July 3, 2025 • 13 mins
Are you choosing people who are also choosing you?
Or are you pouring your time, energy, and heart into someone—hoping they’ll come around, hoping they’ll finally see your worth, hoping they’ll meet you halfway?
This can show up in a lot of ways:
- Canceling your plans just in case they want to spend time with you
- Keeping yourself emotionally unavailable for someone who already walked away
- Saying yes to every invitation from someone who wouldn’t do the same for you
- Holding out for a connection that only you seem to be investing in
When we do this, we’re not just overgiving—we’re starving ourselves of real connection.
It’s easy to believe that love has to be earned. That if we can prove our value, sacrifice enough, or just wait long enough, they’ll choose us. But people aren’t projects. And connection isn’t something you should have to beg for.
So here’s your nudge to:
💛 Start noticing who lights up when you walk into the room.
💛 Start investing in those who already show up for you.
💛 Start saying yes to the people who say yes to you.
Because love doesn’t require convincing.
And real friendship doesn’t leave you guessing.
You deserve more than crumbs. You deserve to be nourished by relationships that are mutual, steady, and safe.
So take a breath. Do a little relationship audit.
And make room for the ones who are choosing you—consistently and wholeheartedly.
You are worthy of that kind of connection.
Links Mentioned in This Episode:
- 🔗 Join the Waitlist for my Empowered Empath Course here: https://maryannwalker-life.kit.com/93175104be
- Looking for more ways to engage? Come find me on my other platforms!
Contact me: https://maryannwalker.life/contact-me
Follow on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/maryannwalker.life/
Follow on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/maryannwalker.life
Follow on TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@maryannwalker.life
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hello and welcome back.
(00:01):
My name is MaryAnn Walker.
I'm the life coach for theempaths, the helpers, the
healers, the recovering peoplepleasers.
And if you're watching me onYouTube, you're going to notice
that there is a bit of abackground change.
At my house.
We, we went on a trip to go downto St.
George, Utah.
For a wedding, and while we weregone, we turned off the air
conditioning.
I'm just gonna tell you rightnow, that was a bad idea.
(00:23):
Apparently the fluctuation intemperatures caused all of our
ceiling tiles to fall down, andthen even more fell down because
yesterday we had a bunch of guysup in our roof putting some more
insulation up there.
So I have a lot of tiles thathave fallen down.
They'll hopefully be put back upby next time, but I just wanted
to let you know what was goingon and that Yeah.
(00:44):
I am aware that my ceiling tilesare falling down.
One might even fall down duringthis episode.
Time will tell.
So today we're going to betalking about choosing people
that are also choosing you, andthat might sound really simple
on the surface because of coursewe want to be around people that
want to be around us, right?
But chances are if you're ahelper, a healer, or a
(01:05):
recovering people pleaser, thenat some point you've probably
invested deeply into someone,not necessarily because they
were investing into you, butbecause you were hoping that
eventually they would start toinvest in you.
And you may already be noddingalong, but I'm gonna kind of
walk through a couple ofexamples to really bring this to
life.
So first, let me introduce Pam.
(01:27):
Pam has a friend named Patricia,and whenever Patricia calls,
then Pam drops everything to beavailable.
She cancels her plans.
She rearranges her schedule.
She even turns down invitationsfrom other friends just in case
Patricia needs something ormaybe she wants to hang out.
Deep down then Pam is hopingthat if she shows up enough
times, if she proves herloyalty, if she sacrifices
(01:49):
enough for the relationship,then Patricia will start to see
her value and start to investmore into the relationship in
return.
But here's the thing, I.
Patricia's not a bad person.
She's not disloyal, but she'salso not necessarily that
invested into the relationship.
So when Pam talks aboutPatricia, you might think that
(02:09):
they're besties, but when youtalk to Patricia about Pam, then
Oh yeah.
Oh, she's a nice person.
Yep.
I really enjoy her company everynow and then, she's fine with
Pam, but she's not experiencinga lot of depth and connection
there.
So Pam is starting to discoverover time that she's pouring
into a relationship that'slopsided.
