May 15, 2025 • 56 mins
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Ever wonder what it's like to love someone with PMDD? Behind closed doors, partners of those with Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder face a unique struggle—one that slowly erodes their sense of self in ways they never imagined possible.
The cyclical nature of PMDD creates a bewildering emotional landscape where partners find themselves walking on eggshells, desperately trying to avoid triggering symptoms during the luteal phase. One moment you're cherished and adored; the next, you're rejected, criticized, and told you're the problem. This constant rollercoaster doesn't just strain the relationship—it fundamentally changes who you are.
Physical rejection hits particularly hard. When your partner consistently pushes away your touch, flinches at your approach, or seems completely uninterested in affection for weeks at a time, you begin questioning your attractiveness and worth. The questioning spirals deeper as you witness your partner transform back into the loving person you fell for during their follicular phase, only to have the cycle repeat again and again. Which version represents their true feelings? The chaos and confusion leave you unable to trust your own reality.
Most painfully, partners often internalize the negative messages hurled at them during PMDD episodes. When repeatedly told you're selfish, annoying, or "too much," you begin to believe it. Your vibrant personality dims as you adapt to avoid criticism. You start hiding relationship struggles from friends and family, afraid they'll judge your partner or tell you to leave. Slowly, you transform from equal partner to emotional caretaker, constantly soothing and fixing while neglecting your own needs.
If this describes your experience, know that reclaiming your identity is possible. It starts with recognizing that you are not the cause of your partner's PMDD and setting boundaries to protect your authentic self. You deserve to thrive, not just survive, in your relationship.
Ready to find yourself again? Connect with resources specifically designed for PMDD partners at inlovewithpmdd.com and join our supportive community where you'll find understanding, tools, and hope for the journey ahead.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
So today is part one of my series how to stop letting
PMDD steal your identity, andtoday I'm going to be focusing
on the PMDD partners.
Part two is going to be on theindividuals that suffer with
PMDD, and the reason why I'mdoing this is because I've
gotten so many emails, so manyDMs, that are just like Dr Rose,
(00:25):
as a partner, can you pleasecustomize and speak to me?
So this is what this episode isfor, but I think it's so
impactful for the individualsthat are suffering with PMDD to
really hone in on these episodesthat are geared towards a
partner, so that you can reallyunderstand the journey and the
dynamic of being a partner.
(00:45):
I know for me, if I hadn't beenin the realms of getting my
doctorate at the time, that Iwas in this PMDD relationship
and really being able to examineand investigate and just see
the pain that my PMDD partner atthe time was going through and
(01:05):
really try to find solutions andtools.
If I wasn't able to tap intothat in that moment, it would
have made it really hard for meto understand what a partner
goes through right, which is whyI switched my dissertation to
directly correlate with PMDDpartners.
So for those of you that arenew to the podcast, that are new
to my journey, I want you toknow that my dissertation, which
(01:29):
is behind me if you're on InLove With PMDD TV, which is on
YouTube, you're able to see itright behind me but my literal
dissertation was switched tostrategically get tools for, and
investigate and interview toolsfor partners of individuals who
are suffering with PMDD.
And the things that were inthere, the things that I
(01:51):
discovered, were something that,had I not gone on that journey
and been really intentionalabout it, I would have never
known.
I would have never known whatmy partner was going through
based off of what I was seeingon the outside.
You know, what your partnershows you on the outside is very
different from what they'regoing through internally, and
what I deal with with my privateclients is what is going on
(02:11):
with them behind the scenes.
So what I first want to let youknow I have allergies, apology
is your partner goes through alot more than they show you that
they go through, because thereis this facade of like.
I'm not the one that'sstruggling with premenstrual
dysphoric disorder.
So my needs and my desires andmy feelings and my emotions and
(02:35):
my thoughts and my triggers.
All of that is less importantthan what you're going through,
because you're the one that'ssuffering in your luteal phase
every single month.
But what I tell you in mydissertation if you haven't read
it, it's free, you can go lookit up.
I'll actually put the link forit in the show notes so that you
can read it.
I know all of my privateclients who are partners have
read it.
But it really is showing youthat when you, as the partner,
(02:58):
are going through the lutealphase, you do experience
symptoms, you do have heightenedanxiety phase.
You do experience symptoms, youdo have heightened anxiety.
You do this thing called walkingon eggshells, which is so
common, which is why I createdmy program.
My partner has PMDD.
Now, how to stop walking oneggshells in your PMDD
relationship?
Because when I was interviewingso many different individuals
(03:19):
for my dissertation, to get mydoctorate on my thesis, I heard
the same phrase again and againand again I'm walking on
eggshells.
I feel like I'm walking oneggshells, dr Rose, like I'm
walking on eggshells.
I was like there's a reason forthat, there's a reason why you
feel like your needs are notbeing met and then you feel like
you're kind of scared of thereaction of your partner during
(03:42):
the luteal phase because of thethings that you've seen, because
of the things that youexperienced.
But today I would really wantto talk about how PMDD can steal
your identity, and I havewitnessed this so much in
different partners and that'show I know it's a common thing
it's not just with my ex, it'swith most of the partners that I
have that when they first findout that you have premenstrual
(04:05):
dysphoric disorder, right, a lotof times they already love you,
they're already connected toyou.
This is not something that alot of individuals find out
early on.
It's not like you go on a dateand it's like hi, I'm Rose, I
have PMDD.
Right, that's not genuinely howit happens and not
intentionally, but it's justlike a lot of times individuals
find out that they have PMDDafter they're already in a
(04:25):
committed relationship and thenyou try to navigate it after.
The fact and the version of youas the partner before you were
in a relationship with someonethat suffers with PMDD will
change as you go through thisprocess.
If you do not have thestrategic tools.
And even if you have the tools,I will say that a part of you
(04:48):
will change.
But you have the ability, youhave the power to decide how
PMDD changes you.
I will say that, pmdd beingconnected to anyone that has
premenstrual disorder, it willchange you because it will
challenge you to deal with allof the things Like PMDD rips the
blanket off of all of yourissues.
It will challenge you to dealwith all of the things Like PMDD
rips the blanket off of all ofyour issues and it causes you to
look internally because you'llstart to ask yourself, like you
(05:11):
know, my partner's saying thatI'm the one that's causing her
to have PMDD every month.
I'm the one that's causing hersymptoms to be worse.
So you start to look atyourself like is there something
about me that's wrong making mebe this person that my partner
is blaming me to be, or she'sconstantly saying that I'm not
meeting her needs and she'ssaying all these things in the
luteal phase, and you'll startto really reflect on that and
(05:32):
start to say, wow, I really amstarting to wonder is this
really me?
Is there really somethingthat's wrong with me that's
causing my partner to say thesenasty things to me, that say
these things that are not nice,to say these things about me
that you know, maybe it's yourworst fear.
(05:54):
I've had individuals that theirPMDD suffer.
Their partner, who is sufferingwith PMDD, has said something
to them.
That is a deep insecurity, likeif you feel like maybe someone
has called you selfish in thepast.
Or maybe someone has called youa selfish in the past, or maybe
someone has called you anarcissist in the past, or maybe
someone has said that you'renot lovable in the past, or like
you don't matter or you're soannoying or you're too much, or
(06:15):
your needs are too much.
Like you're too much to handle.
Like if someone has saidsomething like that to you
before.
You have a past traumatic eventand then you get into a
relationship with somebody whohas premenstrual dysphoric
disorder and they literallymirror that to you and they
literally say to you oh my gosh,you're too much.
You're going to start tobelieve that negative comment
because it's been repeated toyou, because you've said it
(06:37):
before in the past.
You're going to start to belike, oh my gosh, someone said
this to me in the past and nowthe person that's supposed to be
the closest person to me,that's supposed to be the most
intimate, they're now mirroringand saying it to me as well.
It must be true.
And you're literally thinking,because it's been repeated to
you, and because it's beenrepeated to you on a cyclical
manner, meaning every singlemonth they're saying the same
(06:58):
things.
Every single month they'resaying you're too needy.
Every single month they'resaying you too clingy.
Every single month they'resaying that you're causing them
to have PMDD and that you'restressing them out and that
you're so overwhelming and thattheir PMDD would be so much
better if they could just bealone or they could be with
someone who is more supportive.
So you go on this cycle ofreally looking at yourself
internally and saying, oh mygosh, is there something wrong
(07:19):
with me?
And so, when you're in arelationship with someone who
has PMDD, you question yourself.
And so, when you're in arelationship with someone who
has PMDD, you question yourself,you doubt yourself and it
causes you to get into thisrealm of chaos and confusion,
because you don't know what yourpartner really thinks about you
.
Because during the luteal phase, you're an irritation, you are
a burden.
You are someone that they haveto handle, that they have to
(07:40):
deal with.
You are someone that istriggering to them, that is
triggering to their PMDDsymptoms.
They don't wanna be around you,they don't want you to touch
them.
They don't want you to bearound them, they don't want you
to go on a walk with them.
They kind of want you to juststay and sit in a corner.
Sit in a corner and just waituntil the luteal phase is over.
And so you sit there.
(08:01):
But what happens is when youdistance yourself from your
partner in the luteal phase, youstart to really doubt yourself.
You're like, oh my gosh, doesmy partner even love me?
Do they even like me?
Do they care about me?
Do they even want to be with me?
And you're sitting in thatcorner, you're being alone with
your thoughts and you're kind ofin this realm of self-loathing
because you're beating yourselfup for ways that you could have
(08:22):
handled certain situationsbetter.
Because, in your mind, if Icould just be the person that
they need me to be, then maybewhen they were in their luteal
phase, they would want to bearound me, they would want me to
support them, they wouldappreciate the things that I was
doing for them and theywouldn't push me away.
Instead, they will pull me inand embrace me and feel
connected to me and feel like Iwas part of the process that
(08:43):
helped them to go through theirPMDD.
I know so many partners.
What you really want, your deepdesire, is for you to be a
person, for you to be a toolthat really helps them to get
through PMDD.
And a lot of times you'retrying in the ways that you're
trying, you feel like you'realways getting it wrong, because
the feedback that you'regetting is that it's not
specifically what your partnerneeds and you'll start to guess.
(09:04):
You're like I think that theyneed this, so I'm going to do
this and I think that they needthat, and I'm going to do it.
What happens is when you are inthe luteal phase the most of you
are in the luteal phase yourpartner will swiftly tell you or
react to the things that you'redoing, so you'll know off the
bat if you're doing it right orif you're doing it wrong.
If you're doing it wrong,there's this negative reaction.
(09:25):
They either shut down on you.
They either tell you that theyneed space from you.
They either tell you thatyou're too much, or they'll lash
out at you and they'll be sofrustrated because you're not
being a supportive PNDD partnerin the way that they
specifically need.
But then a lot of times they'rein their luteal phase and
they're going through all oftheir PMDD symptoms, so they're
not able to articulate andcommunicate exactly how they
(09:46):
need you to be, but they justknow that whatever you're doing
is not working.
So you're sitting there beatingyourself up and this is not
something that you go and youtalk to somebody else with.
You don't talk to your buddiesabout this.
You don't talk to your friendsabout it.
You don't talk to your familyabout it, because you don't want
them to judge your partner.
You don't want to repeat thethings that you're the
individual that is sufferingwith PMDD, your partner.
(10:06):
You don't want your friends andfamily to hear that version of
the person that you're choosingto spend your life with, do your
life with, because they maytell you something that you
genuinely don't want to hear.
They may say you shouldn't bewith somebody who talks to you
like that, or you shouldn't bewith somebody who treats you
like that, that just puts you ina corner for two weeks out of
the month.
You don't want to hear that.
That's your deepest, darkestfear in the back of your mind,
(10:30):
that this is not therelationship that you're
supposed to be in, and you'rejust sitting there and you're
taking less than what youdeserve and you're feeling weak.
You're feeling like a weakerversion of yourself.
You have all of these accolades.
I have so many clients thathave so many accolades CEOs,
cfos, been in their career foryears, entrepreneurs, creative
(10:50):
individuals, musicians itdoesn't matter.
Pmdd doesn't pick and choosewhat career that you have.
It doesn't care, no matter whatcareer you have, where you've
been in your life.
I have clients that have beenin relationships for 20 years.
I have clients that have beenin the relationship for two
months.
Pmdd doesn't care about who youare as an individual.
It will attack every open spacethat it can.
(11:11):
And so when you, as a partner,are sitting there, you're like I
should be better than this,right, I should be able to
handle this.
I should love my partner enough, and maybe if I do this and
maybe if I do that, then they'llsee how much that I love them,
and then, when they get in theluteal phase, it'll be better.
And then it's month after monththat you're dealing with this
and you end up in the cycle offighting.
You end up in the cycle ofbeing pushed away.
(11:32):
You end up in the cycle of notgetting your needs met.
