What if you viewed life as a high-speed basketball game, with each challenge resembling a different play on the court? In this episode of the Intuitive Mentor Mom Podcast, I draw upon my personal journey around the experience of "overwhelm", and as a single parent, to explore the intricate balance of life's demanding quadrants—health, finances, family, spirituality, and self-care. I open up about the clutter that can cloud our homes and minds, and how embracing self-love and care can help us tackle this chaos, offering a more organized approach to life's overwhelming moments.
Parenting a teenager while managing a household and personal life is no small feat. I share candid reflections on preparing my teenage son for a successful future, initiating conversations about his education, emotional well-being, and the financial pressures of running a household solo. With humor and honesty, I discuss my own adventures in dating and the challenges of maintaining health and fitness amidst the whirlwind of menopause, property upkeep, and a busy lifestyle. Through these experiences, I unravel the signs of underlying overwhelm that often manifest in seeking distractions outside the home.
This episode is a heartfelt expression of gratitude and the transformative power of connection. Together, we celebrate self-discovery and the beauty of honest introspection. Join me as we continue this healing adventure, where we prioritize our tasks, confront our fears, and embrace self-expression as a marker of fulfillment. We'll assess our position on the court of life, seeking clarity and motivation to move forward with grace. I hope to inspire a sense of peace, love, and joy as we align ourselves with the beautiful journey ahead. Let's keep the spirit alive and share this conversation with others who might find solace and inspiration in our shared experiences.
Looking for confirmation, guidance, or support in an area of life where you feel stuck, stagnant, or simply unclear of what to do next? Let's connect: book a complimentary Discovery Session with me, today!
Book a 30-min Discovery Session Here
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:07):
Welcome back to the intuitive mentor mom podcast,
where we explore strategies forpracticing more self love,
gratitude and finding new waysto empower ourselves in this
ever changing healing adventureof life happening for us.
I'm your host, tara.
Michelle.
Let's get started.
Welcome back to the show.
Thank you so much for joiningus here.
(00:27):
I'm excited to be with all ofyou this week and to dive in.
What I was sharing last week orthe last couple of weeks ago was
how we're going to be talkingabout playing on the court of
life and what it looks like toplay full out on the court of
life and playing on the court oflife and what it looks like to
play full out on the court oflife and playing on the court of
life.
(00:47):
You know we have different,different facets or I'll say
different quadrants.
One might say quadrants of lifewhere you've got health and
wellbeing, you have finances,you have household, you have
children, you have, or we couldsay parenting, parenting and
children.
We can say family.
(01:10):
What else can we say?
Spirituality, your connectionto self or your connection to
God, self-love, self-carethere's all these different
areas of being on the court oflife.
This has come up because I havea dear friend.
(01:31):
We laugh and we joke.
We were joking about it todayhow we play full out in the
court of life.
On the court, and when I thinkof myself or when I think of us
in the world, people playingfull out on the court of life, I
(01:51):
always see it as a basketballgame.
I see it as a big basketballcourt and there's myself in the
center.
I've got the ball, or sometimesI may not have the ball.
I've got the ball.
Or sometimes I may not have theball and there are other
players on the court with me.
Sometimes we're passing theball back and forth, sometimes
(02:12):
somebody's keeping the ball.
I'm trying to get the ball, ormaybe I'm not open, or they pass
to me, I miss the ball, andthen there's all the people on
the sidelines watching the game.
What I've always envisionedwhen I think about playing full
out on the court of life,because there have been many
(02:34):
times where I've been sitting onthe sidelines.
And then there's other aspectsof my life where I'm full out,
full court, press, playing thegame of life, and when doing
that, there were many times inmy life where I had this very
(02:55):
tra-la-la view of how life wouldbe when I was a young person
Like life will turn out justlike this I'll live here, I'll
have that, and da, da, da, da,da da.
And then life happens right.
You can wake up and recognizethat when you're playing full
(03:17):
court press, when you are reallyplaying life, it can be really
messy at times.
You're running up and down thecourt, the score is tied, it's
(03:39):
high, depending on if you're onoffense or defense.
Just imagine the speed of abasketball game.
I'm not sure if any of you watchbasketball.
I used to be a big basketballfollower.
I don't follow it anymore.
It's such a funny thing whenthere's not a quote unquote.
Like partner man in the house,I don't watch sports, although I
love sports.
Is that the funniest thing?
Like, I love to go to games,love to watch them, but I won't
(03:59):
watch them on my own.
I won't just sit down.
I shouldn't say it.
Sometimes I do Like I've turnedon a few of like the, like
Alabama and UT, okay, somethinglike that.
Like I'll put on a big game orI'll watch the Superbowl, you
know, or the playoffs orsomething the NBA playoffs.
(04:20):
I'll do something like that.
But I don't typically turnsports on.
But I always envision life likethis high speed, high chase
basketball game and I'm on thecourt and my knees are sometimes
bloody, the score is high,sometimes I'm down, the score is
(04:47):
high, sometimes I'm down, youknow, and I want to talk about
that, and I want to talk aboutit in a few different areas over
the next few weeks.
The one area I do want to focuson, because I think it's so
important, is self-love andself-care.
Self-love and self-care arereally special and really
(05:12):
important and I think somethingas any mom can relate to is so
necessary and so key when doingyour best to be the best that
you can be for your children.
So I want to dive intoself-love.
But one of the things I want todo today is I want to put my
ass on the line, because whatI'm up against and I do believe
this has a connection toself-love is recognizing and
(05:35):
being aware that as a parent andas a mother as a single parent
I am very much deep in the stateof overwhelm.
As a single parent, I am verymuch deep in the state of
overwhelm and what that lookslike in my life, and let me know
, really, if this resonates forany of you, and I've been in the
(05:58):
state of overwhelm for a while.
I'll say really probably thelast 90 days.
I can probably certifiably sayI am in the state of overwhelm
and I'm trying no, not trying,I've been avoiding it.
What overwhelm looks like in myworld is the house doesn't get
(06:25):
cleaned.
There's clutter everywhere.
In my mind.
Some people come over andthey're like your house is never
messy.
I'm like oh, it's messy.
Don't go into my bathroom.
Maybe the kitchen and thedining room and the living room
look clean, but don't go in anyother rooms because you'll see
piles, you'll see dust, you'llsee things everywhere and I know
that's.
(06:45):
It takes me a while torecognize when I get there.
But when I start looking aroundand I see that I'm not putting
things away, it's a trigger forme like, oh man, am I an
overwhelm?
And it'll take me a while torecognize it.
But then I'll putter around thehouse and I'll put some things
away and I'll take me a while torecognize it.
But then I'll putter around thehouse and I'll put some things
(07:06):
away and I'll do some things,you know.
But I'm going to admit I'm deepin a state of overwhelm.
My closet keeps filling withthings, yet I'm not removing
things, removing some things,but not all the things.
So what that means is I'mpurchasing things Like I start
(07:32):
to buy things to fill some kindof void that I'm not wanting to
look at within me.
I will get really tired, I willget unmotivated, I will have a
lack of inspiration.
I will.
What else does my overwhelmlook like?
(07:53):
I wrote some things down here.
You know what I wrote down Fearembers.
Fear embers, like, imagine afire, you know the embers of a
fire that starts to occur in mygut, but it's, it's fear Like,
it's like a fear fire startingto build up in my gut, like a
(08:19):
feeling, an energetic feeling.
