160: Why Staying Silent Is the Most Dishonest Thing You Can Do

Send us a text

Why Staying Silent Is the Most Dishonest Thing You Can Do

Silence may feel like the easier path, but when it comes to boundaries, staying silent is one of the most dishonest things you can do—to yourself and to others. This week, we’re diving deep into how silence creates disconnection, fuels resentment, and ultimately undermines the relationships we value most. You’ll learn how to communicate boundaries with clarity, compassion, and integrity—and why doing so is one of the truest forms of honesty and love.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode

• Why avoiding conflict by staying silent is a form of dishonesty
• The three most common fears that prevent people from setting boundaries
• How silence creates long-term resentment and disconnection
• Why boundary-setting is an act of self-respect and relational integrity
• Real-life stories that illustrate the cost of silence
• Phrases you can use to set boundaries with kindness and clarity

Challenge for the Week

Reflect on a relationship where you’ve been feeling burnout, resentment, or disconnection. Choose one of the seven example phrases shared in this episode, and practice saying it out loud. You don’t have to use it yet—but let your body begin to get comfortable with your truth. Then ask yourself: Am I choosing real peace, or temporary comfort that costs me later?

Work With Me

Ready to start setting boundaries with clarity and confidence—without guilt? Let’s work together. My 1:1 coaching packages are designed to support empaths and highly sensitive people like you in reclaiming your energy and voice in relationships. Spots are limited, so reach out today and let’s talk.

Don’t Forget to Subscribe

If this episode resonated with you, be sure to follow the podcast so you never miss an episode. Subscribing helps you stay connected and ensures you’ll always have support in your journey toward emotional freedom and self-trust.

 Curious about coaching? Email me at [e-mail] and lets talk!

Don’t Forget to Subscribe:

Don’t miss future episodes on emotional mastery, energetic boundaries, and deep healing.

Follow the podcast so you never miss a chance to reconnect with your authentic self.

Links Mentioned in This Episode:

Learn more about coaching: https:maryannwalker.life
Follow on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/maryannwalker.life/
Follow on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/maryannwalker.life
Follow on TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@maryannwalker.life
Join my email list and get a FREE GIFT! https://maryannwalker-life.ck.page/3da1fd88a9

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Setting boundaries isn't aboutbeing selfish, it's about being
honest.
I mean, really think about it.
When you're trying to avoid thediscomfort of stating a boundary
by remaining silent, you'reactually communicating to the
other person that something isokay with you.
That's not okay.
I.
And that's dishonest.
So today we're going to explorehow to live more honestly and

(00:20):
more authentically while statingboundaries in kind and clear
ways.
So first I wanna share with youthree reasons why people really
struggle to state boundaries.
First is a fear of rejection orabandonment.
We worry that speaking up willpush people away and then we,
they'll end up being alone.
The subconscious belief here isthat if I just make myself
easier to be around, if I makemyself more accommodating, more

(00:42):
forgiving, if I make myself lessme and more who they want me to
be, if I just do what it is thatthey want me to do, then maybe
they'll stay and I won't bealone.
So if this is you, if you'rethinking thoughts like this,
then soon you might findyourself feeling burned out or
even resentful as you keepgiving and giving and giving,
hoping for reciprocation orconsideration, and that

(01:04):
reciprocation or consideration,it may or may not come.
The other issue with this isthat you're not being
authentically you in thatrelationship if you're just
accommodating other people andnot letting'em know what your
needs are.
That means that you have to keeppretending to be someone else in
order to remain in thatrelationship, which really puts
a lot of stress on the nervoussystem as well as your own

(01:25):
self-esteem.
The second reason peoplestruggle with boundary setting
is a fear of conflict ordiscomfort.
Boundaries can stir the pot,right?
They kind of can be a littleupsetting for some people, it
can be a little bituncomfortable and so many highly
sensitive people because it canfeel uncomfortable to bring it
up, Then in order to avoidconflict altogether, then they

(01:45):
just remain silent.
It feels safer for them toremain silent than to possibly
rock the boat.
They have this belief that it isbetter to tolerate discomfort
than to cause it, but when we dothat, we're sacrificing our own
comfort for someone else'scomfort.
Because when you're constantlyneglecting your own boundaries,
then you are leading the otherperson to believe that something

(02:06):
is okay with you that is not.
So it's really not their faultthat you're continuing to feel
the weight and the pressure ofnot having your own wants and
needs met because you'veessentially communicated to them
through your silence that thisis okay with you, that this is
working for you.
You can choose either long-termpeace or short-term peace.
So yes, you may experience alittle bit of short-term peace

(02:29):
by remaining silent, but you'redoing so at the cost of your own
long-term peace.
The third reason why peopledon't state boundaries is
because of internalized guilt orshame.
Many have been conditioned tobelieve that putting themselves
first is selfish.
They have the belief that goodpeople always sacrifice for
others.
So they give and they give andthey give, but without something