And what she might not actuallyrealize yet is that in doing so,
(02:30):
she's unintentionally neglectingconnections that could actually
nourish her and bring her theconnection that she's seeking.
Now, I'll tell you about Emma.
So Emma has been dating for awhile now, and there's a few
guys that have shown realinterest in her, but for some
reason she just can't stopthinking about Jared.
They went on a couple of dates awhile back, and then Jared
(02:53):
kindly let her know that he justwasn't feeling a connection.
He was kind, he was respectful,he was clear, but he let her
know that, yeah, I'm going to beinvesting elsewhere, but I wish
you well on your search forconnection.
But for Emma, she just couldn'tlet it go.
She kept thinking about thegreat time that she and Jared
had on their dates, and whileshe was doing this, she was
(03:13):
keeping other suitors at arm'slength just in case Jared came
back around.
In other words, she wasintentionally keeping herself
single in the hopes that Jaredmight return one day.
She convinced herself that ifshe waited long enough, then he
would eventually come around andrealize that those two dates
really were pretty great afterall, and maybe she was the one
(03:34):
that he was looking for.
Now, let's just pause for amoment and look at what Pam and
Emma have in common.
Pam was investing her time andenergy into Patricia and Emma
was investing her thoughts andemotional bandwidth into Jared,
but both were investing intopeople who weren't necessarily
showing up for them.
And worse yet, both Jared andPatricia had already pretty much
(03:57):
made it known that they didn'thave any intention of changing
the status quo.
And they didn't make it known ina cruel way, but just in a way
that made it clear that, hey, nohard feelings, but I'm just not
as in as you are.
And here's the cost of that kindof investment.
It keeps you stuck.
Not only does it drain yourenergy, but it also keeps you
blind to people who areavailable, people who do want to
(04:20):
choose you, but you're too busyinvesting into other people to
actually see it.
Pam kept turning downinvitations to that neighborhood
Book club, not realizing thatthere is somebody there who
shares her love of podcasts,tea, and Long Walks.
Somebody who's also hoping tofind real, genuine friendship
that wants to be there for theday-to-day stuff.
(04:41):
Emma, meanwhile, is politelyghosting the guy who brought her
flowers on their first date, whoasked her about her hopes and
dreams, and who actually calledher back when he said that he
would, because she's stillmentally saving space for
somebody else who has completelymoved on from her.
So if this sounds a little bittoo familiar, I want you to ask
yourself (05:00):
who's actually investing into you right now?
Chances are that when you reallythink about it, then you know
deep down who it is that's goingto pick up when you call without
texting first, you know who alsoloves to attend that event that
you're looking forward to.
In fact, instead of having toconvince them that this would be
a fun thing to do together, thenthey're already out the door
(05:23):
ready to go and have fun withyou because they know it's going
to be amazing.
Chances are that you know whomight also enjoy going out and
meeting up for dinner.
So how does it feel to considerasking them to spend time with
you?
Are you more interested inchasing unavailable people than
in receiving love from the oneswho are already showing up?
(05:43):
are you spending your time andenergy trying to convince
somebody else to choose you whenyou could be building a
relationship with somebody whois already choosing you?
Sometimes our mind wants tohyperfocus on the things that we
can't have.
It is coming through that lensof lack.
It creates this internal beliefthat well love must be earned,
and if I can earn it, then I'llbe worthy of love.
(06:06):
And often this goes back to ourchildhood, to patterns that we
picked up early on, torelationships where we did have
to work for love, attention, oraffection.
So the idea of someone choosingus freely, it can feel really
unfamiliar.
And things that are unfamiliarto us can often feel unsafe in
the body, even if it issomething that we desperately
(06:27):
crave.
For example, the woman who istouched inappropriately as a
child.
She desperately wants to enjoybeing touched by her husband,
but since safe touch issomething that is unfamiliar to
her, then she might find herselfwithdrawing from him in an
attempt to keep herself safe.
Or maybe the man who was nevergood enough in his parents'
eyes, then even though he isexcelling at work and in life,
(06:50):
then he may be really strugglingto receive positive feedback
from his close friends or hispartner.
