September 15, 2024 • 50 mins
Any moms out there felt like you're not truly seen or heard by those around you? Discover the transformative power of accountability and self-awareness as I share personal stories of overcoming subconscious beliefs that hold me back. Join me as we recount how releasing attachments to specific outcomes can unlock doors to our deepest desires, transforming life's challenges into opportunities for profound growth and learning.
Mom’s have you ever wondered why certain frustrating patterns persist in your relationships and career? Listen in as I uncover the possible hidden truths behind these recurring issues and the subconscious beliefs driving them. Through a journey of self-reflection, I explore the necessity of setting personal boundaries and holding ourselves accountable for choices that don't serve our highest good. With a focus on energy expansion versus contraction, we highlight how these states impact our emotional well-being and can lead to significant healing and awakenings.
How often as a mom, do you find yourself conforming to societal expectations at the expense of your true self? Embrace your unique brilliance as we share the liberating journey of rejecting traditional metrics and celebrating our "inner unicorn." This episode offers practical insights into aligning with your true potential, emphasizing the importance of self-care and personal growth amid the chaos of modern life. Before we wrap up, don't miss out on the opportunity for a complimentary discovery call to enrich our shared experiences and continue your journey of self-transformation.
Looking for confirmation, guidance, or support in an area of life where you feel stuck, stagnant, or simply unclear of what to do next? Let's connect: book a complimentary Discovery Session with me, today!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome back to the intuitive mentor mom podcast
where we explore strategies forgrowing confidence, empowerment
and gaining clarity for midlifemoms.
When life is happening for youand not to you, you can be
living the life of freedom, funand bliss.
I'm your host, tara Michelle.
Let's get to it.
(00:22):
Welcome back to the IntuitiveMentor Mom podcast where we
explore how life is happeningfor us and how to navigate all
the various aspects of your life, and I really just share a lot
about my own personal experienceand hope that it's going to
make a difference for somebodyand maybe you'll hear some
things for yourself thatresonate and you could take a
(00:42):
look at how you navigate yourlife.
But we've been talking aboutour lives as this illusion and
being the architects of ourlives and how we master that and
really how we explore that.
And in the last episode,episode nine, where I was
talking about mastering yourreality right, mastering your
(01:06):
reality being the architect, howmindset is powerful, your
mindset and how you perceivethings, how self-care can be
important.
But really what I wanted to getinto this week was how we are
going to hold ourselvesaccountable.
You know, initially, two of themost important things that I
(01:30):
said when you're looking atbeing a conscious creator of
your life and reconstructing thearchitecture of your illusion.
Right, reconstructing thearchitecture of your illusion?
Right, reconstructing thearchitecture of your illusion.
(01:51):
It's like a matrix, really.
For those of you who believe inthe matrix, it's like a matrix.
We look at releasing ourattachment to the outcome.
We also look at what is it thatwe have to give up, what is it
(02:13):
we have to give up to reallyallow ourselves to be open to
embracing and receiving thatwhich we desire, facing and
receiving that which we desire.
So what's really awesome isI've done a lot of
(02:34):
self-development work over theyears and one of the things I've
learned is when you are settingout to recreate something for
yourself, or whether you're onthe verge of a huge breakthrough
, typically the very thing yousay I'm going to create X within
days, hours, weeks, howeverlong it takes for your situation
(02:57):
to show up the exact oppositewill show up.
The exact opposite thing willshow up, almost like the
universe is saying oh really,you want to create that, let's
see how that's going to go foryou.
We're going to test you alittle bit.
How bad do you want it?
That's how I've always seen it.
Okay, and again, that goes backto the space of how life's
happening for us.
I see it as happening for me,not to me.
(03:19):
It's an opportunity for me tolook at what are these
situations or these scenariosthat are showing up in my life
and what are they here to teachme?
The people that are showing upin my life, what are they here
to teach me?
What are the things that I cando to shift, grow and expand
myself?
I recently did a post onInstagram.
We're only ever expanding orcontracting.
(03:42):
So when you look at yourself aslike this energetic being,
you're only ever expanding orcontracting.
So when you look at yourself aslike this energetic being,
you're only ever expanding intoyour world or contracting into
your world.
Another way to look at that isyou are living in the fullest
self-expression of you or you'recontracting in the space of
fear, overwhelm, worry, thatkind of stuff, right.
(04:02):
So you're only ever expandingyour energy or contracting your
energy, and it's inside ofexploring those two spaces and
the depth of emotions thatreside in those spaces.
(04:22):
When you have that awareness ofthose spaces, that's where the
healing occurs and that's wherethe awakenings can happen.
So I'm excited about today'stopic because we're going to
look at holding ourselvesaccountable, and I'm going to
(04:43):
use as I've shared, I'm going touse my life as the example
because after posting that videoor that podcast last week, I
had all kinds of stuff show up.
I had a really rough week.
I had an emotional weekend andI had an emotional week and it
really was designed, what I feel, to push me up against
(05:06):
something that I had an ahamoment about this weekend.
So in my last episode, episodenine, towards the end, I had
mentioned how you know I want to, I would love to look at, I
would love and I will eventuallyshare a lot of stuff around
romantic relationship, but I'dhad something show up that day
that I had recorded that podcast.
(05:28):
It was really beautiful and itwas a huge breakthrough in this
relationship that I have withsomebody.
We're not in a romanticrelationship at all, but we have
emotions and we have feelingsthere and there's been a lot of
back and forth over the lastyear that we've known each other
and really, if anything, thisperson has just showed up in my
(05:50):
life to really help me grow intothe woman that I'm becoming and
to really help me have to lookat areas and aspects of myself
that I have not wanted toexplore, either out of the fear
of what the emotion inside mefeels like or the fear of having
to figure out.
Oh my God, I don't know that.
I like that about myself.
(06:11):
So this person and I had abeautiful conversation the day
that I had recorded the lastepisode, and I got really
excited, really excited, like,oh my God, okay, okay, this is
good.
(06:32):
Only to have, the very next day,the continued pattern of a
result show up yet again, and inthat pattern, there is the
experience of rejection, there'sthe experience of being pushed
(06:54):
away, there's the experience ofobstacles, there's the
experience of absolutefrustration, there's the
experience of what's the word?
So expectation leads to upset,so complete and total upset.
(07:16):
And in the moment I was goingto quote unquote be great about
the result of a conversation, Iwas just going to be great about
it and hold space and just keepdoing this dance that we've
been doing for a year.
And then I just told myself,girl, what are you doing?
(07:38):
No, no more, no more, no more,no, no more, no more, no more.
And what I was saying no moreto was no more.
Was I going to allow myself tonot look in an area within my
body and in my heart that I wasterrified of looking at.
(08:02):
I was terrified of feeling thisfeeling, whatever this dance
that he and I have been doing,where it creates this form of
rejection in my thought processor my I don't want to, I'm not
going to try and sugarcoat itwith, like justifying it with
all these tools that I have Iwould literally feel rejected, I
(08:25):
would feel rejected, I wouldfeel I have, I would literally
feel rejected.
I would feel rejected, I wouldfeel let down, I would feel
pushed away and I would feelheartbroken yet again.
What I'd been afraid of doingwas allowing myself to really
feel what that was like, whatthat really feels like.
Because if I had to go divedown into that space within me,
whatever that compartment in mysoul or in my heart, where it
(08:48):
sits in the root chakra, it sitsin the solar plexus and it sits
in the heart, like it's in allthree of those areas, and then
it's tied to the mentalconstruct of something else I'm
going to get to on this show Ihad to force myself to be
accountable that this hadnothing to do with him per se.
He's showing up as the catalystto push me into having to look
(09:13):
at an area of myself that Ididn't want to look at and I
kept justifying it andjustifying his actions and his
behaviors, so that I wouldn'thave to look at this space
within me.
And there I was, getting readyto do this workout, got the
response that I wasn't lookingfor, I was not hoping for, got
(09:38):
the outcome that I was reallyI'm sorry got the opposite of
the outcome that I was attachedto.
Okay, which goes back to thelast episode.
I was very attached to anoutcome and that outcome didn't
occur at all.
If anything, it was like agiant backfire I don't want to
(10:00):
say a backfire, it just didn'tbecause there was nothing to
backfire.
It just didn't turn out the waynothing to backfire.
It just didn't turn out the wayI had hoped it was going to
turn out and, as a result, itforced me to tell myself.
I had to tell one on myself.
Tara, michelle, you have to stopallowing yourself to ignore
(10:23):
this feeling, to cover thisfeeling up, to cover up the pain
, to cover up the anger and tocover up the frustration.
You have to stop making excusesfor that person and you have to
start looking at what wasreally going on in your body and
what was really going on in mybody was that I had fallen in
(10:44):
love with this person.
I love this person and I wasunwilling and afraid to truly
express how I felt out of fearof losing them.
Now here's the thing I neverhad them to begin with.
Still don't have him, even ifwe were together.
(11:07):
I don't have him.
There's nothing to have.
I don't own him.
But there was this aspect of me,so terrified to put up a
boundary and say no more to abehavior that I kept letting
slide, because then I wouldn'thave to look at the pain that
(11:34):
was in my heart, like I couldmake up an excuse and kind of
drag it out like cover it up,I'm going to cover that up.
I'm going to cover that up andI'm going to keep justifying why
this is happening and I'm goingto let him off the hook.
