Signs Your PMDD Relationship Is Heading for a Permanent Goodbye

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Have you ever found yourself caught in the cycle of monthly PMDD breakup threats that never materialize into actual separations? That pattern can create a dangerous desensitization where neither partner recognizes when a real, permanent breakup is happening.

The line between an emotionally-charged luteal phase breakup discussion and a genuine relationship ending isn't always clear—but there are definitive signs that indicate when a PMDD relationship is genuinely concluding rather than just weathering another hormonal storm. Unlike the heated, reactive breakup threats during PMDD episodes, permanent separations often come with a peaceful resignation and emotional detachment that feels distinctly different.

Through my 19+ years of experiencing PMDD and counseling hundreds of PMDD sufferers and their partners, I've identified key warning signs: complete loss of hope for improvement, feeling unsafe to be vulnerable both during and outside luteal phases, relationships that actively worsen your symptoms, cessation of future planning, and a pervasive sense that you're disconnecting from each other physically and emotionally. Most importantly, I explore the difficult truth that not everyone is equipped to be a supportive PMDD partner—and that's not a moral failing, just a compatibility reality.

If you recognize these patterns in your own relationship, don't wait until it's too late. The right support from someone who understands the unique challenges of PMDD relationships can help you determine whether to repair what's broken or compassionately release each other. Visit inlovewithpmdd.com to explore counseling options specifically tailored for PMDD relationships, because healing is possible—but only with the right tools and commitment from both partners.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
Let's talk breakups.
Today we're gonna be talking allabout PMDD breakups and there
really is this misconceptionthat the PMDD monthly breakups
are something that is inevitable.
Everybody has said within theirPMDD relationship, when you're
suffering with premenstrualdisorder, that you wanna break

(00:22):
up and that means that youliterally want to break up.
But what I want to let you knowis there's a difference between
a PMDD monthly breakup and thenan actual permanent breakup.
When you're in a PMDDrelationship and I've had both
and I'm going to talk to youtoday about signs of what it
looks like when you're headedfor a permanent breakup I've had

(00:44):
, you know, the PMDD monthlybreakups and then I've had
permanent ones where therelationship has ended.
We have not gotten backtogether, we haven't reconciled,
and I think a lot of times youget desensitized to hearing the
word breakup in your PMDDrelationship because every
single month you're hearing it.
So it's kind of like, maybe weshould break up, maybe we should

(01:06):
break up, and you don't reallybreak up, but you're
consistently hearing it.
So then when someone says itand they're serious you kind of
get to that point where youdon't even recognize it.
There's been so many times whereI have been in relationships
where I ended or the otherperson ends it.
It's happened to me too.
I kind of was caught off guardbecause I'm like, oh my gosh,
you've mentioned breaking upbefore but we haven't actually

(01:27):
broken up.
And now, this time you wereserious.
Like how was I supposed to knowthat you were serious?
And then even I've been inrelationships where I've just
been like enough is enough.
I can't take this.
When I said I want to break up,I don't mean because I'm in my
luteal phase and I'mexperiencing all of these
triggers and my PMDD brain istelling me to break up.
I genuinely feel like I want tobreak up.

(01:49):
And what I recognized was theother person was shocked.
They were like what do you mean?
We're breaking up?
You really want to break up?
Or they were saying, yeah, weshould, because the ego comes in
.
You say you want to break up.
They say they want to break up,yeah.
And then they try to contactyou the next day like it's
business as usual.
So who's picking up the kids?
Or who's, what are we going tohave for dinner?

(02:10):
And you're pretty much like, no, no, no.
I said we're done.
And they act so shocked becauseit's been desensitized.
They're so used to hearing it.
They never actually thoughtthat you were actually going to
break up with them.
That's why it never caused themto have this sense of changed
behavior.
A lot of times when you'resaying that you want to break up
with your partner, it's becauseyou want them to see how

(02:31):
serious the issues in yourrelationship are and you want
them to feel like, oh my gosh,in order for me to keep this
person and be with this person,I need to change things about me
, like I need to change.
And it's not about that.
You know what I mean.
It's really not aboutthreatening to break up with
your partner so that they canchange, because, honestly, if

(02:52):
they were going to change, theywould change, whether you
threaten breaking up or not.
If they were scared to lose you, if they were genuinely scared
to lose you, they would changethe actions that are causing
damage in your PMDD relationship.
And I'm going to repeat thatbecause that's something that I
really had to come to terms withIn a lot of relationships I've
been in while havingpremenstrual disorder for over
19 years down.

(03:14):
If someone really wants to bewith you, if they genuinely
value you, if they want to be inthe relationship, if they fear
losing you.
They're going to do what ittakes to stay within the
relationship, to keep you,because they feel that you're
adding value to their life.
It's not just enough to say Ilove you.
You can love a lot of peoplethat don't necessarily end up in

(03:34):
your life.
I love people and let them go.
I don't not love any of theexes that I have.
Do I always like the behaviorsthat they've shown me?
Do I like the way that they'vetreated me?
Do I like things that havehappened in my relationship?
Probably not.
That's why the relationshipdidn't last.
But I don't love them any lessbecause I've chosen not to be
with them.
But that doesn't mean thatwe're going to be together.

(03:54):
So I think a lot of timesyou're assuming.
My partner says that they loveme so we're always going to be
together.
That's not the case.
When someone is done and I knowthis from counseling hundreds of
PMDD sufferers and PMDDpartners when they are done,
they are done and there'snothing that you can do to
change their mind.
There's nothing that you cansay.

(04:15):
There's no counselingappointment that you can book at
that time, and so I know thatabout me.
I know that's a characteristicabout me is that I will work
with you and work with you andwork with you and give you the
signs Meaning if I'm in arelationship with you and I
realized that there's an issue.
I'm not expecting arelationship to be perfect.
I know that there's going to beissues in the relationship.

(04:35):
I know there's going to beconflict.
I know there's going to bemisunderstandings, like we're
two different people trying tomerge our lives as one people
trying to merge our lives as one.
It's not going to be like thisfairy tale romance.
I know we're going to come to apoint where we have to kind of
work through things and I willuse my tools and I will work
with you and I will have opencommunication and I will be

(04:57):
vulnerable with you and I willshare and I will share my heart.
That's one thing about me.
When I'm in a relationship, Idon't care if it's for a day or
a year or three years or fiveyears or 10 years.
I'm giving you all of me.
And I'm saying that withcaution because when I was
working with my dating coach andthen a lot of other people,

(05:19):
even friends, they're just likethat's not the way you're
supposed to do it, like you'resupposed to like, trickle it in,
like show them that you're alittle bit interested, and then
you give them all of you and letthem earn you and all these
things.
And I have a problem with that,with having the mentality that
someone has to earn my love,earn access to me.

