September 25, 2025 • 16 mins
This ancient principle could be the missing piece to creating sustainable, reciprocal relationships.
Ayni—the Andean principle of sacred reciprocity.
Unlike the transactional way we often view give-and-take in the West, ayni invites us into a mindful balance of energy, sustainability, and connection in our relationships.
What You’ll Learn in This Episode
- What ayni means and how it differs from transactional reciprocity.
- Why imbalance in relationships often leads to obligation, resentment, and burnout.
- How reciprocity can show up in unexpected and creative ways (tamales, artwork, or simply being seen).
- Practical ways to begin practicing ayni in your daily life.
- Why balanced reciprocity strengthens trust, resilience, and belonging in relationships.
Challenge for the Week
Take some time to reflect on where you might be experiencing imbalance. What small shift could you make this week to restore balance? This might look like asking for what you need, practicing gratitude, or initiating a simple act of kindness.
Work With Me
If this episode resonates and you’re ready to experience what balanced reciprocity feels like, I would love to support you as your coach. Together, we can identify where imbalance shows up in your life and create more sustainable, nourishing relationships. Spots are opening for October—don’t wait to invest in yourself.
Don’t Forget to Subscribe
Make sure you’re subscribed so you don’t miss future episodes. Each week, we dive deeper into the practices that help recovering people pleasers create balance, self-worth, and authentic connection.
🎯 email me now at maryann@maryannwalker.life to work with me!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Well, hello and welcome back.
My name is MaryAnn Walker and Ihelp recovering people pleasers,
create more balanced andreciprocal relationships.
And before we dive into today'sepisode, I wanted to start by
sharing some really big newswith you, which if you follow me
on social media, then youalready know.
But I just discovered that thispodcast, Inner Work with MaryAnn
Walker is now in the top 5% ofpodcasts globally, which is
(00:23):
totally blowing my mind.
So thank you so much forlistening.
Thank you so much for sharing.
Thank you so much for reviewing,and thank you just so much for
being here.
I really appreciate you.
Also, as of the time of thisrecording, it is also the three
year anniversary of thispodcast.
So this is episode 179.
So if you are new here, thenthere is so much to listen to.
(00:45):
And while these episodes, yes.
Some of them do build upon eachother.
A lot of them are standaloneepisodes, but we have so much
content here for you to justconsume at whatever rate you
would like.
So while you don't have to startat the beginning, it can be a
lot of fun to just kind of seethe evolution of the podcast.
So anyway, just thought I'dshare that.
But thank you so much for beinghere.
So Today I'm going to be sharinga new word with you that you may
(01:08):
not have heard before.
This is kind of a new word tome, but I absolutely love it.
And the word is ayni.
A YNI.
And that is the sacred principleof reciprocity.
But before we really get intowhat that means, I wanna share
with you a dream that I had justlast night because, oh my
goodness, it is still stickingwith me.
Do you ever have those dreamsthat just really linger and
really impact your nervoussystem?
(01:29):
So, as you know, I am arecovering people pleaser
myself, and I have struggled attimes with creating balanced
reciprocation in relationship.
And so this particular dream, itreally activated my nervous
system.
But even though I still foundmyself being a little bit, um,
activated by this dream, I amreminding myself that ok, it was
just a dream.
So here's my dream.
(01:50):
In my dream.
Then I had agreed to babysit fora friend.
I was gonna babysit her twochildren for a week while she
went and did something.
And I kind of knew what theexpectation was.
So I was able to give awholehearted yes, I had a great
time with the kiddos.
I even bought one of them abike, and I was able to show up
fully because I knew when it wasgoing to end.
(02:11):
But then when mom came to pickup the kids, then I realized
that something else washappening, and this is when I
started to get a little bitworked up in my dream, is when
the mom showed up to pick up thekids, she wasn't just showing up
to pick up the kids, but sheshowed up with her own suitcase
and said, oh, just to thank youfor watching my kids.
I just figured that you couldreally use some grownup time.
So I I would stay for anotherweek, so won't that be fun?
(02:34):
And she started listing offdifferent activities and events
that we could go to.