(02:52):
coming back in, then this is apath towards resentment, which
usually either leads to a bigblow up.
Right.
That big thing that you've beentrying desperately to avoid is a
big blow up, which is what youusually think that stating a
boundary's gonna do is the otherperson's just going to explode,
or it's going to lead tosilence, which leads to
isolation.
And then again, that's somethingelse that you've been
desperately trying to avoid, andthat's why you haven't been

(03:14):
stating your boundary.
But it may be creating that verything.
So to be clear, boundary settingisn't mean or selfish, but it's
one of the purest forms ofhonesty, respect, and even love
that you can offer to bothyourself and those that you're
in relationship with.
So let me share quickly justthree stories to illustrate the
pain that can come from notstating boundaries as well as

(03:36):
some possible solutions.
First, we're gonna talk aboutEmily, the over committed
friend.
So, Emily hated disappointingpeople, and because of this,
whenever friends ask a favor ofher be it babysitting,
volunteering, helping withmoves, play dates, airport
rides, she would say yes even ifshe was exhausted or otherwise
busy.

(03:56):
She believed that saying nowould make her seem selfish or
rude.
So instead she overextended, sherearranged her schedule.
She reprioritized her prioritiesand was essentially prioritizing
somebody else's priorities in anattempt to remain in
relationship with them.
She sacrificed her sleep andother things that would bring

(04:17):
her balance and help her to showup as her best self, both in and
out of this relationship.
Right?
This impacts all aspects of lifein relationship, at work, in
parenting, wherever it is, itimpacts everything when we're
experiencing that resentment andthat burnout.
So eventually burnout did set infor Emily and she was starting
to experience that veryresentment.
And when this happened, shewithdrew from her friendships.

(04:40):
She was feeling used and unseenand just quietly pulled back.
And that's what usually happensis we're wanting so desperately
to be seen.
We want to be seen for ourkindness.
We want to be seen for ourinvestment, but we are not
seeing our own need for rest andreciprocation, which means in an
effort to be seen by others,we're intentionally blind to

(05:02):
ourselves.
And how can other people see usif we're unwilling to do so
ourselves?
Because Emily didn't say no whenshe needed to.
It created resentment, pureexhaustion, and a disconnect
from friendships that she oncevalued in her mind withdrawing
and not investing into therelationship.
Then that actually felt saferthan stating a boundary But then

(05:26):
exactly what she feared wouldhappen did happen, and she found
herself alone.
So what's something that Emilycould have said instead?
She might have said somethinglike, Hey, I care about you and
I wanna support you when I can,but right now I'm at capacity
and I need to honor my ownlimits.
I hope you'll understand.
Now I want you to think aboutit.
If a friend said that to you,you would probably totally

(05:47):
understand, right?
It's kind, it's clear, and it'shonest and honoring of where
they're currently at and what itis that the friend needs.
And while it can beuncomfortable when boundaries
are new to you, learning tostate them will make the
relationship more sustainablefor both of you.
So in short, saying no withkindness preserves relationships

(06:08):
longer than saying yes throughgritted teeth will.
All right.
Story number two is aboutMarcus, the silent partner.
Marcus was in a relationshipwhere his partner often made
major decisions without askingfor his opinion, his partner
agreed to go to parties togetherand events without consulting
him.
And through it all, Marcusremained silent because he

(06:30):
didn't want to appear to becontrolling in the relationship.
Over time, however, then hestarted to feel invisible and
like his time, energy, scheduleand preferences didn't matter.
And this ultimately led to aloss of self-expression and
self-identity in thatrelationship.
When we're not speaking up,we're losing ourselves.
Right?
We're not honoring andacknowledging ourselves and it's

(06:52):
easy to get lost.
So essentially, Marcus hadbecome a partner who just went
along with everything.
He was being and doingeverything that his partner
wanted, but never expressingwhat it was that he wanted.
And this created growingresentment and emotional
distance in that relationship.
Ironically, while he didn't wantto be seen as controlling in the
relationship, he was essentiallygiving his partner all of the

(07:13):
control and then resenting themfor it later.
So if Marcus wanted to state aboundary, it might sound
something like this,"Hey, I lovebeing your partner.
And I also value feeling likewe're making decisions together.
It's important to me to have avoice and a choice in our
relationship around the thingsthat affect both of us.
Now, I know that traditionallyI've gone along with what it was

(07:36):
that you had planned for us, butmoving forward, I would like to
be consulted before you makeplans.
So will you please consult withme before you make arrangements?
And if I'm able to attend, Iwould love to attend.
But if I have other plans, I'mprobably gonna stick with the
other plans, not because I wannadisappoint you, but because I
really wanna minimize anyresentments in relationship."

