dating
expert, me, this is me talking.
I'm not a dating expert, I am arelationship expert.
This dating thing isweirdcomorg.
Like I don't understand it.
But I had to really identify andname the abuse.
(18:04):
And the abuse was narcissism.
The abuse was was manipulation.
I actually had and I'm lookingover at the book right now One
of the guys that I'm I wasdating gave me this book on dark
manipulation and narcissistsand all this and he actually did
the things that were in thebook.
I thought that was the weirdestthing, but I also take
everything as a sign.
So I'm like, okay, I probablyneed to finish the book because
(18:26):
I started to read it but he wasliterally doing some of the
tactics, these manipulationtactics, that are in the book.
He was like I know you like toread, so I got you this book.
And then he literally did thethings in the book and I was
like what Was he trying toprotect me, like I don't know,
but anyway, so I have toidentify and name the abuse.
So I think what you need torealize being in a PMDD
(18:47):
relationship is PMDD does notexcuse you being verbally or
physically abusive in yourrelationship.
So you need to acknowledgepatterns of emotional, verbal
and psychological abuse.
Now I will say minus, minus,yeah, minus the emotional, the
verbal and the psychological.
That psychological is that pushand pull.
The reason why is because whenI'm in PMD, I'm already a little
(19:10):
bit confused, like I'm alreadylike what's going on, and so I
feel like I've had to come tothis place of like I'm
overthinking things.
If I notice my anxiety isgetting really high, I'm like
are we good, are we not good?
Like there's always I'm on edge.
I have had to pull back fromthat and just really use this
mantra.
This is what's really helped me.
(19:31):
When you notice that you'reexperiencing abuse verbal or
physical abuse and you want totake your power back, you have
to name it.
You have to name the behaviorthat is abusive and be really
honest with yourself.
So this is the partner that hasPMDD and the partner that
doesn't Be really honest withyourself, because you know if
somebody else was telling youthat they were treated like this
(19:52):
, like you would have an opinionabout it.
So I don't want you to feellike because it's your person,
or who you proclaim to be yourperson, that you can't call.
But what do they say?
Call a spade a spade, right?
You stonewalling me, meaningyou're shutting down on me when
you know that I need emotionalconnection.
Stonewalling you, making me feelless of a person, is minimizing
(20:17):
me, is manipulating me, lyingto me, you being like super
secretive and then being superopen and blah blah.
Like that's manipulative.
You're doing it for your ownpurpose and it really does make
you feel a little bit not alittle bit, a lot insecure.
You feel insecure aboutyourself because you're all over
the place, even the mostconfident person.
(20:37):
You start to mess with thempsychologically and they're
going to be off their game.
They're going to be off theirrocker.
They're going to be off theirgame.
They're going to be off theirrocker.
They're going to be like what'sgoing on?
They're going to feel likethey're not.
As they're going to, theirself-worth is going to go down.
They're not going to be asconfident because they're going
to be like how did I get myselfin this place?
How am I accepting thisbehavior?
You know you're going to feelreally shameful about it and
(20:58):
you're going to.
You're living in a land of chaosand confusion and the mantra
that I had to use when I noticedthat there was verbal,
emotional and psychologicalabuse, which I've dealt with a
lot, because I feel like I am agood person and people see that
and they want to maybe tear thatdown a little bit.
(21:18):
So it seems like we're a littlebit more even.
I think that's what the goal is.
The goal is making it seem likeI don't have more than they
have.
So then they feel better aboutthemselves because I'm not a
mirror of what they haven'taccomplished.
Like I never tell someone oh, Ihave this, you should have this
.
But I feel like you cansometimes be a mirror to your
partner and make them feelinferior just by your existence,
(21:41):
and I really hated that becauseI didn't want to feel like when
I was going into the datingworld, that I had to match every
accolade, like I didn't want tolike.
Think about it.
Think about the pool right now,the dating pool.
I would be like I can only be ina relationship with another
person who's a doctor, or I canonly be with another person
(22:01):
that's a single parent, or I canonly be with another person
that's a single parent, or I canonly be with someone who has a
dog, or I can only be withsomeone who has an entrepreneur,
or I can only be with someonewho's been in their career and
could travel whenever they want.
Like it would be very hard tomeet someone that mirrors
everything that I have andthat's not a requirement for me.
That's my journey and it hasnot come easy and it's not.
