March 13, 2025 • 47 mins
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This episode addresses the complexities of PMDD rage and its significant impact on relationships, highlighting personal experiences and psychological mechanisms at play. It offers valuable tools for both sufferers and their partners to manage symptoms effectively and improve communication.
• Discussion of PMDD rage's effects on relationships
• Personal anecdotes illustrating the struggle with anger
• The psychological processes behind PMDD rage
• Importance of effective communication with partners
• Strategies for managing and reframing negative thoughts
• Introduction of programs designed to help those with PMDD
• Encouragement to seek help for better emotional health
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
So today I want to talk to you about PMDD Rage and
I know that I have discussedpremenstrual dysphoric disorder
rage so many times on so manyepisodes.
You can actually go back andlisten to those but I really
just wanted to talk about howmuch it really impacts your PMDD
relationships, how much itcauses those PMDD monthly
(00:22):
breakups, and why I created aprogram that's really really
going to help you.
And the reason why when Istarted 2025 and probably the
end of 2024, when I really saidyou know, I need to start
creating programs that are gonnahelp these individuals, to help
more of you, because I have somany private sessions where I'm
using these tools and I reallywanted to be able to provide
(00:45):
something for you that's reallyself-paced, that you can work on
on your own, but it's givingyou the exact tools of what I
know works with PMDD partnersand PMDD sufferers Things that
have been tested, things thatare research-based and things
that are not really in theliterature and they're not
really out there.
So every program that I'mcreating in the end of 2024,
(01:06):
like my partner, has PMDD.
Now what?
All of that is based on thework that I've done with my
private clients.
All of that is based on mydissertation that I have.
And when you're working withpremenstrual dysphoric disorder,
because everything is so newand it's not really in the
literature as far as atraditional therapeutic practice
(01:28):
or a traditional counselingpractice, you can't really go
off of other modalities.
They don't really work right.
There are a lot of things thatare in the literature, such as
CBT, cognitive behavioraltherapy, and talk therapy,
gestalt and all of these things,and I really think that unless
(01:49):
and I say this and I said itonce and I'll say it again I
really feel like if you have notsuffered with premenstrual
dysphoric disorder, if you'venot worked with individuals who
have suffered with premenstrualdysphoric disorder, then it's
really hard for you to createsomething that's tailored to the
suffering that they've gonethrough.
Then it's really hard for youto create something that's
tailored to the suffering thatthey've gone through, because I
(02:11):
know that PMDD RAGE was one ofthe biggest things,
no-transcript.
So that's why the first programthat I created called my
(02:33):
Partner has PMDD.
Now, what was specificallygeared towards the partners?
Because if you've gone throughhundreds of episodes I have on
the podcast right now, there'sso many things for the
individuals that are sufferingwith PMDD and there are some
that are dealing with thepartners, but I wanted to create
something that was specificallyfor them that they can be
actively working on.
(02:53):
That was really going to startto transform their relationship
immediately.
And I'm so glad during themonth of December that I had
those private sessions with the12 individuals who purchased the
program and got a chance to getthose private sessions with me
and got everything personalized.
It really, really helped theirrelationship and so I said, okay
, now I'm going to do a programfor the individuals that are
(03:14):
suffering with PMDD.
And, of course, pmdd Rage wasone of the first things that I
thought of, because when I wasin my PMDD relationship with my
partner, that was one of thethings that made me even
recognize that I had PMDD.
I don't think that if I wouldn'thave gone off on PMDD rage and
it wouldn't have gotten as badas it did that I would have even
(03:35):
looked into what was going onwith me.
I think PMDD rage rips theblanket off of everything that
you've been trying to hideinternally, because I know a lot
of times when you're in PMDD,you may be trying to hide your
symptoms, right, you're tryingto hold everything in.
You're trying to act normal.
You're trying to act likethings aren't bothering you.
You're trying to act likethings that your partner is
saying aren't triggering you.
(03:56):
But PMDD rage rips the blanketoff of that.
It makes you react to thingsand it kind of shows your
partner what you've been goingthrough, because they're like
what is this behavior?
Why are you acting so out ofcharacter?
What is going on with you?
It forces you to come to termswith the fact that you do have
premenstrual dysphoric disorder.
(04:16):
This is the thing that made merealize it and this is the thing
that a lot of my privateclients, when they come to me,
it's because they've gone off onPMDD Rage, or their partner has
gone off on PMDD Rage, andthey're like we cannot go
another month in this kind ofsituation because it's so toxic,
it's so hostile, it's sotraumatic.
And when you've gone off onPMDD Rage, you look back on it
(04:39):
and you're like I feel literallylike a monster.
I feel like a horrible person.
I can't believe I said that.
I can't believe I did that.
I can't believe I broke that.
You're kind of looking atyourself as if it's not you.
You're on the outside lookingin.
You know that it's you, butthen you feel like, well, I
would have never done that if Iwasn't in my luteal phase, or I
(05:02):
would have never done that if Iwasn't in PMDD.
So for a lot of individuals thathave been kind of in denial
about having premenstrualdysphoric disorder, they really
have to get to a point wherethey admit it.
They admit that they have PMDDbecause they have to have
something to explain thisbehavior.
They have to have something toexplain how they're acting so
out of character, how they saidthese things to their partner,
(05:23):
how they did these things.
And their explanation is okay,I guess I do have premenstrual
dysphoric disorder, right,because a lot of times if it's
other things like depression oranxiety or sensitivity to noise,
you can kind of chalk that upto say, okay, I just have this
other kind of like at this point, and with social media,
(05:44):
everybody has depression,everybody has anxiety.
So you can kind of like at thispoint and you know, with social
media, everybody has depression, everybody has anxiety.
So you can kind of put it inthat box and say, oh, I just
have this like everybody else.
But premenstrual dysphoricdisorder, rage, pmdd, rage is
not something that is verycommon, it is not something that
is kind of can be brushed over.
It's something that you have totake action on.
If you do not take action afteryour partner has gone off on
PMDD rage or you've gone off onPMDD rage, you are setting
(06:07):
yourself up to potentially loseyour whole relationship.
You will lose a good partner, agood person, because you're not
controlling your PMDD rage, notbecause you're not compatible,
not because you're with thewrong person, but because you
don't have the tools to controlthis behavior that can really
spiral out and it's out ofcontrol.
Pmdd rage is out of control.
(06:28):
I remember the first time I didit.
It was years ago.
It was years and years andyears ago and it was over
something that I thought.
I think the worst part of it isis it was over something that I
thought my partner was doingthat they didn't actually do.
That's the part that hurt themost is that I felt completely
(06:51):
justified in the moment becauseof what was going on with me in
my luteal phase.
And again, I didn't know that Ihad PMDD at the time and I've
had, I've suffered with PMDD forover 18 years now it's going on
19 years and at the time Ididn't know that that's what was
going on, I really believed thestory that PMDD was telling me
in my brain and I really got tothis point where I was with this
(07:14):
person and we were engaged andI loved our life together.
But I knew that forapproximately 10 days like I
wasn't even counting the days atthat point but I knew that for
certain times of the month Iwould be so irritable, so
irritated with my partner Iwould immediately wake up
(07:37):
because we were living togetherat the time.
I would wake up and look overat him and I just felt
differently.
I felt like I had the ick rightand that's the best way to
describe it.
I felt like I had the ick.
He wasn't as attractive to me,things that he was doing were
super annoying, so he started tolook differently in my eyes and
(07:59):
certain actions that he wouldhave I started to criticize him
even more, and that was thebasis of what he brought up.
When he finally said enough isenough.
He was like you're alwayscriticizing me and you're always
blaming me, and he noticed thatit was so out of character
because when I was in myfollicular phase or even in
ovulation, I was veryunderstanding, I was very loving
(08:21):
, and that's the thing aboutPMDD rage.
When you have premenstrualdysphoric disorder, it attacks
some of the most lovingindividuals, so that's why it's
very weird.
A lot of times it's becauseit's completely out of character
, like you're not normally thisaggressive person, or you're not
normally this overly criticalperson, or you're not normally
this jealous and insecure personLike I was not that, but when I
(08:43):
got into my luteal phasejealous and insecure person Like
I was not that.
But when I got into my lutealphase, everything looked and
felt different and I feltcompletely justified.
This is what takes individualsso long to admit that they have
premenstrual dysphoric disorder,if they even know what it is.
A lot of times the partnerswill come to them and say I've
been listening to, you know DrRose's podcast.
I've been listening to In LoveWith PMDD and I know that my
(09:03):
partner has PMDD.
Like they'll find me from myTikTok or they'll find me from
my Instagram or they'll find mefrom this podcast.
And they're like this isexactly what's going on with my
partner.
And they're going to theirpartner who's suffering with
PMDD and the partner's notwanting to admit it.
They're like oh, I guess I'mthe problem, so what you did
really wasn't the problem.
Like they're kind of likerewiring it to make it seem like
the partner is the problem andnot the fact that they were in
(09:25):
their luteal phase andexperiencing PMDD rage, because
the things that PMDD rage willbring up for you will be actual
scenarios of things that hashappened.
You actually saw your partnerdo something, or you actually
heard your partner say something, and it's you reacting to the
things that have actuallyhappened which makes it more
convincing, which makes you feelmore justified to do these
actions in the moment.
(09:46):
And so in my scenario Idistinctly remember this we had
gone out to dinner and we hadhad a good time.
That's the thing PM&E range canreally sneak up on you.
It can hit you mid-date nightor midway in the car going
somewhere and your partner sayor do something, and then all of
a sudden, everything justswitches.
That's what happened for me.
(10:06):
Something in my brain justswitched and he said something
to me at dinner and we were at abeautiful dinner overlooking
the beach and we had had a goodtime and we had some yummy food
and drinks and all the things,and he said something like I
don't understand why you didthat, like he just questioned me
(10:28):
, and questions when you are inPMDD are a trigger.
I will let you know that if yourpartner starts to question
something that you did, that isa trigger in premenstrual
dysphoric disorder.
That's a trigger in PMDD.
I remember in my lastrelationship I said to my
partner you got to stop askingme questions.
And when I'm in PMDD and Iremember in my last relationship
I said to my partner you got tostop asking me questions when
I'm in PMDD.
And he was like that's so weird.
What do you mean?
(10:48):
I can't ask you questions.
I'm trying to understand what'sgoing on with you.
So of course I'm going to askyou questions, but I'm like no,
when you ask me questions andI'm in PMDD, that's a trigger
because I feel like you'reattacking my character and it
makes me want to go off on PMDDrage.