And I call it embers becauseit's a slow, low, quiet burn.
It's not yet overtaken me, butit's starting to.
It's starting to rise up.
Okay, so fear embers.
And over the last couple ofweeks I've been calling one of
(08:42):
myself like oh yeah, I'm.
Last couple of weeks I've beencalling one of myself like, oh
yeah, I'm definitely in a stateof overwhelm and I'm not doing a
lot about it.
Well, I am doing some things,I'm recognizing it and I'll go
to take action, but then I stopmyself and there's fear there.
(09:03):
Where mine is coming from, isthe fear of the lack of income
coming in.
So if any of you have listenedto earlier episodes, you know I
was laid off earlier this yearand then I then got this role
(09:23):
that I have right now and therewas aspects and elements of it
looking really good, only tolearn it's not as good, as I
hate to say, as I was told.
I hate to say that becausethere's something about me not
(09:46):
taking ownership of that, butthe structure in which has been
handed to us on the commissionside is not at all easily
attained.
Not at all.
It is almost unattainable, andthat has created levels of fear,
(10:11):
fear embers to start to burn orbubble in my gut.
I would say that's at the rootand the source of the overwhelm,
because it's as if I can see itout there, right, like I know,
like when I see it happening,I'm like, oh shit.
But rather than face it head on, I'm gonna recognize that I
(10:35):
didn't face it head on in themoment that I started
recognizing.
Instead, I went to a place offrustration, anger, pointing the
fingers outward instead ofpointing them right back at me.
I'll own that for sure.
Now.
It doesn't mean that the goal isstill attainable.
(10:58):
It's attainable, but not in thetimeframe in which we're given.
It's just going gonna take time.
It's gonna take longer to growthe territory and to have the
reimbursements, because I'm setup on a revenue pay structure.
If any of you are familiar withinsurance billing, it takes a
(11:20):
while for insurance billing andreimbursements to come through.
So even if you're so basicallyyou're getting paid in arrears,
like even though you're, eventhough you're producing the
volume of numbers that thatpayment isn't going to come for
(11:40):
a while because it takes timefor them to then bill the
insurance companies and get thereimbursement.
So that has been a daunting,frustrating piece in my life
over the last 90 days of reallyrecognizing oh shit, and what
(12:02):
that means for the rest of myyear.
What that then triggered wasthis aspect of me where I go
into the procrastination mode.
There's something about and I'mjust going to kind of work
(12:22):
through this here y'all becausethis is a big one, you know even
getting on to record an episodetoday was was tough for me
because I'm really in it.
I'm deep in it right now andhere's what I know about who I
am.
Who I am is a badass, you know,not like a badass with an ego,
but like a badass like I knowthat I will figure shit out.
(12:45):
I figure shit out.
That's what I do.
I just figure shit out, andsometimes I have to give myself
a really swift kick in the assto make shit out.
That's what I do.
I just figure shit out.
And sometimes I have to givemyself a really swift kick in
the ass to make shit happen,because I get in this state of
overwhelm and I can even feelthe block right now.
(13:05):
The block right now, what itfeels like in my gut and it
actually made me cry feels likeit doesn't want to tell me what,
like it doesn't want to show methe blind spot.
It does not want to show me theblind spot because if it shows
me, if my ego shows me the blindspot, that means that this way
of being, that means that thisstrategy that I had at some
(13:29):
point in my life, created as achild I created the
procrastination or the overwhelmas a way and an excuse to get
out of, to get out of, you know,operating at a certain level,
because there was some kind ofsurvival mechanism attached to
it.
Like I got to survive thissituation, like my ego doesn't
want me to see that.
Because if I see it, then itdoesn't get to play anymore, it
(13:52):
doesn't get to be the thing thatblocks me anymore, it doesn't
get to be a strategy that's used.
And this is what it looks likefor me at least.
I can't speak for anybody outthere, but this is what it looks
like when I really am on thecourt of life.
I look at my shit in a waythat's really uncomfortable and
(14:17):
I didn't know what I was goingto talk about this week.
But I guess this is it becauseit's real for me, the overwhelm,
and so one would say, okay,well, what?
What is overwhelmed for you,tara?
Well, overwhelm is, you knowwhen you may not have.
Let's see, the means are abovewhat's coming in.
Okay, because the previous jobprovided me a really great
(14:40):
income.
This job was supposed to dothat and it's just going to take
longer.
It can still do that.
That is if they don't changethe goals too drastically.
That is if they don't keepsetting the goals to where
they're never attainable, whichI worry that that might be the
case because of other thingsgoing on within the company.
But then I hear people say,well, just go get another job.
(15:04):
Well, yes, if it were that easy, absolutely Absolutely.
Who wouldn't do that if it werethat easy?
And, as we all know, it's atough job market right now
Different conversation.
So I'm not going to go intothat and I am working on some
things on the side.
We'll see what happens, we'llsee what opens up.
But let me get back to what Iwas saying is that, in the state
(15:27):
of overwhelm, what comes up forme is like, as a single person,
I'm managing a teenager, ateenage boy who's really rocking
and rolling into his hormones,and boy.
That's an interesting place.
Like we could have a wholeepisode just on the meanness of
teenagers.
The who the fuck are you?
Who, the what?
(15:47):
What did you just say to me?
Like, who the hell are you, youknow?
So that's, that's a piece oflife.
There's the mortgage, thehousehold and, as I talked about
in my single parent heavy, youknow the heaviness of being a
parent, a single parent there'sthe whole mortgage, the whole
nut, right, the whole householdthat has to be managed from a
(16:11):
fiscal point of view and justyou know, like let's not even
talk about the money that needsto come in, let's just talk
about that.
You got to make sure you payall the bills on time and you
got to make sure you got all thebills whether they're on auto
pay or not, it doesn't matter.
Like you got to think about allthe bills right, all the bills,
all the time.
And then you've got, you know,animals, if you have pets, and
(16:36):
you got to manage thoseschedules.
And then you have to manageyour children's schedules if
they're playing sports, if youknow, and not to mention, what's
really important to me isreally being there for my son
right now with grades and movingthrough middle school, and
making sure that you know he'snot just skating by, that he's
feeling good, that he's feelingconfident, that he's feeling
empowered to achieve and attainthat which he is asked to do.
You know, because you knowanother dear friend of mine who
(16:59):
reached out to me this last week, which was amazing.
I hadn't spoken to this personin like seven years.
It was so great to talk withhim and we just went there, we
just went deep in theconversation.
But we were talking about, youknow, setting our kids up so
that life may be tough on thefront end, because they're doing
all the work, they're puttingin all the time, they're putting
(17:20):
in all the dues, but so thatwhen they get to say my age,
they're skating through,relaxing.
Maybe they're still doing somethings working on things,
achieving, attaining but it'snot in this place where they're
having to build, build, build,build, build, like I'm still in
a building phase.
For God's sake, I'm still in abuilding phase.
That's not what I want for myson.
(17:40):
I want him to be like in thecoasting phase at this age and
what that means is I need to bethere for him right now.
I I've always been there forhim, but I feel and I can see
that he's needing me newly toreally help him hone and
practice and sharpen thoseskills of you know.
(18:01):
Achievement attaining likeputting in the effort, the extra
effort, and what that does onthe back end and how you feel
about yourself when you put inthat effort right.