(05:41):
I'm not saying it's right orwrong, I'm just saying for me, I
don't want anyone to feel likethey have to work for my love,
because I think when you set theprecedence that someone has to
work for your love, then whenthey stop working, they're
thinking that they're notdeserving of your love.
My love doesn't come at a cost,which, again, I'm not.

(06:01):
I'm never saying that this isthe right way to be as far as
how I am.
I'm just being really open withyou on how I operate in
relationships.
I don't make you earn anything.
I think love is freely given,love is freely taken away, and
that's how I operate.
I will freely give you my loveuntil you show me that I

(06:22):
shouldn't, that it's not safefor me to do that.
Until you show me that it's notsafe for me to do that.
When you show me that it's notsafe for me to love you, I will
take it back, but as long asyou're showing me that it's safe
and it's healthy for me to loveyou, I'm gonna love all of you.
I'm gonna love you, I'm gonnapour into you, I'm gonna forgive
you, I'm gonna do all thesethings, but when it comes to the

(06:44):
point that it's damaging melike I won't survive it, then,
yeah, I will freely let it go.
Is it going to hurt meAbsolutely?
And I think, even when it comesto dating because I have my best
friends and they're likesometimes when you're dating
someone and you're only datingthem for like a month or two
months or three months or fourmonths, they're like why does
this bother you so much?

(07:04):
It's only been a month, or,good thing, it's only been a
month, or it's only been twomonths, or it's only been three
months, and I'm like that's I'vegiven myself.
I've given this person accessto me, access to my heart,
access to my schedule and mytime, which I find is very
valuable.
So what you may think is no bigdeal is a big deal for me,
which is why I have to use myown tools so often to really

(07:27):
process everything that's goingon in my PMDD relationships,
because I do give my all.
Could I breadcrumb people andgive them like a little bit of
me, one step at a time, like,yeah, I could do that, but
that's not authentic to mypersonality.
That's what I learned.
I could do that, but that's notauthentic to my personality.
That's what I learned andeverything that I've learned
about dating and everything thatI've learned about

(07:48):
relationships and everythingI've learned about my own
experience.
I have to stay true to who I am, and true to who I am is I love
with my whole heart.
I give with my whole heart.
If you're my client, you knowthat I am there for you when I'm
in your corner and we'reworking together.
I am invested in you and yourhealth and your partner's health

(08:08):
and the both of you and yourPMDD relationship the whole
thing.
I've been on so many vacations,work, events and stopped what I
was doing for my clientsbecause I love you that much.
When I say it at the end ofpodcasts, I don't just say it
because it's like a cute tagline.
It's like I really genuinelylove you.

(08:30):
You suffer with PMDD.
You suffer in a PMDDrelationship.
You're in a PMDD relationship.
I love you.
I see you.
I know that I can help youbecause I have been where you
have been in every phase of aPMDD relationship.
I've been where it's beenreally great.
I've been when it's been reallyhorrible.
I've been on the side of webroke up.
I've been on the side wherewe've reconciled and got back
together, like I've been in allthe phases.
So I feel like when you, whenyou are a practitioner, when

(08:53):
you're a doctor and whatever itis that you're doing, when you
have been where your client hasbeen, when you have been where
your patient has been, there's adeeper connection versus you
just treating someone that'scoming in and it's like, oh, I
just want counseling to justwork through my emotions and I
just want to like figure out howsome tools and things like
that's one thing likecognitively, like we're smart

(09:15):
people If we're doctors like wehad to prove that to a bunch of
people but that doesn't meanthat you really know what the
person's going through.
So that's why I say when you'rechoosing a therapist, when
you're choosing a counselor,when you're choosing a
psychologist to be with you onyour journey and your PMDD
relationship, it has to besomeone that has suffered with
PMDD, because they need to knowwhat it really feels like to

(09:37):
suffer in your luteal phase andyour follicular phase and your
you know your ovulation phase.
Like they need to know whatit's like to be with a partner
and want to break up.
And then you don't want tobreak up and then you're trying
to figure out do I really thinkthat we're compatible?
Like you don't need to spendyour time and your bandwidth
explaining that to someone theyjust need to know.
And there's not a lot ofindividuals that have gone

(09:57):
through that process and havechosen to be on this journey of
helping other people because ittakes a lot out of you.
It really really does.
But what I will say is I wannashare with you today about what
it looks like when you areheaded for a permanent PMDD
breakup.
And the reason why I wanna talkabout this is because I don't

(10:18):
want you to take for granted thefact that your partner is
mentioning breaking up.
I have made that mistake beforewhere I have thought, oh, they
don't really mean it.
If they were going to leave,they would have left by now.
I didn't think that they werebeing serious.
And I've been in situationswhere partners that I've had
haven't thought that I was beingserious when I said that I want

(10:40):
to break up.
They're just like okay.
So the first sign that you areheaded for a permanent PMDD
breakup meaning you're notgetting back together, you're
not reconciling, you'resplitting the kids, you're
splitting the dog, you're doingall the things where your whole
life is going to be broken up.
And I think I've gone throughthis process so many times and I

(11:04):
remember I used to be like whydo I keep going through all of
these situations?
But I honestly I stopped askingthat question because I
honestly believe, had I not gonethrough all of the
relationships that I've beenthrough, had I not gone through
all the breakups that I've beenthrough, I wouldn't be able to
relate to my clients in the waythat I do.
Like I always tell you, thetools that I teach you are

(11:24):
customized to PMDD relationships.
It's not something that I wastaught in a book.
There is no book.
There is no book to teach whatI teach you every single week on
this podcast.
And so the first sign and thisis from experience that you are
headed into a permanent PMDDbreakup is there's no hope.
Hope is lost.

(11:46):
Hopelessness is one of the firstsigns of suicidal ideations for
PMDD partners.
If you've read my dissertation,which is 160 pages of six years
of work that has to do withPMDD relationships, hopelessness
and my dissertation wascompletely dedicated to the

(12:06):
partners of individuals who aresuffering with premenstrual
disorder and hopelessness wasthe number one cause of them
feeling like they wanted tocommit suicide while they were
in a PMDD relationship.
They lost hope that theirrelationship was going to get
better.
They lost hope that they weregoing to feel differently.

