June 12, 2025 • 17 mins
Have you ever wondered why some parts of you feel invisible—even to yourself? Or why certain relationships feel so nourishing while others leave you drained? In today’s episode, we’re diving into the Johari Window: a powerful self-awareness tool that helps you understand what you show the world, what you keep hidden, what others see in you, and what’s still waiting to be discovered.
This framework isn't just about insight—it’s about empowerment. When you learn to explore your blind spots and own your brilliance, you stop shrinking to fit and start standing in your full light. Let’s walk through the four windows of self-awareness and learn how to open up to deeper connection, authenticity, and healing.
What You’ll Learn in This Episode
- The 4 quadrants of the Johari Window and how they shape your self-perception
- Why blind spots aren't flaws—they're invitations
- How to gently reveal your “hidden self” without fear or shame
- Ways to explore the “unknown self” and step into your full potential
- How this model can improve your relationships, boundaries, and emotional clarity
Challenge for the Week
Choose one trusted person and take turns sharing your answers to the following questions:
What is one thing you are celebrating right now?
What are you working on?
How can I help?
These three questions can deepen your connection with each other while increasing self awareness.
Work With Me
Ready to uncover your blind spots and live more authentically as a highly sensitive person or empath? My 6-week coaching containers are designed to help you move from emotional overwhelm to empowered clarity. Spots fill fast—message me today to reserve yours.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Welcome back to Inner Work withMaryAnn Walker.
This is a space where empaths,highly sensitive people and
recovering people pleasers,learn to reclaim their energy,
speak their truth, and live moreauthentically.
In today's episode, we're goingto be talking about a tool
called The Johari Window, andhow it can help you to better
understand yourself, deepen yourrelationships, and grow into
(00:21):
your most authentic self.
So first, what is the JohariWindow?
The Johari window is apsychological model created by
Joseph Luft and HarringtonIngram.
They combined their two names,Joseph and Harrington, Johari,
and they created this Johariwindow in 1955.
It's often used in therapy,coaching, and leadership
development, but it's alsoincredibly helpful for those of
(00:44):
us that are doing that deepinner work on ourselves.
This model is made up of fourquadrants.
Okay?
So you can kind of picture itlike a four paned window.
So these are four differentwindows.
That helped reveal differentaspects of self.
So in the first quadrant is theopen self.
This is what you know aboutyourself and what other people
know about you.
In other words, it's the, Iknow, you know, area of life.
(01:07):
The second window is the hiddenself.
This is the I know, but youdon't know window.
And this is what you know aboutyourself, but you keep hidden
from other people.
The third window is the blindself.
This is, I don't know, but youknow.
This is your blind spots.
What other people see in youthat you do not see in yourself,
you're unaware of it yourself.
(01:28):
And then the fourth window isthe unknown self.
This is the, I don't know, andyou don't know window.
These are the parts of you thatare unknown to both you and to
others, and these are oftenunconscious and kind of just
waiting to be discovered.
So first, why does this matter?
As highly sensitive people, weoften spend so much time tuning
into others.
(01:48):
We're reading the room, we'refilling other people's emotions,
adapting our behavior, and wecan do this so frequently that
we lose touch with our owntruth.
So we're gonna look at each ofthese four windows and see how
you can apply them to your lifeto increase your own
self-awareness, as well asdeepen your connection with
others.
So first, let's talk about theopen self.
The, I know, you know, windowthis is where authentic
(02:11):
connection happens.
It's you are connecting as youare revealing yourself, and this
includes your values, yourpersonality, and the things that
you're comfortable sharing withother people.
So maybe you're sharing that,oh, I'm a really deep feeler, or
I need time to recharge.
You're clearly communicating itin relationships so that you
both know what it is that'sgoing on for you.
(02:31):
And when you're able to expandthis quadrant by being open with
others, then you allow more ofyour true self to be seen and
accepted.
And I get it.
Sometimes it can be scary to putyourself out there, but it's in
this window where all of thatconnection really happens.
So think for a moment aboutsomething that everybody seems
to know about you.
What is it that they have to sayabout you?
And this can often be revealedthrough gift giving.
(02:54):
Sometimes.
In fact, I was talking withsomebody recently where they
said, I really wanna get a giftfor this new friend of mine, but
I just dunno what to get her fora birthday.
I'm like, okay, well what doesshe like?