I'm going to let me off thehook and I'm going to cover that
up and I'm going to keepjustifying why this is happening
and and I'm going to I'm goingto let him off the hook.
I'm going to let me off thehook and I'm going to let
everybody off the hook andeverything's going to be fine.
I'm just going to keep draggingthis out.
(11:56):
I'd hit my limit.
I can no longer let him off thehook in a behavior that I kept
seeing.
And I could no longer letmyself off the hook in a
behavior that I kept seeing.
And I could no longer letmyself off the hook in a
behavior that I was seeing and Ipicked up the phone and I left
him a message.
(12:16):
Because he didn't answer thephone, I left him a message and
then that kind of spiraled intoa conversation, that where the
shell cracked open.
I gushed out my emotions and myfeelings and told him the truth
that I'd been holding back.
Now here's the thing.
I think he already knew that Imean, it's so apparent when
we're near each other, whenwe're around each other, like
(12:36):
the emotions and the feelingsthat are there.
I think we both are very awareof that.
But the timing is off.
It's not.
We're not in the same place,period.
But I had to stop, what's theword?
I had to hold myselfaccountable to choices I was
(13:02):
making that weren't in thehighest good for myself.
I'll just totally remove himfrom the rest of this.
This is about me having to holdmyself accountable and we're
going to talk about that today,because that conversation and
that nut cracking then crackedopen to another nut that then
spiraled into the area of mycareer where I had to hold
(13:26):
myself accountable yet again andface another conversation, or
aha, or epiphany, that occurredthis weekend and that aha was
the conversation of asubconscious phrase that runs in
the background of my mind,which is why can't they see me?
And really how it goes is whycan't they effing see me Like,
(13:52):
why can't they hear me, whycan't they see me?
Super frustrated inside of thatconversation running in the
background to where literallyeverything in the area of my
career over several years hasshown up and really designed to
have me recognize that, and ithas taken years for me to
(14:16):
recognize that.
That is the conversation runningin my subconscious.
Why can't they see me?
That same conversation runs inthe area of romantic
relationships.
Why can't they see me?
Why don't they choose me?
Why do they overlook me?
(14:37):
Why is it never me to be chosen?
Why is it never me to be chosen?
What did I do?
How is it?
They missed me again.
They missed me again.
They still can't see me, theystill can't hear me.
How come they can't hear me orsee me.
Look at me, look at me, look atme.
I'm doing all the things, can'tyou see me?
(15:01):
Look at all the things I'mdoing.
Am I doing it right?
Does any of this sound familiarto anybody out there?
Or am I just the only one thatfeels this way about myself?
Oops, oops, sorry, recordscratch For real.
That's what showed up for methis week, like, oh my gosh.
(15:24):
And all of this showed upbecause, hey, what are we
talking about on this podcast?
This very thing.
And who gets to go through allof the, the healing adventures I
do?
Because what's my show about?
Life's healing adventuresthrough, you know, the mindset
or the, or the perspective of anintuitive mom, you know, and,
(15:48):
and.
So here I am, constantlyputting my ass on the line,
looking at how my life isshowing up for me, such that I
can have the breakthroughs andthe uh, you know the, the, yeah,
just the breakthrough, so thatI could expand into my biggest,
broadest self as a human beingand truly step into my truth and
(16:10):
truly step into what's possibleon this journey that I'm living
.
And I invite everybody who'slistening to this episode to
really look at your life fromthat perspective.
This is your life Remember, wetalked about it being your
illusion and let's take thenegative context out of illusion
(16:33):
and let's recreate it tosomething empowering, as you are
the architect of your life.
So what do you have to give upand what do you have to hold
yourself accountable in order toreconstruct the architecture of
(16:55):
the illusion that you'restanding inside of?
Because we could say, okay, ifan area of your life is not
working, then that's theillusion, right, that's the
false illusion.
You're like, hey, this an areaof your life is not working,
then that's the illusion, right,that's the false illusion.
You're like, hey, this is notthe outcome I was desiring, this
is not the world I want to livein, this is not how I want to
(17:17):
show up in my life for myself,or my friends, or my family, my
kids, or my husband, my wife.
This is not who I want to be.
Then you get to recreate that,and I said in the last episode
that we were going to talk abouthow you hold yourself
accountable.
How I hold myself accountableis I begin to ask myself
questions and I kind of just askthem like throughout the day,
like, why is this happening forme?
(17:37):
And then I'll forget about itand I'll just God, why is this
showing up the way it is?
Why does this keep?
Why does this keep looking theway it does?
I'll throw those questions outhere and there, just asking
myself, because I know at somepoint the answer is going to
show up.
So there I was standing in theshower, doing my shower routine,
washing the hair, you know,shaving your legs, doing the
(17:58):
things, and all of a sudden andI think I was listening to was I
listening to a book?
No, I was just listening to.
I think I was listening toTrevor Hall.
He's one of my favorites that Ilike to listen to.
His words or his lyrics arealways so transformative and I
don't know what song was playing.
But I was listening and doingmy shower routine and actually
(18:19):
getting ready to go to aconference, because I had a
conference I had to attend forwork on a Saturday morning and
all of a sudden I heard whycan't they see me?
They can't see me, they can'tsee me, they can't can see me.
(18:45):
And then I heard because youhaven't seen you.
I sat with that because Ihaven't seen me.
What does that mean?
I haven't seen me.
And it was this overwhelmingsense of awareness of world,
(19:08):
okay, the doingness of life.
Tell me if you can relate tothis.
You get up.
You might look at your phonewhen you get up, or you got the
kids screaming or the dogs orthe cat.
Everybody's ready, everybody'swaiting for you to get up and
they're wanting you to get upand they're wanting you to get
up.
And you got to get up and yougot to feed the animals and the
lunches and the meetings and, ohmy God, I got to get a shower.
(19:32):
And oh my God, I got to workout.
I got to do all these things Ihave a million things going
right.
I got to take my supplements, Igot to do my exercises, got to
go for a walk.
Oh my God, I didn't go for awalk.
Oh my God, I forgot to makethat call yesterday.
Shit, I gotta call that person.
Oh my God.
And I still don't want to goout this weekend.
What are we doing this weekend,oh my God?
And there's picture days comingup, like that's really right,
(19:53):
your brain is on overdrive.
And then you just keep goingGet your coffee, get dressed,
get in the shower, make thelunches.
You keep going, you keep going,you keep going, right, and you
do this day in and day out, andday in and day out, and every
now and then you're like I'mgoing to take that time off for
(20:13):
myself, I'm going to rest today.
No, rest doesn't come becausesomething else, somebody else,
calls something.
You know, there's a fire drillat work.
There's a fire drill with yourkids, like whatever it is right.
You just keep going, keep going, keep going.
And you keep going becauseyou're an awesome doing machine,
because, hey, man, we have beentrained to be the most amazing
(20:34):
doing machines.
And next thing, you know, sixmonths just went by and you
didn't do any of the things yousaid you wanted to do.
And you're still on that doingmachine.
Three weeks goes by, three daysgoes by.
You forgot to call that personback.
All those things right, gettingcaught up in the day.
And sometimes you just lay downand you're like, oh, I just can
rest and relax, okay, just aminute, just one minute.
(20:55):
The next thing, you know, youfall asleep.
Okay, so these are the thingsright.
And you often don't have time,maybe, to stop and ask yourself
why is my life showing up theway it is?
And I am not liking the way itis right now.
Well, I try to do that and Ialso give myself space and time.
In the morning I do, and atnight I will.
(21:16):
I will stop and give myself abreak, even during the day.
Sometimes I will stop and givemyself 10 minutes, sometimes
it's an hour.
I will give myself that spaceto reconnect and recollect
within myself.
But it's taken years for me tolearn how to do that and say no
to that outside world that's sodamn demanding.
That would literally take meuntil I dried up like a prune,
(21:40):
right, if I allowed it to, itwould just take, take, take,
take, take, take, take, take,take.
So I often have to stop andfill my tank.
So this weekend that occurred.
I heard this voice.
You know why can't they see me?
And that voice I hear all thetime.
I hear it but I'd never reallyheard it and I never really paid
attention to it.
I could hear it because itwould just be this dull
(22:02):
frustration that over time wouldbuild up and all of a sudden my
life would continue to havethese events and these
circumstances where I'd be sofrustrated that they can't hear
me or see me.
It hadn't dawned on me yet.
That blind spot had not beenbrought forward to me yet
(22:23):
showing me, it's because youdon't see you yet.
So what area of your life youknow?
When we're talking about thisconversation, what did you
choose to look at?
And if you were really to getwildly accountable and truthful
(22:44):
for yourself, what is thesentence or the conversation
that's running in yoursubconscious?
Take a look at your life.
You might even have to pausethe show to really breathe in
and be like okay, what are thepatterns I keep seeing?
What's the persistent complaintin my life?
What is that persistentcomplaint?
(23:05):
I have a persistent complaintin the area of my career and I
have a persistent complaint inthe area of romance, and what I
learned this weekend is they'rethe same exact complaint.
They don't see me, and that'sbecause I had not been seeing
myself.
Light bulb moment.
(23:27):
I haven't been seeing who Ireally am, and I want to share
this, not from the perspectiveof I got it all handled, I got
my shit together.
I'm a badass.