I figured that out very quicklybecause that one question that
my partner at the time had askedme at dinner, you're not going
(11:10):
to believe what I did.
So he was like I just don'teven understand why you did that
.
And I was like what?
Like that's how you know you'rein PMDD and you're trying to
like hold in the rage becauseyou can almost feel yourself get
like my body would genuinelyget hot.
When I got to that point and Iwas in PMDD rage I felt the heat
of the emotions and I was likewhat did you say?
(11:32):
Like I got really quiet until Iwasn't, and so I got up from
the table, from the restaurant,and it was in walking distance
from our condo, where we live inthis beautiful high-rise condo.
I got up and I literally sawhim chase after me because he
was like what's going on withyou?
What's going on with you?
And I kept walking and I walkedall the way.
(11:53):
When you're in PMDD range, youhave a level of energy that you
genuinely probably wouldn't haveon a normal basis.
This was in the middle of thenight.
I was was in high heels and Iliterally walked all the way
home, fuming, fuming in PMD rage, like replaying what he said
again and again and again in myhead.
(12:14):
And then I got to the apartment, opened the door and started
throwing all of his stuff.
I was literally kicking him out.
Essentially, we lived togetherand I was literally kicking him
out, throwing all of his stuffall over the place.
I mean, the condo looked a messand then one of the biggest
things that I had to move,because when you're in PMDD rage
(12:36):
, you genuinely don't know yourown strength and I pushed the
big screen TV by the door toblock him because I felt like I
knew he was coming home.
I knew he was driving home, Iknew he was going to get there
soon and I wanted to block himfrom coming in the door.
Obviously, he had a key and Iput the TV by the door and I,
when I heard him come in, I wasstill fuming and he opened the
(13:01):
door and he barely could make itthrough to like push the door
through because of the TV that Ihad put there and he looked at
all of his stuff.
All over the place things werebroken and he was like what the
like he was.
So he had the look of fear,like a deer in the headlights
look.
And he looked at me and Iremember him saying cause we
(13:21):
talked about it the next day.
He said you genuinely lookeddifferent, like you didn't even
look like.
Your eyes look different whenyou're in PMD rage I know your
partner can probably attest tothis you genuinely look
different.
You have a different look inyour eye.
You can even look at yourselfin the mirror and see that you
look different.
I felt like a monster at thattime.
(13:42):
And then immediately he lookedall over.
You look different.
I felt like a monster at thattime.
And then immediately he lookedall over and I thought that he
was going to argue with me.
I thought he was going to fightwith me.
I thought he was going to doall these things and he
genuinely just looked hurt andhe went in a room, he packed a
little bag and he left a littlebag and he left and I remember
(14:09):
sliding down a wall and cryingand looking at everything that I
had done, because after you'vegone off on PMDD, rage, I mean,
the feeling of wanting to go offkind of goes away, like you get
it out of your system, and thenyou're like, oh, I feel better.
And until you don't, and thenimmediately you feel guilty,
immediately you feel guilty,especially if you're looking
around at all of the things thatyou've done, at the damage that
you've done.
And I was looking around theroom and I was like, oh my
(14:32):
goodness, because what PMDD willdo, that little voice in your
head that's telling you to gooff it'll be there.
And then another little voicewill be in your head telling you
I can't believe you did that,like you're such a monster, like
what kind of person would dothat, and you talk to your
partner like that, like itswitches on you.
That's why I would say PMDD isnot your friend, because it'll
convince you to do thingscognitively in your brain and
(14:53):
then, once you do them, it'sgoing to tell you how horrible
you are, that you did it andthat's how I felt.
I was like, oh my God, and Ididn't want to, you don't want
to tell anybody what you did,because I mean, now it looks
crazy because now your brain,cognizantly, you've kind of come
down from it, you've come offthe high of PMDD rage and you're
looking at the message you madeand you immediately have a
(15:14):
sense of anxiety and ordepression, because I was
literally blowing up his phone.
I was like, oh my gosh, oh mygosh, I have to fix this.
I have to fix this.
Obviously he wasn't answeringmy call and ultimately, in that
relationship I was amazing in myfollicular days.
I was amazing outside of that,in my ovulation.
We were so compatible, we werejust really good together and I
(15:38):
remember he broke up with me.
I couldn't believe it.
I was so shocked, because a lotof times.
Sometimes, when you're in theserelationships and you've gone
off on PMDD rage so many times,you've done so many things, you
genuinely think like the egocomes in and you're like they're
not going anywhere.
Like I was so shocked when heactually broke up with me
(15:59):
because I started to think thatoh, you know how I am, when and
before my period, I started tomake excuses and he kind of
accepted it for a while, which alot of times partners can do.
They'll accept it until theydon't.
And when I tell you, when hewas done, he was done.
It didn't matter how amazing Iwas in my follicular phase, it
didn't matter how amazing I wasin ovulation, he broke up with
(16:20):
me.
He literally was like I cannotdeal with this on a monthly
basis.
You're not even takingaccountability for what you're
doing.
You're making excuses and Iknow that even if I did the
things that you're saying, thatI'm doing, I know I don't
deserve this kind of treatment.
I genuinely he started to getreally bad anxiety and he was
like I just can't deal with this.
(16:41):
I'm literally scared of youwhen you're like this.
He was like I don't know, Ihate.
When you're like this, I don'tknow what to do with you when
you're like this.
Because he couldn't snap me outof it Because I was so
argumentative, I was so angry, Ifelt so justified, I had this
big ego, and so he was trying toget through to me, trying to
(17:03):
talk me back into being how Iwas in my follicular phase, and
he couldn't do it.
It's like he couldn't crack thecode and he broke up with me,
moved out and I was soheartbroken because I had all of
these pictures and all of thesememories and all of these, the
memories of the plans that wehad and all of these pictures of
how happy we were.
(17:29):
And I remember that's when Icame to terms that there was
something wrong with me, likesomething wasn't right because I
dated another person after thatand I felt the irritability
again.
I felt the same pattern of mebeing with someone and feeling
great and feeling like I lovethem, and then they start doing
things that irritate me and then, all of a sudden, I felt myself
about to do that same patternof going off on PMDD rage and I
(17:51):
ended up breaking up with thisperson and they were like what's
wrong?
You know, like I couldn'tdescribe it, but I knew that
there was something going on,and that's when I figured out
that I had premenstrualdysphoric disorder.
All those years ago, that wasthe first time that I had
recognized it, and PMDD rage wasthe thing that made me not be
able to ignore that there wassomething going on with me,
(18:11):
something controlling me that Ididn't want to control me and I
needed to do something about it.
And that's what started myjourney, and that's why I wanted
to create this program of howto rewire your PMDD brain,
because I literally had to learnhow to do this step by step.
So I am taking my years, myyears of personal experience
(18:33):
with PMDD rage, with personallyfeeling what it's like to go off
on PMDD rage, and then I'mtaking what I had to do to dig
myself out of that, and I reallyhad to get to the science
behind what is going on in mybrain.
That's what I noticed.
It's not really about my body.
My body was just reacting towhat was going on in my brain,
(18:53):
and it was specifically duringmy luteal phase.
And so during this program, I'mgoing to give you the science
behind PMDD Rage.
I'm going to help youunderstand cognitively what is
going on when you switch fromovulation and you go into your
luteal phase.
What's going on in your brainthat is making you feel
justified to go off on PMDDrange, that is making you feel
(19:17):
like you are in this place of Ihave to get it out.
Because that's how I felt.
I felt like I couldn't, Iwasn't going to feel better
until I went off on PMDD Rage.
That was the scariest thing tome, because the times that I was
trying to hold it in and I waslike, don't do it, like I was
literally talking myself out ofit, like don't do it, don't do
it, don't do it, I literallyfelt like I needed to get it out
(19:40):
and to get this kind of release.
And so the first thing thathappens when you go into PMDD
rage is you kind of have thisdistorted thinking, like you can
think that your partner doesn'tcare about you, they don't care
about you, they don't love you,they don't appreciate you.
And so one of the scenariosthat was happening with my
private clients was theirpartner forgot to ask how they
were doing today.
You know what I mean.
(20:01):
Like simple things.
Simple things will make youfeel like your partner doesn't
care about you, like they comehome from work and they're not
asking you how you're feeling,they're not asking you what you
do, and then you're saying tothem you don't care about me at
all, right, and so they wereliterally feeling like their
(20:22):
partner didn't love and careabout them.
From little small actions,right, like you get in the car
and they're not holding yourhand, or they're coming in the
house and they normally hug youand they don't hug you.
So when you have this distortedthinking, you're taking things
that your partner is genuinelydoing and your thinking is
distorted, and it's distorted ina negative way.
Right, the distortion happensbecause you're genuinely
(20:43):
believing, based off ofsomething that they haven't said
or they haven't done, that theydon't love you and they don't
care about you.
So it makes you feel justifiedin going to the spiral into PMDD
rage.
So the next thing that happensis this catastrophizing right.
So a minor argument abouthousehold chores or taking care
of the kids it spirals intothoughts like this relationship
(21:04):
is failing, right, it's kind oflike this all or nothing, like
it's always going to be likethis.
Like, if you, I remembergetting like this when I wanted
more affection in myrelationship and I was feeling
like I wasn't getting affectionand I would constantly have to
remind my partner or kind of dothings that kind of say, hey,
like I want more affection, Ineed more affection.
(21:29):
I knew what it is that I neededand I felt like every time that
they didn't do it that I wascommitting myself to a lifetime
of not getting affection.
Like that's what I mean thecatastrophizing.
I was literally thinking that,oh, because my partner doesn't
hug me, they don't hold my hand.
When I'm walking down thestreet, I'm seeing everybody
else you know so many couplesthat are holding hands, that are
their partners, opening thedoor for them.
Like I started to see a lot ofthings that I wanted and because
(21:52):
my partner wasn't doing them, Iwas like I guess I'm just going
to live this life of neverhaving a partner that is
affectionate towards me.
So this is this catastrophizingthinking where you're genuinely
feeling like this doom and gloom.
You're going to be in thisrelationship, it's always going
to be like this.
And then, when you go off onPMDD rage, it's kind of like
you're so frustrated.
(22:13):
You're so frustrated, you're sooverwhelmed with not getting
what it is that you want, notgetting what it is that you need
.
You're tired of nagging, you'retired of asking and you're
thinking like they're nevergoing to pay attention to my
needs, they're never going to beaffectionate, they're never
going to be intimate with me.