(12:26):
I think the hopelessness comesfrom genuinely loving the person
that you're in a relationshipwith while you're in this PMDD
relationship, but also knowingthat it's not working.
And when you get to this placeof hopelessness, you're so close
to breaking up permanentlybecause you've been through the
cycle.
That's the next time.

(12:48):
You keep breaking up andnothing ever changes.
Every single month you're goingthrough the breakup.
So this is what's differentfrom the PMDD monthly breakup is
that if the same issues come upevery single month but neither
of you are taking the steps togrow, to heal, to repair, when

(13:09):
you don't repair the damage thathas been done and you're
continuously doing damage,something's going to break.
It's kind of like when you havea whole bunch of things in a
grocery bag and you're trying toadd more things to it and add
more things to it and you'reusing the handles to hold it up.
And you ever seen with plasticthe way the handles get really

(13:31):
thin once it's starting to wearaway.
One day you're going to put onemore thing into your grocery
bag and it's going to breakbecause it's not strong enough
to handle all of the things thatyou've been putting into it
without taking something out.
If you ever gone to a grocerystore and they're bagging your
groceries for you and they'reputting the cans in there and

(13:52):
they're putting other things inthere.
When it gets too heavy, whenthey feel like it's gonna be too
heavy, they get another bagbecause they're like you're not
gonna be able to carry this.
This is the same thing thathappens in your relationship

(14:19):
when you go through months andmonths and months and you're
putting triggers and trauma intothe bag and you go to going to
let the bag go and the bag isgoing to drop, meaning the
relationship is going to end oryou're going to be carrying it
and you're going to have astrong handle on all of the
issues and the bag itself isgoing to from the bottom.
It's going to break your PMDD.
Relationship is not meant tohandle months and months and

(14:40):
months of trauma and triggersthat haven't been resolved.
This is why I say if you're ina PMDD relationship, you need to
be in counseling.
You need to be in therapy on amonthly basis.
When I was in my PMDDrelationship when I was married,
I literally had sessions withmy partner every single week
where we talked about things,and there was always stuff that
came up.
There were always.

(15:01):
It was either stuff that cameup with him or stuff that came
up with me.
We would not have survived aslong as we did without having
those sessions.
So when individuals are tellingme that they're kind of like
trying to DIY it, like do ityourself, like just trying to
have these conversations byyourself without having someone
that has strategic tools thatare able to just moderate it,
that's able to just step in themiddle that is not in the

(15:23):
relationship and really justmake sure that you're talking
about the things that you needto talk about in a safe
environment, creating that safespace, but then also giving you
the tools as to what you can doabout it, where you walk away
and there is hope and there issome resolution to the things
that you're going through.
If you don't have that, yourrelationship is going to break.
So that's how you know thatyou're headed for a permanent

(15:46):
PMDD breakup.
Whenever I've had a permanentPMDD breakup meaning we've
actually broken up it's not amonthly thing, it's been because
we have had so many issues inthe grocery bag that it's just.
We had gone so long that therewas no resolution to where we
couldn't go on.
It was too heavy, it was tooheavy to carry and you could

(16:08):
feel the heaviness.
You feel the heaviness, yourpartner felt the heaviness and
it's something where you justyou're like I can't do this
anymore and you don't even meanit in a like, I feel like you
get to a point where you'reangry and you're upset, but when
there's like a peaceful, Ican't do this anymore, that's

(16:30):
when you know that it's reallyheaded for a permanent PMDD
breakup, because you're not eventrying to fight anymore, you're
not trying to argue anymore, sodrained emotionally from the
ups and downs that you're justlike you know what.
If you want to break up, that'sfine.
I remember being in thesituation where I was so drained
I knew I was knew I was likethis is not going to work and my
partner at the time was likeyou know, this is your fault and

(16:50):
you did this and this and this.
I didn't even care.
I was willing to be the villain, I was willing to be the bad
guy.
I was just like just get me outof here.
You can say it's all my fault.
You can say that I'm the badguy, that I did this.
I know my truth, I know thecore and who I am.

(17:13):
And that's where you kind ofhave to get into your routines,
where you're reminding yourselfof who you are, regardless of
what your partner is sayingabout you, because you can get
roped into that, where you'retrying to prove yourself to your
partner.
But, honestly, if your partneris seeing you in a negative
light and they're wanting tobreak up with you because
they're seeing you in thisnegative light and they think
you're a monster or they thinkyou're manipulative, or they
think you're a narcissist orwhatever, they think they're not

(17:33):
gonna change their mind.
Because you start yelling atthem and cursing at them and
trying to prove yourself to them, you're probably to make them
feel even more justified in howthey feel about you.
Like, so I was like you thinkthis about me Okay, Like they
were surprised at how calm I waswith just letting the
relationship go.

(17:54):
It was so draining.
I was like I can't do thisanymore, like I don't want to
fight with you.
I didn't even have any negativefeelings.
That's how I know that I wasdone, because three of the
things that I say that I don'twant to take into, like out when
I break up is no bitterness, noresentment and no unforgiveness
.
And when I get to that point ofpeace, when I've done the work

(18:16):
within myself, like while we'restill together, cause you can
literally emotionally,cognitively, break up with
someone while you're stilltogether.
I've done that before and Ididn't even know that that was a
thing where everybody was like,oh, you got over it so well.
It's like I've been breaking up.
For years I've been breaking upin my mind.
I've been coming to terms with.

(18:36):
This is not going to work.
This is not going to work.
Another sign is you don't feelsafe, being vulnerable.
When you don't feel safe in andout of PMDD, when you're in
PMDD and you're in your lutealphase and you start to hide how
you're really feeling, you feellike you can't even tell your
partner the suffering thatyou're going through.
You're feeling unsafe, you'refeeling judged, you're feeling

(18:58):
dismissed, you're feelingrejected.
When you're in PMDD and whenyou're not in PMDD, that means
the foundation of yourrelationship is broken.
You don't have any intimacy.
When you don't have anyintimacy, you don't have any
vulnerability.
Your relationship is going toend or you're gonna stay in a
shell of a relationship that youwanna create this facade, and

(19:20):
maybe you wanna say, oh, I'mgonna stay for the kids.
The kids can feel you beingdisconnected.
The kids can feel you not beingin love.
Being in love is very importantwhen it comes to being in a PMDD
relationship where there'schildren involved.
It's not just about beingtogether.
You know that old thing whereit's like we've been together

(19:40):
for years, yeah, but are you inlove?
Are you showing love?
Are you showing your child whatloving people look like?
If you're not, then what areyou showing them?
What two disconnected peoplelook like?
And then guess what?
They're going to get in arelationship and go be with
someone where they're equally asdisconnected.
How is that pouring into them?
Just being together is neverenough for a child.

