October 16, 2025 • 37 mins
3 Life-Changing Lessons About Guilt, Boundaries, and Authenticity.
Today I’m joined by licensed clinical social worker and lifestyle coach, Tricia Corso. Tricia shares her powerful journey of leaving behind the “supposed to’s” of life in New York to create a more aligned, authentic life in Colorado.
Together, we explore the themes of guilt, people pleasing, authenticity, and how to quiet the voices of external expectations so you can finally hear your own.
What You’ll Learn in This Episode:
- How guilt often shows up when you start honoring your truth—and why it doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong.
- Why people pleasing is really a form of self-abandonment and how it keeps you small.
- How to step into authenticity, even when it means disrupting others’ expectations.
- The role of unspoken cultural and familial “shoulds” in shaping your choices—and how to break free.
- Practical ways to identify your voice, values, and desires amidst the noise of other people’s opinions.
Challenge for the Week
Notice where guilt or “shoulds” are steering your choices. Ask yourself: Whose voice is this? Is it truly yours—or an inherited belief? Then take one small step this week to honor your own values, even if it feels uncomfortable.
Work With Me
If you’re ready to break free from people pleasing and start living life on your own terms, I’d love to support you. Book a free clarity call with me today: https://calendly.com/maryannwalkerlife/freeconsult.
✨ I'm currently offering 6 and 12 week 1:1 coaching packages where we’ll dive deep into the limiting beliefs shaping your life and create space for growth, clarity, and connection.
🎯 Ready to reserve your 6 or 12 week package? email me at maryann@maryannwalker.life
Don’t Forget to Subscribe:
Be sure to follow the podcast so you don’t miss next week’s episode. We’ll keep exploring emotional boundaries, mindset shifts, and how to change your life completely—especially for those who feel deeply and love big.
Let’s Stay Connected:
📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/maryannwalker.life/
📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/maryannwalker.life
🎵 TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@maryannwalker.life
*Don’t Forget to Subscribe*
If this conversation resonated with you, make sure you hit “subscribe” so you never miss an episode.
Links Mentioned in This Episode:
Connect with Tricia Corso on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/amongwildflowerstherapy/
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
MaryAnn Walker (00:00):
well, hello and welcome back to Inner Work with
MaryAnn Walker.
I am your host, and I help womento break free of their people
pleasing tendencies and juststart living life on their own
terms again, which is exactlywhy I have invited Tricia Corso
here.
Thank you so much for coming on,Tricia.
Tricia Corso (00:15):
Thanks so much for having me.
I'm so excited to talk to youtoday.
MaryAnn Walker (00:18):
you today.
Oh, I'm excited too.
Yeah, so Tricia and I have beenmutuals on social media for
quite some time now, and I justlove her work.
She totally resonated.
I think we have very similaraudiences, so if you like my
stuff, you'll like her stuff andvice versa.
But she has had a really uniquelife experience that I thought
all of us would benefit fromjust hearing about.
(00:38):
So, Tricia, would you mindtelling us a little bit about
you?
Tricia Corso (00:42):
of course.
Um, yeah, so.
My name's Trisha Corso.
I am a licensed clinical socialworker and a lifestyle coach.
I currently live in Denver,Colorado, but I'm originally
from New York, which is all partof my story that you'll hear
about.
And yeah, I've, been a therapistfor about 10 years and.
(01:02):
Been coaching for a couple ofyears now.
That's been a new thing for me.
But yeah, similarly to what yousaid, I work with ambitious
women to define success on theirown terms and build a life that
reflects it.
So it's a lot of just workingwith women in finding their
truth, their voice, what theirreal desires are, and giving
(01:23):
them permission to finally getafter it.
MaryAnn Walker (01:26):
Yeah.
And I'm assuming from what Iknow about you, that it's your
story that kind of led you towork with that group of women.
Would you say that that's true,or how did you find yourself
working with this group?
Tricia Corso (01:38):
Yes.
Um, it is part of that, whichtook me some time to figure that
out of, you know, why I felt sopassionate or driven to help
this specific, niche or, womanexperiencing these certain
things.
But basically.
Yeah, I felt like, I did all thethings I was supposed to do.
Checked all the boxes.
Went to college, got mymaster's, graduated with my
(02:01):
master's, applied to jobs.
I was living in New York at thetime.
Um.
Um, and something just likedidn't feel right.
I was like, I did all the thingsI was supposed to do, but why am
I feeling off or I'm not feelingas fulfilled or as happy as I
thought I would at this point.
'cause I'm like, now it's kindof open-ended on what I'm
supposed to do with my life.
And that just made me think alot more of where I was living.
(02:26):
I love New York, but it was notlike the lifestyle necessarily
that I am drawn to.
And I had a friend from collegemove to Colorado and I had
visited her a couple of timesand I was like, wow, this place
is beautiful.
So much nature.
It was slower paced, it wasn'tas expensive.
(02:48):
So a lot of things where I waslike, okay, this might be
something that I'm feelingcalled to go after.
And so I applied to jobs inColorado as well and ended up
getting a job offer there andaccepted that because I was able
to like live independently, havethat connection to nature,
(03:09):
that's super important to me.
Not be as fast paced orstressed.
Like I li I lived in the cityand I felt like I was like
constantly anxious of like, am Igonna make this subway?
Why is this person walking soslow?
I gotta get to the, this placeby this time.
And it was, I just felt tensewhile I was there.
(03:29):
So I needed to slow down and Irecognize that.
So yeah, I want to help women domore of that.
'cause it's hard work.
You have to fight through a lotof different beliefs or, you
know, patterns or things thatmight be holding you back.
MaryAnn Walker (03:46):
I think so many people are gonna relate to that
feeling of, well, I dideverything I was supposed to,
Tricia Corso (03:50):
Mm-hmm.
MaryAnn Walker (03:51):
the boxes, I'm still not happy.
And I, think it's interesting,and I just wanna really put a
spotlight on it, that you hadsome signs internally that,
okay, well something's not quiteright.
Like when you look on paper,I've checked all the boxes.
I'm supposed to be happy
Tricia Corso (04:08):
Yep.
MaryAnn Walker (04:09):
but that you started to recognize for
yourself, I'm feeling anxiousand maybe what I need is
different than what boxes I havechecked on paper.
And I'm curious for you, when itcomes to the supposed tos and
the shoulds who wrote your list,because it's different for
everybody, right?
Whose rule book were youfollowing?
Tricia Corso (04:28):
such a good question because a lot of the
work that I do with, um, myclients is like, whose voice are
you listening to right now?
Who is actually speaking?
Is it you or is it someone elsewho taught you that or
somewhere?
And you learn this from like, isit actually you, do you actually
believe what you're tellingyourself right now?
So, yeah, it wasn't my voicethat was telling me these
(04:50):
things.
I think, you know, I'm a verymotivated, passionate,
goal-oriented person.
I don't think that has changed.
So I knew I wanted to do all thethings up until that point.
I wanted to go to college, Iwanted to get my master's, I
wanted to do these things, and Iwas like really excited about
it.
It was just at the end it waslike.
(05:12):
Okay, now I'm supposed to likefind a job and the jobs that I
was getting offered or, that Iwas being exposed to.
I was like, this does not exciteme.
This is not something that makesme feel good.
But I was like, but I'm supposedto stay in New York.
That's where my family is.
That's where my friends are.
That's where my life is.
So, okay, maybe I'm justsupposed to do this and maybe if
(05:33):
I take this job, it'll feelbetter or things will get
better, and all of that.
And I mean, I really had to payattention to myself'cause I am
typically a person that like Ican like get through things,
push through, which is alsosimilar to my clients of push
through, get stuff done, do whatyou gotta do and you're gonna
figure it out and you're gonnabe fine.
(05:54):
And I was low energy, notmotivated.
I was really not feeling good,which was like very unlike me.
So I really knew something wasoff.
And that's sort of again, whatmade me get curious of like,
okay, but like maybe this isn'twhat I want to do.
So again, I like allowed myselfto just expand it a little bit
further of like, I'm just gonnaapply to jobs in Colorado and
(06:16):
see what happens.
Like what, what harm is, do it,like what's gonna happen if I do
that.
MaryAnn Walker (06:21):
Well, thank you so much for sharing.
Yeah.
'cause it's interesting to kindof identify, okay, who am I
putting in charge of my decisionmaking right now?
Because sometimes it's.
You know, faith, community,parents, friends just the local
culture, like we just give somuch weight to what other
people, you know.
I said, well, all my friends arehere, so of course I should stay
here.
So I'm really curious because Iwork with, you know, a lot of
(06:43):
the people pleasers.
How was it for you when you toldthem that, Hey, I'm actually
feeling led to go somewhereelse,
Tricia Corso (06:50):
Yeah.
So, I grew up in an IrishItalian household.
Family is like number one.
We are very close.
No one left, like the tri-statearea.
Everyone extended is all kind ofthere.
So.
I would say it was harder totell family versus friends,
(07:10):
family, you know, I think thatis what a big block was for me.
I was like, I don't wanna upsetthem.
I don't wanna disappoint mypeople pleasing stuff.
Right.
Of like, I don't wannadisappoint them.
I don't want.