He would rather continue to tryto prove himself because that's
what feels familiar.
So he'd rather try to provehimself to the super grumpy guy
at work than accept praise fromthose who know him and love him,
and see all of the good thathe's doing.
(07:11):
Perhaps there's even a hiddenbelief that, well, if I can just
get that one person to love me,especially the one over there
that's really hard to win over,then maybe I will start to
believe that I'm lovable.
Then maybe I will start tobelieve that I'm worthy, because
if I can convince the mostunavailable person to want me,
(07:31):
then surely that will mean thatI'm enough, right?
But here's the truth.
You're already enough.
You are lovable.
Not because someone chooses you,but because of who you are.
And maybe right now you mightfeel like you're living on
emotional breadcrumbs.
You're just hoping for a tinybit of love or validation, a
(07:52):
small reward for the insaneamount of investment that you're
making into that relationship.
You are working so hard for justa little bit of validation, but
breadcrumbs are not asustainable diet.
You are not meant to survive onscraps of connection.
You deserve real nourishment.
(08:13):
So take just a moment right nowto really think about your
relationship diet.
Is it mostly crumbs?
Are you filling up on emptyinteractions, hoping that one
day they'll satisfy you?
Is it too sweet full of quickhighs and big promises, but
leaving you feeling drained andcraving something more real?
Or, is it balanced, fulfilling,and nourishing to your soul?
(08:37):
Be honest with yourself.
Don't look at what therelationship could be, but look
at it for what it is right now.
So since we are in the middle ofa home renovation, as you can
see, let me share anotherperspective with you.
Lately, I've been thinking a lotabout potential.
When we bought this home, thenwe could see it needed a lot of
work, but I could see itspotential.
(08:59):
And since we are the ones thatare funding and actively
participating in the renovation,I knew that one day this home
could reach its potential.
But sometimes when we're in arelationship with others, then
we might think that we have alittle bit more control over
them than we actually do.
We think that it's like a homewhere if we just put in enough
(09:19):
sweat equity, eventually we'llget a return on our investment.
But people are not projects.
And while everyone is changingand evolving over time, it might
not be happening in the way thatwe would like or in the timing
that we would like.
So yes, look for the best inothers and also work to accept
(09:41):
it when someone lets you knowthat they like things the way
they are and they have nointention of changing things.
Maybe somebody likes thoseacoustic tiles that are on the
ceiling.
Maybe somebody loves thatseventies look and you want
something that's a little bitmore updated.
Respect that and believe themwhen they tell you that they
don't want things to change.
(10:02):
What you can do is choose.
You can choose to invest intothose who are also choosing you.
You can choose to invest intothose that reciprocate.
You can choose to notice wholights up when you walk into the
room.
You can choose to notice whomakes space for your needs, who
follows through, who follows up,who shows up when you need
(10:25):
support, and be willing toinvest into those people.
Because real love, it doesn'trequire you to beg.
Real friendship doesn't make youquestion your place.
Real connection feels safe,balanced, and mutual.
So today I invite you to do alittle bit of a relationship
(10:45):
audit.
Look at the people in your life.
Where is your energy going?
Who are you hoping will change,and who has been quietly showing
up for you all along?
Make space for those who arealready knocking.
Make room in your heart and onyour calendar for those who are
also choosing you, not just whenit's convenient, but
(11:06):
consistently.
Because that's where love lives;in the mutual choosing, in the
shared investment, in the simplesacred act of being seen and
seeing each other in return.
You are worthy of that kind ofconnection.
So if as you've been listening,if you recognize that you're
(11:27):
struggling to find this kind ofbalanced, reciprocal
relationship, if you're feelinglike all of your relationships
are currently out of balance andyou're not quite sure how to
create more balance foryourself, come and work with me.
I have a few one-on-one spotsopening up for July, so reach
out and let's start building alife filled with more balanced
and fulfilling relationships.
I can help you to see where itis that you may be chasing
(11:49):
potential and help you to seeif, okay, yes, there is actually
something there.
Also, I have had several peoplereach out lately asking for some
practical tips for empaths andhighly sensitive people.
