Behind-The-Scenes of a Client Session: Navigating Anxiety, Caregiving, and Self-Compassion for Inner Peace and Empowerment

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello, I am so glad you're here.
Today is going to be a littlebit of a different style than my
usual podcast episodes.
I have had the pleasure toguide a client through a
one-on-one session and she gaveme the permission to record the
session so that I could publishit on my podcast so that you

(00:23):
could hear the process that Iguided her through, because you
will likely find that, seeingsomeone else going through this
process, you're probably goingto see aspects of yourself in
what I guided her through andhopefully this is going to help
you get some personal insightsand light bulb moments for

(00:45):
yourself to empower you and helpyou move through any challenges
that you might be going throughright now.
So you're going to see in thisparticular episode, one of the
biggest kind of questions thatwas raised at the very beginning
was dealing with feelings ofanxiety, and in past sessions

(01:08):
that I've had with this clientwhen I worked with her two years
ago, she's also raised thetopic of feeling like she was
heading to burnout, and thereason why I mentioned this is
it's very apt for the light bulbmoments that she had in this
episode in terms of what wasactually underneath, why she was

(01:32):
having feelings of anxiety andwhy she's experienced feelings
of burnout and how to turn thataround for herself.
You're going to see as I guidethis client through the process.
She's going to have some lightbulb moments putting some puzzle
pieces together.

(01:52):
They're going to click in placeand she's going to have some
perspective shifts so that bythe end she's feeling lighter
and clearer and she can seeexactly what's going on and,
instead of feeling like she'sbeing controlled by these
feelings of anxiety and by thesefeelings of confusion, now she

(02:15):
sees how to take back thedriver's seat so that these
aspects are not controlling her.
I'll come back again at the veryend to do a debrief and give
you some summary notes, but Iwant to point out, as you're
listening to this, yourparticular life situation might
not look like hers, but I wantyou to keep in the back of your

(02:38):
mind, as you're listening tothis process and her connecting
her puzzle pieces, how some ofthis might relate to your own
personal story and your ownpersonal context, because I tend
to see a lot of commonalitieswith my clients in terms of some
of the general themes and quitelikely you're going to see how

(03:00):
some of the general themes thatwere laid out today in this
client session will relate toyour own personal life, and I'll
give you at the very end someexamples of how to take that and
relate it to your life, even ifthe situation doesn't look
exactly like yours.
So, without further ado, let'sget started with the session.
So first I want to ask youBecky, do you have any?

(03:25):
First of all, would you prefer,I say Becky or Rebecca?

Speaker 2 (03:29):
Becky's fine.
I think if I had it to do overagain, I would have started as a
Rebecca.
But I'm here now so it's fine.

Speaker 1 (03:37):
Okay, what do you have?
Any particular questions thatyou would like to have answers
to by the end of the session,and is there any particular
things that you want to makesure that we're going to touch
upon and talk about today?

Speaker 2 (03:53):
Nothing specific I would say.
My anxiety is up a little bitthe last several months and that
may be as much a hormonal thingas anything else.
So that may not be anappropriate discussion for the
session.
But no nothing specific I canthink of.

Speaker 1 (04:13):
Okay, and do you have any questions?
You've been trying to mull overfor yourself that you would
like to maybe gain some clarityon about where you are, where
you're going gain some clarityon about where you are, where
you're going.

Speaker 2 (04:28):
Well, I think, a thing that I'm seeing a lot
lately in different social mediaposts and different things that
I'm reading and stuff, is thisidea of letting go, and it's a
bit confusing to me because I'mnot exactly sure what I'm
supposed to be letting go of.
It's a thing that I feel like Iprobably need to do because I
feel like I'm probably holdingon too tightly to some things
and maybe that's my answer there, maybe those are the things I

(04:50):
need to let go, but I'm not sure.
It's just feels like this bigbroad idea of letting go, when
you let go, when you let go, andI think I'm letting go of.

Speaker 1 (05:02):
So that's a really good point right.
It's hard, when it's so general, to understand how to relate
that to your own life.
Yes, now, in terms of thatyou've mentioned, maybe there's
some things that I'm holding onto tightly.
Are there any things inparticular that come up for you
that, when you're contemplatingthis letting go thing, what you

(05:24):
might be holding on tightly to?

Speaker 2 (05:29):
Probably the first, probably a lot of things from my
childhood, things that directlyrelate to my relationship with
my mom, and I yeah, that wouldprobably be the biggest one.
And I yeah, that would probablybe the biggest one and probably
my kids, because my kids are nowat the age where they're

(05:52):
growing up, moving on, startingto make, well, this is the last
this and this is the last that.
And I can really get myselfinto a big melancholy funk if I
allow myself to do that, and Ialways try to remind myself when
I go down that path well, lookat the flip side.

(06:13):
I mean, this is what you want.
You want them to live their ownlives and flourish and thrive,
and this is, you know, like agood thing.
So I usually can bring myselfout of it thinking in those
terms, but it's still hard.
My mind still goes to thoseplaces and I think I'm afraid of
missing out on the last ofsomething, because you never

(06:33):
know when it's going to be.
You know the last of something.
So then I, you know, kind ofbring it up in my mind Well,
make sure you pay attention,because you don't want to miss
it.

Speaker 1 (06:41):
But in doing that I just kind of put myself in a
funk when that happens andyou're like, ah, but I'm gonna
miss out on the last ofsomething does, do you find that
ever takes you away fromactually being present in the
moment yes, but often the momentthat I'm present in, I don't
care if I'm not in it, becauseI'm usually like at the grocery

(07:03):
store or driving somewhere.

Speaker 2 (07:05):
So I feel like it's kind of, uh, it's okay that I'm
present in, I don't care if I'mnot in it, because I'm usually
like at the grocery store ordriving somewhere.
So I feel like it's kind ofit's okay if I'm not in that
moment fully, because it's not.
It's not like these thingshappen when I'm doing something
meaningful or, you know, it'susually just when my mind is
sort of at rest, doing something, you know, kind of mindless.
Okay.

Speaker 1 (07:24):
Just writing a note down for later, okay.
Okay, I want to ask you aboutthe anxiety that's been, the
feelings of anxiety that havebeen coming up for you lately.
I know you've mentioned that itmight be hormonal, but if there
are other puzzle pieces toconsider, what are the main

(07:47):
themes of when you're noticinganxiety comes up, what the
subjects are, how you're feeling?

Speaker 2 (07:57):
Usually the subject is my family, my family.
If somebody in my circle thatis not doing well, either you
know, struggling physically oremotionally, that will give me
anxiety.
And lately it's just been sortof short bursts of it.

Speaker 1 (08:20):
It's not like it's something that's all consuming,
but it's it's not like it'ssomething that's all consuming,
but it's just a little bit morenoticeable.
So if someone's not doing wellin your family and you get these
feelings first of all, what arethe feelings If you were to,
kind of like, put a descriptiveto the sensation that you get,
or the feelings that come up?

(08:41):
Oh boy that's tough.

Speaker 2 (08:43):
The feelings that come up, oh boy, that's tough.
I mean it's just, I guess I get, I get like a sinking feeling,
um, and then it's just generalworry about whether or not
they're going to be okay,whether I'm going to be able to
do anything in my power to helpthem be okay.

(09:07):
I have a big fear of failingpeople.
So it's I think it's more.
My concern is more if somebodyis not doing okay and I have the
ability to do something to helpthem, to make sure that I'm
able to do that or that I'meffective at doing that.
Tell me more about this.
I guess because I don't feellike I have much control over

(09:31):
the outside factors that aremaking whoever is in my care not
be doing okay.
Wow, my English is fantastictoday.
Oh, don't worry about that.
The only thing I have controlover is my reaction to it, how
I'm able to care for them, howI'm able to help them, and I

(09:55):
know in my intelligent mind thattheir success and their
well-being isn't 100% on me tofix.
Success and their well-beingisn't 100% on me to fix, but I
want to make sure that I show upas best I can to contribute to
their success, contribute totheir well-being, as best I can.

Speaker 1 (10:16):
Okay, I'm just thinking back.
I was looking at some notesfrom our last session as well,
our last sessions.
Mm-hmm from our last session aswell, our last sessions, and I
see some themes here from thingsthat we've talked about in the
past.

Speaker 2 (10:31):
Okay.

Speaker 1 (10:32):
Before I point them out, do you have a sense of what
they might be?
No not really Tell me moreabout caring about other people
and caring for other people.

Speaker 2 (10:45):
Well, I feel like it's my strongest.
What would you want to call it?
Skill, characteristic drivingforce.
It's kind of my bread andbutter, it's kind of what I do.
I mean, that's it's kind of whoI am is just somebody who takes

(11:08):
care of others, so it's justreally important to me that I do
the best job at that that I canwhat would happen if you didn't
?
Uh well, they would probablyhave to figure out another
solution that didn't involve me,I guess or figure out another
source of help.

Speaker 1 (11:31):
And what would happen if?

Speaker 2 (11:32):
they did that.

Speaker 1 (11:34):
As long as they're okay, I'm okay with that, okay
weren't able to do what youthink is the most effective and
best job that you can, forwhatever reason.
It would mean that they wouldhave to go find a different
solution that didn't include you, and how would you feel about

(11:55):
that?

Speaker 2 (11:57):
I don't think I'd probably feel great at first.
So that's probably a lot of egotalking.

Speaker 1 (12:04):
Can you say more about why?
That wouldn't feel great.
You know, even if it doesn'tmake any sense logically, what
comes up.

Speaker 2 (12:12):
Well, if, if I'm not effective and I can't take care
of my people, then I feel kindof lost, then I'm not sure, not
sure what I'm bringing to thetable, then Okay.

Speaker 1 (12:31):
I'm trying to figure out the best way to say this,
because I would love for you tokind of come to the conclusion
yourself instead of offering itto you.
If that makes sense, okay, ifthat makes sense, okay.
What from what I'm I'm I'mpicking up here, is that there
needs to be, you need to show upand take care of others and do

(12:53):
the best job that you can totake care of other people,
because otherwise you're notsure what you're bringing to the
table.
You're not sure, maybe, whatyour purpose is.

Speaker 2 (13:06):
Yes, yes, okay, that's accurate.

Speaker 1 (13:11):
So it sounds like you're kind of like tying taking
care of other people with yourpurpose.

Speaker 2 (13:16):
Yes.

Speaker 1 (13:17):
Does that feel true for?

Speaker 2 (13:19):
you?
Yes, I would say, it does feeltrue for me.