Another part of the overwhelm inmy life is dating.
Dating can be daunting Notdaunting, but it's a lot of work
(18:23):
, you know, to put myself outthere, to be in the dating space
, to be in the dating world.
It takes energy and it takestime and it takes me having to
redirect my attention and thatcan add to my overwhelm Making
sure that my health and fitnessare in check.
(18:44):
Health and fitness is a hugething moving through menopause
on the other side of it butthere's still like managing and
navigating how my body feels,how my body looks to me.
I'm not worried about how itlooks to anybody else.
Honestly, it's like how itlooks to me and how I feel in it
and how it feels.
Am I achy or do I feel goodtoday?
(19:05):
And I have this knee situationthat I'm still managing and
navigating and have to get.
I'm trying not to get surgeryon it, but there are things like
that.
So I also think about oh, getdone.
And then I recognize that I'mjust, I'm just skating by, I'm
(19:36):
just getting the bare minimum ofthings done, and I'm exhausted
by the end of the day and I willoften, in this state of
overwhelm, not feel like I'veaccomplished much, not feel like
I've attained much, that I'mjust surviving and treading
water, and I'm treading waternot lightly, like I'm treading
(19:59):
water to save my life, becausethe shark is coming.
That is what overwhelm feelslike, and what I'll do is I will
tend to continue to distractmyself with things that aren't
(20:21):
really necessary.
Another thing that just poppedin my mind you know I have an
acre of property.
There's a lot of work to do onmy property.
There's a lot of things.
There's a lot of work to do onmy property.
There's a lot of things.
There's a lot of projects hereat this house that can be done.
But instead of focusing on theprojects, I'll do things like
I'm going to go to a concert,I'm going to go to a festival,
(20:42):
I'm going to go do this, I'mgoing to go do that.
I will notice that I'm wantingto do things outside of my space
to escape that which I don'twant to look at here, when the
truth is, I love being here,love my home it's beautiful,
love it here.
It's so peaceful.
We love it.
But when I'm not focusing onthat and I'm looking to be
(21:06):
outside of that, those are allsigns for me that something's
going on.
To be outside of that, thoseare all signs for me that
something's going on.
So I want to get back to thepoint of this and hopefully not
make this episode too long, butI really wanted to get on here
and talk about this because I'mup against it right now.
(21:27):
I'm talking about being on thecourt of life, what it looks
like for me when I'm on thecourt of life and maybe this
might look like for the same,you know, for some of you
listening like what does it looklike being on the court of life
?
Are you playing full out?
Are you, are you skirting bycertain situations?
Are you choosing to to lookunder the rock and figure out
(21:50):
what's really going on?
What's really going on andthat's where I'm at right now is
I've been asking God literallyevery day.
One of the things I always sayand I might have said this on
other episodes is show me thetruth of myself and show me the
truth of others.
Well, god has gotten reallygood at showing me the truth of
others.
Well, god has gotten reallygood at showing me the truth of
(22:10):
others.
I recently went on an amazingdate.
He just walked up and justunloaded, just unloaded, and I
was like, well, okay, I'mlistening, I got this, I'm
listening, and he told me allkinds of truth about himself,
which was beautiful, beautiful.
He's a beautiful soul, such anawesome dude.
(22:32):
Love this guy, he's so much fun.
Great guy.
Um.
But we also chose that.
You know there were, as therewere, pieces of what we were
both wanting.
That wasn't a total fit, and sothat was that move it on, um,
but it was really beautiful.
It's really beautiful.
He's a incredible soul.
(22:54):
But I also started recognizingthis week, like, although I'll
say, show me the truth of myselfand show me the truth of others
, I often don't always look atmyself's truths.
So I was like huh, like thankyou for always telling me the
(23:15):
truth of others, showing me thetruth of others, but what about
mine?
Am I really looking at my truth?
But what about mine?
Am I really looking at my truth?
Am I really being honest withmyself about things?
Am I really seeing the truth ofwho I'm being right now?
(23:35):
And what I recognize is who I'mbeing is in a complete state of
overwhelm, not managing thingsat the level that I like to
manage them and not managingthem at the level of what I
would say could move me to thenext level of success.
What I also just heard in mymind is that's not the truth,
(23:58):
because there are things thatI'm creating and I'm absolutely
moving things to the next level,absolutely, and I need to
recognize that.
So I'm gonna say out there forthose of you when you find that
you're saying negative things toyourself, like I don't wanna
(24:19):
say I was beating myself up byany means, but when I'm saying,
oh yeah, you're not doing allthat you can be doing to move to
the next level.
That is so not true.
I absolutely am.
But I'm also aware that thespace that I'm in right now
doesn't feel like it and it, andI know that there are things
going on in the background.
We all must remember thatthings are going on in the
(24:41):
background.
We all must remember thatthings are going on in the
background.
I just saw boredom.
Okay, boredom came up.
Boredom is also something I'vebeen struggling with and
grappling with, and it is insideof this space of overwhelm.
Like I'm bored with certainthings.
Like I'm bored with foodlogging.
(25:01):
I'm bored with certain things.
Like I'm bored with foodlogging.
I'm bored with my workouts.
I'm bored with my life lookingthe way it looks in this
particular stage of life.
Like I want something excitingand I want something to really
open up.
Ooh, wow, you know.
Like I want some big like shift.
It's like, do you really?
Maybe you don't, maybe youdon't, but what I know is that
(25:24):
there are things that arealigning in the background.
I even find that I'm bored withdating, and you know what it is
.
I'm just okay.
I'm so glad I'm sharing allthis with all of you today and
thank you and bear with me.
It's showing me that I'm at aparticular stage in
conversations where I just haveto keep doing what there is to
(25:47):
do.
I'm in that gap.
Remember, from the very firstepisode, the gap of life.
I'm in a gap, a big one.
It's like encompassing allareas of my life, and there is
an aspect of uncertainty,there's an aspect of fear and
(26:11):
there's an aspect of boredom,and what there is for me to do
is to keep doing exactly what Iknow to do.
And I'll use this as theexample Keep food logging, keep
doing the same workouts.
If you want to change it up,add a bike ride or add some
rowing or go for a run, but keepdoing the workouts, keep doing
(26:38):
the things I got to do with myson.
You know, in the realm of dating, I mean, I could turn dating
off.
I could, or I could just keepallowing myself to be open, not
have a whole lot of expectation.
Just keep moving, just keepdoing what you know to do.
And it's almost as if you needto.
(27:02):
You need to really master thestructures that are in place for
each of those things andbalancing them, and maybe that's
what's missing for me is thebalance of all of those
structures.
One of the things that alwayshelped me when I recognize that
(27:22):
I'm in this state is, for one,taking a deep breath and just
like giving myself the space andgrace to just be okay, like
you're okay, tara, it's going tobe okay, but to write down all
the things that I know I need todo, that I haven't done yet and
that and that, even likewashing the dogs, bathing the
(27:46):
dogs, you know, mailing thisitem that I've been meaning to
mail to my friend for months,returning a couple of articles
back to a couple items back toAmazon that you know are just
sitting on my counter, cleaningmy house, like really cleaning
(28:07):
it, dusting, vacuuming, moppingnot spot cleaning Clearing out
all the clutter in every roomand taking it to the goodwill.
