April 24, 2025 • 30 mins
Delayed gratification and self-discipline are the keys to creating a life of contrast and deeper appreciation for both everyday moments and special occasions.
• Constant indulgence leads to hedonistic adaptation where we need more and more to feel satisfied
• The "fitness bank account" concept: make deposits through discipline so you can make occasional withdrawals
• Breaking patterns doesn't mean white-knuckling through cravings but replacing them with positive alternatives
• Everyday routines like cooking at home or doing chores shouldn't be viewed as punishments but as part of a well-lived life
• The "mundane" activities of life represent 80% of our experience and can be satisfying when properly framed
• Breaking cycles of negative behavior requires building something new, not just fighting the old
• Ask yourself: "What would the future version of me who has achieved my goals do in this situation?"
• Self-discipline is the bridge to your goals, regardless of what those goals might be
• The year is going to pass anyway – you can either make positive changes or stay in the same cycles
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Why do you want to lose 50 pounds?
Why do you want to lose 80pounds?
What is your life going to belike?
150 pounds versus 250 pounds?
Delayed gratification doesn'tneed necessarily to be that you
just sit at home.
It just means like interruptthe fucking pattern so you're
not just walking into the sametrap over and over again and
expecting a different result.
Welcome to episode 57 of in thegrand scheme of fitness with
(00:33):
justin scollard and ethan wolf.
And today, folks, we're talkingabout something a little bit
more conceptual.
We're breaking down sort ofdelayed gratification,
practicing restraint and likereal world, why that's important
, what effects that have on yourlife.
This might be not the like theyou know, most searched sort of
hot button topic, but it's so,so important, because the lack
(00:56):
of ability to practice restraintin the form of abstaining from
alcohol during the week or notgoing in for another chocolate
bar after you just had one, youknow whatever restraint means on
a spectrum.
The lack of ability to be ableto do that really, I think,
dulls the edge of your life andit reduces the contrast of your
(01:20):
experiences, because it all justkind of gets thrown into the
same slosh bucket of indulgence.
And if all we ever do isindulge, and there's just like
this, this hedonic adaptationthat takes place where it's just
never enough.
We just want more, like thesensation is just never good
enough anymore, because we'rejust so acclimated to more, more
more indulging comes thebaseline.
Speaker 2 (01:41):
It becomes the baseline to get.
Get something more has to bespiking above Right.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
And so.
But antidote to that, the waywe cure that is through delayed
gratification, practicing alittle restraint, you know,
creating that self-discipline.
So that way we're puttingdeposits into that like
metaphorical fitness bankaccount.
Metaphorical fitness bankaccount, so that way, when the
(02:06):
boys trip, or when the weekend,when the holiday or the dinner
comes along, it's just a littlebit more of like a punctuation,
it's a little bit more of like amoment that you actually
remember, because it's not justanother one of thousands that
you've done and it doesn'treally have the same hit anymore
, right?
And so that's what we'retalking about today, guys, and
just sort of like, what doesthat mean?
Practically street level?
You know how you can apply thatinto your life, right?
Speaker 2 (02:27):
absolutely, and it's interesting because I agree it's
probably not the most searchedtopic.
It's not necessarily a hotbutton, but it's probably one of
the most important things toconsider if you're looking to
make changes in your life,particularly with health,
fitness, body weight compositiontotally in your fitness, you
know.
But it's not exciting in thetypical sense, and so that's
probably why it's not somethingthat's a hot button right.
(02:49):
We want that fresh magic pill,we want the hot new thing.
We want anything besides thatthe mundane that long road of
mundane, which you know,unfortunately, like I think
talking about what you'retalking about is kind of doing
that is, staring the quotemundane or the normalcy of life
in the face and accepting it andadopting it and living in that
(03:12):
place for a majority, so thatthose novel moments are indeed
novel moments and spikes.
Speaker 1 (03:18):
And you feel like you actually earned it.
And it's not just this, youknow, normalized thing that you
do.
You said something earlier andjust catching up
pre-enlightenment chop wood,carry water.
Post-enlightenment chop wood,carry water, and it's kind of
like that.
It's like we can look atsomething as mundane.
It's just we're gonna it'stuesday night, wednesday night,
we're just gonna make a healthydinner at home, hang out, keep
(03:39):
it clean, go to bed on time,wake up tomorrow feeling
wonderful.
I'm gonna go for my afternoonwalk you're chopping wood,
you're carrying water.
Speaker 2 (03:44):
It's boring, it's just life you do your dishes,
you take a shower, you take outthe trash you know, and, like
mundane, has such a negativeconnotation.
Speaker 1 (03:54):
But that's life and that's 80 of life.
It's just that stuff and if wecan't, if we're constantly
trying to avoid that throughexperience and novel experience,
then the problem is that we dohave this like deficit and
dopamine now when, like thisshould just be another night,
not necessarily like apunishment because you didn't
(04:16):
have anything else to do, it'sjust a night and it's like just
to kind of reframe it andrealize that, like we're not
saying never have agratification, we're just saying
delay the gratification and thegratification on a higher end
of the spectrum, but challengeyourself to appreciate the
simplicity of just like how niceis it to just be at home and
(04:38):
like light a candle and maybewatch an episode of your
favorite show and make a healthydinner and hang out the dogs on
the couch and then go to bed ontime.
Like that doesn't need to be apunishment, that that that's
life.
Yeah, and it just so happensthat when we embrace that kind
of life, then we are a healthierperson.
We tend to wake up feelingbetter in the morning, we were
more motivated to then treatourselves well through exercise
(04:59):
and nutrition, and so we get thebenefit of all that.
And then also it punctuates theexperiences that are more novel
and it feels like wow, I canreally like appreciate this now.
Like you just had a hugecamping trip with the bike you
do every year.
You know, if you did one ofthose every month it wouldn't be
the same.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
No, it would not be the same Right, but because it's
a rare.
Speaker 1 (05:22):
It's like a thing that you like anticipate and
build up.
It's like a thing that you likeanticipate and build up.
It's like wow, so impactful andmemorable.
Speaker 2 (05:28):
100 yeah, and it's interesting because I do think
it's.
I love the perspective thateveryday life doesn't have to be
a punishment, and I think it's.
It's an interesting perspectivebecause everything is like a
relative relationship, like howwe perceive a moment.
How we perceive anything isgoing to be relative to other
experiences like it.
So if you fight all the timewith your mom, that might not be
(05:50):
a novel thing, right?
You might be used to it orwhatever it might be.
And so I think the idea thatregular life, quote mundane life
that is inevitable for all ofus, whether you're partying all
the time or doing the quotenovel things all the time, we
still can't escape the fact thatwe have to take out the trash
or do the dishes, or, you know,we're going to feel like shit if
(06:11):
we don't get a good night'ssleep.
And so I think it's.
It is this interesting thing,because if, if we're constantly
dancing with the novelty, thenit does feel like everyday life
is a punishment.
It feels like, oh, I don't wantto do those things because
there's all these other awesomethings I could do, or just the
effort of responsibility becomesvery contrasting.
Even if you end up doing it,you kind of end up suffering
(06:33):
while you do it.
Like you said, it's apunishment, like ugh bummer.
Speaker 1 (06:37):
Oh, I have to take out the trash.
I'm just going to be at homethe night Lame.
Speaker 2 (06:57):
It's like I got to do the dishes, oh, I got to.
Like I can't drink, like oh.
But then if you do move through, spikes of novelty become novel
and exciting and fun and holdhigher value.
But then I do think you get toa place where you understand
that going to bed on timeactually makes you feel better
and it's a good thing.
Or eating a home cooked mealmight be less expensive and also
make you feel better, or thatthere's joy in just not drinking
(07:22):
and hanging out and maybehaving some tea, right, you know
.