It's just, this is the way mylife has worked out, and I think
(22:25):
, even without me asking forthese things, there's almost
this underlying expectation,this underlying expectation of
like, oh, you must want this.
This is what happened with thelatest person that I was dating
and they're like you, you mustwant to get married, like you've
been married before you, you'reof a certain age I'm turning 40
in November and they're younger, and so they're kind of like oh
(22:50):
, you want to get married, andI'm like well, I mean someday.
But that was not even a concernof mine, that wasn't even on my
radar.
I'm not ready for that.
I just wanted what did I say?
A companion, yeah, like Ididn't, I'm not, I'm not there
yet.
I think, when you come out of amarriage, like, even if you're
(23:11):
ready to date, you're ready toconnect yourself with someone,
like you need to take some time,because a lot of times when you
start dating, a lot of thethings that you need to work on
come out in those relationships.
And so I was just embracingthat.
I was just embracing, okay,what do I like?
What do I need for this stageof my life?
And I was great.
But there was this level ofexpectation that they felt, this
(23:32):
insecurity that they felt andthey started to do a lot of the
psychological abuse.
I don't think it was conscious,I think it was subconscious,
like I think they were justtrying to feel like they were
the man or feel like they were alittle bit like on my level and
you know, hearing, hearingabout my life and my schedule
(23:53):
and my, my travels, and seeingpictures, like I am also an
overshare, so like if I'm inconnection with you, like I'm
sending you selfies of where Iam on the beaches, of wherever
I'm sitting, like I do it not tobrag, not to boast, but just
for you to share my joy, cause Ihave so much joy when I'm
traveling.
But I feel like that's atrigger for some people.
(24:13):
And then I also feel like forme it's hard for me to pull back
from that, cause I'm just likedang, why am I with someone that
I can't really share you knowthat aspect of my life with?
So now I've gotten to the pointwhere it's like I kind of do
have to vet and filter out aperson's capabilities to live a
life in alignment with mine,which I didn't want to do that
(24:37):
because I didn't want to cancelout people because they're not
where I'm at, I don't need themto be where I'm at, I don't need
them to maintain me being whereI'm at.
But I get that it's a thing andthe I had to name the
psychological abuse.
Like you're, emotionally, theybroke up with me in like this
weird text and then they gotback with me and was like okay,
(25:02):
no, I really do love you, Ireally want to be with you,
you're the best thing sincesliced bread.
And then they pulled back again.
Like literally days later theystarted making all these plans
and then they pulled back againand I was just like what is
going on?
Like I don't understand thepull and push thing, like I
don't understand what it wasgoing on with them, because they
weren't really open about theirjourney, about what was going
(25:25):
on with them emotionally.
But I had to call it and saythis is emotional abuse, this is
psychological abuse, and verbalabuse doesn't always look like
someone is yelling at you,someone's cursing at you.
Verbal abuse can be love bombingand I completely got love
bombed again.
I'm like golly, like I mean,granted, I don't want any of the
(25:46):
other forms of narcissism, butI literally got love bomb again,
because as soon as they startedto say like oh, I love you, I
care about you and I want tomake this work and let's try
again, I was completely on board.
I was like, oh yeah, yeah, wecan work through this, and I
even comforted them.
It was the weirdest thing.
Like they did this Dear Johnbreakup text with me and I
(26:08):
immediately called them likewhat?
And then they're like well, Ijust feel like blah, blah, blah.
And I'm like oh, no, we canwork through this, like this is
fine.
This is exactly what I did withall of my exes when I realized
that they were overwhelmed withemotions.
Like I am a psychologist, I cando emotions.
Like, if you're overwhelmedwith emotions, like I can help
you.
So that's what I told them.
And then they were like okay,and then they're like let's go
to dinner and we have all ofthese things that happened that
(26:31):
reconnected us.
And then two days later, they'relike oh, I can't do this.
I'm like what the heck justhappened?
That's a form of psychologicalabuse and it's the way I had to
take my power back in thatsituation and it was really,
really hard for me, but it wasvery, very necessary, because I
literally said this, and I saidthis in person.
(26:51):
I was like listen, this is thesecond time you've done this,
where you've kind of done this,kind of like, oh, we're fine,
and then you pull back and yougo ghost me for like a couple of
days.
I said I'm not going totolerate this anymore.
Like this is the second time.