Well, I know she likes hot dogs,but that seems like a strange
thing to gift somebody.
So it can be interesting andrevealing as to how connected
you feel in relationship whenyou know what it is that they
(03:17):
like or don't like, or who theyactually are.
So kind of notice, okay, wellwhat do people know about me?
Do they only know that I have aplant collection or do they know
other things about me as well?
And that can still beconnective, right?
We can still connect on thethings that we love, like hot
dogs and plants.
But get curious about what is itthat people know about me.
Now for me, everybody knows thatI'm a life coach and that I have
a podcast.
(03:37):
I've made a point to have thatbe a part of my introduction.
So when somebody asks me what Ido, that's one of the first
things that I tell'em is, yeah,I'm a coach.
I have a podcast.
This is who I help.
And that might lead toadditional questions that can
deepen that understanding.
So they might say, okay, wellwho do you coach?
Okay, well what does that mean?
What does coaching do?
How do you help people?
But my career is something thateverybody knows about me and
(03:59):
that I know about me.
The people that are a bit closerto me, not acquaintances, but my
friends, they're going to know alittle bit more information
about me.
For example, my friends all knowthat if we're gonna go out to
dinner, I like to eat a littlebit earlier because I like to go
to bed a little bit earlier.
In fact, they'll tease me that Ithink Maryanne's gonna turn into
a pumpkin if she's not home byeight 30.
(04:21):
So that's something that myclose friends know about me that
my, casual acquaintances mightnot be aware of.
Now my husband, he's going toknow me on an even deeper level.
He knows my bedtime routine, heknows my morning routine.
There's a lot of things that myhusband knows that even my
friends might not be aware of.
So notice that each relationshipthat you're in, it is going to
have a different level ofknowledge and understanding,
(04:42):
depending on how intimate thatrelationship is.
So the larger this window is,the more connection you're going
to have in that relationship.
So if you are seeking intimacyand connection, then see if you
can broaden this window andallow other people to see the
real you.
Let them in.
And we're going to talk moreabout that as we talk about
these other windows as well.
(05:03):
So the next window we're goingto be talking about is the
hidden self.
This is also known as the maskedwindow.
This is the window that says,well, I know, but you don't
know.
This is your private self.
So maybe you hide your needsbecause you've been told that
you're too much or toosensitive, or maybe you shame or
fear of rejection lives here.
You don't want people to knowthat you're scared that you're
(05:24):
going to be rejected, and as youdo your own healing work, then
you're slowly able to bringthese hidden parts out into the
open with safe people, so thatyou can be more fully known.
Fully loved.
So these may be positive ornegative things that are in this
space where I know, but youdon't know.
So for example, maybe some ofthe things that you don't want
people to know about are yourfears, your past hurts, the
(05:46):
mistakes that you've made, butmaybe you're also limiting them
from knowing what your hopes anddreams are.
So.
Yeah, they're not going to beshaming you, but they also can't
celebrate you unless you'rewilling to bring those things
into the light.
Additionally, shame likes tohide.
It wants to remain hidden, butwhen you're willing to share
those parts of yourself, eventhose parts that are scary to
(06:08):
share, then you're able to findthat true connection and it
helps to minimize that shame.
So these are things that youmight be keeping secret
sometimes, either due to shameor maybe just a lack of
uncertainty as to how they'regoing to be received.
There's a little bit ofinsecurity around it.
I know that for me, sometimes Iget embarrassed when I see old
social media posts.
I'm not going to be resharingthem.
(06:29):
I look at my past self and Ithink, oh my goodness, I can't
believe I posted that publicly.
I can't believe I said that.
And I might be reallyembarrassed about my past, and
it might be a hard thing for meto admit to people that, yeah,
you know what?
I used to be pretty emotionallyimmature myself.
That can be a hard thing toacknowledge.
Or maybe when I'm working on aproject like I am right now,
(06:49):
then I might be more selectiveabout who I choose to share it
with.
And so in some circles then yes,it's gonna be something known
between the two of us, but Imight choose intentionally to
keep things a little bit closeto my chest until I'm ready to
share them.
For example, when I startedrecording this podcast, I had
recorded seven episodes before Itold a single soul about it.
(07:09):
I hadn't even shared my intromusic with anybody because I
knew that I wanted some time togain some evidence for myself
that this podcast would be aviable product.
And I worried that otherpeople's opinions would squash
my dream before it had even hada chance to take flight.