I keep saying I'm going to sellstuff on Facebook because I
love, love Facebook marketplaceand I sell a shit ton of stuff
there, but I just don't have thetime right now.
(28:28):
I'm in a state of overwhelm,like the last thing I need to do
is to try and take pictures ofall this stuff and then create
ads and like, oh no, just takeit to the goodwill girl, just
take it to the goodwill, take itto the goodwill, girl, just
take it to the goodwill.
When I take the time to writedown all the things that I know
(28:49):
I have to do, that I'm avoiding.
That removes it out of my brainand it puts it on a piece of
paper and it allows me oh well,can we add the budget.
Budget, tara, budget.
That's the big avoidant rightthere.
And if any of you are DaveRamsey fans God love Dave Ramsey
(29:11):
, that man, as a matter of fact,I need to start listening to
him again.
He has saved my bacon so manytimes throughout my life.
I listen to that man.
I'm like, oh God, get back ontrack with that, tara.
That's the big thing.
If I'm dealing with money andfreaked out by money, hello,
start budgeting.
But I'm like, no, just avoid it, just avoid it, it'll go away.
(29:32):
No, it won't go away.
It won't go away, tara.
Like telling myself won't goaway, girl.
So back to what are the thingsthat I do?
I write down a list and then Itake that list and I start
marking one thing off at a timeand literally and viscerally in
(29:58):
my body.
I will feel the lift, I willfeel the shift and I will feel
the lightness and the burdenremoved and then doors begin to
open, integrity is back in placeand my life begins to move with
a level of rigor and flow.
(30:18):
And it's like the floodgatesopen and flow.
And it's like the floodgatesopen and as I sit here and share
all this with you, I'm thinkinggirl, why the hell haven't you
done that?
And it's literally because whenoverwhelm occurs for me, I
freeze like a deer in headlightsand I want to do nothing.
(30:42):
So when I recognize that I am ina state of overwhelm, what
there is for me to do is torecognize that I'm frozen, that
I'm stalled and that I'm stopped, and then what there is for me
to do is do not beat myself up.
(31:03):
Don't beat myself up, likewhat's that going to do?
It's not going to do anything.
The first thing I have to do ispick up the pen, put it on
paper, and then the next thing Ihave to do is start marking it
off, start doing it, and thenthe next thing I have to do is
(31:26):
start marking it off, startdoing it.
So I wanted to be crazy, wild,honest with where I'm at today
Because life is real and this iswhat it looks like for me to be
on the court.
And right now there's a lot ofdirt and dust and obstacles on
(31:47):
my court, because I've been in astate of overwhelm and the
obstacles are just things likethings that need to be removed
off of my to-do list and thingsthat I just haven't felt like
doing.
You know, and I'm going to dothem, and what that will shift
and open up for the next episodewe'll see, because I really
(32:08):
want to dive into self-love.
But this is what self-lovelooks like for me.
What can it look like for you?
Self-love looks like for me andbeing on the court looks like
let's discover what's going on,tara, let's really take a look
at the truth of you, like whatreally is happening and why do
(32:29):
you feel uncomfortable and whereis that discomfort coming from
and what are you going to dowith it?
That's what it's about.
So being on the court of lifelooks like it's a game and it
(32:52):
may feel like work, and thereare times when, absolutely, you
got to dig in and do the work,like you just got to do it and
because nobody's going to do itfor you, I guess somebody could
do it for you, but in my case Igot nobody here to do it for me.
(33:13):
I'm going to have to do it.
I'm going to have to own up,pull my big girl panties on,
stop my moping around and myrolling around and overwhelm,
and get some things marked offmy to-do list and begin to
recultivate that experience ofinspiration and motivation and
(33:35):
really dissolving the space offear.
There is nothing to fear.
Let's get back to the root ofwhere this all came from.
There's nothing to fear in thearea of my career or my finances
.
Fear is false events appearing.
Real.
Fear means I'm stuck in afuture, projected concern or
(34:00):
worry, and I'm throwing that outthere on the illusion of my
life.
Remember, we talked about theillusion of your life and I just
threw that out there andmuddied up the space.
And that's okay, I'm human.
That's what happens sometimes.
The human design will do that.
You know.
The human brain will do that.
It's designed to keep you safeand to keep you from dying, and
(34:25):
that's what in our you, in ourworld today, we're not running
from saber-toothed lions ortigers.
We're now running from the taxman and the bill collectors.
So that's it.
That's what sparks my fearthat's what gets those embers
(34:45):
burning is when something getstweaked in my experience of
financial gain and poses athreat, a threat to the
situation, and the only onethat's going to change that and
get myself out of that is goingto be me.
(35:05):
So you know, there's this partof me like okay, so what do you
want to leave them with?
I mean, I guess that's it.
Like there's, this is just realshit.
I'm on the court today.
Y'all.
I'm on the court.
I'm always on the court, butthis time I'm really on the
court and I hope you can, youknow, hear something for
yourself and allow something toresonate for you.
(35:26):
But this is what it looks likefor me today is that I'm on the
court and the shit feels heavyand I have been rolling around
and overwhelmed, and what I'llcommit to doing is writing down
my list of all the things I knowI got to get done, that I
haven't been doing, and I'll getthem marked off my plate.
And one of the things is I wentahead and requested time off
(35:48):
because, as a single full-timeparent, you know I have to
request time off to sometimestake care of my life, because
weekends are filled with crazy,like all kinds of other things?
And when did weekends becomejust the days that you get
caught up on all the things youdidn't get to do over the week?
Right, there's no freedom inthat, but it's the reality of
(36:12):
the kind of world we're livingin right now.
Can we change that world?
We can.
Am I committed to the changeand the transformation of that
world?
I am, and what it looks likeand where it starts is with me.
So this week I had to look at myoverwhelm.
I had to get real with my fear.
I have to look at all thethings I'm up to and all the
(36:36):
things I'm not up to.
I have to reprioritize what'simportant to me.
But most important is put itall down on paper.
Stop having it live in my head.
My head is already full.
You ever feel that.
You ever feel like your head isalready full.
Like, how in God's name, do weput any more in our heads than
(36:59):
we already do?
It's crazy, it's wild how muchinformation we hold in our heads
and at some point you have torelease it.
You have to let it go.
I will leave it there and Iwant to thank all of you for
joining me on this journey,joining me on this ride.
I hope there was something thatI've shared today that triggered
(37:24):
, you know, any resonance foryou.
Not Not resonance, but justtriggered some new thought
process or perspective foryourself, so that you could take
a look at your life.
And what does it mean to be onthe court of life for you, what
does it mean to play hard?
What does it mean to you know,really win the game called life?
(37:44):
And what does winning even looklike for you?
For me, winning feels likepeace, bliss, freedom,
expression I just heardsensuality and sexuality, like
all of that.
When I feel like I'm winning inlife, I feel all of that.
(38:06):
I feel peace, love, joy.
I feel expressed, I feelsensual, I feel sexual.
I'm just going to admit that,yeah, bring it.
I feel really amazing when Ifeel I'm winning the game of
life and when I'm not, I feel alittle up against it, get a
(38:31):
little overwhelmed, got to lookaround the court and say, oh my
God, who's open?
I think I need to pass the ball.
Who's open?
Or are they passing it to me?
Or where's the ball?
I got to shoot the ball, wheream I going to shoot it, like all
those things it's like yeah,where are you in the ball?
I got to shoot the ball.