They did it literally two dayslater and I'm like okay, I see
the pattern here and I had toreally take my power back.
(27:13):
And the way that I took mypower back was saying this
mantra it's not my fault and I'mnot responsible for someone
else's cruelty.
I remember that I was crying.
I was literally crying becauseI have emotions and I'm a human,
and I was crying over thissecond.
I think it was the second, yeah, the second like little
(27:34):
dissertation looking text oflike you're an amazing person,
like I just can't be with you, Ican't give you what it is, that
you deserve All these things,and I literally was crying.
He's like don't cry, I can'ttalk to you if you're crying,
like completely dismissing myemotions, and I'm like what do
you mean you can't talk to me ifI'm crying.
That's what you say to kidswhen you can't really understand
(27:55):
what they're saying.
You're like I can't understandyou till you stop crying.
And so that was a sign for methat this is not safe for me,
that that that is really whathelped me take my power back,
because you just showed me thatwhen I'm in an emotional state
that you're not a safe personfor me because you're going to
invalidate my feelings and tellme that I should just be strong.
I am strong, but I'm also ahuman who has emotions and my
(28:17):
feelings are hurt Like I don't.
I don't understand what we'retalking about here.
So that's the first way thatyou can kind of take your power
back when you recognize thatyour partner is invalidating you
, minimizing you verbally,emotionally, psychologically,
abusing.
You name it, because I know alot of times you're denying it,
you're like it's fine becausethey had a hard day or that.
(28:39):
No, you have to name it.
You have to identify it,because you cannot heal what you
don't reveal.
And so the next thing that I hadto do was this is so hard for
me because I am a very routineperson and I had to detach.
Like I talked about on theother episodes, I had to detach
(29:01):
from them emotionally, detachfrom their chaos.
So you're using detachment asprotection, you're not punishing
them.
I didn't detach, I did notanswer their text messages
because I was trying to punishthem, because I wanted them to
feel bad.
You know, I was trying to talkto them and all these things and
then they were like this is mylast message to you.
Like we were actually supposedto go on a walk that day and
(29:25):
then they messaged me before thewalk.
I was literally waking up from anap to this breakup text and I
was like what is going on?
Like what are you talking about?
Like I literally had an amazingday with my daughter.
We went to go see Lilo andStitch Please go see the movie,
it's amazing.
Then I went to brunch withfriends and I literally woke up
to this long text and I was likewhy would you send me this?
And they were like, oh, I toldyou.
I told you it's all in there.
(29:45):
And I'm like what?
Like number one, I don't likethe whole text, like the breakup
text over text message, but Iguess that's a thing.
But like you could have talkedto, I don't like when people
make the decision to break upwithout having a conversation
with the other person and I saythis to my private clients, like
if you're thinking whateveryou're because I have a private
(30:06):
clients where they're thinkingabout breaking up a lot of times
but they're not telling theirpartner any of the thoughts that
they're having.
So by the time they talk totheir partner, they've already
made the decision.
That's a trigger for me becauseI'm like you guys could have
worked through that.
Like when we have privatesessions and we have them
together, you're actuallyworking through the things that
are going on in your brain.
That's making you feel like youneed to break up, which is the
healthy thing to do, becauseyou're letting your partner know
(30:28):
what's really going on in yourmind and then giving them the
opportunity to tell you what'sgoing on in their mind and what
you can do to ease their mindand what they can do to ease
your mind and vice versa.
That's called being in arelationship.
But what I had to do was I hadto emotionally detach from their
chaos.
If anything causes me chaos andconfusion, I know that it needs
(30:49):
to go.
It's not from God.
God is not a God of chaos andconfusion.
I don't want anything that'stied to chaos and confusion in
my life, because I know that Ihave the ability to have
relationships that are notchaotic and that are not
confusing.
But I know what that will dofor my mental health.
I know what that will do for mymental health.
I've been in a lot ofrelationships where I've had
(31:12):
chaos and confusion and I'veliterally woken up like I was on
the episode of the Walking Dead.
It messes with my body.
It messes with my mind.
It messes with my capability.
I'm not able to live out mypurpose.
I can't do what I do If I'mtotally confused and chaotic all
the time.
I become a different version ofmyself that I don't even like,
like it's not comfortable.
I'm on edge.
(31:33):
My cortisol levels are so high.
I'm hypervigilant.