So I was very selective in who Ichose to share it with and when
(07:30):
I was ready.
So you get to decide who it isthat you share things with.
And it's okay to be selective,but just notice if you're
spending a little bit too muchtime in this space, assuming
that other people should knowsomething.
For example, maybe you thinkthey should know what it is that
you need right now.
Now when you're super sensitiveto other people's needs, it's
(07:52):
really easy to assume thatthey'll be equally sensitive to
your needs, but they don't workthe same way that you do.
And they might not know what itis that you need.
So be willing to bring thingsout into the open that are a
little bit secret here, right?
And just shed some light onthose things so that you can
increase that connection.
(08:13):
All right.
Now let's talk about the blindself.
This is our blind spots.
It's, I don't know, but youknow, okay, so there's people
around you that might knowthings about you that you don't
even know, and this is where itgets a little bit tender, is
this quadrant represents thingsthat other people see in you
that you do not see in yourself.
It requires a lot ofvulnerability to admit that
there are things that otherpeople might know about you that
(08:35):
you don't know about you.
So maybe people are experiencingyou as being overly
accommodating, even though youbelieve that you're just being
helpful.
They might feel like you'restepping on their toes.
Or maybe your anxiety is lookinga little bit more like anger and
they have no idea how tonavigate that.
It can be uncomfortable toreceive feedback here, but it's
also where the real growthhappens.
This quadrant may includepositive or negative things
(08:58):
about you.
For example, maybe everybody inthe restaurant can see how
obnoxious that customer isacting towards the server, but
the person that's being cruel tothe server, they don't see it in
themselves.
They don't know how it is thatthey're coming across, or maybe
the person telling that reallyinappropriate joke, they don't
understand why they're gettingweird glances and side eye from
people.
(09:18):
But it's really obvious toeverybody else that that kind of
a joke just isn't funny.
Now on the positive side, maybeother people see your incredible
potential, and that's somethingthat you have a hard time seeing
in yourself.
So you might need a friend or acoach to help you to see these
parts of you.
When my daughter started up atthe local college, then she took
an interest test to see whereher strengths might be and gain
(09:39):
a little bit more direction.
It helped her to see whatstrengths she might have that
she was unaware of.
She had no idea what it was thatshe should major in, but having
helpful advisors around, theywere able to help her to see
what her strengths were, to helpher to see better what career
fields may be able to fit hernatural gifts.
Or maybe on a coaching call withyour awesome coach, MaryAnn, she
(10:00):
might reflect back to you, Hey,did you know that you're a
nature empath?
You're highly attuned to thenatural world around you, you
find solace in nature.
You have a strong connectionwith animals, and you're more
susceptible to those shifts innature like weather.
Did you know that aboutyourself?
And this might come as asurprise to you.
You might go, I didn't even knowthat that was something that was
possible.
No, I didn't know I was a natureempath.
(10:20):
Maybe you don't know what adifference you've made in
someone else's life.
You might not know this untilthey tell you.
These are the personal blindspots that can really shift our
perception of self.
A friend and listener recently,lovingly let me know that I
still seem to struggle withreceiving help.
This is something I've reallytried to work hard on, but it
(10:42):
was really interesting to seethat as much as I thought I'd
experienced growth there, thatthere are still some places in
my life where I resist receivinghelp.
And it was very beneficial forme for her to give voice to that
and to let me know that becauseI didn't see it in myself until
she brought it to my attention.
It can be a little uncomfortableat times to receive feedback,
but it can also really expandour growth.
(11:04):
One more little side story.
I didn't realize how often I wasusing certain filler words and
phrases here on the podcastuntil my brother pointed it out,
and because of his help and hisinsight, then I've been able to
continue to work on droppingthose filler words and so I
could just speak with a bit moreclarity here.
It was something that he knew,but I didn't know.
But it was very valuableinformation to have once it was
(11:26):
moved into the, now I know youknow, window.
All right, so now let's talkabout the unknown self, the, I
don't know, and you don't know,window.
This part's just a mystery.
These are the things that areyet to be discovered, and this
might include your unconsciousbeliefs, your potential, your
past wounds that you haven't yetuncovered.
And over time, then theseunknowns, then they can become
(11:48):
known and they can completelytransform you.
And while this window can feel alittle intimidating at first,
knowing it exists can also openyou up to a possibility because
now we know that there arethings that are yet to be
discovered.