I don't want their feelings tobe hurt.
I felt a lot of guilt of how amI gonna leave them?
(07:32):
What if something hap, you know,all the things that go on in
your brain.
So at first, I would say it tooktime for them to be on board
with this.
Ultimately, you know.
At the end of the day, my familywants me to be happy and they
want me to do what makes me feelhappy and they're gonna support
that.
(07:52):
So I'm really lucky in thatregard.
But it's not to say that therewere multiple conversations and
lots of time, like even aftermoving, right, that it was still
happening where they had toaddress and get used to the
change as well as me.
But that they, it was likeallowing the discomfort of like,
(08:13):
yeah, this isn't gonna feel goodfor them.
It's probably gonna be mixedemotions for me because it's
scary to move and pick up and goto a completely new place.
But they were.
You know, weren't the mostexcited about it, but ultimately
I think it was, I will supportyou if this is what you want to
(08:35):
do.
And also, just so you know, I'mreally upset that you're
leaving, so, yeah.
MaryAnn Walker (08:41):
Yeah, well, I think so many people are gonna
be resonating with that, even ifthey aren't going to be moving
across the country.
I think a lot of people are at atime in their lives where
they're thinking, I've checkedall the boxes and something just
isn't right and something'sgotta give and I don't wanna
upset anybody.
I don't wanna rock the boat, butI need to start actually living.
(09:02):
I can't just keep going throughthe motions and, and like you
said, feeling anxious, feelinglow energy.
I think that those are some verycommon signs that something's
gotta change.
Like your baseline shouldn't beclear down here, right?
Like we gotta kind of bring itup a bit and, find that joy.
And I love that you were able tocreate that for yourself.
And I know that you had thoughtahead on this and we've kind of
(09:23):
talked about this conversationand that you have three lessons
that you've really learnedthrough your experience, and I
am just so excited for that.
So let's just jump on in.
What's the first lesson thatyou'd like to share with
listeners?
Tricia Corso (09:35):
I kind of mentioned it a little bit of
just like the guilt part of it.
I think guilt comes up so muchfor people.
Who are people pleasers for?
People who are like, have theperfectionist tendencies, the
people who are constantlythinking about other people
before themselves of workingthrough the guilt or pushing
(09:55):
through it in the sense of I'mnot gonna not do this thing so
that I don't feel guilty.
Right.
I'm still gonna do the thingeven though I feel guilty doing
it.
And that's again, that part ofbeing able to not allow it to
totally overwhelm or cloud yourvoice or your judgment or your
(10:16):
decisions of.
Yes.
I'm like accept, like I'm gonnafeel guilty.
I'm not here to be like, Nope.
Like if you just do the thing,you're not gonna feel guilty if
you just make the decision or dothe thing that you wanna do for
yourself.
Guilt won't come up.
No, it's going to, it's justbeing able to recognize like,
I'm not gonna let it overpower,overtake my choices, my voice,
(10:39):
my decisions, my truth, and kindof talk yourself through it in
that sense of.
Okay.
Yeah, I feel guilty.
And also I am actually living amore aligned life and that feels
really good for me.
And how can I let go of some ofthat guilt?
I think, I mean for me it wasmoving across the country,
(11:00):
right?
So it was, how am I gonna spendor plan time with my family?
How often am I gonna communicatewith?Like sort of like if I'm
not gonna see them as much, likemaybe I need to be more
intentional with my time withthem so I'm like less guilty.
'cause I'm like, oh, I havethese plans coming up with them
so I don't need to feel asguilty but just, and I'm, I'm
(11:24):
trying to think of otherexamples of, I don't know.
Maybe you are someone who youwant to go back to school for
something else, or you wannachange your career, but you're
feeling guilty.
'cause you're like, well, if Ido that, then my partner's gonna
have to maybe take on more ofthis load, or things are gonna
have to change at home becausemy work schedule is gonna be
different or this or that.
So like, rather than even try,think about the disruption or
(11:47):
how guilty I'm gonna feeltowards.
Disrupting another person'slife.
I'm not even gonna think aboutdoing it, but it's being able to
say, I'm gonna feel guilty,except that you're gonna feel
guilty, but then do somethingabout it versus allow it to take
over.
MaryAnn Walker (12:04):
I love that.
So the note that I'm making formyself is be a disruptor in the
name of authenticity.
Tricia Corso (12:10):
Oh my gosh, yes.
Mm-hmm.
MaryAnn Walker (12:12):
because as you were talking, I think too many
of us assume that if we feelguilty, it means we're doing
something wrong.
Tricia Corso (12:19):
Yes.
Uhhuh.
MaryAnn Walker (12:21):
And you just saying no, you're gonna feel
guilty and it's okay.
Because you've probably beenconditioned to not rock the boat
to make sure that nobody elseexperiences a negative emotion.
But meanwhile, you're notfeeling a lot of positive
emotions right now.
And, so that is such a mind flipto think that I'm going to feel
guilty and it doesn't mean I'mdoing anything wrong.
(12:42):
In fact, it can mean that I'mliving a more aligned life.
Tricia Corso (12:45):
Yep.
MaryAnn Walker (12:47):
Because too many people I think, think if I feel
guilty, it means I'm out ofalignment, because me to be in
alignment means I don't makeanybody upset, right?
Tricia Corso (12:54):
Yeah, and I think you saying, I mean, disruption
and authenticity are, they'reall, they're all intertwined
with all of these things, butthat, it's a matter of doing the
work of I can trust myself, Ican rely on myself.
I, I feel confident in who I amin that this choice is really
important to me and I feel thatI like, recognize that within
(13:17):
myself.
And coming back to that too,right.
Of.
You know, we can still mess upand do things and maybe there is
guilt there, but we can alsoresolve that right of, we can
apologize, we can address it, wecan figure it out.
But it's more about the guiltrelated to like, if you're just
being you and listening toyourself and being honest with
(13:40):
yourself and making choicesaligned to that.
Like why, why are we holdingonto that guilt?
Because what's wrong with doingthat?
You know?
Why is that a bad thing?
Which goes back to all thebeliefs, specifically women
believe.
Right.
Of, I think, which is anotherthing, another lesson down the
road that I see.
They're all, they're allconnected.
MaryAnn Walker (14:01):
they are all interconnected.
But I love what you're sayinghere about how really there's no
reason to feel guilty for livingin a way that brings you joy, is
what it comes down to like, likeknowing that Okay, the guilt is
just my conditioning.
Tricia Corso (14:13):
Mm-hmm.
MaryAnn Walker (14:14):
Really, there's no reason to feel guilty
acknowledging that this isn'tworking for me and this will
feel so much better for me, formy nervous system.
It's, it's what's gonna bring mejoy right now, and that that's
okay.
It's okay to accept the thingsthat actually bring you joy
rather than shrinking yourselfso that other people don't
experience the negative emotion,right?
(14:34):
Like missing you.
Which really, that's always afunny one because I think, well,
don't you want people to missyou?
Isn't that a good thing?
Tricia Corso (14:41):
And if someone misses you, they also want you
to be happy.
They want you to do what feelsgood for you.
If someone really feels or caresabout you in that way, they're
not gonna be like, no, staysmall so that you don't feel
guilty about upsetting me.
They're not gonna like, theygenuinely do not want that.
Of course they're gonna missyou, and that's a really lovely
thing.
(15:01):
But ultimately they do want youto be happy.
MaryAnn Walker (15:05):
Yeah.
Yeah.
That is such a beautiful segueinto number two.
You gave me a sneak peek so Ialready know what's coming, so
yeah.
So tell us your number two.
Tricia Corso (15:13):
Um, so yes, I recognized how my people
pleasing was keeping me small.
And that was something that.
I had to like actively andintentionally start to shift for
myself, where recognizing howpleasing others was abandoning
myself, right, was abandoningwhat I wanted for me, what, what
(15:36):
was important to me, what myvalues were, which might be
different from other peoplearound me, and that being okay.
But that.
When I'm people pleasing, right?
Or when I'm trying to take careof everyone else, or I'm trying
to make decisions based off ofother people or other people's
feelings, I'm being inauthentic,people pleasing is a form of in
(15:59):
inauthenticity, right?
Because we are not showing up asour true selves when we are
responding or acting inaccordance to other people and.
I kind of, in my example, rightof staying small would've been
staying in New York, taking thisjob.
I wasn't excited about probablybeing financially stressed, not
(16:23):
really feeling very independentor actually enjoy my life,
living in a concrete jungle ofnot being in nature and all of
that.
Where that wasn't, what wasgonna make me happy.
And if I am not paying attentionto those cues or things and
staying small, I'm not gonnafeel fulfilled and it is gonna
(16:45):
impact my relationships.
Right.
So I think something that comesup a lot is people people please
to try to like.
To keep the peace and to, tomake sure people are okay and to
try to keep relationships goodor like, kind of like even keel
or whatever it is.
But it's actually not authenticrelationships.
(17:06):
So when you stop doing that, youactually have like deeper, more
meaningful connections withyourself, but also the people
again that want to be around youand love you, right?
And there is difficulty becauseyou might lose some people in
that battle.