(07:58):
It's clear, it's kind, and byasking, he's giving his partner
an opportunity to show up forhim as well.
Honest communication about yourneeds is a form of connection,
not control.
All right.
Now let's talk about Sarah, theburned out employee.
Sarah's boss frequently askedher to stay late or take on
extra work, and she never pushedback because she wanted to

(08:20):
appear to be dependable andhardworking.
But inside she was overwhelmedand anxious.
She could see that the workloadwas being disproportionately
assigned amongst all theemployees, and she was
definitely carrying the lion'sshare of the work, while other
people are free to leave attheir usual time.
She felt trapped in a role thatkept asking more and more and

(08:40):
more of her, and eventually shefelt so burned out.
She quit.
She was feeling burned out andstruggling to enjoy a job that
she once loved.
She was also experiencing deepfeelings of regret for not
speaking up sooner.
She knew deep down the reasonwhy she was being handed more
work was because she never saidno.
And she also knew deep down thatif she didn't learn how to state

(09:02):
a boundary, then this patternwould likely repeat in her new
job.
So what might Sarah say?
Maybe she could say somethinglike,"Hey, I want you to know
that I'm committed to doinggreat work during my scheduled
hours.
And also I need to find a betterwork-life balance in order to
continue showing up as my bestself and doing my best work.
And because of that, I won't beable to stay late moving

(09:24):
forwards." The honest truth isthat it doesn't serve her or her
employer for her to continue toburn herself out.
It's a kindness for everybodyinvolved for her to speak up.
Protecting your energy isn'tselfish, but it's what allows
you to sustain your levels ofsuccess long-term moving
forward.

(09:45):
So I want you to really rememberthree things from this episode.
First, remember that sayingnothing when something matters
to you is not only dishonest,but it creates resentment.
Number two, people can't honorneeds that they don't know
exist.
So speak up and give them achance to show up for you.
Number three, long-termdisconnection and burnout often

(10:06):
starts with short-term silence.
If you value this relationship,speak up.
Now let's talk for just anotherminute about the honesty piece
here.
When you're able to really thinkabout boundary setting as a
practice.
In honesty, it tends to softenthe edges a little bit.
Many people are so worried thatthey're going to be seen as
hard, stubborn, greedy orselfish if they state a

(10:28):
boundary.
But being honest about yourboundaries is an exercise
inauthentic connection.
Boundary setting requires thatyou have vulnerability,
self-awareness, love andcompassion in relationship, and
that benefits both of you.
So before we go, I want you toreally think about a
relationship where you've maybebeen experiencing some of that

(10:48):
resentment or that burnout.
I'm gonna be sharing sevenloving ways to state a boundary
with honest integrity, and as Ido so, I want you to think about
those relationships.
And see if one of these phrasesmight be helpful for you or if
there's something else that youwanna tweak it.
If you're feeling inspired as tohow it is that you might state a
boundary, just kind of reallyapply this to your personal
life.
So, okay, so here's sevenphrases that might be helpful: I

(11:10):
care about you, and because Icare about you, I feel it's
important to let you know whatit is that I need in order to
stay connected.
I'm not available for that, butthank you for understanding.
This doesn't feel good to me.
Can we find another way to makethis happen?
I know that I said it was gonnabe no big deal for me to do this
for you regularly, but thingshave changed.

(11:32):
Can we find a frequency thatworks better for both of us?
I want to show up more fully inall of my relationships, and to
do that, I need to say no tothis one thing.
I hope you understand.
When I'm left to shoulder theload, it impacts me in ways that
you might not see.
Here's what it is that I needinstead.
This is hard for me to saybecause I value our

(11:54):
relationship.
I'm going to need more notice ifyou'd like me to accommodate you
in the future, I respect yourtime and mine, and having a bit
more notice helps me toaccomplish my own tasks while
also accommodating you.
Now notice that all of these areclear.
They're kind, they're honest andhonoring of where it is that
you're currently at.
So the next time that you'retempted to remain silent, to

(12:16):
keep the peace, ask yourself, amI creating true peace or just
temporary comfort that's gonnacost me later?
Boundaries are an act ofhonesty.
And honesty builds trust, firstwith yourself, and then with
other people as well.
Boundaries, honor both yourtruth and the relationship, and
sometimes honesty means it'stime to end the relationship or

(12:38):
that something needs to change,and I hope you're brave enough
to really let the other personknow when that needs to happen.
Honor that for yourself, thatsometimes boundaries mean that
something needs to change orsomething needs to end.
When you choose honesty overcomfort, then you're able to
build a life rooted in reallove, real respect, and real

(12:58):
connection.
So your challenge for this weekis to identify one area where
you have been silent andpractice using one of those
loving boundary phrases thisweek.
And if you discover that youneed a little bit more support
around this, if one podcastepisode is not enough support
for you, come and work with me,I would love to work with you
and I'm here to help.
So you can send me a messagedown in the email in my show

(13:20):
notes, or you can find me onsocial media.
I am on Instagram, Facebook,TikTok.
You can find me at MarianneWalker.
Life is my handle on all thoseplatforms, so come and find me
there.
I would love to connect with youon my other platforms as well.
You are worthy of the peace thatcomes through boundary setting
and you've got this, so I hopeyou have a great week and let's
talk soon.
Bye now.
Bye.