So for example, I remember beingasked once if I liked sushi.
Now at this point in my life, Ihadn't had sushi yet.
It was something that was yet tobe discovered.
(12:10):
So neither me nor the personthat was asking knew if I liked
sushi or not.
Be open to discovering newthings about yourself and those
around you, and be curious aboutwhat it is that you don't yet
know about yourself.
One of my favorite scenes fromRunaway Bride, and I talk about
this scene all the time on thepodcast because I just love it,
but at one point in that moviethen she's presented with eggs
(12:31):
in all the different ways shehad been accommodating and
thinking that she liked her eggsthe exact same way that her
partner liked them.
And so that shifted and changeddepending on what relationship
she was in.
She didn't actually know whatkind of eggs she liked, and so
now she was able to sample eachof the eggs and figure out how
it was that she did and did notlike her eggs Sometimes my
(12:51):
listeners like to stay in the, Idon't know, box, because it
feels safer to let somebody elsetake the lead.
It feels safer to let somebodyelse make those decisions for
us, but it's also extremelyself-limiting.
So they might be saying thingslike, well, I don't know where I
want to eat.
I don't know what I like to dofor fun.
I don't know what I like to dofor my spare time.
I don't know how I like my eggs.
I don't know what I wanna dowhen I grow up.
(13:13):
And staying in"I don't know" itkeeps us stuck and stagnant.
So shift that stagnant energyinto a playful curiosity.
You'll be surprised how muchlooking through this window and
finding questions to ask anduncovering new things, it can
really help you to selfdifferentiate.
It can help you to find yourvoice and your passion rather
(13:33):
than piggybacking the voice andpassion of others.
So let's talk about three waysto use the Johari window to help
to support you on your healingjourney.
First, get really curious aboutyour hidden self.
What parts of you do you keephidden because you're afraid of
how they'll be received?
Start exploring these thingsgently.
You don't have to share themwith everybody, but think about
(13:54):
if there's just one person thatyou might be able to share these
parts of yourself with.
Second try asking for lovingfeedback.
Choose somebody and ask, isthere something that you see in
me that I might not be aware of?
And it's not always easy, butfeedback, given in love, it
really can be a gift.
Remember that you get to decidewhat to take in and what to
(14:14):
release.
And then my third tip is embracethe unknown.
You don't need to have all ofthe answers right away.
Trust that your deeper truthwill emerge over time.
Your intuition, your dreams,your body sensations, all of
those can offer clues to theparts of you that are waiting to
be revealed.
So your challenge for this weekis first to think of somebody
right now who you could sharethis episode with, somebody who
(14:38):
you might feel safe opening upto and working to intentionally
broaden your"I know and youknow," window with.
Now, just to give you an exampleof what this might look like,
this last week I met with agroup of absolutely beautiful
women.
There were 12 of us, and I wasonly familiar with two of them
before we got together, but wehad such a beautiful and
connective evening together.
(14:58):
Our hostess asked us to sharethree things.
So we set a timer.
We went around the room andeverybody shared three things.
So first we shared somethingthat we're celebrating.
Second, we shared something thatwe're working on, and third, we
shared something that the groupmight be able to help us with.
We were able to ask for help andsupport, and it was absolutely
beautiful to see the level ofvulnerability that was shared in
(15:20):
that space.
And also it was incredible andinspiring to feel that deep
sense of connection with thesewomen.
I feel like I could turn to anyof them right now for help and
support, and it's all because ofjust having one deep and
meaningful conversation where wenow know each other on a deeper
level.
We know what we're celebrating,we know what we're working on,
and we know what help we need.
(15:41):
And those are three verypowerful things.
So your challenge is to pick onefriend to share this episode
with, and then meet up for lunchand share the answers to those
three questions and see how itshifts your relationship and how
it deepens that connection.
Now if you would like to takethis a little bit further, I
encourage you to journal onthese different parts of the
windows, right journal on allthe different windows.
(16:03):
So here's some prompts thatmight help you: have you ever
had a new experience that taughtyou something new about
yourself?
Where do you feel strong andclear?
And where might there be moreroom for growth and curiosity.
What is something that was oncehidden that you would like to
make known to others?
What is something that you'rejust now discovering about
yourself, and how can younurture this new part of you?