Where when you start, like notpeople pleasing as much or maybe
(17:29):
setting more boundaries or, ordoing things for you, there
might be some people that aren'tokay with that.
And that can be hard and scaryfor people, but in my opinion,
it's worth it to live a moreauthentic life.
MaryAnn Walker (17:43):
Yeah.
Yeah, that was very beautifullysaid.
I was taking notes the wholetime you were talking because
that was that that had so manylittle gems in it.
But I appreciated you sayingthat people pleasing was keeping
you small because it was forcingyou to self abandon.
Because when you're prioritizingother people's values, you're
not prioritizing your own.
(18:04):
Which means now you're notliving authentically.
And I thought it was interestingtoo.
I so many people I work with,and I'm sure it's the same for
you, but they're craving to havedepth in relationship.
Like they want these kind ofjuicy conversations.
They love it
Tricia Corso (18:17):
Yeah.
MaryAnn Walker (18:18):
and they have a hard time getting it.
And I think that you totallynailed it with, yeah, we think
that we're going to be gettingthat depth through people
pleasing and prioritizing otherpeople's wants and wishes.
But the real depth comes throughliving authentically and letting
yourself be seen.
Tricia Corso (18:33):
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Vulnerability.
That's another one that is oftenreally hard, to really embrace.
And part of being vulnerable islike being honest and open and
authentic to the people aroundyou, expressing yourself,
communicating how you'refeeling, telling them if they
(18:54):
bothered you in some way or didsomething that upset you.
And.
The people that are meant to bethere are gonna show up for you
and are gonna love you, andyou're gonna feel so much, it's
gonna be hard, like these aren'teasy things, like these are hard
things to do and they might behard conversations or hard like
actions to take, but ultimatelywhen you do it, it's gonna feel
(19:16):
so much better.
It really is.
MaryAnn Walker (19:19):
Yeah.
Yeah.
And I like how you touched on,yeah, some people might leave
Tricia Corso (19:22):
Mm-hmm.
MaryAnn Walker (19:23):
and I think that that's what keeps us in that
people pleasing mode is right,but they can't leave.
I don't want them to abandon me,so then we abandon self.
But like reminding yourselfthat, okay, they might leave me,
maybe they will, maybe theywon't, but I'm gonna stop
leaving myself behind.
I'm gonna stop self abandoningand live for me.
Tricia Corso (19:42):
Yeah.
And why are we gonna put energyinto someone and not ourselves?
Right?
If it is someone that is gonnaleave or not show up for you in
the way that you need to showup, that you want someone to
show up for you or that it's notlike reciprocated.
'cause often the people pleasersare the ones that are showing up
for friends and are being reallypresent and are really trying to
help or nurture take care, ofwho, you know, their friends,
(20:07):
family, whoever it is.
And.
It's important that that'sreciprocated.
And if you start dialing it backbecause you're putting more
energy into yourself or you'rebeing more cognizant of how you
wanna spend your time or yourener what it is that you wanna
do, and then that person's like,what the heck?
Then it is worth probablyreevaluating that relationship,
(20:28):
but that you're then going tohave more authentic, deep,
meaningful relationships withyourself and the people that you
do both choose right to bearound.
MaryAnn Walker (20:41):
So true.
Yep.
That was very well said.
Yep.
I love it.
I have no notes on all that.
That was beautiful.
So what's the third lesson thatyou learned through this
experience?
Tricia Corso (20:52):
So I think something underneath all these
things that we've been talkingabout has just been these
unspoken agreements, beliefsthat specifically women, I
think, or taught are they learnthem, hear them all over the
place of, from society, fromculture, from family of, you
(21:14):
know, what we're supposed to door what we should do or how a
woman is supposed to show up oract or be.
And.
For me, like, and similar towhat we've talked to before, of
whose voice are you listeningto?
Right?
Is it the shoulds and supposedtos, or you know, is it social
media?
Is it, well, if you're notmarried and have kids by this
(21:37):
age, something's wrong with you.
Right?
Like, where are we getting allof this from?
Like, and is it my voice or isit other people's?
And actually deciphering andmaking that distinction between
the two, right?
So that work is hard becauseyou're unlearning things that no
longer serve you or actually areimportant or significant or
(21:58):
things that you value, and thenrelearning the things that.
You do think are important anddo think that you value.
So for me, I'm basically theonly one in my family that ever
left the tri-state area, so thatwas a big disruption and that
was a big deal.
Everyone else.
And, you know, that's what theywant to do.
(22:19):
But it's, everyone else waslike, I grew up here, my
family's here, I stay here.
That's, that's it, that's what Ido.
But that didn't feel right forme.
That didn't feel like somethingI wanted to do.
So how all of that plays intoall of these things?
I think, you know, when we talkabout people pleasing and we
talk about guilt and we talkabout, you know, these roles
(22:39):
that we play.
I think women have a lot of hatsthat we feel like we have to
wear.
I always think of the Barbiemovie, the big speech of we're
supposed to do, like women aresupposed to be this and that,
and this and that.
And you're supposed, we'resupposed to be, you know, we're
supposed to be loud, not tooloud, like all of these things
that.
(23:00):
It feels impossible at times ofhow we're, how are we supposed
to maintain and keep up with allof those things at the same
time?
I don't, I, I, it's, it is veryimpossible, but we try, like, we
try because we think that, thatwe're, that's what we're
supposed to do, but it's reallylike, well, what do I actually
want?
Like, what do I actually want ifI try to quiet all of that,
quiet, all the external noise,quiet all the external.
(23:21):
Voices of what I've been hearingfor my whole life, and like
actually take a moment to belike, well, what's important to
me?
What are my values?
And then acting from that place,that is key and is still key for
me to this day.
I think all of these things Ihave to constantly be reminding
myself of these lessons thatI've learned.
It's a, it's a constant work inprogress, but this one in
(23:43):
particular, is, you know, I'm 35not married.
I don't have kids.
I'm living on my own and I'mliving away from my family.
And I have to think, you know, Ihave to constantly remind
myself, like I said, of just,okay, but this is like, this is
you living a fulfilled, alignedlife because this is where
you're at and this is where youwanna be.
(24:05):
And sometimes those things creepin, but I, I push'em away.
MaryAnn Walker (24:10):
Yeah.
Yeah, I love that.
'cause one of the questions Iwas gonna ask you was how to
identify your own voice whenyou've been listening to other
people's, but then you explainedthat beautifully that no, it
really just means looking atyour own values.
Tricia Corso (24:21):
Mm-hmm.
MaryAnn Walker (24:22):
I think once your eyes get opened up to,
okay, what is it I'm valuingright now?
And do my actions match what Iactually value.
Like, okay, right now, am Ireally valuing what it is that I
need?
Or am I just valuing somebodyelse's comfort level right
Tricia Corso (24:35):
Mm-hmm.
MaryAnn Walker (24:36):
But being honest about, okay, what am I actually
valuing right now?
And do I actually value it?
Or is that something I inheritedor something that I just have
assumed is an expectation, butgetting clear on on those values
is so powerful and helps you toidentify your voice when you've
been conditioned to only listento everybody else's voice.
Tricia Corso (24:57):
Yes.
That's like a, a big chunk ofwork that I do with my clients
is what are, like, we gottafigure out, we gotta start from
somewhere.
We gotta figure out what yourvalues are.
And like you said, makingchoices, actions in alignment
with those things, seeing howthat feels for you and being
able to come back to yourself.
Right, because I think somethingthat comes up that I've seen a
lot with women and also myselfat some point throughout the
(25:20):
process, right?
Is that sense of self.
It can be really cloudy you'relike, who am I without
describing like all of the rolesthat you play.
Right.
And I think for women, it's likeI'm a therapist, I'm a daughter,
I'm a sister, I'm a friend.
You know, I, or for people beinglike, I'm a mom, I'm a teach,
(25:40):
whatever it is.
But like that being theiridentity.
But it's like, no, we can goeven deeper of.
What do you actually value as anindividual?
Take all of your roles away fromyou.
What is it that's actuallyimportant to you?
And giving yourself space tothink and ask those questions.
Because for so long it's justbeen like, well, if this is my
(26:02):
role, this is how I'm supposedto act.
MaryAnn Walker (26:05):
Yeah, exactly.
And I think that this kind ofties in beautifully with what
you talked about as we openedthis episode, which, which is
that you're gonna beuncomfortable either way, right?
We think, but if I go dosomething for myself, I'm gonna
feel guilty.
It's like, okay, but right nowyou're feeling unfulfilled,
you're feeling inauthentic,you're feeling resentful because
you're not doing what it is thatyou wanna do.
(26:25):
So do you wanna feel thosefeelings?
Or do you wanna feel a littlebit uncomfortable as you try
something new and try somethingthat's more in alignment with
who you are and what you value?
That?
Yeah.
You've, you've beenuncomfortable.
You already know what it is liketo be uncomfortable.
Tricia Corso (26:40):
Mm-hmm.
MaryAnn Walker (26:41):
There's another kind of discomfort that can
actually be quite healing foryou.
Tricia Corso (26:46):
Yes.
It, I, I think, for sure a bigtake takeaway is like, this is
uncomfortable work, right?
I say to clients all the time,like, this is the hard work.