You end up in the cycle ofquestioning Should I believe
what my partner is saying?
When they're in their lutealphase, or fast forward to when
they get into their follicularphase, and then, all of a sudden
, the cloud has been lifted uptheir symptoms.
They're saying all theseamazing things about you.
They're making you feel good,and so in the beginning I will
(11:55):
say that a lot of you lean intothat.
You're like, oh my gosh,they're back and you're feeling
good and you're feeling safe andyou're feeling secure.
And then bam, it's the lutealphase all over again.
And then it's like the rug hasbeen ripped from under your feet
and you fall flat on your faceand then you almost feel a
little bit stupid I will saythat because it's been a direct
(12:16):
quote from my clients.
Like, you feel stupid.
You're like, why did I fall forthat?
Why did I think that that wasgonna last but that?
Why did I think that that wasgoing to last?
But you're so convinced thatwhat your partner is saying in
their follicular phase, or eventheir ovulation phase or maybe
menstruation, when they start to, you know, get a relief from
their symptoms, they're sayingall these things and you're
feeling like this is who I fellin love with.
This is who they really are.
(12:37):
Who they are in PMDD is not whothey really are and you start
to depend on that.
And then you get in the lutealphase and you find yourself back
in the cycle again and realizethey didn't really mean that.
This is what they mean, becausewhen an individual is in PMDD
and I know this because I'vesuffered with PMDD for over 19
years it's very convincing.
(12:57):
How I used to show up in PMDDwas very convincing.
I felt like I meant everyharmful thing that I ever said
to a partner and if youquestioned it, if you almost
said I know a lot of timespartners they think that and I'm
going to give you kind of abehind the scenes on this of
what I work with my clients withyou think that by telling the
(13:19):
partner that is in PMDD, bytelling them that they're in
PMDD, you don't really mean this.
This is just your hormonestalking.
You're in PMDD.
Number one, having premenstrualdisorder is not a hormone
problem.
You don't have a problem whereyou go to the doctor.
If I go to the doctor right now, my doctor would tell me my
(13:40):
gynecologist told me that myhormones were amazing my
estrogen, my progesterone, allof the things were completely
balanced.
You don't have a hormonalimbalance.
So when you're saying to yourpartner, oh, it's just the
hormones talking, they're goingto be like, no, it's not, it's
not my hormones talking, myhormones are fine, like if they
started to do like the work andbe like I'm going to go to
somebody and get my hormonesbalanced.
(14:01):
Your hormones are alreadybalanced.
For a lot of you it's not ahormonal imbalance, right?
It is a situation where thenormal fluctuations of hormones
during the luteal phase, theovulation phase, the
menstruation phase, thefollicular phase you are having
an adverse reaction that ishappening to the normal
fluctuation of hormones that yougo through as a childbearing
(14:23):
woman.
That's it.
Nothing needs to be worked on.
I will say that you may go tothe doctor and they say that
your hormones you can check thatthat's not going to take away
your PMDD.
You can balance your hormonesall you want.
You're still going to havepremenstrual dysphoric disorder.
So a lot of times when I hearthat, I'm a little bit like,
(14:43):
wait a minute, Because I feellike wherever you're putting
your energy, I want it to be inthe place that's actually going
to help your relationship.
So if you're doing it for ahealth reason, if you're like,
oh my, for the individuals thatare suffering with PMDD and for
the partner that are trying toadvise on what they need to do,
I want you to know that if yourpartner has a hormonal imbalance
(15:04):
, that is a complete, separateissue from them having
premenstrual disorder.
Can they manage, can theybalance their hormones?
And they have physical symptomsbe better?
Yeah, absolutely.
Maybe you're having hot flashes,you're having things, you're
going through perimenopause,you're going through menopause
all these things and you want toget your hormones balanced.
Absolutely, you can do that.
Pmdd is still going to bewaiting there with you.
(15:26):
It doesn't take it away.
So I don't want you to go downthe rabbit hole of feeling like
the issues in my specificrelationship are going to get
better if my partner's hormonesare balanced.
Your hormones can be balancedand you still have issues in
your PMDD relationship.
I'm going to repeat that and Ialways repeat the things that
(15:46):
are really kind of like.
I want you to really sink it in.
Like if I was a teacher, Iwould be stomping my foot right
now and saying, like, you canhave issues in your PMDD
relationships even though yourhormones are balanced.
So, getting your hormones backin order your estrogen, your
progesterone and all thosethings.
You can get that completelybalanced and your issues within
your relationships are stillgoing to be sitting there
(16:08):
waiting on you.
This is for a lot of clientsthat have gone through the
process of getting theophorectomy and all these other
things.
They're going through thatprocess to get rid of the
symptoms that are reallyimpacting their PMDD
relationship withoutunderstanding that the issues
that are happening in your PMDDrelationship they're cognitive,
cognitive.
Pmdd attacks your brain.
This is what I always tell you.
Pmdd attacks your brain this iswhat I always tell you.
(16:30):
Pmdd tricks your brain.
Your brain is the entity thatis impacting your PMDD
relationship, not necessarilyyour hormones You're
experiencing your hormones asemotions but how it is attacking
your brain is making you havethe intrusive thoughts.
It is causing you to havestress and raise your cortisol
levels.
It's causing you to beirritable.
(16:51):
It is causing you to bedistanced.
It is causing your attachmentstyles to be different.
Those are cognitive things andthis is what I work with with my
private clients Having thingsin your body work a certain way.
It's not going to impact yourmindset, your cognitive intake
(17:12):
of the behavior and actions thatyou're having.
The thoughts that you're havingare the things that are causing
you to have an issue with yourPMDD relationship, and this is
for the partner that has PMDDand the partner that doesn't.
And so, going back to thepartner, what I want to say is,
when you start to lose youridentity, it is such a painful
process, specifically forsomeone who has a type A alpha
(17:36):
male or female mentality,because you're used to having
things in order, you're used toprogramming things.
I remember an ex used to tell meyour PMDD is supposed to be on
the 20th of the month.
I wrote it down on my calendarit's the 20th of the month you
must be in PMDD.
Well, it fluctuates throughoutmy menstrual cycle and so for
that month it wasn't on the 20th, I think it came on like the
(18:07):
25th single month is going to bethe same.
The body does what the bodydoes, and when the body
fluctuates, we are riding thePMDD wave.
So if you are a type Apersonality and you feel like
you want to plan the events thatyou have with your partner, you
want to plan outings, you wantto plan holidays, you want to
plan social events, you want toplan time with your family, all
around PMDD, and then you'refinding it really, really hard,
(18:31):
it's because PMDD can fluctuate.
If you have different thingsgoing on this month than last
month, then maybe your PMDD willbe a couple of days late, maybe
it'll be a couple of days early, and if you're so rigid and
inflexible as a partner, you'regoing to think it's suspicious.
I will say that I've hadpartners that think suspicious
and I've had other partners thathave been just completely
(18:52):
frustrated because they're likeI finally thought that the way
that I could cope with this wasputting it on my schedule, you
know, wrapping my life around it.
But now I'm seeing that evendoing that is not working.
So you get a little bithopeless and you get a little
bit helpless.
So I'm going to talk to youabout losing your identity
Really, and what this comes downto is not recognizing the
(19:14):
person that you are becoming inyour PMDD relationship, not
recognizing who you are becomingas a result of being in a
relationship with someone thathas PMDD.
Pmdd will completely take youout of character, and what
happens is when premenstrualdisorder takes you out of
character.
It's a destruction of yourself-worth.
(19:34):
It is a destruction of yourself-respect because you maybe
pride yourself on being apositive person.
You may do all of these otherthings that are super positive,
that are super motivating, thatare super inspiring.
Maybe you're in your career.
You get all these accolades,you get all of these other
people telling you that you'regreat, that you're amazing, that
(19:55):
you're living in your purposeand you're doing all the things.
And then you come home and yourpartner tells you you're a
piece of crap and you'reannoying and you need to go sit
in a corner pretty much andyou're triggering me and nothing
that you can do can help andall I just want you to do is do
nothing.
All I want you to do is give mespace during PMDD and then, all
of a sudden, your ego getsreally resentful.
(20:15):
You will start to resent yourpartner for making you come out
of character and feel like adifferent version of yourself
from being in this relationship.
I've had so many people thatget so many compliments and
accolades when they go to workand they come home and they feel
like a piece of crap.
They feel like a failure andthe place that they feel like
(20:36):
they should be praised andadmired and adored and cherished
and loved the most is the placethat they feel the worst.
So what happens is.
For a lot of times, partnerswill work longer.
Because who wants to be in anenvironment where you feel like
you're a burden, who feels likeyou're a piece of crap, who you
can't even enjoy the greatthings in life or the good
moments?
Because you come home on a highoff of what happened in your
(20:58):
day to someone that is rollingtheir eyes at you, not
addressing you, not looking youin the eye, not showing you any
affection, not meeting yourneeds, not excited to see you,
versus everyone at work is likeyou're so amazing, you're so
great.
Good job on that.
And then you tell your partnerthat's in their luteal phase
what you're going through Like.
You're like, hey, this justhappened at work.
(21:18):
And they're like, oh, that'sgreat.
Unamused, unaffected, becausemaybe they're in that realm of
suffering with their PMDDsymptoms, and you just feel like
your balloon has been popped.
You are completely deflated,you are completely hopeless,
you're completely helplessbecause there's nothing that you
can do to pull your partner outof the realm of suffering that
(21:41):
they are in in PMDD, that iscausing them to act like this
towards you.
There's nothing that you can doto bring your partner back when
they're in their luteal phase.
And that is so frustrating,because you're able to do all
these things in your career andcome up with all these
innovative things and help allthese things.
And when it comes to your ownpartner, the person that you
love and care about the most,the person that you're devoted
(22:03):
to, the person that you're noteven planning on leaving at any
point in your life and you can'teven get to them, you can't
crack the code on.
How do I reach my partner whenthey're in their luteal phase?
The question that you're reallyasking is how do I make them
love me again, love you again,the way that they do in their
(22:28):
follicular phase?
You're trying to get them tonot have PMDD.
Honestly, you're trying to getthe follicular phase, maybe even
the ovulation, maybe themenstruation, because the
ovulation and menstruationthey're having symptoms, but
it's not geared up.
It's directly negative towardsyou.
They're feeling a littlediscomfort, but they're still in
a realm of taking your help.
So there's still things thatyou can do.
You can work with that.
But when it comes to the lutealphase, there's like this barrier
and this wall and you're likewhy doesn't my partner like me?
(22:50):
Why doesn't my partner love me?
Why don't they care about me?
Why aren't they trying to benext to me?
Why don't they want to meet myneeds?
Why aren't they happy for me?
Why aren't they happy Period?
What happened to that versionof my partner that was light and
bubbly and happy and smilingand cute and cuddly and
affectionate and made me fall inlove with them?
(23:12):
Enough to say I want to be inthis relationship.
I want to be in thisrelationship forever.
Maybe you've been in thisrelationship for years and
you're like.
This is what keeps me here,because when they get into their
follicular phase, it's amazing.
It's like nothing I've everfelt.
I know this is my person, butwhy is it that when I go into
the luteal phase, I don't feellike their person?
(23:32):
I feel like I'm tolerated, andso when you lose your identity,
walking on eggshells becomesyour norm month.
You get the carpet ripped upfrom underneath you and you
start to walk on eggshells.
You can kind of see that yourpartner is in PMDD from, like
when you first talk to them inthe morning, even, maybe, even
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when you go to bed at night,like maybe they're a person that
likes to cuddle, or you get inthe bed and you get in the bed a
certain way and then all of asudden, they're turning their
back towards you.
It's super cold, it's superdistant, it's super unconnected.
And then you're like, oh, herewe go.
Or you're joking and laughing,you're at ease, you make a
comment and they automaticallythink it's malicious and they're
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like what do you mean by that?
Why would you say that?
Why would you joke about that?
That's not funny.
And then all of a suddenthey're taking something that
they would have normally laughedat and joked about in their
follicular phase and you guyswould have joked about it
together and they're taking itas a personal attack.
And so now you're feeling likethe bad guy.
You're literally feeling likethe bad guy because you're like,
oh my gosh, now I'm this person.
(24:37):
Now they're thinking this aboutme.
Your character is completelydiminished because they're
thinking that you're capable ofdoing something.
And you're really thinking toyourself they know me.
Why would they even think thatI would choose to say or do
something that would cause themto be triggered or that would
cause them to be mad orirritable?
So you avoid sharing your ownfeeling.
Maybe if you're a person thatloves to tell jokes or loves to
(24:59):
laugh, or loves to even tap yourpartner, maybe you're a
physical touch kind of personand you love to just go around
and slap them on the butt orhold them or come up behind them
while they're washing thedishes and hold them and then
all of a sudden they jerk backand they reject you.