(16:27):
Now, if this episode has sparkedsomething in you and you're
ready to explore the hidden,blind and unknown parts of
yourself I'd love to help youand I hope that you'll consider
joining me in a coachingsession.
My six week packages aredesigned specifically for highly
sensitive people like you whoare ready to stop shrinking and
start thriving all while comingto know themselves and love
themselves.
More deeply.
(16:48):
So you can click the link in theshow notes to book your free
consultation call and see if wemight be a good fit for each
other.
Also, if this episode spoke toyour heart, be sure to subscribe
here so that you never miss anew one.
And if you know somebody whowould benefit from this, please
share it with them.
I would love to grow thiscommunity.
All right, I hope you have agreat week, and let's talk soon.
Bye now.
Welcome back to Inner Work withMaryAnn Walker.
This is a space where empaths,highly sensitive people and
recovering people pleasers,learn to reclaim their energy,
speak their truth, and live moreauthentically.
In today's episode, we're goingto be talking about a tool
called The Johari Window, andhow it can help you to better
understand yourself, deepen yourrelationships, and grow into
(00:21):
your most authentic self.
So first, what is the JohariWindow?
The Johari window is apsychological model created by
Joseph Luft and HarringtonIngram.
They combined their two names,Joseph and Harrington, Johari,
and they created this Johariwindow in 1955.
It's often used in therapy,coaching, and leadership
development, but it's alsoincredibly helpful for those of
(00:44):
us that are doing that deepinner work on ourselves.
This model is made up of fourquadrants.
Okay?
So you can kind of picture itlike a four paned window.
So these are four differentwindows.
That helped reveal differentaspects of self.
So in the first quadrant is theopen self.
This is what you know aboutyourself and what other people
know about you.
In other words, it's the, Iknow, you know, area of life.
(01:07):
The second window is the hiddenself.
This is the I know, but youdon't know window.
And this is what you know aboutyourself, but you keep hidden
from other people.
The third window is the blindself.
This is, I don't know, but youknow.
This is your blind spots.
What other people see in youthat you do not see in yourself,
you're unaware of it yourself.
(01:28):
And then the fourth window isthe unknown self.
This is the, I don't know, andyou don't know window.
These are the parts of you thatare unknown to both you and to
others, and these are oftenunconscious and kind of just
waiting to be discovered.
So first, why does this matter?
As highly sensitive people, weoften spend so much time tuning
into others.
(01:48):
We're reading the room, we'refilling other people's emotions,
adapting our behavior, and wecan do this so frequently that
we lose touch with our owntruth.
So we're gonna look at each ofthese four windows and see how
you can apply them to your lifeto increase your own
self-awareness, as well asdeepen your connection with
others.
So first, let's talk about theopen self.
The, I know, you know, windowthis is where authentic
(02:11):
connection happens.
It's you are connecting as youare revealing yourself, and this
includes your values, yourpersonality, and the things that
you're comfortable sharing withother people.
So maybe you're sharing that,oh, I'm a really deep feeler, or
I need time to recharge.
You're clearly communicating itin relationships so that you
both know what it is that'sgoing on for you.
(02:31):
And when you're able to expandthis quadrant by being open with
others, then you allow more ofyour true self to be seen and
accepted.
And I get it.
Sometimes it can be scary to putyourself out there, but it's in
this window where all of thatconnection really happens.
So think for a moment aboutsomething that everybody seems
to know about you.
What is it that they have to sayabout you?
And this can often be revealedthrough gift giving.
(02:54):
Sometimes.
In fact, I was talking withsomebody recently where they
said, I really wanna get a giftfor this new friend of mine, but
I just dunno what to get her fora birthday.
I'm like, okay, well what doesshe like?
Well, I know she likes hot dogs,but that seems like a strange
thing to gift somebody.
So it can be interesting andrevealing as to how connected
you feel in relationship whenyou know what it is that they
(03:17):
like or don't like, or who theyactually are.
So kind of notice, okay, wellwhat do people know about me?
Do they only know that I have aplant collection or do they know
other things about me as well?
And that can still beconnective, right?
We can still connect on thethings that we love, like hot
dogs and plants.
But get curious about what is itthat people know about me.
Now for me, everybody knows thatI'm a life coach and that I have
a podcast.
(03:37):
I've made a point to have thatbe a part of my introduction.
So when somebody asks me what Ido, that's one of the first
things that I tell'em is, yeah,I'm a coach.