The easy option is for you tokeep on going as you're going,
and just like maintaining statusquo, not disrupted, like that's
the easy way to go about itbecause.
(27:06):
You're, you are staying smalland like, yeah, maybe you're not
as happy as fulfilled orwhatever it is, but you're not
disrupting things and likeyou're not having the
discomfort.
Right.
And that's easier, um, quotes.
But in the long run, this is thework that's it's hard work.
And in the long run, this is.
(27:28):
Typically where people wanna beof, okay, I need to do this work
so that long term I do feel morefulfilled, or I do feel more
aligned, or I do feel happy, andthings shift and change, right?
I, I tell everyone, just'causethese are your values now
doesn't mean that these are yourvalues forever.
And these are the things thatyou constantly have to, it's fi
two years from now, your valuescould be different, but it's
(27:49):
just a matter of like, you'reactually asking yourself these
questions and giving yourselfspace to ask yourself these
questions because.
You are going to have to causedisruption.
There's no way around that.
And when we're talking aboutpeople pleasers and women and
nurturers and caretakers andperfectionists, that is such a
(28:10):
hard thing to overcome of like,what do you, what do you, what
do you mean I gotta disrupting?
Can I just like do everythingand everyone still is happy or
feels really, it's like,unfortunately, it's just not the
reality.
MaryAnn Walker (28:25):
So true.
Yeah, and I don't know if it'ssimilar for you, but I know in
my practice sometimes I'll workwith women and they're like,
well, I'm just not feeling superfulfilled and I don't even know
why.
Tricia Corso (28:34):
Mm-hmm.
MaryAnn Walker (28:35):
Like they've never actually questioned what
do I value?
What do I want?
And, and they don't recognizeyet that that's why they're not
feeling fulfilled, that there'ssomething more that they can
just make these tiny tweaks,like speaking up when they want
something or advocating forthemselves and that that can
reignite that fire.
But it just takes a little bitof, of nudging,
Tricia Corso (28:57):
Yes.
Yeah, I, small steps is alwayskey to, you know, you can't, to,
to try to make these, and I, Ithink sometimes that can really,
um.
May discourage people in doingit.
'cause they're like, well thisjust feels like really big and
overwhelming and like, I don't,like, I don't think I could just
automatically make this shift.
(29:18):
And it's like, what if we justtake it slow and see like, let's
try this.
Let's try that.
Let's put these things intopractice.
See how that feels.
And we're only gonna reinforcethings that feel good for you.
If things don't feel good foryou, you don't do it right.
And, and allowing yourself tofigure out what those things are
and actually have awareness ofthat.
I think also it's a, it's amatter of.
(29:42):
Sometimes there's, when you'resaying, I don't really know why
I don't feel fulfilled sometimesit's just like that
self-awareness of actuallypaying attention day to day,
being like, how do I feel inthis moment?
How do I feel in this situation?
What's coming up for me there tobe like, oh.
This is the area that I'm notfeeling good in because I'm
(30:02):
actually paying attention andlike giving myself the time to
think about that of this is whyI'm not feeling good.
Um, and then being able to workwith it from there.
I think often it's just we'renot giving ourselves the time to
actually think about what'swrong.
MaryAnn Walker (30:19):
So true, which I think that that's where, you
know, coaching and therapy canbe so valuable is maybe that's
your first step is just bookinga call.
With me or Tricia and saying,Hey, I just, I don't know where
to look.
I don't know what's going on.
And just to dedicate space, yousetting the intention to create
space for you, for you toself-reflect, you know, free
(30:40):
from anybody that's going totell you more shoulds, oh, well
I have all of the answers foryou, right?
Like, no, no, no.
Like, you need somebody that'sjust gonna ask you what's your
answer?
What do you want?
And, and just making one callcan make such a huge difference
for people.
Tricia Corso (30:56):
Yeah, I think that, I mean, it's the first
step to it all right?
Of being like, I deserve to stopbeing small.
I deserve to take up space.
I deserve this, this 30 minutewhatever hour phone call to be
able to just talk throughsomething.
And it's just that one step,right?
Of.
And then being like, how wasthat?
Did that feel good?
(31:16):
Did not feel good.
Am I ready for this?
Am I not?
But it is a matter of it.
There needs to be action rightto these things.
Otherwise you are gonna keepreplaying or constantly, like
you're just gonna stay in that,stuck in that gray in that I'm,
you know, I'm gonna keepthinking about the same thing
(31:38):
over and over again.
I'm gonna not do anything aboutit.
Um.
You can stay stuck there.
Things still might shift, butyou know, I, I think it can be
really hard.
I know in my experience, Ineeded support.
I needed other people, like I'vebeen, you know, whether it's
therapy, coaching, whatever itis, I've needed that to help me
(31:59):
to stay accountable, to haveguidance, to have support,
because I can just, I can getstuck in my head very easily.
MaryAnn Walker (32:07):
Yeah.
Like all of us.
Huh?
Tricia Corso (32:11):
Yep.
MaryAnn Walker (32:12):
Yeah.
So I'm just gonna recap thethree lessons that Tricia has
shared.
And I tacked a fourth one on theend because you talked quite a
bit about it and I just feltlike it needed to be there.
Um, so the three lessons arelearning how to just navigate
and let go of guilt, and as youwork to come closer to yourself,
acknowledging that guilt will bethere and I can live
authentically.
(32:32):
And then you also talked aboutrealizing how people pleasing
really does keep us small.
To just be aware that that is aform of self abandonment.
So of course you're not feelingfulfilled.
Um, and then intentionallybreaking free of the unspoken
agreements, recognizing that,okay, well this isn't actually
in alignment with my valuesystem and I want something
different.
(32:52):
And then the one I'm kind ofpairing with that is just I take
one small step towardsself-advocacy, like be brave
enough to, to just give voice towhat it is that you want.
So as we wrap up here, Trisha,I'm wondering like what would
you like our listeners maintakeaway to be from this call?
Tricia Corso (33:12):
Hmm.
I.
I think what's kind ofunderneath all of this, when we
kind of really just draw it backis, is really just, I am me.
I'm giving it MaryAnn's, givingit, and for you to give yourself
(33:34):
permission to take up space andwhat, and that sort of be the
guiding line here of I don'tneed to stay small.
What is it that I need to do totake, you deserve to take up
space.
You deserve to live a lifethat's on your terms.
You deserve to live a life thatfeels good for you and feels
fulfilling for you, and youstaying small isn't gonna get
(33:56):
you there.
So I think it's, it's allowingyourself, because of all the
things that we just talkedabout, of all of the beliefs or
thoughts or feelings that willkeep you small, right?
Or keep you in this place of, Idon't deserve.
Or it's, I can't disrupt, Ican't, I have to, I have to keep
the peace, whatever it is.
(34:16):
But just that knowing youdeserve to take up space,
period.
There's, there's, doesn't needto be anything else attached to
it, but just that you havingtime and space for yourself to
figure out what feels good foryou and actually doing something
about it.
I mean, that's, we all deservethat.
MaryAnn Walker (34:37):
Yeah.
I love that.
Giving yourself permission totake up space and just stop
playing small.
Tricia Corso (34:42):
Mm-hmm.
MaryAnn Walker (34:42):
think some of us, it's, it's easy to slide
into that as the defaultsetting, right?
To make yourself smaller so youdon't cause those ripples.
But giving yourself thatpermission to take up space, to
have wants and needs and behuman
Tricia Corso (34:56):
Mm-hmm.
MaryAnn Walker (34:57):
to can make such a huge difference.
Hmm.
That was very good.
Tricia Corso (35:02):
Yeah.
I, I, it's one of the thingstoo, I'm sure this comes up for
you too, right, of just whatwould, what would you tell a
really good friend of yours?
Would you be like, no, youshould stay small.
You shouldn't, you should notfollow what you want or your
goals, or what your dreams are.
You should just like stay smalland don't, don't do that.
No, you would never say that toyour friend.
So why are we saying that toourselves?
MaryAnn Walker (35:24):
So true, right?
How many of us we like give ourfriends the best advice, but we
never give it to ourselves.
We're some, for some reason theexception, no, but for me, I
need to stay small, buteverybody else can live large
and I'll cheer'em on.
Tricia Corso (35:37):
right.
I'll be their biggestcheerleader, but I'll just be
over here.
I, I'll be in the corner.
It's like, no, you deserve thattoo.
And the people that love youwant that for you also.
MaryAnn Walker (35:47):
I love that.
Be your own friend.
Be your own cheerleader.
Yeah.
That's beautiful.
Well, this has been such anamazing conversation, Tricia,
and I know that people are gonnawanna continue the conversation.
So how can people find you?
Tricia Corso (36:00):
Um, yeah.
So on Instagram, um, my handleis at among wildflowers therapy.
Um, and then also I have awebsite among wildflowers.
Among wildflowers therapy.com.
Um, so people can find me eitherof those spots.
Um, if you want to book a call,you can just go to my website
(36:22):
and there's a spot for you tojust book a call there.
And also, I'm, if, uh, if anyonewants to book a call, I'm going
to offer too.
If you just mention that you,uh.