Like it's it's which was againvery hard for me because in my
(31:55):
mind I wanted to be like.
You mistreated me, you ignoredme, you emotionally neglected me
, you led me on, you told meeverything was great.
So I let my guard down and theneverything was not great.
And then, like, I was like andthen I made you made plans with
me, like it was just a wholebunch that I just felt offended
(32:18):
by, but I couldn't match theirenergy.
I had to protect mine because Iknew it would have taken me out
of character to go be petty.
Can I be petty?
Yes, can I go off?
Yes, can I make them feelhorrible?
Yes, I am a psychologist.
I know all the tricks that youcan do with someone's brain to
(32:40):
make them feel horrible.
I do not use my power for evil.
That's not in my nature.
But sometimes, when you feeloffended, it's really hard for
you to not say things and dothings that are below the belt
to your partner, when you knowthat you have the capability of
doing it.
But I know what that would havecost me.
That would have cost me a lotof guilt, a lot of shame.
(33:02):
I would have regretted it.
It's not the core of who I am.
I had to detach, not only toprotect myself from them, but to
protect them from me, protectthem from the version of me that
could have came out when I wasin that emotionally charged
place, when I was emotionallytriggered and I felt like they
had offended me and they haddone me wrong and all these
things I could say or do, thingsthat are out of character.
(33:22):
I didn't want to do that.
I don't want to hurt them.
I don't want to leave a lastingmark on their life that they're
going to have to recover fromin somebody's therapy chair.
Like I don't want to do that.
So my mantra that I really useto detach and to protect the
both of us because I knew thatit wasn't going to work I knew
that it wasn't going to work andit wasn't a situation where I
(33:43):
needed to put myself back intothe emotional rollercoaster and
I said this the last time inperson with him.
I was like this is the secondtime that this has happened.
This cannot happen again.
Promise me that this is notgoing to happen again.
They promised me and then itliterally happened two days
later, whether it was consciousor subconscious.
I I'm like, okay, buddy, likeI'm not about to do this, and so
I can love and care about aperson from a distance and
(34:06):
protect my peace.
That was the mantra that I usedfor my detachment.
I can care about them and lovethem from a distance.
I even prayed for them atchurch this morning.
I don't hate the person, Idon't.
I have this mentality that a lotof things, everything that they
do, has everything to do withthem and nothing to do with me.
I was loving, I was wonderful,I was caring, I was
(34:29):
understanding, I was forgiving,and then I had to let them go
because they weren't in a placewhere they could receive it.
A lot of times, some people maynot be in a place where they
can receive your love and youdon't wanna get to a place where
you replace your love withbitterness, resentment your love
.
And you don't want to get to aplace where you replace your
love with bitterness, resentmentand unforgiveness and you start
acting out of character.
You regret it.
If you're a good person, you'regoing to regret it.
It may feel good in the moment.
(34:49):
The flesh feels good, the egofeels good to tell them about
themselves Like I even havefriends that were like if I were
you, I would have told himdon't you freaking call me,
don't bubble.
Like I would have got on thephone and like, ran them to
shreds and been like how dareyou?
Because when you were cryingthey're like stop crying and
then they call you crying,leaving you voicemails, and
you're supposed to be soempathetic.
(35:10):
No, I don't need to do that,because here's the thing when it
comes to detachment giving thatperson.
Space and detaching from themhelps them understand their
impact and what they did, waymore than having the
conversation with them.
When you're having aconversation with your partner
about, or someone that you'redating about things that they
did to you, they're like rollingtheir eyes.
(35:30):
They're thinking you're soemotional.
They're thinking you're nagging, they're thinking you're the
problem.
You're like, and you did thisand you did that.
You're blaming, you're shaming,and it's going in one ear out
the other.
They're repelled by it.
It doesn't work.
It's a scam.
When you give them space, thetruth comes out, because the
truth is within them.
The truth is in your energy andwhen you detach from someone,
(35:52):
they can feel that detachment.
And I literally did it yesterday.
I did it like strategically.
I talked about the situation,which I agree you need to talk
about it, right.
I talked about it with mytherapist and then after that, I
was like I need to let this go,I need to shake this off.
I went and I moved my body, Iwent on walks, I journaled, I
used all the tools that I usedmy private clients and I woke up
(36:13):
today and I felt amazing.
And I woke up today and theywere calling me and they were
whatever, and I used the methodof detachment.