And as she listed off theseevents, these were things that I
wouldn't necessarily choose toput my time and energy and money
into, butpeople-pleasing-dream-me didn't
tell her that, oh, this is kindof inconvenient.
I don't have enough food in myfridge.
I need to go shopping.
I've rescheduled things to beduring this time because I
(02:55):
thought I'd have an empty house.
But instead of telling her that,instead, I felt really compelled
to receive her form of gratitudeeven though it didn't serve me.
So my mind started racing,trying to figure out, ok, well
do I still have enough food inthe fridge?
What could I scrap up for dinnertonight?
In my dream, I felt obligated toreceive her gift, but my mind
(03:16):
was absolutely scramblingthinking, well, what about my
energy level?
What about my schedule?
What do I need to rearrange inmy life in order to accommodate
her generosity, which made itfeel less like a generosity and
more like an inconvenience.
So here's the real kickerthough, is in her mind then she
was creating balance in therelationship.
But in my mind, it was creatingimbalance.
(03:37):
This simply was not what I hadsigned up for, and this dream is
kind of the perfect entry pointinto better understanding what
ayni is.
So ayni is the Andan principleof sacred reciprocity.
So this is not the transactionalway that we often think about
reciprocity here in the westwhere giving and receiving can
look like scorekeeping orsameness and equality.
(03:59):
For example, I babysat your kidsfor a week, now you babysit mine
for a week.
But instead, ayni energy isabout creating sacred balance.
Essentially, ayni is amindfulness practice.
It is noticing where the flow ofenergy is going, where it needs
to go, and then intentionallymaking things more sustainable
for all parties involved.
(04:19):
And so let me kind of use anexample of a garden.
If I only went into the gardento pick fruit and I never
replanted, if I never clearedthe weeds, if I never watered,
then soon there wouldn't be anyfruit to pick.
It wouldn't be sustainable.
Also, if I made my relationshipwith the garden about sameness,
it might look like, oh, I tookfood from the garden i'm going
(04:39):
to give food to the garden.
So I'm gonna give the garden aslice of pizza.
That'll be great.
But as we know, that's not goingto fill the need for the garden.
It doesn't serve therelationship.
But if I were mindful about itand I thought, ok, what does the
garden need to grow?
How could I give back to thegarden?
Not only would the garden behappy, but I would receive an
(04:59):
abundance of produce, so itwould be benefiting both me and
the garden.
Ayni means being mindful of theenergy flowing where it needs to
go for nourishment.
Now, in my dream, I didn'texpect that watching this
friend's children meant that shewould watch mine.
In fact, all that I reallywanted in return was just
sincere gratitude, someappreciation, and then a kid
free break once I was doneserving her.
(05:21):
But what I received instead wasactually more weight on my
shoulders, dressed up asappreciation, which I was
feeling compelled that uhoh, nowI have to receive it.
I'm now obligated to receivewhat it is that she's offering
in the way she's choosing tooffer it.
But that wasn't going to fill myneed, and it wasn't going to
create balance or sustainabilityin our friendship.
When reciprocity is mindfullyaligned and balanced, it
(05:44):
strengthens trust, resilience,and belonging in relationship.
We know that we will also becared for, which allows us to
give more freely because we knowthat there's going to be ebbs
and flows, but that what weinvest will actually come back
to us in return.
When ayni energy is misaligned,then it creates those feelings
of obligation, resentment, oreven disconnect in relationship,
(06:06):
which isn't sustainable foranyone.
So if you are currentlyexperiencing obligation,
resentment, or disconnect inyour relationships, it might be
a sign that things are out ofbalance for you and that
something needs to change Nowfor those of you who listen to
this podcast, the recoveringpeople pleasers, it is
especially easy for thispopulation to fall into the trap
of overly accommodating otherpeople.
(06:28):
Just like what I was doing in mydream.
Which instantly leads toburnout, right?
When we're overgiving, it'sgoing to lead to that burnout,
to that overwhelm.
And when we're in that burnedout state, it makes it more
likely that we're going to startto view reciprocation through
that lens of sameness.