No, I mean, I am a badass justbecause, like all of you women
out there, all you single mamas,all you mamas we're just
badasses.
Because we're badasses becausewe get up every day and we do
(23:49):
what we got to do to raise theseincredible humans that we have.
Sorry, that's a badass, thattakes a badass to do that.
So, however you do it, howeverit shows up for you and
sometimes it's really messy.
Some people are just have likethe super smooth, easy life.
Some of us have super messylives.
Some of us have, you know, inthe middle of that, you know
(24:10):
it's like however it shows upfor you, but when you're doing
the do as being a mom, you're abadass, okay.
So I want to share this from avery humbling place.
It's actually going to move me.
This is a very humbling place.
I began to see myself aspowerful in a way I'd never seen
(24:33):
myself before, and lately I'vebeen having out of body
experiences.
You know, I rebranded this showto intuitive mentor mom because
I have a lot of giftsintuitively, psychically, I have
a lot of gifts and I lovesharing those gifts with others
who need support and need help,who have blocks.
(24:57):
Okay, lately what has beenhappening in my life is I'll be
on the phone talking to somebodyand I literally have this
experience of an expanded energythat comes outside of me and is
literally looking at me throughthe third lens.
And when I see myself throughthat third lens.
(25:19):
I look around at the home I'veprovided for my son, the home
that I was able to give us.
I look around at the hellaciousmountain of things that we have
, that I cannot wait to dive inand start giving some stuff to
the goodwill, because somehowwe've accumulated a lot of stuff
.
And I look at the land we liveon.
(25:42):
I look at the neighbors we have.
I look at the career that I'veheld.
I don't have a bachelor's degree.
I have a half of a bachelor'sdegree, but I don't have a full
one.
I didn't study science orbiology in that level and here I
am working in the area ofgenetics in the medical industry
(26:03):
.
I've somehow become really goodat what I do.
I've been in sales for over 30years.
My selling style is veryunconventional.
I have a lot of sales trainingunder my belt from various
companies through the companiesI've worked for.
I have a bachelor's degree anda PhD in life sales training
(26:23):
under my belt from variouscompanies through the companies
I've worked for.
I have a bachelor's degree and aPhD in life and I am somebody
who has, you know, learningdisabilities, dyslexia, and I
just recently learned that Ihave dysgraphia whether that's
something you can outgrow, Idon't know, but over the years I
just figured out how to manageand live with the way my brain
(26:48):
operates.
In no way, shape or form, am Iperfect.
I've only been married for ayear.
We were together six years, butonly a year.
I've never had a relationshiplonger than that.
Six years, but only a year.
I've never had a relationshiplonger than that.
(27:08):
But I managed to have a reallysuccessful life, a life that, on
paper, looks like a life that alot of people probably want or
would like to have.
Those that don't have it.
There's plenty of people thathave way more life than I do,
(27:30):
but that's not what it's about,right.
It's not about us comparingwhat kind of lives we have.
It's about us really gettingwho we are for ourselves.
And have you ever just sat backand really gotten who you are?
Have you ever sat back andreally wrote down all your
(27:52):
accomplishments?
Have you ever stopped beatingyourself up or having yourself
feel guilty about the things youdidn't do and really get
present to the things that youdid do?
Guilty about the things youdidn't do, and really get
present to the things that youdid do?
How about the things you didwhen it was really hard, but you
did it anyway.
How about the things that youdid, that?
(28:13):
You went above and beyond andyou had no idea how you were
going to do it, but you figuredit out and you went and found
all the resources.
You reached out to resourcesand support.
Sometimes you didn't reach outfor any support because you were
afraid to reach out, and youwent and found all the resources
.
You reached out to resourcesand support.
Sometimes you didn't reach outfor any support because you were
afraid to reach out and youjust did it on your own.
Have you really honored andacknowledged yourself for those
(28:35):
moments in your life thatliterally occur every day and
you're not even aware of it?
You're not even aware of howmuch you really do for yourself
and your family.
Have you sat back and reallyacknowledged who you are?
Because that's what startedhappening to me in the last few
(28:56):
weeks and I realized that peoplecan't see me because I haven't
seen me, and when I don't see me, I'm not speaking really from a
place.
That is the total rawness of mytruth, because what I also got
to see is I've been trying toand we'll go back to the area of
(29:18):
career, trying to conformmyself into what I think they
want me to be, hoping, theynever find out.
I don't have my bachelor'sdegree yet.
And one friend today God loveher.
She's like why don't you justlie about it?
And I was like well,unfortunately, because I have it
that my bachelor's is in theway of me growing in the area of
(29:38):
my career.
Okay, unfortunately they dobackground checks so they'd find
out that it isn't finished.
It started but it's notfinished.
But what I really got to see formyself and even that was how
frustrated and angry I was whyis it that that freaking piece
of paper gets to say whether Iget promoted or not?
(30:02):
Why is it that that piece ofpaper gets to say whether these
people choose to talk to me ornot?
Why can't they just listen towhat I say, hear me.
Why can't they see the light?
Listen to what I say, hear me.
(30:27):
Why can't they see the light?
Why can't they recognize thebrightness and the passion and
the hunger and the excitement?
Why on earth are they going tolook at me and say we really
like you, but you don't have thecontext.
We really like you, but youdon't have the degree.
We really like you.
But and that stuff would make melivid and you know what I would
(30:52):
do.
I would just say, okay, it'sbecause I don't have the degree.
So what do I got to do so thatI can keep looking at whatever
way?
What do I have to do to fit inthis mold?
That's really what would berunning in the background.
What do I have to do to fit inthis mold so that way they'll
see me.
They'll see me if I keepfitting in the mold.
(31:14):
I got to fit in the mold.
Okay, let me look at otherresumes.
What do I have to say?
Okay, I need to get this way.
Okay, I need to show this thing.
Okay, I need to.
You know that's, I would bedoing that.
Okay, I'm going to go talk tothis.
You know, senior leader.
Okay, what are all the thingsthat I know he or she is going
(31:36):
to want to see it in this way?
And I have to come prepared inthis way because this is what
you're supposed to do and here'sthe things that you do.
So Saturday morning, there, Iwas driving to this conference,
talking to a dear friend as Iwas bawling my eyes out and I
was raging.
I was raging at how angry I washolding all this back, trying
(31:57):
to conform into a box that I amnot.
So what I've had to hold myselfaccountable for is that I've
been hiding in a box, that I'mnot so afraid to step up and say
which I actually had aninterview this week and I
(32:18):
actually did step up for myself,and that's really the point of
me sharing all this.
I had to stand up for myself.
That was me being accountablefor Tara.
As a stand up for myself, I hadto say no more are you going to
push me around, no more are yougoing to tell me that I'm
something that I am not, and nomore are you going to tell me
(32:40):
that I'm not good at what I do,Because I am really good at what
I do, and it may not lookconventional, it may not look
the way you think it needs tolook, but hey, I produce the
results you asked me to produce.
I get them there, I do it and Isurpass them, and that's what I
(33:07):
had to recognize about myself.
I had to get so pissed off and Iwas pushed up against it.
I was pushed up against it withmy manager this week.
I was pushed up against it withthe role that I currently have.
I was pushed up against it in ain a tango and a dance with
somebody I love and I wasn'ttelling the truth to him or to
(33:27):
me, and I hadn't been tellingthe truth in the area of my
career and I hadn't been tellingthe truth to myself, and that
is.
I will no longer be bullied.
I will no longer be told welove you but you don't have the
contacts.
(33:48):
Well, guess what?
That person that you're goingto hire that has the contacts.
Do they have this passion?
Do they have this excitement?
Do they have this drive?
Do they have an unwillingnessto get up and do whatever it
takes on whatever given day,even when they don't feel like
it?
Because who I am is somebodywho has to make shit happen so
(34:12):
that I can feed my family,because I'm it, I'm the only one
.
Do they have that kind ofpassion or drive?
And do those contacts that theywant or that they have, do
those contacts really want tosee them?
Do those contacts like them?
I'm curious.
(34:32):
So, are you going to hire thembecause they have the contacts,
or are you going to hire thembecause you see their light?
Are you going to hire thembecause you see their brilliance
.
And when I say brilliance, likeyou see that diamond in the
rough shining, because you seetheir passion.
You're not sure what it is, butthey keep making you laugh.
(34:52):
And you're not sure what it is,but hey, it's outside of that
norm and you're so used to thatnorm, you're so used to it
happening.
Oh, it's got to look this way.
You need this degree.
You know good, you went to thatschool and oh, you know all
these people and you worked atthose companies.
Yeah, let's keep it inside thatbox.
(35:13):
How's that box working for you?
And what about the people thatdon't necessarily fit the mold?
You might be missing theunicorn.
So all of you listening outthere, are you a unicorn?
I would imagine that you are.
You're listening to this showof mine and I'm now seeing I'm a
unicorn like for real.
I'm a unicorn and I'm going toown my unicorn-ness because
that's me being accountable.
(35:34):
So if you're listening to thisshow right now, I guarantee you
you're a unicorn.
But do you really get at thelevel at which you're a unicorn?
Can you see the colors in yourhorn?
Do you see the glimmer?
Do you see the shine?
Do you see the sparkle?
Do you feel your legs kickingback and kicking up?
(35:58):
Are you bucking around becauseyou've got the spirit and the
energy within you and you justwant to explode and have an
amazing life?