Where am I going to shoot it?
Like all those things it's like, yeah, where are you in the
(38:52):
game, tara?
Are you passing shooting?
Are you open?
Where are you?
Get focused, get clear, getback in the game.
When I say life's happening foryou, not to you, it's happening
for all of us.
And when you're on the court ofit, you got to get in.
So I'm going to leave you withthat until next week or the next
(39:15):
episode.
I just want to thank all of youfor joining me.
I feel honored and blessed tobe with you, those of you
listening and just thanks, andhave a beautiful rest of your
weekend.
See you soon.
Thank you for coming on thishealing adventure today.
If you're starting to see howeverything is falling into place
(39:36):
for you, consider rating theshow and sharing it with one of
your friends.
Keep that spirit alive and joinme next week.
Same place, same time.
Have a next week Same place,same time.
Have a great week.
Welcome back to the intuitive mentor mom podcast,
where we explore strategies forpracticing more self love,
gratitude and finding new waysto empower ourselves in this
ever changing healing adventureof life happening for us.
I'm your host, tara.
Michelle.
Let's get started.
Welcome back to the show.
Thank you so much for joiningus here.
(00:27):
I'm excited to be with all ofyou this week and to dive in.
What I was sharing last week orthe last couple of weeks ago was
how we're going to be talkingabout playing on the court of
life and what it looks like toplay full out on the court of
life and playing on the court oflife and what it looks like to
play full out on the court oflife and playing on the court of
life.
(00:47):
You know we have different,different facets or I'll say
different quadrants.
One might say quadrants of lifewhere you've got health and
wellbeing, you have finances,you have household, you have
children, you have, or we couldsay parenting, parenting and
children.
We can say family.
(01:10):
What else can we say?
Spirituality, your connectionto self or your connection to
God, self-love, self-carethere's all these different
areas of being on the court oflife.
This has come up because I havea dear friend.
(01:31):
We laugh and we joke.
We were joking about it todayhow we play full out in the
court of life.
On the court, and when I thinkof myself or when I think of us
in the world, people playingfull out on the court of life, I
(01:51):
always see it as a basketballgame.
I see it as a big basketballcourt and there's myself in the
center.
I've got the ball, or sometimesI may not have the ball.
I've got the ball.
Or sometimes I may not have theball and there are other
players on the court with me.
Sometimes we're passing theball back and forth, sometimes
(02:12):
somebody's keeping the ball.
I'm trying to get the ball, ormaybe I'm not open, or they pass
to me, I miss the ball, andthen there's all the people on
the sidelines watching the game.
What I've always envisionedwhen I think about playing full
out on the court of life,because there have been many
(02:34):
times where I've been sitting onthe sidelines.
And then there's other aspectsof my life where I'm full out,
full court, press, playing thegame of life, and when doing
that, there were many times inmy life where I had this very
(02:55):
tra-la-la view of how life wouldbe when I was a young person
Like life will turn out justlike this I'll live here, I'll
have that, and da, da, da, da,da da.
And then life happens right.
You can wake up and recognizethat when you're playing full
(03:17):
court press, when you are reallyplaying life, it can be really
messy at times.
You're running up and down thecourt, the score is tied, it's
(03:39):
high, depending on if you're onoffense or defense.
Just imagine the speed of abasketball game.
I'm not sure if any of you watchbasketball.
I used to be a big basketballfollower.
I don't follow it anymore.
It's such a funny thing whenthere's not a quote unquote.
Like partner man in the house,I don't watch sports, although I
love sports.
Is that the funniest thing?
Like, I love to go to games,love to watch them, but I won't
(03:59):
watch them on my own.
I won't just sit down.
I shouldn't say it.
Sometimes I do Like I've turnedon a few of like the, like
Alabama and UT, okay, somethinglike that.
Like I'll put on a big game orI'll watch the Superbowl, you
know, or the playoffs orsomething the NBA playoffs.
(04:20):
I'll do something like that.
But I don't typically turnsports on.
But I always envision life likethis high speed, high chase
basketball game and I'm on thecourt and my knees are sometimes
bloody, the score is high,sometimes I'm down, the score is
(04:47):
high, sometimes I'm down, youknow, and I want to talk about
that, and I want to talk aboutit in a few different areas over
the next few weeks.
The one area I do want to focuson, because I think it's so
important, is self-love andself-care.
Self-love and self-care arereally special and really
(05:12):
important and I think somethingas any mom can relate to is so
necessary and so key when doingyour best to be the best that
you can be for your children.
So I want to dive intoself-love.
But one of the things I want todo today is I want to put my
ass on the line, because whatI'm up against and I do believe
this has a connection toself-love is recognizing and
(05:35):
being aware that as a parent andas a mother as a single parent
I am very much deep in the stateof overwhelm.
As a single parent, I am verymuch deep in the state of
overwhelm and what that lookslike in my life, and let me know
, really, if this resonates forany of you, and I've been in the
(05:58):
state of overwhelm for a while.
I'll say really probably thelast 90 days.
I can probably certifiably sayI am in the state of overwhelm
and I'm trying no, not trying,I've been avoiding it.
What overwhelm looks like in myworld is the house doesn't get
(06:25):
cleaned.
There's clutter everywhere.
In my mind.
Some people come over andthey're like your house is never
messy.
I'm like oh, it's messy.
Don't go into my bathroom.
Maybe the kitchen and thedining room and the living room
look clean, but don't go in anyother rooms because you'll see
piles, you'll see dust, you'llsee things everywhere and I know
that's.
(06:45):
It takes me a while torecognize when I get there.
But when I start looking aroundand I see that I'm not putting
things away, it's a trigger forme like, oh man, am I an
overwhelm?
And it'll take me a while torecognize it.
But then I'll putter around thehouse and I'll put some things
away and I'll take me a while torecognize it.
But then I'll putter around thehouse and I'll put some things
(07:06):
away and I'll do some things,you know.
But I'm going to admit I'm deepin a state of overwhelm.
My closet keeps filling withthings, yet I'm not removing
things, removing some things,but not all the things.
So what that means is I'mpurchasing things Like I start
(07:32):
to buy things to fill some kindof void that I'm not wanting to
look at within me.
I will get really tired, I willget unmotivated, I will have a
lack of inspiration.
I will.
What else does my overwhelmlook like?
(07:53):
I wrote some things down here.
You know what I wrote down Fearembers.
Fear embers, like, imagine afire, you know the embers of a
fire that starts to occur in mygut, but it's, it's fear Like,
it's like a fear fire startingto build up in my gut, like a
(08:19):
feeling, an energetic feeling.
And I call it embers becauseit's a slow, low, quiet burn.
It's not yet overtaken me, butit's starting to.
It's starting to rise up.
Okay, so fear embers.
And over the last couple ofweeks I've been calling one of
(08:42):
myself like oh yeah, I'm.
Last couple of weeks I've beencalling one of myself like, oh
yeah, I'm definitely in a stateof overwhelm and I'm not doing a
lot about it.
Well, I am doing some things,I'm recognizing it and I'll go
to take action, but then I stopmyself and there's fear there.
(09:03):
Where mine is coming from, isthe fear of the lack of income
coming in.
So if any of you have listenedto earlier episodes, you know I
was laid off earlier this yearand then I then got this role
(09:23):
that I have right now and therewas aspects and elements of it
looking really good, only tolearn it's not as good, as I
hate to say, as I was told.