But with ayni being a sacredprinciple, I want to share with
you two things for this audiencein particular to consider as
(06:49):
you're looking for this flow.
Ok?
Number one, sometimesreciprocation means being
willing to ask for what it isthat you need.
And number two, sometimes thecup filling comes from somewhere
else entirely.
So first, let's talk aboutasking for what it is that you
need.
And I wanna give you anotherpersonal example here.
I was recently collaboratingwith a colleague of mine and we
were on fire with fun ideas.
(07:11):
You guys, there are so many funprojects in the works and the
energy of our collaboration...
it was incredible.
We just were having idea afteridea after idea.
And soon after a brainstormingsession.
Then I got a text from thisfriend.
And she said, you know what?
I don't mean to rain on yourparade, but I'm worried that if
we try to do all of this atonce, that I'll feel burned out.
Would it be ok if we just pickedone project for now?
(07:33):
And it was obvious to me in thatmoment that her desire, it
didn't match her currentcapacity at the time, which
meant that both of our levels ofinvestment needed to shift a
little bit in order to make itmore sustainable for this
collaboration to happen.
So I instantly responded and Isaid, girl, you are not reading
on my parade.
You are sunshine.
And because I love you and Iwant you to stay on your
(07:53):
sunshine energy, I want to knowyour limits.
And honestly, I was trulygrateful that she said something
because I'm the kind of personthat gets super excited and then
overcommits and then ends freeregretting it later.
So I was very grateful she saidsomething.
But also I think that in thatlittle exchange, I think that
both of our old people pleasingwounds heals just a little bit.
(08:13):
It was ok to change plans, andin fact, in that moment then it
was exactly what was needed inorder to make our relationship
more authentic, more loving, andmore sustainable for both of us.
And her vulnerability ofacknowledging what it was that
she was capable of at themoment, it really made me fall
even more in love with thiscolleague because I really felt
(08:33):
like, ok, it's safe enough forus to be real with each other.
Ayni isn't about doingeverything, but it's about doing
what's balanced for both sides.
Another example, when I wasworking as an energy
practitioner, I used to reallystruggle with what to charge
people.
Which is total classic peoplepleaser energy, right?
(08:54):
And my indecision around what tocharge people.
Then it was challenged by otherpeople as well.
In fact, I had some people tellme that I shouldn't charge at
all for sharing my gifts becauseit was something that came
easily to me.
So, because it came easily tome, I should just do it for
free.
And the people pleaser in mefelt very conflicted by this.
But over time, I noticedsomething.
(09:16):
I noticed that the clients whooffered some form of
reciprocation, and yes, most ofthe time this was a cash
payment, but other times it wasproduce, tamales, or even
artwork, that those clients werethe clients who experienced the
deepest and most profoundhealing.
And why?
Because reciprocation andappreciation contribute to
(09:37):
personal healing.
And this experience taught methat by not charging, I was
actually doing myself and othersa disservice.
Because without some form ofreciprocity, the healing was
incomplete.
Not only was I not getting paidand feeling like I was more
invested in the relationshipthan they were, but they were
not truly invested into theirpersonal healing.
(09:59):
And this is really what ayniEnergy teaches us, that
reciprocity is energy.
And when energy flows in bothdirections, everyone benefits.
It's like watering the garden.
So now let's talk a bit abouthow ayni shows up in unexpected
ways.
Yes.
Sometimes ayni is withinindividual relationships where
we can notice in thisrelationship it's going back and
(10:19):
forth, but it's also kind of alittle bit of"what goes around
comes around,""what you put outis going to be returned to you."
For example, somebody who is acaregiver, they might not
receive as much from the onethat they're caring for.
It can look disproportionate onthe surface, but maybe they're
receiving in other ways.
maybe when they get home fromcaregiving, somebody else's
(10:39):
caring for them.
maybe the person that they'recaregiving, then they're
reciprocating by the way ofsharing stories or experience or
gratitude and appreciation.
maybe it comes to them throughanother relationship entirely,
where somebody's just thinkingabout them and thinks, oh, hey,
let's just meet up for lunch.
I think that'd be great.
They're finding other ways thattheir cup is being filled
because they're being so kindand generous with their actions.