Or or just not drinking andhanging out and maybe having
some tea, Right, you know?
Or whatever the thing thatdiscipline brings.
Like you might find that youstart to enjoy the hot water on
your hands when you're doing thedishes, or you like the feeling
of not having a sink full ofdishes.
Like you look at it and youmight be like ugh, sink full of
dishes and it gives you thaticky feeling, and so you avoid
it because you don't want toconfront the icky feeling.
And so you avoid it because youdon't want to confront the icky
(07:43):
feeling, and so then you got abigger pile of dishes and then
it becomes this whole thing andnow it's like a crazier battle
and it's you know, whereas ifyou can just start to see the
dishes, it's like, yeah, youmight not want to do it, but
eventually it just might notbecome as much resistance.
And then life is easier, Lifeflows better and instead of it
becoming a punishment to go tobed on time or doing these
negative things, you mightactually start to reap positive
(08:03):
experience from quote themundane.
And so now your everyday lifeis actually rewarding.
You feel better, and then thosenovel moments are even better,
you know to me it kind of islike working out, Like when you
first start working out itfucking sucks.
Like the simplest of workoutwill make you so sore.
Speaker 1 (08:19):
Yeah, you feel awkward.
You don't know what you'redoing.
It's confusing.
The next day.
Speaker 2 (08:22):
you're just so sore and stiff and you're just like
how is this what I need to bedoing?
Speaker 1 (08:27):
How is this good?
Someone explain to me how thisis good for us.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (08:30):
But then if you continue to do it like anybody
who's continued to exerciseknows how good it makes you feel
.
You don't get as super sore,you don't get as super stiff and
it just unquestionably feelslike a better life when you have
exercise momentum.
And I feel like the mundane is asimilar thing, that at first
the the the mental, emotionalcontrast and battle of just
(08:54):
facing the thing is hard andyou're just like, ah, like now I
don't have those 20 minutes tolike fuck around on my phone
because I had to do my dishes ortake out the trash.
But then, if you continue withit over time, you start to
develop a relationship with it.
That proves rewarding.
You know, and I think that sooften, like you said, we're in
this cycle where the contrast ofa good feeling thing are only
(09:15):
the spikes right, and thereforewe we keep searching for those
spikes in order to have sometype of reward or feel good
about our life.
And then you say, like you said, it's like you raise the bar
and you raise the bar of thatspike, and so now to get, to get
a peak over that new, that newbaseline, you have to do a
little more, drink a little moreyeah, it's always more greasier
(09:37):
meal.
Speaker 1 (09:38):
You gotta keep going.
Speaker 2 (09:39):
Adaptation man, yeah the line keeps raising.
Until now, things are just kindof like only spikes, and the
spikes are only a little bitabove your baseline, you barely
feel them.
And so, yeah, it is aninteresting thing because I'll
I'll be first to admit that,facing those disciplinary
moments, especially if you'reout of practice, like even right
now, coming back from the trip,you know, I had five, six days
(10:03):
of just not having to worryabout.
Speaker 1 (10:05):
You know, obviously I like eat and do the things I
have to do to like, you're rightbut, like, fundamentally, I
just got to like stare at thesky, yeah, listen to the
campfire, and not like have anyresponsibilities for those five
days outside of just like beingout there, and it was so much of
a peak, it was so beautiful andso rewarding, but it's hard to
come back and like groceryshopping traffic and like what
(10:28):
oh man, like I gotta stop doingthis and doing that, and I think
it's also just like part oflife to feel those contrasts and
I think so often we just don'twant to feel anything quote
negative or bad yeah, we avoidit, we tip it, we tend to just
avoid the hard stuff, whetherit's really hard stuff, like oh,
this is a crisis we have todeal with, or it's just mundane
(10:50):
stuff that we've labeled, as youknow, not fun or peak
experience.
So therefore we just tend toavoid it.
But, like you know, like I wastalking to one of my private
clients this morning and they'reJewish and it's Passover week
right now and it's obviously alot of food and family and
indulging, but so, anyways, onthis morning he's like, oh you
know, I just don't feel good,like I just ate too much.
(11:12):
And you know, for context, thisguy's always eating too much.
He's not like, he's just he's.
That's the big struggle.
And so I kind of said, jokingly,I was like, well, it's a good
thing, you've been really goodup until this point, so that way
you can, you know, coast thisweekend.
And I think that's the point isthat if we look at a calendar,
(11:32):
anybody whether you're superreligious or you're just a
normal person like how manyfamily birthdays do you have?
Or friends' birthdays do youhave over the year?
How many holidays do you have,how many dinners out from just
catching up with buddies, plus avacation or two, there's
probably dozens of things,anniversaries, anniversaries.
There's dozens of things on yourcalendar.
(11:53):
Everybody has every year thatyou're going to probably indulge
to some degree on or splurge tosome degree on.
So my argument is alwaysbecause we know that, because
the next thing is just aroundthe corner.
If nothing else, it's theweekend, but there's always
something coming.
Just practice a littleself-restraint, practice a
(12:13):
little self-discipline, a littledelayed gratification
throughout the week.
If nothing's happening, don'tfeel like you have to just
spontaneously go out and eat orwhatever, so that when the next
thing does come, you've beenmaking some deposits in that
fitness bank account so you canmake a little withdrawal and
keep everything steady,figuratively speaking.
(12:34):
But like that's the bigargument you know, that's my
take on this stuff is like it'sfucking hard.
Everybody's stressed, Everyonehas reward behavior syndrome
where they have a hard day andthey just want to like have a
fucking day and just like eatand drink or whatever, or
whatever they want.
But the problem is then thatbecomes a new normal.
There comes the pattern,hedonistic adaptation that we've
(12:56):
adapted.
Now it's the baseline and soevery day is that way, but now,
anytime anything challengingwhich is life comes up, I
deserve it so like having like aglass of wine after a hard day
becomes a bottle, becomes abottle and then take out becomes
a bottle, then take out andthen a dessert, and then it's
just like that's becoming yourbaseline, because you just keep
up on the ante and it's justthis like relativity scale where
(13:18):
you don't realize how far offyou've descended because it all
kind of looks the same to you.
It's like the spiral staircasekind of analogy.
Yeah, it's familiar.
Speaker 2 (13:26):
I mean, it's even self-sabotage, like, oh, like,
I'm just going to stay up lateand binge watch this Netflix
show.
Speaker 1 (13:32):
Yeah, now I'm tired and shot the next day and I feel
like shit.
Speaker 2 (13:36):
And then you're just like, I feel like shit today.
Speaker 1 (13:40):
Right, and I feel like shit.
And then you're just like.
I feel like shit today, right,exactly.
Speaker 2 (13:41):
It's like this vicious cycle, I deserve takeout
, and then the takeout and youorder Uber Eats and it takes a
little longer.
So you start watching the showand then you're back in the
binge and then by the time itgets there it's later than
normal.
And then you feast on all thislike greasy food.
I feel terrible, work sucks.
Speaker 1 (14:00):
Life is hard.
I had a hard day at work.
Again, I had a hard day at work.
Speaker 2 (14:03):
I'm tired again today , I need a drink, and it is
really this perpetual cycle andI think it's kind of like a
mentality change.
Because I've been there, I knowexactly what that feels like.
People all slipped into thatvicious cycle and I, I think
it's like the having tounderstand that it's not
necessarily ever going to beeasy.
How easy you can make it, Ithink, is a goal, but it's
(14:23):
always going to kind of be achallenge, in my opinion, like
life is just that way.
Speaker 1 (14:26):
Life is work, life is work, life is work, it's that
chopping wood.
