Ever wondered how a former tractor driver became an empowering relationship coach? Meet Emma Walsh, who shares her incredible journey from the fields of agriculture to the trenches of personal transformation. Emma specializes in helping women heal from the traumas of narcissistic relationships, and in this episode, she opens up about her own tumultuous experiences and the generational healing that comes from breaking free from harmful patterns.
Throughout our conversation, Emma and I explore the profound insights that come from understanding the true nature of love and attachment. We challenge the high-drama versions of relationships often mistaken for passion, advocating for the stability and calm that signify genuine love. Emma's candid revelations about her anxiously attached nature and her struggles with validation provide a powerful narrative of overcoming insecurities and fostering self-awareness. Together, we emphasize the importance of breaking generational cycles of limiting beliefs, highlighting the joy of seeing others grow through their personal journey.
Emma also dives into the transformative power of self-validation, sharing how she overcame self-doubt and the toxic influences that once controlled her life. We discuss the exhilarating yet lonely path of entrepreneurship and the profound impact of finding purpose and creating a lasting legacy. This episode is a heartfelt invitation to embrace your own healing journey, cultivate self-love, and unlock the limitless possibilities that life offers. Don't miss Emma's insights on healing, growth, and the ripple effect of positive change.
Connect with Emma:
- Instagram: @ejwalsh_relationshipcoach
- Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thewarriorhubwomenhealingaftertoxicrelationships/
- Website: www.emmajwalsh.com
CONNECT WITH MICHELLE:
- Instagram @michelledowker_wellbalance
- Facebook @michelledowkerwellbalance
- Email michelle@michelledowker.com
FREE:
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WORK WITH MICHELLE:
Soul Purpose Snapshot — A fast, focused chart review for paradigm-shifting professionals ready to lead from their real design https://michelledowker.thrivecart.com/mini-review/
Clarity Lab — Step into the next chapter of your work with a full-body "Yes. That's it.". https://michelledowker.thrivecart.com/clarity/
Disclaimer:
This podcast is for informational & inspirational purposes only. Nothing shared is intended as medical, psychological, or personalized advice, and should not be used as a substitute for professional support.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Today I have a juicy and deep episode to share with
you.
I had a conversation today withEmma Walsh.
Emma is a relationship coach,helping women overcome the
trauma of past relationships,break down insecurities and
empower them to glow up so thatshe can live a life on her terms
(00:22):
, and we got into all thingsabout relationships, especially
narcissistic relationships, andhealing from them, and we got
into all the details about howshe pivoted from being a tractor
driver working in agricultureto making a complete 180 pivot
(00:44):
into becoming the relationshipcoach that she is today, helping
women heal and create agenerational ripple effect for
their entire lineage.
There is so much amazingjuiciness that we discussed
today that I hope will give yousome insights, whether you are
(01:06):
looking at relationship healinghealing from narcissistic
caregivers or if you are lookingat wanting to know more about
how to truly find your purpose,follow your purpose and make the
shifts in order to be doing themost purposeful work that
lights you up while making thebiggest impact in the world.
(01:28):
So I hope that you enjoytoday's conversation.
I would love to know, emma,what is your story?
How did you come to be doingthe work that you do today?
Tell me a little bit about thatstory.
Speaker 2 (01:43):
Well, firstly I just want to say thank you so so much
for having me here.
You know I couldn't be moreexcited.
I've been buzzed about this allweek.
So that is a great firstquestion.
And you know it was a long, along journey, but I I didn't
know what was going on and Ithink until I experienced it you
know I were, I was inrelationships, several
relationships, that continued tofail.
(02:05):
You know these relationships,you know my first real
relationship included a lot ofcontrolling, a lot of at the
time I didn't realize it butvery much like gaslighting
techniques of you know, majormeltdowns and then gifts or
being taken out for dinner.
So you kind of feel like, oh,is this a me problem Because
they're being so nice, and atthat, that age I didn't
(02:26):
understand what it was.
And then I continued inrelationships like that and then
the final relationship Isuppose I could call it the wake
up, the wake up relationship.
I spent five years back andforth with a very narcissistic
man and three of those yearsthere was another young lady
involved which I didn't actuallyknow about for probably well
(02:48):
over a good year.
Um, I was working away and whenhe first started to see her I
felt like we were in a reallygood place.
You know, prior to that, okay,he had been very, very distant.
It was very much keep me atarm's length.
You know it was on his termsall the time and I just kept
going in with.
You know, I know this isn'tquite right, this doesn't seem
(03:10):
normal, it really upsets me, buthe will change.
This is just.
He's got commitment issues andhe's been hurt in the past and I
almost made up all theseexcuses just purely because,
more than anything, I justwanted to be loved, you know,
and and receive love in a waythat I was always given it, of
cooking and cleaning for peopleand giving this consistent
(03:32):
wanting to be there.
And, of course, the more thisperson pulled away, the harder I
tried to pull in, and I didn'tknow about narcissists by this
point, and it wasn't until Ithen found out about this young
lady and and I he said to me andI quote this when I found out,
you and I were not goinganywhere and that was it.
(03:54):
There was no kind of real ex.
So of course I straight awayfelt like this was all my fault.
You know what have I done?
And it's another failedrelationship and why can't I
just be loved?
But what really set theconfusion off was the him
continuing to stay in contact.
You know, he continued to.
(04:14):
I don't want to say pester me,but no matter how many times I'd
ask him to leave me alone, hewould continue to to just create
random conversation of, oh Ijust want to see how you are,
and you know, and just starttalking about anything and
everything, which was a lot ofconfusion.
And of course that just made methink, oh, this man is
obviously still interested in me, otherwise he wouldn't still be
(04:35):
talking to me, he wouldn't wantto have intimate interactions
with me.
Why would you do that?
I suppose in my world I didn'tsee it as something you know, I
saw that as what someone doeswhen they love you, and that's
what he told me before I foundout about this young lady, that
he was in love with me, and Ithen went to a relationship
(04:55):
coach who specialized in, youknow, sort of lack of, you know,
confidence, lack of self-worth,and I was like that's me, I
don't feel like I'm worthy, Idon't feel like I'm lovable To
which I then learned about thiswhole new world of anxiously
attached people avoidantnarcissistic and inner childhood
(05:17):
traumas, which I then learnedthat actually growing up I had a
narcissistic mum myself and youknow I didn't know about that.
I learned about the avoidant andanxiously attached dance and
how narcissists and empaths, youknow, although they fall under
anxiously attached people, fallvery much in with like an empath
(05:37):
category as such.
You know how that is a strongdance and avoidance being very
similar to narcissists and andhaving that bad name, but
narcissists are like a whole newlevel up.
It was a whole new world that Icame into.
I loved.
I loved 90% of my healingjourney.
Don't get right, I didn't loveall of it.
(05:58):
It wasn't easy at times and it'snot anybody says no, no, and I
think anybody that comes in andsays you know what you're gonna
hear and it's gonna be so easy,is so.
It's such a bad misconceptionto have and you know, I talk
about it all with my friends ofwhat I was doing and then they
go oh, I'm struggling with thatand I'd help them, and it would
(06:21):
just fill me with like this warm, buzzy, excited glow and I
could just feel myself like Iactually finally felt, like I
blossomed in my life, which issomething I hadn't experienced
before.
And through doing this healingwork, I became almost it was an
obsession.
I became obsessed with thenervous system and attachment
(06:43):
and you know narcissists ingeneral and how they work, and
then I started to see it socrystal clear in my mum which I
think was probably really scary,and how she worked with her
tactics on my dad and us aschildren and I was able to take
that and actually finally beable to step back from my
(07:05):
childhood which was a big thingfor me and see that this was no
longer and my failedrelationship, this was no longer
a story of who I am as a person, but just the environments that
I've been in and that actuallythese are lessons that now put
me into a situation where I'm ina really loving, healthy
(07:26):
relationship, and it wasn't easy, you know.
I went into that and I had tolearn that feeling calm and
feeling like there wasn't aspark or there wasn't a passion
isn't actually true.
It just means I'm in a reallycalm relationship and my nervous
system's really calm and it'sloving and this actually is what
love is.
You know, I had such a distortedkind of reality of what love is
(07:50):
to then go into something thatis loving and I mean we're now
looking to build our first hometogether, so we're obviously
doing all right, but it wasreally exciting to actually,
when I look back and saw my owntransformation and then be able
to help friends through it, andI thought this is what gets me
excited, this is what fills mewith warmth and genuine warmth.
(08:15):
And you know thrills and I knowthat sounds bizarre saying the
word thrills about this kind ofwork, but to see someone come to
you in a place where they theydon't essentially like
themselves and and knowing howthat felt to be in that
situation of looking in themirror and almost feeling
disgusted about who you are andnot knowing where your life's
(08:37):
going and constantly blamingyourself to being able to step
into this whole new empoweringlike flower, and it is literally
just like watching someoneflower out of this, this soil
that's been contaminated for solong, and just blossom time and
time again.
Like that is.
You know, it's such a gorgeousexperience to have and every
(08:59):
time I think, whenever I come tothe end of a client, it's
always, always sad to seesomeone go, but you're so proud
of them and who they are now,and it's like no amount of money
in the world could ever pay forthat priceless feeling of
watching someone feel good aboutthemselves.
And you know, I don't think wehave, especially with social
media and stuff.
(09:20):
Now there is never enough ofthat true empowerment on the
other side.
Now there is never enough ofthat true empowerment on the
other side.
So to watch it firsthand isalways, it's always a blessing,
you know, and it's an honorevery time.
Sorry, I kind of got off at atandem.
There you're speaking mylanguage.
Speaker 1 (09:35):
I can.
I relate to all of that andyeah, it sounds like you kind of
you awakened.
Speaker 2 (09:43):
Yeah to something that was going on, Sorry go
ahead.
No, sorry, and I think even youknow learning about my
attachment, especially more thananything, and having that
anxious attachment andunderstanding where it comes
from, because I've always.
You know, I have an olderbrother.
(10:03):
He is very clever, he is verysmart and I love him dearly and
we're very close now but we havevery two different versions of
our childhood.
It's so interesting to see nowhow we operate in relationships
and I always felt like the blacksheep of the family because my
brother got in a relationship.
(10:24):
He stayed in that permanentrelationship.
I had failed relationship afterfailed relationship and I felt
very lost all the time.
You know, I went into anagricultural job, thinking that
that's where I wanted to be, andwhen I was at my height of that
job, I was actually so unhappy.
You know, I suffered with a lotof anxiety.
I suffered with a lot ofdepression.
(10:44):
I always felt like I wasactually so unhappy.
You know, I suffered with a lotof anxiety.
I suffered with a lot ofdepression.
I always felt like I was havingto push myself to my wits end
to prove that I was worthy to bethere and, I think, to then
have this awakening and, likeyou know what that for something
I felt that was my purpose,wasn't my purpose at.
I was just always looking forvalidation, but in the wrong
(11:07):
aspect.
And I think as well that jobwas used as a example in my
relationships as to why I wasn'tthis great person to be with.
And you know, it created thatresentment and I thought,
actually, you know what?
This is no longer a environmentthat it gets me excited.
Actually, it's making me quiteill.
(11:27):
And yes, I'm good at it and yes, it's a fantastic industry with
a lot of strong people, but atthe same time, it's not getting
me thrilled, it's not getting meexcited anymore.
And to then sit back and look athow my parent, as a mum, she,
she didn't push me to to do thatjob, even though it was
(11:49):
something that I wanted to do.
It was very much that was aboy's job and you know you
shouldn't be doing that.
You won't be successful in that.
And when I then looked at myown patterns in what you know,
when I started even intocoaching, it was like, oh, I
won't be very good at that and Ithought you sound just like
your mother.
And that was when I thought, no, no, this is where actually it
(12:13):
needs to stop, and I think thereally exciting bit is that
actually is being able to becomeaware that I'm starting to
sound like my mum and knowingthat I can put a stop to that so
I don't have to pass that on tomy children.
And that is also another thing,like when I speak to these
women that I work with, thatthey then go.
I say, like you don't have topass this on to your kids, and
(12:36):
it creates that ripple effectfrom up here down and I don't
know what your thoughts are onthat.
Speaker 1 (12:41):
Yeah, one thing that really stood out from what you
just said.
So you were in a job that youthought would be fulfilling, but
once you got into it, it wasn'tthe fulfillment that you
thought it was going to be,because A you were seeking
something outside of yourself tofeel better from within
yourself, and it sounds like youkind of realized that that
(13:04):
wasn't kind of giving you whatyou thought it would yeah, a
hundred percent.
Speaker 2 (13:09):
I think I grew up in an environment where, whatever I
did, it was never enough to beas good as what my brother did,
so it was almost like I had tobe in in my eyes as a child.
It was like I had to be betterthan him in order to receive
love, and that almost seemedimpossible.
So I then went into an industrywhere you really had to prove
(13:35):
yourself in order to receivepraise and at the time it was
like, yeah, I'm looking for allof this validation.
And it didn't fill me with goodfeelings, you know.
It continued to fill me withworry that I wasn't doing a very
good job.
It filled me with fear that Iwas going to get the boot
because I didn't do this or thishappened.
(13:56):
But when it actually came downto my healing, the most
fulfillment I got was when I Igave that validation to myself
and was like, actually, you knowwhat you are good at this and
and even now is is being able tosit there and go.
Actually, you know what?