The people that are strugglingto know what's theirs and what
belongs to other people, they'reoften overwhelmed by other
people's emotions.
They're trying to figure out howto honor their emotional
(12:10):
experience and the emotionalexperience of others.
So if you have those samestruggles, I encourage you to
click the link in the show notesand come and join my Empowered
Empath wait list.
I am looking for just 15 to 20people to be a part of this
interactive workshop where I canteach you some energetic
practices to support you in yourday-to-day life.
And that will also help you toincrease your confidence and
(12:32):
self-empowerment.
Now remember, space is limitedfor this, so be sure to join my
wait list so that you can bethe.
First to know when doors areopen so that you can reserve
your seat.
I so look forward to workingwith you either in my one-on-one
sessions or in the groupsetting.
So let's talk soon.
All right, I'll see you nextweek.
Bye now.
Hello and welcome back.
(00:01):
My name is MaryAnn Walker.
I'm the life coach for theempaths, the helpers, the
healers, the recovering peoplepleasers.
And if you're watching me onYouTube, you're going to notice
that there is a bit of abackground change.
At my house.
We, we went on a trip to go downto St.
George, Utah.
For a wedding, and while we weregone, we turned off the air
conditioning.
I'm just gonna tell you rightnow, that was a bad idea.
(00:23):
Apparently the fluctuation intemperatures caused all of our
ceiling tiles to fall down, andthen even more fell down because
yesterday we had a bunch of guysup in our roof putting some more
insulation up there.
So I have a lot of tiles thathave fallen down.
They'll hopefully be put back upby next time, but I just wanted
to let you know what was goingon and that Yeah.
(00:44):
I am aware that my ceiling tilesare falling down.
One might even fall down duringthis episode.
Time will tell.
So today we're going to betalking about choosing people
that are also choosing you, andthat might sound really simple
on the surface because of coursewe want to be around people that
want to be around us, right?
But chances are if you're ahelper, a healer, or a
(01:05):
recovering people pleaser, thenat some point you've probably
invested deeply into someone,not necessarily because they
were investing into you, butbecause you were hoping that
eventually they would start toinvest in you.
And you may already be noddingalong, but I'm gonna kind of
walk through a couple ofexamples to really bring this to
life.
So first, let me introduce Pam.
(01:27):
Pam has a friend named Patricia,and whenever Patricia calls,
then Pam drops everything to beavailable.
She cancels her plans.
She rearranges her schedule.
She even turns down invitationsfrom other friends just in case
Patricia needs something ormaybe she wants to hang out.
Deep down then Pam is hopingthat if she shows up enough
times, if she proves herloyalty, if she sacrifices
(01:49):
enough for the relationship,then Patricia will start to see
her value and start to investmore into the relationship in
return.
But here's the thing, I.
Patricia's not a bad person.
She's not disloyal, but she'salso not necessarily that
invested into the relationship.
So when Pam talks aboutPatricia, you might think that
(02:09):
they're besties, but when youtalk to Patricia about Pam, then
Oh yeah.
Oh, she's a nice person.
Yep.
I really enjoy her company everynow and then, she's fine with
Pam, but she's not experiencinga lot of depth and connection
there.
So Pam is starting to discoverover time that she's pouring
into a relationship that'slopsided.
And what she might not actuallyrealize yet is that in doing so,
(02:30):
she's unintentionally neglectingconnections that could actually
nourish her and bring her theconnection that she's seeking.
Now, I'll tell you about Emma.
So Emma has been dating for awhile now, and there's a few
guys that have shown realinterest in her, but for some
reason she just can't stopthinking about Jared.
They went on a couple of dates awhile back, and then Jared
(02:53):
kindly let her know that he justwasn't feeling a connection.
He was kind, he was respectful,he was clear, but he let her
know that, yeah, I'm going to beinvesting elsewhere, but I wish
you well on your search forconnection.
But for Emma, she just couldn'tlet it go.
She kept thinking about thegreat time that she and Jared
had on their dates, and whileshe was doing this, she was
(03:13):
keeping other suitors at arm'slength just in case Jared came
back around.