I hate to say that becausethere's something about me not
(09:46):
taking ownership of that, butthe structure in which has been
handed to us on the commissionside is not at all easily
attained.
Not at all.
It is almost unattainable, andthat has created levels of fear,
(10:11):
fear embers to start to burn orbubble in my gut.
I would say that's at the rootand the source of the overwhelm,
because it's as if I can see itout there, right, like I know,
like when I see it happening,I'm like, oh shit.
But rather than face it head on, I'm gonna recognize that I
(10:35):
didn't face it head on in themoment that I started
recognizing.
Instead, I went to a place offrustration, anger, pointing the
fingers outward instead ofpointing them right back at me.
I'll own that for sure.
Now.
It doesn't mean that the goal isstill attainable.
(10:58):
It's attainable, but not in thetimeframe in which we're given.
It's just going gonna take time.
It's gonna take longer to growthe territory and to have the
reimbursements, because I'm setup on a revenue pay structure.
If any of you are familiar withinsurance billing, it takes a
(11:20):
while for insurance billing andreimbursements to come through.
So even if you're so basicallyyou're getting paid in arrears,
like even though you're, eventhough you're producing the
volume of numbers that thatpayment isn't going to come for
(11:40):
a while because it takes timefor them to then bill the
insurance companies and get thereimbursement.
So that has been a daunting,frustrating piece in my life
over the last 90 days of reallyrecognizing oh shit, and what
(12:02):
that means for the rest of myyear.
What that then triggered wasthis aspect of me where I go
into the procrastination mode.
There's something about and I'mjust going to kind of work
(12:22):
through this here y'all becausethis is a big one, you know even
getting on to record an episodetoday was was tough for me
because I'm really in it.
I'm deep in it right now andhere's what I know about who I
am.
Who I am is a badass, you know,not like a badass with an ego,
but like a badass like I knowthat I will figure shit out.
(12:45):
I figure shit out.
That's what I do.
I just figure shit out, andsometimes I have to give myself
a really swift kick in the assto make shit out.
That's what I do.
I just figure shit out.
And sometimes I have to givemyself a really swift kick in
the ass to make shit happen,because I get in this state of
overwhelm and I can even feelthe block right now.
(13:05):
The block right now, what itfeels like in my gut and it
actually made me cry feels likeit doesn't want to tell me what,
like it doesn't want to show methe blind spot.
It does not want to show me theblind spot because if it shows
me, if my ego shows me the blindspot, that means that this way
of being, that means that thisstrategy that I had at some
(13:29):
point in my life, created as achild I created the
procrastination or the overwhelmas a way and an excuse to get
out of, to get out of, you know,operating at a certain level,
because there was some kind ofsurvival mechanism attached to
it.
Like I got to survive thissituation, like my ego doesn't
want me to see that.
Because if I see it, then itdoesn't get to play anymore, it
(13:52):
doesn't get to be the thing thatblocks me anymore, it doesn't
get to be a strategy that's used.
And this is what it looks likefor me at least.
I can't speak for anybody outthere, but this is what it looks
like when I really am on thecourt of life.
I look at my shit in a waythat's really uncomfortable and
(14:17):
I didn't know what I was goingto talk about this week.
But I guess this is it becauseit's real for me, the overwhelm,
and so one would say, okay,well, what?
What is overwhelmed for you,tara?
Well, overwhelm is, you knowwhen you may not have.
Let's see, the means are abovewhat's coming in.
Okay, because the previous jobprovided me a really great
(14:40):
income.
This job was supposed to dothat and it's just going to take
longer.
It can still do that.
That is if they don't changethe goals too drastically.
That is if they don't keepsetting the goals to where
they're never attainable, whichI worry that that might be the
case because of other thingsgoing on within the company.
But then I hear people say,well, just go get another job.
(15:04):
Well, yes, if it were that easy, absolutely Absolutely.
Who wouldn't do that if it werethat easy?
And, as we all know, it's atough job market right now
Different conversation.
So I'm not going to go intothat and I am working on some
things on the side.
We'll see what happens, we'llsee what opens up.
But let me get back to what Iwas saying is that, in the state
(15:27):
of overwhelm, what comes up forme is like, as a single person,
I'm managing a teenager, ateenage boy who's really rocking
and rolling into his hormones,and boy.
That's an interesting place.
Like we could have a wholeepisode just on the meanness of
teenagers.
The who the fuck are you?
Who, the what?
(15:47):
What did you just say to me?
Like, who the hell are you, youknow?
So that's, that's a piece oflife.
There's the mortgage, thehousehold and, as I talked about
in my single parent heavy, youknow the heaviness of being a
parent, a single parent there'sthe whole mortgage, the whole
nut, right, the whole householdthat has to be managed from a
(16:11):
fiscal point of view and justyou know, like let's not even
talk about the money that needsto come in, let's just talk
about that.
You got to make sure you payall the bills on time and you
got to make sure you got all thebills whether they're on auto
pay or not, it doesn't matter.
Like you got to think about allthe bills right, all the bills,
all the time.
And then you've got, you know,animals, if you have pets, and
(16:36):
you got to manage thoseschedules.
And then you have to manageyour children's schedules if
they're playing sports, if youknow, and not to mention, what's
really important to me isreally being there for my son
right now with grades and movingthrough middle school, and
making sure that you know he'snot just skating by, that he's
feeling good, that he's feelingconfident, that he's feeling
empowered to achieve and attainthat which he is asked to do.
You know, because you knowanother dear friend of mine who
(16:59):
reached out to me this last week, which was amazing.
I hadn't spoken to this personin like seven years.
It was so great to talk withhim and we just went there, we
just went deep in theconversation.
But we were talking about, youknow, setting our kids up so
that life may be tough on thefront end, because they're doing
all the work, they're puttingin all the time, they're putting
(17:20):
in all the dues, but so thatwhen they get to say my age,
they're skating through,relaxing.
Maybe they're still doing somethings working on things,
achieving, attaining but it'snot in this place where they're
having to build, build, build,build, build, like I'm still in
a building phase.
For God's sake, I'm still in abuilding phase.
That's not what I want for myson.
(17:40):
I want him to be like in thecoasting phase at this age and
what that means is I need to bethere for him right now.
I I've always been there forhim, but I feel and I can see
that he's needing me newly toreally help him hone and
practice and sharpen thoseskills of you know.
(18:01):
Achievement attaining likeputting in the effort, the extra
effort, and what that does onthe back end and how you feel
about yourself when you put inthat effort right.
Another part of the overwhelm inmy life is dating.
Dating can be daunting Notdaunting, but it's a lot of work
(18:23):
, you know, to put myself outthere, to be in the dating space
, to be in the dating world.
It takes energy and it takestime and it takes me having to
redirect my attention and thatcan add to my overwhelm Making
sure that my health and fitnessare in check.
(18:44):
Health and fitness is a hugething moving through menopause
on the other side of it butthere's still like managing and
navigating how my body feels,how my body looks to me.
I'm not worried about how itlooks to anybody else.
Honestly, it's like how itlooks to me and how I feel in it
and how it feels.
Am I achy or do I feel goodtoday?
(19:05):
And I have this knee situationthat I'm still managing and
navigating and have to get.
I'm trying not to get surgeryon it, but there are things like
that.
So I also think about oh, getdone.
