165: Reclaiming Your Worth Beyond What You Give (Breaking Free of Transactional Relationships)

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You, my dear, are not a transaction. You are not worthy only for what you DO, but for who you ARE. 

If you've ever felt loved only when you're helpful, useful, or emotionally available, this message is for you. True connection isn't about how much you give—it's about being accepted for who you are, even on your empty days.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode

• Why tying your worth to your productivity leads to burnout and imbalance
• The painful truth about conditional relationships and emotional labor
• How over-giving creates relational deficits and fuels people-pleasing cycles
• Why emotional explosions and burnout are not signs that you're broken
• How to reconnect with your inner child and rewire your nervous system for worthiness
• A gentle invitation to shift from performance-based love to true connection

Challenge for the Week
Take a moment to reflect on where in your life you may be performing for love or shrinking to stay needed. Journal on this prompt:
"What would shift if I believed I was enough—even on my empty days?"

Work With Me
If you’re tired of being seen only for what you can give and you’re ready to feel safe, seen, and supported just as you are, I would be honored to walk beside you. My coaching is designed for empaths and highly sensitive people who are ready to unlearn survival roles and build something deeper. Visit my website or reach out to explore how we can work together.

Don’t Forget to Subscribe
If this episode resonated with you, be sure to follow the podcast so you don’t miss next week’s episode. And if you're listening on a platform that allows ratings or reviews, leaving a quick review helps more sensitive souls find this show.

Links Mentioned in This Episode:

• 🔗 Join the Waitlist for my Empowered Empath Course here:  https://maryannwalker-life.kit.com/93175104be

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Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Well, hello and welcome back.
My name is MaryAnn Walker.
I'm the life coach for thehelpers, the healers, and the
people pleasers.
And before we jump into today'sepisode, I wanna share something
really fun with you.
So this morning that I wasGoogling myself, I do this from
time to time to see if thelittle tweaks that I'm making,
if it's helping the algorithms,I just like to kind of keep tabs
on things.
And this morning I sawsomething.
Really cool you guys.

(00:22):
They've been promoting me as asubject matter expert on HSP
tools.
This is a website dedicated tohelping highly sensitive people
to find different resources toget the support that they need.
And they chose to share my workto support their audience, and I
was so touched and honored bythat.
So thank you so much forsharing, for inviting your
friends to listen in, forfinding those things that

(00:43):
resonate it really is making adifference.
And I wanna just thank you forhelping me to grow my audience.
It means a lot to me.
Now today's episode is going tobe pretty short, but I also
believe it's going to be prettyimpactful for you, so I really
want you to listen closely.
You are not a transaction.
Let me say that again.
You are not a transaction.

(01:06):
You are a whole complex worthyhuman being.
You are not a checklist of howhelpful you are, how giving, how
emotionally available you are,how physically available you
are, but for many of us,especially the empaths and the
highly sensitive people, we'vebeen taught, oftentimes
unconsciously, that our valuelies in what we do and how much

(01:28):
we give and in how much we fixfor other people and how much it
is that we hold space for otherpeople.
We became the emotional supportsystem for everybody else, the
problem solver, the one whoalways makes it better.
And we learned maybe even askids that love was something
that we had to earn.
That we'd be accepted if we weremore useful, if we made people a

(01:49):
bit more comfortable, if wecould fix it or make it better,
if we made it so that otherpeople didn't have to take on
any of the emotional labor.
We learned that being helpful iswhat made us worthy.
But I wanna say something reallyclearly today.
If someone only values you whenyou're giving, fixing, doing,

(02:09):
and performing, that's not love.
That's convenience.
I mean, yes, if they're alsocontributing, then it can help
to create that balancedreciprocation and relationship.
Right?
But that's not what we'retalking about here.
We're talking about overgivingand associating your personal
worth and value with what it isthat you're doing for other
people.

(02:31):
Often for those who believe thatthey're loved for what they do
rather than who they are.
These are the same people thatare really good at creating
imbalanced relationships.
And I'm gonna say that again,right?
The people that have that beliefthat they're loved for what they
do rather than who they are,they're the ones who creating
imbalance in relationship.
When you have the belief thatlove must be earned, it makes it

(02:52):
a lot harder to receive, andthat can make it a lot harder to
create those balanced,reciprocal relationships.
Essentially, it's pushingsomebody to create a deficit in
relationship where it's like,no, I have to always do more
than them so that they'll seethat I have value.
So while we're working reallyhard to increase our value, at
the same time we're saying, no,no, no, don't give me anything,
because that's gonna shorten thegap between what I'm investing,

(03:15):
what you're investing, and thegap needs to be really big so
that you can see the value thatI have to offer this
relationship.
But the thing is, when you'reconstantly pouring into other
people, soon you're left with anempty bucket.
You're left with burnout,imbalance and frustration.
Now, I cannot tell you how manycoaching calls I've had where
somebody thought that they werebroken because they just finally

(03:36):
lost it.
They finally realized this wasunsustainable and I just can't
do this anymore.
So they became snappy in theirrelationship, or they just had a
big explosion?
They gave and they gave and theygave to the point of burnout,
and then they snapped.
And when they snapped, then theystarted to judge themselves.
Ugh, I should have done itdifferently.
I'm not a nice person anymore.