Listen to the podcast or heardme on the podcast, uh, we can
book a free clarity call so wecould focus on like one thing
(36:43):
that you're really feeling stuckor confused about and just kind
of work through it together justto give you a little taste of
what that would be like for you.
Um, so yeah, there's a few waysto get in touch with me.
MaryAnn Walker (36:54):
That is awesome.
Thank you so much for offeringthat to the audience.
I think that that's, that's avery generous offer, so thank
you so much and I'll be sure toput all of Trisha's contact
information in the show notes.
You can go and follow her onInstagram, go book a free
clarity call.
And yeah, thank you so much forbeing here, Tricia.
Tricia Corso (37:10):
Thank you so much for having me.
This was such a greatconversation.
MaryAnn Walker (37:14):
Right.
Well, have a great weekeverybody.
I'll see you next time.
Bye now.
Tricia Corso (37:17):
Bye.
well, hello and welcome back to Inner Work with
MaryAnn Walker.
I am your host, and I help womento break free of their people
pleasing tendencies and juststart living life on their own
terms again, which is exactlywhy I have invited Tricia Corso
here.
Thank you so much for coming on,Tricia.
Tricia Corso (00:15):
Thanks so much for having me.
I'm so excited to talk to youtoday.
MaryAnn Walker (00:18):
you today.
Oh, I'm excited too.
Yeah, so Tricia and I have beenmutuals on social media for
quite some time now, and I justlove her work.
She totally resonated.
I think we have very similaraudiences, so if you like my
stuff, you'll like her stuff andvice versa.
But she has had a really uniquelife experience that I thought
all of us would benefit fromjust hearing about.
(00:38):
So, Tricia, would you mindtelling us a little bit about
you?
Tricia Corso (00:42):
of course.
Um, yeah, so.
My name's Trisha Corso.
I am a licensed clinical socialworker and a lifestyle coach.
I currently live in Denver,Colorado, but I'm originally
from New York, which is all partof my story that you'll hear
about.
And yeah, I've, been a therapistfor about 10 years and.
(01:02):
Been coaching for a couple ofyears now.
That's been a new thing for me.
But yeah, similarly to what yousaid, I work with ambitious
women to define success on theirown terms and build a life that
reflects it.
So it's a lot of just workingwith women in finding their
truth, their voice, what theirreal desires are, and giving
(01:23):
them permission to finally getafter it.
MaryAnn Walker (01:26):
Yeah.
And I'm assuming from what Iknow about you, that it's your
story that kind of led you towork with that group of women.
Would you say that that's true,or how did you find yourself
working with this group?
Tricia Corso (01:38):
Yes.
Um, it is part of that, whichtook me some time to figure that
out of, you know, why I felt sopassionate or driven to help
this specific, niche or, womanexperiencing these certain
things.
But basically.
Yeah, I felt like, I did all thethings I was supposed to do.
Checked all the boxes.
Went to college, got mymaster's, graduated with my
(02:01):
master's, applied to jobs.
I was living in New York at thetime.
Um.
Um, and something just likedidn't feel right.
I was like, I did all the thingsI was supposed to do, but why am
I feeling off or I'm not feelingas fulfilled or as happy as I
thought I would at this point.
'cause I'm like, now it's kindof open-ended on what I'm
supposed to do with my life.
And that just made me think alot more of where I was living.
(02:26):
I love New York, but it was notlike the lifestyle necessarily
that I am drawn to.
And I had a friend from collegemove to Colorado and I had
visited her a couple of timesand I was like, wow, this place
is beautiful.
So much nature.
It was slower paced, it wasn'tas expensive.
(02:48):
So a lot of things where I waslike, okay, this might be
something that I'm feelingcalled to go after.
And so I applied to jobs inColorado as well and ended up
getting a job offer there andaccepted that because I was able
to like live independently, havethat connection to nature,
(03:09):
that's super important to me.
Not be as fast paced orstressed.
Like I li I lived in the cityand I felt like I was like
constantly anxious of like, am Igonna make this subway?
Why is this person walking soslow?
I gotta get to the, this placeby this time.
And it was, I just felt tensewhile I was there.
(03:29):
So I needed to slow down and Irecognize that.
So yeah, I want to help women domore of that.
'cause it's hard work.
You have to fight through a lotof different beliefs or, you
know, patterns or things thatmight be holding you back.
MaryAnn Walker (03:46):
I think so many people are gonna relate to that
feeling of, well, I dideverything I was supposed to,
Tricia Corso (03:50):
Mm-hmm.
MaryAnn Walker (03:51):
the boxes, I'm still not happy.
And I, think it's interesting,and I just wanna really put a
spotlight on it, that you hadsome signs internally that,
okay, well something's not quiteright.
Like when you look on paper,I've checked all the boxes.
I'm supposed to be happy
Tricia Corso (04:08):
Yep.
MaryAnn Walker (04:09):
but that you started to recognize for
yourself, I'm feeling anxiousand maybe what I need is
different than what boxes I havechecked on paper.
And I'm curious for you, when itcomes to the supposed tos and
the shoulds who wrote your list,because it's different for
everybody, right?
Whose rule book were youfollowing?
Tricia Corso (04:28):
such a good question because a lot of the
work that I do with, um, myclients is like, whose voice are
you listening to right now?
Who is actually speaking?
Is it you or is it someone elsewho taught you that or
somewhere?
And you learn this from like, isit actually you, do you actually
believe what you're tellingyourself right now?
So, yeah, it wasn't my voicethat was telling me these
(04:50):
things.
I think, you know, I'm a verymotivated, passionate,
goal-oriented person.
I don't think that has changed.
So I knew I wanted to do all thethings up until that point.
I wanted to go to college, Iwanted to get my master's, I
wanted to do these things, and Iwas like really excited about
it.
It was just at the end it waslike.
(05:12):
Okay, now I'm supposed to likefind a job and the jobs that I
was getting offered or, that Iwas being exposed to.
I was like, this does not exciteme.
This is not something that makesme feel good.
But I was like, but I'm supposedto stay in New York.
That's where my family is.
That's where my friends are.
That's where my life is.
So, okay, maybe I'm justsupposed to do this and maybe if
(05:33):
I take this job, it'll feelbetter or things will get
better, and all of that.
And I mean, I really had to payattention to myself'cause I am
typically a person that like Ican like get through things,
push through, which is alsosimilar to my clients of push
through, get stuff done, do whatyou gotta do and you're gonna
figure it out and you're gonnabe fine.
(05:54):
And I was low energy, notmotivated.
I was really not feeling good,which was like very unlike me.
So I really knew something wasoff.
And that's sort of again, whatmade me get curious of like,
okay, but like maybe this isn'twhat I want to do.
So again, I like allowed myselfto just expand it a little bit
further of like, I'm just gonnaapply to jobs in Colorado and
(06:16):
see what happens.
Like what, what harm is, do it,like what's gonna happen if I do
that.
MaryAnn Walker (06:21):
Well, thank you so much for sharing.
Yeah.
'cause it's interesting to kindof identify, okay, who am I
putting in charge of my decisionmaking right now?
Because sometimes it's.
You know, faith, community,parents, friends just the local
culture, like we just give somuch weight to what other
people, you know.
I said, well, all my friends arehere, so of course I should stay
here.
So I'm really curious because Iwork with, you know, a lot of
(06:43):
the people pleasers.
How was it for you when you toldthem that, Hey, I'm actually
feeling led to go somewhereelse,
Tricia Corso (06:50):
Yeah.
So, I grew up in an IrishItalian household.
Family is like number one.
We are very close.
No one left, like the tri-statearea.
Everyone extended is all kind ofthere.
So.
I would say it was harder totell family versus friends,
(07:10):
family, you know, I think thatis what a big block was for me.
I was like, I don't wanna upsetthem.
I don't wanna disappoint mypeople pleasing stuff.
Right.
Of like, I don't wannadisappoint them.
I don't want.
I don't want their feelings tobe hurt.
I felt a lot of guilt of how amI gonna leave them?
(07:32):
What if something hap, you know,all the things that go on in
your brain.
So at first, I would say it tooktime for them to be on board
with this.
Ultimately, you know.
At the end of the day, my familywants me to be happy and they
want me to do what makes me feelhappy and they're gonna support
that.
(07:52):
So I'm really lucky in thatregard.
But it's not to say that therewere multiple conversations and
lots of time, like even aftermoving, right, that it was still
happening where they had toaddress and get used to the
change as well as me.
But that they, it was likeallowing the discomfort of like,
(08:13):
yeah, this isn't gonna feel goodfor them.
It's probably gonna be mixedemotions for me because it's
scary to move and pick up and goto a completely new place.
But they were.
You know, weren't the mostexcited about it, but ultimately
I think it was, I will supportyou if this is what you want to
(08:35):
do.
And also, just so you know, I'mreally upset that you're
leaving, so, yeah.
MaryAnn Walker (08:41):
Yeah, well, I think so many people are gonna
be resonating with that, even ifthey aren't going to be moving
across the country.
I think a lot of people are at atime in their lives where
they're thinking, I've checkedall the boxes and something just
isn't right and something'sgotta give and I don't wanna
upset anybody.
I don't wanna rock the boat, butI need to start actually living.