And then I recognize that I'mjust, I'm just skating by, I'm
(19:36):
just getting the bare minimum ofthings done, and I'm exhausted
by the end of the day and I willoften, in this state of
overwhelm, not feel like I'veaccomplished much, not feel like
I've attained much, that I'mjust surviving and treading
water, and I'm treading waternot lightly, like I'm treading
(19:59):
water to save my life, becausethe shark is coming.
That is what overwhelm feelslike, and what I'll do is I will
tend to continue to distractmyself with things that aren't
(20:21):
really necessary.
Another thing that just poppedin my mind you know I have an
acre of property.
There's a lot of work to do onmy property.
There's a lot of things.
There's a lot of work to do onmy property.
There's a lot of things.
There's a lot of projects hereat this house that can be done.
But instead of focusing on theprojects, I'll do things like
I'm going to go to a concert,I'm going to go to a festival,
(20:42):
I'm going to go do this, I'mgoing to go do that.
I will notice that I'm wantingto do things outside of my space
to escape that which I don'twant to look at here, when the
truth is, I love being here,love my home it's beautiful,
love it here.
It's so peaceful.
We love it.
But when I'm not focusing onthat and I'm looking to be
(21:06):
outside of that, those are allsigns for me that something's
going on.
To be outside of that, thoseare all signs for me that
something's going on.
So I want to get back to thepoint of this and hopefully not
make this episode too long, butI really wanted to get on here
and talk about this because I'mup against it right now.
(21:27):
I'm talking about being on thecourt of life, what it looks
like for me when I'm on thecourt of life and maybe this
might look like for the same,you know, for some of you
listening like what does it looklike being on the court of life
?
Are you playing full out?
Are you, are you skirting bycertain situations?
Are you choosing to to lookunder the rock and figure out
(21:50):
what's really going on?
What's really going on andthat's where I'm at right now is
I've been asking God literallyevery day.
One of the things I always sayand I might have said this on
other episodes is show me thetruth of myself and show me the
truth of others.
Well, god has gotten reallygood at showing me the truth of
others.
Well, god has gotten reallygood at showing me the truth of
(22:10):
others.
I recently went on an amazingdate.
He just walked up and justunloaded, just unloaded, and I
was like, well, okay, I'mlistening, I got this, I'm
listening, and he told me allkinds of truth about himself,
which was beautiful, beautiful.
He's a beautiful soul, such anawesome dude.
(22:32):
Love this guy, he's so much fun.
Great guy.
Um.
But we also chose that.
You know there were, as therewere, pieces of what we were
both wanting.
That wasn't a total fit, and sothat was that move it on, um,
but it was really beautiful.
It's really beautiful.
He's a incredible soul.
(22:54):
But I also started recognizingthis week, like, although I'll
say, show me the truth of myselfand show me the truth of others
, I often don't always look atmyself's truths.
So I was like huh, like thankyou for always telling me the
(23:15):
truth of others, showing me thetruth of others, but what about
mine?
Am I really looking at my truth?
But what about mine?
Am I really looking at my truth?
Am I really being honest withmyself about things?
Am I really seeing the truth ofwho I'm being right now?
(23:35):
And what I recognize is who I'mbeing is in a complete state of
overwhelm, not managing thingsat the level that I like to
manage them and not managingthem at the level of what I
would say could move me to thenext level of success.
What I also just heard in mymind is that's not the truth,
(23:58):
because there are things thatI'm creating and I'm absolutely
moving things to the next level,absolutely, and I need to
recognize that.
So I'm gonna say out there forthose of you when you find that
you're saying negative things toyourself, like I don't wanna
(24:19):
say I was beating myself up byany means, but when I'm saying,
oh yeah, you're not doing allthat you can be doing to move to
the next level.
That is so not true.
I absolutely am.
But I'm also aware that thespace that I'm in right now
doesn't feel like it and it, andI know that there are things
going on in the background.
We all must remember thatthings are going on in the
(24:41):
background.
We all must remember thatthings are going on in the
background.
I just saw boredom.
Okay, boredom came up.
Boredom is also something I'vebeen struggling with and
grappling with, and it is insideof this space of overwhelm.
Like I'm bored with certainthings.
Like I'm bored with foodlogging.
(25:01):
I'm bored with certain things.
Like I'm bored with foodlogging.
I'm bored with my workouts.
I'm bored with my life lookingthe way it looks in this
particular stage of life.
Like I want something excitingand I want something to really
open up.
Ooh, wow, you know.
Like I want some big like shift.
It's like, do you really?
Maybe you don't, maybe youdon't, but what I know is that
(25:24):
there are things that arealigning in the background.
I even find that I'm bored withdating, and you know what it is
.
I'm just okay.
I'm so glad I'm sharing allthis with all of you today and
thank you and bear with me.
It's showing me that I'm at aparticular stage in
conversations where I just haveto keep doing what there is to
(25:47):
do.
I'm in that gap.
Remember, from the very firstepisode, the gap of life.
I'm in a gap, a big one.
It's like encompassing allareas of my life, and there is
an aspect of uncertainty,there's an aspect of fear and
(26:11):
there's an aspect of boredom,and what there is for me to do
is to keep doing exactly what Iknow to do.
And I'll use this as theexample Keep food logging, keep
doing the same workouts.
If you want to change it up,add a bike ride or add some
rowing or go for a run, but keepdoing the workouts, keep doing
(26:38):
the things I got to do with myson.
You know, in the realm of dating, I mean, I could turn dating
off.
I could, or I could just keepallowing myself to be open, not
have a whole lot of expectation.
Just keep moving, just keepdoing what you know to do.
And it's almost as if you needto.
(27:02):
You need to really master thestructures that are in place for
each of those things andbalancing them, and maybe that's
what's missing for me is thebalance of all of those
structures.
One of the things that alwayshelped me when I recognize that
(27:22):
I'm in this state is, for one,taking a deep breath and just
like giving myself the space andgrace to just be okay, like
you're okay, tara, it's going tobe okay, but to write down all
the things that I know I need todo, that I haven't done yet and
that and that, even likewashing the dogs, bathing the
(27:46):
dogs, you know, mailing thisitem that I've been meaning to
mail to my friend for months,returning a couple of articles
back to a couple items back toAmazon that you know are just
sitting on my counter, cleaningmy house, like really cleaning
(28:07):
it, dusting, vacuuming, moppingnot spot cleaning Clearing out
all the clutter in every roomand taking it to the goodwill.
I keep saying I'm going to sellstuff on Facebook because I
love, love Facebook marketplaceand I sell a shit ton of stuff
there, but I just don't have thetime right now.
(28:28):
I'm in a state of overwhelm,like the last thing I need to do
is to try and take pictures ofall this stuff and then create
ads and like, oh no, just takeit to the goodwill girl, just
take it to the goodwill, take itto the goodwill, girl, just
take it to the goodwill.
When I take the time to writedown all the things that I know
(28:49):
I have to do, that I'm avoiding.
That removes it out of my brainand it puts it on a piece of
paper and it allows me oh well,can we add the budget.
Budget, tara, budget.
That's the big avoidant rightthere.
And if any of you are DaveRamsey fans God love Dave Ramsey
(29:11):
, that man, as a matter of fact,I need to start listening to
him again.
He has saved my bacon so manytimes throughout my life.
I listen to that man.