(20:01):
Just having two parents in thehousehold is never enough if
you're not genuinely showingthem what a relationship should
be, which it should have genuinelove, affection, attention,
validation.
Those are the tools that you'resupposed to be teaching your
child.
But if you're showing themfighting, if you're showing them
disconnection, if you'reshowing them going through the
motions, if you're showing themthat you're just there, just to

(20:22):
be there, is that what you wouldwant for them?
And I always say this when itcomes to my daughter like would
I want her to be in arelationship that I am
tolerating right now, that I amin right now when I'm suffering
and you kind of get in that modewhere it's like I don't want to
go through another breakup, Idon't want to put them through
this, I'm just going to stayhere.
But do I want her to mirrorthis relationship?

(20:44):
Do I want her to have the sameexperience?
If I'm genuinely suffering andI'm modeling to her what
suffering looks like, it's agood chance, because she's in
her formative years as a child,that she's going to mirror that
and I'm going to have to livewith that.
I really think that everyrelationship that I've had since
I've been a mom, when it'sended, that has been the biggest

(21:07):
reason.
That has been the turning pointfor me.
If I feel like I'm not providinga healthy example to my
daughter I'm not going tocontinue in the relationship
just because Because I don'twant her to grow up one day and
she be in this relationship andshe's trying to figure out why
she's tolerating abuse or whyshe's tolerating behavior that

(21:29):
is less than what she deserves,and I'm sitting there telling
her you need to leave, you needto get out of that, you deserve
better.
And she looks at me and shesays but mommy, you were in a
relationship like that and youstayed.
They're downloading not whatyou're saying.
Children don't genuinelydownload the things that you say
.
They download the things thatyou do.

(21:49):
They download what they see.
You do what they see.
You tolerate what they see youdon't tolerate.
And that's why I haven't reallyshielded any of my, as my
daughter has been older she's 16or she's going to be 16 in
September and and we're now inMay, going into June and I
haven't shielded a lot of thebreakups with her because I want
her to understand what itreally looks like.

(22:12):
They haven't been ugly, butI've had to process them.
But you know, that's kind ofone of the benefits of having me
as a mom is that I'm going tolike walk you through it.
Right.
I would rather her see what itis that I've had to go through
to make sure that I stay true towho I am and process and have
real emotions, have realemotions.

(22:34):
I went through a breakup and Ihad a person tell me you know,
don't cry, I don't want you tocry, like you shouldn't cry,
like almost, like it was a signof weakness for me to cry after
a breakup and I literally waslike I'm a human, I'm a human
after a breakup and I literallywas like I'm a human.
I'm a human, I have humanemotions.
I have premenstrual dysphoricdisorder.

(22:56):
I'm not going to pretend whenyou hear all of these people
playing games with dating andrelationships and, oh, just act
like it doesn't bother you andcompletely just detach from it
and just act like whatever.
No, if I'm genuinely hurt, I'mgoing to take the time to
process it.
I'm going to take a day, I'mgoing to take an hour, I'm going
to take however long it takesto process it and cry, because
that's showing me that it's real, that's allowing me to feel
what I need to feel and a lot oftimes when you're going through

(23:18):
breakups, when you really getto the end, part of you might
feel like you need to hold itall in or act strong when
someone says oh, you're sostrong, you're so strong.
I'm not always strong.
I am not always strong.
I have moments where I'm strong, I have moments where I have to
be strong, but I have momentswhere I feel weak.
I have moments where I feelemotional, I have moments where

(23:40):
I feel broken and I'm honoringthose moments and I'm holding
space for those moments and I'mnever going to put myself or be
connected with someone who makesme feel like I can't have
moments of emotions, of feelingweak in that moment.
It's okay.
It's okay to go through theemotions If you feel broken
right now, if you're in yourluteal phase or not even not in

(24:01):
your luteal phase, and you'refeeling like you're listening to
this and you're like Dr Rose.
I am in that place where I'mclose to breaking up and I feel
like it's going to be apermanent breakup.
I mourned a lot of my breakups.
I cried about a lot of mybreakups before I actually broke
up, because I knew it.
It was like every day that wentby, every argument that went by
, it was just chipping away.

(24:22):
It was like adding to it.
It was confirming what I knewwas happening, and I tried to
fight it a lot of times.
I tried to not break up.
I tried to convince myself thatI was okay.
I told myself a story that mademe stay in situations that I
knew were gonna end.
I was delaying the inevitable.
I knew it was gonna end, but Iwas not in a place where I felt

(24:45):
like I could handle it.
So I went back one more time.
So I went back one more time.
I went back one more time, andso the next sign that you're in
this spiral is you get to thispoint where you're just like.
You're constantly apologizing,like nothing you do is good
enough.
I was burning myself out inrelationships, doing everything

(25:05):
that I knew to do,overcompensating, just wanting
them to confirm with me,validate me, that what I was
doing was enough to stay in therelationship.
But if I kept saying sorry forhow I was in my luteal phase, if
I kept saying sorry for beingtriggered by them, if I kept
saying sorry for just being me,they would consistently say
things about me that they didn'tlike, and I would apologize and

(25:29):
be like I'm going to do better.
I'm going to do better.
They didn't want to be with me.
When someone starts tocriticize you and tear you apart
enough time, you get to thispoint where you're like you
don't really want to be with me,you don't really like me.
You may love me, but you don'tlike me, you don't really want
to be with me.

(25:49):
You're kind of tearing me down,you're telling me that I'm too
much, or you're telling me thatI'm not enough, and so you, as
the person that is being toldthis, you might try to shrink to
stay in the relationship.
That's not right for you.
I've done that and it's beenthe biggest mistake, because
I've lost out on time that Iwill never get back and I have.