I am not going to go back tothe same place that hurt me in
order to heal me.
Meaning, if I feel hurt and Ineed healing from that situation
, why would I go back and putmyself back in that same
(36:34):
situation thinking that they'regoing to treat me any
differently, right?
So another thing that youreally have to do when you're
taking your power back is you'retracking your PMDD symptoms so
you can recognize when you'revulnerable to an emotional
manipulation or gaslighting.
A lot of times that I was reallyopen to these individuals that
(36:56):
are abusive or not good not evenabusive, but just not good for
me.
I was in PMDD because I wantedlove, affection, attention,
validation in a way that feltgood to me and I was needing it,
and so I was very vulnerable tomanipulation or gaslighting and
love bombing.
I was loving the love bombingand a part of me was like
(37:16):
beating myself up about oh mygosh, I got love bombed again, I
got manipulated again and youknow what I did to take my power
back.
I said my emotions are valid.
I am a human and I haveemotions, but they do not make
me weak or they do not make meunworthy.
You know that said a lot aboutthe other person when they said
that to me, that I shouldn't becrying.
(37:36):
That tells me that they're anavoidance and that tells me that
they're not willing to sit withtheir hard emotions.
And people that are avoidance.
When they do have strongemotions it's debilitating, it's
horrible, because they're notused to staying in that place.
They just want to feel better.
And so when the person wascalling me today and they're
like I want to talk to you, Iwant to say yeah, because you
(37:58):
want me to make you feel betterabout a situation that you
created for yourself.
I'm taking my power backbecause that's not my
responsibility.
I didn't do anything to thatperson In between the time that
we had the interactions onenight.
They're like I love you, you'remy peace, you're my heart,
you're the most beautiful personever.
Love bomb, love bomb.
All the things Do.
I believe that they genuinelybelieve those things?
(38:18):
Yes, but I also believe thatwhen things got hard in their
mind with whatever it is thatthey were going through, they
took it on back.
That's the thing.
This is why you can't takevalidation from the individual
that is mistreating you.
Right, because when I wasseeking validation.
I just wanted them to say allthose loving things to me.
And I had to shift my focusfrom needing their approval as a
(38:41):
people pleaser and I'm tryingto recover from that and I had
to shift my focus from needingtheir approval as a people
pleaser and I'm trying torecover from that and I had to
start validating myself andreminding myself of who I am and
what I bring to the table and Ihate saying bring to the table,
because I'm not like offeringmyself up as a sacrifice but I
know who I am and I don't needsomeone to tell me that I'm
valuable.
And so I really had to say thismantra.
(39:01):
When I took my power back, I waslike I don't need your
validation to feel valuable.
I didn't even say that to them.
That's another way of takingyour power back.
You don't need to go tell them.
Sometimes you feel like I needto tell them.
I need to tell them.
I don't need to tell themanything.
I need to tell myself that whenI feel like I need to respond
or I need to do this and I needto go Like I'm really big on no
contact when you kind of madethe decision that this person is
(39:24):
not healthy for you.
You need to go no contact untilyou're in a place where it
feels safe for you.
Again, I'm not saying you haveto go no contact forever,
because I know for me, once Iget to a place where I've
detached and I've taken my powerback, then I can read your text
messages and I can hear fromyou and I don't feel the need to
go back and I don't feel theneed to people please.
But you have to know yourweaknesses, you have to know
(39:46):
what you're still working on andif I know that I'm still
valuing validation from theother person to feel valuable, I
need to do no contact.
So I just had to tell myself Idon't need the validation of
this person.
I don't need them to tell meI'm amazing, that I'm a good
person.
I already know that I genuinelydid.
I just thought it was nice tohear, but like I didn't need
(40:07):
them to tell me that.
But it was kind of like whenthey were breaking up, they were
like you're gonna be okay,you're gonna, and I'm just like
the heck are you talking aboutchicken nugget?
Of course, able to be okay wasthe very next morning.
What you don't want to do whenyou're trying to take your power
back, when you're in thesesituations, is to stop doing
your routines.
That is the biggest mistake.
(40:27):
That's a scam.
Do not do that.
And so this is the wholepurpose of having a routine,
because it gets you back to thecore of who you are.
And so I got up this morning andof course, I got up earlier
than I really would have gottenup on a Sunday but I was like
that's fine and I reclaimed mymorning routine.