Speaker 1 (13:22):
So, yes, I would say it does feel true for me.
Okay, I'm going to explainsomething that I tend to see a
lot with clients that I workwith and you tell me how this
lands and whether or not itfeels like it might be a piece
of the puzzle for you.
Okay, because I work with a lotof people who are caregivers,
whether it be in their personallife or as a career, right,

(13:46):
nurses and all the things andoftentimes A there tends to be
an association with they're thecaregiver because that was their
role growing up.
Right, they were kind of put inthis place from a very young
age that they were the personthat would take care of other
people or try to manage theirenvironment, to feel safe, but

(14:09):
that also kind of gave them asense of like importance or
validation or value.
And then what happens is itbecomes very easy then to step
into this role in your adultlife of caring for other people.
However, there's this tendency,the action is, there's this
underlying intention of I needto take care of other people to

(14:32):
get my sense of value.

Speaker 2 (14:36):
Yeah, how does that?
All of it is a hundred percenttrue.
Okay, with how I feel True.

Speaker 1 (14:42):
Okay With how I feel.
Okay, so here's the thing withthat.
The action itself isn't theissue.
It's the underlying intentionand motivation behind the action
.
So what I commonly see is whenwe are, in this case, caring for
other people in order to gainour sense of like, purpose and

(15:04):
validation and value, what tendsto happen is is is we're kind
of like seeking this externalthing which is helping other
people and making sure they'retaken care of, in order to
fulfill something within us.
Yeah, yes.
Now what happens is is thatwhen we seek anything externally

(15:30):
, it will never fulfill us ahundred percent, because we
can't be in control ofeverything that's going on
outside of us.
And what happens is that itcreates this vicious cycle of
you need to care more and moreand try harder and harder and do
more and more of caring forothers and possibly even putting

(15:51):
yourself on the back burner inorder to care for them, mm-hmm,
because you have nothing left togive and you're not getting the
return of the value you'reseeking to the same degree as

(16:13):
what you're giving yeah, yeah,yep.
Now, the switch here is thatwhen you are able to find that
sense of value and purpose fromwithin yourself, first you get
to this place of inner overflowwhere you are connected with

(16:34):
your sense of self, when youknow who you are and have the
sense of value in knowing thatit comes from you just being, as
opposed to what you're doing asa human being.
And when this happens, you getto this place where your cup is

(16:54):
overflowing right into thesaucer, like we've talked about,
and so that when you get tothis place that when you get to
this place it's not about youcan still be doing the same
action, which is helping others,but you're doing it from this
place where you just want tohelp others because you're so

(17:15):
full of energy and purposewithin yourself.
You want to share that withothers.
Versus you're helping othersbecause you need that in order
to feel like you're a valuableperson okay does that?
does that make sense?

Speaker 2 (17:33):
that makes a lot of sense absolutely tell me how
that lands.

Speaker 1 (17:38):
What comes up for you ?
What are you thinking as I'msaying this?

Speaker 2 (17:44):
Everything from the starting out as in a caregiving
role at a young age to reallyand I honestly I can remember us
probably having this identicalconversation somewhere along the
way and I think I probably justforgot or slipped back into old

(18:05):
habits, Because all of thislands 100% and needing to find
that and I think probably one ofthe things that happened, you
know, between my kids moving out, my mom moved out to a
retirement home, so I think thatprobably turned the caregiving

(18:29):
into overdrive, because I wantedto still feel kind of relevant
in everybody's life.
Um, you know, cause I'm I'm notreally needed in the same role
for either one of them as I wasbefore.
Um, but yeah, but yeah, thattotally makes a lot of sense.

Speaker 1 (18:50):
And so this is the thing, and I see this a lot
right you get to this placewhere now your life
circumstances are changing,especially when you did put your
sense of value and identitytowards caring for other people,
and now the people you'recaring for are now stepping away

(19:12):
and onto something else, and itleaves you now going.
Well, now who am I without thisrole?

Speaker 2 (19:20):
Yes, yeah, that's what it is, a hundred percent,
yeah, and I and I think one ofthe reasons I've struggled with
this so much is because I'vebeen in this role I don't want
to say my whole life, but itfeels like it Cause I was in
this role from the time I wasyoung, so it just that just kind

(19:42):
of feels that's who I am.
So then, you know, I'm leftasking myself, well, if that
isn't in fact who I am, orthat's not the healthiest way to
proceed with that, as you said,it's better to proceed from a
place of overflowing.

Speaker 1 (20:00):
Then I then yeah.
Then I then yeah, so, likeyou've mentioned, we've kind of
touched upon some of thesethemes before in our in sessions
.
And this is the thing is youknow, oftentimes with healing
it's not like, okay, I'veaddressed it, now it's done and
I can move on to somethingdifferent.

(20:20):
Oftentimes you know we've alsodiscussed this it can be the
spiral where it comes backaround again so that you can
look at another layer of it.
Okay, and you've looked throughsome of these layers and you've
done some work and healing onmoving forward from some of this
and the fact that this changein your, the situation with your

(20:43):
family and there's been so manythings that have changed that
it's kind of now brought upanother layer for you to look at
about this particular theme, sothat you can heal another layer
of it, so that you can moveforward another step.

Speaker 2 (20:59):
Okay, does that make sense?
Yes, yeah, that does make makesense.

Speaker 1 (21:04):
That makes a lot of sense and the other piece that
I'll mention, um, just from yourastrology chart, is that so?
I can't remember if we've evertalked about chiron or if you
know about chiron.
No, so chiron is the woundedhealer.
Everyone has one, and when youlook at your astrology chart, it

(21:24):
looks like um, like a key, likea k with a circle on the bottom
so when you look at yourastrology chart, you'll see that
now the key with chiron is thatyou know it represents, like
the eyes through which we'relooking at life in terms of the
wounded parts, and the point ofChiron is actually to be able to

(21:50):
do the inner work to alchemizethose wounds into powerful
purpose and what's reallyimportant for you to know,
especially at this time in yourlife.
So your Chiron is an Aries.
Now Chiron makes a full turn ofthe astrological circle, the
astrological wheel, every 50years approximately.

(22:13):
So around the age of 50, chironcomes back at exactly the same
point where it was when you wereborn.
And so what that means is whenChiron comes back to that point,
there's like this energeticthing, because Chiron is like
where it was when you were bornand it really brings out this
energy.

(22:33):
And this is kind of like whenthat happens, all the wounds
that you haven't healed andalchemized yet are going to come
up for you to look at.
Great.
Does that make sense?
Yes, and I mean this kind ofmakes sense of why this is
coming up for you right now.

Speaker 2 (22:49):
Yeah, so I'll be 50 next month.
Right, yes.

Speaker 1 (22:52):
And here's the thing about the Chiron in Aries.
So the energy of the sign Ariesis all about like me first,
take care of me.
And so when you have a wound inAries, it means that you have
trouble putting yourself firstand taking care of yourself
first.

(23:12):
Okay, Does that make sense?

Speaker 2 (23:15):
Oh yeah, yes, that makes a lot of sense.

Speaker 1 (23:18):
Can you see how that might be associated with what
you just talked about?

Speaker 2 (23:23):
Yes, definitely, yeah , I can really see that.

Speaker 1 (23:29):
And so, in order to a piece of the puzzle, to
alchemizing this wound and thistheme, is you now stepping
forward into, instead ofprioritizing, taking care of
everybody else first as yoursense of purpose and identity?
Is you now putting yourselffirst and taking care of you and

(23:55):
finding that sense of value ofyou being a human being,
regardless of what you're doingto help other people, being
regardless of what you're doingto help other people?
And I would gather that part ofthis for you and this is a
really apt time for you to dothis is spend some time really
discovering, well, who isRebecca and what does Rebecca

(24:19):
actually want, not what otherpeople want Rebecca to do and
who are you outside of takingcare of other people?

Speaker 2 (24:28):
I'm just writing all of this down to make sure.
I know I'm recording this, butI sometimes writing.
It helps Totally.

Speaker 1 (24:36):
Okay, okay, take a breath.
Nice, deep breath.
Let's take another one.

Speaker 2 (24:50):
That was big, wasn't it?
That was huge, yes.

Speaker 1 (24:55):
How is that landing for you?
How does that?
How is that feeling for you?
If you're going to like, tellme what, what's going on inside
your body right now me what,what's going on inside your body
right now?

Speaker 2 (25:10):
um, honestly, it feels like a lot of that really
landed very strongly with me,but it has left me really
confused.
Um, because those questionsthat you have there toward the
end and I know it's not just a,okay, I'm just gonna, you know,
an answer is not just gonna bethere.
It's gonna take some time andsome processing, um, but that's.
Those are huge questions that Ijust don't even know where to

(25:35):
start to answer them okay, sothis is the thing is a.

Speaker 1 (25:40):
You don't have to have all the answers right now,
so there's no need to putpressure on yourself to be like,
but I don't know the answer.
I need to figure this out now.
Understand that these answersthey are big questions.
Sorry, these questions are bigquestions and they can take a
lifetime to answer, right, soyou don't need to have them

(26:02):
answered, like, by the end oftoday, right?

Speaker 2 (26:05):
right, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 (26:06):
And if you take a look at it like you know, these
questions, in this concept ofyou really actually getting more
connected with who you are inyour own personal identity,
think of it like a big meal on aplate.
Okay, okay, like this big,overflowing dish of delicious

(26:27):
food, but you're not going totake the whole plate and shove
it in your mouth all at once.
Okay, right, like it's, it'simpossible to do that, so you're
just going to take off one.
You're going to cut off onebite at a time and you'll take
the bite that's right in frontof you and you'll take that and

(26:47):
you'll chew on it and you'llsavor it and you'll work through
it and once it's chewed, thenyou can swallow it and then you
can move on to the next bite.
yeah that does.
Does that help at all in termsof?

Speaker 2 (27:02):
oh yeah, yeah, that definitely does, yeah and I mean
, this is the thing.

Speaker 1 (27:09):
A really big piece of this puzzle is, you know,
giving yourself compassion andgrace and understanding, like it
doesn't need to be, like I haveto have this all figured out
right now.
And whatever you know, choices,and however you've been in the
past, you've done because that'swhat you thought you needed to

(27:30):
do in order to survive, in orderto get your needs met.
It's just that the things thathelp us to survive aren't
necessarily the things thatactually help us to really
thrive.

Speaker 2 (27:43):
Right yeah, that's definitely thrive.
Right yeah, that's definitelytrue, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 (27:50):
And so I know I may have just opened up like a whole
can of worms here for you.
Well, I think the can wasalready cracked, so but yeah the
can was already cracked, so butyeah, do you see any
association with this, thistheme that I've just kind of

(28:11):
kind of like reflected back toyou and the anxiety that you've
been experiencing lately?