The intimacy is gone, like thisis a really big one.
That happens with a lot of myprivate clients is it's?
It's if the thing isn'thappening, if there isn't an
(22:35):
immediate improvement, it's likeone time that they don't do
something that you ask them todo, it's like, oh, it's always
going to be like this, I'm nevergoing to feel loved.
And this is where the PMDDmonthly breakups come in.
And so another scenario could belike the personalization so
your partner doesn't immediatelyrespond to your text.
And so I know for me and Ithink this happened because I
(22:57):
was in a long distancerelationship, a long distance
marriage, and so texting becamereally really like a primary
form of communication,specifically because we were
both so busy.
So I've noticed that that'skind of gone into me with the
dating realm, because I'm sosensitive to text communication.
Like if a person doesn'timmediately respond to my text
(23:20):
message, I can still be in myluteal phase right now, and I'll
be like, oh my gosh, they'reignoring me on purpose or they
left me on read, like if I seethat a person that I'm dating
has read the message but notimmediately responded, I'll
automatically question how theyfeel about me, what they think
about me, because I'll fall intothis loop of taking everything
personally, and I had to getmyself out of that.
(23:43):
So one of the tools that I teachyou in my program so that you
don't go off on your partner,because you have to think about
it right, if you're datingsomeone or if you're in a
relationship with someone andyou see that you text them at a
specific time, like, say, youtext them at 1230, every minute
that goes by and I don't evenmean every hour when you're in
your luteal phase every minutethat goes by that they have not
(24:06):
responded to you, you're makingup stories in your mind about
why they haven't responded toyou and you're getting more and
more.
You start off with just gettingtriggered, like you start off
getting annoyed.
That annoyance becomes atrigger.
Then you start questioning,like you're taking it personal
and you're like, oh so I guessI'm not important to them, I
guess they don't really like me.
Then you get pissed off becausethen you start thinking about
(24:27):
all of the effort that you putinto the dating, or all of the
effort that you put into therelationship or all of the
effort that you put into themarriage.
And then you're like I can'tbelieve that they would
disrespect me, I can't believethat they would devalue me so
much that they're not even goingto respond to me.
Like, what are they doing?
Then it's like, well, who arethey texting?
Who are they Then?
If you you know for a lot of myprivate clients, if they you
(24:47):
have your partner's location onthe phone and you start tracking
them, I wonder what they'redoing.
Or I saw that they postedsomething on social media.
You're taking the fact thatthey haven't texted you so
personally that you're making upscenarios and things in your
mind that is genuinely pissingyou off, whether you want to
admit it or not.
And then, as you start to getpissed off, this is when the
(25:08):
PMDD rage starts to happen,because the longer that they
take to respond to you, the moreangry that you get, the more
the rage is building up insideof you.
And so, when you're in yourluteal phase, this is where we
can get into the amplificationof triggers.
So now they haven't done thisone thing.
They didn't text you back.
And even when they text youback like you've already.
(25:29):
You're already pissed off,you're already upset, you're
already overwhelmed, and so theymay text you back.
And now you're short with them,now you're shutting down on
them, now you're acting coldtowards them.
It's almost like they had likea five minute window to text you
back and then after that you'repissed.
And so then, when they do textyou back, you're like I'm fine.
You know like they're textingyou and be like hey, babe, how
(25:49):
are you doing?
You know they're responding andyou're like I'm good.
And they're like oh, I see that, you know, I see that I missed
your text.
It's amplifying the triggersthat you have.
Now you're more triggered withthem because they didn't do that
one thing right, that's thatpersonalization.
(26:09):
So your partner can like leavetheir shoes in the middle of the
floor and it feels like anunforgivable offense, like, oh,
my goodness, I can't believethey're leaving their stuff all
over the place.
I'm going to be picking up.
You know all of their things.
They don't appreciate anythingthat I'm doing.
So there's this resentmentbecause there's this perceived
(26:31):
imbalance of what they'reproviding to you and what you're
providing to them.
You feel like you're handlingall of the mental and emotional
load in the relationship andyou're starting to think why do
I have to handle everything?
Then you're starting to feelstressed and overwhelmed and
it's making your symptoms worsebecause stress and increase in
your cortisol levels.
It's amplifying how you areidentifying this relationship.
(26:54):
If you start to feel like you'redoing more for your partner
than they're doing more for you,it's going to piss you off.
It's going to increase thechances of PMDD rage because
you're going to start to getresentful for everything that
you're doing.
You're going to get resentfulfor picking up the kids because
you're going to like I guess Ihave to do everything.
You're going to get resentfulfor making dinner.
You're going to get resentfulfor walking the dog.
You're going to get resentfulfrom doing all of these things
(27:16):
because you have been holding inthese triggers and now you feel
like in the midst of beingpissed off, in the midst of
being angry with them, nowyou're having to do things that
are helping them out and itfeels unfair.
The ego is telling you like Ican't believe you're doing all
that for them.
They don't even appreciate you.
Like there's these mental,cognitive stories that are being
told in your brain.
This is why my program helpsyou rewire your brain Because if
(27:39):
you continuously let thatspiral, this is what makes you
feel justified for going off onyour PMDD partner.
A lot of times you don't feelguilty for going off on PMDD
rage until after you've done theaction.
So while you're doing it, youcould be saying things that are
below the belt, saying the mosthorrible, hurtful things, taking
(28:00):
personal information that yourpartner has told you and you're
using it against them and you'refeeling justified in the moment
because there's thisamplification of triggers and so
you kind of have this negativefiltering.
Right, your partner doessomething thoughtful and all
you're doing is you're kind oflike thinking that they're doing
it without being genuine, likethey say I love you, or they put
(28:23):
their hand on your shoulder orthey put their hand around you
and you're kind of like you havethe ick.
You're kind of like, oh,they're just saying that or oh,
they're just doing that.
I've even seen this with myprivate clients where the
partner who has gone off on PMDDrage I can tell that they're in
the realms of that negativefiltering because even though
the partner who doesn't havePMDD is opening up and they're
(28:46):
doing one of my tools, which isthe JBL method just be loving.
They're leaning in, they'rebeing loving and you're not
being receptive of it becauseyou're already triggered with
them.
You already have the ick,you're already annoyed, you're
on the borderline of going offon PMDD rage and it's almost
like a don't touch me moment,like don't touch me, like their
loving actions are genuinelypissing you off because you feel
(29:09):
like it's very manipulative.
You feel like it's not genuine.
You're like they don't reallylove me, they don't really care
about me, because you'rebelieving the story that is in
your brain.
This is why we have to rewireit, because until you rewire
your PMDD brain, it doesn'tmatter what your partner does.
It doesn't matter if yourpartner acts loving.
It doesn't matter if yourpartner starts doing all the
things that you've been askingthem to do, if they start doing
(29:29):
more of the chores, if theystart opening up to you, if they
start being more emotionallypresent.
It doesn't matter if your PMDDbrain is wired towards this
negative filtering.
As long as you have thisnegative filtering in your PMDD
brain, you are going to takeevery action that your partner
does and you're going to feellike they're not being genuine,
they're doing it to manipulateyou.
(29:51):
Maybe they're a narcissist.
This is when you're going tostart to question their
character.
And maybe they're toxic, maybethey're the reasons why you're
going through PMDD.
Maybe the only way that you canhave some peace in PMDD is to
just break up with them, right?
So then there's this projectionof inner turmoil that you're
having in PMDD, this chaos andconfusion that I talked about on
(30:12):
the previous episode.
So you're feeling overwhelmedand you're really.
This is when the questioningcomes in.
You're already feelingtriggered, you're already
feeling overwhelmed, you'realready feeling stressed, you're
feeling like you don't have themental bandwidth to deal with
PMDD and your partner.
And then they start questioningyou.
The questions come in, and sothis is the projection of us and
this is when you will literallysnap, snap and go off.
(30:36):
One question Remember, in thescenario that I gave you of what
I did, one question and I wasready to go off because I had
had all of this inner turmoil,this chaos and confusion going
on in my brain about what mypartner was saying and doing,
and one question made me go offon PMDD Rage.
(30:58):
And then you can kind ofover-interpret the tones and the
words.
Tones is so important when itcomes to PMDD Rage because I
remember, with my last partner.
I would literally feel like hewas yelling at me.
I would literally and he talkedloud anyway.
He called it like beingcharismatic, passionate, or
(31:19):
whatever you want to call it.
He was not a quiet personanyway, and so when I heard him
say certain things like that, Iperceived as criticism, like
specific I would sayspecifically for parenting with
my daughter Like I would be openwith him about my struggles
with maybe setting disciplinerules.
(31:41):
I think what happens is when youkind of over-interpret the tone
is, if you feel like you'veopened up emotionally to your
partner and they criticize youin return, it's like a slap in
the face.
That's what I would always feellike.
I would be like, oh my gosh,I'm really struggling with
disciplining her and gettingthis schoolwork done and I feel
(32:02):
like we never have time andwe're always late on assignments
.
So I could just be being open,right, and I'd be like, yeah,
but we're just being late onassignments and it's really
stressing me out and all ofthese things.
And then he would say somethinglike you just need to be better
with your time management, ohmy goodness.
Or why don't you set a schedulefor that?
(32:22):
Like you wouldn't have thisproblem.
He would say things like youwouldn't have this problem if
you set a better time managementskills or something like that.
And I felt like I wanted to whatI call go ham and cheese on
that biscuit.
When I say I wanted to go hamand cheese on that biscuit, that
means I wanted to go off onPMDD rage.
So bad, because my ego was likewho in the hell do you think
(32:45):
you're talking to?
It's almost like you're openingup, you're being soft, you're
being vulnerable, you're beingwhatever.
Your defenses are down.
And then, when they criticizeyou, you feel like you need to
attack them.
This is what's going to makeyou feel like you need to attack
them.
This is what's going to makeyou feel like you need to go off
on PMDD rage, because you feellike they've taken advantage of
your vulnerability and they'reusing it to criticize you.
(33:07):
So then you feel justified togo off on PMDD rage because you
feel like you need to defendyourself.
Remember, criticism isreturning with defensiveness.
So if your partner criticizeyou, or if you perceive their
questions or their comments ascriticism, you're going to feel
the need to defend yourself.
And the way that you feel theneed to defend yourself in the
luteal phase is to go off onPMDD rage, what I call going ham
(33:30):
and cheese on that biscuit.
Like who do you think you'retalking to?