(11:01):
So it might not look the same,but things do come back around,
and when you attune yourselfintentionally to looking for the
ways that things are coming backto you, that's what you're going
to see.
Remember that what you focus onexpands, and so simply shifting
your mindset a little bit toactively look for the ways that
others are expressing, love thatothers are reciprocating, you're
(11:23):
going to start seeing it moreand more, and you'll be able to
recognize and appreciate theircapacity for reciprocation, even
if it's looking like tamales orartwork, right?
For example, maybe you spend anevening listening to a friend
who's been really going througha hard time and later then they
reciprocate by cheering you onand celebrating your wins with
you.
I had a girlfriend reach out tome and she said, you know what?
(11:45):
I just binge listening to yourpodcast and you are getting so
close to episode 200.
What are we going to do tocelebrate?
And it just made me feel sogood.
What a kind way to just noticeand how that notice.
Thing really helped to fill mycup and helped me to feel like
things are balanced andfulfilling and sustainable in
that relationship.
The reciprocity isn't identical,but it is balanced with
(12:07):
emotional support flowing inboth ways.
Or maybe a coworker covers yourshift when you have a family
emergency, and then a week lateryou decide to take on one of
their tasks when they're feelingoverloaded.
So now both of you're feelingsupported rather than feeling
taken advantage of.
Or maybe you're harvestingvegetables from your garden and
before you eat the vegetables,you offer gratitude.
(12:29):
Maybe you compost your foodscraps back into the soil or
plant new seeds.
So you're not just taking, butyou're actively participating in
a cycle that really sustainsitself.
Ayni is a mindfulness practice.
It is noticing the capacity ofall involved.
Now remember that it's not aboutscorekeeping, but it's about
finding a balance that works forboth parties.
(12:51):
So how can we begin practicingayni Today, first of all, you're
doing it right now.
I put time and energy intowriting and preparing this
podcast, and you're repaying mewith your time, which is the
best gift ever.
So thank you.
maybe you also choose to leaveme a review or to share with a
friend, and not only does thishelp me, but it helps others
when you share it too.
(13:13):
Maybe you wanna start practicingdaily gratitudes.
This might mean being moremindful about the little ways
that people are serving you andgiving thanks for that.
It might look like tellingsomebody, thank you for holding
a door or reciprocating with asmile.
maybe it's writing a thank younote or finding some other way
to let people know that youreally see and appreciate them.
maybe you want to start your ownripple effect by initiating
(13:35):
kindness.
So this might mean bakingcookies for a neighbor or
spreading wildflower seeds onyour morning walk or initiating
a get together with somebodythat you really wanna connect
with.
Another way that you canpractice ayni energy is just
noticing the flow and becomingmore curious and mindful about
it.
Notice where in your life areyou always giving.
(13:55):
Where is it that you might bemostly receiving?
Where might there be someimbalances in your
relationships?
And what might need to happen inorder for those balances to be
restored?
Do you need to make request?
Do you need to give more back?
Do you need to initiate or speakup?
What is needed right now tocreate that balance?
(14:16):
Now, I want you to remember thatayni is not a checklist of, ok,
I'm gonna do this so that I canget that.
It's not an equation or aproblem to solve.
It's having faith and trust thatwhat you put out will be
reciprocated.
It's about finding more positiveand sustainable rhythm in your
relationships.
It's a way of living more andharmony with yourself, others,
and the world around you.
(14:36):
Ayni is a sacred reminder thatwe are all interconnected and
that what you put out into theworld, it is going to come back
to you probably in unexpectedways.
Now if this episode hasresonated with you, I encourage
you to share it with a friendwho might also be carrying the
weight of imbalance in theirrelationships.
And remember that ayni doesn'tmean sameness or scorekeeping,
but it means sacredreciprocation.
(14:58):
It is a mindfulness practicethat ultimately creates
gratitude and balance inrelationship, and it starts with
what you are willing to put outinto the world.
What you put out will come back.
I know that you are somebody wholoves to pour into others, and
now is the time to be moremindful about looking for the
ways that you are also receivingto step into that space of
(15:19):
gratitude and receive a part ofall of that goodness that you've
added to the lives of others.