Speaker 2 (28:16):
oh yeah, definitely, definitely, because it's not
even though I feel like it's myway of controlling things, it's
really not at all and it'sprobably the opposite, has
probably the opposite effect,because it's not coming from a

(28:39):
place of, it's not coming fromthe right place.

Speaker 1 (28:44):
You just mentioned a really powerful word here
controlling things Control.

Speaker 2 (28:55):
Tell me a little bit about that.
Generally speaking, I don'tfeel like I need to have control
over everything in order to Imean, I have accepted a level of
chaos and uncertainty before itused to be a thing, you know, I
had to have everything plannedout, mapped out.
I had to know exactly how I wasgoing to react in any given

(29:17):
situation at any given moment.
And I I've ditched that longago Cause that didn't so I I do.
I don't think I operate totallyfrom a whole need to control
things all the time.
Uh, I can accept things, youknow, sort of as they come, um,

(29:38):
but I think, in terms of justtrying to be able to identify
what I can control and what Ican't control, I just try to
have an awareness of that.

Speaker 1 (29:49):
And so you've kind of mentioned, like you know, this
tendency to want to take care ofother people and then worrying
when someone isn't doing well.
There's this anxiety that comesup and it sounds like maybe
there's an association here with, like, trying to feel in
control of something that youdon't feel in control of.
Yeah, probably.

(30:11):
Well, this is the thing aboutanxiety, right.
What tends to happen is so withdepression, it's oftentimes
there's this tendency to belooking back at the past, right,
and lamenting about it, and youknow, versus anxiety tends to
be looking at the what, ifs andthe future and the things like

(30:33):
all the scenarios in our mind,to try to gain a sense of
control over something that wedon't necessarily feel in
control of.

Speaker 2 (30:41):
Yes.

Speaker 1 (30:43):
Yeah, what would you say for you in terms of those
moments?
Is it that you're, you know,doing some what ifs, or thinking
about all the things that youpotentially could do to try to
bring back some control?
Or is there something elsethere?

Speaker 2 (31:01):
It's a lot of what ifs.
It's, it's a lot of what ifs.
Yeah, it's a lot of what ifs.
It's a lot of kind of mentalpreparation for different
scenarios okay, so, yeah, soyou're part of you is going.

Speaker 1 (31:20):
You know, I don't know what's going to happen here
, so I'm going to prepare myselffor every single outcome so
that I'm not thrown off, youknow, by some surprise.

Speaker 2 (31:33):
Yes, and I just had a conversation with my son about
it this weekend, because heshares a similar trait as I do,
and I even told him and I couldhear myself as I was telling him
.
I said you know, you could bespending all of this time
preparing yourself for X, y andZ and the things that happen is
A, b and C or nothing happens,you know.
So you wasted all that time andmental energy preparing for

(31:56):
something that isn't going tohappen.
Or you know something elsehappens and I could hear myself
saying it.
You know that logically.

Speaker 1 (32:06):
Yeah, on an intellectual level you get it,
yeah, but then it's there's thisother part of you that's like
but to actually put it intopractice is a little trickier
than that, right, it is, yes,mm-hmm, yeah, and so a couple of
things to consider is what, ifyou take a look at here's one

(32:26):
perspective to consider aboutyou know, the anxiety and the
what ifs and the mentalpreparation, there's a part of
you that's kind of acting like aprotective part.
Keep you safe by preparing youfor anything and everything that
could possibly happen, so thatyou don't feel like you've

(32:49):
completely lost control of thesituation.
Right, yeah, yes, yeah, can yousee this protective part?
Can you see that?
That that is a protective partoh, yes, yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 2 (33:04):
Whose voice is it?
I don't, I don't know, I justthought it was mine.

Speaker 1 (33:10):
If you were to really kind of listen in and think
about some past times where youcan see oh yeah, that was a
protective part, it's trying tokeep me safe.
What does it sound like?

Speaker 2 (33:23):
It sounds like my voice okay okay, I know my voice
yeah, which I think is one ofthe reasons why it's so hard in
that moment, because it's itfeels like it's something that's
happening in my mind.
So it absolutely has to be true.
This need for this absolutelyhas to be true, because it's
happening in my head, so, so itmust be true, okay.

Speaker 1 (33:46):
I'm going to write something down and mention this
in a second.
So first I want to ask you howdoes this voice of yours talk to
you when you're in this momentof, like the what ifs and the
mental preparation?
Is there a particular way ittalks?
Is it gentle and quiet and kind, or is it angry?

(34:08):
Or is it upset?
Or is it mean, or is it loud?

Speaker 2 (34:14):
Matter of fact, it's just it's.
It's not gentle or kind, butit's also not mean.
It's just a this is just whatwe need to do.
Yeah, just, it's just a.
This is just what we need to do.
Yeah, it's just sort of verydeclarative matter of fact.
It's not.
I would say it's neutral interms of emotion.
Okay, great.

Speaker 1 (34:33):
I'm not sure if we've discussed this before.
Have you ever heard of theconcept that you are not your
thoughts.
You are the observer of yourthoughts?
Yes, I have.
I have heard that.
So if you are able to witnessthis voice, it means that it's
not you, you're just the oneobserving it.

Speaker 2 (34:55):
Okay, yeah, are you with me so far yep, okay.

Speaker 1 (35:01):
So if you were to kind of imagine yourself as like
this?
So if you were to kind ofimagine yourself as like this
observer maybe sitting in atheater, and this matter of fact
voice that sounds like you getson stage and be like this is
what we need to do.
We need to think about allthese things so that we can

(35:22):
prepare ourselves for the worstcase scenarios.
If you were to observe thisvoice standing on stage talking
to you, can you get a sense of,maybe, what this character's
name might be or what thischaracter looks like or what
they might be wearing?

Speaker 2 (35:41):
well, yes, yes, uh, I'm picturing the, the animated
movie hercules, and there's twolittle characters pain and panic
.
And panic is this little purpleguy with horns and he just kind
of runs around and beingpanicked okay, so you can

(36:04):
visualize this.

Speaker 1 (36:06):
I haven't seen the movie, but okay, you can
visualize this character that'srunning around with purple horns
in a panic, yeah, yeah.
So when you think about thismatter of fact voice, thinking
about all the what ifs and themental preparation especially
when somebody is not doing wellin your family and you start

(36:30):
questioning what do I need to doin order to be the most
effective to help this person Isthere, can you see potentially
any association with thischaracter?
Panic, can you see panicspeaking these voices?

Speaker 2 (36:45):
Yes, and honestly, when you said that, when you
said picture them on the stage,picture watching them, if I were
to truly do that in my mind Iwould be thinking this dude
needs to really calm the heckdown.
Like once you have it outsideof my head and it's somebody

(37:06):
else saying the words, like Iwouldn't, I wouldn't listen to
that little critter.

Speaker 1 (37:13):
This is.
This is great.
There's another step I'm goingto guide you through, to kind of
help you through this.
But this the first step here,and I love how quickly you've
moved through this to kind oflike disassociate yourself from
this, this protective part,because it isn't you or you are
the observer of it, right?

(37:33):
And now you've put an identity,this to this protective part.
It's this little purple hornedcharacter, and so now you can
see that this purple horncharacter, yeah, and so now you
can see that this purple horncharacter, it might not make
logical sense, but it is tryingto keep you safe in the best way
that that particular characterknows how.

(37:55):
Okay, yeah, yes, yep, you safebased on survival, right,
because this underlying survivalbelief that you've been
carrying around with you allyour life is if I'm not helping
people and I'm not effective inhelping people, then what's the
point?
I'm not relevant.
So when people are showing upand they're not doing well, then

(38:22):
this protective part kicks intogear, because you need to stay
relevant.

Speaker 2 (38:28):
Right.

Speaker 1 (38:29):
Right.

Speaker 2 (38:30):
Right.

Speaker 1 (38:31):
And so what's going to be really important here is
not to ignore this purple horncharacter or push it away or say
oh, you know you're you don'tknow the right way to do it.
It's trying and it has done itsbest with what it knows how to
keep you safe, so it's doing itsjob.

Speaker 2 (38:52):
Right.

Speaker 1 (38:53):
Now.
The key, though, is we're goingto kind of have a discussion
about how to not let it run theshow.
Okay, right, so it's not likein the driver's seat.
Can you see how it has been inthe driver's seat?
Yes so this little purplehorned character has been

(39:13):
basically driving, driving thewhole thing yes yeah yes okay.
Do you want to name thischaracter panic, or do you have
a different name that you wouldlike to name it?

Speaker 2 (39:26):
I'm gonna going to go just go with that, since it was
an actual character in themovie and that's what the
character's name was Perfect.

Speaker 1 (39:33):
Imagine that you are at a boardroom table.
There's like it's a big table,there's all kinds of chairs
around it, or a dining roomtable.
You as the observer are kind oflike leading this board meeting
and so there's an availablechair.
So you've got all differentparts of you sitting around this

(39:56):
table and there is a chairavailable for panic.
So offer panic this chair tocome sit at the table, okay,
okay.
And imagine telling panic look,I see you're trying to keep me
safe right now.
I understand you're trying tohelp me stay relevant and feel

(40:19):
like I have a place in thisworld and that I have value.
What are, what are your majorfears?
What are the worries and thefears that are coming up for you
when you're, when you starttaking the driver's seat?
And let me know what comes up,if anything comes up for you,

(40:41):
when I ask that question.

Speaker 2 (40:45):
Um being alone.
That's the biggest one.
Yeah, that's huge.

Speaker 1 (40:55):
So this little guy is petrified being alone and this,
this feels big.
This, it's bringing up a lotfor you right now, isn't it?
It is yeah it's okay to feelthat right now.

(41:17):
Sorry, no need to apologize.
How long has that fear beenthere for I?

Speaker 2 (41:31):
think probably my whole life.
Yeah, I think probably.
Yeah, not sure I knew it, butyes, it's been there for quite a
while.

Speaker 1 (41:46):
Yeah, and this is the beauty of this work is and I
know it's not easy right now.
You're sitting through thefeels right now of like, oh my
god, this is big.
And when you can actually putawareness to this piece of the

(42:09):
puzzle, it no longer controlsyou the way it has in the past.

Speaker 2 (42:15):
Okay, that would be good.

Speaker 1 (42:18):
Can you see, maybe reflecting on some of you know a
lot of the things from your youknow past anxieties and choices
and worries, how much of thatmight have been fueled by this
fear of being alone?
Absolutely yeah absolutely.

Speaker 2 (42:39):
I really can see that it was a driving force that I
just didn't even.
I probably knew on some levelthat it was there, but I mean,
it's certainly not something Iwalk around all day with, but at
least not in my forefront of myconsciousness, but yes.