Because PMDD will be like theymust think you're so weak.
They must, like they'll make itseem like they're walking all
over you Like, oh my gosh, theythink that they could just talk
to you like that You're so weak,you need to do something to
show them that they're not goingto.
You know, talk to you like that, right.
And I remember feeling likethat and I was so hot, I felt
(33:55):
the heat in my body so much.
And sometimes your partnerdoesn't even know.
They don't even know, which ishorrible, because when you do do
something and say something togo off on PMDD rage, it kind of
takes them by surprise.
They're kind of like what the?
Because they don't feel likethe reaction that you're giving
in PMDD rage is comparable towhat they said, like they're
(34:16):
thinking about what they said,because they may say, like all I
was saying was and it's toolate, because you're already in
that realm of going, or feelinglike you want to go off on PMDD
rage, and so when you get tothis point, it's almost like
when you're trying to whenyou're really trying to rewire
your PMDD brain in the middle ofPMDD, like in the middle of it,
(34:39):
it's almost too late.
It's too late because you can'tbe pulled back.
It's like you can't rewire itwhen you're in the middle of it.
It's almost like you have toknow the tools of what to do
when you feel like you're aboutto go off on PMDD rage, which is
what I teach you in the program, because if your partner tries
to stop you in the middle,they're almost going to get hit
(35:02):
in the crossfires because you'realready on a high alert, you're
already up there with PMDD andso anything that you say and do,
it's almost worse.
It's almost worse for them tojust be like, just calm down.
If you're telling someone whohas premenstrual dysphoric
disorder when they're in themiddle of PMDD rage, to calm
down, watch out.
That is the worst thing thatyou can do as the partner is to
(35:23):
tell them to calm down or tocall them crazy or to address
the behavior in a way of likepointing it out and thinking
that it's going to stop them.
So, for the partners that arelistening, I want you to get
this program as well, because Iwant you to understand what not
to do.
And one of the biggest things ofwhat not to do when your
(35:43):
partner's in PMDD rage is tonumber one call them crazy.
Number two, start to be likebabe, I need you to calm down.
Talk to them like what I calldid unto them them, and what I
mean by that.
Talk to them like they're achild.
Talk to them like they'restupid, being really
(36:05):
condescending with them becauseit's going to make them go off
even worse and you may thinkthat you're doing the right
thing because you're trying tocalm them down and you're trying
to talk to them and soothe them.
That is the biggest mistakethat you're going to make.
You need to understand theexact way to respond to them,
and it's not by treating them,but like they are the problem,
like they're the issues, likethey're the monster, like all of
these things.
And I know it's really hard forpartners.
I really want to address you atthis point.
(36:25):
I know it's hard for you to notreact, especially when your
partner, who is suffering withPMDD, is saying the meanest,
coolest things to you and it'salmost like you can't even see
the version of your partner thatyou love and adore.
You can't see them.
You know, it's kind of likethey're saying like you can't
see the forest for the trees,you can't see your beautiful,
(36:47):
loving, sweet partner.
You see this person that isattacking you and is saying some
of the meanest, coolest thingsto you.
So that's what makes you reactand also go off on PMDD rage.
The partner who doesn't sufferwith PMDD can go off on PMDD
rage because the rage is inducedby premenstrual dysphoric
(37:08):
disorder.
That's why the partner whodoesn't suffer with PMDD can go
off on PMDD rage, because it isinduced by your reactions.
They're reacting to you beingin PMDD rage.
Therefore, their rage is PMDDrage.
You see how it's all connected.
A lot of times, the partners whoare not suffering with PMDD are
like I can't believe that Iwent off on my partner.
(37:29):
I can't believe that I saidthese abusive things.
I can't believe that I showedthis toxic behavior.
It's your reaction to yourpartner being in PMDD, right,
and so it has an emotional tollon the partners.
They're confused.
They don't understand how thisversion of you is even showing
up in the relationship.
They're hurt because of thethings that you're saying and
(37:51):
doing and then they're scared.
There's a level of fear becausethey can't control your
emotions because there's nothingthat they can do to really
bring you back.
They're scared.
This is what I mean by walkingon eggshells.
I address this in the programthat I have for partners called
my Partner has PMDD.
Now what?
So if you've not gotten thatprogram, please go to
wwwinlovewithpmddcom and getthat program.
(38:13):
This is for the partners,because I know that there's so
much fear there and I know thatthere's so much fear there and I
know how scary it can be to bescared of your own partner.
It's kind of like sleeping withthe enemy.
You're sleeping next to someoneand not really knowing how
they're going to wake up, whatthey're going to do, but you
love them and you care aboutthem and you adore them and you
don't want to leave them.
So it puts you in this placewhere you're feeling stuck.
(38:34):
You're feeling stuck and it's abreakdown in the connection,
because it's hard for you tofeel connected to someone that
you genuinely have this highlevel of fear towards, and so
there is this guilt that thepartner has for the partner
that's suffering in PMDD, and itcan be this guilt and shame for
both of you, because, at theend of the day, you've probably
(38:55):
both said and done some thingsin PMDD rage that you're not
proud of, and there's a lot ofshame, especially when children
are involved and they've seenand heard you.
There's a shame because youfeel like you should have been
able to control your emotions tonot allow it to go that way,
especially when the kids areinvolved.
That's what really breaks myheart is when the kids have
(39:17):
heard you yell and fight, and soI always tell my private
clients if you're not doing thisfor you, at least do it for the
kids, because if you know thatyou're in a place you know you
know, you know that you're in aplace where you're susceptible
to going off on PMDD rage, thenat any moment you can allow your
(39:38):
partner to be hurt by it, andthen also your children.
This is a traumatic experience,right, this is very traumatic
for your children to hear andsee you go off on PMDD rage.
It just is and I don't say itto shame you, I don't say it to
(39:58):
blame you.
I'm saying it that this is asign that you need to get help
for it.
So there needs to be a level ofurgency If you know that PMDD
rage is an issue that you havein your PMDD relationship.
There needs to be a level ofurgency if there's children
involved, because they shouldnot have to be subjected to this
behavior.
I know one of my private clientsthat I had when and I think I
(40:22):
talked about it on a previousepisode during Christmas where
she went off and all of thisstuff was, I mean, christmas
tree thrown all over the place,bulbs everywhere broken, all of
these things, whatever was inher way, she completely went off
on PMDD Rage.
And that's when she was like DrRose, I need to get help.
And that's when I startedworking with her on this program
(40:43):
, because I said, you know,because you know, sometimes it's
kind of a thing where you feellike you can push it back, like,
oh, I'll deal with this later,I'll do no, pmdd Rage is not
something that you can just puton the back burner.
Pmdd rage is not something thatyou can say this is a tomorrow
thing, this is a next week thing, this is a next month thing,
because PMDD is not goinganywhere.
(41:04):
Your luteal phase is going tobe here before you know it.
I know right now I'm in myfollicular phase, I'm going to
ovulate in a couple of days andthen bam, pmdd is going to be
back.
Pmdd is going to be back.
So what I do in my follicularphase and my ovulation is I
identify all of the things thatI know that I need to work on
and I'm actively working on themLike I can't.
I can't wait, because if Isubject somebody to that, that's
(41:27):
on me, if I already know thatthese things are coming up for
me about when I get in my lutealphase.
I pay very close attention towhat goes on in my luteal phase
and then I know what I need towork on.
I just purchased a program thatI am working on for me, for my
personal journey, because of myself-worth, my self-love, this
whole thing that is.
Just that was kind of destroyedin my previous relationship and
(41:51):
I've had to dig myself out ofthat.
So I'm working on that becauseI know that it's gonna impact
anybody that I choose to be in arelationship with.
It's something that I just haveto invest in.
Otherwise I'm going to beprojecting what's going on with
me onto another person andthat's not fair to them and
that's not fair to your partner.
It's not fair to anyone thatyou're dating.
When you have premenstrualdysphoric disorder, you have to
(42:12):
take personal responsibility forhow you're showing up when
you're choosing to connect withanother person.
Now, if you want to be intocomplete solitude and just be
single for the rest of your life, that's on you, but if you're
choosing to connect yourselfwith another person, then it's
on you, right?
So I want to talk to you aboutone of the testimonials that I
(42:35):
have from one of my privateclients that has gone through
this program.
Right, and I made this programvery strategic.
It's not very long, it's verydetailed, but it's not very long
.
It's something, because Iwanted you to be able to get
immediate results from workingwith this program.
And so this is from Mia.
She's 29 years old, she's fromthe UK and she said Dr Rose, I
used to think PMDD Rage was justa part of who I was and it made
(42:58):
me feel broken.
This program completely changedthat mindset.
I've learned the tools to calmmy nervous system, reframe my
thoughts and respond to mypartner in a way that reflects
how much I love and care aboutthem, not just the triggers that
I feel when I'm in PMDD.
Now I feel empowered that Ihave the tools instead of
feeling like I'm literally beingcontrolled by PMDD.
Now I feel empowered that Ihave the tools instead of
(43:18):
feeling like I'm literally beingcontrolled by PMDD.
This program has truly been alifesaver for me and my partner.
So what I did with Mia wasreally address a lot of the
things that were going on withthe core of her self identity
when she felt really bad aboutherself because she had already
gone off on PMDD rage.
So if you're listening to this,you've probably already gone
off, you've already done thedamage and I know for me this is
(43:41):
a program that I wish that Ihad with the ex that I talked
about earlier in this episode,because when he he didn't
immediately break up with meright, it was when I had done
the damage and then I wasn'table to go back to him and tell
them that next month wasn'tgoing to be any different.
Like I feel.
Like with partners, they justwant to know that you're
actively doing something to helpcontrol your PMDD rage, but
(44:04):
when they feel like you'regenuinely not doing anything,
then it leaves the door wideopen.
You can apologize all you wantfor the damage that you've done.
You can say, babe, I'm sorrythat I did this, I'm sorry that
I did that.
What they're wanting to see ischanged behavior.
They're wanting to see thatyou're actively choosing to do
something to get help to work onit, so that you're not gonna
have to deal with this formonths and months and months,
(44:25):
because for these individualsthat are choosing to spend their
life with you, do life with youthey don't want to feel that
level of fear of like I don'tknow what to expect from you.
So I'm not saying that you needto break up.
I'm not saying that you need tobe single.
I'm saying that if you knowthat PMDD rage is something that
you need to work on, you needto do it sooner rather than
later.
Stop putting this on the backburner.
(44:45):
Purchase this program.