Like you can fill your own cupand then give back to others,
(14:18):
like I think that's been thebiggest thing for me is that I
can fill my own cup with my ownlove and not need it from
outside sources, and then I canpour that into other people's
cups and that is a big thing.
And I see you smiling andnodding.
I presume you kind of love thatand agree with that yourself.
Speaker 1 (14:36):
You know, in speaking of that this is something that
I often teach my clients is whenyou find that power within
yourself and that validation andyou find your own power within
yourself instead of seeking itoutwards, it changes the
dynamics of everything thatyou're doing, including your
work.
(14:57):
So, instead of doing work to tryto get validation and get a
sense of value from, like, whatit is that you're doing, that
leads to burnout, right.
That leads to the physicalsymptoms and the exhaustion and
the draining and the resentmentand the frustration, because
it's never enough.
Like you said Versus, when youdo this inner work to find that
(15:20):
power within yourself, then youend up in this flow state of
overflow, right, kind of likeyou're overflowing and you can't
help but share that with othersbecause you're just brimming
with it.
And when you go approach yourwork from that place, then you
(15:40):
don't burn out.
Instead, you feel energized byit.
That totally changes thedynamics of everything, even if
you don't burn out.
Instead, you feel energized byit.
That totally changes thedynamics of everything, even if
you don't change the work thatyou're even doing.
Speaker 2 (15:50):
Yeah, I think as well .
And you, all of a sudden,you've gone from doing something
with, like you say, thatresentment and that frustration,
and then you go into it withthat love and that passion and
it's like you see the energycome through in what you're
doing and it reflects off andradiates out into other people
and they pick up onto that andthen it's just like consistent
(16:11):
mirroring, isn't it?
And and that that is exciting.
And, like you say, it never,never seems like a job then, and
I think you take so much morepride and love into what you do
and you become once again and itrefills that cup again because
you're then proud of what you'veproduced and you know, like,
say it's like a consistent cycleof, like you say, empty out,
(16:36):
reflow and, and I think that ispleasurable state to be in and
it's a much happier.
You know, and like say,productivity wise and everything
like that is so much moreexciting and when you can give
that to other people, it makesand this sounds bizarre, but it
makes everything that hashappened such a much more
(16:59):
grateful lesson, because it'slike you know what?
Like okay, that was hard, butthat now is the driving force to
make this so like much better.
You know and lead that chapterthere, but take all the lessons
from it and and turn them infrom that anger, that resentment
, that that hurt, that pain intolove, guidance, passion,
(17:21):
kindness, empowerment and warmth, and know you can't ever hand
that to someone.
They have to kind of feel that.
Speaker 1 (17:30):
Yes, oh my goodness.
Yes, let me know what you thinkabout this concept.
Sometimes we'll go into a job,a helping role job to help other
people, to validate us or tohelp maybe reduce the level of
suffering in the world, so wedon't feel it especially as
(17:50):
empaths or highly sensitivepeople.
Have you had that experiencewhere maybe you noticed that you
were in this wanting to helppeople role because you wanted
to get validation or make peoplefeel better, versus what you're
doing now from this empoweredplace?
Speaker 2 (18:08):
yeah, 100%.
I mean the I.
When I came off machines I wentinto a grain marketing job and
when I went into the role I wentinto it with the headspace of
you know what?
I'm going to help so manyfarmers make their farm better.
You know they're gonna makemore money, and it was.
I was still in that place ofthat validation of wanting them
(18:31):
to go.
Oh, wow, you've, you've comeoff machines and now you're
doing this and, oh, thank you somuch.
And it wasn't like I was stillable to do it from that place of
empowerment, because now it'svery much like I'm a, as much as
I help people and guide them.
There is a lot more of a lessonto learn when you've discovered
(18:54):
it on your own and when you'vegot someone there that is
holding your hand enough thatyou feel loved and you feel safe
but you're not being told whatanswer you should and shouldn't
have.
It's a lot more of a meaningfulfind and it holds so much more
space within someone, whereaswhen I was doing it from a place
(19:17):
of support me and give me thatyou know I'm taking rather than
giving it out, and it doesn'tgive that love and that heart
behind it.
It gives, like I say, more of amoney take and a grab still,
and I still didn't find thatfulfillment.
I still didn't find that, youknow, that overflow.
(19:39):
It was literally just like adead end, sour stop and it was
almost like nothing that I wasbeing told was good enough.
I still didn't believe in whatI was doing in the grey
marketing.
I still didn't believe that Iwas a good marketer, no matter
how many times people told me.
But when I'm doing it from aplace of validating myself and
(20:01):
then giving it out, it's like,well, actually, no, I know that
I'm good at what I do and I knowthat I can be a safe space for
you and I don't need you to tellme that this is my time to give
that to you and it also allowsme to listen a lot better.
You know, and I and I, you youhold that space and that
presence a lot more, in a softerway, whereas when I'm like
(20:25):
grabbing for validation, youfeel tense all the time and it
is you're like a child holdingon to your mum's trousers and
you don't want to let go of thatbecause you're not receiving
that calmness to let go, whereas, yeah, when you can then hold
that space for someone else.
They can let go when they'reready and it creates a much more
(20:47):
powerful session.
I don't know if you agree withthat.
Speaker 1 (20:52):
Absolutely Well.
Here's the thing.
There's actually science behindthat right.
When your nervous system iscalm, when you have coherence
and low heart rate variabilitythat actually mirrors, you can
actually hold that safer spacefor someone.
There's electromagneticfrequencies even impacting the
other person.
So it's not just about whatyou're saying, but just how
(21:15):
you're being and it sounds likefor you there was this journey
and I see this a lot and I'vegone through this myself is you
know, before you had thisawakening, there's likely a lot
of stress and chaos.
And then, when you have thisawakening and you start to learn
how to regulate your nervoussystem, and then maybe when you
(21:37):
enter a stable and calmrelationship, then it can feel
really uncomfortable at thebeginning because it's not
familiar.
Speaker 2 (21:52):
Yeah, 100%, and it almost it feels like you haven't
healed or you haven'tprogressed, because it's just
like you.
Almost suddenly, you know and Iremember questioning it I was
like, am I numb to this?
You know what's wrong with me?
And I remember this clearly.
I was in the gym one day and Iended up crying and thinking I'm
never going to be happy becauseI wasn't feeling this butterfly
spark and ultimately I didn'tunderstand at the time, although
(22:17):
I was learning about nervoussystems, you know, I think I
still, at the time, rememberthinking that you should feel
those butterflies consistentlywhen you're with someone.
And it was that learning thatand that understanding that
actually this is just reallyhealthy, you're not triggered.
And I had to take what I wasfeeling and sit with it, you
(22:39):
know, and sit with the emotionsand sit with the thoughts that
were coming up and and go well,hang on a minute.
How much of this is true.
And you know, how is Harry, mypartner?
How is he actually treating me,you know?
And when I sat and looked, Ithought he's actually treating
(22:59):
me in every way.
I've always asked for and I'vealways desired and I've always
wanted and I've always dreamedabout, and it was like, oh well,
why are you not reacting tothat?
And when I sat and continued tohold that space within myself
of like you don't have to workthis out immediately, like take
(23:22):
your time with this and it'sokay to feel that way and not
punish myself for it, you know,I stopped punishing myself.
I was finally able to see thatactually I felt at peace, you
know, and I felt calm and I feltloved and I felt safe, which
was a big thing.
I hadn't felt safe with someonefor so long and I was so
(23:45):
independent and it was sooverwhelming, to be fair, to
understand that actually I amsafe and it is safe to talk
about my emotions and it, youknow.
And I was able to then actuallycommunicate this with Harry
without thinking, oh my god,he's gonna think that I'm, I've
gone mad or something.
(24:05):
And he was then able to holdthat space and all it did was
deepen the connection that wehave together and and it was
just those kind of those oh mygod moments and making
essentially the choice to sit,with that discomfort that I
didn't have any discomfort, youknow, because it was like it was
(24:27):
.
It was uncomfortable not to havethe discomfort and the
butterflies and the so-calledsparks and the so-called passion
, and sit with that and actuallylisten, listen to it.
You know, I think we I'd seenit time and time again about
listening to our thoughts andlistening to our feelings, but
I'd never seen anything aboutlistening when nothing's so much
(24:53):
there and challenging it what'snot there as such when it comes
to our feelings and our nervoussystems.
Because I hadn't had thatexperience before and it was
nice to just sit and listen andnot think, oh god, what's,
what's gonna go wrong next orwhat's gonna do this, and it was
nice to sit and actually listenand and go, no, you're just for
(25:17):
the first time probably in yourlife now you're calming in a
relationship and that's okay,like, enjoy it and embrace it
and get excited for it.
And it was like this bubblinglittle child was actually
suddenly starting to enjoy anddance and laugh and giggle and
(25:38):
it was like, yeah, I'd suddenlywoken up all over again and it's
just these small things thatjust continue to reignite that
spark that doesn't go out.
You know, and I feel that Harryand I we, we consistently like
live in this honeymoon periodbecause we are able to hold that
space and that curiosity foreach other and be able to
(26:00):
approach each other with thatcuriosity of why are you doing
this instead of what are youdoing?
As such, you know andunderstand each other's own
traumas and talk to each otherabout it and let's say, you know
, like you just said, hold thatcalmness and that space back and
forth so that he's at peace andI'm at peace and we can feel
(26:25):
when someone's not quite thereand I can feel it quite a bit
when, if he's off, we can pickup on that and because of being
and I think, being able to sitthrough that, I can help him sit
with it.
You know, and I can hold andsit that space for him when he's
struggling to do that.
(26:45):
And yeah, and sometimes that'sall we need.
Speaker 1 (26:49):
We don't always need someone to give us the answers,
we just need someone to holdthat space when we physically
can't absolutely, and that's thething right, especially with
this human experience ofactually sitting with the things
that feel uncomfortable and,like you said, being able to
hold space, even if you don't.
(27:10):
Sometimes providing thesolution isn't the answer.
It's about just holding thatspace so that the other person
can move through it and out theother side, instead of being
stuck in the cycle orsuppressing it or avoiding it.
And then the other point thatyou mentioned was sometimes it's
about sitting with, but why amI not feeling this?
(27:30):
Why am I not feeling thebutterflies?
Speaker 2 (27:33):
yeah, I think and it's not something you isn't,
and I think we always see onsocial media you should sit with
your thoughts and no one eversays sit with what's not there
as such and sitting with.
Why am I not feeling this?
And and actually knowing thatwe're not broken, we don't need
(27:54):
to be fixed as such as is?
You know we're not brokenpeople, we don't need to be
fixed as such is is you know,we're not broken people, we
don't need to be fixed.
So, to be able to approachourselves with that curiosity of
why am I doing this rather thanI need to fix this, because I
think when we apply I need tofix this, it implies a harshness
on us rather than givingourself that space again and
(28:17):
that kindness and that love, andthat creates tension and it
creates stress, whereas when wecan say, okay, well, why am I
doing this?
What needs me right now?
To listen, suddenly we canrelax into it and we can allow
these things to come forwardbecause they feel safe to do so.
You know it's like you're notgoing to talk to someone that
says, well, why are you doingthat's like you're not going to
(28:38):
talk to someone that says, well,why are you doing that, are you
?
You know you're going to talkto someone that goes, do you
want to talk about that?
Like what's going on for youand low is their tone and low is
their voice and and allows youto come into that space.
Speaker 1 (28:53):
I know that this journey is not an easy journey
to embark on.
Right this inner healingjourney and the awakening and
the growth, and you've taken it,you're on it and now you're
leading other people through it.
Speaker 2 (29:11):
Yeah, I think it's always really.
I think and this is my personalopinion here, so you know, if
you I'd love to know youropinion on it as well You're
never truly fully healed.
You know and I think that's aconcept we go into this healing
of oh, I'm going to do a yearand you know I'm going to be
(29:34):
healed, I'm going to be thiswhole new person, but we're
never truly fully healed becausewe can't experience every
single situation that triggersus.
But I think what is reallygorgeous about it is, as you're
growing and you're having thismore self-awareness and you're
creating this kind ofself-compassion, your healing
(29:54):
journey gets easier.
Your healing journey getseasier and it gets more
foundational and more loving.
And, yeah, it is overwhelmingand there is moments where you
think, oh, wow, like I have comefrom here to here and I'm proud
of myself.
It's overwhelming, but it isgorgeous.
You know there is no other waythat I ever know how to explain
(30:16):
it it is a loving, a reallyloving process.
You know, I'd love to hear youropinion on that so you're
absolutely right, it's a.
Speaker 1 (30:26):
It's a.
It's not about a destination,right, it's a journey that's
ongoing for the rest of yourlife, because there's always
going to be.
You know, knowledge is,knowledge is consciousness is
infinite.
And my belief is this healingis expanding ourselves to match
(30:46):
consciousness, but we'll neverfully match it because it is
infinite and ever growing andexpanding.
And I like to kind of use theanalogy of like layers of an
onion.
Right, when you're healing, youtake off a layer of the onion
and you look at it and you sitwith it and you heal it and you
integrate it.
And as you continue, there'sgoing to be new perspectives and
(31:07):
new layers to look at withevery step in your growth and
evolution.
And it's almost like thelessons that you learn.
You need to have that growth tobe able to see that next layer
of lessons.
And then you work through thatnext layer of lessons and you
need to have that growth inorder to see and unlock that
(31:29):
next layer of lessons.