(26:11):
It's made the ending morepainful than it needed to be.
I have tried to.
You know.
I will say that when you're in arelationship with someone and
they're not happy withthemselves and I'll do a
completely different episode onthis when they're not happy with
themselves, they will make youfeel like you need to shrink in

(26:33):
order to be with them.
They will make you feel likeyou need to not talk about how
great your life is, or not talkabout how good you feel, because
they may have lost their job orthey may be struggling with
their own mental health or theymay be having struggles with
feeling fulfilled and they justdon't know why.
A lot of times, sometimespeople you know your partners

(26:54):
they need to go to therapy, theyneed to go to counseling to
really deal with their own stuff.
And I'm not going to go on thistangent because that's a
completely different episode,but I've been in a lot of
situations where I've been oncounseling sessions and the
partner is talking to me and I'm, or the person that's suffering
with PMDD is talking to me andI'm like this actually has
nothing to do with PMDD, but ithas everything to do with you

(27:16):
being happy with your life andyou're not happy right now and
you're like throwing that on therelationship, like your
relationship is never going tobe good if you're not good with
yourself, and so what can happenwhen you're in those situation
is your partner blameseverything on PMDD.
They're not happy withthemselves and so they're
turning it all on PMDD.
And so if your partner startsto use PMDD to dismiss all of

(27:40):
your concerns that you have inyour relationship that are valid
concerns or refuses toacknowledge PMDD at all, they're
not working with you.
They're working against yourreality.
So you're genuinely saying thatyou have these issues in your
relationship and you're wantingto work through them.
And they're saying, oh, we onlyhave relationships because you
have PMDD.
And a lot of times again, I'm aPMDD psychologist.

(28:01):
I have clients that all havePMDD.
I have clients that have justgenuine trauma as well, but not
everything has to do with PMDD.
This side know that you'regoing through a permanent
breakup because premenstrualdysphoric disorder is not going
anywhere.
If you're waiting for PMDD togo to somewhere, if you're
feeling like, in order for myrelationships to be better, that

(28:24):
I have to get rid of PMDD, yourrelationship is going to end.
If that's what you're waitingon, if that's what it's going to
take for your relationship tosurvive, you're going to be in a
permanent PMDD breakup.
Because I need to be in arelationship where I can have
premenstrual dysphoric disorderand be in the relationship.
I don't need to get rid of myPMDD in order for me to be in a

(28:46):
relationship.
That's unrealistic relationship.
I don't need to get rid of myPMDD in order for me to be in a
relationship.
That's unrealistic.
You want me to change what'sgoing on chemically, cognitively
, in my body and my mind inorder for our relationship to
work.
Everybody's not meant to be aPMDD partner.
Again, another podcast I'll do.
Everybody's not meant to be aPMDD partner.
It's not a matter of you beingstrong.
It's not a matter of you beingso whatever, you have to have

(29:08):
emotional intelligence, which iswhy I created the program.
My partner has PMDD.
Now what it is?
Giving you all the tools on howyou need to be when you're in a
relationship with someone whohas PMDD.
So if your partner has nottaken that course before you
break up with them, if you'refeeling like you wanna break up
with them, have them take thatcourse.
Have them take the course sothat they can develop the tools,

(29:30):
get the tools on how to be asupportive PMDD partner, because
it doesn't come naturally, itdoesn't come easily, it doesn't
come like you just wake up oneday and you really want to be
with someone who has PMDD andthat's enough.
It's never enough.
That's never going to be enough.
You know that from history ofmonths and months and months of
you having the PMDD fight, andso the next sign that you're
just really in this place, whereyou're headed for a permanent

(29:52):
breakup, where it's just aboutto be over, is your relationship
is making your PMDD symptomsworse.
If you don't feel like you'rein a safe place, if you feel
like you're under constantstress, constant anxiety,
constant emotional rollercoasters, it's unhealthy and it
intensifies PMDD.
And this is the same thing forthe partners.
If you feel like you're walkingon eggshells and there's

(30:13):
nothing that you can do right,and your partner is constantly
nagging you and telling you youneed to do this.
You need to do this to be asupportive PMDD partner, you're
never going to be good enoughfor them.
You can go through all thethings and you're never going to
be good enough for them.
And, as the partner who issuffering with PMDD, you can use
all the tools and it's nevergoing to be good enough for them
.
They're going to be wanting youto be a different version of

(30:34):
yourself.
Not everyone is meant to be ina PMDD relationship.
They're just not.
Does it mean that they're a badperson?
No, it just means that they'renot meant to be in a PMDD
relationship.
They're not equipped with it,because it's something where you

(30:56):
have to consciously decide.
It's an identity that you haveto take on.
For me, knowing that I havepremenstrual dysphoric disorder
and I want to be in arelationship, I have to be a
version that is a PMDD partner,even as the one that's suffering
with PMDD.
I have to do certain routines.
I have to do certain actions.
I have to not do certainactions because I know I have
premenstrual dysphoric disorder.
That's on me.
If I decide to stop doing myPMDD partner's morning routine

(31:20):
and evening routine and checkingin with myself, if I decide to
stop doing that, I will makesomeone's life a living hell.
I know that.
I know that I've done it BeforeI learned the tools, before I
developed the tools.
I know that I can destroysomeone's life by being
connected with them because Ihave premenstrual disorder
disorder and not managing mysymptoms.

(31:40):
So if you have a partner that'snot willing to do the work,
they're not emotionallyvulnerable, they're not willing
to sit with hard emotions.
People say that you need to bestrong and you need to be strong
.
No, it's not about being strong, it's about being vulnerable.

(32:03):
I don't want you to be strong.
I used to feel like I needed astrong PMDD partner.
I don't want a strong PMDDpartner.
A lot of times when you thinkstrong, that's literally someone
that is masking their realemotions and they get burnt out
and so they can mask it, theycan ignore it, they can dismiss
it, but one day it's gonna comeout.

(32:23):
And it's gonna come out one ortwo ways.
They're either gonna shut downon you, stonewall you where
they're completely shutting downemotionally, where they're
completely numb and you'repouring your emotions out and
they're going to shut down orthey are going to lash out at
you because they finally can'ttake it anymore and they're
going to say all the things thatthey've been wanting to say and

(32:45):
all this whole time and they'refinally going to say it and
you're just going to be likewhere did this come from?
It came from where it's been.
It's been inside of them thatwhole time, and so I don't want
to be with someone that isstrong emotionally.
I want to be with someone whois vulnerable, who is open, who
is flexible, who is reliable,who is consistent.
These are things with someonethat's working on themselves.