Go to inlovewithpmddcom I'mgoing to put the link in the
show notes for you to get andthis is going to it's called
rewireire your PMDD Brain how toStop Going Off on your Partner
Every Month in PMDD.
So I will see you in theprogram and I will see you on
the next episode.
We got this.
Love you.
So today I want to talk to you about PMDD Rage and
I know that I have discussedpremenstrual dysphoric disorder
rage so many times on so manyepisodes.
You can actually go back andlisten to those but I really
just wanted to talk about howmuch it really impacts your PMDD
relationships, how much itcauses those PMDD monthly
(00:22):
breakups, and why I created aprogram that's really really
going to help you.
And the reason why when Istarted 2025 and probably the
end of 2024, when I really saidyou know, I need to start
creating programs that are gonnahelp these individuals, to help
more of you, because I have somany private sessions where I'm
using these tools and I reallywanted to be able to provide
(00:45):
something for you that's reallyself-paced, that you can work on
on your own, but it's givingyou the exact tools of what I
know works with PMDD partnersand PMDD sufferers Things that
have been tested, things thatare research-based and things
that are not really in theliterature and they're not
really out there.
So every program that I'mcreating in the end of 2024,
(01:06):
like my partner, has PMDD.
Now what?
All of that is based on thework that I've done with my
private clients.
All of that is based on mydissertation that I have.
And when you're working withpremenstrual dysphoric disorder,
because everything is so newand it's not really in the
literature as far as atraditional therapeutic practice
(01:28):
or a traditional counselingpractice, you can't really go
off of other modalities.
They don't really work right.
There are a lot of things thatare in the literature, such as
CBT, cognitive behavioraltherapy, and talk therapy,
gestalt and all of these things,and I really think that unless
(01:49):
and I say this and I said itonce and I'll say it again I
really feel like if you have notsuffered with premenstrual
dysphoric disorder, if you'venot worked with individuals who
have suffered with premenstrualdysphoric disorder, then it's
really hard for you to createsomething that's tailored to the
suffering that they've gonethrough.
Then it's really hard for youto create something that's
tailored to the suffering thatthey've gone through, because I
(02:11):
know that PMDD RAGE was one ofthe biggest things,
no-transcript.
So that's why the first programthat I created called my
(02:33):
Partner has PMDD.
Now, what was specificallygeared towards the partners?
Because if you've gone throughhundreds of episodes I have on
the podcast right now, there'sso many things for the
individuals that are sufferingwith PMDD and there are some
that are dealing with thepartners, but I wanted to create
something that was specificallyfor them that they can be
actively working on.
(02:53):
That was really going to startto transform their relationship
immediately.
And I'm so glad during themonth of December that I had
those private sessions with the12 individuals who purchased the
program and got a chance to getthose private sessions with me
and got everything personalized.
It really, really helped theirrelationship and so I said, okay
, now I'm going to do a programfor the individuals that are
(03:14):
suffering with PMDD.
And, of course, pmdd Rage wasone of the first things that I
thought of, because when I wasin my PMDD relationship with my
partner, that was one of thethings that made me even
recognize that I had PMDD.
I don't think that if I wouldn'thave gone off on PMDD rage and
it wouldn't have gotten as badas it did that I would have even
(03:35):
looked into what was going onwith me.
I think PMDD rage rips theblanket off of everything that
you've been trying to hideinternally, because I know a lot
of times when you're in PMDD,you may be trying to hide your
symptoms, right, you're tryingto hold everything in.
You're trying to act normal.
You're trying to act likethings aren't bothering you.
You're trying to act likethings that your partner is
saying aren't triggering you.
(03:56):
But PMDD rage rips the blanketoff of that.
It makes you react to thingsand it kind of shows your
partner what you've been goingthrough, because they're like
what is this behavior?
Why are you acting so out ofcharacter?
What is going on with you?
It forces you to come to termswith the fact that you do have
premenstrual dysphoric disorder.
(04:16):
This is the thing that made merealize it and this is the thing
that a lot of my privateclients, when they come to me,
it's because they've gone off onPMDD Rage, or their partner has
gone off on PMDD Rage, andthey're like we cannot go
another month in this kind ofsituation because it's so toxic,
it's so hostile, it's sotraumatic.
And when you've gone off onPMDD Rage, you look back on it
(04:39):
and you're like I feel literallylike a monster.
I feel like a horrible person.
I can't believe I said that.
I can't believe I did that.
I can't believe I broke that.
You're kind of looking atyourself as if it's not you.
You're on the outside lookingin.
You know that it's you, butthen you feel like, well, I
would have never done that if Iwasn't in my luteal phase, or I
(05:02):
would have never done that if Iwasn't in PMDD.
So for a lot of individuals thathave been kind of in denial
about having premenstrualdysphoric disorder, they really
have to get to a point wherethey admit it.
They admit that they have PMDDbecause they have to have
something to explain thisbehavior.
They have to have something toexplain how they're acting so
out of character, how they saidthese things to their partner,
(05:23):
how they did these things.
And their explanation is okay,I guess I do have premenstrual
dysphoric disorder, right,because a lot of times if it's
other things like depression oranxiety or sensitivity to noise,
you can kind of chalk that upto say, okay, I just have this
other kind of like at this point, and with social media,
(05:44):
everybody has depression,everybody has anxiety.
So you can kind of like at thispoint and you know, with social
media, everybody has depression, everybody has anxiety.
So you can kind of put it inthat box and say, oh, I just
have this like everybody else.
But premenstrual dysphoricdisorder, rage, pmdd, rage is
not something that is verycommon, it is not something that
is kind of can be brushed over.
It's something that you have totake action on.
If you do not take action afteryour partner has gone off on
PMDD rage or you've gone off onPMDD rage, you are setting
(06:07):
yourself up to potentially loseyour whole relationship.
You will lose a good partner, agood person, because you're not
controlling your PMDD rage, notbecause you're not compatible,
not because you're with thewrong person, but because you
don't have the tools to controlthis behavior that can really
spiral out and it's out ofcontrol.
Pmdd rage is out of control.
(06:28):
I remember the first time I didit.
It was years ago.
It was years and years andyears ago and it was over
something that I thought.
I think the worst part of it isis it was over something that I
thought my partner was doingthat they didn't actually do.
That's the part that hurt themost is that I felt completely
(06:51):
justified in the moment becauseof what was going on with me in
my luteal phase.
And again, I didn't know that Ihad PMDD at the time and I've
had, I've suffered with PMDD forover 18 years now it's going on
19 years and at the time Ididn't know that that's what was
going on, I really believed thestory that PMDD was telling me
in my brain and I really got tothis point where I was with this
(07:14):
person and we were engaged andI loved our life together.
But I knew that forapproximately 10 days like I
wasn't even counting the days atthat point but I knew that for
certain times of the month Iwould be so irritable, so
irritated with my partner Iwould immediately wake up
(07:37):
because we were living togetherat the time.
I would wake up and look overat him and I just felt
differently.
I felt like I had the ick rightand that's the best way to
describe it.
I felt like I had the ick.
He wasn't as attractive to me,things that he was doing were
super annoying, so he started tolook differently in my eyes and
(07:59):
certain actions that he wouldhave I started to criticize him
even more, and that was thebasis of what he brought up.
When he finally said enough isenough.
He was like you're alwayscriticizing me and you're always
blaming me, and he noticed thatit was so out of character
because when I was in myfollicular phase or even in
ovulation, I was veryunderstanding, I was very loving
(08:21):
, and that's the thing aboutPMDD rage.
When you have premenstrualdysphoric disorder, it attacks
some of the most lovingindividuals, so that's why it's
very weird.
A lot of times it's becauseit's completely out of character
, like you're not normally thisaggressive person, or you're not
normally this overly criticalperson, or you're not normally
this jealous and insecure personLike I was not that, but when I
(08:43):
got into my luteal phasejealous and insecure person Like
I was not that.
But when I got into my lutealphase, everything looked and
felt different and I feltcompletely justified.
This is what takes individualsso long to admit that they have
premenstrual dysphoric disorder,if they even know what it is.
A lot of times the partnerswill come to them and say I've
been listening to, you know DrRose's podcast.
I've been listening to In LoveWith PMDD and I know that my
(09:03):
partner has PMDD.
Like they'll find me from myTikTok or they'll find me from
my Instagram or they'll find mefrom this podcast.
And they're like this isexactly what's going on with my
partner.
And they're going to theirpartner who's suffering with
PMDD and the partner's notwanting to admit it.
They're like oh, I guess I'mthe problem, so what you did
really wasn't the problem.
Like they're kind of likerewiring it to make it seem like
the partner is the problem andnot the fact that they were in
(09:25):
their luteal phase andexperiencing PMDD rage, because
the things that PMDD rage willbring up for you will be actual
scenarios of things that hashappened.
You actually saw your partnerdo something, or you actually
heard your partner say something, and it's you reacting to the
things that have actuallyhappened which makes it more
convincing, which makes you feelmore justified to do these
actions in the moment.
(09:46):
And so in my scenario Idistinctly remember this we had
gone out to dinner and we hadhad a good time.
That's the thing PM&E range canreally sneak up on you.
It can hit you mid-date nightor midway in the car going
somewhere and your partner sayor do something, and then all of
a sudden, everything justswitches.
That's what happened for me.
(10:06):
Something in my brain justswitched and he said something
to me at dinner and we were at abeautiful dinner overlooking
the beach and we had had a goodtime and we had some yummy food
and drinks and all the things,and he said something like I
don't understand why you didthat, like he just questioned me
(10:28):
, and questions when you are inPMDD are a trigger.
I will let you know that if yourpartner starts to question
something that you did, that isa trigger in premenstrual
dysphoric disorder.
That's a trigger in PMDD.
I remember in my lastrelationship I said to my
partner you got to stop askingme questions.
And when I'm in PMDD and Iremember in my last relationship
I said to my partner you got tostop asking me questions when
I'm in PMDD.
And he was like that's so weird.
What do you mean?
(10:48):
I can't ask you questions.
I'm trying to understand what'sgoing on with you.
So of course I'm going to askyou questions, but I'm like no,
when you ask me questions andI'm in PMDD, that's a trigger
because I feel like you'reattacking my character and it
makes me want to go off on PMDDrage.
I figured that out very quicklybecause that one question that
my partner at the time had askedme at dinner, you're not going
(11:10):
to believe what I did.
So he was like I just don'teven understand why you did that
.
And I was like what?