I reclaimed it by doing mymorning routine.
(40:50):
I got up, I read my Bible, Iprayed, I read a little bit of
the book that I'm reading, Iwent and worked out, I went and
took my dog on a walk.
I felt better.
I journaled a lot.
I felt better through everyphase of my morning routine
because I was proud of myself.
I'm like, wow, that happenedyesterday.
That could have broken me, butI did all of these things.
I got the dopamine.
The dopamine is that chemicalthat your brain and your body
(41:12):
automatically produce when youget things done.
I got the endorphins frommoving my body.
I rewarded myself with thingsthat made me feel better.
I used music therapy.
That made me feel amazing and Iliterally said to myself as I
was doing my morning routine,like every choice that I'm
making, every action that I'mtaking in this routine is a step
towards freedom.
And what that meant was freedomfrom the negative emotions that
(41:35):
I didn't wanna feel, that Ididn't need to feel.
I had felt all of the negativefeelings the night before.
I allowed myself to feel them.
I gave myself time.
I literally was like I'm noteven because I was supposed to
go out that night.
So, technically, this personruined my evening.
I was supposed to go out and Ijust I could have gone out and I
could have numbed it.
I could have numbed my pain andnot processed it, and I could
(41:59):
have gone out and had an amazingtime, but I still would have
had my issue waiting for me assoon as I got back.
But I said you know what I'mgoing to take this evening and
I'm going to process it.
I'm going to feel the feels,I'm going to cry, I'm going to
release, I'm going to journal,I'm going to do whatever it is
that I needed to do in order tofeel better, not even good,
because I didn't end up feelinggood and I went to sleep.
And then I woke up and I did myroutine, and so I.
(42:20):
What I really had to do after Iwas doing my morning routine is
silence the inner critic thatthey fed me, write down in my
journaling, write down the liesthat they told me you shouldn't
cry, you deserve someone so muchbetter than me.
All these things I rewrite themwith the truth, and so I had to
really get back to the core ofwho I am.
So if I was in my luteal phasethank goodness I'm in my
(42:42):
follicular phase but even in myfollicular phase, it made me cry
Like I was sad.
I was like dang, that's crazy.
Because I was just and I'mproud of myself, because I was
really open and vulnerable tothem in my last conversation
with them, because I've been insituations where I've held it in
.
You know how you can get in theego and be like I'm fine, I'm
fine.
No, I was completely honest.
(43:03):
I was like I'm not fine, I'mnot okay.
This is very disappointing andI don't like it.
I think that this is not fair.
I think that I didn't deservethis, I think that I gave you
another chance and I'm not okay.
And so I had to tell the truthand be really honest with myself
, be really authentic and it'sokay.
You know that phrase it's okayto not be okay.
(43:24):
It's okay to not be okay.
I don't want to be okay all thetime.
I want to have the ebbs andflows and know that I have the
tools to get myself out of thesehard times.
And I said I'm not too much, I'menough, I'm amazing, I know.
Like when I told my friendbecause I had to tell her
because I talk about you know,like when I told my friend
because I had to tell herbecause I talk about you know my
relationships are dating allthe time, and she was just like
(43:45):
but you're this and you'reamazing and you're magical and
you're sexy and you're fun, andyou know you're all of these
things.
I appreciate that.
But I know, I know I'm sexy, Iknow I'm fun, I know I'm a good
person, I know I have a goodheart, I know I have a good
heart.
I know all of these things.
I don't try to be those waysfor anybody else except for
myself and I just try to sharewho I am with other people.
(44:09):
But I mean, if they fumble theball, that's kind of how I
thought about it.
I was like if you fumble theball, you fumble the ball.
That's taking your power back.
I took my power back byrecognizing you lost something
that would have really addedvalue to your life.
That's what I really had tocome to terms with.
He lost something that reallywould have added value to his
life and that's not for me tofeel bad about.
(44:31):
That is not for me to feel badabout, because I know what I did
and I know what I would havedone for that person, and they
no longer have access to me.
So what I did is I had topractice emotional
non-reactivity, and what thatmeans is when they were sending
me messages and they were likeoh, I want to talk to you again
(44:52):
and I'm here for you if you wantto talk.
It's almost like the situationwhere someone breaks you down
and then they try to like bethere to pick up the pieces.