Rejection with physical touchis one of the most painful
things in an intimaterelationship with PMDD.
When your partner starts toreject you, you don't expect it.
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A lot of times, like you'rejust, you're leaning in and
being loving, which is one ofthe tools that I use with my
private clients.
You're leaning in and beingloving, just for a partner to
jerk at you, to be like what isit?
And then so you go to tell themI just wanted a hug or I just
wanted this.
Now you're trying to verballyexpress what you needed
physically, which reallyhonestly kills the vibe.
(25:44):
If you wanted a physicalinteraction, that's what you
wanted.
When you have to explain whyyou want to hug from your
partner, when you have toexplain why you want to kiss
from your partner, when you haveto explain why you want to hold
their hand, when you have toexplain why you want to hold
them at night, it diminishesyour self-respect.
You feel like you'repractically begging for your
(26:04):
needs to be met.
You're begging for physicalaffection, and what I always
tell my private clients is thisis the only place that your
partner can get physicalaffection.
They're not supposed to becheating on you.
They're not supposed to begoing anywhere else and being
starved of physical affection byyou.
So now they're super vigilantwhen they're out and about.
There's so many accusations ofinfidelity and accusations of
(26:26):
cheating and lying andmanipulative.
And what are you doing this?
But yet you're comfortable, asindividuals who are suffering
with PMDD, with letting yourpartner leave the house starved
of physical affection, physicalattention, physical adoration,
not even telling them thatthey're attracted, not even
telling them the things that youlove about them on an emotional
(26:46):
basis.
And then they go out into theworld and there's a world full
of people.
You know I travel a lot and Ican go through airports, I can
go through conferences I speakat, I can go through raves.
I go through all of these things, these social things, and
people are always complimentingme and I really thought to
myself if I was with someonethat genuinely starved me of
(27:09):
physical and emotional affectionwith compliments, like they
don't give me words ofaffirmation, they don't tell me
that they love me and they don'ttouch me.
That would be a dangerous placeto be, because you're literally
filled with a world of 8billion people that are willing
to tell you how amazing you areand show you that they think
that you're amazing, like giveyou a hug, give you a high five,
give you that physicalaffection, and what happens when
(27:30):
you're starved of it?
You start to lean into theindividuals that are giving you
that attention.
You're like now you're morallythis is what I mean by it messes
with your identity.
You're not a person that wouldcheat.
You're not a person that wouldlie.
You're not a person that yourcharacter could be flawed in
that way.
But because you're so starvedof physical affection, because
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you're so starved of attention,because your partner is thinking
that you're a burden, where areyou supposed to go?
What are you supposed to dowith your needs?
Just stuff them in a corner andpretend like you don't have
them, turn off your emotions fortwo weeks out of the month.
I've had partners that gothrough some of the most
traumatic events in life Thingsin life, things with work,
things with family, drama andall this and they don't have a
(28:12):
partner that they can lean on.
You don't have a partner thatyou can lean on.
But then again, there is aworld full of people that if you
told your situation to, theywould have all the empathy, all
of the affection, all of theattention ready for you.
But you're fighting it.
You're fighting that level ofyour identity.
You're like I don't want tobecome that version, I don't
(28:34):
want to become a liar, I don'twant to become a cheater.
So you're having this identitycrisis because you're like well,
I'm staying in thisrelationship but honestly, I'm
not happy.
Honestly, I'm not getting myneeds met for two weeks out of
the month.
And it's starting to pour intothe follicular phase, because
when your partner starts to tellyou you know all the things
that they love about you in thefollicular phase, you can't tell
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what's real anymore.
You can't tell if the thingsthat they are saying in their
luteal phase are what theyreally feel about you or the
things that they're saying intheir follicular phase of what
they really feel about you.
One week or two weeks you'retold that you're loved and
adored and cherished and you'reamazing.
And the next week you're beingpushed away and saying that
you're annoying, saying thatyou're clingy, saying that
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you're needy or being blamed fordoing some things and saying
that your actions are malicious,even actions that you try to do
to genuinely help them.
They'll start to twist themaround as if you're being
malicious, and so you reallystart to say to yourself what
version of us is real?
This is when we get into therealm of chaos and confusion.
I was on my morning my PMDDpartners morning routine the
(29:40):
other night and I was part of itis reading my writing in my
journal and reading my Bible,and one of the things that I was
really journaling about is thatyou know, it's very clear, god
is not a God of chaos andconfusion, and I was literally
in the realm of like.
That is exactly whatrelationships have felt like in
my luteal phase and as arelationship as a whole, and
(30:00):
that's when I've known that I'veneeded to do something
differently in my relationships.
I will say that has been a signfor me.
So if you're in that place,whether you're the partner or
the partner that's sufferingwith PMDD and you're like, we
have chaos and confusion everysingle month.
It is chaos.
I'm confused about what statewe're in, what's real, what's
(30:21):
not real, how my partner reallyfeels about me whether I should
even be in this relationship.
Are we compatible?
Is this just stress?
That's confusion, and thenchaos is.
Every single day is different.
I remember waking up not evenknowing what the day was going
to be like.
I had to literally think andlook at my text messages Are we
talking?
Are we not talking?
Are we good or are we not good?
(30:41):
Because no day I didn't feelsafe, I didn't feel secure.
I felt like everything was aroller coaster every single day
out of the month, whether I wasin my luteal phase, because even
it got to a point when I was inmy follicular phase, and I'm
like even things started toswitch in my follicular phase,
where these are supposed to bemy quote unquote good days.
So chaos and confusion is a signthat you need to get help and
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get to the root of what isreally going on in your PMDD
relationship.
So if that's something that youknow that you need help with,
go to inlovewithpmddcom.
I'll put the link in the shownotes and get those counseling
sessions.
What we do is we really get tothe depth, we get to the root of
what is going on that iscausing that chaos and confusion
, because that is a clear signthat nothing is going to change
(31:26):
years and years and years.
A clear sign that nothing isgoing to change Years and years
and years filled with months andmonths and months of chaos and
confusion.
Nothing genuinely changed untilI started using the tools and
really digging deep and figuringout what the heck is really
going on.
So that's the next thing thathappens when you feel like your
identity is being stolen youdon't know what's going on.
(31:46):
You don't know who you are.
You don't know what's going on.
You don't know who you are, youdon't know what version of you
you know.
I've had, you know, clientswhere the partner has called
them a narcissist, the partnerhas called them manipulative,
the partner has called them aliar.
And at some point, when you'regetting told all of these
negative things, you start tobelieve it.
You're like maybe I am anarcissist, maybe I am this
(32:06):
negative person, maybe I'm justnot saying because you get so
tired of defending yourself thatyou start to believe the lies.
Pmdd tells lies to theindividual that is in their
luteal phase, that are sufferingwith premenstrual dysphoric
disorder, but if that is beingprojected on you, spit out on
you again and again and againand the same, because a lot of
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times, whatever your partner issaying, it's the same thing
again and again Repetition.
Really, cognitively it getsinto your brain and it messes
with your belief system.
It messes with your identity.
If you can mess with someone'sidentity, you can cause them to
act so out of character becausethey start to identify with the
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negative version that you aresaying that they are.
They will start to identifywith the negative version that
you say that they are so muchthat by the time you look at
them again, they are that person.
Words have power.
This is what I told you aboutin a couple episodes.
Words have power.
So if you consistently speakingnegative about your partner, if
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you're saying that they're anarcissist, if you're saying
that they're manipulative, ifyou're saying that they're
selfish, they will become thatif they choose to believe that
as their identity.
When someone is like I guessI'm a selfish person, I guess
I'm a cheater, this is how youget into the realm of infidelity
.
Your partner has accused you ofcheating so much it's gotten so
regular off of their tongue.
(33:29):
They're just like you're acheater, you're a cheater,
you're a cheater.
Then when they cheat, thepartner that accused them of it
is so shocked, like I can'tbelieve that.
I can't believe they did that.
How can you not believe theydid that?
When you're speaking that ontothem, you speak life with your
words onto your partner.
You speak what you seek.
Don't be surprised if yourpartner becomes the very thing
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that you're accusing them, thatthey are because they're
listening to that, they'retaking that in and they're
forming their identity based offthe words that are spoken.
Because you all are connected,because they love you, because
they're connected to you,because they trust you, they're
going to question the formerversion of themselves and start
(34:13):
to believe if this is the personthat's supposed to love and
care about me the most andthey're saying these things
about me, it must be true.
And what happens is, when youaccept the belief of those
negative things that are said toyou, you're going to start to
act accordingly.
When you start to act withinthe realms of being that
narcissist, when you start toact within the realms of being
that manipulative, if you startto act in the realms of being
that cheater, then it's veryhard to go back because your
(34:36):
identity has now been reformedinto that negative version of
yourself and then PMDD has won.
Pmdd would love for you tobecome a different version of
yourself that is unrecognizable.
When you become that version ofyourself, you're taking away
your identity of who you werebefore.
Pmdd will literally rob you ofwho you were when you initially
(34:58):
came into this relationship, ifyou let it.
This is why I always say PMDtricks your brain.
But if you're not aware that itis tricking your brain, you'll
believe it because it's soconvincing.
It's like oh no, it's based offof something that they actually
said, it's based off ofsomething that they actually
have done, and so it must betrue.
It must be true.
(35:21):
So you start to question yourown worth, because if you're
believing all of the negativethings that your partner is
saying about you, you don'tdeserve to have love, to have
affection.
So if your partner is in PMDDrage and they're saying all of
these nasty things about you,these horrible things about you,
which, when you're inpremenstrual dysphoric disorder,
when you're in the luteal phase, you can say some of the
(35:42):
nastiest things to your partner,some of the most vile things to
your partner, and literallybelieve them in the moment.
So you start to question it.
You start to say to yourselfmaybe I am a bad partner, maybe
I did deserve this.
Maybe there's something that Idid in this relationship where
maybe my partner deserves better.
So when you have that chronicconflict, it can distort your
(36:03):
self-image.
You'll start to look atyourself and be like, maybe not
a good person, like, yeah, therest of the world is saying that
I'm this, they're saying I'mgreat, they're saying I'm this,
but you don't believe it anymore.
You don't believe it becausethe person that you love the
most is speaking negativity intoyou and you're starting to
believe it and you're startingto feel horrible about yourself.
It's going to impact yourperformance at work.
(36:24):
I've had so many individualslose their jobs because of the
way that their partner wasspeaking to them in their luteal
phase and PMDD so many becauseall of that confidence that you
had, all of that confidence notjust in yourself but in your
abilities it's gone.
If the person that is supposedto be supporting you and loving
you the most and you're going towork stressed out, you're
arguing with them, you'retexting with them in between
(36:46):
meetings and you're fighting.
You don't know what you'recoming home to.
You're literally opening thedoor and walking into your house
and literally feel like you'rewalking on eggshells, like hey,
hey, I would say.
For me, one of the ways thatPMDD really messed with my
identity was making me feel likeI was an introvert right?
(37:07):
Because all of the stress andthe drama that was going on in
my relationship, I wentcompletely internal and I became
a completely different versionof myself.
I have had clients that theyhave completely shut down.
They stopped talking to friends, they stopped going out,
because everything seems likeit's a problem, everything's a
problem.
And you wanna take the path ofleast resistance.
It's like I don't feel, like Iwanna go out with my friends if
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I know that it's gonna cause anargument with us, like it's not
worth it for me.
And so when you start to neglectyour needs, little by little
you stop doing the things thatbring you joy.
Guess what?
You're replacing joy with chaosand confusion.
You're doing a trade-off, soyou stop expressing your needs.
You need support, you need love, you need affection, you need
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attention.
But let me tell you somethingIf you've ever been called
clingy, if you've ever beencalled needy, if you've ever
been called like you're too muchand you're all over the place,
you're not going to feelcomfortable trying to get
affection from your partner.
You're not going to feelcomfortable doing that because
you're going to be told so manytimes that it's so annoying.
So your ego is going to be like, oh, you better not do that.
(38:11):
Like you're going to feel likea piece of crap they're probably
not even.
It's almost like why even askfor something when you're going
to be shut down and rejected somuch?
You stop asking because youfeel guilty for asking for
anything during the luteal phase.
You're like I already know youstop doing things.
I'm not even going to try tosit next to them and hold them.
(38:32):
I'm not even going to try toreach out and hold their hand.
I'm not going to try to do thisbecause you've been shut down
so many times as a partner thatyou're literally feeling like
you know what, there's no point.
That's when you get to bereally, really helpless, really
really hopeless, and you startto say to yourself it's selfish
to need help from my partnerwhen they're already drowning,
they're already stressed,they're already overwhelmed.
(38:53):
I don't want to add to it, I'llbe okay.
I'll be okay, I'll be okay.