If you are not feeling that,then you got to look at what are
you not holding yourselfaccountable for?
What is the sentence or thepersistent complaint that is
(36:21):
running in the background ofyour day?
It's running every day and youcan see it in the results that
are sitting in front of you inyour life.
And the results that I keptseeing was I'm not it.
They can't hear me, they can'tsee me, they keep passing me up
(36:41):
for either somebody else, orthen I would see them pass me up
for somebody else, only to havethat person in whatever role
for a very short time, and itwasn't that good, it wasn't what
they were looking for.
Or that person would leave, andthere they would be back at
square one.
(37:02):
Would leave and there theywould be back at square one, and
there I would be thinking hadyou just given me an opportunity
, maybe it would have lookeddifferent.
But you know who hadn't beengiving me the opportunity?
Me, because that has nothing todo with them.
I had not been choosing myself,because I keep trying to fit
(37:24):
myself into what I think theywant me to be and that is this
collegiate, pedigree individualwhich I do not want to downplay
that and I don't mean to say itin that way and I probably
shouldn't say it in that way,because those of you who have
all the schooling and all thedegrees and the letters, it took
(37:47):
something for you to accomplishthat.
It really did, and it wasn'teasy.
I guarantee it probably was noteasy, right, but hey, the life
I have hasn't been easy eitherand it took something for me to
accomplish everything I have.
It's a different kind of degree, but it really is the same.
It really is the same, it'sjust different.
(38:11):
Just looks a little differenton paper Doesn't mean I didn't
put the hours in.
Doesn't mean I didn't stay uplong nights.
Doesn't mean I didn't gokicking and screaming sometimes
and it doesn't mean I didn'tfail a lot of the time only to
have to get right back up andfight for the A.
You know, fight for the A,fight for the grade.
(38:32):
But I have found over the yearsI stopped really fighting for
myself.
I was really happy to fight forothers, always ready to fight
for others and justice, but Ihadn't really been fighting for
myself, so I might've got alittle off topic today.
(38:54):
I'm pretty passionate aboutthis right now, but it really is
about looking at where are yougoing to hold yourself
accountable.
It really is about looking atwhere are you going to hold
yourself accountable.
And once you recognize what thatsentence is, that persistent
complaint that's happening inyour world and you own it.
You can't blame others for itbeing there.
You have to really own it.
(39:15):
You have to look at how.
Was I the contribution to thishappening to my world?
Contribution to this happeningto my world?
Who have I been being that hasallowed this complaint of mine
to persist?
And who was I unwilling to showup for?
(39:38):
Was I unwilling to show up formyself?
Was I unwilling to show up formyself?
Was I unwilling to show up forothers?
Was I unwilling to call myselfout and call one on myself?
I called one on myself.
I said to myself Tara, michelle,you are not.
You are going to take yourdignity back and you're going to
(39:59):
stop allowing this person tobehave this way with you,
because what you have to offerperson and you is golden, and
every time you allow that personto have the response he's
having, you are not respectingyourself.
(40:21):
You're respecting yourself atthe lowest level.
So what are you going to doabout it, girlfriend?
You're going to fucking pick upyour big girl panties and
you're going to make a phonecall and you're going to say
what you need to say and you'regoing to say it and you're going
to put up a boundary and you'regoing to say I'm not going to
(40:42):
tolerate that anymore.
This is not how people treateach other when they care about
one another.
And you're going to do the samething at work.
This is not how you treat youremployees that work very hard
for you every day, and some daysit's tough and they're out
(41:06):
there on the front lines gettingrejected or you know, whatever
it is, whatever you those of youon the front line in the sales
world, whatever it is, you knowhow hard it can be sometimes and
then to not have the experiencethat your time is valuable,
that your energy, your skillsare valuable, and to have them
(41:31):
be, have somebody speak to youin a condescending way, even so
much as to belittle you and tojudge you, to make fun of you.
Don't ever let a tough worldout there and in the industry I
(42:02):
work in it is competitive asnobody's business and it is
cutthroat.
And I'll be damned today if Iever let any manager disempower
me in a way that is not going touplift me to want to really
(42:23):
fight for what we're allfighting for.
We're on the same team here.
So again, I digress.
It's about passion, it's aboutholding yourself accountable.
Okay, and to get back to it, Iwant to remind you you have to
release yourself from theoutcome.
(42:44):
If you release the attachmentto the way things should show up
, if you are out to reconstructyour dream life, to reconstruct
the architecture, you have toget wildly accountable.
Okay, at what is the persistentcomplaint?
(43:06):
What is the thing that keepsshowing up in your world?
What is it that you don't likeabout it?
And then you have to beaccountable for that.
You're responsible for that.
And, hey, you may want to getupset and say, well, but it's
so-and-so's fault and it's so.
My family and my parents and mykids and the job, whatever.
Yeah, I get that, I get that.
(43:30):
I get that.
But it starts with you.
And when you get wildlystraight with yourself and who
you're not being for yourself,that's when you get to redirect
and re-steer the ship right.
You get to turn that shiparound.
And so that's what.
I'm in the midst of turningthat ship around.
(43:50):
And I promise you and guaranteeyou I hope it's not too messy.
It might get a little messy,but I will tell you this it's
uncomfortable.
And there I was.
I reached out to somebodyanother dear friend this weekend
, to talk a little bit moreabout this, because he has a lot
of experience in staffing and Iwanted his perspective and his
(44:11):
opinion.
And he said because I was likeyou know, this is so unknown to
me.
And he said it's not unknown toyou.
He's like there's nothingunknown about it.
It's just uncomfortable betweennow and the outcome.
And this is the path you haveto walk down.
(44:33):
You have to be uncomfortable asyou walk this through.
And he was right there'snothing unknown about it.
What's unknown about it is notknowing how it's going to turn
out.
But no matter what, you knowit's going to turn out good.
You just don't know what that'sgoing to look like.
(44:56):
And that's the uncomfortablepiece, because we like to
control our outcome, we like tocontrol our world, we like to
control everything.
So then we don't have to feelthe feels.
So if I could control, you knowhow somebody's going to show up
.
So I don't have to feelrejection or abandonment in my
(45:18):
heart or in my body.
So I don't have to look at whatthat means.
So I don't have to look at, ohmy God, what's in that empty
space within me.
I'm so terrified to look at it,oh my God, because then I have
to feel how much it hurts.
Well, guess what?
I'm the one who abandoned me.
I abandoned myself.
(45:42):
When I don't allow myself tolook at those things deeply,
there's nobody abandoning me,but it's me, and that's not to
discount or disregard.
If you really have beenabandoned by a parent or
something like I know thathappens, but are you going to be
victimized by it?
Are you going to overcome itand, like, become the hero
within your own story?
Remind you that life'shappening for you, it's not to
you.
So that was a lot.
(46:05):
I'm going to wrap this up.
That was a lot.
I just, you know, really wantto have everybody.
This is where the rubber meetsthe road.
Want to have everybody.
This is where the rubber meetsthe road If you want to
reconstruct your illusion andcreate it to the life that you
really desire.
You have to look at yourblueprint and you have to ask
(46:28):
yourself where was I misaligned?
What piece did I miss?
You know what?
What's the complaint that Ihave?
Is it that I'm not enough?
Is it that you know they don'tsee me?
Is it that they don't careabout me?
I'm not lovable, I don't know.
(46:51):
Like it's different foreverybody.
I have layers of this stuff.
One of the layers, years ago,was I'm not enough, I'm not
lovable, I'm never chosen.
That was another one thatrecently came I've never chosen.
And what's underneath I'venever I'm never chosen is they
can't see me.
(47:11):
And how that shows up is metrying to conform and contort
into what I think they want meto be, instead of just putting
my foot down and saying hey yo,this is who Tara is, this is me,
this is me and all my glory andall my stuff, this is me and
this is what I want.
Here's my clear communication.
(47:32):
And we're either aligned orwe're not.
Period.
That goes for relationships,that goes for career, that goes
for everything.
And now I get to step inside ofmy career and really say okay,
tara, now that you've discoveredthis about yourself, what are
the steps you're going to putinto action, to now root
(47:54):
yourself into you.
See you, what does me?
What does it look like for meto see me?
What does that look like?
What are the actions?
Who would I be being now that Isee myself?
And that's the video we'll getinto, not the video that's the
episode we'll get into next.
Once you discover that piece tobe accountable, then how do you
(48:20):
put those things into action?
How do you redirect who youreally are?
How do you clean up any messesthat might show up as a result
of you recognizing where youweren't being accountable to
yourself?
What are the areas of cleanupthat you have to do to then
realign that ship to sail offinto the desired dream that you
(48:43):
have?
That's what's next.
So thank you so much for justjoining me on that conversation.
You know I am with everybodythat is listening to this show.
I am on the journey with you.
That is what this show is about.
Intuitive mentor, mom.
(49:04):
That's who I am.
I'm an intuit and I'm a mom,and I'm happy to support those
of you who are walking throughtough times in life or areas of
life that just are uncomfortableand not showing up the way you
want them, and I'm here to shareaspects of my life and how I
walk through it, and God knowsit's not easy.
But hey, this is what we'rehere to do, right?
(49:25):
It's a journey, it's a lifeadventure, it's healings, it's
healing adventures.
That's what it is.