I have a podcast.
This is who I help.
And that might lead toadditional questions that can
deepen that understanding.
So they might say, okay, wellwho do you coach?
Okay, well what does that mean?
What does coaching do?
How do you help people?
But my career is something thateverybody knows about me and
(03:59):
that I know about me.
The people that are a bit closerto me, not acquaintances, but my
friends, they're going to know alittle bit more information
about me.
For example, my friends all knowthat if we're gonna go out to
dinner, I like to eat a littlebit earlier because I like to go
to bed a little bit earlier.
In fact, they'll tease me that Ithink Maryanne's gonna turn into
a pumpkin if she's not home byeight 30.
(04:21):
So that's something that myclose friends know about me that
my, casual acquaintances mightnot be aware of.
Now my husband, he's going toknow me on an even deeper level.
He knows my bedtime routine, heknows my morning routine.
There's a lot of things that myhusband knows that even my
friends might not be aware of.
So notice that each relationshipthat you're in, it is going to
have a different level ofknowledge and understanding,
(04:42):
depending on how intimate thatrelationship is.
So the larger this window is,the more connection you're going
to have in that relationship.
So if you are seeking intimacyand connection, then see if you
can broaden this window andallow other people to see the
real you.
Let them in.
And we're going to talk moreabout that as we talk about
these other windows as well.
(05:03):
So the next window we're goingto be talking about is the
hidden self.
This is also known as the maskedwindow.
This is the window that says,well, I know, but you don't
know.
This is your private self.
So maybe you hide your needsbecause you've been told that
you're too much or toosensitive, or maybe you shame or
fear of rejection lives here.
You don't want people to knowthat you're scared that you're
(05:24):
going to be rejected, and as youdo your own healing work, then
you're slowly able to bringthese hidden parts out into the
open with safe people, so thatyou can be more fully known.
Fully loved.
So these may be positive ornegative things that are in this
space where I know, but youdon't know.
So for example, maybe some ofthe things that you don't want
people to know about are yourfears, your past hurts, the
(05:46):
mistakes that you've made, butmaybe you're also limiting them
from knowing what your hopes anddreams are.
So.
Yeah, they're not going to beshaming you, but they also can't
celebrate you unless you'rewilling to bring those things
into the light.
Additionally, shame likes tohide.
It wants to remain hidden, butwhen you're willing to share
those parts of yourself, eventhose parts that are scary to
(06:08):
share, then you're able to findthat true connection and it
helps to minimize that shame.
So these are things that youmight be keeping secret
sometimes, either due to shameor maybe just a lack of
uncertainty as to how they'regoing to be received.
There's a little bit ofinsecurity around it.
I know that for me, sometimes Iget embarrassed when I see old
social media posts.
I'm not going to be resharingthem.
(06:29):
I look at my past self and Ithink, oh my goodness, I can't
believe I posted that publicly.
I can't believe I said that.
And I might be reallyembarrassed about my past, and
it might be a hard thing for meto admit to people that, yeah,
you know what?
I used to be pretty emotionallyimmature myself.
That can be a hard thing toacknowledge.
Or maybe when I'm working on aproject like I am right now,
(06:49):
then I might be more selectiveabout who I choose to share it
with.
And so in some circles then yes,it's gonna be something known
between the two of us, but Imight choose intentionally to
keep things a little bit closeto my chest until I'm ready to
share them.
For example, when I startedrecording this podcast, I had
recorded seven episodes before Itold a single soul about it.
(07:09):
I hadn't even shared my intromusic with anybody because I
knew that I wanted some time togain some evidence for myself
that this podcast would be aviable product.
And I worried that otherpeople's opinions would squash
my dream before it had even hada chance to take flight.
So I was very selective in who Ichose to share it with and when
(07:30):
I was ready.
So you get to decide who it isthat you share things with.
And it's okay to be selective,but just notice if you're
spending a little bit too muchtime in this space, assuming
that other people should knowsomething.
For example, maybe you thinkthey should know what it is that
you need right now.
Now when you're super sensitiveto other people's needs, it's
(07:52):
really easy to assume thatthey'll be equally sensitive to
your needs, but they don't workthe same way that you do.
And they might not know what itis that you need.
So be willing to bring thingsout into the open that are a
little bit secret here, right?
And just shed some light onthose things so that you can
increase that connection.
(08:13):
All right.