I had to take my power backbecause I think that they
assumed that I was worse offthan I was and that they were
(45:14):
the cause of it, and blah, blah,blah and I say this because I
try not to get to this point alot of time where once I'm
detached and I'm going back tomy regularly scheduled program.
Once I'm going back to my life,you don't have control over me
anymore.
Do not worry, I'm not balled upin a corner crying I'm fine, I
(45:37):
am fine, god is my source.
And luckily this happened on aSaturday night.
So I went to church thismorning like I'm completely
filled up, and they were like Ihope you're okay, sending me a
message I'm great and yeah, Ithink there's this.
You know, misconception that I,when I started to shrink myself
(45:59):
to make this person feel better,like they assume that they have
more control over me than theyreally did.
You have the control that Igave you.
When you decide and this is foryou when you decide to take
back your control, then theydon't have any power over you.
They could say whatever, theycould do whatever, and I had the
(46:21):
power to be like I'll respondwhen I choose to.
Literally, I had the power tobe like I'll respond when I
choose to, or if I don't want to, if I don't want to respond to
your text message, if I don'twant to respond to your anything
.
I didn't block them yet but ifI'm, if I never speak to you
again because of what you did,that's fine, because I know.
I think when I'm able to makepeace with things is because I
(46:43):
know that I tried my very best.
I was very open with you upuntil the very end and I
literally said you don't need toworry about me anymore because
I gave you my heart, I gave youall of me, in a sense of what
you would get in being inconnection with me and having
access to me.
And you misused it.
(47:03):
You misused it and you abusedit and you took it for granted
and you probably thought I wasalways going to be there, coming
back.
You know, getting water, like Iwas thirsty, like a dog like,
and, no, like I'm fine.
And so the next thing you cando when you really take your
power back is you createinvisible boundaries.
If you're in a situation whereyou can do, when you really take
(47:24):
your power back, is you createinvisible boundaries.
If you're in a situation whereyou can't really leave yet, you
limit what you share, you limithow you engage with them and
when you respond and you say mysilence is my power, it's not my
weakness, when you removeaccess to you, that's you
creating the boundary and takingyour power back.
When I gave you access to me,you took it for granted.
You abused it.
You gave it to me sometimes,you breadcrumbed me, you gave it
(47:48):
to me sometimes and then youtook it back.
You gave it to me.
You used your words, which hadpower over me from your love
bombing, and then you used themto say I'm going to leave you,
I'm going to neglect you, I'mgoing to abandon you.
I don't need to be with you,I'm not this person.
Blah, blah.
Okay, then don't be with me.
I honestly, I've turned down alot of people.
(48:12):
When I decide to put my focusand attention on individuals
that I'm dating and inrelationships, it's not because
I don't have anybody else that Icould pursue, but I'm a very
loyal person.
So if you're telling me thatyou don't wanna be with me, if
you're telling me that you'renot sure about me, if you're
telling me that you're not ready, whatever it is that you're
(48:33):
saying, that is fine, that iscompletely fine and I respect
that.
I just wish you would saysomething sooner and not do the
push and pull.
But I literally had to take mypower back and just choose
myself.
And I said this mantra I chooseme even when it's hard,
especially when it's hard.
I'm choosing me.
I'm always going to choose meand I don't mean that in a
(48:55):
selfish way, in a manipulativeway, but I'm not going to let me
deteriorate and go down.
Because you fumbled me, becauseyou misused me, because you
abused me, because you did allof these things.
I'm not going to let myselffall and not be operable Like
I'm.
You can make one small decisiondaily that puts you first, and
(49:18):
even if it's just saying no.
So that's what I did today andI said you can say no.
You can say no to yourself.
No, you don't have access to meanymore.
No, like you showed me thatit's not safe to be open and
emotional and to give you accessto me.
You've lost that privilege andthat's on you, that is on you
(49:39):
and you're going to have to livewith that.
And I'm at peace with thatbecause I gave that was the
third chance.
I was like, oh my goodness,that was the third chance.
I was like wow, becausenormally I don't, especially not
being married, like beingmarried.
Obviously I've given a billionchances before, I've let
marriages go, but in a datingrelationship that was, and that
(50:01):
was because there was like itwas very convincing.
When it was good, it was reallygood, but obviously that's the
whole point.
And then the next thing you dois, when you're really taking
your power back, is you'resurrounding yourself with a
support system.
You're not isolated, you feelsupported, you feel seen, you
feel safe Again.