And it's funny that you saythis because I have had
conversations with lots ofpeople who they think that they
just need to embark on thisinner healing journey.
And it should just be.
You know, take a couple months,and then, well, why haven't I
gotten there yet?
What you mean, there's more.
Oh my goodness.
Speaker 2 (31:50):
Yeah, yeah, you're not wrong and and it's it's like
yeah, you okay heal somethingaround relationships or around
work, but the work is consistent.
It's not something that thatand I think this is something
that a lot of people don't don'trealize they go yeah, I want to
heal, I want to do this, butit's not just as easy as having
(32:12):
a conversation is.
It is very much.
It becomes your own passion andyour own habits and your own
and it is.
It is a fine-tune act ofself-love that you do spend, you
know, a morning doing a mindsetroutine for half an hour, or
you do some affirmations, or youstart to notice what it is, you
(32:36):
know, if a bird flew past yourwindow that you, you loved, and
it made a noise that helped youfeel calm and having that
gratitude for that, and it'scultivating that and actually
you end up doing it every daywithout realizing and that is
then put out into the universeand it creates that
ever-expanding, they say, effectthat brings it back in closer
(32:57):
to you.
So when you can start noticingthese things and bringing that
more to your awareness, suddenlyyou've gone from this place of
I'm really struggling to heal tooh, wow, life's actually really
good and it's beautiful andit's colorful and it's calm and
it's peaceful.
But it takes consistent work and, like you say, self-awareness,
(33:22):
and you know that, awareness ofnot just what your thoughts are,
but actually when they arecoming along and what events are
triggering them to, and beingconsistent with that and not
just giving up when your brain'sgoing.
Well, I can't do that.
It's going, you know, and I sawa quote today that said we will
(33:42):
stay in our pain because it istoo hard to change.
And you know, and I thinkthat's very true, we, we, we
will stay in our pain becausethat's comfortable and that's
what we know, and our brainswill do that and and that's, you
know, with the neurologicalpathways, it's very normal to do
that.
But it that's, you know, withthe neurological pathways, it's
very normal to do that.
But it's about going.
You know what I'm going tobreak that change and I'm going
(34:06):
to keep at this, no matter howhard it gets, and actually it'll
get easier.
It's got to get harder beforeit gets easier.
Speaker 1 (34:12):
Yeah, and that's the thing.
Right is.
It's almost like the pain ofstaying the same has to get so
difficult for some people thatthey're willing now to embark on
the discomfort of the new andthe unfamiliar.
Speaker 2 (34:27):
Yeah, 100 percent, and I really resonate with that,
because I had to go throughthat five year relationship to
be like this.
This is really hard and this isnot what I want forever.
And if I didn't have that, Iwouldn't be, like you say,
blooming now and being that budthat blooms, and I do strongly
believe everything happens for areason.
(34:48):
But I also believe whensomething is not ignored, you
are pushed to acknowledge it.
You know, and you'll continueto be pushed into harder and
harder situations until youacknowledge it.
You know.
How do you feel about that?
Speaker 1 (35:03):
absolutely.
I tend to kind of say that atfirst you'll get like little
whispers and nudges.
That's how your intuitionspeaks.
I believe is through kindwhispers and nudges.
And if, over time you ignorethose whispers and nudges, and
if over time you ignore thosewhispers and nudges, you don't
believe them, you don't listento them.
Your intellect is taking over.
Eventually the universe willstart to hit you over the head
(35:27):
with a baseball bat.
Speaker 2 (35:29):
That is so very, very true.
I like that.
That's quite funny.
It's a nice way to put on it.
Don't ignore what your body'strying to say to you.
Speaker 1 (35:37):
Yeah, and I mean for you, it sounds like I'd love to
touch on this from both thisrelationship aspect that you've
had, that after a period of timelike it, you just couldn't
ignore the red flags and theintuition anymore.
And then there was also thisshift that you made in your
career and you went from, youknow, being in this position
(36:01):
where you were feelingunfulfilled and you were
physically feeling therepercussions of working a job
that didn't feel aligned anymoreand you ended up making a huge
pivot to doing completelydifferent work.
I mean, how was that for you interms of?
I'd love if you, if you wouldlike to touch on that, because
(36:22):
this podcast is about followingyour purpose and your inner
purpose, I'm sure that wasn't aneasy avenue to think about
making this change.
I mean, what, what feelings andemotions and thoughts came
through to you as you weremaking this pivot in your career
?
Speaker 2 (36:41):
Definitely ones that I thought I'd handled.
You know and I know that soundsbizarre when I was in that
narcissistic relationship, Iactually ended up staying with
him while I was doing a bigchunk of this work and it was
like, and we had a time zonethere of no contact and I
(37:02):
thought, yeah, you know, I'venailed this and I'm good to go,
and it was like they went we'rejust gonna bring him back in so
you can really see how you goton and you know, and it it
showed me that actually I stillhad a lot of stuff to do.
And when I finally left forgood, I thought you know what,
like I've nailed this, I'm notgood enough, because that was a
(37:25):
really strong belief for me andyou know this fact that I'm not
lovable.
And I nailed all these things.
And when I decided this youknow, learning about CBT therapy
because that was the firstthing that I did, because I
could still do that in line withmy job it excited me so much.
And then I started to learnabout them and, although I was
(37:46):
really, really excited, when Ithen started to go into
relationship coaching, the thethought of, oh, you're not good
enough to do this came back upand it was like, okay, well,
where is this being addressednow?
And although I'd established itin my relationship, you know,
you know I say to Harry we jokeand say, oh, you're so lucky and
(38:08):
we do.
And it is just a joke.
We know that we deserve to betogether.
We've both done the work to bethere, but at the same time I
know that I'm good enough.
So if he was to go and do, godforbid, and he wouldn't, I know
that, you know I'm good enough,so you can leave.
In the relationship aspect, Iknew that.
But when it came to businessand a job, it was like you're
(38:32):
not good enough to do this, youknow, and you haven't had a hard
enough story to help womentransform and you haven't been
through enough.
And story to help womentransform and you haven't been
through enough.
And it was like suddenly Istarted to punish myself all
over again and I struggled tosleep for quite a few amount of
weeks.
I struggled with a lot ofoverwhelm and stress and I then
(38:54):
didn't want to go and it waslike, well, okay, well, where is
this all coming from?
And there was a lot ofself-doubt around not being good
enough, and it was being ableto go.
Well, hang on, why did you wantto do this in the first place,
you know?
And what is it that wasexciting, you?
And where is this not goodenough coming from?
(39:21):
And it did come back to my mumalways putting me down whenever
I got a job or I went and sat onone of the biggest machines in
the world.
It was still not as good as mybrother or, at the time then, my
stepbrother, and it was likegod.
And then I realized she's not apart of my life anymore.
For these reasons, you know andit's not that I dislike her,
it's not that I, you know, havenegative feelings for her, but
(39:41):
at the same time, I acknowledgethat, regardless, whether she's
family or not, she brings that,you know, rumble into my life.
That disturbs my peace and Idon't need that.
You know, I care about myselfand this sounds very selfish.
I care about myself too muchand my own peace and my own
growth to allow someone who'snot willing to work on
(40:04):
themselves to disrupt that.
And that made me quite strongand think you know what she?
Well, she's not here.
You know, this is about you nowand you haven't been through
all of this stuff to not putthat to a good use.
And I am very fortunate.
Harry believes in me untoldamounts and he'll tell me that
(40:24):
every day that it will work welland you'll be fine.
But yeah, it was definitely.
It definitely showed up to methat although a belief can be
healed in one aspect, it canalso still come up in another
aspect and it it was verydaunting and it is, you know,
and even now at times it's stillvery scary.
You know, I'm sort of gearingup to launch a group program in
(40:48):
a few months and it's like, ohwow, I am doing this.
And it is a bit of a step back.
When you think I was a tractordriver three years ago and now
I'm a relationship coach.
It is a entirely differentcareer, pivot.
But I feel safe in my home andI love being at home.
(41:08):
I feel safe in myself.
And when you think tractordriving is a very lonely job
working at home, I know I speakto people all day but it's also
a very lonely job.
But I find a lot of morecomfort now in being alone and
you know, that brings me peaceand it brings me joy.
(41:28):
And as much as I love spendingtime with people.
I also love my own comfort andit was those kind of
realizations and understandingthat I'd gone from a place where
I spent many, many days veryupset and crying and, you know,
sometimes not wanting to eat fordays on end, to a place where I
(41:50):
actually feel really good atthe end of a busy day, you know,
and I actually feel really goodat the end of a session and I
feel full with with love, withpassion, with spark, and it's
like that was what continues tohold when I struggle, you know,
because sometimes the feeling ofnot being good enough it does
(42:12):
still come in when you know aclient comes forward with
something.
I personally have an experienceand it's like can I help this
person through it?
And it's like, just hold thatspace for them.
And and I do believe thatactually, if you can hold a
space for someone, they willguide you because you can listen
more actively and allow them tohave that space and they'll
(42:35):
guide you actually to where theyneed to be, without realizing
it.
And it was being able to findthat sense of peace and that
calm.
And when you speak to peopleand they go, you know I've had a
really good session.
I feel like this and you thinkthey're the kind of shifts that
I wasn't expecting.
I was expecting to think, ohyeah, like this, feels free, and
(42:57):
but I wasn't expecting to feelthe shifts of, you know, genuine
love over just myself and overjust my relationship, and the
excitement and continuing topush and the newfound drive
every day, regardless of what itis or how hard it is.
(43:18):
And, you know, finding thatdrive and finding that purpose
and just continuing to build andknowing, more than anything,
that my progression is entirelymy own.
It's.
It's not now held to my mummore than anything.
It's not held to any bosses,it's not held to anybody else
(43:42):
out there, because anybody elseis on their own journey, but I'm
now held to my own progressionabout where I want to take my
business and how I want toimpact the world, and that, to
me, is exciting.
You know that is exciting andyou can find that excitement.
You're not stuck in it, butdefinitely it was a big
(44:04):
awakening, feeling thatunsettlement again and knowing
now that actually when I getcomfortable, it's okay to be
comfortable, but it's alsoreally important to go.
Let's just get a little bit,let's just dip your toe into
being uncomfortable and tryingsomething new and pushing myself
(44:25):
out of that and also being ableto hold that space to calm down
into that comfort zone againand just turn that tap on and
off a little bit.
And that is something that Ifind really powerful to take
into my clients that we can justturn that tap on just a little
bit so they can feel thatemotion and feel any kind of,
(44:47):
you know, rage or without overflooding it, and we can turn
that on, we can release it alittle bit, we can, you know,
and turn that off and just dothat in a nice comfortable way
that allows us to do it, like Isay, without almost bursting.
And that, to me, has been, youknow, a consistent growth, and
(45:10):
that's what I like now, that Ifeel like I'm growing every day
rather than feeling stuck, is itis that growth and that that
blossom and you know that seeingother people blossom it's like
a big poppy flower field thatjust keeps popping up everywhere
and it's gorgeous, I love ityeah, oh.
Speaker 1 (45:28):
So, juicy, you know what you've mentioned.
You mentioned a reallyimportant point here is
sometimes, when you work onintegrating and healing some
theme in one area of your life,it might still pop up in other
areas if it hasn't been fullyacknowledged yet, and so, and
(45:49):
especially with entrepreneurship, it tends to be a field that
will really kind of like poke atyour wounds if you haven't
healed them yet yeah, you're notwrong, you're not.
Speaker 2 (46:01):
And I think something I started to experience lately
was the loneliness of it.
Don't get me wrong, I'm happyon my own, but at the same time
it was like a new foundexperience of loneliness.
Because where you are, like yousay entrepreneurship you can't
suddenly keep saying yes toeverybody.
You have to start saying no,and that's been another thing of
(46:24):
really reinforcing that.
It's comfortable saying no now,because I'm not doing it from a
point of malice, it's more froma point of you know what I need
that time and that's okay to dothat.
But one thing I found that yourfriends, they stop asking you to
come and do things or you knowthey make new friendships and
(46:44):
that's okay and you are so happyfor them and, you know, proud
of them for finding those newfriendships.
But at the same time it is very, very lonely and it's a new
weird sensation of lonelinessbecause it's like you're.
You know that people are kindof there because they haven't
gone and you haven't hadarguments, they haven't just
(47:04):
disappeared.
But at the same time it's likeyou're, you are a little bit
alone because they're not thereto be who they used to be with
you, they're not picking up thephone every day and they're not
saying, do you want to go and dothis next weekend?
And it is like a new sense ofloneliness that I'm coming to
terms with being okay with, butit is.
Speaker 1 (47:24):
It is like you say it is finding things that,
although they're they're healedin one area, the bear gets poked
in another area yeah, andespecially when it comes to
those really core experiencesthat we had in our developmental
years, it can take a few layersof the onion before you can
really feel like it's beenintegrated into your being.
Speaker 2 (47:48):
Yeah, and that's the thing like with childhood.
You know, I've spoken to people.
They've gone.
Yeah, well, I had a greatchildhood and when we break it
down, it's not always from ourparents that this stuff is, is
formed it.
You know, it can be fromteachers, from other children
and, like I say, although wemight think someone's picked on
us because we're silly, althoughwe we think we've, like, say,
(48:10):
established it, our mind is verygood at going.
Well, here's a memory to makeyou think you kind of killed
that off and you fixed that.