Here's the thing.
Pmdd is cyclical.
This is not like the cold orthe flu.
This is not even like pregnancy.
Pmdd lasts longer thanpregnancy, which is nine months
where, if your partner is goingthrough all of these things,
you're like, all right, it'skind of like you can put an end
game, you can put an end into itlike a pot of gold at the end
(39:15):
of the rainbow, like all right,after these nine months, to go
to the end of the rainbow, likeall right, after these nine
months, I'm going to besupportive.
I'm going to put my needs onthe back burner.
We're going to get through this.
We're going to have a baby atthe end.
It's going to be worth it.
They're going to be so grateful, they're going to be so happy
(39:37):
that I was there, I doing this.
They don't appreciate it.
I'm not getting my needs metand you start suppressing your
needs because it's going to leadto resentment and burnout.
You're going to get burnt outfrom being consistently
criticized, consistentlyrejected.
It's painful when someone thatyou love, adore, cherish, when
someone that you love, adore,cherish, want to be around, you
(40:01):
can't help wanting to be aroundthe person that you love.
And so when they're in thealludial phase and they're like
I don't want you to do this, Idon't want you to touch me, I
don't want you to be there, Ijust want my time alone.
(40:21):
When you're consistentlyrejected and criticized for the
things that you are doing duringthe luteal phase, because your
partner is distant, irritable,it's so hurtful, you'll start to
say to yourself I'm neverenough, no matter what I do, it
almost forces you to want to goback to the drawing board.
If I was to do more, my partnerthe drawing board.
Like if I was to do more, mypartner would want me more.
(40:42):
If I was to do more, my partnerwould love me more.
But then when they consistentlyreject you, repeated rejection
chips away at your confidence.
I will say a lot of thishappens physically, mentally,
emotionally.
If you go to reach out to yourpartner, you try to cuddle with
them or you try to have sex withthem, make love to them because
(41:03):
you're attracted to them,because you're attracted to them
as the partner.
Like, you're not going throughPMDD, you still have the same
attraction to them that you'vealways had.
And you go to reach out andtouch them and they tell you to
get off of them.
You're going to begin to thinkthey're not attracted to me.
(41:24):
How can you be laying in bedSome of you in pajamas, some of
you naked?
How can you be laying in bedand not want to touch me.
How can you see me walkingaround?
I'm getting used to somebodystart to get out the shower,
like maybe you always do, ormaybe you're doing it right now
(41:45):
to get like attention, andyou're going out of the shower
and you're walking with yourtowel on, or you're walking
without your towel on, likewhatever the thing, and you walk
right by your partner who's inthe luteal phase, and they don't
even bat an eye, they don'teven look at you and be like ooh
, hey, come here.
There's none of that.
They could care less if youwere walking around street naked
(42:08):
and they're just sitting thereplaying on their phone while you
are in their presence naked,half naked, laying on the bed,
all these things.
You're going to start to thinklike I guess I'm unattractive.
Maybe you'll start to go to thegym.
Or you start to think likemaybe I need to start working on
myself, maybe I need to have abetter physique, maybe I need a
(42:30):
better body in order for them tobe attracted to me, or maybe
it's a worse thing.
Maybe you're saying all theseloving things and they're just
saying it back to you veryrobotic.
You're like oh my gosh, I loveyou, I adore you.
You know, I just think thatyou're the best thing that's
ever happened to me.
And they say back to you I loveyou too.
Or you text them something withall these emojis.
(42:54):
You know I am a big emojiperson, like the most common
emojis that I have are like theheart eyes or the heart or the
kissy face or the fire emojis.
Like I'm a big emoji person andI remember being in my luteal
phase and sending emojis andthen you know they just, they
were just bland, like you know.
Like the little happy face islike you can even tell from text
(43:18):
messages where your energy isnot being reciprocated, when
your energy is not beingreciprocated.
It causes you, as the partner,to start looking internal and
you start to question youridentity, like maybe I'm not as
great of a partner as I thoughtI was and what happens?
Is you?
You really you?
(43:39):
You start to hide this and Iget it.
You start to hide it fromfriends and family.
It's embarrassing to be overthe top in love with a person
completely devoted, completelyloyal.
All these things talking on thephone with your friends about
your partner, my partner'samazing, and they're doing this,
and then you're seeing the waythat they're treating you.
You don't tell this to yourfriends and family because
they're going to be like dude,why are you or girl, why are you
(44:02):
even with this person that isnot appreciating you?
They could care less whetheryou come home or not.
So you lie to your friends andfamily about the reality of your
relationship to protect yourpartner.
I've done it.
I've been there.
No shame here.
No shame, no blame.
Anything that I'm ever callingyou out on.
If you go back in my podcast, Ithink we're at 260 episodes.
(44:26):
If you go back to episode one,it is call your partner out in
PMDD and it is my way ofrevealing things to you in love.
So I'm letting you know thesethings.
But there's never a way ofshaming it.
It's a way.
I've been there and I've dealtwith hundreds of private clients
that have been there.
So if I'm telling you this,please don't get offended, but
it's a thing that you do.
You start to lie because if theycall and like hey, how are you
guys doing Like?
(44:46):
You start reaching for thingsthat are positive.
Oh, we're doing this and this,and oh, she's doing this, and
blah, blah, blah.
We're doing great, and thenyou're barely talking and you're
sitting in a corner or you'replaying on your phone, or you
get into your video games, oryou're not even speaking, or
you're always arguing andfighting because you're really
thinking to yourself.
They wouldn't understand.
They just tell me to leave mypartner.
(45:07):
They would just tell me toleave her Honestly, the only
advice I could give out myfrustration.
So you feel like there's nevera safe place to really talk
about it, which is why Istrongly suggest that you join
the PMDD Power Couples the groupcounseling membership that I
have available, because that's aplace where every single week,
we meet and you really talkabout the things that are going
on in your PMDD relationship.
(45:28):
But you can't talk to yourfriends and family about this.
They will 100% tell you toleave, not because they're bad
people or not because they don'teven genuinely like or love
your partner, because they thinkit's harmful for you.
They're like, oh, you could doso much better.
You don't even want toentertain that, because you
don't want to get into the realmof actually believing it,
because that's your deepest,darkest fear is that maybe you
(45:49):
do think that you deservesomebody different and if you
feel like you hear your friendsand family say it, it's going to
be the one thing that's goingto take you over the edge.
So what happens?
The next thing that happens isyou're always preparing for the
next crisis.
Even during the follicularphase, you can't fully relax
because you are preparing forthe next battle of the luteal
(46:10):
phase.
You're bracing yourself for theemotional storm that you know
is coming.
You know you're going to betold that you're a piece of crap
.
You know you're going to betold that you're not a
supportive PMDD partner.
You know you're going to betold that you're a trigger.
You know you're going to betold that you're doing the wrong
thing and you know it's coming.
So you start to brace yourselfand so that your partner, who's
not suffering with PMDD, is likeall open and loving because
(46:32):
they're free of PMDD symptoms,and you're literally saying I
can't even enjoy this moment,cause you feel like this is when
you've woken up and you're likeI see the pattern here, like,
especially for my type A's,where they're tracking things,
they're like I'm not falling forthat, like it's almost like.
You feel like it's a trap.
You feel like it's a scam, likeI can't believe the things that
my partner is saying because Iknow in two weeks they're going
(46:52):
to say the exact opposite.
So you're like I can't evenenjoy this moment.
It won't last.
So I'm not going to fall for itbecause I will tell you that
when you start to believe thepositive things, which are the
truth of how your partner reallyfeels about you in the
follicular phase, in the gooddays, when they start to act
differently, it hurts 10 timesworse because you're so high on
(47:16):
that love, affection, attention,validation meter that when they
drop you down and say, oh,you're not a supportive PMDD
partner, I wish you wouldn't dothat One level of criticism or
blame and it's going to take youdown and it's going to feel so
much worse because you're goingto be like oh, I thought we were
past this.
But I will say if nothingchanges, nothing changes.
So I don't know why you wouldthink that your luteal phase
(47:37):
would be different if youhaven't used the tools to get
help for it.
I will say that because a lotof times it's like I thought
this.
I used to be like that Before Iused the tools, before I
developed the tools.
Every single month I would pumpmyself up and be like this
month in PMDD, we got this,we're going to do this and we're
going to do that and I wouldmake this whole plan.
And then luteal phase wouldcome and it really like it, like
(47:58):
bulldozed through everything Ithought, like I was just like
what the heck was I thinking?
Like it never worked.
And so you start to blameyourself for their pain.
You really start to blameyourself, like, oh, if your
partner keeps saying that you'rethe problem, you're the reason
that they have PMDD, or you'rethe ones that caused their PMDD
(48:19):
symptoms to be worse, you startto believe it.
You start to say to yourself,oh my gosh, if I were stronger,
if I were calmer, if I was morepatient, then they wouldn't be
suffering so much.
In PMDD you carry the burden ofpremenstrual dysphoric disorder
that was never meant for you tobear.
You are not the cause of yourpartner having premenstrual
dysphoric disorder.
(48:39):
They had it before you.
And guess what?
If you break up, they're goingto have it after you.
It may fluctuate as far as whatit looks like, but they will
have it.
The symptoms will still bethere.
So I don't want you to evertake on the burden of feeling
like you're the one that causestheir PMDD, because you get to
that point where you're justlike I don't know who I am
(49:02):
outside of PMDD.
This is the biggest place offeeling stuck.
Every decision, every month,every mood, every routine
resolves around the cycle.
Everything.
Everything needs to bestrategically planned around the
cycle and you start to say sowho am I without this chaos?
(49:24):
What did I even want beforethis?
Why did I even choose to get ina relationship?
What did I originally want?
You forget that because you'relosing yourself in the effort to
hold it all together.
You're literally like I don'tknow to hold it all together.
You're literally like I don'tknow what to do.
I don't know what I wanted.
(49:44):
I don't know if I should stay.
You love them so you don't feellike you can go.
But you also know that you'renot happy and your needs aren't
met.
But you also know you can'treally tell them that that's
just going to make everythingworse.
So you start holding stuff inand then the next thing is you
start playing therapist insteadof partner.
This is a big one, one of themodules in my course.
My partner has PMDD.
Now what is not trying to fixyour partner?
(50:07):
You spend hours soothing andfixing and trying to calm all of
the things that are going on inthe luteal phase and in PMDD
and you get to this point whereyou're burnt out and you're like
I'm not even allowed to fallapart.
There's no space for me,there's no space for what I'm
going through, because I'll becalled weak.
I'll be told I just need tosuck it up.
(50:29):
And so your role shifts frombeing an equal partner in the
relationship to being anemotional caretaker.
Again, this is in mydissertation, where you get into
that caregiver mindset and youget burnt out because you're
always thinking about theirneeds, thinking about what you
need to do, thinking about whoyou need to be, instead of
actually being who you actuallyare.
(50:51):
You spend so much time tryingto be the perfect PMDD partner
that you forget who you actuallyare, who you resonate with,
what is aligned with the core ofwho you actually are, who you
resonate with what is alignedwith the core of who you are.
And then you wake up one dayand you're unrecognizable.
You do not recognize thisversion of yourself.
And then, when you do finallyget to this point where you see
(51:12):
yourself for who you are, youdon't like it.
Maybe you're a person that hadlike a big personality right and
you were very open and loving,but now, all of a sudden, when
they're in their luteal phase,you're a person that had, like,
a big personality, right, andyou were very open and loving.
But now, all of a sudden, whenthey're in their luteal phase,
you're too much.
You're too loud, you're closingthe doors of the cabinets too
much, you're closing the cardoor too much.
You're making too much noisebecause they have misophonia,
(51:33):
which is a sensitivity to noise.
You're being too affectionate,you're being to this.
So You're being tooaffectionate, you're being too
this, so you dull yourself downto a different version of
yourself.
And then one day you wake upand you look at yourself and
you're like I don't like thisversion of me.
All of the things that I lovedabout me, all of the things that
I thought that I was genuinelybringing to this relationship,
(51:53):
they're gone.
The whole version of me that Iloved, that I really liked, is
gone.
And so, if you know that you'rein this place where you're like
Dr Rose, this is resonatingwith me.
I've created a guide forpartners specifically.
I'm going to make it verypractical for you and it's going
to go over the tools of whatyou need to do if you feel like
(52:17):
you literally lost your identity.
I'm going to put it in the shownotes down here.
You felt like you lost youridentity in PMDD.
You don't know who you are.
You're unrecognizable.
You wanna go back to the coreof who you are.
You wanna get to that place andmaybe you're the partner that
has PMDD and you're listening tothis and you're like Dr Rose,
this is really resonating withme because this is how I feel,
(52:39):
like maybe you don't know thedepths of it, but this is how I
feel that my partner is feelingand you wanna get them this
guide.