If you are ready to experiencewhat balanced reciprocity can
feel like, I would love to workwith you as your coach.
Together then we can see whereyou might be experiencing
imbalance and explore wMaryAnnsto restore or create balance in
your relationships, which willabsolutely lead to more
gratitude and connection.
(15:40):
I do have a few spots opening upfor October, and I truly believe
that you'll be blown away bywhat you'll receive through
coaching when you choose toinvest in yourself.
So if you are ready to investinto you, you can check out the
show notes to find all of mycontact information.
I'd love to work with you, anduntil then, I hope you have a
balanced and fulfilling life.
I'll see you next week.
Well, hello and welcome back.
My name is MaryAnn Walker and Ihelp recovering people pleasers,
create more balanced andreciprocal relationships.
And before we dive into today'sepisode, I wanted to start by
sharing some really big newswith you, which if you follow me
on social media, then youalready know.
But I just discovered that thispodcast, Inner Work with MaryAnn
Walker is now in the top 5% ofpodcasts globally, which is
(00:23):
totally blowing my mind.
So thank you so much forlistening.
Thank you so much for sharing.
Thank you so much for reviewing,and thank you just so much for
being here.
I really appreciate you.
Also, as of the time of thisrecording, it is also the three
year anniversary of thispodcast.
So this is episode 179.
So if you are new here, thenthere is so much to listen to.
(00:45):
And while these episodes, yes.
Some of them do build upon eachother.
A lot of them are standaloneepisodes, but we have so much
content here for you to justconsume at whatever rate you
would like.
So while you don't have to startat the beginning, it can be a
lot of fun to just kind of seethe evolution of the podcast.
So anyway, just thought I'dshare that.
But thank you so much for beinghere.
So Today I'm going to be sharinga new word with you that you may
(01:08):
not have heard before.
This is kind of a new word tome, but I absolutely love it.
And the word is ayni.
A YNI.
And that is the sacred principleof reciprocity.
But before we really get intowhat that means, I wanna share
with you a dream that I had justlast night because, oh my
goodness, it is still stickingwith me.
Do you ever have those dreamsthat just really linger and
really impact your nervoussystem?
(01:29):
So, as you know, I am arecovering people pleaser
myself, and I have struggled attimes with creating balanced
reciprocation in relationship.
And so this particular dream, itreally activated my nervous
system.
But even though I still foundmyself being a little bit, um,
activated by this dream, I amreminding myself that ok, it was
just a dream.
So here's my dream.
(01:50):
In my dream.
Then I had agreed to babysit fora friend.
I was gonna babysit her twochildren for a week while she
went and did something.
And I kind of knew what theexpectation was.
So I was able to give awholehearted yes, I had a great
time with the kiddos.
I even bought one of them abike, and I was able to show up
fully because I knew when it wasgoing to end.
(02:11):
But then when mom came to pickup the kids, then I realized
that something else washappening, and this is when I
started to get a little bitworked up in my dream, is when
the mom showed up to pick up thekids, she wasn't just showing up
to pick up the kids, but sheshowed up with her own suitcase
and said, oh, just to thank youfor watching my kids.
I just figured that you couldreally use some grownup time.
So I I would stay for anotherweek, so won't that be fun?
(02:34):
And she started listing offdifferent activities and events
that we could go to.
And as she listed off theseevents, these were things that I
wouldn't necessarily choose toput my time and energy and money
into, butpeople-pleasing-dream-me didn't
tell her that, oh, this is kindof inconvenient.
I don't have enough food in myfridge.
I need to go shopping.
I've rescheduled things to beduring this time because I
(02:55):
thought I'd have an empty house.
But instead of telling her that,instead, I felt really compelled
to receive her form of gratitudeeven though it didn't serve me.
So my mind started racing,trying to figure out, ok, well
do I still have enough food inthe fridge?
What could I scrap up for dinnertonight?
In my dream, I felt obligated toreceive her gift, but my mind
(03:16):
was absolutely scramblingthinking, well, what about my
energy level?