(33:08):
Honestly, this doesn't comenaturally for a lot of people.
It doesn't.
I don't expect it to.
So, like when you say, oh, Idon't have a supportive PMDD
partner.
Well, have they started to dothe work on themselves to be a
supportive PMDD partner?
Have they done that?
I have a lot of private clientsthat are partners and I'm just

(33:29):
strategically working on them,with being self-aware, with not
trying to fix their partner,with working through a lot of
things that are coming up forthem, a lot of their triggers
and this is ongoing things.
It's not a one-stop shop and Ithink that's the misconception.
It's like one counselingsession and not when we're going
to be cured and I'm going to becured and we're going to be

(33:49):
great.
This is why I have my monthlyclients.
This is not going to be fixedin a month.
You didn't end up where you arein your PMD relationship in a
month, so why do you feel likeit can be fixed in a month?
You have to be willing toconsistently invest your time,

(34:09):
your resources, in this issomething that's valuable to me.
I'm going to work on this.
I know for a fact what youreally care about.
You invest in For me.
For example, I care about myhealth.
I invest heavily in my health.
I spend a lot of money, I spenda lot of time in making sure
that I'm healthy, mainly formyself, for how I feel, for

(34:30):
everyone that I pour into, formy daughter.
If I am unhealthy, it isdirectly going to impact my
daughter.
It's directly going to impactmy clients.
It's directly going to impacteveryone that I'm connected to.
So I don't have the luxury ofnot investing in myself or stop

(34:50):
investing in myself.
Does it come times where it getsto be like, oh my gosh, this is
a lot as far as investing isconcerned, like right now I'm
working with excuse me, I'mworking with allergies.
I'm working with two, I wasworking with one, I'm working
with two psychotherapists twofor two separate areas of my

(35:13):
life and I always have mybusiness mentor that I invest in
every single month.
Like I do a lot of investing inmyself, I don't expect it to be
free.
I value their time, I valuetheir time, I value their energy
and I put my investments whereit's important to me.

(35:35):
It's the same thing if I sentmy daughter to a camp.
That's one of the things I usedto do when she was like she's
16.
Now she's going to be 60.
I keep saying she's 16.
But one of the things that Iused to do when she was, I would
say, up until the age of 13, 14, 14, I would always send her to

(35:55):
summer camps, and there wouldbe different summer camps based
off of the interest that she had.
Sometimes.
She was in art so I would sendher to art summer camps.
We went backpacking throughEurope.
We went to Barcelona.
We went to Denmark.
We went to London throughEurope.
We went to Barcelona, we wentto Denmark, we went to London.
We went to all of these placesbecause she was really into art
and I wanted to just pour intoher, for her to have those
experiences.

(36:15):
And it was not cheap, it was aninvestment, but it was an
investment on her future and herpresent, not just for where
she's going, but for the phaseof life that she was in.
I don't care if she never likeshe still does her art and she
draws and sketches and does allher things.
But even if she never did artagain, just me supporting her

(36:35):
for the phase of life that shein was enough for me.
Did I had to sacrifice certainthings so that she could have
that experience?
Absolutely the same thing inrelationships.
When I'm in a relationship, mylevel of investing is high.
I'm investing my time, my money, my energy.
I'm making sure if anythingcomes up in our relationship if

(36:57):
we're dating or we're in acommitted relationship if
anything comes up, I'm in aplace where I'm willing to do
the work, invest in individualsthat can help me.
Like I told you, I hired mydating coach and all the things,
and when things started to comeup for me, I hired someone for
my childhood trauma, when thatstarted to come up for me.
Like I am investing in thethings that matter to me,

(37:20):
because where you put yourinvestments shows what matters
for you.
If you're in this place whereyou're just expecting to just
have all the answers just freelygiven to you, it's not
realistic.
You're going to end up in thesame cycle because you're trying
to do it yourself.
There's a lot of things thatI've gone through in my PMDD
relationships where before it'sended like I haven't been in
certain places and I had to getyou know, counseling or

(37:43):
mentorship from people that havebeen where I've been and
they've made it on the otherside.
But when you know that you'vestopped talking about the future
, that was one of the biggestthings for me.
When you stop talking aboutthings that you're going to do
in the future holidays plans,when you no longer imagine a

(38:03):
life with this person or youdon't have any shared goals or
even next month's date nights,like you're not even doing date
nights anymore.
You're just like I'm tired orwhatever.
Detachment has started tohappen and when I I've been in
that place where I've detached,like I said, while I'm still in
the relationship, your partnermay have been in that point.
I remember, oh my gosh, I was inthis relationship and we used

(38:24):
to cuddle every night and he waslike one of the best cuddlers
ever, like we.
I remember, even when we firststarted dating, I was just I
could just like fall asleep,like we did this like spooning
thing.
But it was like a spooningthing where I would like put my
back towards him.
He would put his leg over myleg and then he would put his
arm was like under my neck andthen put his other arm around me

(38:46):
and I would just like fallasleep and it was the most
peaceful sleep that I have everhad.
And that was one of the thingswhere I was like, oh my gosh, I
feel so at peace, I feel so safewith this person.
We first started dating and wewere in a relationship for over
two years and I remember onenight I went to bed we lived
together at the time, we wereengaged and I went to go take a

(39:07):
shower and I got in a bed andhis back was turned towards me.
And then I got in the bed andmy back was turned towards him
and it's like a light bulb wentoff and I was like, oh my gosh,
like we're, we're not, we're notgood.
And what I was basically sayingis, whatever connected us like
that physical touch, thatcuddling, that connection, that

(39:29):
all of the feelings of beingsafe I was like we're not good
and he was like we haven't beengood.
And literally we were broken upand I was moved out within a
month because we got to thepoint where we weren't the same
person anymore.
I wasn't the same personanymore.
I wasn't coming home waiting tosee him.
I was kind of like dreading it.
I was trying to, you know, doother things, run errands or do

(39:50):
other things, talk on the phonewith my friends and blah, blah,
blah, and I didn't want to comehome and I wasn't the same
person in a good way.
He wasn't the same person and Icouldn't blame it.
I felt like I completely lostmyself, that part of me that was
like so happy, go lucky, likegood vibes.
Only it was gone.
And so, yes, pmdd can causemood shifts, but my relationship

(40:13):
had literally stripped me of myconfidence, my joy, every
single month, my self-worth.
That is one of the biggestthings that I will say when you
start to feel insecure insecureand I'm laughing because that's
a telltale sign.
And whenever I'm in arelationship and I start to
question things, because I'mlaughing because that's a
telltale sign and whenever I'min a relationship and I start to
question things, because I'mnot an insecure person and I

(40:33):
have no reason to be insecure.
I have a lot of things.
I'm not an egotistical person.
I'm not like a narcissist whereI'm just like bragging on all
of my accomplishments and stuff.
But I think sometimes when youget in relationships that make
you start to question yourself,you minimize who you are and
what you bring to the table andyou don't feel like you.
When I say you don't feel likeyourself, you don't feel like

(40:54):
you are who you are Like.
You don't feel like you'reworthy of love, you don't feel
like you're a great person, likeyou're a great catch, like.
I had to go down the list withone of my breakups when I was
dating because it really messedwith my self-worth.
Even when I was married.
It always messes with yourself-worth because you're like
dang, who would walk away fromthis.