Speaker 2 (14:29):
It's the carrying water it is you know, and I
think it's the idea that, likefriction sharpens the blade
Right you, you can't get awayfrom the grind, you can't get
away from the stone scraping onthe proverbial blade of your
knife, of your person.
That is going to be the verything that shapes you and
hopefully will make you sharperand make you better, and we just
(14:50):
can't get away from that.
And so I think it's like havingto kind of turn around and face
the music to some degree tounderstand that there is no way
out of the challenge, there areno answers to life's conundrums.
There are no solutions to theproblems fundamentally.
Speaker 1 (15:04):
And we want it to either be one way or another.
Speaker 2 (15:08):
And I think it's like if we can start to like, shift
our mental attitude to theunderstanding that there is no
solution to life's problems,that the grind will always
happen, we can at least turn andface the music.
And then it is a gradientbecause, while that will never
change, if you can getaccustomed to being disciplined,
if you can get accustomed todelayed gratification, if you
can get accustomed to facing themusic, it does become less
(15:32):
contrasting, it becomes a littleless loud, it becomes a little
less grinding, you know you kindof?
got like a more fine-tuned stoneon your blade.
You're not sitting there withthe coarsest stone scraping out
the deepest chunks of metal, andover time you can refine it
where you're getting this nicesmooth stroke of the blade.
And then all of a sudden, whilethat general idea of struggle
(15:54):
doesn't go away, the dance withit isn't as drastic, and so it
is actually a little easier,even if it's still hard.
It's just easier.
Speaker 1 (16:02):
Because it's like we are escaping these things in the
effort to try to make lifeeasier.
But really what that does is itactually makes it so much
harder in the long run, becauseeither we create a huge wall of
resistance around the thing thatjust piles up until we hit
critical mass and it blows up inour face right, and then we
have a real dilemma to deal with, either with our weight or our
(16:25):
relationships or our finances,because we've been like avoiding
the hard stuff in the momentthat were just these little itty
bitty hard things we had totake care of and we ignored it
long enough until all those ittybitty hard things piled up into
a mountain of hard things.
That was too much, unavoidable,unavoidable crisis now.
And so, you know, it's justlike we're all doing this in an
effort to try to like be happy,I guess.
(16:46):
But what the happiest peopleI've ever met are the ones who
have routines.
They, they have their fitnessroutine.
They, you know, they do have adegree of self-discipline that's
probably greater than theaverage and like the happiness
isn't necessarily derived fromtheir routine, but it's derived
from, sort of like theappreciation for novel
(17:06):
experiences outside of theroutine, because they truly are
novel.
You know, when you see someonewho like works really hard and
is disciplined and, you know,exercises and eats well, and
then they get a chance to likego out and kind of let it all
out, it's like they're reallyreally grateful and appreciative
of that opportunity.
Versus somebody who's doing itfive nights a week, it's just
kind of like, well, whatever,yeah, just another weekend, just
(17:27):
in the restaurant, whatevereven if it's shiny, they can't
see the shine.
Yeah, you know if you have 20rolexes, what's one more?
you know, but if you've beensaving for your whole life and
like finally get to buy one.
You're like holy shit, right,you know.
I just think that, like, thejoy is the work.
Here's what we know life iswork.
The joy comes from the work.
The payoff that we're alllooking for is a product of our
(17:52):
efforts and of our, of ourconsistency and of of the
trade-offs that we're making forour time, and so it's like we
know this exists.
Yet in the moment, we all haveto contend with some degree of
that reward behavior syndrome,and it's just like the awareness
to find yourself in the throesof it and be like, okay, I see
what's happening here, insteadof just impulsively,
(18:13):
conditionally, we're justordering takeout or whatever,
the vice is just pausing andunderstanding, like, hey, listen
, this is just a, this is just amoment.
And if anyone's ever dealt withaddiction, I think that you you
know that like there is, whetherit's food or substances or
whatever, there's like a momentof intensity and that's usually
(18:33):
when people break right.
So it's like, oh, just now isthe time when I have that 6 pm
drink or whatever.
Then if you just have some kindof a pattern, interrupt where
it's like this like get yourselfout of there.
So now you're going to to amartial arts class at 6 pm or
now you're going to like a salsadancing class that's an evening
(18:54):
, just to break out of thatpattern, so you're not just
sitting at home having to faceyour demons.
Yeah, like that.
And then you realize like, ohokay, like there is power over
these things.
There is power over thesecompulsions and condition
responses.
It's just that if I don'tchange my environment, if I
don't change my frame and I justkeep getting sucked right back
(19:14):
into this hole over and over andover again, and so it's like
delayed gratification doesn'tneed necessarily to be that you
just sit at home and like whiteknuckle your urges to indulge.
It just means like interrupt thefucking pattern so you're not
just walking into the same trapover and over again and
expecting a different result,you know.
(19:35):
And just like giving yourselfpermission to suck at something
like a salsa class or like amartialraint or self-discipline,
because you're justre-channeling your focus into
(20:03):
more positive activity, and soand then, and then, and then.
It's like that, I think, truly,and I guess we kind of went off
a little bit of a tangent.
Now we're kind of talking abouthappiness, but like I think it
all it is.
I think the reason we indulgeis in an effort to make
ourselves happier, but reallyit's just like instant happiness
, instant gratification, whentrue happiness and deep seated
(20:24):
confidence and happiness is thedelay of gratification, is the
delay of indulgence.
And so, you know, doing thingsthat will break you out of the
routine, that have gotten youinto this impulsive kind of
pattern probably is a reallygreat start for most of us.
Speaker 2 (20:41):
Well, I think, and I don't, you know, it's
interesting because I do think,like so, much of what we're
talking about is change.
So, whether you're looking tochange your body composition,
lose weight, get more fit, behappier, whatever it is, I think
that there is some component oflooking to travel a path that
you're not currently travelingon right now, and you know, I
think, whether Socrates actuallysaid this, but it's quoted as
(21:03):
Socrates.
But you know, it's like changeis created not from fighting the
old but from building the new,which is kind of the thing we
were just talking about you knowit's the same with like
addiction potential.
It's like if you have thisbehavior or something in your
life you want to change and youjust stop it.
There's kind of like a void.
You're right, there's thisempty space, there's a chasm,
(21:24):
that if you enter into thatchasm and it's still empty, the
likelihood of you filling itback up with the thing that you
are attempting to reject orremove from it is really high.
So, whether it's drinking orordering Uber Eats or not,
avoiding the gym, drinking orordering uber eats or not
avoiding the gym and so the onlyway to not return to the most
(21:44):
likely outcome of filling thechasm with what once was that
you're used to is by puttingsomething else in its place.
And so there has to be sometype of exchange of that time
and experience, because the youknow otherwise, like you said,
it's like oh, it's 6 pm and I'mum, I normally have a drink, but
I'm not gonna have a drinktoday you just sit there and
just sit there looking at yourliquor box, staring at the wall,
(22:06):
and you're just like yeah, youknow what?
fuck it, I'm just gonna have adrink yeah, you know versus if
you had some tea or you went ona walk or you did anything yeah,
that brought you out of that.
Speaker 1 (22:15):
build something new, yeah, so Just build something
new.
Yeah, picked up a hobby thatyou do at night.
Speaker 2 (22:19):
You can't just, like you know, stare the old in the
face and say no.
Speaker 1 (22:23):
Right.
Speaker 2 (22:23):
And expect everything to change Right.
It's like it's really good andthat's kind of I think it's
almost like the same, like kindof an idea of a fundamental flip
, because it's the truegratification comes from delayed
gratification, complication.
You know where we think aboutit as oh, if I could just have
this thing right now.