What about my schedule?
What do I need to rearrange inmy life in order to accommodate
her generosity, which made itfeel less like a generosity and
more like an inconvenience.
So here's the real kickerthough, is in her mind then she
was creating balance in therelationship.
But in my mind, it was creatingimbalance.
(03:37):
This simply was not what I hadsigned up for, and this dream is
kind of the perfect entry pointinto better understanding what
ayni is.
So ayni is the Andan principleof sacred reciprocity.
So this is not the transactionalway that we often think about
reciprocity here in the westwhere giving and receiving can
look like scorekeeping orsameness and equality.
(03:59):
For example, I babysat your kidsfor a week, now you babysit mine
for a week.
But instead, ayni energy isabout creating sacred balance.
Essentially, ayni is amindfulness practice.
It is noticing where the flow ofenergy is going, where it needs
to go, and then intentionallymaking things more sustainable
for all parties involved.
(04:19):
And so let me kind of use anexample of a garden.
If I only went into the gardento pick fruit and I never
replanted, if I never clearedthe weeds, if I never watered,
then soon there wouldn't be anyfruit to pick.
It wouldn't be sustainable.
Also, if I made my relationshipwith the garden about sameness,
it might look like, oh, I tookfood from the garden i'm going
(04:39):
to give food to the garden.
So I'm gonna give the garden aslice of pizza.
That'll be great.
But as we know, that's not goingto fill the need for the garden.
It doesn't serve therelationship.
But if I were mindful about itand I thought, ok, what does the
garden need to grow?
How could I give back to thegarden?
Not only would the garden behappy, but I would receive an
(04:59):
abundance of produce, so itwould be benefiting both me and
the garden.
Ayni means being mindful of theenergy flowing where it needs to
go for nourishment.
Now, in my dream, I didn'texpect that watching this
friend's children meant that shewould watch mine.
In fact, all that I reallywanted in return was just
sincere gratitude, someappreciation, and then a kid
free break once I was doneserving her.
(05:21):
But what I received instead wasactually more weight on my
shoulders, dressed up asappreciation, which I was
feeling compelled that uhoh, nowI have to receive it.
I'm now obligated to receivewhat it is that she's offering
in the way she's choosing tooffer it.
But that wasn't going to fill myneed, and it wasn't going to
create balance or sustainabilityin our friendship.
When reciprocity is mindfullyaligned and balanced, it
(05:44):
strengthens trust, resilience,and belonging in relationship.
We know that we will also becared for, which allows us to
give more freely because we knowthat there's going to be ebbs
and flows, but that what weinvest will actually come back
to us in return.
When ayni energy is misaligned,then it creates those feelings
of obligation, resentment, oreven disconnect in relationship,
(06:06):
which isn't sustainable foranyone.
So if you are currentlyexperiencing obligation,
resentment, or disconnect inyour relationships, it might be
a sign that things are out ofbalance for you and that
something needs to change Nowfor those of you who listen to
this podcast, the recoveringpeople pleasers, it is
especially easy for thispopulation to fall into the trap
of overly accommodating otherpeople.
(06:28):
Just like what I was doing in mydream.
Which instantly leads toburnout, right?
When we're overgiving, it'sgoing to lead to that burnout,
to that overwhelm.
And when we're in that burnedout state, it makes it more
likely that we're going to startto view reciprocation through
that lens of sameness.
But with ayni being a sacredprinciple, I want to share with
you two things for this audiencein particular to consider as
(06:49):
you're looking for this flow.
Ok?
Number one, sometimesreciprocation means being
willing to ask for what it isthat you need.
And number two, sometimes thecup filling comes from somewhere
else entirely.
So first, let's talk aboutasking for what it is that you
need.
And I wanna give you anotherpersonal example here.
I was recently collaboratingwith a colleague of mine and we
were on fire with fun ideas.
(07:11):
You guys, there are so many funprojects in the works and the
energy of our collaboration...
it was incredible.
We just were having idea afteridea after idea.
And soon after a brainstormingsession.
Then I got a text from thisfriend.
And she said, you know what?