In other words, she wasintentionally keeping herself
single in the hopes that Jaredmight return one day.
She convinced herself that ifshe waited long enough, then he
would eventually come around andrealize that those two dates
really were pretty great afterall, and maybe she was the one
(03:34):
that he was looking for.
Now, let's just pause for amoment and look at what Pam and
Emma have in common.
Pam was investing her time andenergy into Patricia and Emma
was investing her thoughts andemotional bandwidth into Jared,
but both were investing intopeople who weren't necessarily
showing up for them.
And worse yet, both Jared andPatricia had already pretty much
(03:57):
made it known that they didn'thave any intention of changing
the status quo.
And they didn't make it known ina cruel way, but just in a way
that made it clear that, hey, nohard feelings, but I'm just not
as in as you are.
And here's the cost of that kindof investment.
It keeps you stuck.
Not only does it drain yourenergy, but it also keeps you
blind to people who areavailable, people who do want to
(04:20):
choose you, but you're too busyinvesting into other people to
actually see it.
Pam kept turning downinvitations to that neighborhood
Book club, not realizing thatthere is somebody there who
shares her love of podcasts,tea, and Long Walks.
Somebody who's also hoping tofind real, genuine friendship
that wants to be there for theday-to-day stuff.
(04:41):
Emma, meanwhile, is politelyghosting the guy who brought her
flowers on their first date, whoasked her about her hopes and
dreams, and who actually calledher back when he said that he
would, because she's stillmentally saving space for
somebody else who has completelymoved on from her.
So if this sounds a little bittoo familiar, I want you to ask
yourself (05:00):
who's actually investing into you right now?
Chances are that when you reallythink about it, then you know
deep down who it is that's goingto pick up when you call without
texting first, you know who alsoloves to attend that event that
you're looking forward to.
In fact, instead of having toconvince them that this would be
a fun thing to do together, thenthey're already out the door
(05:23):
ready to go and have fun withyou because they know it's going
to be amazing.
Chances are that you know whomight also enjoy going out and
meeting up for dinner.
So how does it feel to considerasking them to spend time with
you?
Are you more interested inchasing unavailable people than
in receiving love from the oneswho are already showing up?
(05:43):
are you spending your time andenergy trying to convince
somebody else to choose you whenyou could be building a
relationship with somebody whois already choosing you?
Sometimes our mind wants tohyperfocus on the things that we
can't have.
It is coming through that lensof lack.
It creates this internal beliefthat well love must be earned,
and if I can earn it, then I'llbe worthy of love.
(06:06):
And often this goes back to ourchildhood, to patterns that we
picked up early on, torelationships where we did have
to work for love, attention, oraffection.
So the idea of someone choosingus freely, it can feel really
unfamiliar.
And things that are unfamiliarto us can often feel unsafe in
the body, even if it issomething that we desperately
(06:27):
crave.
For example, the woman who istouched inappropriately as a
child.
She desperately wants to enjoybeing touched by her husband,
but since safe touch issomething that is unfamiliar to
her, then she might find herselfwithdrawing from him in an
attempt to keep herself safe.
Or maybe the man who was nevergood enough in his parents'
eyes, then even though he isexcelling at work and in life,
(06:50):
then he may be really strugglingto receive positive feedback
from his close friends or hispartner.
He would rather continue to tryto prove himself because that's
what feels familiar.
So he'd rather try to provehimself to the super grumpy guy
at work than accept praise fromthose who know him and love him,
and see all of the good thathe's doing.
(07:11):
Perhaps there's even a hiddenbelief that, well, if I can just
get that one person to love me,especially the one over there
that's really hard to win over,then maybe I will start to
believe that I'm lovable.
Then maybe I will start tobelieve that I'm worthy, because
if I can convince the mostunavailable person to want me,
(07:31):
then surely that will mean thatI'm enough, right?
But here's the truth.
You're already enough.
You are lovable.
Not because someone chooses you,but because of who you are.
And maybe right now you mightfeel like you're living on
emotional breadcrumbs.
You're just hoping for a tinybit of love or validation, a
(07:52):
small reward for the insaneamount of investment that you're
making into that relationship.