It's gratifying, it's going tomake me happy, and so it's kind
of like this whole flip and it'sI think it's the same with
(22:47):
change behavior.
It's like you're not going togo on a diet by just like not
eating fast food or orderingUber Eats and not having a plan
Right, and then dinner rollsaround and you're hungry and
just eat everything in yourcupboard yeah, okay, yeah, it's
like oh I'm so hungry.
You know what fuck?
I'm gonna get mcdonald's again,or whatever.
If you don't have a plan, youdon't replace with some
home-cooked food, you don't dosomething new so then you're not
hungry anymore, and then you'relike you know, actually I ate
(23:07):
that thing, it's fine yep yeah.
So you know, I think, becauseit is, it's it's a general
conversation about happiness,but it is kind of also rooted in
like the truth of behaviorchange.
Speaker 1 (23:16):
Yeah, and I think exactly like more content with
our time here, and you know thathappiness is tough to quantify,
but I think that fulfillmentand just like sense of purpose
and learning a new skill, bringsme a lot of joy.
(23:37):
You know, like when I'm makingprogress in something that I was
really bad at not so long ago,that's really cool.
And I just think, like you knowso many of so many of our
issues around health and youknow all the things in our life
that we're trying to likeimprove just come from wanting
it to happen now, sort of theexpectancy of what we want, what
(24:00):
we should expect.
So like if we are constantlygoing out to eat, then like we
can't even enjoy going out toeat anymore because we are
expecting such a certain levelof service or food or whatever
preparation.
Yeah, and so like and so like.
Getting out of that patternkind of like almost like
resensitizes us, just kind oflike you think about like weight
lifting, right.
So after like eight weeks ofthe same exercises we've kind of
(24:23):
gotten used to that and there'sacclimation adaptation that's
taking place and our body does,but it doesn't respond.
I think your brains are likethat with experiences 100, you
know the same thing.
It's like we don't.
It's like exposure therapy, toa sense, where, like we don't,
it doesn't hit us anymore.
And so you go through a delude,deload week.
You then change all yourexercises up and now, all of a
sudden, instead of doing 10 setsof the previous checks chest
(24:44):
exercise, you do three sets, andyou're sore as shit because
it's new.
And so I think there's just aresensitization that needs to
happen, where you, you know, uh,give yourself permission to
like do something different,build something new, you know,
like fill that gap with apositive experience.
Just get like break out ofthese patterns that you've been
(25:05):
in that are not producing anysort of result anymore for you,
but yet we're just stuck in them, right.
And then we just want, weexpect, you keep expecting more
and more and more to come out ofthese negative cycles or
vicious cycles that we've beenstuck in.
But it just ain't gonna happen,you know.
And so I think that's like theseed of unhappiness, right,
right, a hundred percent andthink about you know it's
(25:26):
interesting because I thinkabout you.
Speaker 2 (25:28):
Know losing weight is something that so many people
want to do.
It's a battle, it's an intent,it's a goal and you know, if you
think about what the emotionalmoment would be if you lost like
50 pounds, right, like when youfinally hit 50 pounds of body
fat loss on a scale or somethingor 20 pounds or anything, but
(25:49):
you've yeah, you finally reachedthat goal like what the elation
must be, what that really mustfeel like what is life going to
be like?
Speaker 1 (25:55):
yeah, what do you?
Speaker 2 (25:56):
like to know you set out this goal, you've
accomplished it.
You probably feel better, allof that like true spike, versus
if you're somebody that doesn'tchoose the discipline to reach
that goal and goes out to eat ordoesn't go on their walks or
doesn't exercise.
And I think that that's like areally easy contrast because I
think a lot of people want tolose weight and change their
composition for the better and Ithink that that you know, if
(26:19):
they just want that, but theydon't necessarily start to dream
the separate realities, theydon't go into their imagination
and think about what would itfeel like if I actually took the
three months or two months orsix months to lose that weight?
And how?
How would I really feel if Idid that?
Like, how good would I reallyfeel?
Speaker 1 (26:37):
what would my life?
Speaker 2 (26:37):
be like?
What would my life?
Everything versus the smalllittle quote.
Good feeling decisions ofignoring the walk, ignoring
cooking, cooking the mealyourself giving into the moment.
Speaker 1 (26:47):
Giving into the moment, which is you know
instant gratification.
Speaker 2 (26:51):
Yeah, I think that really like kind of paints, that
.
Speaker 1 (26:54):
Yeah, I'm tired, I'm gonna skip the gym, or and
that's what we're talking abouthere is like I think that's a
really good point, and you knowwhen you do.
When you do, we do consultationcalls with people who are
interested in, you know, signingup for our service.
That's one of the questions weask them, like why is this
important to you?
Why do you want to lose 50pounds?
Why do you want to lose 80pounds?
(27:14):
What is your life going to belike at 150 pounds versus 250
pounds?
What's relationship with yourspouse, with your kids, with
your job?
You know how are like how istravel going to be for you?
What is what's vacation goingto look like for you at 150
versus 250?
You know, and the idea is like,whether it's to lose 100 pounds
(27:35):
or, to you know, triple yourincome, or whatever the goal is.
It's like now, what decisionsdoes that version of you make?
Do they workouts, do they orderfood for lunch every day?
Do they drink a bottle of wineevery night?
Or do they do this, this andthis and this?
And so it's like aligning yourbehavior with the decision
making that your future self,your goal self, would make Right
(27:59):
.
So what would you knowmillionaire Justin do what would
10% body fat shredded?
You know millionaire justin do?
What would 10 body fat shredded?
You know 150 pound jake do?
Right, like yeah.
And then because then whenyou're, when you're sitting
there with your, with yourpatterns and your conditioned
responses that you've alwaysdone, that feel comfortable
(28:21):
whether they're good or not foryou, you go hmm, is this
actually in alignment with theversion of myself I'm trying to
create or is this justcontinuing to perpetuate this
cycle that I've been in, thatI'm actually I do want to get
out of.
I'm not happy where I'm atright now, so I got to make
decisions that are aligned withthe version that I'm trying to
be.
I think that's a really goodmental framework to use as a
(28:44):
litmus test for all of yourdecision making.
Speaker 2 (28:46):
For sure, but that does require a level of
awareness, as I say that's,that's the thing, and I think
it's just like we've talkedabout.
When we're talking about, liketracking your food, like all of
it, requires some level ofpersonal responsibility, that
has to happen.
Like it's like you're not goingto hit your 10 000 steps or eat
your protein without payingattention.
Speaker 1 (29:02):
You're not going to be, it's not just going to
happen.
It's not going to just happen.
Hard things don't just happenyou have to.
Speaker 2 (29:06):
You have to adopt the responsibility which does feel
like it is a level ofresponsibility, but then the
outcome of that is the reward ofall your choices that's the
delayed gratification.
Speaker 1 (29:18):
You know when time goes by fast, we're like a year.
Oh, I don't want to wait, I'mlike dude the year's going by
anyways in a fucking blink of aneye yeah, it'll be next year,
before you know it'll be nextbefore you know it.
It's like what are you gonna do?
You're gonna just gonna digaround for the next year, or
you're gonna like, put in thework, go dark for six months,
(29:39):
become the version of yourselfyou keep saying you want to be
and you know, and then you getthe rest of your life to enjoy
it, you know and there you go.
It's kind of a no brainer whenyou think about it that way.
Speaker 2 (29:49):
Right it is.
It is interesting, you're justlike.
Well, in that case.
Speaker 1 (29:52):
Oh, in that case, why don't I just do it right now?
All right, I think that's Ithink that's good for today,
episode 57, a little bit of a,you know, theoretical,
conceptual episode about our ownthoughts around achievement,
happiness, delayed gratification, life in general Probably one
of the most important things tothink about If you can really
get this.