It's like let's you know's putour boots on and let's get to
playing.
Anyways, until the next show, Ilook forward to chatting with
you all.
Then, and as a reminder for allof those listening, I invite
(49:47):
you to take advantage of the30-minute discovery call that we
can have.
It's complimentary, and all I'masking in return is that you
share with me your experienceand that way, I can share with
others, and I look forward toseeing you all in a couple of
weeks.
Thanks again, and have anamazing and blessed week.
(50:07):
Take care.
Thank you for coming on thishealing adventure today.
If you're starting to see howeverything is falling into place
for you, consider rating theshow and sharing it with one of
your friends.
Keep that spirit alive and joinme next week.
Same place, same time.
Have a great week.
Welcome back to the intuitive mentor mom podcast
where we explore strategies forgrowing confidence, empowerment
and gaining clarity for midlifemoms.
When life is happening for youand not to you, you can be
living the life of freedom, funand bliss.
I'm your host, tara Michelle.
Let's get to it.
(00:22):
Welcome back to the IntuitiveMentor Mom podcast where we
explore how life is happeningfor us and how to navigate all
the various aspects of your life, and I really just share a lot
about my own personal experienceand hope that it's going to
make a difference for somebodyand maybe you'll hear some
things for yourself thatresonate and you could take a
(00:42):
look at how you navigate yourlife.
But we've been talking aboutour lives as this illusion and
being the architects of ourlives and how we master that and
really how we explore that.
And in the last episode,episode nine, where I was
talking about mastering yourreality right, mastering your
(01:06):
reality being the architect, howmindset is powerful, your
mindset and how you perceivethings, how self-care can be
important.
But really what I wanted to getinto this week was how we are
going to hold ourselvesaccountable.
You know, initially, two of themost important things that I
(01:30):
said when you're looking atbeing a conscious creator of
your life and reconstructing thearchitecture of your illusion.
Right, reconstructing thearchitecture of your illusion?
Right, reconstructing thearchitecture of your illusion.
(01:51):
It's like a matrix, really.
For those of you who believe inthe matrix, it's like a matrix.
We look at releasing ourattachment to the outcome.
We also look at what is it thatwe have to give up, what is it
(02:13):
we have to give up to reallyallow ourselves to be open to
embracing and receiving thatwhich we desire, facing and
receiving that which we desire.
So what's really awesome isI've done a lot of
(02:34):
self-development work over theyears and one of the things I've
learned is when you are settingout to recreate something for
yourself, or whether you're onthe verge of a huge breakthrough
, typically the very thing yousay I'm going to create X within
days, hours, weeks, howeverlong it takes for your situation
(02:57):
to show up the exact oppositewill show up.
The exact opposite thing willshow up, almost like the
universe is saying oh really,you want to create that, let's
see how that's going to go foryou.
We're going to test you alittle bit.
How bad do you want it?
That's how I've always seen it.
Okay, and again, that goes backto the space of how life's
happening for us.
I see it as happening for me,not to me.
(03:19):
It's an opportunity for me tolook at what are these
situations or these scenariosthat are showing up in my life
and what are they here to teachme?
The people that are showing upin my life, what are they here
to teach me?
What are the things that I cando to shift, grow and expand
myself?
I recently did a post onInstagram.
We're only ever expanding orcontracting.
(03:42):
So when you look at yourself aslike this energetic being,
you're only ever expanding orcontracting.
So when you look at yourself aslike this energetic being,
you're only ever expanding intoyour world or contracting into
your world.
Another way to look at that isyou are living in the fullest
self-expression of you or you'recontracting in the space of
fear, overwhelm, worry, thatkind of stuff, right.
(04:02):
So you're only ever expandingyour energy or contracting your
energy, and it's inside ofexploring those two spaces and
the depth of emotions thatreside in those spaces.
(04:22):
When you have that awareness ofthose spaces, that's where the
healing occurs and that's wherethe awakenings can happen.
So I'm excited about today'stopic because we're going to
look at holding ourselvesaccountable, and I'm going to
(04:43):
use as I've shared, I'm going touse my life as the example
because after posting that videoor that podcast last week, I
had all kinds of stuff show up.
I had a really rough week.
I had an emotional weekend andI had an emotional week and it
really was designed, what I feel, to push me up against
(05:06):
something that I had an ahamoment about this weekend.
So in my last episode, episodenine, towards the end, I had
mentioned how you know I want to, I would love to look at, I
would love and I will eventuallyshare a lot of stuff around
romantic relationship, but I'dhad something show up that day
that I had recorded that podcast.
(05:28):
It was really beautiful and itwas a huge breakthrough in this
relationship that I have withsomebody.
We're not in a romanticrelationship at all, but we have
emotions and we have feelingsthere and there's been a lot of
back and forth over the lastyear that we've known each other
and really, if anything, thisperson has just showed up in my
(05:50):
life to really help me grow intothe woman that I'm becoming and
to really help me have to lookat areas and aspects of myself
that I have not wanted toexplore, either out of the fear
of what the emotion inside mefeels like or the fear of having
to figure out.
Oh my God, I don't know that.
I like that about myself.
(06:11):
So this person and I had abeautiful conversation the day
that I had recorded the lastepisode, and I got really
excited, really excited, like,oh my God, okay, okay, this is
good.
(06:32):
Only to have, the very next day,the continued pattern of a
result show up yet again, and inthat pattern, there is the
experience of rejection, there'sthe experience of being pushed
(06:54):
away, there's the experience ofobstacles, there's the
experience of absolutefrustration, there's the
experience of what's the word?
So expectation leads to upset,so complete and total upset.
(07:16):
And in the moment I was goingto quote unquote be great about
the result of a conversation, Iwas just going to be great about
it and hold space and just keepdoing this dance that we've
been doing for a year.
And then I just told myself,girl, what are you doing?
(07:38):
No, no more, no more, no more,no, no more, no more, no more.
And what I was saying no moreto was no more.
Was I going to allow myself tonot look in an area within my
body and in my heart that I wasterrified of looking at.
(08:02):
I was terrified of feeling thisfeeling, whatever this dance
that he and I have been doing,where it creates this form of
rejection in my thought processor my I don't want to, I'm not
going to try and sugarcoat itwith, like justifying it with
all these tools that I have Iwould literally feel rejected, I
(08:25):
would feel rejected, I wouldfeel I have, I would literally
feel rejected.
I would feel rejected, I wouldfeel let down, I would feel
pushed away and I would feelheartbroken yet again.
What I'd been afraid of doingwas allowing myself to really
feel what that was like, whatthat really feels like.
Because if I had to go divedown into that space within me,
whatever that compartment in mysoul or in my heart, where it
(08:48):
sits in the root chakra, it sitsin the solar plexus and it sits
in the heart, like it's in allthree of those areas, and then
it's tied to the mentalconstruct of something else I'm
going to get to on this show Ihad to force myself to be
accountable that this hadnothing to do with him per se.
He's showing up as the catalystto push me into having to look
(09:13):
at an area of myself that Ididn't want to look at and I
kept justifying it andjustifying his actions and his
behaviors, so that I wouldn'thave to look at this space
within me.
And there I was, getting readyto do this workout, got the
response that I wasn't lookingfor, I was not hoping for, got
(09:38):
the outcome that I was reallyI'm sorry got the opposite of
the outcome that I was attachedto.
Okay, which goes back to thelast episode.
I was very attached to anoutcome and that outcome didn't
occur at all.
If anything, it was like agiant backfire I don't want to
(10:00):
say a backfire, it just didn'tbecause there was nothing to
backfire.
It just didn't turn out the waynothing to backfire.
It just didn't turn out the wayI had hoped it was going to
turn out and, as a result, itforced me to tell myself.
I had to tell one on myself.
Tara, michelle, you have to stopallowing yourself to ignore
(10:23):
this feeling, to cover thisfeeling up, to cover up the pain
, to cover up the anger and tocover up the frustration.
You have to stop making excusesfor that person and you have to
start looking at what wasreally going on in your body and
what was really going on in mybody was that I had fallen in
(10:44):
love with this person.
I love this person and I wasunwilling and afraid to truly
express how I felt out of fearof losing them.
Now here's the thing I neverhad them to begin with.
Still don't have him, even ifwe were together.
(11:07):
I don't have him.
There's nothing to have.
I don't own him.
But there was this aspect of me,so terrified to put up a
boundary and say no more to abehavior that I kept letting
slide, because then I wouldn'thave to look at the pain that
(11:34):
was in my heart, like I couldmake up an excuse and kind of
drag it out like cover it up,I'm going to cover that up.
I'm going to cover that up andI'm going to keep justifying why
this is happening and I'm goingto let him off the hook.
I'm going to let me off thehook and I'm going to cover that
up and I'm going to keepjustifying why this is happening
and and I'm going to I'm goingto let him off the hook.
I'm going to let me off thehook and I'm going to let
everybody off the hook andeverything's going to be fine.
I'm just going to keep draggingthis out.
(11:56):
I'd hit my limit.
I can no longer let him off thehook in a behavior that I kept
seeing.
And I could no longer letmyself off the hook in a
behavior that I kept seeing.
And I could no longer letmyself off the hook in a
behavior that I was seeing and Ipicked up the phone and I left
him a message.
(12:16):
Because he didn't answer thephone, I left him a message and
then that kind of spiraled intoa conversation, that where the
shell cracked open.