You are working so hard for justa little bit of validation, but
breadcrumbs are not asustainable diet.
You are not meant to survive onscraps of connection.
You deserve real nourishment.
(08:13):
So take just a moment right nowto really think about your
relationship diet.
Is it mostly crumbs?
Are you filling up on emptyinteractions, hoping that one
day they'll satisfy you?
Is it too sweet full of quickhighs and big promises, but
leaving you feeling drained andcraving something more real?
Or, is it balanced, fulfilling,and nourishing to your soul?
(08:37):
Be honest with yourself.
Don't look at what therelationship could be, but look
at it for what it is right now.
So since we are in the middle ofa home renovation, as you can
see, let me share anotherperspective with you.
Lately, I've been thinking a lotabout potential.
When we bought this home, thenwe could see it needed a lot of
work, but I could see itspotential.
(08:59):
And since we are the ones thatare funding and actively
participating in the renovation,I knew that one day this home
could reach its potential.
But sometimes when we're in arelationship with others, then
we might think that we have alittle bit more control over
them than we actually do.
We think that it's like a homewhere if we just put in enough
(09:19):
sweat equity, eventually we'llget a return on our investment.
But people are not projects.
And while everyone is changingand evolving over time, it might
not be happening in the way thatwe would like or in the timing
that we would like.
So yes, look for the best inothers and also work to accept
(09:41):
it when someone lets you knowthat they like things the way
they are and they have nointention of changing things.
Maybe somebody likes thoseacoustic tiles that are on the
ceiling.
Maybe somebody loves thatseventies look and you want
something that's a little bitmore updated.
Respect that and believe themwhen they tell you that they
don't want things to change.
(10:02):
What you can do is choose.
You can choose to invest intothose who are also choosing you.
You can choose to invest intothose that reciprocate.
You can choose to notice wholights up when you walk into the
room.
You can choose to notice whomakes space for your needs, who
follows through, who follows up,who shows up when you need
(10:25):
support, and be willing toinvest into those people.
Because real love, it doesn'trequire you to beg.
Real friendship doesn't make youquestion your place.
Real connection feels safe,balanced, and mutual.
So today I invite you to do alittle bit of a relationship
(10:45):
audit.
Look at the people in your life.
Where is your energy going?
Who are you hoping will change,and who has been quietly showing
up for you all along?
Make space for those who arealready knocking.
Make room in your heart and onyour calendar for those who are
also choosing you, not just whenit's convenient, but
(11:06):
consistently.
Because that's where love lives;in the mutual choosing, in the
shared investment, in the simplesacred act of being seen and
seeing each other in return.
You are worthy of that kind ofconnection.
So if as you've been listening,if you recognize that you're
(11:27):
struggling to find this kind ofbalanced, reciprocal
relationship, if you're feelinglike all of your relationships
are currently out of balance andyou're not quite sure how to
create more balance foryourself, come and work with me.
I have a few one-on-one spotsopening up for July, so reach
out and let's start building alife filled with more balanced
and fulfilling relationships.
I can help you to see where itis that you may be chasing
(11:49):
potential and help you to seeif, okay, yes, there is actually
something there.
Also, I have had several peoplereach out lately asking for some
practical tips for empaths andhighly sensitive people.
The people that are strugglingto know what's theirs and what
belongs to other people, they'reoften overwhelmed by other
people's emotions.
They're trying to figure out howto honor their emotional
(12:10):
experience and the emotionalexperience of others.
So if you have those samestruggles, I encourage you to
click the link in the show notesand come and join my Empowered
Empath wait list.
I am looking for just 15 to 20people to be a part of this
interactive workshop where I canteach you some energetic
practices to support you in yourday-to-day life.
And that will also help you toincrease your confidence and
(12:32):
self-empowerment.
Now remember, space is limitedfor this, so be sure to join my
wait list so that you can bethe.
First to know when doors areopen so that you can reserve
your seat.
I so look forward to workingwith you either in my one-on-one
sessions or in the groupsetting.
So let's talk soon.
All right, I'll see you nextweek.
Bye now.
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