I think that's really thebridge to.
(30:13):
I think self-discipline is thebridge to your goals.
Speaker 2 (30:15):
Yeah, because no matter what the goal is, it
doesn't matter.
This relationship requires somesort of trade-off.
Life is what's going to have tohappen.
Speaker 1 (30:21):
yeah, Okay, team, we'll see you all next week for
episode 58.
Why do you want to lose 50 pounds?
Why do you want to lose 80pounds?
What is your life going to belike?
150 pounds versus 250 pounds?
Delayed gratification doesn'tneed necessarily to be that you
just sit at home.
It just means like interruptthe fucking pattern so you're
not just walking into the sametrap over and over again and
expecting a different result.
Welcome to episode 57 of in thegrand scheme of fitness with
(00:33):
justin scollard and ethan wolf.
And today, folks, we're talkingabout something a little bit
more conceptual.
We're breaking down sort ofdelayed gratification,
practicing restraint and likereal world, why that's important
, what effects that have on yourlife.
This might be not the like theyou know, most searched sort of
hot button topic, but it's so,so important, because the lack
(00:56):
of ability to practice restraintin the form of abstaining from
alcohol during the week or notgoing in for another chocolate
bar after you just had one, youknow whatever restraint means on
a spectrum.
The lack of ability to be ableto do that really, I think,
dulls the edge of your life andit reduces the contrast of your
(01:20):
experiences, because it all justkind of gets thrown into the
same slosh bucket of indulgence.
And if all we ever do isindulge, and there's just like
this, this hedonic adaptationthat takes place where it's just
never enough.
We just want more, like thesensation is just never good
enough anymore, because we'rejust so acclimated to more, more
more indulging comes thebaseline.
Speaker 2 (01:41):
It becomes the baseline to get.
Get something more has to bespiking above Right.
Speaker 1 (01:46):
And so.
But antidote to that, the waywe cure that is through delayed
gratification, practicing alittle restraint, you know,
creating that self-discipline.
So that way we're puttingdeposits into that like
metaphorical fitness bankaccount.
Metaphorical fitness bankaccount, so that way, when the
(02:06):
boys trip, or when the weekend,when the holiday or the dinner
comes along, it's just a littlebit more of like a punctuation,
it's a little bit more of like amoment that you actually
remember, because it's not justanother one of thousands that
you've done and it doesn'treally have the same hit anymore
, right?
And so that's what we'retalking about today, guys, and
just sort of like, what doesthat mean?
Practically street level?
You know how you can apply thatinto your life, right?
Speaker 2 (02:27):
absolutely, and it's interesting because I agree it's
probably not the most searchedtopic.
It's not necessarily a hotbutton, but it's probably one of
the most important things toconsider if you're looking to
make changes in your life,particularly with health,
fitness, body weight compositiontotally in your fitness, you
know.
But it's not exciting in thetypical sense, and so that's
probably why it's not somethingthat's a hot button right.
(02:49):
We want that fresh magic pill,we want the hot new thing.
We want anything besides thatthe mundane that long road of
mundane, which you know,unfortunately, like I think
talking about what you'retalking about is kind of doing
that is, staring the quotemundane or the normalcy of life
in the face and accepting it andadopting it and living in that
(03:12):
place for a majority, so thatthose novel moments are indeed
novel moments and spikes.
Speaker 1 (03:18):
And you feel like you actually earned it.
And it's not just this, youknow, normalized thing that you
do.
You said something earlier andjust catching up
pre-enlightenment chop wood,carry water.
Post-enlightenment chop wood,carry water, and it's kind of
like that.
It's like we can look atsomething as mundane.
It's just we're gonna it'stuesday night, wednesday night,
we're just gonna make a healthydinner at home, hang out, keep
(03:39):
it clean, go to bed on time,wake up tomorrow feeling
wonderful.
I'm gonna go for my afternoonwalk you're chopping wood,
you're carrying water.
Speaker 2 (03:44):
It's boring, it's just life you do your dishes,
you take a shower, you take outthe trash you know, and, like
mundane, has such a negativeconnotation.
Speaker 1 (03:54):
But that's life and that's 80 of life.
It's just that stuff and if wecan't, if we're constantly
trying to avoid that throughexperience and novel experience,
then the problem is that we dohave this like deficit and
dopamine now when, like thisshould just be another night,
not necessarily like apunishment because you didn't
(04:16):
have anything else to do, it'sjust a night and it's like just
to kind of reframe it andrealize that, like we're not
saying never have agratification, we're just saying
delay the gratification and thegratification on a higher end
of the spectrum, but challengeyourself to appreciate the
simplicity of just like how niceis it to just be at home and
(04:38):
like light a candle and maybewatch an episode of your
favorite show and make a healthydinner and hang out the dogs on
the couch and then go to bed ontime.
Like that doesn't need to be apunishment, that that that's
life.
Yeah, and it just so happensthat when we embrace that kind
of life, then we are a healthierperson.
We tend to wake up feelingbetter in the morning, we were
more motivated to then treatourselves well through exercise
(04:59):
and nutrition, and so we get thebenefit of all that.
And then also it punctuates theexperiences that are more novel
and it feels like wow, I canreally like appreciate this now.
Like you just had a hugecamping trip with the bike you
do every year.
You know, if you did one ofthose every month it wouldn't be
the same.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
No, it would not be the same Right, but because it's
a rare.
Speaker 1 (05:22):
It's like a thing that you like anticipate and
build up.
It's like a thing that you likeanticipate and build up.
It's like wow, so impactful andmemorable.
Speaker 2 (05:28):
100 yeah, and it's interesting because I do think
it's.
I love the perspective thateveryday life doesn't have to be
a punishment, and I think it's.
It's an interesting perspectivebecause everything is like a
relative relationship, like howwe perceive a moment.
How we perceive anything isgoing to be relative to other
experiences like it.
So if you fight all the timewith your mom, that might not be
(05:50):
a novel thing, right?
You might be used to it orwhatever it might be.
And so I think the idea thatregular life, quote mundane life
that is inevitable for all ofus, whether you're partying all
the time or doing the quotenovel things all the time, we
still can't escape the fact thatwe have to take out the trash
or do the dishes, or, you know,we're going to feel like shit if
(06:11):
we don't get a good night'ssleep.
And so I think it's.
It is this interesting thing,because if, if we're constantly
dancing with the novelty, thenit does feel like everyday life
is a punishment.
It feels like, oh, I don't wantto do those things because
there's all these other awesomethings I could do, or just the
effort of responsibility becomesvery contrasting.
Even if you end up doing it,you kind of end up suffering
(06:33):
while you do it.
Like you said, it's apunishment, like ugh bummer.
Speaker 1 (06:37):
Oh, I have to take out the trash.
I'm just going to be at homethe night Lame.
Speaker 2 (06:57):
It's like I got to do the dishes, oh, I got to.
Like I can't drink, like oh.
But then if you do move through, spikes of novelty become novel
and exciting and fun and holdhigher value.
But then I do think you get toa place where you understand
that going to bed on timeactually makes you feel better
and it's a good thing.
Or eating a home cooked mealmight be less expensive and also
make you feel better, or thatthere's joy in just not drinking
(07:22):
and hanging out and maybehaving some tea, right, you know
.
Or or just not drinking andhanging out and maybe having
some tea, Right, you know?
Or whatever the thing thatdiscipline brings.
Like you might find that youstart to enjoy the hot water on
your hands when you're doing thedishes, or you like the feeling
of not having a sink full ofdishes.
Like you look at it and youmight be like ugh, sink full of
dishes and it gives you thaticky feeling, and so you avoid
it because you don't want toconfront the icky feeling.