I gushed out my emotions and myfeelings and told him the truth
that I'd been holding back.
Now here's the thing.
I think he already knew that Imean, it's so apparent when
we're near each other, whenwe're around each other, like
(12:36):
the emotions and the feelingsthat are there.
I think we both are very awareof that.
But the timing is off.
It's not.
We're not in the same place,period.
But I had to stop, what's theword?
I had to hold myselfaccountable to choices I was
(13:02):
making that weren't in thehighest good for myself.
I'll just totally remove himfrom the rest of this.
This is about me having to holdmyself accountable and we're
going to talk about that today,because that conversation and
that nut cracking then crackedopen to another nut that then
spiraled into the area of mycareer where I had to hold
(13:26):
myself accountable yet again andface another conversation, or
aha, or epiphany, that occurredthis weekend and that aha was
the conversation of asubconscious phrase that runs in
the background of my mind,which is why can't they see me?
And really how it goes is whycan't they effing see me Like,
(13:52):
why can't they hear me, whycan't they see me?
Super frustrated inside of thatconversation running in the
background to where literallyeverything in the area of my
career over several years hasshown up and really designed to
have me recognize that, and ithas taken years for me to
(14:16):
recognize that.
That is the conversation runningin my subconscious.
Why can't they see me?
That same conversation runs inthe area of romantic
relationships.
Why can't they see me?
Why don't they choose me?
Why do they overlook me?
(14:37):
Why is it never me to be chosen?
Why is it never me to be chosen?
What did I do?
How is it?
They missed me again.
They missed me again.
They still can't see me, theystill can't hear me.
How come they can't hear me orsee me.
Look at me, look at me, look atme.
I'm doing all the things, can'tyou see me?
(15:01):
Look at all the things I'mdoing.
Am I doing it right?
Does any of this sound familiarto anybody out there?
Or am I just the only one thatfeels this way about myself?
Oops, oops, sorry, recordscratch For real.
That's what showed up for methis week, like, oh my gosh.
(15:24):
And all of this showed upbecause, hey, what are we
talking about on this podcast?
This very thing.
And who gets to go through allof the, the healing adventures I
do?
Because what's my show about?
Life's healing adventuresthrough, you know, the mindset
or the, or the perspective of anintuitive mom, you know, and,
(15:48):
and.
So here I am, constantlyputting my ass on the line,
looking at how my life isshowing up for me, such that I
can have the breakthroughs andthe uh, you know the, the, yeah,
just the breakthrough, so thatI could expand into my biggest,
broadest self as a human beingand truly step into my truth and
(16:10):
truly step into what's possibleon this journey that I'm living
.
And I invite everybody who'slistening to this episode to
really look at your life fromthat perspective.
This is your life Remember, wetalked about it being your
illusion and let's take thenegative context out of illusion
(16:33):
and let's recreate it tosomething empowering, as you are
the architect of your life.
So what do you have to give upand what do you have to hold
yourself accountable in order toreconstruct the architecture of
(16:55):
the illusion that you'restanding inside of?
Because we could say, okay, ifan area of your life is not
working, then that's theillusion, right, that's the
false illusion.
You're like, hey, this an areaof your life is not working,
then that's the illusion, right,that's the false illusion.
You're like, hey, this is notthe outcome I was desiring, this
is not the world I want to livein, this is not how I want to
(17:17):
show up in my life for myself,or my friends, or my family, my
kids, or my husband, my wife.
This is not who I want to be.
Then you get to recreate that,and I said in the last episode
that we were going to talk abouthow you hold yourself
accountable.
How I hold myself accountableis I begin to ask myself
questions and I kind of just askthem like throughout the day,
like, why is this happening forme?
(17:37):
And then I'll forget about itand I'll just God, why is this
showing up the way it is?
Why does this keep?
Why does this keep looking theway it does?
I'll throw those questions outhere and there, just asking
myself, because I know at somepoint the answer is going to
show up.
So there I was standing in theshower, doing my shower routine,
washing the hair, you know,shaving your legs, doing the
(17:58):
things, and all of a sudden andI think I was listening to was I
listening to a book?
No, I was just listening to.
I think I was listening toTrevor Hall.
He's one of my favorites that Ilike to listen to.
His words or his lyrics arealways so transformative and I
don't know what song was playing.
But I was listening and doingmy shower routine and actually
(18:19):
getting ready to go to aconference, because I had a
conference I had to attend forwork on a Saturday morning and
all of a sudden I heard whycan't they see me?
They can't see me, they can'tsee me, they can't can see me.
(18:45):
And then I heard because youhaven't seen you.
I sat with that because Ihaven't seen me.
What does that mean?
I haven't seen me.
And it was this overwhelmingsense of awareness of world,
(19:08):
okay, the doingness of life.
Tell me if you can relate tothis.
You get up.
You might look at your phonewhen you get up, or you got the
kids screaming or the dogs orthe cat.
Everybody's ready, everybody'swaiting for you to get up and
they're wanting you to get upand they're wanting you to get
up.
And you got to get up and yougot to feed the animals and the
lunches and the meetings and, ohmy God, I got to get a shower.
(19:32):
And oh my God, I got to workout.
I got to do all these things Ihave a million things going
right.
I got to take my supplements, Igot to do my exercises, got to
go for a walk.
Oh my God, I didn't go for awalk.
Oh my God, I forgot to makethat call yesterday.
Shit, I gotta call that person.
Oh my God.
And I still don't want to goout this weekend.
What are we doing this weekend,oh my God?
And there's picture days comingup, like that's really right,
(19:53):
your brain is on overdrive.
And then you just keep goingGet your coffee, get dressed,
get in the shower, make thelunches.
You keep going, you keep going,you keep going, right, and you
do this day in and day out, andday in and day out, and every
now and then you're like I'mgoing to take that time off for
(20:13):
myself, I'm going to rest today.
No, rest doesn't come becausesomething else, somebody else,
calls something.
You know, there's a fire drillat work.
There's a fire drill with yourkids, like whatever it is right.
You just keep going, keep going, keep going.
And you keep going becauseyou're an awesome doing machine,
because, hey, man, we have beentrained to be the most amazing
(20:34):
doing machines.
And next thing, you know, sixmonths just went by and you
didn't do any of the things yousaid you wanted to do.
And you're still on that doingmachine.
Three weeks goes by, three daysgoes by.
You forgot to call that personback.
All those things right, gettingcaught up in the day.
And sometimes you just lay downand you're like, oh, I just can
rest and relax, okay, just aminute, just one minute.
(20:55):
The next thing, you know, youfall asleep.
Okay, so these are the thingsright.
And you often don't have time,maybe, to stop and ask yourself
why is my life showing up theway it is?
And I am not liking the way itis right now.
Well, I try to do that and Ialso give myself space and time.
In the morning I do, and atnight I will.
(21:16):
I will stop and give myself abreak, even during the day.
Sometimes I will stop and givemyself 10 minutes, sometimes
it's an hour.
I will give myself that spaceto reconnect and recollect
within myself.
But it's taken years for me tolearn how to do that and say no
to that outside world that's sodamn demanding.
That would literally take meuntil I dried up like a prune,
(21:40):
right, if I allowed it to, itwould just take, take, take,
take, take, take, take, take,take.
So I often have to stop andfill my tank.
So this weekend that occurred.
I heard this voice.
You know why can't they see me?
And that voice I hear all thetime.
I hear it but I'd never reallyheard it and I never really paid
attention to it.
I could hear it because itwould just be this dull
(22:02):
frustration that over time wouldbuild up and all of a sudden my
life would continue to havethese events and these
circumstances where I'd be sofrustrated that they can't hear
me or see me.
It hadn't dawned on me yet.
That blind spot had not beenbrought forward to me yet
(22:23):
showing me, it's because youdon't see you yet.
So what area of your life youknow?
When we're talking about thisconversation, what did you
choose to look at?
And if you were really to getwildly accountable and truthful
(22:44):
for yourself, what is thesentence or the conversation
that's running in yoursubconscious?
Take a look at your life.
You might even have to pausethe show to really breathe in
and be like okay, what are thepatterns I keep seeing?
What's the persistent complaintin my life?
What is that persistentcomplaint?
(23:05):
I have a persistent complaintin the area of my career and I
have a persistent complaint inthe area of romance, and what I
learned this weekend is they'rethe same exact complaint.
They don't see me, and that'sbecause I had not been seeing
myself.
Light bulb moment.
(23:27):
I haven't been seeing who Ireally am, and I want to share
this, not from the perspectiveof I got it all handled, I got
my shit together.
I'm a badass.
No, I mean, I am a badass justbecause, like all of you women
out there, all you single mamas,all you mamas we're just
badasses.
Because we're badasses becausewe get up every day and we do
(23:49):
what we got to do to raise theseincredible humans that we have.
Sorry, that's a badass, thattakes a badass to do that.
So, however you do it, howeverit shows up for you and
sometimes it's really messy.
Some people are just have likethe super smooth, easy life.
Some of us have super messylives.
Some of us have, you know, inthe middle of that, you know
(24:10):
it's like however it shows upfor you, but when you're doing
the do as being a mom, you're abadass, okay.
So I want to share this from avery humbling place.
It's actually going to move me.
This is a very humbling place.