I'm gonna put the link in theshow notes for you and next week
we're gonna be talking allabout how PMDD causes you to
lose your identity for theindividual that are suffering
with PMDD.
So until then, if you need aprivate sessions individual that
(53:00):
is suffering with PMDD, sountil then, if you need a
private session, I put the linkin the show notes.
If you're on my email list, youhave a full range of my calendar
Every single week as my privateclient and as someone that's on
my email list, you get mycalendar of available
appointments.
So if you're not on my emaillist, dm me or email me, rose,
at inlovewithpmddcom, and I willbe able to add you to my email
(53:21):
list.
You can see my open calendarand I'll be able to get you
booked in for those appointmentsfor the week.
I'm doing it on a weekly basisto just let you know what I have
available for the week so thatI'm able to serve you.
So this is something that youknow that you need right now.
Until next week, go to thoseresources in the show notes.
We
So today is part one of my series how to stop letting
PMDD steal your identity, andtoday I'm going to be focusing
on the PMDD partners.
Part two is going to be on theindividuals that suffer with
PMDD, and the reason why I'mdoing this is because I've
gotten so many emails, so manyDMs, that are just like Dr Rose,
(00:25):
as a partner, can you pleasecustomize and speak to me?
So this is what this episode isfor, but I think it's so
impactful for the individualsthat are suffering with PMDD to
really hone in on these episodesthat are geared towards a
partner, so that you can reallyunderstand the journey and the
dynamic of being a partner.
(00:45):
I know for me, if I hadn't beenin the realms of getting my
doctorate at the time, that Iwas in this PMDD relationship
and really being able to examineand investigate and just see
the pain that my PMDD partner atthe time was going through and
(01:05):
really try to find solutions andtools.
If I wasn't able to tap intothat in that moment, it would
have made it really hard for meto understand what a partner
goes through right, which is whyI switched my dissertation to
directly correlate with PMDDpartners.
So for those of you that arenew to the podcast, that are new
to my journey, I want you toknow that my dissertation, which
(01:29):
is behind me if you're on InLove With PMDD TV, which is on
YouTube, you're able to see itright behind me but my literal
dissertation was switched tostrategically get tools for, and
investigate and interview toolsfor partners of individuals who
are suffering with PMDD.
And the things that were inthere, the things that I
(01:51):
discovered, were something that,had I not gone on that journey
and been really intentionalabout it, I would have never
known.
I would have never known whatmy partner was going through
based off of what I was seeingon the outside.
You know, what your partnershows you on the outside is very
different from what they'regoing through internally, and
what I deal with with my privateclients is what is going on
(02:11):
with them behind the scenes.
So what I first want to let youknow I have allergies, apology
is your partner goes through alot more than they show you that
they go through, because thereis this facade of like.
I'm not the one that'sstruggling with premenstrual
dysphoric disorder.
So my needs and my desires andmy feelings and my emotions and
(02:35):
my thoughts and my triggers.
All of that is less importantthan what you're going through,
because you're the one that'ssuffering in your luteal phase
every single month.
But what I tell you in mydissertation if you haven't read
it, it's free, you can go lookit up.
I'll actually put the link forit in the show notes so that you
can read it.
I know all of my privateclients who are partners have
read it.
But it really is showing youthat when you, as the partner,
(02:58):
are going through the lutealphase, you do experience
symptoms, you do have heightenedanxiety phase.
You do experience symptoms, youdo have heightened anxiety.
You do this thing called walkingon eggshells, which is so
common, which is why I createdmy program.
My partner has PMDD.
Now, how to stop walking oneggshells in your PMDD
relationship?
Because when I was interviewingso many different individuals
(03:19):
for my dissertation, to get mydoctorate on my thesis, I heard
the same phrase again and againand again I'm walking on
eggshells.
I feel like I'm walking oneggshells, dr Rose, like I'm
walking on eggshells.
I was like there's a reason forthat, there's a reason why you
feel like your needs are notbeing met and then you feel like
you're kind of scared of thereaction of your partner during
(03:42):
the luteal phase because of thethings that you've seen, because
of the things that youexperienced.
But today I would really wantto talk about how PMDD can steal
your identity, and I havewitnessed this so much in
different partners and that'show I know it's a common thing
it's not just with my ex, it'swith most of the partners that I
have that when they first findout that you have premenstrual
(04:05):
dysphoric disorder, right, a lotof times they already love you,
they're already connected toyou.
This is not something that alot of individuals find out
early on.
It's not like you go on a dateand it's like hi, I'm Rose, I
have PMDD.
Right, that's not genuinely howit happens and not
intentionally, but it's justlike a lot of times individuals
find out that they have PMDDafter they're already in a
(04:25):
committed relationship and thenyou try to navigate it after.
The fact and the version of youas the partner before you were
in a relationship with someonethat suffers with PMDD will
change as you go through thisprocess.
If you do not have thestrategic tools.
And even if you have the tools,I will say that a part of you
(04:48):
will change.
But you have the ability, youhave the power to decide how
PMDD changes you.
I will say that, pmdd beingconnected to anyone that has
premenstrual disorder, it willchange you because it will
challenge you to deal with allof the things Like PMDD rips the
blanket off of all of yourissues.
It will challenge you to dealwith all of the things Like PMDD
rips the blanket off of all ofyour issues and it causes you to
look internally because you'llstart to ask yourself, like you
(05:11):
know, my partner's saying thatI'm the one that's causing her
to have PMDD every month.
I'm the one that's causing hersymptoms to be worse.
So you start to look atyourself like is there something
about me that's wrong making mebe this person that my partner
is blaming me to be, or she'sconstantly saying that I'm not
meeting her needs and she'ssaying all these things in the
luteal phase, and you'll startto really reflect on that and
(05:32):
start to say, wow, I really amstarting to wonder is this
really me?
Is there really somethingthat's wrong with me that's
causing my partner to say thesenasty things to me, that say
these things that are not nice,to say these things about me
that you know, maybe it's yourworst fear.
(05:54):
I've had individuals that theirPMDD suffer.
Their partner, who is sufferingwith PMDD, has said something
to them.
That is a deep insecurity, likeif you feel like maybe someone
has called you selfish in thepast.
Or maybe someone has called youa selfish in the past, or maybe
someone has called you anarcissist in the past, or maybe
someone has said that you'renot lovable in the past, or like
you don't matter or you're soannoying or you're too much, or
(06:15):
your needs are too much.
Like you're too much to handle.
Like if someone has saidsomething like that to you
before.
You have a past traumatic eventand then you get into a
relationship with somebody whohas premenstrual dysphoric
disorder and they literallymirror that to you and they
literally say to you oh my gosh,you're too much.
You're going to start tobelieve that negative comment
because it's been repeated toyou, because you've said it
(06:37):
before in the past.
You're going to start to belike, oh my gosh, someone said
this to me in the past and nowthe person that's supposed to be
the closest person to me,that's supposed to be the most
intimate, they're now mirroringand saying it to me as well.
It must be true.
And you're literally thinking,because it's been repeated to
you, and because it's beenrepeated to you on a cyclical
manner, meaning every singlemonth they're saying the same
(06:58):
things.
Every single month they'resaying you're too needy.
Every single month they'resaying you too clingy.
Every single month they'resaying that you're causing them
to have PMDD and that you'restressing them out and that
you're so overwhelming and thattheir PMDD would be so much
better if they could just bealone or they could be with
someone who is more supportive.
So you go on this cycle ofreally looking at yourself
internally and saying, oh mygosh, is there something wrong
(07:19):
with me?
And so, when you're in arelationship with someone who
has PMDD, you question yourself.
And so, when you're in arelationship with someone who
has PMDD, you question yourself,you doubt yourself and it
causes you to get into thisrealm of chaos and confusion,
because you don't know what yourpartner really thinks about you
.
Because during the luteal phase, you're an irritation, you are
a burden.
You are someone that they haveto handle, that they have to
(07:40):
deal with.
You are someone that istriggering to them, that is
triggering to their PMDDsymptoms.
They don't wanna be around you,they don't want you to touch
them.
They don't want you to bearound them, they don't want you
to go on a walk with them.
They kind of want you to juststay and sit in a corner.
Sit in a corner and just waituntil the luteal phase is over.
And so you sit there.
(08:01):
But what happens is when youdistance yourself from your
partner in the luteal phase, youstart to really doubt yourself.
You're like, oh my gosh, doesmy partner even love me?
Do they even like me?
Do they care about me?
Do they even want to be with me?
And you're sitting in thatcorner, you're being alone with
your thoughts and you're kind ofin this realm of self-loathing
because you're beating yourselfup for ways that you could have
(08:22):
handled certain situationsbetter.
Because, in your mind, if Icould just be the person that
they need me to be, then maybewhen they were in their luteal
phase, they would want to bearound me, they would want me to
support them, they wouldappreciate the things that I was
doing for them and theywouldn't push me away.
Instead, they will pull me inand embrace me and feel
connected to me and feel like Iwas part of the process that
(08:43):
helped them to go through theirPMDD.
I know so many partners.
What you really want, your deepdesire, is for you to be a
person, for you to be a toolthat really helps them to get
through PMDD.
And a lot of times you'retrying in the ways that you're
trying, you feel like you'realways getting it wrong, because
the feedback that you'regetting is that it's not
specifically what your partnerneeds and you'll start to guess.
(09:04):
You're like I think that theyneed this, so I'm going to do
this and I think that they needthat, and I'm going to do it.
What happens is when you are inthe luteal phase the most of you
are in the luteal phase yourpartner will swiftly tell you or
react to the things that you'redoing, so you'll know off the
bat if you're doing it right orif you're doing it wrong.
If you're doing it wrong,there's this negative reaction.
(09:25):
They either shut down on you.
They either tell you that theyneed space from you.
They either tell you thatyou're too much, or they'll lash
out at you and they'll be sofrustrated because you're not
being a supportive PNDD partnerin the way that they
specifically need.
But then a lot of times they'rein their luteal phase and
they're going through all oftheir PMDD symptoms, so they're
not able to articulate andcommunicate exactly how they
(09:46):
need you to be, but they justknow that whatever you're doing
is not working.
So you're sitting there beatingyourself up and this is not
something that you go and youtalk to somebody else with.
You don't talk to your buddiesabout this.
You don't talk to your friendsabout it.
You don't talk to your familyabout it, because you don't want
them to judge your partner.
You don't want to repeat thethings that you're the
individual that is sufferingwith PMDD, your partner.
(10:06):
You don't want your friends andfamily to hear that version of
the person that you're choosingto spend your life with, do your
life with, because they maytell you something that you
genuinely don't want to hear.
They may say you shouldn't bewith somebody who talks to you
like that, or you shouldn't bewith somebody who treats you
like that, that just puts you ina corner for two weeks out of
the month.
You don't want to hear that.
That's your deepest, darkestfear in the back of your mind,
(10:30):
that this is not therelationship that you're
supposed to be in, and you'rejust sitting there and you're
taking less than what youdeserve and you're feeling weak.
You're feeling like a weakerversion of yourself.
You have all of these accolades.
I have so many clients thathave so many accolades CEOs,
cfos, been in their career foryears, entrepreneurs, creative
(10:50):
individuals, musicians itdoesn't matter.
Pmdd doesn't pick and choosewhat career that you have.
It doesn't care, no matter whatcareer you have, where you've
been in your life.
I have clients that have beenin relationships for 20 years.
I have clients that have beenin the relationship for two
months.
Pmdd doesn't care about who youare as an individual.
It will attack every open spacethat it can.
(11:11):
And so when you, as a partner,are sitting there, you're like I
should be better than this,right, I should be able to
handle this.
I should love my partner enough, and maybe if I do this and
maybe if I do that, then they'llsee how much that I love them,
and then, when they get in theluteal phase, it'll be better.
And then it's month after monththat you're dealing with this
and you end up in the cycle offighting.
You end up in the cycle ofbeing pushed away.
(11:32):
You end up in the cycle of notgetting your needs met.
You end up in the cycle ofquestioning Should I believe
what my partner is saying?
When they're in their lutealphase, or fast forward to when
they get into their follicularphase, and then, all of a sudden
, the cloud has been lifted uptheir symptoms.
They're saying all theseamazing things about you.
They're making you feel good,and so in the beginning I will
(11:55):
say that a lot of you lean intothat.
You're like, oh my gosh,they're back and you're feeling
good and you're feeling safe andyou're feeling secure.
And then bam, it's the lutealphase all over again.
And then it's like the rug hasbeen ripped from under your feet
and you fall flat on your faceand then you almost feel a
little bit stupid I will saythat because it's been a direct
(12:16):
quote from my clients.
Like, you feel stupid.
You're like, why did I fall forthat?
Why did I think that that wasgonna last but that?
Why did I think that that wasgoing to last?