And so you avoid it because youdon't want to confront the icky
(07:43):
feeling, and so then you got abigger pile of dishes and then
it becomes this whole thing andnow it's like a crazier battle
and it's you know, whereas ifyou can just start to see the
dishes, it's like, yeah, youmight not want to do it, but
eventually it just might notbecome as much resistance.
And then life is easier, Lifeflows better and instead of it
becoming a punishment to go tobed on time or doing these
negative things, you mightactually start to reap positive
(08:03):
experience from quote themundane.
And so now your everyday lifeis actually rewarding.
You feel better, and then thosenovel moments are even better,
you know to me it kind of islike working out, Like when you
first start working out itfucking sucks.
Like the simplest of workoutwill make you so sore.
Speaker 1 (08:19):
Yeah, you feel awkward.
You don't know what you'redoing.
It's confusing.
The next day.
Speaker 2 (08:22):
you're just so sore and stiff and you're just like
how is this what I need to bedoing?
Speaker 1 (08:27):
How is this good?
Someone explain to me how thisis good for us.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (08:30):
But then if you continue to do it like anybody
who's continued to exerciseknows how good it makes you feel
.
You don't get as super sore,you don't get as super stiff and
it just unquestionably feelslike a better life when you have
exercise momentum.
And I feel like the mundane is asimilar thing, that at first
the the the mental, emotionalcontrast and battle of just
(08:54):
facing the thing is hard andyou're just like, ah, like now I
don't have those 20 minutes tolike fuck around on my phone
because I had to do my dishes ortake out the trash.
But then, if you continue withit over time, you start to
develop a relationship with it.
That proves rewarding.
You know, and I think that sooften, like you said, we're in
this cycle where the contrast ofa good feeling thing are only
(09:15):
the spikes right, and thereforewe we keep searching for those
spikes in order to have sometype of reward or feel good
about our life.
And then you say, like you said, it's like you raise the bar
and you raise the bar of thatspike, and so now to get, to get
a peak over that new, that newbaseline, you have to do a
little more, drink a little moreyeah, it's always more greasier
(09:37):
meal.
Speaker 1 (09:38):
You gotta keep going.
Speaker 2 (09:39):
Adaptation man, yeah the line keeps raising.
Until now, things are just kindof like only spikes, and the
spikes are only a little bitabove your baseline, you barely
feel them.
And so, yeah, it is aninteresting thing because I'll
I'll be first to admit that,facing those disciplinary
moments, especially if you'reout of practice, like even right
now, coming back from the trip,you know, I had five, six days
(10:03):
of just not having to worryabout.
Speaker 1 (10:05):
You know, obviously I like eat and do the things I
have to do to like, you're rightbut, like, fundamentally, I
just got to like stare at thesky, yeah, listen to the
campfire, and not like have anyresponsibilities for those five
days outside of just like beingout there, and it was so much of
a peak, it was so beautiful andso rewarding, but it's hard to
come back and like groceryshopping traffic and like what
(10:28):
oh man, like I gotta stop doingthis and doing that, and I think
it's also just like part oflife to feel those contrasts and
I think so often we just don'twant to feel anything quote
negative or bad yeah, we avoidit, we tip it, we tend to just
avoid the hard stuff, whetherit's really hard stuff, like oh,
this is a crisis we have todeal with, or it's just mundane
(10:50):
stuff that we've labeled, as youknow, not fun or peak
experience.
So therefore we just tend toavoid it.
But, like you know, like I wastalking to one of my private
clients this morning and they'reJewish and it's Passover week
right now and it's obviously alot of food and family and
indulging, but so, anyways, onthis morning he's like, oh you
know, I just don't feel good,like I just ate too much.
(11:12):
And you know, for context, thisguy's always eating too much.
He's not like, he's just he's.
That's the big struggle.
And so I kind of said, jokingly,I was like, well, it's a good
thing, you've been really goodup until this point, so that way
you can, you know, coast thisweekend.
And I think that's the point isthat if we look at a calendar,
(11:32):
anybody whether you're superreligious or you're just a
normal person like how manyfamily birthdays do you have?
Or friends' birthdays do youhave over the year?
How many holidays do you have,how many dinners out from just
catching up with buddies, plus avacation or two, there's
probably dozens of things,anniversaries, anniversaries.
There's dozens of things on yourcalendar.
(11:53):
Everybody has every year thatyou're going to probably indulge
to some degree on or splurge tosome degree on.
So my argument is alwaysbecause we know that, because
the next thing is just aroundthe corner.
If nothing else, it's theweekend, but there's always
something coming.
Just practice a littleself-restraint, practice a
(12:13):
little self-discipline, a littledelayed gratification
throughout the week.
If nothing's happening, don'tfeel like you have to just
spontaneously go out and eat orwhatever, so that when the next
thing does come, you've beenmaking some deposits in that
fitness bank account so you canmake a little withdrawal and
keep everything steady,figuratively speaking.
(12:34):
But like that's the bigargument you know, that's my
take on this stuff is like it'sfucking hard.
Everybody's stressed, Everyonehas reward behavior syndrome
where they have a hard day andthey just want to like have a
fucking day and just like eatand drink or whatever, or
whatever they want.
But the problem is then thatbecomes a new normal.
There comes the pattern,hedonistic adaptation that we've
(12:56):
adapted.
Now it's the baseline and soevery day is that way, but now,
anytime anything challengingwhich is life comes up, I
deserve it so like having like aglass of wine after a hard day
becomes a bottle, becomes abottle and then take out becomes
a bottle, then take out andthen a dessert, and then it's
just like that's becoming yourbaseline, because you just keep
up on the ante and it's justthis like relativity scale where
(13:18):
you don't realize how far offyou've descended because it all
kind of looks the same to you.
It's like the spiral staircasekind of analogy.
Yeah, it's familiar.
Speaker 2 (13:26):
I mean, it's even self-sabotage, like, oh, like,
I'm just going to stay up lateand binge watch this Netflix
show.
Speaker 1 (13:32):
Yeah, now I'm tired and shot the next day and I feel
like shit.
Speaker 2 (13:36):
And then you're just like, I feel like shit today.
Speaker 1 (13:40):
Right, and I feel like shit.
And then you're just like.
I feel like shit today, right,exactly.
Speaker 2 (13:41):
It's like this vicious cycle, I deserve takeout
, and then the takeout and youorder Uber Eats and it takes a
little longer.
So you start watching the showand then you're back in the
binge and then by the time itgets there it's later than
normal.
And then you feast on all thislike greasy food.
I feel terrible, work sucks.
Speaker 1 (14:00):
Life is hard.
I had a hard day at work.
Again, I had a hard day at work.
Speaker 2 (14:03):
I'm tired again today , I need a drink, and it is
really this perpetual cycle andI think it's kind of like a
mentality change.
Because I've been there, I knowexactly what that feels like.
People all slipped into thatvicious cycle and I, I think
it's like the having tounderstand that it's not
necessarily ever going to beeasy.
How easy you can make it, Ithink, is a goal, but it's
(14:23):
always going to kind of be achallenge, in my opinion, like
life is just that way.
Speaker 1 (14:26):
Life is work, life is work, life is work, it's that
chopping wood.
Speaker 2 (14:29):
It's the carrying water it is you know, and I
think it's the idea that, likefriction sharpens the blade
Right you, you can't get awayfrom the grind, you can't get
away from the stone scraping onthe proverbial blade of your
knife, of your person.
That is going to be the verything that shapes you and
hopefully will make you sharperand make you better, and we just
(14:50):
can't get away from that.