(41:15):
I must be horrible.
And that was linked to mychildhood trauma, because I had
parents, and when you haveparents that give you up, like I
was given up to foster care.
For those of you who don't knowmy story, I was put in foster
care at the age of three.
I was adopted at the age offive.
I was verbally and physicallyabused in my adopted home from

(41:37):
the age of five to 17 when I waskicked out.
And so I have this traumaticchildhood where someone didn't
choose me, they kind of likethrew me away, like oh, I see
you, I know what you are, I knowwho you are, I know what you
bring to the table and I don'twant you at my table.
Like it was very blatant, veryyou know you can't miss it.

(42:02):
And so when you get into arelationship and someone is
willing to just walk away fromyou, you start to think there's
something wrong with you, likewow, I must not be that great.
And I always go back to thatpoint when someone is willing to
break up or they're willing tolet the relationship go, because
I always give the warnings.
I'm always like hey, like kindof like letting them know, like

(42:23):
this is not a monthly PMDDbreakup, this is like a real
thing, like we're actually goingto break up.
I'm actually cause and I'm notgoing to be with you.
It looks completely different.
I had one of my best friends.
She told me she's like theproblem is, the reason why they
act so confused when youactually break up with them is
because you put them on thispedestal and you're in this

(42:46):
place of being totally connectedwith them.
And then, when they literallyshow you that they want to break
up, they're throwing you awayor they're treating you less
than what you deserve, andsomething in your brain clicks
you just cut everything off.
And I was like I do do that.
I will stay so connected withyou, so open, so vulnerable.
But when you literally throw mein the trash emotionally, when

(43:08):
you literally mistreat me to thepoint where I tell you, hey,
this is really hurting me, blah,blah, blah, we need to work on
this.
And you're literally like I'mnot working on that, like you're
the problem.
Or you tell me you know weshouldn't do this, and blah,
blah, blah, and then one day Ijust I get to a point where it's
like this is a permanentbreakup, like this is we're
going to be on the same cyclefor years and years and years,

(43:31):
like nothing's going to change,years and years and years like
nothing's going to change.
Nothing changes if nothingchanges and I completely cut it
off.
And what that looks like is Igo no contact, I block your
number because I know me.
If I'm connected with you and Ilove you, I adore you, I
cherish you.
If you call me, I'm going toanswer.
If you text me, I'm going toanswer.
I do the blocking not as amalicious way.
I'm not mad at the person.

(43:52):
I'm actually doing it to not,you know, give them hope, to let
them know that we're completelydone.
What it looks like for medoesn't have to mean what it
looks like for you, but this isthe steps that I have to take.
I have to completely detach andI cut off contact and I just
work on myself and I work on myemotions and how this ended, how
we got here.
I process everything, but Icannot process everything while

(44:14):
I'm still connected with you,while I'm still going through
the same routines that we gothrough saying good morning,
saying good night.
People were like.
People I was dating were likeoh, we could still talk and have
coffee, or we can, or we canstill go and be friends.
No, I can't do that Because I'ma very black and white person
when it comes to that.
We're either together or we'renot.

(44:35):
A very black and white personwhen it comes to that.
We're either together or we'renot.
I'm not going to do the grayarea because it's not helpful
for you, it's not helpful forthe other person, because if I
love you and I'm attracted toyou, and I'm attracted to your
presence and I want to spendtime with you, I can't go back
to like, oh, I'm just going tobe friends with you, like, no,
I'm going to want, if I spendtime with you, I'm going to want
to be with you, like that's thelike, I wanted to be with you

(44:58):
for a reason that hasn't goneanywhere.
I don't hate you, I don'tdislike you, I don't want to
like I don't.
I'm not in that place.
So I have to detach for my ownpurposes, and so, when I've
decided that enough is enough,it's not going to work.
We're not texting, we're nottalking and I'm taking time to

(45:18):
process, and one of the thingsthat I don't want you to do,
which I have done a lot of timesbefore when I've gotten to this
point where I knew therelationship was going to end
and I've gotten towards thatending point is you're only
still together because you'reafraid of leaving.
I did this, I was guilty of this, my partner was guilty of it
too, and it's not like it's nota bad thing, but it's like you

(45:41):
break up and then it feels sobad.
It feels so bad especially inyour luteal phase, when your
emotions are higher, especiallyfor the partner that doesn't
have PMDD, where you go throughlike certain times of the month
where you would do certainthings together and routines,
and you hurry up and fix it.
You hurry up and fix it and yougo back, you say I love you, I

(46:03):
miss you, all of the things, andthe main reason that you're
staying is fear, fear of beingalone, fear of the unknown, fear
of having to start over.
That's not a foundation forhaving a good relationship, a
good PMDD relationship.
That's survival mode.
That's because you don't wantto go through the motions of
processing what it's like to notbe with this person.

(46:24):
And I know what that feels likebecause I'm a very routine
person.
I'm pretty much like if we saygood morning every morning.
I want to continue to say goodmorning every morning.
If I feel like something in myroutine is going to change, it
impacts me emotionally.
I'm still going to want to bewith you.
I'm still going to want to dothe things that we do.

(46:46):
We went here every week.
I would sometimes go back,accept whatever apology, do
whatever, just because I didn'twant to live with the feeling of
not having that person in mylife, and that was very selfish.
So when I had to do the finalbreakup, it's like I can't be
selfish and keep this person inmy life just because I don't

(47:07):
want to live without them.
And so if you're noticing thesesigns in your PMDD relationship
, what I want you to know isthat you need to work on your
relationship sooner than youthink you do Like.
Don't take for granted the factthat you are mentioning PMDD
breakups every single month, thefact that you're mentioning
stress and anxiety and all thesethings and you're just assuming
that your partner is justsupposed to stay there and take

(47:29):
it.
No, no, I didn't expect that ofindividuals that I was with and
I don't expect that of me Now.
If we're actively working onour relationship, if we're in a
place where we are using thetools and we're trying to get
there and we keep slipping back.
That's understandable, becauseyou're working towards a goal
and it's not always going to beperfect.