Or I say, fix it, you've workedon it and healed it and allowed
it to, to release.
But I'm just going to keep thisone in the back pocket for you,
so when you, uh, really needsomething, I can bring that up
(48:31):
and you know, I think that'salways okay to allow that, to be
there and and go, come on.
Then come and sit with me likelet's, let's welcome this in
here, because the more youwelcome them, I think and this
is something that I've had toreally sit with actually it's
okay to welcome, because themore you welcome, the more your
(48:51):
mind goes oh, actually, it'ssafe to show you this, it's all
right to show you this and itbecomes a lot easier to really
sit with.
You know, and I think a reallyvaluable question I started to
ask myself was what am I missing?
You know, what am I?
And it allowed me to kind ofthink well, what am I missing
here?
And that is in, like, ifHarry's in a in a mood because
(49:14):
he's had a bad day and it'd bevery much, well, what am I
missing?
Well, he's just had a bad day.
He told me about this earlierand this, and that it's got
nothing to do with me, and like,when I was feeling like I'm not
good enough, it's like well,what am I missing here?
You know is is that the truthand you know, or is it a
misconception?
Is it someone else's beliefthat I'm carrying right now, or
(49:36):
is it truly mine?
And that's the thing, becausewe get beliefs, other people's
beliefs, projected onto usconsistently, that it would be
very difficult not to take themon board.
You know, sometimes we can sitwith that and go well, is this
truly what I believe, or is it abelief that I've taken on from
someone else and being able tosit with that and go well, no,
(49:59):
that's not even mine.
I don't need this anymore andallowing to let that go has been
really beneficial and, likesaying, being able to even give
that back to my clients and go.
Well, you know that thesethings happen and we can't
control them.
Growing up, you know, weweren't told you have to do this
and you have to do that in aform of knowing that it was
(50:21):
going to affect our whole lifeand how we were walked.
It was just how our parentsknew how to look after us and we
carried that on and it createsthat intergenerational trauma,
but it doesn't mean we have tocarry it with us forever.
Speaker 1 (50:35):
Absolutely, and that's the thing.
You know, the things that weexperienced growing up, you know
we might create certain beliefsabout them or us.
Oftentimes there's thisassumption that maybe it's our
fault not recognizing back thenthat their reactions are
projections of their stuff.
(50:56):
And I mean, even like whenwe're kids, it's actually unsafe
for us to think that ourcaregivers are maybe unbalanced
or unstable, right, so weautomatically assume it must be
our fault if they're reacting.
But yeah, this likeunderstanding, now that you know
the things that you assumed andyou thought and you did and you
(51:17):
saw in order to survive are notthe same perspectives and
perceptions that are going tohelp you to thrive oh, yeah, I
love that.
Speaker 2 (51:25):
It's that rhymes so nicely right, that's the thing
what we learn as children andwhat we take on from, like you
say, learning to survive doesn'tserve us in the adult world
anymore and it's being able toacknowledge that.
And, you know, some people got anatural gift for it and find it
(51:45):
very, very easy.
And, like you say, some peoplewho who have put their parents
on a pedestal because it wasn'tsafe to blame them, they, I must
admit, do tend to find it a lotharder to acknowledge that.
Or, you know, and this issomething I found a lot like,
people who had very aggressiveparents find it very hard to
(52:09):
kind of go back into that.
Well, that's, that's a themopinion, not a me opinion,
because they feel bad for it,they feel like that's wrong and
it's being able to sit with thatand once again go back to that
tap and turn up the emotion to,to let that fear out and and
then be able to go.
Well, no, this isn't, thisisn't me, this isn't who I want
(52:30):
to be and this isn't what I wantto carry and this isn't what's
going to help me, like you say,thrive and be in this adult
world yeah, absolutely gosh.
Speaker 1 (52:40):
I'm loving this conversation me too.
Speaker 2 (52:44):
Anything we've like attached to and how the brain
works.
Speaker 1 (52:48):
It's just a thrill, right oh my gosh, I have so many
questions for you.
I have a feeling that maybewe're gonna have to do another
episode oh, I'd love that.
Yeah, that would be an honoryeah, now here's a question for
you about the client that is,you know, the most common or
most ideal client that you liketo work with.
(53:10):
What stage would they be at ontheir journey where that would
be the most optimal time forthem to step in and work with
you?
Speaker 2 (53:20):
For me it is very much someone who's just come out
of that narcissistic or toxickind of environment and they
know that that relationshipwasn't quite right.
So they got a little bit ofself-awareness, but they also
know that this isn't where theywant to be forever.
They know that this is nottheir destiny and they have a
(53:41):
want, a want to change more thana need to change.
You know they really want tochange, they want to improve,
they want to understand andreally sort of finally accept
that it's about them and theirgrowth and their self-love.
And the only reason why I saythat is because these are people
(54:02):
that you can pour and pour andpour into and they will take it
in a way that is so beneficialand like say, you see this major
growth in someone and they allof a sudden don't feel like
they're being held back, becausethey're starting to feel that,
well, I walked away, actually Ican be this whole new person.
(54:25):
And then they start to getexcited because they can.
You know they, when they'rethere and they feel like they've
lost their identity.
Suddenly it's this excitementof actually, you know what?
I don't have an identity, I canbe whoever I want to be now,
and that is like amazing whenthey kind of have that
recognition of like, wow, okay,I can be whoever I want to be.
(54:49):
I don't have to live by his youknow narrative, I don't have to
live by my mothers or myfathers or my caregivers, I can
live by the narrative that Iwant.
And you know that is excitingto see someone transform like
that.
And you know they start tolearn what boundaries are and
understand their attachment andgo from this place of wanting to
(55:13):
give self-love and wanting togive self-worth but just not
knowing how self-love andwanting to give self-worth but
just not knowing how.
And it's being able tofacilitate that and say this is
how we can do it for you, not,you know, because not one size
fits all, but for you, this,this will work, and if this
doesn't work, we'll try this.
And and knowing that theysuddenly got this support and
(55:33):
don't feel so alone, because thethe one thing I really learned
and saw in these kind of toxicrelationships those that haven't
experienced it can't hold thatspace of compassion and kindness
.
It's very much well, whyhaven't you left?
You should have left ages ago.
And that just creates a senseof shame and that sense of anger
(55:57):
and that guilt.
And then what happens is and Iexperience this myself you close
in into this ball and into this, this place of survival again,
and then you feel like you don'thave that evolving space to
grow.
And suddenly, when you've gotsomeone that is a stranger,
that's holding that space, Ithink there is more compassion
(56:18):
and kindness because you can saywhatever you feel, because
essentially they don't know whoyou are, they don't know your
story, so you're safe to saythat because there is no
judgment, and when I thinkyou're speaking with someone
who's been in that space as well, you don't feel so like, say,
judged and fearful of it.
Speaker 1 (56:37):
Oh that's beautiful if there's someone listening who
fits that.
Is there one word of wisdom orthought or insight that you
could share for them to, to helpthem in some way?
Speaker 2 (56:51):
Yeah, I think the best that I could give is allow
yourself to acknowledge how youfeel.
You know, allow yourself toacknowledge the feelings that
are coming up and the thoughtsthat come with it, because if
you can hold, start holding thatspace to yourself with kindness
(57:12):
and I mean this with kindnessand curiosity rather than anger
and resentment you will start toallow yourself to relax into
this state or come out of thisstate of survival.
You know, and with this stateof coming out, survival, you'll
feel a lot of exhaustion, you'llfeel a lot of tiredness.
Just allow that to be there,because that is the first sign
(57:35):
that actually you're starting toheal.
You know, and allow yourselfthat compassion and drop this
phase of I should be over thisor I should be this and I should
be further along, and justallow yourself to say you know
what I'm doing better than whatI did yesterday.
Or OK, today's a setback, buttomorrow will be better, but
(58:00):
tomorrow will be better.
Or you know, I'm going to allowmyself to worry today because
tomorrow will be better tomorrow.
And just start allowing thatkindness and compassion and know
you're not alone.
You're not alone on thisjourney.
There are people like you, whohave similar stories to you who
understand you and you don'tneed to feel shame or guilt or
anger towards yourself forstaying because ultimately you
(58:24):
were manipulated and you wereconditioned and the feelings
that you're experiencing now isa condition of what you've been
through.
You know you've been throughenough trauma you're.
It's down to you whether youcarry that on now or you just
cut it off like a cape and startto change that narrative for
(58:45):
yourself.
That's beautiful advice.
Speaker 1 (58:48):
Thank you.
So where can somebody whoreally resonates with what
you're saying find you?
Speaker 2 (58:54):
So I am on Instagram as EJ Walsh, relationship coach.
I'm also on Facebook as EmmaWalsh or.
I do have a website of um,wwwemmajwalshcom, and in there
you'll be able to see my story.
There is a free ebook todownload as a resource, um, and
(59:16):
we can also you know.
If you feel that you downloadthe ebook and you need my help
further, we can also have aconversation about that.
Speaker 1 (59:25):
Wonderful and I'll include all those links in the
show notes so people can accessthem.
This has been a juicyconversation and I feel like,
like I mentioned, there's somuch more to talk about, but I
hope that this conversation, youknow, for our listeners has
sparked some insight and maybehelped them put some of their
(59:46):
own puzzle pieces together,either when it comes to their
relationship or making pivots intheir career or finding purpose
in your work.
There was one thing that you'vementioned maybe I'll just throw
this in because it is in thetop of my mind up here.
So you've mentioned about.
You know, this type of work canfeel lonely.
(01:00:06):
Let me know what you thinkabout this concept.
I find that, especially anywork where you are putting
yourself into a leadershipposition, where you are a cycle
breaker or a change maker or atrailblazer in some unique and
different way and you're showingthis new path and a new way
(01:00:29):
forward and change that, thefurther you go in your
leadership, the more lonely itcan tend to feel, because
there's not as many people onthat path versus maybe the path
that you left behind.
What are your thoughts on that?
Speaker 2 (01:00:48):
yeah, I love that idea of that concept 100% and I
think it's so true becauseyou're growing and evolving and
those kind of thoughts and thatkind of person no longer serves
you.
And I do think you have to gothrough this phase of loneliness
to then find you know they sayyour vibe attracts your tribe,
(01:01:12):
and you will then attract peoplethat are more on that vibe.
So that will of course thenencourage you and I think it's
very much like you're steppingthrough one door into a room so
you can do this work and outinto another door so you're able
to actually leave those thingsbehind that no longer serve you.
(01:01:34):
And I think the loneliness, ashard as it is, it's also good
because you've not got theinfluence of other people as you
do this work and you know, likeI say, you are suddenly
stepping out of that pain andthat comfort and being able to
just be comfortable with who youare as a person and, like I say
(01:01:56):
, not have other peopleinfluencing or clouding your
judgment or your thoughts orprojecting their beliefs onto
you.
So it's important to embracethat loneliness and see it as an
opportunity rather than asetback oh, I love that.
Speaker 1 (01:02:16):
See it as an opportunity rather than a
setback, so important yeah, andyou know that's where as well.
Speaker 2 (01:02:23):
I think, like I say, you'll then meet.
You know, they say you're theaverage of the five people that
you spend your time with.
So I think a really valuablequestion to ask in those times
of loneliness do you want to bethe average of those people or
are you ready to be the averageof these new you know, this new
(01:02:45):
potential tribe, and what isthat going to offer you?
Over what your past, the youknow where you sat in that pain
and all that grief and thatanger?
Is that the kind of place youwant to go back into?
Or do you want to sit with thisloneliness and wait to go to
the other side, to the unknown,to the excitement and the
(01:03:06):
thrills, and who knows whoyou'll meet and who knows where
you're going to go?
unlimited possibility yeah, youmust have read my mind, oh, oh.
Speaker 1 (01:03:17):
I love it.
Yeah, I think that's a reallywonderful place to maybe
conclude of.
The journey is of limitlesspossibility, and it's always up
to us to decide if we're goingto accept that and the
challenges that come with it,because there's always going to
be challenges in life.
No matter what choice you make,including choosing to not do
(01:03:43):
anything at all, there's alwaysgoing to be challenges in life.
No matter what choice you make,including choosing to not do
anything at all, there's stillgoing to be a challenge
associated with that as well.
I think our conversation todayreally I think both of us kind
of you know we're on that sideof you know what we see that
unlimited possibility and we'rewilling to move through the
challenges that come with it, toto see what happens as you
continue on the journey, tocontinue to grow and evolve and
(01:04:03):
follow your purpose, find thatoverflow and then be that leader
that's going to help others dothe same yeah, a hundred percent
.
Speaker 2 (01:04:12):
And you know, I think it comes back to that amazing
ripple, the endlesspossibilities that you can
create.
Help someone else create theirown endless possibilities, and
it just continues and continuesand we might not be able to
completely stop.
You know negative thoughts ornarcissism or emotional abuse,
(01:04:36):
but actually we can create thatripple effect in the world that
starts to reduce it becausepeople aren't passing it on to
their children or their partnersand so forth, and you know that
that's an endless world ofpossibilities as well yeah, I
recently saw a quote that saidjust as trauma can be passed on
(01:04:56):
generationally, so can healingoh, I love that, love that, yeah
, so true.
Speaker 1 (01:05:04):
So so true, absolutely love that and I mean,
I feel like you know, if thisis the way that we're feeling,
our soul is feeling called tofollow, we can help to heal and
change the world through theseactions, through this ripple
effect.