Speaker 1 (42:59):
And so this is the thing, especially in our early
years, in our developmentalyears, before the age of eight
especially, we're kind of likethese subconscious sponges.
We're taking in everything andwe include things like safety
and love and belonging.
And if we, for one reason oranother, don't have those needs

(43:40):
met or have had experiences thatleft us lacking and having
those needs met, then oursubconscious will do everything
that it takes to figure out howto get those needs met, even if
it doesn't make logical sense.
Right, you know, if you werealone, if you were left alone,

(44:01):
if you were in the situationwhere you were in this place of
being alone, from the examplesthat I've given you of the
subconscious or developmentalneeds, is there anything there
that stands out to you Like ifyou were alone and no one was
there, then what?

Speaker 2 (44:21):
You mean when I was a kid and I was alone.

Speaker 1 (44:25):
Or now, whatever comes to mind now whatever comes
to mind.

Speaker 2 (44:34):
Well, I I did spend a lot of time when I was a kid
alone.
I was an only child, so Ididn't have siblings, um, and
mostly I just amused myself.
I just found things, found waysof entertaining myself.
I was a kid that spent thewhole day outside in the
summertime when I could.
So I think I mostly just kindof did my own thing and didn't I

(44:55):
mean, at the time I didn'treally think much of it.
You know, that's just kind ofhow I grew up.

Speaker 1 (45:01):
Now outside of just like the general, you know.
You know you amused yourself.
You figured out how to get byon your own.
I mean, there's one piece.
I'll see if you can come upwith this before I suggest it.
When you're thinking about yourcaregivers and your like

(45:23):
biological parents, is there anyassociation with maybe
something that you didn't getfrom either one of them?

Speaker 2 (45:33):
Well, yes, I mean from my, my father, my parents
were divorced when I was a kid,so he was just not, he wasn't
around.
And when he was around, hewasn't.
He wasn't loving, he wasn'tcaring, he wasn't mean, he
wasn't abusive, but it just Iwasn't a priority, I wasn't
loving, he wasn't caring, hewasn't mean, he wasn't abusive,
but it just I wasn't a priority,I wasn't anything that needed

(45:57):
to be on his radar.
My mom was a single mother, soshe worked a lot.
When she wasn't working, shewas with me, she was taking care
of me and she was doing herbest.
But there were things that,yeah, that she didn't.
We never had a healthyrelationship.

(46:18):
As far as communication goes,you know, she would get mad at
me and then she'd stop talkingto me for a couple of days and
then, when she was ready to benot mad at me anymore, she would
just start talking to me.
There was never any.
Hey, this is why I'm mad.
I just needed a couple of daysto cool off kind of conversation
.
It was just I'm mad and now I'mnot.
So there was never that sort ofum resolving whatever that

(46:40):
issue was.
That she was mad at me for Um.
So, uh, you know, I probablykind of felt like at times I had
to walk on eggshell, not eggs,eggshells.
But just because I reallywasn't sure you know what was
going to make her mad, what wasgoing to make her stop talking
to me for a couple of days.
So, yeah, I'm sure I probablysubconsciously put a lot of

(47:03):
systems in place to protect mefrom that.

Speaker 1 (47:09):
So you know you've mentioned about your father.
Sure, he wasn't mean or abusive, but maybe he didn't give you
all the nurturing and love andattention that could have gone
towards really giving you thedevelopmental needs that you you
, yeah, yeah, what's that I said?

Speaker 2 (47:30):
he didn't give me any , wasn't even that, it wasn't
enough, it just wasn't any Okay.

Speaker 1 (47:35):
So you know it may or might.
Might it might be a situationof you know, could there have
been a little bit of likeemotional neglect?
Oh yes, yeah, yes, and so thatcan be considered, you know,
traumatic as well, right, andthen your mom, you know, was

(48:01):
there for you, but it soundslike she had her own emotional
dysregulation stuff, and sothere was this silent treatment
that would happen when she wasdysregulated, and so that kind
of gave you the message of, if Idon't control what's happening
here and what I'm saying andwhat I'm doing, right, I need to
walk on eggshells, otherwiseshe's going to leave me alone.

(48:24):
Yeah, she's not going to talkto me, she's not going to give
me attention and love.

Speaker 2 (48:28):
Yes, yeah, so it's been, yeah, it's.
It's been a thing my whole life, yeah, and the fear of being
alone has been a thing my wholelife.

Speaker 1 (48:42):
And how much do you think you may have in order to
make sure that you got thatdevelopmental need met of making
sure that you had people aroundyou, because in those early
years, people would leave orignore you or give you silent
treatment or not give you theattention that you deserved, and
so there was this learning of.

(49:03):
Well, I just need to change whoI am, put myself to the side
and prioritize making sure otherpeople are taken care of and so
that they don't leave me.

Speaker 2 (49:16):
Yes, yes, I have as I've gotten older and different
people have come into my lifeand I've kind of been sort of a
chameleon, even to myself.
You know, we've talked aboutthe issues that I've had with my
in-laws over the years and,quite honestly, my issues with

(49:39):
them don't really.
I don't really change for thembecause I'm afraid of them
leaving me.
I just do what I have to do tosurvive when I'm around them.
So I'm a completely differentperson when I'm around them,
because I can't be the me that Iam safely when I'm around them.
So it's, you know, it's justsort of a bare minimum kind of

(50:02):
thing.
So, but I have found that I'vedone that with a lot of people.
You know I'm the person I needto be to survive in that
environment.
But I will say in the last fouror five years I've gotten more
comfortable in my own skin, thatI realize I am who I am and if
people are here for it, great.
If not, that's totallyunderstandable too.

Speaker 1 (50:27):
And I know we've done a lot of work on that.
Yes, okay, by the way, itsounds like and there might be
this piece.
I don't know if you've everheard of masking.
Oh, yes, yeah, would you saythat that might be a piece of it
?

Speaker 2 (50:43):
Yeah, definitely, definitely.
And I think in doing so I'venot only hidden myself from
other people, I've hidden itfrom myself, because I feel like
that's who I truly am.
I'm the person that can justsort of shift and change and be
whatever I need to be indifferent circumstances.
So I actually attribute that tobeing a quality that I have,

(51:05):
rather than just a copingmechanism that keeps me hidden
from my actual self.
So I think that's why I have ahard time being able to answer
questions like what do I want?
Who am I?
What do I need?
Because I've hidden it frommyself for so long, just so I
can survive, that now I justdon't know anymore.

Speaker 1 (51:27):
You do know.
However, you might not be fullyconnected to that inner knowing
that knows, okay, right, maybeyou might not fully trust it,
you might not fully understandthe language through which it
speaks.
Okay, but all of it, all of itis in there now.
It's just a matter ofremembering, okay all of it.

Speaker 2 (51:52):

Speaker 1 (51:53):
yes when I say that, how does that help at all in
terms of like, oh my god, whereare these answers?
oh, yeah, it helps tremendouslyokay, going back to this
boardroom table and you've givenPanic a seat at the table and

(52:14):
now you've asked Panic like,okay, I see you're trying to
keep me safe right now throughworrying and worst case
scenarios and what ifs and allthe things to keep you prepared.
Now you know that the reasonwhy Panic is doing this is
because they're afraid to bealone.
You may or may not have ananswer to this, but now if you

(52:37):
ask panic, okay, I see nowYou're really afraid to be alone
.
I see, now that you are doingthese things to make sure that
that doesn't happen, things tomake sure that this, that
doesn't happen.

Speaker 2 (52:51):
If you were to ask panic, so panic what do you
think would happen if you endedup being alone?
I think that the scariest thingto me about being alone is the
fact that I don't really feelconnected to myself, mm-hmm.
So it's not just an alonenessfrom the people around me, it's

(53:16):
an aloneness from myself.
Like that I just don't have areally deep connection with
myself or I don't know myselfthat well.
That that's the kind ofaloneness that I think I'm
really truly afraid of, becauseif I didn't have the people

(53:36):
around me, or if somehow thepeople around me left me, then I
would feel really unfulfilledand really alone because I don't
have a strong relationship withmyself.
That's the alone I'm afraid of.
That's huge.

Speaker 1 (53:53):
It is huge that is a huge, a huge recognition and
awareness that you just came to.
Can you see that?
Yeah, yeah, this, this purplehorned character sitting at the
boardroom table and you'rehaving this conversation with

(54:15):
him and you're going?
Okay, I see now you're afraidof being alone because we don't
feel connected to ourself andyou're afraid that if you don't
have people around you, thenthere's no connection with
anything.

Speaker 2 (54:31):
Right.

Speaker 1 (54:32):
Yeah, you know, part of this conversation you can
have with this character sayingI see you're trying to protect
me because it doesn't feel safeto not have any connections at
all, right, you don't haveconnections externally, then
there's no connection, right,yeah.
And so you know, part of thisdiscussion is actually thanking

(54:55):
panic for trying to help you,because that's what it was
trying to do, right, he's tryingto help you to to prevent you
from feeling unsafe.
And feeling unsafe is when youdon't have any connections Right
.
And when there's no externalconnections because you haven't
been connected with yourself,then there's no connections at

(55:18):
all, right.
And then what happens?
When there's no connections youdon't have external connections
and there's no internalconnection, then what happens?

Speaker 2 (55:30):
It's kind of too frightening to think about.
I just feel like I would be akite without a string just kind
of floating off into.

Speaker 1 (55:42):
So these connections to other people have been the
things that have kept yougrounded to, to your life, to
being you.
Yes, yes.
So this is the thing when welook to the external to to bring
us the thing that actuallywould be best served to come
from inside of ourselves, itwill never actually fully

(56:06):
fulfill that need.
Right, right, kind of like Isaid earlier, it causes you to
give more than what you actuallyget back and then eventually
that back bank account goes intooverdraft.
Yes, and that's when theburnout happens and all the
things.
So now that you've had thisrealization with this character,

(56:32):
panic and you're like, oh, Isee what's happening and you can
see like panic is just tryingto help you, yes, and so
thanking panic, and now that youcan see this connection, can
you see that the solution to theconnection is actually to start

(56:53):
doing more of the work toactually connect with you on the
inside.

Speaker 2 (56:58):
Oh, yeah, absolutely yes.

Speaker 1 (57:03):
And so we're going to go over a couple of practical
things that you can do to startto connect with yourself and the
inside and actually find yourown kite string right From
within you so that you areattached to, so that you grow
roots like a tree right, so thatyou're more centered within

(57:25):
yourself and you're not going tofly off like a kite without a
string when other people aren'taround.
And so when you notice thatpanic shows up, this character
shows up and it's like, oh myGod, I need to think about all
the what ifs, because,especially when a family member
isn't doing well and you knowthat traditionally those coping

(57:49):
and protective mechanisms havebeen like I need to take care of
other people, because if theyleave, then I have no
connections, right.
And so part of this is going tobe this discernment of having
the awareness in the moment oflike I see you panic, take a
seat, let's talk.
Thank you for trying to help me.