Like that's how you know you'rein PMDD and you're trying to
like hold in the rage becauseyou can almost feel yourself get
like my body would genuinelyget hot.
When I got to that point and Iwas in PMDD rage I felt the heat
of the emotions and I was likewhat did you say?
(11:32):
Like I got really quiet until Iwasn't, and so I got up from
the table, from the restaurant,and it was in walking distance
from our condo, where we live inthis beautiful high-rise condo.
I got up and I literally sawhim chase after me because he
was like what's going on withyou?
What's going on with you?
And I kept walking and I walkedall the way.
(11:53):
When you're in PMDD range, youhave a level of energy that you
genuinely probably wouldn't haveon a normal basis.
This was in the middle of thenight.
I was was in high heels and Iliterally walked all the way
home, fuming, fuming in PMD rage, like replaying what he said
again and again and again in myhead.
(12:14):
And then I got to the apartment, opened the door and started
throwing all of his stuff.
I was literally kicking him out.
Essentially, we lived togetherand I was literally kicking him
out, throwing all of his stuffall over the place.
I mean, the condo looked a messand then one of the biggest
things that I had to move,because when you're in PMDD rage
(12:36):
, you genuinely don't know yourown strength and I pushed the
big screen TV by the door toblock him because I felt like I
knew he was coming home.
I knew he was driving home, Iknew he was going to get there
soon and I wanted to block himfrom coming in the door.
Obviously, he had a key and Iput the TV by the door and I,
when I heard him come in, I wasstill fuming and he opened the
(13:01):
door and he barely could make itthrough to like push the door
through because of the TV that Ihad put there and he looked at
all of his stuff.
All over the place things werebroken and he was like what the
like he was.
So he had the look of fear,like a deer in the headlights
look.
And he looked at me and Iremember him saying cause we
(13:21):
talked about it the next day.
He said you genuinely lookeddifferent, like you didn't even
look like.
Your eyes look different whenyou're in PMD rage I know your
partner can probably attest tothis you genuinely look
different.
You have a different look inyour eye.
You can even look at yourselfin the mirror and see that you
look different.
I felt like a monster at thattime.
(13:42):
And then immediately he lookedall over.
You look different.
I felt like a monster at thattime.
And then immediately he lookedall over and I thought that he
was going to argue with me.
I thought he was going to fightwith me.
I thought he was going to doall these things and he
genuinely just looked hurt andhe went in a room, he packed a
little bag and he left a littlebag and he left and I remember
(14:09):
sliding down a wall and cryingand looking at everything that I
had done, because after you'vegone off on PMDD, rage, I mean,
the feeling of wanting to go offkind of goes away, like you get
it out of your system, and thenyou're like, oh, I feel better.
And until you don't, and thenimmediately you feel guilty,
immediately you feel guilty,especially if you're looking
around at all of the things thatyou've done, at the damage that
you've done.
And I was looking around theroom and I was like, oh my
(14:32):
goodness, because what PMDD willdo, that little voice in your
head that's telling you to gooff it'll be there.
And then another little voicewill be in your head telling you
I can't believe you did that,like you're such a monster, like
what kind of person would dothat, and you talk to your
partner like that, like itswitches on you.
That's why I would say PMDD isnot your friend, because it'll
convince you to do thingscognitively in your brain and
(14:53):
then, once you do them, it'sgoing to tell you how horrible
you are, that you did it andthat's how I felt.
I was like, oh my God, and Ididn't want to, you don't want
to tell anybody what you did,because I mean, now it looks
crazy because now your brain,cognizantly, you've kind of come
down from it, you've come offthe high of PMDD rage and you're
looking at the message you madeand you immediately have a
(15:14):
sense of anxiety and ordepression, because I was
literally blowing up his phone.
I was like, oh my gosh, oh mygosh, I have to fix this.
I have to fix this.
Obviously he wasn't answeringmy call and ultimately, in that
relationship I was amazing in myfollicular days.
I was amazing outside of that,in my ovulation.
We were so compatible, we werejust really good together and I
(15:38):
remember he broke up with me.
I couldn't believe it.
I was so shocked, because a lotof times.
Sometimes, when you're in theserelationships and you've gone
off on PMDD rage so many times,you've done so many things, you
genuinely think like the egocomes in and you're like they're
not going anywhere.
Like I was so shocked when heactually broke up with me
(15:59):
because I started to think thatoh, you know how I am, when and
before my period, I started tomake excuses and he kind of
accepted it for a while, which alot of times partners can do.
They'll accept it until theydon't.
And when I tell you, when hewas done, he was done.
It didn't matter how amazing Iwas in my follicular phase, it
didn't matter how amazing I wasin ovulation, he broke up with
(16:20):
me.
He literally was like I cannotdeal with this on a monthly
basis.
You're not even takingaccountability for what you're
doing.
You're making excuses and Iknow that even if I did the
things that you're saying, thatI'm doing, I know I don't
deserve this kind of treatment.
I genuinely he started to getreally bad anxiety and he was
like I just can't deal with this.
(16:41):
I'm literally scared of youwhen you're like this.
He was like I don't know, Ihate.
When you're like this, I don'tknow what to do with you when
you're like this.
Because he couldn't snap me outof it Because I was so
argumentative, I was so angry, Ifelt so justified, I had this
big ego, and so he was trying toget through to me, trying to
(17:03):
talk me back into being how Iwas in my follicular phase, and
he couldn't do it.
It's like he couldn't crack thecode and he broke up with me,
moved out and I was soheartbroken because I had all of
these pictures and all of thesememories and all of these, the
memories of the plans that wehad and all of these pictures of
how happy we were.
(17:29):
And I remember that's when Icame to terms that there was
something wrong with me, likesomething wasn't right because I
dated another person after thatand I felt the irritability
again.
I felt the same pattern of mebeing with someone and feeling
great and feeling like I lovethem, and then they start doing
things that irritate me and then, all of a sudden, I felt myself
about to do that same patternof going off on PMDD rage and I
(17:51):
ended up breaking up with thisperson and they were like what's
wrong?
You know, like I couldn'tdescribe it, but I knew that
there was something going on,and that's when I figured out
that I had premenstrualdysphoric disorder.
All those years ago, that wasthe first time that I had
recognized it, and PMDD rage wasthe thing that made me not be
able to ignore that there wassomething going on with me,
(18:11):
something controlling me that Ididn't want to control me and I
needed to do something about it.
And that's what started myjourney, and that's why I wanted
to create this program of howto rewire your PMDD brain,
because I literally had to learnhow to do this step by step.
So I am taking my years, myyears of personal experience
(18:33):
with PMDD rage, with personallyfeeling what it's like to go off
on PMDD rage, and then I'mtaking what I had to do to dig
myself out of that, and I reallyhad to get to the science
behind what is going on in mybrain.
That's what I noticed.
It's not really about my body.
My body was just reacting towhat was going on in my brain,
(18:53):
and it was specifically duringmy luteal phase.
And so during this program, I'mgoing to give you the science
behind PMDD Rage.
I'm going to help youunderstand cognitively what is
going on when you switch fromovulation and you go into your
luteal phase.
What's going on in your brainthat is making you feel
justified to go off on PMDDrange, that is making you feel
(19:17):
like you are in this place of Ihave to get it out.
Because that's how I felt.
I felt like I couldn't, Iwasn't going to feel better
until I went off on PMDD Rage.
That was the scariest thing tome, because the times that I was
trying to hold it in and I waslike, don't do it, like I was
literally talking myself out ofit, like don't do it, don't do
it, don't do it, I literallyfelt like I needed to get it out
(19:40):
and to get this kind of release.
And so the first thing thathappens when you go into PMDD
rage is you kind of have thisdistorted thinking, like you can
think that your partner doesn'tcare about you, they don't care
about you, they don't love you,they don't appreciate you.
And so one of the scenariosthat was happening with my
private clients was theirpartner forgot to ask how they
were doing today.
You know what I mean.
(20:01):
Like simple things.
Simple things will make youfeel like your partner doesn't
care about you, like they comehome from work and they're not
asking you how you're feeling,they're not asking you what you
do, and then you're saying tothem you don't care about me at
all, right, and so they wereliterally feeling like their
(20:22):
partner didn't love and careabout them.
From little small actions,right, like you get in the car
and they're not holding yourhand, or they're coming in the
house and they normally hug youand they don't hug you.
So when you have this distortedthinking, you're taking things
that your partner is genuinelydoing and your thinking is
distorted, and it's distorted ina negative way.
Right, the distortion happensbecause you're genuinely
(20:43):
believing, based off ofsomething that they haven't said
or they haven't done, that theydon't love you and they don't
care about you.
So it makes you feel justifiedin going to the spiral into PMDD
rage.
So the next thing that happensis this catastrophizing right.
So a minor argument abouthousehold chores or taking care
of the kids it spirals intothoughts like this relationship
(21:04):
is failing, right, it's kind oflike this all or nothing, like
it's always going to be likethis.
Like, if you, I remembergetting like this when I wanted
more affection in myrelationship and I was feeling
like I wasn't getting affectionand I would constantly have to
remind my partner or kind of dothings that kind of say, hey,
like I want more affection, Ineed more affection.
(21:29):
I knew what it is that I neededand I felt like every time that
they didn't do it that I wascommitting myself to a lifetime
of not getting affection.
Like that's what I mean thecatastrophizing.
I was literally thinking that,oh, because my partner doesn't
hug me, they don't hold my hand.
When I'm walking down thestreet, I'm seeing everybody
else you know so many couplesthat are holding hands, that are
their partners, opening thedoor for them.
Like I started to see a lot ofthings that I wanted and because
(21:52):
my partner wasn't doing them, Iwas like I guess I'm just going
to live this life of neverhaving a partner that is
affectionate towards me.
So this is this catastrophizingthinking where you're genuinely
feeling like this doom and gloom.
You're going to be in thisrelationship, it's always going
to be like this.
And then, when you go off onPMDD rage, it's kind of like
you're so frustrated.
(22:13):
You're so frustrated, you're sooverwhelmed with not getting
what it is that you want, notgetting what it is that you need
.
You're tired of nagging, you'retired of asking and you're
thinking like they're nevergoing to pay attention to my
needs, they're never going to beaffectionate, they're never
going to be intimate with me.
The intimacy is gone, like thisis a really big one.
That happens with a lot of myprivate clients is it's?
It's if the thing isn'thappening, if there isn't an
(22:35):
immediate improvement, it's likeone time that they don't do
something that you ask them todo, it's like, oh, it's always
going to be like this, I'm nevergoing to feel loved.