Speaker 2 (01:05:19):
Yeah, 100%.
And, like you just said, youknow you can pass it on to your
children, who then pass it on totheir children, and it isn't
just us as a single person, itgoes on for generations and
generations.
And that, I think, is probablyvery high up there with how
gorgeous this kind of work isand how fulfilling it is,
(01:05:41):
because you know it's not justgoing to end with you and every
person that comes to you andleaves it's not just going to
end with them either, and it isexciting to know that and you
know it is a thrill like a warmbuzz.
Yes, I love it.
Speaker 1 (01:05:57):
Oh well, thank you so much for this conversation
today, emma.
Speaker 2 (01:06:02):
I'm so glad that you were here on the podcast for us
to have this conversation and toshare it with others no, thank
you so, so much for having meand thank you so much for
holding the space to allow me totell my story, and you know
it's been an honor, a true honorit's my pleasure and to the
audience.
Speaker 1 (01:06:23):
If you feel, uh, that you would like to check out
emma and her work, you can go tothe show notes and access the
links there.
Today I have a juicy and deep episode to share with
you.
I had a conversation today withEmma Walsh.
Emma is a relationship coach,helping women overcome the
trauma of past relationships,break down insecurities and
empower them to glow up so thatshe can live a life on her terms
(00:22):
, and we got into all thingsabout relationships, especially
narcissistic relationships, andhealing from them, and we got
into all the details about howshe pivoted from being a tractor
driver working in agricultureto making a complete 180 pivot
(00:44):
into becoming the relationshipcoach that she is today, helping
women heal and create agenerational ripple effect for
their entire lineage.
There is so much amazingjuiciness that we discussed
today that I hope will give yousome insights, whether you are
(01:06):
looking at relationship healinghealing from narcissistic
caregivers or if you are lookingat wanting to know more about
how to truly find your purpose,follow your purpose and make the
shifts in order to be doing themost purposeful work that
lights you up while making thebiggest impact in the world.
(01:28):
So I hope that you enjoytoday's conversation.
I would love to know, emma,what is your story?
How did you come to be doingthe work that you do today?
Tell me a little bit about thatstory.
Speaker 2 (01:43):
Well, firstly I just want to say thank you so so much
for having me here.
You know I couldn't be moreexcited.
I've been buzzed about this allweek.
So that is a great firstquestion.
And you know it was a long, along journey, but I I didn't
know what was going on and Ithink until I experienced it you
know I were, I was inrelationships, several
relationships, that continued tofail.
(02:05):
You know these relationships,you know my first real
relationship included a lot ofcontrolling, a lot of at the
time I didn't realize it butvery much like gaslighting
techniques of you know, majormeltdowns and then gifts or
being taken out for dinner.
So you kind of feel like, oh,is this a me problem Because
they're being so nice, and atthat, that age I didn't
(02:26):
understand what it was.
And then I continued inrelationships like that and then
the final relationship Isuppose I could call it the wake
up, the wake up relationship.
I spent five years back andforth with a very narcissistic
man and three of those yearsthere was another young lady
involved which I didn't actuallyknow about for probably well
(02:48):
over a good year.
Um, I was working away and whenhe first started to see her I
felt like we were in a reallygood place.
You know, prior to that, okay,he had been very, very distant.
It was very much keep me atarm's length.
You know it was on his termsall the time and I just kept
going in with.
You know, I know this isn'tquite right, this doesn't seem
(03:10):
normal, it really upsets me, buthe will change.
This is just.
He's got commitment issues andhe's been hurt in the past and I
almost made up all theseexcuses just purely because,
more than anything, I justwanted to be loved, you know,
and and receive love in a waythat I was always given it, of
cooking and cleaning for peopleand giving this consistent
(03:32):
wanting to be there.
And, of course, the more thisperson pulled away, the harder I
tried to pull in, and I didn'tknow about narcissists by this
point, and it wasn't until Ithen found out about this young
lady and and I he said to me andI quote this when I found out,
you and I were not goinganywhere and that was it.
(03:54):
There was no kind of real ex.
So of course I straight awayfelt like this was all my fault.
You know what have I done?
And it's another failedrelationship and why can't I
just be loved?
But what really set theconfusion off was the him
continuing to stay in contact.
You know, he continued to.
(04:14):
I don't want to say pester me,but no matter how many times I'd
ask him to leave me alone, hewould continue to to just create
random conversation of, oh Ijust want to see how you are,
and you know, and just starttalking about anything and
everything, which was a lot ofconfusion.
And of course that just made methink, oh, this man is
obviously still interested in me, otherwise he wouldn't still be
(04:35):
talking to me, he wouldn't wantto have intimate interactions
with me.
Why would you do that?
I suppose in my world I didn'tsee it as something you know, I
saw that as what someone doeswhen they love you, and that's
what he told me before I foundout about this young lady, that
he was in love with me, and Ithen went to a relationship
(04:55):
coach who specialized in, youknow, sort of lack of, you know,
confidence, lack of self-worth,and I was like that's me, I
don't feel like I'm worthy, Idon't feel like I'm lovable To
which I then learned about thiswhole new world of anxiously
attached people avoidantnarcissistic and inner childhood
(05:17):
traumas, which I then learnedthat actually growing up I had a
narcissistic mum myself and youknow I didn't know about that.
I learned about the avoidant andanxiously attached dance and
how narcissists and empaths, youknow, although they fall under
anxiously attached people, fallvery much in with like an empath
(05:37):
category as such.
You know how that is a strongdance and avoidance being very
similar to narcissists and andhaving that bad name, but
narcissists are like a whole newlevel up.
It was a whole new world that Icame into.
I loved.
I loved 90% of my healingjourney.
Don't get right, I didn't loveall of it.
(05:58):
It wasn't easy at times and it'snot anybody says no, no, and I
think anybody that comes in andsays you know what you're gonna
hear and it's gonna be so easy,is so.
It's such a bad misconceptionto have and you know, I talk
about it all with my friends ofwhat I was doing and then they
go oh, I'm struggling with thatand I'd help them, and it would
(06:21):
just fill me with like this warm, buzzy, excited glow and I
could just feel myself like Iactually finally felt, like I
blossomed in my life, which issomething I hadn't experienced
before.
And through doing this healingwork, I became almost it was an
obsession.
I became obsessed with thenervous system and attachment
(06:43):
and you know narcissists ingeneral and how they work, and
then I started to see it socrystal clear in my mum which I
think was probably really scary,and how she worked with her
tactics on my dad and us aschildren and I was able to take
that and actually finally beable to step back from my
(07:05):
childhood which was a big thingfor me and see that this was no
longer and my failedrelationship, this was no longer
a story of who I am as a person, but just the environments that
I've been in and that actuallythese are lessons that now put
me into a situation where I'm ina really loving, healthy
(07:26):
relationship, and it wasn't easy, you know.
I went into that and I had tolearn that feeling calm and
feeling like there wasn't aspark or there wasn't a passion
isn't actually true.
It just means I'm in a reallycalm relationship and my nervous
system's really calm and it'sloving and this actually is what
love is.
You know, I had such a distortedkind of reality of what love is
(07:50):
to then go into something thatis loving and I mean we're now
looking to build our first hometogether, so we're obviously
doing all right, but it wasreally exciting to actually,
when I look back and saw my owntransformation and then be able
to help friends through it, andI thought this is what gets me
excited, this is what fills mewith warmth and genuine warmth.
(08:15):
And you know thrills and I knowthat sounds bizarre saying the
word thrills about this kind ofwork, but to see someone come to
you in a place where they theydon't essentially like
themselves and and knowing howthat felt to be in that
situation of looking in themirror and almost feeling
disgusted about who you are andnot knowing where your life's
(08:37):
going and constantly blamingyourself to being able to step
into this whole new empoweringlike flower, and it is literally
just like watching someoneflower out of this, this soil
that's been contaminated for solong, and just blossom time and
time again.
Like that is.
You know, it's such a gorgeousexperience to have and every
(08:59):
time I think, whenever I come tothe end of a client, it's
always, always sad to seesomeone go, but you're so proud
of them and who they are now,and it's like no amount of money
in the world could ever pay forthat priceless feeling of
watching someone feel good aboutthemselves.
And you know, I don't think wehave, especially with social
media and stuff.
(09:20):
Now there is never enough ofthat true empowerment on the
other side.
Now there is never enough ofthat true empowerment on the
other side.
So to watch it firsthand isalways, it's always a blessing,
you know, and it's an honorevery time.
Sorry, I kind of got off at atandem.
There you're speaking mylanguage.
Speaker 1 (09:35):
I can.
I relate to all of that andyeah, it sounds like you kind of
you awakened.
Speaker 2 (09:43):
Yeah to something that was going on, Sorry go
ahead.
No, sorry, and I think even youknow learning about my
attachment, especially more thananything, and having that
anxious attachment andunderstanding where it comes
from, because I've always.
You know, I have an olderbrother.
(10:03):
He is very clever, he is verysmart and I love him dearly and
we're very close now but we havevery two different versions of
our childhood.
It's so interesting to see nowhow we operate in relationships
and I always felt like the blacksheep of the family because my
brother got in a relationship.
(10:24):
He stayed in that permanentrelationship.
I had failed relationship afterfailed relationship and I felt
very lost all the time.
You know, I went into anagricultural job, thinking that
that's where I wanted to be, andwhen I was at my height of that
job, I was actually so unhappy.
You know, I suffered with a lotof anxiety.
I suffered with a lot ofdepression.
(10:44):
I always felt like I wasactually so unhappy.
You know, I suffered with a lotof anxiety.
I suffered with a lot ofdepression.
I always felt like I was havingto push myself to my wits end
to prove that I was worthy to bethere and, I think, to then
have this awakening and, likeyou know what that for something
I felt that was my purpose,wasn't my purpose at.
I was just always looking forvalidation, but in the wrong
(11:07):
aspect.
And I think as well that jobwas used as a example in my
relationships as to why I wasn'tthis great person to be with.
And you know, it created thatresentment and I thought,
actually, you know what?
This is no longer a environmentthat it gets me excited.
Actually, it's making me quiteill.
(11:27):
And yes, I'm good at it and yes, it's a fantastic industry with
a lot of strong people, but atthe same time, it's not getting
me thrilled, it's not getting meexcited anymore.
And to then sit back and look athow my parent, as a mum, she,
she didn't push me to to do thatjob, even though it was
(11:49):
something that I wanted to do.
It was very much that was aboy's job and you know you
shouldn't be doing that.
You won't be successful in that.
And when I then looked at myown patterns in what you know,
when I started even intocoaching, it was like, oh, I
won't be very good at that and Ithought you sound just like
your mother.
And that was when I thought, no, no, this is where actually it
(12:13):
needs to stop, and I think thereally exciting bit is that
actually is being able to becomeaware that I'm starting to
sound like my mum and knowingthat I can put a stop to that so
I don't have to pass that on tomy children.
And that is also another thing,like when I speak to these
women that I work with, thatthey then go.
I say, like you don't have topass this on to your kids, and
(12:36):
it creates that ripple effectfrom up here down and I don't
know what your thoughts are onthat.
Speaker 1 (12:41):
Yeah, one thing that really stood out from what you
just said.
So you were in a job that youthought would be fulfilling, but
once you got into it, it wasn'tthe fulfillment that you
thought it was going to be,because A you were seeking
something outside of yourself tofeel better from within
yourself, and it sounds like youkind of realized that that
(13:04):
wasn't kind of giving you whatyou thought it would yeah, a
hundred percent.
Speaker 2 (13:09):
I think I grew up in an environment where, whatever I
did, it was never enough to beas good as what my brother did,
so it was almost like I had tobe in in my eyes as a child.
It was like I had to be betterthan him in order to receive
love, and that almost seemedimpossible.
So I then went into an industrywhere you really had to prove
(13:35):
yourself in order to receivepraise and at the time it was
like, yeah, I'm looking for allof this validation.
And it didn't fill me with goodfeelings, you know.
It continued to fill me withworry that I wasn't doing a very
good job.
It filled me with fear that Iwas going to get the boot
because I didn't do this or thishappened.
(13:56):
But when it actually came downto my healing, the most
fulfillment I got was when I Igave that validation to myself
and was like, actually, you knowwhat you are good at this and
and even now is is being able tosit there and go.
Actually, you know what?
Like you can fill your own cupand then give back to others,
(14:18):
like I think that's been thebiggest thing for me is that I
can fill my own cup with my ownlove and not need it from
outside sources, and then I canpour that into other people's
cups and that is a big thing.
And I see you smiling andnodding.
I presume you kind of love thatand agree with that yourself.
Speaker 1 (14:36):
You know, in speaking of that this is something that
I often teach my clients is whenyou find that power within
yourself and that validation andyou find your own power within
yourself instead of seeking itoutwards, it changes the
dynamics of everything thatyou're doing, including your
work.
(14:57):
So, instead of doing work to tryto get validation and get a
sense of value from, like, whatit is that you're doing, that
leads to burnout, right.
That leads to the physicalsymptoms and the exhaustion and
the draining and the resentmentand the frustration, because
it's never enough.
Like you said Versus, when youdo this inner work to find that
(15:20):
power within yourself, then youend up in this flow state of
overflow, right, kind of likeyou're overflowing and you can't
help but share that with othersbecause you're just brimming
with it.
And when you go approach yourwork from that place, then you
(15:40):
don't burn out.