I'm just like really glad thatthis happened on a Saturday
(50:22):
night, because Sunday, thismorning, I went to church with
my daughter.
We were both serving at churchtoday and it just was an amazing
experience being surrounded bylike oh my gosh, how was your
week?
Like we love you so much.
Like you look so beautiful,like we love that you're here.
Like it was so it was so muchsupport, so much love.
It was so much support, so muchlove.
And it was with people thatgenuinely know me, see me, value
(50:45):
me.
Like would never, like theywould never do anything to
jeopardize being around me,having too, where I've been in
situations where it's only beenme, and so I've kind of been
like, am I crazy?
Am I manipulative?
Am I a narcissist?
Like whatever the person issaying negatively, abusive about
(51:17):
me, I'm like, and you wonder ifit's true, if you don't have a
good support system.
That's like, what are youtalking about?
You're amazing.
Like, oh my gosh, I'm so glad Ihave you in my life, like and
they're saying it not to getanything from you.
They're saying it because theygenuinely mean it, not like the
love bomber who says it just toget access to you and to make
you feel good.
This is why, when it comes tolove bombing, you can never
really you can never really letthem be the only one that's
(51:38):
speaking life into you.
When you get to a point wherethe only person that's speaking
life into you by speaking life,what I mean is they're giving
you positive affirmations aboutyourself, they're telling you
that you're amazing, that you'rebeautiful, that you're smart,
all these things when you onlyhave that one person doing it,
all of the power is in theirhands and if they decide so,
basically they could decide onemoment that you're the best
(51:59):
thing since I spread.
Oh, my gosh, you're the love ofmy life, you're my rock, you're
everything.
And the next moment they cansay you're a piece of crap.
And you're going to believeboth because they're the only
ones that are speaking life intoyou.
You need to have people that areclose to you, that are really
talking to you, and this is alot of times what I do with my
private clients when they'retelling me things that their
partner is saying and it'sreally like the antithesis.
(52:20):
I have to remind them, likethat's what I'm there for.
I'm going to remind them thecore of who they are.
But like, wait a minute, aren'tyou working on yourself in this
way?
Or aren't you doing this?
Or aren't you going back toschool?
Or aren't you serving in thisway?
Like, aren't you an amazing mom?
Like aren't you that?
Like I have to do that because alot of times, when you're
solely you know, depending onyour partner, they have the
power to tell you that you'reamazing and give you that
(52:44):
validation, or show you thatyou're amazing and give you that
validation, and they also havethe power to take it back, and
so I hope this episode reallyhelped you to learn how to take
your power back, just the sameway that I had to do.
I go through a lot of thethings that I'm teaching you in
real time, and I wanna say, onthe other side of it, on the
(53:05):
other side of it and I will, Iwill literally say this with
confidence I wasn't evensupposed to record this episode
today, but I feel amazing forsomeone that's just been dumped,
like I guess I can say that,yeah, I've been dumped and I
feel amazing, and not because Idon't miss the person, not
because I don't miss the versionof us that we were, not because
(53:27):
of any of that.
I just I feel amazing because Iwas able to take my power back
and I know who I am and I knowthat there are amazing things
and people and experiences andadventures in my future and I
don't feel like anything is acoincidence.
So I'm very grateful.
I'm very grateful for thejourney that I went on with this
person and they taught me somuch about myself and about how
(53:51):
to help you even more and how totake my power back.
Like every single time I gothrough something, I turn my
pain into my purpose and I neverhave any regrets because I
always, always, always, alwayslead with love and good vibes
only.
So if this is something thatyou're going through, where
(54:12):
you're feeling like I'm in thisreally hard situation, dr Rose,
and I really just need to learnhow to take my power back,
because I'm in this really deep,dark place that I was literally
in just last night and you wantto just go through it Remember
I went through all of this in aday.
I'm not saying that I'm notgoing to have the next week when
I go through my routines andmiss the person.
Obviously they were in myday-to-day routine, but I'm
(54:35):
going to be okay.
I'm going to be better thanokay.
I'm going to be amazing.
And I'm not going to be amazingbecause I had to wait for them
to tell me that I'm amazing orbecome the source of me being
amazing.
I'm gonna be amazing because ofeverything that I'm able to do
for myself and the tools that Igive to you.
So until next time, we got this.
I love you.
Popular Podcasts
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.