But you're so convinced thatwhat your partner is saying in
their follicular phase, or eventheir ovulation phase or maybe
menstruation, when they start to, you know, get a relief from
their symptoms, they're sayingall these things and you're
feeling like this is who I fellin love with.
This is who they really are.
(12:37):
Who they are in PMDD is not whothey really are and you start
to depend on that.
And then you get in the lutealphase and you find yourself back
in the cycle again and realizethey didn't really mean that.
This is what they mean, becausewhen an individual is in PMDD
and I know this because I'vesuffered with PMDD for over 19
years it's very convincing.
(12:57):
How I used to show up in PMDDwas very convincing.
I felt like I meant everyharmful thing that I ever said
to a partner and if youquestioned it, if you almost
said I know a lot of timespartners they think that and I'm
going to give you kind of abehind the scenes on this of
what I work with my clients withyou think that by telling the
(13:19):
partner that is in PMDD, bytelling them that they're in
PMDD, you don't really mean this.
This is just your hormonestalking.
You're in PMDD.
Number one, having premenstrualdisorder is not a hormone
problem.
You don't have a problem whereyou go to the doctor.
If I go to the doctor right now, my doctor would tell me my
(13:40):
gynecologist told me that myhormones were amazing my
estrogen, my progesterone, allof the things were completely
balanced.
You don't have a hormonalimbalance.
So when you're saying to yourpartner, oh, it's just the
hormones talking, they're goingto be like, no, it's not, it's
not my hormones talking, myhormones are fine, like if they
started to do like the work andbe like I'm going to go to
somebody and get my hormonesbalanced.
(14:01):
Your hormones are alreadybalanced.
For a lot of you it's not ahormonal imbalance, right?
It is a situation where thenormal fluctuations of hormones
during the luteal phase, theovulation phase, the
menstruation phase, thefollicular phase you are having
an adverse reaction that ishappening to the normal
fluctuation of hormones that yougo through as a childbearing
(14:23):
woman.
That's it.
Nothing needs to be worked on.
I will say that you may go tothe doctor and they say that
your hormones you can check thatthat's not going to take away
your PMDD.
You can balance your hormonesall you want.
You're still going to havepremenstrual dysphoric disorder.
So a lot of times when I hearthat, I'm a little bit like,
(14:43):
wait a minute, Because I feellike wherever you're putting
your energy, I want it to be inthe place that's actually going
to help your relationship.
So if you're doing it for ahealth reason, if you're like,
oh my, for the individuals thatare suffering with PMDD and for
the partner that are trying toadvise on what they need to do,
I want you to know that if yourpartner has a hormonal imbalance
(15:04):
, that is a complete, separateissue from them having
premenstrual disorder.
Can they manage, can theybalance their hormones?
And they have physical symptomsbe better?
Yeah, absolutely.
Maybe you're having hot flashes,you're having things, you're
going through perimenopause,you're going through menopause
all these things and you want toget your hormones balanced.
Absolutely, you can do that.
Pmdd is still going to bewaiting there with you.
(15:26):
It doesn't take it away.
So I don't want you to go downthe rabbit hole of feeling like
the issues in my specificrelationship are going to get
better if my partner's hormonesare balanced.
Your hormones can be balancedand you still have issues in
your PMDD relationship.
I'm going to repeat that and Ialways repeat the things that
(15:46):
are really kind of like.
I want you to really sink it in.
Like if I was a teacher, Iwould be stomping my foot right
now and saying, like, you canhave issues in your PMDD
relationships even though yourhormones are balanced.
So, getting your hormones backin order your estrogen, your
progesterone and all thosethings.
You can get that completelybalanced and your issues within
your relationships are stillgoing to be sitting there
(16:08):
waiting on you.
This is for a lot of clientsthat have gone through the
process of getting theophorectomy and all these other
things.
They're going through thatprocess to get rid of the
symptoms that are reallyimpacting their PMDD
relationship withoutunderstanding that the issues
that are happening in your PMDDrelationship they're cognitive,
cognitive.
Pmdd attacks your brain.
This is what I always tell you.
Pmdd attacks your brain this iswhat I always tell you.
(16:30):
Pmdd tricks your brain.
Your brain is the entity thatis impacting your PMDD
relationship, not necessarilyyour hormones You're
experiencing your hormones asemotions but how it is attacking
your brain is making you havethe intrusive thoughts.
It is causing you to havestress and raise your cortisol
levels.
It's causing you to beirritable.
(16:51):
It is causing you to bedistanced.
It is causing your attachmentstyles to be different.
Those are cognitive things andthis is what I work with with my
private clients Having thingsin your body work a certain way.
It's not going to impact yourmindset, your cognitive intake
(17:12):
of the behavior and actions thatyou're having.
The thoughts that you're havingare the things that are causing
you to have an issue with yourPMDD relationship, and this is
for the partner that has PMDDand the partner that doesn't.
And so, going back to thepartner, what I want to say is,
when you start to lose youridentity, it is such a painful
process, specifically forsomeone who has a type A alpha
(17:36):
male or female mentality,because you're used to having
things in order, you're used toprogramming things.
I remember an ex used to tell meyour PMDD is supposed to be on
the 20th of the month.
I wrote it down on my calendarit's the 20th of the month you
must be in PMDD.
Well, it fluctuates throughoutmy menstrual cycle and so for
that month it wasn't on the 20th, I think it came on like the
(18:07):
25th single month is going to bethe same.
The body does what the bodydoes, and when the body
fluctuates, we are riding thePMDD wave.
So if you are a type Apersonality and you feel like
you want to plan the events thatyou have with your partner, you
want to plan outings, you wantto plan holidays, you want to
plan social events, you want toplan time with your family, all
around PMDD, and then you'refinding it really, really hard,
(18:31):
it's because PMDD can fluctuate.
If you have different thingsgoing on this month than last
month, then maybe your PMDD willbe a couple of days late, maybe
it'll be a couple of days early, and if you're so rigid and
inflexible as a partner, you'regoing to think it's suspicious.
I will say that I've hadpartners that think suspicious
and I've had other partners thathave been just completely
(18:52):
frustrated because they're likeI finally thought that the way
that I could cope with this wasputting it on my schedule, you
know, wrapping my life around it.
But now I'm seeing that evendoing that is not working.
So you get a little bithopeless and you get a little
bit helpless.
So I'm going to talk to youabout losing your identity
Really, and what this comes downto is not recognizing the
(19:14):
person that you are becoming inyour PMDD relationship, not
recognizing who you are becomingas a result of being in a
relationship with someone thathas PMDD.
Pmdd will completely take youout of character, and what
happens is when premenstrualdisorder takes you out of
character.
It's a destruction of yourself-worth.
(19:34):
It is a destruction of yourself-respect because you maybe
pride yourself on being apositive person.
You may do all of these otherthings that are super positive,
that are super motivating, thatare super inspiring.
Maybe you're in your career.
You get all these accolades,you get all of these other
people telling you that you'regreat, that you're amazing, that
(19:55):
you're living in your purposeand you're doing all the things.
And then you come home and yourpartner tells you you're a
piece of crap and you'reannoying and you need to go sit
in a corner pretty much andyou're triggering me and nothing
that you can do can help andall I just want you to do is do
nothing.
All I want you to do is give mespace during PMDD and then, all
of a sudden, your ego getsreally resentful.
(20:15):
You will start to resent yourpartner for making you come out
of character and feel like adifferent version of yourself
from being in this relationship.
I've had so many people thatget so many compliments and
accolades when they go to workand they come home and they feel
like a piece of crap.
They feel like a failure andthe place that they feel like
(20:36):
they should be praised andadmired and adored and cherished
and loved the most is the placethat they feel the worst.
So what happens is.
For a lot of times, partnerswill work longer.
Because who wants to be in anenvironment where you feel like
you're a burden, who feels likeyou're a piece of crap, who you
can't even enjoy the greatthings in life or the good
moments?
Because you come home on a highoff of what happened in your
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day to someone that is rollingtheir eyes at you, not
addressing you, not looking youin the eye, not showing you any
affection, not meeting yourneeds, not excited to see you,
versus everyone at work is likeyou're so amazing, you're so
great.
Good job on that.
And then you tell your partnerthat's in their luteal phase
what you're going through Like.
You're like, hey, this justhappened at work.
(21:18):
And they're like, oh, that'sgreat.
Unamused, unaffected, becausemaybe they're in that realm of
suffering with their PMDDsymptoms, and you just feel like
your balloon has been popped.
You are completely deflated,you are completely hopeless,
you're completely helplessbecause there's nothing that you
can do to pull your partner outof the realm of suffering that
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they are in in PMDD, that iscausing them to act like this
towards you.
There's nothing that you can doto bring your partner back when
they're in their luteal phase.
And that is so frustrating,because you're able to do all
these things in your career andcome up with all these
innovative things and help allthese things.
And when it comes to your ownpartner, the person that you
love and care about the most,the person that you're devoted
(22:03):
to, the person that you're noteven planning on leaving at any
point in your life and you can'teven get to them, you can't
crack the code on.
How do I reach my partner whenthey're in their luteal phase?
The question that you're reallyasking is how do I make them
love me again, love you again,the way that they do in their
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follicular phase?
You're trying to get them tonot have PMDD.
Honestly, you're trying to getthe follicular phase, maybe even
the ovulation, maybe themenstruation, because the
ovulation and menstruationthey're having symptoms, but
it's not geared up.
It's directly negative towardsyou.
They're feeling a littlediscomfort, but they're still in
a realm of taking your help.
So there's still things thatyou can do.
You can work with that.
But when it comes to the lutealphase, there's like this barrier
and this wall and you're likewhy doesn't my partner like me?
(22:50):
Why doesn't my partner love me?
Why don't they care about me?
Why aren't they trying to benext to me?
Why don't they want to meet myneeds?
Why aren't they happy for me?
Why aren't they happy Period?
What happened to that versionof my partner that was light and
bubbly and happy and smilingand cute and cuddly and
affectionate and made me fall inlove with them?
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Enough to say I want to be inthis relationship.
I want to be in thisrelationship forever.
Maybe you've been in thisrelationship for years and
you're like.
This is what keeps me here,because when they get into their
follicular phase, it's amazing.
It's like nothing I've everfelt.
I know this is my person, butwhy is it that when I go into
the luteal phase, I don't feellike their person?
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I feel like I'm tolerated, andso when you lose your identity,
walking on eggshells becomesyour norm month.
You get the carpet ripped upfrom underneath you and you
start to walk on eggshells.
You can kind of see that yourpartner is in PMDD from, like
when you first talk to them inthe morning, even, maybe, even
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when you go to bed at night,like maybe they're a person that
likes to cuddle, or you get inthe bed and you get in the bed a
certain way and then all of asudden, they're turning their
back towards you.
It's super cold, it's superdistant, it's super unconnected.
And then you're like, oh, herewe go.
Or you're joking and laughing,you're at ease, you make a
comment and they automaticallythink it's malicious and they're
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like what do you mean by that?
Why would you say that?
Why would you joke about that?
That's not funny.
And then all of a suddenthey're taking something that
they would have normally laughedat and joked about in their
follicular phase and you guyswould have joked about it
together and they're taking itas a personal attack.
And so now you're feeling likethe bad guy.
You're literally feeling likethe bad guy because you're like,
oh my gosh, now I'm this person.
(24:37):
Now they're thinking this aboutme.
Your character is completelydiminished because they're
thinking that you're capable ofdoing something.
And you're really thinking toyourself they know me.
Why would they even think thatI would choose to say or do
something that would cause themto be triggered or that would
cause them to be mad orirritable?
So you avoid sharing your ownfeeling.
Maybe if you're a person thatloves to tell jokes or loves to
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laugh, or loves to even tap yourpartner, maybe you're a
physical touch kind of personand you love to just go around
and slap them on the butt orhold them or come up behind them
while they're washing thedishes and hold them and then
all of a sudden they jerk backand they reject you.
Rejection with physical touchis one of the most painful
things in an intimaterelationship with PMDD.
When your partner starts toreject you, you don't expect it.
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A lot of times, like you'rejust, you're leaning in and
being loving, which is one ofthe tools that I use with my
private clients.
You're leaning in and beingloving, just for a partner to
jerk at you, to be like what isit?
And then so you go to tell themI just wanted a hug or I just
wanted this.
Now you're trying to verballyexpress what you needed
physically, which reallyhonestly kills the vibe.
(25:44):
If you wanted a physicalinteraction, that's what you
wanted.
When you have to explain whyyou want to hug from your
partner, when you have toexplain why you want to kiss
from your partner, when you haveto explain why you want to hold
their hand, when you have toexplain why you want to hold
them at night, it diminishesyour self-respect.
You feel like you'repractically begging for your
(26:04):
needs to be met.