I began to see myself aspowerful in a way I'd never seen
(24:33):
myself before, and lately I'vebeen having out of body
experiences.
You know, I rebranded this showto intuitive mentor mom because
I have a lot of giftsintuitively, psychically, I have
a lot of gifts and I lovesharing those gifts with others
who need support and need help,who have blocks.
(24:57):
Okay, lately what has beenhappening in my life is I'll be
on the phone talking to somebodyand I literally have this
experience of an expanded energythat comes outside of me and is
literally looking at me throughthe third lens.
And when I see myself throughthat third lens.
(25:19):
I look around at the home I'veprovided for my son, the home
that I was able to give us.
I look around at the hellaciousmountain of things that we have
, that I cannot wait to dive inand start giving some stuff to
the goodwill, because somehowwe've accumulated a lot of stuff
.
And I look at the land we liveon.
(25:42):
I look at the neighbors we have.
I look at the career that I'veheld.
I don't have a bachelor's degree.
I have a half of a bachelor'sdegree, but I don't have a full
one.
I didn't study science orbiology in that level and here I
am working in the area ofgenetics in the medical industry
(26:03):
.
I've somehow become really goodat what I do.
I've been in sales for over 30years.
My selling style is veryunconventional.
I have a lot of sales trainingunder my belt from various
companies through the companiesI've worked for.
I have a bachelor's degree anda PhD in life sales training
(26:23):
under my belt from variouscompanies through the companies
I've worked for.
I have a bachelor's degree and aPhD in life and I am somebody
who has, you know, learningdisabilities, dyslexia, and I
just recently learned that Ihave dysgraphia whether that's
something you can outgrow, Idon't know, but over the years I
just figured out how to manageand live with the way my brain
(26:48):
operates.
In no way, shape or form, am Iperfect.
I've only been married for ayear.
We were together six years, butonly a year.
I've never had a relationshiplonger than that.
Six years, but only a year.
I've never had a relationshiplonger than that.
(27:08):
But I managed to have a reallysuccessful life, a life that, on
paper, looks like a life that alot of people probably want or
would like to have.
Those that don't have it.
There's plenty of people thathave way more life than I do,
(27:30):
but that's not what it's about,right.
It's not about us comparingwhat kind of lives we have.
It's about us really gettingwho we are for ourselves.
And have you ever just sat backand really gotten who you are?
Have you ever sat back andreally wrote down all your
(27:52):
accomplishments?
Have you ever stopped beatingyourself up or having yourself
feel guilty about the things youdidn't do and really get
present to the things that youdid do?
Guilty about the things youdidn't do, and really get
present to the things that youdid do?
How about the things you didwhen it was really hard, but you
did it anyway.
How about the things that youdid, that?
(28:13):
You went above and beyond andyou had no idea how you were
going to do it, but you figuredit out and you went and found
all the resources.
You reached out to resourcesand support.
Sometimes you didn't reach outfor any support because you were
afraid to reach out, and youwent and found all the resources
.
You reached out to resourcesand support.
Sometimes you didn't reach outfor any support because you were
afraid to reach out and youjust did it on your own.
Have you really honored andacknowledged yourself for those
(28:35):
moments in your life thatliterally occur every day and
you're not even aware of it?
You're not even aware of howmuch you really do for yourself
and your family.
Have you sat back and reallyacknowledged who you are?
Because that's what startedhappening to me in the last few
(28:56):
weeks and I realized that peoplecan't see me because I haven't
seen me, and when I don't see me, I'm not speaking really from a
place.
That is the total rawness of mytruth, because what I also got
to see is I've been trying toand we'll go back to the area of
(29:18):
career, trying to conformmyself into what I think they
want me to be, hoping, theynever find out.
I don't have my bachelor'sdegree yet.
And one friend today God loveher.
She's like why don't you justlie about it?
And I was like well,unfortunately, because I have it
that my bachelor's is in theway of me growing in the area of
(29:38):
my career.
Okay, unfortunately they dobackground checks so they'd find
out that it isn't finished.
It started but it's notfinished.
But what I really got to see formyself and even that was how
frustrated and angry I was whyis it that that freaking piece
of paper gets to say whether Iget promoted or not?
(30:02):
Why is it that that piece ofpaper gets to say whether these
people choose to talk to me ornot?
Why can't they just listen towhat I say, hear me.
Why can't they see the light?
Listen to what I say, hear me.
(30:27):
Why can't they see the light?
Why can't they recognize thebrightness and the passion and
the hunger and the excitement?
Why on earth are they going tolook at me and say we really
like you, but you don't have thecontext.
We really like you, but youdon't have the degree.
We really like you.
But and that stuff would make melivid and you know what I would
(30:52):
do.
I would just say, okay, it'sbecause I don't have the degree.
So what do I got to do so thatI can keep looking at whatever
way?
What do I have to do to fit inthis mold?
That's really what would berunning in the background.
What do I have to do to fit inthis mold so that way they'll
see me.
They'll see me if I keepfitting in the mold.
(31:14):
I got to fit in the mold.
Okay, let me look at otherresumes.
What do I have to say?
Okay, I need to get this way.
Okay, I need to show this thing.
Okay, I need to.
You know that's, I would bedoing that.
Okay, I'm going to go talk tothis.
You know, senior leader.
Okay, what are all the thingsthat I know he or she is going
(31:36):
to want to see it in this way?
And I have to come prepared inthis way because this is what
you're supposed to do and here'sthe things that you do.
So Saturday morning, there, Iwas driving to this conference,
talking to a dear friend as Iwas bawling my eyes out and I
was raging.
I was raging at how angry I washolding all this back, trying
(31:57):
to conform into a box that I amnot.
So what I've had to hold myselfaccountable for is that I've
been hiding in a box, that I'mnot so afraid to step up and say
which I actually had aninterview this week and I
(32:18):
actually did step up for myself,and that's really the point of
me sharing all this.
I had to stand up for myself.
That was me being accountablefor Tara.
As a stand up for myself, I hadto say no more are you going to
push me around, no more are yougoing to tell me that I'm
something that I am not, and nomore are you going to tell me
(32:40):
that I'm not good at what I do,Because I am really good at what
I do, and it may not lookconventional, it may not look
the way you think it needs tolook, but hey, I produce the
results you asked me to produce.
I get them there, I do it and Isurpass them, and that's what I
(33:07):
had to recognize about myself.
I had to get so pissed off and Iwas pushed up against it.
I was pushed up against it withmy manager this week.
I was pushed up against it withthe role that I currently have.
I was pushed up against it in ain a tango and a dance with
somebody I love and I wasn'ttelling the truth to him or to
(33:27):
me, and I hadn't been tellingthe truth in the area of my
career and I hadn't been tellingthe truth to myself, and that
is.
I will no longer be bullied.
I will no longer be told welove you but you don't have the
contacts.
(33:48):
Well, guess what?
That person that you're goingto hire that has the contacts.
Do they have this passion?
Do they have this excitement?
Do they have this drive?
Do they have an unwillingnessto get up and do whatever it
takes on whatever given day,even when they don't feel like
it?
Because who I am is somebodywho has to make shit happen so
(34:12):
that I can feed my family,because I'm it, I'm the only one
.
Do they have that kind ofpassion or drive?
And do those contacts that theywant or that they have, do
those contacts really want tosee them?
Do those contacts like them?
I'm curious.
(34:32):
So, are you going to hire thembecause they have the contacts,
or are you going to hire thembecause you see their light?
Are you going to hire thembecause you see their brilliance
.
And when I say brilliance, likeyou see that diamond in the
rough shining, because you seetheir passion.
You're not sure what it is, butthey keep making you laugh.
(34:52):
And you're not sure what it is,but hey, it's outside of that
norm and you're so used to thatnorm, you're so used to it
happening.
Oh, it's got to look this way.
You need this degree.
You know good, you went to thatschool and oh, you know all
these people and you worked atthose companies.
Yeah, let's keep it inside thatbox.
(35:13):
How's that box working for you?
And what about the people thatdon't necessarily fit the mold?
You might be missing theunicorn.
So all of you listening outthere, are you a unicorn?
I would imagine that you are.
You're listening to this showof mine and I'm now seeing I'm a
unicorn like for real.
I'm a unicorn and I'm going toown my unicorn-ness because
that's me being accountable.
(35:34):
So if you're listening to thisshow right now, I guarantee you
you're a unicorn.
But do you really get at thelevel at which you're a unicorn?
Can you see the colors in yourhorn?
Do you see the glimmer?
Do you see the shine?
Do you see the sparkle?
Do you feel your legs kickingback and kicking up?
(35:58):
Are you bucking around becauseyou've got the spirit and the
energy within you and you justwant to explode and have an
amazing life?
If you are not feeling that,then you got to look at what are
you not holding yourselfaccountable for?
What is the sentence or thepersistent complaint that is
(36:21):
running in the background ofyour day?
It's running every day and youcan see it in the results that
are sitting in front of you inyour life.
And the results that I keptseeing was I'm not it.
They can't hear me, they can'tsee me, they keep passing me up
(36:41):
for either somebody else, orthen I would see them pass me up
for somebody else, only to havethat person in whatever role
for a very short time, and itwasn't that good, it wasn't what
they were looking for.
Or that person would leave, andthere they would be back at
square one.