Instead, you feel energized byit.
That totally changes thedynamics of everything, even if
you don't burn out.
Instead, you feel energized byit.
That totally changes thedynamics of everything, even if
you don't change the work thatyou're even doing.
Speaker 2 (15:50):
Yeah, I think as well .
And you, all of a sudden,you've gone from doing something
with, like you say, thatresentment and that frustration,
and then you go into it withthat love and that passion and
it's like you see the energycome through in what you're
doing and it reflects off andradiates out into other people
and they pick up onto that andthen it's just like consistent
(16:11):
mirroring, isn't it?
And and that that is exciting.
And, like you say, it never,never seems like a job then, and
I think you take so much morepride and love into what you do
and you become once again and itrefills that cup again because
you're then proud of what you'veproduced and you know, like,
say it's like a consistent cycleof, like you say, empty out,
(16:36):
reflow and, and I think that ispleasurable state to be in and
it's a much happier.
You know, and like say,productivity wise and everything
like that is so much moreexciting and when you can give
that to other people, it makesand this sounds bizarre, but it
makes everything that hashappened such a much more
(16:59):
grateful lesson, because it'slike you know what?
Like okay, that was hard, butthat now is the driving force to
make this so like much better.
You know and lead that chapterthere, but take all the lessons
from it and and turn them infrom that anger, that resentment
, that that hurt, that pain intolove, guidance, passion,
(17:21):
kindness, empowerment and warmth, and know you can't ever hand
that to someone.
They have to kind of feel that.
Speaker 1 (17:30):
Yes, oh my goodness.
Yes, let me know what you thinkabout this concept.
Sometimes we'll go into a job,a helping role job to help other
people, to validate us or tohelp maybe reduce the level of
suffering in the world, so wedon't feel it especially as
(17:50):
empaths or highly sensitivepeople.
Have you had that experiencewhere maybe you noticed that you
were in this wanting to helppeople role because you wanted
to get validation or make peoplefeel better, versus what you're
doing now from this empoweredplace?
Speaker 2 (18:08):
yeah, 100%.
I mean the I.
When I came off machines I wentinto a grain marketing job and
when I went into the role I wentinto it with the headspace of
you know what?
I'm going to help so manyfarmers make their farm better.
You know they're gonna makemore money, and it was.
I was still in that place ofthat validation of wanting them
(18:31):
to go.
Oh, wow, you've, you've comeoff machines and now you're
doing this and, oh, thank you somuch.
And it wasn't like I was stillable to do it from that place of
empowerment, because now it'svery much like I'm a, as much as
I help people and guide them.
There is a lot more of a lessonto learn when you've discovered
(18:54):
it on your own and when you'vegot someone there that is
holding your hand enough thatyou feel loved and you feel safe
but you're not being told whatanswer you should and shouldn't
have.
It's a lot more of a meaningfulfind and it holds so much more
space within someone, whereaswhen I was doing it from a place
(19:17):
of support me and give me thatyou know I'm taking rather than
giving it out, and it doesn'tgive that love and that heart
behind it.
It gives, like I say, more of amoney take and a grab still,
and I still didn't find thatfulfillment.
I still didn't find that, youknow, that overflow.
(19:39):
It was literally just like adead end, sour stop and it was
almost like nothing that I wasbeing told was good enough.
I still didn't believe in whatI was doing in the grey
marketing.
I still didn't believe that Iwas a good marketer, no matter
how many times people told me.
But when I'm doing it from aplace of validating myself and
(20:01):
then giving it out, it's like,well, actually, no, I know that
I'm good at what I do and I knowthat I can be a safe space for
you and I don't need you to tellme that this is my time to give
that to you and it also allowsme to listen a lot better.
You know, and I and I, you youhold that space and that
presence a lot more, in a softerway, whereas when I'm like
(20:25):
grabbing for validation, youfeel tense all the time and it
is you're like a child holdingon to your mum's trousers and
you don't want to let go of thatbecause you're not receiving
that calmness to let go, whereas, yeah, when you can then hold
that space for someone else.
They can let go when they'reready and it creates a much more
(20:47):
powerful session.
I don't know if you agree withthat.
Speaker 1 (20:52):
Absolutely Well.
Here's the thing.
There's actually science behindthat right.
When your nervous system iscalm, when you have coherence
and low heart rate variabilitythat actually mirrors, you can
actually hold that safer spacefor someone.
There's electromagneticfrequencies even impacting the
other person.
So it's not just about whatyou're saying, but just how
(21:15):
you're being and it sounds likefor you there was this journey
and I see this a lot and I'vegone through this myself is you
know, before you had thisawakening, there's likely a lot
of stress and chaos.
And then, when you have thisawakening and you start to learn
how to regulate your nervoussystem, and then maybe when you
(21:37):
enter a stable and calmrelationship, then it can feel
really uncomfortable at thebeginning because it's not
familiar.
Speaker 2 (21:52):
Yeah, 100%, and it almost it feels like you haven't
healed or you haven'tprogressed, because it's just
like you.
Almost suddenly, you know and Iremember questioning it I was
like, am I numb to this?
You know what's wrong with me?
And I remember this clearly.
I was in the gym one day and Iended up crying and thinking I'm
never going to be happy becauseI wasn't feeling this butterfly
spark and ultimately I didn'tunderstand at the time, although
(22:17):
I was learning about nervoussystems, you know, I think I
still, at the time, rememberthinking that you should feel
those butterflies consistentlywhen you're with someone.
And it was that learning thatand that understanding that
actually this is just reallyhealthy, you're not triggered.
And I had to take what I wasfeeling and sit with it, you
(22:39):
know, and sit with the emotionsand sit with the thoughts that
were coming up and and go well,hang on a minute.
How much of this is true.
And you know, how is Harry, mypartner?
How is he actually treating me,you know?
And when I sat and looked, Ithought he's actually treating
(22:59):
me in every way.
I've always asked for and I'vealways desired and I've always
wanted and I've always dreamedabout, and it was like, oh well,
why are you not reacting tothat?
And when I sat and continued tohold that space within myself
of like you don't have to workthis out immediately, like take
(23:22):
your time with this and it'sokay to feel that way and not
punish myself for it, you know,I stopped punishing myself.
I was finally able to see thatactually I felt at peace, you
know, and I felt calm and I feltloved and I felt safe, which
was a big thing.
I hadn't felt safe with someonefor so long and I was so
(23:45):
independent and it was sooverwhelming, to be fair, to
understand that actually I amsafe and it is safe to talk
about my emotions and it, youknow.
And I was able to then actuallycommunicate this with Harry
without thinking, oh my god,he's gonna think that I'm, I've
gone mad or something.
(24:05):
And he was then able to holdthat space and all it did was
deepen the connection that wehave together and and it was
just those kind of those oh mygod moments and making
essentially the choice to sit,with that discomfort that I
didn't have any discomfort, youknow, because it was like it was
(24:27):
.
It was uncomfortable not to havethe discomfort and the
butterflies and the so-calledsparks and the so-called passion
, and sit with that and actuallylisten, listen to it.
You know, I think we I'd seenit time and time again about
listening to our thoughts andlistening to our feelings, but
I'd never seen anything aboutlistening when nothing's so much
(24:53):
there and challenging it what'snot there as such when it comes
to our feelings and our nervoussystems.
Because I hadn't had thatexperience before and it was
nice to just sit and listen andnot think, oh god, what's,
what's gonna go wrong next orwhat's gonna do this, and it was
nice to sit and actually listenand and go, no, you're just for
(25:17):
the first time probably in yourlife now you're calming in a
relationship and that's okay,like, enjoy it and embrace it
and get excited for it.
And it was like this bubblinglittle child was actually
suddenly starting to enjoy anddance and laugh and giggle and
(25:38):
it was like, yeah, I'd suddenlywoken up all over again and it's
just these small things thatjust continue to reignite that
spark that doesn't go out.
You know, and I feel that Harryand I we, we consistently like
live in this honeymoon periodbecause we are able to hold that
space and that curiosity foreach other and be able to
(26:00):
approach each other with thatcuriosity of why are you doing
this instead of what are youdoing?
As such, you know andunderstand each other's own
traumas and talk to each otherabout it and let's say, you know
, like you just said, hold thatcalmness and that space back and
forth so that he's at peace andI'm at peace and we can feel
(26:25):
when someone's not quite thereand I can feel it quite a bit
when, if he's off, we can pickup on that and because of being
and I think, being able to sitthrough that, I can help him sit
with it.
You know, and I can hold andsit that space for him when he's
struggling to do that.
(26:45):
And yeah, and sometimes that'sall we need.
Speaker 1 (26:49):
We don't always need someone to give us the answers,
we just need someone to holdthat space when we physically
can't absolutely, and that's thething right, especially with
this human experience ofactually sitting with the things
that feel uncomfortable and,like you said, being able to
hold space, even if you don't.
(27:10):
Sometimes providing thesolution isn't the answer.
It's about just holding thatspace so that the other person
can move through it and out theother side, instead of being
stuck in the cycle orsuppressing it or avoiding it.
And then the other point thatyou mentioned was sometimes it's
about sitting with, but why amI not feeling this?
(27:30):
Why am I not feeling thebutterflies?
Speaker 2 (27:33):
yeah, I think and it's not something you isn't,
and I think we always see onsocial media you should sit with
your thoughts and no one eversays sit with what's not there
as such and sitting with.
Why am I not feeling this?
And and actually knowing thatwe're not broken, we don't need
(27:54):
to be fixed as such as is?
You know we're not brokenpeople, we don't need to be
fixed as such is is you know,we're not broken people, we
don't need to be fixed.
So, to be able to approachourselves with that curiosity of
why am I doing this rather thanI need to fix this, because I
think when we apply I need tofix this, it implies a harshness
on us rather than givingourself that space again and
(28:17):
that kindness and that love, andthat creates tension and it
creates stress, whereas when wecan say, okay, well, why am I
doing this?
What needs me right now?
To listen, suddenly we canrelax into it and we can allow
these things to come forwardbecause they feel safe to do so.
You know it's like you're notgoing to talk to someone that
says, well, why are you doingthat's like you're not going to
(28:38):
talk to someone that says, well,why are you doing that, are you
?
You know you're going to talkto someone that goes, do you
want to talk about that?
Like what's going on for youand low is their tone and low is
their voice and and allows youto come into that space.
Speaker 1 (28:53):
I know that this journey is not an easy journey
to embark on.
Right this inner healingjourney and the awakening and
the growth, and you've taken it,you're on it and now you're
leading other people through it.
Speaker 2 (29:11):
Yeah, I think it's always really.
I think and this is my personalopinion here, so you know, if
you I'd love to know youropinion on it as well You're
never truly fully healed.
You know and I think that's aconcept we go into this healing
of oh, I'm going to do a yearand you know I'm going to be
(29:34):
healed, I'm going to be thiswhole new person, but we're
never truly fully healed becausewe can't experience every
single situation that triggersus.
But I think what is reallygorgeous about it is, as you're
growing and you're having thismore self-awareness and you're
creating this kind ofself-compassion, your healing
(29:54):
journey gets easier.
Your healing journey getseasier and it gets more
foundational and more loving.
And, yeah, it is overwhelmingand there is moments where you
think, oh, wow, like I have comefrom here to here and I'm proud
of myself.
It's overwhelming, but it isgorgeous.
You know there is no other waythat I ever know how to explain
(30:16):
it it is a loving, a reallyloving process.
You know, I'd love to hear youropinion on that so you're
absolutely right, it's a.
Speaker 1 (30:26):
It's a.
It's not about a destination,right, it's a journey that's
ongoing for the rest of yourlife, because there's always
going to be.
You know, knowledge is,knowledge is consciousness is
infinite.
And my belief is this healingis expanding ourselves to match
(30:46):
consciousness, but we'll neverfully match it because it is
infinite and ever growing andexpanding.
And I like to kind of use theanalogy of like layers of an
onion.
Right, when you're healing, youtake off a layer of the onion
and you look at it and you sitwith it and you heal it and you
integrate it.
And as you continue, there'sgoing to be new perspectives and
(31:07):
new layers to look at withevery step in your growth and
evolution.
And it's almost like thelessons that you learn.
You need to have that growth tobe able to see that next layer
of lessons.
And then you work through thatnext layer of lessons and you
need to have that growth inorder to see and unlock that
(31:29):
next layer of lessons.
And it's funny that you saythis because I have had
conversations with lots ofpeople who they think that they
just need to embark on thisinner healing journey.
And it should just be.
You know, take a couple months,and then, well, why haven't I
gotten there yet?
What you mean, there's more.
Oh my goodness.
Speaker 2 (31:50):
Yeah, yeah, you're not wrong and and it's it's like
yeah, you okay heal somethingaround relationships or around
work, but the work is consistent.
It's not something that thatand I think this is something
that a lot of people don't don'trealize they go yeah, I want to
heal, I want to do this, butit's not just as easy as having
(32:12):
a conversation is.
It is very much.
It becomes your own passion andyour own habits and your own
and it is.
It is a fine-tune act ofself-love that you do spend, you
know, a morning doing a mindsetroutine for half an hour, or
you do some affirmations, or youstart to notice what it is, you
(32:36):
know, if a bird flew past yourwindow that you, you loved, and
it made a noise that helped youfeel calm and having that
gratitude for that, and it'scultivating that and actually
you end up doing it every daywithout realizing and that is
then put out into the universeand it creates that
ever-expanding, they say, effectthat brings it back in closer
(32:57):
to you.