And this is where the PMDDmonthly breakups come in.
And so another scenario could belike the personalization so
your partner doesn't immediatelyrespond to your text.
And so I know for me and Ithink this happened because I
(22:57):
was in a long distancerelationship, a long distance
marriage, and so texting becamereally really like a primary
form of communication,specifically because we were
both so busy.
So I've noticed that that'skind of gone into me with the
dating realm, because I'm sosensitive to text communication.
Like if a person doesn'timmediately respond to my text
(23:20):
message, I can still be in myluteal phase right now, and I'll
be like, oh my gosh, they'reignoring me on purpose or they
left me on read, like if I seethat a person that I'm dating
has read the message but notimmediately responded, I'll
automatically question how theyfeel about me, what they think
about me, because I'll fall intothis loop of taking everything
personally, and I had to getmyself out of that.
(23:43):
So one of the tools that I teachyou in my program so that you
don't go off on your partner,because you have to think about
it right, if you're datingsomeone or if you're in a
relationship with someone andyou see that you text them at a
specific time, like, say, youtext them at 1230, every minute
that goes by and I don't evenmean every hour when you're in
your luteal phase every minutethat goes by that they have not
(24:06):
responded to you, you're makingup stories in your mind about
why they haven't responded toyou and you're getting more and
more.
You start off with just gettingtriggered, like you start off
getting annoyed.
That annoyance becomes atrigger.
Then you start questioning,like you're taking it personal
and you're like, oh so I guessI'm not important to them, I
guess they don't really like me.
Then you get pissed off becausethen you start thinking about
(24:27):
all of the effort that you putinto the dating, or all of the
effort that you put into therelationship or all of the
effort that you put into themarriage.
And then you're like I can'tbelieve that they would
disrespect me, I can't believethat they would devalue me so
much that they're not even goingto respond to me.
Like, what are they doing?
Then it's like, well, who arethey texting?
Who are they Then?
If you you know for a lot of myprivate clients, if they you
(24:47):
have your partner's location onthe phone and you start tracking
them, I wonder what they'redoing.
Or I saw that they postedsomething on social media.
You're taking the fact thatthey haven't texted you so
personally that you're making upscenarios and things in your
mind that is genuinely pissingyou off, whether you want to
admit it or not.
And then, as you start to getpissed off, this is when the
(25:08):
PMDD rage starts to happen,because the longer that they
take to respond to you, the moreangry that you get, the more
the rage is building up insideof you.
And so, when you're in yourluteal phase, this is where we
can get into the amplificationof triggers.
So now they haven't done thisone thing.
They didn't text you back.
And even when they text youback like you've already.
(25:29):
You're already pissed off,you're already upset, you're
already overwhelmed, and so theymay text you back.
And now you're short with them,now you're shutting down on
them, now you're acting coldtowards them.
It's almost like they had likea five minute window to text you
back and then after that you'repissed.
And so then, when they do textyou back, you're like I'm fine.
You know like they're textingyou and be like hey, babe, how
(25:49):
are you doing?
You know they're responding andyou're like I'm good.
And they're like oh, I see that, you know, I see that I missed
your text.
It's amplifying the triggersthat you have.
Now you're more triggered withthem because they didn't do that
one thing right, that's thatpersonalization.
(26:09):
So your partner can like leavetheir shoes in the middle of the
floor and it feels like anunforgivable offense, like, oh,
my goodness, I can't believethey're leaving their stuff all
over the place.
I'm going to be picking up.
You know all of their things.
They don't appreciate anythingthat I'm doing.
So there's this resentmentbecause there's this perceived
(26:31):
imbalance of what they'reproviding to you and what you're
providing to them.
You feel like you're handlingall of the mental and emotional
load in the relationship andyou're starting to think why do
I have to handle everything?
Then you're starting to feelstressed and overwhelmed and
it's making your symptoms worsebecause stress and increase in
your cortisol levels.
It's amplifying how you areidentifying this relationship.
(26:54):
If you start to feel like you'redoing more for your partner
than they're doing more for you,it's going to piss you off.
It's going to increase thechances of PMDD rage because
you're going to start to getresentful for everything that
you're doing.
You're going to get resentfulfor picking up the kids because
you're going to like I guess Ihave to do everything.
You're going to get resentfulfor making dinner.
You're going to get resentfulfor walking the dog.
You're going to get resentfulfrom doing all of these things
(27:16):
because you have been holding inthese triggers and now you feel
like in the midst of beingpissed off, in the midst of
being angry with them, nowyou're having to do things that
are helping them out and itfeels unfair.
The ego is telling you like Ican't believe you're doing all
that for them.
They don't even appreciate you.
Like there's these mental,cognitive stories that are being
told in your brain.
This is why my program helpsyou rewire your brain Because if
(27:39):
you continuously let thatspiral, this is what makes you
feel justified for going off onyour PMDD partner.
A lot of times you don't feelguilty for going off on PMDD
rage until after you've done theaction.
So while you're doing it, youcould be saying things that are
below the belt, saying the mosthorrible, hurtful things, taking
(28:00):
personal information that yourpartner has told you and you're
using it against them and you'refeeling justified in the moment
because there's thisamplification of triggers and so
you kind of have this negativefiltering.
Right, your partner doessomething thoughtful and all
you're doing is you're kind oflike thinking that they're doing
it without being genuine, likethey say I love you, or they put
(28:23):
their hand on your shoulder orthey put their hand around you
and you're kind of like you havethe ick.
You're kind of like, oh,they're just saying that or oh,
they're just doing that.
I've even seen this with myprivate clients where the
partner who has gone off on PMDDrage I can tell that they're in
the realms of that negativefiltering because even though
the partner who doesn't havePMDD is opening up and they're
(28:46):
doing one of my tools, which isthe JBL method just be loving.
They're leaning in, they'rebeing loving and you're not
being receptive of it becauseyou're already triggered with
them.
You already have the ick,you're already annoyed, you're
on the borderline of going offon PMDD rage and it's almost
like a don't touch me moment,like don't touch me, like their
loving actions are genuinelypissing you off because you feel
(29:09):
like it's very manipulative.
You feel like it's not genuine.
You're like they don't reallylove me, they don't really care
about me, because you'rebelieving the story that is in
your brain.
This is why we have to rewireit, because until you rewire
your PMDD brain, it doesn'tmatter what your partner does.
It doesn't matter if yourpartner acts loving.
It doesn't matter if yourpartner starts doing all the
things that you've been askingthem to do, if they start doing
(29:29):
more of the chores, if theystart opening up to you, if they
start being more emotionallypresent.
It doesn't matter if your PMDDbrain is wired towards this
negative filtering.
As long as you have thisnegative filtering in your PMDD
brain, you are going to takeevery action that your partner
does and you're going to feellike they're not being genuine,
they're doing it to manipulateyou.
(29:51):
Maybe they're a narcissist.
This is when you're going tostart to question their
character.
And maybe they're toxic, maybethey're the reasons why you're
going through PMDD.
Maybe the only way that you canhave some peace in PMDD is to
just break up with them, right?
So then there's this projectionof inner turmoil that you're
having in PMDD, this chaos andconfusion that I talked about on
(30:12):
the previous episode.
So you're feeling overwhelmedand you're really.
This is when the questioningcomes in.
You're already feelingtriggered, you're already
feeling overwhelmed, you'realready feeling stressed, you're
feeling like you don't have themental bandwidth to deal with
PMDD and your partner.
And then they start questioningyou.
The questions come in, and sothis is the projection of us and
this is when you will literallysnap, snap and go off.
(30:36):
One question Remember, in thescenario that I gave you of what
I did, one question and I wasready to go off because I had
had all of this inner turmoil,this chaos and confusion going
on in my brain about what mypartner was saying and doing,
and one question made me go offon PMDD Rage.
(30:58):
And then you can kind ofover-interpret the tones and the
words.
Tones is so important when itcomes to PMDD Rage because I
remember, with my last partner.
I would literally feel like hewas yelling at me.
I would literally and he talkedloud anyway.
He called it like beingcharismatic, passionate, or
(31:19):
whatever you want to call it.
He was not a quiet personanyway, and so when I heard him
say certain things like that, Iperceived as criticism, like
specific I would sayspecifically for parenting with
my daughter Like I would be openwith him about my struggles
with maybe setting disciplinerules.
(31:41):
I think what happens is when youkind of over-interpret the tone
is, if you feel like you'veopened up emotionally to your
partner and they criticize youin return, it's like a slap in
the face.
That's what I would always feellike.
I would be like, oh my gosh,I'm really struggling with
disciplining her and gettingthis schoolwork done and I feel
(32:02):
like we never have time andwe're always late on assignments
.
So I could just be being open,right, and I'd be like, yeah,
but we're just being late onassignments and it's really
stressing me out and all ofthese things.
And then he would say somethinglike you just need to be better
with your time management, ohmy goodness.
Or why don't you set a schedulefor that?
(32:22):
Like you wouldn't have thisproblem.
He would say things like youwouldn't have this problem if
you set a better time managementskills or something like that.
And I felt like I wanted to whatI call go ham and cheese on
that biscuit.
When I say I wanted to go hamand cheese on that biscuit, that
means I wanted to go off onPMDD rage.
So bad, because my ego was likewho in the hell do you think
(32:45):
you're talking to?
It's almost like you're openingup, you're being soft, you're
being vulnerable, you're beingwhatever.
Your defenses are down.
And then, when they criticizeyou, you feel like you need to
attack them.
This is what's going to makeyou feel like you need to attack
them.
This is what's going to makeyou feel like you need to go off
on PMDD rage, because you feellike they've taken advantage of
your vulnerability and they'reusing it to criticize you.
(33:07):
So then you feel justified togo off on PMDD rage because you
feel like you need to defendyourself.
Remember, criticism isreturning with defensiveness.
So if your partner criticizeyou, or if you perceive their
questions or their comments ascriticism, you're going to feel
the need to defend yourself.
And the way that you feel theneed to defend yourself in the
luteal phase is to go off onPMDD rage, what I call going ham
(33:30):
and cheese on that biscuit.
Like who do you think you'retalking to?
Because PMDD will be like theymust think you're so weak.
They must, like they'll make itseem like they're walking all
over you Like, oh my gosh, theythink that they could just talk
to you like that You're so weak,you need to do something to
show them that they're not goingto.
You know, talk to you like that, right.