I don't mean to rain on yourparade, but I'm worried that if
we try to do all of this atonce, that I'll feel burned out.
Would it be ok if we just pickedone project for now?
(07:33):
And it was obvious to me in thatmoment that her desire, it
didn't match her currentcapacity at the time, which
meant that both of our levels ofinvestment needed to shift a
little bit in order to make itmore sustainable for this
collaboration to happen.
So I instantly responded and Isaid, girl, you are not reading
on my parade.
You are sunshine.
And because I love you and Iwant you to stay on your
(07:53):
sunshine energy, I want to knowyour limits.
And honestly, I was trulygrateful that she said something
because I'm the kind of personthat gets super excited and then
overcommits and then ends freeregretting it later.
So I was very grateful she saidsomething.
But also I think that in thatlittle exchange, I think that
both of our old people pleasingwounds heals just a little bit.
(08:13):
It was ok to change plans, andin fact, in that moment then it
was exactly what was needed inorder to make our relationship
more authentic, more loving, andmore sustainable for both of us.
And her vulnerability ofacknowledging what it was that
she was capable of at themoment, it really made me fall
even more in love with thiscolleague because I really felt
(08:33):
like, ok, it's safe enough forus to be real with each other.
Ayni isn't about doingeverything, but it's about doing
what's balanced for both sides.
Another example, when I wasworking as an energy
practitioner, I used to reallystruggle with what to charge
people.
Which is total classic peoplepleaser energy, right?
(08:54):
And my indecision around what tocharge people.
Then it was challenged by otherpeople as well.
In fact, I had some people tellme that I shouldn't charge at
all for sharing my gifts becauseit was something that came
easily to me.
So, because it came easily tome, I should just do it for
free.
And the people pleaser in mefelt very conflicted by this.
But over time, I noticedsomething.
(09:16):
I noticed that the clients whooffered some form of
reciprocation, and yes, most ofthe time this was a cash
payment, but other times it wasproduce, tamales, or even
artwork, that those clients werethe clients who experienced the
deepest and most profoundhealing.
And why?
Because reciprocation andappreciation contribute to
(09:37):
personal healing.
And this experience taught methat by not charging, I was
actually doing myself and othersa disservice.
Because without some form ofreciprocity, the healing was
incomplete.
Not only was I not getting paidand feeling like I was more
invested in the relationshipthan they were, but they were
not truly invested into theirpersonal healing.
(09:59):
And this is really what ayniEnergy teaches us, that
reciprocity is energy.
And when energy flows in bothdirections, everyone benefits.
It's like watering the garden.
So now let's talk a bit abouthow ayni shows up in unexpected
ways.
Yes.
Sometimes ayni is withinindividual relationships where
we can notice in thisrelationship it's going back and
(10:19):
forth, but it's also kind of alittle bit of"what goes around
comes around,""what you put outis going to be returned to you."
For example, somebody who is acaregiver, they might not
receive as much from the onethat they're caring for.
It can look disproportionate onthe surface, but maybe they're
receiving in other ways.
maybe when they get home fromcaregiving, somebody else's
(10:39):
caring for them.
maybe the person that they'recaregiving, then they're
reciprocating by the way ofsharing stories or experience or
gratitude and appreciation.
maybe it comes to them throughanother relationship entirely,
where somebody's just thinkingabout them and thinks, oh, hey,
let's just meet up for lunch.
I think that'd be great.
They're finding other ways thattheir cup is being filled
because they're being so kindand generous with their actions.
(11:01):
So it might not look the same,but things do come back around,
and when you attune yourselfintentionally to looking for the
ways that things are coming backto you, that's what you're going
to see.
Remember that what you focus onexpands, and so simply shifting
your mindset a little bit toactively look for the ways that
others are expressing, love thatothers are reciprocating, you're
(11:23):
going to start seeing it moreand more, and you'll be able to
recognize and appreciate theircapacity for reciprocation, even
if it's looking like tamales orartwork, right?
For example, maybe you spend anevening listening to a friend
who's been really going througha hard time and later then they
reciprocate by cheering you onand celebrating your wins with
you.
I had a girlfriend reach out tome and she said, you know what?