So when you can start noticingthese things and bringing that
more to your awareness, suddenlyyou've gone from this place of
I'm really struggling to heal tooh, wow, life's actually really
good and it's beautiful andit's colorful and it's calm and
it's peaceful.
But it takes consistent work and, like you say, self-awareness,
(33:22):
and you know that, awareness ofnot just what your thoughts are,
but actually when they arecoming along and what events are
triggering them to, and beingconsistent with that and not
just giving up when your brain'sgoing.
Well, I can't do that.
It's going, you know, and I sawa quote today that said we will
(33:42):
stay in our pain because it istoo hard to change.
And you know, and I thinkthat's very true, we, we, we
will stay in our pain becausethat's comfortable and that's
what we know, and our brainswill do that and and that's, you
know, with the neurologicalpathways, it's very normal to do
that.
But it that's, you know, withthe neurological pathways, it's
very normal to do that.
But it's about going.
You know what I'm going tobreak that change and I'm going
(34:06):
to keep at this, no matter howhard it gets, and actually it'll
get easier.
It's got to get harder beforeit gets easier.
Speaker 1 (34:12):
Yeah, and that's the thing.
Right is.
It's almost like the pain ofstaying the same has to get so
difficult for some people thatthey're willing now to embark on
the discomfort of the new andthe unfamiliar.
Speaker 2 (34:27):
Yeah, 100 percent, and I really resonate with that,
because I had to go throughthat five year relationship to
be like this.
This is really hard and this isnot what I want forever.
And if I didn't have that, Iwouldn't be, like you say,
blooming now and being that budthat blooms, and I do strongly
believe everything happens for areason.
(34:48):
But I also believe whensomething is not ignored, you
are pushed to acknowledge it.
You know, and you'll continueto be pushed into harder and
harder situations until youacknowledge it.
You know.
How do you feel about that?
Speaker 1 (35:03):
absolutely.
I tend to kind of say that atfirst you'll get like little
whispers and nudges.
That's how your intuitionspeaks.
I believe is through kindwhispers and nudges.
And if, over time you ignorethose whispers and nudges, and
if over time you ignore thosewhispers and nudges, you don't
believe them, you don't listento them.
Your intellect is taking over.
Eventually the universe willstart to hit you over the head
(35:27):
with a baseball bat.
Speaker 2 (35:29):
That is so very, very true.
I like that.
That's quite funny.
It's a nice way to put on it.
Don't ignore what your body'strying to say to you.
Speaker 1 (35:37):
Yeah, and I mean for you, it sounds like I'd love to
touch on this from both thisrelationship aspect that you've
had, that after a period of timelike it, you just couldn't
ignore the red flags and theintuition anymore.
And then there was also thisshift that you made in your
career and you went from, youknow, being in this position
(36:01):
where you were feelingunfulfilled and you were
physically feeling therepercussions of working a job
that didn't feel aligned anymoreand you ended up making a huge
pivot to doing completelydifferent work.
I mean, how was that for you interms of?
I'd love if you, if you wouldlike to touch on that, because
(36:22):
this podcast is about followingyour purpose and your inner
purpose, I'm sure that wasn't aneasy avenue to think about
making this change.
I mean, what, what feelings andemotions and thoughts came
through to you as you weremaking this pivot in your career
?
Speaker 2 (36:41):
Definitely ones that I thought I'd handled.
You know and I know that soundsbizarre when I was in that
narcissistic relationship, Iactually ended up staying with
him while I was doing a bigchunk of this work and it was
like, and we had a time zonethere of no contact and I
(37:02):
thought, yeah, you know, I'venailed this and I'm good to go,
and it was like they went we'rejust gonna bring him back in so
you can really see how you goton and you know, and it it
showed me that actually I stillhad a lot of stuff to do.
And when I finally left forgood, I thought you know what,
like I've nailed this, I'm notgood enough, because that was a
(37:25):
really strong belief for me andyou know this fact that I'm not
lovable.
And I nailed all these things.
And when I decided this youknow, learning about CBT therapy
because that was the firstthing that I did, because I
could still do that in line withmy job it excited me so much.
And then I started to learnabout them and, although I was
(37:46):
really, really excited, when Ithen started to go into
relationship coaching, the thethought of, oh, you're not good
enough to do this came back upand it was like, okay, well,
where is this being addressednow?
And although I'd established itin my relationship, you know,
you know I say to Harry we jokeand say, oh, you're so lucky and
(38:08):
we do.
And it is just a joke.
We know that we deserve to betogether.
We've both done the work to bethere, but at the same time I
know that I'm good enough.
So if he was to go and do, godforbid, and he wouldn't, I know
that, you know I'm good enough,so you can leave.
In the relationship aspect, Iknew that.
But when it came to businessand a job, it was like you're
(38:32):
not good enough to do this, youknow, and you haven't had a hard
enough story to help womentransform and you haven't been
through enough.
And story to help womentransform and you haven't been
through enough.
And it was like suddenly Istarted to punish myself all
over again and I struggled tosleep for quite a few amount of
weeks.
I struggled with a lot ofoverwhelm and stress and I then
(38:54):
didn't want to go and it waslike, well, okay, well, where is
this all coming from?
And there was a lot ofself-doubt around not being good
enough, and it was being ableto go.
Well, hang on, why did you wantto do this in the first place,
you know?
And what is it that wasexciting, you?
And where is this not goodenough coming from?
(39:21):
And it did come back to my mumalways putting me down whenever
I got a job or I went and sat onone of the biggest machines in
the world.
It was still not as good as mybrother or, at the time then, my
stepbrother, and it was likegod.
And then I realized she's not apart of my life anymore.
For these reasons, you know andit's not that I dislike her,
it's not that I, you know, havenegative feelings for her, but
(39:41):
at the same time, I acknowledgethat, regardless, whether she's
family or not, she brings that,you know, rumble into my life.
That disturbs my peace and Idon't need that.
You know, I care about myselfand this sounds very selfish.
I care about myself too muchand my own peace and my own
growth to allow someone who'snot willing to work on
(40:04):
themselves to disrupt that.
And that made me quite strongand think you know what she?
Well, she's not here.
You know, this is about you nowand you haven't been through
all of this stuff to not putthat to a good use.
And I am very fortunate.
Harry believes in me untoldamounts and he'll tell me that
(40:24):
every day that it will work welland you'll be fine.
But yeah, it was definitely.
It definitely showed up to methat although a belief can be
healed in one aspect, it canalso still come up in another
aspect and it it was verydaunting and it is, you know,
and even now at times it's stillvery scary.
You know, I'm sort of gearingup to launch a group program in
(40:48):
a few months and it's like, ohwow, I am doing this.
And it is a bit of a step back.
When you think I was a tractordriver three years ago and now
I'm a relationship coach.
It is a entirely differentcareer, pivot.
But I feel safe in my home andI love being at home.
(41:08):
I feel safe in myself.
And when you think tractordriving is a very lonely job
working at home, I know I speakto people all day but it's also
a very lonely job.
But I find a lot of morecomfort now in being alone and
you know, that brings me peaceand it brings me joy.
(41:28):
And as much as I love spendingtime with people.
I also love my own comfort andit was those kind of
realizations and understandingthat I'd gone from a place where
I spent many, many days veryupset and crying and, you know,
sometimes not wanting to eat fordays on end, to a place where I
(41:50):
actually feel really good atthe end of a busy day, you know,
and I actually feel really goodat the end of a session and I
feel full with with love, withpassion, with spark, and it's
like that was what continues tohold when I struggle, you know,
because sometimes the feeling ofnot being good enough it does
(42:12):
still come in when you know aclient comes forward with
something.
I personally have an experienceand it's like can I help this
person through it?
And it's like, just hold thatspace for them.
And and I do believe thatactually, if you can hold a
space for someone, they willguide you because you can listen
more actively and allow them tohave that space and they'll
(42:35):
guide you actually to where theyneed to be, without realizing
it.
And it was being able to findthat sense of peace and that
calm.
And when you speak to peopleand they go, you know I've had a
really good session.
I feel like this and you thinkthey're the kind of shifts that
I wasn't expecting.
I was expecting to think, ohyeah, like this, feels free, and
(42:57):
but I wasn't expecting to feelthe shifts of, you know, genuine
love over just myself and overjust my relationship, and the
excitement and continuing topush and the newfound drive
every day, regardless of what itis or how hard it is.
(43:18):
And, you know, finding thatdrive and finding that purpose
and just continuing to build andknowing, more than anything,
that my progression is entirelymy own.
It's.
It's not now held to my mummore than anything.
It's not held to any bosses,it's not held to anybody else
(43:42):
out there, because anybody elseis on their own journey, but I'm
now held to my own progressionabout where I want to take my
business and how I want toimpact the world, and that, to
me, is exciting.
You know that is exciting andyou can find that excitement.
You're not stuck in it, butdefinitely it was a big
(44:04):
awakening, feeling thatunsettlement again and knowing
now that actually when I getcomfortable, it's okay to be
comfortable, but it's alsoreally important to go.
Let's just get a little bit,let's just dip your toe into
being uncomfortable and tryingsomething new and pushing myself
(44:25):
out of that and also being ableto hold that space to calm down
into that comfort zone againand just turn that tap on and
off a little bit.
And that is something that Ifind really powerful to take
into my clients that we can justturn that tap on just a little
bit so they can feel thatemotion and feel any kind of,
(44:47):
you know, rage or without overflooding it, and we can turn
that on, we can release it alittle bit, we can, you know,
and turn that off and just dothat in a nice comfortable way
that allows us to do it, like Isay, without almost bursting.
And that, to me, has been, youknow, a consistent growth, and
(45:10):
that's what I like now, that Ifeel like I'm growing every day
rather than feeling stuck, is itis that growth and that that
blossom and you know that seeingother people blossom it's like
a big poppy flower field thatjust keeps popping up everywhere
and it's gorgeous, I love ityeah, oh.
Speaker 1 (45:28):
So, juicy, you know what you've mentioned.
You mentioned a reallyimportant point here is
sometimes, when you work onintegrating and healing some
theme in one area of your life,it might still pop up in other
areas if it hasn't been fullyacknowledged yet, and so, and
(45:49):
especially with entrepreneurship, it tends to be a field that
will really kind of like poke atyour wounds if you haven't
healed them yet yeah, you're notwrong, you're not.
Speaker 2 (46:01):
And I think something I started to experience lately
was the loneliness of it.
Don't get me wrong, I'm happyon my own, but at the same time
it was like a new foundexperience of loneliness.
Because where you are, like yousay entrepreneurship you can't
suddenly keep saying yes toeverybody.
You have to start saying no,and that's been another thing of
(46:24):
really reinforcing that.
It's comfortable saying no now,because I'm not doing it from a
point of malice, it's more froma point of you know what I need
that time and that's okay to dothat.
But one thing I found that yourfriends, they stop asking you to
come and do things or you knowthey make new friendships and
(46:44):
that's okay and you are so happyfor them and, you know, proud
of them for finding those newfriendships.
But at the same time it is very, very lonely and it's a new
weird sensation of lonelinessbecause it's like you're.
You know that people are kindof there because they haven't
gone and you haven't hadarguments, they haven't just
(47:04):
disappeared.
But at the same time it's likeyou're, you are a little bit
alone because they're not thereto be who they used to be with
you, they're not picking up thephone every day and they're not
saying, do you want to go and dothis next weekend?
And it is like a new sense ofloneliness that I'm coming to
terms with being okay with, butit is.
Speaker 1 (47:24):
It is like you say it is finding things that,
although they're they're healedin one area, the bear gets poked
in another area yeah, andespecially when it comes to
those really core experiencesthat we had in our developmental
years, it can take a few layersof the onion before you can
really feel like it's beenintegrated into your being.
Speaker 2 (47:48):
Yeah, and that's the thing like with childhood.
You know, I've spoken to people.
They've gone.
Yeah, well, I had a greatchildhood and when we break it
down, it's not always from ourparents that this stuff is, is
formed it.
You know, it can be fromteachers, from other children
and, like I say, although wemight think someone's picked on
us because we're silly, althoughwe we think we've, like, say,
(48:10):
established it, our mind is verygood at going.
Well, here's a memory to makeyou think you kind of killed
that off and you fixed that.
Or I say, fix it, you've workedon it and healed it and allowed
it to, to release.
But I'm just going to keep thisone in the back pocket for you,
so when you, uh, really needsomething, I can bring that up
(48:31):
and you know, I think that'salways okay to allow that, to be
there and and go, come on.
Then come and sit with me likelet's, let's welcome this in
here, because the more youwelcome them, I think and this
is something that I've had toreally sit with actually it's
okay to welcome, because themore you welcome, the more your
(48:51):
mind goes oh, actually, it'ssafe to show you this, it's all
right to show you this and itbecomes a lot easier to really
sit with.
You know, and I think a reallyvaluable question I started to
ask myself was what am I missing?
You know, what am I?
And it allowed me to kind ofthink well, what am I missing
here?
And that is in, like, ifHarry's in a in a mood because
(49:14):
he's had a bad day and it'd bevery much, well, what am I
missing?
Well, he's just had a bad day.
He told me about this earlierand this, and that it's got
nothing to do with me, and like,when I was feeling like I'm not
good enough, it's like well,what am I missing here?