I'm like, oh God, get back ontrack with that, tara.
That's the big thing.
If I'm dealing with money andfreaked out by money, hello,
start budgeting.
But I'm like, no, just avoid it, just avoid it, it'll go away.
(29:32):
No, it won't go away.
It won't go away, tara.
Like telling myself won't goaway, girl.
So back to what are the thingsthat I do?
I write down a list and then Itake that list and I start
marking one thing off at a timeand literally and viscerally in
(29:58):
my body.
I will feel the lift, I willfeel the shift and I will feel
the lightness and the burdenremoved and then doors begin to
open, integrity is back in placeand my life begins to move with
a level of rigor and flow.
(30:18):
And it's like the floodgatesopen and flow.
And it's like the floodgatesopen and as I sit here and share
all this with you, I'm thinkinggirl, why the hell haven't you
done that?
And it's literally because whenoverwhelm occurs for me, I
freeze like a deer in headlightsand I want to do nothing.
(30:42):
So when I recognize that I am ina state of overwhelm, what
there is for me to do is torecognize that I'm frozen, that
I'm stalled and that I'm stopped, and then what there is for me
to do is do not beat myself up.
(31:03):
Don't beat myself up, likewhat's that going to do?
It's not going to do anything.
The first thing I have to do ispick up the pen, put it on
paper, and then the next thing Ihave to do is start marking it
off, start doing it, and thenthe next thing I have to do is
(31:26):
start marking it off, startdoing it.
So I wanted to be crazy, wild,honest with where I'm at today
Because life is real and this iswhat it looks like for me to be
on the court.
And right now there's a lot ofdirt and dust and obstacles on
(31:47):
my court, because I've been in astate of overwhelm and the
obstacles are just things likethings that need to be removed
off of my to-do list and thingsthat I just haven't felt like
doing.
You know, and I'm going to dothem, and what that will shift
and open up for the next episodewe'll see, because I really
(32:08):
want to dive into self-love.
But this is what self-lovelooks like for me.
What can it look like for you?
Self-love looks like for me andbeing on the court looks like
let's discover what's going on,tara, let's really take a look
at the truth of you, like whatreally is happening and why do
(32:29):
you feel uncomfortable and whereis that discomfort coming from
and what are you going to dowith it?
That's what it's about.
So being on the court of lifelooks like it's a game and it
(32:52):
may feel like work, and thereare times when, absolutely, you
got to dig in and do the work,like you just got to do it and
because nobody's going to do itfor you, I guess somebody could
do it for you, but in my case Igot nobody here to do it for me.
(33:13):
I'm going to have to do it.
I'm going to have to own up,pull my big girl panties on,
stop my moping around and myrolling around and overwhelm,
and get some things marked offmy to-do list and begin to
recultivate that experience ofinspiration and motivation and
(33:35):
really dissolving the space offear.
There is nothing to fear.
Let's get back to the root ofwhere this all came from.
There's nothing to fear in thearea of my career or my finances
.
Fear is false events appearing.
Real.
Fear means I'm stuck in afuture, projected concern or
(34:00):
worry, and I'm throwing that outthere on the illusion of my
life.
Remember, we talked about theillusion of your life and I just
threw that out there andmuddied up the space.
And that's okay, I'm human.
That's what happens sometimes.
The human design will do that.
You know.
The human brain will do that.
It's designed to keep you safeand to keep you from dying, and
(34:25):
that's what in our you, in ourworld today, we're not running
from saber-toothed lions ortigers.
We're now running from the taxman and the bill collectors.
So that's it.
That's what sparks my fearthat's what gets those embers
(34:45):
burning is when something getstweaked in my experience of
financial gain and poses athreat, a threat to the
situation, and the only onethat's going to change that and
get myself out of that is goingto be me.
(35:05):
So you know, there's this partof me like okay, so what do you
want to leave them with?
I mean, I guess that's it.
Like there's, this is just realshit.
I'm on the court today.
Y'all.
I'm on the court.
I'm always on the court, butthis time I'm really on the
court and I hope you can, youknow, hear something for
yourself and allow something toresonate for you.
(35:26):
But this is what it looks likefor me today is that I'm on the
court and the shit feels heavyand I have been rolling around
and overwhelmed, and what I'llcommit to doing is writing down
my list of all the things I knowI got to get done, that I
haven't been doing, and I'll getthem marked off my plate.
And one of the things is I wentahead and requested time off
(35:48):
because, as a single full-timeparent, you know I have to
request time off to sometimestake care of my life, because
weekends are filled with crazy,like all kinds of other things?
And when did weekends becomejust the days that you get
caught up on all the things youdidn't get to do over the week?
Right, there's no freedom inthat, but it's the reality of
(36:12):
the kind of world we're livingin right now.
Can we change that world?
We can.
Am I committed to the changeand the transformation of that
world?
I am, and what it looks likeand where it starts is with me.
So this week I had to look at myoverwhelm.
I had to get real with my fear.
I have to look at all thethings I'm up to and all the
(36:36):
things I'm not up to.
I have to reprioritize what'simportant to me.
But most important is put itall down on paper.
Stop having it live in my head.
My head is already full.
You ever feel that.
You ever feel like your head isalready full.
Like, how in God's name, do weput any more in our heads than
(36:59):
we already do?
It's crazy, it's wild how muchinformation we hold in our heads
and at some point you have torelease it.
You have to let it go.
I will leave it there and Iwant to thank all of you for
joining me on this journey,joining me on this ride.
I hope there was something thatI've shared today that triggered
(37:24):
, you know, any resonance foryou.
Not Not resonance, but justtriggered some new thought
process or perspective foryourself, so that you could take
a look at your life.
And what does it mean to be onthe court of life for you, what
does it mean to play hard?
What does it mean to you know,really win the game called life?
(37:44):
And what does winning even looklike for you?
For me, winning feels likepeace, bliss, freedom,
expression I just heardsensuality and sexuality, like
all of that.
When I feel like I'm winning inlife, I feel all of that.
(38:06):
I feel peace, love, joy.
I feel expressed, I feelsensual, I feel sexual.
I'm just going to admit that,yeah, bring it.
I feel really amazing when Ifeel I'm winning the game of
life and when I'm not, I feel alittle up against it, get a
(38:31):
little overwhelmed, got to lookaround the court and say, oh my
God, who's open?
I think I need to pass the ball.
Who's open?
Or are they passing it to me?
Or where's the ball?
I got to shoot the ball, wheream I going to shoot it, like all
those things it's like yeah,where are you in the ball?
I got to shoot the ball.
Where am I going to shoot it?
Like all those things it's like, yeah, where are you in the
(38:52):
game, tara?
Are you passing shooting?
Are you open?
Where are you?
Get focused, get clear, getback in the game.
When I say life's happening foryou, not to you, it's happening
for all of us.
And when you're on the court ofit, you got to get in.
So I'm going to leave you withthat until next week or the next
(39:15):
episode.
I just want to thank all of youfor joining me.
I feel honored and blessed tobe with you, those of you
listening and just thanks, andhave a beautiful rest of your
weekend.
See you soon.
Thank you for coming on thishealing adventure today.
If you're starting to see howeverything is falling into place
(39:36):
for you, consider rating theshow and sharing it with one of
your friends.
Keep that spirit alive and joinme next week.
Same place, same time.
Have a next week Same place,same time.
Have a great week.
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