(09:02):
I can't just keep going throughthe motions and, and like you
said, feeling anxious, feelinglow energy.
I think that those are some verycommon signs that something's
gotta change.
Like your baseline shouldn't beclear down here, right?
Like we gotta kind of bring itup a bit and, find that joy.
And I love that you were able tocreate that for yourself.
And I know that you had thoughtahead on this and we've kind of
(09:23):
talked about this conversationand that you have three lessons
that you've really learnedthrough your experience, and I
am just so excited for that.
So let's just jump on in.
What's the first lesson thatyou'd like to share with
listeners?
Tricia Corso (09:35):
I kind of mentioned it a little bit of
just like the guilt part of it.
I think guilt comes up so muchfor people.
Who are people pleasers for?
People who are like, have theperfectionist tendencies, the
people who are constantlythinking about other people
before themselves of workingthrough the guilt or pushing
(09:55):
through it in the sense of I'mnot gonna not do this thing so
that I don't feel guilty.
Right.
I'm still gonna do the thingeven though I feel guilty doing
it.
And that's again, that part ofbeing able to not allow it to
totally overwhelm or cloud yourvoice or your judgment or your
(10:16):
decisions of.
Yes.
I'm like accept, like I'm gonnafeel guilty.
I'm not here to be like, Nope.
Like if you just do the thing,you're not gonna feel guilty if
you just make the decision or dothe thing that you wanna do for
yourself.
Guilt won't come up.
No, it's going to, it's justbeing able to recognize like,
I'm not gonna let it overpower,overtake my choices, my voice,
(10:39):
my decisions, my truth, and kindof talk yourself through it in
that sense of.
Okay.
Yeah, I feel guilty.
And also I am actually living amore aligned life and that feels
really good for me.
And how can I let go of some ofthat guilt?
I think, I mean for me it wasmoving across the country,
(11:00):
right?
So it was, how am I gonna spendor plan time with my family?
How often am I gonna communicatewith?Like sort of like if I'm
not gonna see them as much, likemaybe I need to be more
intentional with my time withthem so I'm like less guilty.
'cause I'm like, oh, I havethese plans coming up with them
so I don't need to feel asguilty but just, and I'm, I'm
(11:24):
trying to think of otherexamples of, I don't know.
Maybe you are someone who youwant to go back to school for
something else, or you wannachange your career, but you're
feeling guilty.
'cause you're like, well, if Ido that, then my partner's gonna
have to maybe take on more ofthis load, or things are gonna
have to change at home becausemy work schedule is gonna be
different or this or that.
So like, rather than even try,think about the disruption or
(11:47):
how guilty I'm gonna feeltowards.
Disrupting another person'slife.
I'm not even gonna think aboutdoing it, but it's being able to
say, I'm gonna feel guilty,except that you're gonna feel
guilty, but then do somethingabout it versus allow it to take
over.
MaryAnn Walker (12:04):
I love that.
So the note that I'm making formyself is be a disruptor in the
name of authenticity.
Tricia Corso (12:10):
Oh my gosh, yes.
Mm-hmm.
MaryAnn Walker (12:12):
because as you were talking, I think too many
of us assume that if we feelguilty, it means we're doing
something wrong.
Tricia Corso (12:19):
Yes.
Uhhuh.
MaryAnn Walker (12:21):
And you just saying no, you're gonna feel
guilty and it's okay.
Because you've probably beenconditioned to not rock the boat
to make sure that nobody elseexperiences a negative emotion.
But meanwhile, you're notfeeling a lot of positive
emotions right now.
And, so that is such a mind flipto think that I'm going to feel
guilty and it doesn't mean I'mdoing anything wrong.
(12:42):
In fact, it can mean that I'mliving a more aligned life.
Tricia Corso (12:45):
Yep.
MaryAnn Walker (12:47):
Because too many people I think, think if I feel
guilty, it means I'm out ofalignment, because me to be in
alignment means I don't makeanybody upset, right?
Tricia Corso (12:54):
Yeah, and I think you saying, I mean, disruption
and authenticity are, they'reall, they're all intertwined
with all of these things, butthat, it's a matter of doing the
work of I can trust myself, Ican rely on myself.
I, I feel confident in who I amin that this choice is really
important to me and I feel thatI like, recognize that within
(13:17):
myself.
And coming back to that too,right.
Of.
You know, we can still mess upand do things and maybe there is
guilt there, but we can alsoresolve that right of, we can
apologize, we can address it, wecan figure it out.
But it's more about the guiltrelated to like, if you're just
being you and listening toyourself and being honest with
(13:40):
yourself and making choicesaligned to that.
Like why, why are we holdingonto that guilt?
Because what's wrong with doingthat?
You know?
Why is that a bad thing?
Which goes back to all thebeliefs, specifically women
believe.
Right.
Of, I think, which is anotherthing, another lesson down the
road that I see.
They're all, they're allconnected.
MaryAnn Walker (14:01):
they are all interconnected.
But I love what you're sayinghere about how really there's no
reason to feel guilty for livingin a way that brings you joy, is
what it comes down to like, likeknowing that Okay, the guilt is
just my conditioning.
Tricia Corso (14:13):
Mm-hmm.
MaryAnn Walker (14:14):
Really, there's no reason to feel guilty
acknowledging that this isn'tworking for me and this will
feel so much better for me, formy nervous system.
It's, it's what's gonna bring mejoy right now, and that that's
okay.
It's okay to accept the thingsthat actually bring you joy
rather than shrinking yourselfso that other people don't
experience the negative emotion,right?
(14:34):
Like missing you.
Which really, that's always afunny one because I think, well,
don't you want people to missyou?
Isn't that a good thing?
Tricia Corso (14:41):
And if someone misses you, they also want you
to be happy.
They want you to do what feelsgood for you.
If someone really feels or caresabout you in that way, they're
not gonna be like, no, staysmall so that you don't feel
guilty about upsetting me.
They're not gonna like, theygenuinely do not want that.
Of course they're gonna missyou, and that's a really lovely
thing.
(15:01):
But ultimately they do want youto be happy.
MaryAnn Walker (15:05):
Yeah.
Yeah.
That is such a beautiful segueinto number two.
You gave me a sneak peek so Ialready know what's coming, so
yeah.
So tell us your number two.
Tricia Corso (15:13):
Um, so yes, I recognized how my people
pleasing was keeping me small.
And that was something that.
I had to like actively andintentionally start to shift for
myself, where recognizing howpleasing others was abandoning
myself, right, was abandoningwhat I wanted for me, what, what
(15:36):
was important to me, what myvalues were, which might be
different from other peoplearound me, and that being okay.
But that.
When I'm people pleasing, right?
Or when I'm trying to take careof everyone else, or I'm trying
to make decisions based off ofother people or other people's
feelings, I'm being inauthentic,people pleasing is a form of in
(15:59):
inauthenticity, right?
Because we are not showing up asour true selves when we are
responding or acting inaccordance to other people and.
I kind of, in my example, rightof staying small would've been
staying in New York, taking thisjob.
I wasn't excited about probablybeing financially stressed, not
(16:23):
really feeling very independentor actually enjoy my life,
living in a concrete jungle ofnot being in nature and all of
that.
Where that wasn't, what wasgonna make me happy.
And if I am not paying attentionto those cues or things and
staying small, I'm not gonnafeel fulfilled and it is gonna
(16:45):
impact my relationships.
Right.
So I think something that comesup a lot is people people please
to try to like.
To keep the peace and to, tomake sure people are okay and to
try to keep relationships goodor like, kind of like even keel
or whatever it is.
But it's actually not authenticrelationships.
(17:06):
So when you stop doing that, youactually have like deeper, more
meaningful connections withyourself, but also the people
again that want to be around youand love you, right?
And there is difficulty becauseyou might lose some people in
that battle.
Where when you start, like notpeople pleasing as much or maybe
(17:29):
setting more boundaries or, ordoing things for you, there
might be some people that aren'tokay with that.
And that can be hard and scaryfor people, but in my opinion,
it's worth it to live a moreauthentic life.
MaryAnn Walker (17:43):
Yeah.
Yeah, that was very beautifullysaid.
I was taking notes the wholetime you were talking because
that was that that had so manylittle gems in it.
But I appreciated you sayingthat people pleasing was keeping
you small because it was forcingyou to self abandon.
Because when you're prioritizingother people's values, you're
not prioritizing your own.
(18:04):
Which means now you're notliving authentically.
And I thought it was interestingtoo.
I so many people I work with,and I'm sure it's the same for
you, but they're craving to havedepth in relationship.
Like they want these kind ofjuicy conversations.
They love it
Tricia Corso (18:17):
Yeah.
MaryAnn Walker (18:18):
and they have a hard time getting it.
And I think that you totallynailed it with, yeah, we think
that we're going to be gettingthat depth through people
pleasing and prioritizing otherpeople's wants and wishes.
But the real depth comes throughliving authentically and letting
yourself be seen.
Tricia Corso (18:33):
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Vulnerability.
That's another one that is oftenreally hard, to really embrace.
And part of being vulnerable islike being honest and open and
authentic to the people aroundyou, expressing yourself,
communicating how you'refeeling, telling them if they
(18:54):
bothered you in some way or didsomething that upset you.