(58:12):
I see now that you're trying tokeep us safe, because if these
people aren't around then wedon't feel any connection, and
that's what helped us to survive, and let's try a new way that's
going to help us feel connectedin a way that we can now thrive

(58:34):
.
Right, and we're going to talkabout some practical things in a
minute, but this is going to bewhere, now, you can have this
conversation and talk to thischaracter like you would, maybe
like a scared child.
Okay, right, with compassionand kindness, and help them to

(58:56):
understand.
Hey, let's go this way, let'stry it this way now.
Mm-hmm, like, how might youtalk to a scared child who's
feeling like, oh my God, I'mscared, this is going to happen?
What would you say?

Speaker 2 (59:13):
I would try to be reassuring, I would try to
probably divert their attentionfrom whatever they're focusing
on into something a little lessscary, a little more positive.

Speaker 1 (59:25):
Mm-hmm, can you see yourself speaking to this panic
character like that?
Yes definitely, and if you weregoing to imagine having that
conversation, do you get a senseas to how panic might react?

Speaker 2 (59:42):
I would think, react favorably and be able to pivot
in the moment and be open tomoving in a different direction
in the moment and be open tomoving in a different direction.

Speaker 1 (59:53):
Yeah, the first thing that I'm going to do is I'm
going to give you a website,okay, and I'm just going to pull
it up here, and then I'll putit in the chat.
So this website isselfcompassionorg.
So it's self-compassionorg andI'll put it here in the chat.

Speaker 2 (01:00:16):
Okay.

Speaker 1 (01:00:17):
Now, this particular website is run by a scientific
researcher.
Her name is Dr Kristen Neff andshe researches self-compassion.
And you know, studies areshowing over and over again how
helpful self-compassion.
And you know studies areshowing over and over again how
helpful self-compassion is forso many things markers for
health, resilience, anxiety,burnout, like all so many

(01:00:42):
different things.
Can you see how self-compassioncan be maybe an important
puzzle piece in connecting withyou on the inside?

Speaker 2 (01:00:52):
Yes.

Speaker 1 (01:00:53):
Yeah, definitely, definitely.
And if you were to rate thelevel of self-compassion that
maybe you have or have had foryourself, where do you think you
might put that?
Maybe on a scale of one to 10?

Speaker 2 (01:01:08):
Oh, maybe a one or two, okay, yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:01:14):
So, when you check out this website, the particular
page link I sent you is forself-compassion practices, okay,
and you're going to see twodifferent tabs, three different
tabs on the top.
The first tab is called guidedpractices, so there's about a
dozen audio recordings ofvarious lengths, from five

(01:01:37):
minutes to 20 minutes, and theyare all guided visualizations
and guided meditations that youcan listen to.
That will help you to deepenyour sense of compassion for
yourself, okay, and one of themis the loving kindness
meditation.
So it helps you to developcompassion for yourself and for

(01:02:00):
others and, of course, the morecompassion you have for yourself
, the more that you compassionyou can have for others without
burning yourself out, okay thatmakes sense.
Now, the second tab isself-compassion exercises.
There's eight of them listed.
I would say have a look at allof them.
Some of them might resonate foryou more than others, okay, and

(01:02:24):
you might find one or two thatfeel like interesting ones to
try out for yourself.
Okay, and between them, betweenthe guided visualizations and
the exercises you're going to, Iwould suggest that you try to
make a habit of pickingsomething, one of these things

(01:02:45):
to do every day for yourself.
Okay, whether it's a guidedvisualization or that you're
going to listen to or thatyou're going to do one of these
exercises.
There's supportive touch.
There's exercise eight istaking care of the caregiver.
I think that one might beespecially apt for you.
Okay, there's one exercise.
Exercise seven is identifyingwhat we really want.

(01:03:06):
Uh, there's one exercise.
Exercise seven is identifyingwhat we really want.
So that one, you might find itmaybe a little bit more tricky
to navigate at the beginning,and that's okay.
Okay, you don't need to haveany of these perfect right off
the get-go.
Okay, and that's part of thejourney of self-compassion is

(01:03:27):
giving yourself grace even ifit's not exactly the way you
wanted it to be right away.

Speaker 2 (01:03:35):
Yeah, definitely.

Speaker 1 (01:03:38):
How do you feel about this concept?
How do you does this sound likesomething that you feel like
you could commit to?

Speaker 2 (01:03:45):
Yes, oh, definitely yeah, cause it's something that
I don't have a lot of experiencewith.
So, yes, I think it would be agood thing.
Yeah, where were we Converse?

Speaker 1 (01:04:03):
Okay, well, now that you've had a couple minutes to
kind of like I guess we kind ofhad a bit of an intermission,
forced intermission, yes, um,just in case I'll just mention
for anyone who's listening, mycomputer just restarted on its
own, so we just had a fewminutes there, a little break.

(01:04:25):
Okay, how are you doing afterkind of sitting with us for a
couple minutes and aftereverything that we've talked
about?

Speaker 2 (01:04:35):
honestly, I feel a lot lighter.
I feel there's a clarity that Ididn't have before and a bigger
, a better understanding ofthings than I had before, and
everything just makes so muchsense now.

(01:04:56):
You know the patterns that I'vegotten into, the things that
have been put in place to keepme protected, and how it kind of
all formed together into thiswhatever.
So, yeah, even though I'm notspeaking clearly, there's a lot
more clarity than there wasbefore.

Speaker 1 (01:05:21):
This is the thing when you can understand what's
actually happening, then youknow that's empowering.
Yes, that's when all thosesurvival parts that we're trying
to control the show you can nowsee them for what they are yes

(01:05:42):
and when that happens, then youcan take a step back from
allowing them to control you,and you can kind of I don't like
to use the word control, butyou kind of take the wheel back
right when you can see it forwhat it is yes, yeah, yeah,
definitely definitely kind oflike, you know, when you open

(01:06:06):
the curtain behind the Wizard ofOz and recognize that it's not
this big, mean, powerful thingthat's controlling the world.
It's actually some old guy withtrick levers.

Speaker 2 (01:06:18):
Yes, yeah, yeah, there's definitely, definitely
feels like there's been acurtain pushed aside and there's
definitely clarity.
And yes, you're right, it'sabsolutely empowering to think
okay, well, I'm just not at thewhim of just randomness, like
there is stuff going on that Ican see clearly now, and that's

(01:06:40):
a much better feeling than justkind of feeling like you're kind
of caught in a whirlpool ofstuff that you can't identify
and can't kind of swim your wayout of.

Speaker 1 (01:06:50):
You can't identify and can't kind of swim your way
out of.
Yeah, and this is the thing aswell and this is a really
important piece of the puzzleI've already kind of touched
upon it but I just want to kindof rephrase it to help kind of
sink it in is when we look toour external world to try to
like get the things that we needright Connection, validation,
to try to like get the thingsthat we need right connection,

(01:07:12):
uh, validation, we're looking tothe external world to help make
us safe, that's we're leakingour power to it yes right,
because we can never fullycontrol it.
And even if we were able tocontrol the people and the
situations looking to theexternal without actually also

(01:07:33):
fulfilling something in theinternal, it's always going to,
there's always going to be thislike empty spot that needs
filling.
And that empty spot you cannever fully fill from looking
outside of yourself, right.

Speaker 2 (01:07:50):

Speaker 1 (01:07:51):
That totally makes sense, it sounds like your job
now, right your purpose, movingforward into this next phase of
your life, because really youare in this new phase of your
life.
Yeah, yes, new phase of yourlife.
yeah, yes, Is to, if you chooseto take this, this challenge is,

(01:08:16):
this phase is about you nowconnecting with you, and a big
piece of that is you developingcompassion for yourself, and
what happens is and actuallyscientific studies prove this to
be true right, the morecompassion that you have for

(01:08:39):
yourself.
This is how you can connect tothat inner voice that has the
answers.
Okay, this is how you connectto your intuition and trust.
It is being able to developmore compassion for yourself,
because that's when your nervoussystem is going to be more.
It's going to feel safer, right, instead of worried.

(01:09:02):
Oh my God, if I'm not doingexactly what I need to to
control my external environment,then I'm going to be alone to
to control my externalenvironment that.
I'm going to be alone, right.
That doesn't feel safe for yournervous system, no, no, no, not
at all.
And so a piece of helping andsupporting your nervous system
because your nervous system,right, if that's out of balance,

(01:09:24):
everything is going to be outof balance, right.
And so part of this supportingyour nervous system is you now
being connected with you, youhaving compassion for you, you
having gentleness and grace andlearning to meet yourself, and

(01:09:46):
the more your nervous systemfeels supported and the more
your nervous system feels safe,then the more access that you're
going to have to your ownanswers.
And so understand that.
You know I mentioned earlierthat this is a bit of a journey.
You're not going to have allthe answers like tonight, right,
but understand that how you aregoing to get the answers is

(01:10:10):
through connecting to yourintuition, and how you connect
to your intuition is to have acompassionate and kind and
loving relationship withyourself.

Speaker 2 (01:10:23):
That makes total sense.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, thatabsolutely makes total sense,
and that's a big piece I've beenmissing.
Yeah, yeah, that absolutelymakes total sense and that's a
big piece I've been missing.

Speaker 1 (01:10:33):
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, and that's not uncommon.
Yeah, there's an epidemic ofemotional dysregulation that's
passed down generationally,right, and so especially when
your parents were in this placeof emotional dysregulation
because they didn't know how todeal with their stuff yeah, then

(01:10:57):
it's just going to.
This emotional dysregulation isgoing to pass down to you in
one way or another and causeyour nervous system to feel
dysregulated, right, and causeyou to be operating out of
survival mode to try to meetthose needs, right, and I mean
this is the thing.
If you can take a step back andlook at all of society can, can

(01:11:18):
you see how much of that isgoing on?

Speaker 2 (01:11:20):
Oh, yes, people, yeah , yeah, even just in my little
circle of friends.
You know, we've nicknamedourselves the cycle breakers.
Nicknamed ourselves the cyclebreakers because we're, you know
, trying to not keep passingthat along and not keep keep
perpetuating that cycleAbsolutely, and so you already
see yourself as the cyclebreaker.

Speaker 1 (01:11:43):
Can you see how this might be a piece of your kind of
deeper inner purpose?

Speaker 2 (01:11:49):
Mm-hmm.