And so I think it's like havingto kind of turn around and face
the music to some degree tounderstand that there is no way
out of the challenge, there areno answers to life's conundrums.
There are no solutions to theproblems fundamentally.
Speaker 1 (15:04):
And we want it to either be one way or another.
Speaker 2 (15:08):
And I think it's like if we can start to like, shift
our mental attitude to theunderstanding that there is no
solution to life's problems,that the grind will always
happen, we can at least turn andface the music.
And then it is a gradientbecause, while that will never
change, if you can getaccustomed to being disciplined,
if you can get accustomed todelayed gratification, if you
can get accustomed to facing themusic, it does become less
(15:32):
contrasting, it becomes a littleless loud, it becomes a little
less grinding, you know you kindof?
got like a more fine-tuned stoneon your blade.
You're not sitting there withthe coarsest stone scraping out
the deepest chunks of metal, andover time you can refine it
where you're getting this nicesmooth stroke of the blade.
And then all of a sudden, whilethat general idea of struggle
(15:54):
doesn't go away, the dance withit isn't as drastic, and so it
is actually a little easier,even if it's still hard.
It's just easier.
Speaker 1 (16:02):
Because it's like we are escaping these things in the
effort to try to make lifeeasier.
But really what that does is itactually makes it so much
harder in the long run, becauseeither we create a huge wall of
resistance around the thing thatjust piles up until we hit
critical mass and it blows up inour face right, and then we
have a real dilemma to deal with, either with our weight or our
(16:25):
relationships or our finances,because we've been like avoiding
the hard stuff in the momentthat were just these little itty
bitty hard things we had totake care of and we ignored it
long enough until all those ittybitty hard things piled up into
a mountain of hard things.
That was too much, unavoidable,unavoidable crisis now.
And so, you know, it's justlike we're all doing this in an
effort to try to like be happy,I guess.
(16:46):
But what the happiest peopleI've ever met are the ones who
have routines.
They, they have their fitnessroutine.
They, you know, they do have adegree of self-discipline that's
probably greater than theaverage and like the happiness
isn't necessarily derived fromtheir routine, but it's derived
from, sort of like theappreciation for novel
(17:06):
experiences outside of theroutine, because they truly are
novel.
You know, when you see someonewho like works really hard and
is disciplined and, you know,exercises and eats well, and
then they get a chance to likego out and kind of let it all
out, it's like they're reallyreally grateful and appreciative
of that opportunity.
Versus somebody who's doing itfive nights a week, it's just
kind of like, well, whatever,yeah, just another weekend, just
(17:27):
in the restaurant, whatevereven if it's shiny, they can't
see the shine.
Yeah, you know if you have 20rolexes, what's one more?
you know, but if you've beensaving for your whole life and
like finally get to buy one.
You're like holy shit, right,you know.
I just think that, like, thejoy is the work.
Here's what we know life iswork.
The joy comes from the work.
The payoff that we're alllooking for is a product of our
(17:52):
efforts and of our, of ourconsistency and of of the
trade-offs that we're making forour time, and so it's like we
know this exists.
Yet in the moment, we all haveto contend with some degree of
that reward behavior syndrome,and it's just like the awareness
to find yourself in the throesof it and be like, okay, I see
what's happening here, insteadof just impulsively,
(18:13):
conditionally, we're justordering takeout or whatever,
the vice is just pausing andunderstanding, like, hey, listen
, this is just a, this is just amoment.
And if anyone's ever dealt withaddiction, I think that you you
know that like there is, whetherit's food or substances or
whatever, there's like a momentof intensity and that's usually
(18:33):
when people break right.
So it's like, oh, just now isthe time when I have that 6 pm
drink or whatever.
Then if you just have some kindof a pattern, interrupt where
it's like this like get yourselfout of there.
So now you're going to to amartial arts class at 6 pm or
now you're going to like a salsadancing class that's an evening
(18:54):
, just to break out of thatpattern, so you're not just
sitting at home having to faceyour demons.
Yeah, like that.
And then you realize like, ohokay, like there is power over
these things.
There is power over thesecompulsions and condition
responses.
It's just that if I don'tchange my environment, if I
don't change my frame and I justkeep getting sucked right back
(19:14):
into this hole over and over andover again, and so it's like
delayed gratification doesn'tneed necessarily to be that you
just sit at home and like whiteknuckle your urges to indulge.
It just means like interrupt thefucking pattern so you're not
just walking into the same trapover and over again and
expecting a different result,you know.
(19:35):
And just like giving yourselfpermission to suck at something
like a salsa class or like amartialraint or self-discipline,
because you're justre-channeling your focus into
(20:03):
more positive activity, and soand then, and then, and then.
It's like that, I think, truly,and I guess we kind of went off
a little bit of a tangent.
Now we're kind of talking abouthappiness, but like I think it
all it is.
I think the reason we indulgeis in an effort to make
ourselves happier, but reallyit's just like instant happiness
, instant gratification, whentrue happiness and deep seated
(20:24):
confidence and happiness is thedelay of gratification, is the
delay of indulgence.
And so, you know, doing thingsthat will break you out of the
routine, that have gotten youinto this impulsive kind of
pattern probably is a reallygreat start for most of us.
Speaker 2 (20:41):
Well, I think, and I don't, you know, it's
interesting because I do think,like so, much of what we're
talking about is change.
So, whether you're looking tochange your body composition,
lose weight, get more fit, behappier, whatever it is, I think
that there is some component oflooking to travel a path that
you're not currently travelingon right now, and you know, I
think, whether Socrates actuallysaid this, but it's quoted as
(21:03):
Socrates.
But you know, it's like changeis created not from fighting the
old but from building the new,which is kind of the thing we
were just talking about you knowit's the same with like
addiction potential.
It's like if you have thisbehavior or something in your
life you want to change and youjust stop it.
There's kind of like a void.
You're right, there's thisempty space, there's a chasm,
(21:24):
that if you enter into thatchasm and it's still empty, the
likelihood of you filling itback up with the thing that you
are attempting to reject orremove from it is really high.
So, whether it's drinking orordering Uber Eats or not,
avoiding the gym, drinking orordering uber eats or not
avoiding the gym and so the onlyway to not return to the most
(21:44):
likely outcome of filling thechasm with what once was that
you're used to is by puttingsomething else in its place.
And so there has to be sometype of exchange of that time
and experience, because the youknow otherwise, like you said,
it's like oh, it's 6 pm and I'mum, I normally have a drink, but
I'm not gonna have a drinktoday you just sit there and
just sit there looking at yourliquor box, staring at the wall,
(22:06):
and you're just like yeah, youknow what?
fuck it, I'm just gonna have adrink yeah, you know versus if
you had some tea or you went ona walk or you did anything yeah,
that brought you out of that.
Speaker 1 (22:15):
build something new, yeah, so Just build something
new.
Yeah, picked up a hobby thatyou do at night.
Speaker 2 (22:19):
You can't just, like you know, stare the old in the
face and say no.
Speaker 1 (22:23):
Right.
Speaker 2 (22:23):
And expect everything to change Right.
It's like it's really good andthat's kind of I think it's
almost like the same, like kindof an idea of a fundamental flip
, because it's the truegratification comes from delayed
gratification, complication.
You know where we think aboutit as oh, if I could just have
this thing right now.
It's gratifying, it's going tomake me happy, and so it's kind
of like this whole flip and it'sI think it's the same with
(22:47):
change behavior.
It's like you're not going togo on a diet by just like not
eating fast food or orderingUber Eats and not having a plan
Right, and then dinner rollsaround and you're hungry and
just eat everything in yourcupboard yeah, okay, yeah, it's
like oh I'm so hungry.
You know what fuck?
I'm gonna get mcdonald's again,or whatever.