(47:50):
But if we're not doing anything, if we're not doing anything
and we're just expecting thingsto be different, it's not going
to work.
You're going to have apermanent breakup and you're
going to be shocked.
The times that I've had someonebreak up with me and it's been
completely final and I didn'texpect it, I was mortified.
It hurt so much worse, becauseI just wasn't expecting it and I

(48:12):
thought I had some kind of pulland push like control, and once
somebody has decided enough isenough, there's nothing you can
say, there's nothing you can do,because I know that's how it is
for me and I try not to get tothat point and I will like
literally warn and be likeplease, like, we need to work on
this, because I know once I'mdone, I'm done.

(48:34):
Worn and be like please.
We need to work on this,because I know once I'm done,
I'm done.
I'm not going to play with myemotions anymore because I value
myself.
I genuinely do.
I know what it is that I bringto the table, as they say, I
know what it is that I deserve.
I know what it is that I desire.
More importantly, I know thekind of life that I want to live
and I think when you get reallyclear on the kind of life that

(48:56):
you want to live, then you'llstop living a life that's less
than what you deserve.
If you know that you want tolive a life that is way up here
and you're living a life that'sway down here and no one is
telling you that you're evergoing to get there and you're
feeling like you just need tosettle, and whatever settling
will make you so bitter, soresentful, and you will get

(49:18):
older, Time will go on and youwill look back on your life and
you will be mad, not only atyour partner, bitter and
resentful towards your partner.
You'll be mad at yourself.
You'll be like how did I allowmyself to go through this for so
long?
I've done that a lot of times inrelationships where I've looked
back at the time that I'vespent, and you know how they say
like some relationships, likeyou know, these hard times made

(49:42):
you better and blah, blah, blah.
No, I went through a lot ofthings and I was like, why?
Like there was no real purposein it, like I knew that it
should have ended way earlierthan it did.
And I stayed in a relationshipbecause I was scared of leaving,
because I had become socodependent on this person, but
not because I genuinely lovedthe person, thought it was going

(50:02):
to work and all this.
I knew it was going to endbecause of certain things that
were happening, certainsituations and I get that a lot
of times when you're in PMDDrelationships, you get to a
point where you're in certaincircumstances and you wouldn't
know that this person is notmeant for you until you've gone
through the situation.
So it's not a matter ofregretting staying with them.
It's a matter of when you getto a point and your partner is

(50:26):
showing you certain things likethey're just.
This is what I know is apermanent breakup.
When I understand that what I'mneeding is they don't have it,
I'm not even mad about it.
If you don't have what it isthat I need, what I require,
what I desire in my PMDDrelationship, I'm not going to
be mad because you're not givingit to me.

(50:46):
You're not giving me what youdon't have.
It's like asking someone for $5and they don't have $5.
Why are you going to be mad atthem?
Why are you going to yell atthem?
Why are you going to curse themout?
Why are you going to make themfeel horrible about not giving
you $5 when they genuinely donot have the $5 to give to you?
Why not just let them go?
Because they probably guesswhat.
A lot of times, when you'reasking your partner for

(51:08):
something that they don't have,they feel bad about not having
it.
That's what I recognize A lotof partners that I've had.
They that's what I recognize Alot of partners that I've had.
They've tried to pretend thatthey're emotionally intelligent.
They've tried to pretend thatthey could be vulnerable.
They've tried to pretend thatthey have all these skills and
all of these things that areneeded to be in a relationship
with me.
But they don't have them.
And the more that theypretended, they resented because
it was the opposite of who theyreally are and they couldn't

(51:30):
keep up the facade any longer.
Up the facade any longer.
So they were becoming adifferent version of themselves,
not authentically, not like Iauthentically want to work on
myself.
It's like let me just pretendand see if that makes her happy.
So they would pretend.
And so a lot of times I'd belike, oh wow, they're
emotionally intelligent orthey're vulnerable or they're
this and they really weren't,because you can't keep up a
facade, but for so long.
And then I was like, wait aminute, they're not really this

(51:53):
person that they're portraying,that they are.
Why am I mad at that?
I was never mad at that.
I was disappointed because Iwas kind of like dang, I really
liked them, I really loved them.
I really wished that they wouldhave been able to give me the
things that I desired anddeserve.
I really really wish that, butthey don't have it and so I'm

(52:14):
going to let them go there.
Literally.
There's a poem that I wrote thatwas based off of something that
I saw.
I think I saw it on TikTok.
It was like a poet, I think.
I talked about it on a previousepisode and she was like I
think I'm going to let you goand then it just goes into
whatever.
And I've had to do that.
Has it been painful?
Yes, it hurts my feelings tolet people go that I feel like,

(52:39):
because I'm a visionary, I willvision our whole life together
and I'll be like, oh, we'regoing to do this together.
We're going to travel, we'regoing to blah, blah, blah, and
when I get to the point whereit's like I have to get into
reality, not into fantasy land,and be like, wow, none of that's
going to happen, it hurts, butit also there's a sense of peace
after I do it, because I'mbrave enough to let them go to

(53:02):
live a life that is in alignmentwith what it is that they have
to provide for someone else.
Because I strongly believe thatthe individuals that I have let
go have been great partners orwill be great partners for
someone else and maybe, or at adifferent time and I'm pretty
sure the people that have let mego feel the same way Like
you're a great person.

(53:22):
They always give the speech,you're a great person.
But I don't need to hear like Iknow I'm a great person, like
not in an egotistical way, but Idon't need you to soften the
blow because it's just the factthat the relationship is ending.
It's kind of like saying allthese nice things when the
relationship is ending in orderfor you to not feel pain.
If you were ever connected tothem, if you ever envisioned the
life with them, if you everenvisioned a future with them,

(53:44):
it's going to hurt and I don'tavoid pain.
I sit with it and this is whatI work with my private clients.
I don't have you avoidingthings.
I don't have you being in la laland pretending like things
don't bother you and blah, blah.
No, we work through it.
Is it painful?
Yes, but when you get to theother side, you're on the other

(54:06):
side.
It's not something that you'vejust been waiting Like.
Here's what happens when youdon't process pain and I'll do
another episode on that when youdon't process pain from these
situations, from a trigger, fromwhatever, it's just going to be
sitting there waiting for you.
You're always going to have toprocess it, and so I would
rather process it in the momentand get through it, get over it,
have a good cry, move my body,work it out of my body, work it

(54:29):
out of my mind and then makepeace with it.
And if that's something, ifyou're in that place where you
have broken up or you feel likeyou're about to break up, or you
just need support in thatspecific area, or you need
clarity on where you really are,and this episode really
resonated with you, go toinlovewithpmddcom, get those
counseling sessions, go to thelink in my bio, and until next

(54:51):
time we got this, I love you.