And I remember feeling likethat and I was so hot, I felt
(33:55):
the heat in my body so much.
And sometimes your partnerdoesn't even know.
They don't even know, which ishorrible, because when you do do
something and say something togo off on PMDD rage, it kind of
takes them by surprise.
They're kind of like what the?
Because they don't feel likethe reaction that you're giving
in PMDD rage is comparable towhat they said, like they're
(34:16):
thinking about what they said,because they may say, like all I
was saying was and it's toolate, because you're already in
that realm of going, or feelinglike you want to go off on PMDD
rage, and so when you get tothis point, it's almost like
when you're trying to whenyou're really trying to rewire
your PMDD brain in the middle ofPMDD, like in the middle of it,
(34:39):
it's almost too late.
It's too late because you can'tbe pulled back.
It's like you can't rewire itwhen you're in the middle of it.
It's almost like you have toknow the tools of what to do
when you feel like you're aboutto go off on PMDD rage, which is
what I teach you in the program, because if your partner tries
to stop you in the middle,they're almost going to get hit
(35:02):
in the crossfires because you'realready on a high alert, you're
already up there with PMDD andso anything that you say and do,
it's almost worse.
It's almost worse for them tojust be like, just calm down.
If you're telling someone whohas premenstrual dysphoric
disorder when they're in themiddle of PMDD rage, to calm
down, watch out.
That is the worst thing thatyou can do as the partner is to
(35:23):
tell them to calm down or tocall them crazy or to address
the behavior in a way of likepointing it out and thinking
that it's going to stop them.
So, for the partners that arelistening, I want you to get
this program as well, because Iwant you to understand what not
to do.
And one of the biggest things ofwhat not to do when your
(35:43):
partner's in PMDD rage is tonumber one call them crazy.
Number two, start to be likebabe, I need you to calm down.
Talk to them like what I calldid unto them them, and what I
mean by that.
Talk to them like they're achild.
Talk to them like they'restupid, being really
(36:05):
condescending with them becauseit's going to make them go off
even worse and you may thinkthat you're doing the right
thing because you're trying tocalm them down and you're trying
to talk to them and soothe them.
That is the biggest mistakethat you're going to make.
You need to understand theexact way to respond to them,
and it's not by treating them,but like they are the problem,
like they're the issues, likethey're the monster, like all of
these things.
And I know it's really hard forpartners.
I really want to address you atthis point.
(36:25):
I know it's hard for you to notreact, especially when your
partner, who is suffering withPMDD, is saying the meanest,
coolest things to you and it'salmost like you can't even see
the version of your partner thatyou love and adore.
You can't see them.
You know, it's kind of likethey're saying like you can't
see the forest for the trees,you can't see your beautiful,
(36:47):
loving, sweet partner.
You see this person that isattacking you and is saying some
of the meanest, coolest thingsto you.
So that's what makes you reactand also go off on PMDD rage.
The partner who doesn't sufferwith PMDD can go off on PMDD
rage because the rage is inducedby premenstrual dysphoric
(37:08):
disorder.
That's why the partner whodoesn't suffer with PMDD can go
off on PMDD rage, because it isinduced by your reactions.
They're reacting to you beingin PMDD rage.
Therefore, their rage is PMDDrage.
You see how it's all connected.
A lot of times, the partners whoare not suffering with PMDD are
like I can't believe that Iwent off on my partner.
(37:29):
I can't believe that I saidthese abusive things.
I can't believe that I showedthis toxic behavior.
It's your reaction to yourpartner being in PMDD, right,
and so it has an emotional tollon the partners.
They're confused.
They don't understand how thisversion of you is even showing
up in the relationship.
They're hurt because of thethings that you're saying and
(37:51):
doing and then they're scared.
There's a level of fear becausethey can't control your
emotions because there's nothingthat they can do to really
bring you back.
They're scared.
This is what I mean by walkingon eggshells.
I address this in the programthat I have for partners called
my Partner has PMDD.
Now what?
So if you've not gotten thatprogram, please go to
wwwinlovewithpmddcom and getthat program.
(38:13):
This is for the partners,because I know that there's so
much fear there and I know thatthere's so much fear there and I
know how scary it can be to bescared of your own partner.
It's kind of like sleeping withthe enemy.
You're sleeping next to someoneand not really knowing how
they're going to wake up, whatthey're going to do, but you
love them and you care aboutthem and you adore them and you
don't want to leave them.
So it puts you in this placewhere you're feeling stuck.
(38:34):
You're feeling stuck and it's abreakdown in the connection,
because it's hard for you tofeel connected to someone that
you genuinely have this highlevel of fear towards, and so
there is this guilt that thepartner has for the partner
that's suffering in PMDD, and itcan be this guilt and shame for
both of you, because, at theend of the day, you've probably
(38:55):
both said and done some thingsin PMDD rage that you're not
proud of, and there's a lot ofshame, especially when children
are involved and they've seenand heard you.
There's a shame because youfeel like you should have been
able to control your emotions tonot allow it to go that way,
especially when the kids areinvolved.
That's what really breaks myheart is when the kids have
(39:17):
heard you yell and fight, and soI always tell my private
clients if you're not doing thisfor you, at least do it for the
kids, because if you know thatyou're in a place you know you
know, you know that you're in aplace where you're susceptible
to going off on PMDD rage, thenat any moment you can allow your
(39:38):
partner to be hurt by it, andthen also your children.
This is a traumatic experience,right, this is very traumatic
for your children to hear andsee you go off on PMDD rage.
It just is and I don't say itto shame you, I don't say it to
(39:58):
blame you.
I'm saying it that this is asign that you need to get help
for it.
So there needs to be a level ofurgency If you know that PMDD
rage is an issue that you havein your PMDD relationship.
There needs to be a level ofurgency if there's children
involved, because they shouldnot have to be subjected to this
behavior.
I know one of my private clientsthat I had when and I think I
(40:22):
talked about it on a previousepisode during Christmas where
she went off and all of thisstuff was, I mean, christmas
tree thrown all over the place,bulbs everywhere broken, all of
these things, whatever was inher way, she completely went off
on PMDD Rage.
And that's when she was like DrRose, I need to get help.
And that's when I startedworking with her on this program
(40:43):
, because I said, you know,because you know, sometimes it's
kind of a thing where you feellike you can push it back, like,
oh, I'll deal with this later,I'll do no, pmdd Rage is not
something that you can just puton the back burner.
Pmdd rage is not something thatyou can say this is a tomorrow
thing, this is a next week thing, this is a next month thing,
because PMDD is not goinganywhere.
(41:04):
Your luteal phase is going tobe here before you know it.
I know right now I'm in myfollicular phase, I'm going to
ovulate in a couple of days andthen bam, pmdd is going to be
back.
Pmdd is going to be back.
So what I do in my follicularphase and my ovulation is I
identify all of the things thatI know that I need to work on
and I'm actively working on themLike I can't.
I can't wait, because if Isubject somebody to that, that's
(41:27):
on me, if I already know thatthese things are coming up for
me about when I get in my lutealphase.
I pay very close attention towhat goes on in my luteal phase
and then I know what I need towork on.
I just purchased a program thatI am working on for me, for my
personal journey, because of myself-worth, my self-love, this
whole thing that is.
Just that was kind of destroyedin my previous relationship and
(41:51):
I've had to dig myself out ofthat.
So I'm working on that becauseI know that it's gonna impact
anybody that I choose to be in arelationship with.
It's something that I just haveto invest in.
Otherwise I'm going to beprojecting what's going on with
me onto another person andthat's not fair to them and
that's not fair to your partner.
It's not fair to anyone thatyou're dating.
When you have premenstrualdysphoric disorder, you have to
(42:12):
take personal responsibility forhow you're showing up when
you're choosing to connect withanother person.
Now, if you want to be intocomplete solitude and just be
single for the rest of your life, that's on you, but if you're
choosing to connect yourselfwith another person, then it's
on you, right?
So I want to talk to you aboutone of the testimonials that I
(42:35):
have from one of my privateclients that has gone through
this program.
Right, and I made this programvery strategic.
It's not very long, it's verydetailed, but it's not very long
.
It's something, because Iwanted you to be able to get
immediate results from workingwith this program.
And so this is from Mia.
She's 29 years old, she's fromthe UK and she said Dr Rose, I
used to think PMDD Rage was justa part of who I was and it made
(42:58):
me feel broken.
This program completely changedthat mindset.
I've learned the tools to calmmy nervous system, reframe my
thoughts and respond to mypartner in a way that reflects
how much I love and care aboutthem, not just the triggers that
I feel when I'm in PMDD.
Now I feel empowered that Ihave the tools instead of
feeling like I'm literally beingcontrolled by PMDD.
Now I feel empowered that Ihave the tools instead of
(43:18):
feeling like I'm literally beingcontrolled by PMDD.
This program has truly been alifesaver for me and my partner.
So what I did with Mia wasreally address a lot of the
things that were going on withthe core of her self identity
when she felt really bad aboutherself because she had already
gone off on PMDD rage.
So if you're listening to this,you've probably already gone
off, you've already done thedamage and I know for me this is
(43:41):
a program that I wish that Ihad with the ex that I talked
about earlier in this episode,because when he he didn't
immediately break up with meright, it was when I had done
the damage and then I wasn'table to go back to him and tell
them that next month wasn'tgoing to be any different.
Like I feel.
Like with partners, they justwant to know that you're
actively doing something to helpcontrol your PMDD rage, but
(44:04):
when they feel like you'regenuinely not doing anything,
then it leaves the door wideopen.
You can apologize all you wantfor the damage that you've done.
You can say, babe, I'm sorrythat I did this, I'm sorry that
I did that.
What they're wanting to see ischanged behavior.
They're wanting to see thatyou're actively choosing to do
something to get help to work onit, so that you're not gonna
have to deal with this formonths and months and months,
(44:25):
because for these individualsthat are choosing to spend their
life with you, do life with youthey don't want to feel that
level of fear of like I don'tknow what to expect from you.
So I'm not saying that you needto break up.
I'm not saying that you need tobe single.
I'm saying that if you knowthat PMDD rage is something that
you need to work on, you needto do it sooner rather than
later.
Stop putting this on the backburner.
(44:45):
Purchase this program.
Go to inlovewithpmddcom I'mgoing to put the link in the
show notes for you to get andthis is going to it's called
rewireire your PMDD Brain how toStop Going Off on your Partner
Every Month in PMDD.
So I will see you in theprogram and I will see you on
the next episode.
We got this.
Love you.
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