If you don't have a plan, youdon't replace with some
home-cooked food, you don't dosomething new so then you're not
hungry anymore, and then you'relike you know, actually I ate
(23:07):
that thing, it's fine yep yeah.
So you know, I think, becauseit is, it's it's a general
conversation about happiness,but it is kind of also rooted in
like the truth of behaviorchange.
Speaker 1 (23:16):
Yeah, and I think exactly like more content with
our time here, and you know thathappiness is tough to quantify,
but I think that fulfillmentand just like sense of purpose
and learning a new skill, bringsme a lot of joy.
(23:37):
You know, like when I'm makingprogress in something that I was
really bad at not so long ago,that's really cool.
And I just think, like you knowso many of so many of our
issues around health and youknow all the things in our life
that we're trying to likeimprove just come from wanting
it to happen now, sort of theexpectancy of what we want, what
(24:00):
we should expect.
So like if we are constantlygoing out to eat, then like we
can't even enjoy going out toeat anymore because we are
expecting such a certain levelof service or food or whatever
preparation.
Yeah, and so like and so like.
Getting out of that patternkind of like almost like
resensitizes us, just kind oflike you think about like weight
lifting, right.
So after like eight weeks ofthe same exercises we've kind of
(24:23):
gotten used to that and there'sacclimation adaptation that's
taking place and our body does,but it doesn't respond.
I think your brains are likethat with experiences 100, you
know the same thing.
It's like we don't.
It's like exposure therapy, toa sense, where, like we don't,
it doesn't hit us anymore.
And so you go through a delude,deload week.
You then change all yourexercises up and now, all of a
sudden, instead of doing 10 setsof the previous checks chest
(24:44):
exercise, you do three sets, andyou're sore as shit because
it's new.
And so I think there's just aresensitization that needs to
happen, where you, you know, uh,give yourself permission to
like do something different,build something new, you know,
like fill that gap with apositive experience.
Just get like break out ofthese patterns that you've been
(25:05):
in that are not producing anysort of result anymore for you,
but yet we're just stuck in them, right.
And then we just want, weexpect, you keep expecting more
and more and more to come out ofthese negative cycles or
vicious cycles that we've beenstuck in.
But it just ain't gonna happen,you know.
And so I think that's like theseed of unhappiness, right,
right, a hundred percent andthink about you know it's
(25:26):
interesting because I thinkabout you.
Speaker 2 (25:28):
Know losing weight is something that so many people
want to do.
It's a battle, it's an intent,it's a goal and you know, if you
think about what the emotionalmoment would be if you lost like
50 pounds, right, like when youfinally hit 50 pounds of body
fat loss on a scale or somethingor 20 pounds or anything, but
(25:49):
you've yeah, you finally reachedthat goal like what the elation
must be, what that really mustfeel like what is life going to
be like?
Speaker 1 (25:55):
yeah, what do you?
Speaker 2 (25:56):
like to know you set out this goal, you've
accomplished it.
You probably feel better, allof that like true spike, versus
if you're somebody that doesn'tchoose the discipline to reach
that goal and goes out to eat ordoesn't go on their walks or
doesn't exercise.
And I think that that's like areally easy contrast because I
think a lot of people want tolose weight and change their
composition for the better and Ithink that that you know, if
(26:19):
they just want that, but theydon't necessarily start to dream
the separate realities, theydon't go into their imagination
and think about what would itfeel like if I actually took the
three months or two months orsix months to lose that weight?
And how?
How would I really feel if Idid that?
Like, how good would I reallyfeel?
Speaker 1 (26:37):
what would my life?
Speaker 2 (26:37):
be like?
What would my life?
Everything versus the smalllittle quote.
Good feeling decisions ofignoring the walk, ignoring
cooking, cooking the mealyourself giving into the moment.
Speaker 1 (26:47):
Giving into the moment, which is you know
instant gratification.
Speaker 2 (26:51):
Yeah, I think that really like kind of paints, that
.
Speaker 1 (26:54):
Yeah, I'm tired, I'm gonna skip the gym, or and
that's what we're talking abouthere is like I think that's a
really good point, and you knowwhen you do.
When you do, we do consultationcalls with people who are
interested in, you know, signingup for our service.
That's one of the questions weask them, like why is this
important to you?
Why do you want to lose 50pounds?
Why do you want to lose 80pounds?
(27:14):
What is your life going to belike at 150 pounds versus 250
pounds?
What's relationship with yourspouse, with your kids, with
your job?
You know how are like how istravel going to be for you?
What is what's vacation goingto look like for you at 150
versus 250?
You know, and the idea is like,whether it's to lose 100 pounds
(27:35):
or, to you know, triple yourincome, or whatever the goal is.
It's like now, what decisionsdoes that version of you make?
Do they workouts, do they orderfood for lunch every day?
Do they drink a bottle of wineevery night?
Or do they do this, this andthis and this?
And so it's like aligning yourbehavior with the decision
making that your future self,your goal self, would make Right
(27:59):
.
So what would you knowmillionaire Justin do what would
10% body fat shredded?
You know millionaire justin do?
What would 10 body fat shredded?
You know 150 pound jake do?
Right, like yeah.
And then because then whenyou're, when you're sitting
there with your, with yourpatterns and your conditioned
responses that you've alwaysdone, that feel comfortable
(28:21):
whether they're good or not foryou, you go hmm, is this
actually in alignment with theversion of myself I'm trying to
create or is this justcontinuing to perpetuate this
cycle that I've been in, thatI'm actually I do want to get
out of.
I'm not happy where I'm atright now, so I got to make
decisions that are aligned withthe version that I'm trying to
be.
I think that's a really goodmental framework to use as a
(28:44):
litmus test for all of yourdecision making.
Speaker 2 (28:46):
For sure, but that does require a level of
awareness, as I say that's,that's the thing, and I think
it's just like we've talkedabout.
When we're talking about, liketracking your food, like all of
it, requires some level ofpersonal responsibility, that
has to happen.
Like it's like you're not goingto hit your 10 000 steps or eat
your protein without payingattention.
Speaker 1 (29:02):
You're not going to be, it's not just going to
happen.
It's not going to just happen.
Hard things don't just happenyou have to.
Speaker 2 (29:06):
You have to adopt the responsibility which does feel
like it is a level ofresponsibility, but then the
outcome of that is the reward ofall your choices that's the
delayed gratification.
Speaker 1 (29:18):
You know when time goes by fast, we're like a year.
Oh, I don't want to wait, I'mlike dude the year's going by
anyways in a fucking blink of aneye yeah, it'll be next year,
before you know it'll be nextbefore you know it.
It's like what are you gonna do?
You're gonna just gonna digaround for the next year, or
you're gonna like, put in thework, go dark for six months,
(29:39):
become the version of yourselfyou keep saying you want to be
and you know, and then you getthe rest of your life to enjoy
it, you know and there you go.
It's kind of a no brainer whenyou think about it that way.
Speaker 2 (29:49):
Right it is.
It is interesting, you're justlike.
Well, in that case.
Speaker 1 (29:52):
Oh, in that case, why don't I just do it right now?
All right, I think that's Ithink that's good for today,
episode 57, a little bit of a,you know, theoretical,
conceptual episode about our ownthoughts around achievement,
happiness, delayed gratification, life in general Probably one
of the most important things tothink about If you can really
get this.
I think that's really thebridge to.
(30:13):
I think self-discipline is thebridge to your goals.
Speaker 2 (30:15):
Yeah, because no matter what the goal is, it
doesn't matter.
This relationship requires somesort of trade-off.
Life is what's going to have tohappen.
Speaker 1 (30:21):
yeah, Okay, team, we'll see you all next week for
episode 58.
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