Speaker 1 (01:11:50):
And I want to offer up that the biggest key to
breaking that cycle is for youto be so connected to yourself
with compassion that you areshining your authenticity and
being who you're really here tobe, with loving, kindness and
compassion.
And that is such an importantpuzzle piece to this cycle

(01:12:14):
breaking and to you steppinginto the truth of what your
actual soul purpose is as ahuman being.

Speaker 2 (01:12:22):
Yes, I see that, I totally can see that.

Speaker 1 (01:12:27):
Now, when I mentioned all of these things, how is,
how is this landing for you,especially with what you
mentioned earlier about like, ohmy God, like this is so big, I
don't even know what to do withthis.

Speaker 2 (01:12:39):
Well, it's definitely as you said before with the
dinner plate example.
It's definitely feeling likeit's cutting it down into
smaller bites.
It's not just this big idea ofwhat do I want and who am I.
And, like I realize now that Ican't get to that answer just by
directly asking that question.
You have to go further down thepath to get to that answer.

(01:13:02):
It's not necessarily a directpoint A to point B connection.
You have other points along theway that you have to hit before
you get to point B.
So that I'm understanding thatnow.

Speaker 1 (01:13:13):
Yes, I love it.
Yeah, Now one other piece.
I just want to bring up yourhuman design chart that you sent
me, Because there's somethingreally relevant here that might
be an interesting point.
Okay, so first of all, you knowfrom your human design chart

(01:13:35):
that you have like two coloredin areas and the rest is not
colored in, right?

Speaker 2 (01:13:40):
When you look at the picture.

Speaker 1 (01:13:43):
It's really interesting because I have a
similar kind of chart.
It's not the bottom two but themiddle two for me that are
colored in and the rest is open.
Okay, yeah, so you can see likethere's two colored parts and
then the rest are not colored in, right?
So what's really interesting isI have a lot of my clients have

(01:14:05):
this particular type of patternof like only two defined
centers and the rest is open.
Now what that means is allthose centers that are not
colored in, they're calledundefined or open.
When they're undefined, itmeans there's channels coming
out of them still, so you cansee like red and black lines or

(01:14:28):
white, I think with your chartthose are undefined centers, and
if you don't have any channelsat all, there's no lines at all.
That means that they'recompletely open.
And so what that means is thoseundefined and open centers are
the places where you are moreapt to be picking up on energy

(01:14:48):
and things from the outside,from the external world, because
you're not fully defined inthose areas for yourself, from
within yourself.
Okay.
So, especially when it comes to, like, other people's moods and
feelings, other people'sthoughts, other people's
awareness, all of those thingsyou're picking up on other
people's stuff.

(01:15:09):
Oh yes, and sometimes it can bea little bit challenging to
discern whether or not that'scoming from you or if it's other
people.
So a couple of really key,important things to point out
here and I know a lot about thisbecause this is my chart.
Too right, I only have twodefined centers, okay, and so

(01:15:31):
what's really important is,first of all, when you have a
chart like this, it's actuallyreally important for you to have
time on your own, away fromother people's energies, so that
you can recharge yourself andbring yourself back to center
and recalibrate yourself, likeaway from the influence of other

(01:15:51):
people's stuff.
But that's really interestingthat you know one of your
protective parts is probablytrying to keep you from actually
doing that.

Speaker 2 (01:16:03):
It's keeping me from taking time on my own to
recharge.

Speaker 1 (01:16:08):
Would you say that that might be true or no?

Speaker 2 (01:16:11):
No, I think it is.
I think that is possibly true.
I'm just wondering if takingtime away and recharging my
battery is a good thing.
How would be?
How is it protective that I'mkeeping myself from doing that
Like why?

Speaker 1 (01:16:24):
is that, well, that little part of you that's afraid
of being alone, that's afraidof being alone, okay, okay, yeah
, yeah, you know, I'm justbringing this to your awareness
so that you can kind of see,even like when it plays out
right, because you might youknow now that you're seeing like
it would benefit me to havetime away from other people's

(01:16:45):
energies, but then you mightfind it to be actually a little
bit challenging to give yourselfthat time, because then you're
on your own and you're like, ohmy gosh, but now I have no
connections yeah so I'm kind ofpointing this out so that you
can, when you come up againstthis because I have a sense that
that'll probably happen rightis to recognize that what's

(01:17:12):
happening and go.
Oh, I see, like I know thatalone time right now would be
helpful, and there's all these,you know, panic is showing up,
going, yeah, but you can't dothat because then you're alone.
Yes, oh, my gosh, right, yeah,and that'll be another time for

(01:17:33):
you to go.
Okay, I see what's happeningright now.
Yeah, and then have that lovingconversation with reassurance,
right as you would to a childhave this conversation with
yourself I see what's happening.
I see, I'm afraid that if I'mnot connected to people around
me, I'm gonna feel alone.
But we're trying it differentlynow and we're working on

(01:17:57):
connecting to ourselves now, andthat means that we're always
going to be there yeah, doesthat make sense?
Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.
And how does that land doesthat?

Speaker 2 (01:18:10):
it lands like it feels like it should have been
obvious.
But I, yeah, it's kind of likea big like light bulb like oh,
of course that makes sense, Ineed that.
But I'm not doing that becauseI don't want to be alone.

Speaker 1 (01:18:27):
But I need to be alone sometimes want to be alone
, but I need to be alonesometimes, so here's the thing
there's no need to should rightwe don't need to right.
Yeah, yeah, that just makes abig mess.
Yeah, you, you were.
You saw what you were capableof seeing at the time, right,
and so you are now, because youcan see this now.
It just represents and showslike you are now at a place

(01:18:50):
where you're ready to see it.
Yes, yeah, yeah, that makes alot of sense so, yeah, alone
time and you know, even kind ofexpecting that panic might show
up and to give panic a seat atthe table and have that
reassuring conversation, and youmight even want to find things

(01:19:12):
that you can do to kind of likeease yourself into alone time in
a way that feels safe.
And that might be doingsomething like pulling up one of
the self-compassion guidedmeditations, because, yes,
you're going to be alone anddoing something for yourself and
you've got someone guiding youthrough it.
Yeah, that's.

(01:19:34):
That's, I think, a nice kind ofbridge between being alone and
connecting again yeah, and youknow reminding you yourself that
you are safe yes, right thatyou are safe, yes, right that
you are here and you've got it.
Now You've got your back, yes,and you know, reassuring that

(01:19:58):
part of you like I'm not leavingthat feels like that might be a
big one for you.
Yes, yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:20:06):
Yeah, that is huge.

Speaker 1 (01:20:09):
That might be a mantra that you might want to
remind yourself I'm not leaving,I'm here now.
And you might want to evenconsider maybe putting it on
like a post-it note and puttingit somewhere, or making your
phone wallpaper or something yes, right, so then you can see
that and keep reminding yourselfof that.

Speaker 2 (01:20:29):
Mm, hmm.
No, that's an excellent idea,because you're there you got
your, you got your back.

Speaker 1 (01:20:35):
I got my back.
Now the other thing I justwanted to point out about
there's a couple of things.
So you're a five, one profile.
I don't know if you've everheard of like the lines.
There's six numbers and we allhave a combination of two

(01:20:56):
numbers and they can help us tobetter understand an aspect
about ourselves.
And so you have the two numbers, five and one.
Now the five line represents aleader, and so with a five line,
you're here to kind of leadpositive change, which you've

(01:21:18):
already affirmed with, like youknow, you already know you're
the cycle breaker.
That is a prime example ofbeing in leadership, of leading
a new way.
But here's the hick when itcomes to the five line is so the
people who are your tribe, thepeople who get you, the people

(01:21:39):
you really connect with, they'regoing to eat, eat it up,
they're going to love you,they're going to follow you,
they're going to hear what yousay and you are going to be a
wonderful, like positiveinfluence for them.
Okay, but the people who arenot your tribe, the people who
don't get you, the people whoare not at the same radio

(01:22:00):
station frequency as you, you'reprobably going to trigger them,
okay, because you're, you'respeaking truth that they don't
want to hear, right, they don'twant to look at their stuff, so
instead they're going to beprovoked.
Yeah, can you see that, lookingback on situations in the past

(01:22:20):
about people weren't your peopleand how they may have been like
provoked or triggered or upsetor whatever, definitely,
absolutely, and so that justit's just kind of like a
confirmation of like, this iskind of what's going to happen
when you're around people whoaren't kind of like your people,
and part of this is going to beyou not taking it personally

(01:22:45):
and you not taking it as there'ssomething wrong with you or
that you need to change in orderfor them not to get triggered,
because you, being the cyclebreaker and a leader for change,
is actually you staying strongin yourself, okay, and
understanding that theirreaction has everything to do

(01:23:06):
with them and not you.
Okay, right, mm-hmm, them andnot you.
Okay, right.
And if you ever need a reminderof that, if you go to the
online program, right, there'sthat whole module about other
people's stuff and that might bea helpful reminder for you to
like, just watch that.
You know it's about theirprojections and they're like

(01:23:29):
they don't want their truthpoked.
Yes, so their protective partsare going to come out to try to
protect that they don't have tolook at it.
That's where.
That's where the reactions comefrom.
When you look back onsituations where you have
provoked or triggered people,can you see how their reactions
may have been associated withwith them, like not wanting to

(01:23:52):
own something or look atsomething?

Speaker 2 (01:23:54):
Oh yeah, oh yeah, most definitely yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:24:00):
And can you see how that doesn't mean that you
should change.
Can you see how you actuallystaying strong in your center is
actually going to be that cyclebreaking action?
Yes, yes, even though it's noteasy sometimes.

Speaker 2 (01:24:21):
No it is not, especially when you're somebody
who is afraid of being alone.
So you don't want to triggeranybody.
You don't want to triggeranybody, you don't want to piss
anybody off, you don't want toalienate anybody.
So you shift yourself so thatthat doesn't happen.
Exactly.
But what ends up happening isthen I'm not.

(01:24:42):
I'm not keeping around thepeople that are in my tribe.
I'm keeping everybody,regardless of whether they
should be there or not.
I'm keeping everybody,regardless of whether they
should be there or not.

Speaker 1 (01:24:53):
Yes, yeah, and that's what you believed you needed to
do to survive.
Yeah, I can't remember.
Do you like to read or listento audiobooks?

Speaker 2 (01:25:06):
I do read.
I'm not a prolific reader, butI do read.

Speaker 1 (01:25:15):
Do you have Spotify?
Yes, you have the premium, likeyou pay for it.
Yes, perfect, okay.
Okay, because you can.
I don't know if you knew thisyou can access books on Spotify.

Speaker 2 (01:25:23):
No, I did not know that.
I just found out about that afew months ago, oh wow.