(11:45):
I just binge listening to yourpodcast and you are getting so
close to episode 200.
What are we going to do tocelebrate?
And it just made me feel sogood.
What a kind way to just noticeand how that notice.
Thing really helped to fill mycup and helped me to feel like
things are balanced andfulfilling and sustainable in
that relationship.
The reciprocity isn't identical,but it is balanced with
(12:07):
emotional support flowing inboth ways.
Or maybe a coworker covers yourshift when you have a family
emergency, and then a week lateryou decide to take on one of
their tasks when they're feelingoverloaded.
So now both of you're feelingsupported rather than feeling
taken advantage of.
Or maybe you're harvestingvegetables from your garden and
before you eat the vegetables,you offer gratitude.
(12:29):
Maybe you compost your foodscraps back into the soil or
plant new seeds.
So you're not just taking, butyou're actively participating in
a cycle that really sustainsitself.
Ayni is a mindfulness practice.
It is noticing the capacity ofall involved.
Now remember that it's not aboutscorekeeping, but it's about
finding a balance that works forboth parties.
(12:51):
So how can we begin practicingayni Today, first of all, you're
doing it right now.
I put time and energy intowriting and preparing this
podcast, and you're repaying mewith your time, which is the
best gift ever.
So thank you.
maybe you also choose to leaveme a review or to share with a
friend, and not only does thishelp me, but it helps others
when you share it too.
(13:13):
Maybe you wanna start practicingdaily gratitudes.
This might mean being moremindful about the little ways
that people are serving you andgiving thanks for that.
It might look like tellingsomebody, thank you for holding
a door or reciprocating with asmile.
maybe it's writing a thank younote or finding some other way
to let people know that youreally see and appreciate them.
maybe you want to start your ownripple effect by initiating
(13:35):
kindness.
So this might mean bakingcookies for a neighbor or
spreading wildflower seeds onyour morning walk or initiating
a get together with somebodythat you really wanna connect
with.
Another way that you canpractice ayni energy is just
noticing the flow and becomingmore curious and mindful about
it.
Notice where in your life areyou always giving.
(13:55):
Where is it that you might bemostly receiving?
Where might there be someimbalances in your
relationships?
And what might need to happen inorder for those balances to be
restored?
Do you need to make request?
Do you need to give more back?
Do you need to initiate or speakup?
What is needed right now tocreate that balance?
(14:16):
Now, I want you to remember thatayni is not a checklist of, ok,
I'm gonna do this so that I canget that.
It's not an equation or aproblem to solve.
It's having faith and trust thatwhat you put out will be
reciprocated.
It's about finding more positiveand sustainable rhythm in your
relationships.
It's a way of living more andharmony with yourself, others,
and the world around you.
(14:36):
Ayni is a sacred reminder thatwe are all interconnected and
that what you put out into theworld, it is going to come back
to you probably in unexpectedways.
Now if this episode hasresonated with you, I encourage
you to share it with a friendwho might also be carrying the
weight of imbalance in theirrelationships.
And remember that ayni doesn'tmean sameness or scorekeeping,
but it means sacredreciprocation.
(14:58):
It is a mindfulness practicethat ultimately creates
gratitude and balance inrelationship, and it starts with
what you are willing to put outinto the world.
What you put out will come back.
I know that you are somebody wholoves to pour into others, and
now is the time to be moremindful about looking for the
ways that you are also receivingto step into that space of
(15:19):
gratitude and receive a part ofall of that goodness that you've
added to the lives of others.
If you are ready to experiencewhat balanced reciprocity can
feel like, I would love to workwith you as your coach.
Together then we can see whereyou might be experiencing
imbalance and explore wMaryAnnsto restore or create balance in
your relationships, which willabsolutely lead to more
gratitude and connection.
(15:40):
I do have a few spots opening upfor October, and I truly believe
that you'll be blown away bywhat you'll receive through
coaching when you choose toinvest in yourself.
So if you are ready to investinto you, you can check out the
show notes to find all of mycontact information.
I'd love to work with you, anduntil then, I hope you have a
balanced and fulfilling life.
I'll see you next week.
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