Now let's talk about the blindself.
This is our blind spots.
It's, I don't know, but youknow, okay, so there's people
around you that might knowthings about you that you don't
even know, and this is where itgets a little bit tender, is
this quadrant represents thingsthat other people see in you
that you do not see in yourself.
It requires a lot ofvulnerability to admit that
there are things that otherpeople might know about you that
(08:35):
you don't know about you.
So maybe people are experiencingyou as being overly
accommodating, even though youbelieve that you're just being
helpful.
They might feel like you'restepping on their toes.
Or maybe your anxiety is lookinga little bit more like anger and
they have no idea how tonavigate that.
It can be uncomfortable toreceive feedback here, but it's
also where the real growthhappens.
This quadrant may includepositive or negative things
(08:58):
about you.
For example, maybe everybody inthe restaurant can see how
obnoxious that customer isacting towards the server, but
the person that's being cruel tothe server, they don't see it in
themselves.
They don't know how it is thatthey're coming across, or maybe
the person telling that reallyinappropriate joke, they don't
understand why they're gettingweird glances and side eye from
people.
(09:18):
But it's really obvious toeverybody else that that kind of
a joke just isn't funny.
Now on the positive side, maybeother people see your incredible
potential, and that's somethingthat you have a hard time seeing
in yourself.
So you might need a friend or acoach to help you to see these
parts of you.
When my daughter started up atthe local college, then she took
an interest test to see whereher strengths might be and gain
(09:39):
a little bit more direction.
It helped her to see whatstrengths she might have that
she was unaware of.
She had no idea what it was thatshe should major in, but having
helpful advisors around, theywere able to help her to see
what her strengths were, to helpher to see better what career
fields may be able to fit hernatural gifts.
Or maybe on a coaching call withyour awesome coach, MaryAnn, she
(10:00):
might reflect back to you, Hey,did you know that you're a
nature empath?
You're highly attuned to thenatural world around you, you
find solace in nature.
You have a strong connectionwith animals, and you're more
susceptible to those shifts innature like weather.
Did you know that aboutyourself?
And this might come as asurprise to you.
You might go, I didn't even knowthat that was something that was
possible.
No, I didn't know I was a natureempath.
(10:20):
Maybe you don't know what adifference you've made in
someone else's life.
You might not know this untilthey tell you.
These are the personal blindspots that can really shift our
perception of self.
A friend and listener recently,lovingly let me know that I
still seem to struggle withreceiving help.
This is something I've reallytried to work hard on, but it
(10:42):
was really interesting to seethat as much as I thought I'd
experienced growth there, thatthere are still some places in
my life where I resist receivinghelp.
And it was very beneficial forme for her to give voice to that
and to let me know that becauseI didn't see it in myself until
she brought it to my attention.
It can be a little uncomfortableat times to receive feedback,
but it can also really expandour growth.
(11:04):
One more little side story.
I didn't realize how often I wasusing certain filler words and
phrases here on the podcastuntil my brother pointed it out,
and because of his help and hisinsight, then I've been able to
continue to work on droppingthose filler words and so I
could just speak with a bit moreclarity here.
It was something that he knew,but I didn't know.
But it was very valuableinformation to have once it was
(11:26):
moved into the, now I know youknow, window.
All right, so now let's talkabout the unknown self, the, I
don't know, and you don't know,window.
This part's just a mystery.
These are the things that areyet to be discovered, and this
might include your unconsciousbeliefs, your potential, your
past wounds that you haven't yetuncovered.
And over time, then theseunknowns, then they can become
(11:48):
known and they can completelytransform you.
And while this window can feel alittle intimidating at first,
knowing it exists can also openyou up to a possibility because
now we know that there arethings that are yet to be
discovered.
So for example, I remember beingasked once if I liked sushi.
Now at this point in my life, Ihadn't had sushi yet.
It was something that was yet tobe discovered.
(12:10):
So neither me nor the personthat was asking knew if I liked
sushi or not.
Be open to discovering newthings about yourself and those
around you, and be curious aboutwhat it is that you don't yet
know about yourself.
One of my favorite scenes fromRunaway Bride, and I talk about
this scene all the time on thepodcast because I just love it,
but at one point in that moviethen she's presented with eggs
(12:31):
in all the different ways shehad been accommodating and
thinking that she liked her eggsthe exact same way that her
partner liked them.