(37:02):
Would leave and there theywould be back at square one, and
there I would be thinking hadyou just given me an opportunity
, maybe it would have lookeddifferent.
But you know who hadn't beengiving me the opportunity?
Me, because that has nothing todo with them.
I had not been choosing myself,because I keep trying to fit
(37:24):
myself into what I think theywant me to be and that is this
collegiate, pedigree individualwhich I do not want to downplay
that and I don't mean to say itin that way and I probably
shouldn't say it in that way,because those of you who have
all the schooling and all thedegrees and the letters, it took
(37:47):
something for you to accomplishthat.
It really did, and it wasn'teasy.
I guarantee it probably was noteasy, right, but hey, the life
I have hasn't been easy eitherand it took something for me to
accomplish everything I have.
It's a different kind of degree, but it really is the same.
It really is the same, it'sjust different.
(38:11):
Just looks a little differenton paper Doesn't mean I didn't
put the hours in.
Doesn't mean I didn't stay uplong nights.
Doesn't mean I didn't gokicking and screaming sometimes
and it doesn't mean I didn'tfail a lot of the time only to
have to get right back up andfight for the A.
You know, fight for the A,fight for the grade.
(38:32):
But I have found over the yearsI stopped really fighting for
myself.
I was really happy to fight forothers, always ready to fight
for others and justice, but Ihadn't really been fighting for
myself, so I might've got alittle off topic today.
(38:54):
I'm pretty passionate aboutthis right now, but it really is
about looking at where are yougoing to hold yourself
accountable.
It really is about looking atwhere are you going to hold
yourself accountable.
And once you recognize what thatsentence is, that persistent
complaint that's happening inyour world and you own it.
You can't blame others for itbeing there.
You have to really own it.
(39:15):
You have to look at how.
Was I the contribution to thishappening to my world?
Contribution to this happeningto my world?
Who have I been being that hasallowed this complaint of mine
to persist?
And who was I unwilling to showup for?
(39:38):
Was I unwilling to show up formyself?
Was I unwilling to show up formyself?
Was I unwilling to show up forothers?
Was I unwilling to call myselfout and call one on myself?
I called one on myself.
I said to myself Tara, michelle,you are not.
You are going to take yourdignity back and you're going to
(39:59):
stop allowing this person tobehave this way with you,
because what you have to offerperson and you is golden, and
every time you allow that personto have the response he's
having, you are not respectingyourself.
(40:21):
You're respecting yourself atthe lowest level.
So what are you going to doabout it, girlfriend?
You're going to fucking pick upyour big girl panties and
you're going to make a phonecall and you're going to say
what you need to say and you'regoing to say it and you're going
to put up a boundary and you'regoing to say I'm not going to
(40:42):
tolerate that anymore.
This is not how people treateach other when they care about
one another.
And you're going to do the samething at work.
This is not how you treat youremployees that work very hard
for you every day, and some daysit's tough and they're out
(41:06):
there on the front lines gettingrejected or you know, whatever
it is, whatever you those of youon the front line in the sales
world, whatever it is, you knowhow hard it can be sometimes and
then to not have the experiencethat your time is valuable,
that your energy, your skillsare valuable, and to have them
(41:31):
be, have somebody speak to youin a condescending way, even so
much as to belittle you and tojudge you, to make fun of you.
Don't ever let a tough worldout there and in the industry I
(42:02):
work in it is competitive asnobody's business and it is
cutthroat.
And I'll be damned today if Iever let any manager disempower
me in a way that is not going touplift me to want to really
(42:23):
fight for what we're allfighting for.
We're on the same team here.
So again, I digress.
It's about passion, it's aboutholding yourself accountable.
Okay, and to get back to it, Iwant to remind you you have to
release yourself from theoutcome.
(42:44):
If you release the attachmentto the way things should show up
, if you are out to reconstructyour dream life, to reconstruct
the architecture, you have toget wildly accountable.
Okay, at what is the persistentcomplaint?
(43:06):
What is the thing that keepsshowing up in your world?
What is it that you don't likeabout it?
And then you have to beaccountable for that.
You're responsible for that.
And, hey, you may want to getupset and say, well, but it's
so-and-so's fault and it's so.
My family and my parents and mykids and the job, whatever.
Yeah, I get that, I get that.
(43:30):
I get that.
But it starts with you.
And when you get wildlystraight with yourself and who
you're not being for yourself,that's when you get to redirect
and re-steer the ship right.
You get to turn that shiparound.
And so that's what.
I'm in the midst of turningthat ship around.
(43:50):
And I promise you and guaranteeyou I hope it's not too messy.
It might get a little messy,but I will tell you this it's
uncomfortable.
And there I was.
I reached out to somebodyanother dear friend this weekend
, to talk a little bit moreabout this, because he has a lot
of experience in staffing and Iwanted his perspective and his
(44:11):
opinion.
And he said because I was likeyou know, this is so unknown to
me.
And he said it's not unknown toyou.
He's like there's nothingunknown about it.
It's just uncomfortable betweennow and the outcome.
And this is the path you haveto walk down.
(44:33):
You have to be uncomfortable asyou walk this through.
And he was right there'snothing unknown about it.
What's unknown about it is notknowing how it's going to turn
out.
But no matter what, you knowit's going to turn out good.
You just don't know what that'sgoing to look like.
(44:56):
And that's the uncomfortablepiece, because we like to
control our outcome, we like tocontrol our world, we like to
control everything.
So then we don't have to feelthe feels.
So if I could control, you knowhow somebody's going to show up
.
So I don't have to feelrejection or abandonment in my
(45:18):
heart or in my body.
So I don't have to look at whatthat means.
So I don't have to look at, ohmy God, what's in that empty
space within me.
I'm so terrified to look at it,oh my God, because then I have
to feel how much it hurts.
Well, guess what?
I'm the one who abandoned me.
I abandoned myself.
(45:42):
When I don't allow myself tolook at those things deeply,
there's nobody abandoning me,but it's me, and that's not to
discount or disregard.
If you really have beenabandoned by a parent or
something like I know thathappens, but are you going to be
victimized by it?
Are you going to overcome itand, like, become the hero
within your own story?
Remind you that life'shappening for you, it's not to
you.
So that was a lot.
(46:05):
I'm going to wrap this up.
That was a lot.
I just, you know, really wantto have everybody.
This is where the rubber meetsthe road.
Want to have everybody.
This is where the rubber meetsthe road If you want to
reconstruct your illusion andcreate it to the life that you
really desire.
You have to look at yourblueprint and you have to ask
(46:28):
yourself where was I misaligned?
What piece did I miss?
You know what?
What's the complaint that Ihave?
Is it that I'm not enough?
Is it that you know they don'tsee me?
Is it that they don't careabout me?
I'm not lovable, I don't know.
(46:51):
Like it's different foreverybody.
I have layers of this stuff.
One of the layers, years ago,was I'm not enough, I'm not
lovable, I'm never chosen.
That was another one thatrecently came I've never chosen.
And what's underneath I'venever I'm never chosen is they
can't see me.
(47:11):
And how that shows up is metrying to conform and contort
into what I think they want meto be, instead of just putting
my foot down and saying hey yo,this is who Tara is, this is me,
this is me and all my glory andall my stuff, this is me and
this is what I want.
Here's my clear communication.
(47:32):
And we're either aligned orwe're not.
Period.
That goes for relationships,that goes for career, that goes
for everything.
And now I get to step inside ofmy career and really say okay,
tara, now that you've discoveredthis about yourself, what are
the steps you're going to putinto action, to now root
(47:54):
yourself into you.
See you, what does me?
What does it look like for meto see me?
What does that look like?
What are the actions?
Who would I be being now that Isee myself?
And that's the video we'll getinto, not the video that's the
episode we'll get into next.
Once you discover that piece tobe accountable, then how do you
(48:20):
put those things into action?
How do you redirect who youreally are?
How do you clean up any messesthat might show up as a result
of you recognizing where youweren't being accountable to
yourself?
What are the areas of cleanupthat you have to do to then
realign that ship to sail offinto the desired dream that you
(48:43):
have?
That's what's next.
So thank you so much for justjoining me on that conversation.
You know I am with everybodythat is listening to this show.
I am on the journey with you.
That is what this show is about.
Intuitive mentor, mom.
(49:04):
That's who I am.
I'm an intuit and I'm a mom,and I'm happy to support those
of you who are walking throughtough times in life or areas of
life that just are uncomfortableand not showing up the way you
want them, and I'm here to shareaspects of my life and how I
walk through it, and God knowsit's not easy.
But hey, this is what we'rehere to do, right?
(49:25):
It's a journey, it's a lifeadventure, it's healings, it's
healing adventures.
That's what it is.
It's like let's you know's putour boots on and let's get to
playing.
Anyways, until the next show, Ilook forward to chatting with
you all.
Then, and as a reminder for allof those listening, I invite
(49:47):
you to take advantage of the30-minute discovery call that we
can have.
It's complimentary, and all I'masking in return is that you
share with me your experienceand that way, I can share with
others, and I look forward toseeing you all in a couple of
weeks.
Thanks again, and have anamazing and blessed week.
(50:07):
Take care.
Thank you for coming on thishealing adventure today.
If you're starting to see howeverything is falling into place
for you, consider rating theshow and sharing it with one of
your friends.
Keep that spirit alive and joinme next week.
Same place, same time.
Have a great week.
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