And.
The people that are meant to bethere are gonna show up for you
and are gonna love you, andyou're gonna feel so much, it's
gonna be hard, like these aren'teasy things, like these are hard
things to do and they might behard conversations or hard like
actions to take, but ultimatelywhen you do it, it's gonna feel
(19:16):
so much better.
It really is.
MaryAnn Walker (19:19):
Yeah.
Yeah.
And I like how you touched on,yeah, some people might leave
Tricia Corso (19:22):
Mm-hmm.
MaryAnn Walker (19:23):
and I think that that's what keeps us in that
people pleasing mode is right,but they can't leave.
I don't want them to abandon me,so then we abandon self.
But like reminding yourselfthat, okay, they might leave me,
maybe they will, maybe theywon't, but I'm gonna stop
leaving myself behind.
I'm gonna stop self abandoningand live for me.
Tricia Corso (19:42):
Yeah.
And why are we gonna put energyinto someone and not ourselves?
Right?
If it is someone that is gonnaleave or not show up for you in
the way that you need to showup, that you want someone to
show up for you or that it's notlike reciprocated.
'cause often the people pleasersare the ones that are showing up
for friends and are being reallypresent and are really trying to
help or nurture take care, ofwho, you know, their friends,
(20:07):
family, whoever it is.
And.
It's important that that'sreciprocated.
And if you start dialing it backbecause you're putting more
energy into yourself or you'rebeing more cognizant of how you
wanna spend your time or yourener what it is that you wanna
do, and then that person's like,what the heck?
Then it is worth probablyreevaluating that relationship,
(20:28):
but that you're then going tohave more authentic, deep,
meaningful relationships withyourself and the people that you
do both choose right to bearound.
MaryAnn Walker (20:41):
So true.
Yep.
That was very well said.
Yep.
I love it.
I have no notes on all that.
That was beautiful.
So what's the third lesson thatyou learned through this
experience?
Tricia Corso (20:52):
So I think something underneath all these
things that we've been talkingabout has just been these
unspoken agreements, beliefsthat specifically women, I
think, or taught are they learnthem, hear them all over the
place of, from society, fromculture, from family of, you
(21:14):
know, what we're supposed to door what we should do or how a
woman is supposed to show up oract or be.
And.
For me, like, and similar towhat we've talked to before, of
whose voice are you listeningto?
Right?
Is it the shoulds and supposedtos, or you know, is it social
media?
Is it, well, if you're notmarried and have kids by this
(21:37):
age, something's wrong with you.
Right?
Like, where are we getting allof this from?
Like, and is it my voice or isit other people's?
And actually deciphering andmaking that distinction between
the two, right?
So that work is hard becauseyou're unlearning things that no
longer serve you or actually areimportant or significant or
(21:58):
things that you value, and thenrelearning the things that.
You do think are important anddo think that you value.
So for me, I'm basically theonly one in my family that ever
left the tri-state area, so thatwas a big disruption and that
was a big deal.
Everyone else.
And, you know, that's what theywant to do.
(22:19):
But it's, everyone else waslike, I grew up here, my
family's here, I stay here.
That's, that's it, that's what Ido.
But that didn't feel right forme.
That didn't feel like somethingI wanted to do.
So how all of that plays intoall of these things?
I think, you know, when we talkabout people pleasing and we
talk about guilt and we talkabout, you know, these roles
(22:39):
that we play.
I think women have a lot of hatsthat we feel like we have to
wear.
I always think of the Barbiemovie, the big speech of we're
supposed to do, like women aresupposed to be this and that,
and this and that.
And you're supposed, we'resupposed to be, you know, we're
supposed to be loud, not tooloud, like all of these things
that.
(23:00):
It feels impossible at times ofhow we're, how are we supposed
to maintain and keep up with allof those things at the same
time?
I don't, I, I, it's, it is veryimpossible, but we try, like, we
try because we think that, thatwe're, that's what we're
supposed to do, but it's reallylike, well, what do I actually
want?
Like, what do I actually want ifI try to quiet all of that,
quiet, all the external noise,quiet all the external.
(23:21):
Voices of what I've been hearingfor my whole life, and like
actually take a moment to belike, well, what's important to
me?
What are my values?
And then acting from that place,that is key and is still key for
me to this day.
I think all of these things Ihave to constantly be reminding
myself of these lessons thatI've learned.
It's a, it's a constant work inprogress, but this one in
(23:43):
particular, is, you know, I'm 35not married.
I don't have kids.
I'm living on my own and I'mliving away from my family.
And I have to think, you know, Ihave to constantly remind
myself, like I said, of just,okay, but this is like, this is
you living a fulfilled, alignedlife because this is where
you're at and this is where youwanna be.
(24:05):
And sometimes those things creepin, but I, I push'em away.
MaryAnn Walker (24:10):
Yeah.
Yeah, I love that.
'cause one of the questions Iwas gonna ask you was how to
identify your own voice whenyou've been listening to other
people's, but then you explainedthat beautifully that no, it
really just means looking atyour own values.
Tricia Corso (24:21):
Mm-hmm.
MaryAnn Walker (24:22):
I think once your eyes get opened up to,
okay, what is it I'm valuingright now?
And do my actions match what Iactually value.
Like, okay, right now, am Ireally valuing what it is that I
need?
Or am I just valuing somebodyelse's comfort level right
Tricia Corso (24:35):
Mm-hmm.
MaryAnn Walker (24:36):
But being honest about, okay, what am I actually
valuing right now?
And do I actually value it?
Or is that something I inheritedor something that I just have
assumed is an expectation, butgetting clear on on those values
is so powerful and helps you toidentify your voice when you've
been conditioned to only listento everybody else's voice.
Tricia Corso (24:57):
Yes.
That's like a, a big chunk ofwork that I do with my clients
is what are, like, we gottafigure out, we gotta start from
somewhere.
We gotta figure out what yourvalues are.
And like you said, makingchoices, actions in alignment
with those things, seeing howthat feels for you and being
able to come back to yourself.
Right, because I think somethingthat comes up that I've seen a
lot with women and also myselfat some point throughout the
(25:20):
process, right?
Is that sense of self.
It can be really cloudy you'relike, who am I without
describing like all of the rolesthat you play.
Right.
And I think for women, it's likeI'm a therapist, I'm a daughter,
I'm a sister, I'm a friend.
You know, I, or for people beinglike, I'm a mom, I'm a teach,
(25:40):
whatever it is.
But like that being theiridentity.
But it's like, no, we can goeven deeper of.
What do you actually value as anindividual?
Take all of your roles away fromyou.
What is it that's actuallyimportant to you?
And giving yourself space tothink and ask those questions.
Because for so long it's justbeen like, well, if this is my
(26:02):
role, this is how I'm supposedto act.
MaryAnn Walker (26:05):
Yeah, exactly.
And I think that this kind ofties in beautifully with what
you talked about as we openedthis episode, which, which is
that you're gonna beuncomfortable either way, right?
We think, but if I go dosomething for myself, I'm gonna
feel guilty.
It's like, okay, but right nowyou're feeling unfulfilled,
you're feeling inauthentic,you're feeling resentful because
you're not doing what it is thatyou wanna do.
(26:25):
So do you wanna feel thosefeelings?
Or do you wanna feel a littlebit uncomfortable as you try
something new and try somethingthat's more in alignment with
who you are and what you value?
That?
Yeah.
You've, you've beenuncomfortable.
You already know what it is liketo be uncomfortable.
Tricia Corso (26:40):
Mm-hmm.
MaryAnn Walker (26:41):
There's another kind of discomfort that can
actually be quite healing foryou.
Tricia Corso (26:46):
Yes.
It, I, I think, for sure a bigtake takeaway is like, this is
uncomfortable work, right?
I say to clients all the time,like, this is the hard work.
The easy option is for you tokeep on going as you're going,
and just like maintaining statusquo, not disrupted, like that's
the easy way to go about itbecause.
(27:06):
You're, you are staying smalland like, yeah, maybe you're not
as happy as fulfilled orwhatever it is, but you're not
disrupting things and likeyou're not having the
discomfort.
Right.
And that's easier, um, quotes.
But in the long run, this is thework that's it's hard work.
And in the long run, this is.
(27:28):
Typically where people wanna beof, okay, I need to do this work
so that long term I do feel morefulfilled, or I do feel more
aligned, or I do feel happy, andthings shift and change, right?
I, I tell everyone, just'causethese are your values now
doesn't mean that these are yourvalues forever.
And these are the things thatyou constantly have to, it's fi
two years from now, your valuescould be different, but it's
(27:49):
just a matter of like, you'reactually asking yourself these
questions and giving yourselfspace to ask yourself these
questions because.
You are going to have to causedisruption.
There's no way around that.
And when we're talking aboutpeople pleasers and women and
nurturers and caretakers andperfectionists, that is such a
(28:10):
hard thing to overcome of like,what do you, what do you, what
do you mean I gotta disrupting?
Can I just like do everythingand everyone still is happy or
feels really, it's like,unfortunately, it's just not the
reality.
MaryAnn Walker (28:25):
So true.