And so that shifted and changeddepending on what relationship
she was in.
She didn't actually know whatkind of eggs she liked, and so
now she was able to sample eachof the eggs and figure out how
it was that she did and did notlike her eggs Sometimes my
(12:51):
listeners like to stay in the, Idon't know, box, because it
feels safer to let somebody elsetake the lead.
It feels safer to let somebodyelse make those decisions for
us, but it's also extremelyself-limiting.
So they might be saying thingslike, well, I don't know where I
want to eat.
I don't know what I like to dofor fun.
I don't know what I like to dofor my spare time.
I don't know how I like my eggs.
I don't know what I wanna dowhen I grow up.
(13:13):
And staying in"I don't know" itkeeps us stuck and stagnant.
So shift that stagnant energyinto a playful curiosity.
You'll be surprised how muchlooking through this window and
finding questions to ask anduncovering new things, it can
really help you to selfdifferentiate.
It can help you to find yourvoice and your passion rather
(13:33):
than piggybacking the voice andpassion of others.
So let's talk about three waysto use the Johari window to help
to support you on your healingjourney.
First, get really curious aboutyour hidden self.
What parts of you do you keephidden because you're afraid of
how they'll be received?
Start exploring these thingsgently.
You don't have to share themwith everybody, but think about
(13:54):
if there's just one person thatyou might be able to share these
parts of yourself with.
Second try asking for lovingfeedback.
Choose somebody and ask, isthere something that you see in
me that I might not be aware of?
And it's not always easy, butfeedback, given in love, it
really can be a gift.
Remember that you get to decidewhat to take in and what to
(14:14):
release.
And then my third tip is embracethe unknown.
You don't need to have all ofthe answers right away.
Trust that your deeper truthwill emerge over time.
Your intuition, your dreams,your body sensations, all of
those can offer clues to theparts of you that are waiting to
be revealed.
So your challenge for this weekis first to think of somebody
right now who you could sharethis episode with, somebody who
(14:38):
you might feel safe opening upto and working to intentionally
broaden your"I know and youknow," window with.
Now, just to give you an exampleof what this might look like,
this last week I met with agroup of absolutely beautiful
women.
There were 12 of us, and I wasonly familiar with two of them
before we got together, but wehad such a beautiful and
connective evening together.
(14:58):
Our hostess asked us to sharethree things.
So we set a timer.
We went around the room andeverybody shared three things.
So first we shared somethingthat we're celebrating.
Second, we shared something thatwe're working on, and third, we
shared something that the groupmight be able to help us with.
We were able to ask for help andsupport, and it was absolutely
beautiful to see the level ofvulnerability that was shared in
(15:20):
that space.
And also it was incredible andinspiring to feel that deep
sense of connection with thesewomen.
I feel like I could turn to anyof them right now for help and
support, and it's all because ofjust having one deep and
meaningful conversation where wenow know each other on a deeper
level.
We know what we're celebrating,we know what we're working on,
and we know what help we need.
(15:41):
And those are three verypowerful things.
So your challenge is to pick onefriend to share this episode
with, and then meet up for lunchand share the answers to those
three questions and see how itshifts your relationship and how
it deepens that connection.
Now if you would like to takethis a little bit further, I
encourage you to journal onthese different parts of the
windows, right journal on allthe different windows.
(16:03):
So here's some prompts thatmight help you: have you ever
had a new experience that taughtyou something new about
yourself?
Where do you feel strong andclear?
And where might there be moreroom for growth and curiosity.
What is something that was oncehidden that you would like to
make known to others?
What is something that you'rejust now discovering about
yourself, and how can younurture this new part of you?
(16:27):
Now, if this episode has sparkedsomething in you and you're
ready to explore the hidden,blind and unknown parts of
yourself I'd love to help youand I hope that you'll consider
joining me in a coachingsession.
My six week packages aredesigned specifically for highly
sensitive people like you whoare ready to stop shrinking and
start thriving all while comingto know themselves and love
themselves.
More deeply.
(16:48):
So you can click the link in theshow notes to book your free
consultation call and see if wemight be a good fit for each
other.
Also, if this episode spoke toyour heart, be sure to subscribe
here so that you never miss anew one.
And if you know somebody whowould benefit from this, please
share it with them.
I would love to grow thiscommunity.
All right, I hope you have agreat week, and let's talk soon.
Bye now.
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