You know is is that the truthand you know, or is it a
misconception?
Is it someone else's beliefthat I'm carrying right now, or
(49:36):
is it truly mine?
And that's the thing, becausewe get beliefs, other people's
beliefs, projected onto usconsistently, that it would be
very difficult not to take themon board.
You know, sometimes we can sitwith that and go well, is this
truly what I believe, or is it abelief that I've taken on from
someone else and being able tosit with that and go well, no,
(49:59):
that's not even mine.
I don't need this anymore andallowing to let that go has been
really beneficial and, likesaying, being able to even give
that back to my clients and go.
Well, you know that thesethings happen and we can't
control them.
Growing up, you know, weweren't told you have to do this
and you have to do that in aform of knowing that it was
(50:21):
going to affect our whole lifeand how we were walked.
It was just how our parentsknew how to look after us and we
carried that on and it createsthat intergenerational trauma,
but it doesn't mean we have tocarry it with us forever.
Speaker 1 (50:35):
Absolutely, and that's the thing.
You know, the things that weexperienced growing up, you know
we might create certain beliefsabout them or us.
Oftentimes there's thisassumption that maybe it's our
fault not recognizing back thenthat their reactions are
projections of their stuff.
(50:56):
And I mean, even like whenwe're kids, it's actually unsafe
for us to think that ourcaregivers are maybe unbalanced
or unstable, right, so weautomatically assume it must be
our fault if they're reacting.
But yeah, this likeunderstanding, now that you know
the things that you assumed andyou thought and you did and you
(51:17):
saw in order to survive are notthe same perspectives and
perceptions that are going tohelp you to thrive oh, yeah, I
love that.
Speaker 2 (51:25):
It's that rhymes so nicely right, that's the thing
what we learn as children andwhat we take on from, like you
say, learning to survive doesn'tserve us in the adult world
anymore and it's being able toacknowledge that.
And, you know, some people got anatural gift for it and find it
(51:45):
very, very easy.
And, like you say, some peoplewho who have put their parents
on a pedestal because it wasn'tsafe to blame them, they, I must
admit, do tend to find it a lotharder to acknowledge that.
Or, you know, and this issomething I found a lot like,
people who had very aggressiveparents find it very hard to
(52:09):
kind of go back into that.
Well, that's, that's a themopinion, not a me opinion,
because they feel bad for it,they feel like that's wrong and
it's being able to sit with thatand once again go back to that
tap and turn up the emotion to,to let that fear out and and
then be able to go.
Well, no, this isn't, thisisn't me, this isn't who I want
(52:30):
to be and this isn't what I wantto carry and this isn't what's
going to help me, like you say,thrive and be in this adult
world yeah, absolutely gosh.
Speaker 1 (52:40):
I'm loving this conversation me too.
Speaker 2 (52:44):
Anything we've like attached to and how the brain
works.
Speaker 1 (52:48):
It's just a thrill, right oh my gosh, I have so many
questions for you.
I have a feeling that maybewe're gonna have to do another
episode oh, I'd love that.
Yeah, that would be an honoryeah, now here's a question for
you about the client that is,you know, the most common or
most ideal client that you liketo work with.
(53:10):
What stage would they be at ontheir journey where that would
be the most optimal time forthem to step in and work with
you?
Speaker 2 (53:20):
For me it is very much someone who's just come out
of that narcissistic or toxickind of environment and they
know that that relationshipwasn't quite right.
So they got a little bit ofself-awareness, but they also
know that this isn't where theywant to be forever.
They know that this is nottheir destiny and they have a
(53:41):
want, a want to change more thana need to change.
You know they really want tochange, they want to improve,
they want to understand andreally sort of finally accept
that it's about them and theirgrowth and their self-love.
And the only reason why I saythat is because these are people
(54:02):
that you can pour and pour andpour into and they will take it
in a way that is so beneficialand like say, you see this major
growth in someone and they allof a sudden don't feel like
they're being held back, becausethey're starting to feel that,
well, I walked away, actually Ican be this whole new person.
(54:25):
And then they start to getexcited because they can.
You know they, when they'rethere and they feel like they've
lost their identity.
Suddenly it's this excitementof actually, you know what?
I don't have an identity, I canbe whoever I want to be now,
and that is like amazing whenthey kind of have that
recognition of like, wow, okay,I can be whoever I want to be.
(54:49):
I don't have to live by his youknow narrative, I don't have to
live by my mothers or myfathers or my caregivers, I can
live by the narrative that Iwant.
And you know that is excitingto see someone transform like
that.
And you know they start tolearn what boundaries are and
understand their attachment andgo from this place of wanting to
(55:13):
give self-love and wanting togive self-worth but just not
knowing how self-love andwanting to give self-worth but
just not knowing how.
And it's being able tofacilitate that and say this is
how we can do it for you, not,you know, because not one size
fits all, but for you, this,this will work, and if this
doesn't work, we'll try this.
And and knowing that theysuddenly got this support and
(55:33):
don't feel so alone, because thethe one thing I really learned
and saw in these kind of toxicrelationships those that haven't
experienced it can't hold thatspace of compassion and kindness
.
It's very much well, whyhaven't you left?
You should have left ages ago.
And that just creates a senseof shame and that sense of anger
(55:57):
and that guilt.
And then what happens is and Iexperience this myself you close
in into this ball and into this, this place of survival again,
and then you feel like you don'thave that evolving space to
grow.
And suddenly, when you've gotsomeone that is a stranger,
that's holding that space, Ithink there is more compassion
(56:18):
and kindness because you can saywhatever you feel, because
essentially they don't know whoyou are, they don't know your
story, so you're safe to saythat because there is no
judgment, and when I thinkyou're speaking with someone
who's been in that space as well, you don't feel so like, say,
judged and fearful of it.
Speaker 1 (56:37):
Oh that's beautiful if there's someone listening who
fits that.
Is there one word of wisdom orthought or insight that you
could share for them to, to helpthem in some way?
Speaker 2 (56:51):
Yeah, I think the best that I could give is allow
yourself to acknowledge how youfeel.
You know, allow yourself toacknowledge the feelings that
are coming up and the thoughtsthat come with it, because if
you can hold, start holding thatspace to yourself with kindness
(57:12):
and I mean this with kindnessand curiosity rather than anger
and resentment you will start toallow yourself to relax into
this state or come out of thisstate of survival.
You know, and with this stateof coming out, survival, you'll
feel a lot of exhaustion, you'llfeel a lot of tiredness.
Just allow that to be there,because that is the first sign
(57:35):
that actually you're starting toheal.
You know, and allow yourselfthat compassion and drop this
phase of I should be over thisor I should be this and I should
be further along, and justallow yourself to say you know
what I'm doing better than whatI did yesterday.
Or OK, today's a setback, buttomorrow will be better, but
(58:00):
tomorrow will be better.
Or you know, I'm going to allowmyself to worry today because
tomorrow will be better tomorrow.
And just start allowing thatkindness and compassion and know
you're not alone.
You're not alone on thisjourney.
There are people like you, whohave similar stories to you who
understand you and you don'tneed to feel shame or guilt or
anger towards yourself forstaying because ultimately you
(58:24):
were manipulated and you wereconditioned and the feelings
that you're experiencing now isa condition of what you've been
through.
You know you've been throughenough trauma you're.
It's down to you whether youcarry that on now or you just
cut it off like a cape and startto change that narrative for
(58:45):
yourself.
That's beautiful advice.
Speaker 1 (58:48):
Thank you.
So where can somebody whoreally resonates with what
you're saying find you?
Speaker 2 (58:54):
So I am on Instagram as EJ Walsh, relationship coach.
I'm also on Facebook as EmmaWalsh or.
I do have a website of um,wwwemmajwalshcom, and in there
you'll be able to see my story.
There is a free ebook todownload as a resource, um, and
(59:16):
we can also you know.
If you feel that you downloadthe ebook and you need my help
further, we can also have aconversation about that.
Speaker 1 (59:25):
Wonderful and I'll include all those links in the
show notes so people can accessthem.
This has been a juicyconversation and I feel like,
like I mentioned, there's somuch more to talk about, but I
hope that this conversation, youknow, for our listeners has
sparked some insight and maybehelped them put some of their
(59:46):
own puzzle pieces together,either when it comes to their
relationship or making pivots intheir career or finding purpose
in your work.
There was one thing that you'vementioned maybe I'll just throw
this in because it is in thetop of my mind up here.
So you've mentioned about.
You know, this type of work canfeel lonely.
(01:00:06):
Let me know what you thinkabout this concept.
I find that, especially anywork where you are putting
yourself into a leadershipposition, where you are a cycle
breaker or a change maker or atrailblazer in some unique and
different way and you're showingthis new path and a new way
(01:00:29):
forward and change that, thefurther you go in your
leadership, the more lonely itcan tend to feel, because
there's not as many people onthat path versus maybe the path
that you left behind.
What are your thoughts on that?
Speaker 2 (01:00:48):
yeah, I love that idea of that concept 100% and I
think it's so true becauseyou're growing and evolving and
those kind of thoughts and thatkind of person no longer serves
you.
And I do think you have to gothrough this phase of loneliness
to then find you know they sayyour vibe attracts your tribe,
(01:01:12):
and you will then attract peoplethat are more on that vibe.
So that will of course thenencourage you and I think it's
very much like you're steppingthrough one door into a room so
you can do this work and outinto another door so you're able
to actually leave those thingsbehind that no longer serve you.
(01:01:34):
And I think the loneliness, ashard as it is, it's also good
because you've not got theinfluence of other people as you
do this work and you know, likeI say, you are suddenly
stepping out of that pain andthat comfort and being able to
just be comfortable with who youare as a person and, like I say
(01:01:56):
, not have other peopleinfluencing or clouding your
judgment or your thoughts orprojecting their beliefs onto
you.
So it's important to embracethat loneliness and see it as an
opportunity rather than asetback oh, I love that.
Speaker 1 (01:02:16):
See it as an opportunity rather than a
setback, so important yeah, andyou know that's where as well.
Speaker 2 (01:02:23):
I think, like I say, you'll then meet.
You know, they say you're theaverage of the five people that
you spend your time with.
So I think a really valuablequestion to ask in those times
of loneliness do you want to bethe average of those people or
are you ready to be the averageof these new you know, this new
(01:02:45):
potential tribe, and what isthat going to offer you?
Over what your past, the youknow where you sat in that pain
and all that grief and thatanger?
Is that the kind of place youwant to go back into?
Or do you want to sit with thisloneliness and wait to go to
the other side, to the unknown,to the excitement and the
(01:03:06):
thrills, and who knows whoyou'll meet and who knows where
you're going to go?
unlimited possibility yeah, youmust have read my mind, oh, oh.
Speaker 1 (01:03:17):
I love it.
Yeah, I think that's a reallywonderful place to maybe
conclude of.
The journey is of limitlesspossibility, and it's always up
to us to decide if we're goingto accept that and the
challenges that come with it,because there's always going to
be challenges in life.
No matter what choice you make,including choosing to not do
(01:03:43):
anything at all, there's alwaysgoing to be challenges in life.
No matter what choice you make,including choosing to not do
anything at all, there's stillgoing to be a challenge
associated with that as well.
I think our conversation todayreally I think both of us kind
of you know we're on that sideof you know what we see that
unlimited possibility and we'rewilling to move through the
challenges that come with it, toto see what happens as you
continue on the journey, tocontinue to grow and evolve and
(01:04:03):
follow your purpose, find thatoverflow and then be that leader
that's going to help others dothe same yeah, a hundred percent
.
Speaker 2 (01:04:12):
And you know, I think it comes back to that amazing
ripple, the endlesspossibilities that you can
create.
Help someone else create theirown endless possibilities, and
it just continues and continuesand we might not be able to
completely stop.
You know negative thoughts ornarcissism or emotional abuse,
(01:04:36):
but actually we can create thatripple effect in the world that
starts to reduce it becausepeople aren't passing it on to
their children or their partnersand so forth, and you know that
that's an endless world ofpossibilities as well yeah, I
recently saw a quote that saidjust as trauma can be passed on
(01:04:56):
generationally, so can healingoh, I love that, love that, yeah
, so true.
Speaker 1 (01:05:04):
So so true, absolutely love that and I mean,
I feel like you know, if thisis the way that we're feeling,
our soul is feeling called tofollow, we can help to heal and
change the world through theseactions, through this ripple
effect.
Speaker 2 (01:05:19):
Yeah, 100%.
And, like you just said, youknow you can pass it on to your
children, who then pass it on totheir children, and it isn't
just us as a single person, itgoes on for generations and
generations.
And that, I think, is probablyvery high up there with how
gorgeous this kind of work isand how fulfilling it is,
(01:05:41):
because you know it's not justgoing to end with you and every
person that comes to you andleaves it's not just going to
end with them either, and it isexciting to know that and you
know it is a thrill like a warmbuzz.
Yes, I love it.
Speaker 1 (01:05:57):
Oh well, thank you so much for this conversation
today, emma.
Speaker 2 (01:06:02):
I'm so glad that you were here on the podcast for us
to have this conversation and toshare it with others no, thank
you so, so much for having meand thank you so much for
holding the space to allow me totell my story, and you know
it's been an honor, a true honorit's my pleasure and to the
audience.
Speaker 1 (01:06:23):
If you feel, uh, that you would like to check out
emma and her work, you can go tothe show notes and access the
links there.
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