You're begging for physicalaffection, and what I always
tell my private clients is thisis the only place that your
partner can get physicalaffection.
They're not supposed to becheating on you.
They're not supposed to begoing anywhere else and being
starved of physical affection byyou.
So now they're super vigilantwhen they're out and about.
There's so many accusations ofinfidelity and accusations of
(26:26):
cheating and lying andmanipulative.
And what are you doing this?
But yet you're comfortable, asindividuals who are suffering
with PMDD, with letting yourpartner leave the house starved
of physical affection, physicalattention, physical adoration,
not even telling them thatthey're attracted, not even
telling them the things that youlove about them on an emotional
(26:46):
basis.
And then they go out into theworld and there's a world full
of people.
You know I travel a lot and Ican go through airports, I can
go through conferences I speakat, I can go through raves.
I go through all of these things, these social things, and
people are always complimentingme and I really thought to
myself if I was with someonethat genuinely starved me of
(27:09):
physical and emotional affectionwith compliments, like they
don't give me words ofaffirmation, they don't tell me
that they love me and they don'ttouch me.
That would be a dangerous placeto be, because you're literally
filled with a world of 8billion people that are willing
to tell you how amazing you areand show you that they think
that you're amazing, like giveyou a hug, give you a high five,
give you that physicalaffection, and what happens when
(27:30):
you're starved of it?
You start to lean into theindividuals that are giving you
that attention.
You're like now you're morallythis is what I mean by it messes
with your identity.
You're not a person that wouldcheat.
You're not a person that wouldlie.
You're not a person that yourcharacter could be flawed in
that way.
But because you're so starvedof physical affection, because
(27:50):
you're so starved of attention,because your partner is thinking
that you're a burden, where areyou supposed to go?
What are you supposed to dowith your needs?
Just stuff them in a corner andpretend like you don't have
them, turn off your emotions fortwo weeks out of the month.
I've had partners that gothrough some of the most
traumatic events in life Thingsin life, things with work,
things with family, drama andall this and they don't have a
(28:12):
partner that they can lean on.
You don't have a partner thatyou can lean on.
But then again, there is aworld full of people that if you
told your situation to, theywould have all the empathy, all
of the affection, all of theattention ready for you.
But you're fighting it.
You're fighting that level ofyour identity.
You're like I don't want tobecome that version, I don't
(28:34):
want to become a liar, I don'twant to become a cheater.
So you're having this identitycrisis because you're like well,
I'm staying in thisrelationship but honestly, I'm
not happy.
Honestly, I'm not getting myneeds met for two weeks out of
the month.
And it's starting to pour intothe follicular phase, because
when your partner starts to tellyou you know all the things
that they love about you in thefollicular phase, you can't tell
(28:55):
what's real anymore.
You can't tell if the thingsthat they are saying in their
luteal phase are what theyreally feel about you or the
things that they're saying intheir follicular phase of what
they really feel about you.
One week or two weeks you'retold that you're loved and
adored and cherished and you'reamazing.
And the next week you're beingpushed away and saying that
you're annoying, saying thatyou're clingy, saying that
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you're needy or being blamed fordoing some things and saying
that your actions are malicious,even actions that you try to do
to genuinely help them.
They'll start to twist themaround as if you're being
malicious, and so you reallystart to say to yourself what
version of us is real?
This is when we get into therealm of chaos and confusion.
I was on my morning my PMDDpartners morning routine the
(29:40):
other night and I was part of itis reading my writing in my
journal and reading my Bible,and one of the things that I was
really journaling about is thatyou know, it's very clear, god
is not a God of chaos andconfusion, and I was literally
in the realm of like.
That is exactly whatrelationships have felt like in
my luteal phase and as arelationship as a whole, and
(30:00):
that's when I've known that I'veneeded to do something
differently in my relationships.
I will say that has been a signfor me.
So if you're in that place,whether you're the partner or
the partner that's sufferingwith PMDD and you're like, we
have chaos and confusion everysingle month.
It is chaos.
I'm confused about what statewe're in, what's real, what's
(30:21):
not real, how my partner reallyfeels about me whether I should
even be in this relationship.
Are we compatible?
Is this just stress?
That's confusion, and thenchaos is.
Every single day is different.
I remember waking up not evenknowing what the day was going
to be like.
I had to literally think andlook at my text messages Are we
talking?
Are we not talking?
Are we good or are we not good?
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Because no day I didn't feelsafe, I didn't feel secure.
I felt like everything was aroller coaster every single day
out of the month, whether I wasin my luteal phase, because even
it got to a point when I was inmy follicular phase, and I'm
like even things started toswitch in my follicular phase,
where these are supposed to bemy quote unquote good days.
So chaos and confusion is a signthat you need to get help and
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get to the root of what isreally going on in your PMDD
relationship.
So if that's something that youknow that you need help with,
go to inlovewithpmddcom.
I'll put the link in the shownotes and get those counseling
sessions.
What we do is we really get tothe depth, we get to the root of
what is going on that iscausing that chaos and confusion
, because that is a clear signthat nothing is going to change
(31:26):
years and years and years.
A clear sign that nothing isgoing to change Years and years
and years filled with months andmonths and months of chaos and
confusion.
Nothing genuinely changed untilI started using the tools and
really digging deep and figuringout what the heck is really
going on.
So that's the next thing thathappens when you feel like your
identity is being stolen youdon't know what's going on.
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You don't know who you are.
You don't know what's going on.
You don't know who you are, youdon't know what version of you
you know.
I've had, you know, clientswhere the partner has called
them a narcissist, the partnerhas called them manipulative,
the partner has called them aliar.
And at some point, when you'regetting told all of these
negative things, you start tobelieve it.
You're like maybe I am anarcissist, maybe I am this
(32:06):
negative person, maybe I'm justnot saying because you get so
tired of defending yourself thatyou start to believe the lies.
Pmdd tells lies to theindividual that is in their
luteal phase, that are sufferingwith premenstrual dysphoric
disorder, but if that is beingprojected on you, spit out on
you again and again and againand the same, because a lot of
(32:26):
times, whatever your partner issaying, it's the same thing
again and again Repetition.
Really, cognitively it getsinto your brain and it messes
with your belief system.
It messes with your identity.
If you can mess with someone'sidentity, you can cause them to
act so out of character becausethey start to identify with the
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negative version that you aresaying that they are.
They will start to identifywith the negative version that
you say that they are so muchthat by the time you look at
them again, they are that person.
Words have power.
This is what I told you aboutin a couple episodes.
Words have power.
So if you consistently speakingnegative about your partner, if
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you're saying that they're anarcissist, if you're saying
that they're manipulative, ifyou're saying that they're
selfish, they will become thatif they choose to believe that
as their identity.
When someone is like I guessI'm a selfish person, I guess
I'm a cheater, this is how youget into the realm of infidelity
.
Your partner has accused you ofcheating so much it's gotten so
regular off of their tongue.
(33:29):
They're just like you're acheater, you're a cheater,
you're a cheater.
Then when they cheat, thepartner that accused them of it
is so shocked, like I can'tbelieve that.
I can't believe they did that.
How can you not believe theydid that?
When you're speaking that ontothem, you speak life with your
words onto your partner.
You speak what you seek.
Don't be surprised if yourpartner becomes the very thing
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that you're accusing them, thatthey are because they're
listening to that, they'retaking that in and they're
forming their identity based offthe words that are spoken.
Because you all are connected,because they love you, because
they're connected to you,because they trust you, they're
going to question the formerversion of themselves and start
(34:13):
to believe if this is the personthat's supposed to love and
care about me the most andthey're saying these things
about me, it must be true.
And what happens is, when youaccept the belief of those
negative things that are said toyou, you're going to start to
act accordingly.
When you start to act withinthe realms of being that
narcissist, when you start toact within the realms of being
that manipulative, if you startto act in the realms of being
that cheater, then it's veryhard to go back because your
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identity has now been reformedinto that negative version of
yourself and then PMDD has won.
Pmdd would love for you tobecome a different version of
yourself that is unrecognizable.
When you become that version ofyourself, you're taking away
your identity of who you werebefore.
Pmdd will literally rob you ofwho you were when you initially
(34:58):
came into this relationship, ifyou let it.
This is why I always say PMDtricks your brain.
But if you're not aware that itis tricking your brain, you'll
believe it because it's soconvincing.
It's like oh no, it's based offof something that they actually
said, it's based off ofsomething that they actually
have done, and so it must betrue.
It must be true.
(35:21):
So you start to question yourown worth, because if you're
believing all of the negativethings that your partner is
saying about you, you don'tdeserve to have love, to have
affection.
So if your partner is in PMDDrage and they're saying all of
these nasty things about you,these horrible things about you,
which, when you're inpremenstrual dysphoric disorder,
when you're in the luteal phase, you can say some of the
(35:42):
nastiest things to your partner,some of the most vile things to
your partner, and literallybelieve them in the moment.
So you start to question it.
You start to say to yourselfmaybe I am a bad partner, maybe
I did deserve this.
Maybe there's something that Idid in this relationship where
maybe my partner deserves better.
So when you have that chronicconflict, it can distort your
(36:03):
self-image.
You'll start to look atyourself and be like, maybe not
a good person, like, yeah, therest of the world is saying that
I'm this, they're saying I'mgreat, they're saying I'm this,
but you don't believe it anymore.
You don't believe it becausethe person that you love the
most is speaking negativity intoyou and you're starting to
believe it and you're startingto feel horrible about yourself.
It's going to impact yourperformance at work.
(36:24):
I've had so many individualslose their jobs because of the
way that their partner wasspeaking to them in their luteal
phase and PMDD so many becauseall of that confidence that you
had, all of that confidence notjust in yourself but in your
abilities it's gone.
If the person that is supposedto be supporting you and loving
you the most and you're going towork stressed out, you're
arguing with them, you'retexting with them in between
(36:46):
meetings and you're fighting.
You don't know what you'recoming home to.
You're literally opening thedoor and walking into your house
and literally feel like you'rewalking on eggshells, like hey,
hey, I would say.
For me, one of the ways thatPMDD really messed with my
identity was making me feel likeI was an introvert right?
(37:07):
Because all of the stress andthe drama that was going on in
my relationship, I wentcompletely internal and I became
a completely different versionof myself.
I have had clients that theyhave completely shut down.
They stopped talking to friends, they stopped going out,
because everything seems likeit's a problem, everything's a
problem.
And you wanna take the path ofleast resistance.
It's like I don't feel, like Iwanna go out with my friends if
(37:29):
I know that it's gonna cause anargument with us, like it's not
worth it for me.
And so when you start to neglectyour needs, little by little
you stop doing the things thatbring you joy.
Guess what?
You're replacing joy with chaosand confusion.
You're doing a trade-off, soyou stop expressing your needs.
You need support, you need love, you need affection, you need
(37:51):
attention.
But let me tell you somethingIf you've ever been called
clingy, if you've ever beencalled needy, if you've ever
been called like you're too muchand you're all over the place,
you're not going to feelcomfortable trying to get
affection from your partner.
You're not going to feelcomfortable doing that because
you're going to be told so manytimes that it's so annoying.
So your ego is going to be like, oh, you better not do that.
(38:11):
Like you're going to feel likea piece of crap they're probably
not even.
It's almost like why even askfor something when you're going
to be shut down and rejected somuch?
You stop asking because youfeel guilty for asking for
anything during the luteal phase.
You're like I already know youstop doing things.
I'm not even going to try tosit next to them and hold them.
(38:32):
I'm not even going to try toreach out and hold their hand.
I'm not going to try to do thisbecause you've been shut down
so many times as a partner thatyou're literally feeling like
you know what, there's no point.
That's when you get to bereally, really helpless, really
really hopeless, and you startto say to yourself it's selfish
to need help from my partnerwhen they're already drowning,
they're already stressed,they're already overwhelmed.
(38:53):
I don't want to add to it, I'llbe okay.
I'll be okay, I'll be okay.
Here's the thing.
Pmdd is cyclical.
This is not like the cold orthe flu.
This is not even like pregnancy.
Pmdd lasts longer thanpregnancy, which is nine months
where, if your partner is goingthrough all of these things,
you're like, all right, it'skind of like you can put an end
game, you can put an end into itlike a pot of gold at the end
(39:15):
of the rainbow, like all right,after these nine months, to go
to the end of the rainbow, likeall right, after these nine
months, I'm going to besupportive.
I'm going to put my needs onthe back burner.
We're going to get through this.
We're going to have a baby atthe end.
It's going to be worth it.
They're going to be so grateful, they're going to be so happy
(39:37):
that I was there, I doing this.
They don't appreciate it.
I'm not getting my needs metand you start suppressing your
needs because it's going to leadto resentment and burnout.
You're going to get burnt outfrom being consistently
criticized, consistentlyrejected.