Speaker 1 (01:25:27):
Okay, so you can go and listen to this book, and
actually I think this is areally good book to listen to
because of the way that it'slike the way the book is set up.
So it's called the Courage tobe Disliked Ooh.

Speaker 2 (01:25:43):
Mm-hmm.

Speaker 1 (01:25:47):
I'm just going to look up the author's name, so
I'll spell the first name it'sI-C-H-I-R-O, and then the last
name is K-I-S-H-I-M-I.
Okay, and the book is set up.
It's a conversation between ayoung man and a philosopher.
Okay, so you're going to hearthis back and forth conversation

(01:26:09):
throughout the whole book andthe philosopher is giving kind
of perspective shifts andinsights to help the young man
understand.
You know, it's not his task totry to get people to like him
and it's actually keeping himfrom his own inner freedom.

Speaker 2 (01:26:26):
Yeah, so that might give you some help.
I'll give that a shot.

Speaker 1 (01:26:30):
Yeah, and then it also kind of makes sense, going
back to you know being alone andit doesn't feel safe to be
alone.
And it kind of makes sense thenthat when you're doing mundane
tasks like driving, all of asudden the panic character steps
in because you're you're you,you know you're not involved

(01:26:53):
with, like helping other people,right, maybe you're on your own
.
And then panic sets in and goeshey, you know, we need to think
about all these things now andall the worst case scenarios and
the what-ifs, so that we canprepare ourselves.
And then, of course, when we'refocused on the future instead
of the present moment, that'swhen that those feelings of

(01:27:14):
anxiety show up.
Yes, and so those feelings ofanxiety, you can, you might want
to consider this perspective.
When feelings of anxiety show up, that is a message for you to
let you know that you're nolonger focused in being present

(01:27:37):
and that the panic character isin overdrive right now, trying
to keep you safe.
Yes, and so when those feelingsof anxiety come up, like you've
mentioned, like the heavinessand the like you mentioned here,
you know these types of thingsare signs.

(01:27:58):
Oh, I see these feelings andsensations are showing up right
now that represent anxiety andinstead of thinking like why is
this happening to me or whatever, right, because then you feel
out of control.
Yes, oh, I see these feelings ofanxiety are showing up right
now.
That means I'm afraid of beingalone, that the panic character

(01:28:24):
is an overdrive right now andthat I'm likely focused,
over-focused, on the what-ifs totry to gain a sense of control.
Okay, and then, if you're ableto, in that moment and this
might take some practice, rightTo kind of step back as the
observer instead of beingwrapped up in the panic

(01:28:47):
character's energy, right Is, oh, I see what's happening right
now, and this might be a reallygreat time to imagine the
boardroom and having thatreassuring conversation with
panic and being like I seeYou're really afraid of being
alone right now and remindingpanic.
Okay, I got you.
Now I'm here now.

Speaker 2 (01:29:09):
Yeah, that makes a lot of sense, yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:29:12):
Does that feel like that might be a helpful puzzle
piece?

Speaker 2 (01:29:17):
Oh my goodness.
Yes, yeah, I think that's huge,especially the especially
stepping back and observing it.
I think that was, like probablythe biggest thing that hit the
hardest today is realizing thatthe thoughts and the anxiety
isn't me, it's something I'mobserving and actually being
able to embody that in thecharacter outside of myself.

(01:29:40):
Like that's huge, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:29:45):
And so you know, this is something that you can
practice in many different areas, because it's always true that
you are not your thoughts, youare the observer of your
thoughts and you know this isespecially important with you
know the panic character andthen with anxiety.
But this can be something thatyou can start to explore over
time with other areas, whenother different types of

(01:30:07):
thoughts and protective partsmight be showing up.
Okay, okay, right, that you arenot those parts, you are the
one observing them.
Okay, because at any time, ifyou can actually hear or you
know, hear that a voice of somesort, whatever the voice is
saying, that is just proof rightthere that you are not that
thing, you are the thing, youare the one observing it.

(01:30:29):
Okay, and I mean, I know that'sa bit of a big concept that you
might not see all it all, rightnow, right, just work with what
we've been talking about today.
Now, the other thing that couldbe helpful is when you're
noticing yourself going intothese places where panic is
coming out, the character andlike all the what-ifs are coming

(01:30:51):
out.
Now you're no longer present.
The other thing that you can dois to support your nervous
system.
So this is a really great timeto pull out your tools, like do
some deep breathing, right,always come back to the breath,
because the breath really doesregulate so much about what's
going on with your nervoussystem.

(01:31:12):
And you can pair it with, youcould do like a bilateral
stimulation, so you can eitherdo this on your arms or on your
legs right, it's just aboutgentle, tap, alternate.
So tap, tap back and forth,left and right, nice and slow,
and and you know, if you're outin public it can be a lot more

(01:31:34):
discreet just do it on the topof your thighs, okay, right, and
this is also a way that you canstart to kind of support your
nervous system, like I'm here,I'm here, I'm here now, I'm here
.
And you can maybe pair thatwith, like having that inner
dialogue with at the boardroomtable.
Yeah, okay, does that feel likethat could be some helpful

(01:32:00):
practical tools for you in thosemoments?

Speaker 2 (01:32:03):
absolutely, yeah, definitely.
I mean the breath.
I'm pretty good at that, I'mpretty consistent with that now
anyway, and I have found that tobe a really useful tool, and
having something physical likethe bilateral touch would be
really a useful tool as well.

Speaker 1 (01:32:20):
Yeah, um, if you like , would you like me to send you
a recording, like a hypnosisrecording, to listen to?
That might be helpful for youto connect with yourself and
become more grounded withinyourself.
Yes, please, okay, I'm justmaking that note.
Do you use essential oils at?

Speaker 2 (01:32:42):
all I did initially when we first started working
together, and I've kind ofgotten away from it a little bit
, only so much as, like, I uselavender to help me sleep.

Speaker 1 (01:32:57):
So, if you want to try again, that basic blend from
the beginning might besomething to go back to, and
that's the one with the tea tree, clove, frankincense and
bergamot.

Speaker 2 (01:33:09):
Okay, yeah, I have that one written down in here.

Speaker 1 (01:33:13):
Okay, perfect.
So you know, if you want tomake, if you don't already have
like a little roller bottle orcontainer to kind of like mix
them up and then just fill it upwith oil fractionated coconut
oil or olive oil or whatever youhave, okay, and this might be a
really great thing to make adaily practice of of.

(01:33:36):
When you get up in the morning,before you start interacting
with other people and theirenergies, apply it to the soles
of your feet, okay, and you canalso apply it to your solar
plexus.
It's kind of like in betweenthe bottom of your rib cage and
your belly button, right inbetween, and that can be kind of

(01:33:59):
like just a great way to kindof like clear out other people's
stuff and like protect you fromother people's stuff and just
help you kind of like be morecentered and connected to
yourself.

Speaker 2 (01:34:09):
Okay, yeah, I will definitely get back into that,
yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:34:12):
And then you can apply that like any other time
you might feel called.
If you feeling like I'd like todo this, I'd like to, you know,
apply it again, go for itwhenever you want, wherever you
want on your body.
And this is also a really greatblend.
If you know you're going to beinteracting with people that are
like either not your people orthey're like a lot, yeah, you

(01:34:36):
know, go ahead and apply itagain before interacting with
them.
Okay, yeah, how does that sound?
That sounds good.
And going back to the initialthing that you mentioned about
like letting go Mm-hmm thingthat you've mentioned about like

(01:34:56):
letting go I would suggest thatthe thing here to consider is
the fact that you've mentionedabout like I need to feel.
The thing that you need to feelin control is making sure that
you are connected with otherpeople and helping other people,
and that's probably the thingfor you to work on.
Letting go.
Okay, I think this perspectiveis going to be more easily

(01:35:17):
attainable for you.
It's not about, yeah, but Ineed to get rid of those things,
but think of it more this wayand I see this more and more is,
the more you connect withyourself, the more you find
centered grounding and calm,confidence and presence within
yourself, the less you're goingto be grasping onto needing to

(01:35:40):
control, needing to help othersto find your sense of value,
like these things that you'regrasping onto to try to kind of
fulfill the thing.
Instead of thinking about itlike I need to let go of these
things, think of it like for menow it's about connecting to
myself and you're naturallygonna let go of your grasp on

(01:36:02):
those things.
yeah, that does make sense and Imean a little bit more of this
might not land for you right now, but like there is this concept
of surrender and just to kindof like plant the seed, because
I don't think it's going to besomething that's gonna.
You might get it like in themind level, but it might take a

(01:36:26):
while for, like your being toget it is the surrender comes
from, like you surrendering intoyour own connection with the
present moment, with who you are, with yourself and your flow.
But I think for you right now,the first step is actually to

(01:36:48):
connect with yourself first, yes, and then you can start to
explore this next step of likesurrendering into the flow of
your life.
But first you need to createthat strong foundation of you
actually being connected withyou, otherwise you'll end up
feeling like a kite with nostring.

Speaker 2 (01:37:06):
Yes, does that make sense.
Yes, that makes a lot of sense.

Speaker 1 (01:37:13):
Yeah, so this is the other thing.
Is everything that you see onsocial media right?
Everyone is coming from theirown perspective.

Speaker 2 (01:37:22):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:37:23):
And what works for one person might not be where
you're at and everyone's goingto be sharing a different
concept and you know from theirown place.
Yeah, and this is where youknow it can be helpful to kind
of create some boundaries aroundsocial media and what you're
consuming and how.
And if you're starting to getto a place where you're like,

(01:37:46):
but I'm seeing all these things,but like I don't like it, just
like I don't know, like how do Iget there?
That might be a really greatplace for you to stop and go.
Okay, am I actually listeningto myself right now or am I just
like taking in what otherpeople are telling me?

Speaker 2 (01:38:02):
Yeah, yeah, and I feel like a deeper connection to
myself will help filter thosethings out a lot better.
Exactly.

Speaker 1 (01:38:12):
Yeah, yeah.
How are you feeling with all of?

Speaker 2 (01:38:14):
this Good, honestly good.
I mean.
It's been a lot and it's beenit's.
It was a lot, but a lot of goodand a lot of clarity and a lot
more in touch with the directionI would like to go in.

Speaker 1 (01:38:34):
Wonderful yeah, do you have questions for me?

Speaker 2 (01:38:41):
In this moment, Not no, not that I can think of,
because we really coveredeverything pretty pretty well.
You explained everything verywell.
You kind of gave me differentperspectives on how to approach
this, and yeah, so I think now Ijust kind of need to absorb it,
process it.

Speaker 1 (01:39:00):
Yeah, and that'll take some time.
Yeah, and just be compassionateand patient with yourself
through that process.

Speaker 2 (01:39:08):
Yes.