(03:57):
Right?
A lot of judgment comes on afterthat.
I just want you to know that itdoes not matter how emotionally
intelligent you are.
It doesn't matter how nice youare.
Everybody has their breakingpoint.
The key is learning to see thesigns of burnout ahead of time,
to look at those relationshipsand see where it is that you
might be creating imbalance andadjust things accordingly so

(04:18):
that your bucket can also befilled.
Because true connection, it'snot built on your usefulness,
it's built on your presence,your spirit, just the essence of
you.
You deserve relationships whereyou're wanted, not because of
your helpfulness, not because ofyour emotional labor, not

(04:40):
because you're holding everybodyelse together, but simply
because you exist.
You are not a role.
You are not a resource.
You are not a transaction.
You are a person, a fullfeeling, sacred being.

(05:00):
And I wanna share a few moretruths.
And for these ones, I reallywant you to listen with your
whole body and allow these wordsto really impact your nervous

system (05:08):
you are enough, even when you have nothing to give.
You are worthy even on yourempty days.
You are lovable even when you'renot holding everything together.
Now, maybe as I shared thosewords, maybe you really
struggled to feel it.
Maybe you actually experiencedsome resistance in your body.

(05:29):
Now, if so, that's okay.
We're just acknowledging whereit is that you're at.
But I want you to just think fora moment about a cute little
baby.
Babies are adorable and they areso lovable, aren't they?
Everybody just loves babies.
And also, babies do nothing forus, they can't cook.
They can't clean.
I mean, you might think thatthey're listening to you, but

(05:50):
they can't actually process andunderstand.
They can't articulate a reply.
They can't validate you.
And yet babies are prettyuniversally loved.
They're loved not for what theydo or don't do, but simply for
existing.
So I'm gonna speak those exactsame words again, and this time
I really want you to listenthrough the lens of your inner

(06:11):
child, that inner child, that,yeah, maybe they're sometimes
clumsy, they're still learning,they're still growing, they're
not perfect, but they're so pureand they're so innocent, and
they're so worthy of love, andthey want to receive love.
So listen to these words again,through the lens of that inner
child.
You are enough, even when youhave nothing to give.

(06:35):
You are worthy.
Even on your empty days.
You are lovable even when you'renot holding everything together.
Now, if you have found thatyou've been in relationships
where your worth was measured,not by who you are, but by your
level of output and investmentinto others, then this message
might be stirring up someemotions for you.

(06:57):
Just let those emotions come up.
Maybe you're experiencing grief.
Maybe it's anger, righteousindignation, sadness, or maybe
it's even confusion.
That's okay.
Just let it be there.
Let those emotions come to thesurface because awareness is the
beginning of change.

(07:20):
You don't have to keep shrinkingyourself to stay needed.
You don't have to keepperforming to be loved.
You don't have to keepabandoning yourself just to feel
safe in connection.
If you're tired of theseconditional relationships, tired
of being seen only for what itis that you can provide for
others, and if you're ready tofeel safe, seen and supported

(07:42):
exactly as you are, I want youto know that I would be honored
to be a part of your journey.
I help empaths, recoveringpeople pleasers and highly
sensitive people, just like youunlearn those old survival roles
that are now keeping you stuck.
Yeah, they served a purpose, butnow they're just keeping you
stuck.
I help people to build somethingdeeper, something more
authentic, something thatfinally feels like home, where

(08:05):
they no longer have to walk oneggshells.
So if that resonates, if yourheart is whispering, yes, while
you're listening to this, thenreach out and let's connect
because you don't have to walkthis path alone.
You are not a transaction.
You're worthy of love.
So additionally, before I closeout today, I wanna let you know
about something I'm going to bedoing that I've never done

(08:28):
before, and I would love for youto join me.
Lately on my free consultationcalls, when I ask people, Hey,
what is it that you're hoping togain through coaching?
Then they tell me, you knowwhat?
I am just so burned out and I'mseeking more balance.
What I would really love is somepractical tools, or maybe even
some energetic practices forempaths and highly sensitive
people so I can feel a bit moregrounded and a bit more secure

(08:48):
in myself.
And they're asking that becausethey can see that I've been able
to shift from burnout tobalance.
I'm no longer triggered aseasily when somebody else is
upset, I'm better able toidentify what belongs to me and
what weight belongs to others tocarry.
And so for that reason, for thefirst time ever, I am going to
be teaching a small select groupof students how to find peace,

(09:12):
balance, and clarity as a highlysensitive person living in a
very chaotic world.
So if you're tired of trying tomanage other people's emotions
in an attempt to create peacefor yourself, make sure that you
click the link in the show notesto join my wait list for an
opportunity to be a part of thislife-changing course now,
because I want to keep thetraining as safe and intimate

(09:32):
space for workshopping yourspecific problems, then this
course, when it does launch, itwill be limited to 20 people, so
be sure to sign up on my waitlist so that you can be the
first to know when the doors areopen for registration, because I
would love to have you there.
All right.
Well, thank you so much forbeing here, and I'll see you
next week.
Bye now.