It's painful when someone thatyou love, adore, cherish, when
someone that you love, adore,cherish, want to be around, you
(40:01):
can't help wanting to be aroundthe person that you love.
And so when they're in thealludial phase and they're like
I don't want you to do this, Idon't want you to touch me, I
don't want you to be there, Ijust want my time alone.
(40:21):
When you're consistentlyrejected and criticized for the
things that you are doing duringthe luteal phase, because your
partner is distant, irritable,it's so hurtful, you'll start to
say to yourself I'm neverenough, no matter what I do, it
almost forces you to want to goback to the drawing board.
If I was to do more, my partnerthe drawing board.
Like if I was to do more, mypartner would want me more.
(40:42):
If I was to do more, my partnerwould love me more.
But then when they consistentlyreject you, repeated rejection
chips away at your confidence.
I will say a lot of thishappens physically, mentally,
emotionally.
If you go to reach out to yourpartner, you try to cuddle with
them or you try to have sex withthem, make love to them because
(41:03):
you're attracted to them,because you're attracted to them
as the partner.
Like, you're not going throughPMDD, you still have the same
attraction to them that you'vealways had.
And you go to reach out andtouch them and they tell you to
get off of them.
You're going to begin to thinkthey're not attracted to me.
(41:24):
How can you be laying in bedSome of you in pajamas, some of
you naked?
How can you be laying in bedand not want to touch me.
How can you see me walkingaround?
I'm getting used to somebodystart to get out the shower,
like maybe you always do, ormaybe you're doing it right now
(41:45):
to get like attention, andyou're going out of the shower
and you're walking with yourtowel on, or you're walking
without your towel on, likewhatever the thing, and you walk
right by your partner who's inthe luteal phase, and they don't
even bat an eye, they don'teven look at you and be like ooh
, hey, come here.
There's none of that.
They could care less if youwere walking around street naked
(42:08):
and they're just sitting thereplaying on their phone while you
are in their presence naked,half naked, laying on the bed,
all these things.
You're going to start to thinklike I guess I'm unattractive.
Maybe you'll start to go to thegym.
Or you start to think likemaybe I need to start working on
myself, maybe I need to have abetter physique, maybe I need a
(42:30):
better body in order for them tobe attracted to me, or maybe
it's a worse thing.
Maybe you're saying all theseloving things and they're just
saying it back to you veryrobotic.
You're like oh my gosh, I loveyou, I adore you.
You know, I just think thatyou're the best thing that's
ever happened to me.
And they say back to you I loveyou too.
Or you text them something withall these emojis.
(42:54):
You know I am a big emojiperson, like the most common
emojis that I have are like theheart eyes or the heart or the
kissy face or the fire emojis.
Like I'm a big emoji person andI remember being in my luteal
phase and sending emojis andthen you know they just, they
were just bland, like you know.
Like the little happy face islike you can even tell from text
(43:18):
messages where your energy isnot being reciprocated, when
your energy is not beingreciprocated.
It causes you, as the partner,to start looking internal and
you start to question youridentity, like maybe I'm not as
great of a partner as I thoughtI was and what happens?
Is you?
You really you?
(43:39):
You start to hide this and Iget it.
You start to hide it fromfriends and family.
It's embarrassing to be overthe top in love with a person
completely devoted, completelyloyal.
All these things talking on thephone with your friends about
your partner, my partner'samazing, and they're doing this,
and then you're seeing the waythat they're treating you.
You don't tell this to yourfriends and family because
they're going to be like dude,why are you or girl, why are you
(44:02):
even with this person that isnot appreciating you?
They could care less whetheryou come home or not.
So you lie to your friends andfamily about the reality of your
relationship to protect yourpartner.
I've done it.
I've been there.
No shame here.
No shame, no blame.
Anything that I'm ever callingyou out on.
If you go back in my podcast, Ithink we're at 260 episodes.
(44:26):
If you go back to episode one,it is call your partner out in
PMDD and it is my way ofrevealing things to you in love.
So I'm letting you know thesethings.
But there's never a way ofshaming it.
It's a way.
I've been there and I've dealtwith hundreds of private clients
that have been there.
So if I'm telling you this,please don't get offended, but
it's a thing that you do.
You start to lie because if theycall and like hey, how are you
guys doing Like?
(44:46):
You start reaching for thingsthat are positive.
Oh, we're doing this and this,and oh, she's doing this, and
blah, blah, blah.
We're doing great, and thenyou're barely talking and you're
sitting in a corner or you'replaying on your phone, or you
get into your video games, oryou're not even speaking, or
you're always arguing andfighting because you're really
thinking to yourself.
They wouldn't understand.
They just tell me to leave mypartner.
(45:07):
They would just tell me toleave her Honestly, the only
advice I could give out myfrustration.
So you feel like there's nevera safe place to really talk
about it, which is why Istrongly suggest that you join
the PMDD Power Couples the groupcounseling membership that I
have available, because that's aplace where every single week,
we meet and you really talkabout the things that are going
on in your PMDD relationship.
(45:28):
But you can't talk to yourfriends and family about this.
They will 100% tell you toleave, not because they're bad
people or not because they don'teven genuinely like or love
your partner, because they thinkit's harmful for you.
They're like, oh, you could doso much better.
You don't even want toentertain that, because you
don't want to get into the realmof actually believing it,
because that's your deepest,darkest fear is that maybe you
(45:49):
do think that you deservesomebody different and if you
feel like you hear your friendsand family say it, it's going to
be the one thing that's goingto take you over the edge.
So what happens?
The next thing that happens isyou're always preparing for the
next crisis.
Even during the follicularphase, you can't fully relax
because you are preparing forthe next battle of the luteal
(46:10):
phase.
You're bracing yourself for theemotional storm that you know
is coming.
You know you're going to betold that you're a piece of crap
.
You know you're going to betold that you're not a
supportive PMDD partner.
You know you're going to betold that you're a trigger.
You know you're going to betold that you're doing the wrong
thing and you know it's coming.
So you start to brace yourselfand so that your partner, who's
not suffering with PMDD, is likeall open and loving because
(46:32):
they're free of PMDD symptoms,and you're literally saying I
can't even enjoy this moment,cause you feel like this is when
you've woken up and you're likeI see the pattern here, like,
especially for my type A's,where they're tracking things,
they're like I'm not falling forthat, like it's almost like.
You feel like it's a trap.
You feel like it's a scam, likeI can't believe the things that
my partner is saying because Iknow in two weeks they're going
(46:52):
to say the exact opposite.
So you're like I can't evenenjoy this moment.
It won't last.
So I'm not going to fall for itbecause I will tell you that
when you start to believe thepositive things, which are the
truth of how your partner reallyfeels about you in the
follicular phase, in the gooddays, when they start to act
differently, it hurts 10 timesworse because you're so high on
(47:16):
that love, affection, attention,validation meter that when they
drop you down and say, oh,you're not a supportive PMDD
partner, I wish you wouldn't dothat One level of criticism or
blame and it's going to take youdown and it's going to feel so
much worse because you're goingto be like oh, I thought we were
past this.
But I will say if nothingchanges, nothing changes.
So I don't know why you wouldthink that your luteal phase
(47:37):
would be different if youhaven't used the tools to get
help for it.
I will say that because a lotof times it's like I thought
this.
I used to be like that Before Iused the tools, before I
developed the tools.
Every single month I would pumpmyself up and be like this
month in PMDD, we got this,we're going to do this and we're
going to do that and I wouldmake this whole plan.
And then luteal phase wouldcome and it really like it, like
(47:58):
bulldozed through everything Ithought, like I was just like
what the heck was I thinking?
Like it never worked.
And so you start to blameyourself for their pain.
You really start to blameyourself, like, oh, if your
partner keeps saying that you'rethe problem, you're the reason
that they have PMDD, or you'rethe ones that caused their PMDD
(48:19):
symptoms to be worse, you startto believe it.
You start to say to yourself,oh my gosh, if I were stronger,
if I were calmer, if I was morepatient, then they wouldn't be
suffering so much.
In PMDD you carry the burden ofpremenstrual dysphoric disorder
that was never meant for you tobear.
You are not the cause of yourpartner having premenstrual
dysphoric disorder.
(48:39):
They had it before you.
And guess what?
If you break up, they're goingto have it after you.
It may fluctuate as far as whatit looks like, but they will
have it.
The symptoms will still bethere.
So I don't want you to evertake on the burden of feeling
like you're the one that causestheir PMDD, because you get to
that point where you're justlike I don't know who I am
(49:02):
outside of PMDD.
This is the biggest place offeeling stuck.
Every decision, every month,every mood, every routine
resolves around the cycle.
Everything.
Everything needs to bestrategically planned around the
cycle and you start to say sowho am I without this chaos?
(49:24):
What did I even want beforethis?
Why did I even choose to get ina relationship?
What did I originally want?
You forget that because you'relosing yourself in the effort to
hold it all together.
You're literally like I don'tknow to hold it all together.
You're literally like I don'tknow what to do.
I don't know what I wanted.
(49:44):
I don't know if I should stay.
You love them so you don't feellike you can go.
But you also know that you'renot happy and your needs aren't
met.
But you also know you can'treally tell them that that's
just going to make everythingworse.
So you start holding stuff inand then the next thing is you
start playing therapist insteadof partner.
This is a big one, one of themodules in my course.
My partner has PMDD.
Now what is not trying to fixyour partner?
(50:07):
You spend hours soothing andfixing and trying to calm all of
the things that are going on inthe luteal phase and in PMDD
and you get to this point whereyou're burnt out and you're like
I'm not even allowed to fallapart.
There's no space for me,there's no space for what I'm
going through, because I'll becalled weak.
I'll be told I just need tosuck it up.
(50:29):
And so your role shifts frombeing an equal partner in the
relationship to being anemotional caretaker.
Again, this is in mydissertation, where you get into
that caregiver mindset and youget burnt out because you're
always thinking about theirneeds, thinking about what you
need to do, thinking about whoyou need to be, instead of
actually being who you actuallyare.
(50:51):
You spend so much time tryingto be the perfect PMDD partner
that you forget who you actuallyare, who you resonate with,
what is aligned with the core ofwho you actually are, who you
resonate with what is alignedwith the core of who you are.
And then you wake up one dayand you're unrecognizable.
You do not recognize thisversion of yourself.
And then, when you do finallyget to this point where you see
(51:12):
yourself for who you are, youdon't like it.
Maybe you're a person that hadlike a big personality right and
you were very open and loving,but now, all of a sudden, when
they're in their luteal phase,you're a person that had, like,
a big personality, right, andyou were very open and loving.
But now, all of a sudden, whenthey're in their luteal phase,
you're too much.
You're too loud, you're closingthe doors of the cabinets too
much, you're closing the cardoor too much.
You're making too much noisebecause they have misophonia,
(51:33):
which is a sensitivity to noise.
You're being too affectionate,you're being to this.
So You're being tooaffectionate, you're being too
this, so you dull yourself downto a different version of
yourself.
And then one day you wake upand you look at yourself and
you're like I don't like thisversion of me.
All of the things that I lovedabout me, all of the things that
I thought that I was genuinelybringing to this relationship,
(51:53):
they're gone.
The whole version of me that Iloved, that I really liked, is
gone.
And so, if you know that you'rein this place where you're like
Dr Rose, this is resonatingwith me.
I've created a guide forpartners specifically.
I'm going to make it verypractical for you and it's going
to go over the tools of whatyou need to do if you feel like
(52:17):
you literally lost your identity.
I'm going to put it in the shownotes down here.
You felt like you lost youridentity in PMDD.
You don't know who you are.
You're unrecognizable.
You wanna go back to the coreof who you are.
You wanna get to that place andmaybe you're the partner that
has PMDD and you're listening tothis and you're like Dr Rose,
this is really resonating withme because this is how I feel,
(52:39):
like maybe you don't know thedepths of it, but this is how I
feel that my partner is feelingand you wanna get them this
guide.
I'm gonna put the link in theshow notes for you and next week
we're gonna be talking allabout how PMDD causes you to
lose your identity for theindividual that are suffering
with PMDD.
So until then, if you need aprivate sessions individual that
(53:00):
is suffering with PMDD, sountil then, if you need a
private session, I put the linkin the show notes.
If you're on my email list, youhave a full range of my calendar
Every single week as my privateclient and as someone that's on
my email list, you get mycalendar of available
appointments.
So if you're not on my emaillist, dm me or email me, rose,
at inlovewithpmddcom, and I willbe able to add you to my email
(53:21):
list.
You can see my open calendarand I'll be able to get you
booked in for those appointmentsfor the week.
I'm doing it on a weekly basisto just let you know what I have
available for the week so thatI'm able to serve you.
So this is something that youknow that you need right now.
Until next week, go to thoseresources in the show notes.
We
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