Speaker 1 (01:39:10):
As I usually do at the end of a session, I always
ask if you were to summarizesome of the top things that
stood out to you the most, thatwere the most impactful or
helpful.
What would you say some ofthose top things might be?

Speaker 2 (01:39:25):
Well, the top number one the realization that if I
truly get connected to myselfbetter, if I work on that, then
I won't ever be alone and Idon't have to worry about being
alone, because even if I amphysically alone, I'm not alone.
Yes, um, because I still havethat connection and that a lot

(01:39:48):
of the things that anxiety,panic, is just trying to help me
and that I don't have to beafraid of it.
I don't have to try and get ridof it necessarily.
I have to understand what itspurpose is, why it's there, and
maybe shift panic's efforts intrying to help me into something

(01:40:14):
a little bit more productive.
So that's another big one toprotect me, keep me safe.

(01:40:35):
That I just kind of need to beaware of and just kind of figure
out how to incorporate thoseinto my operating procedure.

Speaker 1 (01:40:41):
Yeah, and I mean, you know, awareness is always the
first step, right, because youcan't shift something that you
can't see, right, and so nowyou're seeing another level,
deeper, about all of this andhow the puzzle pieces fit
together right, and that's goingto help you to, you know, find
that way forward towards morethriving.

(01:41:02):
Yes, definitely, yeah, giveyourself a pat on the back for
showing up for yourself today.
Definitely, because I mean, Iknow this isn't hard to look at
this stuff, right, it can feeluncomfortable.

Speaker 2 (01:41:17):
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Sometimes the discomfort leaksright out my eyes and down my
face Right.

Speaker 1 (01:41:27):
It's okay to feel the feelings because, as with all
things, this too shall pass.

Speaker 2 (01:41:33):
Yes.

Speaker 1 (01:41:34):
And when you are actually willing to face it and
look at it without attachingonto it, without identifying
with it, and let it flow through.
That's when you find on theother side is where more of your
freedom is.

Speaker 2 (01:41:50):
Yes, I can see that a lot with a lot more clarity now
, definitely.

Speaker 1 (01:41:57):
Yeah, so now you've got some tools and some thoughts
and some concepts and somepractical things to start moving
forward.
Knowing that it sounds likethis, you know this next step on
your journey is reallyconnecting with you and starting
to learn more about who you areand what you actually want.

Speaker 2 (01:42:17):
Yes, yeah, definitely I'm.
I'm actually really excitedabout that.
I'm really excited to getstarted on this Wonderful.
I'm excited for you.

Speaker 1 (01:42:29):
Thank you Wonderful.
I'm excited for you.
Thank you, and I would love foryou to you know, do a little
bit of contemplating, try outsome of these exercises and send
me an update on how things aregoing and where this is taking
you, cause I really would loveto know.
Okay, I will do that.
Yeah, and within the nextcouple of days, I will send you

(01:42:51):
a hypnosis recording that youcan use.
Thank you so much for this.

Speaker 2 (01:42:56):
Oh, thank you.
Thank you for this.
Thank you is not even strongenough, but thank you.
I appreciate all of yourinsights and I appreciate your
time very, very much.
Thank you.

Speaker 1 (01:43:08):
It's been my pleasure .
Do you feel complete withtoday's session?
I do.
So, is it okay if I now closeoff the circle?

Speaker 2 (01:43:18):
Yes, okay.

Speaker 1 (01:43:21):
So that concludes the session that I had with Rebecca
, and I mentioned there abouthow I was closing off the circle
.
Just so you know, whenever Ihave a one-to-one session with
somebody, I do an opening andclosing invocation, where I set
the energy for the session sothat we are both grounded and

(01:43:43):
connected in a way that supportsthe growth, betterment and
fulfillment of all concerned inthe session, and then at the end
of the session I close that offso that we can go our separate
ways without having to carry theenergy of the other person.
So I hope that you enjoyedlistening to this session and

(01:44:06):
listening to Rebecca gettingvarious light bulb moments,
putting her puzzle piecestogether so that she could
understand herself with anotherlevel of clarity, and maybe you
saw yourself in some of thethings that we spoke about, and,
if so, I hope this gave yousome additional clarity for

(01:44:26):
yourself and, as as well, somepractical ideas on how to move
forward into the next level offull potential for yourself.
Now this session will give youan idea of what a single session
reading is all about.

(01:44:46):
I don't always offer singlesession readings.
I will bring them out from timeto time, and the purpose of
these readings is to help yougain a level of clarity about
yourself and something thatmight be keeping you from moving
into that next level ofpotential or getting clear on
the direction that you want tobe taking with your life or your

(01:45:08):
work, or getting clear on whatit is that is your deepest inner
purpose and, as you can seefrom the session that we had
today, rebecca was able to getmore clarity about herself and
what was holding her back fromstepping into more thriving in
her life.
Now, to give you an idea of howI typically work with people,

(01:45:31):
the next step on this journeywould be to work in a longer
term container, either a sixweek container or a six month
container, supporting you andguiding you on the journey of

(01:45:54):
more deeply connecting withyourself and your intuition with
compassion and understandingand clarity, so that you can get
super clear on what it is youactually want, who you really
are, what your deepest innerpurpose is and how to move from
that just level of mentallyunderstanding all of this to
creating that inner paradigmshift where you're shifting from

(01:46:17):
your level of being so that itbecomes a natural part of your
neural connection network andhow you think and automatic
responses so that you areoperating from this level of
thriving overflow versus some ofthe patterns that you have

(01:46:37):
likely still been operating fromin terms of survival behaviors,
and every time we get togetherfor a session or a Voxer day,
you gain another level ofclarity for yourself, along with
practical ideas on how to makethis happen, as well, as I'm
always providing supportivetools and concepts to help you

(01:47:02):
rewire your neurology.
That, paired with the lightbulb moments, the perspective
shifts that you get with thelight bulb moments, the
perspective shifts that you getthese are what create the
sustainable, permanent change,because once you change how
you're looking at something,then everything about you and

(01:47:23):
the world around you changes,and once you see it differently,
you can't unsee it.
It's just the way it works.
And, as you can see from thesession that we had, rebecca and
I had worked for a short timetogether around two years ago
and she was able to gain a levelof foundational perspective

(01:47:44):
from that time that we workedtogether and, as you can see,
there was another layer of whatwe had worked through in the
past that came up again.
And, as you can see, there wasanother layer of what we had
worked through in the past thatcame up again, and I see this a
lot when you are going through alife change, when something
shifts in your world, in yourlife, like, say, for example,

(01:48:06):
with Rebecca the kids moved outof the house and she had been
caretaking her mother and hermother moved to a retirement
home and now she's left going.
Wow, so all of these roles thatI thought were my identity are
now gone.
Now I'm feeling all the things,and so, as I spoke about in the

(01:48:29):
podcast episode before this one,I spoke about my own personal
experience with coming upagainst a challenge that comes
up again right before you end upgoing through an up level,
right.
So old patterns come backaround and you might be saying,
but I thought I dealt with allof this before.

(01:48:49):
Why is this happening?
It's happening for you to workthrough and alchemize so that
you can step forward into thatnext level, towards more
thriving, towards your fullpotential.
Now, I had decided to createthis podcast episode of showing
you what it looks like behindthe scenes when I work
one-on-one with somebody,because, first of all, people

(01:49:11):
are curious and I wanted you tosee what that experience is like
, because it can be difficultfor me to actually try to
explain it without actuallyshowing you.
So that's reason number one.
Reason number two is becausemany themes that tend to come up

(01:49:33):
with my clients arecommonalities that many of my
other clients can relate to, andso I wanted you to see some of
the themes that sometimes comeup with my clients, because
you're probably seeing aspectsof yourself within the session
that we had today.
I want you to also have lightbulb moments.

(01:49:54):
Whether you work with me or not,my hope is that the things that
I share here will help you onyour path towards your full
potential, towards widening yourperspective, towards stepping
into thriving and operating fromthe place of your inner soul
purpose, and the other reasonwhy I'm sharing this is because

(01:50:17):
my genius, when I work withsomebody, is actually to take
you from this place where younow recognize these puzzle
pieces, and now I guide youthrough the journey to make the
transformational shifts whereyou are more deeply connected
with yourself, where you are nowoperating from this intuitive

(01:50:37):
place of inner knowing, whereyou know your answers, and I
guide you to that place.
What I tend to find is when youget the foundations from
therapy and personal developmentwork and all those other types
of things and now you see someof your puzzle pieces, that's
when my work will skyrocket youto that inner thriving overflow

(01:51:04):
and operating from your fullpotential so that you can be
making that bigger impact thatyou know that you're here to be
making in your life and feelingfully fulfilled while you're
doing it.
So if any of this calls to you,please don't hesitate to reach
out.
We can arrange having aconversation.
There's no pressure and we canhave a back and forth

(01:51:27):
conversation where I'm happy tosee if I can help you identify
maybe some of your puzzle pieces, kind of like what I did today
with Rebecca, but at a slightlysmaller scale.
Through that conversation, ifyou're seeing that the way I
work and use my gifts to helpyou see your puzzle pieces

(01:51:50):
really resonates with you, thenyou can decide if you would like
to go deeper with me andcontinue this work so that I can
guide you to really steppinginto what it is that you want to
be achieving.
And if, through ourconversation, you feel that
that's all you needed and or wedon't resonate together, then

(01:52:14):
there's no pressure.
I only want to work with peoplethat feel like a good fit, both
on my end and your end, becausethat's truly when the magic
happens.
So in the show notes you'regoing to find information on how
you can work with me if youwould like to check that out, or
you can send me a DM or anemail and we can organize a

(01:52:37):
conversation together.
So I hope that you enjoyed this,and I also suggest you might
want to actually listen to thisepisode again in the future,
because the way my work works iseverything is infused with
multiple layers, and so you'regoing to get a piece of
perspective when you listen toit the first time, but then,

(01:53:00):
when you go back to it again inthe future, you're going to see
another level of it and anotherlayer of it, and that will help
you widen your perspective evenmore.
And this is why I always get myclients to actually record the
session, because this happensover and over that they're going
to listen to it again in thefuture and they go, wow, why
didn't I see that before?

(01:53:21):
And this is why because it doescome in layers and you're going
to see what you're ready to seeand then, once you integrate
that, widen your perspective andthen move forward into another
layer of your full potential,you go back and listen again and
you're going to see anotherlayer of it, because you'd be
able to see another layer of itand that will help you to
integrate another layer and moveanother layer towards your full

(01:53:45):
potential.
So thank you for listening tothis episode.
I know it was longer than usual, but I really wanted to include
all of this to capture thegoodness, and I hope this was
helpful for you.
So I look forward to speakingto you again soon.

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