Yeah, and I don't know if it'ssimilar for you, but I know in
my practice sometimes I'll workwith women and they're like,
well, I'm just not feeling superfulfilled and I don't even know
why.
Tricia Corso (28:34):
Mm-hmm.
MaryAnn Walker (28:35):
Like they've never actually questioned what
do I value?
What do I want?
And, and they don't recognizeyet that that's why they're not
feeling fulfilled, that there'ssomething more that they can
just make these tiny tweaks,like speaking up when they want
something or advocating forthemselves and that that can
reignite that fire.
But it just takes a little bitof, of nudging,
Tricia Corso (28:57):
Yes.
Yeah, I, small steps is alwayskey to, you know, you can't, to,
to try to make these, and I, Ithink sometimes that can really,
um.
May discourage people in doingit.
'cause they're like, well thisjust feels like really big and
overwhelming and like, I don't,like, I don't think I could just
automatically make this shift.
(29:18):
And it's like, what if we justtake it slow and see like, let's
try this.
Let's try that.
Let's put these things intopractice.
See how that feels.
And we're only gonna reinforcethings that feel good for you.
If things don't feel good foryou, you don't do it right.
And, and allowing yourself tofigure out what those things are
and actually have awareness ofthat.
I think also it's a, it's amatter of.
(29:42):
Sometimes there's, when you'resaying, I don't really know why
I don't feel fulfilled sometimesit's just like that
self-awareness of actuallypaying attention day to day,
being like, how do I feel inthis moment?
How do I feel in this situation?
What's coming up for me there tobe like, oh.
This is the area that I'm notfeeling good in because I'm
(30:02):
actually paying attention andlike giving myself the time to
think about that of this is whyI'm not feeling good.
Um, and then being able to workwith it from there.
I think often it's just we'renot giving ourselves the time to
actually think about what'swrong.
MaryAnn Walker (30:19):
So true, which I think that that's where, you
know, coaching and therapy canbe so valuable is maybe that's
your first step is just bookinga call.
With me or Tricia and saying,Hey, I just, I don't know where
to look.
I don't know what's going on.
And just to dedicate space, yousetting the intention to create
space for you, for you toself-reflect, you know, free
(30:40):
from anybody that's going totell you more shoulds, oh, well
I have all of the answers foryou, right?
Like, no, no, no.
Like, you need somebody that'sjust gonna ask you what's your
answer?
What do you want?
And, and just making one callcan make such a huge difference
for people.
Tricia Corso (30:56):
Yeah, I think that, I mean, it's the first
step to it all right?
Of being like, I deserve to stopbeing small.
I deserve to take up space.
I deserve this, this 30 minutewhatever hour phone call to be
able to just talk throughsomething.
And it's just that one step,right?
Of.
And then being like, how wasthat?
Did that feel good?
(31:16):
Did not feel good.
Am I ready for this?
Am I not?
But it is a matter of it.
There needs to be action rightto these things.
Otherwise you are gonna keepreplaying or constantly, like
you're just gonna stay in that,stuck in that gray in that I'm,
you know, I'm gonna keepthinking about the same thing
(31:38):
over and over again.
I'm gonna not do anything aboutit.
Um.
You can stay stuck there.
Things still might shift, butyou know, I, I think it can be
really hard.
I know in my experience, Ineeded support.
I needed other people, like I'vebeen, you know, whether it's
therapy, coaching, whatever itis, I've needed that to help me
(31:59):
to stay accountable, to haveguidance, to have support,
because I can just, I can getstuck in my head very easily.
MaryAnn Walker (32:07):
Yeah.
Like all of us.
Huh?
Tricia Corso (32:11):
Yep.
MaryAnn Walker (32:12):
Yeah.
So I'm just gonna recap thethree lessons that Tricia has
shared.
And I tacked a fourth one on theend because you talked quite a
bit about it and I just feltlike it needed to be there.
Um, so the three lessons arelearning how to just navigate
and let go of guilt, and as youwork to come closer to yourself,
acknowledging that guilt will bethere and I can live
authentically.
(32:32):
And then you also talked aboutrealizing how people pleasing
really does keep us small.
To just be aware that that is aform of self abandonment.
So of course you're not feelingfulfilled.
Um, and then intentionallybreaking free of the unspoken
agreements, recognizing that,okay, well this isn't actually
in alignment with my valuesystem and I want something
different.
(32:52):
And then the one I'm kind ofpairing with that is just I take
one small step towardsself-advocacy, like be brave
enough to, to just give voice towhat it is that you want.
So as we wrap up here, Trisha,I'm wondering like what would
you like our listeners maintakeaway to be from this call?
Tricia Corso (33:12):
Hmm.
I.
I think what's kind ofunderneath all of this, when we
kind of really just draw it backis, is really just, I am me.
I'm giving it MaryAnn's, givingit, and for you to give yourself
(33:34):
permission to take up space andwhat, and that sort of be the
guiding line here of I don'tneed to stay small.
What is it that I need to do totake, you deserve to take up
space.
You deserve to live a lifethat's on your terms.
You deserve to live a life thatfeels good for you and feels
fulfilling for you, and youstaying small isn't gonna get
(33:56):
you there.
So I think it's, it's allowingyourself, because of all the
things that we just talkedabout, of all of the beliefs or
thoughts or feelings that willkeep you small, right?
Or keep you in this place of, Idon't deserve.
Or it's, I can't disrupt, Ican't, I have to, I have to keep
the peace, whatever it is.
(34:16):
But just that knowing youdeserve to take up space,
period.
There's, there's, doesn't needto be anything else attached to
it, but just that you havingtime and space for yourself to
figure out what feels good foryou and actually doing something
about it.
I mean, that's, we all deservethat.
MaryAnn Walker (34:37):
Yeah.
I love that.
Giving yourself permission totake up space and just stop
playing small.
Tricia Corso (34:42):
Mm-hmm.
MaryAnn Walker (34:42):
think some of us, it's, it's easy to slide
into that as the defaultsetting, right?
To make yourself smaller so youdon't cause those ripples.
But giving yourself thatpermission to take up space, to
have wants and needs and behuman
Tricia Corso (34:56):
Mm-hmm.
MaryAnn Walker (34:57):
to can make such a huge difference.
Hmm.
That was very good.
Tricia Corso (35:02):
Yeah.
I, I, it's one of the thingstoo, I'm sure this comes up for
you too, right, of just whatwould, what would you tell a
really good friend of yours?
Would you be like, no, youshould stay small.
You shouldn't, you should notfollow what you want or your
goals, or what your dreams are.
You should just like stay smalland don't, don't do that.
No, you would never say that toyour friend.
So why are we saying that toourselves?
MaryAnn Walker (35:24):
So true, right?
How many of us we like give ourfriends the best advice, but we
never give it to ourselves.
We're some, for some reason theexception, no, but for me, I
need to stay small, buteverybody else can live large
and I'll cheer'em on.
Tricia Corso (35:37):
right.
I'll be their biggestcheerleader, but I'll just be
over here.
I, I'll be in the corner.
It's like, no, you deserve thattoo.
And the people that love youwant that for you also.
MaryAnn Walker (35:47):
I love that.
Be your own friend.
Be your own cheerleader.
Yeah.
That's beautiful.
Well, this has been such anamazing conversation, Tricia,
and I know that people are gonnawanna continue the conversation.
So how can people find you?
Tricia Corso (36:00):
Um, yeah.
So on Instagram, um, my handleis at among wildflowers therapy.
Um, and then also I have awebsite among wildflowers.
Among wildflowers therapy.com.
Um, so people can find me eitherof those spots.
Um, if you want to book a call,you can just go to my website
(36:22):
and there's a spot for you tojust book a call there.
And also, I'm, if, uh, if anyonewants to book a call, I'm going
to offer too.
If you just mention that you,uh.
Listen to the podcast or heardme on the podcast, uh, we can
book a free clarity call so wecould focus on like one thing
(36:43):
that you're really feeling stuckor confused about and just kind
of work through it together justto give you a little taste of
what that would be like for you.
Um, so yeah, there's a few waysto get in touch with me.
MaryAnn Walker (36:54):
That is awesome.
Thank you so much for offeringthat to the audience.
I think that that's, that's avery generous offer, so thank
you so much and I'll be sure toput all of Trisha's contact
information in the show notes.
You can go and follow her onInstagram, go book a free
clarity call.
And yeah, thank you so much forbeing here, Tricia.
Tricia Corso (37:10):
Thank you so much for having me.
This was such a greatconversation.
MaryAnn Walker (37:14):
Right.
Well, have a great weekeverybody.
I'll see you next time.
Bye now.
Tricia Corso (37:17):
Bye.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
CrimeLess: Hillbilly Heist
It’s 1996 in rural North Carolina, and an oddball crew makes history when they pull off America’s third largest cash heist. But it’s all downhill from there. Join host Johnny Knoxville as he unspools a wild and woolly tale about a group of regular ‘ol folks who risked it all for a chance at a better life. CrimeLess: Hillbilly Heist answers the question: what would you do with 17.3 million dollars? The answer includes diamond rings, mansions, velvet Elvis paintings, plus a run for the border, murder-for-hire-plots, and FBI busts.